Aheadvibe - Headvibe Magazine

A
HEADVIBE
headvibe
Headvibe Magazine is published by
Coolbeans Publishing, Dorset.
Editor: David Wilson
Cover Photo:
Taloch Jameson of the Dolmen
Contributing Writers:
Jeff Riley
Liz Ramanand
Rob Hagar
Susan Longboat
Alice Williams
Contributing Photographers:
Dazma of Dazma Photographics
Newsdesk:
newsdesk@headvibemagazine.com
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Contribute to Headvibe:
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Official website:
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contents
04
07
12
15
18
24
27
30
local news
out and about around
Dorset
music science
why sharks love Death
Metal & nostalgia
special feature
steam wars - Mr B vs
Professor Elemental
special report
we look back to the time
of the mix tape
inside music
we are at Freestyle studios
and music shop in Poole
the vibe
join Giles for a look at
the dance scene
special report
musicians and their
beards
your noise
shit you just gotta say
06
08
14
16
20
26
28
31
live review
Tom Jones at the
Larmer Tree Festival
special feature
Factory Records
clubs, drugs and debt
playing live
where, when and who
special feature
we talk exclusively to
Taloch of The Dolmen
world news
the stranger music stories
from across the globe
music flicks
Bombay Beach
inside view
our version of what our
pop stars have been up to
venue guide
plus what’s up next month
What are these? These are QR Codes - They are basically links to stuff on the
web and can be read by Smart-phones using the free QR reader App. They are
checked and virus free - Our codes link to accompanying material on Youtube.
Find out where to get your free copy of Headvibe magazine visit:
www.headvibemagazine.com
A LOCALNEWS
write a song, write a book
mixing up your social life
headvibe
headvibe
The Hollow of the Hand - Eagerly anticipated book release
is now available to pre-order from Amazon.
Talented local lass PJ Harvey is
spreading her creative wings and not
content with simply penning great
music, has turned her hand to a bit of
book writing with travelling buddy and
photographer Seamus Murphy.
Harvey with Seamus Murphy
the Hand’ marks the first publication of
Harvey's powerful poetry, in
conjunction with Murphy's indelible
images. It is a landmark project and will
be published internationally in October.
Harvey says:
“Gathering information from secondary
sources felt too far removed for what I
was trying to write about. I wanted to
smell the air, feel the soil and meet the
people of the countries I was fascinated
with. Following our work on Let
England Shake, my friend Seamus
Murphy and I agreed to grow a project
together lead by our instincts on where
we should go.”
films for her last album ‘Let England
Shake’. I was intrigued and the
adventure began, now finding another
form in this book. It is our look at
home and the world.”
Seamus Murphy adds: “Polly is a writer
who loves images and I am a
photographer who loves words. Our
relationship began a few years ago
when she asked me if I would like to
take some photographs and make some
The book is available to pre-order now
on Amazon.
The Hollow of the Hand will be
available in a hardback edition with the
highest quality photographic
reproduction, as well as a reader's
paperback version.
The Hollow of the Hand
by PJ Harvey , Seamus Murphy
Published by Bloomsbury Circus
“Meet swap and be merry!” says
swapping group founder Danielle Rose.
Well we like the sound of that - anything
that involves listening to music and
drinking has us leaving the Headvibe
office in droves - and thanks to the
Dorset girl you can do it regularly at one
of her ‘Drinks and Mix Tape’ swap
sessions.
The group was created when Danielle
returned to Dorset in 2013 and has
built up a sizeable following. Having
just hosted their 11th event back at the
The Goat and Tricycle where it all
began (the pub has a lovely beer
garden) - they are looking forward to
many more.
process.” and added: “You bring a
mixtape with some of your favourite
music on and leave with another. All
formats are welcome - CD, cassette,
memory stick...”
Danielle says: “The intention of the
group is to provide informal social
gatherings for local creatives to meet
each other and hang out, whilst
hopefully having a lot of fun in the
And who’s welcome at these swap
meets? Danielle explains: “Originally I
used the term 'young professionals'
when publicising the group, but really
anyone with an interest in the group is
welcome and after our first meet up we
dropped the 'young' and now we also
welcome people who don't count
themselves as professionals in their
work, but who never the less share a
creative interest in arts & culture.”
To find out when and where their next
meet is and to join in, visit:
http://www.meetup.com and search
‘Drinks & Mixtape’ (in Bournemouth).
Leo Fender, inventor of the Stratocaster and Telecaster, couldn't play the guitar.
Between 2011 and 2014 Harvey and
Murphy set out on a series of journeys
together to Kosovo, Afghanistan, and
Washington DC. She collected words,
he collected pictures, and together they
have created an extraordinary chronicle
of their life and times. ‘The Hollow of
Bournemouth group invite you to sink a few pints and swap a few songs.
4
5
Tap dancing originates from Irish clog dancing and what is called the Irish reel and jig.
A LOCALNEWS
HEADVIBE
headvibe
By Susan Longboat - festival blogger
Tom Jones at Larmer Tree
Sir Tom and Larmer Tree seem to be inseparable as he returns for a second year at this festival.
To anyone who hasn’t been, it’s like
this: if heaven were a festival, then it
would be Larmer Tree.
A grand piano can be played faster than an upright (spinet) piano.
No need for wellies - Larmer Tree has
‘Power Tracks’ - walkways that you
could manage in the most dangerous of
stilettos and still keep your heels clean.
Queues at the bars? Not bloody likely!
An army of attractive, young staff with
public-school accents await, ready to
serve you. Same with the loos - no hint
of a queue, but then, there are so many,
it would hardly be possible. The food
stalls are highly imaginative, each one
with elaborate, carefully created
colourful signs (and no queues). Even
the children aren’t annoying - not a
single wailer in earshot. One could
even manage they were enjoying
themselves. And to top it off, Peacocks
roam around amongst the festivalgoers, looking beautiful, generally
joining in and posing for photographs.
And everybody’s smiling!
So maybe it’s being rich that does that
to people; the net worth of the contents
of the car park alone could easily bail
out Greece and still have change for a
second holiday home in the Maldives,
but it really doesn’t matter. Whatever
the reasons, the place, the people and
the atmosphere is just good vibes all
round and you have an overwhelming
sense that if you did mislay your wallet,
it would be returned with more money
in it then when you lost it.
All of which would naturally lead you
to conclude that if Larmer Tree really is
Tom Jones - another amazing performance at the original boutique festival
heaven, then that means Sir Tom must
be God - which is an entirely befitting
title for this King of music longevity.
Not only in his amused, humble
manner, white beard and unwavering
professionalism, but for putting on a
performance out of this world.
I guess what really makes him special is
that you don’t need to be a fan to enjoy
him. Because what he does really isn’t
about the music, it’s all in the
performance he puts on. From his
opening number, ironically titled
‘Burning Hell,’ his energy blasts the
crowd off its feet, and from that
moment on, there is no let up on the
perfection of his unparalleled voice, nor
the amazing talent and sound of his
awesome band.
He sings a fairly wide
variety of different music
genres, including a couple
of gospel songs, some lovely
blues covers such as ‘St
James Infirmary’, and even
a great Leonard Cohen
number, ‘Tower of Songs’,
into which he injects actual
melodic beauty (sorry
Leonard!). The point is that
whatever Tom Jones sings,
Oh yes! crowd welcomes Sir Tom
6
he makes it sound holy wonderful.
Cover or not, his version of each and
every song had the same power,
enthusiasm and vibrancy as the last.
Moreover, age hasn’t deteriorated him,
it suits him. Not only did his energy
seem to increase as the night wore on,
but the night really wore on - and on.
The magnificent Delilah was an hour
and a quarter in and as much as the
crowd sensed it would be his finale, it
wasn’t. Several songs later, the lights
finally dimmed - for the first time. As
for the encore - we honestly couldn’t
wait around for it to finish, but we
could still hear him in the car park two
hours after his opening number.
Whatever you thought about Tom
Jones before - unless you’ve seen him
recently, you’d be wrong. But if you
can’t catch him on this year’s circuit,
don’t worry - we have the feeling he’ll
be around for quite a few more years!
A MUSICSCIENCE
headvibe
By Alice Williams - psychologist
sharks love death (metal)
Yes, it’s true - and you heard it here
first (well, nearly first). Sharks are
actually attracted by death metal
music. Scientists have discovered that
apparently, they just love the sound of
a bit of Slipknot or Cannibal Corpse to
unwind to after a long day’s hunting.
This knowledge could have entirely
changed the outcome of “Jaws” if only
Brody and Quint had known that all
they needed was a stereo and a couple
of speakers on board instead of buckets
of chum. Still, that could have proved
difficult, since death metal hadn’t been
invented back in ’75.
Of course, it’s not the undeniably
tuneful tones of the death metal itself
that attracts them, but rather what the
noise appears to represent - it would
seem that the low frequency output of
death metal sounds an awful lot like
struggling fish. In fact, sharks don’t
even have ears as such; they have
sensors in their skin that sense the
vibrations through the water, but it
works extremely well. One seasoned
shark tour operator from Australia,
Matt Waller, actually discovered that
playing a bit of AC/DC to sharks can
change their behaviour. It could be
argued that AC/DC have the same
effect on humans, but Matt wasn’t
specific about what the behaviour
change might be - nor whether there
was potentially any similarity with
humans.
All this might seem trivial, but it
appears to some that it’s good news for
sharks hunters, whether they seek these
pre-historic predators for tourists’
amusement or science, since the use of
metal music to attract sharks is
apparently far more environmentally
friendly than using chum. Well, each to
his own... enjoy, Jaws.
nostalgia rocks! - and that’s official
You know how you just love those
nineties hits? Karaoke bars everywhere
are still enjoying the Backstreet
Boys/N Sync revival, and Kurt Cobain
has never been more popular
- even if his popularity only
extends to rumours about his
death. And after all, how
could the Happy Mondays
have made such a
monumental come-back if
this wasn’t the case?
period of tremendous flux in our early
teens, according to Daniel J. Levitin,
music psychologist and director of the
Laboratory for Music Perception,
Levitin told the New York Times. He
went on to say: "We're just reaching a
point in our cognitive development
when we're developing our own tastes.
And musical tastes
become a badge of
identity." Not only that,
but they become hugely
important in our
emotional development from seeing out old
girlfriends/boyfriends with
soppy, sloppy love songs to
ushering in new chapters
with pumping, thumping
tunes.
Well, science to the rescue
again has found out that
there is a really good reason
for all this love of nostalgia and it doesn’t have anything
OK, so it may not be the
to do with the fact that
nineties for you, but
nineties music was so darned what was your musical puberty era? and like the guy above, have you stuck with it? whatever era it was, it was
great - it probably wasn’t. And it may
Cognition and Expertise at McGill
good. And whatever the scientists say,
not be the nineties you long for - it
University. He says 14 is the key age.
we don’t need to be told - we just know
does depend on your age, and more
Because of all these new experiences,
instinctively that nostalgia, whether its
specifically, when you hit puberty.
the music we hear around this time
music, movies or reminiscing, is just the
Apparently, our brains are in megashines with a special resonance.
best... mostly because we put our nice,
moulding time when it comes to
"Pubertal growth hormones make
rose tinted, cool shades over it and
emotions in particular. Our music
everything we're experiencing,
enjoy it, in all its perfected glory.
tastes and social lives go through a
including music, seem very important,"
Aaahhh!
