Now - FunnierU.com
Transcription
Now - FunnierU.com
Written by: George Campbell Mark Mayfield Tim Gard The Do It Yourself Funny course is written and distributed by George Campbell, Mark Mayfield and Tim Gard. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any mechanical, photographic, or electronic process, or in the form of a phonographic recording, nor may it be stored in a retrieval system, transmitted, or otherwise copied for the public or private use in any form whatsoever without prior written permission of the publisher. All rights reserved for translation into foreign languages. No liability is assumed with respect to use of the information contained in this volume. The authors of this course have no idea what any of the above means, but we believe it sounds very official and should scare the crap out of anybody wanting to do evil. Copyright 2012 2 Table of Contents Introduction ………………………………...…………………… 5 1) Associations ………………………………..…………………… 7 2) Exaggeration ………………………………..…………………… 13 3) Multiple Meanings ……………………………………………… 19 4) Malaprops ……………………….………………………………. 23 5) Alternate Definitions …………….……………………………… 27 6) Alternate Emphasis …………….……………………………….. 33 7) Misdirection ………………….…………………………………. 39 8) The Reverse …………………………………………………….. 45 9) The Rule of Three ………………………………………………. 49 10) Top Ten Lists …………………………………………………… 55 11) Formula Jokes …………………………………………………… 59 12) Cartoons ………………………………………………………… 63 13) Inanimate Objects ………………………………………………. 79 14) Location, Location, Location …………………………………… 85 15) Ripped From the Headlines ……………………………………... 91 16) Tags ……………………………………………………………... 95 17) Building Bits ……………………………………………………. 101 18) Transitions & Segues …………………………………………… 107 19) The Pros …………………………………………………………. 115 Conclusion ………………………………………………………. 119 3 “Try not to have a good time...this is supposed to be educational.” -Charles M Shultz 4 Welcome to FunnierU. You are now part of a prestigious University of which the alums count into the dozens. Some can count even higher. The faculty of FunnierU makes several promises: 1. 2. 3. 4. We cannot make you funny, but we will make you funnier. We will make available great jokes every single weekday. We will help you write jokes better and more often. We will eat less fried food and lower our cholesterol. (this was actually a promise we made to our doctors) This workbook/playbook is designed to provide actual hands-on experience in writing jokes, if you do the exercises as described. There’s no doubt joke writing is innate to a degree, but any comedy writer will tell you that the skill set can be improved significantly by practicing it. These chapters will do that. Their objective is simple: CREATE A MINDSET. By immersing yourself in these exercises, you will begin to see funny more often, which will allow you to write funny easier. And don’t forget to follow along with the CD. It will help immensely in grasping the concepts and doing the exercises. It will be just like sitting in a room with three funny guys, except you won’t get to talk. Wait, you wouldn’t get a chance to talk anyway, so it will be exactly like sitting in a room with three funny guys. In this playbook, we have defined and categorized the main joke types used in comedy. But being able to identify the type of joke is secondary to being able to see and write funny. For some this is second nature, for others more difficult. Either way, this book will MAKE YOU FUNNIER. So work at your own pace, have some fun, and lay off the fries. You can’t be funny if you’re dead. 5 6 Chapter 1 CD 1 Tracks 2, 3 ASSOCIATIONS We are all judged by the people we associate with. So it would be great if you would stand somewhere else. 7 The first exercise of “Do It Yourself Funny” underpins virtually every other technique and tool that you will later learn. You won’t write any jokes in this exercise, but an understanding of associations will help you in every other chapter of this playbook. Associations are the key to comedy writing. FunnierU believes that the most important skill in creating humor is the ability to see lots of connections. People with well developed humor skills are observant, aware, and constantly absorbing the information and the world around them. Some people see these connections in their mind almost immediately. Others need to be more regimented in the process and write them down. Either way, creating a lot of associations is the first step in finding humor on a topic. The good news is, that with practice, this process becomes easier and faster. And just like traditional brainstorming, you are encouraged to disregard quality and just focus on quantity of ideas. You can always improve the quality later. It’s a simple law of percentages. The more connections you have gathered, either in your head or on paper, the better your chances of finding the joke. One of the best ways to do this is to use a worksheet with the following columns: PEOPLE PLACES PHRASES THINGS WORDS Under each column, list anything associated to the topic. For example, if your topic was “Flying”, under PEOPLE you could list pilot, flight attendant, gate agent, TSA worker, baggage handler, travel agent, skycap, seatmate, annoying passenger, screaming kid, etc. Then do this for the other columns as well. Remember, the more things you have written down the better chance you have of finding a joke. And also remember, we’re not writing the joke here, we’re just getting ideas (although sometimes in this part of the process you will see the joke immediately). After you’ve listed as many items as you can under each column, look at everything and see if there is an opposite for any of them. If so, list those as well. This just gives you more associations. Thanksgiving is when people gobble and turkeys don’t. 8 EXERCISE We’ve already brought up the topic of flying. Let’s play the “association” technique with that subject. List as many items as you can under each column heading. TOPIC: Flying PEOPLE PLACES PHRASES 9 THINGS WORDS TOPIC: __________________ PEOPLE PLACES PHRASES 10 THINGS WORDS TOPIC: __________________ PEOPLE PLACES PHRASES 11 THINGS WORDS “Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning to do afterward.” -Kurt Vonnegut 12 Chapter 2 CD 1 Tracks 4, 5 EXAGGERATION Don’t think of it as lying. Think of it as telling the truth in such an entertaining fashion that it’s no longer accurate. 13 The use of exaggeration, sometimes called hyperbole (which sounds way more sophisticated), is one of the easiest ways to write comedy. Simply put, you take an attribute of a noun or the action of a verb and stretch it to an extreme measure. And the rule of thumb is generally this: the more absurd the exaggeration…the funnier. This hyperbole technique will also make any other type of joke more funny. What makes this technique so great is that it’s just so easy to find places to insert the exaggeration. All you have to do is find a subject or an actionable word. Then blow it out of proportion. At the risk of being redundant: you make it bigger, smaller, faster, slower, shorter, longer, smarter, dumber, skinnier, fatter, balder, hairier, nicer, meaner, softer, harder, dimmer, brighter, colder, hotter…. Okay, you get the picture. Exaggeration can be utilized in the performance of a piece as well. Exaggerating a physical motion, or exaggerating the volume, intonation, or characterization of your presentation can certainly make it funnier. But for now we’re only concerned with creating humor. This is a comedy writing book, not a comedy performing book. Performance techniques are covered in another book that will cost One Million Dollars! (See! Exaggeration is fun!) Here are some examples of using hyperbole to turn an otherwise normal statement into a comedic one. Adding a little exaggeration (in bold) does make it funnier. EXAMPLE: We’re so lazy we abbreviate the word “at”. I get upset about my short attention span, but not for long. 14 You’re too old to trick-or-treat when you start asking for high fiber candy. I haven’t made a decision since Nixon was in office. I’m not sure mall cops are qualified. I just saw one with a walker. The last movie I saw was Ben Hur. My 401K is just a K now. She’s in the express lane with enough food in her cart for a football team. His armpit odor would make a goat pass out. I don’t need a fancy car, just one that you don’t need to push. The couple didn’t fall gracefully, more like a WWE takedown. My kid’s car insurance is pricey. The premium is a ransom note. I have an ugly dog. Other dogs don’t know which end to smell. Each of those previous examples had some aspect that was exaggerated and was probably exaggerated to an unrealistic level. In addition, it can’t just be exaggerated; it must be creatively exaggerated for it to be funny. For example, instead of just saying he was “super duper old”, think of “really old” associations and you might come up with “his childhood birthday cards were stone tablets”. So, if you want to make this comedy writing technique really work for you, think extreme & creative exaggeration. 15 EXERCISE Below are some natural setups for exaggeration. Take some aspect of the statement and give it some creative and wild exaggeration. As with any creative exercise, if something doesn’t come to you within a short period of time, move on to the next one and then come back. And if possible, write more than one. Quantity leads to Quality! HAVE FUN! EXAMPLE: We weren’t on the same page. We weren’t in the same book. We weren’t in the same library. Which would have been a bigger issue if he could read. 1) The line moved slowly. 