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Another message from the
YOU AIN’T NOTHIN’ BUT A HOUND DOG
PRESIDENT
T
THIS IS HILARIOUS!
...BUT I DON’T GET
IT...
of
he Fourth of July means many things to many people in the United States but regardless of how
patriotic you may or may not feel in 2012 with Taxmageddon just around the corner, there is no
denying that the United States is the only country in the history of the World with a known birthday. Greece, Italy, England, Kenya, anyone? Feel free to offer a guess – and search the InterWeb if you dare — but no “birth certificate” will be found and surely not the “long form”. Our “birth
notice” is on file in The Smithsonian for daily viewing…not locked
away in some file cabinet in Honolulu or Nairobi…and is known as
the “Declaration of Independence” authored by William “Mild
Bill” Colden’s boyhood friend Thomas Jefferson himself, and
signed by 55 others, most notably Benjamin Franklin, John Adams,
and John Hancock, who after signing proclaimed “I guess King
George will be able to read that!”. Less notable signers include
Button Gwinnett from Georgia and Caesar Rodney from Delaware…but do not despair if this is news to you, even 44 didn’t get
this question right on his citizenship test. When told he did not get
a perfect score, he was so angry he missed a three foot putt.
Unfortunately, most graduates of a U.S. high school or college today,
upon waking up around 2 p.m. in their old room at Mom and Dad’s
house, will learn that “Independence Day” is America’s birthday, but
only because all of their “Friends” wished it so on Faceplant. Of
course you will recall from your study of U.S. history – via Jeff Spicoli
from “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” – “what Jefferson was saying
was, hey, you know, we left this England place 'cause it was
bogus, so if we don't get some cool rules ourselves - pronto we'll just be bogus too!” And then you remembered before
heading out to blow off a finger or two with your homemade
fireworks, that you actually do know at least one signer of the
Declaration of Independence, but for the wrong reasons –
Samuel “Sam” Adams.
GIVE ME 4 MORE YEARS AND I PROMISE…
I’LL BE REALLY GOOD AT GOLF
B
RADY’s most coveted award handed out
at our Christmas Party each year is the
Non-Einstein Award, given to the employee who performs an act of idiocy that truly
demands special recognition. A few years ago the award was
changed to the Sean Manning Award, given his unbelievable but
sadly true victory streak that spanned eight years. Gretchen
Prouty mercifully ended the streak when she won in a landslide in
2007 for her clever placement of a meatloaf recipe inside of a
bound set of 90% complete specifications that were sent to the
Rancho California Water District for their final review. Hand written comments we
received from the District back then included, “Contractor shall provide meatloaf
to the inspector on a daily basis, prior to the start of work,” and in response to a
line item for Swedish Meat Balls, “is this an ‘or equal’”? Sean returned to form and
recaptured the award once again in 2011, but now that we have some new WOOPS…
WRONG BEAGLE
greenhorn engineers in the house, the competition is becoming stiffer. An
early contender for 2012 is Brett Patterson. When a company-wide email
asked for a preference for the next morning of either donuts or bagels as
an office treat, in a matter of seconds Brett enthusiastically responded that
he preferred “BEGALS!!!!”… fortunately not the four legged kind once
strapped in a cage to the roof of Ritt Momney’s car. Congratulations Brett
on this important recognition in your stellar first year at BRADY, your employWELCOME TO DA CLUB,
ee file is becoming quite thick in record time. Keep up the good work!
BRETT!
FINALLY—POSITIVE PROOF OF GLOBAL WARMING!
ALOHA, MR. HAND!
Of course living in a democracy requires that every four years America has
to endure the torturous but hilarious process of electing someone for the
worst job in the world – the President of the United States. Seriously, who truly wants this job? It was
recently reported that a man jumped the White House fence,
but after a brief chase, the Secret Service was able to talk
President Obama into coming back and finishing his term.
Good thing for us as he is the 4th best President in history. Between filling out his Final Four bracket live on man’s other best
friend, ESPN, and endless appearances to deliver stand-up
comedy on “The View” and “Oprah”, who has time to be
President? He’s been such a crack up lately that even if he
loses in November, he has been promised “The Tonight Show”
in 2013. Memo to 44 – no matter how many times you appear
on Oprah’s show, she won’t give you $14 trillion dollars. In the
meantime, the typical American voter wants a candidate
“I SEE NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING IN LOVE WITH
SOMEONE OF THE SAME GENDER.“
who was born out of an apple pie, in the middle of a corn
A
picture that says 1000 words – Global Warming is for real, no
question about it…other than Homer Simpson remains unconvinced. And if the picture is not enough to convince you,
Barbra Streisand recently told Diane Sawyer on ABC News
that “we're in a global warming crisis, and we can expect more and
more intense storms, droughts and dust bowls”. But before they act, experts say they're still waiting to hear from Celine Dion. Ahnuld the former Governator also spoke about the dangers of global warming recently. His
exact words were: “fire, hot, bad”. But for engineers, this is good, as it might just
be what the doctor ordered for
what used to be a great career
choice. Of course we can lower
the temperature here in the U.S.
dramatically just by switching from
Fahrenheit to Celsius, but this will
only work until 2050, the year that
experts say the world will be out of
party ice. And then there will be a
lot of angry people...most notable,
Rick Brady. But on the good news
front, they also predict by 2015 that
Hillary Clinton might actually thaw
out!
IF GLOBAL WARMING
IS REALLY MELTING THE
POLAR ICE CAPS,
THEN WHY ARE THE
KLONDIKE BARS IN MY
FREEZER STILL FROZEN?
John McCain may have been a
decorated Navy pilot and a prisoner
of war, but he never single-handedly
fought Aliens to defend and save his
beloved U.S. of A. On November 6,
join BRADY in a write-in campaign:
Thomas J. Whitmore for President!
Even President Obama said “it’s the
right thing to do”!
“Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others
from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial
battle in the history of mankind. ‘Mankind.’ That word should have new
meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it's
fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be
fighting for our freedom... Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution... but from annihilation. We are fighting
for our right to live. To exist. And should we
win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer
be known as an American holiday, but as the
day the world declared in one voice: ‘We will not go quietly into the night!’
We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!”
2C, OR NOT 2C, THAT IS THE QUESTION
SALE ON RACCOON FOOTLONGS—$4!
IS SEAN WEARING
EAU DE RACCOON AGAIN?
A top contender for the best movie President is Peter
Sellers in “Dr. Strangelove”, with arguably the best movie President
name ever – Merkin Muffley...that unfortunately sounds a bit too close
to Ritt Momney. But the BRADY choice for the best movie President of
All-Times is Bill Pullman as Thomas J. Whitmore in “Independence Day”.
President Whitmore is leading a society potentially doomed by a disaster of another kind – Aliens from Outer Space!
Perhaps a much better way to select a President is
to let Hollywood do it. Hollywood has had many
great actors portray Presidents on the Silver Screen,
and we actually once elected an actor to be a real
President – Ronald Reagan. By most accounts, this turned out pretty well for America.
John Wayne would make a great President today. Even today you look at a picture
of John Wayne and you know exactly where he stood. Back then Democrats used to
make fun of Republicans (i.e. Democrats with money) as the “John Wayne Party”, led
by Guns and Moses himself, Charlton Heston. There is no doubt that our dual-cover
model, John “Duke” Wayne, would make a great
President in 2012.
field in Iowa, while Toby Keith sings the National Anthem. In the end, we get to cast our final vote for
two nearly equally uninspiring candidates by sorting
through which image is worse – eating dog or taking your dog on vacation, in a cage while strapped
to the roof of a car.
CARL “TUF ENUF” RUF
C
oming out of our Charlotte…err Matthews, NC office…but we were well prepared…as this is just another story about a man named Sean (Manning), BRADY’s Vice President in charge of our “Matthews” office,
an engineer, who barely keeps his family fed…even on a six figure salary. Sadly, this is what happens when you cross Shakespeare with Jed Clampett. Sean recently informed BRADY’s
World Domination Headquarters in San Diego that we’ve grown
so large on our “Southern Frontier” that it was time to pack up
and move. We were wishin’ and a hopin’ that while Sean was
out shootin’ at some food, he might come across some bubblin’
crude. Oil that is, black gold, Texas Tea. Turns out Sean didn’t
listen to his kinfolk who said “Sean, move away from there”, that
“Californy was the place to be.” So, instead of loading up the
truck to move to Beverly…Hills that is, cement ponds, movie
stars…Sean did make a move. He allegedly tossed a dead raccoon as far as he could down the hallway of our current Class C
office building, and where it landed was in front of office “2C”,
so “2C” is now where “we be”. As before, at least our new spacious office is on the top floor (as in the second, but nearly a
decade since our original move-in still retains the title as the tallest building in Matthews), and of course still sits almost directly
over a Subway sandwich store. And as before: memo to the
DCAA, Jared said $5 foot-longs are allowable!