7
The harmonica is the world’s best-selling music instrument.
A LIVEREVIEW
HEADVIBE
A FACTORYRECORDS
HEADVIBE
headvibe
A record label without
contracts - A club without
patrons - bands with no
record sales - Increasing
debt pitted against falling
revenues. This is the
story of Tony Wilson, his
mates, their mad ideas
and life at the Factory.
The story of Factory Records is more
accurately a tale of Tony Wilson - a
man with a secret mission, somewhat
warped towards his own ego and
ideology, but wholly driven by a force
to personally pioneer Britain’s
independent pop culture and reimagine Manchester, placing it at the
centre of the universe, his peoples
universe.
Born in 1950, Wilson was a local boy,
posh but never the less, from
Manchester. He had taken a journalism
degree at Cambridge and returned to
his hometown to work for Granada TV
in 1973, presenting his own whacky but
conservative segments for the local
news programme, ‘Granada Reports’.
encouraged by their total lack of ability.
He decided to form a band of his own,
and with Bernard Sumner, Stephen
Morris plus singer and lyricist Ian
Curtis, had done so. They became Joy
Division.
Tony in the mean time, frustrated by
the restraints of his TV show had
rented a regular club night at a local
venue - The Russel Club - with his
friend Alan Erasmus, an out of work
actor, as his partner. They started
putting bands on and were soon
brought together with Joy Division by
their new and first manager Rob
Gretton. Gretton had been the DJ at a
local club that Joy Division had played
and had latched onto them - he had
little to no experience in band
always had, in Tony Wilson’s words:
“The right to fuck off at anytime” - The
contract was written on a napkin and
signed in Tony’s own blood.
Factory’s first release - a double EP
featuring Joy Division, Duritti and
others was packaged by hand at
Erasmus’s flat in Palatine Road, the
address set to be the label’s offices for
the next 12 years.
promotion and was more football thug
than band manager.
Tony and Erasmus were already
managing a few of their own bands:
A Certain Ratio and The Duritti
Column and had added another key
player to the team, Peter Saville, a
recent graduate from art school. They
re-named their club night ‘The
Factory’, got Saville to create some
avant garde artwork and decided to
become not only music promoters but a
record label, Factory Records - their
first ‘proper’ signed band being Joy
Division. Their contract was simple:
Factory would own nothing of the
artists material, they would simply
produce and sell the records, the profits
would be split 50/50 and the band
Manchester in the seventies was
regarded as quite a shit hole, ‘inner city
decay’ was rife and the charts were full
of trivial fluff such as The Sweet and
Mud churning out near comedy glam
disco music. Not Wilson’s cup of tea at
all, and this is what led him on the 4th
of June 1976 to the Freetrade Hall in
Manchester to witness a performance
by the Sex pistols - a moment that
would change his life and the paths of
those who wanted to come along for
the ride.
Rob Gretton - a bit of a nut job apparently
everything they made, even the
stationary. But his sleeve designs were
expensive to make, with ideas such as
mock floppy discs that cost more to
produce than the product inside sold
for. He also created a record sleeve
made of sandpaper (on the outside) A
mental idea of Wilson’s that would
“Destroy the other records around it”
but which totally backfired when it
actually did more damage to the record
it was holding rather than to others.
Through Wilson’s involvement with
Granada and their need to put on a
music programme to rival the BBC’s
Top Of The Pops and Whistle Test,
Tony found himself hosting ‘So It
Goes’ a new TV music show where
Wilson had carte blanche to promote
the the bands he felt were worth
listening to.
A guy named Peter Hook was also at
that early Pistols gig and had been
8
In retrospect, the label was already
showing signs of what was to
eventually destroy them - A lack of any
real planning or cost awareness, overly
expensive record sleeves and no real
promotion. Saville designs were cool,
granted, and he had come up with the
unique idea of giving everything a
catalogue number. The first poster for
The Factory was detailed as FAC 1 and
from then on they numbered
Factory were trying to do everything
they knew nothing about and were
doing it fast. They added another
member to the
team with record
producer Martin
Hannett and
started to record
the music
themselves as well
as distribute the
records and with
the further
addition of Joy
Division’s
manager, Rob
Gretton into the
Joy Division Stephen Morris, Ian Curtis, Bernard Sumner and Peter Hook
inner sanctum, the
Tony was deeply affected by Ian’s death
infamous five were about to make a
and had sought solace in the music
load of music and blow a truck load of
clubs of New York accompanied by
money in the process.
friend and business partner Erasmus. It
was there that they had conjured up
Joy division recorded their first album
their next ridiculous idea - to re-create
with Factory in 1979, titled Unknown
the warehouse clubs of hip hop
Pleasures - an album they didn’t really
Manhattan, but in Manchester - and
like after producer Martin Hannett
with the 50/50 financial partnership of
had “fucked about with it... and
the re-grouped Joy Division, now
changed it.” Either way, Factory and
Joy Division were an item and the band calling themselves New Order - they
rented an old yacht warehouse, kitted it
had begun to produce their best
out with a kitsch industrial look and
material to date. But pleasure was soon
opened it as The Hacienda (FAC 51)
to be mixed with pain with Ian Curtis
on 21st May 1982 - later described by
being diagnosed as a severe epileptic
Wilson as: “A huge fucking mistake”
and put on heavy meds, rowing with
his wife over his ongoing affair with a
The club was an instant disaster. The
tag-along Belgian fan and his
New York clubs had a ready supply of
deepening depression. Shortly after
punters, whereas Manchester didn’t - it
recording their second album: ‘Closer’
was basically a massive disco that no
and with a tour of America about to
one wanted. It was losing up to
kick off, Curtis, in the privacy of his
£50,000 a month, purely
propped up by money from
“I just think it’s
New Order, who although
wonderful... I wish I had
releasing records with Factory
and gigging like crazy, were
been there to see it”
seeing all their cash eaten up
by Wilson’s money hungry
own home following another bust up
utopia.
with the missus put Iggy Pop’s ‘The
Idiot’ on the record player and hanged
Even what should have been amazing
himself. It was the 18th of May 1980.
financial successes for New Order
He was 23.
fucked up when given the Factory
treatment; namely their monumental
The album ‘Closer’ was released shortly
single Blue Monday - still the best
after Ian’s death - it’s cover still carried
selling 12 inch single of all time the picture they had chosen together
which lost money on every copy it sold
with Ian some weeks before - a picture
due to Saville’s ridiculously expensive >
of a tomb.
[
]
Where it all started - Outside ‘The Factory’ with Peter Saville, Tony Wilson and Alan Erasmus
9
A SPECIALFEATURE
A FACTORYRECORDS
headvibe
Pickering had invented Acid House
and The Rave - maybe now they could
make some money? No bollocks, they
just spent even more.
Martin Hannett mixing it up at Factory
> ‘floppy disc’ record sleeve design. The
single took an even more ironic blow
when the band insisted on playing live
on TOTP where they sounded so shit
the single actually did worse and fell
down the charts - a first for any band
performing on that programme.
In other moments of madness going on
at the time, Wilson missed out on
signing the Smiths when he had lost a
copy of a treasured script for a play that
he had been given to him by Morrissey
to read. Plus he’d also passed on Martin
Hannett’s idea of building their own
recording studio - a great idea that
would have made money on it’s first
outputted album. Dumbfounded by the
lack of business direction, Hannett quit
and sued Factory for unpaid royalties.
They whimsically catalogued his
lawsuit as FAC 61.
Factory didn’t have a meaningful band,
New Order were fighting about money
on the floor, they were being sued, it
was all going tits up - but strangely
enough, the Hacienda was, under the
intuitive guidance of DJ Mike
Pickering, about to provide what
seemed at first the answer to
everything: The Rave. Now the club
had a purpose and it was packed.
After watching a bunch of young lads
calling themselves the Happy Mondays
at the Hacienda compete in a battle of
the bands competition, although they
had come last on the judges score
sheets, Wilson proclaimed them the
winners and taking Pickering’s advice,
signed them to Factory in 1985.
The Mondays were releasing records,
10
When the building that the Hacienda
occupied came up for sale in 1988 they
decided to buy it - not with their
money, but with New Order’s. The
band had just returned from a sell-out
US tour and were pretty much bullied
into spending all they’d got in the bank
under the fear of otherwise losing
everything - Factory promised to
match their financial input and they
did - just with even more of New
Order’s cash - money that they really
should have been paying to the band in
the first place. But as Tony said after
walking the floor of his packed club:
“Seeing all these people having fun...
[
headvibe
Wilson, the club was now effectively
being run by aggressive drug-selling
doormen and local gangsters. In 1989
the club saw it’s first overdose death on
the dance floor and this was soon
followed by guns going off left right
and centre as the drug dealers fought
for the lucrative turf. Under a barrage
of bad publicity and opposed operating
licences, the club was closed on January
30th 1991. It re-opened it’s doors again
5 months later - now equipped with
CCTV, metal detectors and a new
legitimate security staff but it would
never be the same again - with every
night tarnished by local police arresting
the drug dealers that had simply moved
outside to sell their wares and shoot
people. The Hacienda struggled on but
it was slowly dying.
Now The Mondays and acid house
ruled the world and Manchester had
become Madchester. Tony had kept his
‘day job’ in broadcasting (smart move)
and New Order were paying for
everything. A dream for some, a
nightmare for others and those bad
dreams were about to become a reality
cluster fuck of disasterous happenings.
Now, all these kids bopping up and
down out of their heads was caused by
something and it wasn’t just the music.
The advent of Ecstacy had made the
Hacienda a mecca of drug-selling
activity. With little interest from
]
The Mondays were also
having their own drug
problems with brothers Paul
and Shaun Ryder now heavily
addicted to heroin and
although Paul was committed to
kicking his habit, Shaun was more than
ready to take up any slack.
“Whatever the cost, who
cares...It’s great fun!”
whatever the cost, who cares?... It’s
great fun”
HEADVIBE
Amidst all this chaos, something Tony
seemed to enjoy, in 1992 Factory
decided to pack the Happy Mondays
off to Barbados to record their 4th
Album. He had spent a shed load of
cash doing a similar thing with New
Order but hadn’t or didn’t want to learn
any lessons. He chose Barbados
because apparently the island had no
heroin on it. Yeah, no heroin but
unbeknownst to him, mountains of
crack. And after Shaun had dropped
and smashed his entire supply of
Methadone at Manchester airport on
departure, on arrival, Shaun and buddy
wonderful... I
wish I could
have been
there to see it”
The band were
back on British
soil but in
turmoil. Shaun
had lost
control of his
group, Bez was
down to one
Maraca,
Happy Mondays relaxing in Eddie Grant’s pool on Barbados
everyone was
addicted to Crack and their album,
Bez got themselves straight into the
salvaged from the bits of recording they
plentiful supply of the white rocks.
did manage in between the drugs, was
a flop. Titled ‘Yes Please’, the critics
Wilson had hired out musician Eddie
firmly answered: ‘No thank you’.
