volume 5 / issue 8 / 25 October–1 November 2006 The

The Weekly Student Magazine of the University of Minnesota
/ volume 5 / issue 8 / 25 October–1 November 2006
Editorial/
Editor-in-Chief
Jenny Odegard
Managing Editor
Eric Price
Athletics Editor
Craig Rentmeester
Campus Editor
Sarah Howard
Literary Editor
Jacob Duellman
Sound & Vision Editor
Kristen Mueller
Voices Editor
Cole Dennis
Editorial Assistants
Alyssa Cogan, Dan Olmschenk, Lyndsey
Danberry
Senior Staff Writers
Elizabeth Autwes, Rachel Drewelow
PRODUCTION/
Production Manager
Jeremy Sengly
Art Director
Sam Soule
Photography Editor
Ethan Stark
Web Editor
Luke Preiner
Copy Editors
Kelly Frush, Erin Lavigne, Rachel Levitt,
Tammy Quan, Morgon Mae Schultz
Graphic Designers
Dave Hagen, Eric Price, Becki Schwartz,
Jeremy Sengly, Krista Spinti
BUSINESS/
Business Manager
Angela Damiani
Office Manager
Elizabeth Keely Shaller
Advertising Executive
Now hiring!
Public Relations Director
Cassie Benson
Advertising Intern
Tyler Jones
Public Relations Interns
Marlys Huismann, Alison Traxler, Julie
Veternick
THIS ISSUE/
Cover Artist
Dave Hagen
Illustrators
Dave Hagen, Alex Judkins, Jeremy Sengly
Photographers
Ethan Stark
©2006 The Wake Student Magazine. All rights
reserved.
Established in 2002, The Wake is a weekly
independent magazine produced by
and for the students of the University of
Minnesota. The Wake is a registered student
organization.
Contributing Writers
John Anderson, Elizabeth Aulwes, Carrie
Bermal, Carl Carpenter, Lyndsey Danberry,
Janessa Dohsse, Rachel Drewelow,
Heather Harrington, Macks Markin, Kristen
Mueller, Jenny Odegard, Eric Price, Craig
Rentmeester
The Wake Student Magazine
1313 5th St. SE
Minneapolis, MN 55414
(612) 379-5952 • www.wakemag.org
The Wake was founded by Chris Ruen and
James DeLong.
Dear Readers,
The Wake is five years old! Hooray! You might have noticed
this on the cover. Another place that you can notice it
is at the Dinkytowner on Thursday (October 26). Things
start happening at 9:00 when the doors open. Shortly
thereafter we will have The Teeth playing a set and some
music for dancing will be provided by DJ Sovietpanda.
Then the real crying and snuggling begins when Cowboy
Curtis takes the stage. For those not perfectly versed in
Wake history, they were the first band that we featured
five short years ago. Group hug.
Naked Stages/12
On an Uptown stage surrounded by black velvet curtains, performance
artist Kim Thompson wonders—how did she travel from a doorstep in
South Korea into the home of her new conservative Christian family in
Florida, only to leave that home, travel the world and come out queer?
SOUND & VISION/04
PHOTOGRAPHY/09
VOICES/10
CAMPUS/14
ATHLETICS/18
LITERARY/20
BASTARD/23
Even if this is the first issue you have picked up, The Wake
wants to get to know you. So come to the Dinkytowner and
introduce yourself.
See you Thursday!
Hearts and Hugs,
JENNY ODEGARD
Editor-in-Chief
Sound & Vision/
04/25 October – 1 November 2006
\ Sound & Vision
ethan stark
By Katie Mae Kohlbeck
Smokers gather outside the Triple Rock Social Club, enjoying the brisk air and taking a break from the packed
club. They were waiting to see Dosh and celebrate the release of his latest album “The Lost Take.”
“Excuse me, pardon me,” says a college-aged woman,
holding a drink. “I’m not trying to shove anybody. I just
have to get to the other side.”
As the fan squeezes her way through the crowd to catch
a closer look of Dosh and the band on stage, a man in a
newsboy cap positions himself in the back of the room by
the bar, closing his eyes as the band’s first notes trickle in.
Dosh, accompanied by a bass, guitar, keyboard, violin,
drums and saxophone, begins the show with a whimsical, peaceful number. The sound they produce is an ideal
soundtrack for a person strolling through a vast, open
prairie against an endless blue sky or for relaxing on a
Sunday afternoon.
The man in the newsboy cap does not sway from position
during the passionately played opening song. When the
crowd erupts into applause, the man claps with outstanding vigor—eyes still closed.
Soul and passion are perfect words to describe Dosh’s
performance. A few songs in, he takes a moment to thank
everyone for making it out to the show. He continues, “You
know, people always ask me what it is I exactly do. And I
say, ‘I make beats, yo!’”
The crowd chuckles and the eccentric musician begins
dropping electro pulses into the set, while the band adds
mellow and haunting notes.
As the band took a short break to leave Dosh fending for
himself, the crowd erupted in applause, shouting, “Dosh
is God!”
Clearly, Dosh’s heavenly sounds have entered the soul,
where they’re guaranteed to leave a deep impression.
Categorizing Dosh’s sound is easier said than done. The
eccentric mix would probably be filed under “rock” in
your local record store, but the latest album showcases
more. It’s an intriguing blend of hip-hop, jazz, electro and
rock that creates an experimentalist sound all its own.
Dosh’s style is an eclectic journey and watching the
crowd’s reactions to the music is as interesting as the mu-
sic itself. It’s their expressions and feelings that create the
experience. While some bobbed their heads slowly, others
were on the dance floor grinding.
Despite his musical genius, Dosh admits just how normal
he is, telling the crowd that when he was practicing in his
basement he became so nervous he had an out-of-body
experience. With the help of his band, who he claims only
practiced with him for three or four hours, his nerves
were calmed. Judging by the fans, nobody would have
been able to tell that he was nervous. With that confession
off his chest, Dosh got the crowd involved.
“OK, we’re going to make a loop right now,” he said,
handing a microphone down to people in the front row.
“Just pass the mic around and say something with one
syllable.”
Sounds like “Wooo,” “Yeah,” and “Ick” become an on-thespot loop. “See, anybody can help make a loop,” Dosh said
to his honorary music collaborators.
Dosh’s style balances simple overtones with more complex
elements, and the end result is utter perfection, thanks to
the passion that he puts into his art.
\05
www.wakemag.org
Come celebrate
our anniversary
with us!
Cowboy Curtis
The Teeth
DJ Sovietpanda
Thursday, October 26 | The Dinkytowner
9pm | 18+ | $3 | $3 drink specials
\ Sound & Vision
Please,
No More “Sexy” Nurses
dave hagen
The Wake examines Halloween
costume choices
Frightening Faux Pas
Jump off the bandwagon: It may hurt at first, but you’ll
be a better person for it. Promise. Here are the top three
Halloween trends not to follow.
1. Wearing anything related to ninjas or pirates. Third
grade was fun, and Johnny Depp is hot, but that does
not make it okay to bust out these tired outfits.
Exception: If you all gather on a frat house lawn and
pummel each other with beanbags, then write into
Network the next day and brag about beating your
masked and eye-patched foes, I’ll take it all back.
Bonus points: Screw the fighting and use those peg
legs as baseball bats for a pick-up game of Ninjas vs.
Pirates.
