PCNJ Newsletter-2012-05 - Pride Center of New Jersey

Summer 2012
The Pride Center of New Jersey
85 Raritan Ave.
Suite 100
Highland Park, NJ 08904-2430
www.pridecenter.org
A 501(c)3 Tax-Exempt
Not-for-profit Corporation
Newsletter Staff:
Robert Millosh Editor-In-Chief
Dave Lamphier Asst. Editor
Daphne Kanellopoulos Asst.
Editor
In This Issue:
 Cover: Picnic
 From the President
 Op/Ed: My Evolution
on my Position on
Barack Obama
 You Make a Difference
 A Wedding….
 Out In Print
 Groups, Meetings and
Social Events
 What A World It
Would Be
 What Motivates You?
 U.S. News
 World News
 Reason
 Educational Forum
 The Dhuran Ravi Sentence and Why I (Sort
of) Don’t Care
Back page:
Pride Center
Information &
Membership
Vol. 20 , No. 3 Published Quarterly
From the President….
Dear Members, Friends and Supporters of the Pride Center of New Jersey, The quip, “The
love that dare not speak its name, now just refuses to shut up,” rings truer than ever. Last
week alone, first the Vice President in a television interview coming out loud for marriage
equality, followed only a few days later by the President's announcing the resolution of
his evolution, and now magazine covers featuring the President and the White House decorated with rainbows.
In the same week, discouraging results from North Carolina, with its own governor expressing embarrassment and shame at her own state voting to embody the denial of rights
in its constitution, while news of another, then another teen suicide under the pressure of
steady, unbridled bullying and harassment hits us with sickening force.
And it's all on the front page, on Facebook, in e-mail blasts, television talk shows and in
our own conversations with each other over lunch, in support groups, at social events. The
Religious Right continues to oppose anti-bullying legislation under the guise of protecting their religious freedom and free speech. California is on the verge of a vote on banning the practice of conversion therapy on
youth.
For those who are not yet out to family and straight friends, it has to be a challenging time for remaining silent
when LGBT is at the top of the list of current topics of conversation! And it's not likely to let up. Locally and
nationally, Tyler Clementi, Dharun Ravi and the whole issue of bullying and society's response will be front and
center again next week (history by the time you read this) when the verdict is announced. How do you feel
about these issues and developments? What is your thinking about marriage equality? the constitutional issues
being argued? the status of legal protection against discrimination in our state and in others....and around the
globe? For that matter, what's your current LGBT awareness IQ? Do bisexuals really exist? Or is it just a way
station on the road to coming out gay? How many genders are there? What's kink and do I need some?
Here's my suggestion for honing up on your thinking and knowledge about all things LGBT. Put on your seat
belt and take a tour of the Pride Center's current offerings, in the newsletter and on our web site,
ww.pridecenter.org. Everything from coming out support groups for men and women, trans-support, youth drop
in, social networks for every age and gender, entertainment on the weekends in the form of movie night, game
night, karaoke, etc.
Popular this year for the first time, we've had book events featuring gay authors; an exhibit of male erotic art that
brought together 10 prominent gay artists and a large attendance. And there's still time to sign up for sessions in
our Spring Education Forum, sponsored by the Men's Guild of the Pride Center. It's all on the web site, it's for
real, it just awaits your participation.
We also invite your initiative in suggesting and bringing fresh ideas for programs and activities to YOUR
PRIDE CENTER! Once again, give the newsletter a good read, visit the web site regularly for current happenings and updates, and come to the Center for empowerment, new friends, community. It all comes together this
summer at our annual LGBT Community Picnic on Saturday, July 21. Info about that in the newsletter as well!
In Pride and Joy, David
The Pride Center of NJ Membership
Becoming a member of the Pride Center is one of the
best ways to help ensure that the LGBTIQ community
of New Jersey has a “home” for meetings and services,
as well as a tremendous source for LGBTIQ information. The Pride Center of New Jersey is a 501(c)3 nonprofit organization, which means that your membership
contribution or donation is tax-deductible.
Memberships have great benefits like getting this newsletter right to your door, and valuable discounts on
PCNJ events!
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Op/Ed...
My evolution on my position on Barack Obama
By Daphne L. Kanellopoulos
I remember hearing Barack Obama, a democratic presidential candidate way back on August 9, 2007 during an historic presidential forum, The Visible Vote ’08: A Presidential Forum, state that he is for civil unions but not same-sex
marriage. Obama said he would work to strengthen civil unions if elected.
When I discussed this with people, some of them firmly believed he would eventually come out in favor of same-sex
marriage. I was doubtful, but he at least supported civil unions. Dennis Kucinich and Mike Gravel were the only candidates who in that forum in 2007 said they were for full marriage equality. Everyone else supported civil unions and
everyone was in agreement that it was time to repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” None of the Republican presidential
candidates attended the forum and they were invited.
I voted for Obama, but I did not get caught up in the Obama Fever that was sweeping so many people. Then, during
his tenure as president, Barack Obama announced that his views were evolving. He said he had gay and lesbian individuals working for him who were in committed long-term relationships and he was struggling with the issue of their
having the same legal rights as heterosexual married couples. It seemed that he wasn’t entirely confident at that point
that civil unions were adequate to address all the legal issues. That was when I began to believe that those who said he
would eventually come out in full support of it were right.
It seems to me like it shouldn’t be an issue in the first place. It doesn’t hurt heterosexual marriage and it would
