The Courchevel Enquirer

Issue 08
1/2/14
The Courchevel Enquirer
You know its a slow news week when Cheese and Raab are on the front page wearing their non-authentic
90’s blades at an 80’s night.
Any women feeling slightly queezy after seeing this photo have my apologies.
A note from the editor
As I really have nothing interesting to say this week I’ll just let you know what shit is
going down this week in the hood.
Monday 3rd there is Human Curling on the ice rink at 8.45. I have no idea what this
is but it sounds awesome and you should register at the Tourist office before.
Beach party on Tuesday 4th in the Bubble bar, Sand, Surf and Aaron DJing in a mankini.
The Nextmen are playing on Wednesday night at KUDETA. Tickets are 10euros in
advance.
Friday the 7th there is the 2nd round of Seasonnaire Ballon Ballai at the ice rink from
8pm. If you have no guests or aren’t working then come down and enter a team.
THE SURGEON GENERAL WARNS
Doing ski seasons can be highly addictive, can seriously damage your sanity, result in a general lack of sleep, makes your arse bigger, increase
the chances of getting a blow job in the skidoo hut outside Kudeta and waking up next to a complete stranger.
All stories contained within are purely fictional and shouldn’t be taken seriously.
Anyone found taking anything too seriously should be held down, given alcohol and violated with the handle of a ski pole.
Editors rules 3.
Here are the rules. My rules. They are not transferable, non negotiable. They are what they are and if
you break them you are wrong!
Unless your name is Linsey Vonn, Aksel Lund
Svindal or are ACTUALLY sponsored by Redbull
you are NOT aloud to wear a Redbull ski helmet.
However, you ARE aloud to put Redbull stickers on
your normal ski helmet. (although apparently you
shouldn’t put stickers on helmet as it hides damage
to the helmet).
I hit a bump....
I’m no expert (no really I’m not) but I’m
pretty sure that board shouldn’t bend like
that. This aluminium cored Burton T6
board was virtually snapped in half when
the rider mis-judged a jump and landed on
the crest of the landing. I’m sure a little bit
of duct tape will fix that.
photo courtesy of endless winter
SIÂN LEWIS
BSc, MCSP, Dip AP Sports Phys
CALL FOR CONSULTATION OR MASSAGE
06 68 57 00 99
CHRISTOPHER MAHER
BSc, MSCP
Editors rules 4.
Ever wonder why strangers point in your general
direction when you ski. Why people automatically
know you’re English.
It might have something to do with that monstronsity on your helmet. I’m almost speechless. Seriously
what the fuck were you thinking? Did you lose a
bet? Are you mentally challenged?
The one exception for having something stuck on
your helmet. If you’re a child. and if you are, then
call child services you have a good case for unusual cruelty. If that doesnt work then when you get
older you can always put your parents in a nursing
home instead of look after them.
Quote of the week
“You don’t have to worry about Alex, He’s normal,
He’s not interested in women, he just lives his life”
speaking in the 3rd person
Alex IS normal, Alex IS interested in women and Alex IS in no way gay.
The yard sale and the drunken treasure trail
The “Yard sale” is an American skiing term when you have a
massive wipe out on the slopes which results in hat, gloves, goggles, poles being strewn on the ground, as if you were having a
yard sale.
In an extension of this, the drunken treasure trail takes place off
the slope and as the title requires the person to be sufficiently
inebriated that they are unaware of the location of their belongings and so as the evening continues they leave a trail of skis,
poles, backpacks, clothing in all the places they have been drinking until they wake up, usually virtually naked and have to retrace
their steps to find their (or as it turns out other peoples borrowed)
stuff.
For examples see (photo right) Louise
after winning 3 Valley Rally last year,
Tom Pinches trying to ski to Bozel after
getting hammered in KUDETA on New
GENTLEMENS HAIRDRESSING
Years and Katy Jennings at LDV in
06 95 11 45 43
Meribel Village this week.
THE CHOP SHOP
Yes I know it should have been Chuck Norris
Seperated at birth
Hank Scorpio
(Simpsons evil mastermind)
Olivier Fargier
(Funky Fox mastermind)
2014 Seasonnaire Hoody “Breaking Bad” forms are now being distributed around
resort. If you have not received one and would like to have your company included
send me an email to info@courchevelenquirer.com.
Courchevel
Workers
the design will look something like this. just not THIS!
Would anyone from the following companies please get in touch
with me
SKI WORLD
CRYSTAL
and any other company who haven’t recieved a hoody form yet
0675643234