Feel free to stop in and see Sean, Jeff “Jethro” Johnson and
their “staff” (Rich Riser, Ty Corley, Jennifer Funk, and Izzy the
dog). They will likely thank you fer kindly droppin’ in, and they’ll
surely invite you back to their locality, to have a heapin’ helpin’
of their hospitality. And you can take your shoes off. As Sean
said to Rick Brady on his last visit, “Y’all come back now,
y’hear?” Rick was reported to say on his way out the door,
“Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer, the slings and arrows of
outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles”.
We all guess you had to be there…
In related news from the Southern Frontier, new staff assigned to
Office 2C include Robert Manning (yes, related to Sean, aren’t
they all?), Mike Clark, Kevin Clark (no relation), Carl Ruf, and
Craig Colligan. Sean has also hired another brilliant intern, Caitlin Purvis, primarily because she is incredibly cheap to have on
board, working for the non-negotiable
BRADY offer of two Subway $5 foot-longs per
day of service. According to the
JETHRO “SHOELESS JEFF” JOHNSON
“locals”,
Caitlin
is
from
the
FayetteYO QUIERO
BRADY!
ville, NC area and is currently pursuing a Civil Engineering degree
from the University of North Carolina Charlotte (UNCC). Ask Mr.
Google Maps himself if you also have never heard of either locality.
BREAKING NEWS—BRADY/FLUOR LLC AWARDED
$250,000,000 AIR FORCE CONTRACT!
J
YOU AIN’T SEEN NOTHING YET
W
ust minutes before going to print, we were notified of the following:
“Brady-Fluor L.L.C., San Diego, Calif., (FA4800-12-D-002) are being awarded a
$250,000,000 indefinite-delivery/indefinite-quantity contract to provide various construction projects. The location of the performance is
Joint Base Langley-Eustis, VA., to include any federal institution in the Hampton Roads area of VA. The contracting activity is the 633rd Contracting Squadron,
Langley Air Force Base, VA.”
More to follow in the next
edition of The Quote! In
the meantime, the perfect way to celebrate at
BRADY—dogpile!
WHERE SIT HAPPENS, PART DEUX
O
nce again, at BRADY of course, as we have
passed another major milestone in the wide
wide world of business. Fluor may claim to be
100 years old (no truth to the rumor they were
founded in Hawaii in 1912), but at BRADY we can now
proudly claim our own “century” mark of significance, as
in the all-important 100+ employee count. And due to
the fortunate date of our creation in 1999, with two worn
out nickels in Rick Brady’s front pocket and an empty bottle of Grey Goose in the back, the math cannot be denied: we have survived the darkness and we’re now into
our third decade and second century of business! It took all of 13 years to go from 1 to 100,
and in one tick of the clock, as in 11:59:59 p.m. on June 30th to 12:00 midnight on July 1st,
BRADY now has 28 new employees in Jacksonville, FL
“NEWT SKYWALKER SAYS WE SHOULD OPEN AN
bringing our company wide total to 130. And according OFFICE HERE”
to our Austrian educated Bean Counters (Crystal Kolland
and Richard DeVos, to name them both) in our Bean
Counting Department, we’re comfortably holding steady
at five nickels and growing, with a few newly minted
Obama nickels on the upside, though sadly we’re up to
three thousand empty Grey Goose bottles...and counting.
While some Americans are heading for their
finished-just-in-time million dollar condos built
in abandoned nuclear missile silos “somewhere” in North Dakota, shopping
along the way for wind-up radios, gas masks, freeze dried ice cream, and solar
powered flash lights, BRADY staff is now quietly working hard on really hard engineering stuff in eleven U.S. states, two planets, and one moon. In the meantime,
while panic reigns supreme, we at BRADY prefer to “Keep Calm and Carry
On”…as long as we have our stocked to the rafters New Zealand warehouse full
of cheese and crackers. The location of the Grey Goose will remain a secret.
BEANS, BEANS, THE MAGICAL FRUIT
EAT OUR CHEETOS DUST!
ith zero connection to the rock song performed by Bachman-Turner Overdrive (BTO for those of us who lived through
the 70’s but wished we never did), here’s a story about a
man named Charles “Chete” Bell, former BRADY employee
and long-time good friend of the entire BRADY family. Chete is the very
proud father of three very extraordinary and extremely athletically gifted
children: 15 year old twins Joshuah and Jason and 13 year old daughter
Jhalisa. At the USA Youth Outdoor Track and
Field Championships held on June 26Th through July 1st
at the University of Texas – Arlington, the Bell children
competed for the BRADY sponsored “Temecula Valley
Time Machine” track team. The rest is history…
Over the course of the five days with an average on
MICHAEL JACKSON &
track temperature around 100 degrees F with equivaTHE OSMOND BROTHERS
rd
lent humidity, the Bell Boys ran two of the four legs and finished 3 in the
4x800 meter relay with a time of 8:31.59. The very next day Joshuah finished second in the 800 meter
run in a photo finish, with a blistering time of 2:00.29. Yes, two minutes, not two hours, second fastest
time in the whole U.S. of A for a 15 year old. On July 29th, Jason and Joshuah ran two of four legs in the
4x400 meter relay and finished in 4th place with a time of 3:30.42. This coincidentally is the same time
that it takes for the Average American to eat an extra-large hot dog stuffed crust meat lovers pizza
and drink a six pack of PBR, solo. Not to be outdone, sister Jhalisa’s relay team finished in 8th place in
the 4x400 meter relay with a time of 4:24.95. Once again, these are races for the fastest times in the
U.S., not the fastest time your drunk uncles clocked in the three legged race during
GET YOUR OWN!
your backyard 4th of July BBQ.
As Joshuah was asked after his last race if he “had a match”, he of course answered “not since Superman died”. We at BRADY are very proud to have sponsored these amazing athletes, and we have no doubt that “Baby, you just ain’t
seen na, na, nothin’ yet”. Next up, the 2020 Olympics to be held...in San Diego…Texas!
HAIL MARY
A
s in Mary Innamorato, one of BRADY’s great young “moment chasers” i.e.
structural engineers, with a house now full of dirty diapers, but fortunately
Danny is with thee. Mary and Danny became the proud parents of healthy
son Number 2, Zachary (Zack), born on “May Day” as in May 1st, 2012 at 6 lb.
Zack joins Big Brother Alexander, who celeMOTHER MARY 19 oz., and 19 inches long.
brated birthday Number 2 on June 1. Let the endless battles of bumps,
bruises, and tears of the brothers begin! Seriously, congratulations to
Mary once again, you are only six away from OctoMom status. Rumor
has it that Mary made more than a few “Mayday Mayday Mayday” calls
from her hospital room, and continues to make a few 2 a.m. calls from
behind her locked bathroom door. Memo Number 2 (and we don’t
NICE SHIRT,
mean Zack’s hourly Number 2s) to Mary and Danny: according to the
GIRLY MAN!
WhiteHouseLeaks, Mayday is an emergency procedure word used internationally as a distress signal. It derives from the fighting slogan of the
French military unfortunately all too familiar to the United States, “Venez M’aider”,
meaning “come help me”. Making a false distress Mayday call in the United States
is a federal crime carrying time in the “Big House” up to 30 years and a fine of
$5,000,000 dollars, which coincidentally is the time and cost it will take to raise your
new son to adulthood. And with two boys two years apart in age, you might want
to add ““Emergency Room” to your speed dial, while stocking up on Band-Aids
and Ben Gay!
FOOL ME ONCE
SPANDEX MUCH?
A
s former President George W. Bush once
famously blurted: "There's an old saying in
Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably
in Tennessee — that says, fool me once,
shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't
get fooled again." You would think that Rick Brady
would have heeded Dubya’s advice in 2007 when he entered his first Executive Challenge Ironman event and finished dead last, as in 15th place
out of 15 Executive Challenge competitors. Fool me once. Low and behold Rick decides that once was not enough, and secretly entered Ironman event No. 2 held right down the street from World Domination Headquarters…in Mallorca, Spain. Surrounded by nearly 2,400 Eurozone competitors, Rick managed to garner the award for the most double-takes as
he was sporting the only sleeveless wetsuit in the “swim”, rode the only rental bike in the
“bike”, and completed the “run” wearing shoes purchased at
Costco while wearing a golf hat. It is not that Rick is cheap,
but he is the only person alive to have driven the same VW bug
to both his high school graduation and 10 year reunion party.
Fortunately Rick does not understand “European”, so the words
of non-encouragement went right over his oversized head,
though fellow competitor and brother-in-law Alexander Perauer’s ears reportedly caught on fire. To the surprise of everyone
here at BRADY, Rick somehow managed to finish in second
place this time around (out of a reported field of three, in
the “Geezer Class”), which earned him a spot in the Ironman 70.3 World Championship in Las Vegas on September
9th.
Sadly, this is a true story, check it out at
www.ironman.com if you share our disbelief, and given this
event is only for serious Ironman competitors/
winners of 2012 events, it does appear that an- I CAN’T FEEL MY LEGS!
other last place finish is in Rick’s future. He did
return home with a nice trophy, his first trophy
win of any kind since he finished last in his 4th
grade Square Dance contest. Nice job Rick –
don’t forget to stop by Costco in Temecula on
your way to Vegas to pick up a Hello Kitty single speed beach cruiser complete with a front
basket, an “out-of-my way” toot-toot horn,
handle bar streamers and flowers, and a rear
mounted flag – so we can easily spot you
while you are being
lapped on the bike
course. And to protect us from the likely ugly results on
September 9th, remember that what
happens in Vegas,
stays in Vegas!
