RICK AND MORTY

RICK AND MORTY
"Morty's Castle"
written by
Tyler Chatham
TYLER CHATHAM
1818 NE 20th Street
Fort Lauderdale, FL, 33305
DRAFT 4
09, 02, 2015
ii.
RICK AND MORTY
"Morty's Castle"
CAST
RICK................................................ JUSTIN ROILAND
MORTY............................................... JUSTIN ROILAND
SUMMER............................................. SPENCER GRAMMER
JERRY................................................ CHRIS PARNELL
BETH.................................................. SARAH CHALKE
GUEST CAST
WAND VENDOR.................................................. ACTOR
PROFESSOR PRINGU............................................. ACTOR
BROCK........................................................ ACTOR
TRAIN PA..................................................... ACTOR
YOUNG JERRY.......................................... CHRIS PARNELL
YOUNG BETH............................................ SARAH CHALKE
IMITATION RICK...................................... JUSTIN ROILAND
IMITATION MORTY..................................... JUSTIN ROILAND
INT. SMITH DINING ROOM
MORTY sits in the middle of the table as RICK, SUMMER, JERRY,
and BETH stand around him singing Happy Birthday. There is a
cake in the middle of the table.
RICK, SUMMER, JERRY, & BETH
Happy Birthday to Morty. Happy
Birthday to you!
Before MORTY can blow the candles out, RICK fires air from a
pistol that extinguishes the flames.
RICK
Alright come on Morty. You’re going to
love my present, Morty.
JERRY
Now hold on. We’re his parents so he
should open our gift first.
RICK
Please, Jerry. All Morty is to you is
a ‘get out a jail free card.’ Jail
being a *burp* divorce.
JERRY
(defensive)
What’s that supposed to mean?
RICK
Nothing. Fine. Open your stupid
present from your stupid parents. They
probably got you a scooter or
something.
BETH hands MORTY the present. He opens it.
MORTY
Oh wow, a ripstik!
RICK
An even more convolutedly stupid piece
of transportation. If you wanted him
to look like a fairy you should’ve
gotten him a hula *burp* hoop.
SUMMER
My gift isn’t just stuff. My gift is
invaluable yet priceless at the same
time. I will be giving Morty life
lessons for the next year.
"Morty's Castle"
2.
BETH
You really broke the bank this year,
Summer.
BETH picks up dishes and exits for the kitchen.
RICK
Mediocre fun is over. Time for real
fun. Go to my lab, Morty. You can go
too Summer. Give Morty some of your
wisdom or whatever it was.
MORTY and SUMMER exit for the lab. RICK starts to follow but
JERRY stops him.
JERRY
Hey, what did you mean by ‘get out of
jail free card?’
RICK
Jesus Jerry, you’re really going to
make me spell it out for you, aren’t
ya? The only reason Beth is still with
you is for the kids.
JERRY
That is so not true!
RICK
Yeah it is Jerry. The minute Morty is
old enough to realize monogamy is
stupid, she’ll divorce you faster than
she realized having sex with you was
the biggest mistake of her life.
JERRY
(nervous laughter)
You have no idea what you’re talking
about.
RICK
The thing is *burp* I do, Jerry.
You’re a pathetic man with a pathetic
future.
RICK leaves.
JERRY
Oh yeah?! Well I had sex with your
daughter! Without a condom! Twice!
"Morty's Castle"
3.
RICK (O.S.)
And you should do it again if you want
to stay married, pal.
CUT TO:
INT. RICK’S LAB
There is a a book wide open on a bookstand on top of a super
computer. Inside the book where the pages would be are two
monitors. There’s currently no text on the screen. MORTY and
SUMMER are trying to figure out what it is when RICK enters.
RICK
She’s somethin’ else, huh Morty?
MORTY
Oh yeah! But what is it-er she?
RICK
She’s the Novel-T6. She scans text and
converts it into a virtual world,
Morty. It’ll make your books come to
life. You get to live it, Morty. Live
it. Happy Birthday.
MORTY
Thanks Rick! But how do I live it?
RICK
Easy, Morty. This machine over here
converts our minds and bodies into
text and then uploads them into the
virtual world.
MORTY
That’s so freakin sweet. What book
should I get first?
RICK
(jokingly naive)
Oh, I don’t know-how about a little
story I found called “Morty Potter!”
MORTY
You actually read my short story?!
RICK
Yes, and I gotta say, it’s a pretty
cool *burp* universe you thought up
there, Morty.
"Morty's Castle"
4.
SUMMER
This is stupid. Why would I want to be
in a children’s story? First life
lesson, Morty, know your audience.
RICK
(sarcastic)
Oh excuse me, Summer. I forgot your
sophisticated reading resumé included
the first 32 pages of Infinite Jest.
How about instead of spending the day
sending pictures of your tits to your
class, you spend the day with Morty?
SUMMER
I don’t do that Grandpa Rick! I
volunteer at the local shelter.
RICK
I’m sure your college application
really appreciates it.
