The Magic Word - Morbidia Schleppenphal

The Magic
Word
The National Wand Association
Of America
Quarterly newsletter
july, 2012
Vol. 3
Phoenix Feathers
By Handon Slammendor
Here we go again. Another exciting issue of The Magic Word. You'll be treated to the second
installment of the “The Chronicles of Penelope Pendragon”. You will be kept up to date with more
wizard news stories from around the world. There is a report, with pictures, of the Wizard Craft
Faire held at Whimsic Alley in Los Angeles, and much more!
In the last issue, I promised a comparison between traditional schools of the Magic Arts and
the more “modern” schools offering courses on line, or the more “primitive” use of books.
Surely, the most important thing to learn is the proper casting of a spell. The casting of a
spell can best be described as a combination of fly fishing and the golf swing. You need to master
the proper wand technique and the proper pronunciation of the spell. Master of one is useless
without mastery of the other.
In order to see the proper techniques I'll refer you
to the movie scene where the evil dark lord attempts to
“kill” the hapless boy wizard. If you watch closely, you
will see the dark lord bring the wand back slowly over his
head, then “cast” it forward, much like a fishing rod. The
uttering of the spell is begun when the wand is being
brought back, as when the dark lord says, “Avada...”, and
finished when the wand is cast forward, “...Kedavra”,
ending with a quick snap of the wrist (much like the
release point of a golf swing), and the tip of the wand
pointed at the intended target. The dark lord showed
perfect form. About the only thing left for him to do was
to reel in his hapless victim.
Contents
“Phoenix Feathers”
by Handon Slammendor....P.1,2
Wand Safety Rules...................................P. 2
Wizard News Around The World
By Handon Slammendor......P.3,4
Do You Have a Valid License?
By Morbidia Schleppenphal.......P. 4,5
The Wizard Craft Faire at Whimsic Alley
By Morbidia Schleppenphal........P. 6
The Quest for the Best Online Store...
By Morbidia Schleppenphal....P. 7
These Are Worth Watching
By Insomneeah Phielinmeh....P. 7.
Pottermore, Was It Worth the Wait?
By Morbidia Schleppenphal... P. 8
MyHogwarts, UK – Is There A Problem?..P. 8
Quidditch News
By Insomneeah Phielinmeh....P. 9
Snedly's Culinary Delights
By Snedly..........................P. 9
Wizard's Digest:The Chronicles of Penelope
Pendragon- continued....
By Insomneeah Phielinmeh.PP.10,11,12
Closing, Staff, & Disclaimer....................P. 13
Moon Phase Calendars for April, May, and June,
2012
Page 1
The MagicWord
The National Wand Association
Of America
Phoenix Feathers.... continued
Can we learn this from books? Oh, I'm sure we can learn how to hold the wand, and what to
say. But the proper technique of using the wand and the correct pronunciation will require
considerable trial and error and a lot of wasted time.
A major improvement would be to watch an instruction video on line. You could plainly see
the correct hand action with the wand and listen to the correct pronunciation of the spell. But, as
man of us who have tried to learn a proper golf swing from a video, you need someone next to you
to correct your mistakes. You need someone there to tell you not to use that strong regional
accent. You know what I mean, tomeito or tomahto, potaito or potahto.
The bottom line is simply this, you can learn to cast spells from a book or a video, and you
can become an average, or adequate wizard or witch. Or, you can do it the proper way and attend
an accredited school of witchcraft and learn to do it right the first time and become a truly great
practitioner of the Magic Arts.
Wand Safety Rules For Small Children
1. When you see an unattended wand, STOP, DON'T TOUCH IT, LEAVE
THE AREA, TELL AN ADULT WITCH OR WIZARD.
2. Never handle a wand without the supervision of an adult wizard or
witch. They could “go off” and cause serious damage, injury, or can
turn you into a toad!
Wand Safety Rules For Witches and Wizards
1. Be careful where you point it! There is nothing worse than having to
deal with unintended consequences.
2. Do not utter curses or spells while holding your wand unless that is
your intention. Refer to “unintended consequences”.
3. Carry your wand in a safe manner. An accidental stumble or fall
while improperly carrying a fifteen-inch long stick can, to borrow an
old expression, put your eye out...or worse.
