august is here and we are stoked for a month of great shows, killer

WORDS FROM THE
WIZARD
AUGUST IS HERE AND WE ARE
STOKED FOR A MONTH OF
GREAT SHOWS, KILLER GAMES
AND DELICIOUS PEROGIES!!
We have been busy tracking down classic arcade
cabinets for you to play including DIG DUG and JOUST - keeping
these games running is a challenge that our arcade operators have
accepted with open arms, (thank you for your patience) we also
have an amazing DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS pinball table on site
that is fast and furious - a real treat for serious pinball aficionados.
Over the next couple of months you will see the House of TARG
bringing its wares to events and festivals outside our cozy Bank
Street home - we are super excited to be invited and can’t wait to
do our first off site event - stay tuned for details!
Our first TARG wedding was awesome and we’ve got another one
booked for August - helping our friends celebrate such important
events by hosting them at TARG is an honour - thank you for
entrusting us with your special day. Kids parties, weddings, fundraisers, birthdays, stag and doe’s, bachelor(ettes), we do it all!! See
you at the show.
- YOGI
TARG BRUNCH
SERVED EVERY
SUNDAY 11AM - 3PM
LOYAL TARGIANS, GET READY
TO GET OUT YER PICKAXES AND
STEREOTYPICAL MINER CLOTHES,
BECAUSE MONOBROW HAVE
STRUCK GOLD WITH THEIR NEW
ALBUM!
They have found the perfect balance in a
stoner/doom metal album, with equal parts
devastatingly heavy sludgy riffs, acoustic
interludes, fast pounding riffage to bang
yer head to and slow mind bending power
to (still) bang yer head to (slowly of
course). Every moment on this album
becomes instantly memorable, and
after a single listen you will recall every
riff. MONOBROW is a three piece
stoner/doom metal band hailing from
our very own town of Ottawa, who are
also an entirely instrumental group. I
have heard some complain due to the
lack of vocals, but I think this is the
path for groups playing in this style.
Vocals in stoner metal were never the
high point of the genre, and could
feel out of place if too aggressive
(for example, the barked chanting on
SLEEP’s DOPESMOKER) or could feel
passive and too laid back, and out of
place or inactive.
The riffs on this album, simply
put, are amazing. They can sound
absolutely massive, but also sound
simply beautiful and can put you in
a trance. The lack of vocals actually
is, once again, an asset in this case,
as when you close your eyes, all
manner of images, from mammoths
crushing mountains beneath their
hooves (do mammoths have hooves?
Eh, whatever) to wizards enchanting
forests will circulate in your mind,
and with the intriguing & mysterious
song titles you are free to conjure up
whatever mental images are inspired.
THESE MOUNTAINS DON’T WANT
US HERE is easily one of the best
song titles I’ve ever heard, and when
listening to that particular song I can
simply let MONOBROW lead me down
a road of wonder to a riff filled land.
Some stoner metal ( and especially
doom metal) bands often have song
writing that will not be very varied at
all, and will simply follow one path
and end up overstaying its welcome
by becoming long and monotonous.
MONOBROW never commits this fatal
sin and, as mentioned before, can,
without directly telling stories with
vocals, can fill you with many different
emotions and will keep you interested
throughout the album.
In conclusion, MONOBROW have
conjured up a masterpiece of stoner
metal, and I urge anyone with the ability
to seek it out,listen to it immediately,
and support yer local stoner wizards!
HI YA SLO: WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH THOSE NUMBERS ON
SANDPAPER? 600? 40? 1500? WTF? – Sandee
Hey Sandee: Sandpaper is graded by the number of particles per square
inch. So a ‘coarse’ grade would be 40 or 60 and a ‘fine’ grade would be
1500. Now here’s the important part: you’ve gotta start with the coarser
grades and move progressively finer. I tried going the other way (from fine
to coarse) and now our coffee table is all scratched up. My mom is really
mad at me. But anyways… good luck, Sandee!
