PARENT TO PARENT - Amazon Web Services
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PARENT TO PARENT - Amazon Web Services
PARENT TO PARENT Spring 2011: Child Care NannyShare Chicago .....PAGE 6 Work-Life Balance Through Cultural Exchange .....PAGE 8 Guidelines for Fighting in Front of the Kids .....PAGE 12 Helping you achieve financial security no matter where you’re starting from Your COUNTRY Financial representative can help you balance your need to protect what you have with your desire to build for the future. Call today to schedule a free Insurance and Financial Review. 1701 W. Belmont Ave. Chicago, IL 60657 773-248-1741 2303 N. Bosworth Ave. Chicago, IL 60614 773-472-1820 4700 N. Western Ave. Suite B Chicago, IL 60625 773-728-2957 3703 N. Harlem Chicago, IL 60634 773-427-2851 4708 N. Milwaukee Ave. Chicago, IL 60630 773-427-4364 55 W. Monroe Suite 3150 Chicago, IL 60603 312-345-1816 Victoria Nygren Agency Manager 0111-519HO 2 • Parent to Parent, Spring 2011 OUR MISSION Connecting a diverse community of families with the resources they need to navigate parenting in the city. INSIDE THIS ISSUE Features News & Information NannyShare Chicago............................. 6 NPN Volunteers......................................5 Just for Dads..........................................7 NPN Neighborhood Picks.................... 23 Achieving Work-Life Balance Through Cultural Exchange................... 8 Upcoming Events................Back Cover The Nanny: Your Secret Weapon for Getting Organized........................... 9 Babysitting Co-op: More Than “Free” Babysitting................................ 11 Guidelines for Fighting in Front of the Kids..................................12 Introducing the Joys of Sports and Fitness................................14 Go Green Baby Style............................ 15 PARENT TO PARENT Jill Chukerman, Managing Editor newsletter@npnparents.org Peggy Fink, Designer nldesign@npnparents.org Firebelly Design, Creative Direction firebellydesign.com Ellie Ander, Marketing & Advertising ellie@npnparents.org Sarah Cobb, Executive Director sarah@npnparents.org BJ Slusarczyk, Administration bj@npnparents.org Parent to Parent contains articles and information contributed by parents for parents. For information about advertising and editorial submissions, Caring About Reading..........................16 Top Chef Parent...................................18 Are You a Diaper-BagToting Foodie?.....................................21 Letter from the Executive Director Happy spring NPN! The first glimmers of warm afternoons and adventures outside are just around the corner. We are thrilled to have our new website in place to help you connect with other Chicago families, learn from great experts and find new ways to navigate parenting in the city. This issue’s theme is child care, a topic near and dear to every parent I meet. Finding great, affordable and trustworthy child care that fits your family can be a challenge. Each child has specific needs, and all parents come to the table with individual expectations, idiosyncrasies and secret fantasies of finding Mary Poppins or that special caregiver who will be with their family for a decade. Wading through the different options like nannies, nanny shares, au pairs, day care centers, in-home day cares, full day preschools, part-time help, babysitters, co-ops, etc.—and determining the pros and cons of each—takes effort and patience. Whether you use the NPN Discussion Forum, an agency or recommendations from friends, start by determining your requirements, budget and must-haves. Next, gather a reliable list of candidates and start interviewing. Spend some time considering a list of questions to ask prospects. My favorite question: “Tell me a cute or funny story from your prior work experience caring for children.” Understanding how she will connect with my child is always important to me. visit npnparents.org. We look forward Be patient and don’t give up—there are wonderful candidates out there. NPN’s resources are here to help you find your way through the search. Be sure to tell us what you learn along the way! to hearing from you! Sarah Cobb npnparents.org • 3 Pediatric Dentistry Robert Govoni, DDS Orthodontics Specialized dental and orthodontic care for the entire family Brigette Ligas, DMD, MS General & Cosmetic Dentistry Monika Govoni, DDS Tips for Your Child’s Diet & Dental Health: • Brush effectively twice a day, including once before bedtime. • Floss your child’s teeth once a day. • Limit the number of snack times; choose healthy nutritious snacks. • Limit juice to 1 6oz. serving per day with a meal. • Do not put your young child to bed with a bottle or sippy cup of milk, formula, or juice. 773.281.9800 • 2007 W. Belmont Ave. 1E www.brushinonbelmont.com Priority Admission deAdline for fAll enrollment is mAy 1 Open House: March 17 & March 29, April 12 & 28 5:30 – 6:30 p.m. smart love Preschool offers: • Half-day preschool for 3, 4, & 5 year-olds • Toddler Explorations (parents with their tots ages 12–36 months) • Mom and Baby Classes (under 12 months) • Smart Love Philosophy and Curriculum • A beautiful mansion setting in Chicago’s historic North Side Buena Park neighborhood • Large outdoor space, including play area and children’s garden 7 7 3 . 6 6 5 . 8 0 5 2 • a d m i s s i o n s @ s m a r t l ove p r e s ch o o l . o r g w w w. s m a r t l ove p r e s ch o o l . o r g 4 • Parent to Parent, Spring 2011 NPN THANKS OUR VOLUNTEERS Clubs NPN Board of Directors Andersonville-Edgewater.....................................................Robin Brannigan/Rosemary Wolfe Lakeview................................................................................. Christine Jordan/Meg Standing Lincoln Park................................................................................. Ann Hickey/Shannon Blaha Lincoln Square-North Center............................................................................. Traci Hinshaw Near West-South Side............................................. Lisa Kulisek/Gina Joslin/ Francine Verlotta Old Town-Gold Coast..................................................................................... Shannon Colteu Portage Park................................................................................Cyrus Clausen/Lisa Falconer Rogers Park............................................................................... Beth Burkhart/Geoff Burkhart West Town.................................................................................. Amy Johnson/Kelly Cantwell Adoption..........................................................................................Tammy Miller/Julie Rakay Asian............................................................................................... .Jennifer Uson/Ying Zhan Attorney Moms............................................................................Jean