TT - Tamba
Transcription
TT - Tamba
22/4/09 19:12 Page 1 TWINS TT & TT M & TT M & TT M & TT M & TT M & TT M & TT M & TT M & TT M TambaMay09 TRIPLETS & MORE MAY 2009 Pregnancy guide out now All the advice you need – for free! One-click savings Check out our discounters Government backs Tamba Ed Balls supports our school campaign THE OFFICIAL MAGAZINE OF TAMBA TambaMay09 22/4/09 19:12 Page 2 20% discount for TAMBA members TambaMay09 22/4/09 19:12 Page 3 TWINS Letter from the chief executive I am delighted to report I’ve become a father again (to just the one) and am quickly reacquainting myself with sleepless nights, picking up more household chores, and the endless nappy changing. I’ll stop here in case my wife reads this and it ends up in a tiredness-fuelled argument. I am pleased to report progress with our school admissions campaign. The Guardian gave our concerns extensive national exposure and following this the Secretary of State for Schools asked the Chief Schools Adjudicator to investigate. But it’s not just national action – Hertfordshire County Council has confirmed its intention to amend its own code. Both stories are covered on pages 4 and 5. We have published our groundbreaking “Multiple Failings” report which looks at the experience of our mums’ ante- and postnatal care. Many of the findings are of concern and helped to prioritise our services and campaigning. You will be able see that it coincides with the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists (ROCG) issuing Guidance for consultants on the “Management of Monochorionic Twin Pregnancy” (page 4) and the launch of our new Healthy Multiple Birth Pregnancy Guide (page 14). The report identifies that 19% of our mums suffer from postnatal depression (PND) and almost the same number think they may have had it but were not diagnosed or deliberately hid the symptoms from professionals because they felt a failure. We are now looking for volunteers to help with a new project to better support new mums with PND (page 8). For those members who have left the early months and years behind, we have more parenting advice on play and sharing (pages 6 and 7). You can now download parenting booklets and watch our DVDs for free on our updated website. Thanks to the generous support of the Dulverton Trust, we are able to offer members exclusive parenting workshops across the UK – and don’t forget Twinline is always there if you need it (page 13). As always, it is your charity so I welcome your thoughts or feedback and although I’m a little tired I promise to be polite even if it is negative – honestly. Keith Please keep your magazine contributions coming Jane Williams, editor TRIPLETS & MORE May 2009 Vol.18 No.10 C O N T E N T S Regulars 4 News from Tamba 6 Tamba Top Tips Don’t take the fun out of playtime 11 Club news 12 Tamba fundraising 19 Fiona Gibson 22 Tamba Tested Members test new buggies 27 Births, Classifieds, Directory 30 My Day Today By Richard Rickitt 31 Who’s Who Directory Features 8 My story New hope for the future 14 Pregnancy guide launched All the advice you need 15 Mums losing out Tamba’s groundbreaking report 16 Twice the blessings 18 Double the pleasure One family, two sets of twins Expert granny Miriam Stoppard 20 Save cash with Tamba Your discounters guide 24 Chalk and cheese Celebrating the differences Cover picture Turn to page five and find out about Tamba’s fight over school admissions. Contact me if you want to advertise in TT&M Sarah Newell, advertising Tamba’s enhancing individuality policy (August 08 edition of TT&M – download at www.tamba.org.uk) encourages the development of multiples’ individual identities, for example by dressing them differently. Whenever possible we use photographs that promote this policy. Disclaimer: Twins, Triplets & More Magazine is published by the Twins and Multiple Births Association. Registered Charity no: 1076478. Registered Company No: 3688825. Twins, Triplets & More Magazine © Tamba 2007. ISSN 0967 - 8867 Tamba would like to point out that items in the magazine are collected from individuals and excerpts from newsletters etc. The views and suggestions are taken in good faith and the opinions expressed are not necessarily endorsed by Tamba. Likewise, advertising or the use of product names does not constitute a recommendation or endorsement by the Association. TambaMay09 22/4/09 19:12 Page 4 TAMBA news New guidance issued by Royal College The Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists (ROCG) has issued a Green-top guideline for consultants to help them to manage monochorionic twin pregnancies. Twin monochorionic pregnancy is where both babies are dependent on a single shared placenta. Around one third of twin pregnancies in the UK are monochorionic. It also occurs in a number of higher order pregnancies. The Green-top has been produced by professors Jim Neilsen, who helped with Tamba’s Healthy Multiple Pregnancy Guide, and Mark Kilby, who we are looking to involve in a number of future projects. It provides clear and authoritative guidance on how to best manage these pregnancies and also includes information on the treatment of Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome, which affects around 500 pregnancies each year. This guidance is particularly helpful as Tamba will be able to use it to support our work later in the year with the National Institute of Health and Clinical Excellence which is planning to compose national guidance for all health professionals on the management of all multiple pregnancies. Visit the website for the Tamba picnic and events 4 MAY 2009 And baby makes five – Anthony and Rabia with their three sons. Course ‘pioneers’ set to share experiences Congratulations to Anthony Green and Rabia Siddique, who attended one of our pilot Tamba antenatal classes. Rabia gave birth to their triplet sons, Aaron, Noah and Oscar Green, a few weeks after attending the class last October. Rabia said she found the class to be extremely useful, and is hoping to share her experiences with other attendees in the future. Tamba is looking for antenatal teachers with an interest in multiple births to run more one-day antenatal courses for couples expecting more than one child. It is an exciting new project to improve provision for multiple birth parents in the UK. The role involves five or six Saturday courses per year at dates to suit you, ideally in one of the following locations: Norwich, Leeds, Birmingham, Exeter, Bristol and Manchester, but other locations will be considered. In return Tamba offers comprehensive training, competitive pay and ongoing support. If you are interested please contact Sharon Famiglietti on 020 85087616. � If you are expecting and would like to go on a course then please visit our website for more details. � Tamba is looking for volunteer models to pose for cover shots, either studio-style (see centre spread) or news-style. If you live in the Midlands area and are happy to travel to have your photographs taken then please contact Tamba’s editor Jane Williams at jelwilliams@btinternet.com for more details. www.tamba.org.uk TambaMay09 22/4/09 19:12 Page 5 TAMBA news Government launches probe into school admissions The Government is reviewing school admissions procedures thanks to a Tamba campaign. Schools Secretary Ed Balls has asked the Chief Schools Adjudicator to investigate the issue of multiples being allocated places in different schools. Tamba says this year it estimates that around 250 families got letters telling them their children would be placed in different schools For families with multiples it means a lengthy and worrying bureaucratic battle with local authorities and schools to keep their children together. But thanks to Tamba’s Fair Deal for Multiples – School Admissions campaign and its coverage in the Guardian the Government is now reviewing its school admissions code. It has already issued a new updated code which acknowledges the importance of keeping siblings together and reads as follows: “Families must be at the heart of the admissions system and the Government expects the admission authorities for primary schools to take the needs of parents with young chil- Schools Secretary Ed Balls – ordered an investigation. dren into account in deciding which oversubscription criteria will be used. The admission authorities for primary schools should ensure in their oversubscription criteria that siblings (includ- ing twins, triplets or children from other multiple births) can attend the same primary school, as long as they comply with the Education (Infant Class Sizes) (England) Regulations 199836.” However Tamba lobbied the minister saying the code was not strong enough to ensure that it happens in practice. Consequently, Ed Balls wrote to the School Adjudicator in March calling for an investigation into the issue and to report back to him on how the situation could be improved by September 2009. Keith Reed, Tamba’s chief executive, said: “I am delighted and frustrated with the Government in equal measure. “Its staff team missed our concerns the first time around but now the minister has stepped in and asked for them to be considered again. “This is a fantastic opportunity for the issue to be thoroughly reviewed and I urge members to get behind this campaign by signing the petition on our website and sending their school admission experiences to me as a matter of urgency.” Local action on school places Education bosses at Hertfordshire County Council are set to review the authority’s code on school admissions. This action follows lobbying from Tamba in partnership with St Albans and District Twins Club to highlight the problems that are faced by families with school-age multiples in the area. The council has issued a school admissions code which acknowledges the unique requirements of multiple birth families. It is yet to go out to public consultation. www.tamba.org.uk The code proposes that: “Where key stage one prejudice exists, that there would be an exception to the over-subscription criteria for community primary schools, which would read as follows: where the last child to be admitted would result in twins/multiple births being split, these children would be allocated, and the penultimate ranked child/children not allocated.” Tamba chief executive Keith Reed said: “Credit where credit is due. The council met us, listened to our con- cerns and has acted on them. This is an excellent first step and we look forward to maintaining this positive working relationship. “While we wait to see if the Government responds to our concerns, we can act locally to ensure local authorities take our children’s needs into account.” If your council’s admissions code does not acknowledge the unique needs of multiples and you would like help changing it then please contact Keith at keithreed@tamba.org.uk MAY 2009 5 TambaMay09 22/4/09 19:12 Page 6 TAMBA toptips Don’t take the fun out of playtime Play is a vital part of learning and a great part of family life but sometimes it can feel like hard work. Take a look at these tips for worn-out parents W hen they are very young, twins often play alone, almost unaware of each other’s presence. As they grow, they begin to play together and to share toys, games and fun. By the time they are three, your children are likely to play together for extended periods of time, leaving you free to get on with other things. Twins, triplets and more usually learn to co-operate with other children at an earlier stage than many singletons. You can provide a good mix of toys by borrowing from a toy library, buying second-hand or swapping with other families. You can also improvise toys from things you find around the house. Have a good selection – you don’t need duplicates of everything. Everyday activities can be turned into games: � Playing in the bath before bed (but supervise carefully). 