DEAR SLO’ TOM: HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT SANDALS? COOL?
– SandalDood
Dear SandalDood: Sandals are fine if you’re a woman gals can get away
with all kinds of stuff that us guys can’t. For example: headbands look
idiotic on guys, but vaguely sexy on women. Sandals are one of those
things: on women they say “Hey, I’m confident and chillin’” but on guys
they say ”Barefoot? Shoes? I just can’t decide!”. Sorry SandalDood no
sandals for dudes!
HI SLO’: MY BOSS SAYS I CAN WORK AT HOME! DO YOU THINK I
SHOULD? – Wurkerbee
Dear Wurkerbee: Absolutely! You’re boss is telling you either: A) you
are so competent that you can be trusted to do your job unsupervised
(read: your job is safe) or B) you are so useless that you might as well
stay at home because your boss is just waiting for an opportunity to
fire you (read: you’re screwed). So either way go for it! Being given the
opportunity to work at home is everyone’s dream.
Think about it... no pants!
our beers for exposure, but they are
WAY to good to waste!!! For beer
that is expendable I’ll use bland
swill from big commercial brewers.
Anything from Molson, Coors,
Labatt’s, etc.°is great beer smashing
fodder, with the obvious exemption
of 50, that stuff is always tasty.
HOW DID YOU GET INTO AIR
GUITAR?
I saw a poster for it when I was at
TARG earlier this year. Sounded
like an awesome time so I signed
up. Really, who doesn’t like air
guitar?
free from the confines of traditional
guitar moves.°The rules of reality
somewhat fade°away on the stage
and your world becomes much more
cartoonish while performing.°There’s
really nothing you can’t do, except
play a real instrument, of course.
YOUR HOUSE OF TARG
PERFORMANCE WAS AN
ELECTRIFYING DISPLAY OF
ATHLETICISM. HOW DO YOU
TRAIN FOR THE EVENT?
I play a lot of°squash and hit the
gym semi-regularly, but I don’t
necessarily train for air guitaring.
That’s more of an alcohol fuelled
tirade.
IS YOUR ATHLETIC HIGH
ENERGY STYLE THE WAVE OF
THE FUTURE FOR AIR GUITAR?
No, that’s just part of who I am. I
think the future of air guitar is people
expressing the parts of themselves
that are hidden for most of the
day through their performance. In
the spiritual sense of course, but
showing a little skin never hurt
anyone either.
WHAT’S MORE IMPORTANT,
THE GIMMICK/THEATRICS OR
THE PERFORMANCE?
Theatrics and performance are
of°about equal importance. You
have to be believable, while
embracing the fact that you are
WHAT IS THE PREFERRED
BREW TO USE FOR YOUR
SIGNATURE°“EXPLODING BEER
SMASH TO THE HEAD” MOVE?
You might think that because I work
for Great Lakes Brewery I would use
WHAT’S THE GAME PLAN FOR
FINLAND?
I don’t ever go in with too much of
a plan. I’ll definitely rock another
sleek outfit, and I definitely have
a°tickle trunk full of sweet moves to
use, but I think having a rehearsed
routine takes away from the energy
of a performance. Feeling the music,
feeling the audience and interacting
with them I think will always be
more exciting and fresh than a
planned routine that°is rehearsed
front and back until it’s mechanical
and boring. Plus, it’s air guitar, I’m
not spending hours practicing when
there are so many so many beers
out there that need drinking.
Two things: Firstly, Air Guitar is
about promoting world peace,
so they can do that through their
daily lives everyday°and if they
want to take it a step further they
can make a donation to
www.righttoplay.com, the
organization we°(Air Guitar
Canada)°send all of our hard
earned rocking°proceeds
to.°Second, if you see me out
and about, I love beer, just sayin’.
ANY TIPS FOR ANY OTTAWA
FOLKS WHO WANT TO
COMPETE NEXT YEAR?
