JULY2012 - G`NAT Productions

G’NAT
mag
JULY2012
EPISODE 01
Rucka Rucka Naked
Meghan Borland and Stephanie Galli : Juxtaclay
Jono Sturt
G’N AT
ENTERTAINMENT
VISUAL ART
ARCHITECTURE
Lauren K Alleyne
POETRY
Ariane Dutzi Design
Sanaa Hyder : NYC to DET
DESIGN
Miss Molly Visits the World
LIFESTYLE
G’NATmag/
a magazine for art, community, and creative entrepreneaurship.
Editors in Chief
Natalie Wetzel
Natalie is an exhibiting multi-media artist,
founder of G’NAT Productions, and Editor in
Chief of G’NAT Mag. G’NAT is an extension of
her work into commercial realms, for the sake of
art, community, and creative entrepreneurship.
NatalieWetzelGallery.com
GnatProductions.com
Jono Bentley Sturt
Jono earned his Master’s degree in Architecture
from the University of Michigan. He has worked
for international and domestic architecture firms,
is the founder of Hatchback, and Editor in Chief
of G’NAT Mag.
HtchBck.com
G’N AT
RUCKA
RUCKA
N
A
K
E
D
By Natalie Wetzel
The darkened room buzzes with the palpable energy of eager
comedians. Waitresses in black t-shirts with “Mark Ridley’s Comedy
Castle” printed across the chest weave through the audience
serving orders of chicken wings and drinks. From a table farthest
from the stage, I watch the six standup comics performing tonight
through this bustling scene.
A twenty-something comic in a button-down shirt and skater
shoes hops on stage. As the applause quiets, the comic’s clear
voice slices through the crowd: “Who’s drinking and driving?
Buzzed driving is drunk driving, so get fucked up!” He continues,
“The problem with drunk drivers is they never seem to kill the right
people.” He moves around the stage with ease, sitting briefly during
his act on the iconic Mark Ridley’s tall black and red stool. His voice
is commanding, with a confidence that makes his suggestion to kill
drivers who have too many bumper stickers sound reasonable.
As the young comic’s set ends, he thanks the laughing crowd and
exits the stage. What most of the audience doesn’t realize is that
the comedian they’ve just seen has already had two top-selling
comedy albums, and is one of the most successful comedy
musicians in the world. This comic is Rucka Rucka Ali, widely
known for his YouTube fame and parody rap. Rucka will be the
first to tell you, “Today, someone can be an internet comedy giant
before earning a following as a comic on stage.”
G’N AT
Rucka’s parody rap took off during his radio experiences at the station with and encouragements from MC Serch on Hot 102.7 Detroit. MC Serch had a guest appearance in the video for
Rucka’s first big hit from 2008, I Can Do Whatever I’m White, which quickly went viral and marked Rucka as a target of YouTube’s attention for sharing “racist content.”
In reaction to YouTube’s opposition to and deletion of Rucka’s videos, which quickly rack up millions of views upon upload, Rucka realized the possible repercussions of Internet trolling and has
since been wielding it like a super power, becoming the Internet royalty he is today. Rucka and Producer Randy Nelsen had the epiphany to list their songs for sale online, using the company
TuneCore to control the distribution of songs through iTunes and other online stores. Concurrently, Rucka’s fans, called Rucka’s Nuckas, have taken it upon themselves to defend what they see
as an attack against Rucka by reposting his videos on their own YouTube accounts. This makes it nearly impossible for YouTube to police the spread of Rucka’s videos. It also represents the
emotive force possible in cyberspace, as evidenced by “Rucka’s Nucka Nation.”
For this interview, Rucka and I sat in his house in Metro Detroit, current political and entertainment magazines fanned across his coffee table. As we spoke, Rucka started a game of Donkey
Kong Country for Super Nintendo from 1994. Over our two-hour conversation, I watched as he defeated the game, and simultaneously managed to talk brilliantly about a number of topics,
including his admiration for Adam Carolla, the appalling acts of Joseph Kony, and why the topic of his work being “controversial” missed the point. His work is both social commentary and
entertainment, shining a comedic light on topics that range from serious to ridiculous. It reflects our culture’s commonly misguided obsession on what is “important” news, as it fires up youths
to also flex their creativity, as evidenced by the bounty of Rucka fan
videos on YouTube.
I point out that in the age of South Park and The Colbert Report,
political satire and a sharp sense of humor is our nation’s aspirin
for the absurdities happening among the suited elites. Rucka
hesitates to accept this analogy, insisting that most of his
antagonists don’t wear suits.
RRA- “The people at the top are a reflection of our values,
both good and bad. They are what we deserve. If most
people accept the doctrine of Political Correctness, then
who will end up in charge? Me?”
From an objective perspective, one might find this
whole phenomenon to reflect issues including our First
Amendment rights, mob mentality, racial tensions, or
perhaps even common decency. Whatever opinion one
has, it unquestionably touches a nerve that Rucka is not
about to let up on. He knows it has many people, myself
included, glued to the YouTube screen.
So, as an intrigued fan, I ask, “Rucka, if you were to lead
your fans up your path to fame, what songs and anecdotes
would you show them along the way?”
What follows is Rucka’s guide to his rise.
- 01 I Heart Crack
This is the “Family Guy Season 1” of
my catalog. It wasn’t a viral hit when it came
out. Most people couldn’t be bothered to check it
out, but those that heard it got pretty damn excited.
Including me. I thought: this is it, my big hit. It wasn’t
a parody. It was a wildly hysterical Rap song. It had
presence, punch lines, passion, and other things that start
with the letter P. If my career is a baby, then I Heart Crack
- 02 was the second trimester of pregnancy. The messy blob
I Can Do Whatever
of fluids now had a heartbeat, fingers, a brain, a loud
I’m White
mouth, a name, a social security number, and could
not be aborted in Michigan. You can find this song
A star is born. This was the first song parody I
on YouTube. It probably has around 20,000
ever loaded onto YouTube, and it got 25,000 views
views with comments like, “Not as good
in its first week. I was like, hey, maybe I’ll do parodies
as Rucka‘s old stuff” and “What
for a little while. The best part was, I was getting like ten
song is this a parody of?”
MySpace friend requests per minute! I didn’t need to sit and
add people anymore. They were adding me. I was “that guy
that can do whatever, he’s white!” The YouTube comments
were a riot. People were saying “This is racist!” and “This is not
racist, it’s true!” and “This is not true, and it’s not racist” and
every other variation imaginable. I also learned that the word
“racist” has about ten different possible spellings. Looking
back, I’m White was pretty tame compared to what
would come later. Still, I received death threats and
hateful comments like “Fuck u, u rasciest, u
think u can say that shit???? Racest!!!!!”
Boy, talk about crying wolf.