6 MAY 2009 � Watch television or a video, and discuss it. With two or more children, TV can be a social activity. � Encourage the children to help you tidy up. Always sort the toys as you put them away, as children of this age lose interest in a box of jumbled pieces. � Make tidying up into a game, with races to put toys back where they belong. � Give each child a list with pictures of items to find in the supermarket when shopping. � Make simple tasks like sweeping up or dusting fun. How do I encourage the children to share? Learning to share is important and should be encouraged early on, as should taking turns. � Some parents ensure fairness by allowing each child a www.tamba.org.uk TambaMay09 22/4/09 19:12 Page 7 TAMBA toptips set amount of time with a favoured toy. You can use a clock or kitchen timer to show when the time is up – but don’t rely on it exclusively. � Don’t expect the children to share everything. It is important that they have some toys and belongings of their own, so that they can develop individual preferences. � In general, expect your children to share toys which you would reasonably expect to be shared by any siblings close in age – such as Lego, or a seesaw. the noise from the other children. When you are dealing with one mishap, you may miss a more serious one. But there are ways to help keep your children safe: � Most accidents to under-fives happen at home or in the garden, so make sure that your house is childproofed. � If you have stairs, fit a sturdy stair gate at the top and the bottom, and make sure you use them. Two or more toddlers on the stairs at the same time is very risky, so be vigilant. � Buy safety locks for everything from drawers and windows to electrical equipment – and if you want to keep My twins don’t make friends easily. How can I help? the children out of a room, fit a lock to the door. Sometimes twins don’t feel much need to play with � Use over-the-door stoppers to avoid trapping little fingers. other children. Parents may also feel that extra friends � Don’t wait until your children are standing/walking to are unnecessary – especially since arranging social conchildproof higher up. Always keep one step ahead of their tact can be difficult and tiring. But your children do development. need outside friends in order to develop their individual � Avoid toys such as wooden bricks until the children are social skills. old enough to play without hurting each other. � Mother and toddler groups and twins clubs are good � Teach them about safety to enlist their support. If they places to meet other children. Go regularly so that your want to, inquisitive children will learn how to open locks, children recognise the people climb over fireguards and get there. round any safety device so they need to learn for them� Encourage each child to selves what is unsafe. invite friends round and Devise a few clear house make this a regular event. rules, such as only go on the Perhaps one child could stairs if a grown-up is with invite someone round while you, no sitting on window the other goes somewhere sills, and don’t touch anyelse – giving them the opporthing electrical. Enforce tunity to make friends as them at all times, even if though they were singletons. they seem unfairly restrictive � Make it clear that people to visitors. do not have to invite both Weekends and holidays children at once – but be may be a risk time when prepared for tears when one both parents are around and is left out. Arrange somePlaying safe – simple guidelines will ensure that your can assume the other is thing else for the uninvited children can enjoy themselves without being at risk. watching the children – so child – either a visit from a you will need to decide which of you is actually in charge. different friend, or some individual time with you. Many parents are particularly concerned about safety when they go out of the house and are reluctant to go on How do I make sure they are safe? Follow all the usual guidelines for child safety, but bear in their own. Here are some ideas to think about: mind that two children are capable of reaching further � Make firm rules, apply them rigorously and enlist the and higher than one child, and that they are stronger. co-operation of everyone else who looks after your chilDon’t leave children unattended in the bath or near dren. For example, if you are in a car park, or crossing the water, check that radiators are not too hot to touch, keep hot road, the children must always hold your hand (even if drinks away from the children, put saucepans and kettles out they are wearing reins or wrist straps). of reach, and watch out for choking hazards. Do the ironing � When you are out, make sure that each child is attached well away from the children – or after they have gone to bed. to you in some way at all times – using reins, wrist straps, Safety is a challenge when you have two or more chilpushchairs or holding hands. Don’t attach children to dren of the same age. They can hurt each other, directly your clothing, as you may not notice if they let go. or indirectly (for example, by trapping fingers in doors or � If the children are at playgroup or nursery school, ask if knocking over furniture). Even a simple object like a pen- you can collect them inside the building. It is hard to keep cil can become a vicious weapon. an eye on them outside if they burst out together. If they are in different places, it is very hard to watch everything that is happening. The ominous silence that Find out more by downloading Tamba’s booklet 2, 3 & 4 usually serves as a warning signal may be blotted out by years for free at www.tamba.org.uk www.tamba.org.uk MAY 2009 7 TambaMay09 22/4/09 19:12 Page 8 New hope for the future The tragic death of Heather Finkill who stepped in front of a lorry only two weeks after giving birth to twin daughters compelled Maggie Brierton, 38, to write about her own experience of postnatal depression following the birth of her triplets I had had a brief episode of depression following the death of my father in March 2000. Depression runs in my family. My two sisters have struggled with the condition. My episode was manifest as a delayed reaction when helping my partner after the death of his father the following year. I saw my GP who recommended drug treatment and some sick leave from my demanding clinical psychology doctorate course. Seroxat and private counselling got me back on track. However, I gained weight on the medication and had horrible side effects of feeling quite sluggish and drowsy. I did not want to have to go back on those particular drugs again. Gavin and I were planning our wedding after 10 years of living together. We planned to celebrate the completion of my course and new job as a qualified clinical psychologist with a family service and a well deserved three-week honeymoon. In retrospect we were probably taking on too many stressful life events at one time. After becoming pregnant on holiday in New Zealand plans changed. I was elated 8 MAY 2009 y r o t S y M and ready to start a family. But I still had to manage my professional life and complete changes to my doctoral thesis. I finished work at 25 weeks’ gestation. I think I was more stressed-out than I knew. When my Aunt Anne died I guess I realised my maternal hormones had kicked in as I could not grieve – my whole being seemed to be focused on the survival of the small babies growing within. David, Gabby and Rory were born by caesarean in June. During the procedure I was unprepared for my emotional reactions. Following the incision the babies were taken rather quickly. The babes were whipped away by capable, busy, professional, sterile hands to the special care baby unit. I did not touch or hold a baby until 10 hours later. I was to attend the graduation ceremony the day my www.tamba.org.uk TambaMay09 22/4/09 19:12 Page 9 THE FACTS ABOUT PND The symptoms of postnatal depression (PND) are: � Persistent low mood � Sense of hopelessness or helplessness � Tearfulness � Anxiety and irritability � Guilt � Sleep disturbance � Lack of energy and enthusiasm � Inability to cope � Fear of self-harm or hurting the babies � Hostility or indifference to people you normally love � Shame � Fear of judgment � Poor concentration � Loss of libido � Physical aches and pains Playing on the beach, above, and enjoying their first day at school, top, are triplets David, Gabby and Rory Brierton, pictured left with mum Maggie. babies left the unit; I didn’t go as I had other needs more pressing to attend to. The time in hospital had made me feel quite hostile and angry regarding outside help and care. I had felt unheard and managed. My needs were not listened to and my main goal of leaving hospital with suckling breastfed babies, although a reality, was supported by very few of the hospital staff. The homecoming meant everything – a new start and we could get on with our new life as a family. The doorbell rarely ceased, the telephone was constant, I really couldn’t be bothered with these gazing individuals who piled through the door and stared starry-eyed at our babies. I concentrated on the wee ones. I accepted all the help that came through the door – social services two hours a week, mum and mother-in-law on demand. I was exhausted and on our second night home I contracted a high temperature and was unable to feed the babies. We started them on formula and partial breastfeeds. This pleased my helpers immensely. I, however, fell into fitful sleeps between feeds and changes, I dreamt or hallucinated. As I got better I felt the babies slipping away from me – sometimes I would not hold a child for three or four feeds. They went to sleep without a goodnight kiss from their mother. Though irrational to think I could manage all the babies, this seemed basically wrong. � www.tamba.org.uk The “baby blues” is a term often used to describe the depressive symptoms following a birth, suffered by as many as 80% of women. A large proportion of these women feel better over time and mild symptoms require no treatment. However, for some 7-26% these feelings worsen and go on for longer and may only improve with medical, psychological or psychiatric help. The number of children in a pregnancy does appear to be associated with the development of PND. Research has shown a significantly higher rate of depression among mothers of multiples or even closely aged siblings. Moreover, these findings are independent of marital status, socio-economic status, maternal age, number of children in the household or disability. Particularly notable, 34% of twin mothers were clinically depressed up to five years postnatal. Highest rates were among bereaved mothers, where one twin had died, even at five years postnatal. The studies present a picture of increasing