Volume 2, No. 6
Transcription
Volume 2, No. 6
r kwi~g~ The End of WHS 022 726 849 THE WES TON B EAT Volume 2. No. 6 Later,Dudes. . . : Weston High School June 17, 1988 "What’s Next?" Mania Hits WHS Well guys, this is it. Adieu, as they say. We can’t tell you how much we have By Brad Lips &Sean D. Flavin enjoyed putting THE BEAT together for you ’this year. We "What’s next?" you faults. In many cases, senior hope you got that litde perk ask. Well, it certainly quotes were editted or omitted out of it that we intended to couldn’t be a yearbook as altoghter. Senior pictures give. It may look like we unique as the one that was were not as large as in the spent hours and hours on each released late last week. Since past, there was no superlative issue, and we did. Most of it that time, you have seldom or will section, and the Bill working on it, but a lot seen a WHS student without Allen/Bruce Albert and Jill playing Nintendo, too. We one. In many classes, they Bachenhiemer/Chris Alden g.ave you the best we could have actually replaced text mix-ups were quite gave...yes, we blew off many books and teachers have been embarrassing. an exam to do it. At times, it forced to wage war against Some questions was a rough job, dodging What’s Next-mania. remain from the yearbook:bullets from the lumberjacks. So what makes a Did Katherine get a larger At times it was quite yearbook successful? Nude picture than Kimberly because satisfying, ragging on Mike pictorials, seductive poses, she has a better GPA? What Byrnes. But through it all, saucy centerfolds, and hot is Charlie Buck doing with through all the ups and babes everywhere! Too bad two pictures on a page downs, not once have we had this year’s yearbook has none labeled, "What’s hot?" Look second thoughts about putting of that. at Jen Knuth’s volleyball out the newspaper. Seriously, folks. spike on page 146. Did that As for next year, The. From our viewpoint, the one really go over the net? Weston Beat will be stronger What’s Next yearbook is the .One thing that we than ever, bolstered by an best that we have seen over learned from the field hockey enthusiastic new staff. our four years at Weston High section of the yearbook is that Perhaps it won’t be the same School. Superior lay-out absolutely no girl can look old paper you’ve come to makes this quite enjoyable to attractive wearing a love, but it will., always skim through late at night. mouthpiece. Except Amy contain the secret, ingredients Furthermore, compared to last Verret, she looks the game. of news, comedy, humor, and year, the class photos are Some/,other outstanding. The quotes were embarrassing moments... Liz sports. We, the editors, also lively and exciting; for Calise on page 36, Micky would be happy if you example, E.ric Riemer answers Prackup on page 129, and remember the 1987-1988 the question, "What is a poor Mrs. Patterson on page Weston Beat for what we herd?" by saying, "Union 175. made it...a different and new regulars, basically." The Finally, we would like approach to Weston High news section will certainly be to congratulate the yearbook School journalism. interesting when we look back staff that worked so hard to To the new senior at the yearbook in twenty make What’s Next the hit that class of 1989 and all the years. Additionally, the it is. Also, we extend our classes to follow, we wish the science teacher section (by our humble apologies to all of best of luck. We hope the own Scan D. Flavin) rings those that we offended in this spirit of the class of 1988 will with fun and inventiveness. lousy article.., especially you, continue. We’ve had a blast. However, the Amy. We hope you enjoy this last installment of The Weston Beat, as it is the last time you’ll ever hear from us. Before we go, we’d like to leave you with a few words of wisdom: "Don’t read the book. Just get the Cliffs." Scan D. Flavin Charlie Buck Pete Fuchs Brad Lips. Page 2 THE WESTON BEAT, June 17,1988 Miller’s Promtasti c Review By Chad Miller This-prom was a once they discovered that there was want to know how things in a lifetime event. Mainly more wild twisting going on went after breakfast? Well, I figured than slow turning. because it would be But enough about the someone would ask that, so Ill impossible to duplicate each and every moment to its music and the decorations; consulted my lawyer. Afterll original effect. A good prom- what about the tuxedos and explaining in vivid detail what/I is remembered for life, and a the dresses? Well I figure that happened between 1:30 am bad prom, well let’s hope no if I looked good in a tux than and 6:00 am he advised me on one had a bad prom. Wait a every other guy on the floor how to reply. It seems to be looked great, and I was right, in my best interests to take the second here, I’m not supposed to summarize the The guys tried real hard not to Fifth Amendment and any further prom, I’m supposed to review mess up their $75.00 rentals, withhold it. On with the show!! as they really sweated it out comments on the matter. Seriously, though, all While it seemed to me tryirig to ’PICK UP THE that the decorations were BABES’. The ladies are a of you out there who tried minimal, the friendly and different matter, though, very hard to make this a safe lively atmosphere generated They all wore different aSnd night out, congratulations!I There . were no major by those in attendance more unique dresses, and they ~ than made up for the laSk of looked great. Although / accidents after the PROMinant (ha) theme; so personally favor red dresses despite the thick fog. :humbs up!! How about the the Sexy Dress Award would Ahem...er...um, with the D J? Well, he wasn’t bad, and have to go to Katie Grant, exception of that one car that the