LET THEM EAT CAKE… AND ICE CREAM
W
e all know the public sector is “doing fine”
with 44 in the lead creating new jobs left and
left, and we’re not even counting the soon to
be hired 16,500 new IRS employees. Very quietly and with zero fanfare, BRADY continues to create a
whole bunch of new jobs in our Hampton Roads office led
by Bill “Mild Bill” Colden. According to Bill, the projects we
have completed of late have been “pretty vanilla”, but
vanilla happens to be Rick Brady’s, as well as Ritt Momney’s, favorite flavor. Of course Rick’s preference goes to
back in the day when he was in the 4th grade, when making ice had just been invented, and Baskin Robbins had only one flavor – vanilla.
In between finishing jobs left and left while racking up a
stack of outstanding performance reviews and Star Safety
Awards, Hampton Roads’ BRADY staff has managed a few
extracurricular activities such as volunteering for the SAME
Fisher House Project (the equivalent of the Ronald McDonald House of the Military Hospital System, without the calories). The Fisher House project provides a place for military
families to stay while their loved ones are receiving hospital
care. And for the second consecutive year in a row, we
also managed to squeeze in another sponsorship of a local
Little League Juggernaut, the BRADY “Orioles”, once again
managed by part-time “America’s Got Talent” competitor,
Little League coaching whiz, and full-time BRADY Superintendent Glenn Waldschlager. Though we can’t afford
ESPN’s Little League Channel, we are confident the Orioles went undefeated for the second
consecutive year in a row. We are also confident that not only did each
player receive a trophy, but a puppy as well. It was clearly the right thing to
do. Congratulations, Glenn!
PERSONALLY, I PREFER
CHOCOLATE
Note to Bill for next year: Elaine Nelson, BRADY’s HR
Manager, says we may have violated Federal
I PREFER
NEOPOLITAN!
Government Frozen Food and Farm Dairy Law
by stating our favorite ice cream flavor is vanilla.
Apparently we need to purchase our ice cream from a
store buying diverse dairy products from farms paying a
minimum wage for domesticated farm animals.
President Obama said he would sign the pending bill, even though it currently does not have
the regulations he had pushed for to discourage
gender-based discrimination in the farmyard.
Thanks Bill – we can’t wait for our next six figure
fine. Good thing we all have free health care
on the way!
WE ALL SCREAM FOR ICE CREAM!
OH WELL, NUMBER 14 IT IS...
T
he local ranking of the largest
engineering firms in San Diego
is always a “big deal” here in
Ron Burgundy’s home town.
Last year we made a huge leap from the 9th largest
local firm in 2010…to the 12th largest in 2011…that
we described as the George Costanza “shrinkage”
phenomenon. Fast forward to 2012. Revenue is up
68%. Check. Staff size has grown by 42%.
Check. We’ve moved from the 12th largest
firm…to the 14th largest? Uncheck and WTF?
Thanks Rick Brady for leading us in the wrong direction once again, we should be
the 16th largest this time next year. Parsons somehow managed to claim 1st
place over AECOM and UR Next – it looks like their mergers and acquisition bank
accounts have sprung some Titanic size leaks. In classic engineering techno
babble, a spokesman from Parsons uttered to the press: “our increase in staff
was a result of reclassifying transient assignments from the previous year”, but then
again, clearly something is up as the private sector, according to the White House, is
“doing fine”. What a surprise, we at BRADY did not know that communist China has a
private sector, but it does make sense. We also can’t be sure if Parsons hired a bunch of
short term transients or if it is just Government Math at
work once again, but with his “not have way” with words,
Mr. Parsons should run for President!
I LOVE
BRADY...AND
SCOTCH!
WE STILL BELIEVE IN ZERO
N
AVFAC presents Star Safety Awards to contractors for exceptional
performance in the area of safety. In the past few months, BRADY
has received three separate awards celebrating our organizational
commitment to safety. As written by our new in-house snob (see
“Riche Man, Poore Man”) and Safety Man Extraordinaire, Dallas Poore, MBA:
“It’s always nice to have good news to share on the safety front. In May,
BRADY received a Certificate of Commendation for Safety Excellence by the
Associated General Contractors of America in celebration of our corporate
safety record. Two BRADY project teams also received STAR Safety Awards for
the P401 Replace Fuel Storage Facilities, Point Loma, CA; and Replace Reservoir Roof 200814, Camp Pendleton, CA. The P401 project also celebrated 900
days without a single lost time incident. BRADY would like to thank our key
teaming partners, Nova Group, Inc./Underground Construction Co., a Joint
MAYDAY! MAYDAY! MAYDAY!
Venture; and Joint Venture partner RQ Construction – as well as our stellar subcontractors - for their outstanding teaming efforts and genuine concern for employee safety. We are all
in this together!”
On the other left coast, our Hampton Roads office has also
been recognized by the U.S. Navy for 50,000 consecutive hours
in a row of not a single hour of lost time. Fortunately they are
not aware of the injury Rick Brady sustained at our Mad Men
party on April
3rd, when he
fell backwards
over a stack of drawings on the floor of Mike “Mount”
Slawson’s cubicle, but we are happy to report that he did not
spill a single drop of vodka out of his red party cup.
RICHE MAN, POORE MAN
O
r should we say Snob Alert II? More big news recently reported from Santee, CA, the little town 20 miles down the
52 freeway from La Jolla: Dallas Poore, former Captain in
the U.S.M.C. and our Go-To-Guy for everything no one else
wants to do, is now Dallas Poore, Master of Business Administration
Graduate of the Business School at the greatest college south of the I8 freeway, San Diego State University. Dallas managed to squeeze in
his MBA studies between juggling his two kids (Devil Dog Corbin and
Little Princess Kyla), Queen and wife Laura, while also working at his
primary job (Safety Man Extraordinaire) and working on his other true
love and secondary job (professional photography)…and taking care
of other important duties such as creating the The Quote cover as well
as tending to vodka spills left over from the weekly “Mad Men” party
(4 p.m. Thursdays) in Rick Brady’s cube at World Domination Headquarters.
Oh well, as of June 16, 2012, he is now a certified “State” man, with a
giant diploma to prove it. Looks like we’ll need to order another “Rick
Brady Class” oversized hard hat to fit his swelled head due to his newly
enlarged brain. Hopefully “learnin’ how to do all that cypherin’ of dem big numbers” will pay
off for us and Dallas both – it looks like his days in the Poore House will soon be over. Congratulations Smarty Pants, we are proud of you – feel free to order that cement pond for your backyard!
BLUE HAWAII
W
e are happy to report that no sooner than we’ve arrived on the scene to save the day in Jacksonville, FL
(see “Some Like it Wet”), LTJG and Naval Aviator Jeremy Anderson has flown the coop out of JAX and is on
his way to serve the Red, White and Blue in Kaneohe Bay, Hawaii.
Hawaii will be his home for the next 3-4 years, more than enough
time to do recon on each and every bar in the Aloha State. On his
way to Hawaii he made a short stop in San Diego to enjoy the Survival Escape Resistance and Evasion (S.E.R.E.) School located in
Warner Springs, CA, just outside of San Diego. Oddly enough,
BRADY is also working at S.E.R.E Camp, designing and building a
$2,670,548 sewage treatment plant replacement project. So goes the life of the “turd herder”
wastewater/sanitary engineer, though it appears the old engineering saying is true: “there really
is gold in sewers...as well as a bunch of Baby Ruths”. According to our own Jim
Bowen, there was enough money in the BRADY budget to allow Sean Sudol to
bury a few strategically
located bags of Cheetos and six packs of PBR for
Jeremy to “discover” while “training”, thereby improving his survival/
passing chances...as if he truly needed it. In the end, he passed with flying colors, blindfolded and barefoot, with both arms tied behind his
back, though he was unable to explain his Cheetos “Agent Orange”
colored teeth and beer breath to his Commanding Officer. His last
words on his way to Hawaii: “Eat my Cheetos dust!”