risk of suffering from PND after a multiple pregnancy: singleton (7-26%), twin (34%) and triplet mothers (40%). Mothers of multiples appear to have a greater risk of suffering PND and triplet mothers experience a greater number of symptoms than singleton and twin mothers. Furthermore, the condition appears to be present for longer after a multiple pregnancy and may still require treatment at four to seven years following the birth. If you feel you may be suffering from postnatal depression don’t suffer in silence: speak to your GP or health visitor about it. If you are not satisfied with your GP’s initial diagnosis, get another opinion. Sometimes people tend to say, well you’re bound to be tired and feeling low and anxious after having multiples. However, if you don’t feel right follow your gut feeling. You deserve to have the best support possible so you can fulfil your potential, manage the bad days and fully enjoy and experience the good times. MAY 2009 9 TambaMay09 22/4/09 19:12 Page 10 ‘I have a toolbox of magic tricks to get me through. This gives me much hope for the future’ I can’t remember being screened for postnatal depression. My health visitor referred me to the local postnatal depression counselling charity and this provided a great opportunity for me to discuss my feelings. But after the first Christmas I knew things were not improving and sought help through my Supertwins support booklet. I contacted a local mother of four-yearThe smile that hid the pain inside – Maggie and the triplets. old triplets, we met and she shone a light of hope for me. Caroline and her husband have five to have any more medication. I requested a clinical psygirls, they invited us to meet up and it changed our focus. chology referral; I was pretty ashamed about seeking help They welcomed us to their home and treated our stories from potential colleagues. The sessions were particularly as normal. I believe my contact with this wonderful family uncomfortable at first. The techniques and assessment gave me the strength to continue and access more helpful similar to what I may have pronounced in a similar case. support. A local Surestart group offered us three places in a Later it finally dawned I was a typical case, nothing twice-weekly crèche. I sought counselling through the weird or unmanageable or particularly innate to me alone. Scottish Institute of Human Relations and attended a psyThe psychology sessions were insightful and empowering. choanalytic counsellor, whom I could truly confide in. In addition, my GP had recommended Escitalopram These supports got me through a difficult period. tablets, an antidepressant medication he reckoned would In January 2006 we moved house and I was stronger not cause the side effects I dreaded. and ready to move on. The children were now two-andNow, a year-and-a-half on, I have stopped taking the a-half and we needed more space. The initial excitement tablets and no longer see my psychologist. I have a predisand elation about our new home dissolved in February as position to become depressed, certain life events and I felt the familiar symptoms clinging to me once more. physical stressors will set off a cascade reaction and I will I was no longer seeing my counsellor and I drifted go again, one day. However, I am better prepared to care into my depression and denied it was back. My new for myself; I have a toolbox of magic tricks to get me health visitor was wonderful and helped me adjust. My through. This gives me much hope for the future. new GP was helpful and encouraged medication. It made me drowsy and sluggish, I was so hungry all the time. � Tamba is currently getting a working group together to After a month’s trial I came off the medication and look at what the charity can do to raise awareness and tried to go it alone. I managed to get through summer and provide support for postnatal depression. If you want to get involved, have experieced it or are an interested health my mood lifted for the run-up to Christmas. However, I professional, please email keithreed@tamba.org.uk bombed worse the following February and I was terrified 10 MAY 2009 www.tamba.org.uk TambaMay09 22/4/09 19:12 Page 11 CLUBS corner Clubs give Tamba the thumbs-up C lubs up and down the country have given the thumbs-up to Tamba following a recent survey. Tamba wants to continue improving its links with the scores of multiples clubs and carried out the survey to get the views of members. It wants to find out what the charity is doing well and where it can improve. Members of 77 twins and higher multiples clubs took part and 90% of respondents said that club membership of £22 per annum was good value for money. A resounding 100% felt that having their club’s details listed on the website was important and 90% said Tamba’s quarterly newsletters and magazine were important. Tamba’s re-joining/joining packs met with approval from 80% of respon- dents, 77% valued research, 70% valued campaigning, 65% opportunities with party packs but only half valued fundraising opportunities. Of the clubs who took part 17% had 0-10 members, a third 10-25 members, almost a third 25-50 and the remainder had more than 50 families. Half meet at local church halls with the remainder meeting at local children’s centres or Surestart facilities. Most of them hold Christmas parties (93%) followed by toddler sessions (82%) and summer parties (64%), with only a fifth holding nearly new sales. Fifty-five clubs have insurance covering them for their work. The main sources of funding are membership schemes, fees for play sessions and then grants or sponsorship from local councils, network funds or awards for all. THE GOOD . . . � “A lot of people contact us via your site” and “People are happy to join knowing we have Tamba membership.” � “We think Tamba is good value for money and value the support we receive from it. We were lucky to have a visit from the chief executive and that meant a great deal to our members.” � “This is a very worthwhile membership and an important part of our work across a whole range of families and children.” www.tamba.org.uk Seventy per cent said they would like to receive information on fundraising opportunities and potentially joint applications with Tamba, 63% are interested in attending an annual conference or participating in an awards scheme to highlight and share best practice, and almost 70% are interested in a joint Tamba membership. Clubs officer Kate Valentine said: “My sincere thanks to everyone who took part in this survey. It is clear there is a lot of goodwill among clubs towards our work and we are keen to build a stronger mutually beneficial relationship with everyone who aims to make life better for multiple birth families. “These results give us ideas on how we can look to develop our work and we will look to try many of these suggestions in the months to come.” . . . AND THE NOT-SO-GOOD � “The club membership pack we received upon joining mentioned the Clarks discount, which gave the impression that as a club we would be entitled to the discount, without having to join individually. Could this be clarified to avoid confusion?” � “We are only a small club and struggle to pay the fee each year. It is of huge benefit to belong to Tamba (most of our queries have come via you) but it would be easier if it cost slightly less.” MAY 2009 11 TambaMay09 22/4/09 19:12 Page 12 TAMBA fundraising Help us to help you! R aising funds for Tamba has never been easy since the public, companies and charitable foundations often don’t see Tamba as a “heart string” cause. The need for charities supporting disease and poverty is obvious – but with Tamba people often ask: “Why do people need a charity just because they are expecting more than one baby at a time? Surely this is a blessing?” And of course in many ways they are right. It is a blessing and we are extremely lucky. However, we all know that in many cases pregnancy can come with health and developmental complications and additional financial, practical and emotional pressures. Some readers may have had twins or triplets as a second or third pregnancy and face the difficulties of raising a larger family. Others conceived their multiples as a result of fertility treatment and have already been on an emotional rollercoaster. Many of you will have had a joyous time parenting your multiples with few added issues. But for others it won’t have been all plain sailing and we need your help to support these parents. Most people are not aware of the: � Increased pregnancy risks for some expectant mothers. � Huge financial burden – especially for low income families. � Greater risk of postnatal depression and isolation. � Additional pressures experienced during the school application process. � Potential relationship pressures. People tend to raise money for charities that matter to them, for example cancer charities are often supported by people who have suffered from the illness. The same is true of Tamba, except people don’t tend to raise funds for us just in case they have multiple birth one day. This makes it hugely difficult for us to encourage people who are not multiple birth parents, or do not know someone who has struggled as a multiple birth parent, to raise funds for Tamba. It is therefore up to us multiple birth parents to make this case, raise awareness of the issues and muster the support. Please help us to help you. We have numerous projects which need funding. Some provide ongoing support, while others are new projects to support parents suffering with specific issues. These include: � Support and advice for mothers suffering postnatal depression. � Information and support for families whose babies are at risk of Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome. � Rolling out ante- and prenatal courses nationally and making them more accessible. � Updating our resources for parents who have lost one or more babies. � Widescale support for thousands via Twinline (our freephone help line). � Providing affordable parenting courses across the UK. � Campaigning for improvements to the school admissions process and for more financial support. Stuart bids to raise awareness of TTTS For Stuart Laidlaw and his wife Jo the trauma of losing their boys to Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS) prompted a tremendous fundraising effort. The couple, who come from Doncaster in Yorkshire, lost their babies at 25 weeks. Stuart, 29, said: “The diagnosis made us aware that although we received fantastic treatment by the specialists, help, advice and much-needed guidance was difficult to find in the UK.” He and 10 of his friends are joining forces to complete a gruelling triathlon in Chester on May 31. They are due to complete a 500m swim, a 20k bike ride and a 5k run. Stuart added: “We wanted to raise awareness of TTTS. “We are aiming to raise £5,000 to help Tamba provide much-needed support to the parents and families who experience this. “It will enable Tamba to provide support and advice to parents and clinicians that at present is not widely available in the UK.” Visit Stuart’s facebook page for updates. Facebook group “TTTS triathlon – Chester 31 May 2009”. You can sponsor Stuart by visiting www.justgiving.com/ttts Stuart and Jo – difficult to find help. Remember – Tamba needs to raise at least £7,500 