March 2, 2001

Virginia Law Weekly
The Newspaper of the University of Virginia School of Law Since 1948
“Freedom of religion, freedom of the press;
freedom of persons under the protection of the
habeas corpus; and trial by juries impartially
selected, — these principles form the bright
constellation which has gone before us, and
guided our steps through an age of revelation
and reformation.”
THOMAS JEFFERSON
Around
North Grounds
Congratulations
to 3L Catherine
Morgen and husband
David on the birth of
their first child, Ella
Caitlyn, last Sunday night at 7:15
p.m. Little Ella weighed in at 6
lbs., 15.6 oz. Welcome to the world,
Ella — and take good care of your
mom for us.
Here’s another
champagne bottle
from our cellars, uncorked
for
3L
Cormac Cullen with
congratulations on his recent engagement.
PILA’s Student-Funded Fellowship application deadline has been
extended, to Wed., March 7 at
noon. Turn in applications to the
Public Service Center Library. For
more information, contact Laura
Everitt at lke4u@virginia.edu.
Thumbs up to the
professors who cancelled classes during
the snow storm last
Thursday. The University may not
care about the health of our life
and limbs, but we’re glad you do.
Congratulations to the winners
of BLSA’s Black History Month
Trivia Contest: First-place finisher
Ruth Payne won $75; the secondplace prize of $50 went to Monique
Moore; and the third-place prize of
$25 went to Valerie Nannery.
Fourth- and fifth-place winners received a Virginia Law picture frame
and t-shirt, donated by Courts &
Commerce.
All U.Va. Law students will receive an e-mail next week asking for
assistance with a library survey. A
URL will be provided to access the
survey web site. Please take a few
minutes to fill out and submit the
survey, so the library can identify
needs, improve services, and prioritize available resources. ANG recommends blinds for those second
floor windows.
Notice to first-years: The journal
tryouts will not be conducted as the
Law Weekly announced two weeks
ago. The procedure was changed,
and the system is now the same as
it was last year — you may choose
Law Review plus two other journals. Tryouts run today through
March 5, and March 9-12. Pickups
and dropoffs are 9 a.m. to 12 p.m.
To all those Law Weekly critics: If
you think you can do better, prove
it. The Law Weekly will hold editorial board elections on Mon., March
5 at 6:30 p.m in the Law Weekly
office. Interested students should
fill out an application, available on
the board outside the Law Weekly
office, SL279.
In this issue:
U.Va. Law Sports
Special .................... p. 4
Public Service Conference Preview .......... p. 5
Vol. 53, No. 19
Friday, March 2, 2001
Subscriptions Available
Samuel Berger Speaks in Caplin Pavilion
Former National Security Advisor Speaks on Law and Foreign Policy
by Jonathan Riehl ’02
Samuel “Sandy” Berger, National
Security Advisor to President Bill
Clinton, addressed U.Va. Law students and faculty members last
Monday in Caplin Pavilion. Berger,
the first lawyer to serve in the NSA
post, spoke and then answered questions on a wide range of legal, foreign policy and political questions
during the Law Democrats-sponsored session.
Berger is a Harvard Law graduate and has worked in both the public and private sectors during his
legal career. Prior to his service in
the Clinton Administration, he
served in the State Department
during the Carter Administration
in addition to earlier work on Capitol Hill. Berger also founded the
International Trade Group for the
law firm of Hogan & Hartson, where
he is a partner.
Berger said that he considered
law school “excellent preparation”
for careers in foreign policy. “Lawyers are trained to solve problems,
to determine facts,” he said. “As
lawyers, we are trained to first define the problem, to be sure of the
facts...people with a more doctrinaire view sometimes start by deciding on the result they want, and
wind up having to work backwards.”
Berger also said that he believes
many of the foreign policy challenges
facing the United States and the
photo by Brian Gist
Sandy Berger, the first lawyer named National Security Advisor
world community can most successfully be viewed in a legal context. “One of the major challenges
of the next decade will be advancing the rule of law, and institutions
which support the rule of law,
around the world,” he said, “especially in the democracies which have
emerged from the former Soviet
Bloc and in Latin America.”
Berger also identified globalization — with its legal and political
implications — as a major policy
challenge of the future. “Globalization is inevitable,” he said, “but
what we do with it is not.” He de-
scribed the increasingly important
roles played by bodies such as the
World Trade Organization and by
multilateral arrangements such as
the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Regime and the International Declaration of Human Rights.
Acknowledging fears of the “international corporate hegemony”
which some critics see lurking behind groups such as the WTO,
Berger said that “the rich nations of
the world, like the U.S., bear a very
heavy responsibility to do more
about the gap between those who
are benefiting from globalization
and those who are not. More needs
to be done.”
Berger answered questions concerning his involvement in the many
foreign policy initiatives of the
Clinton Administration. “During
the...Administration we used force
on eight occasions — on each occasion we had to be sure we stood on
solid legal justifications. Not because any of us would go to jail, but
because of the need for legitimacy.”
Some in the audience questioned
the legitimacy of specific Clinton
Administration initiatives. Responding to a student who described
the American-led NATO attack on
Slobodan Milosevic’s forced in
Kosovo, Berger said that “legal
scholars can argue about the international legal basis for the action,”
acknowledging that the air war was
launched without a United Nations
mandate, which would have been
impossible, “since China or Russia
each would have used their veto.”
Berger cited the support of NATO
as justification for the air war
against Milosevic, and responded
to the criticism that the United
States was essentially meddling in
a civil war, saying that Kosovo was
“something of a special case.”
“The predicate [to the Kosovo
situation] was that Milosevic had
already by then launched attacks
against three neighboring states,”
see BERGER page 3
Panel Addresses Racial
Profiling, Legal Issues
by Jonathan Riehl ’02
Members of the University Community gathered last week to address the growing concern over the
use of racial profiling by police officers across the nation. The forum,
entitled “Driving While Black,” filled
Minor Hall auditorium beyond capacity.
Racial profiling, exposed in some
jurisdictions as actual stated policy,
involves police stops of minority persons based solely on their race or
physical appearance. While some
cases of actual policy have been uncovered nationally, in many other
cases highlighted by the news media, evidence of the practice is based
primarily on statistical data showing disproportionate police stops of
minorities.
According to M. Rick Turner,
Dean of African-American Affairs,
there have been no reported incidents of racial profiling by the University police involving University
students. “But it would be naïve to
think that none have actually occurred,” he added. “No people of
color are safe from this practice.”
The forum’s opening included a
presentation by an undergraduate
African-American woman who has
lodged a complaint with the University Police alleging she was detained
and questioned without cause by
officers operating the Escort Service van late one night last month.
Neither Dean Turner nor others at
the panel responded to her comments.
Captain Quentin Trice of the
University Police was among the
panelists at the event. According to
Trice and other police representatives, University police make special efforts to be sensitive to concerns relating to racial profiling and
to be open and available to discuss
any student concerns that might
arise.
Trice, who is African-American,
related several personal stories concerning what he termed racial “spotlighting” outside of law enforcement. He described spotlightling
as a broader societal set of expectations and stereotypes which effect
the way minorities are viewed.
Dean of Students Penny Rue
agreed that “racial spotlighting” is
a real concern in the University
community. “We are fortunate to
be part of a college community
where racial profiling per se [as
practiced by law enforcement agencies] is not a problem. But the larger
issue of spotlighting remains.”
Dean Rue also discussed legal
aspects of racial profiling in general. She specifically referred to the
Supreme Court’s decision in Whren
v. United States, a unanimous 1996
decision which is generally regarded
as having upheld the use of
“pretextual” police stops. The plaintiff in Whren raised the issue of
racial profiling as applied in that
case to a police detention and automobile search.
Justice Antonin Scalia, writing
for the Court in Whren, said, “We of
course agree with petitioners that
the Constitution prohibits selective
enforcement of the law based on
considerations such as race. But
the constitutional basis for objecting to intentionally discriminatory
application of laws is the Equal
Protection Clause, not the Fourth
Amendment.”
The opinion reasons generally
that an officer’s state of mind is not
the appropriate means by which to
judge the “reasonableness” of a traffic stop and any ensuing search,
such as the one involved in Whren.
see PROFILING page 3
Printed on
recycled paper
photo by Brian Gist
Helen Mould addresses Judges Stapleton, Motz and Ellis.
Lile Moot Court
Semifinalists Advance
by David Stuckey ’01
The four teams remaining in the
William Lile Moot Court competition were narrowed to two in the
semi-final round held on Feb. 23
and 24 in Caplin Pavilion. On Friday night Lara Ai-Lan Johnson and
Anne Marks defeated Ben Block
and Jeff Hartlin to move to the
finals, and on Saturday afternoon
they were joined by Susannah
Stroud and Sebastian Edwards, who
fended off the arguments of John
Henning and Helen Mould. According to Moot Court rules, the contestants’ briefs counted for approximately half of the judges’ evaluations of the participants, and oral
arguments made up the second half.
The case argued before the visiting judges playing the role of the
Supreme Court was Leonard R.
Briscoe v. City of Hooville, which
involved two questions: whether the
statute criminalizing sleeping on
the streets of Hooville violated
Briscoe’s Eighth Amendment rights
against cruel and unusual punish-
ment under the U.S. Constitution,
and whether requiring Briscoe to
take potentially dangerous drugs to
make him competent to stand trial
is a violation of his Fourteenth
Amendment rights.
The arguments involved questions about what level of scrutiny
was appropriate for the Court to
apply to the proposed invasion of
Mr. Briscoe’s body, whether his right
to bodily integrity in this context
could be considered “fundamental,”
and whether Hooville’s interest in
prosecuting criminals at trial outweighed that right. The second issue revolved around questions of
“act” and “status,” and whether
Hooville was actually criminalizing
the status of being homeless through
its statute, and whether sleep was
an affirmative act or not. Finally,
the contestants argued about
whether or not Hooville was obliged
to provide enough rooms for its
homeless citizens, and whether the
possibility of rooms several miles
see MOOT COURT page 3
2
Student Voice
Virginia Law Weekly
Jury Box
What would be your ideal public
service job?
Dave Pinto, 3L/JD-MBA: “I would
like to be a public defender because they
serve a need that a lot of lawyers are
reluctant to fill.”
Mark Baker, 2L: “I would be a prosecutor because it is a family tradition.”
Susan Burkhardt, 3L: “I’d like to
explore the legal issues surrounding biomedical development and genetic engineering.”
