NEWS: ThE ciTy`S firE chiEf uNdEr firE.

NEWS: The city’s fire chief under fire.
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VOL 41/31
06.03.2015
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THE GOONIES ASTORIA TOUR * WHY CYNDI LAUPER COULDN’T ENDURE “GOOD ENOUGH”
ORAL HISTORY OF the shoot * ASTORIA MOVIE HISTORY
OREGON’S BEST-LOVED MOVIE TURNS 30
C O U R T E S Y O F WA R N E R B R OT H E R S
THE GOONIES ARE US.
SINCE 1985, EVERY KID IN OREGON
HAS ALWAYS KNOWN THIS—AND NOT
JUST BECAUSE THE FILM WAS SHOT
IN ASTORIA.
Sure, The Goonies is one of the most loved
kids’ movies of all time, a tale of young Chunk
and Data and Mikey “Rudy” Walsh hunting for
One-Eyed Willie’s pirate treasure while being
chased by the nefarious Fratelli gang.
As The Goonies turns 30 on Sunday, June
7—soon to be celebrated by thousands in
tiny Astoria with bowling-alley parties with
Chunk, and sailing trips with Sloth (see page
23)—it still hovers among the top 25 DVDs
sold around the world each week. And yearround, tourists from as far away as Niger and
Saudia Arabia and Tibet visit Astoria to see
the Goondocks house and the bowling alley
where Chunk smeared a milkshake on the
window (see page 16).
But the movie belongs to Oregonians,
because it is Oregon. When the film was being
shot in Astoria and Cannon Beach in the ’80s
(see page 14 for an oral history), Oregon was a
state full of misfits who stopped at the ocean.
Except back then, nobody in New York or L.A.
really cared that we were weird. We were just
that place from The Oregon Trail game where
everybody had dysentery.
And heck, just look at the movie’s plot: It’s a
pack of nerds who band together to stop their
house from being sold by greedy developers–
and to stop themselves from being forced to
move to Detroit—by riding their bikes to a
dive bar and indulging their obsessions with
pirates. In Portland today, you could almost
film it as a documentary.
But for a generation, The Goonies made
being an outsider something to be proud of.
As long as you have a heart of gold and a Baby
Ruth and the help a gargantuan child-man
dressed like a comic-book character, you’re
good enough, just as Cyndi Lauper very reluctantly sang (see page 19).
In the immortal words of Trail Blazers
center Robin Lopez, “The Goonies are a closeknit group. They believe in themselves, even
though there are doubters throwing darts at
them outside. I posted that catch phrase a
couple times, ‘Goonies never say die.’”
Never say die, Portland.
THE
GOONIES
ISSUE
Willamette Week JUNE 3, 2015 wweek.com
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OKAY! I’LL TALK!
AN ORAL HISTORY OF THE GOONIES IN ASTORIA
tom of the street for crowd control. There
was nobody there, really. John Astin came
walking up and introduced himself. He
was a super-nice guy. We stood there
and chitchatted. School let out, and a
whole crowd of kids came out. There
was over 100 there in a matter of a minute or two. One girl stood in front of us and
said, ‘Damn, not one movie star anywhere.’
I looked at Mr. Astin, and he said, ‘Don’t
ever get old.’”
—Dave Johnson, officer (retired), Astoria
Police Department
apkryza@wweek.com
In November of 1984, Hollywood
descended on the tiny fishing town of
Astoria to shoot a mysterious movie
about pirate treasure and something
called a Goonie. Thirty years after its
release, the movie is one of the most
enduring cult films of all time, and
people from all over the world travel
to the Oregon Coast for a glimpse
at their childhood.
But what really happened when
a film crew took over the small town
for a few weeks? We talked with a
handful of Astorians, plus folks
who worked on the film, and
discovered that everything
from fake apes to real guns factored into making the classic. These are
their stories. (Find a full interview with
Jeff “Chunk” Cohen online at wweek.
com/chunk).
“We’d be hanging out on the dock, and
John Astin would walk by, and we’d go,
“Doodle-dee-doo, snap snap.” He didn’t
think that was very funny. Honestly, I
would have rather seen [Astin’s then-wife]
Patty Duke.”
—Jim Furnish
SEAN ASTIN
THE GOONIES TAKE ASTORIA
While the stars of The Goonies were
unknown, producer Steven Spielberg and
director Richard Donner weren’t the only
famous folks on set—star Sean Astin’s stepfather, John Astin—aka Gomez Addams—and
bona fide movie star James Brolin were there
to take care of their kids, who set up camp
at the Thunderbird Hotel, which eventually
became the now-closed Red Lion Inn.
“All the local guys would be down at the
[Thunderbird] and drink coffee. It was the
only good hotel in town, so the important
people were staying there. I remember the
kids were real bratty. They were spoiled
knotheads. They’d act up like kids and
spill things. There was one old waitress
there, and they exasperated the hell out of
her. Nobody gave a shit about those kids
because they weren’t famous. They were
busy looking at James Brolin and John
Astin and the famous people. Now that’s all
changed.”
—Jim Furnish, fisherman
“John [Matuszak, who played Sloth] and I
flew up, but were only there for a few days
because there were some major problems
with the makeup for Sloth. So there was
nothing we could really do in front of the
camera. I don’t drink, so I would escort John
to all the bars so I could get him home. I
was the John wrangler. I’d drink CocaCola and make sure he didn’t beat up the
whole place.”
—Randell Widner, Sloth stunt double
“One day they were up filming at
the Goonie house; I was at the bot-
“I was recovering from the chickenpox. We
kind of kept that to ourselves. I didn’t want
to get kicked out of the movie. One of the
earlier scenes I shot was the Truffle Shuffle.
If you look, all my belly, I have chickenpox,
and they had to put makeup on it.”
—Jeff Cohen, actor, Chunk
“[Matuszak] was a big kid with very few
limitations about how he conducted himself, but he was a little too big to play rough
with people. I have a black belt in five different forms of martial arts. When we first
started working out, he tried some stuff
and I smacked him in the big chest. From
that point on, if I told him it was
time to go, he’d go. He was taking
painkillers, and when you put
a gallon of wine on top of that,
you have trouble controlling
yourself at times. He was like a
lost child in a lot of ways.”