EIGHT IS ENOUGH
A
s in eight (8) straight years of finishing dead last as the worst
place to “do business” in the United States, just ahead of
North Korea, Nigeria and The Congo…the time has come
to say “adios, hasta la vista”, Ahnuld the Governator style
to the Golden State once known as…the Golden State. Even Ahnuld
said “Do it now, Kalifornia is for Girly Men!”. It is clearly time to get out
of Dodge as a recent report on Global Warming predicts that most of
the left coast of America, as in Californy, will be under water by the
year 2100. Oddly enough, the other left coast of America will not be
affected. Sounds like more Government Funded Science at
work. For now, it is perfectly clear that all roads to common
sense for business now lead out of California, so we’re loading
up the truck and moving, not to Beverly, but instead to the
Numero Uno state to conduct business, as in eight (8) straight
years…Texas. Dick Van Patten, Special Counsel to BRADY, declared that “Eight is Enough”
and even 44 himself agreed in his twice daily
personal fundraising phone call to Rick Brady
that “it is the right thing to do”. With BRADY
revenue now almost evenly split between the
two left coasts, with new and exciting, regulation free work now underway in Texas with Big
Brother Fluor; with Corporate Fluor now also
located in Irving, TX for the last seven years; and with the Jacksonville (see “Some Like it Wet”) BOS contract now in motion,
a more central and business friendly place to re-call “home of
the free, land of the brave” is clearly no longer “The Land of
Fruits and Nuts”. BRADY will still remain firmly anchored in our
World Domination Headquarters in San Diego, truly the World’s
Finest City unfortunately located in the Country’s Worst State,
but BRADY, as in Rick and Crystal, will now be calling a Dallas
condo home. Of course with Global Warming heating up the
U.S. like a fried egg on a Dallas sidewalk in July, Yuma will soon
lay claim to the title of America’s Finest City. The decision is irreversible – we’ve already turned in our Birkenstocks and pulled
the dog out of therapy, and we’ve already been to Costco in
Temecula for our cowboy boots and hats (set of six each, of
course). Rick’s annual presence in southern Californy will remain
unchanged as he is already out of MAMAS, DON’T LET YOUR BABIES GROW
town for more than six months out of UP TO BE NERDY ENGINEERS
each and every year, traveling around
the world in search of opportunities
that were once plentiful in Californy. It
GOVERNOR McFLY?
takes a fair amount of time to go to
ANYBODY HOME?
the Moon and back, but unfortunately
about as much time as it takes to drive
in a Prius from San Diego to Los Angeles. Wish us luck as we lay claim to another office location and state to do
“bizness”, our 11th and counting. Looking forward to trying some
armadillo tacos, Texas Tea, hanging out nightly at Billy Bob’s in
Fort Worth, and drinking Lone Stars at the Broken Spoke in Austin!
HOW DO YOU LIKE DEM ORANGES?
N
ews Flash: BRADY’s Orange County office in Surf City U.S.A.
(Huntington Beach for all of you east of the left coast) is now
BRADY’s fourth largest office! Of course, we only have four
official offices servicing 11 U.S. states, but there is no doubt
that our Charlotte err Matthews office is now looking over their collective left and left shoulders as the TRex now
known as “World Domination Headquarters, The
OC” is rapidly gaining ground. Even with Howard Johnson spending 8 days a week with Casey Cochran in Jacksonville, FL launching our
BOS contract with Big Brother Fluor, Andree Johnson as the
Lone Ranger is running marketing rings around what is left of
our consulting engineering competition. New clients include
the Municipal Water District of Orange County (MWDOC),
HOWARD AND ANDREE:
Foothill MWD, East Orange County Water District, Poseidon ReBRADY’S 2011 HALLOWEEN
sources (the end is near, desalinated water will be delivered
COSTUME CONTEST WINNERS
sometime this century!), the City of Buena Park, and Laguna
Beach County Water District. The lineup of new clients stretches from what will soon be left of the left coast of California to the soon to
be America’s Finest City, Yuma AZ. We are clearly one Johnson away from
taking over the entire Orange County engineering services market. If your last name is Johnson, regardless of
your experience, though a great attitude is required as
well as a strong liver, feel free to send us your resume! One felony is
acceptable, according to our HR Manager Elaine Nelson, but the
work day begins at 7 a.m. and often ends at 2 a.m., likely either at
the Swinging Door, the Green Girl, the Salty Dog, or the Fling, the
KEN DILLS AT THE
OC’s finest dive bars. Welcome to BRADY’s Old School of Business!
SWINGING DOOR
SEE YOU AT THE SALTY DOG!
MARATHON MAN
I NEVER SHOULD HAVE STOPPED
FOR THAT NUMBER 2!
S
cott Shroyer, P.E., one of our great young structural engineers in our San
Diego office, has spent the better part of 2012 running around North Island NAS managing a multi-million dollar water line design-build project
for the U.S. Navy. All that on the job “training” paid off nicely as Scott
competed in the Rock and Roll Marathon aka “Worst
Parade Ever” in San Diego on June 3rd. Scott’s offi“WHERE’S THE
NEAREST
cial finishing time was 3:13:03 minutes, an epic perforSUBWAY?”
mance for 99% of the world outside of Kenya, but
sadly Scott fell short of his goal of qualifying for the Boston Marathon. Apparently, a time of 3:05:00 is the cut-off. So, a
7:22 pace while finishing 154th out of 7,106 runners is
not good enough? Coincidentally, this is the same
pace of the Average American…as timed from the
couch to the refrigerator and back. At least you
“I RECOMMEND
THE GREEN
beat Oprah (4:29:15, check the InterLINE!”
Web if you also find this to be unbelievable) and remember, toenails are for
sissies. Scott plans to give it another
shot next year, but in the meantime,
might we suggest the Rosie Ruiz (2:31:56) method, though unfortunately
there is no subway in San Diego. Trolley, perhaps? Good luck next year,
slow poke!
HE AIN’T HEAVY...
H
e’s my brother (with apologies to the Hollies and
their 1969 No. 1 pop hit). Per SNL 44 Impersonator
Extraordinaire Dale “Let Me Be Perfectly Clear”
Barnard, “he” means Fluor
Corporation, and “brother” is loosely
defined as our “Big Brother” in the
U.S. Government’s Mentor-Protégé
Program…not the “brother” from anNO, WE AIN’T THE BEATLES!
other mother (you know who you are
up there in the OC), or the “brother”
serving five-to-ten in the Big House for
violating the three strikes “ain’t” law
per Rick Brady’s mother: “It ain’t
proper to say ain’t three times a day
because it ain’t necessary”. Apparently, you needed to
be there in the 1960’s to get the joke. Though “he” as in
Fluor may be a bit old, as in 100 years, and perhaps a bit
heavy (40,000 employees and growing), and sometimes
referred to as moving at the speed of a glacier with the THE REAL FAB FOUR
turning radius of a U.S. Aircraft
Carrier…it is perfectly clear that we at BRADY are very proud to be
associated with one of the greatest companies ever founded in the
United States. Being a “glacier” is not a bad thing; they take millions
of years to form and every now and then an iceberg pops loose and
a big ship springs a leak as a result…one in particular from 1912
comes to mind. Glaciers sculpt mountains and carve valleys over
periods much longer than 100 years, representing an irresistible force
that even Al Gore can’t stop. The U.S. Aircraft Carrier, from the Midway and the Kitty Hawk to the Nimitz and the Lincoln, from the Yorktown and the Hornet to the Enterprise and the Reagan, is the greatest demonstration of power, security, and good will in our lifetimes.
Need help anywhere in the world – call the U.S. Navy. Misbehave
anywhere in the world – answer to the U.S. Navy. Need to do the imKNOCK, KNOCK!
possible by tomorrow anywhere in the world – call Fluor. For better or
worse, Fluor is both the Glacier and the Aircraft Carrier. BRADY is a single Snowflake and a Boston Whaler by comparison. Hopefully in 87 years we at BRADY can make Fluor proud. Congratulations to Fluor on reaching 100 years, and thank you for allowing BRADY to be present at
the Big Birthday Bash in Dallas on April 21, 2012 (thank you Ray Barnard for the great box
seats!). Rick Hendrick was thrilled that we were able to bring George Hamilton to the Party!
SOME LIKE IT WET
B
RADY is pleased to announce that we are “doing
fine” as our BOS contract win with Big Brother Fluor
is official and the work is now underway. As of July
1, 2012, BRADY has added twenty four (24) fulltime staff and three (3) part-timers to operate the water,
wastewater, and cement ponds for the Navy’s Facilities in
Jacksonville and Mayport, FL. The BRADY team who negotiated with our new BFF’s at IBEW Local Union 177 to put all
the pieces together for our largest contract win to date,
as in $37,810,258, spanning up to eight (8) years: Vice Presidents Howard Johnson, Sean Manning, Scott Reilly, and
Don Whittaker; Controller Richard DeVos; and our entire Human Resources Department, consisting of three…Elaine Nelson, Pam Blum and Jessica Winchester…and most importantly, “our
boots on the ground” leader and the newest biggest fan of the soon to be Super Bowl
Champs (San Diego Chargers), Harold Keith aka “Casey” Cochran. There is joy in Mudville
after all, as our own Casey/Babe Ruth is now at bat. According to the “Government”, BRADY
“will be responsible for operating and maintaining five water and wastewater treatment
plants up to 3 million gallons per day capacity, over 90 sewer lift stations, over 750,000 linear
feet of water distribution and sewer collection piping systems including potable wells, pump
stations, water storage reservoirs, valves, fire hydrants, pressure reducing valves, backflow preventers, meters and manholes, and five large cement ponds”…and taking care of an occasional visit from a U.S. Aircraft Carrier,
SAN DIEGO SUPER CHARGERS
Fluor Class. But we at BRADY say yay
for the cement ponds, but don’t
blame us if you come across an occasional Baby Ruth!
I SMELL A CHANGE ORDER!
ATTACK OF THE ZACK
NUMBER 2 TORPEDO LAUNCH!
HE AIN’T HEAVY...
