Issue 29 - noiZe Magazine

TM
TM
From the Editor
When we started this magazine seven years
ago, one of the primary objectives was to
empower Circuit boys to feel good about
themselves. We were getting attacked on every
side, and by far the most vicious attacks were
from our own gay brothers.
Somewhere in the middle of that journey, I
lost my own empowerment. Losing a friend to a
crystal addiction, recognizing my own culpability
in that process, and facing my own personal
addictions, I fell into the trap of blaming the
Circuit. When I attended parties, it was the boys
engaging in excess that caught my attention and I
worried about my own promotion of this lifestyle
and what it said about me.
Producing the souldance in San Francisco
this year, I got some help from friends I’d made
while training to be a trance dance facilitator.
Fresh from the experience of seeing the beautiful
intention of the boys who had chosen to attend
souldance the night before, my newfound friends
and I stood on the marble staircase of City Hall,
looking out onto the dance floor of the Saturday
night event. The stunning lobby of this historic
building with its intricately carved marble had
been enhanced by the boys of Centrifugal Force
to include an amazing canopy of dyed silks that
floated beneath the three hundred-foot high
dome. It was a breathtaking sight.
I turned and looked at one of my trance
dance buddies (who happens to be straight) and
saw the look of amazement on his face. “What
are you thinking?” I asked.
“I can feel it! We are standing in this room
with 5000 other men, sharing a portal into a
sensual, blissful expansion. Wow!”
His cryptic phrase made perfect sense in
that moment. For the first time in a while, I also
felt a portal, or an opening. It was an opening
into the bliss of being a physical being. In the
jungle of modern existence, it is so easy to forget
the simple pleasure of just being in our bodies.
For us Circuit boys, the party is about coming
together with the shared intention to reconnect
with our physical senses. We celebrate our
aliveness by being alive in our bodies. For many
of us, this connection to the physical brings us
healing.
Sometimes, it takes an outsider to remind
us where our power lies.
The Premier Guide to Circuit Events Worldwide
Editor in Chief
Publisher
Advertising Director
Senior Editor
Schedule Editor
Art Director
Promotions
Cover Artwork
Circuit Photos
Writers and Contributors
East Coast Office
West Coast Office
E-mail
Website
©Copyright 2001 Circuit Noize. All rights reserved. Contents may
not be reproduced without permission from the publisher.
Publication of name or photo of any person or organization in
Circuit Noize is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual
orientation of that person or organization.
Published in February, May, August and November
-Steve Kammon
Circuit
Steve Kammon
Stephen Ceplenski
Gary Steinberg
818-769-9390
gary@circuitnoize.com
Jeffery Taylor
Tony Hayden
Klaus Gerhart
Circuit Boyz Productions
Ray McIntosh
Circuit Boyz Productions
Jeremy Jones
Lobeline Communications
Jim Miller
J.S. Enterprises
Mark Lynch
Rene Hernandez
Marty Bender
Darren Williams
Jeffery Taylor
Michael Snell
John R. Ballew
Michael and Serenity
Michael Lennox
David Landau
Dennis Fleming
Cristopher Blake
John Smith
Curt Freitag
Vera Severa
Kirby Schroeder
Sister Dana Van Iquity
Don Spradlin
Ken Cory
1291-A S Powerline Rd
PMB 118
Pompano Beach, FL 33069
954-764-8210 (voice)
954-764-6392 (fax)
11288 Ventura Blvd #700
Studio City, CA 91604
818-769-9390 (voice)
818-769-5482 (fax)
info@circuitnoize.com
www.circuitnoize.com
www.partyfinder.com
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Table of Contents
Passionate Living by John R. Ballew...................................... 12
Another Perspective by Michael and Serenity ...................... 19
Circuit Sage by Michael Lennox .......................................... 22
Fairies’ Tales by David Landau ............................................ 30
Partying with Intent by Steve Kammon ................................ 34
Just Go Already! by Dennis Fleming .................................... 39
Dear Mr. Snotty Dance Floor Guy by Cristopher Blake ...... 40
A Circuitboy’s Debut by John Smith.................................... 44
Spundae Presents: ‘Interpretations II’ by Jerry Bonham
50
15 Signs He Already has a Boyfriend by Vera Severa ...... 53
Fall Circuit Schedule .......................................................... 54
Circuit Party Tango by Kirby Schroeder .............................. 78
by Curt Freitag ..............................................................
Keeping the Party Rockin’ and Safe
84
Mythology of a Party by Don Spradlin ................................ 90
The Ears Have It .................................................................. 94
Ka-lingoing by Ken Cory ...................................................... 96
by Sister Dana Van Iquity ..............................................
Background photos in this
issue provided by:
KLAUS GERHART
ABOUT THE COVER
Artwork by Ray McIntosh
Model: Randy Gehres
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323-782-1978
kgerhart@klausgerhart.com
(always seeking models!)
Passionate Living
by John R. Ballew, M.S., L.P.C.
Human beings crave experiences that take us beyond our
everyday routines. We need to go beyond the ordinary from
time to time and get caught up in something that feels bigger
than we are. Getting beyond our sense of individual isolation
feeds our souls. Without at least an occasional experience of
bliss, we can become bored or depressed.
Through the ages, men and women have tried to find this sense of ecstasy
through spirituality and religion, sex, psychoactive chemicals, or tribal rituals.
Nowadays, any talk about ecstasy is often confused with Ecstasy – MDMA, methylene
dioxymetham-phetamine. X is “ecstatic” because it causes a breakdown in the
barriers people feel between themselves and one another, and that’s an experience
many people are after. Still, chemical transformation has its limits, even for those
who find party drugs work for them.
If you rely on X to feel hot-blooded, it may be time to take a look at what you
are doing with the rest of your life. What are you passionate about? Sex does it for a
number of us, and that’s what most people associate with the word passion. Some of
us find passion in work; some of us find it in involvement with something bigger
than ourselves. Some of us get to a transcendent place when we are dancing the night
away – connecting with the beat, with others, losing our sense of ourselves as
separated from the environment around us.
The experience can be mystical. My friend Jim says he never feels more alive
than when he is out on the dance floor – shirt off, sweaty, glowing, his body feeling
alive and juicy. Spiritual experiences are often felt in the body as a subtle connection
between the physical self and the emotional self. It can feel hard to explain to others;
we may even feel a little embarrassed trying to describe what we are feeling. Modern
English doesn’t have the right words to describe these experiences. Probably the best
word is transcendence – a sense of moving beyond our isolated selves and into deeper
connection with our entire self, other people, or the world around us. We feel moved
to a higher level. It’s hard to explain, but we know it when we get there.
So you’ve danced yourself stupid and you’re feeling blissed out. What happens
when you leave the party? If everyday life is just a spacer between times when you
can hit the dance floor, take a look at your spiritual life.
While we may long for more aliveness, passion and ecstasy, there is a part of us
that is scared of living life without holding back. That critical voice inside us says
things like: “Who the hell are you to think you could do that?” “You’ll probably die
if you let go.” “Better to stay put and not think such extravagant thoughts.” So that
part of ourselves tries to distract us.
Jim learned that he couldn’t order up transcendent experiences like he would
order up a pizza. He found himself feeling depressed on occasion. He also found
himself relying more and more on party drugs for managing his mood.
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While there are many ways for us to distract ourselves from passionate living,
one way is all too common in our community - addiction. It’s one of life’s ironies:
people use chemicals to try to alter their states of consciousness, but too often end up
with addiction problems that make them less conscious than before.
