Tis now the very witching time of night, When churchyards yawn and

October 26, 2009
www.unews.com
Vol. 77, Issue 10
“‘Tis now the very witching time of night,
When churchyards yawn and hell itself
breathes out Contagion to this world.”
-William Shakespeare
PHOTO BY NATHAN LANG
2
News
October 26, 2009
www.unews.com
Case of three missing women remains unsolved
Tyler Allen
Assistant News Editor
Tr e a s u r e s a r c h i v e d f o r d i s c o v e r y
It was 1973 when three women, who were
on campus for more than three decades, vanished without a trace.
Aglaia, Euphrosyne and Thalia were mainstays at what was then the University of Kansas City (UKC). These “Three Graces,” as they
were known, could always be found wading in
the fountain outside Manheim Hall.
Since their arrival on campus in 1939, the
women were picked on by various campus organizations.
“Some of the early social groups on campus, for initiations, would sneak up here in
the middle of the night and put bras on them,”
Tonya Crawford, senior archives specialist,
said.
They also gained the nickname of the “nifty
nudes” because the women were naked. Reportedly carved from terracotta, these women
were, in fact, statues.
According to a 1960s UKC student handbook, the statues were a gift from the class of
1939. They were carved by Wallace Rosenbauer, who, at the time, was the director of the
Kansas City Art Institute.
“They were supposed to represent the three
graces: Aglaia for splendor, Euphrosyne for
mirth and Thalia for good cheer,” Crawford
said.
The legend of the “Three Graces” states:
“Always together, a triple incarnation of grace
and beauty, they delighted the Greek gods with
their dancing and singing and brought happiness to all whom they visited.”
In 1940, the statues were placed in the foun-
tain in front of Manheim Hall.
But in 1973, the statues were removed for
reasons unknown.
“One newspaper clipping states that the
statues were removed and reworked into what’s
there now because the fountain was getting
old,” Crawford said.
Crawford has also read a statement from
former UMKC Chancellor James Olsen stating the statues were removed after having been
vandalized numerous times.
“So, there’s two different explanations given as to why the original pieces were removed
and the fountain reworked,” Crawford said.
There is virtually no information as to
where the statues ended up.
According to a memo from Claire Hildebrand, former secretary for the History department, dated November 1983, the statues were
moved to the basement of 5212 Rockhill Road,
the former location of the History department.
“That is apparently the last time and the last
place the statues were ever seen and nobody
knows what happened to them after that,” Crawford said. “I can’t imagine that they would have
gotten so badly damaged that they would have
just been thrown out and, if they had been, there
would probably be some record of that.”
Crawford has two theories about what happened to the “Three Graces.” She believes they
may be stored in a forgotten corner of a building
on campus. It is also possible they were left behind in a building the university has since sold,
she said.
Last year, Crawford received e-mails from
university officials inquiring about the statues
after reference to them in a U-News article renewed interest in the forgotten effigies.
Photo courtesy UMKC ARCHIVES
The “Three Graces” could be found in the fountain outside Manheim Hall.
The Facilities department was provided
with a description and pictures of the statues.
Maintenance workers were told to keep an eye
out for them.
“You might call it a passive search instead
of an active one,” Crawford said.
Crawford said the Archives department
would like to have the statues if they are ever
found and believes they are an important part
of UMKC history.
“They were a gift of the class of 1939 and
I think it’s kind of a bit sad that basically what
the class left behind as their legacy has turned
out to be not much of a legacy,” she said. “Most
students look at the rock fountain that’s there
now and they don’t have any idea what was
there previously.”
tallen@unews.com
DISSERTATIONS UPON THE APPARITIONS OF ANGELS, DEMONS AND GHOSTS
AND CONCERNING THE VAMPIRES
OF HUNGARY, BOHEMIA, MORAVIA AND SILESIA
It’s a wild world out there full of vampires, goblins,
spirits, angels and demons.
In the days before All Hallows Eve, we must be on the
lookout for suspicious, paranormal activity.
But don’t worry. The LaBudde Special Collections has
exactly what you need to stay educated and safe during
this haunted season.
Nestled safe in the stacks of books kept in the collections vault is a volume titled “Dissertations Upon the Apparitions of Angels, Demons and Ghosts and Concerning
the Vampires of Hungary, Bohemia, Moravia and Silesia.”
Written in 1759 by the Rev. Father Dom Augustin
Calmet, a Benedictine monk and abbot of Senones in Lorraine, the book is a guide to all things supernatural.
Drafted originally in French but later translated to
English, “Dissertations” is an excellent guide to understanding spirit activity and battling demons, goblins and
vampires.
“I am not ignorant that the apparitions of angels,
demons and departed souls are a subject which has employed a great number of writers,” Calmet wrote.
Although he said he is doubtful he will shed any more
light on the subject, he writes hundreds of pages. The
specific topics can be seen by viewing the seven pages of
content devoted to apparitions and another seven devoted
to vampires.
The book begins by addressing good and evil angels in
a chapter labeled “That departed souls sometimes come
again.”
Following chapters include “Influences of dead
men raised to life for a little time,” “Evocation of departed souls, instances of it,” “Spirits in mountains,”
“Witches and their nocturnal assemblies” and so much
more.
Calmet takes a rather light-hearted approach with
goblins.
He is also a little sarcastic with witches. He explains
it is silly to think that witches fly on broomsticks, rather
they take drugs and practice teleportation.
For those who are dealing with vampires, he has sound
advice. He gives specific steps of how to dispose of the
body so it can’t come back to life.
If you are in a graveyard and see three holes in the
ground next to a grave, you have a case of a vampire.
Dig up the body immediately and check for flexibility of
limbs, fluidity of blood and un-petrified flesh. If these
signs are present, consult local law and seek a consensus
about what should be done.
Calmet advises the body should be burned as soon as
possible.
The best part of this book is it was written in a time
when everyone was superstitious and actually believed in
all things supernatural.
It’s a must-read.
For those who don’t want to delve into the spiritual side
of things, the LaBudde Special Collections also houses a
collection of funeral ephemera.
Death notices, funeral invitations and murder notices
are all stored in the collection.
Some of the more famous names contained in the collection include President Abraham Lincoln, President
James Garfield, President Theodore Roosevelt and Isaac
Ridge, the first graduate physician to settle in Kansas City.
For more information about these eerie artifacts, visit
the LaBudde Special Collections on the fourth floor of
the Miller Nichols Library or go online at http://library.
umkc.edu.
alang@unews.com
by ALEXIA STOUT-LANG
Photo courtesy LABUDDE SPECIAL COLLECTIONS
3
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October 26, 2009
Identifying the ghosts
of Epperson House
Photo MELISSA ORIBHABOR
Epperson House earned a spot on Unsolved Mysteries as one of the top five haunted houses in the United States.
Melissa Oribhabor
Staff Writer
Epperson House is haunted and
the ghosts know you’re there. They
can see you, and sometimes, you
can see them.
Epperson House, also known as
Hawthorne Hall, is now home to the
School of Architecture.
But its history tells of a much
darker tale — one of abortion, a
drowning and suicide.
The Epperson House originally
belonged to Uriah Spray Epperson, a wealthy philanthropist who
played a key role in the construction
of Convention Hall (which burned
to the ground three months before
the 1900 Democratic National Convention was to be hosted there and
was rebuilt in 90 days thanks to the
efforts of President Harry Truman).
Epperson’s mansion was built in
1923, complete with 48 rooms and a
swimming pool.
It was home to Epperson, his
wife Elizabeth, their daughter-inlaw (whose name is not known) and
a woman known as their adopted
daughter, Harriet Evelyn Barse.
Barse was an organist who was
very close to Elizabeth.
The ghostly tale of Epperson
House involves many different players and several deaths.
The hauntings said to occur in
the house are reportedly due to the
residents who died in the home before it was turned over to the university in 1942.
The Toy and Miniature Museum
next door to Epperson House was
once where hired help lived.
They would travel to the house
through an underground passageway that has since been filled in
with dirt.
It is said Barse asked one of the
members of the staff to assist her
in a home abortion that lead to her
death.
It was also rumored a botched
gallbladder surgery played a role in
her death, but there was no autopsy
done and the gallbladder surgery
story is seen by some as a coverup for the supposed affair she was
having with a member of the hired
help.
The daughter-in-law supposedly
died in the home, too. Rumor says
she hung herself in the attic.
She was a member of the wealthy
Epperson family, but had allegedly
fallen in love with a lower-class laborer who worked at the docks.
She was forbidden by her family
to see the man, so she took her own
life.
An unnamed caretaker also died
in the Epperson House by drowning
in the basement pool.
“[It’s] the actual spirit of a
deceased person that tries
to interact.”
BOYD BREEDLOVE
Paranormal investigator and UMKC
police officer
But the deaths do not stop there.
“Mr. Epperson had a heart attack
and died in the house,” said paranormal investigator and UMKC police officer Boyd Breedlove. “In the
1940s, it was turned over to the military as a naval training academy
and there were a couple of deaths
there, too.”
Elizabeth Epperson also died in
the home in 1939. She is said to still
linger in the house.
Over the years, there have been
many ghost sightings in Epperson
that seem to directly relate to how
the members of the home died.
Evidence of hauntings started to
surface in the 1970s and continue
to this day, although the site is now
closed to all paranormal investigation.
Some students claim to have
seen a woman, assumed to be Barse,
crying while holding a baby in her
arms, reminiscent of the child she
supposedly lost in the home abortion.
Other people have heard music
from an organ coming from the
basement area, which was the sight
of the drowning.
People have also felt cold spots,
seen lights turned off and on and
other apparitions.
The haunting at Epperson is
what is known as an “intelligent
haunting,” Breedlove explained.
“[It’s] the actual spirit of a deceased person that tries to interact,”
he said.
To make themselves present, the
ghosts of the people who have died
in the home go back and forth between the afterlife and present life
– reaching out to the living.
At night, security guards have
seen lights come on and heard organ
music played loudly, although there
is no one in the building.
Uriah Epperson has also been
seen by campus security walking
through the halls in a blue suit
coat.
In 1978, two patrol men walked
through the house to turn off the
lights.
As they went for the last light,
the ghost of Epperson reached out,
turned the light off and left the
room.
Famously, one police officer in
the ’70s was sitting in his patrol car
outside the house when he felt the
car get rear-ended.
The car was pushed 8 inches, but
there was no damage to the car and
no other car on the road.
There were, however, skid marks
to prove the car had indeed been
pushed.
Architecture students still claim
to feel contacts from the ghosts of
the Epperson residents, and if history is any indication, these ghosts
are not leaving anytime soon.
moribhabor@unews.com
4
News
October 26, 2009
www.unews.com
Day in the life:
Haunted house staff
Melissa Cowan
Staff Writer
‘Tis the season to be scary – and be scared.
And what better way to celebrate Halloween than
by going to the haunted houses?
Sara Hendrix has been working in haunted
houses for 16 years. Her relative owns The Beast,
The Edge of Hell, The Chambers of Edgar Allen
Poe and Macabre Cinema.
This season, she manages the concession stand
and gift shop at The Beast. Last season, she played
Igor (from Frankenstein) at Macabre Cinema.
“I don’t like haunted houses,” Hendrix said
with a laugh. “I’ve done both sides, but I like this
side better.”
She often lost her voice while working in the
actual house.
“There’s a lot of screaming involved,” Hendrix
said.
Her favorite part of her current position is getting to see people’s reactions once they come out
of the house.
“It’s kind of funny to see the people there in my
shoes that also don’t like to get scared, but they still
do it,” Hendrix said. “It’s not so funny when they
come out crying.”
Hendrix does her best to comfort those who
had a bad experience, and reassure them the houses aren’t real.