Sabrina Dennis, 2L: “I would work
as a prosecutor for a newly formed unit
of the fashion police.”
Friday, March 2, 2001
Letter to the Editor
“
Computer Lab, Printing Changes Coming
To the Editor:
As you know, the construction of
a new Student-Faculty Center includes renovations in Slaughter
Hall. Among other things, the
Slaughter Hall renovations involve
replacing the University-run computer lab with a lab operated by the
Law School for the exclusive use of
law students. An additional Law
School-only computer lab will be
opened in Withers-Brown Hall.
Access to the Withers-Brown computing room will be via a new entrance to be constructed across from
the library circulation desk.
We believe that replacing the
University lab with two Law School
labs for the exclusive use of law
students will provide more and
more flexible use of computer services. The Law School will now
support law student printing services at the Law School. We will
expand printing services in two
ways. First, we will operate a total
of four printers, one in each of the
two labs and one in each of the copy
rooms in the library (WB130 and
WB247). Second, notebook users
with a network connection (wired
or wireless) can conveniently print
to any of the four printers.
Printing will be free up to a total
of 500 pages per student per semester. We believe that allotment
will be more than ample for most
students. However, for those students needing unusual amounts of
printing, additional pages will cost
five cents per page.
When the new labs are completed in the Fall of 2001, the new
printing system will be fully operational. In the meantime, the Law
School will use the Spring 2001
semester as a test period for setting up the service. Our goals this
spring are: 1) install, operate and
manage the hard/software necessary to provide distributed printing services, 2) learn how to manage the administrative requirements of the new system, and 3)
provide a useful and permanent
printing service for law students in
the Law School. Please remember
that for the current semester, printing services will continue in the
U.Va. ITC computer lab located in
Slaughter Hall. The Slaughter Hall
computer lab printing is done via a
separate system as documented in
their instruction pages. You can
easily configure your laptop to print
to both the U.Va. ITC printers in
the Slaughter lab and the Law
School printers.
In early March, we will send to
all students by email, additional
information about how to participate in the Spring printing tests.
Glen O. Robinson
David A. Harrison Professor of Law
Associate Dean for Research and
Information Services
Guest SBA Notebook:
The Johnson
Administration
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C ONTRIBUTORS : Brian Gist, Tom Warburton, Chad Romey, David Stuckey, Jessie Heners, Eddie
Summers, David Sirolly, Julie Jordan, Anthony Stenger.
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© 2001 Virginia Law Weekly
by David Sirolly ’01
This week we celebrate the
peaceful transfer of power from
one SBA president to another.
Some individuals trivialize the
role of the SBA’s chief executive,
but I for one believe that the officeholder is the most powerful
person on North Grounds, save
exiled Cafe North leader Billy
Loving.
Given the stature of the post, I
wish to memorialize the record of
achievement of our outgoing
leader, Mr. Brendan Johnson.
While a minority of law students
may criticize his tenure, these
individuals surely have not taken
the time to walk in his boots.
Have any of the critics had trouble
sleeping at night knowing that
their actions have condemned a
peer to a U-Hall parking space?
Have they faced the pressure of
not ordering enough Big Jim’s
cookies for the fall picnic? I suspect not.
What really underlies the existence of anti-Johnsonites is the
blurring of the line between the
man and the job. A recent poll
highlights this confusion. While
83% of U.Va. Law students surveyed approved of Johnson’s job
performance, almost 56% expressed “extreme reservations”
about his personal hygiene. It is
simply unfair that Johnson’s alleged grooming difficulties have
been allowed to color his record as
SBA president.
Johnson’s critics have ceaselessly played the “Fargo card”,
unscrupulously attacking his
South Dakota roots and invoking
Midwestern stereotypes. Most of
us have been susceptible to these
tactics. Whether you come from
the Northeast, the South or the
Pacific West, you share at least
one common belief, namely, a deep
skepticism that anyone born west
of the Mississippi and northeast
of Vail can comply adequately
with established social norms.
I am not suggesting that our
prejudices get Johnson entirely
off the hook. Surely, he should
have been aware of the higher
burden placed on those hailing
from a pseudo-Canadian province.
It is true that some of his actions
almost seemed designed to further our stereotypes. He should
have known better than to turn
his first-year property class into
a referendum on the virtues of pig
farming. And he alone is responsible for not putting to rest rumors that he routinely, carelessly
loses track of his mouth retainer
in public places. After all, that
innocent young lady had every
reason to be traumatized as she
thought she would be pulling a
tortilla chip out of the bowl.
But these personal transgressions cannot and should not overshadow Johnson’s record of service to U.Va. Law. His accomplishments have been extensive.
I regret that I only have space to
highlight three of them here.
First, Johnson singlehandedly
created the Dean search process.
Seizing upon student unhappiness that the next dean was to be
handpicked by the powers-thatbe, Johnson successfully lobbied
the faculty to conduct a Dean
search. While that search may
have been drawn-out, secretive
and expensive, thanks to Johnson
at least we can say we had one,
even though the powers-that-be
still ultimately handpicked the
next Dean.
Second, Johnson has been eloquent throughout the recent upheaval regarding the moving of
student mailboxes. His words
from a recent speech regarding
the ongoing construction are timeless: “Our building may look like
an airport terminal on the inside,
but I will not sit back and watch it
become as functionally inconvenient as Dulles is for third-years
trying to make their midweek
flights to the Caribbean. Mr. Scott,
tear down this wall.”
And, lastly, Johnson’s landmark achievement: He became
the first law student ever to fin-
Whitebread
Legacy:Faculty
QuotesoftheW eek
And the Winner is...
J. Monahan: “The study found
that 80% of people in hotel rooms
rent pornographic movies…I
thought I was the only one.”
Runners-up...
A. Wax: “Interestingly, men are
more interested in leisure on the
job. They want more time to sit
around and do whatever it is they
do. I don’t know what they do
with their leisure time. I guess
searching for porn on the
Internet.”
K. Kordana: “To the extent that
I don’t get it and it’s right, then
yeah, that’s a different argument.”
A.E. Howard: “Ataturk was literally a huge Turk. I mean, he
was huge.”
K. Abraham: “Sometimes on my
student evaluations, I get ‘not responsive to questions.’ Well, I
think ‘NO’ is responsive. Now,
aren’t you glad I’m not the Dean?”
G. Rutherglen: “Sex always improves matters.”
C. Goetz: “Among women of lower
socioeconomic status, you have a
lot more plumpers.”
S. Henderson: “Mr. Fitzpatrick,
I think I called you Mr. Fox yesterday in the hallway, and I’m
sorry. The reason I know it is that
Mr. Fox used to sit over there [on
the other side of the classroom],
and he graduated two years ago.
Good thing I mumble, so you probably didn’t hear me anyway. I
just wasted an apology.”
C. Bradley: “There have been
some death penalty cases where
the Supreme Court has granted a
writ, but not a stay, and the case
ended up becoming moot, if you
see what I mean. There was no
‘live’ controversy…(pun intended).”
”
ish second three consecutive years
in the annual “Law School’s Most
Popular South Dakotan” contest.
(Incidentally, congratulations to
3L Kevin Koliner on increasing
his margin of victory over Johnson
each year.)
While supporters like myself
believe Johnson leaves behind a
storied legacy, some will be watching his post-SBA life before writing his final history. It is these
people of whom Johnson must be
wary. There are already some
rumblings that his recent actions
have not been conducted with the
level of dignity expected of a
former SBA president.
For example, Johnson’s recent
acquisition of a Playstation II is
somewhat troubling. Not only did
he actively compete against millions of American children for the
sought-after game system, but he
also leaves office with the most
up-to-date video game technology while the student lounge still
does not have a functioning TV.
Further, there is the brewing
controversy over Johnson’s housing during his clerkship year.
Turning his back on the working
class people of Rapid City, South
Dakota, Johnson has selected an
exclusive Black Hills enclave for
his next home. The new residence
features a breathtaking view of
Mount Rushmore — leading to
snide rumors that he will spend
next year planning the addition
of his own face to the monument.
Supporters are unfazed by such
gossip. After all, even George
Washington misplaced his
wooden teeth every now and then.
Virginia Law Weekly
MOOT COURT
continued from page 1
away on a sub-freezing night justified the city’s arrest of Mr. Briscoe
after he fell asleep on a heating
grate.
“We would have loved some better facts,” said Mould. “It’s hard to
argue the constitutional merits of
arresting a mentally ill homeless
man for sleeping in a public park
after being turned away from a shelter on a 31-degree night.”
The winners both nights were
respondents, who argued that the
charge and the forced medication
were unconstitutional.
On Friday night Judges Thomas
Ambro of the Third Circuit, John
Wiese of the Federal Claims Court
and Justice Elizabeth Lacy of the
Virginia Supreme Court sat in judgment. Judge Ambro got the semifinal round off to a quick and dramatic start by interrupting Jeff
Hartlin’s introduction of himself and
his co-counsel to question Hartlin
about the procedural details and
history of the case in the courts
below. Although Hartlin had not
even begun his discussion of the
case, he acquitted himself well.
Nonetheless, Ambro’s questions
made it clear from the start that the
court was prepared to let nothing go
by.
Indeed, all four semifinalists Friday night found themselves struggling to make points. The Court was
skeptical of petitioners’ arguments
that Briscoe had alternatives to
sleeping on the grate. Ben Block, on
rebuttal, tried to argue that the
choice for which Briscoe had been
punished was made in the months
and years before, when he refused
to apply for benefits or engage in
productive behavior, but the Court
focused on the night at issue in
rejecting his arguments.
The judges were hardly easier
on the respondents. They repeatedly returned to the statute’s admittedly benign goal, with Judge
Ambro asking, “What can the city
do about the homeless if it can’t
pass an ordinance like this?” Judge
Wiese, in fact, criticized the contestants for ignoring the realities
of the homelessness problem. According to Wiese, “There wasn’t
sufficient appreciation of the practical problem. The state has a real
problem here.” Respondent Anne
Marks also got in a bit of trouble
when she attempted to analogize
Hooville’s desire to forcibly medicate Briscoe to the inhuman practices of the Soviet Union or Nazi
Germany, an argument that Justice Lacy quickly jumped on, suggesting that the comment was “a
bit draconian.”
