Serena Potter

UNINVITED; OR, A CHRONIC ROMANCE
A Thesis
Submitted to the Faculty
of
Laguna College of Art & Design
by
SERENA POTTER
In Partial Fulfillment of the
Requirements for the Degree
of
Master of Fine Arts
May 2011
ii
Laguna College of Art and Design
Master of Fine Arts Thesis Approval
Signature Page
Title: UNINVITED; OR, A CHRONIC ROMANCE
Master of Fine Arts Candidate Signature: ___________________________________
(Print name) ___________________________________
Thesis faculty advisor: ____________________________________________
(Print name) __________________________________________
Second reader (optional): ____________________________________________
(Print name) _________________________________________
MFA Program Chair: ____________________________________________
(Print name) _________________________________________
Dean of MFA Program: ________________________________
(Print name) ___________________________________________
LCAD President: __________________________________
(Print name) ______________________________________________
Date Approved: _______________________
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© 2011 by Serena Potter
No part of this work can be reproduced without permission except as indicated by
the “Fair Use” clause of the copyright law. Passages, images, or ideas taken from
this work must be properly credited in any written or published materials.
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ABSTRACT
My current body of work is a personal narrative about my experiences with
chronic illness, specifically the human Parvo B19 virus. I paint figurative and still life
paintings that address themes, of private pain vs. public persona, fight and submission,
gravity, loss of identity, time, and sleep. I work in oil on panel or canvas.
My paintings are notable for their use of chiaroscuro, inspired at first by master
artists Georges de la Tour and Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio. Recently though, my
interests have turned to the dramatic cinematic lighting and other compositional elements
used in film noir. Dark shadows, tenebrous space, cropping, and use of diagonals all lend
an air of mystery and improbability to my work. It is my intent that the viewer be able to
view the paintings without an overt understanding of my personal narrative, but rather
can bring their own stories to the paintings.
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DEDICATION
To Franz, for many years of care and encouragement. To my girls, for putting up with an
atypical mother. And to Joe Gerges, for helping me find my voice.
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EPIGRAPH
Theories that diseases are caused by mental states and can be cured by
will power are always an index of how much is not understood about the physical
terrain of a disease.
Susan Sontag
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
DESCRIPTION
1
OBJECTIVE
11
RESEARCH
12
METHODOLOGY
17
CONCLUSION
22
BIBLIOGRAPHY
25
APPENDIX
27
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TABLE OF FIGURES
Figure 1
Labors Lost, Serena Potter, 2010
3
Figure 2
Without a Noise, Serena Potter, 2010
4
Figure 3
Submission, Serena Potter, 2010
5
Figure 4
Time Suspended, Serena Potter, 2010
6
Figure 5
Dial M for Murder, Alfred Hitchcock, 1954
9
Figure 6
Double Indemnity, Billy Wilder, 1944
9
Figure 7
Uninvited, Serena Potter, 2011
11
Figure 8
Duel After the Masked Ball, Jean-Leon Gerome, 1857
15
Figure 9
Falling, Quiangli Liang, c.1990
18
Figure 10
Reference photo for Submission, Serena Potter, 2010
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1
DESCRIPTION
My journey with chronic human Parvo Virus B19 (CFS) began on a sunny
January morning in Norwich, England. I was life drawing in a studio shared with sculptor
and friend, Pip Collyer. While drawing, a rash suddenly appeared on the backs of my
hands. The following day the rash was joined by joint pain and swelling. The doctors
tested me for Lyme disease and a myriad of other possible causes. I reminded them of a
recent sign posted on the doors of the University Crèche warning of an outbreak of Fifth
Disease. My youngest daughter had experienced rosy cheeks that lasted a few days –
though no lasting symptoms. The only test to come back positive was for the Human
Parvo B 19 virus - the same that causes Fifth Disease. The only treatment offered was
Ibuprofen for pain and swelling, rest, and a daily walk. I was told the symptoms would
last a few weeks. They persisted and I was overcome with debilitating fatigue. At this
point the doctors said I had Post Viral Fatigue which would last up to three months. This
extreme fatigue was the subject of my first painting, which depicts the figure hung over
the bed, arms dangling over the edge in an awkward fashion. The bed slices the picture
frame from top to bottom, the legs of the figure leave the right side, as the lower half of
the cat exits the bottom of the frame; all serve to bring the viewer into the space but also
lead the eye out of the space (Appendix plate 7). After six months my condition improved
and I felt much better until a year later, I had a relapse. After two years of the virus I was
labeled by American doctors as having Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. They told me to avoid
stress, take a yoga class, get out more, and join the PTA (Parent Teacher Association) at
my daughter's school. After four years I went to an infectious disease doctor in
California. He knew my disease. He understood my pain and my symptoms, but admitted
2
there was nothing to be done; it was a permanent condition. He put me on a new drug for
nerve pain whose positive effects were short lasting.
