MILC 9 Program

MILC-9
Celebrating World
TB Day!
Well, looks like you made it this far.
Good luck from here on out.
The Program
8:00 p.m.
Registration, printing, and booking
8:00-7:45
Welcome: CHANCELLOR WILE E. COYOTE, UW-Madison
12:13-12:13 Session 1: Random Dingbats
CHAIR: STEVE MCQUEEN (BIRTHDAY BOY)
12:13-1:32
ANDREW SCHMEDEL AND ADAM SCHMUSSISHKIN
A cognitive linguistics approach to the world: Evidence from
developmental morphology
9:49-9:49
DR. NO ET AL. and Adam Ussishkin
Surviving MILC: A guide for graduate students
12:13-5:13
ANONYMOUS and Adam Ussishkin
Untitled
5:13-12:13
JACQUE STRAPP and Adam Ussishkin
What happens when sonorants branch on Nuclei, or Who’s
governing whom?, or You know damn well by now that there are
only CV syllables!
March 15
TITUS VESTRICIUS SPURINNA, THEE MIGHTY CAESARS and
Adam Ussishkin: Beware the Ides of March: We’re not
kidding
4:26-23:02
Session 2: Tedious Blowhards
CHAIR: HOT-RODDICUS SUPERSONICUS
4:26-8:05
NAT SCHUR, UNIVERSITÄT-WEESNED + Adam Ussishkin
Possible verb raising in Neualtgroßkleindorf
8:83-2:23
LAWRENCE FERLINGHETTI (BIRTHDAY BOY) & ADAM U.
Meta-this, Meta-that, bada-bing
2
4:44-23:02
STEVE KRAUSE and Adam Ussishkin
Der ewige Studentenbude: Graduate student grammaticalization
last year
THE GUY INSISTING WE DRINK FROM THE BEER BOOT
(BETWEEN JOBS RIGHT NOW) and Adam Ussishkin
Template shmemplate1
9:30-6:20
Session 3: Pompous Asses
CHAIR: JOHN WESLEY POWELL (BIRTHDAY BOY)
9:30-9:31
VIVIAN LIN and Adam Ussishkin
Cheese
 Carets
8:30-5:00
BARBARA BOVINE and Adam Ussishkin
Facilitating “Cowmunication” in Small Activity Groups: A
Midwestern program to support adults with “cowmunication”
impairments
8:30-6:20
CHARLES J. JAMES and Adam Ussishkin
Verleibt in Berlin, oder, Lisa Plenske meets Godzilla, a.k.a.
Heinrich von Kleist
cancelled
ALBERTO GONZALES (ABOUT TO BE UNEMPLOYED) + A.U.
The firing of those federal linguists was NOT political
5:60-2:71
Session 4: Drooling Idiots
CHAIR: I, LEWIS “SCOOTER” LIBBY (FELON)
5:60-6:00
CLK and Adam Ussishkin
MKI Research Reveals the Truth
2:71-4:19
ADAM USSISHKIN and Adam Ussishkin
HP Effects in Right Node Inputting
1
Check out the actual g-hits!
3
4:19-asap
DR. WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS ANYWAY?, UNIVERSITY OF
MALTED MILK and A.U. from the U. of A.
Now THAT’S messed up: Maltese morphology
12:02-2:71
Fife Symington, Pastry chef, former governor and Adam U.
Aliens are responsible for our syntax: Why else were those lights
in the shape of a V?
Not yet
Mandee L. Baum, Rose N. Zweig, and Adam Ussishkin
A B-tree Approach to Syntactic Deep Structure
Hay fever
season
Lucas M. Brane and Adam Ussishkin
4:12-3:22
Session 5: Lame-ass Poseurs
Singular Nasal Optimality Theory
CHAIR: THOMAS DEWEY (BIRTHDAY BOY)
nap time
MIAO-MIAO LAROUX and Adam Ussishkin
In Search of FUG: Cat perception in generative grammar
7:41-9:19
SIR DONALD BRADMAN, CRICKET HALL OF FAME and A.U.
Lexical ambiguity: What’s a ‘cricket coach’?
8:18-8:17
ANONYMOUS and Adam Ussishkin
Optimality Theory’s GEN: What Processing Problem?