per week to continue providing its 12 MAY 2009 www.tamba.org.uk g its TambaMay09 22/4/09 19:12 Page 13 TAMBA courses What can I do? An A to Z of fundraising ideas A Auction of promises, be a Tamba ambassador and promote our work and fundraising events like runs and skydives. B Bring and buy sale, BBQ, barn dance, British London 10k Run (email sarahnewell@tamba.org.uk for a place). C Car boot sale, cake sale, coffee morning, climb Kilimanjaro. D Dinner dance, disco, display a poster for a Tamba running event or Skydive at your school, gym or work place. E Expert seminar, Easter egg hunt. F Fashion show, fancy dress party, football tournament. G Guess the weight, game show, golf tournament, Great North Run, Great South Run (contact sarahnewell@tamba.org.uk for a place). H Halloween ball. I It’s a knockout. J Jumble sale. K Karaoke evening. L Lunch money. M Masked ball, music quiz, mystery party. N Non-uniform day, New Year’s Eve party. O Outward bound weekend, odd jobs. P Pancake day. Q Quiz night. R Raffle, race night. S Sponsored slim, swim, headshave, run or skydive. T Treasure hunt, tombola, Teddy bears’ picnic. U University Challenge, uniform days. V Valentine’s ball, variety show. W Whist drive, wine tasting, who’s that baby? X Xmas party or panto. Y Your own lotto. Z Zany party. Sarah Newell is happy to support your fundraising efforts with sponsorship forms, advice and by promoting your event on Tamba’s website, or a mention in the magazine. Get in touch with her at sarahnewell@tamba.org.uk much-needed services www.tamba.org.uk Exciting courses on offer for our members in 2009 U nique courses from Tamba are exclusive to individual members and available at an amazingly low price. Book now at www.tamba.org.uk as places are strictly limited. Parenting With Multiples in Mind Workshops Cost: Only £5 per person (lunch available locally) Parents of multiple birth children experience unique challenges which are sometimes not understood or even acknowledged in mainstream services. They can compare themselves unfavourably to parents of singletons and feel guilty because they are not able to live up to their own expectations of being a parent. This one-day workshop (10.30am-4.30pm) will help parents to understand that rather than trying to achieve perfect parenting a more realistic aim is to be a “good enough” parent. The topics considered are being a parent of multiples, good enough parenting, family relationships, individuality, starting nursery or school, play and development, and looking after yourself and your relationships. These workshops are run by Janet Rimmer, a qualified parenting educator and adult trainer, who specialises in multiple birth par- enting courses and training for health professionals who work with multiple birth families. The schedule is: 16 May Guildford, Surrey (fully booked) 28 June Birmingham (fully booked) 18 July Norwich 5 September Liverpool 3 October Exeter 17 October London. Further dates are currently being planned for Cardiff, Stirling, Newcastle, St Albans, Brighton and Manchester. Being a Parent of Multiples Cost: £5 per person (lunch £5) Creche available at £15 per child This special one-day conference on Saturday, 6 June will be relevant to families who are expecting or already have toddlers or older children. There will be workshops on preparing for birth and the early weeks (Dr Carol Cooper, author of Twins and Multiple Births – the Essential Parenting Guide); behaviour and relationships (Audrey Sandbank, author of Twins and the Family); and meeting children’s educational needs (Anne Thomas, Tamba Primary School Honorary Consultant). ‘100% of past attendees on our parenting courses would recommend them to other parents of multiples’ (feedback collected during 2005-7) EXCLUSIVE TO MEMBERS – JUST £5 PER PROGRAMME MAY 2009 13 TambaMay09 22/4/09 19:12 Page 14 TAMBA campaigns All the advice you need – for free! P arents expecting multiples can get all the advice they need thanks to Tamba’s new Healthy Multiple Pregnancy Guide, which is available now to download for free at our website. The guide is a result of the 2008 Tamba Health and Lifestyle survey which collected the views of more than 1,300 mothers of twins and triplets. The survey highlighted the need for a new, easy-to-read pregnancy guide with specific advice on antenatal care, nutrition, lifestyle, pregnancy complications and preparing for the birth of your babies. As a result Tamba published the guide, which is part of its long-term Best Start in Life campaign. The campaign seeks to improve the health and developmental outcomes of multiple birth children. The guide covers everything from what to expect from antenatal care and coping with common pregnancy conditions to preparing for the birth, work, finance and entitlements. 14 MAY 2009 Author Dr Erika Fraser said: “Although you may be treated as ‘high risk’, you should always keep in mind that having more than one baby is a natural process. The label of ‘high risk’ does not mean that you will experience complications, only that doctors need to monitor you more carefully. “Many mothers find this extra level of antenatal care reassuring as it gives them a chance to ask questions and discuss how their pregnancy is progressing. “We hope this guide will be a useful resource for expectant parents and will help give the best possible pregnancy outcome – a healthy mother and babies.” Keith Reed, Tamba chief executive, added: “Many thanks to Pampers and all our generous members and supporters who made a donation and helped us publish up-to-date authoritative information to expectant multiple birth mums.” � More than 400 maternity units and fertility clinics across the UK have received copies of the guide along with publicity materials to raise awareness of this valuable resource. Already hundreds of parents-to-be have downloaded it. Make sure you let expectant mums and new parents know about it. www.tamba.org.uk TambaMay09 22/4/09 19:12 Page 15 TAMBA campaigns How our mums are being failed B ased on the results of our mums’ health and lifestyle survey in 2008, Tamba’s groundbreaking Multiple Failings report highlights a series of weakness in the provision of support and care for our families during pregnancy and beyond. The report is targeted at policy makers, researchers and service providers and makes 12 specific policy recommendations. One of its most startling findings relates to the experience of mums who had one or more babies in special care. What we found Just under a half (44%) of mothers of twins said at least one of their babies had been in special care and the figure was much higher (91%) for mothers of triplets. Although 87% of families with babies requiring special care were able to stay together with their siblings and parents, a significant proportion (13%), or one in every eight mothers were separated from their babies. Regions where respondents had experienced the highest levels of separation were in the South-West (26%), East (22%) and Wales (19%). In many cases, if respondents hadn’t argued so passionately to keep their babies together, this figure for separation could have ended up higher than 13% (nearing 20%). Barriers to seeing their babies included: lack of mobility following caesareans; no staff or wheelchairs available to help; further siblings waiting at home; and being made to leave the “healthy” twin behind on the ward www.tamba.org.uk while they visited the other sibling in the Special Care Baby Unit. One in eight multiple birth mums with a baby in special care are separated from them “I was not permitted to take my ‘well’ baby into SCBU with me to see my daughter who was in special care – this was extremely stressful as I constantly had to leave one baby on the ward alone while I visited SCBU, and had to breastfeed them separately, meaning I never got any rest. I do not think the hospital has thought about this aspect of care and do not think it is conducive to the wellbeing of mother or babies, or safe for the baby left on the ward alone.” Worryingly, the survey data suggests that the situation appears to be deteriorating, with hospitals being increasingly unable to accommodate families together when babies require special care. Whereas only 6% of respondents were separated over five years ago, the figure had risen to 19% within the last year. Tamba chief executive Keith Reed said: “This is a really useful insight into the problems many of our families face and will help us press our case with Government. “It has also helped shape our new projects. The difficulties faced by many in SCBU means we are reviewing how best we can help families in these circumstances. Members are welcome to send their ideas to me.” Members can download the Multiple Failings report at www.tamba.org.uk Tamba’s recommendations to Government include: � All expectant mothers of multiples being seen within six weeks of identification of multiple pregnancy by a designated consultant with experience of multiples. � All Trusts to provide access to parent education classes for mothers of multiples within six weeks of identification of a multiple pregnancy. � Each hospital to have a dedicated midwife on maternity wards with experience of supporting women with breastfeeding multiples. � More investment in special care units so that mothers can be accommodated at their local hospital and priority given to mothers of multiples, so that mothers and babies are not separated after birth. � All parents of multiples to be offered home visits by trained community midwives and health to ensure early identification of PND and continuing support where needed. � Fathers of multiples being given two weeks paid paternity leave per child, not per birth (ie four weeks paternity leave for twins and six weeks for triplets). � Exploring options for increasing practical help for new mothers of multiples, including grants to hire mother’s help and councilorganised respite care. MAY 2009 15 TambaMay09 22/4/09 19:12 Page 16 A family where everything came in twos – pictured from left (main photograph) are devoted sisters Victoria, Hannah, Helen and Jennie. There is no problem that sisters cannot confront, combat, plot against, ignore, make fun of, drown in chocolate sauce . . . or run over with the car, says Jennie Walker O ver the years, my twin sisters and I have probably used every one of those problem-solving techniques bar the running-over bit (but there’s still time). My sisters and I are very close, but let me explain. I am from a family of two sets of identical twins. My twin sister Helen and I are 34 this year and our younger sisters Hannah and Victoria are 30. Surprised? Not half as much my parents were in the pre-scan days of the 1970s NHS. There’s no history of twins on my mum’s side of the family, yet she was pretty sure of her facts when she spoke to our GP during both pregnancies, telling him that she could feel two babies kicking. In pregnancy one he assured her it was just first-time jitters. In pregnancy two he claimed wishful thinking and mathematical improbabilities. Oh how she laughed . . . 