Spring 2011

recommended
resources
coming up next
DANCING WITH MAX by Emily and Chuck Colson
This is the true story of Emily Colson, a single mother, and
her nineteen-year-old autistic son, Max, a young man who
struggles to speak. Journey with Emily as she shows how Max
unravelled the thinking of those who tried to teach him, and
discover that seemingly weak people can be more powerful
than the strong. (Hardcover)
FACING AUTISM by Lynn M. Hamilton
Children with autism can improve greatly, and some can even
overcome the effects of autism if appropriate therapies are
begun early enough. In this insightful book you’ll discover
how to begin battling for your child right away and how to
keep your family together, even when it feels like your world
is falling apart. (Paperback)
EMBRACING CHILDREN WHO ARE DIFFERENT with Dr. James Dobson
Jeff and Shellie’s son Austin was born with Pfeiffer’s
syndrome, a cranial/facial deformity in which the skull bones
close prematurely, putting the child in danger of retardation
and even death. At only three weeks of age, Austin had his
first of many surgeries. Jeff and Shellie raised Austin as a
normal kid and have learned to defend him when unthinking
children, and even adults, don’t know how to handle Austin’s
appearance. They encourage other parents to stand up for
their special needs children and help them have as normal
lives as possible. (Radio broadcast CD)
Be the first counsellor to email us at
counsellors@fotf.ca and we’ll send you a free
copy of Embracing Children Who Are Different,
a radio broadcast on CD with Dr. James Dobson.
To order these resources, visit our online bookstore at
Focusonthefamily.ca/bookstore.
AN EVENING WITH H.B. LONDON JR.
When: June 16, 2011, 7 p.m.
Where: Mountainview Alliance Church, Langley, BC Help us honour H.B. London Jr. on his retirement
from 20 years of ministry with Focus on the Family! On
June 16, we invite you to enjoy a special evening that
includes an inspirational message from London, delicious
refreshments, a gift for each attendee and a time of
fellowship with other local ministry leaders. Tickets are $10 per person.
For more information, visit Focusonthefamily.ca/events. FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA’S GRAND OPENING
CELEBRATION
When: June 18, 2011, 11 a.m. to 3 p.m.
Where: 19946 80A Ave, Langley, BC You are warmly invited to join us in Langley, BC, for
the Grand Opening Celebration of our new office
building. Highlights of this family-oriented event will
include our story of God’s faithful provision, tours of
the new building, the on-site presence of Focus on the
Family radio hosts John Fuller and Juli Slattery, plus
H.B. London Jr. Bring the kids along, too, to enjoy
bouncy castles, concession stands and more! For more information, visit Focusonthefamily.ca/events. TEL: 1.888.5.CLERGY
EMAIL: info@clergycare.ca
WEB: Clergycare.ca
MAIL: P.O. Box 9800 Stn Terminal,
Vancouver, BC V6B 4G3
RECENTLY AT Focus on the Family
Canada, we’ve been concentrating our
efforts on increasing awareness of the
need for forever families for the over
30,000 Canadian children waiting
to be adopted. I’ve learned a lot and I
hope others have, too. For this issue
of goodhope , we explore the unique
challenges of parenting special needs
children.
As with adoption, I had
little prior experience
in this area. So I started
to read and I started to
cry. I was awestruck at
the courage and faith of
parents who have children
with special needs. I read
how they grappled with
the implications of their
unexpected reality, asking
themselves, What now? Why us? How
do we cope?
A MESSAGE FROM MICHELE
supporting families
with special needs
children
Please note: A listing of conferences and workshops here does not
necessarily imply endorsement of the event by either the Clergy Care
Network or Focus on the Family Canada. They are listed as a service to
CCN counsellors to inform and encourage continued learning.
GET IN TOUCH
© 2011 Focus on the Family Canada
goodhope
A QUARTERLY NEWSLET TER FOR FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
CANADA’S REFERRAL COUNSELLORS
SPRING 2011: Volume 8, Issue 2
We are always interested in hearing about new resources for counsellors,
referrals for potential Clergy Care Network counsellors and ideas for upcoming
issues of goodhope. Please contact us anytime!