Choi/Elizabeth O’Brien Dads..................................................................................... Michael Schaefer/Ian Smithdahl Developmental Differences................................................... Ellen Sternweiler/Kandalyn Hahn Moms’ Night Out.............................................................................................. Allison Andre Moms Over 35..................................................................................Gina Ferraro/Marie Lona Multiples.............................................................................. Eileen Richards/Cari Matykiewicz Not So New Parents................................................................................... Bernadette Pawlik Same Sex Parents............................................................... Janice McGeehan/Monique Urban Single Parents...................................................................................................Angela Kezon Working Mom................................................................Marietta Coles/Rebekah Kohmescher Board President......................................................... Lee Haas Treasurer...................................................... Susan Pyne-Torres Secretary....................................................Ann Marie Hankins Board Members................................................... Kelley Ahuja Sarah Davis Elisa Kronish Drake Alex Guzman Daniel Murphy Victoria Nygren Lynne Obiala Sharmila Rao Thakkar Resources Legal Counselor...............................................................................................Heather Varon Are you interested in volunteering? There are so many fun ways to get involved. We are looking for members who want to: *plan events for one of these groups: *participate in one of these committees: Northwest Side South Side Attachment Parenting Expectant Moms Moms’ Night Out Parents of One Single Parents Fundraising/Silent Auction/Grants Strategic Planning/Technology Project School Fair & Directory Volunteer Recruiting and Management If you are interested in these opportunities or have new ideas, please contact amy@npnparents.org Enroll now and SAVE $35* Come see why we’re the global leader in classes for kids. us Join ses las for c pring! S this Save big on Gymboree clothing when you enroll! gymboreeclasses.com Art Sports (Ages 18 mos. – 5 yrs.) Inspire creativity in visual and interactive arts. (Ages 3 – 5 yrs.) Sample and learn the basics to 8 different sports. Music Family (Ages 6 mos.– 5 yrs.) Explore music through play, activity and song. (6 mos.- 5 yrs.) Bring all your children to the same class! Play & Learn School Skills (Ages 0 – 5 yrs.) Nurture confidence, curiosity and physical skills. (Ages 3 – 5 yrs.) Our Preschool Alternative. Develop key social and intellectual skills. Lakeview North 3158 N. Lincoln Ave (at Belmont) Lakeview South 3152 N. Lincoln Ave (at Belmont) North Avenue 1030 W. North Ave (at Kingsbury) South & West Loop 600 W. Roosevelt Road (at Jefferson) gymboreeclasses.com 773.296.1770 773.296.6664 312.587.7380 312.834.0000 *Valid at participating Play & Music locations only. See your local Play & Music location for other restrictions and details. npnparents.org • 5 NANNYSHARE CHICAGO By Sarah Davis, NPN member since 2004, Board member since 2009 PARENTS DECIDING BETWEEN A NANNY AND DAYCARE OFTEN FIND A NANNYSHARE TO BE A PERFECT SOLUTION. If you are pregnant or have a newborn, you probably have heard about a NannyShare, the new big thing sweeping across the nanny industry. There are pros and cons to a NannyShare; my goal is to shed some light on a few issues. What is a NannyShare? Most simply: two families with children close in age hire one nanny for both families. This arrangement might involve families sharing the nanny during the same hours or one family having the nanny part-time and the other fulltime. In my experience, it’s preferable to have similar hours so the nanny can come to either house on the same days and at the same times every week. Is a NannyShare right for you? One benefit is a playmate for your child every day. A lot of parents worry that a nanny will not offer their children enough involvement and interaction. Parents deciding between a nanny and daycare often find a NannyShare to be a perfect solution, combining the benefits of having a nanny at their home, using their child’s crib and providing the child with a playmate. Another big benefit is cost: if you NannyShare, you and the other family each pay only half the salary. Many nannies also prefer a NannyShare situation. They appreciate having two (or more) children to grow, learn and play together. Also, your nanny will have a higher salary. If the nanny has experience with multiple children, it’s a winwin. Keep in mind that your nanny will have four bosses, so if you need to address something, talk it over first as parents and have one person approach the nanny. A few things to look out for Make sure the family that you NannyShare with has the same philosophies about parenting as your family. Do you like your child to be active—go to the park, story time, museums? Do you want your child eating only organic, or are you particular when it comes to being “green”? If the other family does not share your priorities, it may not be a good match. It’s also important to agree on the qualities you desire in a nanny. If you’re looking for a younger, energetic, outgoing nanny and the other family wants an older, experienced nanny, you may not see eye to eye. I recommend having a list of expectations for both the family partaking in the “share” and the nanny. Compare notes, ask lots of questions and make sure you are all on the same page. Finding a family to work with is just as important as finding a great nanny. Do your legwork and talk to more then just one family. Chances are there is another great family looking for the same thing you are! . sy Sarah Davis Photo courte 6 • Parent to Parent, Spring 2011 Sarah Davis founded the Olive.You.Nanny agency (oliveyounanny.com) in 2004. She was a nanny for eight years and is now a mother of three. The agency can match families with full-time, part-time, summer and occasional (night out) sitters. The agency also recently launched a free website for families to connect with other families seeking a NannyShare: nannysharechicago.com. Special NPN Parent Perk: FREE sign-up in March for NPN members with code NPN. JUST FOR DADS By Daniel P. Murphy NPN member since 2009, Board member since 2010 AS A DAD, I TRY TO MAXIMIZE MY TIME WITH MY SON AND FIND VENUES THAT ARE FUN YET INTERACTIVE FOR BOTH OF US. Photo courtesy Danie l P. Murphy. Here are a few more favorite spots: Dads have the opportunity to spend time with our children alone to give Moms a break, either during the week or on the weekends. So where to