WIN Two Tickets to The Deviler`s Comedy Show/New Talent Night

SWEET SMELL OF PIGSKIN
With “sweet smelling pigskin” filling the air these days football “junkies”
gear themselves to (5) months of chicken wing weekends while their
counterparts shop the malls. Even though football can be a very dangerous
sport there are few other sports that reach much higher levels sometimes
resulting in death.
How bout: Base Jumping! Imagine jumping off Buildings, Antenna’s or
Earth Spans. These “action-packed” figures risk injury or death due to the
increased proximity of cliffs, buildings while falling at a rapid pace. Although
most use parachute’s, some do not. Jeb Corliss takes Base Jumping to a greater
death defying level using a “wingsuit” worn without a parachute. No Thanks!
How bout: Cave Diving! Submerged in water with only an oxygen tank
keeping them alive is scary enough but think about diving in the dark into a
cave with no straight route to the surface should their oxygen fail. Even some of
the most experienced divers have succumbed participating in this sport like
(David Shaw) in (2005), who actually filmed his own death. No Thanks!
How bout: Heli Skiing! These skiers risk life and limb hitting the most
pristine slopes ever offered on the globe. This sport is extremely costly and
dangerous at altitudes facing the threat of avalanches during every jump. No
Thanks!
How bout: Street Luging, Glacier Wave Surfing, Free Solo Climbing or
the “grand-daddy” of them all: Bull Running! We’ve all seen how “bull riding”
and “bull fighting” can be dangerous, but it goes to another level in a zoo
breakout atmosphere when these raging beasts become a nightmare injuring
hundreds of participants each year in Pamplona, Spain. No Thanks!
I’ll pass watching the above sports in favor of high school, college or NFL
football and speaking of the NFL this is the way we see AFC titles: (EAST)
New England, (WEST) Denver, (NORTH) Cincinnati & (SOUTH) Houston. In
the NFC: (NORTH) Detroit, (SOUTH) New Orleans, (WEST) Seattle & finally
the NFC (EAST). This alignment is up for grabs. The Giants might have the
edge in a division with improved rosters over the winter months & a healthy
wide receiver core. Washington hopes of a repeat depends on a healthy R.G. III,
The Cowboys controlled by Tony Romo is always a problem the jury’s out on
Chip Kelly’s Eagles. Michael Vick seems to fit this system and with a much
improved offensive line energy will fill Citizen Bank Park. Question is its
defense?
MIND TEASER #8
MIND TEASER #8 had the biggest response ever.
Of (79) responding we received (5) correct entries led by Carrie Michaels of
Pitman, New Jersey, who sent in the first correct postmark envelope answers to
Sports Rap winning her lunch for two at Peking Buffet (Glassboro, NJ) and
also a couple of tickets to DEVILer’s Comedy Room “Comedy Show/New
Talent Night” on October (17th) at the Centerton Country Club (Centerton, NJ).
REMEMBER: Every “quiz” winner (must) duplicate my answers and even if
you think your answers are correct but don’t match mine your “shit” out of luck
because its my “puzzle” and my “pen & ink.” Ya dig!
Here is the completion of last months quiz.
(1) How much does a bottle of wine weigh if it is (1) Kilogram plus half it’s
own weight? ANSWER: (2) Kilograms.
(2) A wizard has a set of magical chests. The largest Treasure Chest has six
more Treasure Chests inside it. Inside each of those there are four more. How
many chests does he have in total? ANSWER: 1 + 6 + 24=(31).
(3) When can you add two to eleven & get one as the answer? ANSWER: Two
hours to eleven o’clock, you get (one) o’clock.
* At (press-time) our (April) World Series prediction of a Detroit & St. Louis
match up has taken a little twist since last months article. The Tigers remain
comfortably atop its division (5) games up, the Cardinals lost a pair of crucial
head-to-head series to Pittsburgh dropping them to (1) game out.
Smitty was both a professional football player and an avid hunter. The
last day of deer season coincided with the last game of the football
season.
He told his wife, "I've sat on the bench all season. Would you wear my
uniform and take my place while I go deer hunting?"
She agreed. But, with three minutes left in the game, the coach yelled,
"Smitty! You're in!"
Of course, she couldn't say anything or her husband would lose his
contract and be sued. "What could possibly happen in just three
minutes?" she thought, running onto the field.
But the next thing she knew, she had the ball and guys were piling on
top of her. When she finally came to, she was
in the locker room, still wearing her helmet,
but naked from the waist down.
The coach yelled, "Don't worry, Smitty! They
say as soon as we get your testicles back down
where they belong, your penis will pop out!"
Elementary school kid quote: “When I grow up I wanna be Canadian.”
Janette K. Bear, DE
WIN Two Tickets to The Deviler’s
Comedy Show/New Talent Night on Thursday, Oct. 17th.. 8pm
TEN22 Bar & Grill located at the Centerton Country Club
1022 Almond Rd. Pittsgrove, NJ 08318
(1st. 10 contestants with correct answers.)
Mail by Oct. 10th. 2013.. Include a self-addressed stamped envelope! ! !
mail to: The DEVILer (Contest) PO Box 691, Elmer, NJ 08318
 Who said: “The first symptom of love in a young man is shyness;
the first symptom in a woman, it's boldness.” 1. Barrack Obama
2. Victor Hugo. 3. Bugs Bunny 4. Daffy Duck 5. Chris Randazzo
 Who said: “America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a
Halloween mask.” 1. Terry Joseph 2. Jay Leno 3. Woody Langlay.
 Who is Ron Lizotte? 1. A guy that hangs out at the local VFW.
2. Writes the SPORT RAP column for the Deviler. 3. Is a male
stripper at Little Richards All Male Go Go Bar. 4. Obama’s cook.
 How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck
could chuck wood? 1. 41 cords of wood. 2. A woodchuck would
chuck as much as a woodchuck could chuck if woodchuck could
chuck wood. 3. It depends on how old the woodchuck is. 4. 2 pecks.
(APHORISM) OF THE MONTH
“The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would (hate)
to have to make a living under the laws they’ve passed.”
(PARAPROSDOKIANS) OF THE MONTH
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.”
Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of the sentence
or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.
SHOUT OUT
To my byline “beauty” (Commendable Chrissy), who keeps me motivated.
The South Jersey DEVILer/ Deviler DefiNITIONS: CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.