Devastation in Asia Seniors Commit to Prestigious NCAA Programs

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Ringing in the
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2005 Basketball
Homecoming Court
BCS Debate
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Devastation in Asia
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Seniors Commit to Prestigious
NCAA Programs
lated parts of the affected region. Thousands of European
On December 26, 2004, a and American tourists vacaBY CHARLES ASKEW
massive undersea earthquake tioning in India, Sri Lanka, and
near the Indonesian province of Thailand are still missing. Many
At MUS, students can get
Aceh triggered tsunamis in the of the survivors are at great risk
Indian Ocean. This magnitude of contracting cholera and involved outside of the class9.0 earthquake was the larg- o t h e r
est in 40 years and the fifth larg- waterest earthquake ever recorded. b o r n e
While the earthquake itself did d i s not cause much damage, the e a s e s .
tsunamis it spawned caused A d d i widespread destruction across tionally,
much of Southeast Asia; in par- o v e r
ticular, Indonesia, Sri Lanka, five miland India were hit badly. The l i o n
effects of the tsunami were ex- people
Photo Courtesy of AP
acerbated by the fact that, un- h a v e
Sri Lanka suffered the worst effects of
the Tsunami
like with the Pacific Rim na- l o s t
tions, no early warning system t h e i r
exists for Southeast Asia. The homes and property beacuse room. From civic service and
sports to various government
verified death toll so far is over of the tsunami.
Almost immediately after clubs and theater, a student is
160,000 (Indonesia: 105,000;
Sri Lanka: 31,000; India: the disaster, countries across open to a wide range of op15,000; Thailand: 6,000), but the world pledged large sums portunities to pursue his talents
that number may rise as aid of money for immediate relief and passions and excel in those
workers reach the most isoCONTINUED ON PAGE 3 areas. This year’s stellar senior
class in particular is celebratMEMPHIS UNIVERSITY SCHOOL
NON-PROFIT
ing four athletes who have al6191 PARK AVENUE
ORGANIZATION
ready signed with colleges: JD
MEMPHIS, TN 38119-5399
U.S. POSTAGE
PAID
Lawhorn to play football at
MEMPHIS, TN
Ole Miss, Dan Gibson to play
PERMIT #631
lacrosse at Notre Dame, Bo
Ladyman to play tennis at
Furman, and Alex Guyton to
play tennis at Dartmouth.
If you walked through
MUS and met these guys for
ADDRESS CORRECTION REQUESTED
BY PARTH SHETH
N
the first time, you wouldn’t au- Virginia, Alabama, Kentucky,
tomatically think: “Whoa, these and Southern Miss showed inguys play sports.” They don’t terest, JD said, “I always knew
strut around in Varsity Blues it was Ole Miss. I would have
fashion, sporting their letter gone there either way, rejackets and showing off their cruited or not.”
bulk. They’re all just normal,
Dan hasn’t been too shabby
nice humble guys who are fun at lacrosse, either. As only a
to be around. They all have junior, he was a first-team Allreason to strut, however. JD State and All-American selechas broken nearly every single tion, finishing with 52 goals and
career receiving record in 35 assists on MUS’s way to a
MUS history, including receiv- State Championship berth. I
ing yards (2189), receptions personally witnessed the semi(149), and reception touch- final game of the state and, even
downs (21), not to mention his though I know virtually nothintegral role on the way to this ing about lacrosse, I knew who
past year’s State Champion- the best player on the field was.
ship run. When asked about his Dan, asked about his signing
decision to go to Ole Miss, JD with the Irish, said, “It’s always
said, “It’s great. Why wouldn’t
CONTINUED ON PAGE 3
I go play for the team I have
loved for
eighteen
years? It’s
the chance
of a lifetime,
and I’m
honored to
have that
chance.”
Although
o t h e r
coaches
f r o m
Dan Gibson shares his signing with Mr.
schools like
Haguewood
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Editors-in-Chief
Clint Cowan
Andrew Manugian
Associate Editors
Ben Bleustein
Parth Sheth
Technical/Layout
Editor
Roger Chu
Michael Fong
Cartoonist
Zach Glover
News Editors
Alex Chinn
Charles Askew
Sports Editors
John Taylor
Josh Evensky
Viewpoints Editors
Warner Russell
Amusements Editors
David Minervini
Columnists
Marshall Bartlett
John Daniel
Preston Dennis
John Hammons
Walter Klyce
Aaron Struminger
Fraud and Scandal in Ukraine Election
BY NOAH FEDER
Yuschenko were elected. Finally, on December 3, the
Ukrainian Supreme Court
Thirteen years after gaining
ruled that the earlier run-off
independence, Ukraine almost
was invalid, and a new eleclost it again. The first round of
tion was scheduled for DecemUkraine’s presidential elections
ber 26th.
was too close to call, resulting
The intrigue did not end
in a run-off vote between
there, however. A few days
Viktor Yanukovych and Viktor
later, doctors determined that
Yuschenko. On November 22,
Yuschenko had been poisoned
2004, Mr. Yanukovych was
with a near-lethal dose of the
declared the winner, but oppochemical dioxin, leaving his
sition leader
face scarred and his health
and Westin jeopardy. The poisoning
ern-leaning
could not be attributed to
Yuschenko
anyone in particular, but it is
refused to
widely suspected that
yield. The
Yanukovych’s party was restreets of
sponsible. Despite his
Kiev soon
health, Yuschenko managed
filled with
to gain enough strength to
protesters
accuse his opponent of furwaving flags
ther election fraud, and
of orange,
Photo Courtesy of AP
the color of
Viktor Yuschenko underwent a shocking Yanukovych accused
transformation during the 2004 election Yuschenko of the very
Yuschenko’s
same. On December 26th,
opposition
party. Over the next few controlled eastern parts of the the third round of the election
weeks, scandal gripped the country and the more West- went as smoothly as possible.
ernized (and more affluent) Over 14000 independent obnation.
In the days immediately af- half of the country have been servers from the United Nater the election, allegations of prevalent since the fall of the tions determined that the last
vote fixing flew. The Russian- USSR. Some eastern states election was definitely fairer,
leaning Yanukovych was even threatened secession if and the day afterwards Viktor
Neely Mallory
Mike Montesi
Worth Morgan
Hank Wynn
Faculty Advisor
Mr. N. Thompson
Yuschenko was declared the
winner. However, the issues in
Ukraine are not over.
Yanukovych still refuses to
concede defeat as of January
10, 2005. While he did resign
his current position as Prime
Minister, he continues to lobby
the Supreme Court for an investigation into election fraud,
which he claims was widespread even in the December
election, but even he admits his
chances are not good.
Yuschenko cannot take office
until these lobbies are completed. While Yuschenko does
represent the more Westernized part of Ukraine, his election spells trouble for the Bush
administration. The presidentelect plans to remove his
country’s troops from Iraq as
soon as possible, meaning that
America’s coalition has lost yet
another member.
Overall, democracy triumphed in Ukraine in 2004.
While Russia and other nations
move away from the democratic process, at least one formerly communist nation has
committed itself to democracy
for the 21st century.
An Activity Not to Be Mocked
BY DAVID MINERVINI
Photographers
openly supported by Russian
Prime Minister and ex-KGB
official Vladimir Putin, and the
US backed Yuschenko’s
claims of fraud. Even while the
two candidates pledged a
peaceful solution, rioters and
protesters supporting both
sides caused chaos in Kiev and
Donetsk. The public displays
were no surprise. Tensions between formerly the communist-
Along with the kickoff of
the new year and semester, a
new mock trial season has also
been thrown into the mix of
winter activities. MUS student
attorneys and witnesses are
once again back in the courtroom defending, prosecuting,
objecting, and testifying to the
best of their abilities. This year,
the state of Tennessee has written a creative case to be used
in competition. This case in-
volves a country music star,
Kerry Edward, who is accused
of bludgeoning his former manager to death with a trophy.
Although the murder charge on
Mr. Edward may be serious,
this case is certainly not slanted
to either side’s advantage when
you factor in the possibilities of
blackmail, forgery, intoxication,
and revenge that are interwoven throughout the case.
As in years past, the mock
trial program has been divided
into two teams, a red team and
a blue team. These teams practice hard each week with and
against each other to improve
their courtroom skills and
knowledge. Local attorneys
are brought in weekly to guide
and instruct team members on
rules, material, and courtroom
presence. This year, seniors
Alex Chinn and Aaron
Markowitz are serving as captains as they also share their experience with younger members of the team. Also attending practices and providing in-
sights is the mock trial faculty
advisor, Ms. Crosby. All of
these people will play major
parts in practices and interteam trials up until mid-February, when our teams will begin
head-to-head competition with
other schools in the regional
tournament. By that time, it’s
safe to say that with all the behind-the-scenes help, the MUS
mock trial teams will be fully
prepared to outperform many
challengers.
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TSUNAMI
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as well as long term rebuilding.