My life and those of my family members were drastically altered. I stopped
driving following a serious accident when it became clear to me that my response time
and ability to focus on the road and traffic was severely impaired. I lost the ability to
think. In addition to forgetting names, dates, appointments, birthdays, addresses and
phone numbers, I could not call to mind the correct words to convey my meaning. At
times my tongue literally felt swollen in my mouth and would not permit me to speak.
The sounds of every day living became a distraction to the point of inflicting pain. My
sleep cycles were confused, sleeping all day, miserably awake all night. My nerves would
send pins and needles down my legs for hours. I would find myself on the floor at three
in the morning stretching till it burned, the burn preferable to the pain. Theater and
computer screens would leave me motion sick.
The majority of the pain was in my hands, but it would move to wrists, elbows,
knees, hips, and at times even my jaw. I have painted a small still life called Labors Lost,
only 12 x 12 inches of two antique handkerchiefs, with two rusty iron clamps and a small
knobby iron hammer. One of the handkerchiefs is edged in hand made lace – called
tatting. The other is decorated with a form of needlework where the pattern is created
with stitching and holes. The handkerchiefs and tools are indicative of work done with
the hands. The items are now in a state of disuse, much like my hands inflicted by
arthraligias. The tools are also indicative of pain. The organic shapes and intricate lace of
the handkerchiefs are indicative of a time before the pain. The placement of the clamps in
the lower right quadrant, act as sort of signature, an S, that has been twisted out of its
3
original configuration of two graceful curves which flow into one another creating a
mangled, stiff and crooked representation of its former self, a self portrait of sorts.
Fig. 1. Serena Potter, Labors Lost, 2010, Oil on panel, 12" x 12".
I would get headaches that lasted for months; no number of shots into the back of
my skull would relieve the pain. Dental pain was also an issue, as well as chest pain. At
times I thought I must be having a heart attack. Shortness of breath and elevated blood
pressure were the result of even the smallest amount of exercise and would leave me not
only exhausted and weak, but have me gasping for air blood pounding in my ears, heart
racing.
Our family life shifted to a new routine. My husband took over many of my roles.
On top of already supporting the family, and running a small printing press, he learned
how to do the girls hair, make breakfasts, lunches, and dinners, as well as help them with
4
their homework and drive them to school and all other activities. He was very
compassionate but at times resented my illness and missed his wife. Not being able to
fulfill his needs or be the partner I should be, would result in my feeling an
overwhelming guilt. In the painting, Without a Noise, (Figure #2) the figure (myself) is
seated on two suit-cases, representing the baggage or burden that I felt myself to be to my
husband. The figure is strapped with three belts around the ankles, and torso; she is
struggling against the constraints, head looking upward.
Fig. 2. Serena Potter, Without a Noise, 2010, Oil on birch panel, 36" x 48".
One of the uglier aspects of the illness is the feeling of being completely under the
control of the virus. Unlike the painting Without a Noise, which depicts a figure that
continues to fight against her constraints, eventually I gave up the fight. I felt the virus
5
had won and I was completely at its mercy. This is the subject of Submission a large
painting that shows the figure hanging from orange electrical cords which disappear into
the darkness. This figure has no fight left.