2. Any traditional costume (angel, nurse, kitten) with the
word “sexy” added to the front. Or anything involving animal ears, a corset and fishnets. (Thanks, Mean
Girls.)
3. Outfits bought in plastic bags. It’s the equivalent of
buying bagged spinach. And you saw where that gets
people.
By Kristen Mueller
All Hallows Eve is the one night a year you can let out
your inner lobster, trashy pop star, or David Bowie drag
queen and prance across campus wearing red socks
clipped to your arms, a Denny’s shirt and apron while
carrying baby doll heads by the synthetic hair, or suctioned into a short dress and gobs of makeup, respectively—without facing questioning stares (or accusations of
being a theater major).
This October, The Wake wants to make sure you choose
your costume carefully. To do so, we’ve pounced on everyone from computer geeks to the thespian couple sitting in
my kitchen, and asked them for examples of the good, the
bad, and the downright disturbing outfits they’ve seen (or
donned) in public. Here’s what they had to say.
Jessica Frieburg, undecided sophomore: “The new thing
this year is Steve Irwin costumes.”
syringes dangling off. I was [also] a bum,” he continues,
by wearing a trench coat lined with photo albums holding
pictures of Harry Truman.
Kate Nelsen, Japanese sophomore: “Someone went as the
guy who’s ‘Thinking Arby’s.’”
Marie Kleinschmidt, theater senior: “Giant penises. That’s
all you see in Madison on State Street.”
Buddy, theater senior: “Dress as a big hairy toe. Then
when people ask, say you’re a camel toe.”
More favorites include a giant sardine made of tinfoil,
“nerdy friends” that went as a “blue-screen of death,” a
mushroom that “ended up looking like a giant phallus,”
and a big vagina suit. Now that’s equality.
Charles Borcherg, computer engineering senior: “Toxic
waste. It’s hard to explain. It’s a pollution-type thing with
\07
www.wakemag.org
Sound & Vision/
Movie Review
The Wild Parrots of
Telegraph Hill
courtesy of wildparrotsfilm.com
By Lyndsey Danberry
A flock of wild birds, a struggling musician and a very
long pony tail help to tell one man’s of story caring for
a flock of rare conures in The Wild Parrots of Telegraph
Hill, a documentary by Judy Irving showing this month at
the Bell Museum of Natural History.
When I was “bad” as a child I was sent to my room. When
Mingus is a bad bird he is sent outside. But Mark Bittner,
with a scruffy beard, thick glasses and overgrown hair
that he has pledged not to cut until he finds a girlfriend,
can’t leave his conure Mingus outside for too long. “He is
utterly terrified of being forced to leave,” Bittner says.
Wild birds like Mingus, not native to San Francisco, or
the United States for that matter, are Bittner’s closest
friends. He knows most of the 45 parrots in the flock near
his home by name. He can distinguish them by a groove
down the side of their beak, an orange feather that should
be red or a particular behavior. Some call him the Saint
Francis of Telegraph Hill.
Bittner found the rare wild birds while caretaking for a
couple’s home on San Francisco’s Telegraph Hill. It was a
bag of sunflower seeds that helped him find his first parrot. Bittner, originally from Seattle, moved to San Francisco in the ’70s to become a musician. After nearly 15
years of struggling Bittner discovered the flock near his
home and became “the bird man,” feeding, befriending
and healing a rare species of cherry-headed conures.
It was a group of four that started his flock. A bird Bittner
calls Connor, and his mate, Katherine, were two of this
quartet. Of the 45 birds they have grown to, Connor is the
only original member left.
08/25 October – 1 November 2006
Bittner feeds all the birds daily, but he does have his favorites. Mingus is his live-in bird, who he assumes at one
time had another owner. Sophie and Picasso are “in love,”
he suspects; and Connor is the only blue-crowned conure
who is not treated well by the others. Connor tolerates
the others, and even protects them when hawks appear,
but according to Bittner, he is sad because he can’t find a
new mate. Bittner filled us in on a secret—that he believes
Connor has a crush on Sophie. “They would have purpleheaded babies,” Bittner jokes. “I would love to see purple
headed babies in the flock.”
After nearly 15 years as a struggling musician Bittner discovered
the flock near his home and became “the bird man.”
Unlike most birds, the cherry-headed conures stay with
their young for almost a year. Even when the baby wants
out, the parents stuff it back in—kind of like a teenager.
Once the baby is strong enough that the parents can’t keep
it in the nest anymore, the parents step out of the way as
the baby flies out.
Pushkin and Olive are another couple in the flock. The
two had just started a family, but after Olive came off the
nest and the babies were born, she started appearing ill.
After falling out of the tree and onto her back, Bittner
realized she wasn’t going to make it and brought her into
the house. Pushkin, who had never been a father, raised
the babies on his own.
No one knows how the birds, probably from Peru, ended
up in San Francisco. There are a number of urban legends. A truck delivering birds to the pet store had an accident and all the birds escaped, one man says. They flew off
of a ship, maybe from South America, another lady guesses. Maybe the birds were originally pets but they were too
loud so they were released, others believe. It is a mystery
to most, but a miracle for Bittner.
The director, Judy Irving, started as a young bird watcher
thanks to her grandfather. He taught her how to feed
birds out of her hand. “Time would stop” she says. It was
the influence of her grandfather that made Irving curious
in Bittner’s work, and pushed her decision to create the
documentary. A documentary, in my opinion, you won’t
want to miss. These birds are unique because they are
so much like us; a love triangle, a single father, a spoiled
live-in and a social outcast. Their personalities, their behaviors and their relationships are astounding to see and
the way Bittner associates with them is heartwarming.
At the end of the movie Bittner cuts his hair—Judy and he
had become a pair.
The Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill will be screened at the Bell Museum
on Oct. 26, followed by a discussion led by local community group leaders and University researchers; bellmuseum.org, pelicanmedia.org/
Film.html.
\ Photography
Photography by Christine Lenzen
Suspensions by Verno of Visual Addiction
Suspensions date back thousands of years as a form of worship for different
Hindu and Native American sects. The ultimate goal of these rituals was to
explore the connection between the body and spirit. In our culture, the body
does not belong to the spirit that resides within. Instead the body belongs to
God and our government regulates what we can do with it. Today, body suspension is more about taking our bodies back and relearning the connection
between the body and spirit. It is about regaining control over our bodies by
experiencing the complete surrender of it.
For more information on body suspension or body modification please contact
Verno at Visual Addiction 651.227.3578.
\09
www.wakemag.org
Voices/
Students Packing Heat
Some say “yes,” others would
like to avoid an increase in
gunshot wounds
BY john anderson
As you may have noticed, our campus made the news
fairly often in the past month and half the coverage hasn’t
been flattering. Since the start of Sept., assaults on students has been a pretty popular activity—10 people have
been assaulted since the opening weekend of school. According to the University of Minnesota Police Department
website, there was just one aggravated assault and one
simple assault for Sept. 2005. This may lead some people
to think the safety of our campus is going to the crapper,
which it very well may be. But I don’t think it’s time to
start taking in wild suggestions for reckless policies. Our
campus isn’t that dangerous. I can almost guarantee that
you’re not going to get shot in your classes.
Well, at least not yet.
But as of late, a certain on-campus political group is
working hard to make that a possibility. According to a
Sept. 27 Star Tribune article, the College Republicans and
a firearm instruction group were circulating a petition
among students asking President Robert Bruininks and
University regents to do away with policies which make it
illegal to carry firearms on campus.