The haunted houses opened the first weekend
of September and won’t close until Nov. 1. But
preparations for the grand opening start as early
as August.
The houses are old and it is difficult to keep up
with repairs and cleaning.
“There’s a lot of uneven floors and it’s dark in
there so there’s a lot of people who will trip or fall,”
Hendrix said.
But there’s a disclaimer on each ticket stating
that by entering, you are aware you may get hurt
and the house will not be held responsible.
Those who have asthma or epilepsy are discouraged from going because it puts them and
others at danger if they have an attack, Hendrix
said.
However, one off-duty Kansas City Police officer and one paramedic are present at all times if
something does happen.
Also, the houses are only three miles away
from the Fire Department (where the ambulance
comes from).
Though you’re not supposed to touch the actors – they can’t touch you, either – at least two
actors have had their noses broken by customers
this season.
“Their first reaction is to fight back,” Hendrix said. “You should expect to get scared – you
can’t have your guard up and be defensive. I understand their reaction. However … the haunted
houses are not for you then.”
Although she doesn’t like the “scary” part of
haunted houses, she decided to work there because of her family.
“It’s just one of those things where everybody
does it,” Hendrix said.
Some people really love it – so much so, they
work for free. The Chambers of Edgar Allen Poe
and Macabre Cinema are both operated by volunteers, and profits from the two go to The Dream
Network and Children’s Variety charities.
Many of the actors have worked there as long
as Hendrix – but that doesn’t ease her fear.
“I know these people in costume and out of
costume,” Hendrix said. “But if you put me in a
dark room with one of those people, I’d probably
pee my pants!”
And people actually do. There is a slide at the
Photo courtesy SARA HENDRIX
Sara Hendrix is a veteran employee of Kansas City haunted houses.
end of The Beast that is covered with baby powder
for that reason.
You get all of this for $20 (one house) or $33
(combo pack). Most people think the price is worth
it. Hendrix believes this is because movies are only
a little less expensive.
Kelley Kates
Photo KELLEY KATES
Keith Slider has been in the dead body business since childhood.
“I kind of consider it a live action scary movie,”
Hendrix said.
If you see Hendrix at the concession stand, she
will give you a discount on a t-shirt (originally $16;
your price $12).
mcowan@unews.com
Funeral director
and drains the body through the jugular
vein, as does a vampire.
Slider said the process usually takes an
If you have ever wondered what it is like
to work in a morgue–picking up and drain- hour to an hour and 45 minutes without any
complications.
ing dead bodies–you are about to find out.
Following the draining, the body is suKeith Slider, of Slider Funeral Home,
has been in the business of embalming tured back up. However, Slider said sometimes swelling and clotting cause complidead bodies since he was nine years old.
cations in this process.
“It’s the family business,” Slider said.
As far as weird, scary or gross things
His grandfather started the business and
happening while at the funeral home, Slidit has been passed down his family line.
Slider said he has directed his own fu- er said he has seen so much that he never
gets creeped out.
neral home in Kansas City,
“Grossness is someKan. for about five years now.
what subjective because
A typical morning for “He embalms through
we deal with death here,”
Slider usually starts early the carotid artery
he explained.
when someone has passed
and drains the body
American culture tends
and he must go pick up the
to have a hard time dealthrough the jugular
body.
ing with common things
Afterwards, Slider meets vein, as does a
that happen during death.
with the family to make fuIt is somewhat “tabooneral arrangements, verify vampire.”
ish” in our culture, Slider
the insurance, order the casadded.
ket and fill out the death cer“It takes a special pertificate.
Once Slider has picked up the body and son to do this ’cause everybody can’t,”
driven it to the funeral home, he can begin Slider said. “I can’t say anything has ever
the embalming process as well as applying creeped me out.”
Slider said he is so used to being around
cosmetics and dressing the body.
Generally, embalming is a fairly easy death he even walks around his funeral
process if the person died of natural causes, home in the dark.
kkates@unews.com
Slider said.
He embalms through the carotid artery
Staff Writer
5
News
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October 26, 2009
Halloween bash, fun for all
Alexia Stout-Lang
News Editor
There were ghosts and
witches and race car drivers
– oh my.
Last Saturday, the Activity & Program Council transformed Pierson Auditorium
into a spooky, fun community Halloween party.
Festive trick-or-treaters,
young and old, stopped by
the party for games and
snacks before heading to the
Residence Halls to trick-ortreat.
Candy, popcorn, caramel
apples and lemonade were
available to give parents and
kids a sugar high.
But, inflatable mazes and
fun games were nearby as an
avenue to get rid of some extra energy.
For older kids looking for
a challenge, UMKC students
Craig Flanery and Kelsey
Gossen manned games of
Plinko and toss and awarded
youngsters with prizes.
Prizes up for grabs included fingers, gooey rats, giant
feet, colorful masks, stickers
and candy.
Caricature artists were
on-hand to draw up portraits
to be proudly displayed at
family occasions.
Even Shelby Coxon with
Student Life displayed her
creative side and offered face
painting to anyone interested.
While all of these spooky
activities were taking place,
some little ones took the
chance to get their groove
on, dancing to classics such
as “Thriller” and “Monster
Mash” played over the sound
system.
alang@unews.com
Photo ALEXIA STOUT-LANG
(Left to right) Michael Jackson (Trabon Phillips), Harvey Phillips, Michael Jackson’s bodyguard (Devonte Phillips), Mr. Ghost, little sorcerer (Chance Wedlow)
and the wicked witch (Shavonna Phillips) enjoyed the games and candy at the
community Halloween party.
Ancient history still haunts us
Kasondra Wilson
Contributing Writer
While some might think their costumes are original, the tradition of Halloween goes back thousands of years.
The holiday dates back to the time of
the Celts, who lived about 2,000 years
ago in the area now known as northern
France, the United Kingdom and Ireland.
The traditions come from the Celtic
festival of Samhain, celebrated on the
night of Oct. 31, which is when the Celts
thought the ghosts of the dead returned to
the earth.
They thought the presence of the spirits made it easier for the priests to predict
the future. The prophecies provided com-
fort for the long, cold winters that often
brought death and devastation.
The Celts built fires, burnt crops and
animals, wore costumes and attempted to
tell each other’s fortunes.
In some ways, the Celts’ celebrations
are similar to common-day New Year’s
Eve celebrations, because Nov. 1 was the
first day of their year.
The Romans conquered most of the
Celts territory by 43 A.D. and combined
Feralia, a day in late October when the
Romans commemorated the passing of
the dead, with Samhain.
It is said that in the 800s, Pope
Boniface IV designated Nov. 1 All
Saints’ Day, a time to honor saints and
martyrs, in an attempt to get rid of the
pagan holidays.
But later, All Saints’ Day was moved
to Nov. 2.
Over the years, the name of Samhain
was changed to All Hallows Eve, which
became Halloween.
Thus, 2,000 years later, we dress up
like supernatural creatures and trot doorto-door plotting mischief.
Instead of offering sacrifices to gods,
we offer candy to the spooky creatures
who come begging.
As in ancient times when the Celts
had the choice of appeasing the gods with
sacrifices or suffering a long winter, we
too have the choice of “trick or treat.”
Alexia Stout-Lang, News Editor, contributed to this story.
kwilson@unews.com
Why do you think we dress up for Halloween?
Interviewed by MELISSA ORIBHABOR
“Historically, I have no idea why people dress
up [for Halloween], but now it’s because it’s
fun. My friend Rachel and I are going as Super
Mario and Princess Peach. However, I’m going
to be Princess Peach. It’s going to be gender
bending. We’re changing it to ‘Princess Mario’
and ‘Super Peach.’”
“I’m going as Lady Gaga [for Halloween].
[Historically] people dress up to scare away
spirits.”
WICK THOMAS
Sophomore
Undeclared
MIRANDA MADRUENO
Junior
Internet Technology
“[People dress up for Halloween] because
everybody likes to play dress up, whether
they want to admit it or not. I’m going as a
fried egg [for Halloween]. I have a giant felt
costume with a giant yoke in the middle. It
looks funny from afar.”
JOSIE TYRE
Senior
Psychology
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News
October 26, 2009
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WaterFire enchants the night
Photo NATHAN LANG
Quixotic Performance Fusion took to stage several times throughout the night.
Photo NATHAN LANG
Torches were lit and marched down to the waterside.
Alexia Stout-Lang
News Editor
Fire, water, music and dance
joined forces Saturday to create the
enchanting, sensory experience of
WaterFire Kansas City.
The third annual event featured
a living fire sculpture designed by
award-winning artist Barnaby Evans.
The night began with the lighting of many torches. A parade
of people holding torches then
marched to the waterside.
The torches were passed to
people in motor boats meant to
imitate gondolas. The gondolas
then made their way down Brush
Creek on the Country Club Plaza,
lighting more than 55 floating
bonfires as powerful, drumming
music filled the night.
As a woman danced on the end
of one gondola with two twinkling
candles in hand, vocalist Nathan
Granner (tenor) sang “Music of
the Night,” a song written by Andrew Lloyd Webber and featured in
“Phantom of the Opera.”
Once the fires were lit, vocalists Elaine Fox (mezzo soprano)
and Sylvia Stoner (soprano) and
guitarist Beau Bledsoe helped sustain the atmosphere as the firelight
flickered on anchored bridges, the
torch-lit vessels traveled down the
creek and the aroma of the smoking
wood continued wafting about.
To enhance the experience,
Quixotic Performance Fusion, a
local not-for-profit that combines
music and dance in a high-energy
show, and KC Swing and Tango
performed throughout the night.
Performers from the Vesuvius
Fire Tribe were stationed alongside Brush Creek and danced with
flaming ropes, hula hoops and
sticks.
The boats continued to run up
and down Brush Creek throughout
the evening.
The fires were finally extinguished at midnight, leaving many
participants looking forward to
next year.
The idea for WaterFire originally came from an event Evans
planned in 1994 on the three rivers of downtown Providence, R.I.,
which attracted more than 10 million visitors.
alang@unews.com
Photo NATHAN LANG
A member of Quixotic dances with fire.
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October 26, 2009
Know your odd laws
Alexia Stout-Lang
News Editor
With Halloween approaching, police will be on the lookout for troublemakers who are
not obeying the law.
Some students at UMKC
are from other states or countries and simply are not aware
of the local or state laws. Many
locals just have not been exposed to them.
To be sure everyone on
campus is in the know about
state laws, here is a list of unusual laws in towns across
Kansas and Missouri.
Be sure to pass this valuable
information along to friends.
Laws in Missouri:
Buckner
In this small town of 4,000,
yard waste may be burned any
day except Sunday.
Columbia
You cannot have an antenna
exposed outside of your house.
But you can have a 25-foot satellite dish.
Clotheslines are banned.
But clothes may be draped over
a fence.
One may not drink in a bar
from 2-6 a.m.
Kansas City
Minors are not allowed to
purchase cap pistols. However,
they may buy shotguns freely.
Installation of bathtubs with
four legs resembling animal
paws is prohibited.
Marceline
Minors can buy rolling paper and tobacco but not lighters.
Marquette
It is illegal for more than
four unrelated persons to occupy the same dwelling (The
Brothel Law).
Mole
Frightening a baby is in vio-
lation of the law.
Natchez
It is unlawful to provide
beer or other intoxicants to elephants. So don’t do it.
Perryville
It is unlawful to kill birds
within the city limits.
Purdy
Dancing is strictly prohibited.
St. Louis
It’s illegal to sit on the curb
of any city street and drink beer
from a bucket.
A milk man may not run
while on duty.
University City
Four women may not rent an
apartment together.
No person may own a PVC
pipe.
No person may have a “yard
sale” in their front yard.