Although the Court seemed to
sympathize with Hooville’s frustration at the inability to solve its
homelessness problems, it ultimately sided with Briscoe and respondents. Marks, for one, ex-
News
3
BERGER
pressed relief and happiness at winning the Friday night round, but
admitted that the odds may have
been stacked in her side’s favor. “I
realized as time went on that the
problem was much more sympathetic towards our side than I originally thought,” said Marks. Several
members of the audience agreed,
and one law student asserted that
“any time judges find themselves
nodding in agreement and sympathy towards one side, it’s going to be
difficult for the other side to win.”
On Saturday afternoon the
Court consisted of Judges Thomas
Ellis from the Eastern District of
Virginia, Diana Motz from the
Fourth Circuit and Walter
Stapleton from the Third Circuit.
John Henning, arguing for petitioners, was quickly confronted by
Judge Stapleton: “What could be
more fundamental than the right
to refuse mind-altering medication?”
Helen Mould injected the first
genuine moment of levity into the
proceedings by responding to the
Court’s analogy between sleeping
and breathing. Mould conceded
that breathing is also an “act,” like
sleeping, but pointed out that “I
don’t know that the state would
criminalize breathing.…” Mould
quickly recovered her footing, dismissing the suggestion that
Briscoe’s homelessness can’t be
punished because of his mental
illness as meaning that pedophiles
could not be punished. Such a result, she argued, would wreck the
criminal justice system, and “inject
an insanity defense into every case.”
It was Sebastian Edwards, however, who got off the best zinger of
the round. Judge Ellis asked how
a city was supposed to distinguish
the truly homeless and unable to
find lodging from those who simply chose to loiter, asking Edwards,
“What if he was on the steps of the
University of Virginia? Would you
have any way of distinguishing
your client from...others on the
steps of the University of Virginia?” Edwards responded,
quickly, that one possible way
might be “by smell.” Then, considering his answer and the particular
student body of U.Va., he conceded
to general laughter, “then again,
maybe not.”
On both nights the judges expressed admiration for the complexity and sophistication of the problem, written by third-year Sarah
Shalf, and for the skill of the participants, who, it was generally agreed,
performed better than most of the
professional attorneys arguing before these judges in real life. Judge
Motz on Saturday described their
obligation to select a winner as an
“extraordinarily difficult choice,”
and called all four semifinalists “superb advocates.”
photo courtesy of Jenny Dahlen
Jenny Dahlen, Andrea Hamilton, Hiren Patel, Jake Tyshow and
David Zetoony won the Jessup Moot Court Competition for U.Va.
U.Va. Beats Duke (Again)
The U.Va. Jessup Moot Court
team won this year’s East Regional Competition at Duke Law
School, Feb. 16-18 (thereby issuing another embarrassment
to Duke following U.Va.’s victory over Duke in B-ball only
four days earlier, we might add).
The U.Va. team placed first
in the initial round and defeated
Friday, March 2, 2001
UNC at Chapel Hill in the semifinals and Vanderbilt Law in
the finals.
The team’s brief received second overall, and team members
Jake Tyshow (third overall) and
Hiren Patel (second overall)
each received one of three Best
Oralist awards out of 40 competing oralists.
continued from page 1
he added. Berger said his explanation of the situation might be
viewed as “a kind of estoppel argument.... How could Milosevic
make a ‘territorial integrity’ claim
when he’d already been trampling
his neighbors?”
Berger also added a policy argument in favor of the military
action: “I would have hated to
have seen the twentieth century
— the bloodiest century in the
history of mankind — come to a
close with us standing by as a
million people were driven from
their homes and slaughtered because of their ethnic identity.”
Berger also responded to the
claim that if such reasoning justified the Kosovo action, it would
have equally demanded military
intervention in Rwanda, where ethnically-motivated violence resulted
in the deaths of thousands of innocent victims. “Rwanda was entirely
an internal affair,” Berger said. “But
I do think, in hindsight, we could
have gone in, with the support of
the U.N., and created some ‘safe
areas.’”
In addition to policy-specific questions, Berger addressed questions
concerning the functioning of the
Clinton foreign policy team during
the impeachment proceedings
against the President. “We recognized a need to stay detached from
the political situation,” he said, “We
walled ourselves off...I would come
home from work at the end of the
day and call up my older daughter,
who works at CNN, to see what had
Matthews, Harper Perform in C-Ville
by Jean Marie Hackett ’03
Things are finally sounding a little better in Charlottesville. First,
101.9, home of “Charlottesville’s Best Jams” (or so the station claimed)
has transformed into Hot 101.9, an ex- Long Island teenager’s dream
station. But even those who don’t share my predilection for the worst
cheesy pop music can find something to celebrate in several upcoming
concerts. This weekend, U.Va. welcomes a live performance by Ben
Harper. I don’t own a Ben Harper CD. But my friends who listen to real
music do. A singer-songwriter whose music is described as rock/roots/
acoustic folk, Harper is an artist often compared to the likes of Tracy
Chapman and Lenny Kravitz and has been dubbed a bona fide
“soulman.” His most recent single to get some real radio play is “Steal
My Kisses.” Harper hits the U.Va. stage tomorrow.
Harper’s former tour-mate, Dave Matthews, follows with a benefit
concert on Sun., Apr. 21. Proceeds from this hometown benefit will go
to the Bama Foundation, the band’s charity funds disbursing organization. For contact info, call 924-0311. Tickets go on sale today at Scott
Stadium and tomorrow at TicketMaster.
If you haven’t seen “Dave” in concert, you should. Whether seen
from the TV screen as in VH1 Storytellers or live in concert, Dave is
mesmerizing. You just want to talk with him about
life, love and the pursuit of happiness over a good
bottle of red wine. But don’t take my word for it— the
band won “Best Live Act” at the 2000 VH1 Music
Awards. If you can’t catch him live, you can still grab
a copy of the band’s fourth album (released Feb. 27)
featuring the band’s newest single “I Did It.”
happened [that day], to at least
see if we were still in business!”
Berger joked about the timing
of a certain film released at that
time, starring Dustin Hoffman
and Robert DeNiro. “I couldn’t
believe Wag the Dog wound up
coming out right at that time!”
But the former National Security
Advisor denied that any “dog wagging” went on and expressed satisfaction that the use of force which
did occur during the impeachment
period was accepted as legitimate
“on the merits.”
Berger spoke later in the
evening at the Rotunda. Earlier
in the day, he attended lunch with
a group of U.Va. Law students.
Mr. Berger’s daughter Sarah is a
first-year law student.
PROFILING
continued from page 1
One legal commentator has summed
up the impact of the ruling in this
way: “In other words, if a police
officer followed a black motorist for
several miles before observing him
violate a stop sign, the decision in
Whren would not permit the trial
court to inquire any further.”
In New Jersey, the State Police
force conceded last year that racial
profiling was in fact an established
policy. Reforms over recent months
have largely been received in positive terms.
Dean Penny Rue and others at
the “Driving While Black” forum
stressed to those in the audience
that because pretextual stops are
permissible, it is that much more
important for students, especially
minorities, to be aware of their legal
rights when stopped by the police.
“Remember your rights,” she said,
“and always remember that whatever the circumstance, we need to
try to raise the level of questioning.”
4
Features
Virginia Law Weekly
Friday, March 2, 2001
Soccer: What Else is There to Do on
Wednesdays at 4 p.m.?
photo by Amy Collins
“We go to Withers-Brown High.”
They’ve Got Game
by Amy Collins ’01
Sadly, in their next game (ten
While the rest of U.Va. is watch- minutes later), B+ Mean fell 46-56
ing the Men’s basketball team to a team of third-year underreach rankings not seen in the graduates, one of which used to
recent history of the school, a large play for the U.Va. Men’s team.
number of Law School men have During that game, an unidentibeen participating in another Vir- fied member of the other team
ginia basketball competition — the spiced things up by yelling at the
intramural league championships. refs, storming around the court,
Few law students know that and giving heckling bystanders the
there are five Law School teams in bird. You know, the bird.
the intramural basketball league
On the court next to B+ Mean,
(probably as few students as those “Bill Clinton’s
Farewell
who know that there is a U.Va. Tour,” composed
(club) hockey team, though prob- entirely of thirdably a few more than those who
know that second-year law student Chris Hrones is on it).
Indeed, however, there are such
teams, and they made a strong
showing in the tournament — debunking the commonly-held notion that law students can only
play softball. And we’re not talking inner-tube water polo here,
either (though, as this writer has
reported in the past, that is actually pretty close to a real sport).
Perhaps U.Va. law students are year law students, battled against
returning to the days when they a team boasting four players caparticipated visibly with other pable of dunking. Formerly “The
schools in numerous intramural Carter Administration,” after
leagues, a connection lost in the third-year Larry Carter, Farewell
move to North Grounds.
Tour met the same fate as B+
To provide a window into the Mean, winning their first game of
workings of a law student on the the tournament but losing the secbasketball court, this reporter fol- ond in a close match.
lowed the tournament progress of
Farewell Tour’s impressive
one of the strongest law student showing was motivated by
teams, “The B+ Mean and Ben Virginia’s dominating win over
Block.” B+ Mean is composed of North Carolina last Sunday: “It
third-years Ben Block (obviously), was hard to top yesterday’s rout of
Forrest Christian, Ryan Coonerty, the Tar Heels, but we drew inspiStacy Funderburke, John ration from the efforts of Donald
Henning, Mike Myers, Jeff Rob- Hand and Travis Watson,” said
erts and Shane Smith, second-year guard Chip Royer after the team’s
Jeff Coleman and engineering stu- first game Monday night.
dent Rich Kent.
Farewell Tour laid down the
You may know the team under gauntlet after the games: “We’re
last year’s name, “Porn & Pez: The still the best team in the Law
John Henning
School,” said
Story.”