Notable contributors include
Germany, pledging 500 million
euros ($674 million); Japan,
pledging $500 million; the
United States, pledging $350
million; Great Britain, pledging
$96 million and China, pledging $63 million. Also, several
world leaders have made visits to the affected nations. UN
Secretary General Kofi Annan,
after seeing some of the destruction in Sri Lanka, said “I
have never seen such destruction, mile after mile. You wonder, where are the people?”
US Secretary of State Colin
Powell said while in the hardest-hit province of Aceh, “I
cannot begin to imagine the
horror that went through the
families and all of the people
who heard this noise coming
and then had their lives snuffed
out by this wave... I have never
seen anything like it in my experience.”
When the tsunami hit, I was
in the southern Indian state of
Kerala with my family. Luckily, we were about 10 kilometers inland from the western
coast, which is away from the
Bay of Bengal, where the
earthquake occurred. However, there was still widespread
destruction, even on the western coast, hundreds of kilometers away from the hardest hit
states of Tamil Nadu and
Andrah Pradesh. Driving
through damaged costal regions the next day and seeing
the thousands of people
crowded around a hospital,
looking for missing loved ones,
was one of the most sombering
experiences of my life. We felt
a combination of relief for escaping unharmed, disbelief at
the scope of the disaster, and
sorrow for the loss of life.
SIGNINGS
FROM PAGE 1
still have time to pursue undergraduate medical interests.
Alex commented “I’ve always
wanted to continue the Guyton
family tradition of practicing
medicine. I was thrilled when
been a dream of mine. All of
my cousins and relatives went
there and I always grew up
rooting for the Irish on the football field. It was the place for
me from the beginning.”
As seen
from the past
decade or so,
MUS has a
pretty good
tennis program. It hasn’t
hurt, either,
that the last
couple of
years, we
have had Bo
and Alex playBo signs with Furman as Coach T
ing on our
supervises
side. Three
out of the last four years, they Dartmouth offered.”
were stars on teams that won
All four of these guys destate championships, and for serve all of the attention they’ve
two of the last three years, they been given. Not only are these
teamed up to win the doubles four superb athletes, but
state championships. They they’re also excellent friends
played on the varsity team and true stewards of the
while only eighth graders, a feat school. I know the MUS comhardly ever pulled off at MUS, munity shares my special feelonly by a select few. Furman ings of pride in JD, Dan, Bo,
was the perfect choice for Bo and Alex. Even if they can’t go
because of the good reputation pro, they’ll still have incredible
of the tennis coaching staff and success in whatever they
also because of the academic choose to pursue, an assurance
atmosphere: “I really liked the provided by years of determiatmosphere. It felt like I be- nation in MUS athletics.
longed there.”
Alex, who
was once a
candidate for
the Morehead
Scholarship to
North Carolina-Chapel
Hill, chose
Dartmouth
because he
feels that,
Alex is all smiles as he signs with
even though
Dartmouth
he will be
spending a lot
of time playing tennis, he will
Flippin’ Awesome
Homecoming
BY PARTH SHETH AND
WARNER RUSSELL
Keeping with tradition of
MUS, Thursday is the normal
Homecoming tee shirt day, and
Basketball Homecoming with shirts again provided by
Week 2005 kicked off with Zach Glover, it is certain that
“Memphis Grizzlies/Jersey nobody will be disappointed
Day.” Everyone, from seventh with their look. Friday is always
graders to seniors, wore Griz- fun, as students wear whatever
zlies apparel or jerseys of their they want to. With past outfits
favorite sports teams. Senior including a St. Agnes uniform,
Ben Katz, wearing a free jer- boxers, a bathrobe, and even
sey handed out to one of the togas, I’m sure that the adminfirst fifteen hundred Grizzlies istration will be hoping for
fans under age twelve, said at tame, civil style from the stuthe end of the day, “I can’t dent body.
Everyone should come out
wear it anymore, guys, it’s cutto the game. I have overheard
ting off my circulation.”
Students did their best many statements that this
bouncer impressions for year’s game against Harding
Tuesday’s “Bouncer Day,” Academy will be nothing like
donning tight shirts and blue last year’s disappointing defeat
jeans; seniors Mark Scales and at the hands of ECS. Coming
Matt Sights were easily the off of a thirty-two-point victory
best dressed (Sights even wore over Southaven, Coach Peters
a microphone, for a perfect and the Owls should be fired
up to give
bouncer look)
t h e
Wednesday’s
student’s a
theme
was
homecom“Memphis Music
ing game to
Day.” Keeping
be proud
with this theme,
of.
Sam Sawyer, this
T h e
year’s Commistheme of
sioner of Social
Beale St. Flippers entertain
the dance is
Events, arranged
for the Beale Street Flippers to “Club Atlas”, so it should be
perform for the MUS student interesting to see the students
body in the gym. The Flippers and their lady friends show up
are an acrobatic group that has in their sexy best. The dance is
performed at WNBA and immediately after the game,
NBA games, including last and it is going to have enteryear’s All-Star game. Their tainment provided by one of
show at MUS did not disap- the area’s best D.J.’s.
The Student Council has
point; the four Flippers amazed
the students with their acrobat- again proved that they are caics and dance moves. This pable of giving MUS a Homechapel was a perfect example coming Week that is entertainof the Student Council’s ability ing, fun, and something of which
everyone can be proud.
to entertain.
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BCS: A Necessary Evil
BY JEFFREY WRIGHT
The BCS, or Bowl Championship Series, is the system
we use in college football to
determine the national champion. It is also the number one
reason why most want a playoff system for college football.
But I am going to give the other
side of the argument. No, the
current system isn’t perfect, but
show me one that is. Even if an
eight-team playoff were instituted, the 9th and 10th teams
would argue that they deserve
a chance also. And who is to
say they don’t deserve the
same opportunity given the 7th
and 8th teams? This is the first
year that the system did not do
its job. Every other year, when
controversy has erupted over
who should be in the championship game, the conflict has
always involved teams with at
least one loss. This was the first
year in which three teams from
major conferences have finished undefeated, so the recent
dilemma is a relatively rare occurrence. Last year, USC, who
claimed they deserved to be in
the national championship, lost
to a mediocre California team.
There would have been, of
course, no such complaints had
USC successfully completed its
schedule. This type of griping
is completely unfounded and
not to be taken as the fault of
the BCS.
The current system works
by making every regular season game count. In college basketball, by contrast, a team can
lose literally every game in the
regular season and still make
the Big Dance, thanks to the
conference tournament system.
But if a team in one of the BCS
conferences loses just one
regular season game, it has virtually no shot at playing for the
national title. Instead of having
a postseason playoff, the BCS.
gives a playoff system spanning
the entire season. And, for
those who say the current system doesn’t give the “little”
schools a chance, was anyone
else watching the Fiesta Bowl
between Utah, the undefeated
champion of the Mountain
West, and Pittsburg, one of
about four teams to tie for the
Big East championship? These
complaints are certainly superficial and lack any real consideration of practicality.
In reality, the media determines our national champion.
Look at the two teams who
played in the Orange Bowl,
USC and Oklahoma. Both
those teams’ games were televised nationally almost every
week, and if they weren’t they
were the lead-ins on either
SportsCenter or College
Gameday Final, two programs
that most of the poll voters
watch to determine their votes.
The biggest problem I feel we
have is the preseason poll.
USC started the year number
one, and Oklahoma number
two; both went undefeated in
the regular season and never
relinquished their spots. If the
polls were to come out sometime in October after the
coaches and writers have had
a good chance to see every
team play, the polls would be
more accurate. Had this type
of poll come out last fall,
Oklahoma’s only decent win
would have been Texas. USC
had just narrowly escaped with
wins against a horrible Stanford
team and a Cal team that had
outplayed them at home. If the
polls had come out later, Au-
burn would have had a much
better shot at being one of the
top-two teams because they
had beaten number four LSU
and a Top 15 Tennessee team
on the road. But with the preseason polls, it’s very hard to
vote two undefeated teams
down. The current forecasting
system is a serious impediment
to accurate rankings.
Yes, it is fun to argue about
what life would be like with a
playoff, but the reality is we
have the BCS for at least another five years. Consequently,
all the bickering is useless. No,
the system isn’t perfect, but
there isn’t a perfect system.
Also, remember it’s better than
the Bowl Alliance system of the
years past.