According to the same Star Tribune article, Bethany
Dorobiala, chairwoman of the College Republicans, was
quoted saying she thought that allowing students to carry
guns “improves the odds and makes people feel safer and
would deter potential attackers.”
Alright, alright, everybody settle down, just hold on a second. This is where some of us need to remain rational.
Yes, I agree, getting punched in the face sucks and muggings are not nearly as pleasant as, say, a cherry tart, but
10/25 October – 1 November 2006
putting guns in the hands of students will solve nothing. You don’t just let people carry around guns to “solve”
their problems—despite what the state of Minnesota
thinks. This isn’t the post-Revolutionary War era when
the Second Amendment actually had a relevant purpose.
Packing heat may make you feel safer, but isn’t it possible
to shoot someone unintentionally? I mean, you’re carrying around a loaded weapon. They are obviously meant
Our campus isn’t that dangerous. I
can almost guarantee that you’re
not going to get shot in your classes.
Well, at least not yet.
to kill and they don’t always kill who they’re supposed to.
There are lots of idiots who accidentally shoot themselves
every year. Why should we let the few paranoid students
endanger an entire classroom?
And exactly how effective is carrying around a gun for
protection? By the time you clearly recognize that someone is after you, you would have a slim margin of time to
take out a gun. What happens when your attacker has a
gun too?
You’re screwed if you’re thinking paper-rock-scissors.
Don’t worry though, Republican logic says to embrace the
“I’ll-Shoot-You-Before-You-Shoot-Me” strategy.
It becomes obvious after contemplating the efficacy of a
new student gun policy that sensible decisions need to be
made by students, the University, the city of Minneapolis
and the state of Minnesota to address the recent string of
attacks. Decisions like preemptive protection by students,
non-gun wielding policies by the University and the addition of more police by the city and the state would prevent
more assaults.
There have been more police forces near campus on weekend nights, but after talking to Lt. Chuck Miner of the
U of M Police Department, the extra police are part of a
grant program aimed at combating underage drinking,
not addressing assaults.
Inspector Robert Skorma of the Second Precinct of the
Minneapolis Police Department informed me that it’s
hard for the department to tell whether underage drinking or assaults are more dangerous for the city, citing the
potential threat drunken drivers may pose. But in the
end, Inspector Skorma said the department is focusing on
underage drinking rather than assaults because the grant
money they received from the city and the state is to be
used specifically for targeting underage drinking.
I suggest anybody who disagrees with the priorities of our
local government to take action with your words. It won’t
come to the point where we’ll need to pull out our Glocks
for legitimate protection, hopefully, but we don’t need to
see how far our government will let it go.
Note: The Wake attempted to get in contact with members of the
College Republicans, but we were not lucky enough to find one to
contribute to this week’s issue. If you are a campus Republican,
or know one that would like to add to the discussion of students
wielding firearms, contact Jenny at jodegard@wakemag.org.
\ Voices
Pop Quizzes:
Why I Go to Class
BY janessa dohsse
I hate pop quizzes. I truly despise them. I’m pretty sure
that they annoy me more than anything I have encountered in any of my classes. I might hate group projects
and having to going to the library slightly more than pop
quizzes, but that’s neither here nor there.
I am sad to share with you that pop quizzes are currently
my main motivation to go to class. Enthusiastic professors? Interesting lectures? Reputable guest speakers?
Nope. None of the above. Pop quizzes are what get me out
of bed in the morning.
In an academic sense, pop quizzes serve one function
and one function only; they are to get students to come to
class. If professors make sure to include in the syllabus (in
bold print) that they will be giving pop quizzes throughout the semester, they will never have to worry about the
steady decrease in class size that is all too commonly seen
as the semester moves on.
Why is it that I hate pop quizzes with such passion? First,
pop quizzes make it impossible for me to miss class. I really am not as lazy as I may make myself appear, I swear,
but I think we can all agree that there are times when
going to class is much less beneficial than doing other
things. Like studying for a test, finishing up an assignment for another class, getting ice cream — you name it!
It’s not that I don’t like going to class; it’s just that I loathe
the fact that I always feel guilty even missing a single one
in case the professor happens to give a pop quiz that day.
When I say that pop quizzes make
you read, I am not talking about the
kind of reading that students do
while simultaneously watching Date
My Mom and stalking their friends
on Facebook.
Not only do pop quizzes force you to come to class, they
also make you read. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying
that reading is bad or that as students we shouldn’t have
to do it. Tell me. What’s wrong with skimming? When
I say that pop quizzes make you read, I am not talking
about the kind of reading that students do while simultaneously watching Date My Mom and stalking their
friends on Facebook. I am talking about REALLY reading, the kind of reading many students here at the U have
yet to do.
In order to be prepared for an unannounced quiz, you will
likely have to beg your roommates to refrain from making
any noise other than breathing, lock yourself in your room
with your computer and television remote far from reach
and get out that dusty highlighter that hasn’t been used
since, well, never.
When you are all done reading, you’ll probably have to
read it again just to make sure that you didn’t miss anything. Also, don’t forget to highlight important information. What you should actually do is highlight everything
in the chapter because you never really know what’s going
to end up on that quiz. You might as well just memorize it
all too. Just in case. Are you having fun yet?
Pop quizzes also make me detest my professors. We all
know the kind of professors that give pop quizzes. The
crappy ones. The reason these professors have to give
pop quizzes is that their classes are either not interesting enough or just downright boring. No one would come
to class if it wasn’t for the chance having of a pop quiz.
By including pop quizzes as a part of the curriculum,
professors know that they don’t need to make their lectures interesting because you will keep on coming to class
anyway.
What if, for some compelling reason, you were unable to
make it to class the day your professor gave a pop quiz?
Well, that’s too bad for you. It’s a rare occasion when a
professor is sympathetic enough to excuse students from
a pop quiz or give them an opportunity to make-up the
quiz. Hospital visits and death of a family member are
likely the only two reasons that warrant missing a pop
quiz. If you miss the quiz and want to try your luck at a
make-up, you will need to wear your hospital bracelet or
bring in the program from the funeral. Professors don’t
usually give students the benefit of the doubt, especially
the ones that give pop quizzes.
So here’s to you, wise professors, for getting my ass out
of bed each morning in order to attend your class. Not
only have you succeeded in ensuring my attendance, you
have made me an expert in your course’s material. Kudos.
Jackass.
\11
www.wakemag.org
W
hy are you here? No, really. How did everything
in your life align to lead you into this very moment? Destined at conception, or maybe at birth,
to one day be in this city, at this newsstand, or
at this website, reading this magazine? How did you get here?
Maybe more importantly, why?
In a solo performance memoir held Oct. 19-21, artist Kim
Thompson explored similar questions about herself. On an
Uptown stage surrounded by black velvet curtains and graffiti-laced walls, Thompson wonders—how did she travel from
a doorstep in South Korea into the home of her new conservative Christian family in Florida, only to leave that home,
travel the world and come out queer?
12/25 October – 1 November 2006
listen to her pray for forgiveness as a young child and her decision to become a missionary. Later she takes the audience
with her when she first kisses a girl and quickly feels denial
about it. Her God-fearing parents think homosexuality is a
sin, she explains. She tells us of how she spent three years as
an alcoholic in Europe. She takes us into the eventual divorce
of her parents and tells us that, “the loss of family, no matter
how disjointed, hit hard.”