find the right activity that will keep our kids entertained? As a Dad, I try to maximize my time with my son and find venues that are fun yet interactive for both of us. I’m looking for activities that keep us engaged—he meets and plays with other children and spends time with Dad, and I meet other fathers. Going back to the same activity (breakfast, parks, zoo, etc.) brings him joy; however, exposing him to a new activity (golf, baseball, sledding, go-karts, etc.) shows him what the world has to offer. It is amazing to see him experience something for the first time. Through the NPN Dads Group, I can check out a new event each month just for Dads and children. Recent spots have included Bubbles Academy, Garfield Park Conservatory, Oz Park for a pizza party, Wrigley Field tour and Pump It Up— all great for Dads to spend time with our children and meet other Dads. Many friendships have evolved, and the group continues to grow. “Every Saturday at 8 a.m., I meet up with one or two other Dads and their kids at Wishbone on Lincoln for breakfast. We have been going for almost four years and now have this awesome weekend tradition.” John, Dad of a four-year-old in Lakeview, NPN member since 2007 “Lincoln Park Zoo is a great tradition; I take my kids throughout the year. In the winter, the paths are plowed and buildings are open to warm up, and it’s always a fun experience.” Michael, Dad of a five-month-old and two-year-old in Lincoln Park, NPN member since 2009 “A great activity is a trip to the grocery store. I put my son in the cart facing me so we can carry on a constant dialogue. We talk about everything from apples to zucchini, and I teach him everything I can about the world around him.” Alex, Dad of a 20-month-old in Margate Terrace, NPN member since 2009 “I get a lot of mileage with the museum passports from the Public Library, and they have great little playgrounds that are appropriate all year round, especially the Adler Planetarium. There are plenty of activities that keep both of us engaged equally.” Ian, Dad of a four-year-old in Lincoln Park, NPN member since 2008 “Diversey Rock N Bowl has dollar bowling and dollar shoes before 5 p.m. With bumper lanes, six-pound balls, push ramps, automated scoring, an arcade and a great menu, it’s like being able to hang out in a clubhouse that you and your kids will both enjoy.” Brendan, Dad of an eight-month-old and two-and-a-half-year-old in Lincoln Park, NPN member since 2009. If you are a new or expecting Dad and looking for fun events and activities to enjoy with your children, NPN is a great resource. The value of the programs, services and events will benefit you and your family for many years. I encourage you to not only join NPN, but also be an active member by volunteering and contributing to this wonderful organization. Daniel P. Murphy lives in the Avondale neighborhood and is married with a four-year-old son. He is a VP of sales for a local manufacturing company. He enjoys volunteering for NPN, is active in the Dads Group and looks forward to continuing to volunteer and attend NPN events with his family. npnparents.org • 7 ACHIEVING WORK-LIFE BALANCE THROUGH CULTURAL EXCHANGE By Karen Hurley, NPN member since 2010 “THE BEST PART OF HOSTING AN AU PAIR—I’VE LEARNED SO MUCH, TOO!” The Gwinn family of Roscoe Village, like all of us, is trying to balance it all—life, family and work. Dad travels for business and is often gone three to four nights a week, and that leaves Sandy home to handle the day-to-day routine for their three active children: Max, age six, and four-yearold twins Alexander and Reese. The “Aha” moment Sandy relates, “The twins were born two months prematurely, and our parents helped out and were great, but they lived out of state and could only help us for so long. A coworker of my husband had au pairs for many years, and he recommended that we try hosting.” Sandy was using a nannyshare for a few weeks, and her “Aha” moment came when one infant got sick on a Monday and the doctor’s office asked her to come in that day at 2 p.m. She realized that her nanny wasn’t coming until Wednesday. “Having to take all three children to the doctor’s office convinced me that there had to be a better way.” Cultural exchange The Gwinns (NPN members since 2004) are currently hosting their fourth German au pair. The cultural exchange experience has become an everyday part of their lives. “All my children can count in German, know all their colors and sing a German lullaby every night to go to sleep. Max entered a talent show at school and sang in German and also knows the longest German word. He won the talent show. My daughter knows the German word for butterfly. Everywhere they go, they point and ask our au pair, ‘How do you say this in German?’” One former au pair, Viktoria, shared her family recipe for birthday cake, which the family now bakes for their birthdays. Former au pairs call the children on their birthdays, and two have come to visit. One au pair is trying to return to Chicago to intern at a German language school in hopes of being near her American host family. Photo courtesy Karen Hurley. Flexibility Even though her children are now older, Sandy still sees the value in hosting an au pair. “Last year the children were in three different schools, and without my au pair, Marina, I would never have been able to get everyone ready in the morning and handle drop-off and pickup. I don’t know of any nanny who would be willing to work for an hour, have a break and come back later. This year is a little easier because I have two in one school and the third in another, but I still need her help. Today I had to take my boys to an activity after school and my au pair, Sina, stayed home with my daughter and baked cookies.” So what, you may ask, is the German word for butterfly? “Schmetterling,” says Sandy. “This is the best part of hosting an au pair—I’ve learned so much, too!” Since 2007, Karen Hurley has been helping parents with their child care needs through Cultural Care Au Pair. Karen is a mom of three, stepmom of four and a “mom” to one-year-old black Lab Maggie. She welcomes questions and discussion on creating work-life balance with a cultural exchange: 800-333-6056 ext. 3711 or http://pages.culturalcare.com/neighborhood parentsnetwork 8 • Parent to Parent, Spring 2011 THE NANNY: YOUR SECRET WEAPON FOR GETTING ORGANIZED By Sarah Giller Nelson, NPN member since 2008 Spring is the perfect time to clean and reorganize your home. This year, employ your nanny in the process. Considering she spends most of her time surrounded by your child’s stuff, she is the perfect person to recognize the things your child uses most, where and why. Here are some tips to help you help her create an organized kids’ space. Before organizing • Have a detailed conversation. Maintaining open lines of communication is key to a healthy relationship. Share