mix of tunes was very who wore a scorching black, so oddly spontaneously combusted. But HEY! That good for dancing. But really, glittering slip-likedress isn’t gonna blemish the record lose the smoke, OK?? I ouch!I! What’s my so let’s pretend it never mentioned that the music mix was good but unfortunately opinion of what happened happened. ..Prom night gets slow-dancing did not make up after the Prom? Well...the two big thumbs up from me! the bulk of the evening. I’m breakfast was great!!! I never So folks, my name’s Chad sure the girls with the realized how many time~s Miller, and this looks like it strapless dresses, no matter someone could eat breakfast for me! And I won’t be how devestating they might in a 24-hour period! What do seeing you next year, at the have looked, began to regret you mean you’re not talking Prom... their decision to wear one as about breakfast? Oh! So The Madwoman Appears By Brookie Parry Weston High School’s the Baron, and Kyle Company has just recently Dunnigan as the Broker. presented The Madwoman of Michael Andersson, the Chaitlot, Jean Giraudox’s Ragpicker, played his part most famous play. The with eagerness and sinced.ty, fascinating production is set at along with the impresswe the turn of the century in performance of Anthony Pads. The Madwoman, an Griffin as the Sergeant and Jill allegory, used humor to Bachenheimer as the cafe address modem day problems owner. Wendy Druks, as Irma, played her part sweetly and moral issues. Keira Naughton, the and convincingly. In addition to madwoman, perfectly fit her Company’s large and talented part and played it very well cast, a great number of people with both seriousness and helped to make the production humor. Jaimie Cohn, the madwoman of Passy, added a a success. Doris Fiotakis lot of fun to the production directed the drama, with with her imaginary dog. Vinnie Forgione as assistant Katie Grant, the madwoman director and Lisa Brodlie as of St. Sulpice, also amused producer. Carol McGrath and Suzanne deBmn made the audience with her xmaginary friends. Julie costumes and Judy Durmigan Negroni, the regal madwoman and Tally Negroni worked on of La Concorde, played her makeup. Also, Maria Drucker part with ener.gy. Also adding assisted by finding the props. humor, seriousness and The head of the painting crew, further madness to the Maggie Skodon, worked hard THE ~STON BEAT, June 17,1988 BRUCE -ALBERT: Has CHARLIE BUCK: Had a nervous breakdown after wild passionate affair with Mrs. Duesing... they were losing a bowling game. last seen skiing together in CHRIS ALDEN: Writes Vail. book, How To Build’ Arm Muscles By Brushing Your SAMANTHA BUCKANOFF: Has to have Hair. the phone surgically removed CHRISTINE ALDO: Fired from her ear. from Peter’s. Market because her~ hair got caught in a meat BRUCE BUNNER: Still wearing braces. slicer. Page 3 LISA DEMPSKY: First Class of 88 grad to appear on "The New Newlywed Game" JOY DEZ~,,.O: Opens her own business, Rent-A-Grandma." WENDY DUESING: Tours the country giving lectures called, "How to Wear the Pants in Your Relationship." SALLY DUGAS: Trades in her black~ leather jacket for a ALLEN: Arrested for MIKE BYRNES: Last seen Harley-Davidson. pornography to looking for a date in the school MARY DUGGAN: Loses her elementary elementary schoolers. playground. head in the clouds. COREY AYERS: Tarred and STEVE CALISE: Turns J.R. DUNNIGAN: The new feathered by Women’s Lib. down NFL offer to pump gas Marlboro man BACHENHEIMER: at Harpers. KERRY ENGLAND: Startles hand to Dr. Ruth SHERI CAMINITI: Fired the scientific world when she from Georgetown Saloon for proves to be the first posing for a Playboy who can actually live BALBIRER: Stars centerfold. water. the movie, Pumtfine Iron after winnings-the- U.S. FATLAND: Body Building WARREN CARTMEL: LAURA Survives without injury when Accidently wears same pair Of Championships. a wild boar charges right shoes two days in a row and goes insane. BRENDAN BARCHUK: through his legs. Donates his eyes to Ripley’s JON CHANDONNET: ANDY FINIZIO: Still kissing Believe It Or Not Museum. Rushed to hospital when up (yes, "up") to Freshmen girls. SCOTT BARKER: Lost in stress veins explode, the dark room. PETER CHELICO: Still SCOTT FITZGERALD: ANN BAUERLEIN: Needs happily .married to Coach Runs ’cross countryvl)terally. surgery to remove Chartes after all these years. SEAN FLAVIN: Writes a LYNN COLANGELO: book, Too Ten Reasons Not Teac, hes Westonites "proper to Crash Your Dad’s Porsch¢. CANDICE BLANKS: Due to c::quette." her infamous criticism, she is PETE FUCHS: Member of selected to replace Howard [)EB~BIE COOMBES: Most NASA’s fh’st exploration S tern on K-Rock. wanted political assassin of crew to Mars. He is stranded the 21st Century. there for eternity after being BOWDEN: Transfers left behind. University of Wisconsin KATHERINE CORP: scares on every single Separated from her sister for ERIC GANSER: Wins a in West Virginia. two iweeks and has nervous "Fonz" look alike contest. breakdown. SARA BRODLIE: Starts a MARC GARRITY: Makes a clothing boutique -- using KIMBERLY CORP: Ditto. million dollars after writing an borrowed from clothes award winning play. IMends. MARY ELLEN CRANEBAKERf Turns :. into Jill STEFFAN Social director at a BROUDY: .:iiBuys a Munson: YMCA ’, ~: ~ ego and ~n~ the KIMi CREWS: Writes a of her life pain~gff. book, How to Make~ the Most ROB GOULD: Forgets BROWN: While O05 Of Your Chopsticks. name after falling from g a "hurricane" track. DAVIS: Saved her hair piece flies off and injures a member of the drowning in the bathtub. BOB GRALNICK: Creates a orchestra. new dip flavor, "Trucker’s STEVE DeBRUN: Replaces Delight". God after God retires. CATHLEKN NcCLOSt Flies to Milwaukee to Corey a beer. Predictions Suzy Chap~fick,,, Li~Balm. Katie t;[l DOM McCOY: /r~vents own line of indoor sunglasses. JERRY QSC . .HWIND. : Still chasing :after ’pe0i~le paring permitS. M!KE McDONOUGH: Beats S~.