(“I
Farewell Tour
didn’t come up
player Hank
with the name,
Brier.
that’s
for
There was
sure,”
said
talk of a miniHenning. “I got
tournament of
rid of the Pez.”)
the Law School
B+ Mean’s
teams. It is
strengths lie
u n c l e a r
more in their
whether kegs
shooting than
would be inin pure brawn
volved.
under
the
The
Law
hoop: “If it’s a
School women
close game, we
watching the
depend on the
games Monday
free-throw
night provided
shooting of Jeff
valuable inRoberts at the
sight: “Be sure
end,”
said
to note that the
Smith. “He’s
undergrads
money.”
have
very
In their first
skinny legs,”
photo by Amy Collins
tournament
volunteered
Third-year Stacy Funderburke (#3)
game,
B+
third-year
attempts to snare a rebound from
Mean demolAlison Ho.
some skinny-legged undergrads.
ished
an
“We are reundergrad team. Like good law alizing that law students are much
students, they specialized in beefier,” added third-year Preya
sneaking around under the bas- Sharma.
ket and getting to the hoop from
The fun’s not all over yet — you
new and inventive angles.
can see the two Law School teams
“We play to relive our younger remaining in the tournament, “Jdays’ glory, but we utilize all our Hawks” and “Fuzzy Math,” fight it
old-man tricks like holding under out today (Friday), at 7 p.m., at
the basket — things we swore we’d Slaughter Gym on Main Grounds.
never do when we were 18,” ad- And you don’t even have to camp
mitted Coonerty.
out to get in.
by Julie Jordan ’03
How many times have you
walked by a softball field to see
about 25 people running around
crazily, wearing shorts in 20-degree weather, yelling such things
as “square,” “shoot,” and “Nestor,
dammit, pass the ball!”?
If you’re in the Law School, probably at least once a week. And I’m
just guessing, but it’s probably on
Wednesdays about 4 p.m.
Now I know what you’re saying
to yourself, “Self, what are those
people doing and who is that cute
blonde girl who runs up and down
the side of the field and never
seems to have anything to do with
the ball?” All right, maybe not the
last part so much (or at all), but
maybe you’re one of the few people
who is just genuinely interested in
finding out what is going on and it
is just tearing you up inside…or
maybe you just like soccer and
want to play.
Whatever,
I
don’t judge,
but I do like to
talk to
m y self,
as do
many
people
in Law
School,
as I am
finding out. My calculus teacher in
high school used to talk to himself.
He also drove a Harley and wore
cowboy boots and a ponytail, but
that’s beside the point. He used to
tell us, “If you come upon a problem, just say to yourself, ‘Self,
should I take the derivative or
should I just draw some funny
Law Students at Play:
More than Softball
Well, you probably should wear
trees out to the side followed by
triangles to garner extra points on cleats unless you’re Joe and you’re
the AP Exam.’” Well, that’s not ex- just that good without them. Shin
guards are nice
actly what he said,
sometimes, too.
but in his memory,
Wearing jeans is
I will write the rest
not the best idea,
of this article about
neither are suits
Wednesday soccer
and skirts. But
as he would’ve
then again, who
liked (minus the
am I to judge your
funny trees).
taste preference in
“Self, what
athletic attire.
are those people
Unless you’re
doing?”
photo by Brian Gist
Kate and you wear
Well,
those
“Self, this is soccer.”
Duke t-shirts.
crazy people are
“Ugh! Duke? Didn’t U.Va.
playing soccer. They call it football
in Europe, I think. But let me as- beat them last week and didn’t
sure you, soccer is certainly no XFL, Carolina beat them at home
so don’t come out for the fireworks, the week before?”
Why, yes, they did, Self. Yes
porn star-like cheerleaders, and cool
team names like the Fury or what- they did.
“Okay, stop laughing, back
ever.
“Hmmm…can anyone play? to the topic at hand. It’s weird
Do you have to be picked or when people just erupt into
laughter in the computer lab
drafted or something?”
Anyone can play. Even Darden sitting by themselves. I still
don’t understand why people
students…I think.
“Wait, but don’t you have to play. Aren’t there usually cool
lectures on Wednesdays about
have talent to play?”
4 p.m.? Like how to interpret
Self, we play.
“’Nuff said. What time does it the Constitution from the Nihilist perspective of a Bermian
start?”
At 4 p.m. on Wednesdays and in the 1950s?”
Yes, while lectures like that
now there’s extra fun, because you
can also play at 11 a.m. on Satur- often tickle my fancy, the people
days if you’re just that good and who play are actually on the whole
don’t wake up at noonish (like we rather talented and great fun is
usually had by all, not to mention
do).
“Now, I don’t know…what if getting a little midweek pre-bar
review energy out.
they don’t pass to me?”
“Huh. One last question,
Just make sure you’re not on
Self. How did we ever pass
Chris Hall’s team.
“Gotcha. But what if people calculus, Self?”
You know what, I think there
yell at me?”
That’s just Strohbridge and he’s are some things that are better
left unknown, but if I had to guess
actually a very nice person.
“Oh. Okay, what do I need I’d say it was those great trees we
drew.
then?”
VIRGINIA JOURNAL OF INTERNATIONAL LAW
The VIRGINIA JOURNAL OF INTERNATIONAL LAW
congratulates the new
Managing Board for 2001 - 2002
Logan M. Breed
Editor-in-Chief
Jake S. Tyshow
Submissions Review Editor
Michael T. Cappucci
Devin C. Dolive
William L. Newton
James Van Doren
Executive Editors
Linda Konerding Montgomery
Research & Projects Editor
Vanessa Horbaly
Amber L. Husbands
Cameron F. Reeves
Karin E. Valaas
Articles Editors
Katherine Carpenter
Greg R. Clouser
Mark Jones
Terence Rasmussen
Submissions Review Board
Albab A. Dabela
Book Review Editor
Paul E. Sieminski
Finance Editor
Christine M. Genaitis
Distribution & Subscriptions Editor
Virginia Law Weekly
The Making of a
Feb Club Record
Sports Update
school for an hour on Saturday.
Sit in a Withers-Brown classroom
— you may not recognize it because there will be folks talking
about something that actually interests you. Don’t do it to edify
yourself or to help the community.
Jackie Sadker, a
Do it to help me.
second-year law
See, I’m going into public serstudent, is a Law
vice when I graduate. Most of you
Weekly columnist.
aren’t, which is perfect because it
takes all kinds of cogs to send the
wheels spinning, or whatever
Don’t think I don’t know this
metaphor you want to mix. But
either. No need to spare my feelright now, the Deanship is turnings — I’m tough. You must have
ing over and our new SBA Presinoticed the horrible facebook picdent has made public serture that leeches itself to
vice a top priority. Proevery column and tails
Schedule
for
the
Conference
on
Public
posals are being evalume in the shadows, only
Service and the Law:
ated right this very
to rear its greasy-hairminute to improve and
toothy-grin
on
a
Saturday, March 3, 2001
expand the public service
professor’s seating chart
options here. Take it from
or the World Wide Web.
• 9 a.m.-9:45 a.m.: Breakfast at Caplin Pavilion
me, they could use it.
Clearly, I know pain, and
• 9:45 a.m.-10 a.m.: Opening Comments by Dean
But why would anyI know you don’t read my
Robert Scott, Kit Lasher, and Kerry Kornblatt
one bother if no one
columns. Well, maybe not
• 10 a.m.-11:15 a.m. : Panels — Death Penalty;
shows up to our second
you, but most of you. Why
International Human Rights
annual Public Service
do you think I always
• 11:30 a.m.-12:45 p.m.: Panels — Gender, EducaConference tomorrow?
write about sex? Obvition and the Law; Criminal Justice; Bioethics: ReguOkay, let me (sorta)
ously, to try and get you
lating Research
put this in economic
people to read something
• 12:45 p.m.-2 p.m.: Lunch at Caplin Pavilion
terms. If nobody shows
other than ANG and VAN• 2 p.m.-3:15 p.m.: Panels — Alternative Legal
up, my little public serGUARD.
Careers; The Protection of Children; Civil Rights: Gay
vice whines will go unI hear you, Bored ColRights Legislation
answered, making me
umn Reader. You’re ask• 3:30 p.m.-4:30 p.m.: Keynote Speech by Sarah
whine louder, which will
ing: Why the hell don’t
Weddington
annoy you. Not only that,
you just get to the point
• 4:30 p.m.-6 p.m.: Closing Reception
but there will be even
already? And you wonfewer of us here to take
der why no one reads
your frickin’ columns.
given some of you a ride to the that public service burden off you.
Okay, so I already suffer from airport or something at some point. Efficiency, folks. One hour on Saturday brings huge dividends.
not being ANG or VANGUARD, not Just hear me out.
I realize that I am probably not
This weekend, as you all know
having floating asterisk-laden
curse words in a stream of con- from the increased frequency of at the top of your list of people to
sciousness, and not possessing necessary e-mail deletions, brings help this fine March. But you never
even read my frickin’ columns, so
anything remotely interesting on the Public Service Conference.
Okay, I need you to stop by it’s the least you can do.
my mind to spew. And that’s not
Okay, so my columns don’t look
like haikus and they tend to just
spew the contents of my mind,
which rarely keep anyone reading
all the way to the end.
even mentioning that grinning
weird girl in the box by my name.
Throwing caution to the wind, I
am about to complicate this already bleak picture by saying the
two words that inspire Bored Column Reader to instantaneously
morph into Entertained VANGUARD
Reader.
whisper — Public service. —
whisper
Those of you tricked by the
haiku-like appearance of the previous line into reading on have
made a wise choice. Because I have
a favor to ask. I mean, I must have
○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○
Defeating UNC, Clemson, U.V a. Men’s
Basketball Climbs Rankings
by Dan Brozost ’02
It was not supposed to be an
easy road to follow for the #7 Virginia men’s basketball team these
past few days. First, Pete Gillen’s
squad faced-off against the #2
North Carolina Tar Heels on Sunday, a team that had defeated the
Cavaliers on Jan. 24. Then they
had to play the lowly but dangerous Clemson Tigers on Wednesday, in what promised to be an
emotional final home game for the
team’s five seniors.
Despite a dominating inside
performance
by
Brendan
Haywood, the Cavaliers easily dispatched the favored Tar Heels by
20 points, 86-66. It appeared as if
it might be a long afternoon for
Virginia when Carolina’s probable
All-American sophomore Joseph
Forte opened the game on fire,
hitting practically every shot that
he took. The Cavs did not back
down though, and led by 14 points
at halftime to the delight of the
raucous University Hall fans,
many of whom camped out for up
to seven days, braving even a snow
storm this past Thursday.
Virginia extended its lead in
the second half, and a win for the
Cavaliers was never in jeopardy
thanks to continued hot shooting
from Donald Hand and Travis
Watson. For most of the game,
Virginia forced the Heels into a
fast-paced, running and gunning
battle, the kind of game that UNC
is not accustomed to playing. In
the end, Virginia’s high-flying offense proved to be too much for the
Tar Heels.