—Randell Widner
ASTORIA LIFE VS. HOLLYWOOD LIFE
Hollywood may have slowed traffic in town
but it didn’t slow down Astorian life, often
resulting in hilarious culture clashes.
“I was in the restaurant in the Thunderbird.
There was a commotion, people looking out
the window. The L.A. people were freaking
out. It was a hunter who had come back, and
had a deer he had shot strapped to his car.
He was proud of it. It was a good deer. And
all the L.A. people were like, ‘What the fuck?
Get that out of there.’ Dick Donner is such an
animal lover. It was interesting to see these
cultures clash. It’s like, ‘I’m proud, I shot this
10-point buck,’ and all the L.A. people are
like, ‘Get that fucking car out of here. What’s
wrong with you, you murderer?’”
—Jeff Cohen
“One morning, we had a shooter. There
was somebody shooting out of the window
of a house. We had people calling in on 911
that car windows were blowing out, and
they realized they had a shooter up near
the Goonie house. They put Spielberg
in a patrol car and put him down in the
backseat and got him out of there. It was
two young children, 8 or 9 or 10 years old.
Mom and dad had left to go to the hospital
because she was pregnant. [The kids] got
dad’s .22 rifle, and were up shooting out the
bedroom window. Just shooting randomly.
They could not understand why we were so
upset. They shot out two or three car windows, and there was a little, old man mowing the lawn, and they kept shooting at him
and making the dirt come up from behind
him, but couldn’t hit him. The [police]
chief was so angry, trying to explain that it
wasn’t a BB gun, that you could get killed
by a .22. ‘No, it’s just a BB gun.’ That was
the big stand-the-hair-up-on-the-back-ofyour-neck moment.”
—Dave Johnson
“I remember the kids were real bratty. They were spoiled knotheads.
They’d act up like kids and spill things.” —Jim Furnish, fisherman
KE HUY QUAN (LEFT) JEFF COHEN OFF THE SET.
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Willamette Week JUNE 3, 2015 wweek.com
C O U R T E S Y O F T H E O R E G O N F I L M M U S E U M , D A I LY A S T O R I A N C O L L E C T I O N
BY AP KRYZA
VISION THING: A scruffy Steven
Spielberg (right) Joe Pantoliano.
“The famous breakout scene from the jail,
Steven Spielberg directed that. One of the
ladies who worked at the courthouse gave us
her memory of that scene being filmed. She
said, ‘My only memory of Steven Spielberg
was this scruffy-haired kid in a ball cap who
kept coming into the courthouse with a
pocketful of quarters to use the pay phone to
check the weather.”
—McAndrew Burns, Clatsop County Historical Society director
C O U R T E S Y O F T H E O R E G O N F I L M M U S E U M , D A I LY A S T O R I A N C O L L E C T I O N
“Before they started filming [in Cannon
Beach’s Ecola State Park], they set up a
job shack—a small trailer with desks and
phones and stuff—and they put it on the
northwest edge of the parking lot facing east
and west. I said, ‘You guys think you might
want to turn that so it’s north to south, or
get some wires to hold it down? About the
time you’re filming, the wind’s going to be
coming up that bluff.’ ‘Well, why would we
do that?’ ‘Well, the wind’s going to blow over
your trailer.’ ‘That’ll never happen.’ Well, I
came to work one day, and the trailer was
flopped over on its side.”
—Phillip Lines, former ranger,
Ecola State Park
THE BIG CHASE
The film’s chaotic opening—featuring a jailbreak and a chase through Astoria and Cannon Beach—was initially way crazier than
what made it to the screen.
“During the chase, early on, a circus wagon
gets tipped over, and some apes escape.
Their shtick is to drive little red cars. So
they end up trying to steal my golf cart in a
scene that went on the floor. And they steal
my kid’s Mustang. The apes were really
well done. I feel sorry for the stunt guys
who had to live in those suits, they were
really good.”
—Curtis Hansen, actor, Mr. Perkins
“There were two gorillas in a Mustang
convertible. They wrecked a brand-new
car, but it was never part of the movie. And
there was a part on the dock. During the big
car chase, they were supposed to come flying down the dock. One police car was supposed to go through the railing and land in
a boat. Somebody screwed up, and the jeep
they were driving—a rental they’d gotten
in Portland that they weren’t supposed
to mess up—somebody mistimed and the
police car hit the back of it. The police car
landed on the boat, where it was supposed
to. Donner goes, ‘Somebody get me a car, I
gotta go fire somebody.’”
—Dave Johnson
ASTORIA ON FILM
Astoria wasn’t just a location. The production put the city to work. Police officers pulled
traffic duty and even appeared in the film.
Local lumberyards and body shops became
prop shops. And aspiring filmmakers got a chance to excel
behind the camera.
“I was 19 and a college student studying film and television production. At that point,
I had been making short films for about five of the paint shops in town to paint them.
years, but had never spent any significant They tried to spend money in town.”
time on a professional movie set. I was also —Dave Johnson
a huge admirer of Steven Spielberg’s films
and longed for the opportunity to watch him “When they came to town, they scouted
work. I approached location manager Tony locations, and a certain amount of time
Amatullo about the possibility of becoming went by. When they came back, the McDoninvolved somehow. It was from him that I ald’s was built. They were going to scrap the
learned that Richard Donner was directing, scene [with Chunk watching the chase from
not Spielberg. But that was good, too. My the bowling alley] because the McDonald’s
most treasured memory on the set of The was there in the window. Donner was upset
because it was throwing things
Goonies was Richard Donner introoff, and somebody said, ‘Have
ducing me to Steven Spielberg as a
Chunk put a slice of pizza up
“fellow director.” To this day, that SEE
there, and we won’t see the
remains one of the highlights of my GOONIES
sign.’ And that’s why there’s a
life as a filmmaker and storyteller.”
EVENTS
slice of pizza up there.”
—Mick Alderman, filmmaker and
—McAndrew Burns
author of Three Weeks With The Goo- ON
nies: On Location in Astoria, Oregon
PAGE 23.
“When they’re breaking out of
the jail, before they leave they
“The famous breakout scene from
pour gasoline around the jail
the jail, Steven Spielberg directed
and set a fire so people can’t
that. One of the ladies who worked
follow them. That was actuat the courthouse gave us her
memory of that scene being filmed. She ally contact cement that we sold them.
said, ‘My only memory of Steven Spiel- It’s pretty flammable. We never knew
berg was this scruffy-haired kid in a ball what they were doing. They’d buy fence
cap who kept coming into the courthouse posts and stuff for the inside of the house,
with a pocketful of quarters to use the pay including a staircase. It was pretty obvious they were from the production. They
phone to check the weather.”