-Slaughter for W0fF !t[Wegon " Wrestling FO5¢r~tion) Championship. MARY H~E,KiN: Man NobeI Pfi~e in physics aftgr taanl~,~ir~ tl~9. Rowgr m .. .. ~-. _!~_. . , Is he here yet? LINDA HE!S~; Iu~ta-~ perm~e~,t e~i~ir ia theWH$: Irwen~’~t v~lcr0 ~slaitl ~ter ~e mispllt.oes l~er c’M!d. Eeaxns. how to breathe2 KATHY MgKEON: A~e ~:warctcss SUS!~ L=~,O!IX~_ ~: Moves into Harper s G.grage, ~!~P M~YER: Crash~ his c~: .~g~,.. and ~g~r!.,. iliad aggla.... RENE LAUN!ERE; BI~TSEY H~L: Lo~t.in the Beautician. garkiag lot lit Co .rrr_poBeach. JEFF MICHEL,: Works BETH LEVE~: Insults a ~erk~,te[ for fogr years.ii~ all VILla, HILl,: ~e.s Lucy teacher a,nd: still feels guilty 1~itog, ~d aow coals himselfll MeeJa0n ~ad mOves ir~,to tlae re,9 years :later, a’~raduate. " IMC, MIK]~ LEVENE: Works ou~ Suit of laew I! KEV Donates a, ma~herr~at.ica~,eqgation that CHADMILL~R: pfim~-fime TV show "Siskell[ !iarco’.aled l~:iigs to .sci.~ntifiC proves ~e" d~esn t ¢x~l:: and.Ebert ~nd Miller." . . s~E.NN JI~NGS: "" teffan~oulai’t. .... Maizes J~0NNI~.’JOBLIN~ Starts a ’~ ~i~ious cult:: ANT). I JOHN~ SON: Nude ~.N~¢~o ga~cer in Mayorca, WA~EN JO~S: ~esident ’of/ames Bond Fan Club. JOHN LEVINS: ~lecomes hot dog. ve~ader ~ ~:hea Stadium. MI! I1 MIROWSKI: Contin0es to grow .an4 is drafted by the :La~elg~8 In:re90,1| BRAD LIPS; Leaves T.J. MULVIflILL: Becomesll; p(inceton ~o l~ur~u~ h|gher ~ducation atPurdue,:" ~ PHtLANA LIPSCOMB: Thriv!ng artist in NewYork. JILL MUNSON: Makes r~oney bg selling he~ .-\ LEX LOEW: Huntuh. BRYN NEUBERT: Wakes up. Wabbit JOD! LONDON: Becomes JENN NEWSTROM: Moves Anna Devane and marries back to Gglifo~i.,a and marries Frisco..., then she w~es UPthe Wo.~lO Surfing Champion NILSEN: CHRIS MARTIN: Thinks he LYNDA Confused. is a martian after a freak snowboarding accident in Squaw GREG O’CONNER: Vajlgy.:, Becomes best friends with Mr. Kulhbars. Kall~. voice at Juliard. SCOTt MATIK: $oli~1 Gold Dt~r~cer, CARA PAUL: Does GrapeNut commercials. KATHERINE KERN: Right after graduation, she starts m~ tr~a planning party for a class continues matching her socks with reunion. shirt. ~~.¯ gl/~ PERCHAK: i, Soho. THE WESTON BEAT, June 17, 1988 ...Predictions Page 5 SHATTUCK: Figh~g f’n’cs. ii ROSS PIRO: Makes his fast ¯ CHRISTINA SHEDLIN: million off his mother’sCollege Admissions Officer curried chicken sandwiches. SIMONE:. Replaces SAMANTHA POWELL: JOE Coach Lombardo. Does the voice-overs for Minnie Mouse. : LISA SLOW: Still bothered SARAH POWERS: Fulfills by people who mistake her for dream of becoming a gourmet one of the "Wizard of Oz" munchkins. cook.., at McDonalds. " KYLE WILSON: Teaching accounting at WHS. JOE WISEMAN: Becomes the sixth Beach Boy.. STEVE WOOD: Sportscaster for the Seattle Seahawks. THOREAU WYNN: Turns into a cartoon character. ROB ZAPLETAL: Male servant in a convent. TONY SMITH: His hair is MICKEY PRACKUP: Stars used as honorary fifty yard in American Gigolo II. JESSICA ZAREM: Fairfield line in the Houston County consultant for Astr.odome for Superbowl 25. SUSAN RICHARDSON: Bennetton Clothes. Stars in the Incredible NICOLE SOLIS: Becomes a Shrinking Woman, Part II. GEOFF ZINK: Roadie on the nun. next Rush tour. ERIC RIEMER: Admitted to insane asylum for irrational COLLEEN SPENCE: Joins Def Leppard as new flutist. fear of phone calls. S UE SPIES: Caught SUPERLATIVES: bre~ng Michigan’s honor code and is forced to do the Most Likely to Become the Freshman section of the Next Owner of Harpers: yearbook. STEVE CALISE, SUZIE LaPOINT DEBBIE ROGERS: Thrown HEATHER STEVENS: Goes out of monastery for breaking crazy after being forced to Best Buns: MICKEY PRACKUP, CHRIS vow of silence, wear white at graduation. ALDEN LIZ RONAN: Hired by Most Likely to Come Back to STOKES: Joins a Live in Weston: wrecking crew to shatter glass CHRISSY world-famous philharmonic ROSS PIRO, SARAH with her piercing voice. orchestra. POWERS MIKE ROSNER: Dentist, JOHN STONE: Big Man On Most likely to Drop Out of College: for malpractide. Campus at Trinity. JERRY GSCHWlND LISA SLOW ~IMEE RUBERG: ’The new JULIE SMITH: Discovers Most Likely to Join a Cult: marlboro woman. the meaning of life after JOE WIS!~MAN, out of Rob’s truck BONNIE JI~)BLIN JAY SALVISKI: The next falling he ad first. Most Likely to Hit the Cover Robin Williams. of the National Enquirer. RADLEY STRAUCHEN: MIKE McDONOUGH, ROB SANSONE: Lives by f3 }-ound locked in a closet with SHERI CAMINITI Femando’s motto, "It’s more !~er French Important to lo0k good than to Kleenex. Horn and a box of Biggest Couch Potato: BRENDAN feel good." BARCHUK, AMY REAGAN TALONI: Found McINTYRE CHERYL SARNO: Opens playing Nintendo with Brad’s Most Likely to be Homeless: up, "Cheryl’s Unique little brother. ERIC RIEMER, Clothing Boutique." MARY HEEKI~ TAYLOR: Working on Most Star Search Star CHRISTY SAVIGNOL: KIM Broadway. Potential: Owner of the largely Comedian PETE successful "Christy’s Crystals AMY VERRET: Dates all 3 and Palm Reading Shop." CHELICO(3.5 stars) " Chipmunks: Alvin, Simon, and teen dancer JODY BROWN(3.75) JIM SCALESE: Hits on Mrs,. and Theodore. Most Likely to Have an Pagano. J~ WAYMER: Last seen Affair: pla~ng his guitar for pennies MIKE ROSNER, RENE SCHNEIDER: Runs on Main Street. LYNN COLANGELI3 out of Diet Pepsi and gets a speeding ticket going 93 to CUSH WHITNEY: Feels Best Smile: T.J. MULVII-IILL, Weston’s Center. homesick, comes home, and WENDY DUESING moves into the Green Room. Most Likely to be Barefoot WES SEERY: Shaves his and Pregnant: head again, but this time to DAVE WIDLAND: Still PETE FUCHS, become a Hare-Krisna. searching for that "perfect SAMANTHA POWELL SUSAN ROBOHM: Carries Brown’s free spirit a little too far and ends up in jail for soliciting. Page 6 THE WESTON BEAT, June 17, 1988 ¯ Before you sit down back for entire afternoons. But, in to read this, the last Komedy Others may opt for the air- seriousness, the two of us l Kolumn, we suggest you grab conditioned showroom at have truly enjoyed our stay at a box of tissues and snuggle Shoetown. Still others will be Weston High School. up in your favorite chair (it condemned to a nightmarish Especially this past year at the may be a little hot for a real summer asking, "Would you Komedy Kolumn, writing for f’tre.., but maybe one of those like fries with this?" you, the reader. Please, fake plastic ones) as we take a Anyway, if this money can be remember us always.