Tea for the Inner Me: Blending tea with reflection

Transcription

Tea for the Inner Me:
Blending tea with reflection
by
Dr. Ronna Fay Jevne
TEA FOR THE INNER ME
Ronna Fay Jevne
Published by
Elske Consulting Associates
Cover photo by
Ronna Fay Jevne
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Copyright © 2009
Elske Consulting Associates
All rights reserved. No part of this book
may be used or reproduced by any means,
graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including
photocopying, recording, taping or by any
information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author.
ISBN: 978-1-894045-29-2
Printed in Canada
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To my mom,
Jacqueline Jevne,
for teaching me that
life takes time
&
to Allen’s mom,
Myrtle Eng,
in appreciation of
her pioneer spirit.
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I want to acknowledge and thank
Ida, for introducing me to cloth napkins and
sugar tongs;
Rajan, whose gifts might be best described as
the Zen of Tea;
Ella, who has been there with a helping hand
and a joyful heart for nearly thirty years;
Allen, who is my daily tea partner sometimes
in solitude, sometimes in dialogue;
Dianne, for the inspiring practical guidance
and friendship and;
Every person who honors their inner life, their
inner me, with tea and reflection.
That’s - Ida Gullekson, Rajan Rathnavalu, Ella
Mortemore, Allen Eng, Dianne Young - and
you.
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Tea for the Inner Me
In each of us there is a quiet place - if
only we can find it. A place that is the “eye of the
hurricane, a quiet place at the center of life”.1 A
place where we can transcend the clutter of life
while we clarify issues, arrive at solutions and
develop perspective on the concerns of our lives.
A place so quiet we can cohabit with uncertainty
while staying grounded. A place where we are
clear about what is truly important. Some of
us call it “home”. It is an inner home - a place
where we feel valued and capable despite the
chaos that at times besets us. When we go there,
we reconnect with our integrity, our humanity,
our purpose, our yet undiscovered possibilities.
It is a place of acceptance and hope.
There is a truth to the Buddhist saying,
“Unless you go within, you will go without.”
Our culture is replete with evidence that we
have neglected our inner lives. While some
of us might cite road-rage traffic, unrelenting
excessive demands of work, non-existent
“family” time and neighbors we don’t even
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know, others might cite divorce rates, mean
spirited colleagues, debt and unethical
business practices as the source of our tension.
From the hassles of our daily lives to the farreaching harm of financial meltdowns, the
seeds of distress are cast widely in our culture.
In a world of instant communication, profound
global interdependence and a diminishing
sense of local community, there are constant
lures to an inner life of turmoil. Each of us has
our own version. Some experience chronic
tension, inadequacy and fear, while others
harbour blame, anger or entitlement. For many,
life is happening at a pace faster than it can be
put into perspective. No one seems to be calling
“time out” in this game of constant “catch up”.
Even if we are the model of efficiency, have
parceled our life off into discrete manageable
units, life will throw us curves - unsettling,
unwelcome, unnerving curves. Without taking
time during the mainstream of our lives, we will
find ourselves unprepared for these disruptive
invasions into our planned lives.
In a frenetic world there is a need for
a practice - “a means of private and personal
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discipline with which to develop our inner
muscles.”2 Over time our practice becomes our
personal way to sustain a healthy inner life.
Having tea and writing is such a ‘practice’.
On my refrigerator door there is a large fridge
magnet that says, “While there is tea, there is
hope.”
In our culture, shops don’t close for tea.
People don’t dress for tea. For the most part our
relationship with time inhibits our relationship
with tea. The person who has time for tea must
be retired! Or underemployed! It is a badge of
honor in our culture to be stressed, to eat on the
run and to use beverages that stimulate, rather
than ones that soothe.
It is not easy to take the time for tea,
to sit down with oneself. To take the extra
moments to steep tea, perhaps to use loose tea,
to turn off the radio or television, to sit without
stimulation, to pose questions to oneself. It
is even more of a commitment to explore our
world with pen in hand.
Tea for the Inner Me is an invitation to
take time to reflect on your life. To step outside
of the demands of your daily life and into the
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often neglected sphere of our hurts and hopes,
dreams and dreads, our fears and strengths.
Taking time for tea with yourself is more than
plugging in the kettle and dunking a tea bag
in a mug while you jot down what needs to be
done during the day or week.