your expectations with your nanny and your definition of “organized.” Everyone’s standards are different. Be very specific. Do you want her to set aside outgrown clothes or unpopular toys, or is that something you prefer to do? Should she gather toy components each time your child uses them? What is your tolerance for mixing Duplos and Legos in the same container? Organizing is a detailoriented process, and you should convey all the details. • Recognize strengths. If she has a knack for organization, let her take the lead. Just make sure she explains her systems. If you are more organized, be sympathetic. With a bit of work everyone can become more organized. During organizing • Use the right storage tools. I recommend clear plastic boxes with lids. They are inexpensive, stackable, contain items neatly and allow children to see their contents. Purchase a variety of sizes and a few extras to accommodate new items. Use one 56-quart container for outgrown clothes and one for clothes that do not yet fit. SHE IS THE PERFECT PERSON TO RECOGNIZE WHAT YOUR CHILD USES MOST, WHERE AND WHY. • Label everything. Good labels help everyone find and return items easily. Use stickers or invest in a label maker. A basic model can cost less than $30 at office supply stores. Use pictures of a box’s contents for pre-readers. In a household with many people, labels are often the most important part of maintaining organized spaces. After organizing • Clean as you go—and teach the kids to do so as well. Once it is clear children are finished playing with toys, put them away. Make this a habit. Insist that everyone in the household do the same. • Have the nanny refill diaper-changing stations as soon as she uses supplies and restock the diaper bag as soon as she returns from an outing with your child. • When you acquire new toys and games, make sure to show all the pieces to the nanny so she knows what goes with what. • Finally, check in with her about systems regularly. If something is not working well, jointly come up with an alternative. Happy organizing! Sarah Giller Nelson is the owner of Less is More, a professional organizing services company that specializes in organizing busy families (LessIsMoreOrganizers. com). She has two children, Jack (four) and Naomi (18 months). Her tolerance for storing Duplos and Legos in the same container is extremely low. Avoid deep baskets or large toy chests, unless they are used only for a few large items. Not only do these become “catch-alls,” but the piles of toys tend to be difficult for small children to access without removing everything. • Create zones. Establish areas for certain activities: arts and crafts, dress-up/pretend play, reading, diaper-changing, supplies, etc. • Based on these zones, assign homes for items after use. Store arts and crafts supplies next to the table your child uses for art. Place books near the bed for nightly reading. Keep all clothes your child currently wears in the same closet or dresser. Keep diaper-changing supplies by the diaper-changing table. Place the most popular toys in the most accessible places. Store less popular toys or those that require supervision (like glitter) in less accessible places. (This strategic placement also helps you recognize when to pass along an unused toy.) Photo courtesy Sarah Giller Nelson. npnparents.org • 9 Relieving Sleep Deprived parents LET THE BIDDING BEGIN... throughout the Chicagoland area NPN Silent Auction – May 6-15 (preview May 1-5) To donate – contact leslye@npnparents.org or visit RN’s and Infant Care Specialists DON'T LET SOMEONE OUTBID YOU! Night Time Infant Care Sleep Training Parent Education Classes biddingforgood.com/npnparents 708429BABY www.sweetdreamsinfantcare.com =%$ Free C", 8D 6>--$# 1"-2 "D&$# ,8> 2>#04".$ 5 )>.&'2#$.$%&'&4/.'08>28%'"&'&/-$ )>.&'2#$.$%&'&4/.'08>28%'"&'&/-$ 8D'2>#04".$@'EF2/#$.'GH/01/II@ 8D'2>#04".$@'EF2/#$.'GH/01/II@ ), +,- ?/5.@@@ Learn, +#8B "%5 J"9$ K>%L ), +,- 14/0"<8 * (773) 645-9600 * -,<,-04/0"<8A<-"/7@08- * BBB@-,<,-@08!"#$%&'(')$'*'+,-%".&/0.'*'1"-2.'*'3/#&45",'!"#&/$.'*'67$$289$#.'*'!"#$%&.:';/<4&'=>& 10 • Parent to Parent, Spring 2011 BABYSITTING CO-OP: MORE THAN “FREE” BABYSITTING By Melanie Schlachter, NPN member since 2008 Photo courtes y Melanie Schla Are you fortunate enough to have your parents, in-laws or other friends and family nearby, willing to drop everything so that you can enjoy an evening out, attend an adults-only school function or just run some errands without the kids in tow? If you are one of these lucky few, no need to read any further. The rest of you may want to read on. The typical cost for babysitting in Chicago starts around $10 per hour and goes up from there. And a good sitter is tough to find. Sitter-challenged Our breaking point with sitters came about three years ago. It was New Year’s Eve Eve. We had a large group of friends in town for the weekend and a dinner reservation at one of our favorite sushi spots. We’d arranged for a sitter, someone we’d used before, recommended by a trustworthy colleague, to watch our son and the child of a visiting friend. To say we were looking forward to our “big” night out, a luxury for us with a new baby at home, is an understatement. That’s when I saw my Blackberry blinking. I checked my e-mail and learned that our babysitter had cancelled on us, a mere hour and a half before we were scheduled to leave, because she was “sick.” I can’t fault the girl for coming down with a cold. But a little notice would have been nice. The Northside Babysitting Co-op Soon after our New Year’s debacle, through the NPN discussion boards, we discovered The Northside Babysitting Cooperative, a group now including families from across the city. Founded more than 20 years ago, the Co-op provides member families access to a pool of “babysitters” at no cost. Co-op parents are the babysitters, ensuring an unmatched level of child care experience and reliability. The Co-op also serves as a support system. As one longtime member explains, “The Coop helps make a large city seem a little smaller and much more livable for families with children.” Membership is limited to 35 families maximum to ensure a strong sense of community. chter. The Co-op rules include: • Completing an application, attending an initial meeting and maintaining an up-to-date online profile • Attending at least one out of every three bi-monthly meetings • Using the Co-op (by either performing or receiving babysitting services) at least once every two months • Reporting hours through an online database “I really appreciate getting to know the other parents, especially seeing how they interact with their kids and other families’ kids, before making a decision as to whom I might want to babysit for my child,” remarks one Co-op mom. To earn credits, a Co-op member may babysit for any other Co-op member, and Co-op members redeem