~ It has sentimental look back at used for games of Pole- been the best year of our Position at Arnie’s Place and lives, and it is difficult to let Weston High School. It has been a great Slurpees at Seven Eleven, go. As we sit here behind the year, but we think everyone is then your time was well Mac, wonderful images of the ready for the rest and spent. year rush through our heads, relaxation that summer Possibly this summer images that will stay forever. inevitably brings. Instead of will answer some of our few So, over the summer, we ask the uncomfortable sleeping lingering questions: Will Paulthat you keep in touch. Give arrangements provided for us Idol take off that sweatshirt us a call. There is nothing we in Physics class, we can turn when the mercury tops 100 would rather do than spend a to a fluffy towel and a sandy degrees? Can Don Johnson few precious hours out by the beach. That’s right, it’.s time survive another summer series lake together with you. So to have fun and make a little of reruns? How much longer before we present you with money on the side. must we last without David the final Komedy Kolumn, Some students will Letterman? Does Mr. Burke we would like to wish you the head to Aspetuck. where they really work summers as an best of luck. We love you all! suck up to rich snobs and lug exotic dancer at forty pound weights on their Chippendale’s? Brad and Charlie. The LAST Test You’ll Pass This Year 1. When students look back upon Homecoming, they are often heard to ask: (A) "What game plan did Coach ’Lombardo use to win?" 03) "How did the Seniors get such a great float?" (C) "How did Sleeze win Homecoming King?" 5. Mr, Concilio is respected probably say: by his students because he (A) "How reminds them of: unfortunate!" (A) Herman Melville. (B) ."Someone call an (B) Leonardo da ambulance." . Vinci. (C) "It only seems (C) Grover. appropriate." 6. The question .host often asked concerning this year’s yearbook is: (A) "Don’t you think it’s better than last years?" (B) "Why is there no ", ~.1 perlative section?" (C) "Where the hell ~id all those good looking ~irls come from?" 2. Surely, when they are away at college next year, graduating seniors will look back upon: (A) Their individual academic achievements. (B) Prom ’88: a real "time to remember". 7. The Weston Trojan (C) The size of baseball team was seldom ...... ’s breasts. seen: Smoking a (A) 3. Early on in the year, cigarette. students were able to learn to: Cheating on (B) ¯ (A) Ignore the TV as homework. they did their homework. (C) Winning a game. 03) Ignore the sunny weather while they did their 8. In the fourth quarter, work. which of the fottowing (C) Ignore Mr. decreased? Burke. (A) The amount of missing homework 4. If Albert Einstein and Nel assignments? Carter had children together, (B) The length of their kids would be: students’ hair. Excellent (A) (C) Class attendance. students. (B) Tri-lingual. 9. If a giant cinder block (C) Social outcasts. landed on Morton Downey Jr, ~ head. students would 10. As the school year winds to an end, studen;ts maintain one final goal: t (A) A : strong performance during finals. (B) To buy presents for teachers. (C) To prevent Jeff Michels from signing their yearbook. 11. In thirty years, we are all likely to think about the Prom and get a feeling of." (A) Love, for a high school sweetheart. 03) Joy, for a time to remember. (C) Emphysema, the long-term effect of the smoke machine. 12. Dr. Otty Norwood’s resignation means: (A) A new leader and: new opportunities. (B) More student restrictions. (C) One less thing to joke about in the Komedy Kolumn. (Continued on page 7) THE WESTON BEAT, June 17,1988 Page 7 (A) Finals are almost (C) Without ever ...Multiple Choice over. having read a book. 13. The enfir~ student body (B) Oh boy, the seemed to come together for: Mystery Trip! 22. What is the meaning of (A) The enlightening (C) Rumor has it that life: AIDS assembly. ~Iai-Alai will soon reopen. (A) The leap to 03) The Toys-Forabsurdity. Tots Drive. 18. The freshmen insist that 03) "I think therefore (C) The grand, they rank ahead of the I am" opening of Rambo sophomores, juniors, and (C) Paulina Poriskova in a lace nightie. seniors: 14. Seniors feel sadness at (A) In spirit. Graduation because: 23. When students think of (B) In intelligence. (A) They will. miss (C) In alphabeticM the 1988 Yearbook, they will their close friends. order. remember: 03) Four of the best (A) The great times it years of their lives are over. 19. The tears at graduation captures in the "candids" (C) They realize they cab be attributed to: section. are one year closer to having (A) The sadness of 03) The full-color to support themselves. the occasion. Homecoming layout. (B) The prospect of (C) The dorky picture 15. Underclassmen feel joy at losing close friendships. of Bruce Bunner on page 102. the end of the year because: (C) The noxious (A) They are moving fumes from Otty’s cologne. 