BAD NEWS /GOOD NEWS A beautiful red sports car plunged off the

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BAD NEWS/GOOD NEWS
A beautiful red sports car plunged off the 5th floor of parking garage! When the owner returned to drive home, the
attendant told him, "I've got bad news and good news. The
bad news is that your car fell to the street from the fifth
floor." With pain and disbelief in his
voice, the owner asked, "What’s
the good news?"
The attendant said,
"Well, according to
our calculations it
got over 100 miles
to the gallon on the
way down!"
DRIVE ME CRAZY
When trouble arises and things look bad,
there is always one individual who perceives
a solution and is willing to take command...
...Very often, that individual is crazy.
COMMON
THREAD
The one thing that unites all human
beings, regardless of age, gender, religion,
economic status or ethnic background, is
that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are better drivers than
everyone else on the road.
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MY INTUITION NEARLY MAKES UP FOR MY LACK OF GOOD JUDGMENT
THE BIBLE HAS BEEN TRANSLATED INTO 2018 DIFFERENT LANGAUGES
IF YOU CROSS A ZEBRA WITH A CHICKEN YOU GET AN EGG WITH A BAR CODE
A WAR BETWEEN THE NETHERLANDS AND THE ISLES OF SCILLY, LASTED FROM 1651 TO 1986. THERE WERE NO CASUALTIES
MOSES CONTRIBUTED THE MOST BOOKS TO THE OLD TESTAMENT. HE WROTE THE FIRST FIVE BOOKS OF THE BIBLE (THE PENTATEUCH)
NAPOLEAN WAS ONCE ATTACKED BY RABBITS
* On Jan. 26, 1500, Spanish explorer
Vicente Yanez Pinzon, who had commanded the Nina during Christopher
Columbus' first expedition to the New
World, sights the coast of Brazil during a voyage under his command, the
first European explorer to do so.
* On Jan. 25, 1759, Scottish poet Robert Burns is born. The
day is still celebrated by Burns fans with high-spirited
"Robert Burns Night" feasts, featuring haggis and other Scottish delicacies, as well as enthusiastic drinking, toasting and
speechmaking.
* On Jan. 29, 1936, in Cooperstown, New York,
the Baseball Hall of Fame elects its first members: Ty Cobb, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner,
Christy Matthewson and Walter Johnson. Today it has elected 278 individuals, including 225 players, 17 managers,
eight umpires and 28 executives
and pioneers.
IN MEDIEVAL TIMES ANIMALS WERE PUT ON TRIAL AND ROUTINELY SENTENCED TO DEATH
* On Jan. 30, 1948, Mohandas Gandhi, the
world's chief advocate of non-violence,
is assassinated in New Delhi, India.
Assassin Nathuram Godse was
hanged in 1949 against the wishes of
Gandhi's sons, who argued that the execution stood
against everything Gandhi believed in.
* On Jan. 27, 1965, the Shelby Mustang GT 350
is launched. The Shelby, a Mustang modified for
racing, featured a 306 horsepower V-8 engine
and today is a valuable collector car.
* On Jan. 31, 1950, President Harry Truman publicly announces his decision to support development of
the hydrogen bomb. The
discovery of a Soviet spy
in the U.S. nuclear program
forced Truman to approve massive funding to build the
world's first "superbomb."
* On Jan. 28, 1973, a cease-fire goes into effect in
Saigon, Vietnam, but military operations quickly resumed after each side
claimed the other had violated the truce.
What resulted was an almost endless
chain of retaliations, averaging 2,980
combat incidents per month.
(c) 2016 King Features Synd., Inc.
TWO-THIRDS OF THE PEOPLE ON EARTH HAVE NEVER SEEN SNOW
RHEOTORICAL QUESTIONS
A five year old girl was at the pediatrician for
a check up. As the doctor looked down her ears
with an otoscope, he asked, "Do you think I'll
find a Bumblebee in here?" The little girl was
silent.
Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and
looked down her throat. He asked, "Do you think I'll find a
Unicorn down here?" Again, the little girl said nothing.
HOW OLD WOULD YOU BE IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW HOW OLD YOU ARE?
Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened
to her heart beat, he asked, "Do you think I'll hear Elephant in
here?"
"Oh, my gosh!" the little girl finally exclaimed, "you really
don’t know anything about medicine, do you?"
YOU WANNA BET?
A 55 year old man who was born on May 5, has been married
5 years, has 5 children, makes $55,555.55 a year, who's lucky
number is 5 receives a phone call from a friend.
The friend informs the man that a horse named
Lucky 5 will be running in the fifth race at
the local track that evening. Excitedly, the
man withdraws 5,555.00 cash from
his bank account, goes to the races
and bets on Lucky 5... Sure enough, the
horse comes in fifth.