Playoffs Needed to Ensure Fair Play
BY MARK SCALES
The AP should be replaced
by the AAA. Every year the
BCS is an accident waiting
to happen. – Bill Scheft,
Sports Illustrated
Over the course of the last
ten years, the college bowl system has struggled to find a system of alliances that works. In
fact, there have been five different systems in the past ten
years. The current BCS system was established in 1998 in
the hopes of preserving the one
hundred-year-old tradition of
college bowl games; however,
it is has become clearer with
each passing season that it is
failing miserably. Some people
for the BCS system cite the im-
portance of tradition and history involved with the bowl
games. Others claim that each
game of the regular season is
like a playoff game. Still others
claim that there are contractual
obligations with various networks that would make it difficult to replace the current system with a playoff. While the
tradition of bowl games is good
to maintain, the preservation of
these bowls without increased
controversy is becoming impossible. With many programs
fighting for the top spot all season long without playing each
other, it is unreasonable to determine which team is better by
using a computer, so the only
real solution would be a playoff. Since the BCS system be-
gan, there has been a controversy every year. This past
season, the University of Auburn football team found itself
with an undefeated record. Auburn, a very good team in arguably the most competitive
conference in the country, received a computer-calculated
ranking of third, allowing no
bid for a national title. Auburn
was left with no opportunity to
play the top two teams that
were also undefeated. With a
playoff system, these controversies that occur each year
would be eliminated. A simple
eight-team playoff based on
human polls would determine
an undeniable national champion. By being the only the top
eight teams, there would be no
unnecessary extension of the
length of the Division I-A college football season. Even
though implementing a playoff
system that has proved itself in
Division I-AA, II, and III football would be an easy transition, there are many roadblocks that would impede such
a change. First of all, the ruling
factor in the bowl system is
money. The coaches have created an alliance of bowls in order to fund their football programs. Each bowl earns money
for football programs around
the country. Networks also get
in on the action: In 1996, the
Bowl Alliance, BCS’s predecessor, awarded the Rose
Bowl and the other three major bowls to ABC for $500
million. The coaches, football
programs, and schools all receive money from the BCS
system, so they are not ready
to give up a good thing just yet.
For the fan, the BCS system is
an embarrassment to the sports
world. The outcry from college
football fans is becoming
louder, so maybe someday the
fans that are putting up money
year after year, game after
game, will be heard. When that
day comes, the playoff system
will prove itself immediately,
bringing the NCAA Division IA college football national
championship some credibility
and fairness, the way it should
be.
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Christmas Formal Pat Down
WARNER RUSSELL
Once a year, all the sororities of the public and private
schools come together for a
grand event, Christmas Formal. What could be better for
the guys? Girls have to invite
them and pay for dinner; usually the girl’s parents fix an early
morning breakfast, and all we
have to do is show up in a tux.
However, this year was a different story. I pretty much feel
that my wedding night will no
longer be as special because,
for lack of better terms, I was
violated by the security guards
at the Woodland Hills Club in
Cordova.
Now it’s no big secret that
alcohol is typically involved at
this function. It’s disappointing
that kids have to use alcohol
to have fun, but I think that security went too far this year.
When I entered the door, after
standing in the freezing cold for
ten minutes, I waited with my
date. A man then yelled above
the crowd “guys to go to the
line on the right.” I followed the
man’s directions, and I found
myself amidst the company of
several of my classmates. We
made small talk as we progressed to the head of the line,
where we were greeted by
three men. A short, stocky one,
a large muscular one (he had
D-1 athlete written all over
him), and a very well dressed
average one. These men were
there, in short, to frisk us.
I was grabbed by the first
man, turned around, arms
thrown in the air, and then he
proceeded to feel me up. He
ran is hands all around my upper body checked my coat
pocket, pretty standard stuff.
For a moment I laughed when
he was patting my ribs down
because frankly it tickled, but
after he yelled at me to “shutup” I began to realize this
would not be a remotely easy
event to endure. Then he bent
down felt my ankles, calves,
and then headed to my groin.
It was probably the most awkward moment of my life, and I
do mean “awkward” in the
most federal penitentiary sense
of the word.After this search
was completed, I tried my
hardest to locate my glamorous date and head to the dance
floor. As I walked towards the
tables to set my coat down, I
was approached by the well
dressed security guard who
asked me where I was going. I
told him that I was going to go
dance, but he said I had to be
“searched” first. I then told him
that I already had been, but he
just grabbed me and threw me
to the potential USC linebacker. Again, I felt awkward,
but this time it was like Mr. T
in the locker room with you.
The “searching” was again
quite thorough, but if it takes
getting felt-up to get to dance,
then so be it.
I guess the answer I am trying to find is, “how can this
problem of the holiday pat
down be solved for the future?”
This dance can be very fun, but
it is very often ended early for
various reasons. Alcohol is often the cause for this result.
Whether it causes sickness, a
fight, or just a public display of
Five Great Reads
BY JOHN TAYLOR
1) Getting Even - This
book by Woody Allen is absolutely hilarious with its jocular ridicule of such things as
“death, obesity, organized
crime, the invention of the sandwich, …and Latin American
revolutionaries.” Since this
book barely tops 100 pages, it
is a great Saturday alternative
to endless reruns of
SportsCenter.
2) Meditations - Marcus
Aurelius’ greatest work is
simple to read and filled with
thoughts on nearly all imaginable topics. Marcus juggles
with the purpose and motives
of human nature while also providing instruction in the same
book on how to deal with the
bad breath of others. One
classic section refutes any argument or excuse for sleeping
late. Full of simply stated yet
profound observations, this
book is very rewarding.
3) The Sirens of Titan - If
you enjoy a seemingly complex
plot with a setting that stretches
from Mars to Saturn, then you
will be keen on this book by
Kurt Vonnegut. Vonnegut’s
manipulation of the characters
is beautiful, for all the action
occurs for the purpose of delivering a piece of metal the size
of a dog tag to a stranded machine named Salo. The book
will seem unfulfilling until the
last two chapters, when
Vonnegut drops his own thesis
on human nature.
stupidity, alcohol at this holiday
party leads to disaster. This
year, the formal was not broken up early, very few people
were getting sick, and the only
display of violence I saw was
on the bathroom window.
Maybe the security worked,
but I know that most guys
agree that it put us in a very
uncomfortable situation. Since
more than 600 people were
there, it might make sense to
split it into separate dances for
public and private schools; a
split might make it easier to
handle the alcohol problem,
and hopefully it would take less
extreme measures than random men instituting invasive
searches.
El Mezcal
4)
Narcissus
and
Golmund - This novel by
Hermann Hesse is all about
life’s journey. A young boy,
Golmund, leaves a cloister
school to find his calling. Hesse
is a specialist in creating vivid
scenes, and the flow of the
writing is extraordinary considering that it was not originally
written in English. You will get
the most out of this book with
a basic understanding of Carl
Jung’s theories.
5) Sailor Song - One of
Ken Kesey’s last novels, Sailor
Song is simply a rollercoaster.
The protagonist is a renaissance
man by the name of Ike Sallas.
Ike has moved to the fishing
village of Kuinak, Alaska, after stints as a CIA pilot, an ecoterrorist called the “backatcha
bandit,” and an inmate in a
state prison. Kesey is able to
evoke either sympathy or disgust at the flip of the switch as
he pulls you through this book.
When a Hollywood film crew
overruns the little town, Ike is
left to fight for its integrity and
its sense of freedom from corporate American slavery. After 500 pages, the ending may
seem to be a letdown, but its
beauty is in its minimalism.
BY PRESTON BATTLE AND
ANDREW ROBINSON
My associate Andrew
Robinson and I had a glorious
revelation one Sunday during
lunch that we could provide the
hungry student with many a
good meal from a variety of
r e c o m m e n d e d
restaurants. And come on,
who isn’t going to take advice
from two “portly gentlemen,”
besides the cross country
team? Well we decided our
first place had to be somewhere good and rich with
MUS student history, and no
place is better than El Mezcal.
My associate and I, after flashing my Owl’s Hoot press pass,
were swiftly seated in a booth
towards the back. After orderCONTINUED ON PAGE 12
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When Keepin’ It Real Goes Wrong
BY CHRIS LEVY
The following is a semi-true
depiction of the events of Chris
Levy’s New Year’s “Rockin”
Eve. The happenings in this article were done by a professional under professional supervision and should not be
recreated or reenacted in any
way, shape, or form, unless
you are Levy or his pet sidekick Morgan the miniature
Lassie. The episode began
when Morgan and I were violently awakened at 7:00 a.m.
at a friend’s house. Given that
we had snuck into the dwelling
the night before and accidentally fallen asleep, we needed
to leave as soon as possible to
avoid our friend’s vigilant
mother. Unbeknownst to her,
Levy and his 7’ foot tall friend,
Memphis Tigers basketball
player Earl Barron, were planning evasive maneuvers. 10:00
a.m. rolled around and we
were both late: Levy for his
daily job at Oak Hall men’s
clothing store and Earl for his
NBDL Championship game in
Mobile, AL. I was 2 hours late
for work, but that didn’t matter since I knew my own family would not fire me from their
exquisite store, Oak Hall, located at 6150 Poplar Avenue.
After an arduous 45 minutes of work, I decided I would
reward myself with companypurchased tickets to the Liberty Bowl. It was at that time
that it dawned on me to go with
a couple of younger girls. As
we located our seats we noticed a rather large, spastic
woman in front of us. I was
going to ask her to move, but I
thought she might have had a
difficult time relocating, considering she had with her nachos,
soda, and hopefully a baby on
board. Our fascination culminated in our taking live-action
photos of her devouring, in only
one bite, whole plates of
barbeque nachos. The young
girls then decided, being the
only people not scoring in the
Liberty Bowl that day, to leave
with me after the first quarter.