The Cavaliers ended up shooting 50% from behind the threepoint arc. Forte led the Tar Heels
with 28 points while Roger Ma-
5
Do a Friend a Favor:
Read this Column
I’ve seen at Feb Club parties have
by Amy Collins ’01
In a feat unmatched in the been at the ones where you get a
(known) history of Feb Club, third- group of people who would never
year Ben Cohen completed three have come across each other anyyears of perfect Feb Club atten- where else,” explained Cohen.
dance Wednesday night. The Stu- “There’s no other situation at the
dio 54 party, which closed out this Law School that would get these
year’s month of drunken debauch- 12 people together, drinking and
ery, was Cohen’s 84th Feb Club talking.”
Though he liked the smaller
party, at which he was awarded a
trophy for being the Feb Club parties best, Cohen did have stories to tell. “I’m tempted to talk
Grand Champion.
Cohen says that he didn’t plan about some of the stuff that happened at the “Anything
to set this record, but rather
for Money” party our first
began going first year and
year,” he said, referring
just never stopped. “I looked
to the annual Feb Club
at it as a little reward for
party in which guests inmyself for getting through
explicably do things only
another day of law school,”
printable in V ANGUARD
said Cohen.
Cohen admits that there
(maybe) just to earn fake
were a few nights this
money to exchange for
The man,
month when he considered the legend:
beer, which they get anystaying home, but perse- Ben Cohen.
way.
vered for the sake of the
Some of Cohen’s most
streak — but that even if he missed memorable Feb Club parties were
one he would have made the rest. the Pajama Party at Pea Ridge
“I’m sure if you asked Cal Ripken, first year, riding on a crane for the
he’d say the same thing — even if Smash-a-Thon second year, and
he had missed a game during his third-year Andrew Dubill’s “20
famous streak he would have Days ‘Til St. Patrick’s Day” party.
played in the rest, because he was “Good Irish whiskey, good Irish
into what he was doing,” said beer, and a house full of friends —
Cohen.
you couldn’t ask for more,” said
Cohen was hard-pressed to Cohen.
name his favorite Feb Club party
For those students who are laof the last three years. While this menting the end of the party month,
reporter was hoping for some good, never fear — the season of Libel
juicy stories (as I’m sure you are Show party debauchery is fast upon
too), Cohen said that some of his us. “I’ve seen crazier stuff within
favorite parties were the smaller the confines of Riley’s World at
ones, where partygoers spent time Libel Show parties than at any Feb
getting to know each other rather Club party,” noted Cohen.
than purely spilling beer on each
What’s Riley’s World? You’ll have
other and shouting in futile at- to participate to find out — what
tempts to be heard.
happens in Riley’s World stays in
“The most interesting things Riley’s World.
○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○
Features
Friday, March 2, 2001
son, Jr. led the Hoos with 18 points,
including three treys.
On Wednesday, the Cavaliers
played Clemson on an emotional
evening during which five Virginia
players said goodbye to their home
court. Minutes before tip-off, the
crowd saluted seniors Stephane
Dondon, Friel, Hand, Greg Lyons
and Josh Hare as each player received a framed jersey from Coach
Gillen. Gillen even altered his
starting lineup to include Friel
and Dondon so that the team’s
three scholarship seniors could
start their final home game.
In the opening minutes, Gillen’s
decision seemed to pay off. Dondon
drained a couple of high-arching
jumpers, and Friel hit a threepointer to give Virginia a 13-6 lead.
All signs pointed to a repeat of the
Carolina game.
As the game progressed though,
it was apparent that the Cavaliers’ normally high-octane offense
was not clicking on all cylinders.
The Cavs’ shots were simply not
dropping as easily as they had
against UNC, and their troubles
were particularly evidenced by
Adam Hall missing a couple of
open slams.
With only a couple of minutes
to go in the first half, Virginia was
up by a mere three points even
though it was clear that the Cavaliers were superior to the Tigers.
The turning point in the half,
and, as it turned out, the game,
came when Hall went up high for
a dunk, but was brutally knocked
to the floor by Clemson forward
Tomas Nagys. The referee called
Nagys for an intentional foul, followed by a technical foul on
Clemson coach Larry Shyatt. Virginia converted on all four free
throws and went to the locker room
with a 42-33 lead.
The shots began to fall much
more easily for Virginia in the
second half, as the Cavs opened by
hitting three straight treys. For
the remainder of the half, Virginia
led by double digits, and finished
the game ahead by a score of 8465, although the game was not out
of reach for the Tigers until late.
Although the three starting seniors played well, the highlight of
the game for the fans was the
insertion of the remaining two seniors with under a minute to go in
the game. When little-used guard
Josh Hare drained a three-pointer
with only seconds left, the U-Hall
crowd went crazy, capping a trying but successful senior night with
an exclamation point.
After the game, Gillen admitted that it was “not our best effort,” and that before that game he
“knew it wouldn’t be pretty” considering the emotion of the night.
For Josh Hare and his supporters
though, the final shot turned out
to be the prettiest of them all.
Note: With the two wins, Virginia ensured themselves the best
home record in the ACC this season, at 14-1. Virginia’s final regular season ACC game is at #16
Maryland on Sat., March 3.
Weekly update on
U.Va. Law student
Tom Ritchie’ s
progress on Fox’s
Temptation Island.
by Jackie
Sadker ’02
Okay, finale time. Time to stop tempting and start acting.
We last left our hero on a dream date with wholesome attorney
Shannon. They hug a lot. They connect. They are the Temptation Island
creators’ dream come true. Now it’s gonna get good. Shannon tells us, “I
said I was going to bed. But I didn’t [yadda yadda] and then we watched
the sun rise.” Pan to the back of their heads watching the sun rise.
Um, huh? Apparently we’ve been catapulted from Temptation Island
to the Smurfs. At least Shannon must confess her indiscretions to
boyfriend Andy. Bring it on. She speaks of her “connection,” where she
“tried things.” What’s this, FoxFamily? I misplaced my secret decoder
ring — what the heck happened?
After all that, the experience just confirmed her
love for her boyfriend, who can most aptly be described
as toolbox. Apparently they got engaged less than 12
hours after her “connection.” Temptation Tom, what
went wrong? Where did we lose you? And by the way,
what the heck happened?
Crossword Solution
6
Columns
Virginia Law Weekly
Hooville: Stardate 2205.07
Last Sunday was the big game
with UNC. Some of you may have
noticed the idiots waiting in tents
outside of U-Hall a week before
the game. Some of you may also
know that I am an idiot. So you’ll
realize there was no way I was
missing out on the opportunity to
sleep on cement for a week. And I
absolutely love SEC basketball.
You couldn’t keep me away.
Chad Romey, a
second-year law
student, is a Law
Weekly columnist.
Sunday, February 18
I’m not really the outdoorsy
type, so I had to go to Wal-Mart to
load up on camping gear. The tent
I got is awesome. I’m pretty sure
it’s top of the line. It’s green. I also
got an inflate-a-chair. Let’s just
say the chair was a lot easier to
assemble than the tent. My plan
was to sleep on the chair, under
the tent. I ended up sleeping on
the tent, under the chair. I probably should’ve just asked one of
the other tent-dudes there to help
me, but I didn’t want them to know
I was incompetent. So I just slept
under my chair in quiet.
Monday, February 19
I missed five classes today, but
don’t worry — I brought my laptop,
so I still got my five hours of
FreeCell in. Of course, my laptop
battery died, so there went the
entertainment I had planned for
the week. Luckily, the guys in the
next tent provided more than
enough amusement.
Apparently, they thought that
they were waiting for a Star Trek
convention. I couldn’t bring myself to tell them the truth. I tried
once, but I think the message was
blurred through all my laughter
and tears. Plus, they wouldn’t have
understood me anyway, because
they were strictly speaking
Klingon.
Tuesday, February 20
I finally got my tent set up,
which was a relief, because those
Trekkies were starting to get on
my nerves. They kept murmuring, “Resistance is futile, human,”
while trying to assimilate me. I
don’t even know what that means,
but it gave me the creeps.
On top of that, they kept calling
me Dr. Beverly Crusher, and they
were trying to use my tent as
Sickbay. Ironically, I could’ve really used the Sickbay after they
beat the crap out of me for confusing Worf with Chewbacca. Overall, I’m sort of glad that they beat
me into a coma, because then I
didn’t have to listen to that annoying “beam me up” sound effect
every time they went into their
tent.
Wednesday, February 21
In an attempt to keep the
Trekkies away, I sprinkled beef
jerky around the outside of my
tent as bogus remnants of my lat-
est phaser kill. I looked at them
straight in the eyes and said, “My
phaser doesn’t even have a stun
setting. Whaddya gonna do about
it? You don’t even know me.” My
chicanery fooled the Trekkies, but
it didn’t have quite the same effect
on a small band of animals that
decided to move into my tent, lured
by the sweet, sweet smell of jerky.
What kind of animals? This is
where it gets bizarre. The squirrel
I understand, but where the heck
did a gorilla come from? I like
animals and all, but I was not
sharing my pillow with a porcupine.
Overall, the animals are quite
enjoyable, but they started playing “Temptation Tent” after watching Temptation Island tonight on
my portable TV. I don’t care how
cute squirrels are. I left. They were
still feeling kind of frisky around
bedtime, so I decided to sleep outside. What could be worse than
that?
Thursday, February 22
I woke up under a foot of snow
today. That was fun.
I should’ve learned last night,
but I let my tent-mates watch TV
again. The squirrel got a funny
idea after watching Survivor II. I
got voted out of the tent. This is my
tent, for heaven’s sake! I’m not
leaving. Or so I thought. The squirrel started foaming at the mouth,
and, no, he wasn’t just faking it
with toothpaste like grandma used
to do at Thanksgiving dinner. It
was the real thing. (But just to fit
in, I started faking it with toothpaste. Until the squirrel bit me.)
So, who am I to argue with a rabid
squirrel? I’m no Jacques Cousteau.
I left, once again.
Friday, February 23
The Trekkies finally figured out
that I don’t own an actual phaser,
so they came back. In an effort to
mend our differences, they gave
me a new nickname. Apparently I
was promoted, because they then
called me Captain Kirk. I really
should’ve seen this one coming,
but they nicknamed the gorilla
Spock and made me fight him to
the death. I can’t fight Spock! He’s
my best friend!
Saturday, February 24
Saturday morning: TV batteries dead = no Saturday morning
cartoons. I don’t even want to talk
about it.
Sunday, February 25:Game day
Finally, all the waiting I’d been
doing was about to pay off. Game
day, game day, game day! I packed
up my tent, put my blue and orange body paint on, exchanged
numbers with the squirrel, and
started talking smack about the
Tar Heels. That’s when everyone
really started to make fun of me.