24. It’s not the end of a year, up a grade. it’s: 03) They have a lazy 20, The 1988 Awards (A) The beginning of summer to look forward to. Assembly served as: new one. (C) Scan D. Flavin is (B) One more stop on (A) A chance to gone forever! recognize our deserving this hellish journey called life. peers. (C) Time to Party!!! 16. On Friday and Saturday (B) The culmination nights, the lumberjack clique of an outstanding year. 25. Most of the guys of can be found: (C) A moderate WHS will spend their (A) Partying like its aerobic workout for Steve summers: 1999. deBrun. (A) Working for (B) Attending local some extra money. truck-pulls. 21, Most of the seniors will (B) Doing yardwork Watching be leaving high school: (C) around the house. Bambi’s mother get shot over (A) Ready to face the (C) PICKING UP and over and over... challenges of the working THE BABES. (We had to do world. it.) 17. Spirits seem to be rising (B) Prepared for four at WHS because: long years at college. Komedy Out-Takes In this episode of the This feature was discarded due to its excessive Komedy Kolumn, we will orig{nally proposed to satisfy length. present to you a new feature that general group of readers called "Weston Beat Out- that we in the business like to * LOSING CREDIT Takes". You might think that call "perverted scum." The While this news story this is a cheap excuse for a plan was to have students vote was truly worthwhile and komedy feature, but we tbr their classmates in various informative, the editorial staff actually think that it’s pretty "S uper- Body" categories. decided to ignore the issue funny. It certainly can’t be The idea had to be dropped because, "it hit too close to any worse than our regular from publication after a hostile home." contributions! parent, group objected to the Often, people have "Fieid Hockey Girls Have * POEMS FOR THE said. that it is the funniest Fun In the Sun" swimsuit DEMENTED material which must be left on photo lay-out. To further Canned because of the editor’s floor, and TV’s complicate the issue, midway "excessive poor taste," Scan Bloopers and Practical Jokes through the project we learned Flavin’s "Ode to the Thing in certainly verified this that a large constituency of my Nose" never recieved hypothesis. voters in the poll had misread publication. The following are the title to be "Student Body ideas and projects that were Goofy-Bodies." This, of * CREATIVE STUNTS TO IMPRESS THE BABES originally intended for The course, explained the We think that Wcst0n Bea) but had to be left landslide victory of Steve everybody has probably had out of the paper for one Small. an experience where they reason or another. We hoped to impress a goodcertainly hope that you enjoy. * REASONS CHRIS KOLDING DIDNq" GET looking girl but just didn’t * RATING THE STUDENT INTO DARTMOUTH (Continued On Page 8) Thi~ article had to he Page 8 THE WESTON BEAT, June 17; 1988 World War I on the country of * LIST OF WHS ..Out-Takes STUDENTS HARD:~ FOR Australia. Unfortunately, when we previewed this :now how. For example, the. A DATE material to a group of This section had to be lady who caught your eye removed at .the very last students, they reacted without might complain "Oh I wish I second to protect the identities much enthusiasm. To tell the didn’t have to go to chemistry truth, they pelted us with of close personal friends like class!" You think to yourself, bananas and bagels. "If only I could could impress Tony Smith. her by solving her problem." Well, this handy little column * KOMEDY BLOOPS An intended to show you creative BLUNDERS At first it seemed like a ways to accomplish these great idea! We reminsced difficult tasks. Unfortunately, about the krazy times when advisor Mrs. Cohen advised we accidently referred to that we cancel the column Coach Vince Lombardo as when she discovered that our solution to the problem was to Vince Lombardi, when we "use plastic explosives to misspelled the word "champ" blow teacher, Mr. Scanlin, as as "cramp", when we mistakenly blamed the start of high as hell." So You Want To Be A Weston Beat Editor? By Brad Lips Just the other day, the faculty requires us to be an said about that, the better. walking down the Cat Food "Equal Opportunity PETER FUCHS has the kind aisle at Peter’s Market, Newspaper," so yoti ~it-faced of lively, swinging looking for my after-school geeks still have a chance personality that has earned snack, I was stopped by an If you really want to him the colorful nickname, uisitive gentleman who be a part of the newspaper, "Pete." Last,. of course, me, "Brad; what’s it you have to learn the common there’s me: handsome, like to be an editor of Thee words and phrases used by brilliant, flawlesss. No more Weston Beat?’~’ Naturally, I the editors of The. We~ton needs to be said. by kicking him Beat: If you are still in the groin and LEADERS: "front interested in becoming an elling "Outta my way, page news stories" editor for The Weston Beat, rinklebrain!" However, if I ZONKERS: "funny you really should understand hadn’t physic.ally and verbally jokes" the way that articles are WEENERS: "jokes produced. In all but a few assaulted him, I probably would have said something about Steve Small" cases, we have followed this FILLER: "Brad’s format to the letter: Friend of like this... I can’t begin to record reviews" editor #1: Comes up with the tell you about all-the benefits BOOBS: "breasts" idea and writes rgugh draft. to being an editor of The E.W.S. "excessive Editor #1: Hands rough draft Weston Beat: instant fame, white space" to editor #2. Editor #2: fortune, and loads of beautiful NERDS: "students Smiles at the idea and gives babes. I’m serious. who act~_~.ally read the whole the go ahead. Editor #3: Imagine what paper .... Writes final draft and types it it’s like to go out on a whim, The next important The Beat. Editor #4: and buy a brand new Porsche step is to learn about the into Takes credit for article in and then just say, "Oh, you current editors so that you can conversation with a can send that bill to The brown-nose your way to the. sophomore girl. This kind of W___eston Beat... you spell that top. First, there is SEAN D. community effort and artistic with a ’B’." Imagine what FLAVIN. He put the ’D’ in collaboration is what makes it’slike to be invited to dinner to make himself feel by celeb’s like Morton important. It’s a standing The Weston Bca~; the big Downey Jr. Imagine the joke around the office that it success that it is. Well, I guess you chaos of having to juggle stands for "Damn, I!m good." pretty much the score three dates in the same night; The one thing to remember now. And youknow probably think it’s tiring, but well worth it. about the mighty Flave is that that you could fit in pretty Believe me, I speak from flattery will get you CHA~ES ¯ well at Th~ Weston Beat. If experience. The rifle, "editor anywhere. have any questions to ask of The Weston Beat" is BUCK is a go~xt guy to have you me, now is a good time... certainly one that anyone around because he is such an would kill to have. easy target for jokes. Q: How the hell did Wait. What Anything from his ~r you get into Princeton? did you just say to me? Oh. posture to his infatuation Mth A: The world is full So you want to become a the Duesing family is fair of mysterious contradictions. W t_~g.~.l]~.~ editor! Well, game among editors. first, let me ask a question. However, it is important to Q: What is the most Which one are you: the cute keep in mind that Charles is important thing you have blonde in the red bikini or the fairly sensitive when it comes brother’s zit-faced geek drinking milk in to his (Continued on page 9) the comer? Oh, nevermind, homosex~so the less ~ THE WESTON BEAT, June I7, I988 Page 9 learned while at ~ Beat? A: Don’t ask Dr. Higgins about his pretend friend, Donny. More on this, I cannot say. Q: What do Weston Beat editors wear to organizational meetings. A: That’s a tough question because we each make our individual fashion statements. There is one thing we have in common, though. With the lone exception of Pete, all of us wear underwear. Q: What’s Sean Flavin really like? A: Entertaining... yea/a, entertaining. ’ Q: How do you make sure that The Weston Beat is ’free of religious overtones. A: Oh, but it does take a religious perspective. If you read the title "Komedy Kolumn" backwards it spells out the name of one of the Arch-angels of Satanism. Q: What do Weston Beat editors do on the weekends? A: Sorry but this gets a little personal. We won’t disclose the nature of these activities, but they. involve a By Pete Fuchs hockey mask, a s~x pack of Yoo-hoo, rubber e.ement, and Mommy, I don’t want summer lasted forever, but we six hundred pounds of ostrich ~, go...the fourth graders didn’t even know tt~, We’re feathers. mom...they’re mean and they doing really hard ~ords in beat people up! Okay, I’ll go spelling now. I got one Q: What was the once, but you’ll be sorry! - wrong on my last test. It was weight of Trotsky’s brain? -You were right morn, it was museum. I spelled it m-u-s-iA: 58.2 ounces. fun! Can I bring Teddy in for e-u-re. Oh well. Oh, and Exactly. Show-and-Tell tomorrow? guess what. We did more You wanna know what we mulitipli... I mean times tables Q: If you could do it did today mom? Huh? You today, and guess which one all over again, what would wanna? We learned how to we did. Guess. The sevens. you do differently? make the upper case letters F, They are so hard! I’m ~oingll ¯ A: For one, I G, H, I ,J, and K. Yesterday to camp this summer. CamPll wouldn’t have eaten that we did A, B, C, D, and E. I was fun. Yeah dude! Nowll whole bag of cheeze doodles. can’t wait till tomorrow, we’re awesome fourth’" Besides that? Well, I am we’re doing L. It’s supposed graders! We rule the school! actually pretty happy with the to be really sinchy. Yeah Look at the little way things turned out, and if I morn, it’s warm out. Fifty kindergardners. Yeah. I got had to do it all over again... I degrees? Boy, I want to wear nailed today by Mr. Brown would. shorts, can I mom...plcase during lunch. You too? No, can I? Guess what? Mrs. I got to drive the garbage Q: What advice do Lee is reading us Charlie and truck. Haas! You had to pick you like to give to the the Chocolate Factory! It’s so up the squiggly spaghetti? youngsters that look up to neat. I hate Abuse! Nothing new. you? penmanship...Can I go to Ma...wc’rc doing Indians and A: My favorite quote Jeff’s after school? We’re stuff in school. Yeah, Indians is the one Chat’lie and I wrote doing math tables. We have a and stuff. Rocks and for the fast extifion of the championship spelling bee minerals, too...in science. Komedy Kolumn. It inspires tomorrow. I think it’ll be fun. Phone for me? Okay... I me still, "If we laugh hard Don’t forget about Little can’t believe I have to go toI enough at our problems, they League sign-ups, morn. The (Continued on page 12) .iu.~t mi_~ht go awa~v?’ ,, Looking Back l Page 10 THE WESTON BEAT, June I7, 1988 ¯ .... 7:. :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: "*~x. ....... x ~!:?~:.~:~:~.~$:~$’~:~::: ~:::::~:~:i:~:.~$! ~$~::::::" ":~$i:i:i:~’.x.:.:~.:.:.~,.