These days we are more likely to meet
for coffee or grab a sandwich together than
to indulge in conversation over tea. We are
even less likely to sit with a cup of tea in our
own presence, reflect on our own lives, and
intentionally address the issues of our lives,
not solely for practical reasons but to reach that
place of deep quiet. Tea for the Inner Me is not
only for times of challenge and distress. It is a
time to record and cherish those moments that
bring us joy.
I am not alone in my valuing of time
for tea and writing. Cultures throughout
history have developed rituals related to tea.
Anyone who has witnessed a formal oriental
tea ceremony will recall the deep respect with
which it is conducted. The host may spend
days going over minutiae to ensure that the
ceremony will be conducted as it is prescribed.
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Through tea, recognition is given that every
human encounter is a singular occasion which
can, and will, never recur again exactly as this
one.3
Similarly for many years men and
women of all ages, of varying backgrounds with
diverse concerns have expressed their thoughts
and feelings through writing. The courage to
look within has crafted many a good parent,
guided many a leader, and strengthened the
spirit of many a person facing suffering.
A Sip of Science
Years ago we had to accept the opinons
of those who used writing as an inner practice
that indeed, it had value. Now, however, there
is convincing evidence that writing about
our lives can help us shift perspective, heal if
necessary, and focus on a positive future. There
is also evidence that mental, emotional and yes,
physical health is improved by reflecting on our
lives through writing.
In 2004, James Pennebaker, well
known for his ground breaking research in
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the field, wrote in Writing to Heal that “As the
number of studies increased, it became clear
that writing was a far more powerful tool for
healing than anyone had imagined”4 (p.7).
Evidence continues to mount that writing has
the potential to influence many aspects of our
physical and mental health - the immune system,
specific conditions (i.e. asthma, arthritis, cancer,
hypertension, anxiety, depression) and other
stress related symptoms.
In The Writing Cure, Stephen Lepore and
Joshua Smyth document decades of research
findings confirming writing as an effective self
therapy.5 In the epilogue of that book James
Pennebaker comments, “in the span of 20 years,
research on writing and health has evolved from
a vague notion to a noble scientific enterprise.”6
In other words, the verdict is in.
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Reflections on tea
I remember tea at Ida’s. When you are
eight, china cups and white linen are memories
that last forever. Those were in the days when
tea meant sitting quietly sipping like I was a
grown up, eating sugar cookies, little brownies
and date squares off a Royal Albert cake plate.
Ida had two sons so being the little girl in
her life meant being included in the rituals of
tea almost as an equal. There were no plastic
kiddy teacups with pretend cream and sugar.
Sugar lumps and farm cream were in a real,
matching, sugar bowl and creamer. There were
home grown lilacs on the dining room table. It
was one of the few times I was willing to don a
dress. And there were cloth napkins!
In my adult years of 24/7, those years of
overdosing on responsibility and professional
duty, to say nothing of the obligations of home,
tea in its truest sense was non-existent. It was
not a conscious dismissal. It was an accidental
neglect, the kind that happens when you think
you don’t have the time or the need to look
inward. For me, there were meetings to attend,
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ill family to care for, research to be conducted,
patients to see, speeches to be delivered, books
to be written. It could just have easily been
gardening to do, children to raise, volunteer
commitments to fulfill, a home business to
run and a college course to complete. During
those years tea would follow Christmas and
Easter dinners but only as a complement to
dessert and a pause before the inevitable and
lengthy clearing of the meal and cleaning of the
kitchen. For years, the only teapot I owned was
a gift from a grateful student - a large pottery
one which after many years in service was
accidentally broken by a hyperactive foster son.
It was replaced with a very basic white Wall
Mart special whose spout dripped with every
cup. The only china cups I owned were those
in my old country rose dinner set, used only for
a rare formal dinner party.
At some point, part of my mother’s
collection of teacups became mine. She simply
gave me a number of them on no special
occasion. It was not until after her unfortunately
early death that the majority of them came to
me. Only after my father’s death did I became
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the sole proprietor of the family teacups. How
I wish I knew the story behind each of them.
As they sit on the shelves of what is now my
tea room, I wish they could talk. Which ones
came to her as wedding presents? Birthday
gifts? Anniversaries? Which ones from persons
she treasured? If she could have kept only five,
which would have been her favorites?