A HORSESHOE HAS SEVEN HOLES, A NUMBER CONSIDERED LUCKY AND IS MADE OUT OF IRON, A METAL THAT WARDS OFF EVIL SPIRITS
FUNNY, I DON'T REMEMBER BEING ABSENT MINDED
BUILDING CHARACTER OFTEN LEAVES CALLOUSES
I'VE STOPPED EXERCISING. PUSHING 50 IS ENOUGH EXERCISE FOR ME
Worship 9:30am
Children’s church: 10:20
Fellowship: 11am
Women’s Outreach Thurs: 9am
520.723.5141
GOD KNITTED YOU TOGETHER IN YOUR MOTHER’S WOMB. PRAISE HIM, FOR YOU ARE FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE
SCRIPTURE IS BREATHED OUT BY GOD AND PROFITABLE FOR TEACHING
THE BIBLE IS THE BEST SELLING BOOK IN THE WORLD
THE WORD “TESTAMENT” MEANS “COVENANT” OR “CONTRACT”
1. Is the Book of 2 Corinthians in the Old or New Testament
or neither?
2. From Revelation 17:6, who is drunk with the blood of the
saints and martyrs of Jesus? The woman, Servant, The lost,
Laborer
3. Mahershalalhashbaz is the longest word in the Bible on
being whose son? Adam, Moses, Noah, Isaiah
4. From Judges 17, who confessed to his mother about stolen
pieces of silver? David, Micah, Jonah, Esau
5. What animals did Samson use to set the Philistines' field on
fire? Lions, Camels, Foxes, Rats
6. From Genesis 27, to whom did Isaac give a blessing? Jacob, Abraham, Moses, Noah
ANSWERS:
1) New
2) The woman
3) Isaiah
4) Micah
5) Foxes
6) Jacob
Wilson Casey's
mainstream UFO book,
"Swamp Gas & High Hopes
101," is now available
from TouchPointPress.com
(c) 2016 King Features Synd.,
Inc.
SOME PEOPLE ARE ABSURDLY HAPPY, COMPLETELY FEARLESS, AND CONSTANTLY IN TROUBLE
ARE ORGANIZED PEOPLE THAT WAY BECAUSE THEY ARE JUST TOO LAZY TO LOOK FOR THINGS?
THE BIBLE WAS FIRST PRINTED IN 1454 AD BY JOHANNES GUTENBERG
THE OLDER I GET, THERE ARE FEWER AND FEWER THINGS THAT SEEM WORTH WAITING IN LINE FOR
ALBERT EINSTEIN WAS OFFERED THE ROLE OF ISRAEL’S SECOND PRESIDENT IN 1952. HE DECLINED
LEONARDO DA VINCI COULD, AT THE SAME TIME, DRAW A PICTURE WITH ONE HAND WHILE WRITING A LETTER WITH THE OTHER
* It was 20th-century British journalist, travel writer and literary critic Dame Rebecca West who
made the following sage observation: "I myself
have never been able to find out precisely what
feminism is: I only know that people call me a
feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat."
* The infamous Ouija board may be surrounded by
controversy, but the origin of its name is not mysterious; the creators simply combined the French word
for "yes" -- "oui" -- with the German affirmative -- "ja."
I WENT TO SAN FRANCISCO. I FOUND SOMEONE'S HEART. NOW WHAT?
* Everybody is afraid of something, right? And whatever the
fear, there's doubtless a name for it. For example, erythrophones are afraid of blushing, peccatophobes are afraid of sinning, and aichmophobes are afraid of needles. If you're afraid
of going insane, you're lyssophobic; if
it's disease that frightens you, you're
nosophobic; cremnophobia is a fear
or precipices. There's even a word to
describe the fear of peanut butter
sticking to the roof of your
mouth: arachibutyrophobia. And
finally, you may at this point be suffering from sesquipedalophobia -- the fear of long words.
* Located in the Sierras at 8,000 feet above sea level, the town
of Bodie was once the second-biggest city in California. These
days, it's deserted for most of the year, but every summer more
than 200,000 people travel to the upper altitudes just to see the
slowly decaying town, hoping to catch a glimpse of one of the
ghosts that reputedly inhabit every crumbling building that remains.
* Alcoholic beverages are pretty widespread
across cultures. There's even a recipe for
Eskimo wine: "Put a seagull in a bottle. Fill
with water. Let it ferment in the sun."
Thought for the Day: "We're in the same tent as
the clowns and the freaks -- that's show business."
-- Edward R. Murrow
(c) 2016 King Features Synd., Inc.