2) My minister gives long sermons. One day I watched so much football, I wore out my end zone. 16 3) He overdoes everything. 4) I tried to be very hip. 5) I was feeling warm and mushy inside. 6) The corndog may be the perfect food. 17 7) The groom is almost insignificant at a wedding ceremony. 8) Studies show that over-exercise can be bad for your heart. 9) I’ll be approximate in estimating her age. 10) College tuition has become really expensive. I bought a weightlifting program for older people. It’s called “Pumping Rust”. 18 Chapter 3 CD 1 Tracks 6, 7 MULTIPLE MEANINGS I thought a “connotation” was something you wrote on a felon. 19 English is an amazing language. A single word can have a multitude of meanings. The origin of this phenomenon can be traced back to the early 4th century when the first group of English speakers got drunk and decided to play a prank on foreigners. Okay, we just made that up. But here’s what is true 1) Multiple meanings are confusing and frustrating for someone trying to learn the language. 2) They are a tremendous opportunity for someone trying to have a little fun with the language. Another easy way to find a comedy opportunity is to look for multiple meanings of words. This will sometimes require you to ignore the intended message or meaning of a statement and instead take a myopic look at the individual word. Block everything else out and look solely at the word. If you can’t think of a multiple meaning, just go on to the next word. But let’s face it; thousands of words in our language have more than one meaning. Multiple meanings sometimes fall into the category of puns. Sadly, puns are looked down upon and considered corny. This is why it’s so important to understand the difference between a “good” pun and a “bad” pun. Here is the formula to draw that distinction: You do a pun. Good pun. Someone else does a pun. Bad pun. I’m glad we cleared that up. Seriously, the differences in puns mostly are determined by how clever they are. When you hear it, do you wish you’d thought of it? If so, that’s a good pun. Obesity runs in my family. Actually it waddles. 20 Here are some examples of multiple meanings and how they work in a joke. EXAMPLE: In college, I had a major in education and a minor in my dorm room. (“minor” has multiple meanings) The clerk asked for an impression of my credit card. I do a pretty good Jimmy Stewart, but how do you do a credit card? (“impression” has multiple meanings) Plumbers believe that a flush beats a full house. (“flush” and “full house” have multiple meanings) EXERCISE Now look at the following statements, find a word in the statement that has a multiple meaning, highlight or circle it, then write a punch line focusing on the alternate meaning of that word. EXAMPLE: The sign said “Keep Off The Grass”. Which made sense because we were at a drug rehab facility. 1) The bull started charging. __________________________________________________________ 2) Will went to the firing range. __________________________________________________________ 21 3) Hops are used to brew beer. ____________________________________________________________ 4) I asked the pilot how high will we get. ____________________________________________________________ 5) I’ve never tipped a cow. ____________________________________________________________ 6) I ordered Peking Duck as my entrée. ____________________________________________________________ 7) A period is often at the end of a sentence. ____________________________________________________________ 8) The details of the murder were sketchy. ____________________________________________________________ 9) How is your hearing? ____________________________________________________________ 10) The clothes were thrown at random. ____________________________________________________________ If you’re home schooled, do you have to bully yourself? 22 Chapter 4 CD 1 Tracks 8, 9 MALAPROPS Definition: Malaprop is a lawsuit filed against Carrot Top. 23 Now let’s look at malaprops or sound-alikes. These are just what they imply: a word or words that sound like something else that has a totally different meaning. Sometimes they don’t sound exactly like the word or words, but you can still tell what was supposed to be said. You might think of this as verbal dyslexia: words just close enough to know what one’s talking about but still incorrect, and with unintended comedic consequences. Comedian Norm Crosby based his entire act on malaprops. (And if you don’t know Norm Crosby, that’s why.) If you can find a “sound alike”, you are in the vicinity of funny. Just use the sound alike in the sentence instead of the correct word. EXAMPLE: I went to the pharmacy to get my subscription filled. The doctor didn’t want to quit, he just ran out of patients. Stop talking general, let’s get down to pacifics. I’ve got a hernia, so I need to see a sturgeon. The tattoo artist shrieked, “Eagle?! I thought you said Beagle”. Those Navy Seals are tough. They’re like those Green Braids. I bought a new coat. It wasn’t real, it was stimulated leather. They use dogs at airports to sniff out neurotics. The President wins if he has the most electrical volts. My golf swing looks like I’m having a seizure during a seizure. 24 EXERCISE Look at the following words and write one or more sound-alike jokes: EXAMPLE: Affection She hates me, but I have nothing but affliction for her. 1) Armed & Dangerous __________________________________________________________ 2) Circumference __________________________________________________________ 3) Condominium __________________________________________________________ 4) Decaffeinated __________________________________________________________ 5) Diaphragm __________________________________________________________ 6) Euthanasia __________________________________________________________ 7) Float a loan __________________________________________________________ 25 8) Heimlich maneuver __________________________________________________________ 9) Hijack __________________________________________________________ 10) Resisting arrest __________________________________________________________ 11) Illegitimate __________________________________________________________ 12) Lion __________________________________________________________ 13) Need to know __________________________________________________________ 14) Seal __________________________________________________________ 15) Parallel __________________________________________________________ Break a mirror and get seven years of bad luck…and seven stitches too. 26 Chapter 5 CD 1 Tracks 10, 11 ALTERNATE DEFINITIONS I know you think you understand what you think I meant to say, but what I said isn’t what you thought I meant you to think. 27 This chapter takes multiple meanings and malaprops one step further. You break a word down by syllables and look for different meanings. Then you try and find a new connection. When it’s done right, you end up with something that is unexpected and funny. This is a joke formula that you see frequently in the cartoon “B.C.” when Wiley peers over his dictionary. For instance, Wiley’s dictionary defines “minimum” as “a small British mother.” This is a perfect example of this technique. “Minimum” breaks into the two syllables, “mini” and “mum”. Now you do two things: You redefine the meaning of those syllables. Then you combine them to form a new (and hopefully funny) meaning. EXAMPLE: Metronome 1. An elf that lives in the city (Metro – gnome) 2. The downtown finish line for the Iditarod (Metro – Nome, Alaska) EXERCISE Break these words into syllables. Then draw a meaning for the syllables. And finally, look for a connection between those meanings. For every word in the exercise, there is at least one alternate definition. But you don’t have to stop there. For some, there may be 1 or 2 others. The following list is nothing more than a good start. There are thousands of possible words that lend themselves to alternate definitions. If you want more all you have to do is open a dictionary and start playing. Insomnia can lead to early death. That should help you sleep. 28 EXAMPLE: Absence Ab: Abdominals Sence: sense A gut feeling 1) Barricade __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 2) Broadband __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 3) Castrate __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 4) Dateline __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 5) Diplomat __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 6) Dogmatic __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 7) Electron __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 8) Enterprise __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 29 9) Exorcism __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 10) Fertilize __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 11) Filibuster __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 12) Fortitude __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 13) Trampoline __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 14) Frolicsome __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 15) Germinate __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 16) Graphite __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 17) Gestate __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ Know how the oldest guy in the world died? Skydiving. Weird. 