Wendy Kittlitz
VP of Counselling and
Care Ministries
604.455.7930
wendyk@fotf.ca
Michele Langmead
Counsellor Supervisor
604.455.7986
michelel@fotf.ca
IN THIS ISSUE
•
•
•
•
Life is hard and God is good
CONNECT with special needs families
Recommended resources
Upcoming events & professional
development
Contact Us!
1.888.5.CLERGY
I read with admiration of their faith
and the acknowledgment of their utter
dependence on God, and acceptance
of their new reality. I read how parents
worked through the painful process,
from the initial diagnosis to awareness of
the extraordinariness of their child and
the unique blessings their child brings.
Parenting is demanding for most, but
parenting a child with special needs
has added challenges. The pressure on
a marriage can be overwhelming. The
grief of shattered dreams, the daily
strain of caring for someone with
limitations, the cost of specialized
care and the uncertainty of the future
can take a toll on even the strongest
marriage.
Counsellors can be a vital part of the
support system that parents need if
they choose to thrive in and through
these challenges. These couples need a
safe place where they can speak honestly
and openly. Reading about the life experiences
of parents who have special needs
children reminded me that life is
rarely what we expect it to be. We find
ourselves facing realities that take
us to our knees. At these crossroads,
and the many that follow, we have a
decision to make: surrender to reality
and seek God . . . or crumble. God
meets us in ways we cannot imagine as
we crawl through the early dark days
of the unexpected. Parents of special
needs children exemplify the courage
it takes to find the heart of God amidst
difficult life circumstances.
Michele Langmead
Counsellor Supervisor Counselling and Care Ministries
Focus on the Family Canada
Reprinted from Out of the Overflow
© 2010 by WinePress Publishing. All rights
reserved. Used with permission.
life is hard
and God is good
by Cindy Martin
as the adoptive mother of two special needs children, a son with cerebral
palsy and a daughter with mild fetal alcohol syndrome, I’m living a life I never
thought I’d be living but I’m learning things I couldn’t have learned any other
way. Of particular importance, I’ve learned the necessity of connecting with
others and leaning into their support. Below are a few ways you can use your
expertise as counsellors to CONNECT with special needs families.
As nervous tension accelerated
through my body, I rocked back and
forth, exasperated by my inability
to fix the situation. I stared out the
window of our car wondering if I was
destined to travel down the road of
empty arms once again.
C
lear up the confusion in our hearts and minds. Our children are not a curse
on our lives, but rather a calling by God to steward these precious lives.
Clarifying that lightens our load. We may need your help to maintain perspective.
A healthy understanding of our uniqueness but equality with families of typicallydeveloping children can be elusive.
“You know, God, this baby is Your
child; You made him and it’s Your job
to take care of him,” I scolded. God’s
reply was immediate.
O
“I know it’s My job. Please let Me do it.”
“Hello, it’s me and it’s time
– I’m on the way to the hospital now. I
will meet you there.”
The clock read 12:37 a.m. I had just
nestled my head into the sweet spot
of my pillow, weary from a day of
Christmas celebrations complete with
an abundance of food, family and
fun. My hand trembled as I hung up
the phone. Any thought of anticipated
slumber quickly evaporated as my head
began to comprehend the magnitude
of the words I had just heard. After
several miscarriages, an unexplained
diagnosis of infertility and numerous
failed adoption attempts, we were
finally on our way to have a baby.
Plans had been made for the arrival
of our long-awaited child to come in
early January, but it was Christmas
night and there was no waiting.
As we scrambled to get dressed, a fresh
wave of adrenalin hit. With lightning
speed my husband backed the car out
of the garage as I grabbed the packed
diaper bag that poignantly held the
hopes I had been carrying in my heart
for years. Morning after morning,
month after month, year after year, I
had dreamed of this day.
We raced to the hospital with our
hearts in a state of reckless abandon,
pounding like marathon runners
getting their first glimpse of the finish
line. The realization of our dream was
in sight, but all too soon it would fade
into a nightmare. The woman who
desired to gift us with our son suffered
significant complications during
delivery, and as a result both of their
lives hung in the balance. They were
each flown by medevac helicopters
to large hospitals in hopes their lives
could be spared. My husband and
I stood by the window, our noses
pressed against the glass like forgotten
puppies, watching in disbelief as the
helicopter lifted off. Overcome by
shock and looming devastation, I held
onto the nearby railing as my knees no
longer supported me. “God, why does
it have to be so hard to have a baby?”