We decided to venture on over
to Starbucks which, ironically,
is located directly across the
way from the fine clothing store
of Oak Hall, which happens to
be having it’s semi-annual sale
right now. At Starbucks we
were frightened to find the hairiest man we had ever seen, but
then we saw his high heels and
realized we were actually looking at the hairiest woman we
had ever seen. I then headed
to my father’s house to pick up
my dog. We then proceeded
to my mother’s for a Rockin
New Year’s Eve Extravaganza.
Guests arrived at 9:00 P.M.
and were easily entertained by
the power hour, Morgan, and
a contest to see who could
make the best joke about
Hammons’ not making the basketball team. Later in the
evening, Jennings claimed that
she hadn’t seen this much action since she found a tall, pasty
man in the form of an MUS
basketball player at Junior
Cotillion. Everyone agreed
and, naturally, chose to continue the fun by paying $5 for a
photo opportunity with Morgan, who is now partially blind
due to the camera flash. We
then tried to put as many
people on the couch as possible for a picture. Patton remarked that she hadn’t seen
this much pile-up since a
memorable evening at Miss
Sayle’s house. It was during
this historical observation that
I realized that Jesse and Ivy
were missing and no one had
seen them for a full twenty minutes. Ironically, there was a 30minute wait for the bathroom.
As the clock neared midnight I realized that I was with-
out a partner. My eyes turned
to Morgan and hers to me.
Levy hadn’t been this excited
since the sneak-in of the night
before. As the New Year rolled
in Shelley thought it would be
cool to set off fireworks inside
the house. She was immediately
escorted from the premises.
Kabbie was also removed from
the party when she attempted
to assassinate Morgan by
cracking her skull with the refrigerator door. Luckily Morgan couldn’t feel the blow, she
being in the middle of the
power hour. Conveniently, everyone left my house just as my
mom showed up. Inconveniently, she did know a New
Year’s celebration was occurring. Morgan and Levy were
both in trouble, but the sacrifice was well worth it as we
woke up in 2005.
“I Resolve”: A Collection of New Year’s Resolutions
Kane Alber - This new year
I resolve to get J.D.’s lazy
bum in the weight room. I
mean, J.D. has breathtaking
curves and muscle definition
in those gorgeous legs of his,
but frankly, his arms need
something more. The sweat
glistening on his bicep just
doesn’t do it for me anymore.
Hunter Swain - In the year
of the rooster, I resolve to
stop spending all of my free
time watching Mork and
Mindy with Neil Newbill.
With my new free schedule I
intend to focus on improving
my grades.
Alex Rainer - In the new year
I’ve decided to stop being
such a goody two-shoes.
Following all the rules all of
the time is great, but I think
it’s time I stop being such a
stickler for discipline. I know
I’m bound for the ivy leagues,
but I think it’s high time that I
stopped being such a square.
Preston Battle - I’ve got to
stop getting involved with
older women. I can’t help
falling for the more “mature”
or “aged” or “saggy” women.
I should stop flirting with the
lunch ladies.
Jordan Crawford - This
year, I resolve to complete all
my French homework (including Mise en Oeuvre) on
time, to be turned in at the beginning of class. I vow to
demonstrate excellent linguistic skills in French, consistent
with my progress report.
William Montgomery - My
resolution is to stop shaving
my legs. I have recently discovered that there is NOT a
rule in the dress code about
leg hair. I’m relieved because
I’d been getting a terrible razor burn on my inner thighs.
Plus, the ladies love a man
with carrot-colored leg hair.
Mr. Murphy - In the new
year, I resolve to be more in
tune to student needs, and
empathetic to their situation,
particularly second-semester
seniors.
Andrew Robinson - This
year, I resolve to give up the
phrase “Mr. Haguewood will
introduce this morning’s
speaker.” Is he really SO
special? Why should he get
to introduce the speaker? By
giving up the phrase, I cut his
power supply. The ball is in
your court, Ellis.
Jon Jones - I resolve to find
the Holy Grail. Only the penitent man may pass.
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Basketball Homecoming
Chloe Baker
Patton Ellis
Liz Smith
Meade Miller
Jennings Pitts
Helen Morrison
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Chloe Baker
“Got Chloe?”
Basic Information
Age..................18
School..............Hutchison
Grade...............12
Hair Color.........Light Brown
Eye Color..........Blue
Favorite Color...Blue
Hobbies.............Soccer, skiing, texting
Sign...................Sagittarius
Who is your homecoming king? Why?
Everest: he makes my heart climb.
Never Have I Ever...
Been to John Hammons’ house.
Which Simpsons character do you most embody?
Apu Nahasapeenapetilon, because we both have foreign names.
Who’s your favorite basketball player?
Jimbo
If you were an over-turned turtle, how would you
turn yourself right side up?
Call Myrtle.
Word Associations
The Cue..........New and improved Chucky Cheese’s
Metro.............Chad
Fake...............Hutchison tans
Whooping......A hooting cry, as of a bird (Baird’s specialty)
Peking Man....Kane
Snozzberries...Zach
Patton Ellis
“We Want Hammons!”
Basic Information
Age.........................17
School.....................Hutchison
Grade......................12
Hair Color...............Blonde
Eye Color................Brown
Favorite Color.........Blue
Hobbies...................Practicing my sweet dance
moves (Thanks, Worth)
Sign.........................Sealed, Delivered
Word Association
Platinum...................One of the South’s finest institutions
Streak......................Comfort Inn
Deferral....................Parth and I have something
in common...
BCS........................“The Miracle of Life”
Society of Orpheus
and Bacchus.............Wannabe Chucks
What is the most romantic place you have ever been?
To the DC with Charles.
Explain why you should be Homecoming Queen in
exactly seven words.
Because I can count to seven...almost.
What were you doing at midnight on New Year’s?
My night actually wasn’t as exciting as the basketball team’s...
What do Scales and Turley have in common?
Nothing... Scales is cool.
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“It’s Miller Time!”
Word Association
Platinum..................Is so much better than Gold, just ask Andrew
BCS........................Abstinence
Streak......................Hunter’s 1st sin
Hold ‘em..................Seriously, someone help me with Joey
Seneca Falls.............Mr. Olson
Society of Orpheus
and Bacchus.............JD and Kane
Who is your homecoming king? Why?
Phillip May - He’s had experience with the older ladies.
What do Scales and Turley have in common?
They both like TV! Scales likes BET while Turley
prefers Nickelodeon.
Which Simpsons character do you most embody?
Jessica - I had no idea that chicken could swim either.
What is your favorite pick-up line?
I’ll hook you like “the worm.” Ask Chad/Max/Cooper, etc...
What is the most romantic place you have ever been?
Walker’s dad’s house.
Basic Information
Age...................Legal
School...............Hutchison
Grade................Senior
Hair Color.........Blonde
Eye Color..........Hazel
Favorite Color...Red and Blue
Hobbies.............Cheerleading, bowling, tennis, and Ultimate.
Sign...................Dangerous Curves Ahead...
Helen Morrison
“Your sandy hair floats in the air / To me it’s like a lullaby / I’m just flying by oh so high...”
Basic Information
Word Associations
Age..................18
Platinum...........Andrew Robinson
Belligerent........Worth Morgan--That lovely night when my foot was shattered...
School..............Hutchison
Grade...............12
Whooping........Cough
Hobbies.............Farming, Happy Hands Club, Well-rounded...Mr. Clifft
and cheerleading
Hair Color.........Blonde
Eye Color..........Blue
Favorite Color...Blue
Sign...................Yield
If you could be an MUS student for a day, who would you be and why?
Mr. Smith.
Scorpion or Subzero?
Scorpion.
What is the most romantic place you have ever been?
Driver’s ed or Old Betsy
Never Have I Ever...
Used hot sauce.
If crowned Homecoming Queen, what would you do to benefit the MUS community?
Absolutely nothing.
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Jennings Pitts
“Vote for me and all your wildest dreams will come true.”
Word Associations:
Belligerent.....Joey on the weekends
Streak............The pride of MUS
BCS...............Isn’t that like football? I know Rob Heflin plays
football. In Europe futbol is soccer.
Quarters........Scales
Peking Man...Kevin Wang
The Cue.........Wholesome family fun
Which one word best describes you?
Smales.
Basic Information
If you could be an MUS student for a day, who would you be and why?
Age...................18
Jay Martin, because he never gets in trouble.
School...............Hutchison
What is your favorite pick-up line?
“I’m very important you know, people know me, I have many leather
Grade................Senior
Hair Color.........Brown
bound books, and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.”
Eye Color..........Green
Scorpion or Subzero?
Favorite Color...Pink
Hands down! Scorpion.
What is the most romantic place you have ever been?