strengthen same-sex unions AND give legal legitimacy to families. That can only HELP children who are part of
those families.
The definition argument has no solid ground. Marriage has been redefined throughout history. I am almost certain
Obama’s announcement that his position is evolving came before New York passed the marriage equality bill on Saturday, June 24, 2011. There’s another example of a position that evolved. Republican Senator Mark Grisanti said that
as a Catholic he believed that marriage was between a man and a woman, but he looked at civil unions as a lawyer and
found that they do not provide the same legal protections that a marriage does, “I cannot deny a person, a human being, a taxpayer, a worker, the people of my district and across this state, the State of New York, and those people who
make this the great state that it is the same rights that I have with my wife.”
Evolution continued on page 14
Center Staff
pridecenternewsletter@gmail.com
Rates for the Pride Center Newsletter (hardcopy):
Our quarterly newsletter is mailed and distributed to the
LGBTI. Deadline for ads Nov. 21th, 2011: Pride Edition. Ad
Rates are:
Business Card:
$30.
1/4 Page:
$50.
1/2 Page:
$75.
FULL Page:
$100..
MAIL CHECK WITH COPY OR VISIT WEB FOR PAY
PALStaff:
Editor-In-Chief—Robert Millosh;
Assistant Editors—Dave Lamphier; Daphne
Kanellopoulos
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David Rogoff
Carlton Hurdle, Jr.
Kate Whitefield
Peter Dumpert
Al LeGoff
Leigh Pafford
Joel Cohen Esq.
Skip Quinn
Mitch Rubin
Tom Nicola
Glenn Patterson
Ricardo Murano
Harold Goldenberg
Justin Schultz
Carly McClean
Chris Fleming
Gary Pfeffer
Ray Johnson
Ellen Gilio
Robert Millosh
Dave Lamphier
Chris Demers
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President
Vice President
2nd Vice President
Treasurer
Asst. Treasurer
Secretary
Trustee
Trustee
Trustee
Trustee
Trustee
Trustee
Trustee
Trustee
Trustee
Trustee
Group Development
E-News Bulletins
Youth Administrator
Newsletter Editor
Trustee
Webmaster
You Make a Difference
By Dave Lamphier
Hi there, thanks for reading our newsletter, if you are reading this and not yet a member of the Pride Center of
New Jersey yet I strongly urge you to consider signing up to be one.
When I was growing up I was always ''out'', but I never had any resources to learn about who I was, nor did I
have any venue of social interactions with other gay people, outside of bars and clubs ,which sadly don't usually
provide a safe warm atmosphere in which to make meaningful friends and relationships. Quite frankly before I
discovered the center I was a very lonely person, shy, isolated, terribly unhappy. This place and the friends I have
made through it have literally lifted my life up and changed my life. I would have been lost without it.
By becoming a member of the Pride Center you are contributing to an institution that is vital to the LGBT community within New Jersey, Insuring that there will always be a place of safe haven for gay youth ,a place for answers for those questioning their sexual orientation or gender identity, providing an alternative outlet for social
interaction, we exist for you and we exist because of you. Come be part of us.
The Pride Center of New Jersey, Inc.
Serving New Jersey’s LGBTIQ Community
A 501(c)3 Tax-Exempt Not-for-Profit Corporation
The mission of The Pride Center of New Jersey is to provide comprehensive programming which fosters the health and well-being of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender,
intersexed, and questioning (LGBTIQ) community, and to increase public acceptance and champion social change for the LGBTIQ community through education and outreach.
The Pride Center envisions a world where members of the LGBTIQ community are empowered as individuals, as citizens and as members of the larger community, enjoying
non-prejudicial treatment under the law and in every aspect of their lives. We will encourage the creation of a society that celebrates the inherent worth, dignity, and diverse
characteristics of every individual. We will be a leader in New Jersey for the collaboration of LGBTIQ and allied groups, the media, and policy makers; a resource and service
center for all persons and organizations who share our vision; and a place of safety and education.
The Pride Center News is a free quarterly publication.
Advertising rates: A business card ad is $30 per issue. Ad rates are determined by how many “business card spaces” (3.5”x2”) an ad takes up on one letter-size page and is
multiplied by $30. A full page ad is $300.
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A Wedding….
On April 28, 2012, we celebrated our wedding. Both of us met at the Pride Center in August
2006, and went through the usual trials and tribulations of coming out. The coming out process
never really ends. It continues and luckily, it does become less awkward than the first couple
of months. After buying a house together in 2010, and now getting married in 2012, it had
been six years after both of us started attending the Men’s Coming Out group.
We were determined to not let anything damper our wedding experience. If the governor of
New Jersey decided to veto the bill allowing us to marry - we would not let that stop us. We
were going to have a wedding no matter what - and yes, in New Jersey. The term civil union
was downplaying what our event actually was. Our friends and family were not coming to a
civil union ceremony -- it was a wedding -- period.
During our photo session with the wedding party, which took place on the beach in Asbury
Park, we overheard a woman make a vocal comment as she saw us walking and holding hands. She said to someone with her, “I
don’t know why they have to advertise it like that.” Did she really say that? And in Asbury Park, of all places?
It was in that moment that we snapped ourselves out of it. We were not going to let this woman’s comment bother us. It wasn’t
going to throw us off. We were not going to let some cranky biddy or absolutely anyone, for that matter, even come close to tarnishing our special day. Over our dead bodies!!!
This one incident reminded us that some people will never change. However, we can continue to be ourselves, regardless of how
uncomfortable it makes other people. It is up to them to have an open mind. It is not our responsibility to force them to accept us.