MORTY
Is it like Roy?
RICK
What’s Roy?
(remembering)
Oh, yeah! That game at Blips n Chitz!
No, it’s not like that. I thought of
this idea before I saw Roy existed.
They’re similar, but different enough.
Now, step on the platform and put your
helmets on.
The three of them step onto the platform, put the helmets on,
and sit down. RICK grabs a video camera.
MORTY
What’s the camera for?
RICK
(laughing at his undeveloped
joke)
It’s for-the-uh-the-uh(can’t find the punchline)
Ah, nevermind. It’s to film your
birthday, Morty. Don’t you want to
remember it?
MORTY
Yeah, thanks for lookin’ out, Rick.
The camera zooms in on RICK as he explains his master plan.
"Morty's Castle"
5.
RICK
(whispering to himself, but
obviously loud enough for
MORTY and SUMMER to hear)
He has no idea that I’m really
bringing this camera to document how
humans would actually interact with
Morty’s world. Then I’ll sell the book
and movie rights and become rich.
RICK looks back and sees that MORTY and SUMMER surprisingly
heard none of what he said.
RICK (CONT’D)
(to MORTY)
Did you hear what I just said?
No.
None of it?
MORTY
RICK
MORTY
(oblivious and excited)
Not a syllable, Rick.
RICK
(confused)
Ok. Well let’s go.
RICK pulls a lever. Visors lower from the helmets and a blue
force field appears around them. The force field quickly
scans them up and down a couple times. The scanner scrolls
through words that then turn into numbers (like the Matrix).
The scanner stops and they are gone.
CUT TO:
INT. KITCHEN
BETH is cleaning dishes. JERRY SLOWLY walks up behind her,
clearly something on his mind.
Hey...Beth?
Yes, Jerry?
JERRY
BETH
JERRY slowly creeps up a little more.
JERRY
Hi. So-uh-you know our kids?
"Morty's Castle"
6.
BETH
Yes, I do know our kids.
JERRY creeps up even closer.
JERRY
You want another one?
BETH stops what she is doing an immediately focuses all of
her attention on the conversation.
BETH
What are you saying?
JERRY
I want to have another kid.
BETH
No, Jerry. It’s out of the question.
What if we got divorced? I would never
want to put a kid through that.
BETH gets back to the dishes as JERRY realizes what he has to
do.
CUT TO:
INT. TRAIN
RICK,
looks
train
metal
MORTY, and SUMMER are sitting in a train car. SUMMER
bored and MORTY is enthralled by the experience. The
car is lined with wood. The benches are red velvet with
bars holding luggage overhead.
SUMMER
So what exactly is this place?
MORTY
It’s an academy for wizards.
RICK
That’s right. You’re a wizard, Morty.
MORTY looks out of the window. Wizards are flying past the
train without broomsticks.
MORTY
Where are their broom sticks?
RICK
Broom sticks? See, that’s one of the
problems with your stories, Morty.
(MORE)
"Morty's Castle"
7.
RICK (CONT'D)
These wizards can kill people, control
people’s minds, and levitate objects.
Why not just make themselves fly? The
broom stick was unneces-*burp*-sary
and kinda gay.
SUMMER
How long are we going to be here? I
don’t want to miss my show.
RICK
(sarcastic)
Oh no! You’re going to miss your show
where one girl, tells-tells another
girl to fuck off? You’ll be too busy
chatting up cute boys and playing
water polo to notice.
SUMMER
There are going to be cute boys here?!
RICK
Tons. The Novel-T6 gives any character
that’s mentioned but doesn’t have any
real depth one of two character models
that I designed. And when it comes to
creating characters with no real
depth, Morty knows what he’s doing.
SUMMER
Wow, way to care about the little
guys, Morty.
MORTY
(trying to convince)
Hey! I care. I just put more focus on
more important characters.
SUMMER
So now they’re not important?
MORTY
That’s not what I meant!
SUMMER
Life lesson number two, Morty. It’s
not the generals that fight wars, it’s
the soldiers.
RICK
Enough! You guys are starting to make
me regret having your mother. This is
a stupid conversation, and Summer that
was a stupid example.
(MORE)
"Morty's Castle"
8.
RICK (CONT'D)
Soldiers are disposable, just like
Morty’s attention to detail.
The train’s PA system beeps loudly as the train comes to a
stop.
TRAIN PA
Now arrived at Morty Castle.
RICK
Really thought outside the box for
that one.
MORTY
(Jumping up and down)
Oh boy!
RICK
Let’s go ahead and stop at the gift
shop on the way out to pick you up a
wand.
CUT TO:
EXT. WAND HUT
The Wand Hut looks like a “busy city” newspaper stand.
Surrounding the hut is an empty train station. A gruff man
with a thick New York accent and a trucker hat sits behind
the counter. His shirt says “I love NY”, but the heart is the
silhouette of a women’s breasts.
WAND MERCHANT
Welcome to Whatsittoyah’s Wands.
MORTY
Do you sell wands?