16 MAY 2009 Growing up as one of this doubly blessed unit must have been unique to outsiders. To us it was just normal life: twin buggies, twin dolls and matching everything else. We even had two golden retrievers, so in our world – just like Noah’s – everything came in twos. Hannah reminded me the other day that our small family home gave a new meaning to the word “cosy”, but I suppose we could at least save on the heating bills. Growing up in such close proximity to each other meant that privacy was relative and sharing second nature. Almost like what’s mine is yours and what’s yours is ours, and for the most part nobody really seemed to mind. It’s interesting that as adults we’ve all had long-term stints of living quite a distance away from our twin; some- Twice times even different continents and time zones. I have no doubt that for both sides this was probably equally as empowering, upsetting, inspiring and frustrating. As children and often as teenage twins your points of reference and experiences are pretty much similar, therefore closeness and understanding www.tamba.org.uk TambaMay09 22/4/09 19:12 Page 17 FACT FILE In the UK about one in every 65 pregnancies results in a multiple birth (around 11,000 each year). Of these, around one third are monozygotic or identical twins. There has been a rise in the number of multiple births over the last 20 years which is attributed to the use of fertility treatments, increased survival rates of premature babies and women starting their families later. Multiples are also born more frequently to older or larger mothers. Identical twins are NOT hereditary and therefore if you are an identical twin your chance of having twins is the same as the rest of the general population. In contrast, if you are a non-identical twin you have an increased chance of having twins yourself (around a one in 15/20 risk). Twinning appears to be carried down the maternal line – so if your mother is a nonidentical twin your chance of having twins may be increased but not if it is your father. Members can download the Multiple Birth Fact Sheet for free at the Tamba website while higher multiples can also sign up for our supertwins support group. ce the blessings comes naturally. What we have found during the ups and downs of our twenties and thirties is that it’s not the air miles but the heart miles that matter, and how far you are prepared to go to let your twin know that you care. Helen and I work on a different emotional level to our sisters, as typical Pisces to their Gemini. www.tamba.org.uk There are times when we feel that nothing less than a staged Oprah-style “intervention” will do, complete with psychoanalysis and cushion punching, whereas Hannah and Victoria are more likely to say what they need to say, get it out of their systems and then carry on with the supermarket shopping. Who’s to say which way works best? The great news is that it does. Just like any other partnership, being a twin is about love, support and gratitude. After all, once you’ve confronted, combated, plotted, ignored, made fun of or drowned in chocolate sauce (a quote I found on a Hallmark card) the chances are you’ve forgotten what the problem was anyway! MAY 2009 17 TambaMay09 22/4/09 19:12 Page 18 TAMBA family Double the pleasure Doctor, dermatologist and a Fellow of the Royal College of Physicians, Miriam Stoppard is the UK’s best known expert on pregnancy and birth. She is also a mother wth a growing collection of grandchildren, including twins ‘ I ’m a much better granny (to 11 grandchildren) than I was a mum (of four boys). In fact it became clear to me within a short time of my first grandchild being born that I was put on earth to be a granny. I never thought that about my parental role. As a full-time working mum there wasn’t a spare moment to ponder the purpose of life. As a grandmother, however, I’m there for two generations – my children and their children, a double reward. My ninth and tenth grandchildren were identical twin girls. It very quickly became obvious that you don’t really know what it’s like bringing up babies until you have to cope with two of them at the same time. It was like an ice-cold shower for all of us and occasionally still is. The girls, Maggie and Evie, are now just over two years old and have an older sister of five so it’s often three at a time. It didn’t take long to discover that there was precious little respite for anyone caring for the twins, one of them or their big sister needing attention most of the time. We were all worn out, especially my daughter-in-law who was determined to breastfeed her baby girls. At eight weeks I pleaded with her to stop. She was ashen, eyes glazed over, exhausted and I feared for her health. My son, a 24/7 hands-on dad (he’s an 18 MAY 2009 actor and when not acting he’s the children’s primary carer) was visibly staggering under the load and we all decided to revise our expectations just in order to keep going – to employ a few short-cuts and impose a more carefully planned regime. I don’t, however, feel there’s any difference between being a granny to one child and to twins. The other night the twins (and their big sister) were all clamouring to sit on my lap. “You’ll just have to share granny – Evie your turn first, then it’s Maggie’s turn and then Esmé, because you’re the big sister you’re last.” I’ve seen how babies can learn to wait and to share and to take turns. Twins have to, but they’ve shown me all children can if they’re brought up to it. I try to give equal attention to each child and by and large I do, although it’s very exhausting. I’m a willing hands-on gran if asked to be and sometimes I slip straight into bed if I’ve been on duty over a weekend. I’m told when twins reach three years old a light appears at the end of the tunnel. Well, our light appeared some time ago, not just because things got easier and we got better, but also because you get double the charm, double the love, double the pleasure and double the enchantment. www.tamba.org.uk TambaMay09 22/4/09 19:12 Page 19 F I O N A G I B S O N W hen our twin boys were ured was that things would younger, their bedtime change yet again, and that in routine was a life-saver what felt like the blink of an eye for us. Friends would bemoan we’d arrive at the stage we’re at “the witching hour” as they called now – with a couple of 12-yearit – the huge swathe of time after olds who can happily stay up kids’ tea, comprising bathtime, until 10.30pm (or much later, if storytime and bedtime. “Talk allowed). Being realistic, we can about the long haul,” one friend bemoaned. “It seems to hardly shovel them off to bed at 7.30pm with a Thomas go on for weeks. I feel like I’ve aged 15 years by the time I the Tank Engine book. All of this is okay, and I actually finally crowbar them into bed.” love our boys hanging out downstairs with us – at least, Another friend calculated that the “winding-down until Jimmy and I fancy some privacy. period” – from tea to bed – took something like four-andNow, if we’re gossiping about someone down the road, a-half hours a day. “That’s more than half a working day!” one of our boys will chip in, “D’you think they’ll get she spluttered. To my husband Jimmy and I, this was divorced?” Occasionally, Jimmy and I try to communicate okay – because it was the one time of day when we actuin our terrible French – but that no longer works, as our ally knew what we were doing, and could pretty much do boys are now learning French. Sometimes we’ve even it on autopilot, instead of madly winging it. Things might resorted to going out into the garden to talk – at night, in have gone awry sometimes, with the odd tantrum or sud- the gushing rain, all to steal a few minutes’ privacy. Even den allergic reaction to lying down, but generally we then, one of our boys will stand at the front door shouting, knew where we were “What are you doing headed (ie, straight to out there?” the kitchen drawer for Recently, I was the corkscrew, thank struck by a virus and you very much!). was actually going to Before we had Sam bed before our sons. and Dex, Jimmy and I Now that is a weird weren’t routiney peoscenario. Although ple. Yet it soon became Jimmy was still up, apparent that routine everything felt topsy was necessary to our turvey – as if I was survival. Forget that shirking my duties as a laissez-faire, “they can mum. And yes, despite go to bed whenever the fact that their father Make the most of child-free evenings or there’ll be is completely compethey’re ready” attitude. Which is similar, in fact, tears before bedtime – and that’s just the adults . . . tent, I’d still lie there, to saying that a toddler fretting that one of the “will stop wolfing those sweets when he’s ready”. Yes – children might try to abseil out of a window, or decide to when he’s sick. So, after our first six months as parents – fry chips. It’s bonkers, of course – but still. which was completely chaotic sleep-wise – we finally Soon, though, they’ll no doubt be staying up later than sleep-trained our boys and started to enjoy adult evenings us – then we’ll have no choice but to slink off and leave together. Okay, when I say enjoy, I mean we were them. In fact, I suspect that this sea-change is imminent. slumped on the sofa, stuffing in chocolate and randomly You sense that roles are being reversed when one of your flicking at the remote, but you get the idea. sons looks over, sees you lying on the sofa with eyes Things did become easier. Because the boys had a set closed and mouth lolling open, and says, “Mum, look at bedtime, babysitters could take over without too much the state of you. I really think you need to go to bed.” hassle – and we could go out, knowing that we wouldn’t � Fiona’s latest novel, Mummy Said the F-word, is out come home to discover our willing friend collapsed in a now (Hodder, £6.99) heap in the corner, clutching the gin. What we hadn’t fig- Sweet dreams www.tamba.org.uk MAY 2009 19 TambaMay09 22/4/09 19:12 Page 20 TAMBA discounters One click to Click on to our new website and check out our new user-friendly discounters guide. As before only members can benefit from these discounts. It is broken down into shopping departments to make it much easier for you to find a company who can supply the product or service you are looking for at a Tamba discounted price. New companies are joining our discounters list every day so be sure to check it before making a purchase to make sure you get the best value for your family. Read on to find out more about the new departments and what you can find in them. More departments are planned and will include regional and local services Search for play centres and leisure attractions across the DAYS OUT country which offer discounted entrance for Tamba members. The list currently includes attractions in Cheshire, West Yorkshire, Derbyshire, Leicestershire, North Humberside, Kent, Sheffield, Middlesex, Tyne and Wear, Essex and Cleveland. There are new attractions being added all the time so keep checking for those days when you just need to keep the children occupied! SHOES 20 MAY 2009 Clarks is the largest of our shoe retailer discounters but it isn’t the only one. Check out other brands and online discounters offering 10% off shoes With more than 25 online companies within this store selling NURSERY everything for those early years STORES including sleep solutions, nursery and child furniture, car seats and feeding accessories, there is sure to be an outlet with exactly what you are looking for. There are even companies with personal shoppers to