Houses may not have lights
on them that shine into the window of a neighbor’s house.
It is illegal to request for
someone to “watch over” your
parked car.
One may not honk another’s
horn.
Laws in Kansas:
Derby
It is illegal to urinate on the
side of a building.
Hitting a vending machine
that stole your money is illegal.
Persons may not “screech”
their tires while driving.
Riding an animal down any
road is against the law.
Dodge City
It is illegal to spit on a sidewalk.
Lawrence
All cars entering the city limits must first sound their horn to
warn the horses of their arrival.
No one may wear a bee in
their hat.
Photo Illustration ALEXIA STOUT-LANG
In Natchez, Mo., it is unlawful to provide beer or other intoxicants to
elephants.
Overland Park
One may not picket a funeral.
Russell
Musical car horns are
banned.
Salina
It is against the law to leave
your car running unattended.
Topeka
It is illegal to drive one’s car
through a parade.
No one may sing the alphabet on the streets at night.
Spitting on sidewalks is expressly forbidden.
Snowball fights are illegal.
Dead chickens may not be
hauled across Kansas Avenue.
The “Wild West” is long
gone it seems. Driving your
herd of cattle through this town
is now outlawed.
No matter how nice it may
be, a pet pit bull is not allowed
within city limits.
No one may scream at a
haunted house.
The installation of bathtubs
is prohibited.
Wichita
One can be sent to jail for up
to a year for making lewd comments over the telephone.
Don’t get carried away in the
city parks.
You must get a permit from
the city if you wish to take dirt
from the airport.
Dumping waste in a city
pool is against the law.
Before proceeding through
the intersection of Douglas
and Broadway, a motorist is required to get out of their vehicle
and fire three shotgun rounds
into the air. (Please don’t do
this.)
Any person caught using or
carrying bean snappers or the
like shall, upon conviction, be
fined.
Note from the Editor: Many
of these laws are obsolete. This
article is meant for entertainment. However, U-News encourages all readers to follow
all laws — whether local, state
or national — at all times.
alang@unews.com
Experts analyze constitutional law
Alexia Stout-Lang
News Editor
The UMKC School of Law dedicated
Thursday and Friday of last week to taking a close look at constitutional law.
Pamela Karlan, Kenneth and Harle
Montgomery Professor of Public Interest
Law at Stanford Law School, keynoted
the opening session of the two-day Edward A. Smith/Bryan Cave Lecture and
Symposium.
Students, professors and practicing
lawyers gathered in the E.E. Thompson
Courtroom as Karlan led a lecture titled
“Enforcing Constitutional Rights in the
21st Century.”
In an introduction to the lecture, David Jacks Achtenberg, UMKC professor
of Law and Law Foundation Scholar,
explained Karlan is an advocate of the
people in the courtroom.
The American Lawyer named her one
of its Public Sector 45, a group of lawyers “actively using their law degrees to
change lives.”
Quoting William Stuntz, Karlan’s
more conservative colleague at Harvard
Law School, Achtenberg set the stage
for the lecture by saying Karlan has “an
uncommon ability to capture a complicated argument in a matter of a phrase.
I know no one else who can turn out so
much work that is so pleasing to read and
to hear. Plus, she can be devastatingly
funny.”
“... Constitutional litigation
involves questions of structure
as much as it involves questions
of right.”
PAMELA KARLAN
Professor of Public Interest Law at Stanford
Law School
Living up to the introduction, Karlan
immediately had the audience laughing.
As a widely mentioned potential Supreme Court nominee, Karlan used extensive knowledge of cases tried before
the high Court to highlight problems that
interfere with defending constitutional
rights.
She was directly involved in many of
the cases she referenced. She is co-director of Stanford Law School’s Supreme
Court Litigation Clinic, which has represented a party before the Court in more
than two dozen cases in the past five
terms.
Issues she said hinder the enforcement
of constitutional rights include structural
problems within the Court system, political gerrymandering, tort actions (wrongful acts done willfully, negligently or in
circumstances involving strict liability,
but not involving breach of contract, for
which a civil suit can be brought that often involve branches of the government),
the presence of more efficient laws dealing with searches than with the kind of
force that can be used and the election
system for judges.
I
See RIGHTS page 20
Become a fan on
Facebook!
8
News
October 26, 2009
briefly mentioned
by TYLER ALLEN
Campus
BkMk Press will publish two collections next month
BkMk Press, part of UMKC since 1983, will
publish two books next month.
First comes a collection of essays by Kelly
Cherry titled “Girl in a Library: On Women
Writers and the Writing Life.”
On sale Nov. 15, the work is about coming of
age and authority as a Southern woman, writer
and reader, according to a press release.
Cherry received the Dictionary of Literature
Biography Award in 2000 for her collection of
short stories “The Society of Friends: Stories.”
She also received the Hanes Prize from the Fellowship of Southern Writers for her poetry.
Then on Nov. 20, a collection of short sto-
ries by Lorraine M. Lopez will be released. The
collection, titled “Homicide Survivor’s Picnic,”
contains 10 stories mostly set in the South and
focused on family relationships among Latino
characters, according to a press release.
Lopez earned the first Miguel Marmol
Prize for Fiction, the Independent Publishers
Book Award for Multicultural Fiction and the
International Latino Book Award for Short
Stories.
BkMk Press books can be purchased at
www.spdbooks.org. Contact BkMk Press at
816-235-2558 or e-mail bkmk@umkc.edu for
more information.
Bone and muscle biology groups receive grant
A $1.1 million “Muscle-Bone Endocrine
Axis” grant was awarded to the Bone Biology
and Muscle Biology Groups at UMKC.
The grant comes from the National Institute of Arthritis and Musculoskeletal and Skin
Diseases and was awarded through the UMKC
Center of Excellence in the Study of Dental and
Musculoskeletal Tissues (CESDMT).
CESDMT is a multidisciplinary center that
includes individuals from the Schools of Den-
tistry, Medicine, Nursing and Computing and
Engineering.
The research funded by the grant will focus
on “endocrine crosstalk (how different hormones interact)” between muscles and bones in
health and disease, according to a press release.
The award is a “Grand Opportunity” grant,
which is part of a new National Institutes of
Health program, Research and Research Infrastructure Grand Opportunities.
Science festival comes to campus
To infinity, and beyond!
Sally Ride Science, a company that strives
to fuel kids’ interests in science, math and technology, is teaming up with Time Warner Cable
for the Sally Ride Science Festival. The festival
is from 12:30-4:15 p.m. Nov. 8 at Swinney Recreation Center.
The event looks to attract elementary and
middle school students, parents and teachers. It
will feature discovery workshops for kids pre-
sented by local scientists and engineers, along
with workshops for teachers and parents on
how to support children’s interests in science
and math.
Dr. Linda Godwin, former astronaut and native Missourian, will be the featured speaker at
the event.
Registration is $15. For more information,
visit www.sallyridescience.com or call 800561-5161.
McCaskill, constituents discuss
federal aid anxiety
Tyler Allen
Assistant News Editor
Growing concern about federal
financial aid for college students was
the focus of a round table discussion
with Sen. Claire McCaskill, D-Mo.,
last Friday.
McCaskill invited representatives
from four Missouri universities (The
University of Missouri – Columbia,
UMKC, University of Missouri – St.
Louis and Missouri University of
Science and Technology) to join the
discussion via video teleconference.
Most of the concerns focused on the
difficulty of actually filling out a Free
Application for Federal Student Aid
(FAFSA).
“When you look at 100 questions,
that automatically makes you feel like
there is a barrier even before you begin the process,” said Jeanette Brandow, UMKC director of Financial
Aid. “A lot of it is about education and
making sure everyone knows how to
complete that form.”
Brandow expressed her concern
that many UMKC students have to
take on full-time jobs while in school
because federal aid does not provide
sufficient funds.
Sami Ware, a student at the University of Missouri–Columbia, reiterated Brandow’s concerns about the
FAFSA application.
“It’s definitely been a struggle,”
Ware said. “I would echo that FAFSA
is a very difficult process.”
Ware also pointed out that FAFSA
considers how much a student’s parents make, but does not take the parents’ debt into account.
Graduate student Jeff Tellin,
of the University of Missouri – St.
Louis, focused on aid for graduate
students.
“I think the profile for a graduate
student has changed in the last 10 or
20 years,” he said.
He argued that members of his
generation, generation X or generation Y, are entering graduate school
right after they earn their bachelor’s
degree.
He said with the changing economy, a graduate degree will become
necessary to enter a career.
“So we need to start thinking
about how we’re going to fund that,”
he said.
Among the students and faculty
members on hand were concerned
parents.
Sandra Ray has three children in
college and recounted their FAFSA
application experience.
“This past January, we sat down
with our kids and we completed three
financial aid packets,” she said. “That
was the most trying time as a family.
It was a struggle.”
She suggested more community
involvement, such as parents who are
familiar with the application helping
other parents who may not be wellversed in FAFSA.
McCaskill expressed her interest
in putting together a team of students,
parents and faculty members from
varying backgrounds to come up
with their ideal FAFSA application.
After listening to her constituents, McCaskill said she would take
what she learned back to her peers in
Washington, D.C.
“We will immediately draw our
list of concerns based on what I’ve
learned today to see if we can’t start
impacting what’s in the legislation so
that we don’t wind up back in one of
these meetings two years from now,”
she said.
tallen@unews.com
www.unews.com
Police Blotter
by ALEXIA STOUT-LANG
men’s locker room in Swinney
Recreation Center.
Oct. 16
9:57 a.m. Vehicular –
A truck struck a pipe at the Dental School causing the pipe to
burst.
1:53 p.m. Property Damage –
A student returned to his car in
the University Center parking
lot to find the window broken
and pry marks on the dash.
4:32 p.m. Illness –
MAST was contacted about
a student in Epperson House
feeling ill. The student refused
transport by MAST.
Oct. 19
2:06 p.m. Injury –
A staff member fell in Oak
Street Residence Hall while fixing a shower.
8:17 p.m. Burglary –
A student returned to his apartment in Oak Place Apartments
to find his laptop missing.
8:17 p.m. Burglary –
A student returned to his apartment at Oak Place Apartments
to find his Xbox missing.
6:09 p.m. Larceny –
A student returned to his locker
in Swinney Recreation Center to
find his lock missing and property gone.
Oct. 21
10:04 a.m. Larceny –
A student returned to her vehicle
parked at the Nursing Annex to
find the window broken and a
GPS missing.
12:23 p.m. Larceny –
A student returned to her vehicle
parked on the Hospital Hill campus to find the window broken
and a GPS missing.
12:58 p.m. Larceny –
A student returned to his vehicle
in the Education Building parking lot to find the window broken and a GPS missing.
3:54 p.m. Larceny –
A student returned to his vehicle
in the Education Building parking lot to find the window broken and a GPS missing.
Oct. 22
10:02 a.m. Larceny –
Oct. 20
12:01 p.m. Larceny –
A staff member returned to his
car parked on the Hospital Hill
campus and noticed the license
plates were missing.
1:24 p.m. Larceny –
A student parked in the University Center parking lot returned
to the vehicle to find the window
broken and stereo missing.
5:50 p.m. Larceny –
A staff member returned to his
locker at Swinney Recreation
Center and found his wallet
missing.
6 p.m. Larceny –
Padlocks were reported missing from multiple lockers in the
A victim returned to his vehicle
in the Oak Street Parking Structure to find tools and personal
items missing.
1:03 p.m. Larceny –
A student left her purse unattended while using the restroom
in 4747 Troost Ave. A suspect
entered the restroom, removed
her wallet and left.
6:45 p.m. Violation of Uni-
versity Rules –
A suspect was contacted in regard to using a fake parking
permit in the Oak Street Parking
Structure.