I remember my mom sitting in her
favorite rocker in front of the living room
window looking out on the huge elm under
which her ashes are now buried. She would
sit in silence, perhaps thinking, perhaps not.
Unquestionably though, she was taking time
for herself, choosing a few quiet moments in
her active day. And indeed her days were full.
She knew the calm a cup of tea could bring,
the sanity it could ensure for the remainder of
the day. She neither lingered nor rushed her
tea. It was not a specific ritual, just a common
occurrence. But it was a teacup cup of tea, not
a mug. Somehow even as children and young
adults we knew that that time was hers, not to
be intruded upon. Not to be ripped from her
prematurely. I still, on those rare occasions
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when I feel overwhelmed, ask myself, “What
would Mom do?” A quiet smile slips into my
soul as I remember, “She would have tea.”
Over the years there were only a few
spaces in time for tea events. The occasional
community golden anniversary was a reminder
that truly civil rituals still exist. The event
would be marked with silver service and a
designated elder to pour. She would normally
have a corsage as a mark of the honor.
Occasionally a colleague or friend would
come and I would “set tea.” As a celiac, fresh
dates, cashews, mandarin sections and gluten
free brownies substituted for the squares of my
childhood. The teapot would be preheated. The
tea would be steeped. A flower would grace
the table. The telephone would be ignored. The
time would always come to a close with, “We
need to do this more often.”
Evidence of my love of tea is sprinkled
thoughout my life. A tea quilted table cloth
graces a small table that seats two. A special
colleague created it for me as a retirement gift.
It is a conversation piece as we wait for the tea
to steep. There are two little girls in our life,
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Olivia and Erin, who have a special place in our
heart. Each June 30, they receive a tea cup and
saucer and will until they are eighteen. My tea
room has an elephant shaped tea pot so I am
ready for tea with Sara who pointed out that
there wasn’t anything for kids in my tea room.
Now there is.
I now savor my relationship with tea.
The most ritualized version happens every
Monday when Allen and I spend an hour
together over a cup of brewed tea. Tea may have
saved our marriage. Now that I am semi-retired
we do tea in the morning more routinely and
with greater ritual. Recently we gave a young
couple an old couples gift, a set of teacups and
a fancy little teacake plate. We wrote “The Gift
of Tea” to explain our choice:
Sitting together talking about our lives
Our inner lives,
not just the hustle and hassle of life
Has crafted the depth of our marriage.
When we had tea in the early years
We planned
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And planned
And worked out busy lives
So there was time for us.
We figured out which of the kids
Most needed our help
Which causes to support
And when to visit aging parents.
We made decisions about money
Holidays and careers.
We made sure that schedules
Included time for us
Even if we had to tell white lies to the world
And even then, we over committed ourselves.
And now on Monday mornings we have tea
And talk about the grandkids and
Which one of them needs our help
And which causes to support
And how to stay healthy
And what friends to cultivate
Knowing friendships don’t happen by chance.
So our gift to you is teacups
And a little plate for snacks-
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Nanimo bars are our favorite
Madjoul dates work well.
Nothing too unhealthy.
But nothing really sensible.
And a formal cake plate
So you can have tea with others
And look like you do it with class all the time.
So you can talk to them about
What’s important in their lives
And exchange views about
A healthy Canada
And what small mark you will leave on the world
And how families are “something else”
But you wouldn’t want it any other way
And what life is teaching you.
It’s all in the tea.
We hope you will sit together
Talk about your lives
Your inner lives,
not just the hustle and hassle of life
And craft the depth of your marriage.
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Reflections on journal writing
The tradition of tea may be the legacy of
my English heritage. The love of journaling is,
however, uniquely mine. It began when I was
sixteen as a result of reading Dr. Hudson’s Secret
Journal. I have written more at some times than
at others. Times of pain and indecision brought
me to the page more often than the need to record
memorable highlights. For years I simply put
the clutter of life into written form, free falling
into feelings and thoughts without structure.