Absolutely! Follow @houseoftarg
and @airguitarcanada on twitter
so you can stay current and hear
about the next time the Ottawa
air guitar championships are
happening. For air shredding
ideas check out YouTube videos
and live stream this years Air
Guitar World Championships live
from Finland on Aug 28
THE FINNS LOVE THEIR METAL.
WILL YOUR SONG CHOICE
BE INFLUENCED BY THEIR
PENCHANT FOR POWER METAL?
I’m a pretty big metal°head myself,
but when I select a song I really just
look for some big guitar riffs, high
energy, sexy solos, and something
that makes me want to rock hard.
I don’t have a song picked out for
Finland yet, but there are hundreds
of great ones, so I’m not worried.
WHAT CAN YOUR LOYAL
TARGIANS DO TO SUPPORT
YOUR QUEST FOR WORLD AIR
GUITAR DOMINATION?
photos by: Henry VanderSpek
www.culturesnap.ca
1987’S D&D IS A PRETTY
UNIQUE GAME.
It is the first game to use Flex-Save
lanes, which is a coil operated gate
engaged by pressing the second set
of flipper buttons on the cabinet. There
aren’t any in-lanes or out-lanes like
most games, just the one gap on the
far side of the slingshots. These close
automatically after 30 sec. of play but
then its up to the player to close the lane.
This makes the gameplay very intense,
as you have to stay 100% focused all the
time or you will absolutely drain if you
don’t close the gate.
The other big feature of the game is
“Teleport”. There are to trap doors on
the playfield that act as ball locks. The
locks count towards 2 or 3 ball multiball,
but when teleport is lit, locking in the
left lock will release the right lock at the
exact same moment (making it seem like
its teleporting). When a ball is locked in
the left side, shooting the lock shot will
now divert under the light shields, curve
right, sneak between the bumpers & land
in the dragons lair orbit. From there it
launches behind the backbox, through
a habitrail, below another sneaky light
shield to the upper right flipper. If you
nail the left ramp from there you have
completed one of the most elaborate &
satisfying combo shots going.
These features, along with the amazing
music & art (featuring actual Wizards).
D&D is an amazing game! It also has an
insane backbox topper that is about a
foot too tall to fit in the TARG basement,
complete with strobe lights & a smoked
lens that reveals a dragon during the light
show, (I really wish it would fit at TARG).
D&D is a unique & addictive game that
should fit right in at the House of TARG.
A GUIDE TO ALL THE CONCERTS TAKING
PLACE AT HOUSE OF TARG THIS AUGUST.
SAT AUG 1 - House of TARG and
Ashton Brewing Company present:
TREVOR JAMES AND THE PERFECT
GENTLEMEN w/sg RIISHI VON REX
- a special evening of roots rock and
gypsy folk from some of the best this
city has to offer, don’t miss this show!!
THURS AUG 6 - House of TARG and
PBR present: THE VEN DREDDIES
w/sg MUELKIK and THE MERE
HUMANS - a killer night of Disco/
Funk/Fusion, Alternative/Punk and
straight up Rock n’ Roll featuring
the return of Ottawa’s very own VEN
DREDDIES - always a treat!!
FRI AUG 7 - House of TARG and
Beau’s All Natural present: THE
GOLERS w/sg THRASHARDS and
PISSER - Ska Jeff’s triumphant
return to Ottawa from his latest North
American tour will be celebrated with
this wicked bill - Thrash! Thrash!
Thrash!
SAT AUG 8 - BURLESQUE SHOW
- SHADE NYX THEATRE OF THE
MACABRE - our first Burlesque event
featuring traditional feathers and
rhinestones, neo-burlesque, belly
dancing and perverse deviant satire this is a mature content show.