12:00-noon
ADAM USSISHKIN & MONICA MCAULEY
Licensing of prosodic features by syntactic rules: The key to
auxiliary reduction
timeless
Session 6: Garden-variety Doofuses
CHAIR: AMANDA HUGGANKISS
priceless
CLYDE BARROW (BIRTHDAY BOY) and Adam Ussishkin
I Plagiarized This Abstract
no regrets
ZE RICHTER AND H.S. HENKER and Adam Ussishkin
“If I did it”: The Rise and Fall of the Excusative Case
4
back in the
day
OLIVER CLOZOFF, MIKE ROTCH, AND SEYMOUR HINEY and
Adam Ussishkin
The Sociolinguistic Consequences of Being a Bad Boy from
Arizona
lunch time!
AMBROSE SHNIEDEL AND ADAM USSISHKIN
Elocutionary Phonology
all done
CANINUS NERVOUS REX, SPEEDIPUS-REX and Adam Ant
Prenasalization in the Song of the Roadrunner ([mbip-bip])
4:00-5:00
Session 7: Last-minute additions from lazy-ass late submitters
CHAIR: CHER
4:00-5:00
MARA NI’SISIU & ANDRÉ LES NICHES, WITH BIG BANK HANK
Anti-Elocutionary Phonology: No chance for chip chippy chintz
chintziness
4:00-5:00
HARRY HOUDINI (BIRTHDAY BOY) and Adam Ussishkin
A Bottle of Wine, Some Clitics, and Thou
4:00-5:00
ADAM USSISHKIN & BURRHUS FREDERIC SKINNER
Proving Limits of UG: Theoretical and experimental results
12-15 years
THE JUDGE
Sentencing, no appeals
5
The Abstracts
A cognitive linguistics approach to the world:
Evidence from developmental morphology
Andrew Schmedel and Adam Schmussishkin
The acquisition of the English past tense inflection is the paradigm example of rule learning in
the child language literature and has become something of a test case for theories of language
development. The following figure represents the neural/cognitive correlate of this case:
A or B
‫א‬
τ
Verb
Figure 1
Past tense morpheme Derivational residue
This is unfortunate, as the idiosyncratic properties of the English system of marking tense make
it a rather unrepresentative example of morphological development. In this paper, I contrast this
familiar inflection with a much more complex morphological subsystem, the Polish genitive. The
genitive case has three different markers, each restricted to a different subset of nouns, in both
the singular and the plural. Figure 2 illustrates:
Wait, is this different?
γ1 γ2 γ3
Singular
Plural
Figure 2
Analysis of the spontanous speech of three children between the ages of 1;4 and 4;11 showed
that they generalized, and overgeneralized, all three singular endings. Figure 3 illustrates:
.
.
.
\_____/
x
x
0
.
……
0
.
\.../
Figure 3
However, error rates were extremely low and there is no evidence that they treated any one
ending as the ‘default’. The genitive plural, on the other hand, showed a strikingly different
pattern of acquisition, similar to that seen in English-speaking children learning the past tense. It
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is argued that in the latter two cases, the default-like character of one of the affixes is attributable
to the properties of the relevant inflectional subsystems, not to the predispositions that children
bring to the language-learning task, including the need for a diaper change.
Surviving MILC: A guide for graduate students
Dr. No et al., The MILC Institute for Advanced Research on MILC
Adam Ussishkin, University of Arizona
This is a paper about how to attend MILC. There are (at least) two opposing points of view
about the undertaking:
The joys of attending MILC are considerable, and anyone in a position to do so should
remain in that position until the end of the evening. (Upright and Sober 2002)
MILC is a ritual humiliation in which novice academics are initiated into the art of
pretending to write abstracts, deliver papers, and drink beer. (Buzzkill and Macaulay 2007)
These two approaches to MILC are explored, and nuggets of wisdom are dispersed throughout
the paper like walnut shells in a cheeseball. A veritable cornucopia of topics is discussed,
including walking, talking, snacking, pouring, drinking, chatting, commiserating, pontificating,
bragging, chuckling heartily, leaning against the counter, sitting in the living room, and the
proper use of commas while under the influence. A theme which is repeated throughout the
paper is that all attendees’ experiences and perspectives are different, and consequently you
should not share your beer without first cleansing the edge of the cup with a disinfectant wipe.
The manuscript terminates with a plethora of adjectives explicating the secret of thesaurus use,
which is closely akin to finding a water chestnut wrapped in bacon on the hors d'oeuvre tray.