- 03 Ching Chang Chong
- 04 Ima Korean
From white to yellow. I was starting to wonder if my best days were
“Herro, remember me?” It was time
behind me. Ten months had passed since I’m White, and none of my
to write another hit. I was thinking, okay,
follow-up songs had done nearly as well. Don’t get me wrong, each song
now my best days are behind me. I can’t
enjoyed a comfortable 50,000 views and climbing, but I was hoping to
possibly top the success of DJ Not Nice.
match I’m White’s surreal One Million views. Back then, a Million views was
Well, I didn’t need to. He starred in this huge
the biggest deal to me. Nowadays, I’m just like, “Is that a Million U.S. or Euro?”
parody of the Black Eye Peas’ huge hit song I
In any case, I came up with Ching Chang Chong, a fun and appetizing track
Gotta Feeling. This was back when Kim Jong
starring Asian sensation DJ Not Nice. It went super-viral, but at around 800,000
- 05 Il was firing blank rockets at everybody. It
views, YouTube deleted it on the grounds of “Hate Speech.” I was upset, but I
Russia’s Gay
was a simpler time. Ima Korean remains
quickly accepted the fact and pushed forward. That’s the way I am; you need
one of my biggest hits, confirming
thick skin to sing about people’s skin color. The next day, I was pleasantly
The Cold War will not end on my watch.
that everything about the song
surprised to find 30 copies of Ching Chang Chong on YouTube. Turns out,
I had a vision for that one Jason DeRulo song
is true.
in which he samples Imogen Heap and apologizes my fans had downloaded the video and kept it on YouTube via their
- 07 for infidelity, admitting that cheating on his girlfriend own accounts. This was the birth of Rucka’s Nuckas, an army of
patriots fighting for my right to Free Speech in America. Okay,
Don’t Be A Playa,
“wasn’t clever.” The result was a beautiful ballad with an
fine, an army of adolescents fighting for my right to Free
Haiti
even more beautiful video, provoking a certain former-bloc
Speech on someone else‘s property. Whatever,
shell of a slaughterhouse. Channeling the patriotic Country
YouTube is probably subsidized by the
It shook the Internet. People laughed, people
Music star Toby Queef, I marveled, “when the wall came
Feds. Those scumbags.
cried. Nobody was silent. On the surface, I was
down and them Russians rushed out, it was a day when
laughing at Haiti after their terrible earthquake. But
freedom won. If Mister Putin wants to invade Georgia, we’ll be
beneath the surface, I was really laughing at Haiti before
- 06 waitin’ here with guns (I live in Atlanta).” It’s one of my all-time
their earthquake. I believe this makes me a Saint. To be
Emo (Like A Nazi)
favorites, but it was one of YouTube’s least favorites. This
fair, I spent only a third of the song discussing Haiti, and the
song was deleted by YouTube more than a video of a
remaining time allotted exploring additional areas of foreign
It’s always great when the person
Klan member with his cock out. It’s still on YouTube,
you’re making fun of enjoys the abuse. policy. Other ventures mentioned: Bombing Germany,
but the “generations” of re-uploads has reduced
This song is very popular with Emo kids, Norway, and any French-speaking region. Also, I
the quality significantly. Your best bet is to
anti-Emos, post-Emos, and anyone that enjoys entertained sending Mexicans to Spain. While I didn’t
watch the Russia’s Gay video on
a good incest rape joke. Emo is not my biggest clearly state plans to harm Scotland and Ireland,
RuckasWorld.com.
I let them know that I’m not crazy about the
hit, but it is the first Rucka song that many people
- 08 cut of their jib. Look, many people were
profess to having heard. It’s a gateway Rucka
Go Cops
insulted by this song, but at least
song. You step into Rucka’s World, thinking
they didn’t get raped.
it’s all fun and games and Emo-bashing.
The antithesis to N.W.A’s Fuck Tha Police. I
Before you know it, you’re a racist jerk
- 09 had heard that damn Ke$ha song so many times,
who swears allegiance to an evil
Justin’s Beaver
I was prepared to beat myself to death with a bottle
demagogue. Kind of like… a
of Jack and hope that Hell contained better music. And
Nazi.
The boy had it coming. Around the time
as far as a parody opportunity, that annoying smash-hit pop
of the 800 Millionth “Baby,” I was getting 800
song was useless! What the hell rhymes with “Tik Tok, goes the
Million requests for a song “dissing Justin Bieber.”
clock, let’s all suck some strange cock,” or however that chorus
This struck me as unlikely. I had previously insulted
went? But then it occurred to me: the real potential lay in the verse.
entire continents, countries, religions and races, but
“I wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy…” She was telling
never a private citizen. But then Bieber was nominated
a story (albeit a pointless and demoralizing one). I could do that!
for a BET Award, and it was time to step up and do
“I walk up to the police in Detroit City, and I’m like, excuse me
the right thing. Beaver got 50,000 views the day that I
officer, I’m tryna find some weed…” Next thing I knew, I had
uploaded it onto YouTube, and it was immediately the
the biggest hit of my career on my hands. Go Cops has like
top-selling comedy song in the world. YouTube deleted
a Trillion views, and rumor has it that cops around the
the video on that very first day. It’s still everywhere.
country are blasting it from their patrol units. I got a
I should mention that the song is about some
traffic ticket last year (for running a red light!)
guy that I know named Justin, and that all
and the cop didn’t recognize me. So I’m
celebrity similarities are coincidental
G’N AT
back to contemplating suicide.
or parodic. But Bieber, if the
Happy?
shoe fits…
- 10 Only 17
Rucka describes himself primarily as a voice actor, with a list of characters including
Good luck jerking it to this one. In a
DJ Not Nice and Toby Queef. Along with his grasp of satirical lyrics and comedic
great leap of maturity, I progressed from
timing, I observed Rucka’s voice acting ability during a recording session at
childish racial humor to a topic that adults could
- 11 Pinegrove Studios in mid May. He recorded his Maroon 5 parody Dago
relate to: Having sex with an underage girl whom
Osama Bin Found
using his best Italian stereotype. Nelsen mixed on his computer
lied about her age. Everybody reading this is nodding
their head “yes.” Even the women. Only 17 was truly a
while Rucka performed in the booth. Hands up, smacking the
Two shots and a splash of water, Bin Laden is
masterpiece. One second, I’m locked in a consenting
air to the beat, Rucka delivered the lyrics he wrote into the
dead! It was a typical weekend in America… except
sex act with a young lady. The next second, I’m
microphone. His ability to snap from character to reflective
it wasn’t. On Friday, Prince William got married (which, for
receiving a large gentleman of color in a prison
some reason, was considered big news in this hemisphere).
critic on each take, then back and forth again, was both
shower. Justice is served. An eye for an eye. Oh,
On Saturday, the White House Correspondents Dinner took place,
impressive and entertaining.
what poetry! By the way, didn’t musicians use
where President Obama spent a considerable amount of time making
to brag about nailing minors back in the
fun of his biggest critic, Donald Trump. On Sunday, Obama interrupted
60’s? In fact, wasn’t there an actual
Nelsen had just returned with a car full of friends
the final 15 minutes of Trump’s TV show Celebrity Apprentice to announce
song called Only 17?
from the Bamboozle Festival in Asbury Park, New
that Osama Bin Laden had been killed by the Navy SEALs in Pakistan.