30 18) Hemlock __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 19) Hypnosis __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 20) Infantile __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 21) Jackpot __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 22) Jacuzzi __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 23) Kamikaze __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 24) Lambaste __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 25) Lavaliere __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 26) Legislate __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 31 27) Liquidate __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 28) Maelstrom __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 29) Malcontent __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 30) Mentalist __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 31) Nitrate __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 32) Occasion __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 33) Olympic __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 34) Ovaltine __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 35) Parachute __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ Don’t use double negatives. Not never. 32 Chapter 6 CD 1 Tracks 12, 13 ALTERNATE EMPHASIS Alternate Emphasis is like the Vice-President. We know it exists, we just don’t use it very much. 33 In the chapters on multiple meanings, malaprops and alternate definitions, we were dealing at the “word” level. Now we take a slightly broader view and look at sentences. Just like finding alternate definitions for words, we can find alternate meanings for sentences by shifting the emphasis to other words. EXAMPLE: “Do you cheat on your wife?” Obviously, the emphasis of the sentence is “cheat.” And just as obvious, the answer is an emphatic “NO!” (Especially if you’re a man whose spouse is helping him fill out this workbook.) But what if you shift the focus to other words in the sentence? Now the answers are completely different. “Do you cheat on your wife?” When the emphasized word is “Wife” Now the response is, “Who else would I cheat on?” “Do you cheat on your wife?” Word: “Your” Response: “I tried cheating on Bob’s wife, but she wouldn’t let me.” “Do you cheat on your wife?” Word: You Response: “Who else is gonna cheat on her?” And if you’re President Clinton, “Do you cheat on your wife?” Word: Do Response: “Define ‘Do”. Polar bears may be extinct soon. So eat ‘em while you can. 34 EXERCISE Try and shift the emphasis to 2 or 3 different words and see how it changes the meaning of the sentence and response it generates. EXAMPLE: Did you marry me for my money? Word: “My” New response: “No, I would have married you for anyone’s money.” Word: “Marry” New response: “No, I married you for love. I’m divorcing you for money.” Word: “Money” New response: “I don’t know, what else do you have? 1) “Do I look good in these pants?” Word: _____________ New response: _____________________________________________________ Word: ______________ New response: _____________________________________________________ Word: ______________ New response: _____________________________________________________ 35 2) A man walked across Antarctica alone . Word: _________________ New response: __________________________________________________ Word: __________________ New response: __________________________________________________ Word: ___________________ New response: __________________________________________________ 3) The Pope named three new saints. Word: __________________ New response: __________________________________________________ Word: __________________ New response: __________________________________________________ Junk food can be a substitute for sex. As a matter of fact, I’m dating a Twinkie. 36 Word: __________________ New response: __________________________________________________ 4) A truck containing the President’s teleprompter has been stolen. Word: __________________ New response: __________________________________________________ Word: ___________________ New response: __________________________________________________ Word: ___________________ New response: __________________________________________________ 37 “Comedy has to be based on truth. You take the truth and you put a little curlicue at the end.” -Sid Caesar 38 Chapter 7 CD 2 Tracks 1, 2 MISDIRECTION The winner of the Rand-McNally Beauty Pageant is… Miss Direction! 39 A misdirection is one of the most common types of jokes and also one of the simplest to write. It involves this ploy: take the listener down a different path than they expect. Comedy involves the surprise factor and when you veer off course you create that. The easy way to do this is to follow these three simple steps: 1. Examine any sentence or statement. 2. Ask yourself, “what would normally be a next statement”. 3. Instead of doing that, go in a different direction. In other words, while in mid-story, take an illogical and unexpected path. EXAMPLE: I got caught driving in a snowstorm and remember my Dad’s advice, “follow a snowplow to safety”. I got behind one and followed him for hours. He finally got out of his truck and said, “Now that we’re done at Target, let’s go to Wal-Mart”. The natural storyline in this joke is that one assumes that you’re following a snowplow on the highway. But, where else would a snowplow be? A parking lot, maybe? Go in that direction and a joke appears. Once again, think of the natural progression of a story and veer off course. Take a different route. That’s misdirection. EXAMPLE: My happy uncle only has two teeth, but he says, "Thank God they hit”. After the first part of that statement, you would naturally think that he has two FRONT teeth, or two on the BOTTOM. That’s the NORMAL line of thinking. But when you look in a different direction and explore other possibilities, you see the misdirection of one on top and one on bottom. It’s so cold in Canada, the flesh colored band-aid is blue. 40 EXAMPLE: Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish and he’s gonna call in sick on Fridays to go fishing. So really, you’re better off just giving him a fish. The speaker said, “live every day like it’s your last”. So I started sleeping with a bed pan and an oxygen tube up my nose. My family reunion was very loud with all the crying and fussing and whining. And the kids didn’t act any better. In each of those examples the first sentence sets up a natural progression of thought. The second sentence changes that progression by offering a different line of thinking. EXERCISE The following exercise will help you “veer off course” and write misdirection jokes. Instead of completing the following common statements the normal way, finish them by going a different direction. For example, instead of finishing “If you build a better mousetrap” with “people will beat a path to your door”, finish it with a different thought. Something like, “If you build a better mousetrap, you aren’t going to make friends with any mice”. EXAMPLE: A bird in the hand means you’ve finished shopping for Thanksgiving. 1) If at first you don’t succeed, _____________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ 41 2) A fool and his money _________________________________________ _______________________________________________________ 3) A penny saved _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________________ 4) Winning isn’t everything _______________________________________ _______________________________________________________ 5) If you can’t say something nice about someone _____________________ _______________________________________________________ 6) A spoonful of sugar ___________________________________________ _______________________________________________________ 7) It’s always darkest before ______________________________________ _______________________________________________________ 8) Do unto others _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________________ Why are climate change meetings always held in warm locations? 42 9) He who hesitates ____________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ 10) The early bird catches _______________________________________ _______________________________________________________ 11) The best offense ___________________________________________ _______________________________________________________ 12) A journey of a thousand miles ________________________________ ______________________________________________________ 13) Success is one percent inspiration and 99 percent _________________ ______________________________________________________ 14) You can lead a horse to water ________________________________ ______________________________________________________ 15) Keep your friends close and your enemies ______________________ ______________________________________________________ 43 “Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.” -Peter Ustinov 44 Chapter 8 CD 2 Tracks 3, 4 THE REVERSE I used to think people didn’t understand geometry, but I’ve come a full 360 on that. 45 The reverse is a form of misdirection, just the extreme version of it. It is the exact reverse of what you would normally be thinking. It sometimes is called an “opposite” or a “switcheroo”. (Interestingly, a “Switcheroo” is also the word for an Australian cross-species wife-swapper.) Have you ever been told a joke and you responded with, “I never saw that coming”? Well that’s the objective here. Hit them with something they never expected. The key is to not veer slightly off course, but to do the extreme opposite. Writing these jokes is almost exactly the same process as writing a misdirection, but instead of just veering off course you flip it. You have three steps: 1. Examine a sentence or set-up statement. 