208 - Valley Planet

Transcription

208 - Valley Planet

VOLUME 13 ISSUE 6
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Entertainment, Arts & Culture
APRIL 23 - MAY 13, 2015
INSIDE THIS ISSUE:
Who Belongs in Alabama?, Rocks in My Pockets, Limestone Sheriff’s Rodeo,
90 Years of the Great Gatsby, Hickory Barn, Adventure on the Sipsey,
CBD Oil: The Hope of a Boy and His Family, The Art Teacher’s Gift,
Rocket City Sounds: Nick Dittmeier and the Saw Dusters,
Furniture Factory Fuels Huntsville’s Live Music Fire,
The Greatest Local Live Music & Event Calendars on Earth!!!!
Please join us for...
Mother’s Day Buffet
Garden Fresh Salad Bar
Carving Station with Top Round of Beef au jus,
Roasted Pork Loin and Virginia Baked Ham
Roast Tom Turkey and Homemade Dressing
Southern Fried Chicken • Chicken Marsalis
Cajun Baked Tilapia • Chicken & Dumplings
An Array of Fresh Vegetables
Cooked to Order Omelets and Wafﬂe Station
Coconut Cake • Strawberry Mousse
Pecan Pie • Carrot Cake
Strawberry Shortcake • Banana Pudding
Chocolate Mousse • Key Lime Pie
Apple & Peach Cobbler
Reservations for Parties of 6 or more
256-830-0600
Adults: $25.95
Seniors: $22.95
Children 5-12: $9.95
Holiday Inn Research Park
5903 University Drive • Huntsville, AL 35806
33rd Annual
Limestone
’
Sheriff s Rodeo
MAY 15 & 16
Gates Open 6:00 PM
Show Starts 8:00 PM
Advance Tickets:
Adults $10, Children (12 & Under) $8
Gate Tickets:
Adults $15, Children (12 & Under) $10
Bareback Bronc Riding • Calf Roping • Break-Away Roping
Steer Wrestling • Saddle Bronc Riding • Kids Calf Scramble
Cowgirl’s Barrel Racing • Chuck Wagon Races • Bull Riding
Professional Rodeo Clowns • Specialty Acts
Limestone Sheriff’s Rodeo Arena
AL Hwy 99 Athens, AL
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VOLUME 13 ISSUE 6
THE VALLEY PLANET
In
The
Planet
april 23 - may 13, 2015
NEXT ISSUE: MAY 14, 2015
203 Grove Ave., Huntsville Al, 35801, phone 256.533-4613
Publisher
Jill E. Wood
Calendar
Joani Williams
Graphic Design
Douglas A. Lange
Contributors
Bonnie Roberts
Elaine Nelson
Ricky Thomason
Jim Zielinski
Tim Owen
Aaron Hurd
Mike Ragoza
John Davis
Tom Colbey Jr.
Raven Woods
The Ceej
Anne Wood
Cameron Reeder
Hameed El-Amin
“Bwahahahhahahahahah*choke-wheezesniff*HAHAHAHAHAH!”
- Buddha
THE VALLEY PLANET
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 6
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Letter from the
Publisher
Table of Contents
3
On the Cover: Deborah Taylor
3
Letter From The Publisher
pril Showers – no joke in Alabama!
4
NewLit, Ricky Thomason
I DO love watching everything
4
90 Years of the Great Gatsby, Raven Woods
green up. This is a big time of year
4
Zee’s Rocket City bEAT, Jim Zielinski
for those who like to get out and do things,
5
The Owl’s Eye: Who Belongs in Alabama?, John Davis
5
What? I Can’t Recall, The Ceej
like you, here in the Valley. Be prepared for
5
Furniture Factory Fuels Huntsville’s Live Music Fire On May 16, Anne Wood
a little rain and it won’t stop you! Festivals,
6
News of the Weird, Chuck Shepherd
bbq’s, live music, outdoor concerts, come7
CBD Oil: The Hope of a Boy and His Family, Tom Colbey, Jr.
dians, plays, dance, food trucks, gardening,
7
Alabama River Adventure on the Sipsey, Cameron Reeder
farmers’ markets, art shows, hiking, biking,
8
Unchained Maladies, Ricky Thomason
camping, golf, indoor football, races, fish8
Dr. Anarcho: J. Geils Band
ing…Check out our calendars.
8
Rocks In My Pockets
10
Music Calendar Begins
Have some patience, enjoy the moment, be
11
Music Calendar Continues
safe and be kind. I love this town!
12
Hank-Yank, Tom Colbey, Jr.
12
I Want My Mashed Potatoes, Please: Tower Palace, Mike Ragoza
12
Music Calendar Ends
Jill E. Wood, Poncho-wearer
13
Regional Concert Calendar
13
Calendar of Events Begins
14
Free Will Astrology, Rob Brezsny
15
Events Calendar Continues
16
Rocket City Sounds: Nick Dittmeier & The Sawdusters, Anne Wood
16
Why Would a Sheriff Sponsor A Rodeo?
16
What Then Must We Do?, Bonnie Roberts
17
Events Calendar Ends
18
Music Exchange
18
To Yuno From Yunohoo
18
The Single Guy: Communi-Date, Aaron Hurd
18
Marley from the Darkside
19
Be a Good Neighbor: Hickory Barn, John Davis
19
The Art Teacher’s Gift, John Davis
19
Billie’s Passion, Hameed El-Amin
The Voting Rights Act of 1965 was regarding the right to
A
Corrections to Selma: In Black
and White, Vol 13 Issue 4
vote not the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Vivian Malone was
one of the first two African American students to enroll at
the University of Alabama in 1963, not Autherine J. Lucy.
On The Cover
Deborah Taylor’s “On the Hook”
W
hile I have been creating art in some form or other
most of my life, painting as a medium is my latest
endeavor. I am self-taught and still learning. Having
almost exclusively concentrated on music and entertaining for a
good portion of my life, I am now finding this new outlet exciting
and gratifying. I incorporate my love of music into my work by
way of a CD and earbuds featuring my favorite song of the day
or hour and creating a flow and rhythm to my painting and every
once in a while you can still find me in front of a microphone
doing a songwriter’s gig.
 
When looking at my art you will notice there a number of women
and butterflies. I feel a sisterhood with my fellow women and
relate to the struggles, worries, juggling acts, dreams, and aspirations that we as a gender face. I enjoy painting them. For me,
the butterfly represents freedom and it seems the older I grow the
more I let go and am able to experience real freedom. I have always been enthralled by mermaids who are said to possess great
power and attraction.
 
While I am extremely thankful for each piece I sell. I equally love to gift a work that “speaks to” an attribute I find in another woman or a struggle she may be facing, a battle she has won or just to say thank
you for something she has spoken into my own life.
 
I currently paint and give group (Java Paint) and private classes at my SE Huntsville home studio. I
have worked with The Painted Bra Art Project since its inception and have been honored to be one of
their featured artists. I frequently exhibit with The Huntsville Art Council, Ascribing Artist, and love
working on projects with Love Huntsville located at Lowe Mill.
Thank you for reading the fine print of the Valley Planet. The Valley Planet and valleyplanet.com are published every three weeks by J W Publications in Huntsville, AL. You can pick up the paper free all over the
place or get it free on the web. Copyright 2003 by the Valley Planet, Inc. All rights reserved.
Reproduction or use without our permission is strictly prohibited. The views and opinions expressed within
these pages and on the website are not necessarily those of the Valley Planet or its staff. The Valley Planet is
not responsible for unsolicited manuscripts or art. Back issues are available for viewing on our website www.
valleyplanet.com in the archives section. You may reach the Valley Planet office @ 256.533.4613 or by mail
at Valley Planet 203 Grove Ave. Huntsville, AL 35801. Contact by email: info@valleyplanet.com.
256-533-4613 Valley Planet
Deadline for May 14 Issue is May 1.
THE VALLEY PLANET
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VOLUME 13 ISSUE 6
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NewLit – Good Stuff For You To Read:
“Picket’s Charge” by Charles McNair
I
f you read Land O’ Goshen by McNair you need no selling on
Picket’s Charge because this one is even better. McNair was
raised in Alabama and knows the people and his characters are
hilarious.
by Jim Zielinski
T
he Lungwort is abloom…the Bloodroot is
in flower…the Liverwort is decked out in
its finery…the Spleenwort is resplendent…
the Bladderwort beckons…even the Toothwort is
gloriously arrayed. So either the Spring Flowering Season is well upon us, or Huntsville Hospital’s Salad Bar has gone off the deep end.
William Faulkner was quoted as saying, “The past is not dead, it’s
not even past.” That attitude pervades the south in general and Alabama in particular. It took Charles McNair to bring that to life on
the pages of Picket’s Charge and he does so with a sense of hilarity,
absurdity, all the while being tragic and profound.
THIS WEEKEND: Saturday – Sunday is South
Pittsburg’s 19th Annual National Cornbread Festival [www.nationalcornbread.com; hewglete@
hotmail.com]. For those of you who lucked up
and made Fayetteville’s Slawburger Festival,
nothing beats chasing food with food…just follow the signs on Highway 72!
104 year-old Threadgill Picket waits in a Mobile nursing home for
the clock to run out. With the sudden appearance of his twin brother
who died in the Civil War, Threadgill was frightened into a tantrum
that he’d come to take him to the other side – and he didn’t like that!
There was unfinished business to tend to, especially when his twin
told him there was one, and only one Yankee survivor of the Civil
War, alive and rich and living in a mansion on a hill in Bangor, Maine.
The story weaves seamlessly both past and present as Threadgill decides that the last soldier standing
would be the war’s winner.
If you are looking for a beach book or just something laugh-out-loud funny to read, Picket’s Charge is
one you cannot go wrong with. (Review by Ricky Thomason)
The Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald
Museum in Montgomery Celebrates
90 Years of The Great Gatsby
by Raven Woods
“So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.” -The Great Gatsby
F
or F. Scott Fitzgerald’s most illustrious novel, that past has certainly been a colorful one. It’s
almost hard to imagine that, at the height of the Roaring 20’s, “Gatsby” was hardly Fitzgerald’s
biggest selling novel. That honor would have to go to his debut book This Side of Paradise. But
after more than sixty years of critical reassessment and no less than four big screen Hollywood adaptations - including 2013’s splashy Baz Luhrmann version - The Great Gatsby has earned its rightful place
as the ultimate classic American novel. On May 2, 2015, the 90th anniversary of The Great Gatsby’s
publication will be celebrated with a huge bash at the Scott and Zelda Museum in Montgomery, Alabama, which also happens to be a former residence of The Jazz Age’s royal couple.
While many may know the background story of Fitzgerald’s tragic marriage to Zelda Sayre (which
lent more than a bit of inspiration to The Great Gatsby) many may not be as familiar with Fitzgerald’s
Alabama connections. Fitzgerald was only twenty-one in 1917 when he enlisted in the Army with the
grandiose vision of going into combat duty and becoming a war hero. In 1918 he was stationed at Camp
Sheridan in Montgomery, Alabama where a chance encounter with a beautiful but wild young girl he
met at a country club dance made “everything inside of me melt.” She was Zelda Sayre, daughter of
an Alabama Supreme Court judge, and winning her
would be a hard path for the penniless young soldier with nothing but “that grand vision of himself.”
After a passionate but tumultuous courtship (which
included Fitzgerald writing This Side of Paradise at
breakneck speed in hopes that its publication would
help him win Zelda, especially since the Armistice
ending World War I had kind of put a damper on
his war hero plans) Fitzgerald and Zelda married
in March of 1920. The subsequent years brought
fame, fortune, excess in mythic proportions, and
ultimately, tragedy after Zelda was diagnosed with
schizophrenia in 1930.
In 1931, the Fitzgeralds returned briefly to Zelda’s
hometown of Montgomery, moving into a home
on Felder Avenue. It would mark the last residence
where Fitzgerald and Zelda officially lived as a
couple. As Zelda’s mental condition deteriorated,
Fitzgerald spent more and more time away, eventually settling in Hollywood after a failed attempt at
screenwriting. Zelda would spend the rest of her life
between her parents’ home in Montgomery and periodic hospitalizations in Asheville, North Carolina.
She was tragically killed in a fire that engulfed the
hospital in 1948, just eight years after Fitzgerald’s
own untimely death from a heart attack in 1940.
Assuming you survive Walpurgisnacht, you’ll be
ready Friday – Saturday, 8 – 9 May for the 7th
Annual Rocket City Brewfest [Historic Huntsville Depot & Roundhouse; 320 Church Street,
NW @ Monroe Street, NW; www.rocketcitybrewfest.com].
DO REMEMBER the Saturday hours start and end
early. Don’t assume it runs into the wee hours, for
it does not: Friday hours are 7:00 – 11:00 p.m.,
whereas Saturday’s are 4:00 – 8:00 p.m.
I was amazed to discover Tasia Malakasis’s next
book is not only out, but that a 3 April signing
was arranged at Books-a-Million (referred to
Gary Gee as Books-a-Ten). I was en route, but the
Weather Channel and “Otherwise Good Friday”
had different ideas.
If you’re living under a rock, you might not know
jet-setting Tasia is maven-in-residence at Belle
Chèvre [26910 Bethel Road, Elkmont; (256) 7323577; www.bellechevre.com; tasia@bellechevre.
com], Goat Cheese Ground Zero.
Southern Made Fresh: Vibrant Dishes Rooted
in Homegrown Flavor promises “farmhouse favorites that are casual, but with unexpected elegance.”
I loved this year’s AAMU Cultural Festival, even
after the scheduling confusion. Ashley Simmons,
Director of International Student Programs, went
above and beyond. We enjoyed a sit-down meal of
Bulgogi, Braised Oxtails,
Fried Plantain, Baklava,
Schnitzel, Veggie Lasagna,
Kimchi…just some of the
repasts savored by the survivors of the dinner bell.
No one told us a queue had
17 starting points.
In short, Mocha Java for President in 2016!
In that vein, I gave Mickey D’s coffee a test
drive…but made the mistake, silly me, of asking
an actual question (I didn’t have my glasses on, so
I was at the mercy of the sighted).
It was only after queries regarding whether a
particular drink had Espresso - whereupon I was
told “Espresso is extra” - that my focus returned
and I determined all the drinks were ESPRESSO
BASED. After further muddles concerning the
rumored presence of blended ice in the Frappés, I
settled instead on a hot drink.
…I was immediately asked whether I wanted
whipped cream with it…??? ...
Upon escaping, I concluded the savings between
this and, say, Starbucks were not worth chancing
a murder rap.
Day Trips:
Memphis remains a hotbed of activity and, given
it’s a mere 3 to 4 hour journey (depending on
what’s behind the wheel), there’s no reason you
shouldn’t enjoy the occasional expedition Bealestreetwards.
Monday – Saturday, 4 – 9 May brings us the “International Salute to Poland,” thanks to Memphis
in May [(901) 525-4611; www.memphisinmay.
org], where the foodie focus is on Chef Grzegorz
Łaponowski. There are little specifics online, but
something’s happening Friday & Saturday, 8 – 9
May at the Peabody Hotel’s Chez Philippe dining
hall [149 Union Avenue]; call (931) 529-4000 and
you’ll know more than anyone else.
More Polish fare is featured via Polska Porkers
(Polish Barbecue), helmed by Chef Grzegorz
Kazubski (apparently, Greg is the hot chef name
down Warsaw way), President of the Polish Barbecue Association. This takes place on Thursday
- Saturday, 14 – 16 May and begs the question,
“Are those grill marks on your kielbasa?”
Meanwhile, Friday – Saturday, 8 – 9 May, is the
FIFTY-SEVENTH (!?!?) Memphis Greek Festival [573 North Highland; (901) 327-8177; www.
memphisgreekfestival.com]. The sights, sounds,
and TASTES at the Annunciation Greek Orthodox Church should
give you time to warm
up for the Nashville
and Birmingham innings.
Myself? I just learned
about Paximathia,
Ergolavos, and Indokarido.
I am at one with Elvis’s
Byzantine heritage.
Tasia and Her Latest Tome!
Unlike his first novel, This Side of Paradise, The Great Gatsby was more of a scathing critique of The
Jazz Age than a celebration of it. Yet the novel still stands, ninety years later, as the ultimate mirror of
those times. Heck, even if it did have a morbidly depressing end, no one can ever forget what “Gatsby”
is really all about - those wonderful, wacky parties that every weekend turned Gatsby’s mansion into a
2015 features a cook-off competition by many
previous winners - and that in itself is enticing.
But sweetening the pot: “Cornbread Alley.”
Right up yours.
Related news floating on the Ethernet? Coffee
boasts antioxidants; boosts short-term memory;
may help protect against “cognitive decline”; is
apparently among the two billion edibles/potables
lowering the risk of heart disease; curbs depression; and may also work against gout and Type 2
Diabetes, whilst enhancing exercise performance
and liver health.
Java Alerts:
Recent studies indicate
four cups of daily coffee
lower the risk of malignant
melanoma by twenty percent. Bear in mind a big ol’
mug is about two cups of
coffee, while a REALLY
big ol’ mug’s closer to a
coffee plantation. Adjust
accordingly.
In between all of these ups and downs, Fitzgerald carved out enough time to pen a little novel he called
The Great Gatsby. In both the guise of its hero Jay Gatsby, a man desperately trying to recapture his
past, and its narrator Nick Carraway, an earnestly introspective man who finds himself both “within
and without” the excesses of the Jazz Age, Fitzgerald poured out his frustrated dreams, hopes, and
yearnings.
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carnival of decadence. Those scenes alone served as a microcosm of a time when flappers ruled, when
bootleg gin flowed easily, and everyone was doing a funny looking dance called The Charleston.