There are things we know about how to live passionately. Finding the right
balance between living in a highly energetic state on the one hand and being well
grounded on the other is important. If we live out of a place of being highly
energetic but not too focused on reality, we will eventually crash and burn. On the
other hand, living all wrapped up in reality but with little gusto is at least as bad;
there may not be a dramatic flameout, but life itself has little exhilaration about it.
That’s a problem for those of us who live too much in our heads. We rely on our
intellect to help us earn a living; it feels like safe territory for us. But the intellect
alone won’t take you where you want to go.
Living passionately requires us to really be in our bodies. That’s why physical
stuff like dancing, running and other aerobic activity creates that high sensation. We
feel alive! Doing things that wake up our bodies can feel great and help us move past
blocked places.
Creativity is another key to passionate living. Of course, gay men are famous for
creativity, whether it’s cooking a fabulous meal or painting the Sistine Chapel. What
do you do to let your creativity out?
Paying attention to the sensual world is another key to waking up our
passionate selves. What fragrances do you notice as you read this? What do you see
all around you? When we slow down and take time to experience what is going on in
the world and in ourselves, we can find a universe of delight all around us. Slowing
down isn’t always easy. That’s why things like massage or meditation help some men
get in touch with their passionate selves.
Perhaps the final key to living passionately is to stop settling for less than we
truly want in life. Understanding our desires isn’t always easy. Some desires change
from moment to moment, some are hard to put into words, and some are, well, a bit
embarrassing. That’s OK. Someone once told me, “The space for what you want in
life is occupied by what you are settling for right now.” What are you settling for in
work, intimate relationships, and the rest of your one juicy life?
Passionate living is much easier if we make a commitment to getting as much as
possible out of life. It requires a bit of self-understanding and a bit of self-discipline
if we are in it for the long haul.
John R. Ballew, M.S., is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in
Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality and relationships. He
can be reached via the web at www.bodymindsoul.org.
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Circuit Sage
by Michael Lennox
Dear Circuit Sage:
My partner and I have been to a couple of Circuit parties now with friends of ours and have
had a great time. The sense of community and bonding, as well as the new friends we’ve made, has
made this such an amazing experience. We could use some advice, however. Is there any etiquette
or rules for spending time with friends, making sure they are OK from time to time, and leaving
together?
The reason I ask is that a long-time friend of ours went with us to White Party. We started
out dancing together, but as the night progressed, we got separated as we danced with other friends
of ours and he danced with other friends of his. Eventually, we lost sight of each other completely.
Later on, we saw our friend as we went for water and a couple of other times, and he seemed to be
having a good time so we gave him space.
At the end of the night, he was with someone and seemed to be having fun, but when we
talked to him, he seemed a little unsure as to whether he wanted to take off with his friend or have
us wait for him. We didn’t want to push or be intrusive, so we left after he said to, but still felt
kind of bad and thought maybe we should have made sure he was OK. Did we do the right thing?
Should we have stayed or been more protective? We love our friends and we want to make sure
they are safe and happy...
Dear Loving Care,
On the face of it, it certainly sounds as if you two acted appropriately. You asked and were
told it was okay to leave. However, the fact that you have written suggests to me that there may
be more lurking under the surface. I’d be curious as to why you have second thoughts about
whether your friend was truly okay when he said as much. Did you have a “sense” that perhaps
he was not really okay?
My first advice would be to clear it up with him now, after the fact, and ask for a second
verification. Explain your intuition and your desire to be perfectly clear. If you feel your friend
will tell you the truth when asked, you might as well find out what his experience really was.
As far as etiquette is concerned, that would be as individual as each person or group. I
highly recommend that these issues be talked about before a party, not during. Each person will
likely have different expectations and it’s best to know in advance what those expectations are.
For many people, the experience of a huge party includes losing those they came with. For
some this is okay and for others, this can be terrifying. Check it out with your party buddies in
advance what the plan, backup plan, and meeting place and time are - if even necessary at all.
It’s all about communication, both with your friend now and in the future for other parties
and other buddies.
Good luck!
-Circuit Sage
Dear Circuit Sage:
Two weeks ago, I was at my fave club with some friends. One of them has begun a
relationship with another friend of mine. The two met through me and are both my ex’s (though
I’ve developed very good friendships with both of them since we stopped dating).
Anyway, one of them was there with his ex, whom he was in a very dysfunctional relationship
with. I saw them making out a bit. How could I not when they were doing it in front of me? I
said nothing.
So what should I do? Stay out of it completely, sell my silence or tell the other friend?
Either way, I’m screwed, right?
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Dear Screwed in Canada,
Have you ever thought of opening up a dating service for your castoffs??
All joking aside, you have certainly been put into a very awkward position by one of your
friends. By allowing himself to be witnessed by you (and obviously, everyone else in the club)
making out with someone, he will have to take responsibility for his actions.
As for you, your only business is with the person who has put you in this position. To
speak of it with anyone else would simply be gossip. My recommendation would be to speak to
this friend, tell him what you saw and that you expect him to take care of his infidelity and take
you out of the equation altogether.
If he refuses...THEN you’re screwed.
In all seriousness, if he is unwilling to be responsible for the situation he has created, you
need to choose your next move carefully. Your comfort should come first, but watch the gossip
and the desire to stir up drama. When you decide what you are going to do, the highest road
would be to let your friend know what you’ve chosen; whether it is to drop it or whether it is to
tell the other person affected by this situation.
Good luck!
-Circuit Sage
Dear Circuit Sage,
I like to party now and then, but I’ve seen so many people get real fucked up on drugs. I’m
dating a guy who just moved here and he’s starting to hang around with a group that parties a lot some of them are in pretty bad trouble. He hasn’t done a lot before, but he is tempted to try things
with these guys. It’s not like he’s a baby or anything - he’s 38. He comes to me for advice, but I
don’t always know what to tell him. I like this guy but I just worry what might happen since I’ve
seen it before.
Dear Worried,
We’ve all witnessed people drown from the undertow of addiction which flows with the tide of
substance. Substances are fine to use, but when misused and abused, they can take on a life of their
own and suddenly become the conductor of a fast moving train that will likely derail at some point.
Experimentation is part of anyone’s life. Some, or most, do it when they are young. Others
do it when they are older. If given a choice, older is most definitely better. By the time a guy is well
into his thirties, there is a better chance he knows his own limits and is also aware that a good time
can be had without drugs, an idea that many of our younger, more inexperienced brethren cannot
grasp. So, the fact that he’s not a kid anymore is a good sign.
As far as what happens when this guy experiments is simply not up to you. That you like him
is all well and good. As you learn more about him, you can make a choice as to whether he is someone you should be dating. If he is, good luck to you both. If he is not, then move on and find
someone who is on the same page as you.
Now when it comes to advice, I’d keep it simple and honest. By all means do NOT lecture
him or try to advise him away from his own choices. The best way to counsel someone is to share
your experience. If you are concerned that he might be led down a path you have witnessed before,
share that with him without accusation or fear. Simply say you are concerned and give him the
example of why. How you two handle this communication will be a great indication of how you
will handle future relational issues that will undoubtedly come up for you both.
Good luck!
-Circuit Sage
Please submit your questions, dreams and experiences to our online forum at
www.circuitnoize.com or fax to 954-764-6391.
Circuit Sage is Michael Lennox, Los Angeles based Dream Interpreter and Life Coach currently
pursuing his Doctorate in Psychology.
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A Circuitboy’s Debut
by John Smith
“After two years of painful ups and downs, I am changing in so
many ways. There really is hope for the homosexual.”