2. See the natural progression of thought. 3. Think of the exact opposite of that. EXAMPLE: I crammed four years of college education into nine. That’s exactly the opposite of what you think is coming, instead of a shorter time it’s a longer time. I just did a show with Bob Newhart. I can’t tell you how cool that was. It was such a great honor for him. You would assume the sentence would end with, “honor for me”, but the reverse of that thought is funny. My dressing room was next to the dancing girls and there was a hole in the wall. I let ‘em look. (Henny Youngman) You would normally assume that Henny would be peering at the girls. Instead he does the switcheroo. Every time someone watches reality TV, a book commits suicide. 46 EXERCISE Look at the following set-ups. Write a punch line using “The Reverse” technique. Just think the opposite of what you would be thinking, or what you should be thinking. EXAMPLE: The boss said, “where would you like to be in 5 years”? Suspended with pay. 1) American credit card debt is up over 300 percent. _________________________________________________________ 2) A new dolphin was discovered. It’s smart and beautiful. _________________________________________________________ 3) My wife says men are insensitive. _________________________________________________________ 4) The minister said “kiss the bride”. _________________________________________________________ 5) My wife said she looked old and fat, and needed a compliment. _________________________________________________________ 6) I bought a boat against my wife’s wishes so I let her name it. _________________________________________________________ 47 7) On our anniversary, my wife wanted to go someplace expensive. _________________________________________________________ 8) My old girlfriend began drinking right after I broke up with her. _________________________________________________________ 9) If any more clothes are removed during airport screening, _________________________________________________________ 10) The weather was miserable in Cancun. _________________________________________________________ 11) I used to drive a beat up 1972 Ford Pinto. _________________________________________________________ 12) The hoarder had collected 8,000 snow globes. _________________________________________________________ 13) It’s always good to remember the beaten, downtrodden, and hopeless. _________________________________________________________ 14) My dentist said he had some good news. _________________________________________________________ A wine hangover is the wrath of grapes. 48 Chapter 9 CD 2 Tracks 5, 6, 7 THE RULE OF THREE Comedy is based on three things: Jokes and Timing. 49 If comedy is the unexpected twist, then the Rule of Three is one of the tools to achieve that surprise. It lays the groundwork for a technique we used earlier: Misdirection. Simply put, it is using two examples to set the thinking in a certain direction and the third to break it. The third can also be the opposite or an exaggeration, but it must be different in some way. Not every joke depends on this, but it’s surprising how many do. Why three? Because one example usually isn’t enough to set a direction and more than two is overkill. EXAMPLE: Panasonic unveiled a 103 inch plasma TV. As a special promotion for guys, it comes with a surge protector, a DVR, and a divorce attorney. If I had a million bucks in cash I’d spend a third on women, a third on gambling, and the rest I’d just waste. Only 12% of Americans can pass a basic history test. This is depressing, upsetting, and the lowest since our country was founded in 1922. The trees in the fall and my big bank have a lot in common. They’re plentiful, colorful, and their branches are lifeless and bare. EXERCISE Here are some “Rule of Three” set-ups. Your task is to fill in the third part and flesh out the joke. EXAMPLE: Reacting to comments about her weight, Rosie O’Donnell said it made her angry, depressed, and hungry. A newspaper is like a website with yesterday’s information. 50 1) In response to recent outrageous statements, the politician said before he spoke in the future, he would research, reflect, and then _________________ 2) Pythons released into the wild by pet owners are becoming a real problem. Because of that you should keep your eyes on the ground, carry a flashlight at night, and _____________________________________________________ 3) The aging Pillsbury Doughboy is suicidal, evidenced by his less frequent laughing, his persistent sleeping, and _______________________________ 4) Christmas Day and Election Day are very similar. They’re both traditional, they’re both emotional, and _______________________________________ 5) The fattest state in the union is southern, poor, and __________________ 6) In a fast food survey, McDonald’s had the best french fries, Five Guys had the best hamburger, and Taco Bell__________________________________ 7) The biggest myths of romance are “Love Conquers All”, “Time Heals All Wounds”, and __________________________________________________ 8) If you want pretty teeth eat less sugar, floss, and ____________________ 9) When you think about it, sex and arguing are very similar. They’re both intense, can involve screaming, and ___________________________________ 10) My how things have changed with airline travel. Pilots are drunk, you’re groped at security, and ____________________________________________ 51 In addition to a simple statement joke, The Rule of Three can be used to generate more complex “story” jokes. It’s the same principle. The first two set the direction, the third changes it. EXAMPLE: The set up for the joke is three lions are talking about different nationalities of tourists and which they prefer to eat. I like the French because… I like the Russians because… I like the Americans because… “Three lions are crouched down, surveying a herd of tourists. The tourists are from France, Russia and the US. The first lion licks his lips and says, “I like the French because they taste like béarnaise sauce.” The second lion points and says, “I like the Russians because they taste like vodka.” The third lion just grins and says, “I like the Americans because they’re so fat you don’t have to chase them very far.” EXERCISE Take the three elements given and create a “story” joke. Remember, the first two statements are plausible and set the direction. The third one breaks it. EXAMPLE: Three secretaries talking about what they want in a boss. I wish… I wish… I wish… Discussing ideal bosses, the first secretary says, “I wish my boss were more like George Clooney because he’s charming. The second secretary says, “I wish my boss were more like Brad Pitt because he’s handsome. The third secretary says, “I wish my boss were more like Don Knotts, because he’s dead.” Belly fat on a woman can be fatal. Particularly if you tell her. 52 1) Three politicians are trying to one up each other with campaign promises. If elected, I’ll give you… If elected, I’ll give you… If elected, I’ll give you… __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ 2) Three airline passengers talking about air travel. What scares me is when… What scares me is when… What scares me is when… __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ 3) Three supervisors talking about how dumb the new hire is. He asked me… He asked me… He asked me… __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ 53 “Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.”* -Dave Barry *We aknowledge that the other quotes have dealt more with the writing of comedy, but this was too funny to pass up. Also, it’s excellent advice. 54 Chapter 10 CD 2 Tracks 8, 9 TOP 10 LISTS Top 10 Reasons We Love Top 10 Lists: 10. They show off our ability to count backward. 9. We know when we’re almost done. 8. It annoys Letterman. 7. Chicks dig ‘em. 6. Only four of them have to be really funny. 5. They pack flat for easy travel. 4. They’re tax deductible. 3. No carbs! 2. They bring back memories of band camp. 1. They help pad our lame workbook! 55 Making a top ten list is a lot of fun and an excellent association exercise. This has been a staple of the Letterman show for years. And for a very good reason - it works. There are four keys to generating a great top 10 list: 1. 2. 3. 4. Work as hard selecting the topics as you do the jokes. Write 10 jokes. Then write about 20 more. Then select the best ten. To select a topic, you are looking for something broad enough to have lots of possibilities and narrow enough to generate focus. And if you are a speaker or presenter, selecting a topic can give you a real chance to customize to a specific audience. For instance you could choose a topic tailored to the audience’s profession or based on the location of the meeting. EXAMPLE: Top 10 things overheard at the state fair. Top 10 convention tips. Top 10 worst pick-up lines. Top 10 things overheard at the high school reunion. Top 10 worst campaign slogans. After you have selected a topic, this is where association comes into play. You try to think of everything you know that relates in any way to the topic. So either in your head or on paper, you fill out your association grid. Brainstorm all the possibilities in all the categories. EXERCISE Try to generate get 5 to 10 jokes on the following topics. Initially, you may need to fill in an association grid from the first chapter, listing every connection you can make to the topic. New motto for Congress: “Fly like an Eagle. Vote like a chicken”. 