—McAndrew Burns, Clatsop County His- opened a store charge account for Amblin
[Entertainment]. We knew who they were,
torical Society director
but we didn’t know in detail what they
“The police cars came in the middle of the were doing. The film business is great businight on a car carrier. It was hysterical: ness. It’s great for guys like us.”
They were all Hazzard County Sheriff cars —Jeff Newenhof, co-owner,
from The Dukes of Hazzard. They hired one City Lumber Company
Willamette Week JUNE 3, 2015 wweek.com
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THE COLUMBIAN THEATER
A GOONIES
1114 Marine Drive, Astoria, 3252233, columbianvoodoo.com.
Cannon Beach
Some of the Goonies’ most iconic images—
Brand’s girlie-bike ride down the forested hills
of Ecola State Park, the rough-and-tumble Lighthouse Lounge gang hideout, and the mighty Haystack Rock—all come from Cannon Beach, an
hour south of Astoria. The Lighthouse Lounge
was constructed only for the movie, and torn
down thereafter; a picnic shelter stands on the
grass near its former site, as a pale echo. At Haystack Rock, meanwhile, tragedy is striking. The
starfish in its famed tide pools have been dying of
a mysterious disease, dissolving to white mush.
Almost 90 percent are gone since last year, giving
Haystack the faint aspect of a gravestone. But it is
still beautiful at twilight, and tourist shops nearby
sell Goonies-themed medallions whose holes you
can line up at sunset with the “needles,” the name
given to the many smaller rocks that stutter along
Haystack’s edge.
826 Marine Drive, Astoria, 325-3321, lcbowl.com.
The midcentury Lower Columbia Bowl, which now offers free soda
refills to Oregon Lottery players, is the bowling alley where Chunk
witnessed “the most amazing thing I ever saw,” out the window—the
prison-break car chase by the Fratelli brothers that begins the movie.
The window view contains a McDonald’s sign not visible onscreen:
This was covered up by the pizza slice Chunk smeared against the
window. “It took six or seven tries for him to get it right,” says one
of the bowling alley’s longtime employees, Cindy McEwan. “By the
end, he was crying. He couldn’t get the pizza in the right spot to
block the sign.” The alley now has a little shrine where Chunk once
stood—although they’ve actually raised the floor three feet—with a
thick guest book signed by hundreds from around the country and
world, from England to Australia to Niger. “The farthest away anybody ever came from was Tibet,” says McEwan. “He came in with
an interpreter.” On The Goonies’ 25th anniversary in 2010, the manager decided to make strawberry milkshakes, just like the one Chunk
crushed against the window next to the piece of pizza. “I told him
that’d be a mistake,” McEwan says. “They’ll try to re-enact it. And
what do you know? The first people that order a milkshake, that’s
what they wanted to do.” The bowling alley will not offer strawberry
milkshakes on the upcoming 30th anniversary.
BARS OF THE WORKERS
Labor Temple, 934 Duane St.,
Astoria, 325-0801, labortemple.com;
Mary Todd’s Workers Bar & Grill,
281 W Marine Drive, 338-7291.
Forever on the Goondocks, Astoria’s oldest bars are dedicated
wholeheartedly to the workers,
from fisherman’s bar the Portway—densely hung with life preservers signed in Sharpie by all
the old regulars—to Mary Todd’s
Workers Bar & Grill, where on
our last visit a man loudly insisted
into his phone that he “wasn’t going to haul my ass all the way out
there for 38 salmon.” Mary Todd’s
has cheap prime rib on Fridays, bras hanging from
ceiling fans, and a $9 drink called the Yucca that locals will either recommend or warn
you to avoid for exactly the
same reason: The drink
contains about a fifth of a
bottle of HRD vodka. By the
time you leave, you’ll know
everyone in the bar. Labor
Temple, a bar and diner located in an old union hall, is
no longer a union shop as of
four years ago—although it
is apparently a popular target of local labor organizers.
The diner recently stopped
its tradition of midnight
breakfast (served
till 2 pm) because
1
it attracted town
drunks to the bar.
“I had a little squirt
gun,” says longtime bartender Rhonda, “and
I’d squirt people if they were getting out of
line. I probably 86’d half the people in town.”
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JOHN WARREN FIELD
Exchange Street between 18th and
20th streets, Astoria.
C O U R T E S Y O F T H E O R E G O N F I L M M U S E U M , D A I LY A S T O R I A N C O L L E C T I O N
ECOLA STATE PARK AND
HAYSTACK ROCK
LOWER COLUMBIA BOWL
The field where Andy leads a
cheerleading squad in the opening credits—thus establishing
her 1980s top-of-the-peckingorder status—had been home
to the Astoria High Fishermen
since 1928, ground for the Fishermen’s epic rivalry against the
cross-town Knappa Loggers.
But as of September 2014, the
Warren grounds are fallow, future home of an Oregon Health
& Science University hospital
expansion. As part of a deal that
Astoria football coach Howard
Rub hailed as a “tremendous
partnership,” the city built the
Fishermen a new artificial-turf
field as a cap for an old landfill.
2
DUANE ST
EXCHANGE
17TH ST
Astoria was a home to the Goonies even before the movie
was filmed. Oregon’s greatest achievement in beach towns
is—as the locals will tell you—a “quaint drinking village with
a fishing problem,” full of working-class seafarers, thirdgeneration shopkeepers and Portland runaways. It ain’t just
the Goonies house and the old Clatsop County jail. It is a
forever-home for misfits with heart, a town of dive bars and
breweries, ramshackle 1920s mansions with boarded-up
siding, and a standalone J.C. Penney that resolutely refuses
to say die. Here is a guide to the places in Astoria where The
Goonies was filmed—and the places where the Goonie spirit
lives on. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.
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10TH ST
ASTORIA
W W S TA F F
TOUR OF
The worst thing Chunk
ever did: “I mixed a pot
2 of fake puke at home and
then I went to this movie
theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony
and then I made a noise like
this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa!
