Modern Orthodox - Survey of Those Who Have

Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
Starting a Conversation: A Pioneering Survey of Those Who Have
Left the Orthodox Community
Journeys, practices, beliefs, identity, community and relationships within the
Modern Orthodox Segment
July 21, 2016
1
©2016NishmaResearch
h1p://www.nishmaresearch.com
TableofContents
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
Sec/on
Preface
Pages
3
SummaryofKeyFindings
4-10
SurveyDistribu/onandRespondents
11-14
Percep/onsofTheirMembershipinCommunityofOrigin;Double-Lifers
15-18
WhyPeopleLeKTheirCommunityofOrigin
19-26
SourcesofSupporttoThoseWhoLeKTheirCommunity
27-31
JewishBeliefsandPrac/ces
32-38
JewishIden/ty,Rela/onshipsandCommunity
39-49
CurrentSupportNeeded;SourcesofSupportUsed
50-52
FinalThoughtsandReflec/ons:
•  HelpingOthersUnderstandYou
•  WhatYouMightHaveDoneDifferently
•  AdvicetoThoseConsideringLeaving
53-60
Appendix–Demographics
61-66
2
Preface
ManystudieshavebeendoneamongJewishand
OrthodoxpopulaFons,buttherehasnotbeenany
validquanFtaFveresearchamongthosewhohave
leItheOrthodoxworld.Andwhiletherehave
beenquiteafewexcellentmemoirswri1enby
peoplewhohaveleItheChasidishandother
Orthodoxgroups,theoldsaying“thepluralof
anecdoteisnotdata”sFllringstrue.
Thegoalofthissurveywastogivethisgroup–a
fledglingsegmentoftheJewishcommunitythat
hasnotbeenquanFtaFvelystudied–avoice.We
wantedtobe1erunderstandtheexperiencesof
thosewhohavetransiFonedawayfromtheir
Orthodoxcommunityoforigin,orwhoare
grapplingwiththerelatedissues.
Tothatend,theoverallstudyincludedthebroad
swathofsegmentsintheOrthodoxworld:
Chasidic,YeshivishandModernOrthodox.This
reportfocusesonthesurveyrespondentsfrom
theModernOrthodoxSegment,i.e.,thosewho
haveleItheirModernorthodoxcommunity.
ThesurveywasfundedbyNishmaResearch,a
ConnecFcut-basedmarketresearchfirmserving
theJewishworld.InaddiFontoproviding
customizedresearchservicestoclients,Nishma’s
missionincludesconducFngoneprobonostudy
annuallyonatopicofinterestandvaluetotheJewish
people–specifically,researchthatwillpromotemore
listening,appreciaFonandcooperaFonamongthe
diversestrandsoftheJewishworld.Nishmameans
“listen”…andwehopetopromotemorelisteningto
eachother.
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
Thissurveywasguidedandassistedbyknowledgeable
subjectma1erandresearchexperts:
•  ProfessorStevenM.CohenofHebrewUnionCollegeJewishInsFtuteofReligion;
•  RabbiPesachSommerandMindySchaperofJewin
theCity/ProjectMakom;
•  Prof.MarkRosenofBrandeisUniversityandZalman
Newfield,Ph.D.,NewYorkUniversity;
•  TsiviaFinman,RachelBergerandExecuFveDirector
LaniSantoofFootsteps,andauthorandFootsteps
boardmemberShulemDeen.
IthasbeenapleasureworkingwithyouallandIcan’t
thankyouenough.
MarkL.Trencher
WestHargord,ConnecFcut
mark@nishmaresearch.com
3
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
SummaryofKeyFindings
4
SummaryofKeyFindings–Theexperiences,beliefs,prac/ces,community
andchallengesfacingthosewhohaveleKModernOrthodoxy
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
Introduc/on
ManyofushaveheardofthephenomenonofpeopleventuringforthfromtheOrthodoxworldandtryingtofinda
placeinthebroaderAmericansociety.OIenscornedbytheirfamiliesandcommuniFesforhavinggoneOTD*(“offthe
derech”-offthepath),theirstories,astoldinanumberofrecentmemoirs,havebeengripping.
WhathasbeenmissingunFlnowisquanFtaFvedataonthistrend.NishmaResearch,aConnecFcut-basedresearch
firmthatfocusesontheJewishcommunity,hasjustcompletedthefirst-everlarge-scalesurveyofthisdemographic.
With885responsesfromacrosstheOrthodoxspectrum,thissurveygivesvoicetoagrowingsegmentoftheJewish
community.Respondentsprovideddeeplypersonalandpoignantresponsesaboutthejourneytheyhavetaken,their
idenFty,pracFces,beliefsandrelaFonships.Theytolduswhattheywentthrough,whattheymighthavedone
differently,andgaveadvicetootherswhoareconsideringleavingtheirOrthodoxcommunityforadifferentlifestyle.
SurveySample
IncludedinthissurveywerepeoplewhohadanOrthodoxupbringing,
butwhonolongerconsiderthemselvestofullybeamemberofthe
Orthodoxcommunityinwhichtheywereraised.Analysiswasdoneforall
855responsesandseparatelyforfoursegments(1)theformerlyChasidic
excludingChabad,(2)theformerlyChabad,(3)theformerlyYeshivish
and(4)theformerlyModernOrthodox.
CommunityofOrigin
Responses
Chasidic(excl.Chabad)
216
Chabad
97
Yeshivish
221
ModernOrthodox
230
Thisreportpresentstheresultsforthe230ModernOrthodox
Other
118
respondents.Notunexpectedly,theModernOrthodoxresponses
differedformanyquesFonsfromthoseoftheChareidisegments
Total
885
(Chasidic,ChabadandYeshivish).Thosewishingtoexplorethese
differencesshoulddownloadthefullsurveyreport(whichincludesall
segments),whichisavailableath1p://nishmaresearch.com/social-research.html.ThesurveyquesFonnaireandall
study-relateddocumentsareavailableatthatsite.
*ThosewhohaveleIOrthodoxyareoIenreferredtoas“OTD”andtheysomeFmesrefertothemselvesthatway.Somepeoplelikethetermandsomedonotlikeitsomuch;
butit’sbecomewidelyusedandsoweadoptitinthisreportasappropriate,asashorthandappellaFon.
5
SummaryofKeyFindings(Con%nued)
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
WhyPeopleLeKTheirModernOrthodoxCommunity
•  Ratherthanhavingrespondentsfillouta
“checklist,”thequesFonnaireincludedanopenendedquesFonaskingwhypeopleleItheir
community,andgivingthemasmuchspaceas
theywantedtotelltheirstories.Theresponses
(whichwereoIenquitelengthy)wereanalyzed
andcodedagainstalistof50+reasonsthat
peoplegave,withmanygivingmulFplereasons.
•  Somepeoplewerealienatedbyflawstheysawin
thecommunityoritsleaders,anditturnedout
thatbysignificantlymorethana2-to-1marginin
termsofreasonswhypeopleleI,“community
internalfactors”weremoreinfluenFalinpushing
peopleoutthan“societaloutsidefactors”were
inpullingpeoplefromthecommunity.Formany
people,pushandpullfactorswerebothatwork.
ReasonsForLeavingtheModernOrthodoxCommunity
ConflicFnglearnings,intellectualthought
22%
Roleandstatusofwomen
22%
10%
Generaldoubts,lossoffaith
NoquesFons,unanswered,lackofopenness
9%
Judgmentalism,rumors,notaccepted
9%
MysexualorientaFon
9%
ReligiouspracFce,chumrahs,nospirituality
9%
Communityhypocrisy,doublestandards
8%
Itwasagradualprocess
8%
Corruptleaders,role/worshipofrabbis
7%
Sexualorphysicalabuse,domesFcviolence
7%
Exposuretonon-Orthodox,outsideworld
•  ThetwomostoIengivenreasonswhypeopleleItheircommunitywere
intellectualthinkingtheyhaddoneaboutreligionandtheroleandstatusof
women,eachcitedby22%ofrespondents.Personalcuriosityandopennessto
theworldoIencreatedagradualprocessofgrapplingwithmodernityand
knowledgeinconflictwithpreviouslyheldbeliefs.
•  However,womenmenFonedtheroleandstatusofwomenascausingtheir
beliefsandpracFcestochangemuchmoreoIenthandidmen(37%vs.7%).
•  OtherkeyfactorswerecommunalautudestowardquesFoning,judgmentalism,
respondents’sexualorientaFon,communal“hypocrisy”(anoIen-usedterm),
andthescopeandstringentnatureofJudaismaspracFcedintheircommunity
6%
PULLED
OUTby
external
society
25%
Indeterminate
16%
PUSHED
OUTby
Orthodox
community
59%
6
SummaryofKeyFindings(Con%nued)
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
HowDoTheyNowIden/fyJewishly?
•  TheformerlyModernOrthodox(M.O.)are“post-denominaFonal,”
bywhichwemeanthattheirJewishaffiliaFonsweremoreselfdefinedthanconformingtothecommondenominaFons:60%
labeledthemselvesastradiFonal,secular/humanist,cultural/ethnic
or“justJewish,”andonly15%idenFfiedthemselvesasmembersof
adenominaFon.Incontrast,the2013PewSurveyfoundthat70%
ofU.S.JewsidenFfiedwithadenominaFon.
•  Astrongmajority(78%)statedthatbeingJewishwasveryor
somewhatimportanttothem.However,womenmoreoIensaid
thatbeingJewishwasveryimportanttothem,53%vs.42%.
Idonot
considermyself
Jewish
3%
Chasidic
<0.5% Modern
Total
Cultural/ethnic
Jewish(or"just
Jewish")
35%
Orthodox
5%
Reform
2%
Conserva/ve
8%
•  Similarly,astrongmajority(77%)statedtheyhadaveryor
somewhatstrongsenseofbelongingtotheJewishpeople.Again,
womenmoreoIensaidthisthanmen,56%vs.47%.
•  InteresFngly,acrossnumeroussurveyquesFons,theformerly
ModernOrthodoxhaveretainedmoreposiFve
feelingstowardJewishnessthantheformerly
ImportanceofBeing
Jewish
Chareidi(theChasidicandYeshivishbranchesof
VeryImportant
Orthodoxy,oIencollecFvelyreferredtoas
“Ultra-Orthodox”),perhapsbecausetheir
SomewhatImportant
departurewaslesstraumaFc(becausethey
Total
alreadylivedsomewhatinsecularsociety,
spokethelanguage,dressedmoremodernly,
SenseofBelongingto
theJewishPeople
etc.).Forexample,36%oftheModern
Orthodoxkeepkoshervs.30%ofChareidi;and
VeryStrong
78%oftheModernOrthodoxsaybeingJewish
SomewhatStrong
isimportanttothemvs.59%ofChareidi.
Other
16%
Orthoprax
6%
Secular/
Humanist
Jewish
Tradi/onal 8%
17%
AllM.O.
Respondents
Men
Women
PewSurvey–
M.O.Jews
47%
42%
53%
N.A.
31%
35%
25%
N.A.
78%
77%
78%
89%
AllM.O.
Respondents
Men
Women
PewSurvey–
M.O.Jews
51%
47%
56%
N.A.
26%
24%
25%
N.A.
77%
71%
81%
100%
7
SummaryofKeyFindings(Con%nued)
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
JewishBeliefs,Prac/cesandConnec/ons
•  Oursurveyrespondentsarenotstrong
believersinGod.Buttheyliketokeep
connecFonstoJewishnessandthey
maintainsomepracFcesatlevelsnotvery
dissimilarfromthoseofothergroupsof
U.S.Jews.
•  Forexample,36%keepkosher,alevel
thatismuchlowerthanthatofall
ModernOrthodoxJews(83%),althoughin
linewiththatofConservaFveJews(31%).
ImportanceofBeing
inaJewishCommunity
Don’t
know
Notatall 1%
Important
Very
17%
important
Notvery
important
21%
28%
Somewhat
important
33%
AllM.O.
Respondents
Men
Women
Pew–ModernOrthodox/
Conserva/ve/Reform
BelieveinGod
(%strongly)
21%
17%
24%
77%/41%/29%
LightSabbathcandles
(%regularly/someFmes)
52%
51%
53%
78%/34%/10%
Keepkosher
(%strictly/mostly)
36%
34%
33%
83%/31%/7%
HappyWith
CommunityConnec/ons
Strongly
Disagree
7%
Strongly
Somewhat
Agree
Disagree
27%
19%
Neither
AgreeNor
Disagree
16%
Somewhat
Agree
31%
•  IntermsoftheirfeelingofconnecFontovarious
typesofcommuniFes,morethanhalf(61%)feel
itisimportanttobepartofaJewish
community,andmorethanhalf(58%)are
happywiththeircommunityconnecFons
overall.
•  Only33%sFllfeelconnectedtotheOrthodox
communitywheretheygrewup,while53%feel
connectedtoadifferentJewishcommunityand
47%feelconnectedtoanon-Jewishcommunity.
•  Womenarehappierwiththeircommunity
connecFonsthanaremen,64%vs.51%.
8
SummaryofKeyFindings(Con%nued)
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
FamilyRela/onshipsandAcceptance
•  FamilyrelaFonshipsarechallenging,butamajorityhavea
posiFverelaFonshipwiththeirfamilies(69%withtheir
fathers,73%withtheirmothersand75%withsiblings).