WAND MERCHANT
Whatsittoyah?
MORTY
I’d like a wand.
WAND MERCHANT
Go ahead, take one.
MORTY
How much are they?
WAND MERCHANT
How much what?
"Morty's Castle"
9.
Money.
MORTY
WAND MERCHANT
What’s money?
RICK
I went ahead and ditched a currency
system, Morty. I may be an asshole
*burp*, but I’m not a freemium
asshole.
MORTY
I’ll take this one!
MORTY grabs a wand.
WAND MERCHANT
(His eyes light up)
Oh! You’ve chosen da most powaful wand
we have.
Really?!
MORTY
WAND MERCHANT
I dunno, we’re required to say dat
afta every purchase.
SUMMER
I’ll take this one!
SUMMER also grabs a wand.
WAND MERCHANT
You have also chosen da most powerful
wand we have.
RICK
Alright, let’s go.
MORTY
Aren’t you going to get a wand?
RICK
I have one, Morty. The most powerful
wand there is.
(He pulls out a wand. It is
shaped like a penis)
Designed it myself.
MORTY and SUMMER take a second. Look at each other and
hesitate to comment.
"Morty's Castle"
10.
MORTY
Why does it look like...that?
Like what?
RICK
SUMMER
You don’t see it?
See what?
RICK
MORTY
Nothing at all?
RICK
I see a wand.
SUMMER
A wand that looks like...
RICK
It could kind of look like a mosquito.
A mosquito?
SUMMER
RICK
Yeah, two big eyes, long, pointy nose.
Silence.
RICK (CONT’D)
Fine. It’s a dick. Is that what you
want me to say? Jeez, you guys are
immature.
MORTY
What’s so great about your wand?
RICK
I have the power to alter the text as
the computer generates it, Morty.
Here, watch.
RICK whispers into the balls of the wand and then shoots a
white beam at the WAND MERCHANT. The WAND MERCHANT transforms
into a toned, attractive man. SUMMER is clearly attracted to
him while MORTY is upset.
MORTY
Hey, why did you change him?! He
didn’t even have time to develop,
Rick!
"Morty's Castle"
11.
SUMMER
Shuttup, Morty! Don’t ruin this.
(flirtatiously to WAND
MERCHANT)
Hey, *giggle* I’m Summer.
The WAND MERCHANT goes to reply but as soon as he opens his
mouth, golf balls start pouring out of it. He raises his hand
from under the desk to reveal that his hand is a mini golf
club. He starts putting them down the table as fast as the
balls fall. SUMMER freaks out and runs back to RICK and
MORTY.
RICK
(laughing)
See, Morty?! Now that’s comedy!
Absurdity and *burp* misdirection!
(serious)
Not some stereotypical character
saying things you think are funny.
RICK starts to walk towards the school, RICK and SUMMER
follow.
RICK (CONT’D)
(still talking to MORTY)
Challenge yourself.
CUT TO:
INT. JERRY’S ROOM
JERRY is waiting on the bed in his underwear. BETH walks in.
JERRY
Oh. Hey good looking, I’ve been
expecting you.
BETH
(surprised yet intrigued)
Jerry. What’s going on?
You tell me.
JERRY
They start to kiss. JERRY goes to take his underwear off.
BETH stops him.
BETH
Hold on. Do you have protection.
JERRY
No. I just thought, maybe this time we
could-
"Morty's Castle"
12.
BETH
No. Here, I think I have some in my
purse.
CUT TO:
INT. JERRY’S ROOM
JERRY and BETH are having sex. BETH is sitting on top of
JERRY while JERRY pouts with his arms crossed. He rolls his
eyes and sighs.
CUT TO:
EXT. MORTY’S CASTLE YARD
RICK, MORTY, and SUMMER walk through the woods and into an
opening revealing the castle. It’s almost an exact replica of
Hogwarts castle from Harry Potter. There is an open yard with
fresh cut grass and a fountain of Morty with a wizard hat on.
The yard is full of people, but they’re too far away to make
them out. A pigeon with the head of a honey badger flies and
perches on top of the school.
MORTY
This is amazing, Rick!
SUMMER
Yeah, this is incredible.
RICK
(filming them)
I know. Now here, cheat out to camera.
MORTY
I can’t wait to meet newThey stop dead in their tracks.
RICK
What’s wrong?
The courtyard is full of students that look exactly like RICK
and MORTY except with poorly drawn faces in pencil [shown on
last page of script]. RICK, MORTY, and SUMMER walk through
the yard. A group of imitation Ricks are seen wearing
letterman jackets throwing a football. One imitation Rick is
seen glitching, stuck in a wall.
MORTY
(jokingly)
Nice job, Rick. Really polished
program you made here.
"Morty's Castle"
13.
RICK
Forgive me for having a
inconsequential bugs in
creates universes. What
yesterday? Jack off and
blocks?
couple
a program that
did you do
play with
A caterpillar inches out of a bush. An imitation Morty
launches out of the bush onto the caterpillar and shoves it
into his mouth.