And then I dumped it over the
side, all over the people in the
audience. And then, this was
horrible, all the people started
getting sick and throwing up all
over each other. I never felt so
bad in my entire life.” This could
have only happened here, in
this 90-year-old balconied theater with an adjunct live-music
lounge called the Voodoo. Musical guests of the past two months
included Corrina Repp, Stephen
Malkmus, and the Minders. For
$17, the building’s brunch-happy Columbian Cafe will cure the
hangover Voodoo caused with
the breakfast-hash equivalent of
omakase at a sushi bar—chef’s
choice, no substitutions. Mine
involved mushrooms, sausage,
bok choy, walnut pesto, much
egg, much spice and no carbs
whatsoever.
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4
5
6
ASTORIA COFFEE CO.
EAST END MOORING BASIN
MIKEY WALSH’S HOUSE
The Stop-n-Snack mini-mart, featured briefly
in The Goonies’ bike-ride and car-chase scenes
(and in a much longer outtake involving a
brawl), is now a coffee roastery with medium
roasts, biscotti, and a side business in ceramic
ware. “From the 1890s to the 1990s, this was a
little grocery store,” says co-owner and roaster
Rick Murray, who has the sun-tightened skin
and rough chin beard of a fisherman. “And then
the big grocery stores came and did what big
grocery stores do to little grocery stores. Good
for me, I guess. Now I live upstairs and roast
downstairs.” Before starting his roastery, Murray worked at Starbucks for 10 years. “But they
forgot everything I taught them,” he says.
The docks. This is where the Fratelli brothers conclude the Astoria portion of their car
chase (which continues, magically, on Cannon
Beach), and it is where Stef dunked herself into
a crab barrel. But this year, most of the fishing
at these docks is conducted by a horde of 2,300
sea lions and harbor seals—10 times as many
as there were five years ago—a layer of braying
cellulite coating every available dock surface.
Their maddening racket can be heard all the
way up the cliffs at the Goonies house. Around
Astoria, rumors abound of sea lion attacks. One
guy will tell you they ate the fish right off his
friend’s hook. The next says they ate a shih
tzu off a leash. Astorians have tested electric
mats to piss off the sea lions, and local police
brought in a 16-foot fiberglass orca, which they
towed around by boat in futile hopes of scaring them. Lately, they’ve been scaring sea lions
with beach balls. On a more sinister note, at
least ten sea lions have been shot or killed. “No
one’s happy,” says James, a bartender at Rogue
ale house along the waterfront. “The fisherman
aren’t happy. The cruise ships aren’t happy. The
Native Americans aren’t happy. They’re eating
all the fish.”
Sandi Preston, from her home in California,
prayed for the Goonies house. She loved
The Goonies so much she prayed for four
years after visiting Astoria the first time, until the house inhabited by One-Eyed-Willie
true-believer Mikey Walsh finally came up
for sale. “I asked God if he would give me
the Goonie house,” Preston told The Washington Post in 2010, “and he did.” It is still
a site of pilgrimage for thousands each year.
To get there, you follow the Goonies parking
arrows away from the house to the mildly
disheveled John Jacob Astor Elementary on
38th Street—everything in Goonieville is
disheveled, because the beach air does grim
work—and then walk three blocks uphill to
a sign that says “Private Drive: Goonies on
Foot Welcomed.” It is the second such sign:
The first was stolen almost immediately after being planted, and so the current version
is plunged into heavy concrete. On warm
days, the sidewalks up and down 38th Street
fill with the faithful, gawking at a wealth of
no-trespassing signs, and signs asking visitors that they please, dear Lord, not block
the driveway. An older man walks out to
fetch his newspaper and eyes a family of six
pushing a stroller uphill. “Goonies, Goonies, Goonies, Goonies!” he exclaims, and
shuts his front door tight. Atop the private
drive, the Preston-Walsh house sports two
flags—one American, one Israeli—and a
bright yellow Porsche Boxster tagged with a
“NOBAMA” sticker. On our visit, Preston’s
handlebar-mustached husband, John, was
replacing the front steps. “For the upcoming 30th anniversary tours?” we asked. “I’m
building steps,” he said gruffly, “because we
need steps.” The Goondocks house, including the attic, will be open for public tours
on The Goonies 30th anniversary weekend,
June 5-7. You will be welcomed on foot, but
not with your shoes on.
304 37th St., Astoria, 325-7768.
10
Dock 36, Astoria.
BEER CANNERIES OF ASTORIA
Rogue Ales Public House, 100 39th St. (Pier 39), 325-5964, rogue.com;
Buoy Beer, 1 8th St., 325-4540, buoybeer.com;
Fort George Brewery, 1483 Duane St., 325-7468, fortgeorgebrewery.com.
When filming began on The Goonies in 1984, Astoria’s fishing economy was in crisis—and houses were indeed getting sold back to the
banks. The old canneries, including the 1899-founded Bumble Bee
cannery, were closing, and food stamps had become such a currency
they were reportedly accepted as beer money at Astoria’s Portway
Tavern on West Marine Drive. Once home to the American Can Company, Astoria Warehousing now hauls in canned salmon from Alaska
by truck. The last tuna cannery in Astoria is Josephson’s Smokehouse,
which smokes and cans albacore as a craft product, in the back of their
storefront. But the biggest industry in Astoria now is not fishing but
tourism, and so alongside a seemingly abandoned cannery museum,
the Bumble Bee cannery has found new life as a huge, bustling Rogue
Ales Public House serving up Astoria-exclusive sour and barrelaged beers. The cannery at Cannery Pier is now home to
Buoy Beer, which already hosts a tap at seemingly
every bar in Astoria. But by far the biggest cannery
in Astoria is Fort George Brewery, now the 12thlargest craft brewer in Oregon. Pro tip: If you
don’t plan to eat, skip the spacious brewpub in
favor of the much more capacious beer list at
Fort George’s tiny brewery
tasting room.
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368 38th St., Astoria.
DATA’S HOUSE
344 38th St., Astoria.
7
Data’s filmic home is owned by the same
family, the Fullers, who once also owned
Mikey’s house next door. Data’s massive
house is still blue as a Windows homescreen, still technically within zipline distance of Mikey’s, and still owned by the
Fuller family—split now between heirs
Lloyd and Catherine.