Rela/onshipsWithFamily
Posi/ve
Father
•  Menhavebe1erfamilyrelaFonshipswithparentsthando
women:be1erwiththeirfather(73%vs.63%);andwith
theirmother(78%vs.68%).RelaFonshipswithsiblingsand
childrenareaboutthesameformenandwomen.
Mixed
Nega/ve
69%
Mother
73%
Siblings
75%
14%
17%
12% 5%
13%
12%
•  Asignificantmajority(61%)saytheirfamilieshavecometo
Children
97%
1%2%
acceptthem,butfewerthanhalf(45%)saytheirfamilies
understandthedecisionstheyhavemaderelaFngtotheir
religiouspracFcesandbeliefs.Men’sandwomen’s
responsestothesestatementsdidnotvarysignificantly. •  Bothfamilies’understandingandacceptancedogrow
substanFallyoverFme.
Theyhavecometoacceptmedespitemydecisions
All
Theyacceptme,despitemydecisions
TheyunderstandthedecisionsI'vemade
61%
Men
58%
Women
64%
They understand the decisions I’ve made
relating to my religious practices and beliefs
80%
64%
Men
46%
Women
45%
43%
48%
56%
60%
40%
All
73%
38%
27%
20%
<5Years
5to9+Years
YearsSinceLeICommunity
10+Years
9
SummaryofKeyFindings(Con%nued)
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
SupportNeeds
•  ThosewhohaveleItheModernOrthodox
communityconFnuetofacechallenges.Themost
oIenexpressedneedswereinareasofsocializing
withpeoplelikethemselves(37%),feeling
themselvesapartoftheJewishcommunity(25%),
daFngandrelaFonships(17%),emoFonalsupport
(17%)andreligiousquesFons(17%).
•  Oneareawheretherewasssignificantdifference
betweenmenandwomenwasintheirseeking
helptofeelpartoftheJewishcommunity.30%of
womencitedthisasaneedvs.18%ofmen.
•  Themostfrequentsourcesofpastsupporthave
beenfriends(53%),Facebookgroupsorother
socialmedia(24%),relaFves(22%)andcommunity
leadersandrabbis(16%).
TypesofSupportCurrentlyNeeded
37%
Socializingwithpeoplelikeyourself
FeelingpartofJewishcommunity
25%
Da/ngandrela/onships
17%
Emo/onalsupport
17%
Religious/spiritualques/ons
17%
Job,careerplan
15%
Findingatherapist
Counselingforfamily
HelpingyoufeelJewish
13%
8%
6%
Findingaplacetolive 5%
10
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
SurveyDistribu/onandRespondents
11
SurveyDistribu/on
•  ThosewhohaveleItheOrthodoxworldarechallengingto
reach.Nocensus(or“memberlist”)existsforthisgroup,andits
sizeandcharacterisFcsarethesubjectofspeculaFon.Manyof
thesepeoplehavehadtraumaFcexperiencesinleavingtheir
communiFes;somearereluctanttoannouncethemselvesas
havinggoneOTDwhileothersarelessaccessibleastheyhave
distancedthemselvesfromtheircommunityoforigin.Asurvey
oflargerJewishpopulaFonsseekingtoscreenforthese
individualswouldrequireanextremelylargesample.
•  Opt-insurveys(whicharearepresentedtoalargegroupand
respondentsopttoparFcipate)arenotideal,butsomeFmes
theyaretheonlyviableapproach.Webelievethatthatisthe
casehere.Ourapproachcenteredaroundverybroadoutreach
viaphysicalandvirtualcommuniFes.Wecastawidenet
throughtwoagenciesthatservicethissegment(Footstepsand
ProjectMakom)andthroughsocialmedia(includingwellknownFacebookpageswithmanythousandsofOTD
members).
•  Linkstothesurveywerepinnedtothetopofahalfdozen
FacebookgrouppagesandtheFacebookpagesof“OTD
communityleaders”frequentedbyourtargetaudience.
•  ThesurveywasdistributedbythetwoorganizaFonscited
abovetoalloftheirmembers,includingfollow-upmailings
andannouncementsattheirevents.
•  ThesurveyhadnomandatoryquesFons(exceptforiniFal
screeners),tominimizedrop-outscausedbytriggering
quesFons.
•  Themessagethatthesurveywasbeingdonetohearthis
segment’svoiceforthefirstFmewasemphasized.
•  TheonlinesurveywascompaFblewithPCs,laptops,tablets
andsmartphones(ourtargetgroupskewsyoungerthan
theoverallJewishpopulaFonandwehaveobservedahighlevelof
smartphone/deviceusageamongthem).Anemailaddresswas
providedtoparFcipantstoreportanydifficulFesinaccessingor
compleFngthesurvey.NocallswerereceivedreporFnganysuch
problems.
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
•  WefollowtheguidanceofAAPOR(AmericanAssociaFonforPublic
OpinionResearch)totheeffectthatopt-insurveysarenotideal…
butiftherearenootheropFons,theymaybethebestapproach
attheFme.[Seeh1ps://www.aapor.org/AAPOR_Main/media/
MainSiteFiles/AAPOROnlinePanelsTFReportFinalRevised1.pdf.]
•  ConsistentwithourunderstandingandacceptanceofAAPOR’s
policies,wesFpulatethatrespondentstothissurveywere
selectedfromamongthosewhoaremembersofrelevant
organizaFonsandsocialmediagroups.Thedatahavenotbeen
weightedtoreflectthedemographiccomposiFonoftheoverall
targetpopulaFonofOrthodoxOTD,inasmuchassuchtarget
populaFonisunknownintermsofbothsizeandcomposiFon.
•  Theresultsofthissurveyareaccurateatthe95%confidence
levelplusorminus6percentagepoints.Thissamplingerror
shouldbeviewedwiththeunderstandingthatthesampleisbased
onthoseself-selecFngforparFcipaFonratherthanaprobability
sample.
•  WhenwecommentinthisreportonthestaFsFcalsignificanceof
differencesbetweentheModernOrthodoxandother(Charedi)
segments,wedosoundertheassumpFonthatweareunawareof
anyreasonswhyself-selecFonbiasshoulddiffersignificantly
amongthesegments,giventhatthesameapproachwasusedto
reachallsegments.Finally,allsamplesurveysandpollsmaybe
subjecttomulFplesourcesoferror,including,butnotlimitedto
samplingerror,coverageerrorandmeasurementerror.
•  ThesurveyquesFonnaireisavailableat
h1p://nishmaresearch.com/social-research.html
12
SurveyAudience–Thissurveywasaimedatpeoplewho(1)hadanOrthodox
Jewishbackgroundand(2)nolongerfullyconsideredthemselvesmembersof
theirOrthodoxcommunityoforigin,intermsoftheirbeliefsandprac/ces.
Thetotalsurveyresponsewas885,asshowninthegraphtotheright.Thisreportprovides
resultsforthe230individualswhoself-iden/fiedtheircommunityoforiginasModernOrthodox.
Afullreportisavailableathpp://nishmaresearch.com/social-research.html,showingresultsfor
allfoursegmentsanalyzed(Chasidic,Chabad,YeshivishandModernOrthodox),including
comparisonsamongthesegments.
Q.WhattypeofOrthodoxcommunitywereyouamemberof?Chasidish;Yeshivish/Litvish;ModernOrthodox;Orthoprax;
Other–Pleasedescribe
Other
13%
(n=118)
Modern
Orthodox
26%
(n=230)
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
Chasidic
25%
(n=216)
Yeshivish
25%
(n=221)
Chabad
11%
(n=97)
ThetwoquesFonsshownbelow(thefirsttwoquesFonsinthesurvey)weretheonlysurveyquesFonstowhicharesponsewasmandatory.Ourapproachof
makingresponsesopFonalwastakenduetothesensiFvityofthisgroup,andareluctancetorequireresponsestopotenFallytriggeringquesFons.
Q.Raisedas
Orthodox?
Percent
Count
Yes-Iwasraised
fullyOrthodox
74%
170
Par/ally-Spent
partofmylifeas
Orthodox
26%
60
No
Total
Excludedfromsurvey
230
Q.ThissurveyisaimedatpeoplewhohavehadanOrthodoxJewish
background.Inyouropinion,didyourbackgroundincludebeingOrthodox?
•  Yes–IwasraisedfullyOrthodox
•  ParFally–SpentpartofmylifeasOrthodox
•  No–TERMINATE
Q.S/llMemberof
Orthodox
Community?
Percent
Count
Fully
Excludedfromsurvey
Somewhat*
48%
111
Notatall
52%
119
Total
230
*WomenhavemoreoKen(60%)fullyleKtheircommunity,whilemen
aremoreoKen(56%)s/ll“somewhatamember”oftheircommunity.
Q.ThinkingaboutyourcurrentbeliefsandpracFces,towhatextentdoyou
consideryourselftosFllbeamemberoftheOrthodoxcommunityinwhich
youwereraised…orthatyouwereamemberof?
•  Fully-TERMINATE
•  Somewhat
•  Notatall
13
SummaryDescrip/onoftheModernOrthodoxCommunity
Summary
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
•  Aheterogeneousgroup,coveringawiderangeofreligiousprac/ce,from
“Conservadox”tonear-Yeshivish.
•  Adheretohalachah(Jewishlaw)butpar/cipateinthebroadersociety
educa/onally,culturallyandintheworkplace.
•  PrimarylanguageisEnglish.
•  Menwearkippot,butsomemayeschewthemintheworkplace,andmostwomen
dressmodestly(nopants,haircovering).
Insularity
•  Farlessstringentandmoreintegratedintomodernsocietyandculturethanthe
Chareidi(Chasidic,Yeshivish,etc.)groups,andmoreamenabletohalachic
leniencies.
RoleofWomen
•  Anexpensivelifestyle,andmanywomenworkaspartoftwo-incomehouseholds.
•  Theymayhavemoreprominentcommunalandprofessionalroles,andmore
womenareseekingto“breakglassceilings”inreligiousroles.
Demographics,College,
Income,FamilySize
•  Mostapendcollege,andmanypursueprofessionaloccupa/ons.
•  Highincomes,butaccompaniedbyahigh-costlifestyle(moreexpensive
communi/es,dayschools,summercamps,etc.).
•  Familiestypicallywith2-4children.
14
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
Percep/onsofTheirCurrentMembershipinthe
ModernOrthodoxCommunity;Double-Lifers
15
ThinkingAboutTheirCurrentRela/onshiptotheModernOrthodoxCommunity
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
•  Anearlyques/oninthesurvey[“Thinkingaboutyourcurrentbeliefsand
prac/ces,towhatextentdoyouconsideryourselftos/llbeamemberof
theOrthodoxcommunityinwhichyouwereraised…orthatyouwerea
memberof?Responses:Fully(surveyterminated),Somewhat,Notatall”–
Seepage13]gotrespondentstostartthinkingabouttheextenttowhich
theyweres/llmembersoftheircommunityororiginornot,andthe
reasonswhy.
•  Thenextpagepresentsasampleoftheverba/mresponses.Thisearly
ar/cula/oninthesurveyofhowpeoplesawthemselveswithrespectto
theirModernOrthodoxcommunitynotonlycategorizedthemintermsof
theircurrentstatuswithrespecttotheircommunity,butalsohelpedtoset
thestageintheirthinkingforlaterques/onsthatmoredeeplyexplored
thereasonswhytheyleKtheircommunity.Thosewillbepresentedinthe
nextsec/on.
16
Percep/onsofTheirMembershipintheModernOrthodoxCommunity
Thosewhosawthemselvesass/llsomewhata
memberoftheirModernOrthodoxcommunity
Thosewhosawthemselvesascurrentlynotatall
/edtotheirModernOrthodoxcommunity
TheyoKencitedconnec/onstoorrespectforfamily,and
apprecia/onofthecommunityand/oritsvalues,whileatthe
same/mehavinglosttheirbeliefsandprac/ces.
TheyoKenstatedsimplythattheyarenolongerreligiousatall,and
oKenstatedthattheyhaveleKtheircommunity.
SampleVerbaFmResponses
•  Ihavenoconnec%on,prac%caloremo%onaltoanyJewishcommunitybeyond
occasionalvisitstofamily.
•  I'ms%llfriendswiththepeopleIgrewupwithwhoareapartofthat
communityfully,butIamnotinthatcommunityphysicallynordoI
sharetheirreligiousbeliefs/morals.MyvalueshavecompletelyshiIed
awayfromtheirs,butIs%llkeepintouchwiththemconsidermyself
closewiththemandvaluethosefriendships.
•  AlthoughInolongerbelieveingodorhaveanypersonaldriveto
partakeinreligiousritualIs%llmaintainagoodrela%onshipwithmy
friendsandfamily,manyofwhomares%llorthodoxandthereforIdo
occasionallyjoininholiday/sabbathcelebra%onsinordertomaintain
theaforemen%onedinterpersonalrela%onships.
•  Myclosestfriendsares%llmodernorthodoxasismostofmyfamily.I
keepmyhomekosherinordertobeabletohostmyfriendsandfamily.