Uh-Ew.
SUMMER
RICK
(directed to the real Morty)
Yeah, Morty, gross.
A group of imitation Mortys are seen casting spells at each
other that make the recipient of the spell poop their pants.
Stop!
MORTY
The imitation Mortys stop for a second, then continue to play
their game.
MORTY (CONT’D)
Why are they doing this, Rick? I
didn’t write this! It’s like your
program made them, made me, like
retarded or something.
SUMMER
Hey! Life lesson number three, don’t
be insensitive! That word is just as
bad as the ‘F’ word, Morty.
RICK
That’s *burp* retarded Summer. I grew
up on the word retarded. It’s like the
word ‘Jew’. It’s not offensive unless
used offensively. And Morty, that was
*burp* pretty insensitive.
MORTY
Well, you know what, Rick? It’s pretty
insensitive that you’d make me
mentally handicapped.
RICK
Yeah, Morty? Maybe this will teach you
to go that extra mile when writing
characters.
(MORE)
"Morty's Castle"
14.
RICK (CONT'D)
Don’t leave the readers to fill in the
blanks. And they aren’t mentally
challenged, Morty. Pretty close to it
though.
Why?!
MORTY
RICK
I entered in the stats as I saw fit.
MORTY
So you made my intelligence zero?!
RICK
Relax, Morty! Your intelligence number
ranges from one to five.
SUMMER
What’s their intelligence?
SUMMER points to a group of imitation Ricks cloning
themselves.
RICK
(brag laughing)
They’re all flat hundos, baby!
MORTY
This, this is low, Rick. This is
really insulting.
RICK
Before you start bitching and moaning
about numbers, know that you have a
few maxed out stats yourself.
Like what?
MORTY
RICK
For starters, your sex drive *burp*
stat. How bout that, Morty, huh? My
man is desperate for a scoop of that
poon puddin’!
MORTY
You know what, Rick?! I don’t want to
play! I quit.
MORTY acts as if he is taking off a helmet.
"Morty's Castle"
15.
RICK
No! Stop! You can’t take your helmet
off until we get to a save point. If
you take it off now, your data will be
lost in here forever.
MORTY
What?! Christ, Rick. I don’t want to
get stuck in here! Not on my birthday!
A bell tower chimes loudly.
What’s that?
SUMMER
RICK
Class! Come on, quick! We’re almost
late.
Summer looks directly at the camera and fixes her hair.
SUMMER
We were running late to class. I
didn’t know what to do! I was eager toRICK
What the hell are you doing?
SUMMER
Isn’t this, like, one of thoseRICK
No. We aren’t doing that.
SUMMER, RICK, and MORTY all run towards the entrance of the
school along with everyone else. Some imitation Ricks start
to fly from the courtyard through the windows while the
imitation Mortys burrow underground. As RICK, MORTY, and
SUMMER run towards the double doors, one imitation Morty
stops burrowing and looks at SUMMER.
Girl?
IMITATION MORTY #1
An imitation Morty next to him stops and also looks at
SUMMER.
Girl!
IMITATION MORTY #2
"Morty's Castle"
16.
All the imitation Mortys stop burrowing and softly chant the
word ‘girl.’ SUMMER, RICK, and MORTY run into the school
without noticing their chant.
CUT TO:
INT. GROCERY STORE
JERRY is at the counter with a huge grin on his face. He
waits until the lady in front of him finishes paying. The
woman walks away and JERRY slides into her place in line.
JERRY
(suave)
Yes, I’d like a pack of condoms...and
a needle please.
The clerk stares at him.
JERRY (CONT’D)
(thinking he’s even smoother)
Make-that-two needles.
END OF ACT ONE
"Morty's Castle"
17.
ACT TWO
INT. CLASSROOM
RICK, MORTY, and SUMMER bust into the classroom. There are 4
rows of 5 desks. There are three empty desks in the back,
every other desk is occupied by an imitation Rick. There is a
playpen in the back of the classroom filled with imitation
Mortys. They’re crammed in the playpen all wearing dunce
caps. PROFESSOR PRINGU [shown on last page of script] stands
at the front of the class. He is a short man with glasses, a
tie, short sleeved button down, and a giant, bean shaped
head. A small, black, comb-over toupee sits on top of his
head. He has a monotone lisp.
PROFESSOR PRINGU
So nice of you all to join us. Hurry
and take a seat. Don’t make me ask
again.
MORTY
(to RICK)
Is that Professor Pringu?! He looks
just like I imagined!
The three of them take the three empty desks in the back.
PROFESSOR PRINGU
Excuse me. Morty, was it?
MORTY
Yes, sir, or professor, teacher sir?
PROFESSOR PRINGU
Yes, Morty, please sit with the other
Mortys in the back of the class.
But sir-
MORTY
PROFESSOR PRINGU uses his wand to magically bind MORTY and
levitate him up and into the playpen. All the imitation
Mortys are staring at SUMMER.
PROFESSOR PRINGU
Can someone keep the Mortys busy?