Over the years with exposure to Progoff’s
Intensive Journal Writing, Zen Writing Practice
and conventional journaling techniques, I
found the truth of Ira Progoff’s statement that
writing can be a vehicle that “carries people
through difficult and confusing transitions of
their lives.”7
A journal is not a substitute for a
friend. Yet, it is a companion. It is a place
where I befriend myself. Where I go to listen,
to explore, to wonder what I am doing with
my life - without judgment to the degree I am
able. I have crafted the dreams that have driven
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my pursuits and grieved the same dreams
when they were thwarted. I have rehearsed
forgiveness until it came with peace, mourned a
son until I could breathe normally when images
of his smile cross my mind, buried regrets to
make room for opportunities, melted fears into
acceptance and action. Like a camera but with
words, I have captured snapshots of special
moments and reminders of the goodness of life
when shadows interrupted my vision. I have
poured pain on the page and laughed at the
ineptness of my efforts at the occasional poem.
I long ago learned that writing does
not immediately bring solace. It does, though,
help bring perspective. It starts in motion
the process of finding a rightful place for the
unsettling pieces of our lives. As you enter
your inner life, it is not always comfortable.
The uncomfortableness, though, was there
before you headed for your journal. It is the
signal that there is an issue that you have not
been addressing. The decision to use the tools
of journaling is a decision to take hold of your
own life, to do what is necessary regardless of
whether it is easy, to have the life you want.
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Journaling allows us to become students of
our own lives and therapists of our own souls. As
a therapist for many years I have encouraged
and guided clients willing to explore their lives
through written expression and witnessed them
re-story their lives as the character that they had
hoped they would become.
They have found that quiet place, that
still point midst the chaos. They have learned
how to come home to that place of integrity, that
place of clarity, that place of hope.
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Reflections on tea and writing
Take my love of tea, my experience with
journaling and my skill as a therapist and you
have Tea for the Inner Me. A way to enter that
calm place. A means by which to step out of the
frenetic pace, briefly at least. A place to reflect
and to be in dialogue with my inner world. I
become a pilgrim with a pen.
A pilgrimage is a journey embarked
upon with an understanding that there will be
challenges on the way. Not so different from
life. A pilgrimage involves not only the physical
demands of enduring the journey to a specific
destination - it is also an inner journey, a quest
for the self. Writing is a way of exploring that
journey. Phil Cousineau in The Art of Pilgrimage
suggests to pilgrims, “If in doubt, write.”8
A pilgrim with a pen has tea and writes
while resting between the challenges. She takes
time to reflect on the journey. Prepares herself
for whatever is required next. By recording
the reflections, they become exactly that reflections. We become able to see ourselves.
See who we have been in the context of our
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lives. See what we need to do. The reflections
are not just meandering thoughts that flip about
the mental landscape.
Partaking in Tea for the Inner Me is
a statement that you are willing to honor
yourself, willing to take time to renew yourself,
understand yourself, be in relationship to
yourself. It is not one more thing on your todo list. It is a gift you give yourself and in so
doing, you enrich the lives you touch by being
more centered, more peaceful, more accepting,
more available. It is not a time for business
transactions or problem solving. It is a time for
friendship building with self and with others.
It is a choice to exit from the cycle of busyness.
It is an intentional choice to move at least
momentarily into the slow lane, perhaps even
off the freeway of life. It is a commitment to
quiet our inner lives. Alexandra Stoddard has
called taking time for tea, a spa for the soul.
Feel the “power of the pause”. Leave the
world of “what needs to be done”, the world
of conceptual chatter to enter the world of
enduring gentleness, free from the “shoulds”
of the world. Some would say tea is a form of
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meditation. Writing deepens the meditation.
It helps us notice that we are a work of art in
progress. We are both the artist and the canvas
of our life.
Tea for the Inner Me can be enjoyed in
solitude or in companionship. Realize though
it may change the experience. I suggest that
you experiment first with tea for one. At least
initially, if you can. Let yourself experiment
with solitude and silence. “Silence lies at the
heart of all the great spiritual traditions and
pilgrimages. It is the vehicle that encourages
us to dive beneath words, ideas, chatter and
concepts to discover the unspoken truths and
the unfathomable mystery of being.”9
Not all people welcome silence or
solitude. Some associate silence with childhood
punishment. It can be associated with isolation,
rejection or outright abuse. If solitude is for
some reason initially uncomfortable, you
might invite a respectful friend to join you for
a time of tea and writing in silence followed
by conversations about meaningful things.