•  Idon'tbelieveinGodandIdon'tdaven.Idon'tkeepShabbosanymore
andIeatnon-kosher.ButIpar%cipateinShabbosandholidaymealsout
ofrespectformymother.I'mclosetomyfamilyandamda%nga
religiousgirl.BothsheandmyfamilyknowthatI'mnotobservant.I
don'tkeepitasecret.
•  IfeelmorecomfortableintheorthodoxworldthananyotherJewish
community.Ibelongtoasynagogue,andIfollowmostofthemajor
publicprecepts.However,Idon'treallybelieve,nordoIprayorlearn.
•  I'mpluralis%c.SoI'llgotoanorthodoxins%tu%onformyfamily'sevents
orforotherexternalfactors.
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
SampleVerbaFmResponses
•  Inolongerprac%cethereligion,andthereforethecommunitybuiltaround
thatreligionhasnomeaningtome
•  Idonotleadahalachiclife,Iac%velyavoidorthodoxshuls/spaces,Iamina
gayinterfaithrela%onship,myfriendsandcommunityaremixedJewishand
non-Jewish,buten%relynon-orthodox.
•  I'mnotatallreligiousandrarelyeverassociatewithpeoplefrommy
orthodoxelementary/highschoolorthesynagoguemyparentswouldtake
meto.Imightgotosomeone'sweddingifIwasaclosefriendoftheirs,but
that'saboutit.
•  Idon'tconsidermyselfMO.Iconsidermyselftradi%onal,butIdon'tbelievein
God.IwouldsayIammostconnectedtotheliberalorthodoxandthe
tradi%onalConserva%vecommuni%es.I'mnot"out"aboutmyatheism/
agnos%cism(it'shardtolandonlyonatheism).
•  Imovedawaytoamoreseculararea,havenoaffilia%onwithanysynagogue
orotherreligiouscommunityanddonotreligiouslyprac%ceanyJewish
rituals.
•  Theologically,Iamnot,noramIinprac%ce.However,Idoplanon
maintaining%eswithinmycurrent(leI-wingMO)congrega%onforcertain
communalreasons,butdonotplanonlivinganOrthodoxlifestyle-butwill
remaintradi%onal,toanextent.
BasedonresponsetoQThinkingaboutyourcurrentbeliefsandprac%ces,towhatextentdoyouconsideryourselftos%llbeamemberoftheOrthodoxcommunityinwhich
youwereraised…orthatyouwereamemberof?
Q.YouindicatedthatyoucurrentlyconsideryourselftosomewhatbeamemberoftheOrthodoxcommunityinwhichyouwereraised(ModernOrthodox).Canyouexplain
whyyousaythat?(n=111,ofwhich102providedcomments)
Q.YouindicatedthatyoucurrentlyconsideryourselftonotatallbeamemberoftheOrthodoxcommunityinwhichyouwereraised(ModernOrthodox).Canyouexplain
whyyousaythat?(n=119,ofwhich112providedcomments)
17
Double-Lifers–26%ofModernOrthodoxrespondentssaidtheywereleadinga“double
life”(outwardlys/llamemberofthecommunityintermsofappearancesandvisibleac/ons,but
internallytheynolongerviewedthemselvesthatway).Ofthese,37%saiditisverylikelyor
somewhatlikelytheywillleavethecommunityatsome/meinthefuture.
CurrentlyDouble-Lifers
No
74%
Yes
26%
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
LikelytoLeaveCommunity
Less
Likely/
NotVery
Likely
(0-6on
scaleof
0-10)
63%
VeryLikely
(9-10on
scaleof
0-10)
17%
Somewhat
Likely
(7-8on
scaleof
0-10)
20%
MenareslightlymoreoKenleadingadoublelife(28%vs.24%)Nonotabledifferencesbetweenmenandwomen
Q.Wouldyousaythatyouareleadinga“doublelife”–meaningthatyouareoutwardlysFllamemberofthecommunity(e.g.,intermsofappearancesandvisibleacFons),butinternally
youdonotviewyourselfthatway?
•  Yes–Whydoyousaythat?Howdoyouseeyourselfinternally?(CommentsofferedwereverysimilartothoseofferedinresponsetoQ:Youindicatedthatyoucurrentlyconsider
yourselftosomewhatbeamemberoftheOrthodoxcommunityinwhichyouwereraised.Canyouexplain?
•  No
(n=202)
AskedofthosewhorespondedYestoQ.Wouldyousaythatyouareleadinga“doublelife”–meaningthatyouareoutwardlys%llamemberofthecommunity(e.g.,intermsof
appearancesandvisibleac%ons),butinternallyyoudonotviewyourselfthatway?
Q.Whatisthelikelihoodthatyouwillfullyleaveyourcommunityatsomepointinthefuture,onascalefrom0(youdefinitelywillneverleave)to10(youdefinitelywilleventually
leave)?(n=50)
18
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
WhyPeopleLeKTheirModernOrthodoxCommunity
19
WhatCausedBeliefsandPrac/cestoChange
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
•  Amajorobjec/veofthissurveywastoquan/fythereasonswhypeopleleK
theircommunity.Inordertoavoidaskingleadingques/ons,weposedthisasa
fullyopen-endedques/on:“Pleasethinkbacktowhenyoustartedmovingaway
inbelieforprac/cefromtheOrthodoxcommunityinwhichyouwereraised.
Whatwerethekeythingsthatcausedyourbeliefsandprac/cestochange?”
•  Takingthehundredsofsubjec/veresponsesand“quan/fyingthem”wasan
eye-openingexercise.Wereadthefulltextoftheresponsesandcategorized
themagainstalistwedevelopedofapproximately50reasonsthatpeoplewere
giving,someofwhichweresubtlevaria/onsofoverlappingthemes.Many
respondentsofferedmul/plereasonsinsome/mesquitelengthyresponses.
•  Thissec/onshowstheresultsofthisanalysis,boththequan/fieddataanda
sampleofverba/mresponses.
20
WhatCausedBeliefsandPrac/cestoChange–ThemostoKengivenreasonswhythey
leKtheircommunitywereintellectualthinkingtheyhaddoneaboutreligionandthe
roleandstatusofwomen,eachcitedby22%ofrespondents.
22%
Conflic/nglearnings,intellectualthought*
22%
Roleandstatusofwomen
10%
Generaldoubts,lossoffaith
Noques/ons,unansweredques/ons,lackofopenness
9%
Judgmentalism,rumors,gossip,notaccepted
9%
Mysexualorienta/on
9%
Religiousprac/ce,chumrahs,minu/ae,nospirituality
9%
Communityhypocrisy,doublestandards
8%
Itwasagradualprocess
8%
Corruptleaders,dislikedrole/worshipofrabbis
7%
Sexualabuse,physicalabuse,domes/cviolence
7%
Exposuretonon-Orthodox,non-Jews,outsideworld
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
6%
Q.PleasethinkbacktowhenyoustartedmovingawayinbelieforpracFcefromtheOrthodoxcommunityinwhichyouwereraised.Whatwerethekeythingsthatcausedyour
beliefsandpracFcestochange?(n=191)
*Thedatashownherehasmeldedtwocategoriesfromtheprioranalysisofallresponses,whichweseeassimilar:“ThingsIread,learned,contradicFons,noproof”and“Thoughtfor
myself,intellectual,preferredraFonalism”
21
WhatCausedBeliefsandPrac/cestoChange:DifferencesBetweenMenand
Women–Womenmen/onedtheroleandstatusofwomenascausingtheir
beliefsandprac/cestochangemuchmoreoKenthandidmen(37%vs.7%).
Conflic/nglearnings,intellectualthought
18%
7%
Roleandstatusofwomen
Generaldoubts,lossoffaith
7%
6%
Mysexualorienta/on
Religiousprac/ce,chumrahs,minu/ae,nospirituality
Communityhypocrisy,doublestandards
7%
11%
11%
10%
13%
4%
11%
7%
9%
Itwasagradualprocess
7%
7%
Corruptleaders,dislikedrole/worshipofrabbis
4%
Sexualabuse,physicalabuse,domes/cviolence
Exposuretonon-Orthodox,non-Jews,outsideworld
13%
3%
Judgmentalism,rumors,gossip,notaccepted
1%
Men
Women
37%
7%
Noques/ons,unansweredques/ons,lackofopenness
27%
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
10%
11%
•  MenmoreoKenmen/onedIntellectualfactors,
suchthingstheylearnedthatconflictedwith
religiousteachings(27%vs.18%),althoughwomen
oKenstatedthisaswell(rankingitastheir#2
factor,aKertheroleandstatusofwomen).
Topreasonsamongmen(citedby10%ormore):
•  ConflicFnglearnings,intellectualthought(27%)
•  Generaldoubts,lossoffaith(13%)
•  NoquesFons,unansweredquesFons,lackofopenness(11%)
•  ReligiouspracFce,chumrahs,minuFae,nospirituality(10%)
Topreasonsamongwomen(citedby10%ormore):
•  Roleandstatusofwomen(37%)
•  ConflicFnglearnings,intellectualthought(18%)
•  Communityhypocrisy,doublestandards(13%)
•  MysexualorientaFon(11%)
•  Judgmentalism,rumors,gossip,notaccepted(11%)
•  Exposuretonon-Orthodox,non-Jewsoutsideworld(11%)
•  Sexualabuse,physicalabuse,domesFcviolence(10%)
22
LeavingtheCommunity:Pushvs.PullFactors–Respondentsweremore
oKenpushedawayfromtheircommunitybyinternalforces(59%)thanthey
werepulledoutbyexternalaprac/ons(25%).
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
•  Wedividedthereasonsgivenforleavingtheircommunityinto:
Ø 
Ø 
Ø 
PushFactors–Internalcondi/ons,
percep/onsorawarenessthatpeople
dislikeandthattherefore“push”them
awayfromtheircommunity,suchasthe
role/statusofwomenandcommunity
hypocrisy/doublestandards;and
PullFactors–Externalcondi/onsor
sourcesofawarenessthatareaprac/ve
topeopleandtherefore“pull”themout
thecommunity,suchasscien/fic
knowledgeorreadingthingsthat
contradictbeliefs.
(%ofallreasonsgiven)
Indeterminate
16%
PULLEDOUT
byexternal
society
features
25%
PUSHEDOUT
byinternal
community
factors
59%
Afewofthereasonsgivencouldnotbedefini/velycategorized,andarelabeledas
“indeterminate."
•  ThePushFactorsexertedmoreofaninfluenceoverallonpeopleleavingtheircommunity.
Thus,wecanconcludethat,generallyspeaking,thecommunityispushingpeopleout
morethanthepeoplethemselvesareseekingtoleave.
23
WhatCausedBeliefsandPrac/cestoChange–Verba/mResponses
ResponsesbyMen
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
•  ReadingSpinoza.Theconfla<onofclass,statusandreligioninmodernorthodoxy.Thestatusofwomen.
•  1)IwasexposedtonewworldviewsandphilosophiesthatIpreferredtoJudaism.2)Followinghalachamademeanxious
andmademefeelbadaboutmyselfwheneverIviolatedit.
•  1.TheimmoralityoftheBiblicalGod2.Biblicalcri<cism3.Lackofegalitarianism4.ANtudestowardsLGBT5.Halakhaman
made.
•  DidnotfeelcomfortableinrigidstructureofOrthodoxy,unsa<sfiedwhenmyques<onsinclasswouldbeansweredbythe
rebbe"becauseHashemsaidso."
•  DisagreementwithelementsofOrthodoxtheology,roleofwomen,perspec<vesonnon-Jews,aNtudetoward
homosexuality.
•  IlearnedtoomuchandrealizedthetheTorahwaswriWenbymenandnotbyGod.Ialsorealizedthatmostlawsthatwe
considertradi<onfromSinai,werenotreallyfromSinai.Theyweremadeupinlaterperiodsalsobymen,whogaveafalse
facade(maybenotonpurpose)totheoriginsthelaws.
•  Ineverbelieved,anddidn'tfollowhalachainprivate,butremainedpartoforthodoxcommunitybecauseIlovedthesocial
partoforthodoxy(holidays,shabbatdinners,etc.).However,AsIremainedsingle,andmyfriendswereallgeNngmarried
andIwaslivingonmyown,IstartedtoslowlystopaWendingOrthodoxins<tu<onsandstartedprac<cinglessandlessas
<mewenton.Onceyouhitacertainage(late20s),thereisnocomfortableplacewithintheorthodoxsocialstructure.Many
folksIknowstoppedprac<cingwhensingleandreachingtheirlate20s,thoughmostofthosereturnedtofullorthodox
prac<ceoncetheygotmarriedandhadkids,etc.
•  LackofbeliefinexistenceofGod.
•  Myproblemwasn'tsomuchwithOrthodoxJudaismasitwaswithOrthodoxJews,clique-y,judgmentalandobnoxious.
•  Noreasontocon<nue.Crazyreligion.Crazyrestric<ons.Justnotsoeasyanymore.
•  Thecorruptandselfservingrabbisandagenerallossofabeliefingod.Therecanbenolivinggodinthisworldthatwould
allowtheserabbitoholdswayso<ghtlyoverJewishlives.
•  Theorthodoxcommunitychanged...It'sliketheTalibantookoverJudaism.Iusedtogotoconcertswithmyrabbisnow
everythingisforbidden.WholettheseidiotsruinJudaism?