Hobbies............The same as any other girl:
cheerleading, running, smelling! Europe.
What were you doing at midnight on New Year’s?
Sign...................Sagittarius
Rock, paper, scissors with Levy.
Liz Smith
“The Other Sister”
Basic Information
Age..................18
School...............Hutchison
Grade...............12
Hair Color.........Brown
Eye Color..........Brown
Favorite Color...Pink
Hobbies.............Running, dancing, piano, Ronald McDonald House
Sign...................Taurus
Who is your homecoming king? Why?
Word Association
William Montgomery because he’s red hot.
Belligerent.......Neal Newbill
Which one word best describes you?
BCS...............Ben Calls Sisters
Bootylicious.
Seneca Falls...St. Mary’s
Complete this phrase: Have you seen my ______?
Snozzberries...Taste like snozzberries
Mom?
Explain why you should be Homecoming Queen in exactly seven words.
Because my mom was MUS Homecoming Queen.
If crowned Homecoming Queen, what would you do to benefit the MUS community?
Terminate the Murphilizer.
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A m u s e m e n t s
The Top 10 Films of 2004
BY PETER ZANCA
10. Shrek 2 – Following up
on 2001’s blockbuster was no
easy task, but co-director/
writer Andrew Adamson’s
Shrek 2 picks up where the
original left off with humor that
directly mocks Disney. Mike
Myers, Eddie Murphy, and
Cameron Diaz all returned to
the cast, but the scene-stealer
undoubtedly was Antonio
Banderas as the adorable-butdeadly Puss In Boots. Shrek 2
was not only a solid sequel, but
also blockbuster dynamite as
it became the third highest
grossing film in U.S. history.
9. Spiderman 2 –
Spiderman 2, another highgrossing sequel, improved
upon its predecessor in nearly
all areas. Tobey Maguire provided another solid performance as Peter Parker, while
digital effects created a much
more realistic Spiderman.
Alfred Molina gave a credible
performance as reluctant villain
Otto Octavius. This film’s effective mixture of action and
drama made it the best superhero film since Superman.
However, the best may be yet
to come as director Sam Raimi
is already in planning for the
third installment of the series,
set for a 2007 release.
Spiderman 3 may finally provide us with the true villain that
the first two have lacked.
8. Eternal Sunshine of the
Spotless Mind – Labeled as a
sci-fi romantic comedy-drama,
Eternal Sunshine was a memorable film thanks to its unusual
mixture of fiction, humor, and
romance. Jim Carrey and Kate
Winslet star as an unhappy
couple who wish to remove
each other from their memories. The story follows Carrey’s
character through the process
of deletion one night in his
sleep. The film’s supporting
cast is young, but exceptional
with rising stars Mark Ruffalo,
Elijah Wood, and Kirsten
Dunst. While these three, along
with Winslet, give good performances, all eyes are on Carrey.
In recent years, Carrey has
tried to pull away from comedy and become a serious actor. With Eternal Sunshine,
Carrey may have finally made
the crossover.
7. Collateral – Director
Michael Mann’s dark thriller
about a cab driver and his contract killing fare was one of the
best action films of the past few
years. Mann did a great job
of unleashing Jamie Foxx’s
potential as he gave a great
performance as Max, the cabbie caught in the wrong place
at the wrong time. However,
the best part of this film, hands
down, was getting to see allAmerican boy Tom Cruise as
a really, really bad guy. His
portrayal of gray-haired assassin Vincent was my favorite
performance of the year. Cruise
displayed the terrific versatility
that he has so rarely shown in
the past.
6. The Incredibles – Pixar
struck again with this year’s
animated film of the year. Following in the tradition of Toy
Story, A Bug’s Life, Monsters,
Inc., and Finding Nemo, The
Incredibles is a fun film about
family and friends (who just
happen to be superheroes).
However, director/writer Brad
Bird set this film apart from
other Pixar successes in two
ways. First, he stayed away
from mainstream actors by
choosing Craig T. Nelson and
Holly Hunter for his stars. Second, he gave the story a great
amount of superhero action
that one wouldn’t normally find
in a Pixar film.
5. Napoleon Dynamite –
Okay, okay, so maybe it wasn’t
one of the best films of the year,
but it was easily my favorite.
Napoleon Dynamite’s offbeat
humor and retro look was so
great that I had to put it in the
top 5. Writers Jared and
Jerusha Hess created characters that have become immortal in the world of teen comedies. I think this film’s immense success may be as important as that of Star Wars or
Toy Story in that it may create
a new genre of film. Over the
next few years, we may see
other films that mimic
Napoleon’s independent look
and feel while appealing to the
teen audience.
3. Kill Bill: Vol. 2 – Director/writer Quentin Tarantino
proved many critics wrong with
his Kill Bill epic. In Vol. 1, he
showed that he could make an
action movie; in Vol. 2, he
moved back to his dialoguedriven style. Nevertheless,
Tarantino did something in this
film that he has never done before: he showed some heart.
The scenes between Uma
Thurman and David Carradine
are truly exceptional in terms
of both writing and acting.
Tarantino once again gets the
best out of his actors Thurman,
Michael Madsen, and Daryl
Hannah. The great triumph of
this film was Carradine’s Oscar-worthy performance that
has breathed new life into his
career.
issues that each must deal with
are very realistic. The story truly
displays the perfect mixture of
comedy and drama. Paul
Giamatti provides a great portrayal of depressed writer
Miles, while Thomas Haden
Church makes a breakthrough
performance as Jack. Both
actors should be considered
for Oscars; Payne and Taylor
will win the adapted screenplay
award (I’m calling it).
1. Garden State – Garden
State got my nod as the best
film of 2004. Although it was a
tough pick among the top 3, I
went with Zach Braff’s writing
and directing debut because
there were so many things
about this movie that I found
exceptional. The story was
fairly simple, but Braff’s writing made it come to life in a way
that gave the film its own personality. Also, the film’s young
stars give terrific performances.
But the thing that truly sets this
film apart from others is that
one can easily relate to the
characters and their problems.
Again, Garden State was Zach
Braff’s first film, and I look forward to seeing where his career takes him from here.
2. Sideways – Director/cowriter Alexander Payne
teamed with co-writer Jim Taylor to adapt Rex Pickett’s novel
into one of the best screenplays
of the year. Sideways follows
middle-aged Miles and Jack as
4. Hero – Although origi- they spend a week in wine
nally released in 2002, Hero country of northern California.
did not make its U.S. release The dialogue between the two
until 2004. Director Yimou men is simply hilarious while the
Zhang paints an incredible picture with cinematography and
color that surpasses Ang Lee’s
from Crouching Tiger, Hidden
Dragon. The story is told in a
series of flashbacks; this manner is similar to that of Akira
Kurosawa’s Rashomon. Adding to its gorgeous landscape
and intriguing story structure,
Hero stars a number of recognizable foreign actors such as
Jet Li and Ziyi Zhang. Yimou
Zhang’s next release, House of
Flying Daggers, looks to imPhoto Courtesy of Yahoo! Movies
Jet Li plays a nameless warrior in Hero
prove upon this visual stunner.
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Kinsey Causes Controversy
1956. He basically invented the
field of sex study, including an
Kinsey is a bold new film innovative sexuality scale and
documenting the life of scien- the charting of a person’s “sex
tist Alfred Kinsey. Featuring an history.” By directly addressoutstanding all-star cast (in- ing various scandalous issues in
cluding Liam Neeson, Laura his book, which came to be
Linney, Chris O’Donnell, Pe- known as “The Kinsey Reter Sarsgaard, John Lithgow, port,” he shocked the nation
Tim Curry, Oliver Platt, Dylan and brought previously unadBaker, and William Sadler), dressed subjects to the foreKinsey chronicles the career of front of scientific inquiry.
Or at least, that’s the way
the passionate, tortured scientist as he challenges society and the movie tells it. In a year
conformity in a struggle for so- overflowing with big-budget
cial freedom and, ultimately, biopics (Ray and The Aviator
the simple truths about life. But come to mind), Kinsey stands
before we go any further, be out nonetheless, not only for its
forewarned, as this movie may audacious content, but also benot be appropriate for just any cause of its skillful production.
Despite its length, the movie is
viewer: it’s all about sex.
Alfred Kinsey was a scien- very well-paced: every scene
tific pioneer during the first half is memorable or interesting in
of the twentieth century. He some regard. Specifically,
was the first to attempt a me- Kinsey’s one-on-one interthodical analysis of sex, al- views with his patients about
though it is debatable whether their personal sexual experior not he succeeded. Having ences are particularly notable,
grown up as the son of a Puri- giving cameos to numerous untan preacher, Kinsey’s per- known actors. These scenes,
spective altered drastically dur- like the movie itself, are a baling his life, up until his death in anced combination of comedy
and drama which alternately put the
viewer at ease and
then make him extremely uncomfortable.