“You idiot, this really is a Star
Trek convention. We just didn’t
have the heart to tell you.” You’re
telling me this isn’t U-Hall? “You’re
in Richmond, Beverly.” That’s it.
Where did I put that phaser? It’s
go time.
Friday, March 2, 2001
Toxic Temptation:
The F**k Girl says, “Pierce This”
Every month we get together like
this;
Jean Marie
Hackett, a firstyear law student, is
a Law Weekly
columnist.
I give you eyes,
You can’t resist.
I’m the toxic bachelorette you
crave.
I’m your Temptation Island.
I’m your genie in a bottle, except I’m the one who’s got to
rub you the right way.
But after, you’ll turn
the page, to something
more predictable like Vanguard gossip, perhaps a
movie review...
I belong on top; but tomorrow I’ll be flat on my back at the
bottom of a trash can, my face
pressed against the full page ad
that’s facing me, unable to breathe.
Though sometimes, I get lucky.
I get recycled.
Frankly, I’m beginning to feel a
bit used.
I don’t know why I write it.
When I get that feeling, I need...
I want you to ensconce yourself
in the spaces between my words, to
rest your head on my letters, to pull
syllables over you like covers, for
you to crawl in, breathe only the air
I’m letting out as the words tumble
into you, and fall asleep inside me
forever.
Then again, maybe I don’t.
You throw me away because I
want you to.
There’s a lot of
air I’m holding in.
Surprise! I’m a
jeanie still in my
bottle.
And autobiography isn’t usually
true — this is a poem, not a documentary...
I want you to watch me sink my
teeth into my heart till it turns blue
and know that you will never be
clean until you can possess me.
Not.
I’m just bluffing — I’ll come up
for air; and you can take a shower.
I want you to wake up, and leave
me, my head, to throw off the syllables, take your head off the letters, pick yourself up from the space
inside me you’ve claimed.
Y’all want to know who, what I’m
writing about;
I was talking about you.
All about you.
Or him. Could’ve been him. Who
can be sure?
Maybe it was about me; or didn’t
you notice the Ego had landed?
Sure, I talk a good game. Evidently, my words seduce you.
Oops! I did it again...what is it
that I do?
I am that innocent.
And this is getting a little too
serious for me.
I may not sit on the bench, but
you can be sure I’ll play rough
enough to get thrown out of the
game.
I act like I want to say something
serious, but really,
I enjoy being a cheap thrill.
Let’s face it: I’m good at it.
You know me only as I filter
through paper; but I want you to
know me in the flesh: cause I’m not
angry; I’m not crazy; I’m not even a
sex fiend. I’m not an addict,
baby — well, only for crunchy
peanut butter. I like playing with double
entendres — but that
doesn’t define me, it
merely defines me as a
writer. I’m a person; she’s a
voice. Lately I feel like my life is a
never-ending conversation with my
parents where everything I do is
wrong; the few things I do right are,
well, few. Nobody understands my
country grammar. Sometimes I hate
that people call me the “f**k girl”—
Why does everyone here have a
label? Does anybody really know
how many licks it takes to get to
the center of anybody else’s
Cadbury cream egg...U.Va. Law
is like one big boy band: There’s
the shy one, the funny one, the
reassuring older brother
type...Lou Perlman doesn’t work
here, does he? I’m shackled by
my space in the Law Weekly, but
y’all know how I feel because you’ve
got labels of your own. Why the f**k
did I give myself one? That’s right:
I do care what people think. She
wouldn’t care, but I do. Surprise!
I have feelings, too.
I spent most of my life being
my-little-pretty-princess-perfectbunhead-ballerina-girl who didn’t
eat much and got straight As and
tried to please everybody. Excuse
me for wanting to give that act a
rest and piss some people off for a
while.
I was tired.
But the new act’s tiring too.
I’d rather play softball and drink
beer.
So this isn’t working for
me.
It’s too expensive
to be your cheap
thrill.
It’s lonely on the
island of misfit toys,
Lonely here on Temptation
Island — Tom’s gone, ya know?
Want to trade my shares? Sorry,
this is a private corporation; I own
100% of my stock, I got limited liability so I know you want to share
in my identity, but this is copyrighted material — if you want to
download these files, you’ll have to
pay for it, so pierce this corporate
veil.
I let you feast on a carefully selected buffet of moments in my life,
but when you’re done I feel empty,
and get stuck with the dishes.
Still, I’m the one who invited you
over.
I asked for it.
I don’t want to ask anymore.
My love don’t cost a thing, but
the way I’ve presented the question, who can afford even a short
answer?
We’re using each other; but I’m
the one putting out.
You had an impression of me
first; I never get to make a first
impression. Ultimately, you always
think you know more than I do
about me, how I feel, what I want,
who I’m talking about. You think so
because I wanted you to. Nice move,
f**k girl.
You have only an impression of
her.
The problem is, she’s not me.
Who is she? Who am I?
We know who I am, don’t we?
I’m a writer; but the writer’s not
me.
Yes, I’m talking to you. You know
who you are, don’t you?
She’s the one you want, not me.
I’m tired of competing with her.
Don’t force me to
be just a page you
read, to fit in 1000
words.
There’s more to my
enterprise than bylaws.
I am more than words.
More than her impression.
So I’m breaking up with you.
And her — ’cause really, I’m the
one forcing my hand, not you.
I’m dissolving this partnership.
I don’t want to be on paper, I
don’t want to seal that deal.
Many times I regret having ever
published anything here.
Because I’m a person, not a piece
of paper.
I never really wrote for you; you
never really read me.
Let’s end this before someone
gets hurt —
Business has gone sour, and
You’ve yet to pour some sugar on
me.
The truth is, I prefer my remote control.
And my ass(ets) hidden.
What’s that you say, I
know, yes — it was just
getting good, for you that is.
It wasn’t as good for me —
what happened to your fiduciary
duty?
I’m making the call: It’s over.
I’m packing my bikini and heading for Springer Break.
Dammit! We deserve to be sugared sweet...
Let’s jettison the toxic labels
’cause us goonies are good enough.
Over for who? Why you and me of
course!
And we know who we are,
don’t we?
Food, Schmood: A W ine Shop Review
“Wine is for wimps.” – 2L S.M.
“Vino es bueno.” – Zanatonian,
70 A.D.
Some think that wine is wimpy.
Wine is for chicks. Personally, I
think the stuff rules. I think that a
good wine that curls its way through
your muscles and hits you in your
toes is where it’s at.
C’ville Dining
in a Nutshell
by Amanda Galton
If you persist in thinking that
only ritzy ditzy chicks drink wine,
just remember that 1) the Godfather drinks wine and you’re on your
own if you want to call him a ritzy
ditzy chick, and 2) as Tom Hanks
said in You’ve Got Mail, the Godfa-
ther is the source of all wisdom.
In Charlottesville, you have several great places to buy wine (not
including all the wineries within a
20-mile radius). Here’s my short
list: Market Street, Harris Teeter,
Wine Warehouse, Emmet Street
and Tastings.
My personal favorite is the Market Street Wine Shop. If you’re at
Rapture on the Downtown Mall,
walk one block to Market Street
and you’re there. This downtown
store definitely has a cool stone
clamminess that turns “a place to
buy wine” into “a wine shop.”
If you know about wine, you’ll
love it because you can talk up the
vintages and robustness of wine
with the store employees. If you’re
like me and don’t know anything
about wines, they’ll help you find a
fantastic bottle of wine in your price
range. You could go in and say, “I’m
having people over and serving
chicken, salad, and chocolate cake,”
and they’ll recommend a bottle. They
even provide free tasters of the
“wines of the month.”
But not only does Market Street
Wine Shop excel in its wines — they
have amazing salami. Even my
veggie roommate likes Market
Street salami.
It’s the kind of salami that has
the rind you have to peel off and a
light dusting of white powder. Market Street also sells fantastic crusty
bread, cheese, mustard and chocolate. And, for my tough guy neighbor who thinks that “wine is for
wimps,” Market Street also has beer.
Excellent beer. Quirky beer. Beer
you thought existed only in Israel,
Oregon and Turkmenistan.
Harris Teeter has a warm place
in my heart. Good place to buy wines.
Good selection. Good prices. Beware
of the “specials,” though. Sometimes,
they’ll sell you a bottle that is really
cheap, but the cork will be so bloody
dry that that it falls apart on you.
And be forewarned, Cinderella —
the Teeter stops selling alcohol at
midnight. Even worse than having
your chariot turn into a pumpkin is
being denied at checkout.
Wine Warehouse (29N/Hydraulic/K-Mart) is relatively cheap.
It has parking. It has wine. But I
feel like I’m buying a tire when I go
in. There is so much selection, so
many wines, that I end up getting
intimidated and walking out with
nothing. I guess if you’re just going
for a bottle of red or a bottle of white
or you know exactly what you want,
then this is your place. Head up
29N, take a right on Hydraulic, go
to K-Mart, get your muffler fixed,
and go stop in at the Wine Warehouse.
Emmet Street Wine & Grocery (29N/Bodo’s) didn’t buy a Libel Show ad last year, so I’m bitter.
I guess they’re helpful when you’re
buying wine. They’ve got a nice layout. They, too, give tastes of wine.
But no ad = no favors.
Tastings (Market Street/bottom
of Market Street parking garage) —
honestly, I don’t know much about
it. I know that it is both a wine store
and a full-service, semi-expensive
restaurant. You pick out a bottle of
wine and then have a nice dinner
with the wine you picked out. Here’s
another idea: work downtown?
Parked in the lot? Spent a long
night at the police station? Tastings
is the place for you!
Cheers.
Virginia Law Weekly
Blue Moon Diner:
Unique, Cheap, Good
The Blue Moon Diner, located
at 512 Main Street in
Charlottesville, is not a place to
bring a large group (i.e. six or
more people). It is not a place to
bring anyone accustomed to eating in fancy establishments that
have waiters with name tags and
striped shirts. It is a place to go to
for inexpensive, good food and a
relatively cramped, charged atmosphere.
C’ville Dining
in a Nutshell
by Seth Wood
Thinking that 10:30 a.m. on
Sunday morning would be a relatively relaxed time to eat somewhere (needing the opportunity to
read some Property), I sauntered
into Blue Moon.
My first impression of the front
area of the diner concerned its
crampedness. (I later learned of a
back eating area,
but a party of six
waited at least 20
minutes for seating
while I was eating.)