Jersey. Despite his self-proclaimed delirium from
Obama didn’t plan to interrupt Apprentice like Thomas Jefferson didn’t plan
to show Sally Hemmings a good time after lights-out. Look up that reference,
sleep deprivation, he appeared like a music-producing
kids. I watched Obama deliver his speech, and I thought to myself, “Boy, is
magician to me. Watching the interaction between
- 12 Michelle gonna make him a happy man tonight.” I was inspired to write a
Rucka and Nelsen, two longtime friends turned
My Name’s
song that covered all the current events as I understood them. Osama
Obama
business partners, was like watching a trick that finds
Bin Found was a big success, even though YouTube considered
balance within fine-tuned absurdity and well-seasoned
improvisational skills. As a guest observer, I don’t know
how they made it work, but they did. At one point, I was
laughing with tears in my eyes as Nelsen asked Rucka to
make incoherent “Italian speak” over a certain segment of the
song, three times over. Rucka complied with gusto.
it “Hate Speech” to mock the late terrorist. YouTube deleted
Yippity Kai Ay! This is my latest (and
Osama, but that didn’t stop Rucka’s Nuckas from keeping it
greatest) parody. I love this song the way that
alive (no pun intended). On the tenth anniversary of 9/11,
a mother loves her youngest child and throws
almost every copy of Osama Bin Found was massall
her older offspring on the back burner. It
deleted by YouTube’s staff. See what political
begins
with an homage to the beginning of
correctness does to us?
Osama Bin Found, which is a great way to
celebrate past ideas and avoid coming up
with new ones. Osama, OOPS, I mean,
At a Michigan staple Coney Island restaurant, Rucka mentioned that he had
Obama (haha!) sings about his life and
also just dined at the novelty Detroit Coney Island on his recent trip to LA. He
times. It’s catchy, fun, satirical and
was invited to share the stage with The Big 3, which includes Don Barris,
incredibly offensive. Don’t
go near it.
Walter “Mole” Molinski, and “Scary” Perry Caravello. In 2003, the movie
Windy City Heat set the stage for Perry to be the butt of jokes.
Rucka is now successfully continuing that tradition by creating
songs such as Yo Perry, which of course is wildly popular on
YouTube.
Also at The Big 3 Podcast event was Dominic Monaghan. I
said, “Really, the cute one?” (Merry was always my favorite
hobbit from The Lord of the Rings). Apparently, Monaghan
has been a big supporter of the project and was the special
guest for the first part of the show while the second part
featured Rucka. Says Rucka about the project, “It’s the
funniest thing that ever was. It’s also the best-kept secret.
But it has a cult following that is growing by the day, and
I get to play my small part in it.”
Rucka’s LA adventure also led him to the June
26th taping of Jimmy Kimmel Live!, where, from
the front row, Rucka saw Louis C. K. do his
standup. Rucka was escorted to the show by
Don Barris who, in addition to his involvement
with The Big 3, is also the warm-up comedian
for Kimmel’s show. After the taping, Rucka
chatted with Kimmel in his office, who asked
him how long it took him to make the Give Me
a Hand, Perry video. Rucka responded, “a day
or so.” Kimmel, seemingly surprised by this, said
jokingly to Rucka, as he was leaving, “Nice to meet you!
I’m a big fan of your work with The Big 3. I’ll send you any ideas
that we [at JKL] decide are too terrible to use. So in other words, I’ll be
sending you a lot of stuff, as long as you promise not to credit me for it.”
Rucka has been developing his video aesthetic since he was a teenager. When Rucka was in high
school, he took footage from various sources to create a video for a Tool song about a tsunami hitting LA. Since then,
Rucka has evolved his video work as a sarcastic homage to readily available pics one can find so easily online. Rucka’s videos are montages
of pop culture imagery, which have an aesthetic reinforcing his usage of the Internet as a tool to inform and shape his persona and work.
When I asked about the inclusion of subtitles, he said that his YouTube views skyrocketed with their addition. One reason is that diehard
fans can now look to these easily accessible references to clarify their understanding of every lyric. Says Rucka, “I like the challenge
of pairing images with lyrics and making them work with the beats. As soon as I’m done with a song, I’m working on the video.”
Rucka says his upcoming album Rucka’s World is the most well-crafted of his albums so far. The idea for the album is a
parody of a children’s show, in which Rucka and his G’Nuppet (the name for the nude puppet made by G’NAT Productions)
are the hosts. The album will release this summer. According to the buzz from Rucka’s Nuckas, and like the size of
Rucka’s (G’Nuppet) genitalia, the anticipation is HUGE.
As our interview drew to a close I expressed my optimistic anticipation that G’NAT Mag would
encourage readers to consider the difference between the artist and his persona, how
he might perform the characteristics of a real racist, sexist, pedophile, asshole in
general, as a method of eliciting a reaction and providing social commentary
on such attitudes. Rucka replied, “Yes, the key to being a political genius
is making everyone believe you’re on their side.” So, even though I’m
always a bit aware that he is poking fun at my liberal, fine artist
demographic with his quick wit and implications that I love
Fiona Apple, yes, I believe Rucka is on my side too.
G’N AT
For more Rucka, visit
RuckasWorld.com/
Listen to Rucka on The
Big 3 Podcast by visiting
TheBig3Podcast.com/
Megbo and Galli on
JUXTACLAY
Two up-and-coming
Michigan artists discuss
their respective BFA theses.
Both focused on experimental
investigations in ceramics. The
ephemeral, the precious, the innovative
are all in play in the joint exhibition
of these ambitious young
whippersnappers.
PHOTO by JACOB LE WKOW
Meghan Borland
Our society’s idea of nature has become that of the readymade, never truly
observing or understanding our surroundings. My own observation and
curiosity about the natural environment led me to the creation of this work.
While questioning these observation, I have set out to abstract, enhance and
overstate several natural systems.
My process involves collecting natural materials such as clay, leaves and moss from
my environment and transforming them into manufactured objects. While collecting
these materials I have gained an understanding about my sense of place. I am
interested in the inherent natural qualities clay offers: In its pure form it is mud, and it
can be morphed, altered and changed into ceramic. I am also interested in the material
science of clay and what it can tell about a place. For example, clay found in Mt.
Pleasant has a reddish tint due the high iron content. The processes of refining clay
dug by hand from a river to construct a fabricated rock emphasizes and reconstructs
the idea of “nature.” I believe our ability to perceive these natural materials is enhanced
by viewing manipulated organic objects.