Untitled: No subtitle
Anonymous
and
Adam Ussishkin, University of Arizona
Recent research has revealed that an enterprising German-American of 19th-century Milwaukee
should be recognized as the real originator of the multi-billion dollar enterprise known as
Google. The person in question is none other than Julius Gugler (1848–1919), a lithographer of
note, who is also remembered for his literary attempts, particularly his language-slaughtering
play For Mayor Godfrey Buehler. The verb “to google” came from his name; the original form
of the verb—in German—is “gugeln.” One could google on a lithograph (one of the first truly
awful mechanical-sounding musical instruments), or possibly in the bathroom (a suggestion
hinted at by the dialect form ‘gargeln’), or on one end or the other of a gargoyle (‘gargoyln’). All
these forms can be found in Gugler’s play. Page and Brin are not as adept as Gugler was at
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“organizing the world’s information” (from Google’s mission statement), as Gugler’s system
was associated with none of the problems of modern technology: software, hardware, servers,
outages, spies, etc. etc. Gugler’s heirs are now suing Google for stealing the invention, as well as
for trademark violation (use of the name!). Certainly if priority is any criteria, they have a point:
project Google began in January 1996, with incorporation in 1998, while Gugler’s work began
sometime between 1869 (the year he came to Milwaukee) and 1889 (the year his play containing
references to “gugling” was put on stage). Whatever happens to the lawsuit, credit should go to
researchers in the field of German-American studies for having discovered the facts.
“If I did it”: The Rise and Fall of the Excusative Case
By Ze Richter and H.S. Henker, with
Adam Ussishkin, University of Arizona
Excuse me, but could I have your attention please? As demonstrated by Mya F. Ault and I. Didit
in their influential volume, Morphosyntactic Borrowing from African Languages into German
through the Vandal Invasions (an isogloss of this feature is known as the Vandalwall) the
aversive case found in dead African languages, for which we have no textual evidence, merged
with remnants of the vocative to form the now-defunct excusative. O. James Schuld argues in
The Blame Game: The Language of Culpability (London: Oxford UP, 1997) that because the
excusative is tied to the imperative (e.g. "Pardon me," "Excuse me.") it has been
underrepresented in the literature by historical linguists, who show an unmarked bias for written
texts (e.g. diaries, chronicles) over the spoken word. In this paper the author shifts the blame
from scholars to language (mis)use by speakers, and instead of providing evidence for the
excusative argues from the position that the emergence of forms that could have replaced the
excusative indicates the presence via absence of the case. The author analyzes replacement of
admission of guilt and acceptance of responsibility by non-agential passive constructions
("Mistakes were made" [Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez]), predicate adjective constructions
employing the nominative ("I am sorry"), and the use of intonation ("Well excu-use me!") as
strategies for avoiding excusative constructions. The author would like to apologize for the lack
of convincing argument or data in this abstract.
Possible verb raising in Neualtgroßkleindorf
Nat Schur, Universität-Weesned
Adam Ussishkin, University of Arizona
The aim of this scholarly talk is to offer an attempt at an analysis of possible verb raising
constructions in subordinate clauses in the dialect spoken in the village of Neualtgroßkleindorf,
primarily only mostly in two-verb clusters involving a lexical verb and subjunctive forms of the
modal können, this might could very probably be a unique syntactic find among the German
dialects. I wish to call attention to examples (1a) and (1b):
(1a) … dass er das nicht machen könnte
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(1b) … dass er das nicht ti könnte [machen]i
As I discovered as I was trying to find out about verb raising in other Northeast Upper German
dialects, I thought it was reasonable to conjecture that verb raising was likely common with all
modal verbs in two-verb clusters, though I couldn’t verify this when I sought to confirm what A.
G. Nyus (2004) seemed to assume in his legendarily spectacular work on verbs.
Firstly, I would like to try to show a constraint on syntagm, which refers to the particular
combination of verbs in the verb cluster, limiting raising to combinations of lexical verb +
können. Secondly, I should desire to argue that raising occurs only in the presence of the
subjunctive form of können. Lastly but not leastly, I shall endeavor to strive for an explanation of
this quite curious phenomenon. This dialect also has a possible pattern of negative concord
occurring for the most part exclusively with the adverbs vielleicht, wahrscheinlich, and
vermutlich.
Reference
Nyus, A. G. 2004. Introduction to Verbs. Pittsburgh & Groningen: Ben Johnsons.
Optimality Theory’s GEN: What processing problem?