Although
Neeson plays the
title character, it’s his
on-screen wife,
Linney (of The
Incredibles fame),
who truly steals the
screen. Neeson was
taking a risk with this
role, and it’s sometimes hard to believe
that he’s as driven as
his colleagues dePhoto Courtesy of Yahoo! Movies
Liam Neeson as Dr. Alfred Kinsey scribe. This is arguBY WALTER KLYCE
ably the most serious film he’s
attempted since Schindler’s
List, but this one succeeds
more because of his fellow actors than any tremendous
achievement on his part. As
could have been predicted,
O’Donnell is moderately heroic, Sadler plays a villain,
Sarsgaard is amazingly
creepy, and Platt is just that:
Platt. Unexpectedly, Lithgow,
Curry, and Baker, round out
the cast quite well, each giving
a solid performance.
This movie will get a lot of
attention purely because of the
direct approach it takes to sex.
Just as the Professor stunned
the nation with his nakedness,
Kinsey still alarms audiences
fifty years later, even after society has come so far. Unfortunately, in attempting to portray the way “Prok” and his
colleagues estranged the world
in their day, Neeson and cast
alienate the very audience
they’re trying to entertain. This
is in no way their fault; in a
movie of this type, it’s inevitable, in fact. However, for the
viewer mature enough to cope
with the clearly adult nature of
the film, Kinsey provides two
good hours of superb acting, a
strong plot, and solid moviemaking, all under the thoughtprovoking subtext of sex. No
science can argue with that.
Is There More to Life
BY ALVIN SIDHU
Model N. -An abstraction of reality, generally referring in investments to a
mathematical formula designed to determine security
values... But is that all we are?
As I was driving home from
my most recent shoot, a prom
layout by the national publication Justine Magazine© set to
release on January 25, I felt a
gaping hole of emptiness located a little above my washboard abs and slightly to the left
of Sven (my chiseled right pectoralis major). The emptiness
instantly gave way to a series
of questions: “Why am I so
good looking?,” “Is there
someone, somewhere on this
earth who is completely hideous to compensate for my
sheer beauty?,” and finally,
“Why don’t they just give that
poor rabbit some Trix? Its only
cereal.” As I pondered these
questions over Ashley
Simpson’s “Surrender,” the lyrics echoed in my brain; “All the
pain in your heart/ All the tears
in your empty soul/ And when
you’re spinnin’ round and
around/ Im the psycho goin’
outta control.” When I reached
home, I parked my V-6
Honda in the garage and made
my way inside. Walking to my
room, I could feel the hole of
RESTAURANT REVIEW
ing an appetizer of white queso
dip, we chose from the wide
variety of authentic Mexican
dishes what we were going to
have: I decided to go with the
Chile Pablano, two fried chilies stuffed with cheese, while
Andrew went with two tacos
and an enchilada. While gorging ourselves on the delicious
meals that were quickly
brought to us, Andrew noticed
how easy it was to talk and be
relaxed in the Mezcal’s environment, and I concurred.
Upon receiving the check my
partner and I were pleased with
the twenty-dollar check before
us, and gladly paid it with
smiles on our faces and full
emptiness moving throughout
my hard domain and finally
completing its journey across
the wonderland that is my body
about a foot and a half above
my all-natural, trophy winning
latissimus dorsi. Once I
reached the bathroom I began
my de-beautification process.
While removing my mascara in
the mirror, I caught myself in a
seductive gaze and heard the
lyrics again. I finished up and
got into bed. As I lay there trying to sleep, an image continued to invade my brain. An image that scarred me deeply. An
image that somewhat disturbed
me, yet I could not look away.
The image was that of Jonathon
Lunati holding a baby. This image sparked the second greatest epitome of my life, next to
the day that I found out that
Revlon was making waterproof lip liner. I realized that
our appearance isn’t what
makes us. It just determines
superficial little things like, who
we marry, how much money
we make, who our friends are,
and what are lives are like.
What really matters in life is
who we are on the inside. If we
measure beauty from the inside, we are all models... Well,
not real models.
FROM PAGE 5
stomachs. So in conclusion,
skip “The Border” and head on
over to the real Mexican food
at El Mezcal. Preston’s rating:
4.75 out of 5. Andrew’s rating: 4.25 of 5.
El Mezcal is located on
Perkins Extended across from
Davis Kidd in Laurelwood.
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A New Teacher in Town
BY JOHN HAMMONS
television programs. However,
it is time to move on to the new
face of the Memphis Grizzlies,
“The Czar” Mike Fratello.
Fratello is one of 18
coaches in NBA history to
reach the 500 win plateau
(573-466). He led the Cleveland Cavaliers and the Atlanta
Hawks to the playoffs numerous times. Fratello and Hubie
are similar coaches. First, they
were both broadcasters for
TNT before becoming Grizzlies’ head coaches. Second,
Fratello was an assistant coach
under Hubie for the New York
Knicks and the Atlanta Hawks.
Third, both Hubie and Fratello
place emphasis on discipline,
defense, and organization.
Fratello already shook up the
bench by bringing in Mitchell
Anderson and the highly respected Eric Mussellman, a
former head coach of the
Golden State Warriors. However, Fratello does have some
important decisions to make as
he inherits a team that won 50
games last year and is struggling in the newly realigned
Western Conference. Will
Fratello keep using the 10-man
rotation? Will Fratello stray
Well, the teacher has left the
away from his “slow-paced”
room, and class has been disstyle with the Cavaliers and
missed for the Memphis Grizadjust to the “fast-paced” Grizzlies and their relationship with
zlies as he did with the Hawks?
Hubie Brown. During my
With Mike Fratello ready to
Thanksgiving dinner with my
accept his new challenge after
family, my phone rang, and I
5 years away from the bench,
was shocked to hear the news
class is back in session.
that Hubie Brown had retired
A month later the rejuvedue to “unspecified health reanated Grizzlies are 13-6 under
sons.” Granted Hubie was goFratello as of January 10th.
ing to step down after this seaThere are numerous factors
son or the following season, but
that contribute to the improvehis retirement came as a shock
ment of the Grizzlies. First and
not only to the Memphis commost important, the Grizz have
munity but to the sports coma renewed sense of the team
munity nation-wide. There
game (maybe Fratello should
have been many rumors floattry selling this method of basing around about the rocky reketball to John Calipari). The
lationship between Hubie and
Grizzlies are having better exJerry West. Supposedly, the
ecution because they trust one
two disagreed about the signanother. Under the nineteen
ing of Brian Cardinal, the regames of Mike Fratello, the
lease of Bo Outlaw, and playGrizzlies are averaging more asing time for certain players. As
sists than the start of the seaany professional organization
son. They are not just settling
would and should do, Hubie,
for the first shot they see; they
Jerry, and the Grizzlies organiwind down the shot clock until
zation said they were fed up
they take advantage of the best
with these false accusations.
opportunity that
Jerry West went as
presents itself.
far as to say that if
Second, the Grizhe found out who
zlies’ defense is
was leaking these
taking the shape of
stories to the press,
last year’s defense
he would fire the
when the Grizz
snitch on the spot
won 10 games in
regardless of high
three consecutive
position. It is sad to
months. With the
see the often reexception of three
ferred to “love afgames in which the
fair” between
Grizzlies allowed
Hubie, Jerry, and
109 points, they
the Grizzlies come to
are allowing oppoa shaky end. As denents to score only
served, Hubie’s re84.5 points against
tirement got extenthem on a nightly
sive coverage in
Courtesy of Grizzlies.com
Memphis papers,
Mike Fratello hopes to continue Hubie’s
CONTINUED ON
coaching style and success with the Grizzlies
radio shows, and
PAGE 15
A Memorable Season
BY PRESTON DENNIS
The third quarter was uneventful, with Bowling Green scorComing into the bowl sea- ing the lone touchdown. Howson, college football fans were ever, Memphis fans were
anticipating many exciting shocked to see star DeAngelo
match-ups. Every bowl game Williams limping off the field at
had the potential to be a clas- the end of the quarter. We
sic and a select few lived up to would find out later that Willtheir billing. The bowl season iams broke his leg. Some Tiger
started with the New Orleans fans saw this as good news
Bowl, pitting North Texas because DeAngelo, who had
against Southern Mississippi. been projected to be the 4th
Southern Miss dominated the best back in this years draft
whole game and won 31-10. class if he were to leave early,
now might have to
Georgia Tech
stay because of dueasily handled
rability questions.
Syracuse in the
The game ended 52C h a m p s
35 in favor of BowlSports Bowl,
ing Green. Memphis
51-14. The
players were disapnext bowl
pointed but were
game had evalso proud of their
eryone talking.