Audience member and artist Katie Vang said the performance was an example of “artists who bless the world with a
gift, by sharing a real piece of themselves with their audiences. Not a lot of people can do that.”
Thompson’s “Timeline autobiographia: everything that is…”
performance at Intermedia Arts asked the central question,
“How did I end up like this?” Many audience members likely
left wondering the same question about their own lives.
Thompson echoes the sentiment, saying that her performance
seems “very self-centered because it’s about my life.” However, she still wants her experience to personally affect those
watching. “I hope everyone leaves and asks themselves ‘how
did I end up this way?’”
“Sometimes I wonder how far it is we have to travel to come
back to ourselves,” Thompson repeats during the powerful
self-exploration that includes spoken word, dancing, visual
imagery, audience interaction, music and a multimedia slide
show presenting photographs and sound bites from her past.
The intriguing performance intricately intertwined a range
of human emotions, from comedy to despair and from love
to confusion, ultimately begging the question, “What are we
results of?” Our choices? Our uncontrollable destiny? Our
environment?
Bouncing back and forth through time, Thompson takes the
audience through her recollections, exploring how she fit into
her own life and why it played out the way it did. She takes
us into her Evangelical family and the private school where
her teacher mixed up three Asian girls’ names. She lets us
“I did not call Europe. I did not call the crossing of the
Atlantic, just as I did not call America from that hospital
doorstep in Seoul. These things and these places called me,”
Thompson states. “Anything is possible when you’re born an
orphan,” she reflects of her life travels, musing that she ar-
rived on earth by way of a “silver stork with jetpacks beneath
its wings.” A stork that would fly her to Korea, Florida, Europe and back again.
In an especially emotionally diverse scene, Thompson
morphs into herself on her 30th birthday, where she ponders
the same question she does on all of her birthdays: “Who is
my mother? Does she think about me? … Or am I forgotten to
her?” Thompson says to herself, “I am without beginnings…
how can you miss a, a phantom?”
Thompson asks how she can know what to expect of herself
when she doesn’t know her biological parents. What will she
look like when she’s older? Where did she get her personality
traits? What is in store for her?
“Did he hit you or did he hold you?” she asks her mother of
her father. “And who’s the drama queen, you know, who did
I get that one from? Because, I’ve got to know!” “Who’s the
addictive personality and, you know, why’d you have to pass
that onto me?” She demands. “And who’s the cynic sarcastic
beast or is that one just, uh, you know, environmental?”
“Sometimes I wonder how far it is we
travel until we come back to ourselves.”
“Momma, who’s the queer? Tell me the truth, cause I know
that someone in this DNA that you gave me is. I mean, I can’t
keep being the only one in every family,” she asks in a quieter voice.
In a humorous scene, Thompson reminds us again that she
was “left on a doorstep, adopted and raised by a wild pack of
Evangelical Christian republicans.”
Her Baptist high school held banquets in lieu of proms.
“Same dress-up and same food, but no dancing. Because we
were taught that dancing leads to sex,” she says. In Bible
class, Thompson says, students learned of the horrors of
prom via videos. The videos showed the treacherous things
that would happen to girls who went to prom, Thompson
explains. Prom leads to premarital sex and premarital sex
leads to life in a trailer park with your baby and their face
full of SpaghettiOs. Or without a baby but a terrible unnamed STD instead. These girls have nothing left to say except, “Prom was supposed to be a special night.”
Thompson did not end up fitting into this conservative Christian mold, as she shows in her performance. In a dramatic culminating scene, Thompson dances while her spoken
word recording plays with family and past photos flash in
the background amidst alternating text of anti-homosexual
rhetoric and responses. The audio says that it was “always
the changes… unable to resist the call of time.” She repeats,
“Sometimes I wonder how far it is we travel until we come
back to ourselves.”
Thompson stopped by Minneapolis about four years ago, after making her way from Seoul to Palm Beach Florida, to
England, Austria, Lithuania and more of Europe.
A relative newcomer to the Twin Cities art scene, she has performed at Patrick’s Cabaret, the Blue Nile and the Loft Literary Center, among other spots. She also co-created the now defunct S.A.F.E. program (Starving Artists Financial Endeavors)
with Twin Cities spoken word and hip-hop artist Desdamona.
Thompson is a professional artist who works in many mediums—painting, photography, writing, printmaking and spoken word. Writing is her favorite pastime at the moment, she
says, but she has visual art on permanent display in parts of
Europe, including Austria and Lithuania.
“I like to learn as much as possible in all different mediums,
so I can move fluidly through them,” Thompson explains.
Expect new work from her for quite a bit longer too. “I don’t
want to retire—ever.”
She never wants to quit creating art and she’s not sure if
she’ll ever quit wandering the world or whether she’ll settle
in Minneapolis for good.
She just might still have that silver stork, the one with jet
packs beneath its wings, waiting for her.
Thompson’s performance was directed by Laurie Carlos,
under a Naked Stages grant and mentorship sponsored by
Intermedia Arts and the Jerome Performance Art Commissioning Program.
Naked Stages II runs Nov. 9-11 at 8 p.m. at Intermedia Arts, 2822 Lyndale
Ave. S. The double-billed performances include “Dirty Bones: On Being
White and Other Lies (History and Medicine)” by Ellen Marie Hinchcliffe and
“Mirror, Mirror,” by Katie Herron. Tickets are $12, and the 9th is ‘pay what
you can’ night; intermediaarts.org
\13
www.wakemag.org
Campus/
Decision Time
November elections
mean you can speak
your voice
BY elizabeth aulwes
In case you missed the barrage of political
commercials on TV and the radio lately, or
if this semester you don’t have one of those
professors who enjoys getting up on his or
her soapbox to lecture about the importance of getting involved in your community, or, if you somehow managed to dodge
all of those ever-present student activists
distributing highlighter-colored flyers on
the Washington Avenue Bridge or in Coffman, someone should remind you that
there is an election coming up. It’s on Nov.
7. And you should vote.
Here come all of the excuses: I don’t care
about politics. Politicians are all the same
anyhow. I don’t even know where to vote.
If your tuition skyrockets
again or the draft is reinstated and you’re sent to
North Korea... you can still
proudly proclaim that you
didn’t vote because you
don’t care.
No one is going to convince you that you
should care about politics. If your tuition
skyrockets again or the draft is reinstated and you’re sent to North Korea or the
snowplowers go on strike this winter and
you have to walk two miles to school in
sub-zero temperatures because the buses
aren’t running and your car tires are stuck
in three feet of snow, you can still proudly
proclaim that you didn’t vote because you
don’t care. Likewise, no one can prove to
you that politicians aren’t all the same.
Keith Ellison, Alan Fine and Tammy Lee,
all Martin Sabo successor hopefuls, surely
have the same records, experience, values
and stances on the issues. Well wait, who
are they, anyhow? And lastly, you’re right:
it is impossible to learn where you’re supposed to vote. Or is it?
Not all students vote at Coffman, as some
may think, but you definitely can vote in
14/25 October – 1 November 2006
brennan vance & sam soule
your neighborhood. Minneapolis is divided into wards and precincts, neither of
which really makes any difference to the
average voter. But these boundaries do
determine your polling location. The easiest way to find out where you vote is to go
to this website: pollfinder.sos.state.mn.us.
Students also have the option of voting in
their hometowns if they’ve maintained a
permanent address there.