Grant’s expensive and secluded studio
to record on Barbados. The Mondays
Even the club, that although wasn’t
moved in and caused havoc.
having a smooth ride had been turning
a profit, was now short of customers,
Tony, in L.A at the time, was receiving
with punters turning away from the
daily updates on the unfolding
‘old hat’ acid culture and embracing the
mayhem: Bez had overturned a jeep
new Grunge movement instead.
and broken his arm, Shaun was off his
head and hadn’t written anything, they
Factory was in trouble, most of the
had turned Eddie Grant’s pool area
Mondays were in re-hab and the
Hacienda was in decline. They needed
some cash and this time it was going to
be hard, if not impossible to get. New
Order blanked them and the
only other source was from
the banks; businessmen who
were not part of Wilson’s
self-created social
experiment looked in
disbelief at Factory’s books,
gazed in astonished
confusion at his scribbled in
blood worthless contracts
and certainly didn’t see
anything to actually lend any
money to. So they didn’t.
transformed into what Tony called:
“A capitalistic nightmare of factory’s
original utopian dream”
Factory was gone, the Hacienda had
been demolished and along with it
Wilson’s dream. And although he
didn’t know it yet, he too was on
limited time.
Although he had not made any money,
he had created and given so much.
Acid House and The Rave were now
iconic eras, Joy Division, New Order
and Happy Mondays were
monumental, Manchester had been
reinvented and numerous bands such as
Blondie, Iggy Pop and Culture Club
had been given their chance to shine in
the UK.
Wilson’s quest for all the above had
even been portrayed in the 2002 film
‘24 Hour Party People’ where Wilson
was played, to great acclaim, by Steve
Cougan. The film charted his rise to
infamy and also the decline that
ensued.
Tony Wilson died on 10th of August
2007 from a heart attack while in
hospital receiving treatment for Renal
cancer. He was 57.
Tony Wilson and Steve Cougan on set
Shaun Ryder - wrecked in a bar in Barbados
New Order - Stephen Morris, Peter Hook, Gillian Gilbert and Bernard Sumner
into a massive home-made tent
housing their oh so popular crack den
and when they had spent all the money
Factory had given them to record with,
Shaun had been found loading all
Grant’s studio equipment onto a van
out the back door so he could sell it to
buy even more crack. The band were
kicked out and eventually flew home.
But Wilson didn’t blink an eye and on
hearing all this said: “I just think it’s
Wilson’s last lavish spend for no reason
at all had been on sumptuous offices
above the Hacienda for the record label
- and it was in these offices that Peter
Saville asked Wilson the question:
“Can you remember any decision that
you, Alan or Rob ever made with the
intention of making a profit?” To which
Tony paused and then answered “No.”
Factory went into receivership on the
23rd November 1992. The Hacienda
closed it’s doors for good five years
later and is now swanky apartments,
Shortly before his death he said:
“What was important was the history
we made, not the money we made.”
His coffin was given the final catalogue
number: FAC 501.
11
A STEAMWARS
Elemental is a mad hat-wearing steampunk professor who loves a nice cup of tea
and has little time for Mr B and his preposterous moustache.
Mr B the gentleman rhymer is a top chap and dapper gent. He is king of the banjolele
and thinks very little of Elemental’s tea-soaked ramblings.
Elemental and Mr B have been having
vocal fisticuffs since they both
elegantly strolled onto the scene in the
late naughties. Fuelled by a love of the
olden days - mainly Victorian with the
prof and Edwardian on Mr B’s side the two chaps from Brighton have
allegedly settled their feud, but that is
only Steampunk speculation and we
feel that musical tempers could still be
lost at the drop of a dapper hat, given
their previous hip-hop rivalry.
Mr B (the gentleman rhymer) on the
other hand, seems nearly modern when
compared with Elemental, fixated on
the smartness and precisenesss of the
Edwardian dress code and all things fair
and cricket. You could imagine
Elemental slipping a large python into
Mr B’s tent whilst on a hunting trip in
India but you get the feeling that Mr B
would frown on such underhand antics,
preferring to leave it to his banjolele as
a musical cricket bat to knock The prof
for six.
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While bagpipes are today identified with Scotland, they date from ancient times and may have been introduced into the British Isles by the Romans.
Professor Elemental Vs
Firstly, for those not au fait with the
Steampunk scene, here’s a little
background on the genre. Steampunk
is more of a fashion and intellectual
movement than simply a music
genre. Many artists may be
classified as Steampunk but this is
mainly down to the clothes they
wear and the feel and lyrics of
their songs. If you dress like
a Victorian and are
fasciated with Victorian
science fiction (think of
movies such as “First
men in the Moon’
and ‘The league of
extraordinary
Gentleman’) then
you’re Steampunk.
Elemental gives away
his steampunk roots by
occasionally wearing brass
goggles on his hat, talking posh and
drinking tea. Whereas although Mr
B is certainly included in the
Steampunk scene, he is more
Edwardian in dress and goes on
about cricket - either way they are
both certainly from a bygone era
and that’s the rub.
Both Mr B and the Professor hail
from Brighton in Sussex and have
been entertaining the somewhat nerdy
steampunk fans for a good few years
now.
Professor Elemental started out around
2005. He was a keen rapper and lover
of hip hop but had little direction,
although his penchant for all things
Empire and eccentric was certainly a
12
strong catalyst behind any character he
may portray at the time. After being
approached to do a concept album of
hip-hop as it would sound in different
time periods, Emcee
Elemental created
the character of
Professor
Elemental.
While the
album never
came to
fruition,
the
character stuck. His first big break
came with the song “Cup of Brown Joy’
an ode to the love of tea drinking. A
fantastically catchy number with ample
opportunity for crowd (or listener)
participation - something that
Elemental actively encourages in his
live performances - the song,
released on Youtube soon became a
viral cult classic racking up nearly
2 million views to date. The song
also had a great vid to go with
it, filmed in an old country
house by his mate Moog Gravett
and featuring a lovely red-haired
girl, who when I spoke to
Elemental at a festival last year,
informed me was his wife. Nice wife!
Incidentally, The professor, when
dressed in his red captain’s
tunic, has been marrying
couples recently - he says
“It’s not legally binding but
ever so nice... I’m
practically a Vicar now
and only a step away from
forming my own cult”
Since his tea-drinking
Youtube hit, Elemental has
gone from eccentric strength
to even more eccentric
strength with the release of
five increasingly original
albums that have helped define
his sherry drinking, opium
smoking, helmet wearing
persona. A man, nay
gentleman of many mediums,
he continually adds to his
persona of The Professor with
books, blogs, videos and
cartoon strips - all tastefully
available on his website, a thing
of refined html elegance and
weird age-of-Empire beauty.
Add to this his whacky crowdinvolved performances at home
and across Europe and you’re
sunk deep into the steam-driven
world of Elemental.
Mr B (the gentleman rhymer)
Originally from Cheam in Surrey where else? Mr. B The Gentleman
Rhymer is the alter ego of Jim Burke,
originally a rapper with the Britpop
group Collapsed Lung. He started
performing in late 2007, playing at
cabaret clubs, and venues across the UK
including Glastonbury Festival and club
NME in Paris, and performed as part
of the 2010 Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
His debut album "Flattery Not
Included" was released in 2008 for the
Grot Music label, which includes the
track "Chap-Hop History" which is a
Received Pronunciation reworking of
some well known hip-hop classics. His
rapping in received pronunciation or
‘talking in a posh voice’ is a defining
artistic element to his hip-hopped-up
tales of high society, pipe smoking and
cricket.
His songs effortlessly blend his playing
of the Banjolele, occasional trombone,
along with his love of music sampling
and lampooning chap-hop lyrics. He
has released four albums in total - so
Elemental is one ahead on that score!
But who’s keeping score and is it even
important? Well, up until recently the
two had seemingly been involved in
quite a feud indeed. With both taking
shots at each other from behind the
microphone.
So when did the feud start, why and
how? Elemental had been doing the
rounds in his home town of Brighton in
Sussex with his hat-wearing, tea
drinking antics and had begun to build
up a nice cult following with no
opposition - for a while. But with a new
chap in town, Mr B, the pair were soon
vying for the same gigs. This rivalry to
make an honest, old-time living spurred
Elemental, who was already having
huge internet success with “A cup of
brown Joy’, to release a more dark and
wholly sinister song called “Fighting
Trousers’ where he names and disses Mr
B and challenges him to a hip-hop
rapping face-off. The song was seen by
all, including MR B, as a direct slur on
Mr B’s impeccable reputation and
led to the two refusing to play the
same festivals.
Although you can perceive
some original real-world
loathing, it’s not
pronounced and it is
apparent that the
jokey feud has
probably come to an
end with Professor
Elemental making a short
appearance in Mr. B's music
video for the song "Like a
Chap", about which Professor
Elemental said "Much as I hate
to admit it, I bloody love that
video and am jolly glad [Mr.
B] let me gate crash." The
rivalry lessened even more
when Mr. B reciprocated
with a cameo on
Elemental's video for his
song, "I'm British" - The
two seem to have now
finally settled their
differences in the track,
"The Duel", on
Elemental's album "The
Father of Invention"
where after a rap battle,
both agree that the
other is jolly good
at what they do
and go to enjoy
a crate of sherry
and some
opium. Nice.
So there you have it
- two wonderfully
nice chaps, maybe a
little distant in their
chosen time
period but none the less British and
proud of it. Cricket, tea, cakes, the
Empire and village greens, oh and
opium of course. Spot on.
Jimi Hendrix’s tombstone has a Fender Stratocaster carved on it.
A SPECIALFEATURE
HEADVIBE
A SPECIALREPORT
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20th August / Weymouth Pavilion
The Searchers
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28th August / Chaplin’s - Boscombe
The Sherpas
back in the mix
Back in the days before mp3 playlists and long before the shiny
discs that were CD’s, we had cassettes, and we made mix tapes.
For those of you young enough not to
remember, audio tapes are those things
in your dad’s box of ‘oh so valuable’
stuff (yes, his boring box of junk) that
look like props from of an ancient
Dr Who episode. A combination of
rattly engineering, pressed plastic and
magnetic tape that could hold a
glorious symphony of your most
personally loved songs.
Crooner Engelbert Humperdinck was born Arnold George Dorsey. He borrowed his stage name from a German composer who died in 1921.
The Searchers are an English beat group,
which emerged as part of the 1960s
Merseybeat scene. The band's hits include a
cover of the Drifters' 1961 hit, "Sweets for
My Sweet", covers of Jackie DeShannon's
"Needles and Pins" and "When You Walk In
The Room" plus an original song written for
them, "Sugar and Spice". They were the
second group from Liverpool, after the
Beatles, to have a hit in the United States
when "Needles and Pins" charted during the
first week of March 1964.