We have to accept ourselves - first and foremost.
We were not getting married to make a statement or advertise it. We were
getting married because we love each other. It was our decision to do the unthinkable and let go of the fear and just be there for each other in the name of
love. Love transcends all hate, fear, criticism, guilt, sarcasm and vulnerability.
It certainly did on
our wedding day.
Joe Rosenberg and
Bryan Gustus
Free HIV Testing
The Pride Center hosts the University of Medicine & Dentistry of New Jersey- Robert Wood
Johnson Medical School’s HIV Counseling
and Testing program on the 2nd Monday of
each month from 6:30pm – 8pm. They will be
providing free and confidential rapid HIV testing at the Pride Center. Any person 13 years
old and over is welcome. Results will be given
in 15 minutes!! Room 2
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Out In Print
COMING OUT
Behind the scenes I live my Life
As if an actor in a play
Wake up, Get dressed, Go to Work
For I must bring home my pay
As I become the working girl
I try to react and display
The image co-workers perceive me to be
Becomes the outer person I convey
But inside me; lives another being
Whose spirit I must betray
It’s not easy to lead two lives
In the social morality of today
Keep fighting for equality
And for that Special Day
When I can be myself
Even though I’m Gay
Copyright ©2002 Frances A. Cullari
Reprinted with permission
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
― Oscar Wilde
Submit short fiction and poetry, or photographs for Out In Print to: pridecenternewsletter@gmail.com subject line
Out In Print
“Yes: I am a dreamer. For a dreamer is one who can only find his way by
moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the
world.”
― Oscar Wilde, The Critic as Artist
–6–
Marsha N. Shapiro, LCSW, BCD, LLC
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Board Certified Diplomate
Francine A. Gargano
individual * couple * family * group therapy
community education * staff training
20 Shawnee Drive, Suite B
Watchung, New Jersey 07069
Attorney at Law
Phone:908-753-2079
Offices in North Brunswick and Toms River
(732) 422-9400
Annual Membership
Drive, a good time to renew your PCNJ membership. See form in Newsletter, or register on line at
www.pridecenter.org
–7–
FAX: 908-755-3586
GROUP MEETINGS & SOCIAL EVENTS
Check the calendar page at PrideCenter.org for up-to-date schedules of all meetings or call 732-846-2232
GROUP MEETINGS
Arts Adventures: Provides opportunities for PCNJ members
and friends to participate with others in attending a variety of
cultural events (i.e. theater, museums, galleries, concerts,
opera and dance). The date, time and place of upcoming
events are sent by e-mail. Contact artsadventures36@aol.com
to learn more.
Gay Men’s Guild
Established to make a positive difference in the lives of gay
men, by providing a nurturing environment of understanding
and respect for gay men of New Jersey. The Guild is dedicated and committed to developing and maintaining a gay
men’s community. For more information njwarrior@aol.com
Gay Men’s Living Out Support Group
Bisexual Social Support Group: The purpose of this
Meets every Wednesday Night at 7:30 p.m. A Support Discussion group for gay men Living Out of the Closet. Afterwards men go to a diner to socialize.
group is a discussion group that discusses different aspects
of the bi community. Such as, bisexuals in the work place,
family, and to be there in a place that is considered safe to
discuss these issues. Also, coming out stories can be shared
amongst the group.. The allies are friends of bisexuals who
show there support for the group. For info email dtmadness778@yahoo.com
Gay Men’s Social Group
Social, educational, rap, potlucks, for everyone. E-mail
njrj@aol.com for more information. Second & fourth Tuesday, 8:30 p.m.
Booked for Supper
GLSEN Central New Jersey
The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network
strives to assure that each member of every school community is valued and respected regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity/expression. The training
committee meets 3rd Thursday at 7:00 PM
Each month the group will pick a novel to read for the next
month's discussion. Booked for Lunch is changing to Booked
for Supper, and will be meeting the 2nd Wednesday of each
month from 6 to 7 PM at the Pride Center in Room 2, beginning April 11. Contact Walter at whotkowski@aol.com
Come Out and Play (COP)
A social networking group for 20- and 30-somethings, offering a variety of social events, helpful workshops and volunteering opportunities. COP meets at the Center the first and
third Tuesday, 7:00-9:30pm. Other events throughout the
month, visit http://www.pridecenter.org/cop/ for more information.
Gay Dad’s Coming Out Support Group
Monthly meeting focusing on parent/child issues for gay dads
info. First Wednesday night of the month 7:30-9:00 p.m..
Contact Joel at explorejoel@yahoo.com
Gay Educators Group
First Thursday Each Month. 7:30-9:30pm This will be a
safe place for gay folks working in education to meet
other gay folks in education. This will be a social group
where members can meet new people and talk. We will
plan another event outside of the Pride Center. Drop-ins
and new members are always welcomed to the first
meeting each month at the Pride Center. For more info
contact us at cnjguy1981@gmail.com
Gay Men’s Coming Out Support Group
A moderated discussion group for issues related to coming
out as gay men. E-mail njwarrior@aol.com for more information. Every Wednesday, 7:30 p.m.
–8–
JERSEY KOLLEGE OF KINK
Jersey Kollege of Kink is an ongoing educational project of the NJ Leather Family as a service to the
Leather/GLBT community, presided over by Headmistress Goddess Morgaine. Whether to satisfy your curiosity, learn some new skills or just for the experience
come and check it out. All sessions open to all genders,
age 18 and over. 2nd Thursday of each month, 7:30-9
PM. For further info, contact either dragonslairprod@aol.com or msnjleather2010@yahoo.com
LGBT Activist Forum:
The purpose of this forum will be to discuss, educate and inform ourselves respecting issues that affect the happiness,
safety and civil rights of LGBT people in our immediate
world and the world at large. The group will set its own