help expectant parents ensure they have everything they need before the babies arrive. This department includes companies supplying gift items, GIFTS stationery and cards mostly online. We have companies which supply twins and multiple birth announcement cards, baby clothes, toys, jewellery, memory boxes, personalised items for children and adults and books. There’s sure to be something to suit all occasions. www.tamba.org.uk TambaMay09 22/4/09 19:12 Page 21 TAMBA discounters save you £££ This department not only includes online and local retailers of maternity wear but also offers other services available to expectant mums. These include a growing list of companies offering techniques to help to prepare for birth such as hypnobirthing and relaxation therapies. MATERNITY WEAR & SERVICES We’ve got so much more than just toys here. The department features more than 17 companies offering discounts of up to 20% on toys, DVDs, books and party items. While the majority of the companies are online retailers there are a few local stores in the list too. TOYS, BOOKS, PARTIES With more than 14 holiday companies to choose from both at HOLIDAYS home and abroad there is bound to be something to suit your family. The options include cottages, farms, holiday parks and hotels in the UK, camping and mobile homes and villas in Europe as well as companies supplying all the products you need to take a family with young children on holiday. The Baby Changing department features more than 20 companies NAPPIES supplying everything you need for baby changing including re-usable and eco-friendly nappies, natural wipes and creams, changing mats and nappy wrappers. They offer up to 10% discount to Tamba members. When you need double or triple everything it’s sure to help with the cost. www.tamba.org.uk FINANCE & LEGAL SERVICES This growing section includes companies providing financial advisers, solicitors and insurance companies offering preferential rates in vouchers to Tamba members. These companies offer discounts of up to 20% on baby and children’s clothes both online and locally including christening gowns and swim clothes. There’s also a section for premature baby clothes retailers. BABY & KIDS CLOTHES BUGGIES, OUT & ABOUT This department incorporates stockists of twin and triplet buggies as well as other products for when out and about including buggy boards, baby carriers and family bikes. Companies offering products and services to help educate your children or prepare them for school are featured here. They include local classes, educational DVDs and namelabelling for school clothes. CLASSES & EDUCATION OTHER SUPPORT SERVICES Look here to find discounts including zygosity testing, travel products and services and parenting magazine subscriptions. This section has more than 10 FEEDING & companies offering discounts on everything you need for bottle feedWEANING ing, breastfeeding and weaning your babies including the food itself! MAY 2009 21 TambaMay09 22/4/09 19:12 Page 22 TAMBA tested Buggy best buys – what you think Looking for a buggy? As the single biggest investment item for new multiple parents – unless you find yourself forced to change your car – you’ve got to get it right. Tamba has carried out an online buggy survey and almost 1,000 members responded which will help form our online guide, due out later this year. EasyWalker Duosky RRP £490 Three member reviews You can attach a Maxi Cosi Cabrio or Cabri Fix car seat to the frame with our adapters. You can now put two car seats on the DUO, a great solution for parents of twins. Supplied with a bumper bar, sun canopy, baggage basket, two seats and a rain cover for the seats. The carrycot is available separately. Available in eight colours in the UK. Children 22 MAY 2009 In the meantime we’ve reviewed four of the latest buggies to give you a taste of our new guide. Some buggies have had multiple reviewers and others only one because they come from your response to our online survey. For full reviews keep your eyes peeled on the website www.tamba.org.uk face away from you and both seats can be adjusted individually to three settings, including near horizontal. All reviewers confirmed that you can get the buggy through a disabled access door in a public place. Sixty-seven per cent said you could always negotiate kerbs one-handed while the remaining 33.3% said it was only possible sometimes. The buggy has swivel wheels and the ability to turn on a sixpence should you need to turn to chase after a child. All reviewers thought the buggy could be resold after four years and considered it value for money. They all said they would recommend it to others. Dimensions: Unfolded 76cm wide, folded 89 x 76 x 50cm, open 109 x 76 x 98-109cm max, width 76cm Suitable from birth to around four years Stockists: Currently available from Tamba discounters www.twinsuk.co.uk and www.twins-store.co.uk Comments: “This is a major investment but not a moment regretted buying it and can truly recommend to everybody.” “If you want a sturdy buggy suitable for town and country. I went jogging with it without a problem. Only problem is it is heavy in and out of the car. A wonderful buggy, I wouldn’t miss it for the world!” Airbuggy Mimi Double RRP £559.99 basic, £649 with all accessories One member review This buggy takes the Maxi Cosi www.tamba.org.uk TambaMay09 22/4/09 19:12 Page 23 TAMBA tested Cabrio car seat with adaptors. Available in five colours. Children face away from you and both seats can be adjusted individually to three settings, including near horizontal. The reviewer confirmed that you can get the buggy through a disabled access door in a public place. It was also confirmed that you can negotiate kerbs onehanded and the buggy has swivel wheels enabling you to turn on a six pence should you need to change direction to chase after a child. The reviewer thought the buggy could be resold after four years, considered it value for money and would recommend it to others. Dimensions: L112cm, W73cm, H100cm Suitable from birth to around 30kgs Stockists: Currently available from two Tamba discounters, Mothercare and Parentsupermarket.com Comments: “This is suitable for twins or baby with older sibling. It is ideal for both the town and country. It is really good quality and easy to maintain.” iCandy Pear RRP £566.99 plus optional extras Forty-one member reviews Car seat adaptors (which are available www.tamba.org.uk separately) enable you to connect two Maxi Cosi Cabrio bar seats. Colour choice – black. There are various options for how your babies or toddlers can face and both the seats can be adjusted individually to a number of positions. Every reviewer confirmed that you can get the buggy through a disabled access door in a public space. The buggy has swivel wheels and 27.5% said that you can negotiate kerbs one-handed while 25% disagreed, 47.5% felt that it was possible sometimes but not always. Eighty-nine per cent of testers said that you could turn on a sixpence to change direction quickly while three per cent said they couldn’t. 66.7% of reviewers thought the buggy could be re-sold after four years and 71.8% considered it value for money. 89.5% would recommend it to others. Dimensions: L105cm, W59cm, H99cm Suitable from birth up to three years Stockists: Visit www.icandyuk.com Comments: “A brilliant pram for twins. The design of the carry cots needs to be looked at as they are supposed to be used until six months but mine were out of it by four months. They are also not so well protected as single carry cots as without a harness and pram apron doesn’t come up very high, also annoying bar to get feet under. The pushchair which lies flat with the cosytoes is excellent and my boys sleep for hours in it. So easy to transport and excellent to be able to put car seats on the frame. I love it.” “Nice buggy, looks good and interesting, but don’t be mistaken, once you use it you will find faults. For me living in London it was easy to get around but if shopping there was not much room. Rain covers were okay but took up a lot of space when underneath. Once the twins hit 18 months it was not practical, as they just did not seem to sit in the seat comfortably.” Hauck Fun For Kids Roadster Duo SL RRP £219.99 Two member reviews Available in Circle Navy. This is a forward-facing stroller and both seats can be adjusted individually to five positions. Both reviewers confirmed that you can get the buggy through a disabled access door in a public space. The buggy has swivel wheels and one reviewer thought they could negotiate kerbs easily while the other said it was possible sometimes. It is possible to turn on a sixpence if necessary to change direction quickly. Both reviewers thought it unlikely that the buggy would be saleable after four years. Only one reviewer felt it was value for money and would recommend it to others. Dimensions: L95cm, W76 cm, H104cm Suitable from birth Stockists: Visit www.hauckuk.com Comments: “Good value for money, roomy enough for growing babies, easy to use.” “I can’t emphasise enough how poorly made and hard to push this buggy is.” MAY 2009 23 TambaMay09 22/4/09 19:12 Page 24 TAMBA families Look alike? Act alike? Dress alike? Not likely . . . While some parents battle to have their children accepted as inviduals, it has never been an issue for Karen Shave, mum to 11-year-olds Andy and Isabel. Just like Tamba she encourages individuality, says Jane Williams T hey have never dressed alike, they don’t look alike, they don’t even act alike – but Andy and Isabel Shave are most definitely twins. For Midland mum Karen Shave the prospect of having twins was always on the cards since her mum is a twin, oddly enough also with a boy sibling. But with having a boy and a girl Karen feels she has never experienced the typical “twins experience” with most onlookers not even realising Andy and Isabel were twins. Karen said: “Apart from the initial difficulties of looking after two babies I hardly think of them as twins. I have always treated them as two children with their own very separate identities. “They have never shared anything about their appearance and they are completely different personality-wise. “I know many people who have 24 MAY 2009 twins say their children share a common bond or empathy, but I have never felt that’s been the case with Andy and Isabel. “Twins are often also dressed alike, but of course with having a boy and a girl that’s never been an issue. They behave as individuals and that’s how we see them. “Apart from the odd quirky thing, like having the same filling in the same equivalent tooth at the same time, they are like chalk and cheese. “Andy is a typical boy who loves being out on his bike, or playing football, whereas Isabel in many ways is a typical girl who likes quieter pursuits such as being in the house playing music and drawing. ”Also because they are a boy and a girl most people don’t even realise they are twins, unless they know us, and they are treated just like any other brother and sister, which of course is what they are.” www.tamba.org.uk TambaMay09 22/4/09 19:12 Page 25 TAMBA families ‘They have never shared anything about their appearance and they are completely different personality-wise’ Chalk and cheese – most people don’t realise that Andy and Isabel are twins. FACT FILE Tamba trustees considered