Phi KappaPsi Rededicates Chapter House

3-1-2007
2/28/07
7:05 PM
Page 1
March 1, 2007
Phi KappaPsi
Rededicates
Chapter House
• volume 99 • issue 19
JOSH HARRIS
WABASH ’08
CLAYTON CRAIG | WABASH ’08
Phi Kappa Psi Vice-President and President Derek Lough ’09 and Jason Gray ’08, respectively, receive a gift
from chapter alumnus advisor Ben Kessler ’74. The Lamp of Knowledge is one of Phi Kappa Psi’s symbols.
Immersion Trips Sending
Students Around the World
P A T M C A L IS TE R
WABASH ’10
While most Wabash students
will be either heading home or
south for warm beaches, some
will be extending their education through spring break. On
Friday and Saturday students
from across academic disciplines will travel across the
world to experience immersion
trips.
“I’m excited to go see
Europe,” said Mike Hotz ’08.
“It’s my first time and I’m
happy the College is paying for
it.” Hotz will be traveling with
Profs. Stephen Dyson of the
Department of Political Science
and Peter Metek of the Depart-
ment of Economics to Brussels
and Frankfurt. Metek and
Dyson team taught a class on
the European Union from both
an economics and political science point of view.
“As far as the class goes, we
put a lot of work into it,” Hotz
said. I feel like we frontload the
classes so we can actually go
over there and understand
what’s going on with the Euro-
“I’m excited to go see
Europe. It’s my first
time and I’m happy
the College is paying
for it.”
Mike Hotz ’08
pean Union.” In preparation for
the trip, the class studied E.U.
governance structure, monetary
policy, and the process of integrating new E.U. members.
Each student in the European
Union class will be required to
write a paper at the end of the
class. “With the prospect of
writing a paper on the subject at
the end,” Hotz said. “I can’t
think of a better way of studying
the subject than actually going
there.” Their experiences with
everyday Europeans will also
provide them with a better context to construct their papers.
The European Union class is
not the only team taught emersion trip scheduled this year.
Profs. David Timmerman and
See, IMMERSION, Page 2
After a long semester living
in the old Fiji house, the brothers of the Phi Kappa Psi fraternity were quite excited to move
back to their rightful place on
the campus, at 602 West Wabash
Avenue.
After years of
painstaking work at fundraising,
the $3 million renovation
reached completion this January,
ready for her to fill the hallways
once again with the vibrant
undergraduates. This Saturday
in the crowded great hall, alumni, parents, administrators, and
students gathered to hear distinguished speakers, including
President White, Dick Griesser
’51, Gordon Peters ’52, Terry
Hamilton ’89, alumnus advisor
Ben Kessler ’74, and chapter
house president Jason Gray ’08.
As Gray mentioned in his
speech, it has been a long, trying
road for the brotherhood of Phi
Kappa Psi. It was a road paved
with hard work of the undergraduates to prove their deserving spirit to have such a nice
home, and that it would be taken
good care of if the dream was to
come true. But at that, for many
of the brothers, it was still a
dream. They never thought they
would see the end of the road, as
progress was quite slow. But it
all paid off, thanks to the generous alumni, the dream was made
a reality. The finished product is
a testament to the hard work put
forth by all parties involved.
“We want to thank all our
alumni for their efforts—their
hard work has not gone unnoticed,” Gray stated in his speech.
The day was filled with house
tours, reminiscing by brothers,
and gift-giving. Among the gifts
were a pair of the Lamp of
Knowledge, a sign on the crest
of the fraternity, given by Ben
Kessler ’74. Other gifts included photographs of the chapter’s
history, given by Dick Grisser
’51, who reminded the present
guests of the hardships the house
had experienced in the past,
when, due to the war, it had lost
its charter.
Thanks to the efforts of Dick
Regnier ’52, and others, the
house was revitalized and without him, undoubtedly the house
would not be functioning as it is
today. It is because of his hard
work and dedication to see the
fraternity flourish that he is
commemorated in a commanding portrait in the great hall of
the new home.
The space has changed dramatically since its pre-renovation era. The space that was formerly the cold dorm has been
completely transformed, breaking the space up into some threeman suites and a large bathroom. The kitchen space was
increased greatly, along with
individual room spaces, taking
out what once was built-in closSee, PHI PSI, Page 2
3-1-2007
2/28/07
7:05 PM
PAGE 2
•
Page 2
News
March 1, 2007
BACHELOR
301 w. wabash Ave.
crawfordsville, IN
47933
EDITOR IN CHIEF
Nelson Barre . barren@wabash.edu
MANAGING EDITOR
Adam Hawkins .
hawkinsa@wabash.edu
NEWS EDITOR
Royce V. Gregerson .
gregersr@wabash.edu
OPINIONS EDITOR
Patrick Smith . smithp@wabash.edu
SPORTS EDITOR
Aaron Parrish .
parrisha@wabash.edu
STUFF EDITOR
Rob Fenoglio . fenoglir@wabash.edu
PHOTO EDITOR
Brock Johnson .
johnsonb@wabash.edu
ONLINE EDITOR
Patrick McAlister .
mcalistp@wabash.edu
COPY EDITOR
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BOP ADVISORS
Howard Hewitt, Jim Amidon
& Steve Charles
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Because this is a school paper, the content and character within will cater to the
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Although an individual newspaper,
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Letters (e-mails) to the editor are
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The Bachelor
Phi Psi
From Page 1
ets, and replacing them with
movable armoires. The chapter
room was moved, and in its
space remains a lounge for the
brotherhood, complete with a
new pool table, poker table, and
big screen television. As one
may have noticed, the former
front porch was enclosed,
adding even more living space
for the brotherhood to utilize as
a study space, or just for conversation. New washers and dryers
were moved to the first and second floor, becoming more
accessible to the habitants.