- Homosexual No More:
Practical Strategies for Overcoming Homosexuality
It was magic in the desert.
It was the final day of White Party weekend and the Easter eggs weren’t the only
things rolling on this highly memorable Easter Sunday. We were poolside in a
paradise oasis, surrounded by a cascade of mountains and a white-feathered, crystal
blue sky. As befitting a pool party in the desert, we danced to Sting’s haunting
“Desert Rose”, bathed in the warm California sun, happily adrift in a sea of halfnaked hotties.
But then, your first Circuit party is supposed to be magical. If not, the
promoters will happily refund your money. Be sure to ask.
Ever since my first Circuit party, I’ve wanted to share that magic with someone,
just as someone shared it with me. I wanted to take someone new and show him the
ropes; prepare him for the experience and then take him to his first Circuit party.
Yes, I wanted to create a Circuitboy.
That’s how I got involved with Greg. Talk about your challenges...
Sliding Closet Doors
Coming out after thirty would qualify anyone as a late bloomer. When I first
met Greg last October, he hadn’t even kissed another boy - something which has since
been rectified. At first I didn’t realize that Greg was just coming out. I thought I was
training him to be a Circuitboy. I didn’t know I was also training him to be a gay
man.
Greg says he pretty much knew he was gay his whole life, but he didn’t know
what to do about it. Though the Mayberry-esque town he grew up in is only an hour
from the bright lights of Chicago, the Windy City’s urban influence seems to have
been blocked as if by some powerful anti-sophistication shield. Plus, there was the
small matter of Greg’s religious beliefs, which taught him that homosexuals were
damned to hell.
Believing you’re going to burn in hell can be a strong deterrent against behaving
in a biblically frowned upon manner. And to make matters worse, the so-called “exgay” movement provided a further complication in Greg’s more recent life.
Through what is called “reparative therapy”, the ex-gay movement claims
homosexuality can be “cured”; an assertion widely denounced by medical
professionals who warn that such therapy has the potential for great harm.
In Homosexual No More, one of Greg’s ex-gay books, those claiming to be cured
of homosexuality are called “overcomers” (which sounds like a condition requiring
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safety goggles). One overcomer likens his struggle to having an infected splinter, “I
knew the swelling would eventually go down and the soreness would stop. All I
could do was keep it clean, bathe it regularly, and avoid hitting it until it healed.”
We’ve all been there, girl.
Greg’s problem wasn’t that he wanted to change as much as he wanted not to be
lonely. In the isolation of a small town, he just didn’t know anyone else who was gay.
Ironically, the answer he was looking for was right there in his copy of Homosexual
No More. It wasn’t put there by the author, though. Greg had written it himself in
the margin on one of the pages, “I have many friends, but long for a gay friend. Is he
or she out there? Help me, God!”
Operation Rescue
The first thing I noticed about Greg was his shy, almost Quaker-like personality
- which I immediately vowed to stomp out at my earliest opportunity. At times,
talking to Greg is like finding yourself unwittingly cast in an episode of the Brady
Bunch. He’s squeaky clean, boyish, with a mop of thick black hair that he wears in a
style that is probably still very popular in his backwards home town.
With much remedial work ahead, I sent Greg on a field trip to Steamworks, our
local gay bathhouse. I figured it would be good for him to see in person what
raunchy man-sex was all about. Later, when it was time for him to give his report, it
quickly became evident that he didn’t possess the necessary vocabulary for a place like
Steamworks. Greg’s years of teaching Sunday school had left him woefully
unprepared to describe things like slings and glory holes and he was forced to use
phrases you’d expect more from a very sheltered 13 year-old girl - for example, his use
of the “base” system to indicate degrees of sexual activity.
While using “third-base” to describe anal-sex is preferable to, oh, say, “popped
in the shit-sack,” this term lacks a certain clarity. At one point, I didn’t know
whether Greg had stumbled upon an orgy or a baseball game.
In the beginning, I tried to shield Greg from the “party favors”. The last thing I
wanted at the end of his training was to be handed a bill from Betty Ford. Sooner or
later, though, he was going to see through my web of deceit and realize the truth
about my frequent migraines that required a brand of aspirin only found in a dance
club. We would have to talk.
To start our discussion, I gave him an anti-drug pamphlet written especially for
Circuitboys, titled “Why’s My Nose Bleeding?” To my relief, Greg immediately
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agreed to forgo all extra-legal substances. He also agreed to carry little to-go baggies,
for research purposes, in case anyone offered.
I felt like a father giving his son his first baseball glove when I presented Greg
with his very first party toy - a groovy, battery-powered light-up necklace. When I
bought this necklace, I was not unmindful that my own Circuitboy mentor, Tom, had
never given me anything quite so extravagant. (Well, once he gave me a hand-medown bumper that was cracked, telling me, “Here ya go, kid. Bring it back when it’s
full.” I vowed right then that when I had Circuitkids of my own, I’d treat them a lot
better.)
Exposing someone who is just coming out to the Circuit scene might seem an
odd jumping off point, but I would disagree. There is a spirit of camaraderie on the
Circuit that is beautiful and inspiring and it carries over in the lives of those on the
scene. That’s what I wanted to show Greg.
When choosing the party for Greg’s debut, we considered many options, but
when Greg mentioned that his Southern Baptist neighbors had once asked him to
sign a petition denouncing Walt Disney over Gay Days, the choice was made for us.
“We’re going to Gay Disney!” I shouted.
Over the course of Greg’s training, I had taught him many things. By the time
Gay Days rolled around, the only thing gay Greg hadn’t done was actually have sex a
man. I had sensed all along we were missing something. But I made a note to correct
this oversight when we got to Orlando.
Sodom and Orlando
It is only natural that gays have a fondness for Disney, seeing how it was through
films like “Mary Poppins” that we were first exposed to showtunes.
While visiting the Magic Kingdom during Gay Days, you’re supposed to wear
something red to identify yourself as being gay. Although Greg and I forgot this rule,
we went accompanied by two friends wearing disco mirrorballs glued to their Mickey
Mouse ears, so it really wasn’t an issue. We went on all the rides, including the Butt
Pirates of the Caribbean, and we toured the treehouse of the Swiss Family Ass
Bandits. We even posed for a group shot in front of the Crystal Palace (which
surprisingly serves food). To top off our excursion, Greg and I held hands in full
view of the many families who didn’t get the memo about Gay Days, and were now
looking forward to a very long, inquisitive car ride home.
Our first party was Friday’s Beach Ball at the Typhoon Lagoon water park
(which felt like we were on the set of a Frankie and Annette beach flick, but without
the narcotics). The following night was the aptly-named One Mighty Party, held
outdoors at the Disney/MGM Studios, which turned the rows of quaint, little shops
into a tawdry gay ghetto once the festivities began.
The Colosseum party was the E-ticket for this Circuit party weekend.
Coincidentally, it was the one party we couldn’t get passes for - this bash had sold out
weeks in advance. Nevertheless, we showed up at the gate hoping to score some tix,
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only to discover that even the scalpers had guest lists.
Defeated, we returned to sulk in the Hyatt hot tub. But not for long. For soon
we were joined by other Colosseum party rejects, who, without debate, voted to make
our hot tub “clothing optional”. While Greg engaged in a bubbly frolic with a
handsome dentist from D.C., I conversed about world hunger with the couple sitting
next to me.
Watching the beautiful fellowship taking place in that hot tub, I couldn’t
understand what those Southern Baptists were complaining about. Gay people
behave no differently than any other tourist group, and we’re better tippers, too.