56 EXAMPLE: Top 10 Things Overheard at the State Fair 10) No really, this is how I guess your weight. 9) Lift up the duck’s butt and see what you won. 8) I’ve seen a lot of people eat a corndog, but you’re the first 7) 6) 5) 4) 3) 2) 1) I’ve seen eat the stick. Who wants to pet the “Snake Boy”?! You want to ride it again? A lot of people don’t get sick the second time. You ever been in the back seat of a bumper car? That’s gonna need stitches. No thanks, 10 fried Oreos is my limit. How about we go double-or-nothing on the blow-up monkey? You wanna buy a pig? 1) Topic: Top 10 Worst Pick-Up Lines 10)____________________________________________________________ 9) ____________________________________________________________ 8) ____________________________________________________________ 7) ____________________________________________________________ 6) ____________________________________________________________ 5) ____________________________________________________________ 4) ____________________________________________________________ 3) ____________________________________________________________ 2) ____________________________________________________________ 1) ____________________________________________________________ 57 2) Topic: Top 10 Worst Campaign Slogans. 10)____________________________________________________________ 9) ____________________________________________________________ 8) ____________________________________________________________ 7) ____________________________________________________________ 6) ____________________________________________________________ 5) ____________________________________________________________ 4) ____________________________________________________________ 3) ____________________________________________________________ 2) ____________________________________________________________ 1) ____________________________________________________________ My bank said I was overdrawn so I sent them a check. 58 Chapter 11 CD 2 Tracks 10, 11 FORMULA JOKES If I had a nickel for every formula joke I’ve used, I would have 5 cents more after this one. 59 We’re going to group together a bunch of joke formats and call them “formula jokes”. Formula jokes are those that are very familiar in their set up. You know the premise. They can be placed almost anywhere at anytime. Some formula jokes include, “Good news, Bad news” or “You know you’re having a bad day when…” or virtually any comedic metaphor or simile. These are set-ups we instantly recognize. Johnny Carson was famous for using them and it was such a part of his opening monologue that the audience would finish the premise. Johnny: In Burbank today, it was so hot. Audience: How hot was it? Johnny: I saw a dog chasing a cat and they were both walking. It was a formula joke that launched Jeff Foxworthy to success. His career exploded when he hit upon his, “…..you might be a redneck.” One way you can use a formula joke is when you want to describe something in a comedic way. The key is to use some of the previous techniques to make it funny – exaggeration, misdirection, or reversal. These jokes can be metaphors or similes or rhetorical questions or essentially anything where “you see a joke coming”. EXAMPLE: He did for writing what garlic did for the midnight kiss. That’s as hard as nailing Jello to a tree. He has a personality like a bucket of hair. You know you’re diplomatic when your favorite color is plaid. I got a hat on “Hat Day” at the ballpark. I’m looking forward to Ladies Day. 60 EXERCISE Finish these formula jokes. Remember, think extreme and absurd and try to write more than one. EXAMPLE: He grows on you, like eColi on warm beef. 1) It was so cold that______________________________________________ 2) This guy was so rude___________________________________________ 3) I’m not gonna say he was tall, but________________________________ 4) He moved faster than__________________________________________ 5) He was non-confrontational_____________________________________ 6) I’m not gonna mention the company name, but______________________ 7) I was so tired, I_______________________________________________ 8) I have the swimming ability of___________________________________ 9) The gap in his front teeth reminded me_____________________________ 10) If he had been any dumber he would ______________________________ 61 “Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.” -W.C. Fields 62 Chapter 12 CD 2 Tracks 12, 13 CARTOONS What do I have to do?! Draw you a picture? 63 Cartoons are one of the oldest, surviving examples of comedy. The drawing below is an actual cave painting from August 24, 3200 BC. If you wash a woolly mammoth in hot water will it shrink? What’s hot water? Okay. We made that up. It was actually September. The point is cartoons are a very effective way to interject humor into most presentations. The phrase “Death by PowerPoint” is very common. That may be an overstatement, but “Torture by PowerPoint” is certainly accurate. One way to liven up the constant deluge of pie charts, bar graphs, and bad clip art is to introduce occasional humor in the form of a cartoon. Not only does it provide some comic relief, it also keeps an audience hopeful as the next slide changes. And cartoons are able to represent some comic ideas better than any other method. If you have a joke that is dependent on an exchange of dialogue between two people, a cartoon may be the most effective way to present that idea. Steroids make you faster, so give them to the people at the DMV. 64 There are three basic ways to use cartoons in presentations: 1) You can use a published cartoon without permission. This is a very popular approach and it is called “Stealing”. 2) You can license a published cartoon. This is not as popular and it is called “Expensive”. 3) Or you can come up with a funny idea and you can draw it or have someone draw it for you. This is what we recommend. And in fact, all the cartoons in this chapter were generated exactly that way. EXERCISE Spend some time working on the cartoons below. Try and generate a funny exchange of dialogue or caption. EXAMPLE: Is this your first time hunting? I yelled “Fore”! 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 If you are interested in great, customized cartoons contact Rick George. RickGeorge@cox.net 78 Chapter 13 CD 3 Tracks 1, 2 INANIMATE OBJECTS Inanimate objects fall into three categories: mineral, vegetable, and postal. 79 Combining unrelated items is a technique used in many pieces of comedy. From cartoons to stand-up routines, connecting two normally unrelated objects opens up a lot of comedy possibilities. Jokes like, “two oranges walk into a bar” or “knock knock – who’s there”, are perfect examples of connecting two inanimate objects. Things that normally don’t go together yet, when combined, yield jokes. Steven Wright is a master of this form of combining two inanimate, unrelated objects, “I put spot remover on my dog and now he’s gone.” “I play the harmonica by holding it out the car window and driving really fast.” “I accidently put my car key in the door to my house. And it started.” He makes the joke by using “double meaning” in the first and by using “exaggeration” in the second, but he starts with two things then combines them and then sees off-the-wall associations. Developing your ability to connect inanimate objects will enhance your joke writing skills because it naturally sets you up to see the abstract. And for the sake of the exercise, we’re going to expand the definition of “inanimate” to include not only objects, but concepts and people as well. You’ve always heard that creativity and humor are connected. That’s because each of those traits are improved if you can see options, alternatives, and associations that others can’t. It’s a skill that some do easily and others find difficult, but either way, it’s a skill that can get better with practice. The first thing that strikes you in New York City is the accent. The second is the taxi. 80 EXAMPLE: Two subjects: Dog, Cowboy A limping dog walked into a cowboy bar and said, “I’m looking for the man that shot my paw”. Two subjects: Shark, Penguin I crossed a shark with a penguin and got an animal dressed to kill. Two subjects: Chicken, Soccer A chicken saw a soccer ball and said, “Wow, impressive!” Two subjects: Igloo, Nursery Rhymes The Eskimo was reading “Little Jack Horner” when his son said, “What’s a corner?” Two subjects: Child, Light I was easily scared as a child. I had a 300 watt nite-light. As you can see, having two wildly different objects sometimes makes it easier to find a humor point. Also, the joke writing can employ any number of techniques we’ve already discussed, i.e. exaggeration, double meaning, malaprop, misdirection, formula joke, etc. The previous examples were different types of jokes but all included two inanimate objects. 81 EXERCISE Now, look at the list of paired objects below and write a joke. Remember, you can use any joke writing technique we’ve discussed to this point. It’s just that having two unrelated objects should help you see the unusual or abstract. As you’ll find, some naturally lend themselves to exaggeration, others to misdirection, others to misuse of an intended definition, and so on. Throw out being conservative, think wildly, and have fun. If you’ve “got nothin’” on one set of words, then move on to the next and come back. EXAMPLE: Fish, Sugar I put a goldfish in the lemonade. People don’t guzzle it so fast and it keeps the sugar stirred up. 1) Apple, Pig __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ 2) Politician, Funeral __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ An astronaut filed for divorce because he needed some space. 