4. Never, NEVER try to use a broken wand, especially if the core is
exposed. Do not attempt to fix it yourself. Only an experienced
wandmaker can extract the core and reinsert it into a new wand. Use
of a broken wand may (and most likely will) result in the spell being
bounced back at YOU. Not good!
Page 2
The MagicWord
The National Wand Association
Of America
WIZARD NEWS AROUND THE WORLD
By Handon Slammendor
The International Ministry of Magic is once again the subject of wizard discontent. It seems
the Ministry has come to an agreement with the Internal Revenue Service in the Colonies. The IRS,
in order to collect back taxes from errant wizards, is now using the Ministry to send Howlers to
said wizards.
“They have no right to do this!” exclaimed one wizard on condition of anonymity. “All this
stuff about not working with muggles, and what do they do? They go into partnership with the
most ruthless collection agency in the world. I was on a date with a lovely local witch at a very
expensive restaurant when this very vocal envelope started flapping in front of my face, telling the
whole world about my tax problems. This procedure may be acceptable for use on a first year
student at a Wizarding School, but not on adult wizards. It's outrageous!”
The plethora of complaints now has the Ministry charging in full retreat.
“When I heard about this agreement with the IRS being considered”, said a special agent for
the Ministry wishing to remain anonymous, “I immediately issued a memo indicating the pitfalls of
such an agreement. But did they listen? Of course not! A bureaucracy that has been in existence
for hundreds of years is not capable of even wiping its own arse.”
In a fit of “underwear-in-a-bunch” vengeance, the Ministry has opened an investigation to
determine the identity of the anonymous special agent so the IRS can perform an audit.
It is highly unlikely the investigation will yield any results.
*************
Page 3
The MagicWord
The National Wand Association
Of America
...Wizard News continued
Some young wizards, despite the warnings, insist on working in
close proximity with muggles. One such young wizard procured
employment in a large supermarket. A kindhearted soul, our
young wizard took pity on an elderly lady who lived not too far
from him. He knew she could not drive and had to walk home
with her groceries. Without giving it a second thought, as she
was going through the checkout register, he started putting her
groceries in a bag...one grocery bag.
“Did you put everything in here?” she asked, “The bag
feels so light!”
“It's all in there”, replied our young wizard.
When the lady got home, she was astonished to find the
lightweight bag did indeed contain everything she bought...the
pot roast, the sack of potatoes, the various canned goods, the
gallon of milk...kinda brings a tear to a phoenix's eye.
********
Do You Have a Valid License?
By Morbidia Schleppenphal
According to the “Wizard News Network”, (WNN),
there has been an notable increase in cases of accidental
“splinching” while apparating. For those who are unfamiliar
with the term, “splinching” is the random separation of
body parts resulting from apparating incorrectly. While the
reattachment of these body parts can be done quite
effortlessly by an experienced wizard or witch, the resulting
trauma to the subject has been known to last years.
Page 4
Aaarh! I should have practiced
And passed the test!
The MagicWord
The National Wand Association
Of America
...valid license? continued
The Department of Magical Law Enforcement has reported that in 90% of the
reported “splinch'” cases, the subject DID NOT have a valid License to Apparate. This
License is proof that the Witch or Wizard has successfully passed a comprehensive
apparation examination, with emphasis in life preserving safety measures. The test is
usually administered to 17 year olds at an accredited wizarding school by a competent
representative from the Department of Magical Transportation. Private examinations are
also administered to older members of the Magical Community at the actual chambers of
the Department of Magical Transportation, by appointment only. A “completion certificate”,
signed by the examiner, is processed by a clerk of said department, and a license is then
issued.
If you have a signed “completion certificate” from a valid testing site and visiting
your local IMM offices is not practical, you can procure an official License to Apparate
from my website for a nominal fee. www.MorbidiaSchleppenphal.com
Please be advised that the IMM is taking this situation very seriously. If an Auror or
any other Magical Law Enforcement Official catches you apparating or disapparating
without a License to Apparate, a stiff fine or a memorable weekend in Azkaban will
certainly be your “reward”.
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