Fig. 3. Serena Potter, Submission, 2010, Oil on canvas, 48" x 78".
My youngest daughter feels responsible for my illness. She has heard too many
times that the virus originated at her school and equates this with being her fault, no
matter how often I have told her otherwise. She is a very compassionate girl, has spent
many hours on my bed, reading stories together or just taking naps with me. At times we
have cried together. I too feel guilty for having missed out on so much of her
development as she was only three when I became ill. The still life called Time
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Suspended depicts an old electric clock that has been unplugged and a pair of red shoes
that my daughter wore at the time of my infection. For me it conveys that my ability to
fully be a mother to her stopped at that time. It speaks of all the growth that I was not
able to experience with her as I was sleeping, unplugged.
Fig. 4. Serena Potter, Time Suspended, 2010, Oil on canvas, 11" x 14".
My eldest daughter has always been one to hold her feelings inside, so responded
to my illness by becoming stoic. I imagine she must be angry, and I hope one day she will
be able to express her feelings about how the illness affected her life.
My experience has been the source of my inspiration-however, my story is similar
to the stories of thousands of others and I do feel a sense of responsibility to tell this story
not only for myself, but for them. Themes of gravity, fatigue, disuse, brain fog, pain,
guilt, anger, burden, lack of control, loss of hope and renewal are all addressed. Because
this is an autobiographical body of work I determined that using myself as subject and
model would be most effective. This was not an easy decision. I have painted many
7
portraits in the past but have found it difficult to draw attention to myself, my condition
and so have avoided using myself as a subject. In my first semester I used my niece and
her children, as models for the painting Coping (Appendix plate 8). At this point I was
still deflecting my experience onto others. In my second semester I determined that I
needed to put aside insecurities and face that this is my story and no one would be able to
communicate its aspects better than I could.
Illnesses, such as mine, are not a recent phenomenon. It is not uncommon to read
of someone who experienced shattered nerves or neurasthenia in classic literature. In
1886 British novelist Marie Corellie wrote a novel called A Romance of Two Worlds, in
which she tells the story of a young woman who "was afflicted by a series of nervous
ailments, brought on by overwork and over-worry" (5). She describes her symptoms as
my system was strung up by slow degrees to such a high tension of physical and
mental excitement, that the quietest and most soothing of friendly voices had no
other effect upon me than to jar and irritate. Work was impossible; music, my one
passion, intolerable; books became wearisome to my sight; and even a short walk
in the open air brought with it such lassitude and exhaustion, that I soon grew to
dislike the very thought of moving out of doors. (5)
Corellie's character finds little help from the medical profession and turns to an
unconventional healer, a spiritualist of sorts. I too have found the most effective means of
improvement to be found through unconventional medicine.
If literature is any measure, then we find that the illness was as much
misunderstood and stereotyped in centuries past as it is now. In Elizabeth Von Arnim's
1914 novel, The Pastor's Wife, we read of a Bishop's wife who
8
had found the sofa as other people found salvation…In a moment of insight she
perceived the sofa. Here was a blameless object that would separate her entirely
from duties and responsibilities of every sort…All she had to do was cling to it,
and nobody could make her do or be anything. She accordingly got onto it and
had stayed there ever since, mysteriously frail, an object of solicitude and
sympathy. (49-50)
These accounts are of course fictional, but popular literature was meant to reflect
common perceptions and issues of the day.
I am an avid watcher of classic movies, my preferred being from the 1930's,
through the 1960's. I have found that the cinematic elements and themes found in film
noir relate to my narrative. In director Gerd Oswald's 1957 noir classic Crime of Passion,
actress Fay Wray plays a character named Alice Pope who suffers from an unnamed
illness. She complains of being "just so tired" and after several days in the hospital is
prescribed a respite from the stress of her husband's over demanding job as police
commissioner and moves to Hawaii (Oswald).
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Many of my paintings utilize a chiaroscuro lighting that is found in film noir. I
love the simple compositions and dramatic lighting found in scenes such as this one from
Alfred Hitchcock's 1954 Dial M for Murder.