Three booths or
tables allow for
seating of four
people. One table
allows two people to
sit. One half-booth
requires two people
on one side of the
table to face a wall.
The main area of
the diner is a traditional ten-stool bar.
After unwittingly
sitting in a reserved
two-person table, I moved to the
bar.
The entire front area may best
be described as chaotic. A chef
cooks all fried items on a large flat
grill. At least three servers
scramble in the two-foot space between the bar and the grill. On one
wall, a print of the classic Boulevard of Broken Dreams hangs next
Reviews
Friday, March 2, 2001
bacon, sausage, and other cholesterol-laden dishes.
Regular lunch items include
grilled cheese sandwiches ($1.75),
hamburgers ($2.75), bacon cheeseburgers ($3.75), and open faced
turkey sandwiches with mashed
potatoes ($4.75).
Aside from the traditional fare,
numerous specials are listed on a
blackboard. They include five omelet specials — involving all kinds
of combinations of spinach, tomatoes, feta cheese, red onions, bacon, et cetera — and four nonbreakfast entrees, like a catfish po
boy sandwich ($6.50) and a chicken
burrito ($5.95).
In evaluating the food’s quality, the coffee should be first mentioned. It is strong. It is good. It is
capable of waking most law students from any studying stupor.
The French toast, presented
with seemingly freshly-sliced
strawberries on top of it, tasted
quite good. Omelet special #5, consisting of artichokes, red onions,
spinach, feta cheese
and tomatoes, had a
great deal of flavor.
Perhaps the besttasting item at the
Blue Moon is the
home-made, handsliced hash browns.
Interspersed with
peppers and onions,
these fried potatoes
can easily be eaten
as a meal.
In short, if you
likes a lively, somewhat close atmosphere, the Blue
Moon is perfect. If
photo by Brian Gist
not, one might want
be struck by the cheapness of the to try eating there at least once to
food offered. No regular, daily get a flavor for a good, reasonablyentrée exceeds $5. Breakfast is priced meal.
served at all times, with other
The Blue Moon Diner is open
lunch-like items being served affrom 11:30 a.m. to 3 p.m. every day
ter 11 a.m.
Regular breakfast items include for lunch, and from 5 p.m. to 9:30
Huevos Bluemoonos (two eggs over p.m. for dinner Sunday through
hash browns, topped with cheese, Thursday; 5 p.m. to 10:30 p.m.
for $4.25) , pancakes, French toast, Friday and Saturday.
to a gyrating Elvis clock. In the
near left corner of the room, one
person takes money using an antiquated, non-electronic cash register.
Coffee is served in whatever
mug happens to be sitting on the
back shelf. The mugs appear to
come from a collection of estate
sales. My mug, plastered with a
content mallard, said, “Dad, You’re
Special.” The person eating next
to me received the one with the
name “Betty” emblazoned on it.
This brief description is an attempt at painting the energetic,
possibly intimate atmosphere of
the diner. Some folks like that
closeness, while others could do
without it. As a general rule, if the
White Spot makes you feel
cramped, the Blue Moon might be
a bit too limited for comfortable
eating.
Regardless of the feel of the
place, the food and prices are both
very reasonable.
Looking over the menu, one will
7
Grisham Brings A Painted
House to Life
In his latest novel, A Painted
House, Grisham trades in his usual
stock of lawyers, judges, trials and
conspiracies for a captivating tale
some might even call, well, at least
comparatively speaking, literary.
“This is not a legal thriller,”
Book Review
by Courtenay
Seabring
Grisham warns his loyal fans in
the introduction. “In fact, there is
not a single lawyer, dead or alive,
in this story.” After overcoming an
initial twinge of betrayal, I, for
one, found the change refreshing.
A Painted House is a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age
story, leisurely told from the
perspective of seven-year-old
Luke Chandler.
Set in 1955 in Black Oak,
Arkansas, A Painted House
is appropriately dedicated
to Grisham’s parents,
whose childhood stories
provide most of the material for the book. The
title, in fact, comes from
Grisham’s mother, who,
like the narrator’s mother, grew
up in a painted house — a status
symbol in rural Arkansas.
A Painted House tells the story
of one family’s daily efforts to leave
the unpainted farmhouse and unvarnished farm life behind. Without sinking into the realm of the
overly maudlin, Grisham is able
to spin a tale of the family’s
struggles in hiring two families of
workers and picking the summer’s
cotton as the episodic season unfolds.
By Grisham standards, his new
novel is no page-turner. There are
two murders, both witnessed by
the young narrator, but the pace is
notably slower, the plot looser.
With the luxury of an unhurried
tempo, Grisham is able to try his
hand at a little character development and a detailed evocation of
time and place (he can’t stop talking about the weather!).
Often criticized for his clunky
prose, Grisham proves himself in
this book, creating remarkably
sparkling poetic sentences using
the strikingly simple and sparse
language of his youthful narrator.
It is certainly not Faulkner —
and to Grisham’s credit, he never
purports it to be anything more
than “enjoyable reading” — but
some have likened its sentimental
and satisfying timbre to The Cider
House Rules or The Adventures of
Tom Sawyer. I think it settles comfortably somewhere on the spectrum between To Kill a Mockingbird and A Time to Kill.
Grisham successfully supplants
his standard grown-up naïfs in
three-piece suits with a green,
southern-farm-boy archetype whose story
tends to linger longer
in the mind’s chamber
than the cheap legal
thrill of yesteryear. (For
those of you who still lament the loss of lawyers,
Grisham promises this to
be but a brief departure
from his satisfaction-guaranteed suspense stories;
he’ll be churning out another
one for you next February).
Grisham and family moved to
Charlottesville six years ago after
their Oxford, Mississippi home
became a tourist attraction. A
Painted House arrived in stores
on February 6, and Grisham presided over a book-signing at New
Dominion Bookshop on the Downtown Mall.
New Dominion is one of only
five bookstores Grisham visits on
his annual “loyalty tour” of the
independent bookstores that
helped give him his start.
With a first print run of 2.8
million copies, there should be no
problem getting your hands on a
copy, and I urge you to do so. Let
go of the law for a few hours and
read the latest from our star local
author.
Academy A wards Preview: Must Gladiator Win?
The Oscars. Hollywood has selected from its own a number of
films to honor on March 25. But
what’s going to win? Where should
you put your money? For that
inside information you turn to
experts!
However, since none are available, we’ll give it our best shot.
The envelopes, please!
Movie Review
by David Stuckey
and Anthony
Stenger
Best Picture
D: You’ve got to be kidding me
with Gladiator. I didn’t even like
that movie! Sigh. I guess there’s
one bone thrown to the undiscriminating audience every year.
My choice is Crouching Tiger,
Hidden Dragon, which served up
everything I go to movies for: romance, adventure, action and gender-equity. Plus, isn’t it about time
we gave a Best Picture Oscar to a
foreign film?
A: I second your thoughts on
Gladiator, though as a proud
member of the undiscriminating
audience, I’m a bit bothered by
your insinuations.
I also would pick Crouching
Tiger, Hidden Dragon to win best
picture. The film provided all the
necessary ingredients for a fun
night at the movies — incredible
action and effects, romantic tensions, and beautiful cinematography. More importantly, it man-
aged to do so without constantly
telling you what you were supposed to think about the plot, the
characters, and morality in general.
D: By the way, I wouldn’t mind
replacing Gladiator with You Can
Count On Me, which I thought, in
this slam-bam day and age we live
in, was a welcome taste of calm
and intelligence.
Best Actress
A: Well, this is an easy category
for me as Erin Brockovich is the
only one of the Oscar-nominated
performances I’ve seen. However,
I refuse to give my support to Julia
Roberts, so I’ll be abstaining from
further comment.
D: I’ve seen all of them except
E.B. for the same reason, and although everyone’s saying the
former Mrs. Lovett is a lock, my
choice would be Laura Linney for
You Can Count on Me. She’s awesome.
Best Actor
D: Um, this year, who cares?
My choice, had the Academy asked
me, would be Mark Ruffalo for
You Can Count on Me or Clive
Owen for Croupier, but out of the
candidates that were nominated...
geez, I don’t know.
People say Ed Harris was great
in Pollack. That’s good enough for
me, and I don’t want Gladiator to
win jack.
A: The favorite this year, or any
year for that matter, is Tom Hanks.
Unfortunately for Mr. Hanks, I
think he’s about to face a bigger
backlash than anyone since the
Bee Gees.
I’m going to throw out the rest
of the nominees and vote for George
Clooney’s performance in Oh
Brother, Where Art Thou? I know
he may not be considered the
Brando of his generation, but he
fit the role perfectly and delivered
his lines in a fluid, effortless manner that set the pace and
mood for most of the
movie. That, in my mind,
is the true measure of a
great performance.
D: Yeah, I — like Hollywood — can’t figure
out how to honor Oh
Brother, but wish a way
had been found. That’s a
good choice.
Best Supporting
Actress
the most intriguing category of
the year. They were all good, and
I think you could make a strong
case
for
any
of
them.
Even...sigh...Joaquin Phoenix for
Gladiator. Still, I thought Willem
Dafoe in Shadow of the Vampire
was fantastic. Beyond words. I’d
love to see him rewarded.
A: Joaquin Phoenix did perform
well in his role as the evil Emperor
Wars to the big screen. The action
scenes alone make him deserving.
A: I really don’t know how to
gauge the impact of a director on a
film. Some directors, such as Kevin
Smith or Woody Allen, clearly have
a substantial impact on their films.
Most directors, especially those
that don’t write their own screenplays, have an unclear impact at
best.
What would happen
to Traffic if it were directed
by
James
Cameron? Surely it
would be a different film,
but do we really know
the
extent
of
Soderburgh’s influence?
As a result, I’m uncomfortable with the very
idea of choosing a best
director and refuse as a
matter of deeply-held
principle.