H
e’s my brother (with apologies to the Hollies and
their 1969 No. 1 pop hit). Per SNL 44 Impersonator
Extraordinaire Dale “Let Me Be Perfectly Clear”
Barnard, “he” means Fluor
Corporation, and “brother” is loosely
defined as our “Big Brother” in the
U.S. Government’s Mentor-Protégé
Program…not the “brother” from anNO, WE AIN’T THE BEATLES!
other mother (you know who you are
up there in the OC), or the “brother”
serving five-to-ten in the Big House for
violating the three strikes “ain’t” law
per Rick Brady’s mother: “It ain’t
proper to say ain’t three times a day
because it ain’t necessary”. Apparently, you needed to
be there in the 1960’s to get the joke. Though “he” as in
Fluor may be a bit old, as in 100 years, and perhaps a bit
heavy (40,000 employees and growing), and sometimes
referred to as moving at the speed of a glacier with the THE REAL FAB FOUR
turning radius of a U.S. Aircraft
Carrier…it is perfectly clear that we at BRADY are very proud to be
associated with one of the greatest companies ever founded in the
United States. Being a “glacier” is not a bad thing; they take millions
of years to form and every now and then an iceberg pops loose and
a big ship springs a leak as a result…one in particular from 1912
comes to mind. Glaciers sculpt mountains and carve valleys over
periods much longer than 100 years, representing an irresistible force
that even Al Gore can’t stop. The U.S. Aircraft Carrier, from the Midway and the Kitty Hawk to the Nimitz and the Lincoln, from the Yorktown and the Hornet to the Enterprise and the Reagan, is the greatest demonstration of power, security, and good will in our lifetimes.
Need help anywhere in the world – call the U.S. Navy. Misbehave
anywhere in the world – answer to the U.S. Navy. Need to do the imKNOCK, KNOCK!
possible by tomorrow anywhere in the world – call Fluor. For better or
worse, Fluor is both the Glacier and the Aircraft Carrier. BRADY is a single Snowflake and a Boston Whaler by comparison. Hopefully in 87 years we at BRADY can make Fluor proud. Congratulations to Fluor on reaching 100 years, and thank you for allowing BRADY to be present at
the Big Birthday Bash in Dallas on April 21, 2012 (thank you Ray Barnard for the great box
seats!). Rick Hendrick was thrilled that we were able to bring George Hamilton to the Party!
SOME LIKE IT WET
B
RADY is pleased to announce that we are “doing
fine” as our BOS contract win with Big Brother Fluor
is official and the work is now underway. As of July
1, 2012, BRADY has added twenty four (24) fulltime staff and three (3) part-timers to operate the water,
wastewater, and cement ponds for the Navy’s Facilities in
Jacksonville and Mayport, FL. The BRADY team who negotiated with our new BFF’s at IBEW Local Union 177 to put all
the pieces together for our largest contract win to date,
as in $37,810,258, spanning up to eight (8) years: Vice Presidents Howard Johnson, Sean Manning, Scott Reilly, and
Don Whittaker; Controller Richard DeVos; and our entire Human Resources Department, consisting of three…Elaine Nelson, Pam Blum and Jessica Winchester…and most importantly, “our
boots on the ground” leader and the newest biggest fan of the soon to be Super Bowl
Champs (San Diego Chargers), Harold Keith aka “Casey” Cochran. There is joy in Mudville
after all, as our own Casey/Babe Ruth is now at bat. According to the “Government”, BRADY
“will be responsible for operating and maintaining five water and wastewater treatment
plants up to 3 million gallons per day capacity, over 90 sewer lift stations, over 750,000 linear
feet of water distribution and sewer collection piping systems including potable wells, pump
stations, water storage reservoirs, valves, fire hydrants, pressure reducing valves, backflow preventers, meters and manholes, and five large cement ponds”…and taking care of an occasional visit from a U.S. Aircraft Carrier,
SAN DIEGO SUPER CHARGERS
Fluor Class. But we at BRADY say yay
for the cement ponds, but don’t
blame us if you come across an occasional Baby Ruth!
I SMELL A CHANGE ORDER!
ATTACK OF THE ZACK
NUMBER 2 TORPEDO LAUNCH!
s in eight (8) straight years of finishing dead last as the worst
place to “do business” in the United States, just ahead of
North Korea, Nigeria and The Congo…the time has come
to say “adios, hasta la vista”, Ahnuld the Governator style
to the Golden State once known as…the Golden State. Even Ahnuld
said “Do it now, Kalifornia is for Girly Men!”. It is clearly time to get out
of Dodge as a recent report on Global Warming predicts that most of
the left coast of America, as in Californy, will be under water by the
year 2100. Oddly enough, the other left coast of America will not be
affected. Sounds like more Government Funded Science at
work. For now, it is perfectly clear that all roads to common
sense for business now lead out of California, so we’re loading
up the truck and moving, not to Beverly, but instead to the
Numero Uno state to conduct business, as in eight (8) straight
years…Texas. Dick Van Patten, Special Counsel to BRADY, declared that “Eight is Enough”
and even 44 himself agreed in his twice daily
personal fundraising phone call to Rick Brady
that “it is the right thing to do”. With BRADY
revenue now almost evenly split between the
two left coasts, with new and exciting, regulation free work now underway in Texas with Big
Brother Fluor; with Corporate Fluor now also
located in Irving, TX for the last seven years; and with the Jacksonville (see “Some Like it Wet”) BOS contract now in motion,
a more central and business friendly place to re-call “home of
the free, land of the brave” is clearly no longer “The Land of
Fruits and Nuts”. BRADY will still remain firmly anchored in our
World Domination Headquarters in San Diego, truly the World’s
Finest City unfortunately located in the Country’s Worst State,
but BRADY, as in Rick and Crystal, will now be calling a Dallas
condo home. Of course with Global Warming heating up the
U.S. like a fried egg on a Dallas sidewalk in July, Yuma will soon
lay claim to the title of America’s Finest City. The decision is irreversible – we’ve already turned in our Birkenstocks and pulled
the dog out of therapy, and we’ve already been to Costco in
Temecula for our cowboy boots and hats (set of six each, of
course). Rick’s annual presence in southern Californy will remain
unchanged as he is already out of MAMAS, DON’T LET YOUR BABIES GROW
town for more than six months out of UP TO BE NERDY ENGINEERS
each and every year, traveling around
the world in search of opportunities
that were once plentiful in Californy. It
GOVERNOR McFLY?
takes a fair amount of time to go to
ANYBODY HOME?
the Moon and back, but unfortunately
about as much time as it takes to drive
in a Prius from San Diego to Los Angeles. Wish us luck as we lay claim to another office location and state to do
“bizness”, our 11th and counting. Looking forward to trying some
armadillo tacos, Texas Tea, hanging out nightly at Billy Bob’s in
Fort Worth, and drinking Lone Stars at the Broken Spoke in Austin!
EIGHT IS ENOUGH
A
HOW DO YOU LIKE DEM ORANGES?
N
SEE YOU AT THE SALTY DOG!
ews Flash: BRADY’s Orange County office in Surf City U.S.A.
(Huntington Beach for all of you east of the left coast) is now
BRADY’s fourth largest office! Of course, we only have four
official offices servicing 11 U.S. states, but there is no doubt
that our Charlotte err Matthews office is now looking over their collective left and left shoulders as the TRex now
known as “World Domination Headquarters, The
OC” is rapidly gaining ground. Even with Howard Johnson spending 8 days a week with Casey Cochran in Jacksonville, FL launching our
BOS contract with Big Brother Fluor, Andree Johnson as the
Lone Ranger is running marketing rings around what is left of
our consulting engineering competition. New clients include
the Municipal Water District of Orange County (MWDOC),
HOWARD AND ANDREE:
Foothill MWD, East Orange County Water District, Poseidon ReBRADY’S 2011 HALLOWEEN
sources (the end is near, desalinated water will be delivered
COSTUME CONTEST WINNERS
sometime this century!), the City of Buena Park, and Laguna
Beach County Water District. The lineup of new clients stretches from what will soon be left of the left coast of California to the soon to
be America’s Finest City, Yuma AZ. We are clearly one Johnson away from
taking over the entire Orange County engineering services market. If your last name is Johnson, regardless of
your experience, though a great attitude is required as
well as a strong liver, feel free to send us your resume! One felony is
acceptable, according to our HR Manager Elaine Nelson, but the
work day begins at 7 a.m. and often ends at 2 a.m., likely either at
the Swinging Door, the Green Girl, the Salty Dog, or the Fling, the
OC’s finest dive bars. Welcome to BRADY’s Old School of Business!
KEN DILLS AT THE
SWINGING DOOR
MARATHON MAN
S
I NEVER SHOULD HAVE STOPPED
cott Shroyer, P.E., one of our great young structural engineers in our San
FOR THAT NUMBER 2!