THURS AUG 13 - House of TARG,
Ottawa Ska Syndicate and PBR
present: SKA NIGHT - VOICE OF
THE PEOPLE - our monthly ska night
featuring Ottawa’s best Dj’s spinnin’
Ska/Reggae and bringing in some
sweet live band action to match Skank till you drop!!
FRI AUG 14 - House of TARG and
Beau’s All Natural present: THE YA
YA’s - Bludgeoning hits, gems,
rarities and weird stuff from the
ROLLING STONES classic era.
Guaranteed to get you dancin’ till
your feet bleed!!
SAT AUG 15 - House of TARG and
Ashton Brewing Company present:
THE GLORIOUS MOONROCKETS
w/sg DEAD FIBRES and RANDY
SHENANIGANS - an evening of trash
talking high energy rock n roll, punk
and instrumental surf/punk - party?
Yup.
MON AUG 17 - House of TARG
and Blackwidow Promotions
present: THE ATOMIC BITCHWAX
w/sg AGAINST THE GRAIN,
BLACKBREAD and BIG MOAN - a
special MON night show featuring
one of the most influential stoner
rock bands - expect some serious
guitar wizardry and heavy groove
action - early doors (8pm) for this
stacked bill!!
WED AUG 19 - House of TARG and
Blackwidow Productions present:
AGGRESSION w/sg SIGNS OF
CHAOS, OPIUM WINTER and EXO
VEDATE - old school thrash meets
melodic death metal, metallic sludge
and technical speed metal on this
sweet bill!!
THURS AUG 20 - House of TARG
and PBR present: GNARLY BROWN
w/sg VENOMINON and VYC VYPYR
- a night of heavy tunes, metal is
alive and well in Ottawa!! Speed
metal, groove thrash n roll, hard rock
- call it what you want, it’s gonna get
crazy!!
FRI AUG 21 - House of TARG
and Beau’s All Natural present:
HELLBROS! w/sg DANCE LAURY
DANCE, IN HEAT and BEARSHARK
- party rock, devil horns, high kicks,
epic guitar solos, twirling and flying
drumsticks, high pitched screams
and crotch grabbing - this night will
be a guaranteed party!!
SAT AUG 22- House of TARG,
Blackwidow Promotions and
Ashton Brewing Company present:
AGOTHOCLES w/sg FATAL FLAW,
BLOODNAIL and ANNOIZE Legendary political grindcore from
Belgium supported by Montreal
thrash/crust and Ottawa punk/
hardcore - look out!!
THURS AUG 27 - House of TARG,
Blackwidow Promotions and PBR
present: FULL OF HELL w/sg
SOMBRE and STUCK - well you
asked for more all ages events
so let’s do this! A killer night of
hardcore/grind/punk mated with
some noise/sludge/doom/crossover
- all ages, please respect the space
and rules so we can continue to do
these events.
FRI AUG 28 - House of TARG
and Beau’s All Natural present:
THE SCALLY CAP BRATS w/
sg MACHINE GUN DOLLY and
PISTOLS AT DAWN - this will be
the last show for this Ottawa Celtic/
Oi! band, they will also be releasing
their newest album, come n get it!!
SAT AUG 29 - House of TARG and
Ashton Brewing Company present:
MUSTAPIO’s MAGICAL MURDER
MUSIC w/sg THE TENENBAUMS
and CERVIDEA - join us to celebrate
the album release from this killer
band along with supporting sets of
catchy punk and experimental funk/
jazz/latin/metal rock - we got it all!!