================================== ...... THE PINNACLE OF WESTON’S SOCIAL STRUCTURE. MULTIPLE CHOICE: The recent decline of the Komedy Kolumn can attributed to: (A) Senior Slump (B) Reagan Taloni (C) D:~, ~d Letterman’s writer strike THE RADIATOR Yes, the South Cafeteria radiator! As you move through high school and MATCH THE NEWSPAPER WITH strive for social success, you will discover*that ITS PROUDEST ACHIEVEMENT: I your ultimate goal is "the radiator." To be able I to sit on the radiator with confidence is the New York Times "Nuclear Test ]supreme goal of all real groovites. Ban Treaty This year, Da~,id Widland reigned I Signed" [supreme. Was there ever a lunch period when you didn’t see him either sitting on the radiator or strutting boldly between the radiator and the "Watergate prized garbage can? Other hip characters that Washington Post Scandal graced the radiator and the :~zed garbage can? Other hip characters that graced the radiator this Exposed" year wer~ Brendan Barchuk, Corey Ayers, Chris Alden, And] Johnson, Kathleen "Pre-School McCloskey, Sara Brodlie, Joe Simone, TJ Weston Forum Mulvihill, Jill Bachenheimer, Jody London and Kids Hold Mary Duggan. Special recognition should go Fair" to Jon Chandonnet, who moved to Weston at the beginning of this year and had already become a staple of the radiator crowd by the end of fh’st semester. Way to go, It is rarely difficult to predict who will sit on the radiator next year, and next year is no exception. Undoubtedly, Maxk Fuscaldo (who made an impressive Junior year performance / on the radiator) will return as a leader in / September. Next year, there will probably be more radiator diversity: Je~n Seller, Phil DeVengoechea, and John Pul!.. could each sit on it at different times. And d,,rat forget about Mike McCloskey! He has a r:~,:iator legacy in Kathleen. Jen Zapletal might be able to establish herself"I THINK THE~E;S TOO SEX ON as the heir queen to the radiator early on, if she T.V. YOU SEE, I KEEP FALLING OFF!" asserts herself. Although it is difficult to say, next year’s juniors John Alden, Chris Hess, Ali Merideth and Jill Spring might get some time as well. It is quite probable that no member of the Class of 1991 will sit on the radiator until well into .1990. But, whatever the case may be, we at The Weston Beat sincerely wish our best to all those who will try to conquer the radiator next year. And we offer our early congratulations to This coupon is redeemable for five dollars ¯ in cool cash among any Weston cab drivers those who will eventually succeeder SAVE THIS COUPON/ Trust us, Weston Beat coupons are as good as gold among taxi drivers everywhere! h is only valid at 2:00 on Christmas morning, during a hailstorm, while being stampeded by a herd of Llamas, and eating a Wendy’s Frosty. THE WESTON BEAT, June 17,1988 Page ll - ertainmentRecord Reviews like nothing else in rock[| history. Furthermore, therell are good melodies hidden I[ behind the blitzkrieg guitar in "Anarchy in the U.K." andl "God Save the Queen." On Never Mind th~ Bollocks, the Sex Pistols combined for a unique moment in music history and they pulled it off with surprising perfection. Instead of doing a~ regular record review for the last issue of The Weston Beat, I would like to tell you about the ten albums that, in my estimation, are the greatest in ]rock history. A longer list ]would have included the 3. Big Star, [Rolling Stones, Bob Dylan, 6. Van Morrison, Astral [the Replacements, Mott the ~ (1974) , Big Star s ~ takes W~ks (1968) [Hoople, Jimi Hendrix, and One of the few LP’s to IElvis Costello, but the ten that the listener on a nightmarish plunge into Alex Chilton’s ever warrant the label are actually listed are absolutely wonderful. I hope soul while he is on the brink "timeless." The songs melt that I am able to spark your of nervous breakdown. What together within a subtle jazz interest in some truly amazing emerges in an unparalleled rock rhythm as Van belts out disp]ay of raw. artistry and gorgeous lyrics of spiritual music. desperate emotion, which and emotional devotion in a, 1. Velvet Underground, never succumbs to voice soaked in both Celtic The Velvet Underground sentimentality. Chilton rocks and R&B tradition. "Madame i and Nico (1967) out:on some of his best George", "Sweet Thing", and The debut album by material, "O Dana" and "Kizza the tide track arc stand-outs on [ [the Velvet Underground (Lou Me", then delivers beautifully this intensely romantic record. IReed’s innovative Sixties’ honest soft songs ("Blue [band) is endlessly satisfying. Moon", "Take Care"). Jim 7. Beach Boys, Pet I It balances tough rock and roll Dickinson creates an Sounds (1966) ("I’m Waiting for my Man") atmSsphere that is totally This album moved the with gentle ballads ("I’ll Be original and he is able to Beach Boys away from thei~ Your Mirror"), resulting in organize thd album into one formula songs about fact rock’s most extraordinary LP. cohesive piece. The finale, hit cars and suntanned girls, and~ "Heroin" is easily the most "Thank You Friends," into a more ambitious scope. terrifying drug song ever tortured with bitter sarcasm, Pet Sounds features some of written, and "Venus In Furs" Unites Sister Lovers into a their finest moments "God~ was the first recorded piece on- remarkable portrait of human Only Knows", "Here Today", sado-masochism. ~ However, suffering. "Caroline No", ; and the VU&Nico is as melodic as it is disturbing; witness, "There k Young Fresh Fellows, remarkable fantasy ’("Wouldn’t She Goes Again" and The Fabulous Sounds of It Be Nice." Within a year of The "Femme Fatale". the PacifiC Northwest its release, Brian Wilson instrumentation is powerful - (1984) would suffer an emotional especially John Cale’s electric For me, this album collapse in which he viola - and the songs are defines rock and roll. It destroyed the tapes of Smile, most blisters with good humor, Pet Sounds’ intended among rock’s influential. Thus, this energetic music, and creative successor. breakthrough remains