Overall, the structure was resituated to make best use of the
space provided, which wasn’t so
Immersion
much the case with the former
layout of the house.
As President White pointed
out in his speech, at a time when
many campuses are folding up
their fraternities, or fighting
them, Wabash is not only
embracing and encouraging, but
they are also helping them
financially meet their goals.
And although there are still fraternity houses that need help on
the Wabash campus, the new Phi
Kappa Psi house is one step in
the right direction of bringing
the Wabash campus into the 21st
century of living quarters—
leaving room for space to grow,
change, and adapt to each generation of her habitants.
From Page 1
Timothy Lake will take students
on a trip to Harlem, D.C., and
Atlanta, for their class on
African American Rhetoric and
Expressive Culture.
Profs. Greg Huebner and
Doug Calisch will examine
many of New York’s fantastic
museums in addition to meeting
with NYC Wabash alumni.
Prof. JD Phillips will, as in
years past, take the senior mathematics majors to Prague, in the
Czech Republic.
“Our senior mathematics
majors will be working on their
senior papers,” Phillips said,
“under the guidance of post-
docs from the mathematics
department at Charles University.
“Part of the experience will
just be to participate in the life
of a major research university
for a week. And of course, part
of the experience will be the
immersion in one of Europe’s
great capital cities,” he added.
Other
immersion
trips
include Professor Greg Redding
and his German 202 class’s trip
to Germany, Professor Eric
Wetzel’s Biology 222 class’s
trip to Belize, marketing immersion experience in Indianapolis,
and a business externship program in Washington, D.C.
and other materials to manufacture
methane, high-value fertilizer, biogas, heat/steam, and bio oil.
There are more ethanol and
biodiesel plants currently under
construction in other towns of
Indiana.
“The 12 new ethanol and four
new biodiesel plants will create
620 new jobs for the people in
Indiana,” West said. “This will be
same as putting $29.5 million dollars into the pocket of local farmers.”
The United States Department
of Agriculture has set an expectation that the country would be producing 15 billion gallons of
ethanol a year by 2010. President
Bush said in his last State of the
Union address that the U.S. should
be producing 35 billion gallons a
year by 2017.
In his concluding remarks,
West said ethanol is an emerging
new alternative source of energy.
There has been much progress to
increase its efficiency, which is
now about 65 percent compared to
gasoline’s 87 percent, but this is
not enough. As the production of
corn cannot be increasing due to
the constant land, newer and
advanced technology should be
developed to increase the efficiency.
“In my view, ethanol is only a
mid range solution in the search of
greener fuel and it is acting as a
transition to the search for cleaner
fuel,” West said. West’s talk was
sponsored and organized jointly
by the Experience Indiana Grant
and the Department of Chemistry.
Indiana Town Relies on Biofuels
RABIN PAUDEL
WABASH ’10
Imagine a town where people
do not rely on gasoline anymore.
They produce fuel for vehicle
themselves; they produce electricity without burning coal and all
these are done by their own production. This is true not only in
fiction but also in reality.
Reynolds, Indiana became the first
town to rely entirely on biofuels
and got the name “BioTown
USA.”
Ryan West is Director of Legislative Affairs and Policy at the
Indiana Department of Agriculture
and is in charge of the BioTown
USA project at Reynolds. He
spoke about the implementation
and prospects of biorenewable
resources in Indiana on Tuesday,
February 27. The title of West’s
talk was “Turning Challenges into
Opportunities,” and covered Indiana’s growing ethanol production.
As the world is under the threat
global warming, reducing the
usage of petroleum and switching
to alternative sources of energy are
the best ways to cut the emission
of greenhouse gases. Among the
various alternative sources of
energy, ethanol and biodiesel are
suitable for Indiana, the fifth
largest state in terms of corn production.
Ethanol is produced by processing, fermenting, and distilling
corn and biodiesel is produced by
processing soybeans. Ethanol is
much easier and costs much less to
produce than gasoline but due to
the corrosive nature of alcohol it is
harder to transport than gasoline.
The BioTown project officially
started in Reynolds on September
13, 2005.
“We
selected
Reynolds
because of the easy access to infrastructures, the town size, and proximity to livestock,” West said.
Reynolds is a small town in
northwest Indiana with a population 550. It has three substations,
two main highways, and it is near
to I-65, three railways, and a natural gas pipeline. Additionally, it
was close to livestock, Purdue
University, and is surrounded by
agricultural land.
“We are also getting more than
expected support from the community,” West added. “In this
short period they have already
bought 150 cars fueled by
ethanol.”
“We want to use waste streams
and municipal waste to produce
electricity and fuel,” West said.
The plan is to use animal waste,
municipal waste, corn stalk waste,
StetsonLaw_5x3.indd 1
1/22/07 10:58:06 AM
3-1-2007
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7:06 PM
Page 3
Speech Scores Big at State
News
The Bachelor
VICTOR NAVA
WABASH ’10
Speech students from across
the state of Indiana gathered at
Butler University February 17 to
compete in the Indiana State
Individual Events Tournament.
Schools such as IU Kokomo,
Ball State, UINDY, and IUPUI
(just to name a few) came together to once again compete for the
coveted state championships in
numerous speech and events; an
opportunity that only comes once
each academic year.