As with other natural materials, I am drawn to the ephemeral quality of clay. In
its natural state, clay is constantly being weathered and broken down by its
environment. When clay is fired and becomes ceramic, it acquires a sense of
permanence and value. I’ve brought that ephemeral quality into my work accepting
and in some instances encouraging that constant change. My moss rocks started
to break down and crack under the constant drip of the hydroponic garden. The
porcelain leaves that covered the gallery floor were walked on and crushed. They
altered the way people walked in the gallery and filled the space with crunching
sound.
Throughout the creation of this work I have questioned this blurred line
between artifice and reality. I think there is almost a sense of alchemy
that presents itself within the work; I create ceramic rocks from local
clay to sustain the life of moss that I transplant onto the rocks. I have to
wonder how natural these organic materials are. My conclusion is there
is no definite answer. The neurotic and repetitive process of creating it,
however, has allowed me to meditate and discover my work. My hope is
to provide people the chance to experience, question, and rediscover the
natural environments surrounding them.
For more information on Meghan Borland, visit MeghanBorland.com
PHOTO by JACOB LE WKOW
Stephanie Galli
There is an intentional parallel between my current work and fashion design. I categorize my slip cast forms as RTW, ready- to-wear is a term meaning mass produced items
intended for racks in stores. Derived from fashion sketches, the form is an abstracted figure.
Once I had a grasp on the technical methods of ceramics, I began to experiment more artistically, finding myself lingering somewhere in between functional pottery and
sculpture. My love for the wheel seemed to keep me linked to function. I viewed this confusion as a challenge that I needed to conquer, and so I researched. When was it okay
to make pottery with no other function other than beauty? My research brought me to the French porcelain of the 16th century. Sevres porcelain factory produced beautifully
crafted, decorative pots for the wealthy and the privileged. I continued to create, now altering thrown vessels in such a way that removed their utilitarian purpose.
It was shortly into my exploration of alteration that I discovered my forms were becoming figurative. I began to alter with more intent on making silhouettes that referenced the
female figure, with surface design inspired by the high fashion of the 1960s, looking in particularly at Dior, Balenciaga, and Chanel. I took these forms off of the table and onto
shelves, no longer individuals but displayed as sets, or as I like to refer to them, as lines.
While spending six months in China studying ceramics, I was exposed to the wild and funky contemporary fashions that women wear everyday. Upon my return to the states,
it was my final semester and time to create work for my BFA thesis show. At this point I knew that I wanted to incorporate a more contemporary fashion inspiration.
Three months before my exhibition, “Juxtaclay,” I took a huge risk in beginning a new approach to my method of making. I was determined to further explore surface design,
and decided that slip casting my forms would be the best way to do so. I was taking the preciousness away from individual forms so that I could really experiment more
drastically without the pressure that comes with the rate of loss. Slip casting is also a way to mass-produce a clean form quickly. I lived in the studio, producing work rapidly,
then spending labor-intensive time on decorating surfaces. As I finished a piece, it went into storage and I moved on.
Installation of the show was exciting and scary at the same
time. It was my time to shine and show everyone, myself
included, that all of the hard work and dedication
could be translated through my artistic vision coming
to life.
For more information on Stephanie Galli,
visit StephanieGalli.com
PHOTO by JACOB LE WKOW
FRAMED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jono Bentley Sturt is an architect, musician, passionate, all around swell fella. He earned his
Master’s degree in Architecture from the University of Michigan in 2011, and he took a break from
micromanaging his collection of hats to discuss his thesis.
G’NAT- Jono, I recall one song from your band, English, in particular, “ X When X is Positive and X is Less Than One “ that addresses some of your views on Detroit. Would you please
describe yourself as a musician as well as why and how your interests concerning Detroit spread into the music?
JBS- What a sharp interviewer, pairing these two questions! X is a song that approaches the current dynamic surrounding Detroit, but never directly attempts to say, “This is what
Detroit is.” It’s like a series of snapshots that look at things next to the thing they’re talking about. The title, for example, just describes a number between zero and one. There are a lot
of people with a lot of opinions on whether Detroit functions or acts or looks like a city, what that means, etc. Inevitably, it falls outside the American paradigm of “The City” as we’ve
come to know it in the 20th century, but it’s
still there to be dealt with. It makes people
uncomfy because it’s in this weird space
between zero and one, where we’re not
sure how to categorize it or talk about it or
coming out of Detroit at the
address it yet. That’s something that I’m
time, with bands like Rescue,
really interested in. Some parts of the song
Wafflehouse, Thunderbirds Are
characterize the overly positivistic view that
Now! and fordirelifesake. And
some people have taken on Detroit in a
what was really cool was that
tongue-in-cheek kind of way, while other
even if the music they made
parts express genuine excitement about
wasn’t really the same genre,
where things are headed.
it still had this kind of energy in
common- dramatic and abrupt
Honestly, I think the fact that I grew up
shifts in dynamics, weird timings,
in the suburbs of Metro Detroit has a lot
incredibly energetic performances
to do with where I’ve ended up and the
where these guys would go
type of music that English writes, as well
ballistic, whether they were
as how we play it live. Matt Puhy, Ryun
playing at a packed house at the
Weber, and I have been writing and playing
Shelter or to 15 kids in a church
together since middle school (under a litany
hall. As someone who was just
of other names, and with a shifting cast
learning how to write and
of characters). We all grew up listening
play music, this exposure
to a particular type of indie rock that was
was invaluable. It was
like someone broke all the rules before I could learn them, so anything was possible. I just knew we had to care about it enough to mean
it, to play like those guys we were watching. I think that’s an ambition that’s really deeply ingrained within how I approach music, as well as
architecture and design; if I don’t feel really strongly about it, it’s probably not right.
G’NAT- Through your lens as an architect, you have crafted a fantasy scenario in your thesis that is grounded in logistics, and that could
theoretically cross from your vision into our world. You are the mastermind of this complex alternate global reality, which magnifies Detroit
specifically. Can you tell us a little about your thesis, how you describe your alternate world, and what inspired you to pursue this scenario
as the topic?
JBS- The premise for my thesis arose from a certain level of anxiety regarding my options after graduation. I really wanted to work in
Detroit, but it’s not the same kind of job market as New York or Chicago when it comes to architecture. The way I saw it, my main options
were to work for “The Man” (read: corporate office with great design as a low priority) wherein I could make some sort of a living, or move
someplace else. I was not satisfied by these options. I wanted others. So I started working on what those might be. As interested as I
was in Detroit, I wanted to avoid the trap of attempting to represent it “factually,” so the work became prospective; fashioning a fictitious,
future version of the city, I was able to control the variables that would lead to architectural opportunities. What came out was neither a
utopian nor dystopian scenario, but one which is problematic and contested... from the brief I wrote for myself, going into thesis semester:
PHOTO by JACOB LE WKOW
On March 13, 2017, two major ice shelves dislodge from Antarctica and global sea levels rise 17 feet in a single day. The world’s coasts
are flooded and the global economy crashes as a result. Detroit is revitalized by the rapid influx of population from the coastal regions
as its existing, underutilised real estate, infrastructure and its proximity to the freshwater source of the Great Lakes makes it an ideal
locus for the displaced. It is loud, crowding is inevitable and conflicts occur. Some of those who have come as a result of the flood
were wealthy; they still are, as a result of banking being entirely digital in 2017. Some of those who come to Detroit are poor;
they still are, for the same reasons as before, but they are attempting to change that fact. I am positioning myself as Timothy
Anderson, an architect working within what I am calling a contested prospective scenario: the problematic, messy and
hopeful environment of post-flood Detroit.