Greg’s Magic Journey
The final party of the weekend was the Magic Journey after-hours featuring the
great Junior Vasquez. Though Greg had enjoyed his earlier hot tub romance with the
dentist from D.C., his appointment ended with not one cavity filled. If he was going
to experience “third base” on this trip, time was running out.
I admit that it probably wasn’t the most dignified thing to do when I started
pulling guys off the dance floor, asking if they’d pop Greg’s cherry. But I wanted this
weekend to be magical for Greg, like it was for me the first time I saw thousands of
proud, gay men from all over the map, unified by the dance at a Circuit party. I
thought if Greg had his first sexual experience with another man, it would only make
his weekend that much more magical.
When the party ended, we returned to our hotel room to pack. The end of a
Circuit weekend is always bittersweet; you’re happy to have experienced it, but sad to
see it end. In the room, Greg thanked me for helping him on his journey. He’d come
a long way since we first met, and in a sense, his life was just beginning. Taking him
under my wing had allowed me to see the world afresh, through his eyes - an
experience for which I could just as easily have thanked him.
Once we boarded our flight back to Chicago, our three days of non-stop fun
finally caught up with our newly-minted Circuitboy, who immediately fell into an
exhausted sleep. It was just as well he hadn’t gotten laid on this trip. If things had
gotten any more magical, it might have killed him.
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Circuit Party Tango
by Kirby Schroeder
“Yes, but I already KNOW how to pick someone up at a Circuit
party!” Sure you do. But you may not really know how you do
it, or that there is a distinct pattern, a “script” which must be followed in order to do it successfully. There are rules to this game,
and they’re quite different from picking up guys any other place.
From spying Mr. Perfect from across the dance floor to bringing him back to the
hotel typically involves a complicated and highly-structured sequence of moves and
countermoves that we often perform unconsciously. And that we learn by making
mistakes - sometimes lots and lots of them. Yet, the rules can be identified, and while
I may be giving away my own technique by doing this, I want to divulge these rules
to you. Share them with your friends. Rules make life easy. (Besides, I’m an expert
at these rules and if everyone plays by them, I’m sure to win!)
Step One: The Context
Let’s agree on what we are talking about. Over the course of an evening (or, for
some diehards, a whole weekend) two people become interested in each other, meet,
and “consummate.” In the straight world, such events are quite rare – in the gay
world, they are an everyday occurrence. At a Circuit party, where many of the
attendees are from out-of-town and everyone is there to have a good time and meet
new people, the atmosphere is ripe for such activity. That means the script has to be
followed precisely. Errors on either person’s part can mean that the final step is never
reached. You have to know your setting to play the game right.
Step Two: Timing
So you have arrived at the venue, often with friends, ready to see what the
universe will provide. You have been there 10 minutes. Do you hit on the first hottie
that walks past and invite him home with you? Of course not! No matter how hard
the hormones may be flowing, “pairing” can’t happen at the beginning of ANY
evening. The informal rules state that you can’t begin playing the game until it is
“time” for the game, and most games don’t really get started until after the event has
been going for at least a few hours. The early moments especially are for socializing
with people you already know, re-establishing connections and saying hi. Breaking
this rule will usually get you nowhere. Patience. Moving too soon signals that you
are cheap, and you think your potential date is, too. If it is worth it, it will require
some work. Playing the game is a way of giving value to the outcome.
Step Three: Picking the Right Target
In order to avoid wasting your time, after you spot a potential target, ask
yourself this simple, honest question: “If I were him, would I be interested in me?”
Really put yourself in his shoes: imagine where he is standing, imagine him looking
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over and seeing you. What goes through his mind? What does he think? If you don’t
think he will notice you, move on. You may be wrong, but you probably are not and
you will be wasting more precious time. And time, in a 6 or 8 hour party, is of the
essence. Don’t waste it aiming for gods who are busy searching for other gods.
Successfully negotiating Step Three requires you to be honest with yourself. And it is
one of the most common steps to trip on.
Step Four: Eye Contact
This one seems obvious, but I am sometimes amazed at how often it is ignored.
If you can’t make eye contact with a guy, give it up. We all know when we are being
stared at, when someone is trying to make eye contact with us. Feeling someone’s
gaze is almost a physical response to a non-physical gesture. Sometimes we
intentionally choose not to make eye contact back because we have already decided
that we are not interested. But there is a sub-rule, too: only attempt to make eye
contact long enough to “signal” that you are interested, then look away to give him
time to look back at you and see if the interest is reciprocal. If you stare too long,
you will not give him this chance (and you will be signaling that you KNOW he won’t
look back because he could not POSSIBLY be interested in you – of course, if that is
your game, go for it, but you aren’t going home with him). The rule is: stare, look
away, stare, look away. Eventually, if the interest is there on both sides, the stares will
meet... then we can move on. No met stare, go find another target. The eyes are easy
non-threatening tools to signal both interest and disinterest; don’t ignore their
signals. People really are not idiots, no matter how distracted you may think they are
(“He just hasn’t noticed me yet – I had better keep staring!”).
Step Five: Physical Contact
Once your eyes have met (preferably more than once), and you have maybe
exchanged subtle smiles and nods of acknowledgment, what do you do next? It is
time for some touch. If you have recognized in Step Three that you don’t have a valid
target, you can sometimes cop a polite feel of a chest or stomach as flattery, and then
move (don’t pester someone whom you know isn’t interested – it will earn you a bad
reputation quickly). If your target is a legitimate one, it is time to move closer and
see what happens. Rule #1 for Step Five: no eye contact! You are going to move
closer to test the waters, not to make the dive! You can dance near him and see if he
“accidentally” bumps against you; you can accidentally bump against him and see if
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he responds. If you stare at this point, you may be crossing a boundary that is not
ready to be crossed. If you bump and get no bump back, back off and see if the eye
contact can be resumed. If yes, go back to light touch; if no, he has changed his mind
- MOVE ON!
Step Six: The Move
Now he is responding to physical touch at close quarters, more so than could
happen by chance. Besides, you know he has spotted you before because you went
through Step Four above. You are both immediately conscious of the other’s
presence, like heat from a radiator. After spending a few successful minutes in Step
Five, you have the go-ahead for Step Six. You can now see what happens when you
actually intentionally place your hand somewhere – on his leg, his abs, his butt,
someplace discreet where he can ignore it if he wants to but where you can signal a
definite interest in him. Do this ONCE and see what happens. If he is still
interested, he will respond back and place his hand on you somewhere. If not, GIVE
IT UP AND MOVE ON! Don’t waste your evening trying to grope someone who is
not groping back. Give him a chance to take action, and surrender the game if he
gives up that chance. Disinterest, carefully managed, can be an extremely powerful
aphrodisiac
Step Seven: The Introduction
If you have made it to Step Seven, you are pretty much good to go. But you have
yet to actually speak to this guy. If the contact is being reciprocated, it is time to
finally have an introduction. Make eye contact, smile, lean in, put out your hand,
and say, “Hi, my name is...” He will respond in kind. You will have a chance to chat
briefly about the usual things: Where are you from? Are you here with friends?
Where are you staying? Are you enjoying yourself this evening? Etc. Avoid bringing
up personal things like work. Your job at Horowitz & Lake may be fascinating to
you, but he won’t want to hear about that yet. Keep it light and let him respond. If
he doesn’t ask you any questions back, it may again be time to move on. Failure to
ask questions may just mean that he is shy, but how many shy people do you know
that go to Circuit parties? Not many. If he is too quiet, he is probably signaling that,
despite all of your previous work, he is not interested. Let him be the one that got
away.