In order to vote, you do need to register.
Fortunately, Minnesota is one of only six
states that allows same-day voter registration, according to Demos, a non-parti-
san public policy organization. Students
can bring a photo I.D. with a current address, or can use a picture I.D. with certain documents that state your address.
Acceptable documents include a utilities
bill or school registration or fee statement,
provided the bill or statement is less than
30 days old. You can also have a resident
of your precinct vouch for you on election
day. So you and your roommate who has
all the utilities bills in their name can go
to the polls together and they can verify
your residence.
Still not convinced how easy it really is?
Well, then let someone guilt you into it.
Jim Forrey, of Democracy Matters, says,
“It’s our job to participate or democracy
doesn’t work.” There, you don’t want to let
anyone down, now do you?
\ Campus
The Land of
Inequality
U of M Professor’s new
book describes the U.S.
wealth divide
alex judkins
BY carrie bermel
More than likely the United States will
never be one nation for liberty and justice
for all. Everyday, people are divided into
race, class and gender, but wealth is also
added into this division.
Rose Brewer, professor of African American and African studies at the University
of Minnesota, co-wrote a book that looks
deeply into the wealth divide of five different racialized groups. The Color of
Wealth: The Story Behind the U.S. Racial
Wealth Divide lays out the obstacles for
Asian Americans, African Americans,
Latinos and Native Americans by government actions or inactions. The book
also looks at details that have boosted the
white population’s wealth status through
public policy.
At Coffman Memorial Union Bookstore
on Wednesday Oct. 4, Brewer had a book
signing discussing her book and her personal experiences. At first glance, it was
just another book review but ended with
a crowded audience of all races who were
intrigued by her words. Dressed all in
black and hair tied up, Brewer talked with
strength and pride as she began to explain
where she came from and why her research
for the book is so important.
“I always go back to Tulsa, Okla. where
I was nurtured and where I was reared,”
Brewer says. “That is where the seeds of
activism were planted.”
Brewer grew up in Tulsa where deep racial
inequality continued after the racial terrorism of 1921, she says. The state of Oklahoma incorporated the racial practices
of Jim Crow: segregated schools, housing
and public accommodations. A prosperous
entrepreneurial sector called Greenwood
emerged in North Tulsa, but the majority
of black Tulsans worked in domestic fields
and poor-paying manual labor, Brewer
says.
“I grew up in the caldron of racism but
also, in the midst a community that expected much from her children, believed
in us,” Brewer says. “That is the context of
my birth and the trajectory from which I
come to write this book collaboratively.”
Statistics also show that
for every dollar possessed
by the average white family in the U.S., the average
family of color has less
than one dime.
The book addresses wealth and equality among different racial groups and
each author gives their unique history
with deep rationality to each other. As
with Brewer, the other co-authors each
described their personal experiences in
the sections regarding their own race and
wealth history. Also, each author has a
connection with United for a Fair Economy, an organization that over the years has
issued reports and briefings on wealth and
equality in the United States. Their work
for UFE is how the book came to be.
The book talks about the United States as
a whole, but Brewer brought the thought
of racial wealth divide closer to home. On
Oct. 3, 2006, a report was released about
the Twin Cities that shows one of the highest white home ownership ratios in a major
U.S city with about 78 percent in contrast
to black homeownership at 29 percent.
“That makes us 45th in the nation close to
Mississippi, Alabama and Georgia, which
are the states that have been historically
at the bottom of equity, income and wealth
divide,” Brewer says. These statistics were
not put in the book but are some of the issues the authors are addressing.
For centuries there were barriers put up
by law, by constitution, discrimination and
violence against participating in government wealth building programs that were
beneficial to whites.
To reach racial wealth equality, it’s important to first understand the roots of
the racial wealth divide. Wealth is a better
indicator of inequality within society than
talking about race or class, Brewer says.
At the same time, we have a difficult time
talking about wealth. The median wealth
statistics for median net worth, which is
the mid-point where half the population is
above or below, show quite a discrepancy.
In 2001, whites’ median net worth in the
United States was $120,900, and for blacks
it was $17,100.
and success. Between 1960 and 1980, Native Americans faced difficulties with
hunting and fishing rights by commercial
sportsmen. A campaign against Indian
fishing rights was expressed in terms of
sportsmen interest and environmental
protection. They blamed Indians for smaller fish runs that were actually caused by
normal fish patterns and stream pollution
by corporations.
The Latino population, which is an umbrella term that includes Puerto Ricans
and Cubans, is a story of land and labor
expropriation. Land owned by Mexican
Americans was lost after the Mexican
American War but was protected under
the treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo and U.S.
law. Congress later ratified the treaty and
the treaty was omitted. In other words,
the Mexican American land was no longer
theirs even after the treaty said it would
protect their land.
Asian Americans also had land and law
problems. The first land restriction for
Asians occurred as early as 1857, when the
Chinese were prohibited by law from exercising mining claims in several western
states, Brewer read. These groups of color
have all been penalized for their race, and
share similar histories of inequality.
“Wealth in this country is passed on generationally,” Brewer says. Depending on
the race, ancestors set up the lives of their
forbearers. Homesteaders gave land to
their future families, whereas slaves were
unable to homestead land like Europeans.
The Native American, Asian American
and Latino population also have had their
struggles when compared to white wealth
\15
www.wakemag.org
Campus/
The Polo: Wear It,
Learn It, Love It
Orientation Leaders
leave their impression
on the U
BY heather harrington
Every summer, eager and nervous incoming freshmen flood the University of Minnesota campus to take part in a required
two-day student orientation, led by current students clad in maroon and gold polo
shirts. This program is meant to offer a
smooth transition into the University community in order to maximize academic
success. Students come prepared to meet
fellow classmates and staff members, reg-
16/25 October – 1 November 2006
ister for classes and enjoy their very first
dorm-living experience. Hopefully these
students gain a sense of community and
support as they enter the college world. It
is here that these young minds can listen
to experienced college students talk about
how to survive their first year and make it
fun while they’re at it.
But few people realize the time and effort
that goes into the program that leaves a
lasting first impression on those newbies.
The University of Minnesota’s Orientation
and First Year Programs (OFYP) provides
any University student with two semesters
under their belt the opportunity to become
an orientation leader. OFYP recruits for
the position all though October, with banners in Northrop Mall, posters, ads and
COURTESY OF OFYP
e-mails to student groups. Applications for
the position, which gives a $2,900 stipend
for the summer, are open from the beginning of October through Nov. 3, 2006. Hiring is an extensive process, as students
who are invited to interview for the job
must endure three interviews: first as a
group with different members of the OFYP
staff, followed by individual interviews
with members of their college and finally
with the student orientation coordinators.
This process singles out the best-qualified
candidates to determine the most diverse
to represent the University of Minnesota.
The 24 students who emerge as orientation leaders then undergo rigorous training throughout spring semester. The time
commitment includes weekly four-hour
meetings, which can be taken as a class, as
well as summer training from the conclusion of spring semester through the beginning of orientation.
Throughout training, orientation leaders
work on personal leadership development,
team building, conflict resolution and
group facilitation. And that’s before orientation even begins. Beginning at the end
of the spring semester, leaders live together in a residence hall and endure sun-up to
sun-down training, according to orientation coordinator Joanne Reeck.