G’NAT- You play a character in this world is named Tim Anderson. He is woven throughout four defined
projects within your thesis. How do you describe Tim?
JBS- Tim is a guy who is not too dissimilar from myself in aspirations, though his qualities
as a savvy go-getter are vastly superior to my own. His nature as an ambitious
capitalist, seeing the market potentials of scenarios plays out in a narrative of
his life’s practice in a way that’s not dissimilar from an Albert Kahn-like
figure; he builds a firm and a reputation that sticks around long after
his demise. This keyed in with the way that I presented the
work, wherein I played the part of Tim’s grandson in law,
the guy who marries into the family business. This
was at once a way to present a body of futurebased work as a retrospective, as well
as a chance to present my thesis
work as a chotchy salesman
type. The latter was a bit
of a jab at the format
of the thesis
presentation, wherein a
year of work is meant to be
presented in 10-15 minutes,
during which the guest critics
should be convinced of the value and
merit of the presenter’s work.
During my presentation, critics were greeted
by my “intern,” (in reality, a fellow architecture
student) who informed the group that I was
running late and served tea with honey, a tie-in
with one of the projects I’ll outline later. After they
were served, I entered in character. I presented the four
projects through a collection of framed images to be viewed
using three different pairs of glasses that could be attached
to a steel track that was coated in beeswax. The three sets of
lenses revealed different aspects of the circumstances surrounding
the project represented– the Why (what aspect had led to the market
opportunity Tim had seized), the Who (which key player depicted had
found the best leverage) and the How (the method through which Tim
advantaged himself).
G’NAT- Would you describe the four projects you created within this constructed
world?
JBS- I gamed out the four different projects that Tim was able to find in the problematic
future, each one of them based on a non-traditional method of finding work as an architect:
JBS
Boston Edison Fair Exchange
Following the flood, many wealthy climate refugees seek housing in Detroit remotely; they purchase homes appropriate to their lifestyle in neighborhoods like Detroit’s historic Boston
Edison district and, in a panic to escape the refugee camps of the East coast, pay exorbitant prices for these properties sight-unseen. The previous occupants vacate quickly to secure
more modestly priced lodgings, leaving a short period of vacancy.
At this point, the varied demographics of this neighborhood come into play (i.e. that half million dollar lots exist literally next door to lots worth less than ten thousand dollars). The nonwealthy residents strip the interior of these houses for everything of value– copper piping, bathtubs, door handles, staircases, etc. and relocate these items in an abandoned house in
the neighborhood, which they label Boston Edison Fair Exchange. Upon arrival, new neighbors are welcomed to purchase any necessities they may be lacking from the BEFE.
It doesn’t take long for the volume of sequestered items to outgrow the bounds of the house. In order to preserve the quality of the materials and discourage the looting of items left
outdoors, Tim Anderson is hired to assemble a new structure from the items in Voigt Park. The innards of these houses are here crystallized in a nearly Rube-Goldbergian structure,
the complexity of which defies outward comprehension. Tim’s agreement to work with the ambitious residents of Boston Edison is predicated on the fact that he be permitted to work
alone, so that he alone understands the order in which the structure can be disassembled safely to access a particular item purchased by a new neighbor.
The survival strategy outlined in this first project is not a kind one; just as the residents of Boston
Edison act to make themselves necessary to the operation of post-flood Detroit’s new economy, Tim
makes himself necessary to the operation of the Boston Edison Fair Exchange. These characters
find leverage in their hostages.
After Dark Free Trade Zone
It takes nearly 18 months for the stockpiles to run out, but the difficulty in acquiring (and so
eventually, in transporting) oil and other mineral resources grinds the world economy as we know it
to a halt. This massive shift in the nature and health of global society is occasionally punctuated by
unexpected events. Such is the case when a tanker carrying goods runs out of fuel and becomes
stranded in the Detroit River. Given that the ship straddles the border between the US and Canada,
the hungry crew declare themselves a Free Trade Zone, claim the ship as salvage and
begin trading its cargo to any takers on the river.
JBS
After the Canadian government shuts the operation down a week later, citing
“public safety concerns,” and takes control of the vessel, the newly moneyed
crew choose to reinvest in their operations. Knowing that word of their
improvised marketplace has spread in both Windsor and Detroit, the crew
must use the river as their location, but must do so in such a way that makes it
possible for the local authorities to turn a blind eye.
Tim is hired to design and build a solution, which takes the form of a collection
of rafts. These rafts interlock to form a large platform in the river where boats
dock at night, allowing the unregulated marketplace to continue. At first light
the rafts detach from each other and sink to the river bottom.
Yes, Tim resorts to extralegal means and clients as a way
of securing employment, but does so in a way
which enables the complicity of local law
enforcement.
Local Flavor
Melissa Movil, an old friend of Tim’s, approaches him with a
business idea two years after the flood. She has a plan to start a mobile bee farm, wherein she planned to rent beehives
to local urban farmers, collecting a fee for the boost in crop yield that bee pollination affords. Additionally, the honey and wax produced by the hives would provide a second
stream of income. At this stage in post-flood Detroit, wax has arisen as a more economical method for preserving steel and honey has become the local sweetener of choice (after all,
the cost of manufacturing and transporting most fertilizers to grow sugar cane/beets/etc. is now fairly exorbitant). MM’s business model embraces the constraints of the era, avoiding
dependence on non-human power.
This is where Tim comes in; he designs and constructs a new model of
disassemblable beehive that is transportable as a bicycle trailer, as well as a
honey extractor that operates via hand crank. He takes this cost on up front,
as both designer and investor. His compensation takes the form of equity in
this venture, as well as a portion of each harvest’s wax and honey.
This is the survival strategy of buying in. One fortuitous upshot of this
decision is that the relationship of client and architect in this case
becomes more fluid and equitable. When both parties have a direct
stake in the success or failure of a venture, trust and collaboration
become all the more easily built.
JBS
Spaulding
Court Gardens
The last project highlighted from
Tim’s early career occurs three and a half years
after the flood. At this point, Tim is at a stage where he feels
confident gauging the costs of construction, anticipating the arc of a project
and framing his arguments to best communicate the value of his ideas. With this skill set
he designs a greenhouse to be constructed directly adjacent to Spaulding Court in Detroit’s Corktown
neighborhood. After completing this speculative design process, he meets with the residents of Spaulding Court to
explain how they could disperse the expense of the building’s construction and Tim’s compensation.