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Beyond Step Seven: The Catch
If you are able to strike up a decent conversation and join him dancing, chances
are that the game is nearly over and that you have both won. If you screw it up at
this point, it isn’t because I didn’t give you good advice on how to get this far. He
may still decide, even now, that he is not interested in you. If he excuses himself to
go to the bathroom or get a bottle of water and he doesn’t come back to you, don’t go
hunting him down. He knows where to find you. If he really had to go to the
bathroom and he really is interested in you, he will pee as fast as he can to rejoin you
on the dance floor. If he dawdles, it is because he wants to. Give him time – give
him more than enough time, and then, once again, move on with no hard feelings. If
he changes his mind later, you may already be on to target #2 and he will have lost
his chance. Serves him right. If he was cute enough to get your interest in the first
place, he will find someone else.
Desperation is ugly. Never be desperate. Be ready to drop the game at any
moment and, if he is genuinely interested in you, he will be sure to keep playing
along. Make him work for you as much as you work for him. At every step of the
game there is an opportunity for response. Don’t ignore the signals that you don’t
want to see, and pay attention to the signals that are being given.
A Final Story
One night I was out at a big club in a major US city. I saw a boy there, cute as a
button, just my type. We exchanged eye contact, smiles, danced near each other, and
eventually I introduced myself. We talked, but he now seemed disinterested in me.
His eyes were everywhere, and he kept his hands to himself. Yet when I went to the
bathroom and came back, he was still in the same place. My attempts to get beyond
Step Seven went nowhere, and after nearly an hour and a half of courting, I was tired
and ready to go to bed. I told him so - I told him that I was exhausted, and needed
to go. He insisted that I stay, and my confusion grew as he started to kiss me. Then
he immediately went back to being distant. I kept thinking, “If you want me, let me
know!” But the game went on. I tried to leave two more times, and two more times
he cut me off with his tongue in my mouth. Eventually, I offered him my number –
suddenly, he was very tired, too. Luckily, my bed slept two. Sometimes you have to
be willing to give it all up and go home alone to prove that you are worth all of the
effort. And I was. And so was he.
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Photos by Jeffery Taylor
you’re going way above the crowd. Ka-giggling 2, you can’t stop. If you’re a
professional ka-bouncer you start moving the team in a circle while bouncing. The
sensation is that of riding a UFO up over the crowd.
The ka-bouncing has stopped, I notice that a ka-friend3 is nearby, I bump him
up, he hangs, and obviously enjoys my company. Before I know it, a k-hole inhibitor
occurs. Now a k-hole inhibitor is one of three things: 1) a drag show; 2) a drag show;
or 3) a k-whore4 asking for a bump. My first inhibitor of the evening is the inevitable
drag show. Now we’ve all been lip-syncing since the age of three. Maybe we didn’t
have a crowd and maybe we did, but we all had mom’s hairbrush, at least a towel, and
if living on the edge, one of her dresses. By the time I was three, I was lip-syncing to
Tammy Wynette’s “Stand By Your Man” in front of my brother, in our bedroom, with
the door shut tightly... oh so tightly.
OK, now I’m off on a tangent and need to get back to the subject at hand. This
is a classic case of “Tangent Talking in Tongues”. This happens quite frequently with
sketchy people. The person starts on one topic, goes to another, and circles around
in a gibberish you can understand only if you are also a bit sketched. The really good
tangent tongue talkers can eventually bring the story to an end with all of the former
tangents making sense. My neighbor is an expert tangent tongue talker - you just
better have a lot of patience and a good short-term memory or you’ll totally miss the
point.
The drag show ends and another bump is required. I’m not in the best of moods
- the bitch not only took over the dance floor but she lip-synced to a song of a lady
screaming in your ear that has been overplayed way too much. Oh yes, clap-clap, you
were great... sorry, fabulous! The bumper goes up and wouldn’t you just know it, a kwhore is in the vicinity. “Do you have a bump?” I’m thinking, “Do you have $70 to
buy your own?” Now, if the k-whore is cute, a bump may ensue. If not, they might
hear “Oh, it’s not my bumper,” “I just ran out,” or “That wasn’t a bumper, that was
my inhaler... my allergies, you know.” I turn to my friends and we all start kalaughing5. K-whores, who travel in packs, are un-affectionately referred to as
“travelling ka-hoovers6”.
Maybe I should have been a little nicer to the k-whore. Life is karma (oh … my
… God... karma begins with a K!). Tangent alert! Where was I? Oh yeah... karma. I
guess being a little bitchy probably wasn’t the nicest thing I could have done. At any
rate, I’m in one hell of a hole! The music has done the circular “whoomp whoomp
whoomp” and all reality is now different. I’m trying to change locations, the school
of boys is moving, and I’m trying to get to the other side of the dance floor, but my
damn feet aren’t cooperating. Little baby steps, little itty-bitty tiny baby steps, kaweebling, ka-wobbling - a classic case of ka-walking7. I’ve finally made it to my destination and a bumper heads towards my face. It goes away and I’m asked, “Did you
get any?” I’m trying to remember, did I sniff? What is a sniff? How do you sniff?
Oh no! The dreaded ka-simulation8! At this point, I now know that I’m sufficiently
high. Not only am I simulating bumps but all of the faces have melted into a pool of
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Partying with Intent
by Steve Kammon
At one point, the concept for souldance included the idea that
this event should be a substance-free dance party. After the first
event in Montreal, it was obvious that not everyone would do
this event without substances. It was also obvious that this was
quite appropriate. souldance is not about being anti-substance.
It is about learning that the real power of substances comes from ourselves - not from
the pills, powders, or liquids that we consume. The real mission is to teach the
ability to party “with intent”. Sounds good, but what does it really mean?
Whenever we act, we always have an intent, whether we are conscious of that
intent or not. It’s the way that our brain functions - we don’t act unless we have an
intent to drive us into action. When we allow ourselves to act without being fully
conscious of our intent, we can often end up in places that surprise us. You can bet
that someone who becomes so addicted to crystal that they lose their job and destroy
their life was never fully conscious of their intent. Instead, their intention was based
on immediate gratification rather than a fully conscious examination of its repercussions.
Learning to act with conscious intent is a step towards having more control over
that which we create. This is true in all aspects of our lives, but it is especially
important when you are dealing with something as powerful as mind-altering
substances. Because these substances have the possibility of instantly changing our
perceptions, of instantly altering our mood, there is great danger of coming to believe
that the only way we can get into a great mood is by using some substance that has
made us feel good before.
Using conscious intent when doing substances is a way to regain some control
over the process. By developing the habit of consciously stating an intent whenever
we use a substance, we are saying that we are in control of the experience. The
substance becomes just a catalyst for altering our mood, going on a journey, or
creating stronger bonds with loved ones. Rather than just partying to check out, we
can use these powerful tools in the way that they were meant to be used - for
enhancing and transforming our lives.
So how do you do this magical intention stuff? Sounds like it is some kind of
religious or New Age crap! It does have that kind of overtone to it. But I think it is
time for us to stop being afraid of our gay spirituality. In the same way that we
embody both the masculine and feminine energies, we can also learn to bridge the
realms of matter and spirit. Those of us that are using hallucinogenic substances are
using the tools of the shamans. Shouldn’t we be learning how the shamans use these
tools? Intention is only one of the most basic of the tools in the shaman’s toolbox,
but it is also one of the most powerful.