Cristina Feldman suggests in her wonderful
book Silence, “there are times when we need to
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stand together in silence, be together in silence,
and accompany each other in this life in silence.
In those moments we meet in the depths of our
being and see ourselves reflected in the heart of
another.”10
Ritual is the way by which we enter our
inner life. There is though no right or wrong
way to do Tea for the Inner Me. There is no ritual
that ensures its value. No standard protocol that
once adopted must be repeated for maximum
benefit. You are your own “tea master”. I am,
though, going to make some suggestions both
for the tea and the writing.
Ritual often involves the senses and Tea
for the Inner Me is no exception. As you develop
your unique ritual, consider including all of the
senses. Take time to smell the tea, time to listen
to the water boiling, time to hold the tea cup
in both hands and feel its warmth. Notice the
color the tea has become. Notice the sounds in
the environment. Experiment with and without
music to see what you prefer.At each stage, stop
and be fully present to what is in that moment.
Notice. Notice. Notice. Who you are, where
you are at that moment. Begin to see the many
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aspects of the celebration you are coming to call
Tea for the Inner Me.
How do you begin? If you have the Tea
for the Inner Me gift package you will have a Tea
for the Inner Me pen, a small journal, a tea cup
and saucer, a specialty tea, a flavourful tea candy
and seven images to begin your reflection. These
are intended simply to get you started. As your
Tea for the Inner Me becomes a practice you can
select any or all the components according to
your tastes. You might add a special tea pot, a
favorite biscuit, a candle.
Obviously, the celebration includes
making a good cup of tea. Remember, just
plugging in the kettle and dunking a tea bag
in a mug will approximate a cup of tea. It
isn’t though, Tea for the Inner Me. If you want
the benefits of Tea for the Inner Me, begin with
the respect you deserve. Boil the water. Never
microwave it. Steep the pot. That means prior
to this you have chosen a teapot. Perhaps you
have inherited it. Perhaps you purchased it.
Hopefully you did so with thought. It is the
texture, color and size you want. It is your
teapot. Chose your cup and saucer or adopt
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the one provided at least temporarily. Use the
tea provided or choose your own favorite tea.
Experiment with quality teas. Try loose tea. It
makes you slow down even more. At some
point you may want a little strainer. They
usually come with a little tray they sit in to
manage the drips. Sugar, if you must, but with
a true teaspoon. Not your day-to-day cutlery.
Now, where to sit? Is there a favorite
chair? You need a room where there is the
potential not to be interrupted for a half hour.
I have two or three spots in our home that
accommodate Tea for the Inner Me and I use
them depending on how occupied the house is
and what my mood on any given day might be.
There needs to be a surface to put the teacup
on.
Wherever you choose, it needs to
accommodate being able to write in your
journal. Initially, that would be one provided.
Later it will be the journal you have taken the
time to select. The one that feels right. It is the
right size. The right shape. You might have to
go to several shops to find the right one. It
might be colorful or quiet. It might be leather
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or just hardback. It might be coil or perfect
bound. It might be lined or unlined. Your Tea
for the Inner Me pen can stay with your journal.
Personally I never use colored pens. Some do. I
love a candle. A small one. I have a little bronze
damper to put it out. No one knows that’s my
Tea for the Inner Me candle. It is your choice. Do
Tea for the Inner Me your way.
Preparing tea is a way of preparing
our inner self for a writing exploration, for a
conversation with inner self. It is impossible to
have that conversation when there is a constant
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah going on inside. As we
prepare the tea, we prepare the quiet needed
for the inner exploration.
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Suggestions for journaling
These are your private thoughts. Be sure
to ensure confidentiality. Keep your
writings where you can ensure they
will remain private.
Not all writing has to be about pain or
distress. Write when you are feeling
good as well as when you are feeling
less than wonderful.
Write even if you are not feeling like it.
Perhaps because you are not feeling
like it! Just write. Put the pen on the
paper and write.
If your writing generates feelings you
are having difficulty dealing with,
it is okay to stop. You can change
topics and at some point return to
the issue of concern, not necessarily
in the same session.
It is fine, perhaps even important, to
write about some things more than
once.
Whatever you discover about yourself
does not require immediate change.
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Give yourself time to think about
what you discover.
What you write may evoke the need to
discuss something with a trained
therapist?
Remember, journal
writing is not a substitute for
professional counseling.