82 3) Book, Highway _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ 4) Dentist, Clothing _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ 5) Jokes, Doctor _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ 6) Baby, Newspaper _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ 7) Money, Lion _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ 83 8) Bachelor, Vegetables _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ 9) Pilot, Alarm Clock _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ 10) Television, Lawnmower _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ 11) Computers, Beer _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ 12) Kitchen, Fire Truck _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ Never highlight with a black marker. 84 Chapter 14 CD 3 Tracks 3, 4 LOCATION, LOCATION,LOCATION Between my iPhone and my iPad and my GPS, I can now pinpoint exactly where I am lost. 85 Great jokes are universal. They apply to everyone. And one of the great “universals” is location. At the moment you’re telling the joke, you and the audience are all in the same location. Regardless of age, gender, background and life experiences, it’s guaranteed that everyone will share the same location. It’s the one thing you’re sure to have in common. This can mean the room, the hotel, the city, the state, the country. It would be a lost opportunity if you don’t take advantage of this. For instance, you know your meeting is going to take place in Phoenix in August. Without doing any research, you know that it’s a desert and it’s hot. You know that the major outside activities are going to be the pool and the golf course. The major league sports teams are the Cardinals, the Diamondbacks and the Suns. So what are some possible opening jokes to a group? EXAMPLE: What a great idea to come to Phoenix in August. I guess the surface of the sun wasn’t available. I played golf yesterday. I lost my match by three strokes. Unfortunately, they were heat strokes. The pool was nice. It was the first time I’ve ever tried to swim in a Crockpot. I had a chance to go a Diamondback game. I learned a couple of things. A diamondback is a snake and the team mascot is a lawyer. Phoenix in August is really easy. But, information about virtually anywhere is only a few keystrokes away. A simple Google search will yield tons of associations for anyplace that is unfamiliar. She was a babe. And by “babe”, I’m referring to the movie. 86 EXERCISE So here are a couple of locations. The goal is to write down all the associations you have with the cities. Then, if that doesn’t seem like enough, do some quick research. Jot down some facts and imagine you are putting together three jokes for a presentation. EXAMPLE: New York City Associations: Big, crowded, the Big Apple, dangerous, crime, rats, Broadway, museums, cab drivers, expensive, multi-cultural, the Yankees, the Mets, Times Square, David Letterman, celebrities, Wall Street, Statue of Liberty, subways, Central Park, the city never sleeps. Jokes: 1) It may be the city that never sleeps, but based on the hotel room next to me, it definitely snores. 2) It’s a little expensive, although I was able to manage a down payment on a hamburger. 3) New York City has a very high suicide rate. Or as they term it, “taking a cab”. 87 1) San Francisco Associations: _____________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ Jokes: 1. ______________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ 2. ______________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ 3. ______________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ In lethal injections, do they sterilize the needle? 88 2) Miami Associations: _____________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ Jokes: 1. ______________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ 2. ______________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ 3. ______________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ 89 3) Las Vegas Associations: _____________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ Jokes: 1. ______________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ 2. ______________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ 3. ______________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ On my birthday my family surprised me with a car. They missed. 90 Chapter 15 CD 3 Tracks 5, 6 RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES If a guy is executed in the electric chair, is that a current event? 91 This is a chance to use all the techniques we have discussed: exaggeration, association, multiple definitions, rule of three, formula jokes, etc. And the best part of this exercise is that you can see how you did on a daily basis. In the FunnierU continuity program, you’ll be getting at least three jokes a day to test yourself against. And if that’s not enough, tune into the Tonight Show monologue and you can see what some of the best comedy writers in the country came up with. What do you need? A newspaper or the internet, and your brain. The good news is you’ll almost always have two of those. The bad news, sometimes your brain isn’t one of them. The newspaper is obvious. The websites FunnierU consistently relies on are the USA Today, Yahoo News, CNN, AOL, etc. The process is pretty simple: read the headlines and start applying some of these comedy tools. You don’t have to read the entire article. In fact, most of the ideas will spark with a very cursory skim. In the book that accompanies this program, there are tons of these examples, but here’s a couple to start with. Example: Headline - “Auto fatalities are declining while pedestrian fatalities are up.” Joke - Auto fatalities are down while pedestrian deaths are up. So if you do survive a crash, don’t get out of your car. Headline – “Close friends are key to healthy habits.” Joke - A study says that a circle of friends is the key to developing healthy habits. Obviously this researcher never met my friends. Where are the father-in-law jokes? 92 Just like this is an unending source for late night comedy monologues, it’s an equally endless reservoir for you. And like any other skill, it takes time to develop. But the good news is that you get better and you get faster. For the authors of this program, writing 5 jokes a day is one of the best disciplines we have ever undertaken. EXERCISE We’ll give you some headlines. Make the associations to the key words and ideas in the stories. Then, start combining those associations and applying some of the comedy tools. EXAMPLE: A Jamaican resort is offering a free wedding if you’re willing to get married in the nude. Joke: This should clear up any doubt who is the best man. 1) Headline: Google Maps has added indoor navigation. Joke: __________________________________________________________ 2) Headline: British women top the European Union’s obesity charts. Joke: __________________________________________________________ 3) Headline: A Facebook phone is hitting the market. Joke: __________________________________________________________ 93 4) Headline: Canada has introduced a $100 bill made of plastic. Joke: __________________________________________________________ 5) Headline: McDonalds is rolling out Happy Meals that have apple slices instead of French fries. Joke: __________________________________________________________ 6) Headline: A cancer center is urging smokers to switch to smokeless tobacco. Joke: __________________________________________________________ 7) Headline: Experts debate the most effective exercise machine. Joke: __________________________________________________________ 8) Headline: A hospitality website listed the top 10 places to sleep with a ghost. Joke: __________________________________________________________ 9) Headline: People are choosing phones based on the camera. Joke: __________________________________________________________ If you can’t be nice, at least be vague. 