Wabash’s own Parliamentary
Union was amongst the many
competitors at this year’s competition and hoped to walk away
with many titles and recognitions. With competitors in events
ranging from Poetry Interpretation to Persuasive Speaking the
Wabash speech team was more
than ready for this year’s competition. Throughout the year, the
team had been traveling to compete at invitational practice tournaments held throughout the
region.
This year’s state meet saw the
return of many veterans on the
Parliamentary Union as well as
the introduction of new talent
from the class of 2010. Competing this year were: Kevin Scott
Billups ’10, Stephen Anthony
Ellis Jr. ’09, Grant Gussman ’09,
Travis McLaughlin ’09, Victor
Nava ’10, and Jonathan Torrez
’10. Individual results were as
follows: Gussman placed 2nd in
Varsity Impromptu Speaking, 4th
in Varsity Extemporaneous
Speaking, and 5th in Persuasive
Speaking. Nava placed 2nd in
Novice Extemporaneous Speaking and 3rd in Novice Impromptu Speaking. Torrez placed 3rd in
Novice Extemporaneous Speak-
ing and 5th in Novice Informative Speaking.
However, the day went to
Billups who ended up winning
the state championship in Novice
Poetry Interpretation with
straight 1st place rankings in
finals. Wabash is not normally
perceived as a strong interpretation school in the state of Indiana,
but Billups worked hard to put
Wabash on the map.
After all the events and final
rankings were tallied up, Wabash
walked away with a fifth place
sweepstakes trophy, beating out
IU Bloomington, Marion College, and IU Kokomo to place in
the top five speech schools for
the state of Indiana.
The team has now set their
sights on the Delta Sigma Rho –
Tau Kappa Alpha national competition to be held at the University of Mississippi from March
15 to 18.
•
PAGE 3
March 1, 2007
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31opinion
2/28/07
PAGE 4
6:30 PM
•
Page 4
opinion
The Bachelor
March 1, 2007
The Bachelor’s opinion
The voice of Wabash since 1908
EDITOR IN CHIEF
Nelson Barre
NEWS EDITOR
STUFF EDITOR
MANAGING EDITOR
OPINION EDITOR
SPORTS EDITOR
Rob Fenoglio
Adam Hawkins
The Price of Aggressive
Recruitment
Royce Gregerson
After Spring Break, Honor
Scholar Weekend will quickly
approach and this year there
may be more people than usual.
The reason for this is that there
have been 1,400 applications to
Wabash since last Friday for
the academic 2011 school year,
and we, along with everyone
else on campus, believe that
number has grown since then.
Not only is the number 1,400
quite large for Wabash, it is
actually the largest number of
applicants to the College, ever.
“We’ve
implemented
an
aggressive and comprehensive
summer recruiting program to
contact rising seniors before
their school year starts,” he
said. “This includes mail,
phone contact, and visits.” This
information doesn’t surprise us
at all.
This makes us wonder what
new tactics the Admissions
Office is using to lure high
school men to the campus. We
all know the old “Girls come on
the weekends in buses” routine
that lured most of us to the College, but what is the new fairy
tale that will get the kids to
come here instead of Purdue
and IU and such to get the kids
flocking here like birds?
We are by no means complaining because Wabash is a
great institution, but what tactics are the Admissions Office
using. Notice how Klein used
the adjective “aggressive.”
What does aggressive mean?
Could it be promises of a
plethora of beautiful young virgins? This is not a Muslim
school, so that won’t really lure
guys here (DePauw has tons of
girls willing to do even dirtier
things, like kicking unattractive
Patrick Smith
Aaron Parrish
soroity sisters out of the house),
but I am sure it would help if
free alcohol and frequent parties were added to the equation.
Allegedly, athletics is giving
the recruitment process a big
boost, but we thought that that
was the focal weapon used to
fetch guys here in the first
place. Klein also credits alumni
to the swelling number of
applicants. The stories of great
men coming from Wabash were
a big lure for many men on this
campus and we are sure it
helped this year.
The inventor of the McDonald’s Happy Meal, Dick Brams,
graduated from here. If that
isn’t a selling point, then we
honestly don’t know what else
is. Another notable alumnus to
lure the kids, especially the
football guys, is Pete Metzelaars. He is the NFL’s all time
leader in games played by a
tight end and is a four time
AFC Champion.
Obviously, the College is
doing something right because
every year the number of applicants is growing and interest in
the College is spreading nationwide. Needless to say, around
1,200 guys are going to be
denied and it only makes our
attendance here that much
sweeter because it lets us know
how much better we are than all
of those other guys who just
couldn’t cut it. That actually
makes Wabash that much more
exclusive and makes us more
proud to be going here. That’s
the last thing we need at this
school, more narcissistic men;
is there a way we can weed out
those kids in this application
process?
On the Eventual Necessity of
Social Niceties
There was, in this newspaper,
some discussion of manners and
mores. The prevailing notion, at
least as I understood it, of the situation was that Wabash men are
unprepared for the social
niceties of the real world – when
they aren’t being downright
boorish. Does your author
agree? Probably. However, what
he finds more disturbing is the
seeming lack of perspective that
many students – here and elsewhere – have on these issues.
There is a time and place for
sweatpants. If you feel the desire
to go to class, dressed as though
you were headed to the gym or a
late-night study session, then
that’s your prerogative. However, let’s not kid ourselves into
thinking we could get away with
that in “reality.”