OREGON FILM MUSEUM AT
THE CLATSOP COUNTY JAIL
732 Duane St., Astoria, 325-2203, oregonfilmmuseum.org.
Every now and then, somebody shows up at
the Oregon Film Museum and sadly asks to
bail out his cousin. It used to be the jail, and
people who’ve been locked up have very long
memories. (“I’ve been in there,” says Rhonda,
the bartender from Labor Temple bar down
the street. “I’m not proud of it.”) It was also
the jail the Fratelli brothers broke out of, in
the whiz-bang car-chase action sequence that
kicks off The Goonies. The real jail is now
across the street. As a museum, it’s only 5
years old—created just in time for Astoria’s
25th anniversary Goonies celebration. Within,
there are jail cells, a video about Kindergarten
Cop, and a series of scenes you can re-create
while filming yourself with digital cameras—
the car scene from The Goonies, somethingsomething Free Willy, and something-something from Cthulhu. It is a museum based less
on artifacts, and more on nostalgia itself.
9
FLAVEL HOUSE MUSEUM
441 8th St., 325-2203, Astoria, cumtux.org.
In the film, Mikey’s dad is assistant curator at
an unnamed museum. This, as it turns out, is
the actual Flavel House Museum, named after heroic sandbar pilot Capt. George Flavel,
who was hailed by newspapers in the late
19th century as a “grave, saturnine, sphinx;
sour, dour, cold and crabbed, turning to gold
all he touched without a friend and suspicious
of all.” He was also one of Astoria’s first millionaires. He married his 14-year-old sweetheart at the age of 30—which was considered
normal—but scandalized the township by
installing the region’s first indoor toilet. Today, the home is beautiful but oddly haunted,
arranged as if the family had only just now
escaped in a hurry, leaving children’s books
strewn about the bed, the closet door ajar, and
a bird carefully preserved under glass. Meanwhile, the family’s descendants all moved
into a different Flavel house that was finally
auctioned off last December. Derelict and in
ruin, it had stood vacant for the 24 years since
owner “Hatchet” Harry Flavel stabbed a man
in the abdomen and fled the state. He was finally arrested, months later in Pennsylvania,
after stealing towels from a motel.
Willamette Week JUNE 3, 2015 wweek.com
17
C O U R T E S Y O F WA R N E R B R OT H E R S
WHY DID CYNDI
LAUPER HATE HER
GOONIES SONG SO
MUCH?
THE 13 DEADLY CYN
TH
BY M AT T H E W S I N G E R
msinger@wweek.com
The Goonies weren’t good enough for
Cyndi Lauper.
Oh, sure, she’s on record stating the
opposite. But for the better part of 30 years,
the iconic, baby-voiced singer of “Girls Just
Want to Have Fun” has all but disavowed
“The Goonies ’R’ Good Enough,” the
movie’s theme song, which she wrote and
performed. She’s called the song “terrible”
in interviews, and for a long time refused to
include it on any of her greatest-hits compilations, or play it live. That’s pretty harsh
treatment for a top-10 single, one whose
Technicolor pop sound fits comfortably
among Lauper’s other megahits of the era.
Nonetheless, “Good Enough,” as it
was originally titled, remains a significant
appendage of The Goonies’ legacy. It plays at
various points throughout the film, including the end credits. It’s been covered several
times, and digitized for video games. The twopart video—a truly wackadoo 12-minute epic
bringing together a cadre of pro wrestlers,
much of The Goonies’ cast, a then-unknown
band called the Bangles
and, in a fourth-wallshattering cameo, Steven
Spielberg—functions
essentially as a Bizarro
World sequel. But the
song’s lasting associations
are with The Goonies and
not Lauper herself, which
might explain why she’s
largely forsaken it.
At the time, it must
have seemed like she was doing Warner
Bros. a favor. Yeah, the movie had Spielberg
producing and Richard Donner, the director
of Superman, at the helm. But Lauper was
coming off one of the most successful debut
albums of all-time, 1983’s She’s So Unusual,
a 16-times-platinum smash whose four
major singles still get airplay in the world’s
collective unconscious. She didn’t need the
exposure. But what the producers thought
the film needed was a real-life star who could
embody The Goonies in the flesh.
“It was an important music project for us
in the sense that there were kids involved,”
says Joel Sill, the film’s music supervisor.
“We started to figure out, who would be the
best candidate that reflected The Goonies?
Or at least the word ‘Goonies.’”
With her rainbow-colored hair and selfconsciously kooky image, Lauper emerged
as the ideal choice to sing an anthem for a
group of misfit heroes. But “Good Enough”
was not written for the movie. At the time
Warner Bros. came calling, Lauper and her
producer, Lennie Petze, were in the early
stages of gathering material for the follow-up
to She’s So Unusual.
One of the first
songs they
received came
from songwriters Arthur Stead
and Stephen
Broughton Lunt.
With its synthesized marimba riff
(which, according to Stead, was extracted
from an unused song he intended for
Kiss guitarist Ace Frehley) and fluttering
flutes, the music conveyed a vague sense of
adventure. And while the song might not
reference any plot points—it’s really more
about clinging to a fraying relationship—
the general sentiment fit the film’s premise: The Goonies aren’t perfect. They’re
not superheroes. But they’re good enough.
When Petze played the demo for executives, “they went crazy for it,” he says.
The title, though, needed work. Spielberg
wanted the song to tie back to the movie in
some way, and if Lauper wasn’t going to alter
the lyrics, the best way he saw to do that was
to cram “The Goonies” into the name. “I
think she felt it was an infringement on her
creativity, which I agreed with,” Sill says.
“But all of us had a bigger responsibility to
the movie. It was a big investment we all had
in utilizing the music to sell the film, and the
film would then sell the music.”
Lauper relented, though not without a
fight. “I wasn’t in that meeting,” Petze says,
“but I think she may have said, ‘You’re out
of line, Steven.’”
It wasn’t her only clash with Spielberg.
When it came time to do the video, he and
Lauper met for a brainstorming session.
It was an ambitious project, to be divided
into two parts, so it made sense to have the
guy behind Indiana Jones in the director’s
chair. Spielberg presented his ideas, and
according to Sill, Lauper “just dismissed
them, in a way that was not really considerate of Steven’s creativity.”