If you ever read or watched The Great Gatsby and fantasized about being a guest at one of Gatsby’s
wild parties, here’s your chance! Pull on your fringed dress, bob your hair, kewpie doll your lips, break
out your beads and raccoon coats, and head down to 919 Felder Avenue in Montgomery. The bash will
last from 7 - 11pm. Tickets are $50 and may be purchased by phoning 334-264-4222 or by visiting the
website at http://www.fitzgeraldmuseum.net/index.htm.
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 6
THE VALLEY PLANET
Who Belongs in Alabama?
W
hat if I told you a typhoon and flood
in the Philippines were successfully
overcome, and lives saved, because of
a Huntsville initiative? What if I said that same
program inspired further training of foreign women medical technicians to identify breast cancer
in Pakistan? This Tennessee Valley program also
shared ideas with experts from many lands on social reconciliation plans that worked. These ideas
brought a sort of peace to places like Belfast, the
mean streets of London, Warsaw, Selma, Alabama, and now even Ferguson, Missouri.
The International Visitor Leadership Program
brings future foreign leaders to Alabama and introduces them to our areas of expertise, woeful
challenge, and measured hope. These visitors,
carefully vetted by our embassies in their countries, come here in select groups to study common
interests. Interests as varied as agriculture, citizenship and teaching English, high tech biotechnology, breast cancer research, forestry applications,
civil and privacy rights, government transparency, and combating violent extremism have been
hosted here. What they learn, of course, is much
more than what they hear in presentations. They
see and get to know average Americans, and how
our values are reflected in reality. Each remarks
on how truly hardworking Americans are; how
time off is seldom a priority. They see us as we
truly are: from Manna House where the utterly
impoverished come, to Twickenham, where the
traditionally wealthy reside, and everywhere in
between. They see us as human and at play; they
completely enjoyed seeing an Alabama State representative play in a Blue Grass band and never
once mention politics. In completely frank and
transparent discussions, they find all questions
are on the table, the good, the bad, and the embarrassing. Noteworthy as well, they see America
is a land whose Declaration of Independence is a
work in progress, not a dead sheet from the misty
past. Each appreciates, in a three week visit during
which the Tennessee Valley figures for four days,
that we are a vibrant, curious, happy, fearful, yet
paradoxically unbelievably friendly, country. The
openness displayed by Americans is remarked on
by everyone who comes here. We Americans have
much to learn, but programs such as this show we
also have much to give.
It becomes apparent we struggle constantly with
problems which confront making this our idealized fair nation with equal opportunity. Questions
abound. Why, they ask, were there no white kids
in some reform school programs? Why are prisoners not allowed certain private possessions?
Why are there no mandated tornado shelters in
Tornado Alley? In fully packed days the guests,
appropriate to their interest program, might visit
ESL classes, prisons, government offices, business complexes, or non-profits. They may visit
religious institutions, hear panels on religion in a
secular society, and consider the way church and
state function in our land. Several commented
on how remarkable it has been we’ve suffered
so little terrorism as we dismantled the state terrorism of Jim Crow and Klan depredations. We
now combat bullying, gangs, violence and terrorism before it starts, through holistic projects from
grade schools to neighborhoods, which seek to
let all feel a part of our American nation. We’ve
found any kind of racial, religious, and ethnic discrimination can be a seed of violence, and show
our guests the projects which try to stop this.
Alabamians the guests meet are extremely honest, too. We speak openly about our historical
and present trials with racial matters, voting, immigration, and democratic practices in our state.
For example, race relations in light of Selma, now
Ferguson and what it represents, may seem intractable. Yet, acknowledging our attempt to correct
this, a Serbian official showed great hope in our
THE VALLEY PLANET
efforts. He noted as well that even centuries’ long hatreds can be overcome,
as in his country. Indeed, this March,
Serbia arrested their former officials
responsible for the greatest mass murder since World War II. A Belfast city
councilwoman even offered their plan
which resulted in “The Good Friday
Peace Accord” in her country, ending
centuries of open combat. They see
our attempts to surmount great historical conflicts, not hide them, as particularly praiseworthy.
Again, they credit American idealism and openness for the relative lack of bloodshed from the
days of Jim Crow. Of course, we’ve miles to go
before we have complete reconciliation. Yet, as
remarkable panels at our great Alabama universities have demonstrated, we don’t mind discussing
how we can do better. The guests also remarked
how open some of our District Attorneys, judges,
and social workers are frank about the huge social
miasma of dysfunction some Alabamians face.
All concur there are many more measures for social progress which beg consideration, the better
to make our ideals realistic in average lives. Thus
our guests even seek to know us better, as the current initiative to make the University of Berlin
and Alabama State University sister schools, the
better to study social assimilation.
The tiny Global Ties/International Services Council office of Huntsville coordinates these State
Department projects. This trio of tireless (Quite
literally! International time zones demand round
the clock efforts) coordinators set up hundreds of
meetings, receptions, presentations, and logistics
for these dozens of visits which come all year
long. They are supported by a host of dedicated
Alabama volunteers, businesses, and government
organizations. Each offers the hospitality of time,
tours, presentations, and sometimes home visits
to these enthusiastic guests. The visitors attend
prearranged excursions to places like Hudson Alpha, UAH, Alabama A and M, exhibits such as
the Birmingham Civil Rights Museum, private
wood processing companies, and non- profits like
Manna House - all day, learning about the real
America. They see CEOs who don’t live in villas, wear tailored suits and hair helmets, but are
hands on, polo shirt attired, relaxed leaders. Our
visitors help sometimes at the Downtown Rescue
Mission, and are sometimes hosted for lunch by
Rotary Clubs. Diversity of effort is this project’s
middle name, because it is who we Americans
are.  
The United States, shortly before World War II,
thought it a national security requirement to let
future foreign leaders know the real America.
They knew even then that media, at its best, could
not capture the real personality of who Americans
were. Such a program exists until today because
for all these years government understood that we
the people are our best representatives. Average
Americans, inspired by a belief in life, liberty, and
the pursuit of happiness can best be seen and understood in their places of work, at ease at home,
and in our sporting events. We are a good, democratically minded people, whose story can be told
best by ourselves. An earlier young French visitor
Alexis de Tocqueville noticed some two hundred
years ago when he visited this young republic, that 
“The greatness of America lies not in being more
enlightened than any other nation, but rather in
her ability to repair her faults.” If you believe this
too, then you’ll believe that we should encourage
other foreign guests to see us this way, as we really are. To keep this program alive, we need to
tell our national representatives not to slice away
any more of this incredibly inexpensive program.
I’ve done the math. This whole project, across the
entire United States in dozens of cities, costs less
than deploying a single Army combat company
to a war zone. Better we make others know us
personally as honest friends, faults and all, than
have others tell them who they think we are. Oh,
and you can volunteer to help, too. Call the International Services Council in Huntsville.  
 
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What? I Can’t Recall
by The Ceej
I
t’s a nice Sunday afternoon, so I’m going for a drive in my Honda Accord with the windows down.
Wind blowing through my hair... Shrapnel blowing through my face...
Wait. What? I got a registered letter from Honda yesterday that said my car’s air bags could shoot
shrapnel right into my face, potentially killing me. Lovely! Honda, I like how creative you get with
your features. This is way more ingenious than that involuntary cruise control that Toyota came out
with some years ago. I feel like mishaps like this should be followed by a sitcom-esque musical sting
that goes, “That’s our Honda!”
They of course issued a recall so I can have my air bags replaced, but when I called the dealer to set
up an appointment, they had to order the part. It could be a week or two. No problem! I actually enjoy
playing Russian Roulette every time I get behind the wheel. Keeps things interesting. Of course, I
asked them if they could disable the air bags in the meantime. You know? So I wouldn’t have to worry
about paying for my groceries with a face full of metal. They said they can’t do that. Why? For safety
reasons, obviously. Driving without air bags might kill me. Gee. I hadn’t thought of that. Good thing I
have Honda’s wisdom to keep me safe. Bless you, Jerry Darnson.
If the June 27 release date weren’t so darn close, I’d consider adding a Bruno Mars parody to my upcoming comedy album that told Honda, “I’d drive behind a grenade for you.” Yeah, yeah. I guess it’s
all for the better anyway. I’ve been putting on weight since I got the car because I can drive anywhere
I want to go. Maybe a little fear of death is what I needed to get back in shape. On the other hand, the
neighbourhood I live in is notorious for shootings, so I’m not sure which is the bigger risk.
More from The Ceej at http://internet.underceej.co.uk.
Furniture Factory
Fuels Huntsville’s
Live Music Fire
on May 16
by Anne Wood
O
n May 16th, 2015 five touring bands from
across the Southeast will come together
to showcase their craft for a night of roadtested, soul-driven, live music. The recently remodeled Furniture Factory will house the all-day
concert event where more than just music will be
served. One part concert, one part crawfish boil,
the event promises to keep the whiskey flowing
right alongside the music.
Mark Komara, owner of the Furniture Factory,  couldn’t
have picked a better lineup to break in the new and
improved outdoor music space. Throughout the day,
folks who attend will be treated to live music from:
CBDB from Tuscaloosa; The Vegabonds coming
down from Nashville; two bands from Auburn The
Bama Gamblers and B.B. Palmer & Kudzu; and the
Chris Simmons Trio from right here in Huntsville.
While each band’s origins and sound may be
slightly different, they all hit the road week after
week chasing the same dream. Huntsville native
Bo Flynn dreamed up the event, which has been
dubbed “Southern Roots Spring Jam,” and describes it as a type of “all-star game,” featuring
up-and-coming bands from across the Southeast
that Flynn has either played alongside or has seen
working as an agent.
Komara was quick to jump on board when presented with the idea and is excited to bring the
town together at his venue for good music, good
food, and good times.
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 6
The Vegabonds, who have shared the stage with
Flynn and his crew of Bama Gamblers many times
(including at the Furniture Factory last year) are
no strangers to the Huntsville area. They are excited to be back, according to their lead singer
Daniel Allen, who sheds some light on the event:
“Huntsville is going to get a small taste of where
southern music is headed. None of us are trying
to be trendy, which means you’re going to get a
night of music that comes straight from the heart
and touches on the essence of southern upbringing. We are proud to be a part of this.”
Each of the bands featured at the Southern Roots
Spring Jam have been making great strides in their
careers and are definitely ones to watch. CBDB
has been received with open arms during their recent album release tour across the Southeast and
will be performing at the Euphoria Music Festival
in Austin, Texas this year. The Vegabonds will be
performing at the Toadlick Music Festival this
year alongside Blackberry Smoke and JJ Grey &
Mofro.
The Bama Gamblers have recently shared the
stage with the likes of Whiskey Myers and Chris
Knight and are actively working and writing
new material for their second studio album. B.B.
Palmer & Kudzu have not only revived the lost art
of “Outlaw Country” but have also been hard at
work in the studio preparing to release their debut
E.P. “Bellafontaine.”
Huntsvillians, lock up your daughters, build up
your appetite for music and mudbugs, and get
ready to hear some brand new music from this
lineup of Southeastern all-stars. This is a night
you definitely don’t want to miss!
For more information, you can follow each band
on Facebook and Twitter or contact Bo Flynn for
event and artist information at bflynn@eastcoastentertainment.com.
Opposite Box plays Voodoo
Lounge on May 9th. “Opposite
Box is a genre-bending experimental rock band from Chattanooga, TN known for high energy live shows and a seamless
blend of jazz, rock, funk, punk
and prog – dubbed ‘belligerent jungle funk’ – that is often
compared to acts like Frank
Zappa, Mr. Bungle and Parliament Funkadelic.”
www.oppositebox.com.
5
Perspective
Newly elected Alabama state Sen.
Larry Stutts, in one of his first actions in office,
introduced a bill to repeal “Rose’s Law,” a 1999
legislation that, had it been on the books the year
before, might have saved the life of new mother
Rose Church, whose doctor was OB/GYN Larry
Stutts. Rose’s Law gave new mothers a legal right
to remain hospitalized for up to 96 hours after
birth, depending on circumstances, but the new
senator calls that right just another “Obamacarestyle law” in which legislators in Montgomery intrude into doctors’ decisions. (Stutts also proposed
to repeal the requirement for written cautions to
patients whose mammograms show unusual density.) Though her daughter survived, Rose died of
a heart attack following two “doctor’s decision”
hospital releases, and her husband’s wrongfuldeath lawsuit against Stutts and others reached a
settlement in 2005.
by Chuck Shepherd
Hard-Hitting Numbers
In March, offensive lineman John Urschel of the Baltimore Ravens added to his curriculum vitae by co-authoring the latest of his
several peer-reviewed academic articles -- “A
Cascadic Multigrid Algorithm for Computing the
Fiedler Vector of Graph Laplacians” in the Journal of Computational Mathematics. If Urschel
can understand, and even advance, tangled, obtuse formulas (which use familiar numbers, e.g.,
1, 2, 3, and Greek letters such as phi, lambda,
and sigma -- lots of sigmas), why is he a football
player, he asked himself on the Players Tribune
website. “There’s a rush you get when you go
out on the field . . . and physically dominate the
player across from you.” He added, “I love hitting
people.”
Great Art
The National Gallery of Australia
hosted a special series of tours of “James Turrell:
A Retrospective” in early April -- in which all
guests were nude. The tours were staged by Australian artist Stuart Ringholt, who introduced the
concept earlier at the Museum of Contemporary
Art (and was nude, himself, for the Turrell show,
though other gallery staff remained clothed). The
post-tour cocktail reception was also in the nude.
The Australian “abstract expressionist”
Aelita Andre began painting “professionally” at
age 9 months, said her parents, and by 22 months
had her own exhibit at Melbourne’s Brunswick
Street gallery, and by age 4, the paintbrush-armed
toddler had enjoyed a $24,000 sale. She has now
also distinguished herself as an “artist” of another
type while explaining her approach. In April, the
now-8-year-old told News.com.au, “I interpret my
style of painting as a magic, abstract universe. It
doesn’t sit in one tiny sphere in all realism; it goes
out and it explores the world.” She acknowledged
seeing things (e.g., “rabbits”) that an 8-year-old
might, but pointed out that she also sees “the cosmos.” “I just feel free. I don’t feel locked up in a
tiny world.”
Wait, What?
In March, two men serving time for
anti-gay murders became the first same-sex couple allowed to get married behind bars in Britain, at the Full Sutton Prison in East Yorkshire.
The romance blossomed after the two men (Marc
Goodwin, 31, serving life, and pedophile Mikhail
Gallatinov, 40, who is eligible for release sooner)
met at the prison library, and the wedding party
included four relatives of the two killers.
In January, the principal of W.F. Burns
Middle School in Valley, Alabama, sent home
a letter to parents with her suggestions on how
to train students in the event an active shooter
breaks into the classroom. In order not to be “sitting ducks” for the intruder, each child was asked
to be armed with an 8-ounce canned food item to
toss at any potential spree-killer. The can is designed to give the student a “sense of empowerment” in the face of extreme danger, the principal
told WHNT-TV of Huntsville, but acknowledged
that “(T)his is a sensitive topic.”
6
World’s Greatest Lawyer
A man in Mios, France, fired from his
job several years ago, and who had been receiving
unemployment benefits, suddenly found himself
being dunned by the national labor agency when a
tribunal finally ruled in the employer’s favor and
ordered the man’s benefits paid back. The agency
ordered the man’s current employer to garnishee
his paycheck of the equivalent of $160-$210 per
week -- until, according to a March report on
Paris’s The Local, he hired a certain (unnamed)
lawyer. The labor agency’s new order requires the
current employer, instead, to garnishee the pay by
1 centime (about a penny) a month for the next
26,126 years.
But Lawyering Couldn’t Be Very Difficult
Kimberly Kitchen, 45, was a successful
estate lawyer in Huntington, Pennsylvania, with
more than 30 clients for the BMZ Law firm (so
successful in her 10-year career that she had just
been promoted to partner and had served as president of the local bar association) with but one
complication -- that in December she was finally
revealed not to be a lawyer at all. Her diploma,
bar exam results, and other documents were forgeries, according to the Pennsylvania attorney
general’s office, which filed charges in March.
Can’t Possibly Be True
Weird: Dan Kennedy of Salt Lake City
was driving to work on March 31 when a large
bag fell off of the truck in front of him, and, for
traffic safety, he stopped to move it from the road
-- and discovered it contained about 75 pounds’
worth of U.S. currency (about $22,000) in a plastic bag marked with the name of the Brinks armored truck company. The bag remained sealed
(any tear could have produced “leakage” weakening Brinks’ claims on the loose money), and Kennedy dutifully contacted state troopers and handed it over. He sounded perplexed when Brinks
immediately sent him a $5,000 gift check. “Why
would I get anything for that?” “Almost anyone,”
he said, would have done what he did.
Bright Ideas
Police in Malegaon, India, seeking to
reduce tensions between Muslims and Hindus
over the theft and butchering of cattle (which the
latter hold sacred), requested that local farmers
send them “mugshots” of their cows, along with
other biographical information, such as why the
farmer has the cow in the first place, so they could
build a database to improve bovine security.
-- Elizabeth Quinn Gallagher, 23, received free around-the-world plane travel in December just for having the correct name. Jordan
Axani used to have a girlfriend of that name, and
bought the couple world-travel tickets, but they
broke up, and the tickets were not refundable.
Axani decided in December to find a compatible
“Elizabeth Gallagher” to use the ticket with him,
and the 23-year-old Cole Harbor, Nova Scotia,
student won out over 18 other “Elizabeth Gallaghers.” The trip was “strictly platonic,” he said,
though he acknowledged that Gallagher’s boyfriend did not seem pleased.