7:02 p.m. Trespassing –
A suspect previously warned
about trespassing in the Miller
Nichols Library was arrested.
Campus Crimes as of Oct. 23
CRIMES
BURGLARY*
ROBBERY
MOTOR VEHICLE THEFT*
LARCENY
AGGRAVATED ASSAULT
COMMON ASSAULT
FORCIBLE SEX OFFENSES
DRUG LAW VIOLATIONS
2008 YTD 2009 YTD
17
22
2
3
4
3
117
112
1
0
4
7
0
2
8
3
* MOTOR VEHICLE THEFTS AND BURGLARIES INCLUDE ATTEMPTS
Correction
‘Radio dreams could be reality’ (10/19/09)
Due to an editor’s error, the University of Kansas student radio station KJHK
was printed as 90.1 FM. The correct station is 90.7 FM.
www.unews.com
Culture
9
October 26, 2009
Ghost student seeks true love
Melissa Oribhabor
B
Staff Writer
eing a college student can be
tough.
Trying to pay for school and
balance love, studies and a social life can seem overwhelm-
Photo MELISSA ORIBHABOR
Ronny McDougal is both a ghost and a student at UMKC who is searching for love.
ing at times.
But for sophomore ghost Ronny McDougal,
things work a little differently.
McDougal is a Philosophy major who does
not like to talk about his death.
The truth is, he was a hemophiliac who accidently cut himself in the Oak Street parking
structure while working on an art project in his
car.
McDougal was attending UMKC when he
died in 1985. After spending the last 24 years
in the afterlife, he decided to come back to
finish his degree and pursue other unfinished
business.
“I came back to find true love,” McDougal
said. “I’ll take a dead or live girl. I came back
to UMKC because there are more chicks in
school.”
But things are not really going as he planned
– it turns out dating is even harder when you’re
dead.
“Live girls don’t really pay any attention to
me, it’s like I’m invisible to them,” he said.
And to make matters worse, the dead unfortunately spend all eternity in whatever outfit
they died in. Much to McDougal’s dismay, he
was wearing a Hawaiian shirt.
“Mostly, I look like one of my Philosophy
professors, George Gale,” McDougal said.
He now wears something over it, but he believes it plays a significant role in his difficulties to pick up girls on campus.
But as difficult as he may have it being a
ghost, there are perks.
While alive, McDougal had to use student
loans to pay for school, but now McDougal
says it doesn’t really come up.
He takes classes for free, without grants or
student loans.
The downside, however, is he can’t leave
campus.
“I try and I just get kicked back in,” McDougal said. “I can only experience things that
happen on campus.”
Studying Philosophy has made McDougalbecome cynical about the afterlife and the
prospects of ever going back.
The study of Philosophy, he says, makes
him believe there is no afterlife, which confuses him since he has been living in the afterlife
nearly a quarter of a century.
The era in which he died has had an affect on his perception of modern-day.It seems
ghosts only perceive the world in the way they
remember it.
“Say what you will, but the Royals are world
champions, and will forever be a strong and
successful baseball franchise,” he said. “Molly
Ringwald is the cutest girl in Hollywood and
Tab is delicious.”
Even though he may seem delusional, he
knows his dream of finding a pretty college coed to call his own may be slightly ambitious.
So, he would be satisfied with accomplishing
his other goal.
“It was 1985 when I died and I never got a
chance to see ‘Back to the Future II,’” he said.
“The end of the first one said ‘to be continued
…’ and I really want to know what happened
next.”
So unless the movie is ever shown on campus, McDougal will most likely be a UMKC
ghost student for a long time to come.
moribhabor@unews.com
Film brings cold case back to life
Ethan Parker
Online Editor
Editor’s Note: Nothing in this article,
except that “Paranormal Activity” is now
playing in theaters, should be taken as
fact. Happy Halloween!
In San Diego, Calif. during the early
hours of Oct. 7, 2006, a body was recovered from the home of Micah Sloat and
Katie Featherston.
The body was that of Sloat and, three
years later, the police are still looking for
suspects.
San Diego Sheriff’s deputies were
called to the University Heights residence
after neighbors reported screaming coming from the home around 2 a.m. Officers
arrived at the scene shortly after neighbors called 911.
During the initial investigation, officials refused to comment. Unconfirmed
sources within the police department reported a mutilated body was discovered
inside the home, but declined any further
questions.
According to neighbors, Sloat and
Featherston were a normal couple who had
lived in the house a few months. Friends
said the couple was “engaged to be engaged,” and had dated for more than three
years.
In the days leading up to Oct. 7, the
couple was making a documentary about
an apparent haunting occurring in the
house.
Amber Armstrong, a friend of Featherston, indicated the couple talked of an
“entity” within their home, and even consulted a psychic about the strange happenings in the house.
“I never saw anything, but Katie
was sure scared of something.”
AMBER ARMSTRONG
Friend
“I never saw anything, but Katie was
sure scared of something,” Armstrong
said.
Mark Fredrichs, freelance paranormal
investigator, said a “demon” was haunting
Featherston from as early as eight years
old.
“Katie said she remembered seeing a
shadow at the end of her bed when she was
eight years old, and had observed many
strange phenomena on and off for years,”
he said.
According to Fredrichs, demons are
not the infernal entities depicted in the
Bible, but “angry spirits bent on causing
chaos and disharmony.”
“These things will latch onto a person, and follow them around until they get
what they want,” Fredrichs said.
He wasn’t sure exactly what the demon
wanted, but he had his theories.
“I’m not an expert, but it seemed to me
like it wanted Katie,” he said.
With three years since the grisly events,
the police are not any closer to finding the
answers they seek.
They hope the new documentary, from
director Oren Peli, will shine some light
on the cold case and stir up some new
leads.
The film, released by Paramount Pictures, features some of the footage filmed
by Sloat and Featherston.
Peli, an Israeli-born video game designer with no formal training in documentary filmmaking, worked closely with
police in determining what would be seen
by audiences.
“The police were very helpful … they
were very cooperative when I brought
them this project,” Peli said. “I hope
someone out there can shed some light on
what happened to these people.”
Whether or not you believe in demons,
the film, “Paranormal Activity” is now
playing in theaters.
eparker@unews.com
Photo courtesy GOOGLE IMAGES
10
Culture
October 26, 2009
Zombies take over
the Plaza
Casey Osburn
Sports Editor
Hundreds of the undead were seen walking Oct. 10 on the Country Club Plaza for the
third annual Zombie Walk for Hunger.
The viral infection that has plagued Kansas City doesn’t call for human food, just
humans.
Since zombies don’t need food to
live, they donated what they had to survivors.
Canned goods, razors, toothpaste and
other household items were accepted and
donated to the Uplift Organization, which
helps the homeless in Kansas City.
www.unews.com
Pumpkin carving
with a twist
Jamie King, the self-proclaimed Zombie
Queen, organized the event.
She saw other major cities were holding Zombie Walks and decided Kansas City
needed its own.
King worked with local charities so the
walk had a purpose and cause beyond just
being for fun.
Zombies of all sizes showed up to help
the hungry – tiny football players, young
ballerinas and even babies.
Celebrities are not immune to the zombie
virus either. Elvis, Lucille Ball, Spiderman
and a member of the Ghostbusters team were
all infected and participated in the walk.
cosburn@unews.com
Photo courtesy GOOGLE IMAGES
A unique spin on the traditional Jack-O’-Lantern.
Chelsea Soetaert
Photo CASEY OSBURN
On Oct. 10, a few hundred zombies roamed the Country Club Plaza to raise money for Uplift.
Staff Writer
The tradition of pumpkin carving has been
around for centuries.
Every Halloween, families across the globe
engage in carving and lighting Jack-O’-Lanterns.
The standard carving techniques are rather
predictable – you can buy kits and booklets with
patterns for spooky houses, creepy cats and evil
faces.
But why play by the book?
There are plenty of other unique and exciting ways to decorate pumpkins that don’t make
you want to fall asleep.
One great way to decorate a pumpkin involves no knives, pumpkin guts or mess.
With any set of children’s paints you can create a colorful and long-lasting decoration.
The advantages of painting instead of carving aren’t limited to longevity. There is also a
wide range of possibilities.
With a set of paints, you can recreate a Van
Gogh, paint a portrait of your favorite person or
anything else you can imagine!
Using paints is also a great idea when working with children who may not be old enough to
handle knives.
When it comes to carving a pumpkin, there’s
more to it than just scooping out pumpkin guts
and cutting a few triangles and jagged lines to
make a face.
When you decide to carve a pumpkin, why
not try one of these techniques to add a creative
twist to the traditional carving.
The average Jack is a spooky face carved on
the side of a pumpkin.
While the face is common and easy, there are
a few different ways you can put a spin on it.
When picking out your pumpkin, look for
one with short sides, a wide top and a long stem.
When carving, center the face on the long
stem, giving the pumpkin more character with a
wacky 3-D nose.
To add more dimensions, carve only half
way through the pumpkin’s outer layers.
This leaves a thin white/orange layer of
flesh in which you can carve texture and detail.
When the candle is lit inside the pumpkin,
the details glow.
There are many patterns and kits available
for purchase in grocery and Halloween stores.
The kits contain generic stencils (a cat in
front of the moon, a skeleton, a haunted house)
and small flimsy tools.
With so few choices, many of these are overused and boring.
If you feel like using a stencil, check out the
Internet.
Many Web sites offer a variety of different
stencils to print and trace. One great Web site
for this is www.zombiepumpkin.com.
It has many categories, some of which include presidents, politics, movie themes, phrases and creepy creatures.
There’s even a free Barack Obama pattern.
While the Web site requires a small fee to
print most of these, it’s worth it for a different
and unique pumpkin experience.
When you go to carve your pumpkins this
year, consider a new way to do it.
Paint, carve and color your way to a scary,
silly, creepy Jack-O’-Lantern this Halloween.
csoetaert@unews.com
11
Culture
www.unews.com
October 26, 2009
Find your perfect pumpkin
Hilary Hedges
Editor-in-Chief
This time of year, you can go to any grocery and find pumpkins. Grocers, however, don’t have corn mazes or ponies.
But pumpkin patches do and also offer a whole lot more.
Get some fresh air and support local farmers. You will find
more variety and better products when you go straight to the
source. Hours are subject to change due to weather and special
events, so please call first.
Carolyn’s Country Cousins Pumpkin Patch is minutes
from downtown in Liberty, Mo. Different weekend activities
are planned thoughout the fall, including a dog show and a celebration for Dia de los Muertos on Nov. 1. Open seven days
a week from 10 a.m. to 7 p.m., rain or shine. Admission is $8.
17607 N.E. 52nd St., Liberty, Mo. 64068, 816-781-9196
Louisburg Cider Mill in Louisburg, Kan. was named one
of the top 10 cider mills in America by MSNBC. In addition to
their locally-made apple cider, they also sell preserves, spices,
salsa and an array of sodas. After you return from picking your
own pumpkin, you can go through the 10-acre corn maze or visit the petting zoo. Open from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. Monday through
Saturday and 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. on Sunday. Admission to the corn
maze and pumpkin patch is $7.
14730 Highway 68, Louisburg, Kan. 66053, 811-748-7765
Johnson Farms is a 140-acre working farm that grows
pumpkins of every shape and size. Their garden center is also
a great place to find colorful fall decorations. At 35 cents per
pound, you can afford to get all of your fall produce here. Open
noon to 6 p.m. Monday through Friday, 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. Saturday and Sunday. Admission is $5 Monday through Thursday,
and $7 Friday through Sunday.
