Page 1 Page 2 Page 3 ST CHARLES OF SEZ ZE Autobiography

Special Favorrrs Received through the Mystery oftlie Nativity
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to the monastery, and our Lord caused it to happen that we saw
the sun in the vcry same position it had been when we left the sick
person the first time. The next day I found sheets for hcr and
anothcr blousc, a modest one, with some othcr alms.
Tlis is how God corrects and punishes sins of vanity in this
life. It makes us think, too, of the next!
SPECIAL F A V O U R S RECEIVED T H R O U G H T H E
MYSTERY O F THE NATIVITY
the zznd of August 1664, when I was at thc monastery
of St Peter in Montorio I fcll seriously ill with double
inalarial fever. T o make me well I was put in the infirmary at
St Francis a Kpa. But the illness grew worsc and it was accompanicd by a frightful hcadachc. Though I naturally felt a great
repugnance to dying, still [ began disposing myself for it as wcll
as I could. In all this the hand of our Lord forestallcd and transported mc to himsclf so quickly and so graciously that wonderful
things of God were rcvcaled to me; the mind cannot grasp thcm
and the tongue cannot dcscribe them. In particular I heard within
me the harmony of paradise that for its grcat swcctncss almost took
the soul from my body.
Tlus lasted eight days and was like a pledge of the happiness
the blcssed enjoy. Though I longed for relcasc from this prison
because of the pcace I was enjoying, our Lord still granted me
such indiffercnce that if my health could stand it I was not going
to refusc the suffering, though I realizcd how much it would cost
me; and if he thought it best to free me from the servitude of this
flesh so as not to offcnd him further I asked that he would give
me thc grace of dying with a devotion like that of my Father
St Francis.
I still felt the misery and trial caused by the sickness. When
0
N
the fcvcr was at its worst my llcad ached so intensely that I did
not know wllerc to put it. Because of thc headache I could not lie
down; bccause of my wealulcss I could not sit up. To get
- rclicf
I had to cry out at tirncs. I turncd to a painting at tjlc other end
of the room; it was our Lord on the cross, xvith lis Mothcr and
St John. This was thc rooin in wlrich Fathcr 13artl1olomew of
Salutio llad dicd. I said: "0 Lord, 0 Jcsus, hclp inc bccausc I
cannot stand this any inore! O Virgin Mary, O St Ann, hclp mc
through
- .yoal- iiltcr~cssion!"
As I callcd out in this way to our Lord it sccmcd that lic spoke
to me from tllc cross and said: "Brothcr Charles, littlc onc, ~7ou
arc lamcntin~a lot; look at me ilailcd to tlic cross! Sec my licad,
how it is croxvncd with thorns !" So~nctiincsI rcplicd : "0Lord,
this weak natmc nladc of flesh which you gave me wailts relief;
forgivc mc for I do not lulow what I ain doing !"
W l c n I rcturucd to the inonastcry of St I'eter in Montorio I
had hardly b c p n to rcgain my strength when the furious demon
of scnsualjty, likc a lion looszd from his chains, tried to tcar mc
apart spirituallJ~;hc madc evcry cffort to tcrrorizc mc wirh lis
roars so that in my fright I would givc 111 to him. When I saw
lnysclf in this ncw coneict and rccallcd the peacc I had enjoyed
in that earthly paradisc-that is what those fcw days of
wcre
likc, xvllich our Lord had %rantrd dun-ing m y illness-1 sighed:
O Lord, again I havc gone back to battlc! Tllc struggle is grcat;
help me !"
As thc fcast of my Father St Francis approached, tliis dcmon
of ficrcc sc~lsualit~
attackcd mc with greater fury. For :hrce
days and lights hc assaultcd rile co~ltinually,shootiIlS differcnt
poisoned arrow-s to bring dcath to thc so111 in a body xvlich
for sheer weakncss could barely stand on its fcct. Thc tlrird
night
the attack of tlie encnly was so intense that my
wearied and sated naturc bczan to rebcl; it incited me to blaspheme thc God who created mc and to curse thc day and hour of
my birth. By abandoning 111ysclf to the divinc will-tllc weapon
servants of God usc in battle-I bore this as wcll as I could in the
higllcr faculties and madc surc to kccp my will firm, for I was
detcrrnined to dic a thousa~ldtirilcs and to be buried in hell before
A
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Specin1 Fnvorrrs Received tl:ror~ghthe diystery ofthe Nativity
203
offendi~igso great a Lord from whom I had received bcilcfits
without nuillbcr.