agenda for topics to be discussed and will plan occasional
related educational events for the Center community through
guest speakers, panel presentations and films. Contact David
Rogoff dvdgrog@aol.com for information.
GROUP MEETINGS & SOCIAL EVENTS
Check the calendar page at PrideCenter.org for up-to-date schedules of all meetings or call 732-846-2232
Living Soulfully is a community of men who love men to
nurture individual and collective conscious spiritual growth.
You are invited to share an evening of connection! We
nourish the mind, body and heart with opportunities to meet
people, heart-felt sharing and fun in a safe, supportive environment. For info, contact: Elias Scultori, ACC, MSM
elias@eliasscultori.com 732.419.2566
The Pride Center Players
Third Tuesday Each Month. 7-10pm The Pride Center Players is a new community theater production company being
formed by Darren Nye, which will focus on LGBTIQ topics. Darren is looking for other leaders to join the Board of
Trustees, as well as actors and a production crew. actors
interested in auditioning, should visit
www.thepridecenterplayers.org for more information or
write to nye@nyetech.com.
Living Out Women
A social group that offers women 21+ the opportunity to be
a part of discussions, meet-ups, trips, and lend each other
help, support, and guidance. The idea is to create a place
where we can meet new friends in a relaxed environment. A
portion of the first few meetings will be devoted to identifying discussion topics and/or beginning to make plans for
events. Meets 1st & 3rd Mondays of Every Month Time
8:00 – 9:30 PM Location Room 3, Contact womensocial@gmail.com to learn more.
Torah Queeries
Torah study through a queer lens, using as a jumping point
for discussion, the book: Torah Queeries, Weekly Commentaries on the Hebrew Bible (available through Amazon.com). Its chapters contain liberating and healing messages, inspired by and drawn from Biblical texts, on the
interface of our Jewish and LGBT identities. For inquiries
or to register, contact David Rogoff at dvdgrog@aol.com.
will be meeting on the third Sunday of each month at the
Pride Center, from 4:30-6 PM
TrueSelves
Metropolitan Community Church of Christ the Liberator (MCC CTL): Metropolitan Community Church of
A Transgender Support group focusing on issues and understanding yourself and your community. All Transgender
queer spectrum related sexualities are welcome. Third Sunday of every month, 4:00-6:00 p.m., contact
stephaniefyh@gmail.com for info.
Christ the Liberator (MCC CTL) worships every Sunday at
10:45 AM; there is a fellowship meal after service on the
second Sunday of the month, as well as other periodic social
and educational events. Come and learn and grow! For further information, please call 732.823.2193 or consult the
website at www.mccctl.com.
Tuesday Night Men’s Social: Social, educational, rap,
potlucks, for everyone. Meets second & fourth Tuesdays @
8:00 p.m. Email njrj@aol.com for info.
New Jersey Stonewall Democrats. They support Pro
Equality Democrats and Holding Democrats Accountable. This group is open to all interested adults. E Mail
abncpcm@comcast.net and ejzip@aol.com for more details
and meeting times.
Under the Rainbow
Overeaters’ Anonymous
Both a discussion group and a social group for young GLBT
people ages 18-23. The group meets the fourth Saturday of
each month 4:30 to 7:30. There are discussions about anything from coming out to relationships. It's a safe place to
make new friends. Please contact for more details. Bassoon_baffoon@hotmail.com
The After School HangOUT: Support and Social Group
GROUP MEETINGS CONTINUED ON PAGE 11
A program of recovery for compulsive overeaters using the
12 Steps and 12 Traditions. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop eating compulsively. There will
be a GLBT special focus. Monday 7:30 p.m.
for LGBTIQ youth 17 and younger and their straight allies!
Come hang out with us at a save place to talk, meet new
people, and have fun! It's an extension of our current Youth
Drop-In that happens the Second and Forth Saturdays of the
month! When: Hiatus for summer, resumes in September.
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SOCIAL EVENTS
GROUP MEETINGS CONT. FROM PAGE 9
LGBT Games Night
United People Poz (U.P.P)
LGBT Karaoke
All are welcome to come and sing your favorite songs on our new karaoke machine donated by the Men’s Guild. We have a good
collections of tunes and you can bring and
sing your own. First Friday of every month
from 7:30 to 10:00 PM
Women’s Coming Out Support Group
Monthly games night on the 3rd Saturday of every
month at 7:00 p.m. Opportunity for people to
meet, play board games and socialize. Potluck
desserts and snacks are welcome.
LGBT Movie Social
2nd Saturday of every month at 7:00 p.m. Gay
feature shown on state of the art DVD projector.
Popcorn, drinks, refreshments included.
Out of the Box!
Share your original music, poetry, or stories with a
warm, friendly, and very diverse audience. Everyone is welcome — listeners and sharers alike.
Third Friday of every month, 8:00 p.m. at THE
CAVE—19-21 South 2nd Avenue, Highland Park,
NJ.
For information: outoftheboxinfo@optonline.net | pandorascooter.com/
news.html
Women’s Social Night The first Saturday of
every month 7:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m. Come
join us for social events, games, discussions,
and fun.
A forum for HIV+ gay men and their supporters. We offer a safe
space to meet, find support, make friends and develop a camaraderie. Unity, solidarity and Community are the main focus, as we
grow together and foster relationship within the HIV/AIDS population and beyond. U.P.P. will be holding different social events
and advocacy events in and around the area. We meet at the Pride
Center of New Jersey every 2nd Friday of the month at 7:30 PM
Contact: wtoman@hotmail.com
This group provides a supportive environment for women who are
at any stage of the coming out process. Women of all ages who
consider themselves gay, lesbian, bisexual, or questioning are welcome. Ages 18 and over. Call PCNJ for more info
Writers’ Group
Writers and would-be-writers meet to read and discuss works in
progress in a supportive atmosphere, and more! Any genre is welcome. Every Thursday at 7:30 p.m. For more info,
njwriter2006@hotmail.com
Yoga for Men: No yoga experience or level of flexibility required.