ESPN was
Courtesy of AP team which reached
Danny
Wimprine’s a second straight
calling it one of
efforts
in
the GMAC bowl game, a feat
the best bowls
Bowl fell short
that had not been
this year. The
Memphis Tigers, led by Danny accomplished here in a long
Wimprine and DeAngelo Wil- time. The next week of bowl
liams, squared off against the games had only one surprise:
Bowling Green Falcons, and Cal, who complained about
the game did not disappoint. being jumped in the BCS
Memphis started off slowly, standings by Texas and losing
giving up two touchdowns to the Rose Bowl bid, was simthe dangerous Falcon offense, ply outplayed by Texas Tech,
but they struck back with a 42- losing 45-31. Alabama lost to
yard touchdown pass from Minnesota 21-16 in the Music
Wimprine to tight end John City Bowl when 3rd string quarDoucette. At the end of the first terback Spencer Pennington
quarter the score was 21-7. threw the ball out of bounds on
Memphis tied the game up at 4th down. Louisville came from
28 on a 21-yard run by behind to beat then undefeated
DeAngelo, but Bowling Green Boise State 44-40 in one of the
was able to score once more most exciting Liberty Bowls
before halftime, making the ever played. New Year’s Day
score 35-28. Coming back started with the Tennessee Volfrom the break, Tigers fans unteers thumping the Texas
hoped that their defense, which A&M Aggies 38-7 in the Cothas been a thorn in the side all ton Bowl behind the arm of
year, would somehow shut Rick Clausen and the legs of
down the Bowling Green of- junior Gerald Riggs. Georgia
fense, but that did not happen.
CONTINUED ON PAGE 14
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Coach Cal or Bust?
wrong with the Memphis Tiger cult by historical comparison,
basketball program.
the staff believed it had a team
After a much anticipated with enough talent to compete
When a team wins, the
coach is credited. If a team off-season, the Tigers began with any quality non-conferloses, who is to be blamed? Do the 2004-2005 season with ence team. However, losses to
you blame the losses on the high expectations. Coming off quality opponents like Syracuse, Maryland, and Pittsmultiple injuries susburgh, doomed the Tigers.
tained? Do you blame
The team also had to battle
the returning star, Sean
with many distractions like
Banks, for selfish play?
the suspension of Sean
Do you place the blame
Banks and injuries of Jeremy
on the freshman point
Hunt and Clyde Wade. With
guard Darius Washinga shaky confidence and
ton for not filling Antorecord of 5-3, the Tigers had
nio Burks’s shoes?
five home games to make up
When one considers just
for the three losses to the
how unlikely any season
quality top 25 opponents.
can occur without inHowever, a shaky confijured players, just how
dence was replaced by near
predictable a troubled
panic after more losses to
kid from New Jersey
could be, or the prosCourtesy of AP Pictures Ole Miss and Louisiana
Coach Cal must stay on at Tech. The five game home
pects for any freshman,
Memphis for future success stretch ended with a win
the blame has to be diover East Tennessee State
rected at the coach.
Anyway you look at it, Coach of a 2 nd round exit in the University, leaving the Tigers
Calipari is responsible for the NCAA tournament, the goal with a record of 7-6. The team
seven losses. Whether it’s not for this team and its fans was had a lot of soul searching to
preparing an efficient offense to make it to the Sweet 16 in do because a week later they
or recruiting the wrong players, the NCAA tournament. Even would be traveling to Austin to
there is something seriously though the schedule was diffi- play the University of Texas. A
BY: JOSH EVENSKY
COLLEGE BOWLS
beat Wisconsin 24-21 in the
Outback Bowl. In one the
greatest plays of college football history, Iowa beat LSU on
a last second touchdown pass
caused by a blown coverage
assignment in the LSU secondary. In another thriller, Texas
beat Michigan 38-37, on a field
goal by walk-on kicker Dusty
Magnum that was partially
blocked but just made it over
the cross bar. Utah decimated
Pittsburgh in the Fiesta Bowl
to finish off the night. In the
Sugar Bowl, Auburn beat Virginia Tech 16-13 in a pretty
hard fought game and a
breakout performance by
Darius Washington could only
reduce the margin of loss. The
Tigers’s record fell to a very
average 7-7.
Even though Coach
Calipari has a record of 4-18
against top 25 opponents,
there is no question in my mind
that he needs to stay at the
University of Memphis. He is
completely responsible for the
reconstruction of the basketball program. Not only has
Coach Cal recruited the top
talent in the nation, he has also
earned a record of 93-39 at
Memphis over four years,
while winning the N.I.T. Championship and receiving invitations to the NCAA tournament
the last two seasons. While at
the moment this team is struggling, no other coach is available to improve this team. It is
Coach Cal’s team and his responsibility to correct this
team’s problems, whatever
they may be.
CONTINUED FROM PAGE 13
boring game throughout, giving
the Tigers an undefeated season. Finally the game everyone
was waiting for had arrived: the
national championship game.
Every college football analyst
was calling for this Orange
Bowl to go down as one of the
best. That never happened.
The Trojans dominated the
whole game behind Heisman
winner Matt Leinart. Running
backs Reggie Bush and
LenDale White played amazingly well, leading the Trojans
to a 55-19 victory and a second straight national title.
If I had to give an award
for the best and worst performances of the bowls I would
have to say that the player who
showed up the most was Texas
quarterback Vince Young who
rushed for 192 yards and 4
touchdowns and threw for 180
yards and another touchdown.
The worst performance was
that of Oklahoma six-year senior quarterback Jason White.
White threw for 244 yards and
two touchdowns but also threw
3 interceptions. White never
comes to play in the big games
(remember last year against
LSU) and always seems to
make terrible decisions.
Overall, this year’s bowl
season did not disappoint, save
for the national championship.
I still believe that the BCS is
not the right system for college
football; a playoff system needs
to be implemented so that a
terrible game like the Orange
Bowl can be avoided. I am
sure the BCS officials are already planning changes to the
system for next year, so we will
just have to wait and see how
many teams are wronged by
some computers.
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MUS Takes to the Mats
BY FRANK JEMISON AND
CAMERON RIDGEWAY
MUS wrestling has never
filled the stands with crazed,
half-naked fans nor has it attracted all the school’s best athletes, but nonetheless it is
something in which the MUS
student body can take pride.
These guys practice 2-3 hours
Monday-Friday, occasionally
come early to school to run and
lift, and cut up to 20 pounds in
the process. The team’s 7 and
3 record may not seem impressive at first, but to properly understand the team’s achievements and potential, it is necessary to take a closer look at
those sweaty boys in spandex.
The wrestling season officially began on Nov. 1, but for
the Owls the season started a
little late because without the
football players, who were otherwise occupied until after
Thanksgiving, the team was far
from complete. After the
Thanksgiving break, however,
things got into full swing.
Through Coach Harrison’s vigorous recruiting, we were able
to fill the 103 and 112 weight
classes with two eighth graders, Barret Folk and Andrew
Maroda. Sophomore Ken
Haltom, last year’s 103, came
back as our 119. First time
wrestler, Mack McCormick
filled the 125 spot. Last year’s
125, Johnny Duke, came out
as our 130 pounder. Cameron
Ridgeway graciously put on
over twenty pounds over the
summer to fill the 135 spot.
Drew Davenport, who had until
last year wrestled for the
Saints, stepped up after various pre-season injuries to become our 140. Senior Josh Hall
took the 145 spot, and after
some irreconcilable differences
were put aside, Nelson Rainey
rejoined the team, filling the 152
spot. Hailing from Yankee land,
sophomore Zach Gordon,
newcomer to MUS but certainly not to wrestling, dropped
all the weight the new state
regulations would allow and
became our 160. Senior Sloan
Abernathy started his fifth year
wrestling varsity, at 171. Mason George, one of the top
ranked wrestlers in the state,
could not fill his 189 spot because of a concussion he sustained during the State Championship game; however, both
Junior Whit Cox and sophomore Ben Stallworth stepped
up to fill the vacant spot. The
215 spot was yet again filled
by Joey “your worst nightmare” Friend. Finally, following in his brother’s footsteps,
Andrew Gordon decided he
wanted to get so big he was
actually forced to cut weight to
fill the 275 weight class. The
other new addition to the wrestling team was Coach Hendrix
who came to us from a long
coaching career at Bolton. Under the leadership of Head
Coach Tommy Harrison,
Coaches Gehres, Milner and
Hendrix had only one week to
prepare this team before the
Black Horse Tournament.
The preparation apparently
went well because at the Black
Horse Tournament, Andrew
Gordon started his first varsity
season by taking 5th, while
Nelson Rainey, Joey Friend
and Josh Hall all took 2nd place,
and Zach Gordon became the
first MUS student to take 1rst
place in that tournament. Then
came Briarcrest, our chief rival. Though Briarcrest can attribute its utter defeat to not
having a full squad, the truth is
the MUS wrestling team has
yet to have the full starting line
up. After a 52-26 win over the
Saints, the Wrestling Owls
went on to beat Arlington and
suffer close loses to
Germantown and Collierville.