So what is an intention? An intention can be anything that you would like to
happen for you during the night’s journey. For example, you might have an intention
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to develop a more loving attitude towards your boyfriend or a stronger bond to the
group of guys you’re going out with tonight. You might have an intention to connect
with someone new who will influence you in a positive way. You can set the intention
to meet a new boyfriend, but that one is usually a stretch if you’re partying on the
Circuit. The intention to find a boyfriend can already be a force that has too much
power in a single boy’s life. In this case, adding fuel to this fire can just make you
cling unbearably to a potential new beau.
Intentions can also be about personal growth or goals for the way you want to
act. For example, you might set an intention to rid yourself of the need to be with a
guy that you know is doing you wrong, to feel more confident about the way you
look, or to go home to bed when you’ve come down rather than doing a bump of
Tina.
Intentions can also be about examining some aspect of your life. For example,
you might set an intention to understand what is making you unhappy in your life,
to figure out if your current boyfriend situation is really working for you, or whether
you really do need to make that career change that you’ve been thinking about.
When you are using intention to ask for guidance, it is important that you set the
intention clearly at the beginning of the night and then purposefully push it away
from you. Forget about it for a while. Later, as you are off on your journey, allow the
intention to drift into your mind - but don’t focus your mind on it. Allow the
memory of your intention to come into your mind, take the time to really look at it
again, to feel it, and then let it go. Allow yourself to be in “listening mode” rather
than allowing the mind to gnaw at your question like the dog who gnaws on a
rawhide toy incessantly until it has turned into nothing.
The process for creating an intent can be as complex as a souldance ritual or as
simple as a phrase that is stated to yourself just before you swallow your pill.
Sometimes it is great to gather a group of friends before leaving to go to a party and
create a little ritual for a group E drop. It doesn’t have to be fancy, but a couple of
candles is great for setting the right mood. In this kind of setting, you might have
people state something that is their intention for the night’s journey out loud or to
themselves. Or you might have one or two people lead the group in a group
intention and leave it open for others to add to it.
If you’re interested in trying out this technique, you’d be advised to try it by
yourself before trying to lead your group in this direction. You can set your intention
all by yourself, either stating the intention aloud on the dance floor - where no one
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will hear what you’ve said over the music anyhow. Or you can simply say it inside
your head. If you do it in your head, try to hear the sound of your own voice stating
the intention rather than just allowing the intention to be just one of the random
thoughts that passes through your head.
When your dance floor experience is going to include more frequent trips to the
bullet over the course of the night, it would be overload to try to create an intent
with each bump. Instead you can simply make the statement, “with good intent,”
just before inhaling. I know, it sounds pretty lame. But this simple statement
actually can make a large difference. For one thing, if you are overindulging, you can
be sure that your personal judge inside of your head is going to start speaking up on
the fiftieth time that you’re trying to pass off one more bump “with good intent.”
But the real power here is the power of words. When we make a habit of putting our
intention into words, those words really can inspire magic in our lives.
If you’ve read this article this far, then you’re certainly one of those that is ready
to join our tribe of Circuit shaman. We know that there is a power on the dance
floor. Today, that power is often fleeting, unfocused and chaotic. But many of us
have had experiences that have shown us that this power can be harnessed to
transform our lives, our relationships and our inner being. It is time for us learn to
focus this power by understanding the power of intention.
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Another Perspective
by Michael and Serenity
There is an ancient belief system called Tantra, originating over
4000 years ago, which states that sexual energy is not just
arousal, erection, and release, but rather a life-sustaining,
nurturing, and enlightening energy tied into the very meaning
of our existence. Using this viewpoint, Circuit parties can be
seen as sacred space. This is why my good friends eased my wife
and me into our first Circuit party - the 1999 Black Party in New
York City.
Just now having returned from Winter Party and gearing up
for Gay Disney, we realize what these gatherings are really all
about. Too many straight men and woman miss this experience
because of their own fears and insecurities, but for us, they are
life-sustaining.
For me, a Circuit party is where the rot of life gets discarded
as we focus on the basic senses through movement, sound, and
light. It is the awesome power and beauty of the same sex loving
one another. And it is a place where all the chaos and possibility
of interpersonal drama can be played out in a world contained
within four pulsating walls.
On the Circuit, we realized that the ecstasy we felt was being
generated by the unrestricted flow of unconditional love. Is there
any greater expression of this love than freedom: the freedom to
be who we are? To this end, a Circuit party can be the most
powerful expression of who we all are. All of creation is like a
dance: a moving energy, a vibration of trance. This thought of
“e-motion,” manifested as real, makes all the difference between
what we know is real in our hearts, and the illusions that others
try to convince us of.
One of the most beautiful aspects we found on the Circuit
was a willingness to hold a non-judgmental space for us as a
straight couple. I fully understood that this courtesy was more
than what gay boys might receive at a ‘straight’ club. I believe
that the very evolution of our race will dissipate this separatism
within our cultures and there will be no more communities; there
will only be love.
Thank you to all those bright souls on the Circuit who
welcomed us and gave me the courage to come out of the closet.
For now I truly know that I am not gay, nor am I straight or
bisexual. I choose to simply exist, exploring my love with those
closest to me as I search for love in the world.
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Fairies’ Tales
by David Landau
Stories told to children often serve them later in life in
unexpected ways. This is also true for Circuit boys. Here are
some examples of how those childhood books, made-for-TV
cartoon stories, and Disney movies helped to form our value
systems.
Story & Appropriate Circuit Lesson
Winnie the Pooh
When you’re cute, you can get away with being irresponsible.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Put a small round object (everlasting gobstopper) in your mouth and the world
becomes wonderful.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
People will turn against each other when there is only one everlasting
gobstopper to be had.
Snow White
A queen always finds time to admire herself in the mirror.
Green Eggs and Ham
Try it, you’ll like it.
Cinderella
If you want to be asked out by Prince Charming, leave the ball by yourself.
Cinderella
You can’t go to the ball without the right clothes.
101 Dalmatians
Getting the right outfit may require extraordinary measures.
Hansel and Gretel
Avoid eating sweets.
Hansel and Gretel
Remain trim. (Recall that Hansel avoided being eaten by the witch only because
she needed additional time to plump him up before cooking.)
The Wizard of Oz
Kansas is boring.
The Little Engine That Could
Somehow you can find the energy for the closing party.
Peter Pan
Always pretend that you’re younger than you are.
The Frog Prince
The prince you kiss on the dance floor may actually turn out to be a frog.
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Just Go Already!
by Dennis Fleming
In the last issue of Circuit Noize, Sam Loren gave us fifteen
clues which signify that it’s time to leave the party. It has been
reported, however, that some of our readers are having a hard
time grasping this concept. Therefore, we have included some
more suggestions for those who haven’t quite got the hint.
IT’S TIME TO LEAVE THE PARTY WHEN:
* A drag queen comes up to you and says, “Darling, most partiers wait until they
get home to take their sleeping pills.”
* You refuse to take off your shirt, because it’s the only thing holding you together.
* You haven’t been able to form a complete sentence in over an hour.
* A vicious queen looks at you and comments that she didn’t know skin came in
fluorescent shades.
* People keep throwing empty water bottles and baggies at you because you are
sitting on the floor and look like the trash can.
* Security attempts to load you into a hearse that is sitting at a stop light out front,
because they assume it’s there for you.
* You’re in the bathroom offering blowjobs to anyone for a bump and a water.
* There are blisters on the tops of your feet.
* “This music sucks,” you say to a friend, only to be told the party’s over and there
isn’t any music being played.