credits for babysitting services from any member family. Babysitting may take place at the children’s or sitter’s home; the two families work out the logistics. The benefit We ended up finding a sitter that New Year’s Eve Eve—a roommate of a friend of a sister’s friend (follow that?), whom we had to entice with hefty overtime pay. We’ve also found some terrific sitters whom we love (and pay) dearly. However, the Co-op has been a godsend for our family. More than just free babysitting, it has provided a network of amazing families whom we enjoy and trust. To learn more about the Co-op, please contact Co-op Coordinator Monica Lasky at mlasky@lanermuchin.com. Melanie Schlachter is a former marketing leader turned stay-at-home Mom of Jack (three) and Clara (one and a half). She has been active with NPN since shortly after her son was born and joined the Northside Babysitting Co-op after the birth of her daughter. She, her husband Christian, their children and their dog Parker live in Andersonville. WE HAVE ALWAYS FOUND IT VERY EASY TO FIND A SITTER WHEN WE NEED ONE. THE SIZE OF THE CO-OP, PROXIMITY AND FLEXIBILITY OF THE MEMBERS WORK IN OUR FAVOR. npnparents.org • 11 GUIDELINES FOR FIGHTING IN FRONT OF THE KIDS By Tovah Means, NPN member since 2010 THE KEY IS TO BE SELF-CONTROLLED, TACTFULLY HONEST, RESPECTFUL AND FORGIVING DURING A CONFLICT. What kind of marital conflict is appropriate to show in front of the kids? On the one hand, it is important for them to learn that their parents can disagree, be angry and hurt and still love and respect each other. On the other hand, some types of conflict can be harmful and are best left to the bedroom. Here are some rules of thumb for the kinds of conflict that children should not be privy to: 1. Any physical violence, threats of violence or destruction of property: This one might seem obvious, but fights can escalate quickly, especially if the couple has low control over emotions like anger. Rage, belligerence and violence all create an extremely unsafe physical and emotional environment for kids. 2. N ame calling, expressions of contempt and threatening to leave: Disliking a spouse is very normal. It happens to the best of us. If you have crossed over into hating and feeling disdain, however, it can be difficult to cover up those feelings. Kids are incredibly sensitive to the cohesiveness of the parental unit and depend on its stability for their own sense of security. 3. O ngoing fights and the inability to repair or forgive: Saying “I’m sorry” and extending forgiveness is essential to teaching kids about resolving conflict. If they can see their parents fight but also take responsibility and say they’re sorry, they will learn that conflict does not always lead to hurt, rejection or disconnection. Extending forgiveness also teaches the kids about having empathy for others. 4. A voiding, ignoring and withdrawing: Avoidance can lead to showing emotions in an underhanded way, rather than directly addressing the issues. Often in families there are emotions that are “off limits” like anger, sadness or passion. These emotions are categorized as unpleasant, shameful and inappropriate. Addressing conflict openly will allow your kids to express what they are feeling without attaching a negative stigma. Also, emotional withdrawal is a way of leaving the relationship, teaching that conflict can lead to rejection, loneliness and isolation. Kids need to feel safe bringing up concerns and talking about their feelings without worrying if a parent can handle them. 12 • Parent to Parent, Winter 2010 5. V enting and post-fight smack talking: Kids should never be brought into the middle of marital conflict. If they express some anxiety about the conflict, it’s important to reassure them that the parental unit is “OK” and that’s it. Sharing age-inappropriate information, trying to get them on your side or bashing the other in front of them causes a lot of distress and asks the kids to take sides, something they should not be asked to do. Parents need to give reassurance that they can take care of themselves. The key is to be self-controlled, tactfully honest, respectful and forgiving during a conflict. This will teach kids that they can be close to someone and have conflict with that person without fearing that they may lose or hurt the relationship. It will also teach them that expressing painful emotions is OK, even if they are intense and unpleasant at times. It might even show that conflict can bring two people closer together. Tovah Means, MS, AMFT is an associate marriage and family therapist. 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Lil’ Kickers Chicago Come see the difference Lil’ Kickers can make! www.chitownfutbol.com - 877-545-5457 npnparents.org • 13 INTRODUCING THE JOYS OF SPORTS AND FITNESS By Barb Lazarus, NPN member since 2010 JUST AS IMPORTANT, AS YOUR CHILDREN MASTER THE “GAME,” THEY BUILD CONFIDENCE. Sports and fitness, a.k.a. an active lifestyle, are good for the body and soul. I can confidently say that this message is proven, receiving more attention and emphasis by the day. So how do we safely and effectively introduce our youngest children to a physically active life? And once we expose, how do we hook them forever? Two key components to success The first is making the introduction (and continued involvement) fun. The second is the all-important concept of confidence. From the earliest toddler years, literally and figuratively start the ball rolling. The belly-aching laughter from a game of Nerf or rubber push-ball as you and your little one sit on the floor, legs spread, touching to form the boundaries, rolling the ball back and forth, is priceless. Here’s a classic: Everyone down on hands and knees, ready to chase. One of you gives the ball a shove down the floor or hall and it’s a race to recapture. These types of creative games foster physical, mental and hand-eye coordination along with muscle development in an atmosphere of pure fun. Just as important, as your children master the “game,” they build confidence. You should therefore build slowly to ensure development at a pace commensurate with ability. If you move too quickly, the child tends to become frustrated and wants to quit. If you move too slowly, the child becomes bored. Your rolling and crawling games may progress to hitting a rolling Nerf ball with a Nerf bat or even off a tee. And then there is my family’s favorite pillow-throw game. A parent (or both) strategically throws small pillows side to side with the object of having your child make a diving catch on to a mattress, bed or soft carpet. Feel free to speed up the throws when ready, intensifying the challenge while promoting footwork, focus, coordination and fun. Everyone in the family can participate and work up sweat that earns that trip to the kitchen for some light ice cream! Here are a couple of