Q.PleasethinkbacktowhenyoustartedmovingawayinbelieforpracFcefromtheOrthodoxcommunityinwhichyouwereraised.Whatwerethekeythingsthatcausedyour
beliefsandpracFcestochange?(n=95)
24
WhatCausedBeliefsandPrac/cestoChange–Verba/mResponses
ResponsesbyWomen
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
•  IwasappalledattheracismintheOrthodoxcommunity;IwasupsetabouttheinherentmisogynyofOrthodoxJudaism;As
aqueerperson,IfeltthatthehomophobiainherentintheOrthodoxworldviewwassimplyoutoftouchwithreality.
•  AsawomanIcouldnotfacealifeofbeingasecondclassci<zen,ormarryinganOrthodoxmanwhowouldalwaysseeme
aslesser.Withoutthat,IwouldprobablyhavefoundwaystoreconcilemyotherproblemswithOrthodoxy.
•  Couldn'tdenymyatheismanylonger.Was<redofsuppressingkeypartsofmyself(bisexuality,atheism,supporterof
biblicalcri<cism).Beingavic<mofrabbinicabuse,andseeingthecommunity'sreallyproblema<cresponses.
•  DoubtinwhatIlearninyeshivaastheabsolutetruth.Judgmentalbehaviorleadingtomyisola<onbycertainmembersof
theorthodoxcommunity.
•  EnforcementofliWlethingslikeskirtlengthinschoolwithoutpenalizingmajormoralviola<onslikestealingandchea<ng.
Lawsdon’tseemrelevanttomodernlife.
•  Feminismandlackofacceptableanswersastowomen'sroleinJudaism.
•  Goingawaytocollegeandfeelingmuchtooconstrainedbytherulesoforthodoxyandseeinghow"other"peoplelived
muchmorefreelywithouttheconstraints.
•  IstartedbecomingawareofthediscrepancybetweenthebeliefsIwas"supposed"tohaveandthebeliefsIgenuinelyfelt.
Forinstance,IbecamemoreawareofmydisagreementwiththeroleofwomeninJudaismversusthemodern,western
world,andthestanceongayrela<onships.
•  Iwas14whenImovedawaytoareligioushighschool.Myparentsraisedmereligious-observant.Itwasabig“ucan'tdo
this.Youcan'tgohere.Youcan'twearthis..."Religionhadnojoy.Itwasrestric<veandsuffoca<ng.Inthis"religious"
schoolIwastoomodern.Expelled.Thismayhavereinforcedmyviewofreligioninanega<velight.
•  Misogyny,sexism.Noplaceforasingleadultwomaninthecommunity.
•  Seeingwomenasnothingbutmothersandwives,maybeateacher,andthat'sit.Seeingthedoublestandardformenin
Judaismandwomenaremerelyfluff.
•  Thewayrulesandlifewereexplainedaway.Norecogni<onthatsomuchofJewishprac<ceisarbitrary.Basedonthe
accidentofthe<meandplaceofone'sbirth.Everygrouphasanothergrouptolookdownonthatisnotobservantenough
ortooobservantforthem.Nospaceforques<ons.EverythingincomprehensibleispartofGod’splan.
Q.PleasethinkbacktowhenyoustartedmovingawayinbelieforpracFcefromtheOrthodoxcommunityinwhichyouwereraised.Whatwerethekeythingsthatcausedyour
beliefsandpracFcestochange?(n=96)
25
TimeSinceLeKCommunity–ThemedianrespondentleKtheirModern
Orthodoxcommunityoforigin9.2yearsago.Thevastmajority(83%)nolonger
livewithinthesamephysicalcommunityaswheretheygrewup.
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
TimeSinceLeKCommunityofOriginS/llLiveWithinSamePhysicalCommunity
LeKinthe
PastYear2%
Past1-2+
Years9%
10+yearsago46%
LiveintheSame
Community17%
Past3-4+years
20%
LiveinaDifferent
Community83%
Past5-9+years
23%
Q.AtaboutwhatpointdidyoufeelthatyouwerenolongerfullyamemberoftheOrthodoxcommunityinwhichyouwereraised?
•  Withinthepastyear;Inthepast1to2+years;Inthepast3to4+years;Inthepast5to9+years;10ormoreyearsago
(n=229)
Q.ThinkoftheJewishcommunitywhereyougrewup(forexample,BoroughPark,CrownHeights,Williamsburg,NewSquare,Lakewood,etc.).DoyousFllliveinthesameJewish
Community?
•  Yes;No
(n=228)
Q.Wheredoyoucurrentlylive?
•  IntheUSA;OutsideUSA–SeedatainDemographicssecFon,page64.
26
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
SourcesofSupporttoThoseWhoLeKTheir
Community
27
SourcesofSupportWhenTheyStartedMovingAwayFromTheirCommunity–
Themajoritydidnotreceiveanytypesofsupport.
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
SampleVerba/mResponses
•  Ihadastrongcommunityoffriends,afewJewsbutmostlynot.
•  64%ofModernOrthodox
respondentsdidnot
receiveanytypeof
supportatthe/methey
startedmovingawayfrom
theircommunity.
•  36%didreceivesupport,
mostoKenfromfriends
(12%)orJewish
congrega/onsor
organiza/ons(8%).
•  Apartnershipminyan-whichIconsiderorthodoxanddefinesitself
asorthodox,butmostinmycommunitydonotviewthatway.
•  Idiscussedmyques%onswithmanypeople,bothOrthodoxandnot.
Itwasn'tanorganiza%on,butavariedgroupofpeople.
•  Ihadastrongcommunityoffriends,afewJewsbutmostlynot.
DuringthedecadewhenIwaslivingadoublelife,theysupported
andaffirmedthechoicesImadeformyselfwhennooneelsewould.
•  Iwouldsaygoingtoaliberalartsuniversity,beingapartofadiverse
community,surroundedbydifferentideasandpathswaskeyto
helpingmefindmypath.
•  I'vehadunderstandingfriends,butthat'sit.
•  Mee%ngothergayJewishmeninthegaycommunity..Mostlyinbars
anddances..ButfoundahugegayJewishmalecommunity.
•  No,itwasn'tnecessary.IgrewupModernOrthodoxandwas
equippedwithallthetoolsIcouldeverwantforleaving,ifIchoseto
leaveen%rely(whichIhaven'tsofar).Notreally...nothinglike
Footstepsexistedatthe%me,butIwasveryinvolvedinmyHillelat
UMDandlearnedhowtobeJewishinotherways.
28
Q.SFllthinkingabouttheFmewhenyoustartedmovingawayfromtheOrthodoxcommunity,werethereanyorganizaFonsorpeoplethathelpedyouinmakingthat
transiFon?
(n=206comments,represenFng90%ofallrespondents;percentagescitedabovearebasedonthe206responses)
DesiredAddi/onalSupportPeopleWishedTheyHadWhenTheyStarted
MovingAwayFromTheirCommunity–Amajoritywouldhavewanted
addi/onalsupport.
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
SampleVerba/mResponses
•  Acommunityofpeoplewhohavegonethroughoraregoingthrough
thesametypeoftransi%on(peoplewhoarelikemewhogetwhatI
dealtwith).
•  55%ofModernOrthodox
respondentsindicated
theywouldhavewished
foraddi/onalsupport,
andmostofthese
wantedalike-minded
person,communityor
organiza/ontointeract
with.
•  GrowingupmodernOrthodoxIfounditeasiertotransi%oninto
greaterAmericansociety.Ihadmovies,music,TV,andother
commonAmericanathathelpedmerelatewithothers.
•  Lossoffamilyconnec%onswassopainful.Supportgroupsor
connec%onwithotherpeoplewithsimilarexperienceswouldhave
helpedalot.
•  Iprobablywouldn'thaveusedthemcauseIjustwantedtobefree
withouthavingthesensethattherewasperpetuallysomeonefrom
thecommunityno%cingwhatIwasdoingorsaying,readytotalk
aboutme,tellmyparentsorwhatever.Icouldn'twaittobe
anonymous,somethingIwouldhaveimaginedtobeimpossiblehadI
joinedsomeorganiza%on.
•  Nobutmytransi%onwasnotextreme.Many"modernorthodox"
peoplelivedoublelives.It'sveryeasytodo.
•  Yes.Wishtherehadbeensomekindofcounselingservicestohelp
mecopewiththegriefoflossofcommunity,friends,family,iden%ty
…Alsowouldhavebeennicetohaveresourcestohelpmetransi%on
andfigureouthowtodoholidayswithoutreligionandhowtofind
somevaria%onofculturaliden%tythatwasmeaningful.
Q.Arethereresources(people,organizaFons,etc.)youdidn’thaveavailableatthatFme,butwishedyouhad?
(n=188comments,represenFng82%ofallrespondents;percentagescitedabovearebasedonthe188responses)
29
CurrentOrganiza/onsandSupportGroups–Currentsourcesofsupportwere
moreonline(37%)thanlocalorganiza/ons(21%);butasubstan/almajority
didnotbelongtoanysupportgroups.
OffTheDerechFacebookgroup
24%
Yiddishkeit?Facebookgroup
5%
18%
OtherFacebookgroups(besidesOTDandYiddishkeit?)
Otheronlinesupportgroups(besidesFacebook)
37%belongedtoone
ormoreonline
supportgroups;63%
didnotbelongtoany
onlinesupportgroup.
3%
Footsteps
8%
Eshel
7%
OTDMeetup
21%belongedtoone
ormorelocalsupport
organiza/ons;79%
didnotbelongtoany
localsupport
organiza/on.
5%
ThursdayNightChulent
1%
ProjectMakom
1%
Otherorganiza/onsorsupportgroups(besidesthoselisted)
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
7%
Q.Areyoucurrentlyamemberof,associatedwith,orreceiveservicesfromanyofthefollowingorganizaFonsorsupportgroupsthatdealwithJewishcommunityissues?Please
checkallthatapply.
•  Eshel;Footsteps;KavaShFebel;OTDMeetup;ProjectMakom;ThursdayNightChulent;OtherorganizaFonsorsupportgroups–Pleasedescribe;Noneoftheabove
(n=222)
Q.AreyoucurrentlyassociatedwithorreceiveservicesfromanyofthefollowingonlinegroupsthatdealwithJewishcommunityissues?Pleasecheckallthatapply.
•  OffTheDerechFacebookgroup;Yiddishkeit?Facebookgroup;OtherFacebookgroups–Pleasedescribe;Otheronlinesupportgroups–Pleasedescribe;Noneoftheabove
(n=217)
30
SharedExperiences–Respondentsknewanaverageof8.4otherswhohad
leKtheircommunityand3.5whomightleaveinthefuture,foratotalof
about14others“inthesameboat.”
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
•  Inthecontextofpossibleemo/onalsupport,wesoughtasenseofsharedexperiences,i.e.,did
respondentsknowothersoftheirclosepeergroupgrowingupwhohadleKtheircommunity,or
mightdosointhefuture?
None
haveleKthecommunity 2%
21%
1-2
3-4
5-9
10-19
36%
20-29
30-49
50+
19%
10%
6%
3%
2%
Es/ma/ngthe
numberoftheir
originalpeerswho…
mightleavethecommunity
32%
31%
16%
14%
1%
4%1%
1%
Q.Thinkbacktoyourcloseoriginalpeergroupgrowingup,forexampleyourfamily,classmates,etc.Howwouldyoucompletethefollowingsentence?Amongmycloseoriginal
peergroupgrowingup,Iwouldguessthat___ofthemhaveleItheirOrthodoxcommunity.(PleaseenteryourbestesFmate/guess.)
•  None;Oneortwo;Threeorfour;5to9;10to19;20to29;30to49;50ormore;Ihavenoidea
(n=175;excludesthosewhoresponded“Ihavenoidea”)
Q.Thinkbacktoyourcloseoriginalpeergroupgrowingup,forexampleyourfamily,classmates,etc.Howwouldyoucompletethefollowingsentence?Amongmycloseoriginal
peergroupgrowingup,Iwouldguessthat___ofthemmightleavetheirOrthodoxcommunityinthefuture.(PleaseenteryourbestesFmate/guess.)
•  None;Oneortwo;Threeorfour;5to9;10to19;20to29;30to49;50ormore;Ihavenoidea
(n=139;excludesthosewhoresponded“Ihavenoidea”)
31
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
JewishBeliefsandPrac/ces
32
BeliefinGod–35%ofrespondentsstatedtheybelieveinGod(stronglyor
somewhat),while38%didnotbelieveinGod(eitherdisagreeingwiththe
statementorsayingitwasnotrelevanttothem).
Idonotfindthis
statementrelevant
tome
11%
Stronglydisagree
17%
Stronglyagree
21%
Somewhat
disagree
10%
Neitheragreenor
disagree
27%
Somewhatagree
14%
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
•  WomenmoreoKenbelievedinGodthandid
men,byamarginof42%to30%.Thisis
consistentwiththefindingthatwomenmore
oKenleKtheircommunitybecauseoftherole
ofwomen,whilemenmoreoKenleKbecause
ofintellectualdoubts.
•  The2013PewSurvey*foundthat72%ofall
AmericanJewsand96%ofModernOrthodox,
respec/vely,believedinGod.