Diego office, has spent the better part of 2012 running around North Island NAS managing a multi-million dollar water line design-build project
for the U.S. Navy. All that on the job “training” paid off nicely as Scott
competed in the Rock and Roll Marathon aka “Worst
Parade Ever” in San Diego on June 3rd. Scott’s offi“WHERE’S THE
NEAREST
cial finishing time was 3:13:03 minutes, an epic perforSUBWAY?”
mance for 99% of the world outside of Kenya, but
sadly Scott fell short of his goal of qualifying for the Boston Marathon. Apparently, a time of 3:05:00 is the cut-off. So, a
7:22 pace while finishing 154th out of 7,106 runners is
not good enough? Coincidentally, this is the same
pace of the Average American…as timed from the
couch to the refrigerator and back. At least you
“I RECOMMEND
THE GREEN
beat Oprah (4:29:15, check the InterLINE!”
Web if you also find this to be unbelievable) and remember, toenails are for
sissies. Scott plans to give it another
shot next year, but in the meantime,
might we suggest the Rosie Ruiz (2:31:56) method, though unfortunately
there is no subway in San Diego. Trolley, perhaps? Good luck next year,
slow poke!
OH WELL, NUMBER 14 IT IS...
T
he local ranking of the largest
engineering firms in San Diego
is always a “big deal” here in
Ron Burgundy’s home town.
Last year we made a huge leap from the 9th largest
local firm in 2010…to the 12th largest in 2011…that
we described as the George Costanza “shrinkage”
phenomenon. Fast forward to 2012. Revenue is up
68%. Check. Staff size has grown by 42%.
Check. We’ve moved from the 12th largest
firm…to the 14th largest? Uncheck and WTF?
Thanks Rick Brady for leading us in the wrong direction once again, we should be
the 16th largest this time next year. Parsons somehow managed to claim 1st
place over AECOM and UR Next – it looks like their mergers and acquisition bank
accounts have sprung some Titanic size leaks. In classic engineering techno
babble, a spokesman from Parsons uttered to the press: “our increase in staff
was a result of reclassifying transient assignments from the previous year”, but then
again, clearly something is up as the private sector, according to the White House, is
“doing fine”. What a surprise, we at BRADY did not know that communist China has a
private sector, but it does make sense. We also can’t be sure if Parsons hired a bunch of
short term transients or if it is just Government Math at
work once again, but with his “not have way” with words,
Mr. Parsons should run for President!
I LOVE
BRADY...AND
SCOTCH!
WE STILL BELIEVE IN ZERO
N
AVFAC presents Star Safety Awards to contractors for exceptional
performance in the area of safety. In the past few months, BRADY
has received three separate awards celebrating our organizational
commitment to safety. As written by our new in-house snob (see
“Riche Man, Poore Man”) and Safety Man Extraordinaire, Dallas Poore, MBA:
“It’s always nice to have good news to share on the safety front. In May,
BRADY received a Certificate of Commendation for Safety Excellence by the
Associated General Contractors of America in celebration of our corporate
safety record. Two BRADY project teams also received STAR Safety Awards for
the P401 Replace Fuel Storage Facilities, Point Loma, CA; and Replace Reservoir Roof 200814, Camp Pendleton, CA. The P401 project also celebrated 900
days without a single lost time incident. BRADY would like to thank our key
teaming partners, Nova Group, Inc./Underground Construction Co., a Joint
MAYDAY! MAYDAY! MAYDAY!
Venture; and Joint Venture partner RQ Construction – as well as our stellar subcontractors - for their outstanding teaming efforts and genuine concern for employee safety. We are all
in this together!”
On the other left coast, our Hampton Roads office has also
been recognized by the U.S. Navy for 50,000 consecutive hours
in a row of not a single hour of lost time. Fortunately they are
not aware of the injury Rick Brady sustained at our Mad Men
party on April
3rd, when he
fell backwards
over a stack of drawings on the floor of Mike “Mount”
Slawson’s cubicle, but we are happy to report that he did not
spill a single drop of vodka out of his red party cup.
RICHE MAN, POORE MAN
O
r should we say Snob Alert II? More big news recently reported from Santee, CA, the little town 20 miles down the
52 freeway from La Jolla: Dallas Poore, former Captain in
the U.S.M.C. and our Go-To-Guy for everything no one else
wants to do, is now Dallas Poore, Master of Business Administration
Graduate of the Business School at the greatest college south of the I8 freeway, San Diego State University. Dallas managed to squeeze in
his MBA studies between juggling his two kids (Devil Dog Corbin and
Little Princess Kyla), Queen and wife Laura, while also working at his
primary job (Safety Man Extraordinaire) and working on his other true
love and secondary job (professional photography)…and taking care
of other important duties such as creating the The Quote cover as well
as tending to vodka spills left over from the weekly “Mad Men” party
(4 p.m. Thursdays) in Rick Brady’s cube at World Domination Headquarters.
Oh well, as of June 16, 2012, he is now a certified “State” man, with a
giant diploma to prove it. Looks like we’ll need to order another “Rick
Brady Class” oversized hard hat to fit his swelled head due to his newly
enlarged brain. Hopefully “learnin’ how to do all that cypherin’ of dem big numbers” will pay
off for us and Dallas both – it looks like his days in the Poore House will soon be over. Congratulations Smarty Pants, we are proud of you – feel free to order that cement pond for your backyard!
BLUE HAWAII
W
e are happy to report that no sooner than we’ve arrived on the scene to save the day in Jacksonville, FL
(see “Some Like it Wet”), LTJG and Naval Aviator Jeremy Anderson has flown the coop out of JAX and is on
his way to serve the Red, White and Blue in Kaneohe Bay, Hawaii.
Hawaii will be his home for the next 3-4 years, more than enough
time to do recon on each and every bar in the Aloha State. On his
way to Hawaii he made a short stop in San Diego to enjoy the Survival Escape Resistance and Evasion (S.E.R.E.) School located in
Warner Springs, CA, just outside of San Diego. Oddly enough,
BRADY is also working at S.E.R.E Camp, designing and building a
$2,670,548 sewage treatment plant replacement project. So goes the life of the “turd herder”
wastewater/sanitary engineer, though it appears the old engineering saying is true: “there really
is gold in sewers...as well as a bunch of Baby Ruths”. According to our own Jim
Bowen, there was enough money in the BRADY budget to allow Sean Sudol to
bury a few strategically
located bags of Cheetos and six packs of PBR for
Jeremy to “discover” while “training”, thereby improving his survival/
passing chances...as if he truly needed it. In the end, he passed with flying colors, blindfolded and barefoot, with both arms tied behind his
back, though he was unable to explain his Cheetos “Agent Orange”
colored teeth and beer breath to his Commanding Officer. His last
words on his way to Hawaii: “Eat my Cheetos dust!”
FOOL ME ONCE
SPANDEX MUCH?
A
s former President George W. Bush once
famously blurted: "There's an old saying in
Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably
in Tennessee — that says, fool me once,
shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't
get fooled again." You would think that Rick Brady
would have heeded Dubya’s advice in 2007 when he entered his first Executive Challenge Ironman event and finished dead last, as in 15th place
out of 15 Executive Challenge competitors. Fool me once. Low and behold Rick decides that once was not enough, and secretly entered Ironman event No. 2 held right down the street from World Domination Headquarters…in Mallorca, Spain. Surrounded by nearly 2,400 Eurozone competitors, Rick managed to garner the award for the most double-takes as
he was sporting the only sleeveless wetsuit in the “swim”, rode the only rental bike in the
“bike”, and completed the “run” wearing shoes purchased at
Costco while wearing a golf hat. It is not that Rick is cheap,
but he is the only person alive to have driven the same VW bug
to both his high school graduation and 10 year reunion party.
Fortunately Rick does not understand “European”, so the words
of non-encouragement went right over his oversized head,
though fellow competitor and brother-in-law Alexander Perauer’s ears reportedly caught on fire. To the surprise of everyone
here at BRADY, Rick somehow managed to finish in second
place this time around (out of a reported field of three, in
the “Geezer Class”), which earned him a spot in the Ironman 70.3 World Championship in Las Vegas on September
9th.
Sadly, this is a true story, check it out at
www.ironman.com if you share our disbelief, and given this
event is only for serious Ironman competitors/
winners of 2012 events, it does appear that an- I CAN’T FEEL MY LEGS!
other last place finish is in Rick’s future. He did
return home with a nice trophy, his first trophy
win of any kind since he finished last in his 4th
grade Square Dance contest. Nice job Rick –
don’t forget to stop by Costco in Temecula on
your way to Vegas to pick up a Hello Kitty single speed beach cruiser complete with a front
basket, an “out-of-my way” toot-toot horn,
handle bar streamers and flowers, and a rear
mounted flag – so we can easily spot you
while you are being
lapped on the bike
course. And to protect us from the likely ugly results on
September 9th, remember that what
happens in Vegas,
stays in Vegas!
LET THEM EAT CAKE… AND ICE CREAM
W
e all know the public sector is “doing fine”
with 44 in the lead creating new jobs left and
left, and we’re not even counting the soon to
be hired 16,500 new IRS employees. Very quietly and with zero fanfare, BRADY continues to create a
whole bunch of new jobs in our Hampton Roads office led
by Bill “Mild Bill” Colden. According to Bill, the projects we
have completed of late have been “pretty vanilla”, but
vanilla happens to be Rick Brady’s, as well as Ritt Momney’s, favorite flavor. Of course Rick’s preference goes to
back in the day when he was in the 4th grade, when making ice had just been invented, and Baskin Robbins had only one flavor – vanilla.