Anonymous, Not here
Adam Ussishkin, University of Arizona
Since the advent of Optimality Theory (O.T.) there has been much heated discussion surrounding
one of its central tenets: namely that an infinite number of potential surface realizations are
generated (by GEN) for each underlying representation. The primary objection to GEN has been
that it is psychologically/neurologically implausible: the processing load (both number of forms
and speed of production) it places upon the human brain is simply too great. This paper presents
a recent discovery made through the combined efforts of NASA astronomers and linguists:
namely that GEN is in fact located in a large alien supercomputer of yet to be determined size
that was recently observed just outside the delta quadrant. This discovery solves the processing
problem for all intents and purposes, leaving only the question of transmission remaining. It is
expected that current ongoing neurological research will soon pinpoint the exact location of the
hypothesized microtransmitter somewhere in the vicinity of the temporal lobe. The authors hope
this finding will unite Optimality theoreticians, generativists, and psycholinguists alike around
the revolutionary new subfield of astrolinguistics.
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Der ewige Studentenbude: Graduate Student Grammaticalization
Steve Krause, Madison University of Wisconsin
Adam Ussishkin, University of Arizona
Language change involves imperfect language acquisition by new generations of speakers.
Grammaticalization is a function of frequency of use: it is hypothesized that words found
together with a high frequency come to be cognitively processed as single units, and that these
units then evolve as individual words. Misspelling, reanalysis, attempts at wit on the part of
postmodern writers, who find their own writing amusing even when nobody else does, and the
extended length of graduate studies for unemployable humanities students has led to "diss"
becoming a productive prefix. This paper explores the socio-linguistic consequences dissertate,
dissertator and dissertation giving rise to a number "diss" words, a process that we label
dissfunction. Dissertations are written in disstopias; prolongation of alloted writing time is
described as disstension; being tired of the process is called disssatisfaction, while the
amusement it brings to some is called dissertainment (Menz 2007). Knapp & Elgersma (2001)
label ABD adjunct appointments as evidence of dissplaced scholars, while the adoption of
apartments, libraries, and coffees houses as work habitats is a matter of disslocation. Anecdotal
evidence of graduate students who have finished their dissertations and found tenure track
positions is analyzed as a refutation of the unidirectionality hypothesis.
Cheese
 Carets
Vivian Lin, University of Wisconsin
Adam Ussishkin, University of Arizona
1. Introduction. Grate: yellow cheese.
2. Methodology. Moisten with: cream or salad dressing until it is of a good consistency to
handle.
3. Results. Shape into small carrots. In the blunt end, place: A sprig of parsley.
4. Conclusion. Serves multitudes.
Facilitating “Cowmunication” in Small Activity Groups:
A Midwestern Program to Support Adults
with “Cowmunication” Impairments
By Barbara Bovine, Moo U.
Adam Ussishkin, University of Arizona
As Fredric Jameson asks, “What would happen if one no longer believed in the existence of
normal language, of ordinary speech, of the linguistic norm? . . . That is the moment at which
pastiche appears and parody has become impossible.” People with severe communication and
10
cognitive-linguistic problems often have difficulty participating even in group activities that have
been repeated time and time again, such as tipping cows, pushing over mailboxes, blowing up an
outhouse, or hiding a cow in the loft of a local farmer’s barn. (To say nothing of their inability to
imitate aspects of the literary tradition, ranging from a novel to a lowly abstract.) This article
describes a program developed to facilitate participation in “pasteurized” group activities by
(illegally) using students to provide individual (and financial) support within the context of
language stimulation activities, utilizing lines from the song “Burning Beard” by Clutch.
Every time I open my windows cranes fly in to terrorize me. . .
Tipping Cows in fields Elysian
Saturnalia for all you have
The seven habits of the highly infected calf. . .
Oh, this burning beard, I have come undone
It's just as I've feared. I have, I have come undone
Bugger dumb the last of academe
Occam's razor makes the cutting clean
Shaven like a banker, lilac vegetal
Break the glass ceiling and the golden parachute on down
A good time was had by all, and no cows were injured (beyond their pride) in this project. (IRB
Protocol #07-838767)
HP Effects in Right Node Inputting
Adam Ussishkin, Honorary Wisconsinite
Adam Ussishkin, University of Arizona
In this paper, we propose that Right Node Raising (RNR) is a foot-based phenomenon with its
roots in child language acquisition. RNR has been argued (by, for example, Ussishkin and
Ussishkin 2002, U&U henceforth) to be a word-based process. However, this account faces
various empirical problems, e.g. the inability to account for the well-known shaking-it-all-about
(SIAA) effects. Consider (1):
1. (a)
(b)
(c)
(d)
You put your right node in
You put your right node out
You put your right node in
And you shake it all about
As the examples show, right nodes can be either in or out, yet SIAA occurs only under
conditions of in-ness (by hypothesis related to innie belly-button syndrome, IBBS; see Ussishkin
forthcoming). According to U&U, RNR is memorized by the child in toto, yet our experimental
results indicate incontrovertible evidence of a line-by-line approach with sequential
memorization and recitation of the Hokey-Pokey (HP) text with no main effect (p < .01).