But despite the level of commitment necessary for the job, orientation leaders
all seem to love the experience. Freshman orientation student coordinator Mike
Traxinger says, “It’s a huge commitment,
but a great learning experience. By the
end of the summer, you’re a very close knit
group.” Traxinger and fellow student coordinator Brandon Creager also highlight
the leadership experience and professional
skills that you gain in the program. For
Creager, the most memorable thing about
his summer was running into new students
on campus in the fall and seeing how they
adjusted with his help.
So, if you work well with others and strive
to wear the infamous maroon and gold
polo, apply online before Friday Nov. 3
at 4:30 p.m. at www.irr.umn.edu/ofyp/
olapp06/. OFYP requires a minimum GPA
of 3.20, and students who will be graduating before the end of the orientation session are not eligible.
\ Campus
Garrison Comes to Campus
A first hand account of
the master storyteller
BY carl carpenter
As I sat silently in my seat, poring over
my Spanish flash cards, I took a moment
to peep around my surroundings. It was
Monday Oct. 9, and I was in the Coffman
Bookstore, awaiting the arrival of heralded author, renowned radio personality,
master storyteller and (as of most recently)
international movie star, Garrison Keillor.
There were representatives from most
age groups present; however, those on the
wrong side of 50 greatly outnumbered
those of us on the right. Small smatterings of college students were seen here
and there. There was a group of freshmen in front of me, discussing the new
Michel Gondry movie. To my right was a
fellow in his fourth year studying a bit of
Arabic and in the very front I spied a wide
eyed freshman who could be found minutes later sitting so close to the edge of his
seat, it’s a wonder he was able to stay on.
The rest of the crowd consisted of turtlenecked moms and dads, husbands looking
awkward in collared shirts their wives had
clearly forced them into, and (my personal
favorite) women wearing standard old lady
sweaters with some sort of animal or plant
life print on it.
He reps Midwestern Democrats and Norwegians in
the same way that Dave
Chappelle does AfricanAmericans.
The lack of youths in attendance leads me
to this assumption: I’m not alone in my
minimal exposure when it comes to Garrison Keillor and his works. There are likely
hoards of young Minnesotans out there,
who, like me, know only of him as that
voice we heard on the occasional Saturday
evening when our parents were listening
to the radio. I’m glad I had the chance to
have my perceptions of him changed. After
attending the book discussion for his newest work, Homegrown Democrat: A Few
Plain Thoughts from the Heart of America, I see the man in a whole new light.
From the moment he appeared he had my
complete attention. Aside from his telling facial expressions, sideways glances,
and the occasional goofy bit of posturing, the reason is evident. It’s that voice. I
would believe anything James Earl Jones
ever told me, I think nearly everything
Christopher Walken says is hilarious, and
I believe that Morgan Freeman could answer any question I would ever confront
him with, all because of their distinctive
voices. For this same reason, I could not
stop listening to Garrison Keillor, even
for a moment. He’s got one of those rare,
definite and truly powerful voices. This is
something I’d sort of already known, but
to experience it in person is to be converted into a fan.
hear John F. Kennedy, Jr. speak. I was able
to relate to what he was talking about, despite the fact he was here in the early ‘60s.
It’s in this way that he helps to bridge the
gap between us and our elders. In the first
chapter of his new book he talks about
being proud to be from the state, “… that
produced Fitzgerald and the Mayo Clinic
and Lindbergh, and Sinclair Lewis and
Hubert Humphrey.” These words, which
bring about such unwavering home-state
pride in those of his same generation,
might not have the same impact on us. But
if I were to speak of my sources of pride,
I’m sure the reverse would be true. Names
like Atmosphere, Mitch Hedberg, Mason Jennings, or Nick Swardson wouldn’t
do much for them either. Keillor is like a
Prince or a Bob Dylan, someone we can
all appreciate. He’s like the Twins, or hating Iowa and North Dakota, or putting
ketchup on everything. He’s a Minnesotan,
he’s damn funny, and at the end of the day,
that’s something we can all hang our (winter) hats on.
Another revelation, which I’m quite late
in uncovering, is that Garrison Keillor
is a funny, funny man. For the first of 45
minutes of his talk, he failed to mention
his new book even once, electing instead
to do what came across to me as a bit of
stand-up comedy. Keillor tore down the
house. He reps Midwestern democrats and
Norwegians in the same way that Dave
Chappelle does African-Americans. They
both make observations and social commentaries through the eyes of their respective communities, and put their own
personal styles and mannerisms on them,
which their audiences absorb. They both
also touch on some of the same topics, like
the criminalization of smokers and the
war in Iraq. When I took some time to read
his new book, I enjoyed it immensely. It
was a great read! Keillor dishes out series
of rants and raves, limericks and alliterations, and the most creative disses since
rap music started to suck.
I enjoyed learning about his past. He talked in person, and in his new book, about
his years here at the U of M. He told stories
of eagerly departing his childhood home
of Anoka, his start in radio as a freshman (a situation in which he broadcast the
whole year on a station which wasn’t even
on air), the frat boys on University Avenue
and their pajama parties, and getting to
dave hagen
\17
www.wakemag.org
Athletics/
What to Expect
from the Women’s
Hoop Squad
Q & A with Gopher
women’s basketball
coach Pam Borton
By Rachel Drewelow
She took three teams in a row to the Sweet
16, and in 2004 she led the Gophers to
their first Final Four in school history. But
after last year’s loss of an assistant coach
and five non-graduating players including three starters , a shadow was cast
over women’s basketball head coach Pam
Borton. An internal review of the athletic
department blamed poor communication
within the women’s basketball department as one reason for the quick exit of the
players. Media scrutiny followed, but athletic director Joel Maturi stood by Borton
and her record. With a team full of new
recruits—last year’s exodus included six
graduating seniors too—the season is up in
the air. The Wake played a little one-onone with Coach Borton to find out what
we can expect on the court from the fresh
young team this season.
The Wake: It’s your fifth season and you’re
five games away from your 100th win on
the Gopher sidelines, any plans to celebrate the Big 100?
Coach Borton: Not really. The wins aren’t
the most important thing, it’s watching
your team get better. Hopefully we can
get those five wins and have a lot more
throughout the rest of the season.
The Wake: You only have three returning players who stepped on the court last
season, how are you planning to rebuild
the team?
Coach Borton: We’ve got a lot of talent
on our team. We’ve got a young team, but
we’ve got a lot of talent. It’s one of the most
athletic and quickest teams since I’ve been
at Minnesota, and we’re going to have a lot
of fun and play an up-tempo game. Every
year there are new players and a new system, and we’re going to have a lot of fun
with it.
The Wake: An investigation of the departure of five non-graduating players and
one assistant coach pointed to poor communication within the women’s basketball department. Are there any plans to
18/25 October – 1 November 2006
strengthen communication this season to
avoid something like this?
Coach Borton: It wasn’t an investigation—that was just a word the media was
using. It was an annual review the department does every year with every team. We
did make some changes, as far as staffing. We are going to be more open with
communication—between the coaches and
the coaches; between the coaches and the
players; and between the players and the
players. I think if there’s any issue you
have any concerns about, you have to discuss it just like with any relationship you
have—with players, friends, co-workers or
anybody.
The Wake: With all the new faces this season are you worried about team chemistry
at all?
Coach Borton: Not at all. Every year, no
matter who is returning or who isn’t returning, we have new chemistry on our
team. We’ve got great team chemistry that
our team started building this summer.