Undignified Deaths
(1) Wayne Clark, 52, collapsed and
died in January of an apparent heart attack seconds after walking into the Aldi grocery store in
Edgewood, Maryland, and announcing a robbery.
#042315051315
At his home, police discovered evidence linking
Clark to two earlier robberies. (2) Anthony Stokes,
17, died in March from car-crash injuries as he
was fleeing Roswell, Georgia, police following a
home invasion. Stokes drew national attention in
2013 when, in order to receive a heart transplant,
he promised to turn around his until-then-criminal
life. Soon after the surgery, though, he was posting thug selfies on Facebook, and in January 2015
had been jailed for possessing stolen property.
The Importance of Family
On Feb. 9 a single traffic stop in Alderson, West Virginia, resulted in the arrest of six
people from the same family, trafficking in stolen power tools (including one man who traded a
leaf blower, hedge trimmer and weed trimmer for
Percocet pills). However, a month later, members
of an even more charming family were caught in
raids in Elyria, Ohio. Officers from three jurisdictions arrested 34 people -- all related to each other
-- in connection with a $400,000 drug operation.
Government in Action
The predawn line in March actually
started forming at midnight, snaking around the
building in Maitland, Florida, but it wasn’t for
concert tickets. The dozens of people needed coveted visitor passes just to speak to an IRS agent
-- because budget cuts and personnel reductions
have limited services. “I just came here to verify
my identity,” said one frustrated taxpayer, who arrived at 8 a.m. and would not be served that day.
The agency said its budget had been cut by $1
billion since the congressional “sequestration” in
2011.
Nope, They Haven’t Grown Back Yet:
Canada’s Department of Veterans Affairs requires
any vet receiving disability benefits to have a doctor recertify the condition annually -- including
people like Afghan war double-leg amputee Paul
Franklin. He complained to Canadian Broadcasting Corp. News in March that he had been harshly
threatened with loss of benefits if he failed to file
(even though the department told CBC News that
it might perhaps relax the certification requirement to “every third year”).
Wait, What?
Several theaters in Denmark reported
in March that they had begun adding subtitles
-- to Danish-language films, because so many
customers complained that the dialogue was incomprehensible. Apparently, it is widely known
that spoken Danish is harder to understand than
the written, but Copenhagen’s website The Local reported that actors had rebelled at improving
their diction, claiming that their “mumbling” adds
“realism” to the films.
Attention to Detail: Major League pitcher Max Scherzer, new this season to the Washington Nationals, informed manager Matt Williams
in March, according to a New York Times report,
that he requires assistance when he warms up
during daily practice sessions. He spoke of the
importance of simulating actual game conditions,
and since Scherzer is a starting pitcher, he needed
someone to stand beside him and hum “The StarSpangled Banner” before he begins his practice
pitching.
Perspective
Lawyers Brendan and Nessa Coppinger
live in a Washington, D.C., row house next door
to a tobacco user, whose smoke seeps into their
unit, and (especially since Nessa is pregnant) the
Coppingers have filed a $500,000 lawsuit against
the neighbor. However, the anti-corruption website Republic Report found that one of Nessa
Coppinger’s clients is Suncoke Energy, which is
being sued by four Ohio residents who allege that
Suncoke does to them what Coppinger’s neighbor
does to her and her fetus. (Suncoke’s “clouds or
haze,” containing particulates of lead, mercury,
arsenic, chromium, creosote, coal tar pitch and
other alarming substances, allegedly threatens the
neighbors’ health and property values.)
The Continuing Crisis
Superman: While thousands of Japanese women accept commercial pornographic
movie roles, only a dwindling number of males
(by one estimate, only 30 industrywide) are available to pair with them (“stallions on call,” according to one producer). That makes the undisputed
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 6
king of Japanese porn, “Shimiken,” 35, in such
demand that he works as many as six movies a
day with few days off. His oeuvre, according to
a double entendre-laden March profile in Details
magazine, includes 7,000 films, with at least 7,500
“co-stars,” including, once, 72-year-old twins. To
maintain his vigor, he hits the gym fanatically and
downs mineral supplements and complex amino
acids -- but no Viagra. “I haven’t had to use it,” he
said (adding, after a pause, “yet”).
Among Colorado’s legal contortions to
improve mass murderer James Holmes’ chances
of getting a “fair” trial, officials in January called
more than 9,000 people to choose its jury of 12
(plus 12 alternates) who will somehow surmise
whether the Aurora theater shooter was legally
sane at the time he killed 12 and wounded 70.
The 9,000 first had to complete lengthy questionnaires, with “thousands” returning for individual
interrogation, and many for follow-up screening.
(Among the prospects the judge encountered was
one man skeptical of the death penalty -- except
in the case of a “zombie apocalypse.” Said Judge
Carlos Samour Jr., “You meet some interesting
people in this job.”)
Unclear on the Concept
Some states that rushed to enact systems to evaluate schoolteachers by the test scores
of their students left the details of such regimens
for later, resulting, for example, in absurdities like
the Washington, D.C., public school custodians
and lunchroom workers who a few years ago were
being evaluated, in part, by student test scores in
English and math. In March, a New York public
school art teacher, writing in The Washington
Post, complained that his coveted “effective” rating one year had dropped to “developing” simply
because his school’s student math score had fallen. Furthermore, since he is now “developing,”
he must file plans for improving his performance
(i.e., how, from art class, he can raise math scores
among students he does not teach).
Quintessential Australia
(1) In March, the Simoneau family in a
town near Australia’s Sunshine Coast at first considered the three-foot-long slitherer to be one of
the country’s ubiquitous snakes, but the home invader was moving very slowly and, it turned out,
was merely from one of those hair-raising Australian species -- gigantic earthworms. (2) Dogs and
cats, as well as wild animals searching for food,
sometimes show up with their heads caught in
fences, buckets or food containers (and, to avoid
starvation, need to be freed by helpful humans).
In a suburb of Adelaide, in March, a deadly Eastern brown snake turned up needing similar aid,
but it being Australia, its head was stuck in a beer
can.
Marketing Challenges
(1) Burger King Japan commenced an
April rollout -- limited in duration and only in Japan -- of Burger King-branded cologne (mimicking the Whopper’s savory “flame-grilled scent”).
Early reviews were favorable, even though the
launch date, suspiciously, was April 1. (2) A small
Virginia defense contractor won a $7 million job
recently to help Pentagon analysts sift through supercomputer research, and according to the industry watchdog Defense One, the firm has decided
to stick with its long-ago- selected original name.
Even though events have overtaken that name,
the company will still be known as Isis Defense.
Least Competent Criminals
Didn’t Go As Planned: (1) Surveillance
cameras revealed a man with a gun inside the
Circle K in Palm Bay, Florida, on Jan. 31. Since
the clerk was in the back, with the cash register
locked, the man decided to wait for him -- for 17
seconds, according to the video -- but then, impatient, fled empty-handed. (2) According to a
February Ormond Beach, Florida, police report,
Matthew Semione, 26, handed a holdup note (implying that he was armed) to a Sun Trust bank
teller, who walked away to get money. Semione
grew weary of waiting and left empty-handed, but
was arrested minutes later.
Send your weird news to
WeirdNews at
earthlink dot net,
and P.O. Box 18737, Tampa, FL 33679.
Copyright,
Chuck Shepherd
THE VALLEY PLANET
CBD Oil: The Hope
of a Boy and His
Family
brain; a sensory data overload dance that leaves
Joe breathless for a minute, sometimes more.
But hopefully not two minutes. At two minutes,
Tammy will have to use valium mass injection to
shut Joe down: Black out amounts of valium shot
through the body shuts down seizures by shutting
down everything.
S
To reduce the number of Joe’s seizures, doctors
cut out the corpus callosum, the cerebrum’s normally useful shower cap of white matter connecting the brain’s hemispheres. This reduced Joe’s
seizures from near-daily to triweekly.
by Tom Colbey, Jr.
he’s waiting; her eyes say UAB will call
any day now.
Tammy has a quest to get her autistic seizure-disabled son enrolled in the CBD oil studies being
conducted at UAB for one-hundred adults and
children. With around four-hundred applicants,
Tammy’s not dreaming the impossible, but it’s
still a book-maker’s long shot. Non-psychotropic CBD oil holds the promise to ease her son’s
neurological problems; problems inflicted on her
whole family.
Tammy’s a server of neuro-cocktails: 250 mg of
Depakote, 50 mg of Topamax, 600 mg of Trileptal, and 20 mg Propranolol at 8:30 AM. Along
with a vitamin blend and motherly patience,
Tammy will serve this neurological spelling bee
up again at 8:30 PM for her son, Joe, an eighteen-year old who lives in the darkest end of the
autistic spectrum.
Getting Joe to swallow the pills is the daily hope
that maybe he won’t have a seizure today. The
side effects of these pills are not the brutality
of seizures, but Joe’s appetite suffers with his
stomach, which has developed gastroenterological problems as if Tammy didn’t have enough to
worry over.
Tammy describes a sci-fi fantastical device, a vagus nerve stimulator. Implanted in Joe’s chest, it
pulses electrical signals to his brain to help prevent seizures.
Seizures are neuronal energy lightning strikes between the bickering hemisphere-siblings of Joe’s
Alabama River
Adventure on the
Sipsey
by Cameron Reeder
M
y good friend Mark, his daughter Mara
and I decided to go on a leisurely kayak trip down the Sipsey River in the
Bankhead National Forest. If you live in north
Alabama and have never hiked the Bankhead National Forest or paddled the Sipsey River, I have
three words. Shame on you!
The William B. Bankhead
National Forest is one of
four National Forests in the
state and consists of more
than 180,000 acres! In Monty Python terminology, this
is one “huge track of land.”
Covering both Lawrence
and Winston Counties, it is
an area of exquisite natural
beauty and is a treasure to
have in our backyard. It’s
only about 40 minutes from my house in Decatur.
And, like so many things, since it is so close, most
people put off going there with good intentions
and subsequently never go.
If you don’t own a canoe or kayak or ride on top
(heck, even a rubber raft), get one! If you do, head
to the Bankhead on the next sunny day, preferably
after a nice rain. You will need a friend and an extra car. Drop off a car in the take out area on Hwy
33 (the area where you finish the run and come
out of the river). Then proceed to the put in area
on County Road 60 and launch your craft. 
WARNING:  The first time we went, I left my
key in Mark’s Jeep…in the put in area. The key
I would need at…the take out area…to get in the
car…to take us back to the put in area…to get the
Jeep to bring back to the take out area to get the
THE VALLEY PLANET
Tammy says the surgery was a huge victory! My
brain, flailing at the thought of losing any of its
mass, agrees with the math-logic: Cutting any
bad thing in half is usually a good thing. But,
let me put my corpus callosum-connected brain
hemispheres away for a moment, and put it another way: Imagine your only holiday wish is
to be blessed with just triweekly nightmares (of
force-feedings, dead drops, and mass valium injections!) instead of daily nightmares, and you
might begin to imagine what Tammy’s life of
small victories, managed expectations – and no
social life – is like.
Tammy is a neurologist, and
doesn’t know it: Practiced pill
cocktail server; cyborg implant
expert. In possession of a vocabulary even medical students
might have difficulty understanding. Reams of notebooks
cataloging every obsessivecompulsive detail of her son’s
medical life – the one massive
tome opened up during my visit
represented just 2015 to-date!
– Just one in a library book
series: The Medical History of
Joe. She’s a neuro-stenographer
recording Joe’s life while her life
whittles away in the effort.
kayaks. The last half of the trip was spent in dread
of what I had done. I had to call my wife to bring
me a key to my car. This was an especially embarrassing moment for two he-man paddlers.
Kayaking the Sipsey has been one of the most satisfying experiences of my life. Other than the initial expense of equipment, it is virtually free fun.
The rock formations, the few areas with smaller
class whitewater and the waterfalls make for a
great day. There are only a couple of spots where
you have to portage (or get out and go around)
some obstacle. The nine mile stretch can take as
little as three hours if you don’t stop. But you will
want to stop.
Here are some dos and
don’ts: (if you can avoid
my mistakes, they will
have been worth it)
Carry water and snacks
for the trip.
It helps to have a watertight container (Anything
that does not stand up
well to water should be
placed in this.)
Always wear a life vest, even if the water is not
deep or the current strong. It’s a good habit.
Wear sturdy shoes. There are some portage areas
and some trees that have fallen across the river.
You will be negotiating past these. My first pair
of “water sandals” fell apart.
Plan on getting wet, even if
you don’t fall out of the boat.
Tammy is a healthy neuro-normal with an active mind. Joe’s sister, Ineke, is a delightful
neuro-normal honor student. Yet it’s Tammy and
Ineke in danger because Joe’s a planet pulling
a family into his gravity well of seizure-watch
double-shifts, scheduled medical appointments,
unscheduled emergencies, and the ever-increasing knowledge base of a neurological vocabulary
embedding itself in the family’s collective intelligence: all serving to gravity-crush every dream,
school choice, and career wish.
Yet still the question remains: When’s the next
seizure? Will the next one call for panicked mass
valium injection? Only one is a neuro-challenged
autistic, but an entire family suffering life-paralyzing seizures.
Tammy’s good at managing expectations. If CBD
oil eliminated the need of even one of the medications robbing Joe’s appetite, she’ll claim victory.
Maybe the nurse at Joe’s side can take a day off.
If CBD oil reduced the number of seizures, at all,
she’d dance in celebration!
Cannabidiol comes from marijuana. It’s not
smoked. Sorry campers, no psychotropic effects
means there’s no high. The UAB study is no
Cheech & Chong victory; it’s
a victory for Alabamians like
Joe.
Tammy’s hope threatens her
carefully managed expectations when telling stories she
has heard of kids worse off
than Joe (if you can imagine!)
who improve to the point of
exhibiting outright neuro-normalcy. Should Joe’s condition
improve, it will not only be
Joe’s victory, but the relief of a
family suffering the Joe-planet
gravity well.
Follow me on Twitter @colbey_jr
Work in extra time in your itinerary for all the
driving to and from put in and take out areas.
Take time to get out and explore, swim or picnic
along the route.
Take a change of clothes. You will appreciate
this when you get out, especially if the weather
is damp or chilly.
Better to go in the mornings than in the afternoons. We put in at 3 p.m. and when we got out,
it got dark quick. Better to work in the light than
the dark. But if you do get out in the dark, take a
flashlight.
The last 30 minutes is killer. It can be described
as the worst part of the day, or at best, the least
fun. When you get out at the take out area, rest
for a few minutes and get your legs. After the trip,
your legs are rubber. You can easily fall in the
sandy area or climbing up the steep incline with
your boat. If you don’t have an all-terrain vehicle
like Mark’s Jeep, you will walk a long way to the
parking area with your boat and gear. Take only
what you need since you will be carrying it.
Carry a phone with a GPS. You can locate your
position from start to finish.
Mark the take out area when you drop your car off
so that when you get downstream, you won’t miss
it. We tied a red ribbon to a bush by the water’s
edge.
Give yourself a pat on the back for taking advantage of a rare opportunity to stop and smell the
roses.
Finally, kudos to the
Rangers at BNF. In the
dark, I left behind my
nice paddle. I called their
office the next day, and
within half an hour, they
had retrieved it for me!
Go when the water is up. A
low water level means a lot of
debris in the water and scraping the bottom in places. You
can check online for the best
time to go.
#042315051315
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 6
7
Unchained Maladies
by Ricky Thomason
I
feel stupid that it has taken so long to identify the source of my springtime rabbit-eyed,
snorpy, pain-in-the-butt malady from which I
suffer.
Dr. Anarcho’s Rx For Old Stuff That Don’t
Suck: J. Geils Band “Blow Your Face Out Live
1976”
Like many of you, the astronomically high springtime pollen count rips through my head and plugs
my sinuses tighter than a bung in the hole of a
wooden barrel.
I
t’s amazing how a few crummy radio hits can
actually blind and deafen you to the sterling
works of bands’ “non-hits” on albums. It
seems record companies released the most diluted
songs catering to the lowest common denominator of listeners.
What I am really perturbed about is the fact that
it has taken me years to figure out what I suffer
from is actually a many pronged attack.
Sure, there’s pollen from every plant that grows,
but I have finally figured out I have a miserable
reaction to a source of high irritation gathered like
witches at black masses on Goat Hill in Montgomery when the Alabama Legislature goes into
session.
I am faced with blooming buttercups, dogwood
trees, et al. worse, I am even more allergic to the
blooming idiots we send to Montgomery.
For lack of a better word, I am naming this malady pollen-tician allergy.
Even though they bear the pollen of misery, at
least the flowers and trees bring visual joy and
herald the end of a miserable winter. The blooming idjits that voters send to Montgomery bring
no joy to anyone save the one-issue voters who
prefer they diddle about the private rights of
women and legislate morality while they decry
government interference.
The roads can go to hell, the bridges and the rest
of the infrastructure can collapse as long as our
“Alabama Values” are intact. What the hell does
that indefinable term mean? Strange fruit doesn’t
hang from the trees as it once did in abundance?
Yea, for us.
For me, Freeze Frame and My Baby Is A Centerfold and a couple other tracks that got a lot of
airplay did just that for The J. Geils’ Band.
Apparently it means we must fight to the death to
say a prayer before football games, games held
in million dollar stadiums built in front of crumbling, woefully underfunded schools that many
parents from the shallow end of the gene pool
care zip about.
Here’s a newsflash for you; instead art and music programs being the first things slashed in the
budget-cut bloodbath, athletic programs should
be top, front and center on the list.
Many, many kids who cannot play football, basketball, baseball, golf and softball, etc. could and
would benefit, discover and grow in the arts, lifechanging, meaningful pursuits.
Did I omit soccer? Not really, but you can hear
the murmur in the stands when the 12 yr. old soccer league loses to every super team loaded with
mini- Peles doing scissor kicks.