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There are (at least) three possible explanations for our findings:
•
•
•
Shaking is produced by some systematic semantic constraint
(Can’t be semantic, since HP has no meaning)
Speakers store some record of unattested HP with SIAA effects in their memories
(Implausible because of the infinite number of possible unattested HP events)
Speakers store a record of what they actually see during HP
(Our study found the opposite effect due to the lack of cell phone video recorders among
subjects)
We reject all three hypotheses in favor of what is clearly the most elegant and parsimonious
hypothesis; the evidence clearly indicates that when you do the HP and you turn yourself about,
that’s what it’s all about.
Future research addresses putting your left node in and shaking it all about, exploring the
hypothesis that it’s actually all about that.
Verleibt in Berlin, oder,
Lisa Plenske meets Godzilla, a.k.a. Heinrich von Kleist
Charles J. James, AM & FM
Adam Ussishkin, University of Arizona
Elisabeth Plenske, spitznamentlich Lisa genannt, eine junge Dame aus einem unscheinbaren
Dorf namens Güberitz im ländlichen Brandenburg, das vormals als das letzte Ende der
deutschsprachigen Welt gegolten hat, unweit von Mecklenburg, wo laut Bismarck die Welt erst
50 Jahre später zu Ende gehen werde, daher sein Wunsch, seinen Lebensabend dort zu
verbringen, befindet sich in der Großstadt Berlin, wo sie eine Arbeitsstelle als persönliche
Assistentin des Firmenchefs David Seidel zu übernehmen gedenkt, was bei der Unscheinbarkeit
ihres eigenen Wesens in Anbetracht der Tatsache, dass die Firma, um die es sich hierbei handelt,
eine überaus ultramoderne oder zumindest sich für solche haltende Modefirma ist, womöglich,
wie es volkmündlich hiesse, ein Ding der Unmöglichkeit zu sein schiene, diese junge aber leider
nur mässig attraktive Person auf so eine oberflächlich bedeutende Stelle zu platzieren, was zu
einer Überzahl an in beiden Sinnen des Wortes lustvollen Missgeschicken führt, bis sie
tatsächlich im allerletzten Augenblick, bevor dessen Vater Friedrich die Entscheidung zu fällen
versucht, die bereits erwähnte Arbeitsgelegenheit nun doch bekommt, zum Leidwesen der
bösewichtigen Sabrina Hofmann, auf die ich momentan nicht einzugehen vorhabe. You heard it
here first!
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Elocutionary Phonology
Ambrose Shniedel and Adam Ussishkin
Saint Cruiser U.
The longstanding divide in clique-phonology between innatist and historical theories of coolness
is bridged by the theory of elocutionary phonology. A typology of three distinct pathways of
change in linguistic expression of social standing (henceforth ‘hipicity’) are proposed, labeled
Choice, Chintz and Chips, respectively. ‘Natural’ changes in hipicity derive from functional
biases on coolness-expression through the pathway of ‘Choice’. ‘Unnatural’ hipicity innovations
derive from Chintz and Chips. Innate Meekness Avoidance Constraints of the sort invoked by
Bestness Theory are thoroughly dissed.
Choice: The functional avoidance of association with uncoolness to get a date. Uncool people
and associates suffer a lower dating rate, resulting in selection against utterances of lowhipicity.
Chintz: Unnaturally complex and arbitrary coolness criteria developed through long-term
exposure to the later episodes of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
Chips: Errors in dating choice engendered by excessive consumption of MSG.
Now THAT’S messed up: Maltese morphology
Dr. Whose Idea Was This Anyway?
University of Malted Milk
Adam Ussishkin, University of Arizona
Much research in Semitic languages has focused on its well-known “root-and-pattern”
morphology (see especially McCarthy 1979, 1981, among many others all of whom came in the
20th century or later because nobody before then had a freakin’ clue what they were talking
about), known also in the literature as nonconcatenative morphology (NM) or more commonly as
a “really messed up way to do a language” (RMUWTDAL).