the published research and advice from professionals on the importance of encouraging individuality in multiples and produced a policy as a guide to best practice. Some of the handy hints include: � Use first names – rather than twins or triplets. Encourage others to do the same. � Try to encourage individuality from an early age – ideally around 18 months onwards as multiple birth children begin to develop a sense of themselves. � Make it easy for other people to identify who is who with dif- www.tamba.org.uk ferent hairstyles or outfits. � Compare them with their peer group rather than each other. Be careful not to label one as good the other as bad. � Treat each one as an individual and recognise individual achievements. � Do not compare one to the detriment of the other. � As they get older try to encourage individual activities and interests. Members can access more information by downloading the Tamba booklet Years Two, Three and Four from our website for free. MAY 2009 25 TambaMay09 22/4/09 19:12 Page 26 Better support for families in those vital early years T he most wonderful moments in my life have been the births of my children. And at those special moments, when those I love most were most dependent on others, the National Health Service gave my family superb care. So when I became an MP, and plans were floated for cutbacks in maternity services, I was delighted that David Cameron put the defence of those acute services at the heart of our health policy. But, vital as good maternity services are, they’re only one part of the picture when it comes to giving our children the best possible start in life. What happens in the vital weeks and months after childbirth matter crucially. And I know myself, as well as from friends, families and other parents, that these first months can often be particularly stressful. Especially for first-time parents. You can easily feel overwhelmed and under-supported. Fathers struggle to adjust to a new role, while mothers face huge new responsibilities just at the moment their body is crying out for rest. Postnatal depression afflicts many thousands yet it’s still a scandalously under-reported and under-appreciated condition. Finances are also put under significant additional strain, often much more so than expected. And it’s no surprise, Michael Grove, MP for Surrey Heath and Shadow Secretary for Children, Schools and Families, sets out Conservative plans to support new parents and provide the best start in life for all although desperately sad, that the most vulnerable time for relationships, with the highest incidence of break-ups, is in the year after the birth of a child. Just when families have so much to celebrate, they come under the greatest pressure. That’s why a government which wants to make us a truly familyfriendly country has to act. David Cameron has asked Andrew Lansley, the Shadow Secretary of State for Health, and I to investigate what we can do to help parents in the crucial first months and early years when the pressures are so intense, and the conditions are often set for children’s futures. He wants to ensure every child gets the best possible start, with government acting to help support families at this time. David knows that the state doesn’t have all the answers – one of the reasons why he’s so supportive of civil society groups such as Homestart, which allow experienced parents to help new mums and dads learn the ropes and cope with the stresses. But he also believes we have a duty to investigate what works best for families and learn from countries, such as the Netherlands, where children enjoy much better outcomes than we do here. The Dutch system of kraamzorgs, or maternity nurses for all, helps parents in the vital first few days, ensuring there’s an experienced extra pair of hands to guarantee both mother and baby get rest, while providing expertise on everything from bathing to breastfeeding. David has asked us to see what we can learn from Holland and apply in the UK. If we can provide a better level of support for parents in the first months, we may be able to help crack some of the problems of inequality and social mobility which hold us back as a country, by ensuring that every child gets the sort of support that currently only the wealthier can buy. YES WE ARE TWINS for podee Podee, the answer to your prayers for help when feeding your twins. The unique design of Podee allows you to feed both of your babies at the same time whether in the home or out strolling or shopping. Podee helps to alleviate colic and reflux by preventing air from entering the feeding system. See my website www.yeswearetwins.co.uk for full details and how to purchase the Podee Baby Feeding System. Podee conforms to all the latest British and European standards and has been in use since 1988. www.yeswearetwins.co.uk Due to continual upgrading the design on the bottle might differ from that in the picture 26 MAY 2009 www.tamba.org.uk TambaMay09 22/4/09 19:21 Page 27 BIRTH ANNOUNCEMENTS discounters BABYLICIOUS and Kiddylicious great tasting food range of meals for babies and toddlers. Real food made like mums make at home and snap-frozen for freshness. Now with a delicious range of healthy fruit snacks for refuelling on-the-go. Tamba members get a 10% discount on orders by visiting our online shop www.babylicious.co.uk Visit the Tamba website discount section for more information. LEWIS: Guy and Hanna Lewis would like to announce the safe arrival of their identical twin boys Mariusz Anthony Lewis and Francis Chinery Lewis who were born at 36+3 weeks on 3rd February weighing 5lb 5oz and 4lb15oz. LITTLECOTT: Nick and Donna are delighted to announce the safe arrival of their identical twin boys, Jacob Sebastian (5lb 2oz) and Isaac Alexander (4lb). Our gorgeous boys arrived 5 weeks early on 29th September 2008. With special thanks to all the NICU staff at St Peter’s Hospital, Chertsey, for their exceptional care and dedication. MARCHANT: Wendy and Ben Marchant from Mayland in Essex would like to announce the arrival of twin girls Sophie Isabel and Emily Rose, born on Christmas Day 2008. The perfect Christmas present! Sophie weighed 6lb 10oz and Emily weighed 5lb 1oz. Three-year-old big sister Alice loves her new little sisters and is being a big help. ROBINSON: Alison and Mark Robinson would like to announce the safe arrival of Natasha Stacey (5lb 4oz) born at 4.12am and Freddy George (6lb 2oz) born at 4.14am on 12/1/09. Born after 37 weeks and after 4 days in hospital both were allowed home and are doing well. WARREN: Karl and Georgie Warren are pleased to announce the arrival of twin girls Charley Rose (4.4lb) and Taylor Mae (5.5lb) by C-section on 30th November 2008. Announce the birth of your multiples in Twins, Triplets and More. You will receive a gift and an additional copy of TT&M. Please send your announcement to Sarah Newell in the Tamba offices with a cheque for £7.50. Birth announcements are kindly sponsored by Twins Things. DIRECTORY Apprehensive about taking your twins abroad? Why not rent our brand new 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom house in Spain? 30 minutes from Alicante or Murcia airport, 10 minutes drive from the beach. On the edge of a traditional Spanish village. Fully equipped for twins. Swimming pool. Roof terrace. For more details email: louisa.priestley@sky.com or call Louisa on 0115 875 6232 Brackenborough Hall Coach House Holidays 3 self-catering apartments for 1 to 24 Equipped for twins to quads Working farm near Louth, Lincolnshire Contact Paul & Flora Bennett: 01507 603193 www.BrackenboroughHall.com DIRECTORY DOUBLE MOUNTAIN BUGGY Navy blue, rain and sun covers, good condition, £300 ono. Alison 01359 269178 (Bury St Edmunds) Holiday home ideal for multiples in Cornwall with discount for TAMBA members! www.cornwalldreams.co.uk or call Jerry on 01295 720365 CORNWALL DREAMS HOLIDAY HOME Why go abroad? Cornish holiday home sleeps eight. With two pools, kids play area, bar, restaurant, spa and gym on site you will not need to go far. We are offering Tamba members a 12.5% discount on all bookings made (excluding summer holidays). Visit www.cornwalldreams.co.uk or call 01295 720741 and speak to Jerry. MONSTERS AND MUNCHKINS is an online children’s (0-5 years) boutique. Monsters and Munchkins would like to offer exclusively to Tamba members a 10% discount on purchases of anything on their website. Please quote your Tamba membership number. Visit www.monstersandmunchkins.com New discount partners are always being added to the Discount Depot in the members’ area of the website, so check there for new offers Tamba – Treasurer’s Position Tamba – the Twins and Multiple Births Association – is a registered charity which works throughout the UK. Our aim is to improve the health and welfare of multiple birth children and their families. Tamba was formed in 1978 and today we support well over 7,000 beneficiaries and their families every year. Tamba’s treasurer is a key voluntary position within the organisation and involves ensuring that our financial resources are best used to meet the charity’s agreed objectives. The treasurer is an officer of the board of trustees, which meets six times a year. On occasion, officers hold ad hoc telephone conferences to consider matters arising. The estimated time commitment between meetings is around four hours per month. The charity is seeking a qualified accountant to fulfil this strategically important role. This is an unpaid position but all out-of-pocket expenses will be met. For more information or for an informal chat please contact the Chief Executive, Keith Reed, on 01483 306 773. To apply, please send your CV to keithreed@tamba.org.uk by Friday 15th May. TAMBA: JOIN FOR THE SUPPORT . . . STAY FOR THE GREAT BENEFITS www.tamba.org.uk MAY 2009 27 TambaMay09 22/4/09 19:12 Page 28 Join for the support… stay for the great benefits It’s a wonderful joy and privilege to bring twins, triplets or more into the world. But it can also be a scary and intimidating time, especially as very few people, including many professionals, have the specialist knowledge and experience to offer the support your family needs. That’s why Tamba is here And as a member you will receive: � Quarterly copies of our ever-popular members’ magazine, Twins, Triplets & More � Tamba’s Pushchair & Buggy Guide, which includes reviews of approximately 50 buggies � Discounts with more than 100 companies, including national stores such as Clarks, Mothercare and Jo Jo Maman Bebe. And the list is growing � Invitations to regular events such as family days and conferences � Free access to a team of health and education professionals who specialise in the issues facing multiple birth families � Access to our freephone helpline staff (all of whom have experienced multiple births) 365 days of the year � Free access to a range of factsheets and background information � Free access to our members-only message board community – the largest and most secure of its type in the UK Membership is open to anyone involved with the support and care of twins, triplets or more. As a member of Tamba, you will be a part of a supportive and friendly community of families who face special problems and challenges that other families don’t TambaMay09 22/4/09 19:12 Page 29 TAMBA letters Saving time and money