the songwrz~ing. "Rock and Roll chief evidence to Brian 2. The Clash, London Pest Control", "Humble Wilson’s genius. ~ (1979) Gu .... y ~ and "Think Better of With this double Me" arc all wild and album, the Clash proclaimed a wonderful, and the album 8. The Jesus and Mary new beginning, moving from closing, "Young Fresh C hain,.D.ar.lihlg~ (1987) punk’s, dead-end sound Fellows Theme" is a perfect One of the only. without compromising their mutation of subtle conceit, Eighties’ albums where the spirit of rebellion. The Clash "We’re not out to make a real songs work together to carry a~ absorbs numerous influences: big splash/But we wouldn’t real tangible theme. The eggae, rockabilly, hard rock, mind a record and a little hard songs feature exquisite lyrics, azz, and even touched the cash.,’ At last, an album that breath-taking vocals, and mp charts with ’~rrain in makes rock sound young and dramatic arrangements Cain". London Callin~ is a "April Skies" and "Happy fresh again. stirring call-to-action: When It Rains" are the two "Everybody smash up your 5. Sex Pistols, Never best songs rve heard in recent memory. And even Mr. seats/Let’s rock to this brand M|nd the Bollocks. Here’s Chalk would be impressed by new beat/This sound smash (1 77) up the nation/ The sound the imagery-packed line, "And Absolutely a sensation.../ cause This album has my thoughts are turning Everything’s going to be outrageous. twelv~ grueling songs that bite (Continued on page 12,) i, I alri,~ht." ll I I I Il Page 12 THE WESTON BEAT, June 17, 1988 Artemis/Corinth...Who’s is it, anyway? Did you read the Chariot? They’re The Student Voice? It’s an the middle school next pulling going out. Seventh grade is awesome issue... Bye morn, year...they have kids who ar~ so different.i:different fourteen years old. Eighth teachers in every class. H1 be back later tonight. Oh, twelve or one. T~n th{v~,999 graders! I’m going to get Nature’s Classroom! We’re Six months till I get my going to dissect worms and And then them was ~,e_ frogs insolence. I got a license. Wheels, dude. (3.) Oh no, oh no, oh Middle School. Mugger s No, not for that, no... this is the year that Alley. Was that carpet really. detention. Because I was matters most. It’s the hardest red from blood? Who knows, morn. chewing Bubblicious and of them all, I have to do well. just stay away from it. We wearing shorts. Mr. Madonia Colleges. Class rank. GPA. have to change for gym? We caught me. Now welre really These words are important get our own lockers, too. cool. We are EIGHTH now. SAT’s, Achievements, T,zo gyms? Pioneer Day...(yeah Mehos!!!) Mrs. GRADERS...we rule the are you going to take a Core, I’m really sick of school. Teachers are idiots, course? I can’t walt to get out spelling. I know how to school sucks. I hate school, I of here. Do you know what spell. I hear sixth grade is hate homework. Okay, your first choice is? .... ’s harder than this year...they fnom...H1 study harder. I’m having a party. Seniors only. have fractions in math. This sorry, morn. The fair is gay, Compo me now.., after the is definitely harder than fifth it’s for sixth graders, Homo. (4.) First Semester: grade. Who is taking who to Let’s go to Westport and hang the fair? He ask her? She out, dude. Next year we’re IT really feels wierd, not said yes?? HMS Pinafore. going to get ragged on, so having anyone older than you let’s have fun this year. The in the halls anymore. Early Olympic Day. Washington Trip. Hey Mr. Decision? Sorry, I can’t ..Record Reviews Falcone! Favorite Drink: I have to write backwards and I’m picking at Coke. Favorite Song: Rock tonight... college essays. Let’s go to the pieces of~ world that of Ages. Favorite Radio . the soccer game, then the field keeps turning the screws into Station: 1-95. Favorite hockey, then the football my mind." Who would have Group: Def Leppard. on Saturday. ever guessed that The Jesus Favorite Album: Thriller. game Homecoming... what a float, and Mary Chain would turn Favorite Year: Eighth. what a wall!!! Seniors rule! ~ut such an inexcusably (1.) Drelb. Frosh.. .... ’s having a party. ~erfect record? Plebe. Fetus. There is so .... canceled hers. I have to much homework! I have to do well first and second ). The Beatles, Rubber read thirty pages in english quarters. They are the last Soul (1965) and my math teacher still marks colleges will see. My favorite Beatles’ gives me ten problems to do! Second semester: Mid terms album is simply a collection of Are midterms really six hours are over and it just doesn’t devastating long? fourteen What’s college. matter. I don’t care, my app’s Lennon/McCartney melodies. Homecoming ’85. The are xn. Zzzzzz... No, I didn t "I’ve Just Seen A "Face" and bonfire. Dances. Franchesca go. I slept in... Where’s "Nowhere Man are beautiful Finnelli. What was our float, McGrath? I’m gdi~g to miss pieces of simple Sixties’ pop anyway? The Student Voice. this town. I kno’~,~but it is that begin to flnt at the more THE L’NION[ ![ my hometown. I grew up ambitious Beatles projects that (2.) I’ll start thinking here. Forget Western Civ... followed. Few albums can ,tbout college ne~t year. beach me now. Nintendo. capture this feeling of genuine We’re not like any other Let’s just go to my house and warmth and fun. :’.:tss...we sophomores tend hang. Good friends, never to ’,~, just fade into the shadows, forget. We’ll take my car... ~lnnoticed. Another here, put in this tape: It’s the 10. Otis Redding, The History of Otis Reddin~, Homecoming ~oat, That’s End of the World As We embarrassing. What the hell Know It and I Feel Fine. (1970) Except for the exclusion of .:.Looking Back Redding xs the best available of the "Try a Little "I Can’t Turn You ability to lose While The Otis