17701 Holmes Road, Belton, Mo. 64102, 816-331-1067
The Red Barn Farm in Weston, Mo. is worth the trip. Located just south of town, this working farm is a great escape
from the city. The beautiful country store has a huge variety of
seasonal produce, old-fashioned candy, soaps and teas. A corn
maze, petting zoo and horse-drawn hayrides are just a few of
the fun activities at the farm. Open 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Saturday
and Sunday. Admission is free, tickets are available to purchase
Photo courtesy GOOGLE IMAGES
The Red Barn Farm in Weston, Mo. also sells fresh eggs and locally raised long horn ground beef.
for different activities.
16300 Wilkerson Road, Weston, Mo. 64098, 816-368-5937
KC Pumpkin Patch is one that will keep you busy, especially on the weekends when all of their attractions are open.
General admission will get you into their haunted barn and petting zoo. You can also ride on their zip line and Mine Shaft Hill
slide. Other attractions include a paintball gallery and nine-hole
mini golf course for an additional cost. Open seven days a week,
9 a.m. to 3 p.m. Monday through Friday, 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. on
Saturday and noon to 6 p.m. on Sunday. Admission is $5 during
the week, $8 on weekends.
29755 W. 191st St., Gardner, Kan. 66030, 913-484-6251
hhedges@unews.com
Kansas City kills the thrill
Kolbe Krzyzanowski
didn’t come to fruition.
Thrill the World Kansas City was conceived
a few weeks before the event was scheduled to
Thrill the World is a world-wide event which, take place.
every year, strives to break the world record
Given the short amount of time, it is no surfor most people simultaneously doing Michael prise the wheels did not roll fast enough to gain
Jackson’s famous “Thriller” dance.
any real momentum for the event.
Numerous cities around the world try to bePublicity for the event was lackluster, at best.
come part of the event, and often have a charity
The common practice of word-of-mouth adattached to them.
vertising failed to do the job and a
In Kansas City, the two
majority of people in the Kansas
charities that would have ben- “Last year’s record
City area hardly knew anything
efited from Thrill the World was 3,960 zombie
about it.
were Children’s Place and the participants
Plus, a charity with a small
Bishop Sullivan Center.
budget was the nail in the coffin.
simultaneously
Unfortunately, Thrill the dancing to ‘Thriller.’”
And many had never even
World 2009 in Kansas City
heard of it.
The final diagnosis for Thrill
never happened.
the World Kansas City can be atThe event fell a few thoutributed to the infamous econosand dollars short due to lack
my.
of sponsorship from local businesses and donaIf everybody had a nickel for each time they
tions.
heard, “With the economy the way it is …”
The Kansas City chapter of the dance was to or, “What, in this economy?” the whole world
be held at El Torreon in historic Hyde Park.
would no longer be in this “economic crisis.”
Last year’s record was 3,960 zombie particiHopefully through trial-and-error and persepants simultaneously dancing to “Thriller.”
verance, Kansas City can have its own horde of
dancing zombies in the future.
So what killed it in Kansas City?
kkrzyzanowski@unews.com
There are a number of reasons this event
Contributing Writer
Photo GOOGLE IMAGES
12
Culture
October 26, 2009
www.unews.com
Zombie living ain’t easy
Tyler Allen
Photo illustration courtesy CHRIS CONWAY
Phil, a long-time zombie, is tired of being discriminated against.
just thought she was really aggressive. Turns out, she was a total zombie.”
Spend some time in Westport
Phil said humans are not the only
and you are likely to see many ones who have been hurt by the ecodifferent people from all walks of nomic recession.
life.
“The only thing I can do is be an
But recently, multiple sightings
actor,” he said. “The
of one person in par’80s were great.
ticular have caused “I’ve seen ’em ’round There were multiple
quite a stir.
here. They’re scaring parts for zombies.
“Zombies!” Chris
I was even in the
Conway,
Westport everyone away.”
‘Thriller’ video.”
panhandler and va- CHRIS CONWAY
Since then, the
grant, said. “I’ve Westport panhandler and
number of zombie
seen ’em ’round here. vagrant
roles has dwindled
They’re scaring evand Phil has been
eryone away.”
forced to take a job
According to the Kansas City at Office Max.
Police Department, reports of zom“I tried to get a job at one of
bie sightings have increased over the haunted houses, but they said I
the past month.
wasn’t convincing enough as a zomTraditionally, people are fright- bie,” he said.
ened by zombies because of their
Phil urges any fellow zombies to
affinity for brains.
join his support group.
But some zombies resent the ste“We meet at the YMCA every
reotypes.
Wednesday,” he said.
“I’m just trying to live a normal
Most of all, Phil wants to live a
life,” Phil, long time zombie, said. normal life.
“It’s hard being a zombie.”
“When I come down to Westport
Phil has been a zombie for more for a cup of coffee, everyone freaks
than 30 years.
out when they see me!” he said.
“It happened when I was hooking up with this girl,” Phil said. “I “Life as a zombie is pretty rough.”
tallen@unews.com
Assistant News Editor
Off the Shelf
by CASEY OSBURN
Book helps students survive zombie apocalypse
When there’s a zombie apocalypse near
you, it’s important to know what to do.
Recently, zombies took over Kansas City
and the knowledge gained from “The Zombie Survival Guide,” by Max Brooks, kept me
alive.
Ninety-five percent of the Kansas City population are now zombies. I am one of the five
percent still alive.
“The name of the game for zombie survival
is just to wait it out,” sophomore Jered Martin
said. “You need to be a well-rounded individual to survive a zombie apocalypse.”
Let me relay my story to you and how this
book helped.
Aug. 25 started out like any other day; and
then the zombies came.
Unbeknownst to UMKC students, the first
zombie was spotted at America’s Pub in the
Westport area.
Within mere hours, there were hundreds
of zombies making their way to UMKC and
the surrounding areas. By 6 p.m., 45 percent
of Kansas City was infected with the Solanum
virus.
Finding myself in the midst of this apocalypse, I called upon local zombie experts Josh
Belzer and Tyler Fallon.
After meeting at Fallon’s house, we gathered a bag of survival goods. Our bag included
a flashlight, canned food, two crowbars, a machete and, of course, their bible – “The Zombie
Survival Guide.”
We turned the book to the chapter on defense. Page 65 explained how to defend a pri-
vate residence. Fallon advised us that if we fled
now, it would just add more bodies to the anarchy outside in “The Zombie Survival Guide,”
Brooks agreed.
He wrote “load your weapons, prepare for a
fight, but stay put, stay safe, stay alert.”
We used the lessons learned from the book
and holed ourselves upstairs so we had easy
command over the stairway and a view of the
street.
We kept tabs on the outside world using a
wind-up radio, and on the fourth day we found
out the government quarantine had been overrun. Ninety percent of the Kansas City metropolitan area was infected.
We, once again, turned to “The Zombie Survival Guide,” and realized it was time to run.
We knew gas would be hard to find, so we
threw our bikes in the bed of Belzer’s truck and
headed south.
Brooks suggests heading to rural areas to
get away from people.
We established our destination as the Ozark
Mountains in southern Missouri. We knew the
area had a low population and plenty of opportunities to forage food.
The truck ran out of gas 250 miles south of
Kansas City, so we biked the rest of the way.
The rules from the guide instructed us to
establish sleep shifts because keeping watch
was a must.
When we arrived at our destination, we
found an abandoned (and looted) sporting
goods store. It was our first encounter with
multiple zombies.
We were armed only with crowbars and a
machete, but we gave them a fight. We used
principles established in the “On the Attack”
chapter to lure and destroy.
After eradicating the zombie threat, we
gathered any items we saw listed in the “Equipment” section of the guide.
All the firearms had been looted, so our
only options for long-ranged weaponry were
two compound bows and a cross bow.
We set up our base camp in the Ozarks,
trained using “The Zombie Survival Guide”
lessons and searched for food.
With no gas, we were forced to bike back to
Kansas City, a 12-day trip.
The trip to the Ozarks left us confident
in our abilities and we decided to reclaim the
UMKC campus.
Miller Nichols Library was overrun with
zombies. We swept through the library floor-byfloor and cleared it of all the infected creatures.
The library was established as our new
base.
cosburn@unews.com
Photo courtesy GOOGLE IMAGES
We began our takeover of UMKC by keeping in mind the 15 general rules from
“The Zombie Survival Guide.”
1. Assemble a group
2. Study, study, study
3. Wean yourself off luxury items
4. Remain vigilant
5. To the ends of the earth
6. Know your location
7. Become an expert
8. Plan your route
9. Plans B-C-D-E
10. List your gear, be ready to shop
11. Construct defenses
12. Plan an escape route
13. Be on guard
14. Remain concealed
15. Remain isolated
Culture
www.unews.com
13
October 26, 2009
Students learn to Drive Safe, Drive Smart
Melissa Cowan
Staff Writer
Watching adults ride tricycles with
beer goggles on is funny.
But it wouldn’t be so funny if those
adults were actually drunk behind the
wheel of a car.
Last Friday, Drive Safe Drive Smart
(DSDS) was held in the Quad to inform
students of the dangers of impaired driving.
This includes driving while drunk,
texting, eating, putting on makeup or
any other distractions which, although
they sound outrageous, actually do
happen.
The tricycle ride with beer goggles is
a fun way to illustrate an important and
serious issue: if you’re having trouble on
a tricycle, think about trying to operate a
motorized vehicle.
The beer goggles provided a safe way
for students to learn how drinking impairs
both their vision and their judgment.
There were also remote control car
races where the drivers, again, wore beer
goggles.
Organizers handed out free pizza, tshirts and brochures about impaired driving and finding a designated driver in Kansas City.
Perry Holliday, a UMKC student, came
for the free pizza but didn’t know about
DSDS.
“I didn’t really learn anything new,”
Holliday said. “It just reinforced what I already know ... (But) I didn’t know about the
Cheer Program (designated drivers).”
Michele Taylor, UMKC Crime Prevention Officer, has participated in the event
“We’re not focusing on any
one specific bad driving
behavior ... It’s to educate
students about the risks.”
MICHELE TAYLOR
UMKC Crime Prevention Officer
for four years.
“Driving while texting is a really, really big issue right now since they passed
the law in Missouri that if you’re under 21
you can’t text while driving,” Taylor said.
“People have been saying recently that
texting while driving is more dangerous
than driving while over the legal limit of
alcohol.”
Holliday agrees texting while driving
is “hazardous.”
But that is not the only concern of
DSDS.
“We’re not focusing on any one specific bad driving behavior,” Taylor said. “It’s
really on the whole bigger picture of what
people do. It’s to educate students about
the risks.”
Taylor said another goal of DSDS is
to get students to pledge not to drink and
drive.
She will also participate in Battle of
the Belts (see Save the Date, p. 14, for
more information).
In September, workers for the Missouri Safety Center tallied how many
students driving in the Rockhill Parking
Garage were wearing their seat belts.
For this competition, UMKC is up
against the other 12 Missouri universities
participating in DSDS.
The Missouri Safety Center will be
here again this week to see if DSDS increased the number of seat belt-wearers.
“Hopefully, our numbers will go up,”
Taylor said.
For more information about DSDS
and statistics on distracted or impaired
driving, visit www.wellness.missouri.edu/
drivesafe.
mcowan@unews.com
Spiced pumpkin seeds
Chelsea Soetaert
Staff Writer
Pumpkin carving is a fun Halloween
activity, but then you’re left with the goopy
mess. With this traditional, favorite recipe,
you can make good use of the mess and welcome the flavors of fall.
All it takes are a few seasonings and an
hour in the oven, and you’ve got a tasty and
nutritious autumn snack.
Ingredients:
1 1/2 tablespoons margarine, melted
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon garlic salt
2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
2 cups raw whole pumpkin seeds
Directions:
Preheat oven to 275 degrees.