94 Chapter 16 CD 3 Tracks 7, 8 TAGS You’re it. 95 This lesson comes near the end of this program for a reason. It is more post graduate instruction than undergrad. One thing that separates good comics from great comics is the use of tags. Simply stated, tags are punchlines that immediately follow punchlines. Normal joke structure is: Setup — Punch Setup — Punch Setup — Punch With tags, it looks more like: Setup – Punch, Punch, Punch Tags offer a couple of benefits. Your comedy (even if it is only a small portion of your overall presentation) is much more efficient. You get multiple payoffs from a single setup. It also builds momentum. With each tag, you are pulling the audience into your rhythm. It also increases attention. An audience isn’t sure if the next line will be another punchline, so they stay engaged. A trusted adage of comedy is, “There is always another tag.” This simply means that just because you have found one tag doesn’t mean there aren’t more. This is one reason why a story or bit takes a long time to fully develop. You have to be willing to add to it and edit it constantly. One surprising source of tags is the audience. It’s amazing how often an audience member can contribute something that will stick. These can come in the form of comments, questions, and sadly for a nightclub comic... heckling. A tag can take various forms, including a virtual restatement of the original punchline, usually with increasing exaggeration. Some mistakes are too much fun to only do once. 96 For instance, say you want to describe your initial reaction upon seeing an intimidating colonoscopy probe. One way is to introduce a series of metaphors, each one increasing in absurdity. EXAMPLE: Setup: The nurse walked in with a colonoscopy probe. A camera designed to be shoved into the human body. Punchline: Think of a gorilla fist holding a Nikon. Tag: A Louisville Slugger with a zoom lens. Tag: A sewer culvert with a Panavision camera. Also, a tag can extend the story. Instead of restating, these tags add details. Each takes you one step further. EXAMPLE: Setup: The nurse walked in with a colonoscopy probe. A camera designed to be shoved into the human body. Punchline: Imagine a sewer culvert with a Panavision camera. Tag: And a dolly. Tag: And a director. Tag: And a catering truck. And, less obviously, a tag can be physical. It can be a gesture, a facial expression, a walk or a movement. Anything you can do physically that extends the laughter or gets another laugh, that’s a tag. 97 EXERCISE Below are some Funnier U jokes. See if you can find at least one tag. Two is better. Three is great! EXAMPLE: Wisconsin is giving tourists a map locating 115 different dairies. Joke: Not only is it a guide for cheese-loving adults, it’s an excellent punishment for children. Tag: Hey kids, wake up, we’re going to Udder World! Tag: Who wants to ride the Brie?! Tag: What’dya say, this year, we skip the Haunted House of Cut Cheese. 1) More bullying cases are ending up in the courts. Joke: Because nothing says “anti-bully” like a retaining a lawyer. Tag: __________________________________________________________ Tag: __________________________________________________________ Tag: __________________________________________________________ Second place is okay. The second mouse gets the cheese. 98 2) Scientists found a particle that travels faster than the speed of light. Joke: The post office says don’t worry, they can slow it down. Tag: __________________________________________________________ Tag: __________________________________________________________ Tag: __________________________________________________________ 3) Walmart is adding health clinics. Joke: That’s good marketing because every time I walk into a Walmart, I feel a little sick. Tag: __________________________________________________________ Tag: __________________________________________________________ Tag: __________________________________________________________ 99 4) How bad is the economy? Joke: The new “Bond Girl” has been downgraded to the “Junk Bond Girl.” Tag: __________________________________________________________ Tag: __________________________________________________________ Tag: __________________________________________________________ 5) People paid admission to watch a performance artist give birth in an art gallery. Joke: No word on how many paid to watch the conception. Tag: __________________________________________________________ Tag: __________________________________________________________ Tag: __________________________________________________________ My dad was kinda funny. He worked as a small claims court jester. 100 Chapter 17 CD 3 Tracks 9, 10 BUILDING BITS Building a comedy bit is similar to building a house. Except when it leaks you can’t sue the contractor. 101 In comedy vernacular, we write jokes, but we build bits. So what is a bit? Loosely defined, a bit is a series of jokes built around a common subject, theme or emotion. In professional speaking, it is most often seen in story form. Length varies, but most bits are in the 2-5 minute range. Building a bit is more than just writing a bunch of jokes on the same subject. It is an exploration of a subject. It is asking a number of questions and looking at the idea from different sides and perspectives. The subject can be very broad, such as the differences between men and women. Or, it can be seemingly miniscule, like Jim Gaffigan’s in depth look at bacon. That’s right. Bacon. (Technically, you could call this his bacon bit.) That said, a bit usually begins with a stand-alone joke that resonates with an audience. You have found something that the majority of people can relate to, in other words, a “universal”. Now, you want to expand on that. For instance, let’s say you have a killer joke about fishing. (And for the fish, every fishing joke is a killer.) The next step is to start asking questions. What does this look like from the fish’s point of view? If I were an alien, what would I think this guy is doing? How much time and money is spent to catch something that could be bought in the store for 3 dollars? Why is it called cleaning fish when it is a filthy project? What is the spouse’s attitude? What if I tried to teach my spouse to fish? Why do fishermen lie about their catch? What kind of bait do you use if you don’t really want to catch anything? How do you explain to your kids that you found Nemo? What about those guys that fish with their hands? When did fishing become suitable for television? What kind of woman is attracted to a man on the Pro Bass Tour? Is catch and release the cruelest trick ever? Have you ever eaten a fish dinner in the same room where there was an aquarium? I took up exercise so I could hear heavy breathing. 102 The number of questions is unlimited. And you can pick an angle or direction that guides the questions. For instance, A “fishing” bit could really be an examination of the differences between men and women. I quit taking my wife fishing when I realized she was rooting for the worm. A “fishing” bit could be a small part of a socio-economic comparison of hobbies. In the entire history of the world, you’ve never heard a guy in overalls say, “I’m fixin’ to play some squash.” Or, a fishing bit could be a story. Some buddies and I went to Cabo. I caught a swordfish, a marlin and a disease. Great bits have one thing in common: They explore a subject in a way that is new and original. And the answers generated feel true. Here is one key piece of advice when you’re developing a bit: Play. Let your imagination loose. This is brainstorming time, not evaluating time. Don’t lock yourself into any idea or concept too soon. You’ll pare down the bit when you’re getting ready to present it, not now. 103 EXERCISE Take the topics given and create at least five questions. EXAMPLE: Getting pulled over for speeding. 1) Where were you going? 2) What was the cop’s attitude? 3) What are the differences in how a woman/man try and get out of a ticket? 4) What ’s traffic school like? 5) How does the car you’re driving affect the situation? 1) Back-to-school shopping. 1) ________________________________________________________________ 2) __________________________________________________________ 3) __________________________________________________________ 4) __________________________________________________________ 5) __________________________________________________________ The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once. 104 2) Buying coffee at Starbucks. 1) ________________________________________________________________ 2) __________________________________________________________ 3) __________________________________________________________ 4) __________________________________________________________ 5) __________________________________________________________ 3) Attending a high school reunion. 1) ________________________________________________________________ 2) __________________________________________________________ 3) __________________________________________________________ 4) __________________________________________________________ 5) __________________________________________________________ 105 4) Taking a car to the mechanic. 1) ________________________________________________________________ 2) __________________________________________________________ 3) __________________________________________________________ 4) __________________________________________________________ 5) __________________________________________________________ 5) Doing yard work. 1) ________________________________________________________________ 2) __________________________________________________________ 3) __________________________________________________________ 4) __________________________________________________________ 5) __________________________________________________________ What’s the youngest you can be to die of old age? 106 Chapter 18 CD 3 Tracks 11, 12 TRANSITIONS AND SEGUES A transition can make you look smooth. But a Segway just makes you look like a nerd on a scooter. 