An imitation Rick tosses a nerd rope into the playpen. All
the imitation Mortys fumble over each other trying to grab
the nerds rope.
"Morty's Castle"
18.
PROFESSOR PRINGU (CONT’D)
(monotone)
Perfect. As you all know, my wife left
me last night.
The entire room falls silent, aside from the Mortys fighting
over the nerds rope.
PROFESSOR PRINGU (CONT’D)
(monotone)
I got home from work yesterday and her
things were gone. She left me for
Brian, a guy at her work.
The class is still silent.
PROFESSOR PRINGU (CONT’D)
(monotone)
Am I surprised? No. I knew something
was up last month when she said she
was taking extra shifts, but I saw no
monetary increase in our paychecks.
PROFESSOR PRINGU grabs a piece of chalk and starts drawing a
diagram on the chalkboard.
RICK
(to MORTY)
Congrats, Morty. Your best character
is the wizard equivalent to Randy
Quaid.
PROFESSOR PRINGU
(monotone)
I didn’t see any money coming in,
rather, I was losing money. Most
likely due to their frequent trips to
my grandparent’s lake house. One day I
noticed a pregnancy test in the trash
canRICK is annoyed and getting anxious. He pulls out his wand
and whispers into it.
A school bell rings.
PROFESSOR PRINGU (CONT’D)
(sighs)
Class dismissed. Everyone enjoy the
rest of the day and go home to your
families.
All the imitation Ricks pack their things up as they get up
and leave.
"Morty's Castle"
19.
SUMMER
Oh my god. Class is over? That was
fast.
RICK
Yeah, Summer. Class tends to be fast
when everyone knows everything.
SUMMER
What about the Mortys?
RICK
You wanna *burp* teach a dog with no
legs to play patty cake?
A group of imitation Ricks [STRONGLY RICK, STUDLY RICK,
STUNNINGLY RICK, SQUIRTS] wearing letterman jackets with
their leader, BROCK, approach SUMMER.
BROCK
Sup. I’m Brock. This is Strongly Rick,
Studly Rick, Stunningly Rick, and
Squirts. Me and the guys were
wondering if you wanted to play water
polo.
SUMMER
(blushing)
Yeah! That’d be awesome.
RICK
(whipping out his video
camera)
This is perfect. Just pretend I’m not
here.
BROCK
(delivering a sick burn)
That shouldn’t be a problem.
BROCK and SQUIRTS high five with the tips of their wands.
Then BROCK high fives STRONGLY RICK with the tip of his wand
while STUNNINGLY RICK high fives STUDLY RICK, also with his
wand. SQUIRT high fives STUNNINGLY RICK while STUDLY RICK
high fives BROCK. It is a cycle of high fives with the tips
of their wands with RICK joining in. Eventually, SUMMER,
BROCK, STRONGLY RICK, STUDLY RICK, STUNNINGLY RICK, and
SQUIRTS exit with RICK following them with his camera.
MORTY
Hey! What about me?!
"Morty's Castle"
20.
RICK
I’ll film you later, Morty. Jeez, it’s
always the worst actors that want the
most screen time.
The door slams shut behind RICK. The imitation Mortys avert
their attention towards the door and then at MORTY with a
blank stare.
MORTY
Come on, let’s get out of here.
They continue to stare. MORTY climbs over the playpen and the
imitation Mortys gasp.
IMITATION MORTY #1
Special Morty.
IMITATION MORTY #2
Special Morty.
The imitation Mortys start chanting special Morty.
MORTY
Yeah, ok whatever. Here, you dumb
idiots.
MORTY unlocks the playpen. The imitation Mortys rush out and
pick MORTY up and carry him out the classroom chanting
‘special Morty.’
CUT TO:
EXT. SMITH HOUSE
JERRY’s car pulls into the driveway quickly. JERRY jumps out
of the car and runs into the house.
CUT TO:
INT. LIVING ROOM
BETH is reading a magazine on the couch. JERRY throws open
the door startling her.
BETH
Woah, hey Jerry, what’s going on?
JERRY
(out of breath)
I just really want to sex with you and
me.
"Morty's Castle"
21.
BETH
(slightly confused)
Ok, I’ll go grab a condom.
JERRY
It’s fine, I’ve got one right here!
Jerry pulls out a condom from his pocket. He starts to
advance towards her.
BETH
Jerry, I think there might be a hole
in that condom.
There is a donut hole sized hole in the middle of the condom
made up of tiny holes, as if stabbed fifty times.
JERRY
That’s not a hole.
BETH
(not amused)
Then what is it?
Ultra-thin?
JERRY
CUT TO:
INT. JERRY’S ROOM
JERRY and BETH are having sex doggy style. JERRY pouts with
his arms crossed.
CUT TO:
EXT. MORTY’S CASTLE POOL
The pool area, on the side of the school, is filled with tons
of imitation Ricks. There is a puddle nearby with ducks and
imitation Mortys playing in it. The ducks have round glasses
and wizard cloaks on. SUMMER is in the pool playing water
polo. RICK is filming from a lawn chair. Everyone is having a
swell time until a stampede is heard from off in the
distance. It is a stampede of imitation Mortys chanting girl.