“Oh, but we have bands at football games!” they
cry, not realizing nor caring that the band is there
to support the football team. Did you ever see a
football team turn out to support band concerts or
scholars’ bowls?
Those who say “yes” are either liars or enjoying
blissful ignorance to the state of spontaneous orgasm.
The sports programs won’t stop. The “no taxes
for anything bunch” will support sports programs
– but they don’t give a fuzzy red rat’s a*s about
the arts.
Know this: there are high school football programs in North Alabama (and elsewhere, I’m
sure) that have athletic facilities (indoor football
fields, etc.) better than UAH, UNA, Athens State
and Alabama A&M to name a few.
Think I’m kidding? I’m not. In times of rain, I am
told Hartselle has used helicopters to hover over
ball fields and dry them so the show can go on. I
will add that many of these 1st class facilities are
privately funded. Good for them. No problem. It
simply proves that athletics will be funded even if
we do give the rest of the ho-polio student body a
chance to pursue their talents and dreams.
Folks, thespian clubs have zilch to do with LBGT
no matter what the Alabubba Bubba in the air is
ignorant enough to believe and tells you like his
words should be written in red.
So many people (see Roy Moore, and more) can’t
even raise their own kids, I’ll be damned if they’ll
raise mine.
Hell, let’s compromise; restore the arts, but say a
little prayer before art class and jazz band. Everyone will be happy, right?
Wrong – many aren’t going to happy about anything until after the 2016 elections and they may
not be happy then if they keep offering up zealots
who want church and state consolidated. I’m not
sure what the Bible’s stand on this issue may be
(none, I’m betting) but if all else fails they can
gather support from the Koran. For sure, the religious state utopia has worked well for them.
8
#042315051315
I’d be willing to bet that J. Geils himself feels in
a like manner about the hits that made them famous, though it’s probably hard to hate the tunes
that launched your band nationally.
Some bands sound rather dull on their studio LPs
but have few peers in a concert setting. I have always loved “live” recordings by rocking bands.
You get the real thing, warts and all, on stage.
Some bands can’t – and probably don’t want to reproduce their studio sound, but some fans can’t
appreciate more than that. We’ve all heard the less
fortunate audiofools among us complain that “the
concert didn’t sound like the record.”
That is probably a less common complaint in these
days of auto-tuned, eye-candy twits who can’t
sing their way out of a paper sack. They hit the
road with their computerized sound and lip-sync
their way through shows. They always sound just
like their hits because the toys they use to make
those hits are easily portable, and the talent they
bring weighs almost nothing.
The giggling fans go to see the stars, not to hear
them. Video killed the radio star indeed, but few
knew video was going to kill music, too.
J. Geils Band is more important and influential
than the boys have been given credit for. It will be
the live documents that ensure they eventually get
their due, and Blow Your Face Out can blow your
speakers out when you get the live energy loud as
it is supposed to be.
Blow Your Face Out was recorded over two
nights at the late Boston Garden and in Detroit’s
Cobo Hall.
In a way, I am glad I missed the J. Giel’s band
back in the day. I’m not sure where I could have
taken advantage of their power and talent live. In
1976, I was so poor I could hardly afford to listen
to the radio, much less purchase records and play
them on anything that sounded decent.
As a result, I have a lot of new (to me) music to
look forward to. I have started with the double
live album, Blow Your face Out. Won’t you join
me?
Blow Your Face Out – tracks
1. Southside Shuffle [Live] 4:16
2. Back To Get Ya [Live] 4:38
3. Shoot Your Shot [Live] 3:56
4. Musta Got Lost [Live]6:34
5. Where Did Our Love Go [Live]4:00
6. Truck Drivin’ Man [Live 1:52
7. Love-itis (Live LP Version) 4:05
8. Intro: [Lookin’ For A Love] [Live] 2:06
9. [Ain’t Nothin’ But A] House Party [Live] 5:04
10. So Sharp [Live] 2:38
11. Detroit Breakdown [Live] 6:25
12. Chimes [Live 8:56
13. Sno-Cone [Live]
14. Wait [Live] 3:44
15. Raise Your Hand [Live
16. Start All Over [Live]
2:21
17. Give It To Me [Live]
6:52
Rocks in My Pockets
O
n Friday May 8th at 8 p.m., the Huntsville Affiliate of the National Alliance on Mental Illness
(NAMI Huntsville) will be hosting a screening of Rocks in My Pockets at the Flying Monkey
Theater. Tickets will be available at the door for $10. The event is a fundraiser to support the
free mental health support, education, and advocacy programs that NAMI Huntsville provides to local
families.
Released in the fall of 2014, Rocks in My Pockets is an independent animated film about depression. It
is directed, animated, and narrated by Signe Baumane. Baumane was born and raised in Soviet Latvia
and now lives and works out of Brooklyn. Her film is an intergenerational tale beginning in 1920’ Latvia. Baumane tells the story of the women in her family, including herself, as they struggle with madness through the pressures of Nazi and Soviet occupation. Rocks in My Pockets was chosen as Latvia’s
entry for the Best Foreign Film category at this past year’s Oscar competition.
As described in its press-kit, Baumane’s film takes on a challenging artistic subject. “Defying the
stigma that silences so many, Signe takes us on a journey deep into her own depression where she
looks to confront the family demons.” In addition to the pressures to keep family stories of madness
secret, it is hard to tell a compelling story of a disease that from the outside looks so much like simple
boredom. People suffering from depression go through long, painful periods of motionless inactivity
that don’t exactly translate into entertaining movie scenes. Through
her humor and animation, Baumane
brings the deceptively monotonous
terrors of melancholy to life. Her
film, through its novel approach,
offers valuable perspective on this
deadly condition that is so often
swept under the rug for fear of family embarrassment.
Learn more about Rocks in My
Pockets at http://www.rocksinmypocketsmovie.com/ and NAMI
Huntsville at http://www.namihuntsville.org.
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 6
THE VALLEY PLANET
THE VALLEY PLANET
#042315051315
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 6
9
VOODOO LOUNGE, Lance Almon Smith Band
YELLOWHAMMER BREWERY, Denim
Jawbones
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ENTERTAINMENT
FRI 04/24 - RELAYER
SAT 04/25 - CHAKA BOOM
FRI 05/01 - BOODADING
SAT 05/02 - GUS HERGERT
FRI 05/08 - SWEET ROOT
SAT 05/09 - WET BANDITS
FRI 05/15 - UNBROKEN
SAT 05/16 - BIG DADDY
KINGFISH
Thursday, April 23
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Dave Anderson
BLUE PANTS BREWERY, Hannah Thomas
FURNITURE FACTORY, (SEE AD PG.11), Bike
Night w/ Thad
GUADALAJARA GRILL, Karaoke w/ Hit
Master D
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Geoff
and Brian
HICKORY HOUSE, Karaoke
HIGHWAY HAVEN, Karaoke
HOPPER’S, Karaoke w/ DJ Tara
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.11), Red Headed
Step Child
LONE GOOSE, Traci Traci Music Communion
MADISON STATION BAR & GRILL, Karaoke
w/ Jim McGriff
MOE’S BBQ (CULLMAN), Karaoke w/ Hit
Master D
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke
MVP SPIRITS, Daniel Yalowitz
NICK’S RISTORANTE, Gus Hergert
SAMMY T’S, DJ Keibot and DJ Blin
SPORTS PAGE, 5ive O’clock Charlie
THE BRICK DELI, Mitch Mann
THE DOCKS (SCOTTSBORO), Trey Browder
THE FOYER, Songwriters Nite
THE HOT SPOT, Bike Night w/ Live Music
THE STEM AND STEIN, Flannel Umbros
VOODOO LOUNGE, Open Mic
Friday, April 24
AMERICAN LEGION POST 176, The Mersey
Band
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Bourbon &
Shamrocks
COPPERTOP, The Someone Else, Jonny & The
Black Frames, Go Go Killers
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.10), Relayer
EL HERRADURA, Edgar
FURNITURE FACTORY, (SEE AD PG.11),
Driven Under (Patio) Robby Eichman (Inside)
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Jessies Girlz
HOPPER’S, Groove
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.11), Dawn Osborne
Trio
LISA’S LOUNGE, Karaoke
LONE GOOSE, Steady Rollers
LOWE MILL (CONCERTS ON THE DOCK), The
Harmaleighs
MAC’S SPORTSBAR (ATHENS), Trippin Dixie
MADISON STATION BAR & GRILL, Kozmic
Mama/ Karaoke w/ Jim McGriff
MVP SPIRITS, Christian Lee
THE BRICK DELI, 5ive O’clock Charlie
THE BRICKHOUSE, Josh Allison
THE STEM AND STEIN, Jason Cunningham
VOODOO LOUNGE, Seducing Alice
YELLOWHAMMER BREWERY, 45 Surprise
Saturday, April 25
11TH FRAME, Almost Kings
AMERICAN LEGION POST 176, Karaoke
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Josh Allison CD Release
Party
BLUE PANTS BREWERY, The Blue Velvets
BREW STOOGES, Drew Richter & Chelsea Cerha
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.10), Chaka Boom
FURNITURE FACTORY, (SEE AD PG.11), FD/DC
(Patio) Duane Walker (Inside)
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Crush
HILDEGARDS, The Eins Zwei Duo
HOPPER’S, Groove
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.11), Nick Dittmeier
& the Sawdusters
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LONE GOOSE, Permagroove
MAC’S SPORTSBAR (ATHENS), Blue Handel
Band
MADISON STATION BAR & GRILL, Karaoke w/
Jim McGriff
THE BRICK DELI, Trick Zipper
THE STEM AND STEIN, Scott Owen
FRI 05/22 - NO RECESS
SAT 05/23 - GEOFF & BRIAN
FRI 05/29 - BLUES POWER
SAT 05/30 - HOT ROD OTIS
Every Tuesday – 7:30 PM &
Every Friday – 6:30 PM
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T� B�
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S�u��
H�nt��!
Tuesday, April 28
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Josh Allison
FURNITURE FACTORY, Karaoke w/ Super Lou
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.11), Them Damn
Dogs
Jim McGriff
MAGGIE MEYER’S, Karaoke w/ DJ Wes
MOODY MONDAYS, Open Mic
SPORTS PAGE, Chelvis and the Bean
THE BIG EASY (DECATUR), Karaoke w/ Hit
Master D
THE PRINCESS THEATRE, The Hot Sardines
THE HOT SPOT, Karaoke
VOODOO LOUNGE, Dave Anderson
Wednesday, April 29
11TH FRAME, Framing Hanley
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Microwave Dave
CD’S (MADISON), Bike Night w/ Hit Master D
FURNITURE FACTORY, (SEE AD PG.11), Best
Band Search
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.11), Ari Lyon
JUNO, Pete Harrison
LISA’S LOUNGE, Ladies Night Karaoke w/ KJ
Aubrey
Jim McGriff
MAGGIE MEYER’S, Open Mic
MVP SPIRITS, Open Mic
NICK’S RISTORANTE, Josh Allison
THE BRICKHOUSE, Dave Anderson
THE FOYER, Open Mic
VOODOO LOUNGE, Dr. Whateva
Friday, May 1
Band
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Silverstreak
BLUE PANTS BREWERY, Robby Eichman
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.10), Boodading
EL HERRADURA, Edgar
FURNITURE FACTORY, (SEE AD PG.11), Crush
(Patio) Scott Morgan (Inside)
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Big Daddy
Kingfish
HILDEGARDS, The Eins Zwei Duo
Meadowbrook Shopping Center
11208 Memorial Parkway SW
Huntsville, AL 35803
Must Be 21
with Valid ID
Monday, April 27
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Robby Eichman
COPPERTOP, Karaoke w/ DJ Wes
ENVY ENTERTAINMENT & RESTAURANT, Jazz
N Swing/ DJ
FURNITURE FACTORY, (SEE AD PG.11), Open
Jam w/ Andrew Johnson and Clay O’Dell
Jim McGriff
THE BRICKHOUSE, Karaoke w/ Hit Master D
Thursday, April 30
COPPERTOP, Joseph Higgins, Samantha Garza,
Carter Garza, Amit Chadha
FURNITURE FACTORY, (SEE AD PG.11), Bike
Night w/ Double Shot
GUADALAJARA GRILL, Karaoke w/ Hit Master D
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Alibi
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.11), Adrian
Krygowski 
JUNO, Alex Shor
MAC’S SPORTSBAR (ATHENS), Billy Smith-Free
Range
Jim McGriff
Master D
THE BRICK DELI, Josh Allison
THE STEM AND STEIN, Marco Polo
TRIVIA
10
Sunday, April 26
PANOPLY, Bikini Road
VOODOO LOUNGE, Karaoke w/ DJ Brandon
music cont. on pg. 11
#042315051315
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 6
THE VALLEY PLANET
music cont. from pg. 10
HOPPER’S, Emily Joseph Band
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.11), Steady Rollers
JUNO, Dave McConnell & Ron Simmons
LEEANN’S, Kozmic Mama
LONE GOOSE, Dynamite Monkey
High Fidelics
MAC’S SPORTSBAR (ATHENS), Tequila Falls
Jim McGriff
SPORTS PAGE, Dawn Osborne Trio
THE BRICK DELI, Seducing Alice
THE STEM AND STEIN, Falcon Punch
VOODOO LOUNGE, Kings Haze
YELLOWHAMMER BREWERY, My Brother the
Bear
Saturday, May 2
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Mr. Crowley
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.10), Gus Hergert
FURNITURE FACTORY, (SEE AD PG.11), Space
Donkeys (Patio) Robby Eichman (Inside)
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Downsouth
HOPPER’S, Emily Joseph Band
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.11), Blue Note Trio
JUNO, Roberta Silva & Keith Taylor
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LONE GOOSE, Seducing Alice
MAC’S SPORTSBAR (ATHENS), Hot Rod Otis
Jim McGriff
STRAIGHT TO ALE, Clayton Anderson and
Brett Bigelow
THE BRICK DELI, Plato Jones
THE STEM AND STEIN, Jim Cavender
VOODOO LOUNGE, Chopdaddy
YELLOWHAMMER BREWERY, Scott Low
Sunday, May 3
Monday, May 4
COPPERTOP, Karaoke w/ DJ Wes
N Swing/ DJ
VOODOO LOUNGE, James Irvin
Tuesday, May 5
Karaoke w/ Super Lou
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.11), Donnie Cox
Jim McGriff
THE HOT SPOT, Cinco de Mayo Celebration
Master D
Wednesday, May 6
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Shannon
Woods
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.11), Tim Cannon
JUNO, Pete Harrison
LISA’S LOUNGE, Ladies Night Karaoke w/ KJ
Aubrey
Jim McGriff
THE BRICK DELI, Jeff Hodge
THE FOYER, Open Mic
Thursday, May 7
THE VALLEY PLANET
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), 347 Acoustic
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.11), Chris Carpenter
Duo
JUNO, Alex Shor
Jim McGriff
Master D
THE BRICK DELI, Will Westmorland
THE STEM AND STEIN, Gus Hergert
Friday, May 8
Band
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Milltown
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.10), Sweet Root
EL HERRADURA, Edgar
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Winston
Ramble
HOPPER’S, Kozmic Mama
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.11), Blue Handel
Band
JUNO, Dave McConnell & Ron Simmons
LONE GOOSE, Steady Rollers
Wolves of Chernobyl Concert
MAC’S SPORTSBAR (ATHENS), Tom Cat & Bark
the Dog
Jim McGriff
THE STEM AND STEIN, Tim Cannon
VOODOO LOUNGE, Dawn Osborne Trio
YELLOWHAMMER BREWERY, Falcon Punch
Hump Day at
Humphrey’s
Every
Wednesday!
Saturday, May 9
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.10), Wet Bandits
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), 65 South
HOPPER’S, Kozmic Mama
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.11), Astronomical
Blues Society
JUNO, Pete Harrison Trio
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LISA’S LOUNGE, Karaoke w
LONE GOOSE, Dr. Whateva
MAC’S SPORTSBAR (ATHENS), Drivin Under
Jim McGriff
THE BRICK DELI, Whiskey Straight
VOODOO LOUNGE, Ant & Andrew Sharpe
YELLOWHAMMER BREWERY, Blues Power
Sunday, May 10
Monday, May 11
COPPERTOP, Karaoke with DJ Wes
N Swing/ DJ
VOODOO LOUNGE, Josh Allison
Tuesday, May 12
Karaoke w/ Super Lou
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.11), Scott Boyer
Jim McGriff
THE HOT SPOT, Karaoke
Master D
music cont. on pg. 12
#042315051315
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 6
11
Hank-Yank
by Tom Colbey, Jr.
H
ank was just fine riding through narrow
trail.
Hank was happy to walk me
under tree branches, but fine,
in really, really narrow trail.
But open fields of grassland
translated into freedom-speed
when Hank started running
like a spray of prison guard
bullets was about to blow supersonic screams overhead!
The mass and momentum of
Hank is enough for me to imagine yells of “stat!”
in a Huntsville Hospital emergency room as some
doctor tried to dislodge the horse displacing my
central nervous system, so I did what Big Ed told
me to do: a Hank-yank of roped horsehead down
to front-left horse-leg.
Skidding horse ensued: All grass flail and dust
and really nervous human onboard.
Wow! That’s one useful maneuver!
Whether carrying a quarter-ton of Euro-barbarian
wrapped in plate-mail and a desire to burn Rome,
or the wraith-frames of arrow-shooting Mongol
raiders wrapped in Gobi-colored skin, the horse
has been burdened by the not so aerodynamic
drag of people (and people-stuff!) ever since that
first proto-human saw an unusually large dog in
the windy steppes, and thought: joyride! And,
truly, to control three Arnold Schwarzenegger’s
worth of beast-muscle is an intoxicating machoboost to jack-frenzy the spirit into a novice-wish
to push the envelope and risk quadriplegic-creating disaster!