To further promote and advertise this idea, Tim installs a stereoscope at the corner of the lot, looking into the space where the structure would be
located. Looking into the stereoscope, residents are presented with a three dimensional view of what the lot could look like with the proposed structure
in place.
This is a strategy in which Tim recruits design work by front-loading his costs. He treats site-specific architecture as a product to be sold, rather than a
set of services to be sought; Tim goes on the offensive.
JBS
G’NAT- It appears that your work has sprawled into a fine art
realm. That is, you placed yourself within a conceptual world
that you envisioned, created an installation with objects that you
crafted, and then performed at the presentation of your thesis as
a representative from your manufactured alternative reality. You
were the grand architect, the sculptor, and the performance artist.
How would you describe your interest in pushing the boundaries of architecture as a discipline?
JBS- I think what I love most about architecture is that it’s really a way of thinking, of problem solving, of
viewing the world. A lot of times, the upshot of this thinking is a building but, at least from what I’ve learned,
the building is not a foregone conclusion. My thesis work was somewhat out of the ordinary in its medium and
delivery, but I’m confident that the logics within it are architectural in nature.
G’NAT- The sensibilities apparent in your crafted presentation echo your attention to detail throughout your
thesis. Let’s discuss one particular aspect of your thesis, which is both a sculptural material and conceptual
vehicle in your constructed world. Beeswax. Can you elaborate on your use of beeswax as a commodity and
how you worked it into the physical installation of your thesis?
JBS- The use of beeswax and honey in the presentation of the work was intended to
hit on a few levels. At one level, there is simply the fact that the
presentation materials were imbued
with material
residue of this
retrospective from
the future, assisting
the audience in
their suspension
of disbelief. The
presentation of false
sensory evidence was
meant to allow the
audience to hold their
skepticism in abeyance,
to buy into the plausibility
of the scenario. On
another level, I was also
interested in the type
of material experience
gleaned by the wax coating
on steel and how this could
JBS
augment the use of the viewing apparatus.
It is an experience in successive stages;
from afar, the apparatus appears as steel.
Closer, the viewer notices that something is
slightly off, that there is a strange dullness
to this metal. Closer still, and touching,
there is almost a rubberiness to it, a grip
that is unexpectedly soft. Finally, putting
the lenses in place, nose pressed, the
scent of the wax becomes present.
This
experience was imagined as
not only a way to enable the
audience buy-in, but also to
create the slightly disconcerting
experience of making a material
as commonplace as steel seem
unfamiliar, enabling it to occupy
the same slant-realism of the
thesis narrative, itself.
G’NAT- Your work could otherwise be
likened to the Native American’s use of oral
tradition because there has been no detailed written
record of your thesis before this article. How exciting
for G’NAT Mag readers! Is it important to you for your
thesis to be thoroughly documented, and if so, would
you share how you might formalize it beyond this
interview?
JBS- It sure would be nice! It’s interesting that the act of orally
explaining, or translating the work has remained integral, given that the
format of the work is, more or less, a journal. As with any project that
attempts to push the boundaries of representation, I think the problem
really comes in the act of translation. This problem also ties in
with music for me, in that my lyrical content has typically
been written to establish relationships or thoughts that
were hyper-specific and, as a result, could only be
completely understood by me. I’m at a point now
where creating things that obviate the need
for translation or explanation is something
that I’m working towards in general, so yes,
I really hope to make my thesis work that
clear, that legible.
Refining and building
on the work I did in thesis will be a longterm project; having it documented here is a big step in the
right direction. Thanks for the opportunity!
G’NAT- Thank you, Jono.
To see some of Jono Bentley Sturt’s other work, visit HtchBck.com
JBS
Lauren K Alleyne
Lauren K. Alleyne is a native of Trinidad and Tobago. She received her Master
of Fine Arts degree in Creative Writing from Cornell University, and is currently
the Poet-in-Residence and an Assistant Professor of English at the University of
Dubuque.
Dear Autumn, this poem
too late, remembers you—
you write, what should I do?
Your careful penmanship loops
and curves across the page,
its literal plea defying the break
of stanzas, meter, or line.
Home at my desk, pen in hand
I discard note after futile note—
Dear Autumn, you’re brave
and beautiful… Dear
Autumn, no one deserves…
the world is unjust… Dear
Autumn, have faith...
Dear Autumn, this poem…Dear
Autumn… I never get it right.
By the time I return, they’ve moved you
to a new place I’m not allowed to know.
I still have your notebook, Autumn,
I’m still writing back.
You’re the new girl.
Body turned away from the circle,
foot scuffing the floor,
you don’t want to belong:
and who can blame you?
They’re a ragged bunch,
the girls at the Center-sullen, spaced out,
or screaming in corners
until the uniforms come
to shake the sound out
or muffle it with the rattle of pills.
But for an hour each week,
I come with my handouts
and books; we huddle over
ghazals, sonnets, haiku,
then tensed over your pencils,
you’re supposed find your own words.
I’m here, you write,
because they want me
to tell them what he did.
But I’m not reading this
yet. I’m just watching
how your face seems so young
and so weary, your eyes
like candles struggling in wind
as you scribble into the notebook
you won’t be allowed to keep.
I think poetry can save you,
but you’re not interested
in poems-- reality presses sharp
against the nerve of your
imagining. You want answers:
It’s true, he touched me, but
I don’t want him to go to jail.
He is a good person. He just needs
help. Miss Lauren,
If, sky
Wish for a working machine
and you’re given a body.
Ask for options and you get
a life with no roadmap and
the compass called free will.
Say, give me a reason,
and what you get is silence
or wars continents too far away
to care without exertion.
If you say yes to knowing,
dispossession flowers in you,
and cleaves to your progeny
for centuries. If you wish
to forget, there are pills
with mild side effects—
dreams that grab you
by the throat and pockets
of fear that separate you
from your skin. If you sing
hymns the gods of memory
might waken and strike you
with elegies for your unguarded
heart. Ask for love, and the sky
will unveil itself layer by layer,
its naked blue flame wanting
only your blindness in return.
Talking to the Dead
After Marie Howe
The poet says it began as a letter
to her dead brother, the poem
telling the last details of his life,
until she heard his voice whispering
I know. And what she wants to say
is that when we talk to the dead
we really mean to talk to anyone
who will listen, who will let us tell
our suffering and make it a story
with a beginning, a middle—an end.
And maybe it is about audience,
about which attentive air will receive
our insistences. All week, in the news
a dead boy’s face, his final screams
replayed. All week, the solemnity
and ceremony of Easter, the lilies
on my makeshift chapel trumpeting
their fragrant declarations. The stories
told over and over; their protagonists
dragged up to act out their dying
until we tire of our incomprehension,
the proofs we invent that cannot
satisfy.
Because the question is always why?
and the answer is unreachable—
lodged outside the realm of the living.
Because only the dead can say I know.
Dutzi Design
DESIGNER ARIANE DUTZI DISCUSSES HER
COMPANY FROM THE YUCATAN TO NEW YORK
G’NAT Mag has long been a fan of designer Ariane
Dutzi. We were tickled to ask her a few questions for
our inaugural issue.