A: I loved Kate Hudson
in Almost Famous. She,
Final Thoughts
photo courtesy of Dreamworks Studios
along with some well-exD: I’d love to see Dafoe
“How many net-and-trident-wielding men
ecuted lighting effects,
win it for his vampire.
must I slay to get an Oscar?”
perfectly conveyed the
Other than that, my exrole of the dreamlike object of in Gladiator, but I found much of perience with the Oscars suggests
Cameron Crowe’s affection. Her his dialogue forced and over-the- that (shudder) Gladiator and Erin
performance reminded me of the top. I kept waiting for a “be gone, Brockovich are likely to dominate.
warm, tingly feelings I had back insolent peasant” to escape his lips. Pablum will out, I guess.
as a teenager when I saw the pretA: Of the movies I’ve seen this
tiest senior in school.
year, Crouching Tiger was the only
Directing
D: Sap. Still, this category fills
D: Finally, the weirdest of the film to show me things I haven’t
me with ennui, so I’ll just support categories. How can someone win really seen before, at least at such
your good, if embarrassingly- Best Director for a movie that a high level of quality. Oh Brother,
worded choice, and we’ll move on. wasn’t even nominated for Best Almost Famous, and State and
Picture, and vice-versa? I’ll stick Main were also worthy films.
D: It’s just too bad Dude, Where’s
Best Supporting Actor with Ang Lee for bringing the most
D: Actually, I think this may be entertaining fairy tale since Star My Car wasn’t nominated!
8
Law School Life
Virginia Law Weekly
VANGUARD
Friday, March 2, 2001
So Much Material, So Little Space
OF DEMOCRACY
L. “I can do anything a boy can
The Survivor Party: Fearful
that no one would attend their Feb do, and better” H. crushed S.T. in
Club party, 3Ls B.L. and R.H. first the beer-chugging contest and won
tossed around the option of just the TV. 3L P.S., who got screwed
giving everyone who came $5, but out of the finals, commented that
decided to raffle off a TV. Attend- even she would have had a better
ees put their names in a bowl and chance at beating L.H. in the fiperiodically throughout the night, nals. L.H.’s thoughts on winning
the hosts picked names out, elimi- the TV: “Unlike most of the equipnating them from the raffle. This ment I’ve seen in the Law School,
proved to be a clever tactic as it it is huge and it works!!!!”
The Dan-Off: The longforced party-goers to stay much
longer than they wanted to find awaited Dan-Off, between 2Ls
D.N., D.S., D.G., D.B., and emceed
out if they won the TV.
While 2L B.S. threatened to do by 3L D.R., lived up to its very low
the final drawing at 6 a.m., he expectations. The competition degave in at 2 a.m. and selected two teriorated quickly after the halffinalists, 3Ls L.H. and S.T., to frozen pie-eating contest, plummeting down to the unthinkable
take part in a chugging contest.
Note: 3Ls L.K. and P.S. are con- low of shaved heads and dreadful
ducting an ongoing investigation love songs.
As for the shaved heads: It was
as to how L.H. and S.T. were selected, given that they had both started by D.S. saying to D.G. durbeen eliminated hours earlier — ing beer pong, “If you sink this, I’ll
shave my head.” Of course, D.G.
Feb Club sanctions possible.
sank it…it couldn’t be more predictable if we made it up…which
of course, VG would never do. D.S.,
in a moment of brilliance (albeit
brief), took advantage of the other
Dans’ altered critical decisionmaking skills and coaxed them all
into shaving their heads, too…or,
almost all of them.…D.N. looked
around with the fear of God in his
eyes as his bangs began to droop,
thinking, “How the $#*% did I get
myself into this?” His fears were
only exacerbated by his girlfriend’s
staring daggers at him as talk of
shaving heads escalated.
When the first set of clippers
didn’t work, D.N. (and his girlfriend) thought he was home free,
gelled bangs and all. But lo, nothing can stop three inebriated guys
from making a terrible, semi-permanent decision. 2L M.C., proximately causing the three Dans to
shave their heads, actually went
out and bought a new set of clippers. Just as the clippers neared
D.N.’s head, his girlfriend whisked
down and swooped him out of there
before the clipping began. Emcee
D.R. was excused from the head
shaving because any man who had
a perm in eighth grade could not
possibly be expected to play funny
hair games.
For the “talent” (and we use
that term very loosely) part of the
competition, D.N. sang Poison’s
“Every Rose Has Its Thorn.” The
entire crowd sang along to the
chorus. It was heartwarming.
Unfortunately, however, the love
in the air was trampled by a few
hostile members of D.G.’s large
cheering section, 2Ls M.T. and B.
“Tricky Dick” S. (not to be confused with 2L B.S., a co-host of the
party). D.G. ultimately proved to
be the victor, but now that he’s the
defending champ, he might make
PHOTO GALLERY
photo by Sarah Shalf
photo by Sarah Shalf
photo by Brian Gist
Happiness is...Hooville in the snow...
...Spies in the sun...
...and Dillard discussions.
the executive decision to ban 2L
M.T. and 2L B.S., perhaps two of
the most annoying individuals at
the party, from ever attending
another Dan-Off. Hey guys, it’s
supposed to be a party.
While D.G. was crowned King Dan,
in this competition, everybody
wins. In fact, 2L C.V. kissed the
three shaved Dans at the end of
the night. Way to go, guys!!!!!
Anything for a Dollar: The
Georgetown Road guys’ Anything
for a Dollar party was so amusing,
it reminded us all how little we
have grown up since college. 2L
E.M. and 3L L.K. adhered to the
ancient tenet that whipped cream
and chocolate sauce make everything more fun. The highlight of
the night, or lowlight, as it were,
might have been when 3L H.B.
and 2L R.G. danced topless in the
kitchen to Britney’s “Oops, I Did it
Again.” Perhaps the party should
have been called, I’ll pay anything
to make you stop!!! 2L S.B. commented that he would never be
able to eat in his kitchen again.
At the end of the night, 2L A.G.
and 3L M.H. won for having the
most money. Rumor has it, however, that even after the 3L J.S.
kissing incident, M.H. had to steal
money to win.
King of Feb Club Update: 3L
J.S. is currently the Feb Club King
front runner, just ahead of defending champion 3L B.C. While
B.C. is known for his consistency,
J.S. has received high marks from
the official Feb Club judges for his
elaborate costumes. Tune in next
week for the finals.
VANGUARD OF DEMOCRACY is an
independent column of the
North Grounds Softball League
and does not necessarily represent the views of the editors of
the Virginia Law Weekly.
Top Ten Pay-Per-View Events
THE Weekly Crossword
by Jon Woodruff ’03
Edited by Wayne Robert Williams
10. Learning the Art of the Hand-Necktie with Bobby Knight and
CASUAL STATE COMBOS
Latrell Sprewell
By Alan P. Olschwang, Huntington Beach, California
ACROSS
119
1
Writer Harte
5
De Brunhoff’s elephant
10 Stand-in
15 Middle East sultanate 124
125
19 Kilauea flow
20 Pope’s fanon
126
21 Singing syllables
127
22 Hindu scripture
23 Close to closed
128
24 Undue speed
129
25 Broadcaster
26 Small whirlpool
27 Three B state nicknames 130
131
31 Piece of paper
32 Monarch’s loyal subject
132
33 Promenade
34 Ankle bones
133
37 Peculiar
134
39 Shoots 18
42 Neighbor of Miss.
45 Ancient Greek colony 135
48 Opinion piece
52 Three G state
1
nicknames
57 Extinct flightless bird
2
58 Prevented
59 Private arrangement
3
60 Moody and Wood
62 Innovative
4
63 Capital of Morocco
5
64 Wallach or Whitney
66 Window element
68 Hardened
6
70 Hang in loose folds
71 One N state nickname 7
74 Southern town in ’60s 8
headlines
9
78 Sea eagle
10
80 Soft or hard ending
11
81 Singer Sumac
12
82 With full force
13
83 Panama preposition
14
86 Rational
15
88 PC operator
16
90 Packing down tightly
17
92 Fuel cartel’s letters
94 Two P state nicknames 18
28
97 Detachable
29
99 Sergeant fish
30
100 Fa follower
35
101 January in Juarez
36
102 Down in the dumps
38
105 Late-night bite
40
108 Toady
41
112 Supply with new
42
equipment
43
115 Battery terminal
Three S
state
nicknames
Region
Chicago
hub
Ghostly
Kinship
group
Tip off
Finch or
Falk
Upright
Griffey
and Kesey
Capone’s
nemesis
Impudent
View
again
Editorial
instruction
DOWN
Spills the
beans
Hindu
prince
Get
around
Objective
Danish
nuclear
44
physicist
46
United __ Emirates
Route from home to first 47
49
Mongolian mountain
50
range
51
Star of “Superman”
53
Eyed a while
54
Chi-town paper
55
British peers
56
Native Alaskan
61
Challenger
65
Boss of bosses
67
Taxicab’s emblem
Annexes
69
Those opposed
72
Letter following zeta
73
Psyche division
75
Kind of dancer
76
Irritate
Really soaked
77
Winter quarters
79
Lose luster
83
Snail’s pace
84
Henry __ Wallace
85
Burton of “Roots”
solution on p. 5
9.
Duke Students Without Daddy’s Credit Card
8.
Anything with Cindy Margolis
7.
Christina Aguilera Meets a Plate of Food
6.
U.Va. Law I: The Search for a Usable Stapler Continues
5.
N*Sync, Ricky Martin and a Live Hand Grenade
4.
Guns ’N Roses 2001: Where’s Izzy Stradlin?
3.
Dean Scott vs. Section A (2003)
2.
U.Va. Law II: I’m Gonna F****n’ Kill Whoever’s Printing a 100Page Law Review Article in the Computer Lab
1.
Guess the Size of Robert Downey, Jr.’s Liver
Submit your top ten list to Jackie Sadker, Features Editor, in SL
279 or via email at Va-Law-Weekly@virginia.edu. Please have entries in by 5 p.m. on Tuesday for the following publication.
One-celled organism: var. 87
89
Gandhi of India
91
Live on
93
Libyan currency
95
Simpson trial judge
96
Hamilton bills
98
Potential raisin
103
Playful mammals
104
Most impulsive
106
Woe is me!
107
Bun seed
James Russell or Amy 109
“Lie Down in Darkness” 110
111
author
113
Provoke
114
Loyal
116
Fixed portion
117
Hideaways
118
Co-star of “Rebel
119
Without a Cause”
120
Theatrical backer
California wine county 121
122
Strike an attitude
Candid
123
Spurners
Apprehend
UFO crew
“Diana” singer
Companies of travelers
Torme or Gibson
Attitudes
Lariat
Cantankerous
Itsy-bitsy
Oriole Ripken
Raps
Plummets
Tessie or Milo
Fall guys
Liberator
Val d’__, France
Hooter’s youngster
Diplomat Silas
Dadaist Max
Cut, as logs
“Dies __”
Mineral deposits
Pleasant city in
France?
Outdoor gala