All levels welcome. Bring a yoga mat and a hand towel. Led by
Steven A. Russell (DYRT), he seeks to enable others to find a
body of vibrant health, a mind free from restlessness, and a soul
that radiantly sings from the core of existence. He combines his
experience as a yogi and a musician, working with breath, vibration, concentration, and movement, to present uplifting and relaxing yoga classes. Steven has been practicing yoga for over ten
years. He is a certified teacher of Dharma Yoga, having studied
with Sri Dharma Mittra in NYC. All are welcome to attend his
classes, from the beginner to the experienced. Meets 2nd and 4th
Tuesdays, 7:30PM-9:00PM. Email steven@stevenarussell.com for
more information.
Young Men's Social Network
1st and 3rd Monday Each Month at 8:00-9:30pm A Social/ support group for men 18-40. Meets every 1st and 3rd Monday at
8:00 pm. We talk about sex, love, sexuality, family life, pop culture, relationships and other related topics. Afterwards we socialize at a restaurant/diner in the area. For more information
e-mail shy.matsi@gmail.com
Youth Drop-In
Drop-in day for LGBTIQQ youth and their allies for youth 17 and
under. Second, & Fourth Saturday, 1:00 -4:00 p.m..
– 11 –
What a World It Would Be
April 13th, 2011
My Mother nearly died a few days ago and I’ve had time to reflect. To me what kind of world would it
be without her? To you what would it be? For your mother, father, brother’s, sister’s, spouse, significant other, anyone you could not be without?
Your world is shattered in a day, a week or more. To be without that love, that presence what would it
be? In simple terms we turn around and “look”. We start to “see”. If we are lucky they are still with us
and we wrench our hearts and ask what, where, will I be without them?
We pay attention. We stroke their forehead, caress their hair gently, hold their hands and say “it’s okay,
I’m here, I’ll always be here, I love you. We clean their face gently and try to bring a smile to their face.
We learn the value both of their life and ours, because it’s mostly about us not them.
What a world it would be if all of us cared so much for each other. Stomachs would be fed. What a
world it would be if we felt pain for all of those in pain. If we felt thirst, and knew we need to give water. If they needed a hand walking, or going to relieve themselves, we would help… we would care with
dignity.
If the world needed an extra pillow for their head why can’t we do this? Why can’t we look in the eye’s
of humanity and see what means the most. What a world it would be if everyone were our mother.
Skip
– 12 –
What Motivates You?
By Peter Dumpert
This was a recent topic at the men’s living out discussion group, and it kind of stuck with me. I
find it especially relevant as Pride month approaches. What motivates you to come out, to stand
up, to take the risk of being yourself?
I got involved in the push for marriage equality in the fall of 2009. I heard of a meeting in Asbury
Park, and I thought “If not now, when?” After spending so much time in hiding, I felt that I was
out of excuses. I literally did not think I could face myself in the mirror if I did not do something.
Shame can be a powerful motivator.
Two experiences stood out for me during that effort. One was a long conversation I had with a
young Asian woman while we were stalking our state senator (she proved very elusive). I originally thought that we would have nothing to say to each other – what could we possibly have in
common? A lot, as it turned out. Our coming out experiences were amazingly similar, given our
age, gender and cultural differences. When an unexpected gift like that happens, I think we all
feel that almost child-like sense of delight. It is something we learn to cherish as we get older.
Putting yourself out there may be risky, but if you don’t, amazing things don’t happen.
The second experience was meeting an older gay couple (older than me, anyway). They’d been
together for decades. They had both, at different times, been rushed to the emergency rooms of
two different hospitals. Each time, the non-ill partner had been denied access, even though they
were joined in a civil union. The thought of these sweet old men, agonizing that the love of their
lives may be dying alone because of some petty bigotry, practically made my hair (what’s left of
it) catch fire. Fairness has always been a big deal for me, and this was so patently, obviously, unfair.
So: shame, delight, and outrage – all strong motivators. To that I’ll add being mule-headed stubborn. I’ve gotten to the point where I am just done putting up with nonsense. These feelings can
either get you stuck, or you can harness them to push you in the direction you want to go.
So whatever motivates you, I urge you to own it, embrace it, and let it push you in a positive direction. Join us as we celebrate Pride month!
NJ Lic. No. PC01910 732-545-2844
David Rogoff MS,LPC
Psychotherapy
Anxiety — Grief & Loss — Depression
Trauma Recovery — Health Crisis
24 North Third Avenue, Suite 202
Highland Park, NJ 08904
– 13 –
Online Social Networking, with The Pride Center of NJ
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Watch Videos of past events from
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Friend up with us and leave a comment!
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Join our networks and connect with other members today!
pridecenternewsletter@gmail.com
Evolution continued from page 3
So here we stand
I was not going to march in New York City Pride until I heard the night before that the bill passed. Then I felt energized and
wanted to go and celebrate so I went. That was a lot of fun. We had a lot of support from the crowds and cheers and even a couple of people in an apartment who were displaying their laptop out the window with a text screensaver scrolling across the
screen reading, “Happy Pride!” Gotta love technology.
There was a lot of good feeling about LGBT civil rights. Fast forward to September 20, 2011 with the repeal of “Don’t Ask,
Don’t Tell.” That was exciting to hear that, in addition to giving their lives, our service men and women didn’t also have to hide
it if the person they love is the same sex.
Fast forward to Wednesday, May 9, to Barack Obama’s historic announcement of his support for full marriage equality. I am in