MORTY is running in front of them.
MORTY
(shouting)
Summer! Run! Get out of here!
SUMMER
(squinting)
Is that Morty?
"Morty's Castle"
22.
RICK
Perfect. We’re already at the rising
action.
MORTY
Rick! They’re trying to take Summer!
BROCK
(sighs)
I figured this day would come. Alright
boys, time to evaporate!
What?!
MORTY
An imitation Rick stands up and fires his wand. It hits one
of the imitation Mortys leading the charge. His head falls
off and his body falls to the ground. The other imitation
Mortys stop for a second and look at their fallen comrade.
The imitation Morty next to the dead one pulls out his wand
and looks at the imitation Rick that fired the shot.
IMITATION RICK
Ah, that’s cute. What, are you gonna
make me fart?
(chuckles)
The imitation Morty fires his wand and it hits the imitation
Rick. The imitation Rick violently shits himself and falls
down dead. The other imitation Ricks are startled and quickly
raise their wands and start firing. The imitation Mortys
continue the charge also firing their wands. Random imitation
Mortys are decapitated just as imitation Ricks start shitting
themselves to death. SUMMER jumps out of the pool scared.
BROCK
Quick! Do whatever you can to protect
Summer!
RICK runs over to SUMMER and pulls out a notepad.
RICK
Summer! Describe what you’re feeling,
really quick.
SUMMER
Well at first I was like what. But
then I was like scared when I realized
what was going on. But then when I
thought about it I’m sorta flattered,
you know? Cause it’s like they’re
fighting but they’re fighting over me.
I don’t know, I just think-
"Morty's Castle"
23.
RICK
Shit Summer, I got it, you’re happy.
BROCK
Protect her! Now!
SUMMER
(flattered)
You guys must really like me.
BROCK
Don’t flatter yourself. You’re simply
a means to reproduce.
(to the army of Ricks)
Escort the package to the reproduction
facility!
MORTY
This isn’t even my story anymore,
Rick!
Some of the imitation Ricks grab Summer and start running
away with her.
SUMMER
No! Stop! I’m more than a vagina! I
volunteer!
CUT TO:
INT. JERRY’S ROOM - NIGHT
JERRY looks over to see BETH fast asleep. He slowly tiptoes
out of bed and out of the room.
CUT TO:
INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT
JERRY creeps into the kitchen and looks through the drawers.
He finally finds what he is looking for and pulls out a
turkey baster.
CUT TO:
EXT. SMITH HOUSE - NIGHT
The light in the kitchen is seen going out. Foot steps are
heard and a door creaking shut is heard. JERRY shuffling
around is heard. The light in the bedroom turns on.
BETH (V.O.)
Jerry? What are you doing?
"Morty's Castle"
24.
Nothing.
JERRY (V.O.)
BETH (V.O.)
(extremely confused)
Is that a turkey baster?
No.
JERRY (V.O.)
BETH (V.O.)
Then what is it?
JERRY (V.O.)
...none of your business.
CUT TO:
EXT. MORTY’S CASTLE BATTLEFIELD
There is a massive battle happening in an open field in the
back of the school. Five imitation Ricks are in a line
restraining five imitation Mortys. An imitation Rick fires at
the imitation Mortys, decapitating them. On the other side of
the battle, a group of imitation Ricks form a circle, back to
back. An imiatation Morty jumps into the middle of the circle
and slams his wand on the ground. All of the imitation Ricks
in the circle ragdoll away shitting themselves. MORTY runs up
to RICK avoiding the crossfire.
MORTY
We gotta save Summer, Rick!
RICK
Summer is fine, Morty.
An imitation Morty aims at RICK and fires. RICK is busy
writing in his note pad but MORTY notices it.
Rick!
MORTY
MORTY jumps into the shot, saving RICK. MORTY lies on the
ground waiting to poop his pants but nothing happens.
RICK
You can’t die now, Morty. Readers are
zealots when it comes to main
characters. God forbid you kill one
off.
Readers?
MORTY
"Morty's Castle"
25.
RICK
I might as well tell you, maybe you’ll
feel more compelled to heighten this
*burp* piss poor performance. I
created Novel-T6 and put you guys in
it to observe how a popular girl and
pathetic loser realistically react
with the universe. Publishers are
interested.
MORTY
You know, Rick, I’d love to say I’m
surprised that you decided to screw me
on my birthday! But I’m not!
RICK
I’m taking you to the children’s
theatre when this is over, Morty,
because this is not working.
MORTY
I’ve had enough. I want to go home.
RICK
Fine, just take my wand and write
yourself out.
RICK hands MORTY his wand. MORTY is about to whisper into the
balls of the wand until he gets an idea.
MORTY
You want a cool story, Rick? Well I’ll
give you one.