Fig. 5. Alfred Hitchcock, Dial M for Murder, 1954.
Or this scene in director Billy Wilder's 1944 film noir Double Indemnity.
Fig. 6. Billy Wilder, Double Indemnity, 1944.
In the painting Uninvited I have used the classic film noir motif of a figure
reflected in a mirror (Figure #7). Author Foster Hirsch explains in his book The Dark
10
Side of the Screen, Film Noir that use of mirrors place the character in a frame within a
frame and those reflections suggest self-division, masquerade and loss of identity (89 90). This seemed a perfect tool for suggesting my public persona vs. my private pain. In
this painting my back is to the viewer, my reflection confronting the viewer, in the act of
unbuttoning my shirt, or as implied, removing my public façade; this painting also
depicts the broader narrative of what this body of work is to me. Other noir motifs used in
this painting are diagonals in the composition, dark shadows, cropped figures and as I see
it, a perceived claustrophobic space.
11
Fig. 7. Serena Potter, Uninvited, 2011, Oil on birch panel, 32" x 46".
Objective
My series of figurative paintings often places the viewer in the position of a
voyeur, looking in on very personal, intimate, moments of struggle with chronic illness.
The paintings use simple composition, shallow space and dramatic lighting to focus in on
the figure, coupled with a very quiet, contemplative pose juxtaposed with elements of
constraint and restraint.
12
RESEARCH
As I proceeded through the journey of painting this body of work I came to
realize that I had actually been laying the research foundation for many years. Whenever
I read a book that had a character whose experience was similar to mine I would
underline that page and make mental notes. The movies that I watched were selected
because they offered an escape from my illness and elements of those movies have found
their way into my work. As I became more conscious of this I was able to pursue my
research further.
Reading is as necessary to my living as is food. I was raised by a mother who was
a librarian. I spent my childhood summers curled up in a corner of the Culver City
Library, lost in a world of fiction. It is no surprise that many of my concepts would be
defined by words read. Several books have influenced this project. Marie Corellie's A
Romance of Two Worlds helped me to see illness as something that could be addressed in
a metaphysical manner. The character who is ill finds release from her pain through
creativity, in this case painting, and through out-of-body travel. Many of my figures are
situated in spaces that do not read as actual space. Down Again, Submission, and Without
a Noise are all paintings that exhibit a quality of other-worldliness.
Another book that influenced my work is The Pastor's Wife by Elizabeth Von
Armin. As mentioned in the introduction section of this paper, there is a character in this
book, a Bishop's wife, who spends her days sequestered to the couch. The author employs
the stereotypes that are still used today to describe this woman as someone who is
avoiding her responsibilities by feigning illness. My experience has been that most
people including the medical profession do not have a clear understanding of what one
13
really suffers, with an illness such as mine. They seem to think that one can be rid of the
illness by a change of mental outlook. This prevalent point of view has been an impetus
for me to paint my illness with an honesty that I hope will convey the true nature of
chronic fatigue type illness.
Susan Sontag's book Illness as Metaphor and AIDS and Its Metaphors addresses
these stereotypes and has helped me to put into perspective how much influence our
society’s language, they way they talk about an illness, has on our own recovery, how we
and those around us approach the illness. The epigraph in this paper is a quote from her
that says "Theories that diseases are caused by mental states and can be cured by will
power are always an index of how much is not understood about the physical terrain of a
disease" (5) It has been my goal with this body of work to give the viewer an
understanding of some of the physical terrain of this disease as well as the emotional
terrain of this disease. The painting Labors Lost is about pain, specifically in the hands
and the loss of ability to do the things you love. The painting Down Again is about the
gravity that sucks you into the ground each time you try to get out of bed, as well as the
emotional struggle that one has with depression as a result of that fatigue (Appendix plate
4).
As mentioned previously, movies have provided a means of escape from my
illness. I have always been drawn to movies that were made in times before my existence.