Horseback riding was my birthday gift to June,
the tiny Mongol raider wrapped in Gobi-colored
skin riding the much calmer horse, Ron, in our
three-person riding caravan. Ty, our guide, was
the third person. Big Ed, our teacher of all things
horse, was back at the barn.
June and I had never ridden a horse before. However, our confidence was
high: Netflixing “Secretariat” and “Hidalgo” (and
“Black Beauty” twice!)
equaled eight hours of
training before even seeing
a horse.
I understood the potential convergence of physics and philosophy (mass,
momentum, gravity, and
the miniscule nature of
man), but any real concern was gone by trail time. In the first third of
the ride, June was in constant negotiation with
a seven-hundred pound union boss, months into
bloated pregnancy, just repeat-looping a threat to
never move until holiday overtime was promised.
Hank, besides the conspicuous habit of taking me
under tree branches several horse-lengths out of
the way while horse-smirking, was falling asleep
while four-hoofing.
No danger in sight. Confidence high. Horse riding
conquered!
When June and I first drove up to the ranch, we
were ready to go. But first, training.
Use the balls of your feet, or hit the street.
Stand up straight, or miss the date.
Reach high for the sky.
Big Ed is a poet and completely aware of it, a
drill instructor attempting to wipe away the influences of “Hidalgo” and “Black Beauty” through
the circular sweet-tyranny of kindergarten-simple
rhyme repetition. Like the rote litany of multiplication tables, it’s not about knowing the why
behind the rules; it’s about embedding instruction
deep enough in the reflex chambers of the me-
dulla oblongata to enforce as near an automated
compliance as an instructor can.
music cont. from pg. 11
That’s tough on Ed considering the two Hollywood-trained beginners with campaign-dreams
to disrupt the college ‘burb of Normal, AL, with
cavalry calls for which he had to deal.
Wednesday, May 13
11TH FRAME, Saliva
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR),
Geoff and Brian
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.11), Zac Mayhall
JUNO, Pete Harrison
LISA’S LOUNGE, Ladies Night Karaoke w/
KJ Aubrey
Jim McGriff
THE FOYER, Open Mic
I wasn’t in the mood to listen to the poetry of
horsing. I was ready to ride! Ready to go!
Use the balls of your feet, or hit the street.
7x7=49
I was ready to ride!
Stand up straight, or miss the date. 4x4=16
Reach high for the sky. 2x20=40
My mind automatically chain-hyphenates verbal input: maneuver of a roped horsehead down
to front-left horse-leg of an animal with rhymefortunate name equals Hank-yank. Kindergarten-simple, and I wasn’t even paying attentional
focus.
Confidence was maintained through the second
third of the trip as June and I maneuvered through
the holes of leafy branch puzzles warped by the
ever-shift adjustment of being six feet taller than
usual as the trail got less trail-like. No effort to
take me under branches was required, Hank was
too busy to hide horse-smirks; however, Hank
and I were at infant-speed. June, still in contract
negotiations, was praying for infant-speed.
When the trail-nominal opened up into open field,
Hank bolts forward, and I’m gifted with only a
single heart-pulse from the throat to remember
instructions committed to memory by a mind not
paying attentional focus only thirty minutes before: The Hank-yank the IED explosion of embedded instruction in the reflex chambers of the
medulla oblongata just waiting for open grassland
to ignite.
Ignite it did in the effort to control three Arnold
Schwarzenegger’s worth of beast-muscle in an
intoxicating macho-boost of jack-frenzy to the
spirit. The novice-wish to push the envelope and
risk quadriplegic-creating disaster? It didn’t last
long.
Not accounting for speed, though, riding horses is
exactly like “Hidalgo” and “Black Beauty!”
I Want My Mashed
Potatoes, Please:
Tower Palace
by Mike Ragoza
F
ormerly located in the old Bennigans off
of North Memorial Parkway, Tower Palace
offers a diverse menu of Americana, BBQ,
German and Korean foods. I chose the chicken
schnitzel, which immediately caused a stir when
I wanted to substitute mashed potatoes instead of
fries with my meal. I was initially told no, and
received the same response when I tried to order
another entrée with the same mashed potato side.
Eventually the waitress came back and told me
that they would allow the substitution. Yippee!
Anyway, when the meals did arrive the side items
clearly outshined the main fare. My highly coveted mashed potatoes where smothered in a light
brown gravy and very cheesy while the asparagus,
squash and red potatoes that came with all the
other meals were equally tasty and not overdone
(read not mushy). Sadly, my chicken schnitzel
was tough and the vinegar (?) based BBQ sauce
that came with it was not very tasty. My friend’s
rib eye was slightly overcooked and a bit chewy
but did have a good flavor.
Alcohol is limited to domestic bottles, no locals,
and a few wines, not much selection. Still with
all the sides we were more than filled and had no
room for dessert. Service was attentive and not
overbearing but the ordeal with the mashed potatoes left me wondering if the Palace staff really
gets it.
12
#042315051315
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 6
Thursday, May 14
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Jeff and Gabe
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.11), Rick Carter Duo
Jim McGriff
Master D
THE BRICK DELI, Julian Carter
THE STEM AND STEIN, Josh Allison
Friday, May 15
Band
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Red Headed Step Child
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.10), Unbroken
EL HERRADURA, Edgar
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Gray, Black &
White
HOPPER’S, Crush
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.11), The Doctors
and Lawyers
LONE GOOSE, Roscoe
LOWE MILL (CONCERTS ON THE DOCK),
Stoop Kids
Jim McGriff
SPORTS PAGE, Joseph Higgins, Samantha
Garza, Carter Garza, Amit Chadha
THE BRICK DELI, Group 6
THE STEM AND STEIN, Alex Dieterich
VOODOO LOUNGE, 45 Surprise
YELLOWHAMMER BREWERY, Amit & Carter
Saturday, May 16
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.10), Big Daddy
Kingfish
Southern Roots Spring Jam: CBDB, The
Vegabonds, The Bama Gamblers, B.B. Palmer &
Kudzu, and, Chris Simmons Trio
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Doubleshot
HOPPER’S, Space Donkeys
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.11), Kings Haze
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LONE GOOSE, Fatso
Jim McGriff
YELLOWHAMMER BREWERY, Astronomical
Blues Society
Sunday, May 17
the end!!
THE VALLEY PLANET
REGIONAL CONCERTS
ATLANTA
April 24, Bob Dylan and his Band, Fox Theatre
April 25, Rodney Carrington, Cobb Energy
April 26, Buckcherry, Masquerade
April 27, Death Cab for Cutie, Fox Theatre
April 28, Godsmack, The Tabernacle
April 29, The Offspring, The Tabernacle
May 1, Steve Windwood, Fox Theatre
May 2, Robert Cray Band, Variety Playhouse
May 3, Tesla, The Tabernacle
May 8, Hozier, Chastain Park
May 8, Portugal the Man, Masquerade
May 8– 10, Shaky Knees Fest, Central Park
May 9, Milky Chance, Center Stage Theater
May 11, Ani DiFranco, Variety Playhouse
May 13, Bette Midler, Philips Arena
BIRMINGHAM
April 24, Slayer, Iron City
April 26, Kevin Hart, Legacy Arena at BJCC
April 26, Marylyn Manson, Iron City
May 2, Slipnot, Oak Mountain Amphitheatre
May 6, The Pixies, Iron City
May 6, Hozier w/ Low Roar, Alabama Theater
May 8, Ana DiFranco, Iron City
HUNTSVILLE
April 23, Casting Crowns and Josh Wilson, VBC Propst Arena
April 24, Rodney Carrington, VBC Propst Arena
April 24, Christopher Titus, UAH Chan Auditorium (See Ad Pg. 2)
April 25, Indigo Girls, Big Spring Park
April 25, Elvis Tribute Artists Shawn Klush & Cody Slaughter, VBC Concert Hall
April 26, Chicago, VBC Propst Arena
April 26, Bill Burr: The Billy Bible Belt Tour, VBC Concert Hall
April 30, Anthony Hamilton & Friends, VBC Propst Arena
May 2, Kansas, Whistle Stop
May 7, Jay Leno, VBC Propst Arena
May 8, Black Jacket Symphony: Bruce Springsteen’s Born to Run, VBC Concert Hall
May 17, Gladys Knight, VBC Concert Hall
MEMPHIS
April 28 – 29, Celtic Woman, The Orpheum Theatre
April 30, Bob Dylan & his Band, The Orpheum Theatre
May 1 – 3, Beale Street Music Festival, Tom Lee Park
May 16, Beck, Mud Island Amphitheatre
NASHVILLE
April 24, Walk the Moon w/ the Griswolds, Cannery Ballroom
April 27 – 28, Ryan Adams, Ryman Auditorium
April 29, Death Cab for Cutie, Ryman Auditorium
May 1, Zac Brown Band, Bridgestone Arena
May 6, Milky Chance, Cannery Ballroom
May 6, Lord Huron, Ryman Auditorium
May 9, The Doobie Brothers, Carl Black Chevy Woods Amphitheatre
May 11, Tame Impala, Ryman Auditorium
May 13, Pat Benatar and Neil Giraldo, Ryman Auditorium
May 17, Jeff Beck, Ryman Auditorium
May 17, Paramore, Grand Ole Opry
Gentle Yoga will be at the Huntsville-Madison Library
from 11:30 - 12:45pm. www.hmcpl.org.
Harmony Park Animal Safari will have self-guided
tours daily 10am until sundown. 877-726-4625. 431
Clouds Cove Rd. $8
Stein and Dine will be at the US Space & Rocket
Center Biergarten every Thursday from 4:30 - 7:30pm.
www.rocketcenter.com.
TUSCALOOSA
April 23, NEEDTOBREATHE, Tuscaloosa Amphitheatre
April 30, Boston with special guests Kansas, Tuscaloosa Amphitheatre
May 10, John Fogerty, Tuscaloosa Amphitheatre
April 23 – 24
There will be a Senior Lunch Matinee Show with Billy
Joe Royal at Yesterday’s Event Center in Athens. $25
includes lunch, show and meet and greet with Billy Joe
Royal. info@yesterdaysevents.com.
CALENDAR OF EVENTS
Thursday, April 23
The exhibit, Dinosaurs Alive! will be at the Imagination
Place Children’s Museum now through August 3. $8.
www.culruralarts.com, 256-543-2787.
The Money Smart For Small Business / Jane K.
Lowe Financial Literacy Program will be at 8am at the
Women’s Business Center of North Alabama every
Thursday through May 7th. www.wbcna.org
Voices of Our Time with Interior Designer Charlotte
Moss will be at the Huntsville Museum of Art.
www.hsvmuseum.org, 256-535-4350.
The US Space & Rocket Center will have the exhibit
The Robot Zoo now through September 13.
www.rocketcenter.com.
Mountain Valley Arts Council presents Crain Court
Youth Center Exhibit “Seeing through a child’s eyes”
now through April 30th. 256-571-7199.
The Huntsville Museum of Art will have the exhibits,
Dori DeCamillis now through June 14th, John James
Audubon: Quadrupeds of North America now through
June 27th and Rembrandt, Rubens, Gainsborough & The
Golden Age of Painting in Europe now through April
26th. www.hsvmuseum.org.
April is Jazz Appreciation Month (JAM) and the
Tennessee Valley Jazz Association and partners will
present several school programs and other related
projects in conjunction with JAM.
The Time Travel Adventure Exhibit will be at the
Burritt Museum through September 20th and the
exhibit: From Cotton to the Cosmos, A Huntsville
Retrospective will be on display through September 6th.
www.burrittonthemountain.com.
The Alabama Master Gardener Volunteer program
will meet every Thursday now through April 30th at the
Tennessee Valley Research and Extension Center.
www.mginfo.org.
HealthWorks Farmers Market will be from 7:30 - 12pm
at Plaza Resource Center at Huntsville Hospital.
The Huntsville/Madison County Public Safety Agencies
present Senior Crime Prevention Academy from 1 4pm every Thursday through May 28th. Free.
256-859-3919.
THE VALLEY PLANET
The Shirts-n-Skirts square dance club will have
dancing on the 1st & 3rd Thursdays of the month at the
Dance Factory on Freeman Ave. then on the 2nd & 4th
Thursdays at the Athens Recreation Center on Hwy 31.
256-423-4141, www.shirts-n-skirts.com.
The Huntsville Botanical Gardens will have the exhibit
Nature Connects Lego Bricks through July 26.
www.hsvbg.org, 256-830-4447.
Thursday Night Swing will be at the Flying Monkey
Theatre from 6:30 – 10pm (every Thursday.)
www.flyingmonkeyarts.org, www.huntsvilleswing.com.
Duos and Solos Square Dance Club will be offering
lessons to couples and singles every Thursday at 6:30pm
at the Tom Bevill Enrichment Center in Rainsville, AL.
www.duosandsolos.com.
#042315051315
There will be a Fish Fry benefitting the Alabama
Veterans from 10am - 1pm at the Alabama Veterans
Museum. $12 at the door.
The Paranormal Study Center will host: Jim Smith “The
Bigfoot Experience” at the Hilton Garden Inn at
6:30pm. $10. www.ParapsychologyStudyGroup.com.
Great Books Discussion: Civil Disobedience will be from
11:30 - 12:30pm at the Huntsville-Madison Library.
Free. www.hmcpl.org.
April 24 – 26
Fantasy Playhouse presents The Twelve Dancing
Princesses at the VBC Playhouse. $15.
www.letthemagicbegin.org.
Grissom Dessert Theatre presents Hard Candy and 13
Ways to Screw Up Your College Interview at 7pm.
www.grissomtheatre.org.
Lee Lyric Theatre presents Peter Pan Broadway’s
Timeless Musical at Lee Mainstage Theater. $15
adults, $10 students/seniors/military. 256-348-5820.
April 23 – 25
Bank Street Players presents The Miracle Worker at the
Princess Theatre on Thursday and Friday at 7pm and
Saturday at 2pm and 7pm. $12. www.bankstreetplayers.
org, 256-318-2365.
The Panoply Arts Festival will be this weekend in Big
Spring Park featuring art, music and more!
www.artshuntsville.org/panoply-arts-festival.
The Bob Jones Drama Department will be performing,
“In the HEIGHTS.” $12. www.showtix4u.com.
April 23 – 26
The Whole Backstage Theatre in Guntersville presents
As the Crow Flies, a drama filled with comedy set in
Alabama. $10. www.wholebackstage.com.
Friday, April 24
A Watercolor Class with Yuri Ozaki will be from 5:30
- 7:30pm in Studio 307 of Lowe Mill. $30. Also offered
every Friday through May 15. www.lowemill.net.
Robert Lewis presents: The Vagina Monologues at the
Renaissance Theatre at 7pm. 256 655-1553,
www.renaissancetheatre.net.
April 24 – 25
The Lion King presented by the Children’s Theatre of
Madison will be from 6 - 7pm. $5 children, $10 adults.
256 325-1314
April 24 – July 26
The Huntsville Botanical Gardens will have the exhibit
Connects: Art with Lego Bricks in the Garden.
www.hsvbg.org.
Comedian Christopher Titus will be at UAH Chan
Auditorium beginning at 8pm for his show Born with
a Defect. (See Ad Pg.2)
Saturday, April 25
The Artist Market will be every Saturday from 12 – 4pm
at the Flying Monkey. Free.
www.flyingmonkeyarts.org.
Date Night: Screen Printing will be form 6 - 8pm at the
Green Pea Press Studio of Lowe Mill. $65 per couple.
www.lowemill.net.
The 2015 Spring Bling Pageant will be at the
Huntsville-Madison Library from 2 - 4:30pm. $5.
www.the-alcd.webs.com.
The Alabama A & M University Black Tie Gala will be at
the Von Braun Center North Hall.
www.huntsvilleurbannetwork.com.
The Bessie K. Russell Branch of the Huntsville-Madison
County Public Library will hold a Yard Sale Fundraiser
from 7am - 1pm. 256-859-9050, www.hmcpl.org.
Comedian: Rodney Carrington will be at the VBC
Concert Hall. 256-533-1953.
Paint Along: Spring Robin Class will be in ChromAddict
Studio 2025 of Lowe Mill from 3 - 5:30pm. $35. Carrie
Alderfer, 256-683-5554, www.lowemill.net.
There will be a Kids Painting Party: Robots, from 6 7:30pm at the ChromAddict Studio 2025 of Lowe Mill.
$30. 256-683-5554, www.lowemill.net.
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 6
events cont. on pg. 15
13
FREE WILL
ASTROLOGY
April 23 - May 13
© Copyright 2015 Rob Brezsny
ARIES (March 21-April 19): If you’re stumped
about what present to give someone for a special
occasion, you might buy him or her a gift card.
It’s a piece of plastic that can be used as cash to
buy stuff at a store. The problem is, a lot of people neglect to redeem their gift cards. They leave
them in drawers and forget about them. Financial
experts say there are currently billions of dollars
going to waste on unredeemed gift cards. This is
your metaphor of the moment, Aries. Are there
any resources you’re not using? Any advantages
you’re not capitalizing on? Any assets you’re ignoring? If so, fix the problem.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): I usually have no
objection to your devoted concern (I won’t use
the phrase “manic obsession”) with security and
comfort. But there are rare phases in every Taurus’s life cycle when ironclad stability becomes
a liability. Cruising along in a smooth groove
threatens to devolve into clunking along in a gutless rut. Now is such a phase. As of this moment,
it is healthy for you to seek out splashes of unpredictability. Wisdom is most likely to grow from
uncertainty. Joy will emerge from an eagerness to
treasure the unknown.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): There may be a
flood-like event that will wash away worn-out
stuff you don’t need any more. There might be an
earthquake-type phenomenon that only you can
feel, and it might demolish one of your rotten obstacles. There could be a lucky accident that will
knock you off the wrong course (which you might
have thought was the right course). All in all, I
suspect it will be a very successful phase for benevolent forces beyond your control. How much
skill do you have in the holy art of surrender?