MORTY whispers into the wand and a cage appears around RICK.
RICK
You mother fucker.
MORTY
(laughing)
You just got outsmarted by a Morty,
Rick. How does it feel?
RICK
How does it feel knowing your sister
is about to be used by a bunch of sex
depraved, old men more than an office
coffee machine?
MORTY
Oh crap! Summer!
"Morty's Castle"
26.
MORTY whispers into the wand and disappears. An imitation
Morty walks up to RICK. The imitation Morty raises his wand,
as if to cast a spell, and then smashes his head into the
cage.
RICK
You must be a one.
CUT TO:
INT. RICK’S LAB
JERRY is on the phone, scrambling through RICK’s stuff.
JERRY
Hey Morty, it’s dad. Where is grandpa
Rick’s thing that lets you visit other
universes? You know the little Gameboy
with the glass thing on top that has
the green stuff? It has one button?
JERRY notices it laying on top of a stack of papers next to
him.
JERRY (CONT’D)
Nevermind! Bye!
JERRY hangs up the phone and inspects the device.
JERRY (CONT’D)
(mumbling to himself)
Now how do I go back fifteen years...?
JERRY creates a portal and enters it.
CUT TO:
INT. RICK’S LAB - YEAR 2000
Title card reads: Year 2000. A portal appears and JERRY
exits. He cautiously walks into the house.
CUT TO:
INT. JERRY’S ROOM - YEAR 2000
JERRY looks through the crack of the door to see YOUNG JERRY
putting BABY MORTY to bed. YOUNG JERRY walks to the bathroom.
JERRY sneaks in, snatches BABY MORTY and leaves. As JERRY is
sneaking out he hears YOUNG JERRY and YOUNG BETH talking.
"Morty's Castle"
27.
YOUNG BETH (V.O.)
Where’s Morty?
YOUNG JERRY (V.O.)
I put him right there!
YOUNG BETH (V.O.)
Ugh, are you hiding him in the trash
can again?!
YOUNG JERRY (V.O.)
No! I swear! I put him right-
JERRY exits via portal.
CUT TO:
INT. LIVING ROOM
JERRY and BETH are arguing. JERRY is holding BABY MORTY.
JERRY
(angry)
Well, what am I supposed to do with it
now?
BETH
I don’t know, Jerry! Put it back where
you found it?!
JERRY
If only actions were cheaper than
words, Beth!
BETH
I don’t want someone else’s baby!
JERRY
(trying to persuade her)
Perfect! Neither do I! That’s why I
took our baby, we’ll call him Morty 2.
BETH
(dumbfounded)
I’m getting a drink. When I get back
from the kitchen, I want that baby out
of here and where it belongs.
JERRY
(defeated)
Fine.
"Morty's Castle"
28.
JERRY shuffles out of the room in defeat slowly while
carrying the baby.
CUT TO:
EXT. MORTY’S CASTLE BATTLEFIELD
RICK is sitting on the ground in the cage. The surrounding
field is filled with dead bodies, not a living creature
nearby. MORTY and SUMMER magically appear. They’re smiling
due to their victory.
RICK
So you won? It’s over? Are you happy
now, Morty?
SUMMER
Grandpa Rick, you should’ve seen
Morty! He was so cool!
MORTY
(prideful)
Yeah Rick, I was pretty awesome.
RICK
Ok, well I’m going to need you to
describe the events to me in detail
using words that you wouldn’t find on
the back of a cereal box.
MORTY
Alright. So first I teleported my self
to Summer. The imitation Ricks had her
tied up to this machine. That’s when IMORTY vanishes.
Morty?!
SUMMER
RICK
(not amused)
Great trick, Morty. The suspense is
*burp* killing me. So sneaky, I didn’t
even see you whisper into the wand.
SUMMER
He doesn’t have the wand, I do.
RICK
What? But how did(not amused)
Oh I get it. Perfect joke, Morty, you
got me with the old misdirection.
(MORE)
"Morty's Castle"
29.
RICK (CONT'D)
(to SUMMER)
Did you make him disappear while I
wasn’t looking?
SUMMER
Grandpa Rick, I haven’t even used it!
RICK
(suddenly scared)
Then that means(not amused)
You used it awhile ago to cast a timed
spell. Great joke, Morty.
CUT TO:
INT. RICK’S LAB
JERRY is sitting at the Novel-T6 with the baby in his lap. He
seems frustrated. BETH walks in.
BETH
Jerry! I thought I told you to get rid
of it?!
JERRY
I’m trying! I typed in ‘get rid of
Morty’ but nothing happened.
The Novel-T6 scanner moves quickly and RICK and SUMMER appear
in the lab.
RICK
What the hell did you do?!
JERRY fumbles over his words trying to explain himself while
RICK looks at the screen.
RICK (CONT’D)
Congrats, Jerry. You deleted your son.
I tell you to make more kids, and you
do the opposite. Truly, only you could
achieve such a high level of moron.
JERRY
What?! No! I was just trying to put
this Morty back where he belongs!