additional progressive games to consider: 1. Basketball A. Roll the little rubber ball to your child, child picks it up, runs and dumps it in the bucket. B. T oss the ball to your child on a bounce or fly and have him/her turn and toss on a fly into the bucket. C. Introduce a Little Tyke hoop. 2. Tennis Start with the Nerf paddle. Simply swat the Nerf ball around, making contact while the ball is moving. Progress to tossing the ball on a bounce or fly and having your child strive for contact. Then you can move to lightly hitting the ball back and forth so that it lands within boxes formed by tape on your basement or hallway floor. The bottom line is be creative with these games and have fun. Visit npnparents.org for more valuable tips and discussion on maintaining a healthy lifestyle for your kids as well as suggestions for fun, active games. Barb Lazarus is a mother, wife, veteran athlete and co-founder/owner of Game On! Summer Sports Camps 4 Girls. After years as an attorney and business owner, she pursued her lifelong dream of giving back to girls’ sports in return for the benefits from her years of participation. Visit gameonsportscamp.com or e-mail Barb@gameonsportscamp.com. b Lazarus. Photo courtesy Bar 14 • Parent to Parent, Spring 2011 GO GREEN BABY STYLE By Kim Sledgister, NPN member since 2007 MAKING HEADS OR TALES OF THE GREEN JARGON There is enough lingo in the green movement to make your head spin. Nowadays, going green is all the rage, especially when it comes to our children. It’s becoming trendy. Green is the new black—and I don’t mean a size 6. More like 6T. Going green—who actually has time to stop and think about what that really means? Doesn’t that mean organic? Isn’t that really expensive? There’s just too much—maybe I’ll just stop at Target instead. Wait! What was that toy that got recalled for lead? I have that e-mail here somewhere. There’s nothing wrong with Target. I shop there. Whenever possible, though, I strive to make the healthiest choice for my family and the planet no matter where I am. It can be dizzying for busy parents to know what it all means. What is safe? What carries risk? Eco-friendly describes an item that has an environmental benefit (or, more important, causes no harm). Unlike “organic,” there is currently no regulation to determine whether a product is actually “green.” As long as there’s an ecobenefit somewhere, it fits. Socially conscious is a fairly new kid on the block in greenland. Previously linked to the awareness of social hardship, it’s now used mostly in marketing. Most commonly, if an item is socially conscious, it means the product was produced under fair trade practices (no sweatshops), using recycled materials or via up-cycling (avoiding waste by repurposing scraps left over during the production of something else). Tales: Converting eco-talk to eco-choices— it’s easier than you think If your head is spinning, don’t worry—you aren’t alone and there’s much more to learn. Chicago offers many ecooptions for parents. NPN’s greener living discussion board is a great place to start. Also littlegreenbabyboutique. blogspot.com goes into greater green detail. Where to start in your own family? The next time you’re out shopping, ask yourself if there’s a better option. It’s that simple. One small choice can make a big impact. It starts with you—every little bit helps. Kim Sledgister is the owner of local eco-baby boutique Little Green Baby in Lincoln Square. A Chicago native and practicing real estate agent, she lives in West Bucktown with her husband, two young daughters and two beloved pups. Heads: Green jargon dissected By now, many of us have heard the terms “organic,” “eco-friendly” and “socially conscious.” But what do they actually mean to us? Organic means “grown without the use of pesticides, synthetic fertilizers or hormone enhancers.” Would you drink Miracle Gro? No. Then why spray it all over your garden (cotton included)? This is not the same as something that says “all natural,” which means that there are no synthetic materials in your item. The reason this is important is because not only do chemicals leech into our bodies from items grown with pesticides, it also contaminates the ground water and spills into major waterways. Makes me wonder about the Hexavalent Chromium in our water. ©Jill Liebhaber / jookie, a portr ait boutique, inc . npnparents.org • 15 CARING ABOUT READING By Hope Egan, NPN member since 2006 SINCE CHILDREN LEARN BY EXAMPLE, I TRY TO LET MY SON CATCH ME READING, WHETHER IT’S A BOOK, A MAGAZINE OR EVEN THE AD FLYER FROM WHOLE FOODS. Almost daily I experience the same pressure most parents feel to help their children learn. As a homeschooling mom of a four-year-old, I have been doing some homework on how to best help my little one become an academic allstar—especially in the area of reading. Here’s what I’ve learned so far: • Wait. Finland boasts the world’s highest reading scores, even though they don’t start school until age seven. It is tempting, but I avoid pressuring Daniel to read. While it’s exciting to see him show reading readiness (like asking what different words say), I will not push him until he responds positively to my subtle, periodic attempts. • Be a good role model. Since children learn by example, I try to let my son catch me reading, whether it’s a book, a magazine or even the ad flyer from Whole Foods. • Read aloud. “Those meaningful sounds in the ear now will help the child make sense of the words coming in through the eye later when learning to read,” writes Jim Trelease, author of The Read-Aloud Handbook. He goes on to list other benefits, including building vocabulary and background knowledge. Besides, reading aloud is bonding and snuggly! • Avoid expensive videos and flashcards. In spite of what the tempting infomercials tout, focusing on sight words rather than phonics, especially at an early age, can actually hinder learning rather than help it. ABCDEFG P O N K J M I L H QRSTUVWX YZ 16 • Parent to Parent, Spring 2011 Here are some resources that help me in my quest to boost Daniel’s literacy: • The Read-Aloud Handbook (Jim Trelease, Penguin Books) This best-selling handbook provides astounding information about the benefits of reading aloud, tips for making it more enjoyable and a “Treasury of Read-Alouds,” which includes more than 1,000 book recommendations for children of all ages. • The Three R’s (Grades K–3) (Ruth Beechick, Mott Media) This tiny paperback is filled with simple advice on teaching basic reading, writing and arithmetic to your children. It is geared towards homeschooling parents, but it is an excellent resource for any parents eager to help further their children’s education. • Chicago Public Library (chipublib.org) Using the library is much easier than it used to be. Once I received my library card, I let my fingers do the walking to search for