Newsletter 2009 - Analyze your ACT

The van Gessel Tribune
Volume 12 Number 1
Headquarters: 107 Loch Lomond Drive. Lexington, KY 40517
December 2009
From My View
Have a memorable 2010
During excavations in Pompeii,
archeologists found a peculiar set of
statues which displayed an average
family instead of bigwigs from
antiquity. This has caused scientists
to conclude that ancient families
cherished their precious memories
and wanted to preserve them as much
as we do today.
Winni van Gessel (47), a local
humanities teacher, commented that
statues must have been the “high
tech” solution to solidify priceless
memories in 3D. This was before parents
had access to photo albums and videos.
Ania van Gessel (45) an expert in family
matters, foresees a resurgence of family
statues: “Kids grow up so fast that parents
would pay dearly to immortalize their
times together. Before you know it, they
are off to college.”
Regardless how you capture them, make
sure you make plenty of memories that
are worth preserving.
Hang In There,
Corporate America!
Working hard ..... KNOT!
What do you do when the
economy gets rough? You hang
in there! What if your job hangs
on a thread? You hang tight! Ania
van Gessel has some solid advice
that will help many corporate
employees deal with their
worries and insecurities.
“Hang on to my words, just
sitting around will do you no
good” she says. “Find a life line
and get off your feet. Hang out
with your boss, or hang loose. A
positive attitude will make sure
that you are never at the end of
your rope.”
F O O D A N D
I have come to realize that running a
country is just like running a family. Take
the van Gessel family for example; they
definitely build upon democratic values, as
the children have a vote in all major family
decisions. They have a department of
education (Winni), housing & commerce
(Winni), energy (definitely Winni), health
(Ania), and agriculture (Ania). The
department of home/yard security is
covered by Otis, while Corrie has recently
moved to the department of transportation.
Both Corrie and Veronica have become
veterans in the department of “affairs”.
Personally, I would like to know how the
van Gessels can live so harmoniously
without any law enforcement.
Our Editor-in-Chief
Anti-Shock Therapy
(Advertisement)
St u d i e s s h o w t h a t
School Theater can have
a positive impact on
parents and help them
co pe wi th po te nt ia l
future d ramas. As
actors, your children will
speak nonsense, get a
job, go on strike, marry,
have kids (who might
die), become Siamese
twins, etc. After multiple
performances, with
plenty of practice around
your living room, nothing
will shock you in the
future.
Sign your child up now!
It really works!
Don’t we have enough drama in our lives?
C U L T U R E
Need a Red Herring?
When in Rome, eat as the Romans do.
Everybody likes Italian food, but what if
you are in Holland, where one of the
local favorites happens to be raw
herring? Regardless of the fact that your
father is Dutch, your uncle is Dutch, or
your mother grew up with “sledz”,
eating raw fish seems to be an acquired
taste (see photo). A recent poll amongst
second generation immigrants showed
that not all ethnic foods are passed over
from parents to children. Veronica and
Corrie van Gessel disclosed how some
of their cultural appetites have changed Raw fish with onion? Yum!
over the years: They still love Polish
Kielbasa and Zurek, but they consider
eating Kasza and Bigos “torture”.
Dutch licorice, a one-time favorite
amongst the youngsters, is now
completely off the popular food list.
In a desperate attempt to save culinary
traditions, the parents mix and match
gastronomic delicacies, such as home
made horseradish, bananas and blue
cheese, red beets and gooseberry jam.
So far, only Hutspot (a combination of
a Dutch winter dish and Polish
sausage) is on the list of surviving
meals. Guests have even started to
copy the recipe. Stop by for dinner!
Who is the Naked Guy?
Artistic male enhancement
During a recent exhibit by local
artist Ania van Gessel, a
prom inen t piec e spar ked a
heated debate. Ania recently
painted a large nude male (see
picture) and speculations arose
about the origin of this
extraordinary sample of
masculinity. Some claimed him
to be Ania's husband, others
believed it was her brother
Adam (who is planning to visit
the van Gessel Gallery in person
in the summer of 2010).
Ania shrugs off all these hints
and suggestions and simply refers to the
mystery man as “Gold Member”.
In an unrelated story, a piece of famous
Renaissance art showed up unexpectedly
in a family portrait of the younger
generation.
Whose pen is this?
SCIENCE & TECHNOLOGY
Welding is Fun
At the Montessori Middle School students are
encouraged to learn through hands-on projects.
However, the philosophy to foster creativity and
self-expression can occasionally backfire. Together
with Katie Bennington, Veronica van Gessel (13)
recently constructed a 14-foot seesaw as a science
project. They used power tools and arc welding
equipment. Now Veronica is looking for all kinds of
new welding projects. Her parents get surprises on a
daily basis as objects that were previously mobile
are suddenly welded shut. Friends and family are
learning quickly to hide their cell phones and
precious metals when Veronica is around. She
needs something
big to do, quickly!
Does anyone need
a roller coaster?
Wel-d-on-e
Communication Gap
According to teenagers, such as CvG and VvG,
sometimes parents don’t make any sense!
The girls gathered a collection of parental utterings,
such as: “My mom cackles when she steals
chocolates and my dad makes sound effects when he
serves potatoes.”
Other favorites of the year 2009 are:
Mom: “Taste it, it's fresh!” Corrie: “It came out of a
can!” Mom: “I know.”
Mom: “It's passed around like a pipe of peas.”
Dad: “Great, now we can go to old people's homes
and play music.”
Mom: “It's getting a little bit nipply outside.”
Dad: “If the weather is rainy in Holland, we can just
hop on a bike and go to Poland!”
DO YOU HAVE A PARENTAL QUOTE?
Send it to the editors of the van Gessel Tribune at
winnivangessel@hotmail.com
CHEAP CHOICES
safe, but in this particular
automobile, both foot and head
space are highly inadequate for
most 16-year-olds.
The third model, which is
European, also scored high on my
list (bottom left). It is small, has
Our new automotive expert, Corrie
van Gessel (16), gives advice to
teenagers who are looking for a
first car during these tough
economic times.
“ P r i c e a n d
performance need to
be excellent,” says
Corrie. “My first
pick, therefore, is a
low entry car (top
left). It is very fast
but lacks in comfort.
Driving with the top
down is considered
cool, so a roof is
really not needed at
all. A main
drawback, however,
is safety, as this I’ll drive anything but the school bus!
model lacks some major devices easy repair options (see duct tape
such as air-bags and rearview on bumper) and you can park the
car sideways in any parking spot.
mirrors.
The
fact that it is a two-seater
A second model to consider is the
Herbie (right). This handy car has might be a shortcoming, because
quite some personality and will you can take either a friend with
almost drive itself. It is fast and you or your school bag, not both.”
Not pretty, but never bored.
Tongue Twister
Can you
make a Ushape with
y o u r
tongue?
Fold it?
Twis t it ?
Mother tongue? M a k e a
four leave clover? People are
born and raised with fascinating
tongue capabilities and like to
show it off, too! While it is
impolite to stick out your tongue
in public, displaying its
interesting shapes is considered
entertaining.
In spite of his numerous weird
talents, Winni van Gessel is one
of the few people who has no
ability to do tricks with his
tongue at all. His children, who
can tie knots in cherry stems with
their tongues, laugh at him at
every attempt. His wife will join
in the laughter by showing a
tightly rolled tongue herself.
Winni has now taken up a
ri go ro us tr ai ni ng sc he du le ,
because the latest science reports
have indicated that rolling your
tongue is not genetic, but can be
learned! Stay tuned for updates.
Surely, classes will follow soon!
(www.winnivangessel.com/tribune)