G’NAT- Ariane, Dutzi Design is a globally
minded company that is dedicated to
using recycled and natural materials to
create designer bags. Where did this
idea start for you and how did it develop
into your workshop with the Mayans in
Valladolid, Yucatan?
AD- I was formerly a correspondent
for German magazines in Paris and
New York, specializing in fashion. But
in my early forties, I had my midlife
crisis. I needed to give my life a more
meaningful purpose. Don’t get me
wrong, I loved being a correspondent;
however, I wanted to build something.
I always had the dream of owning my
own business. The time was right. I was
ready for new adventures. I wanted to
create something that will last even
when I am gone.
First, life brought me to Tulum in
Mexico. Nobody knew about Tulum
at the time. Everybody in New York
thought I was crazy. At the beginning,
I helped some friends with their hotel
there. The moment I arrived, I fell in love
with the region. The beaches are just
breathtaking. But as a fashion addict, I
needed something else. While traveling
through the Yucatan, I met local artisans
and noticed their ability to work with
their hands. I loved it: handmade! I loved
their craftsmanship. Only the design
was missing. I thought if we put the two
together, it would be a killer. That’s when
I started designing my first bag.
Since I was a little girl, I loved accessories
more than anything. I always loved
shoes and bags. It was natural for me
to start with bags. I wanted not only
to create another bag but to also give
back to society on every level. So I set
out to work with recycled materials to
show my respect to Mother Earth and
honor my ancestors (my grandparents
owned a farm in Germany), and I also
wanted to help the women here in the
Yucatan. That’s why I started a women’s
workshop. A place not only where
women work, but where we teach the
basic rules of economy. I not only want
to give these women work, but I want
empower them. G’NAT- The natural textures and mindful
detailing of your bags made us fall in love
with your work. Could you please share
your thoughts, as a designer, on finding
that balance between maintaining
the history of recycled materials while
producing something fresh? G’N AT
AD- Thank you. I am like a little child.
It makes me so happy to hear when
people fall in love with my bags. I truly
want to make people happy. Coming
back to your question, since a very young
age, I was interested in environmentally
friendly materials. In Germany we had
the first Green party in the eighties. I
was always an environmentalist, but
at the same time I have always loved
fashion. I felt like an outsider. I always
thought, “Why can’t you love nature and
still be dressed elegantly?” This thought
just stuck to my mind. Later, I moved
to Paris, where I lived for 13 years. The
French just have the je ne sais pas quoi.
The little extra. The extra touch and
sense of detail. They love to accessorize.
AD- I always liked to travel. My parents
traveled a lot and took me everywhere,
even as a little baby. It’s in my blood.
I love different cultures, and people.
However, these days I travel mainly for
work. I really hope my agenda opens up
soon and I can do a trip just for myself.
These days I call Valladolid, Yucatan,
home. That’s where I have my house
and my dog. We also just opened our
first store there. But I still call New York
my home as well. I am very much a New
Yorker. My love affair with this city never
ended. I still remember the first time I
set foot at JFK. I was so happy. I just
loved it. For me the perfect balance is
New York, where I spent my summers
with escapes to the Hamptons and Fire
Island, and my home and workshop in
Valladolid.
Later I moved to New York, where I lived
for 10 years. New York is more urban,
more modern, and in a certain way more
rough. I think I have found the balance
in myself. My designs are like a finished
puzzle. Everything, every experience
comes together and makes a beautiful
picture. Life makes sense. I really think,
now in my later part of life, this is what
I am suppose to do. It simply comes
easily to me. However, I needed all these
years to collect the experiences, to get
each piece of the puzzle. The rest is a
gift, which simply was given. It makes
me very happy and I want to transmit
this happiness.
G’NAT- Your bags are available in the
USA, France, Italy, Greece, Canada and
Mexico. Do you travel extensively for
work, or are you a traveler regardless?
Where do you call home?
For more information of Dutzi Design,
visit DutziDesign.com
“While traveling through the
Yucatan, I met local artisans and
noticed their ability to work with
their hands. I loved it: handmade!
I loved their craftsmanship. Only
the design was missing. I thought
if we put the two together, it would
be a killer. That’s when I started
designing my first bag.”
- Ariane Dutzi
YOUR AD HERE
For pricing and information, write gnatmag@gmail.com
NYC
DET
TO
NEW
SANA
L ATEST
YORK
A
FASHI
HYDE
COLLE
R
ON
CTION
PHOTOGRAPHED by JACOB LEWKOW
STYLED by GABBY SALTZMAN
S
NER
HER
IN DE
TROIT
AS MODELED by NATALIE WETZEL
and JAN KRUSZEWSKI
DESIG
SHOOT
One goal of G’NAT is to highlight Detroit as a rallying point for
creative go-getters, while encouraging collaborations between
ambitioneers here and elsewhere. One of our first partnerships
was with Sanaa Hyder, New York City designer of travel
bags, who came to Metro Detroit to shoot her new
collection. With the diverse city to country
backdrop that the area has to offer, we
were able to capture a full range–
from work to play to travel.
Sanaa Hyder is an artist-inspired line of sophisticated,
functional travel bags. Each original print is created to evoke
the spirit of exploration and adventure; each
collection is carefully crafted to
keep you company on
your journey.
For more images
and information, visit
SanaaHyder.com and
GnatProductions.com
Miss
Moll
visits the
By Natalie Wetzel
Molly and I
sip white wine as we recline in swiveling patio chairs pulled into the open, neatly
mowed yard. We gaze adoringly at the full moon, who could not be a more wonderful
gentleman for such an evening, as we share stories from our travels around the world.
As cousins living across an ocean from each other, Molly and I developed an intense
friendship through summers spent together in Ohio, when her family visited from their
homes in Germany and The Netherlands. This recent visit in early July was
spurred by our family reunion. When Molly and I get together, glowing in a
summer’s moonlight as on this night, it is as it has always been.
As the grown versions of our tomboy selves, we still boast about the
origins of bruises on our legs. However, we now have wilder stories
to share, including Molly’s New Year’s spent with an African king in his
European castle, when she drove a racecar in nothing but a fur coat
and panties, and her dramatic run-ins with Paris Hilton.
G’NAT Mag is proud to present “Miss Molly Visits the World,” a column
following the experiences worthy of a James Bond movie from this wildly
adventurous, classic beauty that exemplifies the star qualities of Marilyn
Monroe, even as she sleeps, in mascara and lipstick.
My Night In Cannes
My recent adventure led me to the French Riviera for the
Cannes Film Festival. This was a celebrated year for the
festival; it was its 65th anniversary and the poster girl
was the beauty icon Marilyn Monroe. Her face graced
sides of hotels, hoods of cars, and every souvenir
shop. Marilyn was the heart and soul of the festival.