When I agreed with God that He had
the right to orchestrate the events of
my life, release replaced the panic
and dread. The intensity of the
situation still lingered, but the sense
of despair melted away. God brought
me hope that anchored my soul. Hope
prevailed and our son (and his birth
mother) survived. After many difficult
days, we took our Christmas present
home and began to “unwrap” him. In
the months to come, he received a
diagnosis of cerebral palsy.
My heart churned as we drove to the
hospital where the helicopter took our
son, Randy. I was too overwhelmed to
cry. My doer personality was powerless
to do anything, and I sat in a heap,
drowning in feelings of disbelief,
I knew there would be many more
difficult days ahead, but I also knew
God would meet me in each of them,
and He has. I have experienced what
it is like to be cared for by Almighty
God in the midst of the storms of my
The realization of our dream was in
sight, but all too soon it would fade into
a nightmare. The woman who desired to
gift us with our son suffered significant
complications during delivery . . .
betrayal by God and hopelessness.
Each mile we drove, my heart grew
increasingly anxious as I wondered if
Randy would still be alive when we got
there. What if he’s not?
“God, You wouldn’t allow that to
happen to us after all we’ve been
though, would You? I know life isn’t
supposed to be easy, but this is so hard.
I don’t know if I can do this. It wasn’t
supposed to happen this way.”
life. I am no longer on the sidelines
watching someone else. This is me,
thrust onto centre stage.
Overwhelmed and vulnerable, I come
to Him. And true to His Word, His
grace is enough and His strength
embraces my weakness. Indeed, life is
hard and God is good, but you don’t
know how good God can be until you
know how hard life can get.
by Cindy Martin
ffer encouragement versus pity. When you say that you could never do what
we do, it can be interpreted that you’re just glad you don’t have to live our
lives. We never thought we could do it either – sometimes we’re still not sure we
can! We need genuine encouragement, not platitudes.
CONNECT N
with special
needs families N
E
otify us of resources specific to our circumstances. Knowledge is power, but
the amount of knowledge out there can be overwhelming. Helping us tap
into and navigate available resources is invaluable.
otice the difference in our disabilities. Physical disabilities are very different
from behavioural disabilities, which are very different from cognitive
disabilities. When you lump all disabilities together, we feel misunderstood.
Cindy and her husband of 21 years live
with their two children near Calgary,
Alberta. She is passionate about people
experiencing the difference Jesus desires to
make in their everyday lives. She shares
this passion as a writer and speaker.Visit
Lifemeetsreality.com for more information.
ngage our hearts. Many of us have learned to live out of our heads and shut
off our hearts. Yet, grief continues to cycle through our lives. The older our
children get, the wider the gap between them and their peers, so the death of
dreams is an ongoing reality. It’s easier to become angry and/or withdraw than
it is to work through our grief. Your assistance may be required to sort out the
emotional turmoil.
C
onnect us with other families in similar situations. If you are aware of other
families facing comparable issues, facilitate a connection so we can avoid the
hazards of isolation.
T
ake us to the throne of grace. Hearing someone else pray for matters specific
to our children takes our souls to places of significant connection with God.
post-event summary
A REVIEW OF THE ADOPTS COUNSELLOR TRAINING WORKSHOP
the adopts counsellor training workshop in February
was a huge success. In partnership
with Bethany Christian Services,
Focus hosted this two-day seminar
at Kerith Creek, near Calgary, AB.
The seminar was designed to train
and equip professional counsellors
working with pre-and post-adoptive
children and families. According to
feedback from workshop attendees,
the workshop exceeded expectations
in terms of practical take-aways to
use when working with this particular
population. Attendees raved about
Kerith Creek and how perfect the
venue is for this for this type of
training. The food and hosts were
also a big hit. Gathering with other
professionals was a highlight for many.
The presenters received lots of positive
feedback that recognized them as
“articulate and intelligent” experts
in their field. Most participants
commented on and appreciated the
wealth of information and practical
tools they received in the form of
an extensive manual provided by
Bethany Christian Services. One
participant commented that, “Just
having information to give to parents
of children in older child adoptions
is invaluable.” Another said that
understanding brain development in
traumatized children was their most
valuable learning experience. All in
all, it was a successful and muchappreciated training seminar.