generally a good mood hearing that. Is Obama shooting himself in the foot? He may very well be. And that may have cost him
the 2012 election, but he’s doing the right thing. I can’t even see the other side. How are my civil rights affecting YOUR life?
How does it hurt YOUR marriage if I marry the woman I love? Right now, that’s completely theoretical for me as I am currently
single and I have yet to see if I wind up with a man or with a woman or with anyone at all. I have to admit I feel a level of ease
when I’m walking down the street holding a man’s hand that I don’t feel when I’m walking down the street holding a woman’s
hand. That unease doesn’t stop me, but it certainly is palpable. It shouldn’t be that way.
It has been suggested that same-sex marriage will eventually be viewed in the same light as interracial marriage is now, as basically a non-issue. People do not question the validity of interracial heterosexual marriages. Almost no one will insist their marriage is “not real.” Same-sex partners who have entered into a domestic partnership, civil union, or even marriage in the places
where marriage equality exists are constantly having to explain to people that, yes, they really are married, and, no, they don’t
have an opposite-sex spouse. I think the more recognition we can get for those unions, the better off we will be.
– 14 –
North Carolina Passes Amendment One
The month of May found the state of North Carolina voting bigotry and discrimination into the state
constitution with the passing of Amendment one defining marriage in the state as between one man and
one woman. This is not a new concept, with more than 40 states either discussing legislation that will
define marriage as between one man and one woman, or already having passed such legislation. While
not new, it is disappointing on the level of man’s inhumanity toward man.
Not everyone in North Carolina feels that same-sex couples should not be allowed the legal protections
of marriage; unfortunately the amendment was passed by 61% despite the efforts of fair minded individuals who put forth a valiant effort to convince their neighbors not to pass legislation that would only
serve to deny rights a group of people.
Media has already reported a backlash against North Carolina affecting the tourism industry with same
-sex couples and their supports canceling vacation plans in the Cape Hatteras area and other locations
around the state. The estimate of lost revenue will be in the multi millions according to Yahoo.
People in the LGBT community in North Carolina are not giving up on the state and plan to continue
the fight for equal rights under the law.
Rhode Island To Recognize Same-sex Unions Performed Outside of State
The Governor of Rhode Island, Lincoln Chafee ordered all state agencies to recognize same-sex marriages performed elsewhere and to afford those couples many of the same rights and benefits that heterosexual couples get, on Monday May 14th, not a week after President Barack Obama came out in
support of same-sex unions and the state of North Carolina passed legislation that defined marriage in
the southern state as being limited to one man and one woman.
An effort to legalize same-sex marriage in Rhode Island failed last year, however legislators passed
civil unions in the state. With the executive order from the governor it makes it possible to enforce insurers to honor same-sex unions performed outside of the state.
Colorado Opposes Civil Unions
Colorado legislators killed a bill Monday that would’ve allowed for civil unions in the state. The battle
for civil unions is far from over in the Rocky Mountain state with republicans vehemently opposing it.
No doubt this will be a in the news throughout this coming election season .
– 15 –
– 16 –
Archie isn’t the only comic to have gay themed storylines. The
perennial favorite Funky Winkerbean by Tom Batiuk has introduced a same-sex storyline with students of the fictional Westview
High School all abuzz over a same-sex couple’s plans to attend the
prom. Taking on controversial issues is not new to the comic strip
having had storylines involving teen pregnancy, suicide, cancer
and alcoholism.
Batiuk was inspired to take on this issue by the changing attitudes
of today’s youth toward homosexuality. "It shows promise that
this emerging generation will one day bring this cultural war to an end,” Batiuk said in a Huffington
Post interview.
Funky Winkerbean is a syndicated comic. Look for it in your local newspapers.
President Barack Obama made a world news splash in May with his endorsement
of same-sex marriage. His statement that same-sex couples should be allowed to
marry came one day after the vote in North Carolina to deny same-sex couples the
right to marry. Earlier in the week Vice President Joe Biden stated his support of
same-sex marriage.
These announcements prompted Republican presumptive presidential candidate
Mitt Romney to reiterate his opposition to same-sex marriage.
Argentina took great strides this month in becoming a more transgender friendly country with the passing of legislation that will place sex change or hormone therapy under
an individual’s public or private health care. This is not the first time Argentina has
taken positive strides in the LGBT community. Two years ago they became the first
Latin American county to legalize same-sex marriage.
Gender rights laws are coming more to the forefront of public opinions worldwide
with heated debates on both sides of the issue.
– 17 –
4TH SATURDAY OF EVERY MONTH
MEN'S GUILD POTLUCK DINNER
7:30-10pm
BRING A READY TO EAT OR READY TO MICROWOWAVE DISH PLUS $5.00
HOSTED BY THE MEN'S GUILD OF THE PRIDE CENTER OF NEW JERSEY
For directions visit us on the web at _www.pridecenter.org_
(http://www.pridecenter.org/)
85 Raritan Ave - Suite 100
Highland Park, New Jersey
732-846-2232
Nicole Hawkins
Financial Services Professional
Licensed Agent
Life Insurance, Mortgage Protection, Annuities, 529
Plans, Long Term Care Insurance, Mutual Funds and
Investments
New York Life Insurance Company
399 Thornall Street, 7th Floor
Edison, NJ 08837
Bus: 732-744-3917 Cell: 732-330-1298
nthawkins@ft.newyorklife.com
– 18 –
– 19 –
Reason
If you think you have no reason to join us in the New Jersey and New York Pride Marches, think some more.
 March for the kid who knows he is different, but doesn’t understand why.