22nd August / Chaplin’s - Boscombe
The Sherpas are putting groove and funk
into British indie. Their new Ep titled:
"Everybody Freeze, Everybody Get Down"
was released in May and is available from
the iTunes store.
Be seen by thousands every month
Peace Love & Gloves
Advertise with us
Peace Love & Gloves are a five piece hiphop punk band who formed in 2011. They
are a great band to see live and have a
sometimes odd sense of humour that comes
across in their original songs.
Advertising in Headvibe Magazine is
effective and easy, with real world prices
to suit all budgets. You can supply your
own artwork - we’ll tell you what we need.
Or you can get us to design your ad for
you. Maybe there is something special
about you business that you may like us to
write about in the mag? well, let us know
and we can tailor the right advertising
package for you. For more info contact:
david@headvibemagazine.com
They have built quite a cult following who
call themselves: ‘Gloves and Glovettes’.
They are a popular band on the festival
scene and played at the 2014 Forever Sun
Festival in Dorchester.
14
The Sherpas combine charming vocals,
tuneful melodies and energetic guitar riffs to
produce a wall of sound that is all their own.
Reminiscent of 80’s bands such as Orange
Juice, Haircut 100 and A Certain Ratio.
By Rob Hagar - music stall owner
Creating your mix tape was something
of a Saturday afternoon ritual for me.
With Saturday night looming, going
out with a fist full of fave tunes in your
pocket was a must. With it you could
force unprepared friends to listen to
your impeccable music choices any
time you spotted an empty tape deck:
your mate’s car, foolishly unguarded
party Hi-fi’s and of course, in your
girlfriend’s bedroom.
At this last location it would be an
automatic assumption on your bird’s
behalf that on arrival you would
abruptly eject whatever sissy, girl crap
she was playing and put on your own,
much better music - to this end, you
may have wisely brought a selection of
mix tapes, each with a title and song
selection to suit any mood you might
be in - which at 17 was mainly horny.
Labelled with imaginative and
inconspicuous titles like: Danny’s Sex
Tape or Song’s to Bang To - your
carefully compiled selection of erotic
tunes set to an increasingly faster paced
tempo would surely cause all manner of
bohemian debauchery to take place
before you go off to watch the footie.
At parties - a ripe place for a ‘my music
only’ invasion, having honed your
cassette eject hand technique into an
impressive pink blur of precise button
control and nimble wrist movements you could have your tape in and their
one discarded in the adjacent plant pot
within milliseconds. Do it quick
enough and maybe they wont even
notice what you’ve done - despite the
fact that you just swapped out Abba for
Anthrax. If you were hosting the
knees-up, it was always wise to frisk
suspected tape carriers at the door -
placing the subsequently confiscated
contraband in a hot damp cupboard
for safe keeping.
And this was one of the problems with
the beloved cassette. Apart from
needing something the size of a large
slab of beers hooked directly to the
National Grid to record the things on,
they were also susceptible to ruin from
pretty much everything: they got too
hot, they got too cold, they got too
dusty, they got too damp, or risking
disasterous consequences, were played
in low-quality appliances that either
totally chewed up your tape’s contents
or stretched your it out as if it were on
a medieval music playing rack. After
which, your tunes would forever slip
and slide with long notes and vocals
taking on annoyingly slurred and
creepy warble.
appliances and tangled in a ball of
phono cables, you could finally sit in
front of a pathetically cheap
microphone (you’ve got to do a good
dulcet toned intro; you’d be robbing the
oratory world if you didn’t) and begin
recording. Always with one finger on
record and the other on pause, you
could sit for hours working through the
pile of records on your lap. Fuck, this
tape is going to be so immense!
But this was the half the charm. They
were precious - with tapes, and even
with home-burnt CD’s, we would
listen to something collectively;
together, in a group with other people
- whether we liked it or not.
Today, robbed of most of what’s needed
to record your own tape, let alone ever
finding anything to play it on, you can
still kinda relive your retro tape days
and get back in the mix, albeit now via
a memory stick embedded in a fake old
school tape case - it aint quite the same
but you still get the chance to use that
smudgy biro again.
Nowadays, even when there are a group
of you in any one place, it’s more than
likely that everyone will have their
headphones in, lost in a solitary world
of their own click-to-add making. A
now sterile procedure of downloading
the iTunes app and adding countless
songs to innumerable playlists, that
soon become overly-bloated as you
click away without discretion. And this
was the beauty of the mix tape - most
commonly, you had just a single hour
to fill with your well-chosen classics.
You had to be picky. Some songs may
be trapped on LP’s, some on other
cassettes even and maybe a few only
available on the radio - at certain
times.
The planning that had to go into the
making of your tape was formidable
and often involved a session of
frustrating wire hunting to connect all
the mis-matching shit you’ve got
flashing and buzzing in your bedroom.
Finally, surrounded by plugged in
Even when that’s over, there was still
more work to do - the application of
the provided sticky labels on the tape’s
recessed panels and hours of tiny
writing with a biro that smudged
repeatedly as you wrote.
get back in the mix from suck.uk.com
Regardless of your mix tape methods,
the end result was a portable, playable,
window on your musical being for all
to hear - a tape for parties - a tape to
chill out to - one for good times and
one for bad... Oh, and not to forget the
one that gets your bird to drop her
pants in rhythmic, record time.
15
The original Village People line-up was recruited via an advert that read "Macho types wanted: must have moustache".
A PLAYINGLIVE
HEADVIBE
A THEDOLMEN
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The Dolmen - a Celtish tale of Medieval music
Elvis Presley weighed 170lbs following his discharge from the US Army in 1960. When he died, in 1977, he weighed 260lbs.
Taloch Jameson and Kayleigh Marchant
Spreading their Medieval message across the UK and into Europe. We talked to front man
Taloch about the band, the new album and their ongoing European tour.
The Dolmen seem to have been
around as long as the ancient
stones they are named after.
Founded as a band in Dorset by
Taloch - just the one name, a bit
like Sting - the band has
gradually spread into mainland
Europe, winning the hearts and
admiration from many
audiences with their relentless
stage energy, mass of catchy
songs and pleasant looking girl
members - all creating a sound
which is a truly unique style and
can only be described as Celtish
Medieval Rock.
projects such as the restoration
of the Old Town Hall,
Weymouth.
Local events founded by the
band, such as the Weymouth &
Dolmen Pirate Festivals and
Crabchurch Conspiracy, a Civil
War re-enactment weekend
have always given them
something worthwhile to do in
their time away from touring
and recording.
The Dolmen are Pirates and
proud of their Island culture,
maintaining a firm grip on local
customs and heritage within
their lyrics and music.
Being involved with many local
projects over the years, the band
are avid supporters of localbased charities and historical
16
Kayleigh Marchant - shake it baby!
They have swapped out a few
band members over the years,
but the founding crew are still
firmly in place and the current
line-up runs to: Kayleigh
Marchant bass guitar, lead vocals
- Josh Elliott lead guitar, vocals
- Taloch Jameson, acoustic
guitar lead vocals and Chris
Jones on the drums with guest
appearances from: Anja
Novtony, flute, whistles and
Matt Tarling, on fiddle.
Well that’s the fact sheet dealt with so what are the Dolmen really like?
Well, on first meeting, especially if
they’re dressed up to go on stage,
they’re a little scary - adorned in all
manner of weird Celtic garb - puffy
shirts, imposing head ornaments, hemp
tunics and plenty of medallions - like
an invading musical force that may
play you a tune, or if hungry, maybe eat
you.
heads have gone on this
one.” Taloch told us - a
truly mystical answer to
the roots of what must
surely be a very mystical
album - maybe they’ve
been eating the wrong
kind of mushrooms? Or
the right ones,
depending on how you
view that sort of stuff.
They have probably been seen my most
people who live in Dorset at one time
or another - a few years back they
played regularly in our home town of
Dorchester and always pulled a good
fun-loving crowd. But home county
appearances have been a little thin on
the ground in recent months due to a
packed European tour and time spent
in the studio working on their 19th
album! (no, not a typo).
But we jest - It’s this
sort of conjured-up
Celtic mysticism that
make The Dolmen cool,
unusual and unique.
And wherever they get
it from - their furtive
medieval minds, the
pixies at the end of the
garden or those
mushrooms I just
mentioned - it’s always good, it’s
always popular and it’s always most
welcome.
The album, due for release in a few
weeks, is titled: Nuada - meaning ‘God
of the sun’ (in Celtic I guess) and has
been in the pipeline for around three
years.
Nuada is set to feature an eclectic mix
of tracks that have been written and
chosen carefully for the album. We
asked Taloch to give us the vibe of
what he and his fellow Dolmen are
creating:
Taloch Jameson and Josh Elliot
“To be honest, Nuada has its own spirit
by which we are merely servants. The
atmosphere we have experienced in this
album has become truly supernatural in
respect that it’s fantasy aspect is
drenched in a mystical sea of
possibilities, of which at times, our
minds have been challenged. We have
followed the vein of this album and
gone with the choice of songs as they
have come to us, although I think we
have questioned a few times where our
Apart from their short return to
Blighty to complete the new album
and get some live performance filming
in for a new DVD, the band are soon
back off to Europe with a cluster of
dates across Holland and Germany
throughout August and September. So
unless you’re up for a bit of an
excursion, you’ll have to wait until
October to catch them live in Dorset
again when they’ll be performing at the
Dolmen Pirate Weekend in Weymouth
on the 17 -18th.
But fear ye not! The album will be
available on iTunes, Cdbaby and the
normal run of sites very soon. Or you’ll
be able to order a physical copy from
their website.
Tour dates, booking info, album sales
and a whole bunch more at:
www.thedolmen.com
The Dolmen on tour in Europe
17
Oasis's Noel Gallagher and Status Quo's Francis Rossi share a birthday: 29 May. The creative forces of guitar boogie are strong on that day, obviously.
A specialfeature
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photography by Dazma of Dazma Photographics
A INSIDEMUSIC
HEADVIBE
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what’s your style?
Henfest. These guys have over 70 years
of experience in the music industry and
are eager to share this knowledge and
help create a bit of musical magic on
the way.
Johnny Cash's estate was approached by an advertising company asking for permission to use Ring Of Fire on an ad for haemorrhoid cream. The request was refused.
There is something cool, fab and funky happening in Dorset. A new music empire is under
construction - so we went there to have a nose around.
After getting a heads-up from one of
our muso chums, we recently learnt of
a new musical emporium in the
making, with it’s base in Poole and
going by the name of Freestyle - an allin-one utopia for any performing artist
is being built as we speak. A suite of
top spec professional recording
studios, rehearsal rooms and a well
stocked shop, where you can pick up
anything from a set of strings and a
sheet of music to a new, top-end
Freestyle branded guitar and amp.
Nice.