Combine the margarine, salt, garlic salt, Worcestershire sauce and pumpkin seeds.
Mix thoroughly and place in shallow baking dish.
Bake for 1 hour, stirring occasionally.
Remove from oven and eat warm or store them in an airtight container to enjoy later.
Photo CHELSEA SOETAERT
Photo CASEY OSBURN
Hilary Saskin simulates drunk driving with beer goggles.
14
Culture
October 26, 2009
www.unews.com
dating 101
How to:
by CHRISTIAN ROSE
‘Spoiled’
Having returned to school after a brief
respite which was brought about by the
dissolution of my relationship (which was
brought about by my ex’s penchant for
promiscuity), I am slightly more mature
than most of my peers.
By mature, I mean I am older. Because
as most of my friends, co-workers and
editor can tell you, I am occasionally still
prone to tantrums if I don’t get my way on
an issue I feel strongly about.
This sense of entitlement coupled with
simply being Southern, I suppose, disposes me with a flair for dramatics sometimes
bordering on histrionic.
As a child, my mom learned pretty
quickly to leave me waiting in the car when
she wanted to do errands if her appointments were in close proximity of anything
that would drive me to distraction.
Leaving the window cracked for air,
I would be left to my own devices with
a box of crayons while she paid bills,
shopped for groceries or the routine nearweekly appointment where she would
consult with one my teachers.
I concede I could be a handful at those
moments when I spied a new toy lurking
on a shelf just out of my four-foot reach,
begging me from behind shiny plastic to
take him home.
I would hear him plead he would be
my new best friend and our adventures
would be legendary.
I couldn’t just leave him alone up there
on that shelf. I had to have him. Now.
I was not spoiled. Being spoiled was
an indulgence neglectful parents used to
placate their children out of guilt or misplaced contrition.
Despite dirty looks from passers-by
and loud whispers advising my folks to
spank me when I misbehaved according
to their standard principles of behavior,
my grandmother refused to believe I was
spoiled.
She told my parents I was simply
strong-willed and high spirited.
So I can never remember being punished for exerting my often vocal outbursts.
Eventually, I learned that unreservedly
throwing myself onto a floor while wailing and kicking my feet did not always
produce the desired results and merely
looked silly.
Instead, I learned to effectively argue
or manipulate circumstances to favor my
intents.
Think or say what you will, but I grew
up with a freedom that allowed me the
luxury of knowing nothing was out of my
reach and I could be anything I wanted to
be.
Once my grandmother passed, I suppose life kind of got in the way and it
became easier and easier to forget that
strong-willed and sometimes aggressive
brat I was once labeled.
As the years passed, I became more
reserved, more passive and less like the
person I once was, until, one morning, I
didn’t even recognize myself any longer.
The tragedy of my situation was not a
cheating partner. It was that I disregarded
that over-indulged part of me that would
have insisted on better.
In my case, age doesn’t always include
wisdom. I find, like my younger collegiate peers, I am still learning every day.
But I already learned that sometimes
in relationships you have to kick, scream
and wail until you get what you deserve.
crose@unews.com
slay a vampire
Sabrina Osborn
Copy Editor
They want to suck your blood.
A vampire’s desire to drink the red
stuff that keeps us alive is reason enough
to be afraid of them. But, should you run
into one in a dark alley, a cemetery or
even a party, here are a few tips on how to
kill the undead.
Stake through the heart:
This one is fairly standard, but it’s also
effective.
The best part about it is you’ll get to
try out those “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”
moves you’ve been working on since the
’90s.
Some ancient tales claim the stake
should be carved from wood, preferably
coming from an oak or fruit tree.
The lessons learned from Buffy, however, indicate anything pointy and sharp
enough to imitate a stake should do the
trick.
Off with their heads:
This seems like the most sure-fire way
to make sure the vamp isn’t going to come
back for revenge any time soon.
It can be used as the only slaying technique, or in combination with any of the
other tips, as a safety precaution.
Just be sure to bury the head and the
body separately – if he can find his head,
he can come back.
Let the sunshine in:
The vampire is likely too smart to let
this happen. But if you can get one into
the sun, it should end well for you.
If you can’t outsmart your vampire,
you can try bringing the light to him.
On some vampires, a high wattage
light bulb works, and will leave you with
a tidy pile of vampire ashes.
Shower them in holy water:
Vampires are not typically as nice as
the young-adult novels make them seem,
so holy water is a good defensive weapon
against one.
A nice dousing of holy water should
burn the vampire quickly.
A dash of salt:
The image of a slug disintegrating
comes to mind, which seems silly but just
might work.
Salt is supposed to ward off vampires.
So even if it doesn’t kill your prey, it
should give you enough time to try one of
the previous suggestions.
Vampires these days are all glitter,
good-looks and souls, but don’t be deceived.
Running into one is not something to
look forward to.
If you decide to go on a vampire hunting trip, be sure to take some supplies.
And, if you find a glittery vampireman in possession of a soul, will you
bring him back for me?
sosborn@unews.com
save the date
Compiled by HILARY SASKIN
Monday, Oct. 26
Battle of the belts: In an
effort to increase seat belt usage
on campus, UMKC is competing
against 12 other Missouri universities to show the highest number of
students wearing seat belts. From 8
a.m. to noon, stop by the Rockhill
Parking Structure and pick up a
flyer about the competition.
Percussion Ensemble: The
UMKC Percussion Ensemble is
performing at 7:30 p.m. at White
Recital Hall in the James C. Olson Performing Arts Center (4949
Cherry St.). Event is free.
Tuesday, Oct. 27
Concert: Forever The Sickest Kids and The Rocket Summer
will perform with Sing It Loud, My
Favorite Highway and Vita. Doors
open at 7 p.m., show starts at 7:30
p.m. at the Beaumont Club. Tickets
are $14, all ages are welcome.
Wednesday, Oct. 28
Last day for 40 percent refund for
fall 2009 second eight-week session.
Trombone Ensemble: The
UMKC Trombone Ensemble will
perform at 7:30 p.m. at White Recital Hall in the James C. Olson
Performing Arts Center. Event is
free.
Halloweenie Roast: 96.5 The
Buzz will host the Halloweenie
Roast at the Beaumont Club. Inside
will be a Freaks Tattoo costume
party and four local bands. Jet,
A Flock of Seagulls, The Raveonettes, Black Joe Lewis and White
Rabbits will play outside in the
Backyard. Doors open at 5 p.m. All
ages welcome. Tickets are $9.65.
KC CreepFest: The gory debut
of the KC CreepFest Horror Film
Festival will take place Oct. 29-30
with screenings at the Tivoli Cinema and Westport Coffeehouse Theatre. An event after-party will be at
McCoy’s Public House. Event will
include locally produced horror
films, classic B-movies, a seminar
on micro-budget filmmaking and
performances by local bands. Event
is part of Westport Fright Nights
and includes a fundraiser and food
drive for Harvesters Community
Food Network. For more information, contact Jennifer Friend, pro-
ducer with Big Atom Productions,
at 913-302-6692 or jenn@bigatomproductions.com.
Thursday, Oct. 29
Dating Violence 101: In recognition of Domestic Violence
Awareness Month, this powerful
presentation will discuss the effects of dating violence on both
women and men. Discussion will
cover a variety of topics regarding dating violence, as well as information on where to receive assistance. Discussion is sponsored
by the Violence Prevention and
Response Project and Rose Brooks
Center and will go from 6:30-8
p.m. in the Alumni Room in the
University Center.
Friday, Oct. 30
Last day for 20 percent refund
for fall 2009 second eight-week
session.
Last day to drop classes with
no record.
Hal’LEW’een: Celebrate Halloween a day early at Lew’s Bar
and Grill (corner of 75th Street and
Wornall Road) with food and drink
specials. There will be a $500 prize
for the best costume. Event will
also take place on Oct. 31.
Saturday, Oct. 31
Terror at the Train Station
7: The infamous Terror party (T7)
returns to the Midland Theater.
Presented by the Bacchus Foundation, this charity event is the
largest Halloween party in Kansas
City. From 8 p.m. to 3 a.m, enjoy
appetizers, drinks and a costume
contest. Tickets are $37.50 in advance and can be purchased at the
Midland Box Office or online at
www.terrorparty.com. Event benefits the Ronald McDonald House.
Nightmare 2009: Crosstown
Station, EventKC.com and the
Kansas City Sport and Social Club
present Nightmare at Crosstown
Station. This Halloween party includes two f loors with live music,
DJs, a costume contest and drinks.
Event begins at 9 p.m. at Crosstown Station (1522 McGee). Tickets are $30 in advance or $35 day
of the event and are available at
www.eventkc.com or www.crosstownstation.com.
Halloween on the Hill: Martini Corner hosts Halloween on the
Hill, where all five bars (Sol Cantina, The Velvet Dog, The Drop,
Tower Tavern and Mint Ultra
Lounge) will participate with drink
specials. Event begins at 8 p.m. in
Martini Corner (corner of 31st and
Oak streets).
Party Monster: For the fifth
year, Party Monster is back, with
drink specials, DJs and a $1,000
costume contest. Doors open at 9
p.m. at Harrah’s Voodoo Lounge.
Tickets are $10 in advance and can
be purchased through Ticketmaster. For VIP reservations and table
requests, call 816-889-4237. Must
be 21 or older to attend.
Sunday, Nov. 1
Daylight Savings: Don’t forget to set your clock back one hour.
Not only does Halloween fall on a
Saturday night this year, but you
also get an extra hour of sleep. At 2
a.m., set your clocks back to 1 a.m.
and enjoy your extra sleep!
Sports
16
October 26, 2009
www.unews.com
Zombies on ice
John Pfortmiller
I
Staff Writer
ce hockey is loved for its breakneck
speed, physical game play and the
large amount of skills required to be
an effective player.
Since 1902, when ice hockey began employing professional players, zombies
and the large masses of undead have been playing in their own ice hockey league.
“This ice hockey thing has been really big
with the undead community, as we have some
trouble moving quickly on land,” said Eye
Gouger, a zombie coach who abruptly ended
our interview after he smelled fresh brains.
The undead are notoriously sluggish in
their movement on land.
This has been depicted in several forms of
zombie media.
However, none of these movies, video
games or comics ever show what the masses of
undead can do in an ice hockey rink.
Zombie Ice Hockey follows similar rules
to non-zombie ice hockey, but contains a few
changes made by the Zombie Ice Hockey
League of America.
These changes include positions, how penalties are handled and physical contact/checking rules.
Instead of using a regulation puck, they
use brains. This intensifies the action for the
crowd. Zombies will do just about anything to
get to those brains.
The change in positions only applies to the
enforcer.
The enforcer is a position notoriously
known in non-zombie ice hockey as the “tough
guy” or “fighter” on the team. Enforcers have
been weeded out as a position since the 20042005 NHL season.
However, Zombies very much love the position and even added an extra element to it.
Their version of the enforcer is called a
Reaper and his “hockey stick” is actually a
scythe.
As gruesome as it sounds, the zombies really seem to get a kick out of it as they can easily stitch themselves back together.
Any form of decapitation by the Reaper is
strictly penalized, as a headless zombie is a
permanently dead zombie.
To help prevent accidental, or sometimes
intentional, decapitation, the players all wear
a thick metal neck guard that starts from the
bottom of their chin (or what’s left of it) and
extends to their shoulders, providing good protection.
The penalty box rules are only slightly different. The penalty box is accompanied with a
high voltage current.
Instead of penalty minutes, there are penalty volts.
The worse a player’s offense, the more voltage he receives.
The only penalties are off-sides and too
many players on the ice.
The latter is a frequently-called penalty, as
some zombies are constantly trying to jump
onto the ice to get in on the action.
Physical contact in the rink is also slightly
changed.