New research into a heretofore undiscovered dialect of Maltese has uncovered an even more
unusual type of morphological system, known as ‘way nonconcatenative morphology’ (or
WNM), as illustrated in the examples below, which illustrate what seems to be a case of
“weirdness” infixation:
1.
Maltese
basar
bɪdɛl
Gloss
to foretell, predict
to change, convert
fɪrɛʃ
to spread
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d͡ʒɪbɛt
to pull
gɪdɛp
to lie, tell an untruth
zɪfɛn
to dance
2.
Maltese
ba mafa sar
bɪ lulu dɛl
Gloss
to foretell, predict the future in a weird way
to change, convert in a weird way
fɪ mama rɛʃ
to spread in a weird way
d͡ʒɪ sihi bɛt
to pull in a weird way
gɪ nono dɛp
to lie, tell an untruth in a weird way
zɪ mofo fɛn
to dance in a weird way
Note the absolutely arbitrary nature of the bisyllabic infix in the data in (2). At least we can be
happy that this infix is limited in size to two syllables, thus confirming that contra Hoberman &
Aronoff (2003) root-and-pattern morphology is alive and well in the language. However, given
the arbitrariness of this pattern, it’s no surprise that this dialect of Maltese is facing imminent
death. Clearly, much research funding (hellooooo, NSF!) is necessary in order to fully document
this completely unbelievable system before it fades into the misty sands of time.
In Search of FUG: Cat perception in generative grammar
Miao-miao LaRoux and Adam Ussishkin
It has been hypothesized (Spud & Timmie, 2006) that natural human language may not be the
only animal communication system to be based on Universal Grammar (UG). Stella (2007),
however, asserts that conclusions from these authors are in principle not to be trusted, and
furthermore that they should be put outside more often. Experiments presented here reveal a role
for Feline Universal Grammar (henceforth FUG) based on results from a perception task.
In experiment 1, 22 subjects responded to stimuli in a meow-decision task. Stimuli consisted
of either real monophthongal, diphthongal, or triphthongal meows or non-meow stimuli that
varied along three dimensions. Stimuli were produced by a native Madison meower using a
whisker-mounted microphone in a sound-attenuated cardboard box of enticing dimensions.
Native meowing subjects were recruited by cat-napping from local porches and all subjects were
compensated with one teaspoon of dolphin-safe tuna. During the experiment, success or failure
of meow-access was determined by subject response of hiss or bored stare, respectively. 14 of
the subjects expressed disdain for the entire enterprise before completion of the experiment by
turning around and presenting their little pink rosettes to the experimenter; data from these
subjects were excluded.
Results support the already foregone conclusion dating to Meowsky (1968) that all cat
languages are distinguished by the property of ‘incursion’, in which all discourse is rendered
instantly cat-centric.
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Lexical ambiguity: What’s a ‘cricket coach’?
Sir Donald Bradman
Cricket Hall of Fame
and Adam Ussishkin
Insect vehicle? Trainer of chirpers? News of the recent strangling of the trainer for Pakistan’s
national cricket team has not only turned attention to “cricket’s dark side” (NYT, p. 1, March 24),
but has also triggered widespread confusion among Americans, for whom coach can mean ‘car’
(or the truly uncomfortable way to travel on an aeroplane) and who think of cricket only in terms
of summertime insects, if you can believe such a thing. Wake up America! It’s a sport, with reallife violence. Kind of like hockey, but with insects.
Licensing of prosodic features by syntactic rules:
The key to auxiliary reduction
Adam Ussishkin & Monica McAuley
University of the Outer Hebrides
This paper will discuss the phenomenon of auxiliary reduction, a topic which has been treated by
many syntacticians and phonologists. We will show that traces do not exist and that any theory
assuming traces is gravely flawed and must be abandoned. We will propose that in the
morphology, every auxiliary has two shapes, one when the auxiliary is completely deaccented
and one when the auxiliary is accented. (There may be more than two shapes for the auxiliaries.)