Being inquisitive, (we learned that at
journalism school in between classes on
heavy drinking) we got straight on the
phone and were soon on our way to
have a look around. On arrival, we
could see the large building - nestled in
the corner of a quiet and woody area of
a trading estate in Holton Heath - was
certainly a hive of activity. While bands
thrashed away in completed rehearsal
inside Freestyle one of it’s five rehearsal rooms
Mark Patrick company director and head honcho at Freestyle
rooms, workmen were adding final
touches to other parts of the well
packed complex. Vans arriving, stock
unloading, it was quite the scene.
In the middle of all this
organised chaos, with arm
outstretched for a quick ‘two
pumps and release’ was the
man behind it all, Freestyle
company director, Mark
Patrick.
Mark, 48, ushered us
through to his office, sat us
down and gave us a verbal
whistle stop tour of the
events that have led him to
arrive on the music studio
scene.
In rehearsal - the Drew Allen band
18
A man of true, unbridled
entrepreneurial drive, Mark’s
former time had been taken
up with running a successful
marketing business dealing
with the mass supply of
branded items to high street
stores from many well
known names - such as Jack
Daniels and Hello Kitty,
whilst always maintaining a lifelong
passion and skill as a band musician
himself (guitar being his thing). And
after many years of success in his
former role of spotting a good product
when he sees it, it looks like he has
decided to go the whole hog this time
and create one himself.
As Mark showed us around, his tightly
focussed pursuit of creating a
comprehensive musical experience all
under one roof became clear. On final
completion (around, if not before, the
end of August) the building will house:
5 spacious rehearsal rooms, a top-end
recording studio complete with vocal
monitoring booths, dead rooms and of
course, a well supplied green room.
There is also a large shop on a
mezzanine floor overlooking what will
become a live stage area.
When we visited work was still in
progress but this had not stopped Mark
making whatever was finished open for
use - and with prices starting from £25
for 4 hours in a rehearsal room and
only £200 a day for a recording studio
and professional engineer - we weren’t
surprised to see the place already
packed with burgeoning talent.
And let me tell you, these facilities are
not your usual dirty room with a
grumpy sod sound guy. The studios are
all purpose-built to incredibly high
specs. Mark took great pride in
bamboozling us with the details of how
the building had no straight lines (an
important sound thing apparently) and
how the walls were made up of about
10 layers of sound-absorbing bitumen
and the like - And it all seems to have
worked so well. We noticed no sound
bleed from one room to another and I
was in fear of my accompanying music
buddy Jamie Pinnow pleasuring
himself in public when he saw the
quality of what was on offer. I think he
and his band mates are sure to become
regular visitors!
The shop was refined and enjoyable on
the eye - no jumbled mess of every
instrument on earth here - but well
chosen and beautifully crafted guitars,
amps and accessories. All researched,
chosen and in some cases designed by
Mark and his team, which includes
Matt Park, 29, the company’s
commercial manager and member of
local band, Empire Affair.
And that’s the thing you notice about
Freestyle. It’s not so much a place but a
well formed brand and creative ethos.
A funky product model which has
obvious signs of great quality
with a base of good real-world
value. No over-priced and overdecorated guitars that may look
good but sound crap - but
tastefully understated elegant
designs that complement rather
than detract from the quality of
sound you would expect from any
well made piece of kit.
Our visit was at an end and we left
Mark enjoying a late lunch-on-his-lap
joyfully delivered to him by his
charming wife. And as we journeyed
back to Weymouth on the train another great aspect of their location is
it’s a literal stone’s throw from Holton
Heath station - we were already
tipping off a couple of bands to our
discovery and musing over the
possibilities Freestyle has to offer our
local music makers. Businesses often
sell themselves up a tad too much only
to be a let down on closer inspection
but this was not the case at Freestyle. It
did what it said on it’s many and varied
tins - and with further plans for an in
house live performance stage and ‘Rock
School’ it looks like they are set to
So did we notice any down
points? Well, we couldn’t find a
bar! But were assured by Mark
that when the green room is
finished, it will cater for even the
most demanding of band needs.
And there will also be a groovy
outdoor seating area where
creative geniuses can go for a
time-out and a
relaxing smoke.
It seems that
between Mark, Matt Park Freestyle’s commercial manager
his wingman Matt
shake up the Dorset music scene and
and resident sound
be instrumental (you see what we did
engineer Steve,
there) in producing and nurturing the
they’ve got it all
music making talent that visits them covered and have
which gets a big thumbs up from
even found time to
Headvibe.
lend their support to
See for yourself and shop online at:
local music events
http://freestyle.guitars
such as the recent
or call: 01202 625611 for a chinwag.
charity festival,
One of Freestyle’s custom made valve amps
19
The Yardbirds were the ones who gave Clapton the nickname "Slowhand".
A INSIDEMUSIC
story by David Wilson - Headvibe editor
A WORLDNEWS
dough-not lick that!
miserable git Morrissey adds
two more names to his (s)hit list
headvibe
headvibe
Pint-sized pop princess Ariana Grande caught on camera gobbing
on doughnuts and slagging off America.
In the video, the 22 year old celeb leans
over the tray of fresh doughnuts at
Wolfee Donuts in California before
licking one of them whilst jumping up
and down and laughing. Then, when
an employee approaches with another
tray of cakes, the singer turns to a male
companion and says loudly, "What the
fuck is that? I hate Americans. I hate
America."
doesn’t mean that everything is hunkydory in Grande Town. Joe Marin, the
owner of Wolfee Donuts, says that
despite seeing his business triple since
the video surfaced, he’s “furious” and
“pissed off ” by Grande’s nasty display.
A Mexican immigrant who is now a
U.S. citizen, Marin points out that
while it was bad enough that the
vowel-meowing pop star was putting
her drool all over his (probably
delicious) donuts, the anti-American
stuff was even stupider saying “She
forgot that America buys your tickets,
that’s why you’re famous.”
Marin says he’s considering pressing
charges against Grande and the local
police and health inspector are already
looking into the case.
But in a strange twist of ‘only in
America’ fate, takings at the said
doughnut shop are way up after the
flobtastic vid went viral. But that
The Boomtown Rats song, "I Don't Like Mondays" was inspired by a deadly school shooting.
tight wad jock wears entire wardrobe
Boy bands are big business but not all
of them are living the high life - even
when flying on a plane.
Case in point: James McElvar of
Glaswegian group Rewind. The 19year-old band member collapsed while
on a flight between Stansted and
Glasgow - was it exhaustion? Too
much partying? Nope. The singer
overheated from wearing 12 layers of
clothing in an attempt to avoid a £45
baggage fee.
“The woman said either one bag went
in the hold or we weren’t getting on.
The rest of the band had gone through
so I couldn’t give them any of the
clothes. I was told to either lose a bag
or pay a £45 fee to get it on the plane”
McElvar boarded the flight wearing six
t-shirts, five sweaters, three pairs of
jeans, two pairs of sweatpants, two
jackets and two hats. He collapsed
mid-flight and was treated by a
paramedic onboard the plane.
20
“I thought I was a goner and that I
was having a heart attack,” he said.
For all you Rewind fans out there,
McElvar appears to be fine - he’s a
total moron, but fine none-the-less.
Morrissey kicks off a battle of the sad bastards by slagging
off fellow British singers Ed Sheeran and Sam Smith.
saving on the
cleaning Bill...
Actor and part time flower
pot man Bill Murray helps
with concert clean-up.
Over 70,000 aging hippies and jaded
Phish fans attended the Grateful
Dead’s final show ever (at least until
their next final show ever) at Chicago’s
Soldier Field on July 5.
There were also a few celebrities,
including Katy Perry, George R.R.
Martin, who knows a thing or two
about the dead - and Bill Murray.
According to a “backstage source,” told
reporters that Murray “stayed late and
helped the stadium cleaning crew at
the end of the night.”
And it does seem to be the case as after
the gig a somewhat dishevelled Murray
(still dressed like a flower-pot man and
incidentally wearing the exact same
get-up as he had sported at a recent
celebrity golf match) was seen sifting
through rubbish on the floor, maybe
looking for a joint, who knows? We
weren’t there. But no, he wasn’t looking
to get high - he was simply pitching in
with the stadium clean-up, much to the
delight of fans who were now dropping
rubbish so as to watch their screen idol
pick it up. Murray also posed for a few
pics before he got bored and went
home.
In a recent interview, Moz decried the
lack of organic success stories in
modern pop music (boring) before
laying into Sheeran and Smith in
particular (boring but better).
“There are no bands or singers who
become successful without
overwhelming marketing,” he whinged.
“Everything is stringently controlled,
obvious and predictable and has exactly
the same content. So, we are now in the
era of marketed pop stars, which means
that the labels fully control the charts,
and consequently the public has lost
interest... Thus, we are force-fed acts
such as Ed Sheeran and Sam Smith,
which at least means that things can’t
possibly get any worse,” he tediously
added.
For artists like Smith and Sheeran,
who were likely influenced by
Morrissey’s sadsack style, that has to
hurt. Neither artist has responded,
which seems to be the best way to deal
with the miserable flower waving
loony-tune.
Hairy Styles falls on arse
Harry Styles, the hair-helmeted leader
of boy band One Direction, fell over
during a concert in San Diego. The
band were in the midst of their first
show of their ‘On the Road Again’
Tour – which was also the first without
recently departed member Zayn Malik
– when things went pear shaped.
Styles reached for his microphone to
address the crowd while singing
See ya Harry, mind how you go now
“Through the Dark,” only to get caught
in the cables running along the stage.
A couple of arm flails later, and he was
on his back. He quickly recovered like a
pro, with the help of a couple dreamy
huge hair flips and an inane grin.
If falling wasn’t embarrassing enough,
Styles’ 25 million Twitter followers
were ready and willing to chime in on
the not-so-graceful moment. And a
fan-posted video of the fall went viral
almost instantly. We think he was
simply brought down by the weight of
his stupid too-much-hair-do.
can you turn
a tortilla into
a tune?
Recently, an online rumour went
around joking that if you put a tortilla
in a record player, it’d automatically
play back “Jarabe Tapatío,” known to
white people across the world as the
Mexican Hat Dance.
But, Rapture Records, a Youtube
channel dedicated to the physical
nature of vinyl, wanted to see if you
could actually do it, so they broke out
the laser etcher and the salsa sauce.
As it turns out, you can, in fact, turn a
tortilla into a playable record. All you
need is an industrial laser tool that
costs thousands of pounds! According
to Rapture, you’ll also need an
uncooked tortilla; the cooked version is
more likely to shred. Finally, make it a
78 as tests with a 45 rpm tortilla are
less “traditional dance” and apparently
more “Metal Machine Music.”
We don’t have a laser etcher at
Headvibe so we had a go in the office
by placing a real record on top of a
warm tortilla and sitting on it. Our first
attempt stuck to our trousers and our
second (and final) attempt stuck to the
ceiling - where we threw it in disgust it will serve as a decaying reminder that
most of the shit you read on the web is,
well, shit.