The Christmas holidays saw
a variety of changes in the line
up: Frank Jemison replaced
Drew Davenport at 140 as
Davenport dropped to the 135
weight class to challenge
Ridgeway, freshman Andrew
Amos filled the 152 spot left
vacant by a mono stricken
Rainey, Grayson Sharpe replaced Abernathy at 171 due
to Sloan’s broken nose, and
George finally returned to his
189 spot. This altered starting
line-up destroyed both
Munford and Brighton (71-3
and 51-24 respectively). Before this past weekend’s
Cordova Duals, mono claimed
Josh Hall as well, while Johnny
Duke sustained a minor knee
injury. Going into the tournament, the team was forced to
stretch itself, forcing some
wrestlers into higher weight
classes and some inexperienced wrestlers into varsity
positions. Despite the precarious position of the team, we
defeated both Cordova and
White Station, losing only to
wrestling
powerhouse
Ridgeway. Our final match, in
which we would be forced to
forfeit the 112 weight class because Maroda was injured
against Cordova, was against
St. Benedict, who had beaten
the full Briarcrest squad and
threatened to end MUS’ plan
to go to the State Tournament
for the fifth year in a row. Even
without Maroda, Duke, Hall,
and Rainey, MUS beat St.
TEACHER FROM PAGE 13
Benedict 52-28, in a very spirited match.
With a nearly full roster (everyone is back except Josh and
Sloan), the rest of the season,
which includes home matches
starting at 6:00 against Harding
and Catholic (Jan. 18), CBHS
(Jan. 20) and Millington and St.
George’s (Jan 27) and Regional Dual at St. Benedict
(Jan. 29), looks very promising. So I encourage you to
come out and watch your fellow classmates, who have
worked very hard in a largely
thankless sport, roll around
with sweaty guys in spandex to
finish what looks to be a very
strong season.
basis. Third, the improved play
of Pau Gasol is the final contributor to the Grizzlies’ recent
success. Throughout his career
in Memphis, I have had to hear
people complain about how
Pau is soft and that he will never
live up to expectations. However, Gasol is showing the
worth of an $86 million man.
Just last week Gasol played
well enough to earn the Western Conference Player of the
Month Award. This marks the
first time a Grizzly has won this
award since the team moved
to Memphis. Gasol posted an
average of 24 points, 9 rebounds, and 5 assists. However the mark that is most significant is the Grizzlies’ record
during that week, 3-0.
If
the
Grizzlies
keep this renewed sense
of winning
maybe they
can repeat
last year ’s
success in the
months of
January, February, and
March, a feat
which pushed
the Grizz up
to fifth place
in the Western Conference last
year. And,
maybe just
maybe, if the
Grizzlies continue their
winning style,
we will inch
our way up
the standings.
Home court
advantage
anyone?
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The Best Games of 2004
BY ANDREW MANUGIAN
1. Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake
Eater: Hideo Kojima’s 3rd installment of the Metal Gear
Solid Series is my favorite
game of the series, and the
year. I wasn’t sure where
Kojima was heading with the
somewhat disappointing and
confusing
ending of
Metal Gear
Solid 2, but
after seeing
Snake Eater
screenshots
Courtesy of
showing Big
Boss surviving in the jungle by eating animals and avoiding guards and
wild beasts, my passion for the
series was re-kindled. Snake
Eater leads the way in the endeavor to make videogames
more movie-like, and is truly a
glimpse of the merged media
of the future: it truly feels more
like an interactive movie than a
game, with expert voice acting
and character development, a
blockbuster soundtrack by
Harry Gregson-Williams (The
Rock), and the expert storytelling that has become expected of Kojima, building to
such an epic, jaw-dropping
ending that I am surprised Hollywood hasn’t approached
Kojima for his unique storytelling skills. Snake Eater is a
landmark in videogaming history, and an amazing play.
2. Half-Life 2: Released six
years after the original, Halflife 2 continues the epic of
Gordon Freeman, the scientist
who always happens to be in
the wrong place at the wrong
time with the right weapons.
The physics of this game are
amazing, and often comes into
play during the many puzzles
(especially with the introduction of the grav-gun, a very
unique weapon). Although
Half-life’s single player is
revolutionary, the reason it
ranks so high is its online
multiplayer potential: if it’s anything like its predecessor, Halflife 2 promises to
stand the test of
time, thanks to its
active modding
community. I rank
this shooter higher
than Halo 2 beKonami
cause it’s single
player is a better experience, it’s on the PC, like
first-person-shooters were intended to be, and the online
potential and engine will keep
us playing this game until 2010.
3. Grand Theft Auto: San
Andreas: I was a little wary of
the new Grand Theft Auto
when I first heard of it. Like
many gamers, I had become
tired of the old games, having
logged a ridiculous number of
hours cruising the streets of
Vice City and Liberty City.
However, San Andreas goes
far beyond what I thought was
possible by completely immersing the gamer into gritty
early 90’s L.A. life with its superb voice-acting (including
such well-known actors as
Sean Penn and Sam Jackson),
vast playing field (they manage
to merge the cities of L.A., San
Francisco, and the fabulous
Las Vegas; not to mention the
sprawling countryside between
them), and a killer soundtrack
(full of the biggest hits of the
’90s from Willie Nelson, Guns
N’ Roses, and Rod Stewart to
Public Enemy and Eazy-E: the
first time I jumped in an iroc
camaro and turned the radio to
Freebird while running from the
cops, I couldn’t get the grin off
my face…this is what Grand
Theft Auto is about) The game
adds many vehicles and weapons to the series, and the new
flight system is very fun and
easy to learn. The game is just
familiar enough to pick up and
play, but adds quite a few
things to make it interesting;
however, I would like to see
Rockstar drastically change the
series in the next version.
consistent with the standard
fantasy trolls, gnomes, and
dwarves, as well as adding
Warcraft’s unique mythology,
world, music, and races. The
alliances are standard, yet interesting, and the lands and cities are well designed, just like
the missions. Unfortunately,
Blizzard grossly under-estimated how many copies they
would sell, and getting your
hands on a copy is rather difficult at the moment.
3. Halo 2: One of the most
anticipated games of all time,
Halo 2 didn’t fall much short
of the hype, offering duelwielding, vehicle-jacking, lush
new environments, and muchneeded online play, but I am
going to have to rank this game
lower than most would like.
The “innovations” just aren’t as
inventive as they should be,
and it takes more than a few
gimmicks to make a
groundbreaking sequel. Sure,
the graphics are much prettier,
and the levels are better designed, but Halo 2 feels just
like the original, which is far
from horrible, but I wish the
talented Bungie developers had
spent more time creating new
gameplay.
6. Unreal Tournament 2004:
If you’re sick of all the stealthy,
“realistic” shooting games of
late, this game is perfect for
you: the action is blisteringly
quick, fun, and completely unreal (go figure). To one who’s
never played, it’s hard to describe the pace of Unreal’s
gameplay, but I assure you, it’s
fast-paced and exciting. The
weapon effects are gorgeous,
the sounds are funny as ever,
the new vehicles are well made,
the new maps are very polished, and the new game modes
are hectic, but well thought-out
(onslaught is amazing to watch
and play). Unreal also has a
vibrant modding community,
and I have spent many nights
with my friends playing vehicle
mods, soccer-esque mods, and
Air Buccaneers, a delightful
mod in which you engage in
swashbuckling aerial combat in
hot air balloons.
5. World of Warcraft: It has
been said that Blizzard does not
employ human beings, but instead demi-gods who have
chosen to live among us and
deliver games so divine as to
lift us a little closer to their level.
The folks at Blizzard have yet
to release a poor game, and
World of Warcraft is the best
Massive Multiplayer Online
game of the year, remaining
7. Doom 3: Doom was one of
the first scary games that I
played, and I was looking forward to the third game in the
series, hoping to recapture the
feel of actually being afraid
while playing a game, and
Doom 3 delivers. Although the
gameplay gets repetitive and the
system requirements are rigorous, I can say that Doom 3 is
one of the most genuinely scary
games I’ve encountered. I recall many nights of sitting rigidly in my seat, completely appalled at what just happened,
or what I was doing, or what
.The game expertly weaves a
crescendo of fear, progressing
from a tense environment in the
beginning when you don’t
know what’s going on, leading
to tip-toeing through poorly lit
hallways, desperately searching for ammo and dreading
what beast is around the next
corner, and climaxing with your
all-out spray-and-pray descent into hell to fight huge
beasts with plasma weapons
and the like. The gameplay was
somewhat repetitive, and not
particularly challenging (you
shoot almost everything that
moves), but because you want
to see what will jump out next,
you play on, which is why
Doom 3 makes it on this list.
8. Mortal Kombat: Deception: Although not the most
technical fighter, it’s evident that
Deception is one of the most
entertaining by witnessing the
reaction in the lounge when it’s
played. The single-player
mode is extensive in length and
attention to detail, and the fighting is just as fun to watch as it
is to play, and the interactive
levels keep matches interesting.
The nostalgia factor helps propel it ahead of all the other fighters of the year: I don’t think any
fan will tire of playing Scorpion
vs. Subzero, so perhaps its success was actually paved by its
predecessor’s attention to
character development.