107 After learning to write jokes and build bits, there is a final step. That is developing the transitions between them. Many times a comic moves from bitto-bit and an audience never even realizes he has done this. Why? Because the transitions themselves are funny. In addition to pure comedians, humor is a great way to bridge subjects for a more serious speaker. Or picture a salesperson making a presentation. He wants to move from delivering information to closing a sale. A bit of humor can be the perfect, non-threatening way to make that jump. Salesman: “It slices, it dices, it will do everything but drive to your door and deliver itself! By the way, when would be a good time for you to take delivery?” (That example, by the way, is exactly why the Faculty of Funnier U have careers in humor and not in sales.) The good news about writing transitions is that it’s just an extension of a previous lesson: Association. The process is to take the subject matter of the two items to be bridged and start generating associations. And like the previous association exercises, more is better. Don’t worry about the joke yet, just write down everything you can think of that touches on the two subjects. EXERCISE Choose a topic from column A and one from column B and enter them on the worksheets located on pages 111-113. Find 10 associations that link the two items. Then write three possible transitions between the two. Who put an “S” in the word lisp? 108 A B Cars Facebook Vacations Do it yourself projects In-Laws Oprah Airports Camping Reality shows UFO’s High school Technology New York City Family reunions Sports Tattoos and piercings Dieting Halloween Fashion show Earthquakes 109 EXAMPLE: Transition between: Work and Dogs Associations: Work like a dog. What is a dog’s job? What does a dog do on his day off? How do dogs get paid? If a dog had to do your job, what kind of dog would it be? They call it “a dog’s life” Can you spay or neuter your boss? Your boss treats you like a dog. Cubicle or kennel? What would a dog’s resume look like? Transitions: 1) I’ve spent my whole life trying to find the perfect career and I realized all I really want is my dog’s job. 2) When we come home, are dogs excited because they are glad to see us or because it reminds them that they didn’t have to go to work. 3) For I awhile, I thought my boss treated me like a dog. Then I realized, no, my dog gets occasional treats. When I was a kid, the remote control was my little brother. 110 1) Transition between: ___________________ and ___________________ Associations: 1) ____________________________________________________________ 2) ____________________________________________________________ 3) ____________________________________________________________ 4) ____________________________________________________________ 5) ____________________________________________________________ 6) ____________________________________________________________ 7) ____________________________________________________________ 8) ____________________________________________________________ 9) ____________________________________________________________ 10) ___________________________________________________________ Transitions: 1) ____________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ 2) ____________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ 3) ____________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ 111 2) Transition between: ____________________ and ___________________ Associations: 1) ____________________________________________________________ 2) ____________________________________________________________ 3) ____________________________________________________________ 4) ____________________________________________________________ 5) ____________________________________________________________ 6) ____________________________________________________________ 7) ____________________________________________________________ 8) ____________________________________________________________ 9) ____________________________________________________________ 10) ___________________________________________________________ Transitions: 1) ____________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ 2) ____________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ 3) ____________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ Does an Archbishop have to move diagonally? 112 3) Transition between: ____________________ and ___________________ Associations: 1) ____________________________________________________________ 2) ____________________________________________________________ 3) ____________________________________________________________ 4) ____________________________________________________________ 5) ____________________________________________________________ 6) ____________________________________________________________ 7) ____________________________________________________________ 8) ____________________________________________________________ 9) ____________________________________________________________ 10) ___________________________________________________________ Transitions: 1) ____________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ 2) ____________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ 3) ____________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ 113 “I've had great success being a total idiot.” -Jerry Lewis 114 Chapter 19 CD 3 Track 13 THE PROS Calling a man a pro is a compliment. But calling a woman a pro can get you slapped. 115 You can’t write comedy if you can’t identify comedy. The good news about this chapter is that your homework involves watching some of the absolute best in the profession. EXERCISE Take a look at the three clips. First just watch and laugh. Then watch a second time and make note of the comedy writing techniques the comic employs. EXAMPLE: This a Jim Gaffigan YouTube clip of his famous “Hot Pocket” routine. Granted, he uses many brilliant delivery methods that definitely make the routine, but focus on the content. Because of his funny style, people sometimes forget what a brilliant writer he is. Stop the clip periodically and write down the type of joke he used. Search YouTube: Jim Gaffigan Beyond the Pale Hot Pockets Exaggeration: It’s cooked in a dirty microwave. Is it cold in the middle: it’s frozen. The outside is like boiling hot lava. Will it burn my mouth: it will destroy your mouth, everything will taste like rubber for a month. There is now a breakfast Hot Pocket…FINALLY! Tags: I’m gonna die. I paid for that? Did I eat it or rub it on my face. My back hurts. Rule of Three: It’s a pop tart filled with nasty meat, slipped in a sleeve, and then dunked in a toilet. You can now have a Hot Pocket for breakfast, a Hot Pocket for lunch, and be dead by dinner. Kim Jong Il? Nope. Kim Jong Dead. 116 1) Ellen Degeneres is a wildly successful TV star, but she got her start in stand-up. Watch this clip from her first appearance on the Johnny Carson show in 1986 and you’ll see some examples of terrific writing. She is a misdirection expert because she constantly takes you down a path you aren't expecting. Do the same as with the first clip: watch and then watch again and write the types of jokes you saw. Search YouTube: Ellen Degeneres The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson Misdirection ____________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ Double Meaning _______________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ Rule of Three ___________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ Tags __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ Misuse of intended definition ______________________________________ _________________________________________________________ 117 Mitch Hedberg is regarded as a comic genius and when you watch this clip you’ll see why. His delivery was not filled with staging and gimmicks, just a direct staccato of words. He was a brilliant writer. Some regarded him as the king of association with his ability to take a seemingly meaningless statement or thing and turn it into a joke by seeing a connection that the normal person would miss. Pay particular attention to his focus on words that you normally wouldn’t focus on, and his finding an unintended definition to a common phrase or word. Watch and write it down. Search YouTube: Mitch Hedberg 1998 Just for Laughs gala Focus on a different word _________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ Misuse of an intended definition ___________________________________ __________________________________________________________ Misdirection ____________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ Tags __________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ Double Meaning ________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ I have my sex and steak the same way: very rare. 118 IN CONCLUSION All good things must come to an end. That’s a bad example. 119 Now before you start criticizing us for what this book was missing, remember two things: We never said it would have everything about joke writing. We’re very sensitive guys. You’ve probably noticed some omissions like Yogisms or misplacement or phrase mangling. But most of those are just incorrect placement of things that become accidentally funny. This book was an attempt to help you become intentionally funny. Seriously, it would be impossible to put every joke writing technique and concept into a book because there are just too many ways to do it. Plus, most jokes are a mixture of techniques…a little exaggeration with a hint of misdirection spiced up with some misused definition, topped off with a sprig of parsley. Our goal was to get you into a mindset with theory and exercises so you can “funny up” a presentation, enhance your communication skills, or maybe even become the life of the party. Whatever your objective, we do believe this stuff will help make you funnier. Keep this book handy. Practice the drills. Tune in your comedy channel, and start thinking, writing, and being funny. So congratulations, you’re now a graduate of FunnierU! And if you’re male, you should know that polls in Cosmopolitan magazine say that a sense of humor is the number one thing that attracts women. Curiously, you rarely see Brad Pitt trampled by women trying to get to Carrot Top. 120