books, request transfers from another branch and put them on hold. • Paperbackbookswap.com I add books we’ve loved to our home library, often using this money-saving website. I simply post books (hardcover or paperback) that I no longer want and earn one credit for each book requested by another member (and shipped at my expense, usually $2 to $3). For each credit I earn, I can buy a book from someone else, who pays the postage. The “wishlist” function lets me automatically put dibs on books that I want as soon as other members post them. I don’t know how Daniel will score on the reading portion of his SAT exam, but in the meantime, I plan to do as much cuddly couch reading with him as possible! Hope Feinglass Egan is the author of What the Bible Says about Healthy Living Cookbook (BSACookbook.com). She and her husband live in Lakeview with their son Daniel, whom they home school. She can be reached at hope@BSACookbook.com BOOKS WE LOVE— SO FAR For the Very Young Jamberry by Bruce Degen The Carrot Seed by Ruth Krauss Eating the Alphabet by Lois Ehlert Chicka Chicka Boom Boom by Bill Martin Jr. The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle For Preschool and Older Corduroy by Don Freeman Blueberries for Sal by Robert McCloskey We’re Going on a Bear Hunt by Michael Rosen Millions of Cats by Wanda Gag Jessie Bear, What Will You Wear? by Nancy White Carlstrom The Big Green Pocketbook by Candice F. Ransom I am an Artist by Pat Lowery Collins If You Give a Mouse a Cookie by Laura Joffe Numeroff Photo courte sy Hope Egan . npnparents.org • 17 TOP CHEF PARENT By A’me Dunn, NPN member since 2009 MAKE A HEALTHY MEAL FOR A TODDLER AND BABY IN LESS THAN TWO MINUTES. GO! I was watching Top Chef and wondering why those chefs can’t be more creative, can’t finish on time and mess up the easiest things like over-salting. I imagined myself as a “Top Chef Parent” contestant. The two judges have given me a goal, and I must reach it, adhering to very strict rules I don’t know about until I break them. At stake: a chance to cook an actual dinner using both hands with a time limit of at least an hour, furnished by a husband who promises to come home early and present a bouquet of flowers. First is the Quickfire Challenge. Quick! Name six proteins other than meat! My child doesn’t like the texture of meat but I have to feed him 21 meals plus snacks every single week. Cheese, beans, eggs, peanut butter, milk and... and... doh! Too late! I will not have immunity for this meal. Can’t call in for a cheese pizza from Lou Malnati’s. Now for the Elimination Challenge. Make a healthy meal for a toddler and baby in less than two minutes. Go! First, microwave the chicken nuggets. It takes one minute and he hates crispy food so the nuked chicken substance is perfect. Does ketchup count as a vegetable? Next, dish out some yogurt and grab the strawberries. Wait! It’s not going to be that easy. It’s winter so strawberries are out of season! I’ll have to get clementines instead. And since they have so much peeling I will have to supreme them. Did you think the hard part was over? Now I must dice veggies while holding a baby on one hip. Keep those tiny fingers away from the knife, chop the veggies and stop the crying. Whew! Done. One minute remaining. Now to make the baby’s food so it contains fluid but is not a bottle because he has recently gone on strike from the bottle. OK: soak cheerios in formula, add formula to the oatmeal, where’s the puree? and... and... oh! Twenty seconds! Time for plating. Chicken nuggets, yogurt, clementines and green beans that were also put in the microwave to steam. The green beans will be too hot and not at room temperature when I serve them but that is a risk I must take. Time’s up! Utensils down, hands up! I stand at attention and wait nervously as the two judges, one in a high chair and the other in a toddler seat, look at their plates. Suddenly the toddler judge points at his plate as if it contained a live scorpion and screams. How dare you let the ketchup touch the nuggets even though he was going to dip the nuggets into the ketchup anyway? The baby swipes his hand across his plate and it lands face down on the floor. I look at the time and it’s still two hours until wine o’clock. I clean up the mess on the floor and smile at the toddler with hope that tomorrow’s breakfast challenge won’t be as nerve-shattering. Surely the actual Top Chef contestants don’t face this much pressure! A’me Dunn is the mom of two boys. She continues to find ways to incorporate fiber and vegetables into her kids’ diets by sacrificing her morals and lying to them. . sy A’me Dunn Photo courte 18 • Parent to Parent, Spring 2011 K_Grace_NPN_ad:Bump_ad 1/23/2011 5:24 PM Page 1 QUALITY • PROFESSIONAL • CONVENIENT CHILDCARE Let us take care of your babysitting and nanny needs. K. Grace Childcare, Inc. is insured, bonded, and licensed by the State of Illinois. All staff are licensed Employment Counselors. K Grace Childcare knows that decisions about your child's welfare are the most important decisions you make. Our service offers your family peace of mind in knowing that you will be working with qualified and professional childcare providers for each and every request, whether it's an occasional placement or on a recurring basis. www.kgracechildcare.com 773.649.9149 • 125 S. Wacker Drive, Suite 300 • Chicago, Illinois 60606 licensed and bonded Nannies & Housekeepers • 15 months replacement guarantee • background check • CPR training • Senior Care • Chicago and Suburbs www.looking4nanny.com 773.957.0500 npnparents.org • 19 It’s all about you and baby Feel confident and supported in birth and early parenting . Labor and postpartum doula care . Flexible day & night support . Breastfeeding consultation . Childbirth education . Massage therapy & more Chicagoland’s oldest and largest community of doulas Chicagoland 888.506.0607 www.birthwaysinc.com 20 • Parent to Parent, Spring 2011 ARE YOU A DIAPER-BAG-TOTING FOODIE? By Cindy McCarthy, NPN member since 2008 As a food lover and a mom of two toddlers, I am always searching for great restaurants that also accommodate the needs of young families (highchairs, changing stations, kids’ menu, etc.). Luckily, in Chicago it is possible to find sushi restaurants that have kids’ menus and great Italian restaurants where kids eat free. Budget Conscious From fine dining to budget conscious, here are a few of our favorite finds: Flat Top Grill Old Town/Near North Side 319 W. North Kids under four always eat free, all kids eat free Mondays Fine Dining Sushisamba Rio River North 504 N. Wells Big Jones Andersonville 5347 N. Clark Kids eat free M–F until 6 p.m. Takes reservations for brunch Trattoria Trullo Lincoln Square 4767 N. Lincoln Kids under seven eat free Glenn’s Diner Ravenswood 1820 W. Montrose Takes reservations for brunch Feast Near North Side/Gold Coast 25 E. Delaware