14
CANCER (June 21-July 22): What is your biggest excuse? Or rather, what is your THICKEST,
SICKEST, MOST DEBILITATING EXCUSE?
We all have one: a reason we tell ourselves about
why it’s difficult to live up to our potential; a presumed barrier that we regard as so deeply rooted
that we will never be able to break its spell on
us. Maybe it’s a traumatic memory. Maybe it’s a
physical imperfection or a chronic fear. In accordance with the current astrological omens, Cancerian, you’d be wise to do an audit and reassessment of your own LAMEST EXCUSE. I suspect
you now have insight about it that you’ve never
had before. I also think you have more power than
usual to at least partially dismantle it.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): If you were a supporting
character in a popular TV drama, the producers
would be cooking up a spin-off show with you in
a starring role. If you were in an indie rock band,
you’d be ready to move from performing at 300seat venues to clubs with an audience capacity of
2,000. If you have always been just an average
egocentric romantic like the rest of us, you might
be on the verge of becoming a legend in your own
mind -- in which case it would be time to start
selling T-shirts, mugs, and calendars with your
image on them. And even if you are none of the
above, Leo, I suspect you’re ready to rise to the
next level.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Free at last! Free at
last! Thanks to the Lord of the Universe or the
Flying Spaghetti Monster or a burst of crazy good
luck, you are free at last! You are free from the
burden that made you say things you didn’t mean!
You are free from the seductive temptation to rent,
lease, or even sell your soul! Best of all, you are
free from the mean little voice in your head -- you
know, the superstitious perfectionist that whispers
weird advice based on fearful delusions! So now
what will you do, my dear? You have escaped
from the cramped, constricted conditions. Maybe
you can escape to wide-open spaces that will unleash the hidden powers of your imagination.
#042315051315
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “To me, there is no
greater act of courage than being the one who
kisses first,” says Libra actress and activist Janeane Garofalo. I can think of other ways to measure bravery, but for your immediate future, her
definition will serve just fine. Your ultimate test
will be to freely give your tenderness and compassion and empathy -- without any preconditions
or expectations. For the sake of your own integrity and mental health, be steadfast in your intention to always strike the first blow for peace, love,
and understanding.
the first part of the 20th century, his work often
provoked controversy. When a few of his paintings appeared at a major exhibition in Chicago,
for example, local art students were shocked by
what they called its freakishness. They held a
mock trial, convicted Matisse of artistic crimes,
and burned his painting Blue Nude in effigy. I
don’t expect that you will face reactions quite as
extreme as that in the coming weeks, Capricorn.
But it will make sense to express yourself with
such forceful creativity and originality that you
risk inciting strong responses.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): It will soon be that
time when you are halfway between your last
birthday and your next birthday. I invite you to
make this a special occasion. Maybe you can call
it your anti-birthday or unbirthday. How to celebrate? Here are some ideas: 1. Imagine who you
would be if you were the opposite of yourself. 2.
Write a list of all the qualities you don’t possess
and the things you don’t need and the life you
don’t want to live. 3. Try to see the world through
the eyes of people who are unlike you. 4. Extend a
warm welcome to the shadowy, unripe, marginal
parts of your psyche that you have a hard time accepting, let alone loving. 5. Any other ways you
can think of to celebrate your anti-birthday?
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Leonardo da Vinci
had skills in many fields, ranging from botany to
engineering to cartography, but he is best known
as a painter. And yet in his 67 years on the planet,
he finished fewer than 40 paintings. He worked
at a very gradual pace. The Mona Lisa took him
14 years! That’s the kind of deliberate approach
I’d like to see you experiment with in the coming
weeks, Aquarius. Just for a while, see what it’s
like to turn down your levels of speed and intensity. Have you heard of the Slow Food Movement?
Have you read Carl Honoré’s book In Praise of
Slowness? Do you know about Slow Travel, Slow
Media, and Slow Fashion?
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): As I climb the
first hill along my regular hike, both sides of the
path are dominated by a plant with glossy, threelobed leaves. They’re so exuberant and cheerful,
I’m tempted to caress them, even rub my face in
their bright greenery. But I refrain, because they
are poison oak. One touch would cause my skin
to break out in an inflamed rash that would last
for days. I encourage you, too, to forgo contact
with any influence in your own sphere that is
metaphorically equivalent to the alluring leaves
of the poison oak.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Today the
French Capricorn painter Henri Matisse (18691954) is regarded as a foremost pioneer of modern art. Some critics say his innovative influence
on painting nearly matched Picasso’s. But during
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 6
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Modern movies
don’t scrimp on the use of the f-bomb. Actors
in The Wolf of Wall Street spat it out 569 times.
The word-that-rhymes-with-cluck was heard 326
times in End of Watch, while Brooklyn’s Finest
racked up 270 and This Is the End erupted with
an even 200. But this colorful word hasn’t always
been so prominent a feature. Before 1967, no actor had ever uttered it on-screen. That year, Marianne Faithfull let it fly in the film I’ll Never Forget What’s’isname. In the coming weeks, Pisces,
I invite you to break a taboo that’s maybe not as
monumental as Faithfull’s quantum leap, but still
fabulously fun and energizing. Be a liberator! End
the repression! Release the blocked vitality!
Homework: Find out what you’ve been hiding
from yourself -- but be kind about it. Testify at
FreeWillAstrology.com.
THE VALLEY PLANET
events cont. from pg. 13
There will be Free Walking Tours in historic Huntsville
at 10am beginning at Alabama Constitution Village.
256-533-5723.
The Madison City Farmers Market will be from 8am noon at 1008 Hughes Road in Madison. It will be every
Saturday through October. 256-656-7841.
The Madison Spring Walking Tour will be at 10am
departing from the Madison Depot. Free.
256-533-5723.
A New Leash on Life will have dogs and cats available
for adoption every Saturday from 12 – 4pm at Pet Smart
on Carl T. Jones. www.anewleash.org.
There will be a Planetarium Show every Saturday night
at 7:30pm at the Planetarium. www.vbas.org.
Picking and Grinning will be every Saturday from 6 –
9pm at the New Hope Senior Center on Church Street.
256- 723-2208.
Digital Painting will be every Saturday in April from
10am - 12pm in Studio 318 of Lowe Mill. This is an
ongoing course that requires a monthly subscription of
$49. Brian Curnel at 256-652-6180.
There will be a Concert: Elvis Tribute Artists for the
Vets at 7pm at the VBC Concert Hall. 256-533-1953.
The Alzheimer’s Association Praise in Purple 2nd Annual
Prayer Breakfast will be at Springhill Suites Hotel at
8:30pm. 800-272-3900, mcain@alz.org.
Alpha Kappa Alpha Rho Chi Omega Center 25th Angel
Pageant will be at Eagles Nest Ministries, 6831 Hollow
Road at 5pm. 404-290-9661
There will be an Orphan Car Show at the HuntsvilleMadison Senior Center from 10am - 3pm. Free.
256-880-7080.
There will be a Historical Walking Tour in downtown
Athens at 10am. www.athensplus.com.
The Athens-Limestone Home Builders Association
Bass Tournament will be at Ingall’s Harbor in Decatur.
It will begin at safe light until 3pm.
www.athensalabamahomebuilders.com.
The Athens-Limestone County Tourism Association’s
Outdoor EXPO 2015 and Earth Day will be at Big
Spring Memorial Park, Market and Beaty Streets in
Athens, AL. www.keepathenslimestonebeautiful.com
A Walk to Cure Diabetes will be from 2:15 - 4:15pm at
Dynetics Campus, Cummings Research.
Fredricks Outdoors (1312 South Bethel Road, Decatur)
Spring Concert with 38 Special will from 4:30 - 11pm.
www.fredricksoutdoor.com.
The 10th Anniversary Wine & Dine for ALS will be at
the Jackson Center from 6 -10pm. $125 per person.
www.alsa.org.
The North Alabama Kidney Walk will be from 8:30 11pm at Westminster Christian Academy. Free.
http://alkidney.org.
April 25 – 26
The 19th Annual National Cornbread Festival will be
in South Pittsburg, TN. www.nationalcornbread.com.
There will be an Adult Painting Class hosted by the
Madison Library from 2 - 4pm. $3. 256-461-0046,
www.hmcpl.org.
Local author Scott Phillips will discuss his new book
“Remove Before Flight: Memoir of a Space Shuttle Team
Member” from 6 - 8pm at the Huntsville-Madison
Library. 256-532-2362. www.hmcpl.org.
Tuesday, April 28
Zumba Fitness will be every Tuesday from 5 – 6pm in
the Athens State University Sandridge Student Center.
Fee. 256- 749-5485.
Nicks Ristorante will have Trivia every Tuesday night
from 6 - 8pm. www.nicksristorante.com.
Game Night will be every Tuesday from 6 - 9:30pm at
Straight to Ale Brewery. www.straighttoale.com.
Jazz ‘N’ Swing Tuesday will be at Envy Entertainment
& Restaurant form 7 - 9pm every Tuesday in April. Doors
open at 6pm. Free. 256-424-5725
The Huntsville Gem and Mineral Society Auction will
be at the Huntsville Senior Center Ball Room from 6 8:30pm. Free.
madisoncountyal.gov/services/otherag/SnrCtr.shtml.
National Super Hero Day Open Play will be at Pump It
Up from 10am - 12pm. http://pumpitupparty.com.
Wednesday, April 29
Every Wednesday there will be a Bike Ride at 5:30pm
starting at Bicycles Etc. www.bicyclesetc.us.
The Huntsville Polish-American Culture Club will
meet Wednesdays from 7 - 9pm at the Good Shepherd
Church. 256-653-4450, carlwoida@knology.net.
There will be a Drawing Class for Kids from 4 - 5pm in
the ChromAddict Studio of Lowe Mill. $60.
www.lowemill.net.
West Coast Swing presented by Rocket Westies will be
at Flying Monkey Arts Theater every Tuesday at 7pm.
$10. www.lowemill.net.
The April Beer Hop will be at Salty Nut, Brew Stooges
and Old Town Beer Exchange all in one night from 5
- 9pm. $25. homegrownhuntsville.com.
April 30 – May 2
Lee Lyric Theatre presents Peter Pan Broadway’s
Timeless Musical at Lee Mainstage Theater. $15
adults, $10 students/seniors/military. 256-348-5820.
Maggie Meyer’s will have Comedy Open Mic Night
hosted by Matthew Tate every Monday at 8pm.
www.maggiemeyersirishpub.com.
Live Trivia will be every Monday at Straight to Ale
Brewery. www.straighttoale.com.
THE VALLEY PLANET
Color Specialist, Hair Stylist
*20% First Visit with Lesley
Thursday, April 30
The Neo Soul Tour with Anthony Hamilton also
featuring Chrisette Michele, Raheem DeVaughn, and
Avery Sunshine will be at the VBC Concert Hall at
7:30pm. www.huntsvilleurbannetwork.com.
The HAM Radio Club meets every Sunday from 2 - 4pm
at First Baptist Church (Governor’s Drive) in the Library.
www.fbchsv.org.
Your Yoga with Casey Beginner’s class will be in studio
# 258 at Lowe Mill. Fee. It will be every Monday and
Wednesday in April and May from 6 - 7pm. casey@
youryogahuntsville.com. www.lowemill.net.
Lesley Williams
April 29 - May 2
Fair Trade Productions presents The Play: New Country
will be at the Wilson Theatre at the UAH Campus at
7:30pm. www.uah.edu, 256-824-6871.
Meet the Author: Scott Phillips at the HuntsvilleMadison Library from 6 - 8pm. Free. www.hmcpl.org.
Monday, April 27
There will be a Monday Night Women’s Ride (every
Monday) at 5:30pm. Meet at the MSSP Biker’s Parking
Lot. 256-585-0905.
Master Hair Design Color Specialist
Beginners Melt and Pour Soap Class will be from 10am
- 12pm in the T-n-T Treasures Studio 266 of the Flying
Monkey Arts. Also offered on May 7th. 412-378-6896
Comedian Bill Burr will be at the VBC Concert Hall at
8pm. 256-533-1953
Mendelssohn’s ELIJAH will be at First Baptist Church
in Huntsville at 6:30pm. Free. http://fbchsv.org,
Melissa Steelman
The Butterfly in Colored Pencil Class will be from 6 8pm in ChromAddict Studio of Lowe Mill. $112.
www.lowemill.net.
Madison City Farmers Market will be from 8am 12pm at 1088 Hughes Road in Madison. It will be every
Saturday now through October. Free.
The Confederate Memorial Day Commemoration
will be on the Limestone County Courthouse Lawn at
2pm. www.athensplus.com.
Master Esthetician
Licensed Barber
The Singles & Doubles Square Dance Club will meet
each Wednesday night at Berachah Gym located at
3011 Sparkman Drive from 6 – 8:45pm. 256-881-5720.
Sunday, April 26
Explore Wade Mountain’s Forests Hike will be at 2pm
at 9500 Spraigns Hollow Road. Free.
www.landtrustnal.org.
There will be a Kids Art Class from 1 - 2pm in Denise
Onwere’s Studio 314 of Lowe Mill. $75. Every Sunday
through May 17th. www.lowemill.net.
Kellye McCormick, Owner
Comedy Open Mic Night will be every Wednesday at
Copper Top in Huntsville. 256 -536-1150.
Friday, May 1
Alright Bayou Comedy is a standup comedy show
every 1st, 3rd, and 5th Friday at 8pm at Tim’s Cajun
Kitchen. $5.
Jim Parker’s Songwriters Series will be at the VBC
Playhouse at 6:30pm. Reserved seating is $20.
www.JimParkerMusic.com.
First Fridays Book Club will be from 6 - 8pm the first
Friday of every month in Jennifer Pinkley’s Studio 131 of
Lowe Mill. www.lowemill.net.
Trevor Thomas Drama Ministries will have a live
concert at Smartt Assembly of God at 7pm.
http://www.trevorthomasdramaministries.com.
May 1 – 2
The WhistleStop Festival & Rocket City BBQ CookOff will be at the Huntsville Depot. There will be live
entertainment, children’s play zone, and professional
and amateur BBQ competition.
http://thewhistlestopfestival.com.
Slaughter Rd, Madison, AL. 10am - 6pm. 256- 430-0505,
www.freecomicbookday.com.
There will be a Closing Receptions for Gallery Shows 26pm at Lowe Mill. Free. 1st Main Gallery – Amita Bhakta
– ‘Circle of Love’, 3rd – Paper Workers Local, North Chris Taylor – ‘Hinchada’, Ramp – Susan Shoemaker –
‘Preservation’, 1st West- Aynslee Moon – ‘Evocation’, 1st
East- Carolyn Wass – ‘New Works’. www.lowemill.net.
There will be a Family Campout in the Garden & Lego
Movie at the Huntsville Botanical Gardens from 5pmSaturday at 8am. www.hsvbg.org.
There will be a Kids Painting Party: Flowers for Mom
from 6 - 7:30pm in the ChromAddict Studio 2025 of
Lowe Mill. $25. It will also be offered on May 8th. 256683-5554, www.lowemill.net.
The Huntsville Master Chorale will have a concert
“Gratitude” at the Covenant Presbyterian Church at
7pm. Free. www.covhsv.org.
Saturday, May 2
The Holy-One Golf Tournament sponsored by the
Church of Epiphany will be at Gunter’s Landing Golf
Course in Guntersville. Registration 10:30pm and Tee
off at 1pm. 256-302-1003.
The Huntsville Museum of Art will have the exhibits,
Celebrating Our Own: Huntsville Women Artist
through May 3, 2015, and the Huntsville Photographic
Society: 2015 Members’ Showcase through
September 20, 2015. www.hsvmuseum.org.
The Recycled Art Show Reception will be from 6 - 8pm
in the First Floor Connector of the Lowe Mill from 6 8pm. Free. www.lowemill.net.
Hooping with Chrisha will be from 1-3:30pm in the
Flying Monkey Theatre, $15
Can’t Afford Cable Presents: Clockwork Comedy will
be at 8pm at Prototype Multimedia in Lowe Mill. $10.
www.lowemill.net.
The Huntsville Botanical Gardens will have a Family
Campout & Lego Movie in the Garden at 5pm.
www.hsvbg.org, 256-830-4447.
Haven Comics, along with comic shops across the
country, will be celebrating Free Comic Book Day.
Haven Comics is located at Heritage Plaza, 1871
There will be a Kids Painting Party: Anime, from 6 7:30pm at the ChromAddict Studio 2025 of Lowe Mill.
$25. 256-683-5554, www.lowemill.net.
#042315051315
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 6
events cont. on pg. 17
15
Rocket City Sounds: Nick Dittmeier &
The Sawdusters
by Anne Wood
J
ustin Tidwell, a Huntsville native and
longtime music enthusiast, had a dream to
bring more talent to his
hometown - and through his
agency, Rocket City Sounds,
Tidwell is doing just that.
Tidwell and company have
been working tirelessly to
build Huntsville’s music
scene and for Nick Dittmeier
and The Sawdust’s upcoming
show specifically, Tidwell
has enlisted help from Keeton Hilton at Perpetual
Ghost Media. Huntsville is an ideal spot to do this
for several reasons, one simply being geography.