March for the places in our world that are moving backward, instead of forward, like Budapest, Uganda and
North Carolina.

March for the Russian LGBT’s that have to covertly plan and execute their pride marches before the police
and violent mobs shut them down.

March for all the children who have taken their lives because they didn’t have the chance to learn that it is ok
to be gay.

March for the haters, so they may know that we will not be silent. March for the children of the haters, so that
they may see the smiles on the other side.

March for our families so they can know us entirely.

March to experience the love and acceptance of complete strangers

March for the free T-shirt.

March for the Pride Center, to show the world our strength and unity.

March for the person who thinks they are the only one, let them see that they are not alone.

March for the exercise

March because you are PROUD of who you are and would not change it for the world.

March to show your support for your LGBT family and friends

March for those around the world that cannot march under threat of execution.

March to show the politicians that you are here and that you will be heard.

March for those that marched before us

March for you. You have come a long way. You deserve it.
~Anonymous
– 20 –
United Way
Does your workplace participate in a United Way campaign? You can donate a
portion of your paycheck to PCNJ through the United Way of the Tri-State Area!
On your United Way contribution enrollment form, simply indicate the PCNJ Tri
-State code #026485.
– 21 –
EDUCATIONAL FORUM SPRING 2012 - EDUCATION AND FUN FOR EVERYONE
SPONSORED BY THE MEN’S GUILD OF THE PRIDE CENTER OF NEW JERSEY
Yoga for Women:
Instructor Steven Russell (DYRT) Thursday, June 28, 2012/ 7:30 – 9/Room 1.
All levels welcome. Bring a yoga mat and a hand towel. Find a body of vibrant health, a mind free from restlessness, and a soul
that radiantly sings through yoga. This class will combine working with breathe, vibration, concentration, and movement.
Email steven@stevenarussell.com for more information. $3 p/p Please pay instructor.
First Time Home Buying
Instructor Amed Din, NJ Licensed Real Estate Agent Wed. May 23, 2012/7:30-8:30pm Room 2.
This is a “MUST ATTEND” session if you’re a first time home buyer! Expect a discussion on how to save for that first home.
Improving your credit scores, understanding what "TLC" means when viewing fixer uppers and homes in need of some repair,
the importance of a home inspection, attorneys , appraisals, negotiating seller assists on your closing costs and more. $3 p/p
Please pay instructor.
Estate Planning Basics
Instructor Joel Cohen Esq./ Tues June 19, 2012, 8-9pm Room 3.
Issues will be related to naming agents to assist with financial transactions, how to avoid the need for Guardianships, handling
medical decisions when a person is not able to make their own decisions and who will inherit your estate upon your death. The
class will also discuss: the responsibility of the Executor, Trustee and Guardian. $3 p/p Please pay instructor .
Social Networking for Dummies
Instructor: Carlton Hurdle , Monday, June 25, 2012 8-9pm, Room 3.
Hash Tags, Twitter and Social Networking. How do you get your information? How "connected" are you? Learn what Twitter
is. Learn about tweeting. Face Book, Linked-In, MySpace, list serv, texting, e mail, where does it end? Or doesn't it. Attend this
class and find out more! $3 p/p Please pay instructor.
Are You A Stage Performer Wannabe?
Instructor, Darren Nye/Tues. June 19, 2012, 7-9pm Room 2.
PCNJ welcomes Darren Nye, President of Triangle Circle Players and Director of "Avow" which he also Produced at Villagers
Theatre in January 2012, to sell-out audiences. Darren's actually a first-time director but he's been involved in the gay community and activism for the past 20 years. If you've ever thought about being part of a theatre production either as an actor, producer, director, stage hand, set designer, lighting designer, makeup artist or many other roles - now is your time to ask questions
that maybe you didn't have the opportunity to ask in the past? Darren says he still has lots to learn but he's willing to share his
thoughts. Darren is a Past President of The Pride Center of New Jersey. Please join Darren for Triangle Circle Player's first
Theatre Q &A gathering on Tues. June 19, 2012. To read more about Darren, and his possible future productions, see
www.trianglecircleplayers.org and http://www.bitly.net/darreninnj $3 p/p Please pay instructor.
FINANCIAL STRATEGIES FOR THE LGBT COUPLES
Instructor Norman Chevlin CFP $3 p/p Please pay Pride Center Front Desk Volunteer/Rm 3.
May 15, 2012 7:30pm-9pm/What happens if we don't do this planning now ? Will someone else make these decisions for us?
How can I make sure that my partner will inherit my estate in the most tax efficient way ?
May 31, 2012 7:30pm-9pm/How will my company or personal retirement accounts pass to my partner? How does being married on the State level, but not the Federal level effect us financially ?
June 5, 2012 7:30pm-9pm/ How can I or my partner effectively plan for a child if I am the parent of a Special Needs child? Are
there ways to make financial & healthcare decisions for my partner?
Video Gaming,
Monday, June 4, 2012/7:30-9pm/$3
Instructor Steven Champagne Manager of Game Stop East Brunswick.
Video Game enthusiast, fanatics and wannabes unite on this night to meet a field expert. The Manager of the East Brunswick
Game Stop will be at The Pride Center to tell you about upcoming games, gaming trends and what’s hot and what’s not. Get
your questions about video gaming answered by a pro!
.85 Raritan Ave, Highland Park, New Jersey - 732-846-2232
www.pridecenter.org - e mail: njwarrior@aol.com - All friendly attendees 18+ are welcome
– 22 –
The Dharun Ravi Sentence and Why I (sort of) Don’t Care
But the time you are reading this, the sentence in the Dharun Ravi trial will already