Avoid what Lynn Nelson calls,
“answers”and“bigtruths”.11 Simply
write your stories and feelings and
small insights.
After each entry it can be beneficial to
reflect on what you have learned.
Date your writings. Include the year.
There will be a day when you will
thank me for that advice.
Ignore grammar and spelling. It isn’t an
English class.
Experiment with different types of
writing. You will learn which ones
work for you.
Write on two-thirds of the page leaving
a wide margin for reflections later.
Or write only on the right or left
hand side of the journal and leave
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the other side for later additions or
notations.
Long hand is preferable to computer
unless your handwriting is illegible
by even you. It is hard to take a
computer and printer everywhere.
There is no magic to where, when or
how you write. Just write.
Remind yourself this is for you. No
one else. Be as honest as you can
tolerate.
You may use pseudonyms to protect
others identities if you feel you want
to.
Work towards taking responsibility for
your own feelings as you write.
Once in a while write something silly.
Avoid making judgments. Keep your
mind open to new learnings.
Keep your journal readily accessible.
It can be useful to attend a workshop
conducted by a well-trained facilitator to expand
your repertoire of strategies for writing. The
more options, the more approaches to dealing
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with issues, the more creativity. Don’t hesitate to
ask the facilitator for his or her credentials and
experience. There are no standards as to who can
facilitate therapeutic writing nor any established
ethical guidelines for the use of what is often
called expressive writing. Sometimes authors
with little or no counseling training conduct
workshops. Sometimes therapists with little or
no writing experience do so. An experienced
therapist with a solid understanding of the
power of writing will have the added benefit
of both strengths. As with any personal growth
workshop, you need to ensure that you are in a
safe emotional context with a skilled leader. No
true professional will hesitate to disclose his or
her credentials and experience to you.
The benefits of Tea for the Inner Me
emerge only from actually having tea and
putting pen to paper. Traditionally the introvert
is more inclined to write than the extrovert who
is more accustomed to expressing what is going
on “inside” to the outside world of family,
friends and colleagues. The former takes well
to the pen; the latter hopes the phone will ring
or that the dog will need walking. Whether you
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think of yourself as an introvert or an extrovert,
you are more likely to write consistently once
you experience the inner quiet that develops
over time. However, it is not a magic pill. It
is an intentional looking within for solutions
and strength. Like so many good intentioned
possibilities, the proof is in the doing.
What, though, shall you write about?
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Three conversations
I love writing and am convinced of
its power to change lives, particularly our
own lives. I love that it is a private avenue to
health, available at my convenience and very
affordable. Once I have the tools, I can address
most of my own issues. I personally enjoy the
benefits of years of writing. I laugh a lot, love
deeply, have a sense of adventure and believe
life is not a problem but an experience to be
lived. Facilitating journaling to the general
public, students, patients, inmates, and staff
in educational, health care and correctional
services settings has confirmed that the avenue
to personal satisfaction may begin with your
pen and journal.
It is our nature to be reflective, to ask
ourselves, why and how and what if. A deep
sense of quiet is often hard earned from a more
than a superficial glance into our inner life. It
isn’t easy to accept responsibility for our own
emotional and spiritual health. It can take time
to work through anger, sadness, guilt, fear or
even boredom. Denying negative feelings is
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not equivalent to transforming them through
exploration. It takes practice to access our
genuine joy, gratitude, respect and kindness.
The chatter that clutters our minds
usually originates from one of three important
relationships in our life - our relationship
with self, our relationship with others and our
relationship with what is greater than us. We
need to explore and understand those three
relationships. The three conversations (one with
self, one with others and one with that which
is greater than self) parallel three very basic
human questions: Who am I? Who are all the
others? And where do I fit in the greater scheme
of things?
Tea for the Inner Me uses images and
questions as prompts to your writing. There is
a reason for using images. Images help us feel
our experience rather than only think about
them. They help us avoid the tendency to rely
solely on logic to approach our concerns. It
was Aristotle that said, “the soul never thinks
without a picture.”12
There are a myriad of images and
countless questions to stimulate writing. The
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images and questions included here are intended
only as a sample of what you might ask yourself
in your Tea for the Inner Me practice.
Seven seemed like a good number to
begin with. One for each day of the week. The
timing though is up to you. This is your practice.
