Merry Or Sad? Tools For Healing

Winter 2013/14 December 2013 - February 2014
Merry Or Sad?
The holiday season is approaching,
that time of year for special family
gatherings and festivities. Sadly, it
won’t be quite the same. For each of
us, someone special will be missing.
The tinsel and glitter, the parties and
presents can seem meaningless and
overwhelming. You may even feel
angry or resentful as other families
indulge in holiday activities. So how
will you make it through this difficult
time of the year? Maybe you can start
by allowing yourself to set different
Tools For Healing
Grief Support Newsletter
expectations. As a bereaved person,
you may not be able to function at
your usual level. Discuss your needs,
wishes, and priorities with family
members who can share some of the
Know yourself and be open
and honest with family and
friends. Together, you can
better support each other.
work. Consider which activities are
most meaningful and enjoyable
for you. No matter your family’s traditions, the holidays can be difficult
without that special loved one.
It is important to realize that everyone grieves differently. What is
helpful for others may not be helpful
for you. Members of your family may
find joy in old traditions while
the same traditions bring you heartache. Know yourself and be open
and honest with family and friends.
Together, you can better support
each other. As always, counselors
and bereavement support specialists
are available. Do not hesitate to
call for an appointment or more
information.
With the traditions and rituals of the holidays all around, creating your
own rituals and memorials can help honor your loved one’s memory.
With the traditions and rituals of the
season all around you, why not make
your loved one’s memory part of
the holiday in a very special way by
creating a new tradition or holiday
ritual that honors their memory and
significance? Here are a few ideas:
l Have a candle lighting ceremony
with family members or light a
candle in your loved one’s honor.
l Give a memorial gift to a favorite
charity in your loved one’s name.
l Plant a tree in your loved one’s
honor.
l Give something that belonged to
your loved one to someone else
as a gift—something of personal
significance to the recipient.
Feel free to call us at one of the
numbers below:
New Castle County 302-478-5707
Kent County 302-678-4448
Sussex County 302-856-7717
Pennsylvania
800-838-9800
to speak with a bereavement counselor, please call us at one of the numbers above.
tools for healing
12 Days of
healing
1. Accept the likelihood of your
pain. When anticipating the holidays
without your loved one, it is realistic
to expect it will be painful. However,
the experience itself is often not as
difficult as anticipated.
2. Feel whatever it is you feel. The
way you should feel at any given time,
is exactly how you feel at that time.
3. Express your emotions.
Whether you prefer to cry, talk
about, or write your thoughts and
feelings in a journal, the best way
to express your feelings is the way
that is best for you. But whatever
you do, let your emotions out.
4. Plan your day before it arrives.
Think about, talk about, and plan
what you might do before the day
comes. And don’t forget to give
yourself the freedom to change
your plans as you go.
5. Take charge where you can.
You have the right to choose what
In his book, How Will I Get Through The Holidays?,
James Miller offers 12 suggestions for the bereaved family as
they anticipate the coming holidays with their days of celebration
and joy. The following is a summary of those suggestions.
you do and where you go. You
might not know what you want
to do, that’s okay too. Be honest
about it with family and friends.
6. Turn to others for support.
Be open and honest about your
needs and remember that
sometimes others need to help.
7. Be gentle with yourself. Give
yourself plenty of time to rest. One
of the best things you can do is take
good care of yourself.
8. Remember to remember.
Talking about your life together,
looking at photographs or home
movies, or making a donation to
your loved one’s favorite charity
are all ways to remember and
honor them.
9. Search out and count your
blessings. Try to savor the good
things that are still there. It does
not desecrate the memory of
your loved one.
10. Do something for others.
This can be difficult when our
grief is fresh and new, but if you
can, give it a try, even if it feels
like only a little. It just might
make you feel better.
11. Give voice to your soul.
Allow yourself to question and to
search deep inside of who you
are. Realize the answers you seek
may not be hidden far away. You
don’t need to chase after them.