have been pronounced. Will it be harsh, lenient? Appropriate? Of course it will be
appealed. Let me say at the start that, in a sense, I’m indifferent. Here is why.
First, I don’t really think Ravi hated Tyler Clementi. I doubt he considered Tyler
worth such a strong feeling. I don’t even think he hates gay people. This wasn’t a
crime of hate, it was a crime of crass and reckless indifference, requiring contempt
for someone seen as less than. I don’t believe his act was actually intended to hurt
Tyler. The intent was to entertain his friends. He actually said it himself in an inDharun Ravi
terview after the trial. “I wasn’t thinking about Tyler.“ Exactly. Tyler and Tyler’s
rendezvous were incidental, props for an entertainment. Mockery as adolescent entertainment. What fun.
Dharun Ravi’s crime was not bullying, it was a crime of unkindness. Indifference to the impact on another human being of being held up for the laughter of others in a moment of anticipated private intimacy. This was worse than bullying. It was greeting a portal moment in the life of a gay man with derision and mockery by his peers. But we don’t have laws against demeaning people, even though it may
amount to soul murder, as it did in this case. Rabbis of 2000 years ago had it right when they declared,
‘The power of life and death is in the tongue.‘ Tyler was a ‘dead man driving’ as he formed his own funeral procession up the NJ Turnpike to the GW Bridge.
What seals my indifference to Ravi‘s fate, beyond Ravi’s indifference itself at the heart of his invasion
of Tyler’s privacy, is his total lack of remorse. His own words betray a baseless conviction that his deed
did not play a role in Tyler’s decision to end his life. Did it or didn’t it? I don’t know. No one does for
sure. But of all the candidates, how does Ravi come to find himself and his friends free of complicity in
Tyler’s death, when the penultimate event of Tyler’s life was the mocking treachery of people who were his peers?
The tragedy for Ravi is that as long as he focuses on maintaining his
innocence, he will remain spiritually, humanly crippled without even
knowing it. That is a waste. And that is a shame. And that is something to care about.
David Rogoff
Tyler Clementi
Phone Numbers
PRIDE CENTER of NJ................732-846-2232
Dignity/Metro ..............................973-509-0118
Dignity/New Brunswick .................732-968-9263
Gay Activists Alliance in Morris Co...973-285-1595
Garden State Equality …………….…….973-473-5428
GLSEN…………………………………………..…609-448-8243
Havurah......................................732-650-1010
Hyacinth AIDS Foundation.............800-433-0254
Jersey Pride, Inc ..........................732-21 GAYNJ
Lambda Families of NJ ..................973-763-8511
LEAGUE—AT&T……………………………….973-644-7904
Lesbian Domestic Abuse Helpline….800-224-0211
Lesbians & Gay Men of New
Brunswick…………..……………………………732-247-0515
Long Yang Club ...........................732-247-0515
Metropolitan Community
Church/CTL……………………………………..732-846-8227
NAMES Project–Central NJ..........732-249-3933
NAMES Project–Northern NJ........201-265-0600
NJ Buddies ...............................201-489-2900
NJCRI...................................... 973-483-3444
NJLGC /PLF................................732-828-6772
NJWAN......................................732-846-4462
Ocean Co. Senior Gay & Lesbian
Support Group………………………………800-621-0096
Outbike.................................... 973-748-9368
P-FLAG North Jersey...................973-267-8414
Princeton LGB Alliance ...............609-258-4522
Rutgers G/L/B Hotline.................908-932-7886
The OASIS................................973-430-9909
The Trevor Helpline …………………… 866-4U.TREVOR
Women Helping Women..............732-549-6000
– 23 –
Location: 85 Raritan Avenue, Suite 100, Highland Park, NJ 08904-2430
(732)846-2232 http://www.pridecenter.org
The Pride Center of New Jersey is a nonprofit 501(c)3 organization, which means that your donations are tax
deductible. Whatever you can afford to donate, your support and generosity are greatly appreciated. Making
an annual contribution in one of the following levels will qualify you as a Member of the Pride Center of New
Jersey.
Use the form below or go to our site at www.pridecenter.org where you can join/donate via PayPal.
General Membership
$36.00
Student/Senior
$15.00
Family Membership
Silver Membership
Gold Membership
Platinum Membership
$60.00
$100.00
$250.00
$500.00
Benefactor
$1000.00
Leadership Circle
$2500.00
President’s Circle
$5000.00
All memberships are calendar year memberships.
Entitles members to discounts on major fundraising events.
General membership benefits reserved for students, senior citizens and those of
limited financial ability.
General membership benefits for one household.
General membership benefits and discounts at select special events.
General membership benefits and discounts at select special events.
General membership benefits, discounts at select special events, and name engraved on Platinum donor plaque.
General membership benefits, discounts at select special events, and name engraved on Benefactor donor plaque.
Free Admission to select special events, name engraved on Leadership Circle
Plaque, President’s Leadership Council.
Free Admission to select special events, name engraved on President’s Circle
Plaque, President’s Leadership Council, Assign donation to specific program.
All Members receive a PCNJ Membership Card and quarterly Pride Center News.
All Memberships are Single Memberships except the Family Membership.
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City:
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Membership makes YOUR Pride Center possible. Be part of it!
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Please do not send membership acknowledgement or Newsletter.
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Mail to Pride Center of New Jersey, Inc., 85 Raritan Avenue, Suite 100, Highland Park, NJ 08904-2430