33
Q.Doyouagreewiththestatement:“Godexists”?
Stronglyagree;Somewhatagree;Neitheragreenordisagree;Somewhatdisagree;Stronglydisagree;Idonotfindthisstatementrelevanttome
(n=229)
*SourceofPewdatathroughoutthisreportisAPortraitofJewishAmericans:FindingsfromaPewResearchCenterSurveyofU.S.Jews,October2013
JewishPrac/ces–ThosewhoarenolongerfullyOrthodoxhaveretained
someofitsprac/ces.Amajorityofourrespondentspar/cipatedinaFriday
nightShabbatmeal,visitedJewishwebsitesandlitShabbatcandles.
Regularly
Some/mes
Par/cipateinaFridaynightShabbatmeal
Rarely
42%
VisitJewishwebsitesorlookforJewishinforma/on
online
39%
HaveShabbatcandleslitinyourhome
41%
ListentoJewishmusic
12%
VisitaJewishCommunityCenter
13%
EngageinJewishlearning/spiritualinquiry
20%
Never
%Regularly/
Some/mes
24%
23%
11%
67%
29%
19%
13%
68%
12%
26%
19%
22%
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
18%
31%
37%
30%
30%
52%
31%
38%
30%
33%
28%
43%
Men70%
Women63%
Men32%
Women39%
Men48%
Women37%
(Afewdifferencesbetweenmenandwomenarenoted,
althoughthedifferencesarenotstaFsFcallysignificant.)
Q.HowoIendoyou…
•  ParFcipateinaFridaynightShabbosmeal?;VisitJewishwebsitesorlookforJewishinformaFononline;HaveShabboscandleslitinyourhome?;ListentoJewishmusic?;Visita
JewishCommunityCenter?;EngageinJewishlearning/spiritualinquiry?
•  Scale:Regularly;SomeFmes;Rarely;Never
(ThesurveyquesFonnaireusedtheword“Shabbos,”atermmorefamiliartorespondents.)
(n=223)
34
Kosher–36%indicatedtheyarestrictlyormostlykosher.
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
Strictlykosher
10%
•  Thesamepercentagesofmenandwomen
saidtheykeptkosher.
Notatallkosher
38%
Mostlykosher
26%
•  Pewfoundthat83%ofAmericanModern
OrthodoxJewskeptkosherathome.
Somewhat
kosher26%
35
Q.Whichofthefollowingbestdescribesyouintermsofkeepingkosher?
•  Strictlykosher;Mostlykosher;Somewhatkosher;Notatkosher;Notsure/Noresponse
(n=223;excludesonerespondentwhoanswered“Notsure/Noresponse”)
Children’sReligiousOrienta/onandSchool–Amongthosewithchildrenatthe/methey
leK,40%saidtheirchildrenwerefullyormostlyreligious.Amongthosewithcurrent
school-agechildren,50%saidtheysentthechildrentoaJewishreligiousschool.
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
Children’sCurrentReligiousStatusTypeofSchoolChildrenApend
Other
10%
Mixedreligious/
secular
37%
Other14%
Fullyormostly
religious
40%
Fullyormostly
secular
13%
PublicorPrivate
Non-Jewish
School29%
JewishReligious
School45%
JewishNonOrthodoxSchool
12%
Askedofthosewhohadchildrenatthe%metheyleIthecommunity(seeappendixpage65):
Q.Howwouldyoudescribeyourchild(ren)’scurrentreligiousorientaFon?
•  Fullyormostlyreligious;Fullyormostlysecular;Mixedreligious/secular;Other–Pleasedescribe
Askedofthosewhosechildrenarecurrentlyschool-age:
Q.Whattypeofschool(s)doyourchild(ren)currentlya1end?Pleasecheckallthatapply.
•  JewishReligiousSchool;JewishNon-OrthodoxSchool;PublicorPrivateNon-JewishSchool;None–theyarenotschoolage;Other–Pleasedescribe
(n=60andn=44,respecFvely)
36
Children’sSchoolandSummerCamp–Amongrespondentswhocurrently
havechildren,about60%statedthattheysenttheirchildrentoJewishday
schoolandJewishsummercamp.
Yes
No
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
Some/mesorsomeofthem
Sendschool-agechildrentoaJewish
dayschool
59%
Sendcamp-agechildrentoaJewish
summercamp
62%
28%
30%
13%
8%
•  Thiscomparestothe
Pewfindingthat81%
ofOrthodoxJewswith
atleastonechildat
homehaveenrolled
thatchildinayeshiva
orJewishdayschool.
Q.Doyou…(Excludesthosewithnochildrencurrentlyage-appropriateforthequesFons.)
a.  Sendyourschool-agechild(ren)toaJewishdayschool?Excludesthosewithnochildrencurrentlyage-appropriateforthequesFons.
b.  Sendyourcamp-agechild(ren)toaJewishsummercamp?
•  Scale:Yes;No;SomeFmesorsomeofthem;Idonothavechildrenofthatage,orcustodialdecision-making
(n=85and83forpartsaandb,respecFvely)
37
ViewsonIntermarriage–Nearlyhalf(47%)indicatedtheywouldbeveryor
somewhatupsetifachildoftheirsintermarried.
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
Don’tknow
10%
Verymuch
28%
Notatall
29%
•  Women(51%)wouldbemore
upsetthanmen(41%)ifa
childoftheirsintermarried.
Somewhat
19%
Slightly
14%
38
Q.Towhatextentwoulditupsetyouifachildofyoursmarriedanon-JewwhodidnotconverttoJudaism?
•  Verymuch;Somewhat;Slightly;Notatall;Don’tknow
(n=228)
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
JewishIden/ty,Rela/onshipsandCommunity
39
CurrentJewishSelf-Iden/fica/on–Respondents’Jewishaffilia/onsweremore“selfdefined”thanconformingtocommondenomina/ons,with60%labelingthemselvesas
tradi/onal,secular/humanist,cultural/ethnicor“justJewish.”Only15%iden/fied
themselvesasmembersofadenomina/on.
Idonotconsider
myselfJewish
3%
Other
16%
Chasidic
<0.5%
Cultural/ethnicJewish
(or"justJewish")
35%
ModernOrthodox
5%
Reform
2%
Conserva/ve
8%
Orthoprax
6%
Tradi/onal
17%
Secular/Humanist
Jewish
8%
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
•  Therewereonlysmall
differencesbetween
menandwomen.
•  Pewfoundthat70%of
Jewsiden/fywitha
denomina/on(Reform
35%,Conserva/ve18%,
Orthodox10%,Other
Denomina/ons6%),a
muchhigherpercentage
thanamongour
respondents(15%).
Q.WhichofthefollowingbestdescribeshowyouseeyourJewishaffiliaFonatthisFme?
•  Cultural/ethnicJewish(or"justJewish”);Secular/HumanistJewish;TradiFonal;Orthoprax;ConservaFve;Reform;ModernOrthodox;Yeshivish/Litvish;Chasidish(spelledas
Chasidicinthechartabove);IdonotconsidermyselfJewish;Other–Pleasedescribe
(n=229)
40
ImportanceofBeingJewish–Averystrongmajority(78%)ofsurvey
respondentsstatedthatbeingJewishwasveryorsomewhatimportantto
them.
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
Idonotconsidermyself
Jewish
Don’tknow
3%
2%
Notatallimportant
6%
•  WomenstatedthatbeingJewishismore
importanttothemthandidmen;the
percentagesta/ngitwas“veryimportant”
was53%forwomenand42%formen.
Notveryimportant
11%
Veryimportant
47%
Somewhatimportant
31%
•  Pewfoundthat82%ofallAmericanJews
and99%ofModernOrthodoxsaidthat
beingJewishisveryorsomewhatimportant
tothem.
Q.Rightnow,howimportantisbeingJewishinyourlife?
•  Veryimportant;Somewhatimportant;Notveryimportant;Notatallimportant;IdonotconsidermyselfJewish;Don’tknow
(n=228)
41
ImportanceofBeinginaJewishCommunityandPartoftheJewishPeople–Strong
majori/esstatedthatbeinginaJewishcommunitywasveryorsomewhatimportant
tothem(61%),aswashaveastrongsenseofbelongingtotheJewishpeople(76%).
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
ImportanceofBeinginaJewishCommunitySenseofBelongingtotheJewishPeople
Don'tknow
2%
Notstrong
atall
8%
Notso
strong
14%
Don’tknow
1%
Notatall
Important
17%
Very
important
28%
Verystrong
51%
Notvery
important
21%
Somewhat
strong
26%
Somewhat
important
33%
•  BeingpartofaJewishcommunityisabitmoreimportantto
women(31%sayitisveryimportant)thanitistomen(25%).
•  Pewfoundthat70%ofAmericanJewsand99%ofModern
OrthodoxsaidbeingpartofaJewishcommunitywasan
essen/alorimportantpartofwhatbeingJewishmeansto
them.
•  SenseofbelongingtotheJewishpeopleisalsostrongeramong
women(56%sayitisverystrong)thanitisamongmen(46%)
•  Pewfoundthat75%ofallAmericanJewsand100%ofModern
Orthodoxagreedthattheyhaveastrongsenseofbelongingtothe
Jewishpeople.(Theques/onhadagree,disagreeanddon’tknow
op/ons.)
Q.Rightnow,howimportantisittoyoutobepartofaJewishcommunity?
•  Veryimportant;Somewhatimportant;Notveryimportant;Notatallimportant;Don’tknow
(n=228)
Q.WouldyousayyoursenseofbelongingtotheJewishpeopleis:
•  Verystrong;Somewhatstrong;Notsostrong;Notstrongatall;Don’tknow
(n=227)
42
FamilyRela/onships–Respondents’rela/onshipswiththeirfamilywere
generallyposi/ve,althoughmenhadbeperrela/onshipswiththeirparents
thandidwomen.
Veryposi/ve
Somewhatposi/ve
Mixedrela/onship
Somewhatnega/ve
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
Verynega/ve
%Very/SomewhatPosi/ve
AllMenWomen
Yourfather
Yourmother
Youroldest
sibling
Youryoungest
sibling
Yourchild(ren)
46%
23%
49%
24%
43%
31%
50%
24%
88%
14%
10%
12%
14%
12%
7%
69%
73%
63%
9%
74%
78%
68%
8% 3%
74%
75%
71%
74%
75%
72%
2%
9% 1%
0% 97%
98%
96%
6%
7%
6%
•  MenwhohaveleKtheircommunityhavemaintainedbeperfamilyrela/onshipswiththeirparentsthanhave
women:beperwithfather(73%vs.63%posi/ve);withmother(78%vs.68%posi/ve).
Q.HowisyourcurrentrelaFonshipwitheachofthefollowing?(Percentagesexcludethoseresponding“Notrelevant/nosuchpersoninmylife”)
•  Yourfather;Yourmother;Youroldestsibling;Youryoungestsibling;Yourchild(ren)
•  Scale:VeryposiFve;SomewhatposiFve;MixedrelaFonship;SomewhatnegaFve;VerynegaFve;Notrelevant/nosuchpersoninmylife
(nexcludingthoseresponding“Notrelevant/nosuchpersoninmylife”=185,197,173,176,118forthefiveitems,respecFvely)
43
FamilyAcceptance–RespondentsoKenvisittheirfamilies(85%),andwhiletheyhave
seengrowingacceptance(61%),fewerthanhalfstatedthattheirfamiliesunderstand
theirdecisions(45%).Differencesbetweenmenandwomenarenotsignificant.
Stronglyagree
Somewhatagree
Neitheragreenordisagree
TheyacceptmeasIam.
33%
Imeetwiththem/visitthem.
Iammoreincontactwithmyfamilynowthanwhen
IfirstleKthecommunity.
TheyunderstandthedecisionsI’vemaderela/ngto
myreligiousprac/cesandbeliefs.
Theyhavecometoacceptme,despitemydecisions.
Somewhatdisagree
32%
62%
14%
14%
19%
32%
Stronglydisagree
10%
23%
38%
26%
20%
29%
11%
18%
20%
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
%Very/SomewhatPosi/ve
AllMenWomen
65%
66%
62%
6%6%4%
85%
85%
82%
23%
28%
28%
26%
17%
45%
43%
48%
8% 11%
61%
58%
64%
15%
10%
Q.Thinkingofyourbirthfamily,towhatextentdoyouagreewiththefollowingstatements?(Percentagesexcludethoseresponding“Statementnotrelevanttome”)
•  TheyacceptmeasIam;Imeetwiththem/visitthem;IammoreincontactwithmyfamilynowthanwhenIfirstleIthecommunity;TheyunderstandthedecisionsI’ve
maderelaFngtomyreligiouspracFcesandbeliefs;Theyhavecometoacceptme,despitemydecisions.
•  Scale:Stronglyagree;Somewhatagree;Neitheragreenordisagree;Somewhatdisagree;Stronglydisagree;Statementnotrelevanttome
(nexcludingthoseresponding“Statementnotrelevanttome”=216,217,167,206,190forthefiveitems,respecFvely)
44
FamilyRela/onshipsandAcceptance–Rela/onshipswithparentsand
siblings,aswellasfamilyacceptanceandunderstandingimproveover/me.