 
“Huntsville is a great place for touring bands
because it’s so centrally located,” Hilton points
out. “There are so many places to and from Huntsville the bands can go. It’s very much a crossroads
of the southeast.”
“Bands are literally driving through Huntsville to
the next venue,” Tidwell agrees. “It makes sense
logistically and financially to make a pit stop in
Huntsville to showcase your music and hopefully
gain fans you may have never had.”
Nick Dittmeier and The Sawdusters, a band that
lists John Prine and The Band as primary influences, is just one of the acts who belong to Tidwell’s
agency. The band and the agency seem to be taking off right alongside one another as they both
enjoy growth and increasing successes. 
Dittmeier released the band’s second record
“Light of Day” in the Spring and has been hitting the road to promote it. He and his band have
shared the stage with acts like Hayes Carll, Justin
Earle, and Whitey Morgan. The band was also
nominated for “Americana Group of the Year” at
this year’s Louisville Music Awards.
 “The rise of Justin [Tidwell] has been congruent with what he’s done for Nick Dittmeier & the
Sawdusters,” Hilton says, “whose tour ends in
Justin’s hometown and things come full circle.”
As both band and agency continue to grow,
Tidwell wants to see Huntsville continue to grow
as well. He discussed with us the importance of
putting Huntsville on the map, not just as a hub
for good music, but as a thriving and diverse community that attracts tourists. “We have a growing population of the younger generation that
want different things than the older Huntsville
residents,” he points out. “We need to be more re-
Why Would a
Sheriff Sponsor A
Rodeo?
Three Decades of Quality Competition & Entertainment
S
o just imagine. You have been elected to
your first term of office as Sheriff. You have
few patrol cars, and the least mileage on the
best of the fleet, exceeds 260,000 miles. You are
taking office in the middle of the fiscal year, the
budget is already expended, and though sympathetic, your Commissioners cannot increase your
appropriations until the following year.
That was how Mike Blakely began his duties as
Sheriff of Limestone County 32 years ago. Soon
after, a rodeo producer contacted Sheriff Blakely
to try to locate a sponsor for a community rodeo.
Since that time, the Limestone Sheriff’s Rodeo
has purchased 34 fully equipped patrol vehicles
at no cost to the taxpayers.
Funds also support training for all department
employees, helicopter expenses, and equipment
for special response team activities. The success
16
ceptive to growth, change, trying new things.”
He challenges us all to get
out of our comfort zones and
chase our goals and dreams
by saying: “We get caught up
on being comfortable; Huntsville needs to take a chance
and make it their goal to provide different options to the
residents. Hell, I quit a six
year, full-time, guaranteed
salary, full benefits job to take
this ‘chance’ and started Rocket City Sounds to
assist in making this dream a reality.”
It seems that chance is definitely paying off! Nick
Dittmeier and The Sawdusters can be seen as tangible proof of that. In addition to booking shows
for Dittmeier and his band, Tidwell also works on
the logistics of touring.
“Basically, Nick (or any artist/band who I work
with) will send me an email with potential touring dates and suggested target areas,” Tidwell explains of the process. “I then start routing the tour
in a way that makes sense (i.e. - driving distance,
and a route that makes sense logistically).”
The relationship between Tidwell and Dittmeier
is especially effortless because Tidwell believes
that they possess similar and complementary
skills and traits. Where one might lack, the other
excels. “Nick is a mastermind at media and promotion,” Tidwell says of Dittmeier. “So with
those skills and my network and skill for booking,
it’s kind of the perfect combination to make this
operation run smoothly.”
Dittmeier, who describes his music as “always
being filed under the Americana category,” is excited to bring his band and his sound to the Rocket City and Tidwell is eager to keep helping him,
and other acts, continue to do that.
To check out the product of a lot of hard work,
and to support Huntsville’s growing music scene,
head out to Humphrey’s on April 25th at 9 p.m. to
watch Nick Dittmeier and The Sawdusters wrap
up their southeastern tour...for now!
For more information on Nick Dittmeier and The
Sawdusters, check them out at: www.facebook.
com/nickdittmeiermusic, www.nickdittmeier.com,
www.twiiter.com/nickdittmeier. More information
about Rocket City Sounds can be found at www.
facebook.com/rocketcitysounds.
of the annual rodeo has also resulted in the purchase of the arena grounds and all its facilities.
The public now utilizes the facilities for various
civic functions all year.
In addition, it provides a positive economic impact for the entire community. “When competitors
from all over the country come to Athens, they eat
in restaurants, buy gas, shop in local stores, purchase feed and necessities for their animals, stay
in local motels, and in general, spend money in
North Alabama,” said Sheriff Blakely.
W
e must live in a state of balance. For
many of us, to do so is not easy.
Poet William Blake says ,”Tyger, tyger burning
bright in the forest of the night . . .
Did He who made the lamb make thee?”
How is it possible that our whole lives we have
been both lamb and tiger; egg and stone; runt puppy of joy and the one that hangs her head in the
corner; the seeing and the blind; the well-meaning
teachers and the ones full of punishments; a goodhearted friend and one poisoned by jealousy--and
all at the same time?
We are all walking contradictions even though
many of us choose to see only one side of ourselves, or to interpret events in one way or the
other. But life is not “either-or.” To recognize
and bless all of our human selves--the fierce as
well as the gentle and all manner of “creatures”
in between--is to find balance, as well as give us
a three-dimensional quality, which I call “authenticity” and “integrity.”
Not speaking in a literal manner, I have found
that “angels” can be “demons”; and whomever or
whatever I have perceived as “demons” can ultimately be “angels.”
Most often, those I have called “enemies” have
been my greatest teachers, in the way that pain
often teaches more than pleasure. Likewise, perceived “angels” have entered my life and wrought
the havoc of “demons.” Both our angels and our
demons are necessary for spiritual, emotional,
and psychological growth. According to Blake,
“Without contraries, there is no progression.”
Despite our illusions of “difference,” ALL is
ONE.
I am not saying we should invite “the bad” or
“the harmful” into our lives. We don’t need to.
Both the good and the bad exist within us already.
To deny either is to become thin and flat, and to
topple over.
The only thing in my life that has felt simple, minus duality: Driving down a highway, the wind
blowing through my hair; Fred, my beagle, as my
co-pilot in the front; Little-Little on guard duty in
the back window; Sharkey, my granddaughter pit
bull-lab, in the backseat as a stately and lady-like
passenger--and we are off, down that highway
with no agenda--just some adventure, anywhere.
I cannot resist the feeling of peace and contentment. I am not divided. My companions are not
divided, their heads out the window or sniffing
the air, their eyes shut in the glorious sensual in-
Weighing the cost and the promise between these
opposing forces is never easy--not when we are attuned to balance. The added factors: our purpose
in living, our limited time on Earth, our promises
and commitments to others and to ourselves.
However, I do believe we deserve to live in the
moment. I could ride the ponies on the carousel
near St. Etienne or go to the market where flowers and scarves of different colors rain down from
Heaven, and birds squawk their yellow canary
songs. Or, I can complete the necessary tasks of
my life that will sustain me at home, as I grow
older.
These opposing forces are always at work, and,
for once or twice, instead of compromise--somewhere smack-dab in the middle of “either-or,” I
would like to take the tethers of the St. Etienne
ponies and gallop into the sunset of my life. And
go out of this life with carousel notes in my ears,
and not always a weighing and balancing of joy
and duty.
Duty and obligation have sustained me my whole
life and helped me sustain others. If this is not my
time to “burn in the night” with the tiger, when
will it happen? I wonder when the Esmeralda
Hotel will write my name in its hotel register, and
when I can listen to the organs at Notre Dame on
Sunday morning, booming their voices, like those
of true angels up and down the river of my heart,
the green and winding Seine, which never thinks,
but simply flows on its way.
in
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“This will be a fun filled event packed with family
entertainment and fierce competition in all of the
rodeo events and Queen Pageant. On May 15 and
16th, from pony rides for the kids, to professional
bull riders, to our very own Miss Limestone Rodeo Kalynn Clinard, it promises to be entertaining,” added Blakely.
#042315051315
Recently, I decided “to hell with what is sensible,”
and looked up room rates in Paris and flight costs
for August. I would have to sell my antique quilts
and my Mose Tollivers, and use any credit on my
bruised charge cards. The sensible and the desire
to live passionately in this moment are warring.
What will I choose? A week in the paradise of the
city that makes me know I am truly living? Or,
having enough money to put up a new gutter for
my house and tear down that ugly fence to build
a new one?
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Fix fo 5
“We are proud to host the largest outdoor rodeo
east of the Mississippi. And we are very grateful to have been selected by the Southeast Tourism Society as one of the “Top Twenty Tourism
Events” in the southeast for the third time. In
addition, we were selected as the “Event of the
Year” by the Alabama Mountain Lakes Tourist
Association and were presented their prestigious
PEAK Award.”
take of life. May I drive like this often and put
the contradictions to sleep and awaken them only
when they are absolutely needed to survive or to
keep me who I am in the vast range of feelings
and thoughts of who I am, and to allow me the
choice to be the lamb or the tiger, or all manner
of beings in between. And, at the same time, I
must always be conscious of the fact that I am
responsible for the choices I make and will certainly know the consequences.
Everyner
w
Dog 3O5810
in ifies!
Qual
No e
Incotmions !
ic
Restr
35810
Free
Rabies Shot
with surgery
256-830-8459
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 6
THE VALLEY PLANET
There will be a Contra Dance in the gym of Faith
Presbyterian Church from 7:30 - 10:30pm. There will
be live music by Wolves a Howlin’ and calling by Jane
Ewing. 256-837-0656. www.secontra.com/NACDS.html.
The Butterfly House Season Opening Celebration
will be from 9am - 6pm at the Huntsville Botanical
Gardens. www.hsvbg.org, 256-830-4447.
May 8 – 9
Free the Hops hosts the 4th Annual Rocket City
Brewfest at the Huntsville Depot & Roundhouse.
Friday 6 pm – 11pm and Saturday from 3 – 8pm. Tickets
start at $38.
http://www.rocketcitybrewfest.com. (See ad pg.9)
The Symphony Classical Series #6 On a High Note will
be at the VBC Concert Hall at 7:30pm. www.hso.org.
May 8 – 10
The Omnia Collecta Music Festival 2K15 will be at
621 Hollytree, AL. It is $30 for the entire weekend. 200
Acres of camping, live music, and Bonfires each night.
www.facebook/omnia collecta.
The Five Points of Life will have a Community
Blood Centers Marathon at 9am at Milton Frank
Stadium. Free.
Theatre Huntsville presents Leading Ladies at the VBC
Playhouse Friday and Saturday at 7:30pm and Sunday
at 2pm. www.yourseatiswaiting.org.
The Alabama Hammers vs. Richmond Indoor Football
Game will be at 7pm at the
VBC Propst Arena. 256-551-2222.
Saturday, May 9
The Good Day Children’s Festival will be from 12
- 4pm, $7 Admission per Carload, Located on the East
Dock of Lowe Mill. www.lowemill.net.
Hands - on Trucks will be at Sci-Quest Hands-On
Science Center from 10am - 2pm. www.sciquest.org.
Gardening for the Birds will be at the HuntsvilleMadison Library from 10:30am - 12pm. Free.
www.hmcpl.org.
May 2 – 3
The 3rd Annual Festival of Alabama Artisans Expo will
be at the Union Train Shed in downtown Montgomery,
AL. http://www.southernmakers.com.
There will be a Mother/Daughter Tea Party from 1
– 3pm and 4 - 6pm at Fantasy Arts Center.
www.letthemagicbegin.org.
Sunday, May 3
The Ballet: Soul Street Dance Company and Discover
Dance Showcase will be at the VBC Concert Hall at
2pm. 256- 539-0961.
Madison’s Bradford Creek Greenway Walk will be at
2pm and will meet at Heritage Elementary. Free.
Monday, May 4
The Heritage Ringers of Huntsville will present
its annual spring concert at 7pm at Trinity United
Methodist Church.www.trinityhsv.org.
Tuesday, May 5
Tuesday Evening Concerts @ The Library presents the
Gaelic/Irish band SlipJig at 6pm in the Atrium of the
Huntsville-Madison Library. Free. www.hmcpl.org.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), 701
Andrew Jackson Way, will have a Family Support
Group Meeting every 1st Tuesday at 7pm.
https://www.nami.org.
There will be a Cinco De Mayo Celebration & Silent
Disco in the Washington St. Alley behind Humphrey’s
Bar and Grill from 5 - 10pm. Free.
www.downtownhuntsville.org
The Good Night Grown Folk’s Festival will be from 6
- 10pm on the East Dock of Lowe Mill. Free.
www.lowemill.net.
The ARTery turns 1 Celebration will be from 6 - 9pm.
There will be free food and drinks, music by Josh Allison
and great deals on everything in the store. The ARTERY
is located at 816 Wellman Avenue. www.thearteryhsv.
com. (See ad pg.2)
Looking for Wild Columbo on Wade Mountain will
be at 2pm at the Land Trust’s Wade Mountain Nature
Preserve. Free. www.landtrustnal.org
The National Barrel Horse Association Exhibition will
be at 10am at the Agribition Center, 4592 Moores Mill
Road. Free. 256-859-5896.
The Huntsville Bead Society will meet the 2nd
Saturday of the month at the Crestwood Women’s
Center on 185 Chateau Drive at 10am. Facebookhuntsville bead society.
The Poker Run will begin at 10am at Chips and Salsa,
10300 Bailey Cove Road, Huntsville. All proceeds to
benefit Veterans of North Alabama Services Assistance
Program a 501C (3). All vehicles welcome. 256-5080042, 256-714-9293.
Sunday, May 10
There will be a Mother’s Day Hike on Whitaker
Preserve at 1pm. Meet at 5972 East Hwy 72 in Gurley to
caravan. Free. 256-534-5263.
There will be a Mother’s Day Buffet at the Holiday Inn
at Research Park. Adults are $25.95, seniors, $22.95 and
children 5 - 12 $9.95. Reservations for parties of 6 or
more. 256-820-0600. (See ad pg.2)
There will be a Senior Fun Fest at Sharon Johnston
Park from 10am - 1pm. 256-880-7080.
Wednesday, May 13
Dine and Dash will be every 2nd Wednesday through
October. Dine on hors d’oeuvres, sip on cocktails & dash
to the next location. The tour meets at the Clinton
Street Parking Garage at 5:15pm, and lasts about 2 1/2
hours.256-850-3231, http://homegrownhuntsville.com.
The Shen Yun Show will be at the VBC Concert Hall at
7:30pm. Prices start at $50.
www.shenyunperformingarts.org/huntsville.
The Business of Art will be from 12:30 - 1:30pm in the
Classroom Studio 2008 of Lowe Mill.
www.lowemill.net.
Wednesday, May 6
The Mountain Valley Arts Council will have the May
exhibit Traditional and “out of the box” artists from
The Arts Factory, as well as the community. There will be
a reception on May 14th at 5:30pm.
www.mountainvalleyartscouncil.com.
Thursday, May 14
The Tennessee Valley Civil War Round Table “John Bell
Hood: The Rise, Fall, and Resurrection of a Confederate
General” will be at 6:30pm at the Elks Lodge. Free.
256-278-5533.
May 6 – 9
The Play: New Country will be at the Wilson Theatre at
the UAH Campus at 7:30pm. www.uah.edu.
Thursday, May 7
The Book Club will meet from 6 - 8pm in Jennifer
Pinkley’s Studio 131 of Lowe Mill. Free.
www.lowemill.net.
The Green Street Market will be every Thursday in
downtown Huntsville. Free.
Thursday Night Bike Rides will be from 4 - 8pm
meeting at the Green Street Market Downtown. It will
be every Thursday through October. Free.
The 27th annual Huntsville Classic Concert w/ Jay
Leno will be at the VBC Propst Arena from 8:30 11:30pm.
Friday, May 8
The City Lights and Stars Concert Series at Burritt on
the Mountain will start tonight. $15 at the gate.
www.burrittonthemountain.com.
There will be several Art Receptions 6 - 8pm in the
Third Floor West Gallery. Free. www.lowemill.net.
There will be a Date Night: Screen Printing 6 - 8pm in
the Green Pea Press Studio 122 of Lowe Mill. $65 per
couple admission. www.lowemill.net.
The Alabama Hammers vs. Trenton Indoor Football
Game will be at 7pm at the
VBC Propst Arena. 256-551-2222.
NAMI Huntsville will be hosting a screening of Signe
Baumane’s independent animated film Rocks in my
Pockets at the Flying Monkey at 8pm.
https://www.nami.org.
THE VALLEY PLANET
May 14 – 16
Theatre Huntsville presents the play Leading Ladies at
the VBC Playhouse on Thursday and Friday at 7:30pm
and 2pm and 7:30pm on Saturday. $18.
www.yourseatiswaiting.org.
Friday, May 15
There will be a Kids Painting Party: Outer space, from 6
- 7:30pm at the ChromAddict Studio 2025 of Lowe Mill.
$25. 256-683-5554, www.lowemill.net.
The 3rd Friday Fashion Show will be at Casa Grande
Park, 218 2nd Avenue in Decatur. Free.
alabamafashionaalliance@gmail.com, 256-345-6528.
There will be a Food Truck Rally/ Street Food Gathering
from 6 - 9pm on Church Street in downtown Huntsville.
Free. Live Music by Denim Jawbones.
May 15 - 16
Limestone Shefiff’s Rodeo will be at 8pm, doors open
at 6pm in Athens. (See ad pg.2)
May 15 - 17
Blue Moon Weekend will be in the UAH Student
Center. There will be Contra Dances and live music by
The Mean Lids and calling by Seth Tepfer. 256-837-0656.
http://www.secontra.com/NACDS.html.