Donner ended up directing. The video’s
plot, as best can be surmised, involves Lauper
attempting to save her family’s gas station
(and her, uh, vegetable stand) from creditors
who want to turn it into a Benihana. In the
first half, Lauper, who was then in a partnership with the World Wrestling Federation, is
pursued through a familiar-looking cave by a
gaggle of WWF heels—simultaneously playing the creditors and a crew of pirates—and
finds herself cornered on a bridge. She calls
out for Spielberg’s help, who’s shown sitting in an editing bay and, perhaps as a wink
toward their earlier disagreements, admits
to being out of ideas. Eventually, the action
returns to the gas station, where Andre the
Giant appears from a cloud of smoke and
chases “Rowdy” Roddy Piper into the street.
Then everybody dances.
Maybe it was the contentious video
shoot, or the creative concessions she
was forced into, but by the end of the ’80s,
Lauper, who also declined an interview for
this piece, was content to pretend “Good
Enough” never existed. In the last decade,
though, her stance has softened a bit. In
2003, the song finally appeared on an album
bearing her name, The Essential Cyndi Lauper. Giving in to fan demand, it’s also popped
up in her live sets again. And in 2012, she
recorded a parody of the song, titled “Taffy
Butt,” for an episode of Fox’s Bob’s Burgers
paying homage to The Goonies. For Lauper,
that version is more than good enough. “Oh,
it’s a classic too,” she told Entertainment
Weekly. “Very funny and in poor taste. My
son finally thinks I am funny!”
Willamette Week JUNE 3, 2015 wweek.com
19
C O U R T E S Y O F WA R N E R B R OT H E R S ; I M D B . C O M
GOONIE
ENOUGH?
30 YEARS LATER, ARE THE GOONIES STILL GOONIES?
BY AP KRYZA
apkryza@wweek.com
The Goonies always had to grow up—especially after
30 years. But have the movie’s young stars retained
their Goonieness, that essential mix of heart, underdog
drive and inherent weirdness? Here’s how the seven
stars rank in Goonieness these days.
ANDY
GOONIENESS:
B-FLAT, AT BEST.
DATA
GOONIENESS:
NO MORE FORTUNE
AND GLORY.
20
Willamette Week JUNE 3, 2015 wweek.com
CHUNK
7. KERRI GREEN (ANDY)
THEN: The cheerleader who twitterpated the Walsh brothers’ emotions
was the go-to crush of nerdy adolescent boys throughout the ’80s in films
such as Lucas and Summer Rental. It
must have been the poofy hair.
NOW: Post-pubescence, Green has disappeared a bit, with small roles on oldpeople shows such as Murder, She Wrote,
ER and Law & Order: Special Victims
Unit, and a star turn in 2012’s obscure
Lifetime-esque drama Complacent.
6. KE HUY QUAN (DATA)
THEN: As Short Round in Indiana
Jones and the Temple of Doom and pintsized inventor Data, Quan pretty much
got to live out every kid’s fantasy before
his Adam’s apple even surfaced.
NOW: Cuteness firmly behind him,
Quan spent a little time using his tae
kwon do skills as stunt and fight coordinator on films such as X-Men and The
One. That was 15 years ago. Now, he’s
likely to be seen wandering unnoticed
at conventions.
GOONIENESS:
HALF AND HALF.
BRAND
GOONIENESS:
ONE IN THE BUSH.
MOUTH
GOONIENESS: KIND OF
NICE, WHEN HIS MOUTH
ISN’T SCREWING IT UP.
5. JEFF COHEN (CHUNK)
THEN: Token fat kid. Truffle shuffler.
Keeper of the Baby Ruth.
NOW: Now svelte, Cohen is a hotshot entertainment lawyer with a
Beverly Hills firm and a book called
The Dealmaker’s Ten Commandments.
But despite sounding like a member of
Mr. Perkins’ country club, Cohen still
maintains relationships with locals he
met while filming in Astoria, and backs
up his Goonieness by asserting he keeps
a Donkey Kong machine in his office.
4. JOSH BROLIN (BRAND)
THEN: Hollywood prince. Also enjoyed
drug-fueled adventures as a member of
a teenage surf gang that stole car radios
for dope.
NOW: He’s basically a household name
for his roles in No Country for Old Men
and Men in Black 3. But he’s still got some
blundering Goonie heart, as evidenced
by a filmed 2013 bar fight that ended in a
seemingly endless hug with the bouncer.
3. COREY FELDMAN (MOUTH)
THEN: Tiger Beat centerfold. The most
emotionally stable Corey.
NOW: Were it not for the revelations
in Feldman’s awesomely titled memoir,
Coreyography, that his drug addiction
was exacerbated by sexual abuse, it
might be easier to laugh at his wellpublicized, stripper-fueled birthday
party, reality shows and social-media
meltdowns. But we can still laugh at his
horrible band, Truth Movement. He’s
exactly the adult that wise-cracking,
amoral Mouth would want to be. Except
for the crippling sadness.
MARTHA
THEN: She beat most of
Portland to the punch by
dressing like your grandma
long before it was cool,
romanced River Phoenix and
braved The Mosquito Coast.
NOW: Plimpton’s fame may
have fizzled, but she’s now
a respected TV and stage
actress, and stage actresses
get mad geek cred. She’s also
a singer and an abortion
rights activist, continuing
Stef’s quest to end unpaid
babysitting. That’s heart,
and heart is a Goonie’s most
important trait.
1. SEAN ASTIN (MIKEY)
MIKEY
THEN: Son of Patty Duke and Gomez Addams. Weezer of juice in Encino Man.
GOONIENESS:
NEVER SAID DIE.
GOONIE FOREVER.
C O U R T E S Y O F WA R N E R B R OT H E R S
GOONIENESS:
DRAMA QUEEN.
2. MARTHA PLIMPTON (STEF)
NOW: Astin tried to be a badass in Toy Soldiers
and Memphis Belle and (sort of ) in 50 First
Dates. But he only really stood out in roles with
Mikey in their DNA. In The Lord of the Rings,
Samwise was the heart of the franchise, though
he sought to destroy treasure rather than
claim it. In Rudy, Astin taught a generation of
kids that it’s OK to be a loser who is terrible at
his intended sport as long as you’re Catholic.
He’s widely reported to come off like Mikey
all grown up. And he’s still committed to his
friends, so much so that he even had a cameo in
Feldman’s atrocious, auto-tuned EDM music
video “Ascension Millennium” in 2013—while
reading One-Eyed Willie’s map.