I love the beautiful world of sliver light and shadow created with black and white
cinematography. It leaves color to the imagination and the imagination is always better
than the real thing. The illness makes it very difficult to tolerate too much visual and
audio stimulus so this too made classic films easier to watch. The black and white
14
eliminates some of the visual stimulus and old movies tend not to have the fast moving
cameras and loud sound effects found in contemporary film. A few notable titles watched
were Gerd Oswalds, Crime of Passion (Oswald), Out of the Past (Tourneur), Don't
Bother to Knock (Baker) and Panic in the Streets (Kazan).
In addition to watching the films I have also used a series of books called The
Film Classics Library, which take old movies and break them down still by still
accompanied with dialogue as text (Anobile). These have been useful for analyzing the
compositional elements used to create feelings of entrapment, danger, and psychosis.
This is often accomplished by closely cropped figures, a camera angle that is slightly
below the figure, showing the ceiling or deep space of an alley-way, and use of
reflections in mirrors or other shiny surfaces (Hirsch). In addition to movies I watched a
documentary called Film Noir: Bringing Darkness into Light (Leva) which offered
insight into the methods used by noir cinematographers.
The internet has been an indispensible resource. I used netflix.com to research and
watch film. I used Imbd.com to learn more about those films. I used Google to research
images. I used e-bay.com to search for items that might be useful in my paintings.
Another method of research I have used has been attending gallery shows,
museum lectures and slide show lectures. I attended an exhibit at The Getty Center in Los
Angeles titled The Spectacular Art of Jean-Léon Gérôm followed by a lecture by Marc
Gotlieb, director of the graduate program in the history of art at Williams College. Mr.
Gotlieb pointed out how Gerome told his story not by depicting the event as it was
happening but often after the event. In his painting Duel After the Masked Ball Gerome
shows us the wounded harlequin and his assassin walking away.
15
Fig. 8. Jean-Leon Gerome, The Duel After the Masked Ball, 1857, Oil on canvas, 27" x 38", Collection The
Walters Art Museum, Baltimore, Maryland.
This led me to thinking about the timing in my work. Is the viewer looking at a
moment happening in a split second or is the action of the painting taking place over a
longer space of time? Are we viewing the event before or after it took place? I have made
decisions based on these questions, determining that I wanted the viewer to linger in the
painting and have a sense that the figure has been in this place or situation for a longer
length of time. In the painting Submission the viewer should get a sense that the figure
has been hung up in those cords for quite some time and will most likely be there for an
indefinite amount of time. In Uninvited the viewer encounters the figure just as she is
unbuttoning her shirt, catching her in the act of undress, but not yet fully revealed. I
chose this moment in an effort to communicate that this body of work is actually a part of
an ongoing process of my revealing my inner struggle and private side.
Other lectures that I have attended were the monthly slide shows held at John
Swihart’s house in Santa Monica; Ca. Swihart is an artist and mentor in the Laguna
College of Art and Design’s MFA program and has been holding these events for many
16
years. The artists whose lectures I attended that influenced me the most were Rebecca
Campbell and Yu Ji (Ji). Rebecca Campbell’s work is, like mine, autobiographical. It
covers a vast range of mediums. Seeing her work and hearing her lecture has helped me
to see outside of the constraints I had placed on myself, that I could take an event in my
life and instead of depicting it literally could think laterally and chose an image related in
another way (Campbell). Yu Ji is a Chinese artist who teaches in The University of Long
Beach’s art department. What struck me most by his work is how organic his process is.
He may start with seven figures and ultimately have only three in the painting. This
helped me to start thinking more organically about my work, to let go of that
photographic image and be willing to make changes part way if something isn’t working.
In the painting Submission I struggled with the dark space at the top and at one point
added in a fog or mist, which later determined was not working, and thus, sanded it out
and painted in the dark and diminishing cords.