21
Elton John's real name is Reg Dwight.
A WORLDNEWS
HEADVIBE
A WORLDNEWS
this music festival wants
you to drink your own urine
Joan Jet and Cherrie Currie speak
out over Fowley rape allegation
headvibe
headvibe
The longest-held recorded instance of the word "cunt" appears in Oceansize's Sleeping Dogs And Dead Lions.
The Who claim
foul play after
playing foul
Sounds strange, right? The idea of your
urine turned into something you can
consume? Well, the fine folks at
Roskilde Festival in Denmark recently
launched a program that recycles
festival-goers’ pee in order to create
beer.
With assistance from the Danish
Agriculture and Food Council,
Roskilde is catching people’s pee in
special storage tanks and then sending
them to nearby farms, where it will
fertilise barley. Through this grain, beer
for the 2017 festival will be brewed.
“Beercycling is about changing our
approach to waste, from being a burden
to being a valuable resource,” said the
DAFC’s Leif Nielsen in a statement.
“Today, the huge amount of urine
produced at the festival is having a
negative impact on the environment,
the sewage system and the treatment
plant in Roskilde. Beercycling will turn
those many litres of piss into a
deliciously refreshing brew.”
Although it’s unknown if any of the
performers at this year’s event used the
urinals (here’s hoping Paul McCartney
did, and we all learn the secrets of
being a great songwriter by consuming
his wee beer), plenty of attendees did.
Many festival-goers took pictures and
videos of themselves using the system
as well.
Anyways, cheers to those magical
farmers transforming our kidney juice
into a refreshing pilsner for the 2017’s
festival! chin chin.
The Who, one of the biggest British
bands still touring today (even if two
members of the classic lineup are now
dead), were wheeled out to headline the
Pyramid Stage on the final night of
Glastonbury. Fans were thrilled, but not
everybody was happy with the way their
show sounded, and that apparently
includes The Who themselves.
Madonna’s flunkies denied the report,
but this wasn’t the first time Madge
22
fought for her right to text in a
darkened theatre. In 2013, Madge
reportedly tapped away during the first
half of ‘12 Years a Slave’ during the
New York Film Festival premiere.
When an audience member asked her
to put the phone away, Madonna
snapped, “It’s for business...
ENSLAVER!” This response led film
critic Charles Taylor to label Madge as
“the worst person in America.”
The entire disturbing situation was
made even worse by Jackie’s allegations
that “her last memory of the night” was
Joan Jett and Cherie Currie “staring at
A crew member claims that their sound
system was sabotaged and Pete
Townshend said the performance was:
“one of the worst the band has ever
played.”
To us it all seems like a bit of a cover-up.
Regardless of claims of ‘sabotage’
Townshend’s guitar twanging sounded
way lack lustre and Roger Daltrey’s
vocals were as crap as they’ve ever been
(lately) Maybe it’s time some of these
old-timer bands hung up their guitars
and microphones before they eventually
run out of excuses for sounding shite.
when the curtain goes up, Madge’s phone comes out
Former ‘Glee’ and ‘Looking’ star
Jonathan Groff, who stars as King
George in the Broadway production of
Hamilton, has little time for
Madonna. The singer famously texted
throughout his performance and was
“personally banned” from going
backstage and from all future shows.
In a recent interview with Huffington
Post, ex-Runaways bassist Jackie
Fuchs alleged she was raped by
manager Kim Fowley while her
bandmates watched. Jackie spoke of
how she was plied with several
Quaaludes at a 1975 party while
Fowley violated her in a number of
ways, including with a hairbrush.
Jackie described it as “a date rape-type
situation” performed in front of
spectators as Fowley “played to the
crowd, gnashing his teeth and
growling like a dog.”
Groff took to the web saying there was
no ambiguity in the situation, and he’s
not disappointed that Madonna got
banned:
“That bitch was on her phone. You
couldn’t miss it from the stage. It was a
black void of the audience in front of
us and her face there perfectly lit by the
light of her iPhone through threequarters of the show.”
Kim Fowley a very strange man
Joan Jet and Cherie Currie
When I return from Sweden I will seek
a qualified polygraph examiner to put
to rest any and all allegations. I will
make public the questions, answers and
results of that test. I
will prove I am telling
the truth. I will not
allow anyone to throw
me under the bus and
accuse me of such a
foul act. I will fight for
myself. It is the only
thing I can do.”
“Anyone who truly knows me
understands that if I was aware of a
friend or bandmate being violated, I
would not stand by while it happened.
For a group of young teenagers thrust
into ’70s rock stardom, there were
relationships that were bizarre, but I
was not aware of this incident.
Obviously Jackie’s story is extremely
upsetting and although we haven’t
spoken in decades, I wish her peace and
healing.”
A few days later, Jett
also spoke to the press
to deny awareness of
the incident:
Fowley himself died earlier this year,
which is perhaps why Fuchs finally feels
free to tell her story. Fuchs was only 13
at the time of the alleged rape.
her” during the attack. Jackie was
unable to resist, and a witness, Kari
Krome, recalled that “Jackie was dead,
dead, dead drunk — like a corpse
drunk” during the entire encounter.
Cherie Currie released a statement to
deny the allegations against her:
“I have been accused of a crime. Of
looking into the dead yet pleading eyes
of a girl, unable to move while she was
brutally raped and doing nothing.
I have never been one to deny my
mistakes in life and I wouldn’t start
now. If I were guilty, I would admit it.
There are so many excuses I could
make being only one month into my
sixteenth year at the time that people
would understand, but I am innocent.
The Runaways Joan Jett, Lita Ford, Cherie Currie, Jackie Fox (Fuchs), Sandy West
23
Flowers In The Rain by The Move was the first record ever played on BBC Radio 1 in the UK.
A WORLDNEWS
HEADVIBE
A THEVIBE
headvibe
got some dance news? giles@headvibemagazine.com
for your feet
when corrupted files become Kitsch, it’s the art of the glitch
Acclaimed UK cook and author Delia Smith baked the cake on the cover of The Rolling Stones' 1969 masterpiece Let It Bleed.
During a recent visit to our capital city,
I found myself with a friend and fellow
muso anylising and dissecting the new
Jamie xx album. Being our second night
on the pilsner, we fumbled through our
techy adjectives only to come up with
slow trance, euphoric, offbeat and
Glitch. I later researched and
discovered that we should have been
using terms such as Future Garage and
post Dubstep to be truly up with
current lingo. It pleased me to see that
we are apparently in a post Dubstep era
however and I can’t wait to hear Future
Garage.
The next day, whilst journeying back to
the shire, I reflecting on the weekend
and asked myself the question: what the
fuck is glitch? It’s one of those terms
people use in Sci-fi films such as the
Matrix and as a fan of such films, it got
me interested in finding out more about
its meaning in the world of Music.
Glitch comes from the Yiddish word
Glitsh – to slip. It means a minor fault
in a system, which usually corrects itself
without intervention. Often there is no
explanation for these errors - they are
just momentary anomalies. It’s for this
reason that they caught the attention of
musicians, especially early exponents of
electronica, who wanted the fail-safe
rhythms and beats of their work to
sound more organic.
The Glitch aesthetic was born in the
20th century with noise music
composers such as Luigi Russolo. Later
milestones include the 1960’s Moody
Blues song – ‘the best way to travel’ and
in 1980’s OMD album - ‘Architecture
and Morality’.
In the nineties, Glitch caught on with
Oval, Jon Hassell, Aphex Twin,
Autechre and Prefuse 73 using skipping
cd sounds, clicks and scratches to create
off kilter beats. These pieces are quite
challenging to the listener but when you
get to know them, the sound becomes
more personal and familiar than a
standard 4-4 beat drive tune.
24
HEADVIBE
Only one major dance night
advertised so far in August.
So we are all off to
Bournemouth for the Enter
& Drumfunk Bank Holiday
special at Halo for some full
on MC driven Drum n Bass.
Hosted by Skidrow, Felon
and Detect, special guests
include Frankee, Logan D,
Insideinfo and Freak.
for your eyes
Now, the majority of programs for
creating electronic music such as
Ableton Live, Reaktor and Reason
contain software for making glitch
music and samples.
Whole genres are now established on
this common basis such as Glitch Hop.
Drum and Bass along with Dubstep
rely heavily on generated glitch sounds
for organic effect.
After some lengthy web-based research,
I have a few new favourites in the field
that have a funky flavour and good
balance of sounds.
Pegboard Nerds – High Roller dodge
and fuski mix
Dogblood – Middle Finger Pt2/ Next
Door millions like us remix
Grizmatix – My people original mix
Aphex Twin – Window licker
Jamie xx – Sleep sound
Even broader than the field
of Glitch music is Glitch art.
Georg Fischer has created a
program that automates
this process where you can
fiddle with settings to
manipulate code and see
results in real time. Have a
free play around with the
glitch generator at
www.theverge.com and
distort the coding of your
chosen image using the link
to GitHub.
for your ears
DJ Si Clacker’s top choice
house tunes - DJ Si Clacker
is a founder member of
Dorchester’s Hip-HopEration and Weymouth
based club and clothing
label Farstar. Here are his
top 10 most sizzling
summer House tunes for
your Headvibing pleasure...
1. T.Williams ft M.J Cole ‘Privilege’
2. Disclosure ft Gregory Porter ‘Holding On’
3. Jesse Rose - ‘Fly Tonight’
4. Demuir ‘Women Behind The Mask’
5. Jaymo & Andy George ‘1-900-Rumble’
6. Golf Clap ‘Future (Bit Funk Remix)’
7. Jonny Cade - ‘Give It Up’
8. Low Steppa - ‘Pianos’
9. Julio Bashmore ft Sam Drew ‘Holding On’
10. Gregory Porter ‘Liquid Spirit’
(Claptone Remix)
Jamie xx in colour
A review of Mr xx’s new album ‘In Colour’
#1 - Gosh
The opening tune and single that turned
my ear towards this gem of an album
starts with a hypnotic breakbeat intro
reminiscent of Orbitals – Are we here?
As the beats chatter and roll, vocal
samples from Radio 1’s show In the
Jungle appear punctuating the sound.
Subtly at first, chords gradually ascend
and twist into blissful sequences
dropping the rest of the sound into
perspective. The track ends with real
warmth – a great start.
#2 - Sleep Sound
A nice, deep Glitchy (yes Glitchy)
garage number, with a heavily distorted
vocals, bouncing around in a musical
ether.
#3 - Seesaw
A twinkling tune, with a repeated vocal
sample, gradually building over a slow
Breakbeat.
#4 - Obvs
Brilliant tune with steel drums
cunningly combined with lead electric
guitar to sound like Mark Knophler in
the Carribean. Great Balearic feel to it
as well.
#5 - Just saying
After an intense steamy intro the minor
piano chords set the scene for the next
tune in this short filler track
#6 - Stranger in the room (featuring
Oliver Sim)
First vocal tune on the album this
melancholic piece about
temptation and the
unobtainable is a
slightly odd
departure.