A BRIEF HISTORY
OF MOVIES IN
SHORT CIRCUIT
Astoria ain’t just The Goonies. The little
coastal town has a bizarrely huge footprint in popcorn moviedom; There are
more big-name films shot in Astoria than
in Portland. “The town burned down in
1922,” says McAndrew Burns, director of
the Clatsop County Historical Society. “So
we look like this perfectly preserved 1920s
town. We can do river, we can do ocean. We
can look like anything. Plus we’re willing
to inconvenience ourselves to get movies
shot here.” MATTHEW KORFHAGE.
CHARACTERISTIC EXCLAMATIONS:
“Number five…is alive!” “No disassemble!”
the neighbors would prefer you park if
you’re walking up to the Goonies house.
Benji the Hunted (1987)
CHARACTERISTIC EXCLAMATIONS:
“It’s not a tumor!” “Boys have a penis, girls
have a vagina!”
PLOT: Benji gets lost at sea, and then
scuba dives, and then adopts four cougar
babies and tries to get them to a cougar
mommy. Benji is a dog.
ASTORIA ON FILM: Mostly it’s the
woods around Astoria, which inexplicably
are full of grizzlies and wolves.
ASTORIA FILM HIGHLIGHTS
CHARACTERISTIC EXCLAMATIONS:
“Ruff ruff!” “Arf!”
Short Circuit (1986)
Kindergarten Cop (1990)
PLOT: A military robot gets all sentient
and ends up in Astoria with Ally Sheedy,
who loves animals and sentient robots.
ASTORIA ON FILM: Sheedy’s house is
at 197 Hume Ave. The windmill is gone.
ASTORIA
PLOT: Arnold Schwarzenegger goes to
Bumfuck, Nowhere, to find a kid in witness
protection, who is just so cute, and then
save him from his grandmother.
ASTORIA ON FILM: The school is John
Jacob Astor Elementary, which is where
ASTORIA ON FILM: They played a
West Coast sunset backward to get a fake
East Coast sunrise. The bastards. Also, the
spot where Willy goes free is the Hammond Boat Basin in Warrenton, across the
harbor from Astoria.
Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles III (1993)
CHARACTERISTIC EXCLAMATIONS:
“God, I hate that whale!” “Please, he’s
gonna die!”
ASTORIA ON FILM: The city acts as
a stand-in for ancient Japan. Don’t ask
questions, it will only confuse you.
The Ring Two (2005)
PLOT: Turtles. Are ninjas. OMG.
CHARACTERISTIC EXCLAMATIONS:
“Help! I’m a turtle and I can’t get up!”
“Schwing!”
Free Willy (1993)
PLOT: Willy the orca—a vicious sea
predator with a cute face—needs to get
free. A little boy agrees.
THE PLOT: Naomi Watts moves somewhere creepy that turns out to be Astoria,
and then a girl from a TV screen possesses
her son and tries to kill her.
ASTORIA ON FILM: Watts works at The
Daily Astorian, which is an actual newspaper. But the part of The Daily Astorian is
played by Pacific Coast Medical Supply.
CHARACTERISTIC EXCLAMATIONS:
“Mommy!” “I’m not your fucking mommy!”
Willamette Week JUNE 3, 2015 wweek.com
21
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TICKETSWEST
GOONIES
TRIVIA NIGHT
Baked Alaska is the obligatory “nice place” in town,
SHOT
IN ASTORIA BUS TOURS
This will be what most people who came down to
Astoria for Goonies are actually excited about doing:
touring the spots where The Goonies (and other movies—see page 21) happened, with a Goonies superfan (or
employee of the city) actually telling them what happened there. Mouth’s house, the bowling alley, the car
chase and the docks. You can do this on your own with
our tour on page 16, or ride one of these buses for $35
so you can be tipsy the whole time and not have to
park. But for this one weekend, the actual Goondocks
house, Mikey Walsh’s, will actually be open to the public.
So you can go up into the attic and such and pretend.
Tours June 5-7. $35. Tickets at ticketswest.com.
GOONIES
BLOCK PARTY
The city of Astoria is shutting down 9th Street downtown
for the sake of The Goonies’ decade, with a DeLorean on
display for some reason. Eighties, man! After 8 pm, the
party moves inside to the event center, with a dance and a
DJ and such, and a band called 1984 that plays things from
approximately 1984. There will be prizes for the people
who played dress-up, and a Truffle Shuffle contest, whose
winner will lead a group truffle shuffle at Warren Field on
June 6. Astoria Event Center, 255 9th St., 791-5843,
astoriaeventcenter.com. Noon-2 am Friday, June 5. $15
tickets at ticketswest.com.
BEHIND
THE SCENES WITH THE GOONIES
A presentation by various loosely associated, Goonies-
related people: Goonies “kid wrangler” Mark Marshall,
Sloth stunt double Randell Widner, Goonies book author
Mick Alderman, and retired Astoria policeman Paul
Gillum. Tickets are $20 at ticketswest.com, with multiple
presentations throughout the weekend. Astoria Event
Center, 255 9th St., 791-5843, astoriaeventcenter.com.
$20 tickets at ticketswest.com.
FORT
GEORGE TRUFFLE SHUFFLE
Fort George will tap Truffle Shuffle Stout. Stout because
Chunk. Get it? Fort George Brewery, 1483 Duane St., 3257468, fortgeorgebrewery.com. Friday, June 5. 11 am-midnight.
ECOLA
STATE PARK TOUR
Patrick Lines, retired Oregon parks ranger, was on the
set during the filming of The Goonies at Ecola State
Park and Haystack Rock way back during the heady
days of ’84. He’ll share stories about Hollywood people
not knowing much about Oregon weather, at various
times throughout the weekend. Ecola State Park, 84318
Ecola State Park Road, Cannon Beach. 6-8 pm Thursday,
June 4; 2-4 pm Friday-Saturday, June 5-6; 9:30 am-1:30
pm Sunday, June 7. Free; day-use parking fee applies.