I attended an exhibition of Laurie Lipton’s drawings titled Weapons of Mass
Delusions (Lipton). I was very impressed with how she can take very serious and
disturbing images and yet make them compelling and beautiful. She has a drawing titled
Watching that depicts a girl peaking through venetian blinds, eyes wide. This drawing is
two hinged panels that you open and on the inside is another drawing of the façade of an
apartment building. The viewer can see into each of the windows of the various
apartments, viewing personal effects and individuals, some occupied, others not. On the
street below the building, front and center is a woman being attacked by a man with a
knife and no one is doing anything about it, just watching. I’ve thought of this drawing
many times as I’ve composed my paintings. I considered the viewer and what I want the
17
viewer to feel when looking at the painting and how to accomplish that. The painting
Uninvited was composed in such a way that would bring the viewer in close to an
intimate space, much like an intruder, who is then confronted by the expression on the
face of the reflection, which signifies that they are not supposed to be there.
METHODOLOGY
My concepts usually start with a memory or vision of my past experience, and
then I free write, jotting down descriptions of images, feelings, and colors. For instance,
at the start of my first semester I wrote “asleep during the day, on bed with cat (a
constant), changing seasons, passing of time, children's objects – changing. Toys, game
boy, instruments, getting larger”. After the journaling I will talk with my husband. As an
observer, caregiver, spouse, he offers a different perspective on my experience with the
illness. Sometimes he can offer a twist on an idea that I had not thought of before. For
instance, he says that when I am in pain, I hold my hands in a manner that communicates
the pain. I was particularly thinking of my hands when I composed the painting Without a
Noise. Choice of color and placement of color was key to expressing pain in that
painting. I increased the saturated reds in the hands and feet, used cool colors in other
areas of the painting to communicate isolation.
After journaling and talking I will go to bed and start tossing images around in my
mind, comparing and contrasting elements. I usually end up falling asleep, but quite
frequently it will be just before fully waking that an idea will come to me. Once I have
that seed of an idea I start to research. I start with the Internet, typing in key words,
searching for images that use the same concepts. I use image data-bases as well as just
18
image searches on Google. I also have gone through the National University Library
System to access academic journals online, trying to find historic reference to illness such
as mine.
Something mentor Joe Gerges taught me was to research the images that I am
working with in early stages; find out who has used the image in the past, how it has been
used, what concept it was used to convey, and if it has been over-used. At this point if I
am still interested in it, I try to figure out a way to make it mine, to make it new and
surprising. For instance, after coming up with my initial idea for a painting dealing with
gravity, I went online and I found a sculpture by Chinese artist Quiangli Liang
(" Fal l i n g" ) . I loved the feel of his sculpture and used his composition to help formulate
mine.
Fig. 9. Quiangli Liang, Falling, 1857, bronz sculpture, Collection Galerie Mokum, Amsterdam.I
read books, literature, biographies, essays, trying to find out how authors have imagined
illness through words. One book previously mentioned, that made an impact on me was
Susan Sontag's Illness as Metaphor and AIDS and Its Metaphors. In addition to the quote
at the beginning of my thesis, I have underlined "Patients who are instructed that they
have, unwittingly, caused their disease are also being made to feel that they have
deserved it" (57). Having felt this guilt imposed on me by well-meaning doctors, friends
and family members who were certain that if I took the right combination of vitamins, or
adopted a more positive attitude, would be cured, took this statement to heart. maybe
19
instead: I took this statement to heart, having felt this guilt imposed on me by wellmeaning doctors, friends and family members who were certain that if I took the right
combination of vitamins, or adopted a more positive attitude, I would be cured. The
painting Without a Noise includes the suit-cases, or baggage, which is a direct reference
to the guilt one feels as she has become nothing but baggage to the people in her life.
Another important aspect of developing a concept is by looking at objects in my
home or gathered from elsewhere. I wander around my home physically and mentally
taking stock of my possessions and trying to determine if any would be interesting to
paint. This is how I came upon the handkerchiefs and clamps for the painting Labors Lost
as well as the clock and shoes for the painting Time Suspended.
After I have narrowed down an image idea, I start to sketch compositional ideas.