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
90%
•  Rela/onshipswithparents
andsiblingsimproveover
/me,althoughtheythen
plateau.Rela/onships
withsiblingsaregenerally
goodforall/meperiods;
rela/onshipswithchildren
arenotshowninthechart,
astheyarehigh(95%+)
acrossall/meperiods.
80%
30%
Theyacceptme,despitemy
decisions
•  Familyacceptanceand
understandingboth
increasesubstan/allyover
/me.
20%
Theyunderstandthe
decisionsI'vemade
70%
Rela/onshipwithfather
60%
Rela/onshipwithmother
50%
Rela/onshipwithsiblings
40%
10%
0%
<5Years
5to9+
10+Years
YearsSinceLeKCommunity
45
CommunityConnec/ons–One-thirdofrespondentsstatedthats/llfeelconnectedtotheir
Orthodoxcommunityoforigin,andabouthalfindicatedtheyhaveconnec/onstonewcommuni/es.
Whilemorethanhalfwerehappywiththeircurrentcommunityconnec/ons(withwomenhappier
thanmen),aboutasmanyfeltsomethingmissingfromthoseconnec/ons.
Stronglyagree
Somewhatagree
Neitheragreenordisagree
27%
IcurrentlyfeelconnectedtoanewJewishcommunity
(nottheoneinwhichIgrewup).
22%
Icurrentlyfeelconnectedtoanon-Jewishcommunity
(onewhereJewishnesshaslipleornorelevance).
21%
Ifeelsomethingismissingfrommy“community
connec/ons.”
Stronglydisagree
%Very/SomewhatPosi/ve
AllMenWomen
Is/llfeelconnectedtotheOrthodoxcommunityinwhich
6%
Igrewup.
Iamhappywiththe“communityconnec/ons”thatI
have.
Somewhatdisagree
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
27%
16%
10%
31%
26%
31%
37%
20%
37%
13% 9%
16%
10%
16%
17%
25%
28%
19%
8%
22%
7%
33%
36%
32%
53%
56%
54%
47%
47%
45%
58%
51%
64%
53%
52%
55%
Q.Doyouagreewiththefollowingstatements?(Percentagesexcludethoseresponding“Statementnotrelevanttome”)
•  IsFllfeelconnectedtotheOrthodoxcommunityinwhichIgrewup;Icurrentlyfeelconnectedtoanew;Jewishcommunity(nottheoneinwhichIgrewup);Icurrentlyfeel
connectedtoacommunitywherebeingJewishhasli1leornorelevance;Iamhappywiththe“communityconnecFons”thatIhave;Ifeelsomethingismissingfrommy
“communityconnecFons.”
•  Scale:Stronglyagree;Somewhatagree;Neitheragreenordisagree;Somewhatdisagree;Stronglydisagree;Statementnotrelevanttome
(nexcludingthoseresponding“Statementnotrelevanttome”=218,205,198,215,219forthefiveitems,respecFvely)
46
ApachmenttoIsrael–Respondents’emo/onalapachmenttoIsraelwas
strong,with49%sayingtheywereveryapached,andanother32%saying
theyweresomewhatapached.
Don'tknow
1%
Notatallapached
8%
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
•  Womenaremoreemo/onallyapachedto
Israelthanaremen,with86%vs.77%very
orsomewhatapached(and54%vs.47%
veryapached).
Notveryapached
10%
Veryapached
49%
Somewhat
apached
32%
•  Pewfoundthat69%ofallAmericanJews
and99%ofModernOrthodoxwereveryor
somewhatapachedtoIsrael.
47
Q.HowemoFonallya1achedareyoutoIsrael?
•  Verya1ached;Somewhata1ached;Notverya1ached;Notatalla1ached;Don’tknow
(n=225)
JewishCommunitySocialAc/vism–Morethanone-thirdofrespondentssaid
theywereac/veinJewishcommunalsocialissues.
AreaCurrentlyAc/ve
Currentlyac/ve
38%
Notac/ve,and
noplansto
becomeac/ve
45%
Notac/ve,but
wanttobe
17%
Jewisheduca/on
OTDcommunity
Women'srole,issues
Jewishorganiza/onalinvolvement
Synagogue
Israel
Jewishissues,policy
Progressiveissues
AreaWan/ngtoBeAc/ve
OTDcommunity
LGBTQ
Educa/on
Israeladvocacy,issues
Abuse,advocacyforyouth
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
%
20%
13%
13%
13%
13%
10%
10%
10%
Women19%
Men3%
%
22%
22%
17%
17%
14%
48
Q.AreyoucurrentlyacFvein,ordoyouwanttobeacFvein,socialissuesthataffecttheJewishcommunity?
•  IamcurrentlyacFveonJewishcommunalsocialissue(s);IamcurrentlynotacFve,butIwanttobecomeacFve;Iamcurrentlynot
acFve,andhavenoplanstobecomeacFve
(n=229)Note:percentagesassociatedwithareasofinterestarebasedonsmallsamplesizesandshouldbeviewedasdirecFonal.
Poli/calLeanings–RespondentsweremuchmoreoKenpoli/callyliberal
(56%)thanconserva/ve(10%).
Conserva/ve
Very
7%
conserva/ve
3%
•  Womenandmenhadvirtuallyiden/cal
poli/calleanings.
Moderate
21%
Liberal
28%
Other8%
Notpoli/cal
6%
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
•  Surveyrespondentsweremoremore
liberalthatallAmericanJews,aswas
showninthePewSurvey,whichfound
49%tobeliberal,29%moderateand19%
conserva/ve.
Veryliberal
28%
49
Q.Ingeneral,howwouldyoudescribeyourpoliFcalviews?
VeryconservaFve;ConservaFve;Moderate;Liberal;Veryliberal;IamnotpoliFcal;Other–PleaseDescribe
(n=225)
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
CurrentSupportNeeded
SourcesofSupportUsed
50
CurrentNeeds–Respondents’topneedsareinge}ngopportuni/estosocializemorewith
peoplelikethemselves(37%),andhelpinfeelingtheyarepartofaJewishcommunity(25%).
Oneareawithasta/s/callysignificantdifferencebetweenmenandwomenwasintheir
wan/nghelptofeelapartoftheJewishcommunity(men18%vs.women30%).
Helpinsocializingmorewithpeoplelikeyourself
37%
HelpingyoufeelthatyouarepartofaJewishcommunity
25%
Helpinda/ngandrela/onships
17%
Emo/onalsupport,tofigureout“whoyouare”
17%
Helpfindinganswerstoreligious/spiritualques/ons
17%
Helpinfindingajob,developingacareervisionandplan
13%
Help/counselingforyourparents/family
Helpinfindingaplacetolive
Men18%,Women30%*
Men21%,Women15%
15%
Findingatherapist
HelpingyoutofeelJewish
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
Men15%,Women9%
8%
6%
5%
Men8%,Women3%
*DifferenceisstaFsFcallysignificantatthe95%level.
Q.Inthelistbelow,pleasecheckthemostimportantneedsyoumayhaveatthisFme(upto5)
•  EducaFonalcounseling,e.g.,geungaGED/TASChighschooldegree,findingscholarshipfunding;Helpinfindingajoband/ordevelopingacareervisionandplan;Helpin
findingaplacetolive;HelpinlearningnewskillsandhowtoparFcipateinsociety;HelpinrelaFngtodaFngandrelaFonships;HelprelaFngtodivorceorchildcustody;
Help/counselingforyourparents/family;Findingatherapist;HelpingyoufeelthatyouarepartofaJewishcommunity;HelpingivingyouemoFonalsupport,tofigureout
“whoyouare”;Helpingivingyoureferralstopeopleyoucouldspeakwithforvariousneeds;HelpingivingyouopportuniFestosocializemorewithpeoplelikeyourself;
HelpingyoutofeelJewish;HelpfindinganswerstoreligiousandspiritualquesFons;Other–Pleasedescribe;Noneoftheabove;.
(n=206)
51
PastSourcesofSupport–81%ofwomensaidtheyhaveneededatleastonetypeofsupport,
comparedto73%ofmen.Themostfrequentsourcesofsupporthavebeenfriends(53%),Facebook
groupsorothersocialmedia(24%),rela/ves(22%)andcommunity/rabbinicleaders(16%).Overall,
WomenreliedabitmoreoKenonfriendsforsupport,whilemenreliedmoreoKenonrela/ves.
Friends
53%
Facebookgrouporothersocialmedia
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
Men50%,Women56%
24%
Rela/ves
22%
Communityleaders,rabbis,etc.
Men27%,Women18%
16%
Footsteps 2%
Otherorganiza/ons/resourcesinJewish
community
Organiza/ons/resourcesoutsideJewish
community
Ididnotgotoanyoftheabove
Ihavenotneededsuchsupportservices
6%
6%
16%
23%
81%ofwomensaidtheyhaveneededatleast
onetypeofsupport,comparedto73%ofmen
Q.Thinkingofthevarioussupportservicesyoumayhaveneededsinceyoustartedmovingawayfromyourcommunity,wheredidyougoforsuchservices?
•  Pleasecheckallthatapply.;Friends;RelaFves;Communityleaders,rabbis,etc.;Facebookgrouporothersocialmedia;Footsteps;ProjectMakom;OtherorganizaFons/
resourcesintheJewishcommunity–Pleasedescribe;OrganizaFons/resourcesoutsidetheJewishcommunity–Pleasedescribe;Ididnotgotoanyoftheabove;Ihavenot
neededsuchsupportservices
(n=207)
52
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
FinalThoughtsandReflec/ons
Ø 
HelpingOthersUnderstandYou
WhatYouMightHaveDoneDifferently
Ø 
AdvicetoThoseConsideringLeaving
Ø 
53
FinalThoughtsandReflec/ons–Introduc/on
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
•  Theobjec/veofthissurveywastogiverespondentsavoice–achanceto
communicatetheirthoughtstothelargerJewishpopula/on–andtostarta
conversa/on.Thefollowingthreeques/ons,dealingwithfinalthoughtsand
reflec/ons,wereintheformofopen-endedcommentques/ons,andresponses
werenotmandatory.Thevastmajorityofrespondentstookthe/metoreply,
oKeninpoignantandverythough~ullanguage,indica/ngthatrespondents
valuedthisopportunitytobeheard.
•  Thissec/onpresentsasampleofverba/mcommentsinresponsetothethree
ques/ons.Werecommendthatthesecommentsberead,astheyhelpcreatea
beperunderstandingofthosewhohaveleKtheOrthodoxcommunity.Forthat
reasonweareincludingtwopagesofverba/mcommentsforeachofthese
threeconcludingques/ons.
•  Alloftheverba/mcommentswillbemadeavailableinsubstan/velyunedited
form(althoughwewilldominoredi/ngthatmightbeneededtomaintaintotal
anonymity,i.e.,anythingthatmightleadtoaconcernaboutpossiblybeing
iden/fied…aswehavedonetothecommentsshownonthefollowingpages).
54
Manypeopledon’twellunderstandthosewhohaveleK,ormayleave,theirOrthodox
communityoforigin.Whatdoyouwanttotellpeopleaboutthisgroup?
SampleVerba/mResponses
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
•  Bemoretolerant.Moreopenmindedingeneral.Toomuchjudgement.Jewsshouldfeelconnectedandappreciateddespitetheir
affilia<onorprac<ce.Orthodoxyistooinsularandfearfulandcontrolling.Notreallyspiritualinprac<ce.
•  Communityisgreataslongasyoudon'tveeroffsetpath-i.e.Gotosamecamp,school,synagogue,evenvaca<ontogether.Non
conformityisrejectedSheepfollowingmindlessherd.
•  EveryoneoneisdifferentEveryonehasdifferentlevelsofreligionEveryonehasdifferentreac<onstothemIt'simpossibletogeneralize
Youcan'tforcesomeonetobelieveYoucan'tshamethemYoucan'tembaracethemMaybejustacceptthemforwhotheyare.
•  IcanonlyspeakabouttheModernOrthodoxcommunity,butpeopleshouldrealizethatitdoesalottopushpeopleout—especially
converts.Thetreatmentofconvertsisabysmal;evencommuni<esthatthinktheydoagoodjoboienmarginalizedthem,givetheir
rabbiuncheckedpowertoabuse.
•  Ican'tspeakforall.Itwasexcrucia<ng.Imissit,butdon'ttrustanymore.Domes<cviolenceisashonda.
•  Idon’tknow,Idon'tfeelcomfortablerepresen<ngthisgroup.Ifeellikethissurveywasn'tmadeforme.Ifeelreallyaloneinthatvein.I
feellikeI'mnotsupposedtobethisway.LikeIgotcaughtupinacrackandwasmisassembled.
•  Ijustdon'tbelieveinGod.It'sthatsimple.IbelievetheTorahwaswriWenbyhumanbeingsdesperatetounderstandaworldthatdid
notmakesense,andinterpretedbyrabbiswhomayhavedonethebesttheycouldwiththewisdomoftheirera,butwhoareneither
holynoren<relyrelevantinamodernera--indeed,someoftheirbeliefsareabsolutelyoffensivetome.Noonehurtme:Iwasnot
abusedoraddictedormolestedorunloved;myparentsarewonderful,andIwas,andam,aproduc<veandhappymemberofsociety.I
justdonotbelieve.AndIamnottheonlyone.