* The only people left on the dance floor are you and some aging disco princess who
is hoping the DJ will play another Whitney Houston song.
* Security asks you to leave because your bugged out eyes and glow-in-the-dark skin
are interfering with the light show.
* A complete stranger offers you his last bump of tina because, “...you look like you
need it more than me.”
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The Ears Have It
…you never know who’s listening!
“We’re not crack whores, we’re just energetic.”
- - - • • - - “That does it! You’re getting 25 lashes on your penis - with my tongue!”
- - - • • - - “No rest for the tweak-ed!”
- - - • • - - “Do these pants make me look gay?”
“Honey, it’s not the pants...”
- - - • • - - “What? They’ve never had a three-way and they’re from Whore-lando?”
- - - • • - - “Being a slut is all about time management.”
- - - • • - - “Power, I just wanted to tell you that when I’m home alone late at night
and nobody’s around, I close the blinds and turn off all the lights
and turn on the music and I pretend that I’m you.”
“I’m sure you’re not the only one.”
- a fan expressing his adoration of Power Infiniti and her response
- - - • • - - -
“He was cracked with a capital K!”
- - - • • - - “How was the after-hours last night?”
“It was shovels full of platinum love!”
- - - • • - - “He used to be a personal trainer. Now he needs one!”
- - - • • - - “I’m not horny, it’s just my ‘Happy Meter’. When I’m happy, it’s up!”
- - - • • - - “I’m getting old. I can’t go out like I used to.”
“It’s not how old the car is, it’s how many miles you put on it.”
- - - • • - - “When I first met him, I liked him as a person.
Then I felt his dick and I loved him as a person!”
- - - • • - - “Where’s my sunglasses?”
“On top of your head.”
“Oh, thank God! That was so much less drama than I thought it was going to be.”
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Spundae Presents:
‘Interpretations II’ by Jerry Bonham
by Curt Freitag
One of the best DJs in the U.S. is a gay man living in San
Francisco. And you’ll probably never hear him at a Circuit
party. He’s Jerry Bonham, one of the top DJs at San Francisco’s
straight, but not narrow, nightclub, Spundae. As one of the
driving forces behind the club, Bonham has helped bring some
of the world’s top DJs to San Francisco to spin at Spundae and its Friday night
equivalent, Nikita. At the same time, he’s gotten the respect of those same top DJs.
Paul van Dyk invited Bonham to open for him in New York and Berlin. Dave Ralph
called him “the most underrated DJ in the United States”. John Digweed credited
him with bringing trance and progressive house to the West Coast dance music scene.
Even though Bonham’s fan base comes primarily from the mixed (mostly
straight) national and international club scene, he still maintains a strong connection
with the San Francisco gay scene. Bonham spins regularly at the Powerhouse, a
South of Market leather bar. He also can be counted on for hot outdoor sets at the
Dore Alley street fair and, of course, at the Pride festival. His one-hour set at SF
Pride 2000 tore up the pavement in front of City Hall, and was the best spinning I
heard on that long party weekend.
The year 2000 was dubbed the “Year of Trance.” It seemed like every DJ wanted
to float his or her audience away with 140 bpm and a symphonic keyboard flourish.
European DJs and producers milked the popularity of trance music by churning out
endless keyboard tunes with revved-up beats. By the time of the Pride festival in
June, I had already grown tired of the sound, dismissing it as music that had no soul.
Trance was over for me. I was all about the bass and percussion of House and Tribal.
What Bonham did that day, and does again on Interpretations II, is bring us
music that adds depth to the ethereal trance sound. His latest release should hold at
least some appeal to fans of trance and House alike. Most of the tracks feature the
swirling keyboards, repeating rhythms, and space age sound effects of trance music –
providing a perfect soundtrack for an out-of-body vacation. But these songs also
feature slower beats, pulled up bass and drum lines, and just enough percussion to
keep your body moving and grooving on the dance floor.
Blending trance and House is hardly as unique now as it was a year ago. Where
2000 was the “Year of Trance”, 2001 could be called the “Year of ‘Trance House’”. A
lot of DJs have caught on to the sound that Bonham was playing a long time ago.
Still, Bonham’s Interpretations II stands out from most of the other CDs that I’ve
heard this year because he is such a skillful DJ.
With Bonham at the turntable, it’s as if the dance floor becomes a magic carpet,
as the music twists, turns, and bends to create this smooth and sublime journey.
There are no interruptions to this flow when he mixes one song into the next. There
are no peak moments or anthems (or lyrics of any kind, for that matter). All the
tracks on this 2-disc collection connect seamlessly without being predictable or
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boring. Bonham can take us straight from the heights of a pure trance track like
Mad Dogs’ “Sudden Journey” to the groove and percussion of JSJ’s “Deep Love 9”.
As much as I enjoy this CD, though, it hasn’t been in heavy rotation on my
stereo. I still have a bias toward tribal DJs like Danny Tenaglia and Steve Lawler.
But, as a CD to trance-out to, this one is hard to beat.
I hope my introduction to this article proves to be wrong. I would love to hear
Bonham spinning his dark, sexy, ethereal style of dance music at a big gay club.
While I’ve always felt comfortable and welcome at Nikita and Spundae, going to a
“mixed” club is still like being a guest in someone else’s house. Hopefully, before too
long, a gay promoter will book Jerry Bonham and give us the chance to welcome him
home.
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Dear Mr. Snotty Dance Floor Guy
by Cristopher Blake
Once again, it’s time for our question and answer column. In
this installment, I’ll be focusing on Circuit Party Etiquette. I,
Mr. Snotty Dance Floor Guy, will be attempting to answer some
of the questions sent in by a number of concerned party boys
who have taken the time to type out their queries and are
articulate enough to use words like “queries.”
Dear Mr. Snotty Dance Floor Guy,
If I bump into someone at a party who claims to have slept with me and is angry
because I don’t remember it, should I apologize?
—Bob
Dear Bob (if that is indeed your real name),
Oh, my holy God, no! What are you, straight?
Dear Mr. Snotty Dance Floor Guy,
I am often offended by men who hit on me even though they’re considerably less
attractive than I am. I try to be nice at first, but they either mistake my geniality for
encouragement or they’re just so clueless that nothing besides the most bluntly worded
rebuff will get through to them. Is there a less tiresome way to handle these people?
—Bombarded in Boston
Dear Bombarded in Boston,
I hate that too! Oh, the bane of beauty!
Yes, there’s a very easy way to deter those tenacious admirers. It’s called “Pepper
Spray.” I personally carry the neon glow canister I got from DemigodDefense.com.
That way, I can wave around a fun, luminous party-toy, and still be able to blind
anyone who looks at my crotch.
Dear Mr. Snotty Dance Floor Guy,
I have not been able to workout for several days due to my schedule and I’ve put
on a couple extra pounds. Do you think it’s okay to wear a tank-top while all my
friends have their shirts off?
— Once Ripped
Dear Once Ripped,
Stop sending me stupid questions and get your fat ass onto a treadmill, you
horse.
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Dear Mr. Snotty Dance Floor Guy,
I would love to go to more Circuit parties but I’m not totally ‘out of the closet.’
It’s hard for me to relax and have a good time because I’m afraid of being seen. What
should I do?
— Inhibited
Dear Inhibited,
Certainly, everyone needs to be allowed to come to terms with their sexuality at
their own pace. If, however, it’s causing you distress during a Circuit party and you
aren’t having a good time, I suggest drugs.
Dear Mr. Snotty Dance Floor Guy,
Considering the fact that you have no authentic credential in either psychology or
any form of personal counseling, don’t you think it’s a little irresponsible to be giving
advice about issues with such potential emotional complexity?