Full-contact to a zombie means something
entirely different than human full-contact.
The players can punch, kick, throw their
extra points
Photo KEVIN BRYCE
Zombie goalie looks to catch some brains.
skates and even beat other players with their
stick at will.
There is always a cleanup crew standing by
to remove excess body parts from the rink so
the game can be played without unnecessary
stoppage.
The only official game this year will be
played at 10 p.m. on Oct. 31.
The match sees We Love Brains face-off
against their century-old rivals, the Brain
Butchers.
The match looks to be entertaining and
heads are sure to roll.
jpfortmiller@unews.com
ROOS LOSE ONE, WIN ONE
by JOHN PFORTMILLER
‘Ultimate Fighter’
doesn’t disappoint
In the latest episode of “The Ultimate
Fighter: Heavyweights,” teams Rashad and
Rampage saw one of the roughest pre-fight
training sessions this season.
The rough patch for Team Rampage came
in the form of embarrassment and teasing for
their fighter of the week, Zak Jensen. Jensen
passed out during a training session and was
continually teased by his own teammates.
Team Rashad did not contribute to the
teasing sessions, and Jensen’s own teammates took bets on when he would break
down.
In a similar, yet different fashion, Team
Rampage and their coach Quinton “Rampage” Jackson teased Team Rashad’s fighter
of the week Darrill Schoonover relentlessly.
This led to confrontations between the
two coaches, but Rashad could not convince Jackson to ease up on the teasing of
Schoonover, particularly his nickname for
Schoonover, “Titties.”
Jackson’s comments to Schoonover did
nothing more than reaffirm his position as
the show’s jerk. He was picking on someone
who is trying hard to overcome and achieve.
Well, Jackson’s comments did not do
much for his team and Jensen’s fight, either.
It fueled Jensen’s overconfidence that helped
him lose to Schoonover.
The highlight fight of the episode was absolutely dominated by Schoonover. Jensen’s
last bit of advice from Jackson was “You
can’t lose to him, he has titties!”
The mentality Jensen had going in, be-
tween being teased by his teammates and being told Schoonover was a pushover, did not
help at all.
He lost his rhythm within the first 15 seconds of the fight and was almost immediately
knocked out by Schoonover.
Jensen tried to hang on by taking
Schoonover to the ground, but was forced to
tap-out to a triangle leg chokehold.
The feelings Team Rampage felt during
the loss were overwhelming. They have now
had three losses in a row and look like brawlers who are all muscle and no skill.
Team Rashad did not let this hat trick of
wins create a cocky attitude.
They did their best to mend relations with
Team Rampage. Even the coaches tried to get
along for once.
However, all of this seems undone with
the previews for next week’s episode as Rashad and Rampage look like they are about to
kill each other.
The animosity could be fueled even more
by Jackson’s frustration with his fighters.
So far, the only thing they have done is
prove in mixed martial arts fighting, skill is
greater than size.
Each of Rashad’s fighters have been
smaller than Rampage’s, but they have managed to win via points, technical knockouts
and now submission.
The fights have gravitated toward Team
Rashad. Team Rampage needs to step it up
and win through more rigorous training, skill
and fewer childish pranks and attitudes.
The teasing and pranks do not win the
fights, Rampage.
The better fighters do.
jpfortmiller@unews.com
Photo KEVIN BRYCE
The Kangaroos are now 5-7-2 after dropping one to the University of Central Arkansas
(UCA) and picking up a win at home against Centenary College.
On Oct. 19, the UMKC men’s soccer team traveled to Conway, Ark. for a match against
the Central Arkansas Bears.
During the first half, neither team was able to score. In the 70th minute, UCA sent the ball
into the bottom left corner of the net.
The Bears scored again in the 83rd minute, leading the Roos 2-0.
Senior Bryan Perez scored for UMKC with the help of junior John Bayron Sosa. The
Roos were not able to match UCA’s score and were defeated, 2-1.
UMKC started scoring early against Centenary. on Saturday.
Sophomore David Sarabia scored within the first two minutes off an assist from Perez.
Centenary shot a goal into the back of the net during the 60th minute. It wasn’t counted
due to an off-sides call.
The Roos tallied two back-to-back shots when Perez scored off of a free kick. Then freshman Tom Black had a clear shot at the goal during the 78th minute.
UMKC took the match, 3-1.
The Roos will continue play on Tuesday at Durwood Soccer Stadium and Recreational
Field against Baker University.
— Casey Osburn
17
Sports
www.unews.com
October 26, 2009
Season looks up
for men’s basketball
sports shorts
by CASEY OSBURN
Golf
The men’s golf team finished
eighth at the Bill Ross Intercollegiate tournament in Kansas City,
Mo.
Freshman Viktor Mikaelsson
finished 10th, shooting a 225.
It was his third finish in the
top-10 for the fall season.
The women traveled to Newton, Kan. for the Shocker Invita-
tional last week, where they finished third.
Sophomore Chelsea Caldwell
led the team and finished in a tie
for fourth place with a 161.
The men are finished for the
fall season, but the women travel
Oct. 26-27 to Kiawah, S.C. for
the Edwin Watts Palmetto Intercollegiate.
Volleyball
Photo KEVIN BRYCE
The men’s basketball team listens to Head Coach Matt Brown speak during their first practice in the College Basketball Experience at the Sprint Center.
David Jordan
Staff Writer
It’s that time of the year again for
the UMKC men’s basketball team to
lace up their Adidas and hit the court
to turn some heads in the Summit
League.
Last year was a year most Kangaroo fans won’t soon forget.
The men had the worst season in
UMKC history, 7-24.
However, Head Coach Matt
Brown, his staff and his team look to
change things.
Their hopes for the season include a 24-7 record and a spot in the
NCAA tournament.
“The ultimate goal is to go to
the NCAA tournament,” Brown
said. “The school has been Division-1 for 21 years and they’ve
never been to the NCAA tournament for post-season, so that’s the
ultimate goal – to get a little better
each day and hopefully win some
basketball games.”
One of three team captains, junior forward Spencer Johnson, is
very confident about this season.
“I’m very optimistic about this
up and coming season,” Johnson
said. “I’m very excited, we’re looking forward to doing a lot better this
season.”
Johnson had strong bonds to former UMKC players Reggie Hamilton, James Humphrey and Fred
Ford, who left the team last year for
personal reasons.
He has not lost that connection
with them, but looks to move forward.
“Those three were my real good
friends,” Johnson said. “We had a
real close relationship with the time
of them being here at UMKC and I
will remain friends with those guys,
but I think I have to stay more focused with my team now.”
The team has reloaded with
freshman talent that should make an
immediate impact.
As Dick Vitale says, those “diaper dandies” are Alex Bazzell, Kirk
Korver (younger brother of Kyle Ko-
rver of the Utah Jazz), Fred Chatmon
and Max Rockman.
“Those four are real good freshmen,” Johnson said. “They came a
long way since the beginning of the
summer. You can already see the
maturity in those three.”
Bazzell is a great combo guard.
He can handle the rock and shoot the
three.
The last name of Korver speaks
for itself. He’s a flat-out shooter, with
a 6-foot-7-inch frame that might be
helpful in the post to grab some
boards.
“I just take all the things
that we didn’t do right
last season and try to turn
them around and do them
right this season.”
SPENCER JOHNSON
Junior forward
Chatmon, a 6-foot-9-inch forward/center, will be a force in the
post and probably be able to step
back and knock down a few jump
shots.
Rockman is no stranger to high
levels of competition.
In Germany, he played for the
Alba Berlin 2 team, which feeds its
players to the Alba Berlin 1 professional team, a very well respected
team in Germany.
“I think [Rockman]’s special as
well,” Brown said.
Not only are these freshmen expected and want to make significant
contributions to the team, but several
key returners look to do the same,
according to Johnson, who expects
them to contribute more than they
did last year.
“Trey McKinney-Jones (guard) –
I know he’s more confident and he’s
going to come in this season more
confident and that’s going to help us
out a lot because he’s a big guard,”
Johnson said. “Dustin Dibble
(guard) – I know he’s going to help
as well because he’s more confident
in his shot and he’s a good shooter. I
think all the returners are going to be
a big factor in this season.”
Johnson is a tough and hardnosed player.
Last year’s season wasn’t a great
experience for him, but it motivated
him to do better.
“I just take all the things that we
didn’t do right last season and try to
turn them around and do them right
this season,” Johnson said.
The men’s team will play six
games at Swinney Recreation Center this year.
The home games were encouraged by the successful turnout at
last year’s game in Swinney against
North Dakota.
“There’s a lot more students
on campus, so I think playing the
games on campus to get the students more involved and also this is
where we practice every day too so
I know our guys like playing here,”
Brown said.
Brown had nothing but praise
for his three captains, junior forward Jay Cousinard, sophomore
forward LaTreze Mushatt and Johnson.
“They’ve done a terrific job for
me and I tell this story to people
all the time,” Brown said. “I’ve
visited with Mike Anderson, the
head coach at Missouri, and asked
him what was the biggest difference
between year two and three, going
from under 10 wins to 20 plus and
he said the biggest difference was
leadership.”
Other players to watch for are junior guard Bakari Lewis and junior
forward Daniel Brady.
Lewis has a lot of experience
at the starting point guard position
and can serve as a great mentor to
some of the younger point guards
on the team.
The Roos gear up for action in an
exhibition game against Bethel College at 7:05 p.m., Friday, Nov. 6 at
Swinney Recreation Center.
djordan@unews.com
The Kangaroos defeated
Southern Utah University 3-0 on
Saturday.
Sailing through the first set,
UMKC beat SUU, 25-14.
The Thunderbirds couldn’t
seem to get off their feet. They
didn’t score more than 20 the entire match.
UMKC took a bigger lead
during the second set winning,
25-12.
SUU tried to fight back in the
third, taking the lead, 10-9.
The Roos fought to regain the
lead and took the set, 25-20.
Sophomore Kelsey Knoche
led the team with 18 kills and 12
digs.
As a team, the Roos earned a
season high hitting percentage of
.368.
Sporting Events
Women’s Golf
Date
Event
10/26-27 Edwin Watts Palmetto Intercollegiate
Volleyball
Place
Time
Kiawah, S.C.
All Day
10/27
Kansas
Lawrence, Kan.
6:30 p.m.
10/30
North Dakota State
Fargo, N.D.
7 p.m.
10/31
South Dakota State
Brookings, S.D.
7 p.m.
Men’s Soccer
10/27
Baker
DSSRF
7 p.m.
10/31
Oakland
DSSRF
12 p.m.
Women’s Soccer
10/29
Oral Roberts
DSSRF
5 p.m.
10/31
Centenary DSSRF
3 p.m.
Cross Country
10/31
Summit League Championships Cedar City, Utah
LISTEN TO ALEXIA’S WEEKLY PODCAST, WIRETAP,
AND CHRISTIAN’S PODCAST, DATING 101, ONLINE AT
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SUBSCRIBE TO ALEXIA’S CAST AT
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TBA
Forum
18
October 26, 2009
www.unews.com
Looking for scares
in all the wrong places
Alexia Stout-Lang
News Editor
Ah. Halloween has come again.
Candy, costumes and an abundance
of “scary” movies, television shows,
events and so on flood our senses.
Nearly everyone around me is engrossed in the madness of it all.
Parents spend money they don’t
have on candy and costumes their children will likely outgrow by next year.
I assume candy will fly off the shelves
this year with families avoiding the
thoughts of the recession by cramming
sugar down their throats.
Women and girls, who otherwise
seem rather intelligent, decide it is all
of a sudden acceptable to dress like
skanks.
One day of the year, short skirts,
high heels and fishnet pantyhose won’t
get you labeled as something other than
a sweet girl. Or will they?