•  IunderstandthatgoingOTDmaybeamistake.ButthereasonIdiditwassothatwhenIdieIcanclaimthatI'velivedavariedlife,and
experiencedasmuchasIpossiblycould.
•  Leavingorthodoxy,evengivingupabeliefinGod,doesnotmeangivingupJudaism.
•  Mostlypeoplewhowerefedupwiththeridiculousjudgementandgossipthatrunssodeepinmanyorthodoxcommuni<eswhenthose
samepeoplepretendtobeperfectOrthodoxJews-peoplewhoweresickofthehypocrisy.Alsopeoplewhorealizedthatwomenarenot
justvesselsforhavingbabies.
•  Myfaithandobservancechangesallthe<me.It'snotfixed.MyfeelingsaboutmyJewishiden<tyaswellasmyJewishdesiresisalways
influx.ButnomaWerwhereIaminthatrollercoaster,Ialwaysfeeldifferentandnoteverquiteapartofanything.
•  Noteveryoneleavesbecauseofabuse,dysfunc<on,etc.Manyleavebecauseofgenuineintellectualinquiry.Ialsobecameirreligious
withoutfanfareordrama.Simplyconcludedthatreligion-orthetheologybehindit-doesn'tdoanythingforme.Ianalsofortunateto
liveinanaccep<ngmodernorthodoxcommunityandhaveawifeandfamilythatacceptswhoIaminspiteofourreligiousdifferences.
Con%nued
55
Manypeopledon’twellunderstandthosewhohaveleK,ormayleave,theirOrthodox
communityoforigin.Whatdoyouwanttotellpeopleaboutthisgroup?(Con%nued)
SampleVerba/mResponses
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
•  ThatIamveryhappyandcontentwiththelifethatI'vebuilt.ThatI'mgratefulforthoseintheorthodoxcommunityinwhichIwas
raisedwhoprovidedmewithawonderfulculturalandseculareduca<on.Howeverwhateverposi<vesIreceivedisnotoutweighedby
themysogyny,racism,homophobia,andbigotrythatwastaughtandlivedaspartofanorthodoxcurriculumandlifepath.It'snot
somethingIwantinmyhomeandwhiletherearemanywonderfulvaluesIlearnedgrowingup,Idon'tneedtoexposemysontothose
values.
•  TheideaofaJewishGodissimplis<c,ignorantofbothscienceandhistory,andmostofall,false.Beingproudofyourtradi<onsand
heritagearefineaslongastheydon'tcontributetoevilintheworld.Oppressionofwomen,LGBTandbeliefinthe"other"statusofnonJewsisinmymindcontribu<ngto"evil."Idon'tthinkmostorthodoxpeopleareevilbutIdon'tthinktheyfacetherealitythattheydo
oienbelieveevilthingsandcontributetohatredandoppressionintheworld…Theyare"offthederech"ifbyderechwemeanaloving
andmoralworld.Peoplewholeavesimplychoosetorejectfalsehoodandimmorality.Nottomen<onprosciuWoisf-ingdelicious.
•  Thesurprisingthingisnotwhysomanypeopleleave,buywhysomanypeoplestay.The"OrthodoxLifestyle",perhapsbestexemplified
bytheidyllicShabbatmeal,holdsalotofappealforpeople.TheprototypicalOrthodoxpersonissomeonewhohasafamily,andthe
OrthodoxLifestylecanonlyreallymanifestitselfwhenapersonhasaspouseandchildren.Peopleinmypeergroup(includingmyself)
whowerenotespeciallysuccessfulintermsofda<ngwithintheOrthodoxcommunity(perhapsduetonotconformingtoOrthodox
normsinvariousways,despitebeingobservant)tendedtomovefurtherawayfromOrthodoxy.
•  Theuniverseisafartoocomplicatedplacetobeexplainedawayusingbronzeagemythologyandmorallessonssupposedlyimpartedby
adeitybutmorelikelyconceivedofandinterpretedbyintrinsicallyflawedhumans.SomeleaveOrthodoxyasameansofresolving
cogni<vedissonance,othersleaveforemo<onalreasons.Thereisnoonethingthatuniteseveryone.
•  Thereisano<ceableschismbetweenthevaluesoftheOrthodoxworldandthevaluesofthegreatersociety.Livinginalarge
metropolis,IwasconstantlyfacedwitheitherJewishpeoplewhorefusedtoacceptmodernideaslikethatofLGBTQprideorfeminism,
orsecularpeoplethatpointedouttheridiculeinbelievingthateverywordofcommentarywriWenbyaFrenchscholarhundredsofyears
agowasundisputabletrue(Rashi).Whenmeasuredwithadecentamountofobjec<vity,theJewishvaluewilllosetothesecularoneten
<mesoutoften.
•  Wehaverealizedthatwewerelivingafarce.TheBiblewaswriWenbymen,thelawsarebasedonprimi<veideaswhichforthemost
partarenolongerapplicable.ThereisnoMessiahcoming,thereisnogodwatchingoverus.
•  We'renotallabusedormentallyill,andwe'renotalllookingtolivealifeofhenerus.AlotofusfeelfulfilledwithoutJudaism.Ifeel
muchmorefulfilledinlifenowmorethanever.Intermsofthementalillnessandabusething:thereare,yet,manyabusevic<msand
peoplewithmentalillnessintheOTDcommunity.Onethingisforsure:iftheJewishcommunitywasasafehavenforpeoplewiththose
issues,theywouldnothavelei.It'sontheJewishcommunitytochangethat.
•  YourversionofJudaismisnottheonlyoneinexistence.AndJudaismisn'tnecessarilyforeveryJew.Themorerepressiveandrestric<ve
youmakeOrthodoxy,thelessappealingitisforthoseinthecommunity,andespeciallythosewhochoosetoleave.
56
Lookingbackatyourexperiences,whatifanythingwouldyouhavedonedifferently?
SampleVerba<mResponses
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
•  AbandonedShabbatobservancesooner.Spentless<mewastedinyeshiva.
•  Askedmyparentstoswitchmetoanon-orthodoxschool.
•  Beenmoreinvolvedinthecommunitytofosterastrongerconnec<ontoit/them
•  Beenmytrueselfearlier
•  Gonetoco-edhighschoolandsecularcollege(asopposedtoYU)Spentless<melearningTorahandmore<melearningmathand
science.
•  Greatques<on.Idon'tknow.MymoveawayfromOrthodoxywasandcon<nuestobehardformyparentsbuttheyareproudofmeand
mydecisions.Iregretthatmyhouseisn'tkosherbecauseIwishmyfatherwouldeatmycooking.Thankfully,myparentshavecomeover
andwegetBoroParktake-outandeatonpaper!
•  Ilikelywouldhavestoodupmoreformyhusbandthatconverted.Beingacceptedatallcostsweresuchabigoverarchingthemeinmy
lifeandit'sanunhealthymindset.NowthereisnopretenseandjudgementwhenImeetnewpeople.
•  Iwassuspiciousofourcharisma<c,moles<ngrabbiforyears,butkeptmyconcernstomyself.IwishIhadexpressedtheseearlier,and
savedmyfamilyfromtheemo<onalabuseheinflicted.
•  IwishIhadfoundsomeonetovalidatemyques<onsinsteadofbeingmadetofeellikeadisappointment.MaybeIshouldn'thavecared
somuch...
•  Iwouldhavebeenmoreconfidenttobemyselfandexpecttobeacceptedortheydidn'tdeserveme.Hindsightis20/20andIwishI
didn'thavetogothoughthetormentofdoub<ngwhoIamandhavingtofeelhorriblefornotsharingthebeliefsofthosearoundme.
•  Iwouldhavebeenupfrontwithmyfamilyearlieron.
•  Iwouldhave"comeoriftheclosetsooner".Itwouldhavebeeneasierandlessstressfulonme..AndImaynothavegoWenmarriedto
thewrongmanbecauseIfeltIhadtobemarriedtobeworthanything
•  IwouldhaveestablishedmyselfinamodernorthodoxcommunitywithashulthatIcouldenoyandarabbiIrespectandafeelingof
spirituality
•  Iwouldhavefinishedcollegesooner.Igotcaughtupintheemo<onalissuesandnega<vecopingbehaviorsasayoungadult(that
involvedbothOTD-relatedandnon-OTD-relatedpersonalproblems)andat<mesfeltcompletelyhopelessandlikeawaste.Idropped
outofcollege,madealotofbaddecisions,anddidsomethingsIs<llregret.IwishIhadcopedbeWer,stayedinschool,andgotmoving
onmycareersooner.(Asanaside,Ididfinallygetcontrolofmybehaviors/emo<ons,finishedschool,andamworkingmywaythrougha
career,sothingsdidworkoutintheend.IjustwishIhadfiguredthesethingsoutsoonersothatIcouldbefurtheralongfinanciallyand
career-wiseatthispoint.)
Con%nued
57
Lookingbackatyourexperiences,whatifanythingwouldyouhavedonedifferently?
(Con%nued)
SampleVerba<mResponses
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
•  IwouldhavegoWenoutofmymarriageornotgoWenmarried.
•  Iwouldhaveskippedthedecadeoflivingadoublelifeandjustmadeasharpbreak.
•  Iwould'vehavegoWenmarriedsoyoung-IhardlyknewwhoIwasatthe<meletaloneanotherhumanbeing.
•  Iwouldhavespokentosomeoneaboutmyconcernsanddesiretoexploreac<vi<esthatweren'talwaysconsideredtradi<onalfora
goodJewishkid.
•  Movedwhenkidsswitchedtopublicschools.WeloveJudaismjustnotlotsofJews.CannotstayinOrthocommunityofyoutake
differentpaths.
•  nope.IfeelstronglythatIamhappythatihaveastrongjudaiclearningbackgroundthathasstoodmewellmyen<readultand
paren<nglife.itisimportantothavethatupbringingtobeabletomakedecisionsaboutreligionformastrengthofknowledge
standpointratherthanaweaknessofignorance.Howdoyouknowifyoudontwanttobereligious(orbelieveinhashem)ifyoudon't
evenknowanythingaboutthoseconcepts?
•  Nothing.Ihadtotransi<onwhiles<llmarriedtoaveryspiritualandGodfearinghusband.SoIdiditdiscreetlyandslowlysohewould
notfreakout.He'scometotermswithmybeliefsandrespectsthem.
•  Nothing.IwishthereweremoresupportservicesforModernOrthodoxteenagers.Thoughwedon'tfacethesamemagnitudeof
struggleasthosefromtheultra-Orthodoxcommunity,therearesignificantemo<onalchallenges.Manyindividualsturntodrugs--
probablyduetothelackofsupportnetwork.Thisissomethingthaturgentlyneedstobefixed.
•  Nothing.I'maveryindependentthinkerandnaturallybristleatconstraintsandrules,especiallywhentheyfeelarbitrary.Idonot
believethat"God",whateverthatis,cameupwithalltheserequirementsfora"chosen"groupofpeople.No,wearenotchosen.ButI
enjoycholentandbabkaandIsraelidancingandspeakingHebrew,andIonlylamentthatthereisn'tabeWerwaytopassthesecultural
aspectsofJudaismdowntomyson.He'lljusthavetofindhisownpath,whateverthatmaybe.
•  Ques<onedRabbisandteacherswhentheywerehypocri<calorbashedothersects.
•  Searchedmoreac<velytofindothersinmysitua<on.
•  Some<meIwonderwhyIneveraskedanyhardques<onsduringmyprimaryandhighschoolJewisheduca<on.Ineverasked"howdoI
knowthisistrue".ItbothersmethatIdidnotthinkcri<callybackthen.Butingeneral,IdonotregretmydecisiontoleaveandIwould
nothavedoneanythingdifferently.Soughtprofessionalhelpincomingtotermswithmysexualityatamuchyoungerage.
•  WasafraidifImarriedanonjewmyfamilywouldhavebeenupset.Maybedisownedme.SoImarriedthefirstjewishgirlfriendwho
couldstandmeformorethan5minutes.Notagreatselec<onprocessforalifepartner.
•  Wouldhavelostreligionasasinglemanratherthanmarried,inareligiouscommunity.
58
Inconclusion,whatadvicewouldyougivetootherswhoareconsideringleavingtheir
Orthodoxcommunity,foramoremodernlifestyle?
SampleVerba<mResponses
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
•  Askwhatyouwantoutoflifetruly.Onceyoucanhonestlyanswer,thenyoucanmakechoicesthatwillgetyouwantyouwant.Most
wholeavecompletelyareunhappybecausethatisNOTwhattheytrulywanted.Theywanttobepartofaclosecommunitywithjewish
ins<tu<ons.
•  Bebold,bebrave,andmakechoicesforYOU.Thepeoplewhosupportyouwillbecomeimmenselyimportantinyourlife,andthosethat
can'torchoosenottowereneverreallyinvestedinyourhappinessforyoursakeanyway.
•  Bera<onalwhenmakingdecisions-notemo<onal.
•  Betruetoyourselfanddon'thurtanyoneelseintheprocess.
•  Doitbeforeyou'remarriedandbeforeyouhavechildrenwhoare'plugged'intothecommunity.