Some people become very disciplined about
daily practice. Some aim for a certain number
of sessions within a specific time. It is, though,
beneficial to develop a pattern of practice.
Prop the photo up so you can see it
as you write. Consider the question. Resist
responding as if it was a test item. Sit quietly,
almost waiting for the photo to speak. At some
point you will notice a memory or a thought
will begin to come forth. Open your journal
and begin to write whatever comes. There is no
need to be concerned about whether it is a story
of time gone by, a dialogue with something
or someone, or simply thoughts that come to
mind. Remember there are no rules. A beginning
guideline may be to write three pages. If you
find yourself writing more, great. If you find
you have written less, notice if there is anything
else you would like to include. Notice if a
31
simple poem is waiting to come forward. Just
enjoy the writing. Refrain from judgement.
This is not English class. This is just for you.
You may find what you have written leads you
to ask more and different questions of your life.
Those become the focus of upcoming Tea for the
Inner Me sessions. The key is to begin!*
Tea for the Inner Me is a very initial step
to developing a practice of reflecting on your life
over a cup of tea. It is not intended to instruct you
in a variety of writing techniques. It is intended
to point you towards three conversations which
will bring you closer to the person you want to
be. You are a work of art in progress.
Enjoy being the artist.
* For additional images and writing prompts
for Tea for the Inner Me see www.ronnajevne.ca.
for the Companion to Tea for the Inner Me.
32
It’s time to begin.
Turn the book sideways.
Select your first image.
No need to do them in order.
Reflect on the question.
Begin to write.
Remember this is just for you.
33
What path have you been walking? What path are you wanting to walk?
34
35
What absolutely delights me?
What are my talents? How am I using them?
36
37
What have I locked myself into or out of for too long?
Who are you hangin’ out with?
38
39
How do you explain what you sometimes experience as choas?
What brings you comfort?
40
Photo by E. Lange
Reading list
For Tea
Barnes, E. 1994. If Teacups Could Talk. Eugene, Oregon: Harvest House Publishers.
Barnes, M. 2001. The Twelve Teas of Friendship. Eugene, Oregon: Harvest House Publishers.
Gunn, R. 2001. Tea at Glenbrooke. Sisters, Oregon: Blue Cottage Gifts.
Stoddard, A. 1994. Tea Celebrations: The Way to Serenity. New York: Avon Books.
Waller, K. 2002. The Art of Taking Tea. New York: Hearst Books.
Wrightman, Y. 1994. All the Tea in China.
Regina, Saskatchewan: Publishing
Solutions.
41
For Journalling
Adams, K. 1990. Journal to the Self: 22 Paths to personal growth. New York: Warner Books.
Baldwin, C. 1991. Life’s Companion: Journal writing as a spiritual quest. New York: Bantam Books.
Bender, S. 2001. Keeping a Journal You Love. Cincinnati, Ohio: Walking Stick Press.
Cameron, J. 1992. The Artist’s Way: A spiritual path to higher creativity. New York: G.P. Putnam’s Sons.
DeSalvo, L. 1990. Writing as a Way of Healing: How telling our stories transforms our lives. Boston: Beacon Press.
42
Jacobs, B. 2004. Writing for Emotional
Balance: A guided journal to help
you manage overwhelming emotions.
Oakland, California: New Harbinger Publications.
Jaffe, E. 2001. Writing Your Way: Creating a
personal journal. Toronto: Sucmach
Press.
Jevne, R. 1999. My Hope Journal. Edmonton,
Alberta: Hope Foundation of Alberta.
Keyes, R. 1995. The Courage to Write. New York: Henry Holt & Company.
Klug, R. 2000. How to keep a Spiritual Journal. Minneapolis: Augsburg Fortress.
Metzger, D. 1992. Writing for Your Life: A guide and companion for the inner worlds. San Francisco: Harper.
43
Nelson, G.L. 2004. Writing and Being. San Francisco: Inner Ocean Publishing
Pennebaker, J. 2004. Writing to Heal: A guided journal for recovering from trauma and emotional upheaval. Oakland, California: New Harbinger Publications.
Progroff, I. 1975. At a Journal Workshop. New York: Dialogue House.
Rainer, T. 1978. The New Diary: How to use a journal for self-guidance and expanded creativity. Los Angeles: J.P. Tarcher, Inc.