Constructions such as VP ellipsis and wh-movement in which auxiliary reduction is impossible
are ones in which only the accented form of auxiliaries may appear, due to syntactic conditions
on accent patterns and on what may serve as the host for a clitic. This also handles comparative
subdeletion and pseudogapping, which have been claimed to involve dislocation in order to
preserve the generalization that when there is an empty category next to the auxiliary it cannot
reduce, which is not necessary with our proposal. It may also be noted that our solution will
account for the impossibility of auxiliary reduction before emphatic too or so in rejoinders and in
comparative constructions with subject-auxiliary inversion. In conclusion, the results of this
paper will have profound effects on linguistic theory in general. For further details, see:
http://www.lsadc.org/info/abstract-models.cfm#bad.
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What happens when sonorants branch on Nuclei, or Who’s governing whom?,
or You know damn well by now that there are only CV syllables!
JACQUE STRAPP and Adam Ussishkin
[draft: do not post or cite]
Phonological thinking since the 60s holds that melodic and harmonic material associated to
Nuclei can branch on empty Onsets: the result is the corresponding glide (i.e. an i branching on
the following Onset like in French /li+e/ lier ‘to tie’ produces [lije], though younger speakers
tend to see this as archaic and really dumb). Probably because empty Nuclei are less well
accepted than empty Onsets, the opposite movement has only been proposed fairly recently: this
is when melodic material associated to an Onset branches on an empty Nucleus. Harmonic
material behaves in a similar but different manner and will not be further addressed.
The goal of the present talk is to investigate the logically possible situations that are generated
when allowing for this type of configuration and others, and to examine what kind of empirical
effects are produced. Ideally, of course, all possible representations correspond to a well-known
empirical situation: the only kind of syllable ever allowed is CV, and stop complaining that there
are exceptions to this! I show that by and large this is indeed the case. The most obvious
empirical identity for a branching consonant are syllabic consonants (SCs): according to the
classical 19th century definition, these are “consonants in vocalic function.” although that sounds
inherently contradictory but you’ll just have to learn to live with it. Diachronically as well as
synchronically, SCs alternate with a VC sequence (Czech kr_k_ > krk ‘throat’, free variation in
English butt(e)n), and, according to classical description, take over the syllabic function when
the vowel comes to disappear. It is thus conceivable that the physical properties of SCs (their
consonanthood) are due to the fact that they are dominated by an Onset, while their vocalic
behaviour comes from the fact that just like “real” vowels, they occupy a Nucleus. This solution
for SCs has been adopted e.g. by Hall (1992:35f), Wiese (1986), Harris (1994:224f), Rowicka
(1999:261ff), Scheer (2004:§240). Wake up and pay attention!
In a second step, I show that phonological theory must be able to distinguish two kinds of
cluster-creating consonants: syllabic and so-called trapped consonants (TC).2 The latter occur for
example in Polish, where they have been extensively studied by Jerzy Rubach (e.g. 1997) who
argues that they are extrasyllabic. In fact TCs systematically display opposite behaviour with
respect to SCs: (1) SCs count in poetry, TCs do not, and don’t ask about prose poetry (2) SCs
may bear stress, TCs may not, (3) in case a vowel–zero alternation occurs to their left, the zero
alternant appears before SCs (which thus behave like a vowel), but the alternation site is
vocalised before TCs, (4) TCs, but not SCs, are “transparent” for voice assimilation. Remember,
the only syllable type is CV.
In sum, the only syllable type is CV.
2
However, there’s never a need to distinguish between CV and any other syllable type.
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Anti-Elocutionary Phonology:
No chance for chip chippy chintz chintziness
Mara Ni’Sisiu & André Les Niches, with Big Bank Hank
Schniedel & Ussishkin (this volume, cf. also various gin-soaked and meth-fueled rants) propose
to place the patently phony (and probably purloined) notion of ‘hipicity’ in the center of
phonological theory. As is known to every schoolboy and generally obvious to any creature with
a brain stem, Bestness Theoretic and later Bestestness Theoretic approaches (as well as recent
Extended Standard Better-still Theoretic work) foundered on the craggy rocks of Hopacity, not
over the minor flaws of Meekedness Avoidance (as asserted without a breath of evidence or
argument, ça va sans dire, by Schniedel & Ussishkin). Hipicity is thus exposed for its utterly
lame poseuritude.
In a heroic effort to return phonological theory to sanity, we step forward to propose a solution
drawing on Sugarhill Gang (1979, drawing possibly on the earlier work of Grandmaster Caz,
Cold Crush Gang, 1978). The last thing we need is more hipicity to counter hopacity; we seek a
simpler solution, to wit:
I said a hip hop,
Hippie to the hippie,
The hip, hip a hop, and you don't stop, a rock it
To the bang bang boogie, say, up jump the boogie,
To the rhythm of the boogie, the beat.