•  Doit!Theworldishugeandfascina<ng.Don'tbeafraid.Therearetonsofwaystobuildcommunityandnon-Jewsaren'tscaryandthey
don'tallwanttokillyou!IwishIwasmoreexposedtonon-Jewsandalternatewaysofbuildingcommunity.Iwouldjustsayreligion
isn'ttheonlywaytobuildastrongcommunity.
•  Dowhatmakesyouhappyandfeelsauthen<c.Thereislotsoflifebeyondreligiousritual.Andyourmoralcompasswillcon<nueeven
withoutthefearofbreakingreligiouslaw.Youdon'tneedtobereligiousorGodfearingtobeamoralperson.
•  Don'tfeelyouareabandoningyourself.YourJewishness,morals,valuesandeventradi<onsgowithyou.Rejec<ng"aview"doesn't
meanyouarerejec<ngyouriden<ty(andbyiden<tyIdon'tnecessarilymeanbeingreligious).Embraceitevenmoreandfocusin
bringingpeacetoyourlifeandothersbyrespec<ng.Lifeistooshort,butseriouslyshort,wedon'tevenknowifthisisit,ifthereis
anothershotforus.Ifyouloveyourselfandworkinyourhappinessthenthat'swhatyouwillhavetooffertotherestoftheworld.
•  Educa<oniscrucial.Learningawaytomakealivingtosupportoneselfiscrucial.Therapytoacquiresocialskillsandconfidencethat
werenotnecessarilytaughtathomeiscrucial.
•  FindpeopletoconnecttoandkeepsomeJewishconnec<onsalive.IfpossibledonotisolateorcompletelycutofffromJudaism.
•  Followyourstar.Judaism,fromatheisttohardcoreharedi,isaDIYproposi<on.
•  Geteduca<onandskillsnecessaryfortherealworld.
•  Getoutnowanddon'tlookback.Thereisawholewonderfulworldoutthere.AndmillionsofJewsliveinitveryhappilyandwell.You
don'tneedtobesubmergedin14thcenturyPolishMys<cism(thatwasnotthepeakofhumanciviliza<on)tobehappyandfullfilled.
•  Idon'tknowthatIhaveanyadvicetogive.Everyone'sjourneyisdifferent.IfapersoncametomeforadviceaboutleavingOrthodoxy,I
wouldwanttolistentothem,toheartheirconcernsandcomplaints.Iwouldurgethemtolistentotheirtrueselves,andfigureoutwhat
wouldberightfor*them*.
Con%nued
59
Inconclusion,whatadvicewouldyougivetootherswhoareconsideringleavingtheir
Orthodoxcommunity,foramoremodernlifestyle?(Con%nued)
SampleVerba<mResponses
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
•  Ithinkitisworthit.Ithinkmostpeopleshouldconsidertherapy.
•  IthinkthatOrthodoxyisonemodernlifestyleofmany.Iactuallydon'treallyfinditlessmodernthananyotherlifestylefoundin2016,
andthinkthatthewordingofthisques<oniskindofstrange.
•  IthinkwhatImightsayornotsaywoulddependonwhotheirindividualneedsandencouragethemtoexpandtheirmindand
experiencehonestly.
•  iforthodoxyhasanythingmeaningfultoyou,trytobringitwithyouorlookforamoreopencommunity
•  Ifyouwantcontroloveryourlife,youneedtogetout.Makenewfriends.justunderstandwhatyou'resacrificingbyremainingwithin
thecommunity,anddecidewhetherit'sworthitforyoutostay.
•  It'sreallyhardandreallypainful,butdoyoureallywanttoleadadouble-lifeoralwaysfightaninternal(orexternal)warbetweenwhat
youbelieveandwhatyourcommunity/familydemands?Myphysical,mental,emo<onal,healthhavealldrama<callyimprovedsinceI
becamefree.
•  Judaismdoesn'thavetobeanallornothing.IrecentlywenttooneoftheseOTDbbqcomprisedofalotoffootstepmemberandwas
horrifiedthatnonkoshermeatandpigproductswerebeingserved.There'sabigdifferencebetweenchoosingnottobeapartofthat
lifeandcompletelydisrespec<ngthosewhochosetoremain.Formeitwaseyeopeningasithighlightedthegreatdifferencesbetween
thosewholeavefromaplaceofintellectual/logicalreasoningversusthosefromanemo<onalplaceordueabadexperiencethatharbor
badwilltowardsothers.
•  Keepsearchingandfindingthepeopleyouneedtohelpyoumakethechangesyouwant.Alsoittakesalonglong<metodothis.Years.
•  ThatyoucanbeModernandOrthodox,insomeversionsofOrthodoxy2.Dowhatyourhearttellsyou-youhaveonlyonelife
•  Thereisamourningprocessthatmusthappenwhenyouleavethecommunity.Youareleavingsomethingverysubstan<albehind.Itis
normalandhealthytotake<metoacknowledgethisandallowyourselftomournit.Butonceyouhaveprocessedtheloss,thereisso
muchtogain:freedomtofindyourownwayinlife,withthepeopleandideasthatexciteyouthemost...yourlifebecomeswideopen,
withnooneelsedicta<ngitsdirec<on...andcompassionbecomeslimitlessandnotjustboundbytheconfinesofwhoisJewish.Its
wonderfulouthere.
•  Thinkcri<cally.Beawareyouwon'tsuddenlyfindfulfillment.Youmayneverfindfulfillment.Youwon'tsuddenlybehappy.Religionisn't
therootofallevil.Determinewhataretheaspectsofyourcommunitythatmakeyouuncomfortableandfigureoutiftheissueiswith
religion,orwiththepeopleyou'resurroundedby.Youranswersmaysurpriseyou.
•  Youcandoit.youarenotalone.youdon'tneedotherpeopletobestrong--strengthiswithinyourself.
60
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
Appendix–Demographics
61
GenderandAge–Respondentssplitevenlybetweenmenandwomen,witha
medianageof37foreach.
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
GenderAge
Transgender,
Other
2%
26%
20%
Female
49%
Male
49%
21%
13%
9%
6%
5%
17-20
21-24
25-29
30-34
35-44
45-54
55+
•  SurveyrespondentsareyoungerthanU.S.Jewryin
general.Pewshowedamedianageof50forallJews,and
40amongOrthodoxJews.
Q.Whatisyourgender?
•  Male;Female;Transgender;Other-Pleasedescribe
(n=208)
Q.Inwhatyearwereyouborn?
(n=202)
62
FamilyBackground–Morethanone-thirdofrespondents(36%)hadatleast
oneBaalTeshuvaparent,andEnglishwastheprimarylanguagespokenat
home(98%).
BaaleiTeshuvah,Converts,
ParentsPartofOrthodoxCommunity
Eitherorbothofyour
parentswereorareBaalei
Teshuvah
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
LanguagesSpokenatHome,GrowingUp
36%
98%
Eitherorbothofyour
parentshadconvertedto
Judaism
7%
Yourparentswerenever
partofanyOrthodox
community
8%
English
16%
17%
9%
Yiddish
Hebrew
Other
•  42%ofwomencamefroma“BTFamily”(at
leastoneparentBaalTeshuvah),compared
to31%ofmen.Whilenotsta/s/cally
significant,itisinteres/ng,aswehad
previouslyobservedthatthewomenhave
lessposi/verela/onshipswiththeirparents.
Q.Pleaseindicateif…
1.EitherorbothofyourparentswereorareBaaleiTeshuvah
2.EitherorbothofyourparentshadconvertedtoJudaism
3.YourparentswereneverpartofanyOrthodoxcommunity
•  Scale:Yes;No;Notsure/Noresponse
(n=212)
Q.Whatlanguageswerecommonlyspokeninyourhome,whenyouwere
growingup?
Pleasecheckallthatapply.
•  English;Yiddish;Hebrew;Other(s)–Pleasedescribe
(n=212)
63
WhereRespondentsCurrentlyReside–Surveyrespondentsaredispersedover
24statesandsixforeigncountries,with51%residingintheGreaterNYCarea.
13%
Brooklyn
12%
Manhapan
NewJersey
11%
Conn.-Mass.
6%
FiveTowns,L.I.
5%
Pennsylvania,Delaware
5%
NorthernCalifornia
4%
Illinois-ChicagoArea
4%
RocklandCounty
3%
Bronx,Queens,S.I.
3%
Westchester,UpstateNY
3%
MiamiArea
3%
TotalUSA87%
3%
WashingtonDCArea
SouthernCalifornia
2%
12%
OtherUSA
8%
Israel
3%
Canada
OtherOutsideUSA
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
2%
OutsideUSA13%
64
Q.Wheredoyoucurrentlylive?
•  IntheUSA-PleaseenterZipCode;OutsideUSA-PleaseenterCountry
(n=221)
Marital/Rela/onshipStatusandNumberofChildren
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
Rela/onshipStatusWhenLeKCommunityCurrentRela/onshipStatus
Separated
2%
Divorced
1%
Marriedtothe
samepersonto
whomIamnow
married
21%
1
19%
Divorced
9%
Marriedtoa
spousefrom
whomIamnow
divorcedor
separated
8%
Livingwitha
partner
1%
Inalong-term
rela/onship
3%
Single
64%
Numberofchildrenwhenstarted
movingawayfromcommunity
Separated
2%
Widowed
1%
Single
22%
•  Current
total%
married,
livingwith
apartner
orina
long-term
rela/onshipis62%
formen
and68%
for
women.
Married
49%
Inalong-term
rela/onship
9% Livingwitha
partner
8%
2
28%
3
22%
4
16%
5
9%
6+
2%
•  26%hadchildrenwhentheyfirststartedmovingawayfromtheircommunity,withanaverageamongthemof3children.
Thepercentageswithchildrenandthenumbersofchildrenwerevirtuallyiden/calformenandwomen.
Q.Whatisyourcurrentmarital/relaFonshipstatus?
•  Married;Livingwithapartner;Inalong-termrelaFonship;Single;Divorced;Separated;Widowed
(n=228)
Q.WhatwasyourmaritalstatuswhenyoufirstSTARTEDmovingawayfromtheOrthodoxcommunityinwhichyouwereraised?
•  MarriedtothesamepersontowhomIamnowmarried;MarriedtoaspousefromwhomIamnowdivorcedorseparated;Livingwithapartner;Inalong-termrelaFonship;Single;
Divorced;Separated;Widowed
(n=228)
Q.DidyouhaveanychildrenatthatFme(whenyoufirststartedmovingawayfromtheOrthodoxcommunityinwhichyouwereraised)?
•  Yes–Pleaseenternumberofchildren;No
(n=228)
65
Educa/on,Employment&Income–Respondentsareveryhighlyeducated,with51%
havingpost-graduatedegrees.Amajorityareemployedfull-/me(55%),self-employed
(11%)oremployedpart-/me(10%),andtheyhaveamedianincomeof$101,000.
Survey of
Those Who
Have Left the
Orthodox
Community
Educa/onEmploymentandIncome
Lessthanhighschooldegree
1%
HighschoolgraduateorGED
2%
Employedfull-/me
55%
Employedpart-/me 10%
Somecollege,nodegree 10%
Twoyearassociatedegree
Student 10%
•  Menandwomen
hadsimilar
educa/onallevels.
Unpaidworkingorvolunteer 2%
Self-employed 11%
Re/red 4%
2%
Fouryearcollegedegree
•  79%ofmenand
75%ofwomenare
working(Full-/me,
part-/meorselfemployed).
Notpresentlyemployed 8%
26%
Somepostgraduate,nodegree 8%
<$10K
Postgraduatedegree
51%
$10-29.9K
$30-49.9K
$50-74.9K
•  Oursurveyrespondentsoverallareextremelywelleducated
comparedtoallU.S.Jews.Pewshowed65%ofallModern
OrthodoxJewswithacollegedegreeorhigher,comparedto
85%amongourrespondents.
Q.Whatisthehighestlevelofsecularstudiesschoolingyouhavecompletedor
thehighestdegreeyouhavereceived?
•  Lessthanhighschool(Grades1-8ornoformalschooling);Highschool
incomplete(Grades9-11orGrade12withNOdiploma);Highschoolgraduate
(Grade12withdiplomaorGEDcerFficate);Somecollege,nodegree
(includescommunitycollege);Twoyearassociatedegreefromacollegeor
university;Fouryearcollegeoruniversitydegree/Bachelor’sdegree;Some
postgraduateorprofessionalschooling,nopostgraduatedegree;
Postgraduateorprofessionaldegree,includingmaster’s,doctorate,medical
orlawdegree
(n=206)
6%
10%
8%
11%
$75-$99.9K
15%
$100-149.9K
15%
$150K+
•  Medianincomeis
$101K,aboutthesame
formenandwomen;
andaboutthesameas
Pewshowedforall
ModernOrthodoxJews.
35%
Q.Whichofthesebestdescribesyourcurrentemploymentstatus?
•  Employedfull-Fme;Employedpart-Fme;Student;Workingorvolunteering-nonpaid;Self-employed;ReFred;Notpresentlyemployed
(n=206)
Q.Whatisyourannualhouseholdincome?
Under$10,000;$10,000-$29,999;$30,000-$49,999;$50,000-$74,999;$75,000-
$99,999;$100,000-$149,999;$150,000ormore
(n=193)
66