In between finishing jobs left and left while racking up a
stack of outstanding performance reviews and Star Safety
Awards, Hampton Roads’ BRADY staff has managed a few
extracurricular activities such as volunteering for the SAME
Fisher House Project (the equivalent of the Ronald McDonald House of the Military Hospital System, without the calories). The Fisher House project provides a place for military
families to stay while their loved ones are receiving hospital
care. And for the second consecutive year in a row, we
also managed to squeeze in another sponsorship of a local
Little League Juggernaut, the BRADY “Orioles”, once again
managed by part-time “America’s Got Talent” competitor,
Little League coaching whiz, and full-time BRADY Superintendent Glenn Waldschlager. Though we can’t afford
ESPN’s Little League Channel, we are confident the Orioles went undefeated for the second
consecutive year in a row. We are also confident that not only did each
player receive a trophy, but a puppy as well. It was clearly the right thing to
do. Congratulations, Glenn!
PERSONALLY, I PREFER
CHOCOLATE
Note to Bill for next year: Elaine Nelson, BRADY’s HR
Manager, says we may have violated Federal
I PREFER
NEOPOLITAN!
Government Frozen Food and Farm Dairy Law
by stating our favorite ice cream flavor is vanilla.
Apparently we need to purchase our ice cream from a
store buying diverse dairy products from farms paying a
minimum wage for domesticated farm animals.
President Obama said he would sign the pending bill, even though it currently does not have
the regulations he had pushed for to discourage
gender-based discrimination in the farmyard.
Thanks Bill – we can’t wait for our next six figure
fine. Good thing we all have free health care
on the way!
WE ALL SCREAM FOR ICE CREAM!
BREAKING NEWS—BRADY/FLUOR LLC AWARDED
$250,000,000 AIR FORCE CONTRACT!
J
YOU AIN’T SEEN NOTHING YET
W
ust minutes before going to print, we were notified of the following:
“Brady-Fluor L.L.C., San Diego, Calif., (FA4800-12-D-002) are being awarded a
$250,000,000 indefinite-delivery/indefinite-quantity contract to provide various construction projects. The location of the performance is
Joint Base Langley-Eustis, VA., to include any federal institution in the Hampton Roads area of VA. The contracting activity is the 633rd Contracting Squadron,
Langley Air Force Base, VA.”
More to follow in the next
edition of The Quote! In
the meantime, the perfect way to celebrate at
BRADY—dogpile!
WHERE SIT HAPPENS, PART DEUX
O
nce again, at BRADY of course, as we have
passed another major milestone in the wide
wide world of business. Fluor may claim to be
100 years old (no truth to the rumor they were
founded in Hawaii in 1912), but at BRADY we can now
proudly claim our own “century” mark of significance, as
in the all-important 100+ employee count. And due to
the fortunate date of our creation in 1999, with two worn
out nickels in Rick Brady’s front pocket and an empty bottle of Grey Goose in the back, the math cannot be denied: we have survived the darkness and we’re now into
our third decade and second century of business! It took all of 13 years to go from 1 to 100,
and in one tick of the clock, as in 11:59:59 p.m. on June 30th to 12:00 midnight on July 1st,
BRADY now has 28 new employees in Jacksonville, FL
“NEWT SKYWALKER SAYS WE SHOULD OPEN AN
bringing our company wide total to 130. And according OFFICE HERE”
to our Austrian educated Bean Counters (Crystal Kolland
and Richard DeVos, to name them both) in our Bean
Counting Department, we’re comfortably holding steady
at five nickels and growing, with a few newly minted
Obama nickels on the upside, though sadly we’re up to
three thousand empty Grey Goose bottles...and counting.
While some Americans are heading for their
finished-just-in-time million dollar condos built
in abandoned nuclear missile silos “somewhere” in North Dakota, shopping
along the way for wind-up radios, gas masks, freeze dried ice cream, and solar
powered flash lights, BRADY staff is now quietly working hard on really hard engineering stuff in eleven U.S. states, two planets, and one moon. In the meantime,
while panic reigns supreme, we at BRADY prefer to “Keep Calm and Carry
On”…as long as we have our stocked to the rafters New Zealand warehouse full
of cheese and crackers. The location of the Grey Goose will remain a secret.
BEANS, BEANS, THE MAGICAL FRUIT
EAT OUR CHEETOS DUST!
ith zero connection to the rock song performed by Bachman-Turner Overdrive (BTO for those of us who lived through
the 70’s but wished we never did), here’s a story about a
man named Charles “Chete” Bell, former BRADY employee
and long-time good friend of the entire BRADY family. Chete is the very
proud father of three very extraordinary and extremely athletically gifted
children: 15 year old twins Joshuah and Jason and 13 year old daughter
Jhalisa. At the USA Youth Outdoor Track and
Field Championships held on June 26Th through July 1st
at the University of Texas – Arlington, the Bell children
competed for the BRADY sponsored “Temecula Valley
Time Machine” track team. The rest is history…
Over the course of the five days with an average on
MICHAEL JACKSON &
track temperature around 100 degrees F with equivaTHE OSMOND BROTHERS
rd
lent humidity, the Bell Boys ran two of the four legs and finished 3 in the
4x800 meter relay with a time of 8:31.59. The very next day Joshuah finished second in the 800 meter
run in a photo finish, with a blistering time of 2:00.29. Yes, two minutes, not two hours, second fastest
time in the whole U.S. of A for a 15 year old. On July 29th, Jason and Joshuah ran two of four legs in the
4x400 meter relay and finished in 4th place with a time of 3:30.42. This coincidentally is the same time
that it takes for the Average American to eat an extra-large hot dog stuffed crust meat lovers pizza
and drink a six pack of PBR, solo. Not to be outdone, sister Jhalisa’s relay team finished in 8th place in
the 4x400 meter relay with a time of 4:24.95. Once again, these are races for the fastest times in the
U.S., not the fastest time your drunk uncles clocked in the three legged race during
GET YOUR OWN!
your backyard 4th of July BBQ.
As Joshuah was asked after his last race if he “had a match”, he of course answered “not since Superman died”. We at BRADY are very proud to have sponsored these amazing athletes, and we have no doubt that “Baby, you just ain’t
seen na, na, nothin’ yet”. Next up, the 2020 Olympics to be held...in San Diego…Texas!
HAIL MARY
A
s in Mary Innamorato, one of BRADY’s great young “moment chasers” i.e.
structural engineers, with a house now full of dirty diapers, but fortunately
Danny is with thee. Mary and Danny became the proud parents of healthy
son Number 2, Zachary (Zack), born on “May Day” as in May 1st, 2012 at 6 lb.
Zack joins Big Brother Alexander, who celeMOTHER MARY 19 oz., and 19 inches long.
brated birthday Number 2 on June 1. Let the endless battles of bumps,
bruises, and tears of the brothers begin! Seriously, congratulations to
Mary once again, you are only six away from OctoMom status. Rumor
has it that Mary made more than a few “Mayday Mayday Mayday” calls
from her hospital room, and continues to make a few 2 a.m. calls from
behind her locked bathroom door. Memo Number 2 (and we don’t
NICE SHIRT,
mean Zack’s hourly Number 2s) to Mary and Danny: according to the
GIRLY MAN!
WhiteHouseLeaks, Mayday is an emergency procedure word used internationally as a distress signal. It derives from the fighting slogan of the
French military unfortunately all too familiar to the United States, “Venez M’aider”,
meaning “come help me”. Making a false distress Mayday call in the United States
is a federal crime carrying time in the “Big House” up to 30 years and a fine of
$5,000,000 dollars, which coincidentally is the time and cost it will take to raise your
new son to adulthood. And with two boys two years apart in age, you might want
to add ““Emergency Room” to your speed dial, while stocking up on Band-Aids
and Ben Gay!
2C, OR NOT 2C, THAT IS THE QUESTION
C
SALE ON RACCOON FOOTLONGS—$4!
IS SEAN WEARING
EAU DE RACCOON AGAIN?
CARL “TUF ENUF” RUF
oming out of our Charlotte…err Matthews, NC office…but we were well prepared…as this is just another story about a man named Sean (Manning), BRADY’s Vice President in charge of our “Matthews” office,
an engineer, who barely keeps his family fed…even on a six figure salary. Sadly, this is what happens when you cross Shakespeare with Jed Clampett. Sean recently informed BRADY’s
World Domination Headquarters in San Diego that we’ve grown
so large on our “Southern Frontier” that it was time to pack up
and move. We were wishin’ and a hopin’ that while Sean was
out shootin’ at some food, he might come across some bubblin’
crude. Oil that is, black gold, Texas Tea. Turns out Sean didn’t
listen to his kinfolk who said “Sean, move away from there”, that
“Californy was the place to be.” So, instead of loading up the
truck to move to Beverly…Hills that is, cement ponds, movie
stars…Sean did make a move. He allegedly tossed a dead raccoon as far as he could down the hallway of our current Class C
office building, and where it landed was in front of office “2C”,
so “2C” is now where “we be”. As before, at least our new spacious office is on the top floor (as in the second, but nearly a
decade since our original move-in still retains the title as the tallest building in Matthews), and of course still sits almost directly
over a Subway sandwich store. And as before: memo to the
DCAA, Jared said $5 foot-longs are allowable!