FAREWELL
TO WARREN FIELD
Because of a funny agreement with the next-door hos-
pital (see page 16), John Warren Field, the site of Andy’s
cheerleading practice in The Goonies, will no longer be
the home of the fighting Fishermen. It will be the home of
people fighting liver disease and such. So to commemorate
the end of all cheerleading in Astoria that matters, there
will be Cyndi Lauper covers, and bluegrass (which is how
America celebrates sadness), and an XRAY.FM DJ set featuring from former Willamette Week music editor Casey
Jarman, and also what organizers claim to be the largest
HD screening of The Goonies, like, ever. Ever! John Warren
Field, Exchange Street between 18th and 20th streets.
Saturday, June 6. 6 pm. $10. All ages.
with the ribs and the steaks and the crab cakes. The
bar attached to the restaurant has Goonies trivia. Baked
Alaska, 1 12th St., 325-7414, bakedak.com. Friday, June 5.
7 pm. Free.
PIRATE
BASH
Um, pirates! And boats! At a museum devoted to boats!
There will be a “drunk tank” themed after One-Eyed
Willy, a pirate costume contest and “grog” at a cash bar,
but don’t get too riled up: The Coast Guard hangs out
here. And they’re sort of surly. Columbia River Maritime
Museum, 1792 Marine Drive, 325-2323, crmm.org. Friday,
June 5. 7-9 pm. Free.
GROWING
UP GOONIE WITH JEFF COHEN
Jeff Cohen, aka Chunk, will talk about his days as a
Goonie. Now thin and a successful entertainment lawyer
(see page 20), he won’t sign autographs, but will likely
tell stories about a Hawaiian shirt being crappy for
Astoria weather, and how hard it was to get the pizza
slice in the right spot. We know, because we talked to
him, too. See our oral history on page 14, or a full Q&A
with Jeff Cohen at wweek.com/chunk. Liberty Theater,
1203 Commercial St., 325-5922, liberty-theater.org. 10:30
am Friday-Saturday, June 5-6. $23.
2225 NE Broadway
Open Daily 11-9,closed Mondays
Our trikes still roam the streets!
Book us for your next event, party, lunch,
wedding or any other catering needs
www.tacopedalerpdx.com
Email tacopedaler@gmail.com or follow us
BOAT
RIDE WITH SLOTH
You totally can’t do this unless you’re already doing this or
find a ticket scalper online, but just in case you get lucky:
Some people will be riding on an old boat with Sloth, or at
least Sloth’s stunt double—alongside the actor who played
evil golf-course developer Elgin Perkins—telling stories
and such while the mighty sea turns your stomach. But
the boat, the Lady Washington, is not the boat from The
Goonies—that boat’s been scrapped. It’s from one of the
Pirates of the Caribbean movies. Oh well. Just know that if
you see a pirate ship Friday evening, Sloth might be there.
Friday, June 6. 6 pm.
HALEY JOHNSEN
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 3RD AT 6PM
Oregon’s own 2011 American Idol semi-finalist performs music from her new EP, ‘Through The Blue’
TRUFFLE
SHUFFLE 5K RUN/WALK
Any run themed for Chunk, we suppose, has to allow
THE WEATHER MACHINE
the walking. Cannon Beach, near Tolovana State
Recreation Site. Sunday, June 7. 9 am. $20 registration
at ticketswest.com.
FRIDAY, JUNE 4TH AT 6PM
Based in Portland OR, The Weather Machine released its first fulllength album in 2013 after a blustery winter of recording on the Oregon Coast. With strong ties to the region, the 5-piece found its roots in
the Pacific Northwest’s unique folk aesthetic, but has since developed
hard-hitting, theatrical rock performance, drawing comparisons to
acts like The Kinks, Hey Marseilles, and Josh Ritter.
GOONIES
SCAVENGER HUNT
A geocaching crew has put together a treasure hunt for
the weekend, for geeks with the smartphones. Go to
www.goonies.guide to get your invite.
THE SHRIKE
SUNDAY, JUNE 7TH AT 5PM
LEGO
GOONIES
The VirtuaLUG online Lego group recreated Goonies sets
The Shrike’s musical heritage is derived from such classic bands as
Led Zeppelin, Pat Benatar, Heart, and Aerosmith, but the band does
not limit itself to one classic sound. Modern flourishes and eclectic
arrangements give this band a dynamic hard-rocking sound infused
with passages of light and darkness.
out of Lego—from Mikey’s house to the hideout to parts
of the caves. They’ll be on display all weekend. The jail’s
in the wrong spot on the set they made, sure, but when
you have a Lego Data ziplining to a Lego Goonies house,
and a Lego pirate ship sailing out of a sea cave, the little
things cease to matter. This will be on display at the
Astoria Armory, which doubles as the event center for all
things Goonies in town. Astoria Armory, 1636 Exchange St.,
791-6064, astoriaarmory.com. Free.
BLUESTREAK LIVE! PRESENTS
MARY FLOWER
MONDAY, JUNE 8TH AT 7PM
An internationally known and award-winning picker, singer/songwriter and teacher,
2011 Muddy Award winner Mary Flower relocated from Denver to the vibrant Portland, Oregon, music scene in 2004 and hasn’t looked back since. She continues
to please crowds and critics at folk festivals and concert stages domestically and
abroad, embodying a luscious and lusty mix of rootsy, acoustic-blues guitar and
vocal styles that span a number of idioms – from Piedmont to the Mississippi Delta,
with stops in ragtime, swing, folk and hot jazz.
THE EARNEST LOVERS
THURSDAY, JUNE 11TH AT 6PM
COSMIC
BOWLING
Chunk! If you want to hang out with Chunk, who’s
VIRTUALUG
now skinny and successful and very affable and
whose actual name is Jeff Cohen, you hang out here,
in the bowling alley where he smeared the pizza
against the glass (see page 16). He showed up on the
25th anniversary, anyway. But don’t smear crap on
the windows, please. It took them forever to clean
up after the last time. Lower Columbia Bowl, 826
Marine Drive, 325-3321, lcbowl.com. 9:30 pm-midnight
Friday-Saturday, June 5-6. $12.
The Earnest Lovers are vintage honky tonk heartbreak serenaders Pete Krebs (Hazel,
Stolen Sweets, Portland Playboys) and Leslie Beia (Copper & Coal, The Lowburners).
An alliance forged from their mutual and devoted love of the golden era of country
duets, the Lovers have set out to capture that classic sound and to invigorate it with
new life in the form of original compositions.
Willamette Week JUNE 3, 2015 wweek.com
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