All you need is to sit still.
12. Harbor hope. In the midst
of your grief, hope that you will
integrate this loss into your life.
With hope, you can eventually be
yourself again. With hope, you
can find a way to carry with you
the one you miss so much.
books to read
Many people find reading about the experiences of others who have lost a loved one provides them with a wider perspective and with
ideas for coping. With the holidays just around the corner, here are a few seasonally-themed books that may help you and your family.
How Will I Get Through The Holidays?
James Miller, Willowgreen Publishing.
Thoughts for the Holidays: Finding Permission to Grieve,
Doug Manning, In-Sight Books.
Holiday Hope: Remembering Loved Ones During Special Times
of the Year, Fairview Press
Grief Digest. A quarterly magazine supporting grieving people
and caregivers published by the Centering Corporation.
What we have once enjoyed deeply we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.—Helen Keller
support groups and workshops
A Special Holiday Wish
May you draw strength from the holiday
traditions of the past; hope from the changes
you make for the present; and from both,
faith in your ability to handle the future.
It’s Okay
—by Laine Parsons
T
he support activities listed below are for adults who are grieving
the death of a loved one. These programs help you learn about the grief
process, receive support in a caring environment, learn from those who
are going through a similar experience, and ultimately feel less alone in your grief.
six-week support groups
Healing after the Loss of a Loved
One During the Holiday Season
Monday December 2 through
January 13, 2014
5 - 6:30 p.m.
(No group meeting 12/23/13)
Delaware Hospice Office, Newark**
Young Widow/Widower/Life Partner
Thursdays, February 6 – March 13
6:30 – 8 p.m.
For individuals younger than 60.
Delaware Hospice Office, Newark**
IT’S OKAY
It’s OKAY to be afraid of the things
we don’t understand.
It’s OKAY to feel anxious when things
are not working our way.
It’s OKAY to feel lonely ... even when
you’re with other people.
It’s OKAY to feel unfulfilled because
you know something is missing.
It’s OKAY to think and worry and cry.
It’s OKAY to do whatever you have to do,
but just remember too,
that eventually you’re going to adjust to
the changes life brings your way,
and you’ll realize that ...
It’s OKAY to love again and laugh again,
and ...
It’s OKAY to get to the point where the
life you live is full and satisfying and good
to you ... and it will be that way because
you made it that way.
new castle county
Monthly Drop-in Groups
2nd Wednesday of every month
3 - 4:30 p.m.
Monthly Hockessin Group
No registration required.
Cokesbury Village
Atrium Conference Room, 1st Floor
726 Loveville Road, Hockessin, 19707
Monthly Middletown Group
4th Thursday of every month*
2 - 3:30 p.m.
No registration required.
MOT Senior Center
300 S. Scott Street,
Middletown, 19709
monthly support groups
“Next Step” Dinners
4th Tuesday of every month*
6 - 8 p.m.
Michael’s Restaurant
1000 Churchman’s Road
Newark, DE 19713
An opportunity for those who have
experienced the death of a spouse or
life partner to share your loss and learn
helpful ways to cope with your grief.
Each person pays for own meal and
drinks. RSVP: By the day before each
dinner. *NOTE - For December we
will meet the 3rd Tuesday on 12/17.
** Delaware Hospice Office, Newark
16 Polly Drummond Center, 2nd Flr.,
Polly Drummond Shopping Center
Newark, DE 19711
Telephone: 302-478-5707
Events are led by Leslie Eames, MA, a
professional bereavement counselor.
To register for an event, please contact
Leslie at (302) 478-5707, ext. 1153
or leames@delawarehospice.org.
*NOTE - In November and
December we meet the 3rd
Thursday on 11/21 & 12/19.
NEW group starting 1-8-14
Monthly Adult Child
Loss of Parent Group
2nd Wednesday of every month,
6:30 - 8 p.m.
For adults whose parent(s) have died.