Everybody, the coaches and the players,
we’re all on the same page.
The Wake: Should we expect any superstars this season? Anyone to replace last
year’s lead scorer and rebounder Jamie
Broback?
Coach Borton: Well, I don’t think we had
any superstars on our team last year. Every year I’ve been here, we’ve always emphasized putting the team first. We’ve had
Kodak All-Americans on our team, and
I think those are superstars—you’ve got
to have some go-to players on your team,
some people that you really rely on in
the game for consistency. Kelly Roysland
[guard, Senior] is going to be that person,
and I think Emily Fox [guard, Sophomore]
is going to be another one. We’re really
looking for big things from them this year.
The Wake: What should fans expect to see
out of your freshman class?
Coach Borton: You’re going to see an extremely talented freshman class—a lot of
athleticism. We’ve got some size and length
and speed. It’s a class that’s going to be
very, very good given a little time and a
little development.
The Wake: Minnesota has ranked first in
conference attendance the past three seasons. Is it going to be a good season for the
fans?
Ethan Stark
Coach Borton: It’s going to be a great season for fans. Fans are going to see a team
that plays together as a team. They’re going to see players playing for the name
on the front of the jersey, not the name on
back of the jersey. Fans are going to see a
style that they haven’t seen for three years.
It’s an up-tempo style and fans are going
to see a bunch of kids playing with heart
and passion.
The Wake: What is the hardest part of your
job?
The Wake: Of the 16 home games this season, which one shouldn’t we miss?
Coach Borton: Watching these student
athletes graduate after four years. It’s rewarding seeing how much they grow on
and off the court and seeing them develop leadership skills, and other skills they
need to go out into the real world.
Coach Borton: You’re not going to want to
miss any of the home games. This team is
going to be exciting to watch, and it will
grow as the season goes. Our fans are going to fall in love with this team and these
players and what the team is all about.
The Wake: What do you have to say to people who think that women’s sports aren’t
as compelling as men’s sports?
Coach Borton: I think those people really
haven’t watched a lot of college athletics,
or a lot of women’s sports. When you’re
watching women’s sports, you’ve got a lot
of team play and people that play the game
fundamentally. There’s not a lot of playing
above the rim with [women’s] basketball—
both men’s and women’s sports are fun to
watch, but you’ve got a whole different
kind of team play when you’re watching
women’s sports.
Coach Borton: The recruiting. Recruiting
is getting more challenging every year—
trying to find the right person, and the
right fit for you to coach, finding the kids
that will fit into the program.
The Wake: And what is the most rewarding part?
The Wake: Since you’ve been head coach
the team has boasted GPA averages over
3.0 every semester. Is GPA something you
push to your players?
Coach Borton: Absolutely. Our kids go
to class; they need to go to class. They’re
expected to put as much effort into their
classes as they put into basketball. It’s extremely important.
The Gopher women’s basketball team
kicks off the preseason in an exhibition
game against Winona State Nov. 1 at Williams Arena, 7 p.m. They face Northern
Iowa in their first regular season game
Nov. 10 at Williams Arena, 6 p.m.
\ Athletics
Blunders Ahead
Timberwolves poised
for another lottery pick
By Craig Rentmeester
The weather is becoming shittier by the
day, Indiana Pacers players are facing
criminal charges and Spike Lee has his
orange and blue on. These are some of the
signs that it’s time for NBA basketball. For
basketball fans in Minneapolis, this brings
weeks of optimism before the eventual collapse of the Timberwolves.
Last Year
The ’05-’06 Timberwolves had a shaky
season, marked by a mid-season trade of
Wally Szczerbiak for Ricky Davis. The TWolves finished last season with a record
of 33-49, eight games behind the final seed
in the Western Division.
The major problem for the Timberwolves
is still the lack of consistent help for Kevin
Garnett. Ricky Davis averaged 19 points
per game last year. No other player, besides Kevin Garnett, averaged more than
12 points per game.
The Draft
The T-wolves basically ended the draft
with Craig Smith (Boston College) and
Randy Foye (Villanova). Smith and Foye
were tremendous college players. They
both helped their teams advance to the
Elite Eight. Villanova actually beat Boston
at the Metrodome. Neither rookie will see
extended playing time, but Smith should
make a bigger contribution. Smith only
has to compete with Eddie Griffin, Mark
Madsen and Vin Baker for playing time.
Foye is a quick guard who can drive to the
basket and finish. The off-season addition
of Mike James, along with Marko Jaric,
Troy Hudson, Bracey Wright and the currently-injured Rashad McCants will make
it tougher for Foye to see much floor time.
Foye has more upside for the Timberwolves because his game translates better
to the NBA than Smith’s does.
The major problem for the
Timberwolves is still the
lack of consistent help for
Kevin Garnett.
Craig Smith has great hands and shoots
well, but his size will limit him in the
NBA. At 6-foot-7 and 270 pounds, Smith
will be too slow to guard small forwards and too short to guard most power
forwards.
Offseason moves
The Timberwolves biggest acquisition this
year was Mike James. James averaged 20
points and nearly six assists per game last
season. James also had a career high in
field goal percentage, 46.9, while shooting 44 percent from a three-point range —
also a career high. Other than Mike James,
the Timberwolves did not acquire much
talent. The T-wolves signed Vin Baker,
Paul Shirley and Tyrone Ellis.
Overall, the T-wolves season looks pretty
bleak. Vegas bookmakers don’t have much
confidence in the T-wolves and neither
should anyone else. Odds that they will
win the NBA championship vary from 80to-1 to 100-to-1. The Timberwolves open
their season on Nov. 1 when they host the
Sacramento Kings.
jeremy sengly
\19
www.wakemag.org
Literary/
Submission
jeremy sengly
Duluth in the Rearview
by macks markin
I got a flat just as I was leaving Duluth.
It’s five thirty, and threatening rain. I’m 150 miles from
Minneapolis, and the spare says “max 80km.” The jock
at the gas station tells me I can probably get a spare at
Sam’s, and where to find it, but it’s closed by the time we
get there. Two Koreans at the automax next door help us
patch the tire. They’re anxious but helpful. Annoyed at
closing time by an embarrassed scruffmaster, in loafers
and mismatched socks, eager with his parent’s visa. One
asks me if I’m punk rock. No, I’m a mountain climber, but
I have a Henry Rollins tape in the car.
I’m tired from a night of climbing, starting at the base
of the city by the water. Downtown Duluth of late night
pick-up trucks and drunken Chads. Fire escapes and spiders to a nice view and a bottle of wine. Then up and up,
hotels, and ski slopes in august. The chair lifts terrify me,
and I can’t help but laugh. We came to Duluth to see some
friends who are due with their first child. They’re young,
nervous, and beautiful.
The mother is sweetly impulsive and demanding. It seems
that she is constantly brushing her hair out of her face,
but she’s smiling. Tim’s going to be the father, he’s anxious, but beaming. He recently started an apprenticeship
as a carpenter.
The tire is patched and filled for only ten dollars. Once
again I’m leaving Duluth. I’m reviewing the past two days
carefully, what I’ve accomplished, what I discovered, details that I’ll surely forget with time.
20/25 October – 1 November 2006
I remember how he told me three close friends had been
committed to institutions in the past year. I think of the
ones I know. One’s a surprise, the other a question mark.