Saturday, May 16
Can’t Afford Cable Presents: Clockwork Comedy at
8pm at Prototype Multimedia in Lowe Mill. $10.
www.lowemill.net.
Southern Roots Spring Jam will be at the Furniture
Factory and includes five touring bands and a Crawfish
Boil! It will be from 11am to 1am. (See ad pg.11)
Bike Fest will be at Big Spring Park from 11am - 3pm. Free.
#042315051315
the end!!
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 6
17
The Valley Planet Music Exchange is FREE to any individual (not businesses) looking to
buy, sell, trade or find bandmates. You get a headline and 3 lines of text for FREE!
Please call (256) 533-4613 or
email your ads to classifieds@valleyplanet.com.
Professional musician seeking to rent space for live music
rehearsal, price and terms negotiable. References available
upon request. Chris 256-541-9118
Looking for a music comedy side kick. I change words in
songs but, I need a guitar player or Keys. call Fred
256-653-3503
Multi-inst’ist/vocalist seeks guitarist/harmonicist/singer
named Danny, 65, from Madison. Call/text Joe at
256-617-1395.
15” Hartke Transporter Bass Guitar Cabinet for Sale.
Comes with Eminence Alpha A-15 speaker inside. Large
enough to play with a loud band but light enough for
convenient transport. $150 256 431-5130
Guitarist/Keyboardist/Singer seeks another guitarist
and/or keyboardist, as well as a bassist who’s quick on the
uptake. Ideally, should sing (well). Have drummer. For
multiple different projects: Wedding/corporate gig band
(covers, ‘60s-‘10s); jazz/blues/fusion; originals in ALL styles.
Call/text Joe at 256-617-1395.
Speaker For Sale, Used 50 inch tall, 25 inch wide and 16
inch deep. Black with wheels. $110. 256 606-5152, Decatur.
Charvel Model One, made in Japan Mid 80’s. One
Humbucker, one volume knob, Rock Maple neck, Glossy Red
finish, Spring fulcrum Trem, Charvel Hardshell Case,Simple,
Classy, Hard to find in Very good Condition, Serious Only
$325 call Mark 256-722-9250
Leslie model 900 speaker w/Combo preamp. Very good
condition-320 watts, 2 piece Leslie. JBL loaded. Will blister
the paint on the wall.. $2000. Call Mike @ 256-347-2950 and
please leave contact info.
The Single Guy: Communi-Date
by Aaron Hurd
S
On-line and off my game!
o, in my goal of putting myself out there more I actually did something that I hate doing and that
is on-line dating. I know it is 2015 and I need to face the music and realize “everyone is doing it.”
I have just never been a fan… call me old fashion.
The first girl who emailed me was someone that I had met previously when I first moved here and went
on-line to get to know folks. She asked me what ever happened to me and why I jumped off the face
of the earth. It was odd and as if time stood still because I moved on and she was still on the same dating site and had apparently not found anyone on there in all this time. Please keep in mind, this is the
same girl that when we met up wanted to know exactly how long it took me to get home and to make
sure I texted her when I got there, Needless to say, that was a one date, never look back, and lock the
doors night.
Second girl who exchanged emails with me was an older woman at age 47. I never discriminate on age
and she was a pretty attractive “cougar” so I thought, “Why not?” She seemed normal, she was cool
enough, had some issues (not afraid to admit them), but hey, who doesn’t right? She was not my type
and I probably was not hers. We had good conversation and made the most of it when she out of the
blue said to me “You just want to get laid don’t you?” I joked with her, “Is it that obvious?” but was not
going to volunteer myself – again, she was not my type in person.
Now the third and you know I have to save the best for last. She was absolutely insane and I never
even had one date with her. Yet I still managed to bring out the crazy psycho in her before I even shook
her hand - probably a blessing in disguise. To be honest, I am not really sure what happened, but I’ll
explain and you can tell me if I did something wrong or if I dodged a crazy bullet. We emailed back
and forth a few times. I had to really convince her to give me her number, which was like pulling teeth.
I love a challenge so that actually intrigued me. Before I got it she emailed me, “I’m sorry I thought I
was ready but I am not ready to date right now.” I wrote back and said, “look, you are looking at this
on-line thing all wrong - think of it as a night out with some guys who can end up being great friends,
or maybe more, but have a fun night regardless!” She thanked me for the advice and finally gave me
her number! I hit her up, enjoyed her replies, and had great conversation. Then she asked what I am
looking for. I wrote back, “YOU, I mean I already had to work hard for your number…sheesh!” She
wrote back “Cute answer care to elaborate?” I then said, “A girl who can take a cute selfie that is not
afraid to show a little tongue.” Now keep in mind she had a damn selfie sticking out her tongue! I was
flirting based on her profile picture. She texted back, “Oh really? Anything else?” I was getting tired
of this high school game so I replied, “You are seriously fishing for real. Lol.” Then, she went off and
said I am like all the other 800 guys and being sexual!? What? How was I being sexual? It just went
downhill from there and pretty much was the end of that one. I was left in shock and confusion. I still
have no clue, but thank goodness I dodged a bullet on that one.
There you go, so far not so good when it comes to the on-line dating thing. I am still not a fan at all. I
used to think on-line dating makes you more insecure. However, this time around I feel more normal
and sane compared to everyone else on there. Maybe I just attract crazy on-line, but man I am glad I
am single if this is how it is out there in the dating/relationship world. It’s crazy, but at the same time,
it is disheartening that I can’t seem to find a normal good looking female to connect with. I can’t help
but wonder maybe it is me.
I just hope that I stay true to me. All I can be is me!. I may delete my profile, I may keep it up for a little
longer, but one thing for sure is - I am not holding my breath… I’d be dead in no time if I do.
What’s your on-line dating experience? Any Advice? Am I doing something wrong? Email me at aaronthesingleguy@gmail.com
18
#042315051315
Send in your random encounters today. It’s
FREE!!
We are putting all the categories together since it
seems like there are always more jeers than anything else!! But just to give you an idea of what
the To Yuno from Yunohoos are about… I Saw
you: but you didn’t catch my name, You saw me
or you think you were seen: Cheers: Pay your respect to those who deserve it and of course Jeers:
Frustrated? Tell us all about it. Thankfully, we
don’t know who you are!
To send in your FREE ad
1. Keep your word limit to 40 words. No names,
just initials if you want.
2. Meet the deadline.
3. Get it to us: Put “To Yuno from Yunohoo” in the
subject line of the email and send to classifieds@
valleyplanet.com.
A.B. if you’re reading this, then just like us,
it’s meant to be. I love you angel. 11/01/13
D.B.
I found out what AOL really stands for: Ain’t On
Line – they have the suckiest tech support ever.
Very disgruntled guy
Cousin Kathy, You were too young to fall dead at
38, and too hard headed to listen when the doctor
told you that you were digging your grave with a
fork and spoon. R
DT – Showing me DM 40 years later was very
mean, and very funny I might add; talk about
someone going from wet dream to nightmare. If
they ever make a Tasmanian Devil movie… YUNOHOO
How in the hell does Wal-Mart get away with
treating their employees so badly? The so called
management is just a bunch of rednecks given
power to treat people like crap. EEOC is aware!!!
Very pissed employee
Okay, VP – When are you going to spill who Marley’s idiot human is? It’s impossible to make a
rebuttal to what a cat says, especially if you aren’t
very smart to start. We hate that anthropomorphic
cat. Ex-listener of Yunohoo.
Baby, can we make a permanent date every
Wednesday night? You and me laughing, a couple
beers, Humphrey’s live music and $6.00 steak
dinner was the BEST! I want to do it over and
over! Yunohoooooo
L – Got the roommate blues? I feel your pain.
Long ago, I had a houseguest that took without
asking, too. It sucks and so do they. Learned my
lesson. UMW
JN – I know you are nuts over that girl, but you
may as well go ahead and do her best friend.
That’s as close as you are going to get. The BDB
Anyone who has ever wanted to fly a plane,
you’ve got to go to the Executive Airport in Meridianville for their intro lesson for only 59 bucks.
It is an absolutely awesome experience and worth
every cent! Future pilot!
Marley from the Darkside
Fear and Loathing
I
was somewhere near the edge of the sofa, near
the outskirts of the kitchen, when the drugs
began to take hold. I remember saying something like meow, before the design on the kitchen
floor began to swirl and screech to life in such a
way, it can only be described as liquid color. I was
surveying my current cat food inventory, noticing I had two can of tuna n shrimp, seventy- five
pieces of turkey flavored cat treats, five slices of
recently stolen American cheese, a container, half
filled with ham, a whole galaxy of cookies, chips,
human type snacks, plus a quart of chocolate, a
quart of whole milk, a case of doughnuts, and a
pint of ice cream, plus two dozen beef treats. Not
that I needed all this, but once you get locked into
a serious cat food collection, the tendency is to eat
as much as you can.
Now, this all started a few hours ago, while lounging around in my bedroom, (My human thinks
it’s his). I decided to eat this little square piece
of paper with a picture of an octopus on it that
I had found on the nightstand. Soon, I would
understand my human’s current behavior, as he
had been laughing uncontrollably for the last two
hours at absolutely nothing. I too found myself
amused at nothing at all, about half an hour after
eating this new found treat. By this time my human was babbling some nonsense to the recently
turned on television, and I found myself to be
uncomfortable and unable to explain myself, as I
ran through the house certain, that terrible things
were happening all around us, only to discover
my human missing upon re- entry to the living
room. Suddenly, my panic turned to relief, the
moment I heard my human declare, “Pancakes”
loudly, and apparently to no one for no reason,
as pancakes never entered the picture again. He
then came into my space, going on and on about
nothing. I myself remained silent and tried to go
on with my daily feline responsibilities.
I watched and waited as my human warmed up
the seat of my favorite chair, then took it over.
I waited for him to try and read, prompting me
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 6
to go over and sit directly in the middle of the
offending periodical. All of this while dealing
with the still swooping, and screeching colors
of everything around us. This was when I heard
something, that couldn’t possibly be true. Indiana
and Arkansas have adopted a Religious Freedom
Restoration Act, a new and legal way to discriminate against people. Way to go Mike Pence, you
sir are the d-bag of the day. It’s no wonder I hate
most of you humans. How about if the people
that own businesses just sell their wares, and not
worry about their customers personal lives. How
hard is this for you people to understand? S***
like this is just beyond me, how is it, that humans
are in control?
That whole scene, straightened me right out, and
I decided to get some sleep.
Getting some sleep, proved to be quite difficult,
as my human had consumed quite a few of those
octopus pictures, and had no concept of peace and
quiet at the moment. I found this crazy b******
eating tacos in the bathtub. This guy needs help, I
thought, so I went into the bathroom to see what
I could do. I stretched out my still colorful paw,
and slapped the f****** taco out of his hand, and
now that I had saved the taco from a watery grave,
I decided to reward myself and indulge in a little
Mexican cuisine, with a little luck his bath time
had been ruined forever. One thing is certain, you
humans have almost completely killed the beautiful mindset that began in the 60’s, a dream that
all men and women were created equal, and one
day we could all work together in harmony, I suppose the right to refuse service is more important
though. So with a head full of acid and my lungs
filled with smoke, I realize equality is all just a
joke, a joke to the people that we put in charge, in
charge making this a better place in time, unfortunately you humans keep electing the slime. Forgive me now people I’ve slipped back in time, and
realize again I am speaking in rhyme. So my humans still laughing and my minds stuck on zoom.
It’s Fear and Loathing in my Living Room.
W.W.H.D.? ..........Meow
THE VALLEY PLANET
Art Teacher’s Gift
Be
a Good Neighbor The
by John Davis
by John Davis
L
ike madmen wielding whips and scythes,
the tornado phalanx of April, 2014 howled
and slashed right and left, mowing down
everything in its way. A trail of brick piles and
dust, twigs once trees, and ground up building
materials littered miles around. I saw a cow in
a tree. Gone Clement high school, gone Coxey
Community, and gone Hickory Barn Bar-B-Que.
Hickory Barn Bar-B-Que was once our favorite
Highway 72 stop on our way to Florence. Located
a little past Athens, it was a welcome retreat for
hungry Alabamians, or tourists lucky enough to
try it. Six simple picnic tables then filled a tiny
building. Every square inch of its wall space was
covered with Americana: stuffed fish, license
plates, ‘witty sayings’ and photos of country singers who’d dropped by and marveled that the little
place was so good. And then, with the tornado, it
was gone. Bill Davis, the owner (no relative), was
devastated. Yet, with true American self-reliance,
he dug his cook trailer out from under the rubble,
and began immediately to cook up hundreds of
pounds of his award winning barbecue for the
homeless, the emergency responders, and helpers.
He didn’t charge anything. He didn’t ask a dime
from those feverishly rebuilding torn and shaken
out lives, homes, and businesses.
For six months Bill had no income and no building. But it’s not fair to say he had no hope. He
fell back on where he started, taking his award
winning barbecue on the road, winning hearts
through winning over taste buds. I should have
added his building was stacked full of mounted
awards. I liked the Jack Daniels’ contests he won.
Each time he got a huge oak cask lid signed by
the chief distiller!
Bill got no help from acronym government,
which declared his business too small to assist.
But Bill’s customers had faith in him. The Coxey
Community, the Limestone County Sheriff’s department, small businesses across North Alabama
such as Nixon Cabinets, Fredrick’s Equipment,
JG Variety Store to name a few, and many, many
private fellow Americans, joined forces and got
THE VALLEY PLANET
M
y friend was chosen to be the Inspector
in Ten Little Indians, our high school’s
senior play. What an incredible job he
did, too. In the ‘Snake Pit’, our gymnasium which
doubled as a cramped theater, our guests were
treated to an unforgettable rendition of Agatha
Christie’s story of murder and mystery. And you
know, from such modest beginnings the ‘Inspector’ went on to become an announcer for one of
our major league baseball teams. But this anecdote is about his teacher, whose real name was
Smith, Tom Smith. Mr. Smith saw something in
him that no one else did. He saw he had the stage
presence, the calm, thoughtful voice, and the
charm to become something much more. He gave
him his chance, and the success of this particular
play was a springboard which gave my friend one
of the boosts he needed to succeed as a famous
sportscaster.
My wife and I stopped by the Huntsville Museum
of Art last weekend. Among the permanent display
with its whimsical metal animals, and a current
exhibit which includes Rembrandt and Rubens,
was a remarkable collection of artwork by local
students as part of Youth Art Month. Through a
process which chose exceptional paintings, drawings, and ceramics by young students from all
over town, you see much that tells a story.
Included were pictures by Heather Hatcher, 11th
grade, of Hazel Green, who drew a remarkable
pencil sketch of a Ford Mustang I know people
would like to own! Sierra Jones, a 10the grader
from Bob Jones did a charcoal which reveals a
sad girl you want to console. Sophia Bradscome,
who remarkably is a 3rd grader from Randolph,
created an oriental multimedia piece. Steve Allen,
from Sparkman, made an abstract which could
have been from the 1920’s Art Deco period. I
mention only a few in this absolutely worthwhile
exhibit which included a thoughtfully colored
chameleon on a black rock, cleverly depicted animals, distinct people, and a host of other themes.
The real story is in the teachers, who are listed on
the note which gives the artist, title, and medium
used for each piece. These teachers saw some-
Hickory Barn into a bigger place, still on Highway 72. A giant Music Festival in Bill’s honor
was held at Milky Way Farms in Giles County,
Tennessee. They saw this as a fair way to pay
back his selfless catering over the years before the
weather disaster, and his caring about everyone
who came needing good food in the aftermath of
the tornados.
There’s a welcoming dining room, where booths
sit under the saved Americana from the old store.
Fans of Huntsville’s now closed Thomas barbecue will recognize many of its seats and wood
work, now used in a large room where a bandstand offers live music! And Bill still caters parties, church functions, receptions, retirements and
other community activities. He has another room
for just that!
Hosts like Amber Parker will make you feel at
home in Bill’s place, where he now employs a
dozen people. This is what it means to be industrious in America. Try it out on12250 Highway
72, just past Athens. This is an American success
story. Be a part of it.
#042315051315
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 6
thing in their kids, and encouraged them to follow
up on a natural talent. Not like those teachers who
take the easy way out and offer the false counsel,
“Do what you want, be free!” They have formed
these budding talents. Rather than let the artists
flounder, they have evidently honed their appreciation of light, shadow, color and depth. Where
one step was lacking, you can imagine the hidden
hand of the caring instructor guiding the learner.
This is a true talent, a true gift. It is a gift not just
of the teacher who knows it takes time to expand
the student’s skills, but mostly for the young artist. The teachers’ guidance is a true gift given
to each of them. They have someone who cares
about them, their talent, and what they’ll be able
to offer our world someday. These teachers find a
bud, and draw out a rose.
Billie’s Passion   
O
nly….your…primal spirit
Catches the breath of her bluesy spell
Lifting the load of convention
Easing the benumbed blindness
Of counting cash….from regular customers
Billie’s blues exonerates the genuine  
Refutes the bitter lies
Born for her grinding refrain
Stifling the soul…….in solitary cubicles
Lips abandon their ego
Imitating her gravely tones
Subtle off beat sultry riffs
Forged by cracked notes  
From genes that lived an artful flesh life
Modernity grasps the mic
Wistfully imitating her rhythms  
Between its quivering knees….
As if her essence
Could be inherited
Blues……retreating from moneyed commerce
Investment plans, the estate sale
That bequeaths it all….to strangers.
For a breath of her pathos
From the Black bottom ….of East Baltimore
As if nothing…..is more innate
Than her blues….  
A. -Hameed El-Amin  © 4/23/05
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VOLUME 13 ISSUE 6
THE VALLEY PLANET

208 - Valley Planet

Transcription

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