FREEPLAY EVERY
SUNDAY - 9PM
ALL THE PINBALL & VIDS
YOU CAN HANDLE FOR
5 MEASLY CANADIAN
DOLLARS
WIZARD
OF THE MONTH
MARCI
THIS FRIENDLY BOMBSHELL WAS
BORN IN LAHR WEST GERMANY
& PUTS HER WIZARDLY TETRIS
SKILLS TO GOOD USE BY
KEEPING THE BAR EFFICIENT &
ORGANIZED.°WHEN ON BREAK,
YOU CAN FIND HER SITTING
AT THE TETRIS MACHINE
WHERE SHE WILL TAKE ON ALL
CHALLENGERS. WARNING: SHE
WILL TEAR YOU A NEW ONE AND
HAND THE OLD ONE BACK IN A
NEATLY ORGANIZED SERIES OF
BOXES.°MARCI’S HANG-OVER
HACK:°ELECTROLYTE FREEZIES,
YOU GET EM IN THE BABY AISLE
AT THE DRUG STORE!
FAVE ALBUM
Purple Rain by Prince
FAVE TARG GAME
I’m having a real time with Strike Master
lately!
Ottawa Punk Pinball, OttawaPinball.
com, & House of TARG present:
THE 5TH ANNUAL
O-TOWN THROWDOWN
PINBALL TOURNAMENT
AT THE 2015 OTTAWA PINBALL &
GAMESROOM SHOW - SEPTEMBER
19TH/20TH AT MAKERSPACE
NORTH (Bay 216-250 City Centre Ave.)
SHOW HOURS:
Sat, Sept 19th – 12pm to 10pm
Sun, Sept 20th – 12pm to 6pm
TOURNAMENT HOURS:
Sat, Sept 19th – 12pm to 9pm
Sun, Sept 20th – Finals
TOURNAMENT FORMAT:
Single Division
Best Game Qualifying
Entries Counted for Standing – Best 4
FINALS CUTOFF:
1-10 Players: Top 4
10-31 Players: Top 6
32-63 Players: Top 12
64+ Players: Top 16
The Fall (2006) directed by Tarsem Singh
Tournament Finals will be a Single
Elimination Bracket, each match being a
best of 5 games
FAVE TARG DRINK
COST:
FAVE MOVIE
Tequilas in a Fire Kitty Caesar!
BEST OTTAWA MEAL UNDER $10
Monday night burger & pizza
at°MAXWELL’S on Elgin St.
First 2 Entries FREE
Additional Entries – 2/$5
Max Total Entries Per Day - Unlimited
Facebook: Ottawa Punk Pinball League
Instagram: @ottawapunkpinball
Twitter: @punkpinball
I OFTEN STARE BLANKLY INTO THE ABYSS OF
MY TOY COLLECTION AND THIS IS WHAT I AM
CERTAIN THEY ARE SAYING.
2015 HOUSE OF TARG
CHAIR AWARDS
MOST CHALLENGING
CHAIR: BAR STOOL
This minimal backless design is
ubiquitous & functional but for some
reason it’s the one most people
have trouble staying on. Might have
something to do with environmental
conditions. #nevergiveup
MOST
COMFORTABLE
CHAIR:
ADIRONDACK
CHAIR
There is something
special about the incline
of the lumbar support
and the wide arm rests
that can’t be beat. It
consistently wins this
category except for
that one year in the 70’s
when°La-Z-Boy nailed it..
MOST ENTERTAINING
CHAIR: OFFICE CHAIR
360 rotation, up, down and it even
has wheels. What more could you
ask for in a chair? Play safe.
MOST COMMUNITY MINDED
CHAIR: PICNIC TABLE
MOST DISAPPOINTING
CHAIR: INFLATABLE BALL
We had high hopes that these
would make pudgy office workers
fit but instead they are quickly
abandoned. Nobody knows how
to deflate them so they end up
hogging space in the supplies
closet. Stupid chair.
The lines are blurred here but nobody
actually uses these as tables so the
top surface is really just the worlds
only accepted shared arm rest.
It puts airplane & movie chairs to
shame.°Honourable mention: sofa.
LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT
AWARD: STUMP
Perhaps the worlds first chair. These
sturdy wooden butt benches have
been serving the sitting community
since time immemorial.
Thanks Stump.