They wanted her for the army or whatever. He talked
about his buddy Jay who got committed. Jay was fine
when he went in, but he had to put up with a few too many
seconds of pressure in there. By the time he got out, they
had convinced him that he was crazy, and cured, but he
insisted he had faked the last part. I wonder about real
and fake. I wonder about God’s plan. It scares me in the
same way as those chairlifts in the dark, crashing over
dried grass and sharp rocks. I can’t help but laugh.
using an absurd fake accent that sounds like a drunk Russian imitating Rodney Dangerfield.
Before the long trek to the summit we decided to have a
long joke over a few drinks. It was an American hotel on
the main-strip.
“like that!”, she yells.
Three stars masquerading as five, wait-staff in military
issue tuxedos, doling out low grade dog chow garnished
and prepped to the point that it almost resembles high
grade dog chow. We plan the attack outside, roaring and
whispering each of our brilliant ideas simultaneously so
that nothing is understood by anyone except for the original conspirator. I finally trade the floor for the flask, and
decide to hear Tim out,
“I’ll go in first, you follow”, he explains. “Take a seat at
the bar, and just watch.”
Good enough for me.
I can see him across the room, already seated, alone at a
table for two by the window. He’s pulsing, shaking, tapping his feet, raging in general. His flannel shirt is rolled
way up past his elbow. I can hear him reading the menu,
“I’ll half de pas-ta.” He says, and points.
Half a drink later the food arrives, he is intense, sweating,
really working it. The waitress gives him an odd look and
asks him if he’s allright. He shrugs her off “dah please.
am fine.” As soon as she turns though, his plate is upside
down, and he’s sucking down the spaghettis one by one.
The waitress spins, “What in god’s name are you doing!”
“eating”, he says confidently casual.
“Am sorry, In my country. We eat with our hands.”
“You don’t have any forks? plates? Chop-sticks?”
“oh we have, we have, yes. Is just…” he pauses, smiling.
“we hate to wash dishes.”
We barely escaped.
After that kind of joke you’ve got to keep one eye open
for the fuzz. We do so, climbing. The city on the hill. One
block at a time, the grid here is amazing. I’m drawing in
our path on a map I got from the lobby downtown. In a
little over an hour we’re out of the city. At the top of a ski
slope. We followed the chairs up the run and onto the little
mound of earth by the control room up top. Admiring the
view, we relieve ourselves. The urine makes streams in the
dust, splitting up and then joining their selves again.
“You jokered the hell out of those fools back at the hotel.”
“Yeah man, they didn’t know what hit ‘em.”
\ Literary
Duluth Cont’d
“Are you sure you’re…ready?”
“Huh? Oh for the kid? …hell yeah. I’m just trying to get
the last of this joker shit out of me, now”
Shake. Zip. Alright. From the summit I know everything
is going to be okay. The sky is breathtaking, a dark blue,
purple like a fresh black eye. Specks of distant celestial
salt crystals appear to be taking turns as the brightest.
The wind carries the sweet smells of soil and pine softly
and with respect.
All but out of the city limits by the time I realize that I’ve
forgotten my polaroid’s at their house. I think about turning around, but I just passed an exit and am questioning
the patched tire’s strength. I could get Tim to send the
pictures, but I know I’ll forget. Damnation.
I accelerate, up hill and out of this shit-hole. I’m pissed;
I want those pictures. The windshield is fogging up and
still with the rain, but for some reason the rear window is
clear. I see the city again through the mirror. Duluth’s not
a real shit-hole, not like Gary. At least Duluth is nice from
a distance.
“Good from afar but far from good”, Tim used to say,
referring to girls on the street. That was before he was
married. That was how I felt about Duluth through the
rear-view.
I’d finally gotten the shot though, at the end of the climb,
towering over it all. The postcard shot, without the city
name or border. It was the summit. It was north, heaven,
not quite Canada. The significance of being high like that.
Status and worth and perspective. Like that promising
family behind me. It was more than all the assholes in
the world shitting out missiles, and hiding bombs in their
underwear. I am generally amazed by the lack of grace
in this modern world, but that view was different. This
picture the cure. I knew if I sent it to the hospital, she’d
be out in no time. Fuck. I look in the rear view again, and
it’s the perfect shot. The one that got away. All that grace,
and power. I captured it again, I won, It’s a success story,
I’m comfortable, tired. Ready to: close my eyes, hold on to
that image, inhale, and go to sleep at 83 mph on a patched
tire.
I Eat Submissions.
FEED ME!
jduellman@wakemag.org
HOW TO:
Submitting is easy! Send your poems, short stories or
suggestions to jduellman@wakemag.org Attach your
work using Microsoft Word and also include your piece
in the body of the e-mail. Any accompanying illustrations must be sent at 300 DPI.
Still have concerns? We are also available to meet in
person to workshop your creative work. Just send an
e-mai to set an appointment. We don’t bite... hard
WANTED:
With it being the season of decay, the Literary Section
would like to present a page of the Macabre -- the little
beauties of the dark side of mankind. Send us poems,
short stories, illustrations (300 DPI).
Literary Events
Who: Victorian Ghost Stories
Who: Kevin Jennings
Who: Erik Dregni
What: Costumed characters give dramatic readings.
With tours; hot cider. Call for times and reservations.
612.297.2555
What: The author discusses ‘Mama’s Boy, Preacher’s Son.’
What: Local author discusses ‘Weird Minnesota.’
When: Thursday, Oct. 26th, 7:00 p.m.
When: Friday, Oct. 27th, 7:00 p.m.
Where: The Loft Literary Center, FREE
Where: Barnes & Noble in Maple Grove, FREE
Who: Marjane Satrapi
Who: Deborah Keenan; Eileen O’Toole
Who: Brandon Sigrist
What: The Iranian cartoonist discusses her comic book
memoir, ‘Chicken with Plums.’
What: Poetry
What: Reading from his award-winning story published in L.
Ron Hubbard’s “Writers of the Future Volume XXII
When: Thursday, Oct. 26 , 7:00 p.m.
When: Oct. 22-30
Where: James J. Hill House, $8
When: Wednesday, Oct. 25 , 2:00 p.m.
th
6h
Who: Pamela Mordecai
Who: John Sweeney
What: The author discusses ‘Innovation at the Speed of
Laughter.’
What: The Author discusses ‘Conservatize Me.’
When: Wednesday, Oct. 25 , 7:00 p.m.
th
Where: Micawber’s Bookstore, FREE
Where: Lyndale Congregational Church of Christ, $5
Where: U of M Bookstore at Coffman Memorial Union, FREE
Who: John Moe
When: Sunday, Oct. 29th, 3:00 p.m.
When: Friday, Oct. 27th, 12:30 p.m.
What: The author discusses her writing.
When: Monday, Oct. 30th, 4:30 p.m.
Where: University of Minnesota Lind Hall, FREE
Where: Borders (600 Hennepin Ave), FREE
Where: Magers & Quinn Booksellers, FREE
\21
www.wakemag.org
What famous New York City
punk club just closed after
nearly three decades?
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Arbitrary
Awards
Best alternative fuel: Babies
Honorable mention: Fat Americans
Best bait: Babies
Honorable mention: Gummy worms
Worst thing to eat and
subsequently vomit: Babies
Honorable mention: Hot Pockets
Best thing to come out of a woman’s
uterus: A delicious cheeseburger
Funny Joke
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
9/11.
9/11 who?
You said you’d never forget.
DAVE HAGEN