Men and women, young and old,
decide they can put on masks and head
out into the world with the intentions of
getting wasted and terrorizing.
Then there’s my favorite Halloween component. Haunted houses and
spooky movies have us all looking over
our shoulders as if a crazy man with a
chainsaw is going to hop out at any second.
Allow me to take a break to roll my
eyes at the absurdity of it all.
Now, I must come clean to my dearest friends and readers, risking our relationship.
I regard Halloween as the most ridiculous major holiday we celebrate.
It’s true, I have written about my
disregard for Valentine’s Day.
But for goodness sake, at least VDay has the intention of making others
feel loved.
Halloween is nothing more than a
super-commercialized version of an
ancient day devoted to appeasing pagan
gods in an attempt to survive the frigid
winters.
Now that most of us would agree the
Celtic gods will not grant us survival
based upon our All Hallows Eve sacrifice, the holiday is pretty much obsolete.
And you want to have an argument
over whether your costume is original?
In the last few thousand years, I think it
is safe to say the original costumes are
few and far between.
Stout’s Shouts
It’s typical, though, for us to want to
participate in such a strange tradition.
The world is a sad place and few of us
are who we really want to be.
So, Halloween gives us the opportunity to dress like we feel inside.
It also allows for us to create an alternate reality.
Maybe you always wanted to be a
hero. Everyone will see your inner-self
when you dress like Superman, Batman, a firefighter or police officer.
Or perhaps, you have a naughty side
you always wanted to let out. Witch costumes or even the “Pretty Woman” type
outfits are just the ticket.
What really, really irks me about
this holiday is the fear aspect.
We teach our children to be afraid
and to scare others.
We are all exposed to media outlets
that tell us to fear monsters, ghosts,
witches, goblins and vampires.
But when it comes to our daily lives
the rest of the year, we are taught to be
fearless.
People are dying all across the world
at the hands of world leaders. But do not
fear.
The government is slowly taking
away all of our rights. We are not afraid.
The countries that have drunk this
same Kool-Aid before us are nothing
more than topics in history books because they ceased to exist (i.e. Rome).
That’s alright. A world government is
better.
The economy has tanked, millions
of people are out of jobs, the government is trillions of dollars in debt and
the bailout plan was a bust. Don’t you
lose any sleep.
Our fellow Americans are losing
their homes, they can’t feed their families and they have nowhere to turn for
help.
Big brother will take care of it. It’s
not our problem.
Do you want to really be scared?
Take a look at what’s really happening
in our country and across the world.
Take a look at the government and
world leaders.
What you find will scare you.
Perhaps, though, that’s not the scare
you are seeking.
Maybe you just want the fake disturbance that will go away quickly and not
bother you again until you want another
thrill.
If so, Happy Halloween.
As for me, I get my fill of scares
each and every day.
I don’t need a day to celebrate them.
alang@unews.com
Halloween is for
lovers
Melissa Oribhabor
Staff Writer
If you ask some people
about Halloween, they will tell
you it is the devil’s day.
Halloween can stir up strong
emotions for some conservative
and/or evangelical Christians,
who don’t acknowledge Halloween as a holiday or allow
their children to celebrate it.
Other people (namely between the ages of 13 and 18) see
Halloween as a day for younger
children to dress up like fairies
or Spiderman and go door-todoor to get candy.
They take their cousins
trick-or-treating, they stay home
to pass out candy with their parents and, if they’re lucky, they
might be able to find a Halloween party they
can attend – as
long as it’s over
by curfew.
But Halloween takes on a
totally different
meaning for people in the 18-25
age group.
We are too
old to trick-ortreat, too young
to stay at home and pass out
candy, but have more freedom
than high school kids and some
of us are not religious enough to
avoid the holiday altogether.
This group of people does
celebrate Halloween with treats,
sure. But instead of Butterfingers, they prefer Jäger bombs.
It seems for the 18-25 age
group, Halloween has become
an excuse to drink excessively.
Girls get to dress up like
slutty witches. And it gives men
an opportunity to be cheesy by
dressing up as Obama or a prisoner.
The drunk girls, in turn,
think the ridiculous outfits are
so cute they can’t resist hooking up.
Let’s be honest, the walk of
shame is bad enough as it is.
But doing it in a Halloween costume, well, there’s no explaining that. Your neighbors know
what you did last night.
They can see you getting out
of your car and walking up to
your apartment in your pirate
costume, with your high heels
in hand. And they’re judging
you.
But who cares? Halloween may have
morphed from a
time for kids to
get free candy to
a time for young
adults to be irresponsible.
I say, “So be
it.”
One day a
year when your
dress is too
short, your liver
is working overtime and kissing strangers is not considered
whorish is OK by me.
If every other holiday we
have to spend cooking and
bonding with family, why not
have one where you can just
misbehave and get away with
it?
It does not have to be religious or evil. It can just be fun.
moribhabor@unews.com
A GRANT SNIDER ILLUSTRATION
Forum
www.unews.com
Don’t bank on your financial future
Evan Helmuth
19
So, option A (to actually pay for all of
the benefits already promised) would
involve increasing federal tax revenues
by roughly 81 percent immediately and
forever.
Option B would be for Congress to
cut benefits or bump up the age at which
people can collect Social Security or
Medicare benefits, (or even do something really crazy like stop giving welfare to wealthy people).
The latter would involve some sort
of an income or assets cutoff for Social
Security and Medicare eligibility.
Two thirds of all U.S. wealth is held
by those over the age of 65. That is people who already do, or will soon, receive
Social Security and Medicare benefits.
It is, therefore, absurd for the govern-
Contributing Writer
Last week, I broke my longstanding
habit of avoiding horror movies to go
see “Paranormal Activity.”
It was extremely scary and a great
way to spend $5 this Halloween season,
if you enjoy horror flicks.
However terrified you are by the
film, though, you should be doubly
afraid of another real life specter – the
impending retirement of all the baby
boomers.
“Baby boomers” is the name commonly given to the massive group of
people born between the end of WWII
and 1962. Many of us have parents or
grandparents born in that time frame
and they are all rapidly approaching retirement.
Together, they represent a fiscal tidal
wave of unfunded liabilities or entitlement money promised by the government that will exceed the revenue generated by entitlement taxes (Medicare and
Social Security payroll taxes).
In May the trustees of both Medicare and Social Security released their
annual reports on long-term budget outlook.
What they said amounts to a much
scarier and more gruesome blood-bath
than anything you will see in “Paranormal Activity.”
Former Treasury Department economist and current Forbes magazine
contributor Bruce Bartlett said the calculations in the two reports add up to
$106.4 trillion, with a “t” in unfunded
liabilities.
In other words, the difference between the amount of benefits promised
to current and future Social Security
and Medicare recipients and the amount
of revenue that will be raised by Medicare and Social Security payroll taxes
is probably more than twice the total
amount of private wealth in the entire
country.
The total amount promised to current and future retirees by Social Security and Medicare, which won’t be raised
by normal payroll taxes, is 8.1 percent
of U.S. GDP, or total national income.
ment to require transfer payments from
those with less money, who haven’t had
time to save for their eventual retirement, to older people who, on average,
have a great deal more money than those
supporting them with Social Security
and Medicare.
On paper, Congress should easily
be able to enact some version of option
B.
What is not included on paper is that
people over 50 made up more than 40
percent of all votes cast in 2008 and are
almost always the most heavily represented group at the polls in this country.
These people vote, pay taxes, read
the news and watch CNN.
Thus, they also hold political sway
far beyond their already huge numbers.
No member of Congress in his/her
right mind is likely to stir up this elec-
toral hornet’s nest by advocating option
B (cutting benefits) out loud. And anyone who follows politics knows that saying you want to raise taxes on anyone
except the wealthy is always anathema
to politicians.
So, that means both of the previous
options are out of the question for now.
That leaves option C: Congress
could stick its collective head in the sand
and refuse to deal with ugly entitlement
realities that would require unpopular
decisions.
Instead, Congress could propose
a massive expansion of Medicare, or
something like it, to everyone in America under the guise of health care reform.
And … we have a winner!
Option C is exactly what Congress,
or at least the Democratic majority in
Congress, has been trying to do since
July of this year.
The political blogosphere is abuzz
of late with rumors Democrats are even
considering selling their public option
(as they love to call it) by comparing it
to Medicare, since Medicare is such a
popular program.
Of course it’s popular. Who wants to
pay for their own health care?
Even if Congressional Democrats
are unsuccessful in passing Medicare
for all, it seems a near certainty Congress will succeed at one of its favorite
games — that of passing the buck on entitlement funding to the next Congress,
which is just as likely to do the same,
and so on.
So, if you are under the age of 30,
one way or another the baby boomers
and their entitlements are likely to eat
up just about all of your disposable income for your entire working life – that
is unless enough members of Congress
magically become more worried about
the country’s fiscal future than their
own political future.
Since I wouldn’t count on that prospect, it’s time for young people in this
country to inform themselves about issues and make themselves even more
difficult for politicians to ignore than
the A.A.R.P. crowd.
ehelmuth@unews.com
October 26, 2009
Word on Campus
Interviewed by MELISSA ORIBHABOR
“What are you most afraid of?”
“The Easter Bunny.”
“Global inaction on climate change.”
SHEKENYA WILLIAMS
Freshman
Theatre
SAM MCDONALD
Sophomore
Environmental Science
“Nothing. On Halloween, I know
[creepy things] are fake. So why
should I be scared?”
“Failure. If you’re failing at something,
it’s something you’ve worked at.
You’ve wasted your time.”
NATHALIE JOSEPH
Freshman
Nursing
JARED DANIEL
Sophomore
Urban Planning and Development
“Getting out and actually having to
take a job and not being able to go
to Mexico.”
“I’m not afraid of anything because
I’m a man.”
DOMINICK ROUCHKA
Junior
Sociology
IAN DAVIS
Freshman
Business
What do you think?
At what age is it inappropriate to go trick-or-treating?
A. 13
B. 16
C. 18
D. Never
Go to www.unews.com and tell us your answer!
D. 14%
Your answers to last week’s question:
What is your favorite
part of Halloween?
A. 36%
A. Costumes
C. 50%
B. Candy
C. Parties
B. 0%
A
B
C
D
D. I don’t like
Halloween
RIGHTS from page 7
While moving to different subtopics, Karlan noted all the issues
have a central theme.
“There is a slight misnomer in the
title which I suppose is my fault,” she
said. “The title up there is ‘Enforcing
Constitutional Rights in the 21st Century.’ But one point worth making on
the outset of my talk tonight is that
constitutional litigation involves questions of structure as much as it involves
questions of right.”
She went on to say the way we
think about rights has been influenced
by the Court.
“The Court has spent an awful lot
of time trying to shoot down the controversy in the way we talk about constitutional rights, rather than recognizing it’s really a fundamental argument
about the structure within which rights
get enforced.”
During the symposium on Friday,
Karlan expanded on her views of the
problems within the Supreme Court
system in a lecture titled “Iqbal, Callahan and the Evolution of Section 1983.”
She discussed two of last term’s
most important civil rights cases,
Ashcroft v. Iqbal and Pearson v. Callahan, and their place in the evolution
of Section 1983, which was originally
part of the Ku Klux Klan Act of 1871
and designed to combat post-Civil
War racial violence in the Southern
states and now serves as the primary
means of enforcing all constitutional
rights.
Karlan is the co-author of “Keeping Faith with the Constitution,”
“Constitutional Law,” “The Law of
Democracy: Legal Structure of the
Political Process” and “Civil Rights
Actions: Enforcing the Constitution.”
For more information about Karlan,
visit www.law.stanford.edu/directory/
profile/32/.
alang@unews.com
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