There was a magical feeling as you walked the streets
of Cannes. Just having her picture everywhere made
you feel a bit more glamorous and sexy.
My day began around 11:30 pm each night. This was when all the partiers came out to play. On my fourth night in Cannes, I headed out of the hotel solo a little after midnight. I jumped in
a cab and ended up at one of the biggest clubs in Cannes. The line had already wound around the building but there was no way I was waiting! I simply walked up to the head bouncer
and whispered to him in my cute innocent girl voice, “I’m alone… would it be okay if I just went in ahead of the line?” Without a word the 6’4” bouncer, with his 3,000 Euro suit and
security earpiece, simply unhooked the red rope and nodded. Looks and charm come in handy from time to time. It’s not being cocky, it’s just using what you have (wink).
I entered the club and it hit me why there was an unusually long line that evening. The illuminated poster board in front of me was advertising the night’s entertainment, which was none
other than the adorable and sexy 50 Cent! I knew at that moment I had to get into the raised area in the club, which is where the rich and famous have their tables that come with
unlimited Dom Perignon, wine, and Grey Goose. I head for the restroom, because believe it or not that is where you can meet and connect with a girl on a level where intimidation and
jealously don’t exist. It’s just two girls chatting in the loo sharing lipstick and complimenting each other’s dresses.
Inside, there was a model doing her hair, so I casually asked to borrow her comb to strike up a quick conversation. By the end, she had a tight grasp on my hand, leading me to her VIP
table with more models, as well as club owners and businessmen. It was time to choose my poison. I had already been drinking vodka in my hotel so I just stuck with that. One vodka and
Red Bull coming my way! The conversation was diverse. The girls were models between London and Cannes. The gentlemen owned clubs, restaurants and
conducted business between London, Dubai, NY, Miami, Singapore, and Tokyo.
50 Cent entered the club and did his thing. He was just as talented and cute as I imagined. I wanted nothing more than to go party with him, so as
he took the path in front of me to exit the building, I reached out and brushed his cheek with my fingertips. He turned to me and winked. I smoothly
scooted off the edge of the raised area where I was standing, and tried to follow his bouncers who were leading him.
There was a gentleman standing at the foot of the stairs who looked like he knew what was going on. He was confident and even had a hint of
arrogance. Initially I thought it might be 50’s manager, but it turned out he was the owner of the club, so I asked if he had 50’s business card. These
cards are fun to have, whether you just put them in a memory book or keep them as future business contacts. The more the better, because you
never know where you’ll end up in the world. The owner said he had a few in his penthouse located on the 12th floor.
We entered the room, which was amazing, with everything from a fireplace, grand piano, to a hot tub on the balcony. I quickly realized that he had only
brought me up there for one reason, and it wasn’t to give me a business card! I politely declined and asked if I could use his fancy bathroom since I had
already come all the way up there. While I was in the classically Mediterranean-styled bathroom, the owner popped in, his finger over his
lips saying “SHUSH!” Just then the main penthouse door opened and heavy stilettos stormed into the room. It was his wife! She was
in and out in a fury. Someone must have told her that her unfaithful hubby had brought a girl to the room. Little did she know I was
only there for a business card. Luckily she left without checking the bathroom and I was able to leave without a broken nose.
After a stern “You know what you did” look, I parted ways with that “gentleman” in the hallway.
I proceeded to the elevator and noticed a large rooftop party. Of course I tried to just walk past the security guard like I
owned the place, but I failed: no entry without a pink wristband. Just at that moment, exiting the party was a very extreme
looking guy, nice scarf around his neck, crazy brown hair, looking three sheets to the wind. I thought…. This guy is right
up my party alley! Without even a word we made eye contact, reached for each other’s hands, and entered the elevator
that took us back down to the club. We introduced ourselves. He said he’s the owner of a club called The Box, which
has locations in three cities. We went back to the table from before, just as everyone was leaving. Perfect! We now had
two VIP tables to ourselves!
After a few hours of dancing and many more cocktails, we headed back to his penthouse in the Carlton. We hung
out for an hour or so, while he showed me some advertisements and video clips from his clubs.
At about 6:00 am, the sun was rising, and my new friend accompanied me home in a cab. After dropping me off at The Cannes Beach Hotel, he was off to a villa party that was just
beginning.
All in all, it was an entertaining night.
Throughout my ten days in Cannes I sipped wine along the French Rivera, ate Mediterranean cuisine, and partied
like a rock star. Who could ask for more! Other wild nights out included more clubs, private parties,
meeting representatives of Sea Shepherd (the non-profit, international, marine wildlife
conservation organization), as I Skyped with the owner being held in a Costa
Rican prison, a photo shoot at 2 AM on the pier for French
perfume ad, and hanging with Akon, LMFAO, Paris Hilton,
Nikki Hilton, Michelle Rodriguez, and many others!
Next time, I’ll tell you about how I almost died in Venice, Lake
Havasu, and the biggie where I got Air Evaced out of the
dessert in Tucson. They told me I had less then 24
hours to live.
XOXO,
Miss Molly
Dear Rucka,
Letters to King of the Intruwebs
Dear Rucka,
Dear Rucka,
I’m a Gamer. I have my own YouTube
channel full of videos of me
playing Minecraft. I have a few thousand
views. How can I get more
YouTube views?
My band is about to release our first
album. How can we get it sold on
iTunes?
Dear Rucka,
I hate Twitter. It makes no sense to me,
and I find that Facebook is a
much better way for me to network. I’m
a Stand-Up Comedian and I post
funny thoughts on my Facebook page.
What do you think?
Scott F.
Dear Scott,
Mark S.
Fuck you.
Richie H.
Mark,
Richie,
Kill more Mongolian Zombies (or
whatever Minecraft is about).
If you’re great at playing Minecraft, at
singing, at doing backflips,
or at shoving household objects into
ungodly parts of your anatomy,
then your video will go viral. People
don’t say, “Hey, check out this
video! It’s a guy playing Minecraft, and
he’s pretty average at it!”
People want to see something done
great. Get better at the game and
watch your views increase. Plus,
Mongolian Zombies deserve to die.
You can get your album listed on iTunes
(and other online stores)
through Tunecore.com. They send your
music to iTunes for you, and then
they send you all the money you make.
It’s easy! But there is a small
annual fee (around $50 a year) so if your
band sucks and doesn’t make
that money back, don’t blame me!
Just kidding. But seriously, what’s with
the attitude? Are you that
much better than the rest of the world?
Sure, Facebook is a great
place for a budding comedian to hang
out, and I’m sure your MOM laughs
at all your jokes. Ooh, you see, that right
there would make a great
tweet. It would look like this:
And I’m sure your MOM laughs at all
your jokes. RT @GrampaScott I hate
Twitter. Facebook is much better.
Twitter is where funny people tell jokes
and gain new fans. Facebook
is where small town losers tell their
highschool friends about the
open mic this weekend. Get with the
times!
E-mail your “Dear Rucka” questions to iamRucka@gmail.com