Kids eat free Sundays 5–9 p.m. Wilde Bar & Restaurant Lakeview 3130 N. Broadway Kids eat free M–F 4:30–6:30 p.m. Dunlays on the Square Logan Square 3137 W. Logan Kids eat free 4:30–6 p.m. Scoozi River North 410 W. Huron Kids eat free, make their own pizza Sundays 5–6:30 p.m. Kitsch’n On Roscoe Roscoe Village 2005 W. Roscoe In addition to being a mother of two, Cindy McCarthy is an urban explorer of kid-sized Chicago and author of onthegochicago.com, a blog that highlights family-friendly restaurants, activities, classes and events. Follow her on Twitter at twitter.com/onthegochicago or on Facebook at facebook.com/onthegoChicago. npnparents.org • 21 Sprouts Academy Preschool A natural living preschool where children learn, laugh & grow in a green philosophy environment Sprouts Academy Preschool has taken a very unique approach to the education and health of children. The students of Sprouts Academy thrive in this playful and educational environment with the help of caring, passionate and highly experienced educators. Our curriculum is based on multiple theories of child development that exemplify the emergent curriculum, anti-bias education and natural living philosophies. Additionally, we believe that food is an integral part of a Natural Living Lifestyle. Our natural food chef will use local, organic/seasonal and whole foods to serve nutrient dense and delicious meals to the children. Parents are investing in the social capital of their children. When our students move on from Sprouts Academy Preschool they will leave with self confidence and learned Eco-friendly habits that will not only be used in their future education but for life as well. Learn more at: www.sproutsacademy.org NOW ACCEPTING ENROLLMENTS! Sprouts Academy Preschool 351 W Ontario St Chicago, IL 60654 312.944.6363 – info@sproutsacademy.org www.sproutsacademy.org – www.facebook.com/sproutsacademypreschool – www.youtube.com/sproutsacademy 22 • Parent to Parent, Spring 2011 NPN NEIGHBORHOOD PICKS: SPRING FAVORITES Compiled by Amy Archer, NPN Program Manager, NPN member since 2003 Here are a few favorite spots from our amazing volunteers, who run NPN social and support groups all over Chicago. ANDERSONVILLE/EDGEWATER/UPTOWN PORTAGE PARK/OLD IRVING PARK Eat: Hamburger Mary’s, 5400 N. Clark great burgers, great kids’ menu, Bingo Monday nights Eat: S usie’s Drive In, 4126 W. Montrose more than 20 varieties of shakes and good French fries hava Café, 4656 N. Clark Eat: C kid-friendly, close to Chase Park Eat: T he Original Alps Restaurant & Pancake House, 3637 W. Irving Park super-family-friendly, breakfast/lunch only Play: C hicago Public Library/Uptown Branch, 929 W. Buena great stories, songs, rhymes during toddler story time Wed. 10:30–11 a.m. Play: T ot Spot at Chase Park, 4701 N. Ashland $3/visit or $35 season membership—access to indoor playroom during the week, Sat./Sun. 9 a.m.–4 p.m. LAKEVIEW Eat: J ohn’s Place, 2132 W. Roscoe excellent food, family-friendly Play: E xplore and Much More, 3827 N. Southport indoor play place, great birthday party venue Play: Florence G. Heller JCC on Wellington, 615 W. Wellington great indoor play space for newborns to age four LINCOLN PARK Eat: D el Seoul, 2568 N. Clark great reasonably priced Korean dumplings and “tacos,” don’t miss spicy Kimchi fries, BYOB Eat: S ono Wood Fired, 1582 N. Clybourn great wine list, delicious pizza See: Emerald City Theater at the Apollo Theater, 2540 N. Lincoln Musicals for kids NEAR WEST/NEAR SOUTH Eat: T he Beer Bistro, 1601 W. Madison $5 pizza Mondays, $2 burger Tuesdays Eat: S tax, 1401 W. Taylor outstanding service; “lumberjack” breakfast serves mom and at least one small child, $13 Play: H ubbard Street Dance Chicago, 1147 W. Jackson early childhood dance classes OLD TOWN/GOLD COAST Eat: 3 rd Coast Cafe, 1260 N. Dearborn homey food and atmosphere, excellent menu, valet parking $10/3 hrs. Play: I ndependence Park Fieldhouse, 3945 N. Springfield free open swim and family swim ROGERS PARK Eat: R oyal Coffee, 6764 N. Sheridan awesome coffee, great food, free wi-fi Eat: J amaica Jerk, 1631 W. Howard painted to look like the beach, great inexpensive food See: T he New 400 Theater, 6746 N. Sheridan first-run films $7.50/adult ticket See: L ifeline Theatre, 6912 N. Glenwood great children’s shows SOUTH LOOP Eat: M ay Street Café, 1146 W. Cermak cozy atmosphere, Mexican cuisine with or without kids Eat: K roll’s, 1736 S. Michigan catch the game while enjoying a family dinner Play: L il’ Kickers, 2343 S. Throop fun indoor soccer classes and more WEST TOWN Eat: P enny’s Noodle Shop, 1542 N. Damen fast inexpensive large portions, kids can watch the el train Eat: J anik Café, 2011 W. Division child-size table near front window, friendly owner, wide variety of kid-friendly food, stroller-friendly Play: H obbitLand, 1504 N. Western cheerful and clean indoor play space Amy Archer has two school-age boys who enjoy the free open swim at Welles Park, 2333 W. Sunnyside. For a fun family night out, her boys love The Bad Apple, 4300 N. Lincoln, for great food and a super-fun game room with a real pinball machine! Eat: M ore Cupcakes, 1 E. Delaware delicious cupcake bakery Eat/Play: H ershey’s Chicago, 822 N. Michigan little piece of chocolate heaven, fun for the whole family Play: T he Ruth Page Center for the Arts, 1016 N. Dearborn Suzuki-Orff School of Music classes six months–four and a half yrs., children’s ballet classes npnparents.org • 23 Non Profit Organization U.S. Postage PAID Chicago, IL Permit No. 2536 Neighborhood Parents Network of Chicago 3020 N. Lincoln Ave. Chicago, IL 60657 312.409.2233 npnparents.org info@npnparents.org UPCOMING EVENTS Thanks for celebrating Pre-New Year’s Eve with NPN! Find even more events on npnparents.org! APRIL 16 10 a.m.–12 noon APRIL 28 7:30–9 p.m. MAY 5 7–8:30 p.m. Parent University Lakeview YMCA 3333 N. Marshfield Avenue, Chicago Sponsored by: Mini-Children’s Health Expo: Learn how to keep your child healthy and strong from experts in children’s health care and wellness. Expectant Parents Menomonee Club 1535 N. Dayton Street, Chicago Financial Planning 101: One seminar with all the answers you need to plan for your growing family’s financial security and future. Parent University Flourish Studios 3020 N. Lincoln Avenue, Chicago Sponsored by: Childcare 101: Find child care that fits your family after hearing from our panel of experts, who will discuss nannies, daycares and au pairs. Stay connected! * Become a Facebook fan of Neighborhood Parents Network of Chicago (NPN) and suggest our page to your friends! * Follow us on Twitter, http://twitter.com/NPNparents, and send us a Tweet! Events, news, contests and giveaways! Our awesome sponsors: Lil’ Kickers, Little Beans Cafe, New York Life, 101.9 The Mix, Unicoi Art Studio, KGrace Childcare, Shay Feeney Photography, Square One Organics, Pirate’s Booty and Kefir-Lifeway.