#7 - Hold Tight
Bringing the album back on track, this
is a slow, itchy and dark number. Like a
flight through a post apocalyptic
landscape of acrid smoke and mercurial
swamps, this dark number gets the pulse
on the move.
#8 - Loud Places (featuring Romy)
After the previous Hold Tight, this is
like waking up in a skip clean, sober and
unscathed to witness a most beautiful
sunrise. Romy’s vocals over a summery
house backdrop make this a stand-out
track and the peak of the album.
#9 - I Know there’s gonna be (Good
Times) (featuring Young Thug &
Popcaan)
Another departure - into R n B this
time. It’s all a bit Akon for me.
#10 - The Rest is Noise
This tune is a belter. It’s no dance floor
filler but a sofa-surfing classic for sure.
With the very latest beats and rhythms
evolving through this piano driven
number and soft, euphoric vocals, this
track fro me sums up the last 25 years of
EDM.
#11 - Girl
This slow last tune with cleverly layered
vocal samples and sloppy clattering
beats contains a trumpeting elephantine
hook that brings it to life. The album’s
headphone moment comes about 30
seconds from the end with a crescendo
of a thousand angels singing in your
ears.
Overall this is a masterpiece of
seamlessly mixed tunes with unlimited
variety. It’s so refreshing to hear music
of this quality and originality when so
many 90s acts (leftfield, Prodigy and the
Chemical Brothers) are releasing ‘new ‘
material which simply doesn’t have the
heart and passion of their original
recordings. Well done Jamie – I cant
wait to hear more.
25
In his youth, Red Hot Chili Peppers frontman Anthony Kiedis's babysitters included Cher and Sonny Bono.
the vibe with Giles Woodford
A SPECIALREPORT
Director Alma Har'el Genre Choreographed Documentary Runtime 80mins
Are beards taking over the world?
headvibe
headvibe
Bombay Beach
With the beard craze still in full fad mode we ask what’s behind it, why it’s happening, what
people think of it and who are the worst beardy offenders on the British music scene.
Before Pearl Jam, Eddie Vedder was the singer in Bad Radio, a progressive funk rock band heavily influenced by early Red Hot Chili Peppers.
What has happened to the faces of our
British pop stars? Festooned with
flowing lengthy locks, foot long
whiskers and bouffant bushes of wiry
hair - yeah I too have hair like that but
it’s mainly on my balls, not my face.
This hipster beard thing has been going
for a while now and although when
surveyed, most women find it a turnoff and prefer clean shaven, that has
not stopped men from both America
and the UK growing their tashes long
and their face fungus even longer.
Now if you are a regular reader of
Headvibe, you will know how much we
don’t admire Mumford and Sons and
although we thought they were girls
when we first saw them, it is now
apparent from their rapidly growing
furry faces, that this may not be the
case.
A small community of life’s misfits, living by a deserted man-made Sea in California are the
focus of this captivating journey of music, words and dance.
Soundtrack:
Moonshiner (outtake)
Performed by Bob Dylan
Tomorrow Is A Long Time
Performed by Bob Dylan
Series Of Dreams
Performed by Bob Dylan
Overture
Performed by Zach Condon
Scenic World
Performed by Zach Condon
In The Mausoleum
Performed by Beirut
Un Dernier Verre
Performed by Beirut
Goshen
Performed by Beirut
The Penalty
Performed by Beirut
Nantes
Performed by Beirut
Bombay Beach
Performed by Zach Condon
26
The Salton Sea is one of the most
unusual places in America: an inland
lake accidentally created when heavy
rainfall caused the Colorado River to
breach its man-made banks in 1905,
this saline oasis in the California desert
was once touted as a holidaymakers’
paradise, but is now a crumbling refuge
for outcasts, oddballs and social
escapees.
Video artist Alma Har’el’s semidocumentary follows three figures
whose lives have left them washed up
on Bombay Beach, one of the sea’s
largest former resort towns. Benny
Parrish is a hyperactive, hyperimaginative ten-year-old whose parents
have re-established custody following a
jail sentence for hoarding explosives.
CeeJay is a refugee from the LA
gangland with dreams of becoming a
NFL star. And Red is an elderly
itinerant, a rambunctious roughneck
who seems to exist entirely on whiskey
and cigarettes. Har’el’s film is at times
bizarrely uplifting, at others crushingly
sad: witness her achingly sympathetic
treatment of Benny, whose doctors
prescribe a dubious cocktail of mood
stabilisers and anti-psychotics in an
effort to keep him calm.
The film tells its story (as much as
there is one) through a series of
choreographed ‘dance’ scenes
interspersed with deeply honest and
affecting narrative from the main
characters, giving their view on the life
they have made for themselves, or been
dragged into, in the desert. There is no
requirement from the film to deliver
any resolution or ending to their tales this is a film about sound and image
more than story, and here Har’el
triumphs: the score by Beirut’s Zac
Condon – punctuated by three
perfectly chosen Bob Dylan songs - is
quietly lovely, while the crisp, artful
photography, often drenched in rich
magic-hour sunlight, is simply
breathtaking - and may leave you with
strange magical flashbacks for days
after watching.
Mumford’s main offender is Ted
Dwane and although all the others
could do with seeing a razor more
often, he has championed the fluff face
and is probably about twenty years
younger than he looks.
But the Mumford’s are only joining in
with the rest of this Piltdown man
thing. And while beard fashions have
come and gone, it’s not since before the
First World War (and the invention of
the safety razor) that so many have
sported them.
Beards are now not only in music but
in Hollywood – none worse than Brad
Pitt’s subway busker tuft. Or Keanu
Reeves, who as much as he can’t really
act, can’t grow a convincing beard
either.
Might the fashion beard undergo one
last wild flourish and then disappear?
One of our beardy friends (yes even we
have to endure a beardy every now and
again) reported his barber from Sussex
saying that while most people just want
the lip, neck and cheek trim, he is now
being asked to persuade moustache tips
into full 360-degree curls, shave
swoops and flashes into the cheek area
and even carve out a moustache on the
left lip, with the beard on the right
Ted Dwane from the Mumfords if he had to get a real job that face fluff would surely have to go!
chin and jowl. The asymmetric beard
was a catwalk thing last autumn – with
some remarkable on-the-bias cuts that
made men look like Queen Victoria’s
favourite ghillie in a gale.
We asked a distinguished fashion
editor about the rise of the asymmetric
beard. She said that, as a look, “it just
shouts ‘wanker’ even louder than do
most male facial stupidities”. There is,
of course, a lot of female jealousy
around beards. Having borrowed just
about every great male fashion
innovation – like trousers – they are
naturally annoyed that something has
come along that can’t be ripped off
(unless you’re from Peru or maybe
Greece or Turkey)
Beards used to be a way of saying that
you couldn’t be bothered anymore, a
way of showing how you weren’t a part
of general society - think of tramps,
Warlocks and The Wombles. But now,
due mainly to our spoon-fed fashion
world, they have something else to say,
and they say, much like the sudden
popularity of tattoos, I’m just like
everybody else, I’m following the latest
craze - No wolf in sheep’s clothing
here... just a sheep - but at least, unlike
a tattoo, can simply shave it off when
this untidy fad finally finishes.
Ourselves, we are all pretty much clean
shaven here at Headvibe (who would
have guessed?) especially our lovely
intern Emily, who, being a modern girl
is probably clean shaven everywhere but she hasn’t worked here long enough
for anyone to find out for sure.
Brad - just the pitts
Reeves - patchy beard fail, loser
27
Veteran gangsta rapper Ice-T's birth name is Tracy Lauren Marrow.
A MUSICFLICKS
HEADVIBE
A insideview
headvibe
what’s my
name? where
do I live?
Macca’s
Muddles
headvibe
Justin time for
bored Bieber
Peter Andre diagnosed as simple
while filming new documentary
Fans took to twitter in their thousands
to wish Justin Bieber a speedy recovery
after the pint-sized pop star was rushed
to a Los Angeles hostpital on Tuesday
evening suffering from severe boredom.
In revealing scenes set to be screened
next month, Andre, 42, who was filming
a segment on children with learning
difficulties for his new show ‘Peter
Helps Everyone’ is seen to be far
stupider than the kids he was talking to.
Damon Gough - aka Badly Drawn Boy - had trials to play for Manchester United.
McCartney drops
teeth down toilet
It has been reported that doddering fool
Sr Paul McCartney, owner of the
Beatles and a senior buss pass, has been
living in his local Ikea store in an effort
to save on his own home’s fuel bills and
carpet wear.
neck and was holding a Louis Vuitton
style wash bag. This incident was
accompanied by reports from staff of
hearing someone whistling Yellow
Submarine, known to be Macca’s
favourite Beatles song.
Staff at the Ikea store have suspected
for some weeks that the ancient rocker
has been hiding out in the store and
using its multiple mocked-up home
furnishing displays as his own personal
living area.
Following these reports, all eyes were
on Sir Paul when he made an
appearance at Waterstones store in
Oxford Street later that day where he
was signing copies of his new book
“Stealing Batteries” - McCartney was
seen to be clearly masking his mouth
from view as he gave the crowd some
top tips on how to reduce your home
consumables budget through petty
senior crime. After his appearance, he
was seen visiting a dentist in Harlow,
further strengthening the missing teeth
rumour.
Even the toilets have shown evidence
of Sir Paul’s presence with visible drag
marks on the toilet seat caused by the
old rocker’s dangly balls. And it was
down one of these that a set of false
teeth, alledgedly belonging to the
singer, were found embedded in a
floater on early Tuesday morning last
week.
Ikea bosses have revealed that store
security cameras do show a figure,
thought to be that of McCartney,
entering the toilets at around 7.35am
on Tuesday morning, some 45 minutes
before store opening. The man seemed
unsure on his feet, as if having recently
woken, had a towel draped around his
The set of false teeth found at the scene
were handed to local police. They
speculate that the teeth had fallen from
the slack-jawed owner’s mouth when
leaning forward to reach the flush after
doing their business. “If it wasn’t for
the giant floater, we would have been
none the wiser,” said a senior police
spokesman.
Bieber - kept in for observation
The listless lethario was immediately
given a course of ice cream while frantic
ER staff tap-danced and told him jokes.
He was kept under observation for
another 2 hours before being picked up
and taken to the circus by concerned
family members.
Kanye West
made of
chocolate
Stage hands working with Kanye West
on recent live performances have
revealed that he is melting under the raft
of suspended lights that form the
backbone to his shows, and has to be
kept in a refridgerated trailer when off
stage - fuelling wild speculation that the
foul-mouthed rapper is actually made
out of chocolate.
28
Andre - not all there
“Peter seemed confused by the simplest
tasks” said consultant Claire Ringstead,
“when we told him to take a seat, he
asked if the music had stopped”
There had already been wide speculation
about Peter’s poor brain capacity after he
was recently seen giving an interview to
a parking meter near his home in West
Hampstead. And it had become
apparent during filming that the
children, many with severe learning
goes back
to his roots
Recently bankrupted pop star 50
Cent has decided to combat his
disasterous financial position by
shunning the life of pop performer
and concentrating on getting back
to basics with a series of
car-jackings, gas station robberies
and hip hop home invasions.