On thc monllng of thc third day I went to con~cssionso as to
receive Holy Cominu~ioiiduring &lass that day. Aftcr t l ~ cconsecration all tllcsc tcnlptatioils bcgan to disappear. Aftcr I had
rcccivcd the illost holy Body of our Lord, if I 11ad all the toilgucs
that are and will be 1 ~ o u l d
iiot kiiow how to tell of tlic coinpulction, the sorrow, and the coiisolatioil I fclt xvitllul mc. It
seenlcd to inc that a river of the heave~lydcw of the Holy Spirit
had gulled out 111 aburlda~lccovcr all my soul and that fro111thjs
infusion of =I-ace I had been ti-ansforiilcd nlto God ill another
paradise filled witli tlic songs of heavenly choirs.
I recalled the passage fro111 St Jcrcmc in \vllicll lie nloancd and
sighed in the dcscrt, bittcrly tempted day and night; aiid how
aftcr all those ~iianya%ictions IIC cspcrici~ccda loving tastc 2nd
loiiSing wlilc he lookcd up to heaven. Absorbed and cauglit up
out cf himself he thouslit he was an~oilgtllc angelic choirs and
y:
wc will run after thee to thc odour
so hc sang out j c j f ~ ~ l l "Lord,
of thy oi:ltnleilts !"I Tlis is u-liat tlic blcsscd Lord draws from
tcmptatioils \-~11cnwc suffer tlien~with paticncc.
In tlic year 1664 wlicrl I lvas putting up t l ~ cCliristmas crib and
was al~llostfinisl~cd,son~coilcasked me \\-hat rcward I tliouRht
I was going to rcccivc fiw all that work. I said in7 rcward would be
wl~atcvcrthe blcsscd Lord m~ouldgive me. Aftcr tllc Bambino
had been placed i:1 tllc crib that most holy niSht, I fclt such divine
love in niy soul that I do not know if I cver had csperici~ccdany
like it; aid tllc weakilcss that at first seemed so bitter to me, now
was changed into sn7cctncss!
W l l ~ i lthe Bambino was to bc carried in proccssioil 111 the
church of St Peter hiontorio, the day aftcr Epiphany, 1663, thcrc
came ovcr me an extraordinary elevation of spirit at that part of
tlic function. While in it I besought our Lord to share the blcssi~i~s
hc had bestowed 011 nlc with illy fellow religious, and with all
my brothers and sisters in Christ who profess our holy faith,
begging 1:iin further in his good1:css to grant n:c confir~nationin
grace so t h ~ It should never again oRcnd hinl seriously.
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St Charles of Sezze
Thrce timcs I heard our Lord say w i h me, speaking very
clearly in Latin: "Ego cor~cedotibi; I grant you the favour you have
askcd!" Still, I did not givc up living in vcry great fcar, so as to
guard rnysclf from sin and the snarcs that arc set for us in this life,
and not abusc these great
mercies of God, sincc we cannot be safc
as long as wc arc not in thc next life.
Aftcr I lmd rcceived Holy Communion on thc Thursday before
thc feast of the Epiphany, 3 January 1663, I felt a grcat dcsirc to
make a vow not to bear hatrcd for anyonc, sincc sevcral days
previously I had fought an unusual battlc-with my passions which
had excited me against my neighbour in this way. Sensing the
great violence His Majesty was working in nly soul and being
coilscious of my fickleness, I thought it over wcll and said to our
Lord: "Every time Your Majcsty allows tllcse passions to risc
against me, I will makc the VOW."
On thc feast of Epiphany aftcr Holy Communion, thc violence
was so grcat that 1was uilable to offer further resistance; so as
far as human strength permitted I made the vow not to hate
anyone voluntarily. Then that evening at the hour of Compline,
when it was tirn; to take the ~ a i n b & oin procession from the
crib, I begged him that, as he had urged me to make the vow, so
he would grant me thc grace nevcr again to bear hatred for
anyone and wouId reprcss what in this pcrtains so intimately to
hurnan nature. %en I finished my prayer I understood -our
Lord saying interiorly to me: "I will bring it about that there will
no lonRcrbc any hatred or disdain in your hcart". At these words
I was like one rapt in spirit in union with him.
From then on I began witli grcatcr love than ever before to
lovc evcryonc equally. In my soul I vividly grasped the truth that
we are all childrcn of one fathcr who is God, and of one inother
who is our holy Church; and in lifc etcrnal we will all live
in one city, rulcd by the samc shepherd who is God, the source
of all our good.