For the painting Down Again I began with sketches of myself in various forms of dress,
and with different positions of the arms. After determining that it would be best to
simplify the dress as much as possible, exposing the feet, which to me has always
indicated a form of vulnerability,--I went shopping. I wanted something that was intimate
– not sexy – but just simple, sleep wear or underwear. I settled on a plain white slip, no
lace or adornment.
The next step is to set up a photo shoot. This is often the most difficult step and
frequently the most frustrating. Because I am using myself as the subject of my paintings
I am not able to be behind the lens. For this reason I elicit the help of my husband,
daughters, fellow students and on occasion a professional photographer. It usually takes
three of four photo shoots before I get an image that I feel I can work with. For instance
with the Down Again painting I had a difficult time trying to figure out how to leverage
20
myself into the upside down position without my sliding onto the floor. I also had to try
lighting from different angles before finding a position that worked. Ultimately I rigged a
narrow board onto the step of a ladder and put a blanket on the board to avoid splinters. I
was able to slightly hook one foot on the underside of a step to keep from sliding. I was
then able to go into Photoshop and tilt the photo to a more extreme angle.
These photo shoots often involve my getting into unusual and often painful
positions in order to get the source photo that I need. The process for getting the photos
for the painting Submission involved looping a long orange, industrial electrical cord
through the railing of the balcony of the loft above our living room. With the help of my
husband and daughter I was able to get into the chords and hang without other support.
My daughter stood near by to help prevent my swinging. My husband was behind the
camera. All of my weight was actually supported by a cord under my arm pits and
another under my knees. Because I was limited on how long I could handle the pain, we
were not able to get the light exactly as I would have liked it. So, I used Photoshop to
change the exposure on the legs, which had become blown out.
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Fig. 10. Serena Potter, Reference Photo for painting Submission, 2010, photo.
Once I have gathered useful reference photos I will often do more in-depth
drawings. This sometimes leads to yet another photo shoot, making adjustments in
lighting, or camera angle. When I have a final image in hand I will go into Photoshop and
play with cropping. When I am happy with the composition I do a color composition. I
print out a black and white inkjet copy of the photo, spray fixative on the paper, then
paint with oil paints directly onto the photo, playing with color, saturation, value, and
editing of information, till I am happy with the outcome.
At this point I go into Photoshop and play with proportions. When I have
determined how large the painting should be, usually by judging how big the head of the
22
figure will be, I special order a canvas or birch panel. I found a local cabinet maker to
make larger birch cradled boards for me. It cuts down on shipping costs and delivery time
and gives me more input into the finished product. I prime my boards and canvases with
three layers of gesso, sanding between layers.
My first mentor, John Brosio, suggested I try gridding my image onto the larger
surface. I struggled with this at first, but found it to be a useful tool in later work. On a
really large painting a projector has been useful for just laying in the dimensions then
finishing free hand.
Once the sketch is as I want it, I move on to blocking in color and value shapes.
With each layer I add more information, smaller shifts in color gradation, finer detail. I
entered the program as a seasoned user of Liquin as a medium. With direction from
mentors and faculty, I have switched to an approach that eliminates medium in the early
stages, relying on Gamsol to thin paint. At times I find something needs to be sanded out
and re-painted. Each painting takes several months to complete. When I feel I am near
completion I sign the painting, as I feel the signature is part of the composition. This is
not an indication though that further honing will not be done. Working with Joe Gerges
as a mentor, I learned that there is nearly always something to be improved upon and the
painting is not done till there is next to nothing else to fix. This has really taught me to
hold my work to a higher standard.
CONCLUSION
I came into the MFA program questioning weather or not I really had anything of
importance to communicate. Part way into my first semester I had a moment of
inspiration when I suddenly knew exactly what I wanted to say, my personal experience
23
with chronic illness, but had no idea how I would go about doing it. In my second
semester I faced and accepted that in order for my work to be powerful, it had to be
honest and to truly be honest I would need to expose myself, my pain. I questioned
whether or not I had the courage to do this. I found that courage, in small doses, as I
approached each painting, attempting to push a little further outside of my comfort zone.