Taking the advice of friends and
family, the half-dollar Dillinger has
been burning the midnight oil
planning his gun-toting comeback
and bragging online that he will
soon be back with a bang.
Oliver, 40, had the following advice for
Peter: “Peter should not be ashamed of
his learning difficulties. At first everyone
thought I suffered from being a few bob
short of a pound, becuase of my melon
head and lisp, but they were wrong! I
only have moderate spasticity and have
done very well on it, yarp”
It is unclear whether Andre will block
the screening of the show - when we
asked him, he just took our microphone
and started licking it.
Support for un-photographed drummers
Government vow to provide financial and welfare assistance to
un-photographed drummers throughout the UK.
Government ministers have pledged
support for drummers after a recent rise
in the amount of popular band
percussionists seeking medical treatment
for non-recognition.
Although drawing sceptisism from the
greater scientific fraternity, the chocolate
theory it is a “distinct possibility” and
“highly plausible” according to Bill
Wilkinson, Imperial Wizard of the
Valiant Knights of the Ku Klux Klan.
Bradley Variant, spokesman for the
Drummers Guild, spoke to reporters
about the pain and anguish drummers
suffer when omitted from photographs:
“It always seems that the drummer is
blocked in some way in all the shots. His
face is seldom visible and even when it is,
the guitarst is often captured picking his
nose or making a face”
West’s PR team were unavailable for
comment on this hot and sticky issue.
It is hoped that through government
funding, un-photographed drummers
The articles on these pages may contain some elements of truth but the rest is mostly just made up by the office staff at Headvibe and are for entertainment purposes only
Doctor Ringstead told us: “Peter was
being filmed while we set the children
some simple shape recognition tasks,
using coloured wooden blocks... I
handed one such block to Mr Andre and
he simply ate it”
But Peter is not alone when it comes to
celebrities hiding their disabilities and
Andre’s ‘outing’ follows hot on the heals
of last week’s revelation that TV chef
Jamie Oliver also suffers from a degree
of mental retardation - although in
Oliver’s case he had not tried to hide his
disability and it had been accepted by
the general public as part of his charm.
Take me home, I don’t know what I’m doing!
Bieber, who had been seen out buying
sweets earlier that day, had apparently
been sitting around at home with
nothing to do for approaching 2 hours
before medical services were alerted.
difficulties, had much higher cognitive
abilities than those shown by
bewilldered show host.
50 cent
Guitarist purposely blocks view of drummer
will be able to apply for a grant to hire a
drummer-friendly photographer that will
concentrate on getting some good shots
of them drumming while only shooting
other band members from the waist
down.
Curtis denied pee charges in 1994
The rapper, real name Curtis
Jackson, is no stranger to law
enforcement after serving time in
the past for urinating in a
neighbour’s steam iron and
wearing his cap backwards whilst
at the same time shielding his eyes
from the sun.
Police say there is no immediate
concern for the public, as having
already robbed his grandfather of
over $1700 at knifepoint last
month, Cent is sure to be calling
on other close family members to
hand over what they’ve got or else,
before aiming his gun and criminal
intentions elsewhere.
The articles on these pages may contain some elements of truth but the rest is mostly just made up by the office staff at Headvibe and are for entertainment purposes only
29
Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich is a keen modern art collector. In 2008 he auctioned his "last Basquiat" for $13.5 million.
A insideview
HEADVIBE
A YOURNOISE
headvibe
A VENUEGUIDE
By Liz Ramanand - music blogger
headvibe
Top 10 Anti-Love Songs
Don’t know how to dump your partner? don’t waste your own words on the soon-to-besad-sacks, let the ever sensitive lyrics of Hard Rock and Metal say it for you...
From the Beatles to Taylor Swift, there
are plenty of love songs out there, and
this is fine… for some of us. But for
others who are just sick of the sight of
their now so annoying ugly bug of a
partner, saying goodbye can be a chore.
So why not say it with a song instead?
and as a music genre, hard rock and
metal have some ideal tune choices for
when you want to tell someone to sod
off. Here’s my Top 10 Anti-Love
Songs:
1. ‘You Make Me Sick’
DevilDriver
There’s no lovey dovey stuff going on
when your partner literally makes you
feel nauseous. The track ‘You Make Me
Sick’ by DevilDriver is one of the
heaviest songs on the list as frontman
Dez Fafara spits out the lyrics with
venom and absolute revulsion, not to
mention the guttural growls.
Kiss's Gene Simmons can speak Hungarian.
2. ‘Throw Me Away’
Korn
Feeling used? Korn’s ‘Throw Me Away’
is for anyone feeling like a doormat as
Jonathan Davis eerily sings the lyrics
“Flesh wound, flesh wound / With
medication it will fade/ Should I
assume that someone hears me when I
pray / Love full of hate / Don't you
love how I break?”
3. ‘Die, Die My Darling’
The Misfits
Whether you like The Misfits version
or the Metallica version, nothing says
“I hate your guts” better than wishing
death upon someone. “Die, die, die my
darling / Don't utter a single word /
Die, die, die my darling / Just shut your
pretty mouth.” So if your loved one
who isn’t so lovely is pissing you off,
don’t pull a Dexter, just listen to this
song.
4. ‘I Know You're F cking
Someone Else’
Type O Negative
Is your significant other a cheating and
lying sack of crap? Turn up the volume
of this Type O Negative Favorite ‘I
Know You’re Fucking Someone Else.’
“You went to l'amour saturday night /
*
30
Red nails and lipstick dressed two sizes
too tight / His tongue down your
throat / His hand up your skirt / Yeah
I'm a man / But it still hurts.” Of
course it hurts!
5. ‘Dead Memories’
Slipknot
You may have ‘Dead Memories’ of the
cheater in the song before. Slipknot
usually expresses the hatred of another
aggressively but the band does a poetic
job of it in their song ‘Dead Memories.’
Even though frontman Corey Taylor
sings the words “Dead Visions in your
name / Dead Fingers in my veins /
Dead Memories in my heart” softly, he
still gets the point of loathing across.
6. ‘What Were You Expecting?’
Halestorm
Lzzy Hale of Halestorm proves that
guys aren’t the only ones who are
capable of breaking hearts with the
tune ‘What Were You Expecting.’ Hale
belts out the chorus “What were you
expecting? / Another lullaby? / Are you
kidding? / You must be high / Cause it
was just one kiss.”
7. ‘Bitch’
Sevendust
From the very start of the song ‘Bitch’
by Sevendust, the message is clear as
Lajon Witherspoon melodically sings
“I can't imagine to be like you / The
pain and the suffering you put me
through / I can't imagine to be like you
/ The pain and the suffering you put me
through.”
8. ‘I F cking Hate You’
Godsmack
Well the title says it all and so do the
lyrics “Don't ever look my way / Don't
even think I'm playin' /'Cause I
fucking hate you / You're such a liar /
And I love to hate you.” Godsmack
frontman Sully Erna gets straight to
the point in ‘I Fucking Hate You’ off of
their 2003 album ‘Faceless.'
*
9. ‘Du Hast’
Rammstein
Leave it up to Rammstein’s to insult
their partner via a marriage proposal
with their song 'Du Hast.' “Du hast
mich gefragt, und ich hab nichts gesagt
(you have asked me and I have said
nothing) / Willst du bis der Tod euch
scheidet (Do you want, until death
separates you) /treu ihr sein für alle
Tage (to be faithful to her for all days)
/ Nein (No).”
10. ‘Bye Bye Bitch Bye Bye’
Motorhead
We all know Lemmy Kilmister has said
this to many Motorhead groupies over
the years, nonetheless “Bye Bye Bitch
Bye Bye” are the words you utter to
someone you’re fed up with. “Gonna
make a fool of you, watch out / Make
your life a misery; make you shut your
mouth / Gonna tell a tale on you, make
your blue eyes cry / And then you
know we're truly through, bye bye
bitch, bye bye.”
Enough said.
venue guide
Dorchester
Goldies Public House
Tom Browns
The Sydney
The Durnovaria
Dorchester Arts Centre
Bulls Head
Victoria Hotel
Corn Exchange
The Spice Centre
Weymouth
Golden Lion
Sailors Return
Duke of Cornwall
The Rendezvous
The Pavilion
Finns
Flaming Jack's
The Red Lion
The Boot Inn
House of Sounds
The Black Dog
The Gloucester
The Lazy Lizard
Bournemouth
Chaplin's & The Cellar Bar
02 Academy
The BIC
The Winchester
The Anvil
Jalarra
Mr Kyps
The Old Fire Station
Smokin' Aces
O'Neil's
Sixty Million Postcards
The Grove Tavern
The Richmond Arms
Buffalo
Inferno
With way too many individual gigs taking place in Dorset to list
every month, here instead is a rundown of all the cool pubs,
bars, theatres and clubs that regularly have live music.
Give ‘em a Google and find out who’s playing near you.
Bridport
The Lord Nelson
No.10 Café Bar
The Ropemakers
The Crown Inn
Electric Palace
115 Club
Swanage
The White Swan
White Horse Inn
The Ship
Blandford
The Greyhound
The Crown
The Dolphin
Railway Hotel
Kings Arms Hotel
The Royal Oak
Crown Hotel
Charlton Inn
The White Horse
Poole
The King Charles
The Lord Nelson
Patrick's
The BriT Pub
Jolly Sailor
Poole Arms
The Goods Yard
The Victoria Cross
Lighthouse
Jalarra
The Winchester
Sherborne
The Mermaid
Plume of Feathers
Powell Theatre
Digby Tap
The White Hart
Skippers
Half Moon
Britannia Inn
Yeovil
Octagon Theatre
Westlands
The Forester's Arms
The Red House
Orange Box
Bell Inn
The Armoury
Lyme Regis
The Nags Head
Pilot Boat
The Royal Standard
The Harbour Inn
Cobb Arms
Marine Theatre
The Rock Point Inn
Talbot Arms
The Volunteer Inn
Portland & Wyke
The George Inn
The New Inn
The Royal Exchange
The Wyke Smugglers
The Royal Arms
Shaftesbury
The Kings Arms
The Fountain Inn
The Half Moon
The Ship Inn
Beggars' Banquet Café
The Grosvenor
Ye Olde Two Brewers
The Fontmell
Arts Centre
coming next month! (in your ears)
Headvibe Magazine’s FREE Original Artists CD
Free on the cover of Headvibe’s September issue.
All original tracks from:
The Dolmen
The Jimmy Hillbillies
Southern Brotherhood
The Half-Dead Darlings
Soulhole
Big Al Whittle
The Leggomen
Jamie Parker
Emma Gale
Wilson
Dave Griffiths
Simon Felton
David Gordon
Jesse Williams
so don’t miss your next Headvibe Magazine!