RICK
That’s a Morty?
...maybe.
JERRY
"Morty's Castle"
30.
RICK
If it is, I have an idea.
SUMMER
You’re going to take a fifteen year
old Morty from another universe?
RICK
I’m not a child abductor like your
father, Summer. I’m going to retrieve
as much data as I can on the original
Morty and then download it into this
baby Morty. Doing so will speed up the
aging process and give us a near
identical Morty.
BETH
As long as this baby is out of my
house.
RICK grabs the baby and then hooks it up to the Novel-T6. The
machine spins as RICK types frantically. The words and binary
start flashing and then stop as MORTY appears on the scanner.
SUMMER
Oh thank God!
BETH
(relieved)
I need another drink.
JERRY
(cautious)
I can take you to the bar, maybe?
Sure.
BETH
BETH exits with JERRY following, happily celebrating his
victory.
MORTY
(rubbing his head)
What happened?
RICK
Your dad deleted you, so I constructed
you using a baby’s body and a series
of ones and zeros.
RICK starts to leave.
"Morty's Castle"
31.
MORTY
(freaking out)
Oh man. That’s a pretty big bombshell
to drop and then just walk away!
RICK
Oh, yeah. And whenever you sneeze from
now on, you’ll shit your pants. That’s
what you get for locking me in a
*burp* cage.
RICK leaves. SUMMER stands awkwardly looking at a devastated
MORTY.
SUMMER
So... today was fun.
MORTY
(hyperventilating)
This isn’t my body.
SUMMER
Alright, well, I’m going to leave.
MORTY
These aren’t my tears.
SUMMER
Life lesson number four, always look
on the bright side.
SUMMER exits. MORTY is left a mess in the middle of the room
inspecting his new body. He looks into his pants.
MORTY
Oh man! It’s even smaller now.
CUT TO:
INT. MORTY’S ROOM
MORTY is laying in bed stiff as a board, as if he’s afraid to
move. RICK enters with two ice cream cones.
RICK
Hey pal, I bought you an ice cream.
MORTY
No thanks, Rick.
RICK
(comforting)
If it makes you feel any better, this
body is almost identical.
(MORE)
"Morty's Castle"
32.
RICK (CONT'D)
Your mind and memories are the exact
same as they were five seconds before
you were deleted.
MORTY
Yeah? Yeah, I guess you’re right,
Rick.
RICK
(rubbing his back)
Of course I’m right, Morty.
RICK’s phone rings.
RICK (CONT’D)
(showing off)
That must be the publishers. One
moment, Morty, while I get rich as
hell.
(into the phone)
Hello?- uh huh- uh huh- what?- What
the fuck is Harry Potter?- Hello?
RICK hangs up. He looks at MORTY with fire in his eyes. He
lifts up MORTY’s journal.
RICK (CONT’D)
You plagiarized this?!
MORTY
It’s not plagiarism, Rick! It’s fan
fiction! There are over 78,000 of them
online!
RICK
(livid)
Oh yeah? You write-write about
screwing rainbow unicorns too?
MORTY
(giggling)
Hah, this is what you get for trying
to fu- screw me over, Grandpa Rick.
RICK
I can’t believe I let your weird, sick
fetishes fuck me again!
BLACKOUT
END OF ACT TWO
"Morty's Castle"
33.
STINGER
EXT. SMITH HOUSE - YEAR 2040
A title card appears with the year 2040. The Smith house
looks old and run down. A car pulls up and an aged SUMMER
exits and walks towards the door.
CUT TO:
INT. SMITH HOUSE - YEAR 2040
The house has old newspapers and trash scattered everywhere.
The walls look like they could collapse at any second. There
is a wall covered in photos of characters throughout the
series all connected by string. SUMMER enters through the
door and approaches JERRY, who is withering away in his chair
with a stern look on his face. He is unkempt, as if he hasn’t
changed in 40 years. SUMMER tries to hold herself together.
SUMMER
Dad. I just came by to tell you that
mom died.
JERRY
(distracted)
Alright.
SUMMER
(emotional)
You need to stop obsessing over this!
JERRY
Summer, not this again.
SUMMER
No, dad, this again! It’s been forty
years!
JERRY
Dammit, Summer! He was your brother!
Your brother! I’m going to find the
sick sonuvabitch that took him.
SUMMER
You’re delusional! It could have been
you and you wouldn’t even know
anymore!
JERRY ponders the possibility as his eyes widen. He looks up
at his wall of photos and realizes he is in the middle with
all the strings leading back to him.
"Morty's Castle"
34.
SUMMER (CONT’D)
(forfeiting)
Goodbye, dad.
SUMMER exits as JERRY realizes it was him that took his son
some forty years ago.
CUT TO:
EXT. SMITH HOUSE - YEAR 2040
SUMMER walks towards her car. She stops for a second to look
at the house one last time. She sighs and continues towards
her car. A gunshot is heard from inside the house.
END OF SHOW
Imitation Morty
Imitation Rick
Professor Pringu