Like it or not, professional
and polite society will judge you
on how you dress. The esoteric
side of it, like no white between
Labor and Memorial days and
that black suits are for servants
and the dead, will probably not
be made sticking points. However, there are standards. People
PATRICK SMITH
OPINION
EDITOR
dressed appropriately project
competence and authority. After
receiving a Wabash education, it
would be a shame to lose a
client, a promotion, or even the
respect of your colleagues by
being dressed in a déclassé manner.
Your author’s internship this
past summer was at an office
populated by artists and arts
administrators. Suffice it to say,
it wasn’t formal. However, a
shirt and tie was expected of
gentlemen. Except on casual Fridays, when you could wear a
collared shirt and jeans. But
never shorts. Which is fine,
especially if you have unflattering legs, as your author has the
sneaking suspicion that he does.
It was an office, and people
“After receiving a
Wabash education, it
would be a shame to
lose a client, a
promotion, or even
the respect of your
colleagues by being
dressed in a déclassé
manner.”
expected even me, a college student, to act like it.
However, when your author
went to see Pierre Boulez lead
the Chicago Symphony Orchestra in a radiant and incisive
account of Mahler’s 7th, there
were people of all ages dressed
as though they were going to see
Rex Grossman and the Bears
waste their potential at Soldier
Field. It is inconceivable to your
author that anyone could go to a
See, SOCIAL, Page 5
31opinion
2/28/07
6:31 PM
Page 5
Social
From Page 4
temple of culture dressed for a
football game.
There are situations that
require appropriate dress. However, spending one’s college
days dressed like – and your
author has to give Christopher
Hitchens credit for this delicious
phrase – Brideshead regurgitated is probably not adequate
preparation for those situations.
Now, your author is sure that he
will be accused of calling for the
transformation of Wabash men
into effete, elite ninnies.
Hogwash. Utter hogwash.
In the days before professional athletes, actors, and other
notorious personages defined
elite American culture, men –
real men – were versed in the
arts of manners, appropriate
dress, and how not to act. It is
only with modernity, slamming
through culture and tradition
with the force of an Essen
steam-hammer, that the correct
way to behave (and the definition of manliness) has been
defined by people who – fifty
years ago – wouldn’t have gotten a second glance from polite
society.
Yes, classic gentlemen are
effete and elite; but only because
they are now defined relative to
a “cultural” elite that is anything
but. Your author will argue that
classic gentlemen can be as
manly as anyone fresh off the
gridiron. For example, William
Randolph Hearst was noted for
his proper (to the point of fussy)
dress and exquisite manners.
However, anyone who would
suggest that he wasn’t virile
knows nothing about his career
and rise to the top of the newspaper business.
It can work both ways, and –
really – it was designed to work
both ways. However, this isn’t a
mandate to start wearing finery
to class and other events (unless
it seems prudent to do so). No,
this is a suggestion that it’s
never too early to start thinking
about such things. If that means
putting some effort into your
daily attire and behaving as
though you were at an office,
then all the better. It’s likely that
sort of effort will impress your
Guidelines on Club Recognition
opinion
The Bachelor
•
PAGE 5
March 1, 2007
“However, spending
one’s college days
dressed like ...
Brideshead
regurgitated is probably not adequate
preparation for those
situations”
professors. And, let’s be serious,
they’re the only person in the
classroom who matters.
However, if that just means
buying one of the “guidebooks”
to gentlemanly behavior, learning how to tie a tie (or a bowtie,
your author’s neckwear of
choice), and going to nice
restaurants with friends to practice your etiquette, that’s just as
good. It’s not a Stalinist mandate
from the NKVD. However, be
forewarned: you will learn it at
some point, by choice or by
error. Perhaps, just perhaps, it
would be best to get it down pat
here, among friends, than in the
thick of it, under the eyes of the
man or woman who signs your
paycheck.
As to manners, well, that’s
tricky. In fact, your author has
heard the definition of manners
(and that of a gentleman) as
modes of behavior designed to
put people at ease. Your author
would simply recommend a very
easy and sensible test: if you
couldn’t say it to your grandmother (or mother, as the case
may be), then you probably
shouldn’t say it in polite company. What is done and said in the
privacy of fraternities and dormitories is an issue best left to
the residents.
This shouldn’t be some ringing indictment of the prevailing
standards of Wabash men. Far
from it; for the most part, everything done here is par for the
college course. However, there
is a “real” world out there, and it
doesn’t smile on relaxed standards. Your author believes it
prudent to prepare for that world
while there is still no penalty.
Otherwise, well, the notion of a
Pyrrhic victory comes to mind.
CBPR Committee Chairman Brett Gann ’07 sent the following guidelines for club recognition in to
the Bachelor. He cited some recent confusion on the matter, and asked for the Bachelor to run these
guidelines. They are reproduced here as sent by Chairman Gann.
- Patrick Smith, Opinion Editor
BRETT GANN
WABASH ’07
In the last year, the process of recognition by student groups has changed, and it occurs to me
that not every student has been notified about those changes. Please let this serve as public notice.
More detailed information can be provided on request.
It has been and continues to be the practice of the student government and of the college to
allow students to associate as they please. Thus, students who wish to form clubs or organizations
may do so whenever and however they like. However, the college generally only recognizes student clubs through the Student Senate. Therefore, student groups seeking to affiliate themselves
with the college and to reap the rewards for a positive relationship with the college, namely funds,
must gain recognition by the Student Senate. (READ: No student group requires Student Senate
recognition; however, unrecognized or derecognized groups will not receive student government
assistance.)