In other words, we attempt to raise your body heat, rapping to the rhythm of a groovy moraic
trochee beat, with right-to-left foot construction (degenerate feet banned, following Hayes 1995);
just blow your mind (see Halle, O’Neil & Vergnaud 1993), so you can't speak, i.e. produce
metrically well-formed utterances (Safire 2007), and do a thing but a-rock and shuffle your feet
(in line with current approaches to Cavineña stress), save for secondary stress on odd non-initial
syllables, and let it change up to a dance called the ‘freak’, viz.:
Vowel length is phonemic; no minimal word constraint.
. × (.×) (×..)
10, 102, 1020. 10202 or 109202
Word layer: End Rule Left
Finally, we advise that when you finally do come into your rhythmic beat, rest a little while so
you don't get weak.
Drum break.
References
Gang, Sugarhill. 1979. Rapper’s Delight. The Sugarhill Gang.
Halle, Morris, Wayne O’Neil & Jean-Roger Vergnaud. 1993. “Metrical Coherence in Old
English without the Germanic Foot”. Linguistic Inquiry 24.529-539.
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Hayes, Bruce. 1995. Metrical Stress Theory: Principles and case studies. Chicago: University of
Chicago Press.
Safire, William. 2007. Metrical wellformedness, perfectly girded. Linguistic Inquiry.
Forthcoming.
Proving Limits of UG: Theoretical and experimental results
Adam Ussishkin & Burrhus Frederic Skinner
To Prove the Limits of UG — lately known as ‘the plug program’, we conducted the following
experiment. Subjects were provided with an artificial grammar and required to describe verbally
how to tie their shoes using only esophageal egressives and violations of island constraints.
The experiment.
Participants:
• All were hip young kids with too many piercings
• All received boatloads of cash for compensation
• Mostly talked kind of funny, not like we did
RT (response time) measured from far away on the beach with a cold beer in hand.
Procedures and apparatus:
• Experiment conducted on TRS-80 using Fortran software (cf. Ussishkin 1979)
• Participants were raised in Skinner Boxes
• Participants wore Walkmans to hear stimuli and were required to paw the ground once
for yes and twice for no
Discussion. 54 x 22 mixed-design MANCOVA, when calculated in base 8 revealed significant
effect of UG, with a side of fries.
Responses that fell outside of three standard deviations from the mean were excluded, leaving
7% of the collected data as analyzable, which really sucked. Responses which were not
forthcoming were remanded to a collection agency.
In other words, how does a speaker know that a pseudo-word is not a word?
Conclusion. “The experiment might be said to demonstrate a sort of superstition” (Skinner
1947). The pierced kid behaves as if there were a causal relation between its behavior and the
presentation of cash, although such a relation is lacking. There are many analogies in human
behavior. Rituals for changing one's fortune at cards are good examples, plate o’ shrimp. A few
accidental connections between a ritual and favorable consequences suffice to set up and
maintain the behavior in spite of many unreinforced instances. The linguist who has submitted an
abstract but continues to behave as if she were controlling it by twisting and turning her
arguments is another case in point. These behaviors have, of course, no real effect upon one's
luck or upon a ball half way down an alley, just as in the present case the food would appear as
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often if the pigeon did nothing — or, more strictly speaking, did something else. Or things to that
effect.
References
Skinner, B.F. 1947. "'Superstition' in the Pigeon". Journal of Experimental Psychology 38.
Ussishkin, Adam. 1979. Fortran and Star Trek: TRS-80. Mad Magazine.
The organizing committee
Leonard Bloomfield
Joe Curtis
Colette A. Day
Candice B. Fureal
Suzanne Jeskewitz
Monica Macaulay
Steve Nass
Hermann Paul
Cody Pendant
Mike Rohsopht
Andy Structible
Adam Ussishkin
Andy Wedel
Al B. Zienya
Ben Thair & Dunn Dat, Attorneys at Law
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Our Sponsors
•
Mr. Verb, Inc., a wholly-owned subsidiary of Archer, Daniels, Midland:
We verb your world.
•
The Wisconsin Englishes Project, supported by everybody in the
whole damn wide world except the freakin’ National Endowment for the
Humanities.
•
The Hugh Jass Foundation for Research Excellence and
Knowledge (Visit us at HughJassFreak.com.)
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