Reeves, J. 1999. A Writer’s Book of Days: A spirited companion and lively muse for
the writing life. Novato, California: New World Library.
Simons, G. 1978. Keeping your personal journal. New York: Paulist Press.
44
Endnotes
Progoff, I. (1975). At a Journal Workshop.
New York: Dialogue House Library, p. 14.
1
Ibid, p.13.
2
http://www.holymtn.com/tea/
Japanesetea.htm
3
Pennebaker James. (2004). Writing to
Heal: A guided journal for recovering from trauma
and emotional upheaval. Oakland, CA: New
Harbinger Publications Inc, .p. 7.
4
Lepore, S. & Snyth, J. (2002). The Writing
Cure: How expressive writing promotes health and
emotional well-being. Washington, DC: American
Psychological Association.
5
Pennebaker, J. in “Writing about
emotional events: From past to future” in
Lepore, S. & Snyth, J. (2002). The Writing Cure:
How expressive writing promotes health and
emotional well-being. Washington, DC: American
Psychological Association, p. 281.
6
45
Progoff, I. (1992). At a Journal Workshop.
New York: Dialogue House Library, p. 7.
7
Cousineau. P. (1998). The Art of Pilgrimage.
Boston, Conari Press, p.113.
8
Feldman, C. (2003). Silence. Berkeley, CA:
Rodmell Press, p. 7.
9
ibid p. 9.
10
Nelson, G.L. (2004). Writing and Being:
Taking back our lives through the power of language.
San Francisco, CA: Inner Ocean Publishing,
Inc., p. 10.
11
Korn, E. & Johnson, K. 1983 Visualization:
The uses of imagery in the health professions.
Homewood, Illinois: Dow Jones-Irwin, p.57.
12
46
Other Inner Me Experiences
Writing for the Inner Me
There
is
convincing
evidence that writing about
our hurts and hopes, dreads
and dreams, our fears and
strengths can help us shift
perspective, heal if necessary,
and focus on a positive future.
The benefits include mental,
emotional and yes, physical differences.
Through writing, we can address most
of our own issues. Learn a variety of writing
strategies, including creative options, that
allow you to approach issues of concern with
confidence. Writing is a private, convenient,
affordable avenue to health. Explore the power
of the pause and the power of the pen.
Choose from Journalling 101 or Zen
Writing Practice.
47
Photography for the Inner Me
Explore how you see the
world. Learn that the lens
points both diretions. As we
look out to the world, we
are looking into ourselves.
In some instances, blend
photography with writing to
add depth to understanding
our inner life. Combine
improving your photographic skills with
learning about and nurturing your inner me.
Your “eye” can help you enjoy your Inner “I”.
Choose from Images and Echoes: Exploring
your life with photography and writing (three levels)
or Photographic Wisdom: Everything you need
to know you can learn from a camera. Individual
phototherapy sessions are also available.
48
Get started Freeing the Inner Me
A Personal Session: Treat
yourself to an individual
session. Some individual
sessions are eligible for
insurance coverage.
A Circle of Friends: Host a
group for a fun, supportive
inner me time. Explore
your inner me and deepen
friendships.
Workshops: Attend a scheduled workshop
or organize your own tailored to meet your
specific needs.
Workplace Sessions: Arrange an Inner Me
experience for your staff.
A Gift: Surprise that special someone.
Meetings and conferences: Book an Inner
Me guest speaker for your club, association or
upcoming conference.
Remember, if you don’t go within, you will go
without.
Become a student of your own life, a therapist
of your own soul.
49
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Dr. Ronna Fay Jevne is
a registered psychologist,
author of eight books and
recipient of numerous
awards. Her career has
spanned thirty years of
counselling, teaching and
research in clinical and
academic settings. Her love of therapeutic
writing and photography continues to find its
way into her lectures, workshops and writing.
She lives on a beautiful acreage near Edmonton,
Alberta with her husband, Allen.
Contact information
Dr. Ronna Jevne
ronna.jevne@ualberta.ca
website: www.ronnajevne.ca
Phone: 780-387-4673
Fax: 780-387-4824
Snail mail: RR 1 Site 7 Box 13
Millet Alberta, T0C 1Z0
50
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Tea for the Inner Me: Blending tea with reflection

Transcription

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