That being said, most if not all student groups seek recognition. So what is the process? There
is a simple two page document that every new club needs. It is called “Guidelines and Petition for
Clubs Seeking Recognition.” This document details what a club and its leaders need to do in order
to achieve recognition.
Step One. Obtain a copy of the document from one of your Student Senate representatives. In
the future, we hope that this document will be easily accessible from the internet.
Step Two. Fill out the petition, and include the necessary attachments. An incomplete petition
cannot be considered. The petition requests the following information:
(1) What’s your club’s name? Easy.
(2) What’s your club’s purpose and objective? In other words, what does your club set out to
do (purpose) and how does it plan to accomplish this (objective)? Give this one a little thought.
The Student Senate generally prefers not to recognize multiple clubs with the same or similar purposes and objectives.
(3) Who are the club’s president and treasurer? For financial purposes, the Student Senate
requires that you have at least these two officers.
(4) Who are the club’s members? The petition requires signatures from at least ten members.
Of course, it never hurts to have more!
(5) How does your club plan on governing itself? Attach a few details on how the club will run,
at least include membership requirements and officer descriptions / election details.
Step Three. Turn the petition into Student Body President Jesse James or Vice-President Bob
Boarman. They will tell you the day and time that the Student Senate will vote on your petition.
An officer of the club must be present! If no one shows up, the Student Senate may deny or postpone the decision.
Three easy steps, that’s all it takes to get recognized. If you have questions, your Senators are
eager to assist you. If you have procedural questions, feel free to contact me (gannb). If you have
financial questions, feel free to contact Senate Treasurer McKinney (mckinner) or a member of the
AFC.
Good luck!
Got an Opinion? Want to Share It?
Write for the Bachelor!
Send your article to Nelson Barre (barren@wabash.edu) and Patrick Smith (smithp@wabash.edu)
by 8 PM Tuesday. Please limit guest columns to 600-800 words. It’s easy, it’s free, it’s painless - have
your voice heard: write for the Bachelor!
photo
2/28/07
6:57 PM
Page 4
Amarcord Amazes Wabash
PAGE 6
•
Amarcord
March 1, 2007
Photos By
Brock Johnson
The Bachelor
photo
2/28/07
6:58 PM
Page 5
With Both Wit and Talent
The Bachelor
Amarcord
•
PAGE 7
March 1, 2007
Photos by Clayton Craig
3.1.07
2/28/07
6:37 PM
Page 2
Ten Spring Break Activities To Keep Wallies Occupied
PAGE 8
•
stuff
The Bachelor
March 1, 2007
TIM RICKARD
WABASH ‘08
Are you going on Spring
Break? Have you conned your
way into a class with a built in
immersion trip like me? Or are
you going to be stuck either in
Crawfordsville because the commute is too expensive or at home
because you did not plan your
one break of spring semester
ahead of time. Although I am
fortunate enough to see the
world on the college’s buck, here
are some suggestions for my
brothers in alms here at Wabash.
1. The first day back be sure
to prank call all of your friends
who go to larger schools. Division I schools have one more
week to go until break. Rub this
in or call and tell them that their
midterm examination has been
moved to 7:00AM in the gymnasium due to flooding in the
building.
2. Further relive your high
school days by TPing your old
teachers’ houses. Officials will
believe it was the current students while you get the satisfaction of sticking it to the man.
They’ve had this coming for a
long time now and you know it.
3. Learn from your mistake.
Plan for your summer. Find an
internship where you can be in a
metropolitan area where the bar
scene is very lively. If you are
underage, however, do not bother getting an internship. The
female interns will not be interested anyway.
4. Early in the week, try
some crystal meth. Find out
what the buzz is about. High
Times magazine has reported
that X and weed use is on the
decline due to the recent
increase in sting operations and
a comparable weaker effect than
in methamphetamines. Be sure
to allot enough time to check
into rehab the next day so that
you are clean for classes.
5. Try to pull people over
using yellow construction lights.
If they are dumb enough to be
pulled over by a truck in yellow
lights, they deserve to get a fake
ticket. Renting a cop uniform
would not be a good plan,
however. Instead wear either a
clown outfit, penguin costume,
or an astronaut suit. If you
choose the astronaut suit, be sure
to bound slowly to the car and
act like you are suffocating when
you take off your helmet. By this
time, the detained will realize
that this is a prank and drive
away or get out of their car to
kick your Ass-tronaut. Bring a
friend.
6. Spend an hour a day at the
phone store trying out different
phones. Bring a friend during
this so that if asked why you
keep coming back, the friend can
say that you suffer from
advanced early Alzheimers and
can’t remember what phone you
decided on the day before.
7. Plan out weekly controversies for when you return to
school. The intent should be to
increase interest in on campus
events. It really isn’t that much
work. Ashcroft week has already
been started and nobody reads
anything but Barackman’s
revenge during finals week
(Seniors submit to tim@wabashcaveman.com).
8. Do a model. That’s right.
A supermodel.
9. Eat at every restaurant in
your town. This will either be a
night out or an week long adventure. If you are from a small
town and you have finished with
all the restaurants, make flyers
advertising new restaurants in
town. Use the address from the
elementary school , the juvenile
correction facility, the local strip
club, and at the intersection of
two country roads in the fields.
Follow through and ask around
during the summer to see if
anybody went.