After many years of sterling service, the Tamba website has been given a complete overhaul. At a glance, it looks cosmetic but it will transform the way members and staff interact and will ultimately bring huge benefits as all the information on our membership database now talks to the website and vice versa. Here are just some of the benefits you can access as a member online: � Members can download booklets or watch DVDs on successful parenting worth around £100 for FREE. Topics are split into your stage in the parenting journey and the challenges you may face according to the age of your children. � If you haven’t already done so then please register your details. This will make it easier and quicker to login to the website which now takes you to the members’ area including the message boards all with a single login and password. There is no need to call the office as the passwords can be sent out via email as long as you have registered first. � Sign up for our e-newsletter Tamba talk or take part in our online cam- paigns and research. You can also access our new buggy guide and Tamba tested product reviews. � Save money via our completely updated members-only discounted section. The sales are on all year with your Tamba membership and there is more information on the huge range of potential savings on pages 20 and 21. Like many IT projects, it has been beset by delays and difficulties and the first few weeks brought a range of issues to light as it bedded in. This included a temporary message board being used while we integrated the other into the site. The problem was caused by the software developers discovering there was a problem only two days before launch. Our sincere apologies for any inconvenience caused. You can help improve the site by reporting any problems you find to enquiries@tamba.org.uk We hope you enjoy the many benefits the new website will bring and continue to work with us to make it even better. Keith Reed Chief Executive TWINS? Need to talk to someone, let off steam or ask advice from someone who knows what it is like? Alone, but very blessed Reading March’s issue of TT&M was a welcome relief for me as I came across the article My Day Today. Like Sarah Williams I too am a lone parent of twins. I have only ever met one other woman who is a lone parent, but unlike her my ex-partner is not involved. I ended my relationship with Summer and Sienna’s father when I was four months pregnant as it was extremely volatile and unhealthy. I did what I thought was best for my daughters and I have no regrets in doing so. Their father has made no real effort to see them nor has his family. I feel blessed in having girls. They have given me a new lease of life and I feel that I am a better person for having them. However all too often people pass comment saying that I must be mad, or asking how do I cope. Well, www.tamba.org.uk coping comes naturally – I have to cope, what else can I do? These little girls need their mother. I am naturally a calm person and everything gets done but it takes a little longer. My mum is supportive and does what she can. I had my first evening out last month on my birthday and the girls are now eight months old. It has always been my intention to return to work and I will be doing so in early July for three days – the girls will be cared for by a childminder. It is my intention in life to give my daughters a happy, stable upbringing in a loving home with lots of laughter. Being a lone parent does not mean that my children are lacking in anything – it simply means that they are truly loved. Marie Shaw Freephone i i TW N L NE 0800 138 0509 m Time to listen s A national, confidential, support, listening and information service for all parents and carers of twins, triplets and more EVERY DAY 10 am – 1 pm and 7 – 10 pm KEEP YOUR LETTERS COMING! If you want to air your views then please write to: The Editor, 12 Danescourt Road, Tettenhall, Wolverhampton WV6 9BG. email: jelwilliams@btinternet.com MAY 2009 29 TambaMay09 22/4/09 19:12 Page 30 24 HOURS IN THE LIFE OF A BUSY PARENT W e have baby 7am and the girls play twins, Mia and until 9.30am when they Alannah, who are have a nap, giving either just learning to walk and of us a chance to clean talk – imagine dealing up and do some online with that as well as trying For teacher Becky Polhill, from Chichester, grocery shopping and to keep the house clean. washing. West Sussex, her husband Ben is not just a It has been crazy for We sometimes go out dad to twin girls – he was recently named as a both of us learning how mid morning or in the cleaning hero in a national competition netting afternoon to get a breath to be parents, especially as the family a fantastic £1,500 prize holiday the girls were born preof fresh air and then it is mature, but Ben’s been soon 5pm which means an absolute dream with teatime followed by helping out. naked kickaround time in When we first found the bedroom (the twins, out we were having twins not us). we just laughed. It took us Very early on we got a while to get our heads the girls into a bedtime around it but we were so routine and it doesn’t excited to be expecting in really change from night the first place that having to night so by 6pm they twins was a bonus. are bathed, given a bottle When the girls were of formula milk and off first delivered, Ben took to bed. over the housework as I needed a lot of recovery time. As for actually having the girls, we consider ourselves With his help, I was soon feeling better and we were very lucky. Despite the fact they were born prematurely at thrilled to finally welcome the girls home six weeks after 30 weeks they have had few problems with their health or the birth. development. Even now, Ben, who works as a sport and physical Their first birthday was March 6 and they are meeting activity development officer, still happily does the cleanall their milestones. It has been hard work at times: I ing so I can get a few minutes of quality time to myself. breastfed for the first nine months with a few formula Having twins has completely changed our lives, as you’d top-ups when I just couldn’t face it. expect – not long ago, all we had to look after were However, we have a really supportive family who are houseplants and a dog; now, we have two beautiful kids. always on hand if we need a night off, not to mention a We manage our busy schedule by working as a team lovely group of friends with new babies who gave me the and dividing the chores between us – I’m a bathroomwill to get out of the house and share our new mummy cleaning queen, while Ben makes sure the kitchen is moans and triumphs together. sparkling. Ben is using his annual leave to stay home one day a The girls are generally awake by 6am. It’s not so bad week with the babies and we are lucky girls to have him these days, as they tend to go through the night (we are in our lives. very lucky). When either of us is working we tend to wash And now we are looking forward to our prize holiday and dress the girls before breakfast, so that we can leave thanks to the competition run by the makers of Mr after they are fed, fully clothed and ready to face the day. Muscle who scoured the country for a real-life cleaning If we are at home then the routine is breakfast by hero which turned out to be Ben! My day today 30 MAY 2009 www.tamba.org.uk TambaMay09 22/4/09 19:12 Page 31 Make the most of Tamba membership – download or access the following for free at www.tamba.org.uk Expecting & The First Year � Multiple Birth Factsheet � Expecting More than One Booklet � Pregnancy & Birth Forum � Sleep and Multiple Birth Babies Factsheet � The First Year Booklet � Supporting Breastfeeding Factsheet � Play with Multiple Babies and Toddlers Factsheet � Being a Father of Multiples Factsheet � Dealing with Differences in Multiple Children Factsheet � Development in Multiples Factsheet � Enhancing Individuality Factsheet � Family Relationships in Families with Multiples Factsheet � Multiples and Money Matters Factsheet � Babies, Toddlers and Pre-school Forum Pre-school (2, 3 & 4 years) � Parenting Triplets or More – the Toddler Years Factsheet � Years 2, 3 & 4 Booklet � Play with Multiple Babies and Toddlers Factsheet � Play Booklet � Potty Training with Multiple Success Factsheet � Travelling with Multiples Factsheet � Weaning Factsheet � Being a Father of Multiples Factsheet � ‘Good Enough’ Parenting with Multiples in Mind Factsheet � Managing Behaviour in Multiples Factsheet � Flying with Multiples Factsheet � Multiples and Money Matters Factsheet � Babies, Toddlers and Pre-school Forum School Years � The Primary School Years Booklet � Read Tamba Education Study Day Presentations � Starting School Questionnaire and Factsheet � School Age and Older Multiples Matters Forum HOW TO CONTACT US TAMBA OFFICE 2 The Willows, Gardner Road, Guildford, Surrey GU1 4PG Tel: 01483 304442 Fax: 01483 302483 email: enquiries@tamba.org.uk www.tamba.org.uk Office hours – Mon-Fri 9.30am – 4.00pm TWINLINE TELEPHONE HELPLINE 0800 138 0509 (10am-1pm and 7pm-10pm seven days a week) WHO’S WHO IN TAMBA? BOARD OF TRUSTEES Chair Samantha Jeffrey Vice-Chair Hansa Raja-Jones Hon Treasurer Jonathan Miles Hon Secretary Alex Cornwall Camille de Stempel, Claudia Mortimore, Vicky Phelan, Dr Nicki Hutchinson, Fiona Hall, Tamora Langley and Sarah Roberts Tamba President Judi Linney TAMBA STAFF Chief Executive Keith Reed email: keithreed@tamba.org.uk PA to the Chief Executive Rachel Gardiner-Hill Membership Manager Deborah Ross Financial Administrator Nicola Deans Events & Sponsorship Co-ordinator Sarah Newell Trusts & Statutory Fundraiser Nikki Harris Twinline & Support Services Co-ordinator Carol Clay Membership Assistant Kate Valentine Tamba in Northern Ireland Marilyn York and Rachel Wiffen Tamba in Scotland Helen Peck TAMBA SUPPORT GROUP CO-ORDINATORS Bereavement Carol Clay Infertility Caroline Rice One Parent Families Paula Chambers Special Needs Karoline Jordan Supertwins Sue Plenty Magazine Editor Jane Williams Parent Professional Liaison Gillian Smith TAMBA HONORARY CONSULTANTS Consultant Obstetricians Michael Dooley (MFFP MMS FRCOG) Specialist in low fertility Damian Eustace (MD MRCOG) Specialist in pregnancy loss/higher multiples Consultant Paediatrician Dr Rasieka Jayatunga (MBBS LRCP MRCS DCH MRCP FRCPCH) Health and Social Care Judi Linney (MSc SRN SCM HV HEdDIP) Family Therapy Audrey Sandbank (Family psychotherapist, UKCP Regd) Education Research Pat Preedy (Ph.D, BEd, Hons. MEd) Midwifery Sandra Bosman (specialist multiple births midwife) Primary Education Anne Thomas (BEd, Hons) Secondary Education Diane Galloway (BA PGCE) Speech and Language Therapy Janet O’Keefe (BSc Hons Reg MRCSLT MASLTIP), Michelle Field (BSc MRCSLT) Nextissue Finance – we count the cost of bringing up multiples Strep B – avoid the dangers of infection in pregnancy Days out – where to have fun in the sun this summer Advertising: call or e-mail for more details. For Sale; wording (30p/word members, 75p/word non-members) and cheque payable to ‘Tamba’ by post. Birth Announcements by e-mail or post. Sarah Newell, Tamba Advertising, 2 The Willows, Gardner Road, Guildford, Surrey GU1 4PG advertising@tamba.org.uk 01483 304442. www.tamba.org.uk MAY 2009 31 TambaMay09 22/4/09 19:12 Page 32
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