Delaware Hospice Office, Newark.**
Grieving doesn’t make you imperfect. It makes you human. —Sarah Dessen
support groups and workshops
kent county
sussex county
december 2013 - february 2014
six-week support groups
six-week support groups
how to register
Healing After the Loss of a Loved One
Tuesdays, January 14 - February 18
1-2:30 p.m.
Delaware Hospice Office, Dover
Younger Widow/Widower/
Life Partner
Wednesdays, January 22 - February 26
6-7:30 p.m.
Educational support group for those
grieving the loss of their spouse or
life partner and under age 60.
Delaware Hospice Office, Dover
Led by Judy Pantolino, MS, NCC.
Register by Monday January 20.
monthly drop-in group
Open to anyone grieving a loss.
1st Wednesday of every month,
except January 1 (12/4,1/8,2/5)
1-2:30 p.m.
Delaware Hospice Office, Dover
With Sondra Satterfield and Judy
Pantolino. Please register by noon
on the day of each group.
monthly “next step” dinners
For those who have experienced the
death of aspouse or life partner. Each
person pays for own meal and drinks.
3rd Thursday of Every Month
6-7:30 p.m.
NEW LOCATION
Frazier’s Restaurant,
9 E. Lockerman St.,
Dover, DE 19901
RSVP to Sondra Satterfield by the day
before each dinner.
new beginnings brunches
Young Widow, Widowers and Life
Partners: Healing After Loss
Tuesdays, January 7- February 11
5:30-7:00 p.m.
This group is specifically for people
under age 60 who have lost a spouse
or life partner.
Delaware Hospice Millsboro Office
Registration required (see right >>)
Kent County
Events are led by Sondra Satterfield,
MSW, LCSW, or by Judy Pantolino, MS,
NCC. To register, please contact Sondra
at 302-678-4448, ext. 2103, or
ssatterfield@delawarehospice.org,
or contact Judy at 302-678-4448 ext.
2101, jpantolino@delawarehospice.org.
Healing After the Loss of a Loved One
Tuesdays, February 11- March 18
1-2:30 p.m.
Delaware Hospice Millsboro Office
Sussex County
Events are led by Carol Dobson, MSW.
To register, please contact Carol at
302-856-7717, ext. 4120 or
cdobson@delawarehospice.org
Weekly New Beginnings Luncheons
This is an informal socialization lunch
group that’s open to anyone who has
had a loss. No registration required.
Open to all adults. Participants pay
for their own lunch. Every Thursday
(except holidays), 11:30 am
Various Sussex County locations.
Please call for details.
monthly drop-in group
2nd Wednesday of every month
1-2:30 p.m.
For those who have lost a spouse or
life partner and would like to participate in a group setting with others
for ongoing support. No registration
required. Delaware Hospice Millsboro
Office.
www.delawarehospice.org
www.seriousillness.org/delaware
Plans change. Please confirm any event
by phone or e-mail before setting out.
Each person pays for their own meal
and drinks. 2nd & 4th Mondays of
every month, 11:15 a.m. -12:30 p.m.
The Countrie Eatery
950 N. State Street, Dover, 19901
RSVP to Sondra Satterfield by the day
before each brunch.
Written, edited, and designed in-house by Delaware Hospice staff. Copyright Delaware Hospice, Inc. November, 2013 ©.
To speak with a Delaware Hospice Bereavement
Counselor, please call 1-800-838-9800.
statewide locations
New Castle County Office
(Our Wilmington office has moved.
Our new location is across the street
from our future Delaware Hospice
Center in Newark.)
16 Polly Drummond Center
Newark, DE 19711
T: 302-478-5707
Kent County Office
911 South DuPont Highway
Dover, DE 19901
T: 302-678-4444
Sussex County Office
Delaware Hospice Center
100 Patriots Way
Milford, DE 19963
T: 302-856-7717
Pennsylvania Office
1786 Wilmington–West Chester Pike
Suite 100 B, Glen Mills, PA 19342
Toll free: 800-838-9800
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