10. On the Friday of break,
be sure to visit your friends’
houses. If the parents are home,
tell them you are here to borrow
something up in their bedroom,
and then set their alarm for
5:00AM. When they come back
that day, party all night, go to
sleep at 4:00AM, and wake up
the whole house their first night
back it is sure to set a good tone
for the rest of their break.
However, a word of warning
if you go home. Do not ask if
anything around the house needs
to be done. Your parents have
been without slave labor in two
months. They will attempt to
cram the rest of the time designated for relaxation with as
many store trips and bathroom
remodelings as possible. Be very
cautious, as you might find yourself digging up the septic tank
during your blissful week in
March.
Take Pictures and send the
funny ones to tim@wabashcaveman.edu. Embarrassing, incriminating, and illegal photos welcomed. They will be considered
for publication. Enjoy Break.
3.1.07
2/28/07
6:36 PM
Page 1
Reno 911!: Miami + The Number 23 = Satisfaction
stuff
The Bachelor
•
PAGE 9
March 1, 2007
Reno 911!: Miami
Comedy Central finally brought its hit
show Reno 911! to the big screen. I guess
the four year wait for the movie was
worth it because the movie is unbelievably hysterical and never allows the
laughs to stop. That is why Reno 911!
worked so well as a television show: it
was consistently funny.
Reno 911!: Miami is one of those rare
movies that is so stupid it is actually
smart. I know that sounds extremely contradictory, but the movie puts its officers
in such random and stupid situations that
you have no choice but to laugh out loud.
The movie opens up with a terrorist
bomb threat in Reno and the best are sent
in to take care of it. Unfortunately, for the
citizens of Reno, the team consists of
Deputy Travis Junior, Deputy Trudy
Weigel, Lieutenant James Ron Dangle
and his tight daisy dukes, Deputy
Clementine Johnson, Deputy Raineesha
Williams, Deputy Cheresa Kimball,
Deputy S. Jones, and Deputy James
Oswaldo Garcia.
Anyone who watches the show religiously knows how each one of the officers is completely incompetent and some,
mainly Deputy Weigel, are just completely mentally retarded.
This opening scene in Reno starts the
movie off with a bang because you feel as
if you are watching an action packed film,
like Die Hard. Then you see the officers
jump out of the helicopters and the only
thing I can remember, due to my uncontrollable laughing, was Deputy Clementine wearing a very sexy black spandex
outfit, that resembled a one-piece bathing
suit, and let more of her breasts fall out
than Jenna James does in one of her
movies. To further make her outfit look
more outrageous, she is wearing fishnets
with it. Classy, Miss Clementine!
The basic plot of the movie involves
the officers of Reno being invited to a
convention of the nation’s best. The only
reason they are invited, as Lieutenant
Dangle so eloquently puts it, “They invited everyone.”
They don’t let this get them down and
head to Miami to attend the convention.
When they arrive, they are denied entry,
mainly because of the ridiculous way they
all look in their “civilian clothes” and are
left to make the best of a bad situation and
stay at the dirty and dangerous International Inn.
As they arrive at the convention the
next day they are shocked to find out that
ROB FENOGLIO
STUFF EDITOR
there was a terrorist attack on the convention and all attending officers were affected with a deadly virus. Who will guard
Miami in this troubling time? That is
where Reno’s finest come in.
Reno 911!: Miami is such a great
movie because, unlike some televisionto-movie films, it does not abandoned its
roots. Miami keeps with the television’s
theme as a voyeuristic reality cop show.
The camera crew is still there filming all
of the officers’ every move and it wouldn’t be Reno 911! without some domestic
disturbances (one including an alligator
in a pool) and Terry Bernadino, the gay
prostitute who glides around Reno in his
roller skates.
He makes it all the way to Miami
because he is “recording an album.” Terry
is a fan favorite on the show for his ludicrous sexual behavior and his absurd tube
tops and daisy dukes. Terry actually
speaks the best line in the entire movie
mainly because it contains the work
ukulele. If anybody can use that word
effectively in a sentence, they should get
an award.
Many of the scenes play off the interaction between the officers and their personal lives. For instance, the new deputy
on the block (added in season three),
Deputy Cheresa Kimball, is often referred
to as a lesbian by the others and mainly
by Deptuy Williams. She consistently
accuses Kimball of being a lesbian, while
Kimball swears against it while simultaneously being grabbed by tall black
women. “We’re gonna go play some
ball,” Deputy Kimball tells Deputy
Williams. She is definitely not a lesbian…at all.
One of the best scenes involves
Deputy Weigel and Deputy Williams on
beach patrol. Williams is trying to teach
Weigel how to act ghetto when people try
to give them trouble. For example,
Williams tells Weigel that if someone
comes up to them, she should say, “What
up, yo?” Weigel, being the dimwit that
she is, decides to improvise against
Williams wishes not to and ends up say-
ing, “What up, my n****s?” Deputy
Williams’ response to this is priceless.
Reno 911!: Miami is a fantastic television adaptation for the big screen and
really feels like an unrated episode of
Reno 911! which is exactly what works so
well for the film. If it ain’t broke, don’t
fix it. Comedy Central has scored with
this film and has created one of the few
great television-to-film adaptations.
Final Grade: A
The Number 23
Jim Carrey is not my favorite actor for
serious roles. He bombed in The Majestic
and was alright in Eternal Sunshine of the
Spotless Mind. So, his serious role resume
does not have a very sound foundation.
That is the only thing that plagues The
Number 23.