For the next two semesters I continued to hone my painting skills, while always trying to
formulate the next best way to tell my story.
As I contemplate the body of work that is my thesis I find that it has been an
enlightening experience. I have learned a lot about who I am as a person and as an artist. I
have come to acknowledge parts of myself that were always there but never spoken of. I
have remembered aspects of my past that I had put away. I have pin-pointed influences
on my work that I had not recognized before. I feel freer for having done so. Art is
therapy and once used as such can be addictive.
I do not know if I am finished with the chronic illness narrative. I suspect that as I
am not finished with the illness, I will at times revisit the topic in my work. I do though
have ideas bubbling in the back of my mind for new bodies of work and look forward to
getting started. The journey that is the body of my thesis work has given me the tools that
I need to move forward with new narratives.
Each of my instructors, mentors and advisors contributed to my growth as an
artist and I leave Laguna College taking pieces of them with me. I feel prepared to enter
the competitive world of art and teaching. It is my goal to secure gallery representation,
to continue to strive to create high art, in hopes of one day having my work displayed in
museums. I will find studio space closer to Los Angeles and dedicate certain days of each
24
week to painting. I hope to have an opportunity to teach so I can share what has been
given to me. I came into the program feeling timid and insecure. I leave feeling like a
stronger, more capable artist and woman.
25
BIBLIOGRAPHY
Anobile, Richard. J. Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho, The Film Classics Library. Darien
House, Inc. 1974. Print.
Anobile, Richard. J. John Huston's The Maltese Falcon, The Film Classics Library.
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Baker, roy Ward, Dir. Don't Bother to Knock. Dir. Roy Ward Baker." Perf. Marilyn
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College of Art and Design. Laguna College of Art and Design, Laguna Beach, Ca.
03Nov2010. Lecture.
Corellie, Marie. A Romance of Two Worlds. Methuen & Co. LTD. 1938. Print.
Dial M for Murder, Dir. Alfred Hitchcock, 1954. Film.
Double Indemnity, Dir. Billy Wilder, 1944. Film.
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Hirsch, Foster. The Dark Side of the Screen, Film Noir. A. S. Barnes and Company.
1981. Print.
Psycho. Dir. Alfred Hitchcock." Perf. Anthony Perkins, Janet Leigh. Universal Studios:
1960, Film.
26
Jean-Leon Gerome, The Duel After the Masked Ball, 1857, Oil on canvas, 27" x 38",
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Christopher Nolan, . Warner Home Video: 2006, Film.
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Central Art Center, Santa Ana, Ca. Jun2010. Exhibition.
Malkiewicz, Kris. Film Lighting, Talks with Hollywood's Cinematographers and Gaffers.
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Oswald, Gerd, Dir. Crime of Passion. Dir. Gerd Oswald." Perf. Fay Wray, Barbara
Stanwyck. Robert Goldstein Productions: 1957, Film.
Sontag, Susan. Illness as Metaphor and AIDS and its Metaphors. Picador, 1977. Print.
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Von Arnim, Elizabeth. The Pastor's Wife. Everyman. 1996. Print.
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APPENDIX
Plate 1. Serena Potter, Submission, 2010, Oil on canvas, 48" x 78".
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Plate 2. Serena Potter, Uninvited, 2011, Oil on birch panel, 32" x 46".
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Plate 3. Serena Potter, Without a Noise, 2010, Oil on birch panel, 36" x 48".
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Plate 4. Serena Potter, Down Again, 2010, Oil on birch panel, 24" x 40".
31
Plate 5. Serena Potter, Labors Lost, 2010, Oil on panel, 12" x 12".
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Plate 6. Serena Potter, Time Suspended, 2010, Oil on canvas, 11" x 14".
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Plate 7. Serena Potter, Exhaustion, 2010, Oil on canvas, 18" x 20".
34
Plate 8. Serena Potter, Coping, 2010, Oil on canvas, 20" x 24".
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Painting to be added later.
36
Painting to be added later.
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ARTIST'S NOTE
Website: Serenapotter.com
Email: Serena@Serenapotter.com