SKA
JEFF’S
QUEST FOR
ACTION IN
ARCADE
THE USA
WHY NO ‘HI FIVES’ LAST MONTH? WELL I WAS ON TOUR
WITH IDNS FROM TORONTO & ALEMENT FROM PHILLY.
BEFORE LEAVING I TOLD TARG THAT I WOULD MAKE IT MY
MISSION TO FIND PINBALL & VIDZ ON MY TRIP AROUND
NORTH AMERICA ... HERE ARE SOME DISCOVERY HI-LITES...
PITTSBURGH
My first spotting°was in Pittsburgh. We showed up a day early on our day
off and were lucky enough to find a place to stay with someone who was
hanging out at the venue, Rock Room where we grabbed a few drinks.
When we got to her place I noticed her jean jacket had a back patch that
read Polish Hill - Full Tilt Pinball. She was in a super rad pinball league,
and talked pinball with me for a while. The following day I tried to make it
to Kickback or Pinball Perfection, two great spots, but timing didn’t work.
Luckily, Rock Room had Nascar pinball!
CHICAGO
My next pinball finding was in Chicago on our day off at Emporium Arcade
Bar. They had tons of games including Breakshot, The Machine, Playboy,
Firepower, Strike Master, Tales From The Crypt, and Jurassic Park among
others and tons of vidz. Flippers were rough on most of there machines,
and tilt was ridiculous, but had a great time.
AUSTIN
A record shop called, Trailer Space had Area 51, Marvel vs Capcom, &
California Speed. The venue we were playing at called Lost Well had Fish
Tales and Batman. Pinballz Arcade was the plan for the following morning,
a BYOB pinball arcade with over 100 machines, but sadly, timing again
didn’t allow me to get over there.
HOUSTON
Didn’t have time to checkout an arcade called Eighteen Twenty Lounge. My
next finding was a few hours ago here in Asheville, North Carolina where
I write this article. We showed up to the venue, The Odditorium which
looks like something out of a Twilight Zone episode. Really cool! They have
Cyclone pinball which is a really fun game. Tomorrow before we head to
Atlanta, we’re stopping in the Asheville Pinball Museum. Really excited
to check it out! So thats it. One week of tour left, and hopefully I can find
more pinball and vidz along the way. As for my Hi Fives, they will be back in
September!
PIXELS
DIR. CHRIS COLUMBUS
I SAW “PIXELS” WITH MY
DAD DURING A MATINEE
SCREENING ON THE DAY THE
FILM OPENED. I WAS PRETTY
EXCITED CONSIDERING HOW
MUCH I LOVE PLAYING VIDEO
GAMES. In fact over the past
year my dad and I have been
buying on ebay° (and shops
around town) many old school
Atari 2600 games for my dads
Atari system. So you can say
that I was pretty excited for
“Pixels” being very familiar
with the old school games.
That being said it was hard for
me not to like the film. I liked it
more then my dad because he
is not a fan of Adam Sandler
or the fat cop from the Paul
Blart mall movies.
Looking online I noticed that I might be the only person in the world who
liked this film considering all the lousy reviews, but I’m “The Instragram
Movie Reviewer” & my opinion isn’t like everyone else’s. I say go see
“Pixels” especially if you like playing video games. It was funny & action
packed which I like. Seeing Q*bert as a real character in the film was
very funny! The funniest part in the film was when Q*bert jumped off a
trampoline and died – HA! Don’t worry; he came back to life. There was
also an awesome Pac-Man car chase.
The only things I really didn’t like was all the swearing in the film;
considering the fact that the film is being promoted on the Family
Channel, & the fact the Q*bert turned into a girl at the end... I mean
come on; girls suck! I recommend “Pixels” and hope for a sequel one day.
ABOUT THE INSTAGRAM MOVIE REVIEWER
Max is the 9 year old son of local°filmmaker & MAYFAIR THEATRE
Co-Owner Lee Gordon Demarbre.
You can follow MAX on instagram: max_tanner_demarbre°