The movie itself is an amazing psychological thriller that effectively creeps
you out with every turn and discovery of
a new relevance of the number 23, but
Jim Carrey isn’t the right guy for the part.
Carrey’s character, Walter Sparrow (W
is the 23rd letter in the alphabet), is a
worker for the Animal Control Department (23 letters) and is late one night to
pick up his wife from her job at her bakery. She stumbles into a bookstore and is
oddly entranced by a book with a blood
red cover.
Walter is running a little late due to a
stray dog named Ned (N is the 14th letter
in the alphabet, E is the 4th letter, D is the
5th; 14 + 4 + 5 = 23) that has a bad attitude and has headed to a tombstone with
the name Laura Tollins. The dog apparently belongs to the gardener and is left
alone.
As Walter meets his wife, Robin, and
she tells him about the book, aptly named
“The Number 23.” She decides to buy it
for him since it is his birthday. By the
way, the date is February 3 (that would be
2-3). You obviously get the idea how the
number is significant in almost every
minute and trivial way.
That is another thing that is really cool
about The Number 23. Throughout the
movie there a hidden nods to 23 in every
scene; sometimes quite obvious and at
other times are cleverly hidden in the
background.
As Walter reads the book more and
more he realizes how it is almost as if
someone knows him and has written the
book specifically for him. Walter, con-
“The Number 23 is a dark
and sometimes clumsy
movie, but overall it creates
the atmosphere it promises
and has a great surprise
ending.”
vinced the author, Topsy Kretts, knew
him and that the character, Fingerling,
and the book both have a real significance
to him. Robin thinks that Walter is reading too far into the book and is just
becoming paranoid. But, now Walter’s
life has been consumed with the number
23 itself (his social security number adds
up to 23, his birthday is on February 3, he
married his wife on October 13 [10 + 13
= 23], etc.).
Now, Walter must solve the mystery
hidden within “The Number 23” if he
wishes to get his life back to normal and
figure out what the number really means.
The film should be noted for its innovative opening credits that contain nods
to ominous evens in history that contain
the number 23. For instance, the ones that
stood out the most were the events of
9/11/2001 (9 + 11 + 2 + 0 + 0 + 1 = 23),
Kurt Cobain was killed in 1994 (1 + 9 + 9
+ 4 = 23), Caeser was stabbed 23 times,
and the Atomic bomb was dropped on
Hiroshima at 8:15 (8 + 15 = 23). This was
really cool because it already pulls you
into the mythology of the number 23 and
lets you know that Jim Carrey’s character
is in for a world of chaos and obsession.
The Number 23 is a dark and sometimes clumsy movie, but overall it creates
the atmosphere it promises and has a
great surprise ending that even the best
detective could have never figured out.
Although the film drags in some parts, its
parallels between Fingerling and Walter
Sparrow work effectively and really make
the characters seem like a dual
personality.
Joel Shumacher, who directed the film,
is known for making some pieces of
garbage (Batman and Robin, to name his
worst), but has struck gold with The Number 23. The weird thing is that my birthday is on 1/7/87, which adds up to 23 and
I just finished writing this at exactly 2:30.
Shit!
Final Grade: B+
31opinion
2/28/07
6:31 PM
Page 6
Comprehensives, Curriculum, and Study Camps
PAGE 10
•
opinion
The Bachelor
March 1, 2007
A Senior Discusses His Comprehensive Exams, The Curriculum
Proposal, and Wabash Tradition
ROSS
DILLARD
WABASH ‘07
Wow.
So my comps
experience finally came to an
end on Monday when the
grades were released nearly
eight weeks after pen was first
laid to paper on the written
exams. Upon reflection, I
honestly think it was the most
challenging academic thing
I’ve had to do since, well,
I
mean,
ever.
normally you take a mid-term
or at worse a semester-long
comprehensive final exam or
write a reasonably long paper
which you have plenty of time
to prepare for (even if you end
up doing it at 10 the night
before anyway).
In the case of exams, I’ve
never
found
it
too
unreasonable to put together a
comprehensive
set
of
information on a course I just
attended 2 to 3 times a week
for the past 12 weeks and then
handle whatever might be
asked on the final up to a
90-95% level of accuracy.
But now imagine having to
prepare that for three to five
courses you haven’t had to
attend in two years and then
attempt to handle the exams in
rapid-fire succession at similar levels of accuracy. It is
most certainly no small feat.
I suppose after watching
three classes of seniors go
through this before me and
earn their respective honors, I
figured it may not be so tough.
But let me tell you, after going
through it I have gained the
utmost sense of respect for my
16 classmates and their
predecessors
who
have
finished here with distinction.
Whether they simply found
the subject that clicked the
best for them at a level that
would allow them to handle
literally anything thrown at
them or possessed the capacity to learn and command
truckloads of information,
they have each made a
spectacular achievement. And
to all the underclassmen out
there, plan to prepare well
because it is no easy task.
It just so happens that
comps are one of the many
areas being addressed by this
new curriculum review by the
faculty.
While there’s no
debate on the table as to
whether comps should go or
stay, it’s definitely one of
those overall good experiences where you might be perfectly miserable in the process
but really feel like you’ve
accomplished something when
it’s all over. I can’t imagine
other schools where you
simply complete the correct
number of courses and then
are handed a diploma.