Feel free to stop in and see Sean, Jeff “Jethro” Johnson and
their “staff” (Rich Riser, Ty Corley, Jennifer Funk, and Izzy the
dog). They will likely thank you fer kindly droppin’ in, and they’ll
surely invite you back to their locality, to have a heapin’ helpin’
of their hospitality. And you can take your shoes off. As Sean
said to Rick Brady on his last visit, “Y’all come back now,
y’hear?” Rick was reported to say on his way out the door,
“Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer, the slings and arrows of
outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles”.
We all guess you had to be there…
In related news from the Southern Frontier, new staff assigned to
Office 2C include Robert Manning (yes, related to Sean, aren’t
they all?), Mike Clark, Kevin Clark (no relation), Carl Ruf, and
Craig Colligan. Sean has also hired another brilliant intern, Caitlin Purvis, primarily because she is incredibly cheap to have on
board, working for the non-negotiable
BRADY offer of two Subway $5 foot-longs per
day of service. According to the
JETHRO “SHOELESS JEFF” JOHNSON
“locals”, Caitlin is from the FayetteYO QUIERO
BRADY!
ville, NC area and is currently pursuing a Civil Engineering degree
from the University of North Carolina Charlotte (UNCC). Ask Mr.
Google Maps himself if you also have never heard of either locality.
field in Iowa, while Toby Keith sings the National Anthem. In the end, we get to cast our final vote for
two nearly equally uninspiring candidates by sorting
through which image is worse – eating dog or taking your dog on vacation, in a cage while strapped
to the roof of a car.
Perhaps a much better way to select a President is
to let Hollywood do it. Hollywood has had many
great actors portray Presidents on the Silver Screen,
and we actually once elected an actor to be a real
President – Ronald Reagan. By most accounts, this turned out pretty well for America.
John Wayne would make a great President today. Even today you look at a picture
of John Wayne and you know exactly where he stood. Back then Democrats used to
make fun of Republicans (i.e. Democrats with money) as the “John Wayne Party”.
Republicans were gun slinging nut jobs led by Guns and Moses himself, Charlton
Heston, but there is no doubt that our dual-cover
model, John “Duke” Wayne, would make a great
President in 2012.
HOW DO YOU LIKE
DEEZ GUNS?
A top contender for the best movie President is Peter Sellers in “Dr.
Strangelove”, with arguably the best movie President name ever –
Merkin Muffley...that unfortunately sounds a bit too close to Ritt Momney. But the BRADY choice for the best movie President of All-Times is
Bill Pullman as Thomas J. Whitmore in “Independence Day”. President
Whitmore is leading a society potentially doomed by a disaster of another kind – Aliens from Outer Space!
“Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others
from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial
battle in the history of mankind. ‘Mankind.’ That word should have new
meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it's
fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be
fighting for our freedom... Not from tyranny,
oppression, or persecution... but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To
exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth
of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the
world declared in one voice: ‘We will not go quietly into the night!’ We will not
vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today
we celebrate our Independence
Day!”
John McCain may have been a
decorated Navy pilot and a prisoner
of war, but he never single-handedly
fought Aliens to defend and save his
beloved U.S. of A. On November 6,
join BRADY in a write-in campaign:
Thomas J. Whitmore for President!
Even President Obama said “it’s the
right thing to do”!
T
Another message from the
PRESIDENT
of
he Fourth of July means many things to many people in the United States but regardless of how
patriotic you may or may not feel in 2012 with Taxmageddon just around the corner, there is no
denying that the United States is the only country in the history of the World with a known birthday. Greece, Italy, England, Kenya, anyone? Feel free to offer a guess – and search the InterWeb if you dare — but no “birth certificate” will be found and surely not the “long form”. Our “birth
notice” is on file in The Smithsonian for daily viewing…not locked
away in some file cabinet in Honolulu or Nairobi…and is known as
the “Declaration of Independence” authored by William “Mild
Bill” Colden’s boyhood friend Thomas Jefferson himself, and
signed by 55 others, most notably Benjamin Franklin, John Adams,
and John Hancock, who after signing proclaimed “I guess King
George will be able to read that!”. Less notable signers include
Button Gwinnett from Georgia and Caesar Rodney from Delaware…but do not despair if this is news to you, even 44 didn’t get
this question right on his citizenship test. When told he did not get
a perfect score, he was so angry he missed a three foot putt.
GIVE ME 4 MORE YEARS AND I PROMISE…
I’LL BE REALLY GOOD AT GOLF
A
IF GLOBAL WARMING
IS REALLY MELTING THE
POLAR ICE CAPS,
THEN WHY ARE THE
KLONDIKE BARS IN MY
FREEZER STILL FROZEN?
ALOHA, MR. HAND!
Of course living in a democracy requires that every four years America has
to endure the torturous but hilarious process of electing someone for the
worst job in the world – the President of the United States. Seriously, who truly wants this job? It was
recently reported that a man jumped the White House fence,
but after a brief chase, the Secret Service was able to talk
President Obama into coming back and finishing his term.
Good thing for us as he is the 4th best President in history. Between filling out his Final Four bracket live on man’s other best
friend, ESPN, and endless appearances to deliver stand-up
comedy on “The View” and “Oprah”, who has time to be
President? He’s been such a crack up lately that even if he
loses in November, he has been promised “The Tonight Show”
in 2013. Memo to 44 – no matter how many times you appear
on Oprah’s show, she won’t give you $14 trillion dollars. In the
meantime, the typical American voter wants a candidate
who was born out of an apple pie, in the middle of a corn
B
Unfortunately, most graduates of a U.S. high school or college today,
upon waking up around 2 p.m. in their old room at Mom and Dad’s
house, will learn that “Independence Day” is America’s birthday, but
only because all of their “Friends” wished it so on Faceplant. Of
course you will recall from your study of U.S. history – via Jeff Spicoli
from “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” – “what Jefferson was saying
was, hey, you know, we left this England place 'cause it was
bogus, so if we don't get some cool rules ourselves - pronto we'll just be bogus too!” And then you remembered before
heading out to blow off a finger or two with your homemade
fireworks, that you actually do know at least one signer of the
Declaration of Independence, but for the wrong reasons –
Samuel “Sam” Adams.
picture that says 1000 words – Global Warming is for real, no
question about it…other than Homer Simpson remains unconvinced. And if the picture is not enough to convince you,
Barbra Streisand recently told Diane Sawyer on ABC News
that “we're in a global warming crisis, and we can expect more and
more intense storms, droughts and dust bowls”. But before they act, experts say they're still waiting to hear from Celine Dion. Ahnuld the former Governator also spoke about the dangers of global warming recently. His
exact words were: “fire, hot, bad”. But for engineers, this is good, as it might just
be what the doctor ordered for
what used to be a great career
choice. Of course we can lower
the temperature here in the U.S.
dramatically just by switching from
Fahrenheit to Celsius, but this will
only work until 2050, the year that
experts say the world will be out of
party ice. And then there will be a
lot of angry people...most notable,
Rick Brady. But on the good news
front, they also predict by 2015 that
Hillary Clinton might actually thaw
out!
FINALLY—POSITIVE PROOF OF GLOBAL WARMING!
RADY’s most coveted award handed out
at our Christmas Party each year is the
Non-Einstein Award, given to the employee who performs an act of idiocy that truly
demands special recognition. A few years ago the award was
changed to the Sean Manning Award, given his unbelievable but
sadly true victory streak that spanned eight years. Gretchen
Prouty mercifully ended the streak when she won in a landslide in
2007 for her clever placement of a meatloaf recipe inside of a
bound set of 90% complete specifications that were sent to the
Rancho California Water District for their final review. Hand written comments we
received from the District back then included, “Contractor shall provide meatloaf
to the inspector on a daily basis, prior to the start of work,” and in response to a
line item for Swedish Meat Balls, “is this an ‘or equal’”? Sean returned to form and
recaptured the award once again in 2011, but now that we have some new WOOPS…
WRONG BEAGLE
greenhorn engineers in the house, the competition is becoming stiffer. An
early contender for 2012 is Brett Patterson. When a company-wide email
asked for a preference for the next morning of either donuts or bagels as
an office treat, in a matter of seconds Brett enthusiastically responded that
he preferred “BEGALS!!!!”… fortunately not the four legged kind once
strapped in a cage to the roof of Ritt Momney’s car. Congratulations Brett
on this important recognition in your stellar first year at BRADY, your employWELCOME TO DA CLUB,
ee file is becoming quite thick in record time. Keep up the good work!
BRETT!
“I SEE NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING IN LOVE WITH
SOMEONE OF THE SAME GENDER.“
THIS IS HILARIOUS!
...BUT I DON’T GET
IT...
YOU AIN’T NOTHIN’ BUT A HOUND DOG