Anyway, so there are a
number of good and bad
things, in my opinion,
associated with the proposed
curriculum changes. The idea
of cutting one semester of
C&T so as to free up the
resources to have all freshman
tutorials in the fall is a great
one. What is the point of
having a spring semester
freshman tutorial when you’ve
already been at the college for
half a year? Plus there are a
“While there’s no debate on the table as to
whether comps should go or stay, it’s definitely
one of those overall good experiences where
you might be perfectly miserable in the
process but really feel like you’ve
accomplished something when it’s all over.I
can’t imagine other schools where you
simply complete the correct number of courses
and then are handed a diploma.”
number of neat things that
could be done with a unified
tutorial program- our history
and traditions, an introduction
to the wide variety of
intellectual stimuli on campus, integration with weekly
chapels, etc.
Are freshman ready for
C&T in their spring semester
though? I don’t think so.
Keep it in the sophomore year
in the spring in hopes of better
discussion
for
more
Wabash-experienced students.
And what about these required
“senior tutorials” about current issues? No way. Seniors
should have no restrictions on
their class choices and have
hopefully learned about how
to discuss real world issues by
participating in literally any
aspect of college life during
their four years here. If the
faculty is looking for a senior
capstone course that might
combine interesting things
about multiple majors, why
not look at creative ways to
revise and better unify the
capstone course we already
have- Senior Seminar? Maybe
departmental seminars could
arrange to meet together once
in awhile. Combined lectures
that might discuss things like
what a history major could
appreciate about economics
could be very valuable; but
please don’t force me into
another C&T when I’m trying
to schedule my final requirements for graduation.
The other two components
are the two week spring break
plus moving comps to the
second week of that break plus
this new concept of a “super
major” where you can have
like 15 credits in a major that
combines departments.
I
won’t be sold on the moving
comps
idea
until
I’m
convinced that the faculty has
figured out how they can
logistically deal with 170
orals, double majors, etc. in a
five day period. Now there
was this thought thrown out
by the faculty committee at
the Q&A a few weeks ago that
the new comps schedule could
allow Senior Study Camps to
return. How do we feel about
students and faculty spending
a few days together reviewing
and refreshing material before
comps?
John Coulter, a former VP
of Wabash, started up study
camps in the 1930’s and the
seniors really seemed to
reflect well on them until
interest kind of died out in the
70’s. I kind of like the idea,
but would also be interested to
hear what other people think.
Finally, I support the “super
major” as long as I still have
the option to have a major and
minor if I want to do it that
way. Having more options
seems like a good thing to me
in general.
Well, I’m quickly running
out of space, but I do want to
make a quick mention that the
Board of Publications will be
electing a new Editor-in-Chief
of this paper, The Bachelor, at
its meeting after spring break.
Please inquire to Nick Gregory at gregoryn@wabash.edu if
you’re interested in applying.
I get to vote in this election,
so I will say that my
philosophy on this is that
anyone who is involved on
campus and is willing to give
up their Wednesday nights to
put a paper together and has
an honest desire to make this
publication better deserves a
chance to do it.
So
upperclassmen especially who
might be interested but don’t
think they have enough
experience- please, please
apply.
Sports12
2/28/07
6:25 PM
Page 1
Tennis Heads to SC
For Spring Break
sports
The Bachelor
•
PAGE 11
March 1, 2007
ANDREW PARRISH
WABASH ‘10
Break is quickly approaching. For the Wabash tennis
team, this means spending a
week in Hilton Head, South
Carolina for three matches.
The first match is actually
played in Atlanta Georgia.
The team will leave campus
Saturday night and fly into
Atlanta. Sunday the team will
meet Oglethorpe for a single
match.
After the single match, the
team is off to South Carolina
for three matches in three days.
Monday, the Wabash netters
will meet Waynesburg College
from Pennsylvania. Tuesday
they will play Baldwin Wallace
from Ohio. The final match of
the trip will be played on
“Some of the perks of going on a team trip
like this are team chemistry, getting off
campus, friendly playing outdoors, and
preparation for tough conference matches
coming up.”
Coach Jason Hutchinson
Wednesday
against
Muskingum College, also from
Ohio.
“Some of the perks of going
on a team trip like this are
team chemistry, getting off
campus, friendly playing outdoors, and preparation for
tough conference matches
coming up,” said Coach
Hutchison.
The Little Giants leave for
the trip with a conference
record of 1-2 and an overall
record of 3-5. The goal for the
trip, according to Coach
Hutchison, “is to leave Hilton
Head with a winning record.”
The Little Giants tennis
team is looking forward to the
challenge and is also hoping to
prepare for the upcoming conference
matches
against
Wittenberg and Denison. Best
of luck to the tennis team this
coming week!
The Indianapolis Association of Wabash Men
says
Good Luck to Track at NCACs
Good Luck to Keith Garrard at Nationals
Good Luck to Tennis in South Carolina
PHOTOS COURTESY OF PUBLIC AFFAIRS
The tennis team will be lead this year by seniors Dan Albrecht, Adam
Van Zee (top) and Adrian Starnes (bottom). The team will play
Oglethorpe University in Atlanta, then travel to Hilton Head, South
Carolina to play Waynesburg University and Baldwin-Wallace University.
Good Luck to Golf and Baseball in Arizona
Wabash Always Fights
Sports12
2/28/07
6:33 PM
Page 2
Football Embraces Community
PAGE 12
•
Sports
The Bachelor
March 1, 2007
Photos by Elijah Sanders
Top Left: Freshman Ryan
Bogenschutz looks over a fully
equipped elementary schooler.
Top Right: Junior Andy Dieg
fields questions from an
inquisitive kindergartener.
Bottom: Junior Jared Lange
and Bogenschutz give helmets
to their group.