— Just Wondering
Dear Just Wondering,
No.
Dear Mr. Snotty Dance Floor Guy,
My boyfriend and I just had our first four-way last weekend and one of the other
guys was my ex-boyfriend. The next night we met up with him again and we all
danced together for several hours, and my ex- boyfriend was really hitting on my new
boyfriend and they were both sort of ignoring me. We didn’t have sex again because
my ex ended up getting sick on the dance floor from mixing beer and tequila and he
puked all over my pants. But then I overheard my new boyfriend on the phone the
next day and I think he was talking to my ex-boyfriend! So, what do you think I
should do?
— Puzzled
Dear Puzzled,
It is very clear to me that you should buy a new pair of pants.
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Keeping the Party Rockin’ and Safe
by Sister Dana Van Iquity
Dancing and partying have been vital aspects of queer culture
for a long time. For many of us, dancing at nightclubs and
raves is a powerful and rejuvenating experience verging on the
spiritual and ritualistic, especially when combined with mindaltering substances. It is no accident the term “circuit party” is
used to describe these events - it is as if a surge of electricity flows through them. But
just as electricity can be dangerous if handled the wrong way, so can circuit party
drugs when unsafe compounds or unwise drug combinations are used. Recently,
educators from around the world have created a new approach called “harm
reduction”. These educators recognize that it is essential to educate klub kidz on
recreational drugs and their usage. The forces behind this effort recognize that it will
only be successful if they can avoid the irrational “Reefer Madness” approach or
“War on Drugs” mentality.
For this reason, the STOP AIDS Project, DanceSafe, the Harm Reduction
Coalition, klubz.com, the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, Inc., and several others are
putting on a series of forums in San Francisco called “Circuit Time”. These forums
aim to promote a fun but healthy experience of clubbing while drugging. These
forums offer the chance for participants to share their personal experiences and
concerns, and to get involved in the risk and harm reduction efforts in the club
communities. Held recently in the SF Women’s Building auditorium, the Circuit
Time gathering included the whole strata of club people - from hearty-party klub
kidz to professional harm reduction personnel to concerned club owners and
producers.
The goal of harm reduction is to provide accurate and nonjudgmental
information about different club drugs. It is a concept similar to that of needle
exchange and condom distribution. This strategy provides a sharp contrast to the
kind of drug education provided in the past.
Although police crackdowns have forced clubs to adopt strict security
procedures and to arrest patrons found in possession of drugs, almost no efforts have
been made to educate patrons about club drugs. DanceSafe volunteer Will Roscoe
says, “The San Francisco Public Health Department has dropped the ball on this
issue, refusing to adopt many of the recommendations made by the Rave/Club Drug
Task Force. If we’re going to bring harm reduction to our clubs and parties, we’re
going to have to do it ourselves.”
This is exactly what’s going on now. The project received a $500 grant in
December from the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, and the nuns themselves are busy
in the trenches, going to the clubs, distributing information, and gathering recruits.
According to Roscoe, DanceSafe and the Sisters hope to expand their efforts from
distributing literature in lines outside clubs to staffing tables inside. In addition to
literature distribution, the project also provides free condoms and earplugs.
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The Rave/Club Drug Task Force has issued several recommendations to the
Department of Public Health. One such recommendation is a safe haven for 911
calls, preventing the police from using records of ambulance calls to deny permits
to party producers. This would allow clubs to call ambulances more often. The
task force has also encouraged large clubs to have Emergency Medical Technicians
on staff. In addition, the task force has urged venues to provide free, cool, drinking
water on request, because dancing while drugging can easily lead to dehydration
and serious complications.
Hopefully, if we klubbers get savvy enough, we can keep on partying and
avoid hospitalization. “There’s nothing fabulous about a trip to the emergency
room,” says DanceSafe Project Co-founder Sister Kitty Catalyst of The Sisters of
Perpetual Indulgence. “The lighting is bad, the outfits are horrid, and they have no
idea what a VIP line is!”
Sister Dana Van Iquity is a member of
The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence
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Some Advice from Harm
Reduction Advocates:
HEAT STROKE
Organizers of Circuit Time
warn dancers to watch out for heat
stroke. Dancing energetically in an enclosed
area can raise the ambient room temperature to
above 100 degrees. When someone takes X or any
stimulant drug, their body temperature rises. When X is
taken in a hot place, the body temperature often rises even
more. When someone takes X in a hot place and starts dancing
vigorously, the body temperature rises even more, sometimes to
dangerous levels.
DanceSafe says that there is a risk of developing heat stroke with
body temperatures raised to these very high levels. When the body
overheats, it loses fluids. Dancing in a hot, crowded club on X can cause
you to lose many pints of water. These fluids must be replaced. DanceSafe
points out that these cases are not ecstasy overdoses; heat stroke can happen
even if the total dosage is just half a tab.
Experts suggest drinking about a pint of water every hour (2 to 4 cups)
and urge dancers to sip water slowly rather than drinking a lot all at once,
which can be dangerous.
Try to eat something salty or drink juice or isotonic sports drinks like
Gatorade, thus replenishing the body’s electrolytes and
preventing hyponaetremia (water toxicity caused by a
CONTAMINATED
deficiency of sodium in the blood). Be sure to take
PILLS
frequent breaks and allow the body temperature
DanceSafe claims that over 30
to cool down. Chill spaces are usually
percent of ecstacy sold in the Bay Area
provided in nightclubs and should be taken
contains something besides ecstasy; many
advantage of periodically. Alcohol is
pills contain speed; many have other, more
absolutely useless and positively dangerous
dangerous ingredients. A test kit, requiring
for people dancing on E, according to
only a small scraping, can identify the
DanceSafe. Liquor makes the body even
presence of ecstacy or two closely-related submore dehydrated. In addition, dancers
stances. It can identify pills that do not
are advised to wear loose-fitting
contain X. And it can identify DXM, a
clothing and avoid wearing hats, which
cough suppressant that is dangerous
keep the heat in.
because it stops the sweating process
The warning signs of dehydration
when people are dancing. Visit
and possible heat stroke are as follows:
www.dancesafe.org for more
failure to sweat; cramps in the legs,
information.
arms, and back; giddiness; dizziness;
headache; fatigue; vomiting; fainting or
loss of consciousness; suddenly feeling
really tired, irritable, and
confused.
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15 Signs He Already Has a Boyfriend
by Vera Severa
Some things seem too good to be true. Especially when it
comes to men. There may be times in the heat of the moment
on the dance floor that you think you may have found your
“one and only” only to find out that he’s someone else’s. There
are signs, however, that might help prevent you from going out
and buying the wedding bands too soon.
1. He wants to leave the club separately and meet you at the donut store.
2. He insists on going to YOUR car.
3. He wants to dance in the back of the club behind the speakers.
4. He wants your phone number but won’t give you his.
5. He has to drop someone off before he can come to your place.
6. He says he’s alone but he keeps looking around.
7. He says he will call, but he only sends e-mails.
8. He has to meet a “friend” whenever you try to ask him out.
9. He will only meet you in clubs.
10. He continually tells you, “Oh, um, I don’t have a phone yet.”
11. He won’t let you come with him to the litter box.
12. He stops holding hands the INSTANT you guys have made it off the
dance floor.
13. He asks what time you get off work and can he come over then.
14. He has a curious 9 pm “curfew”.
15. His “roommate” doesn’t like him bringing boys home.
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Ka-lingoing
by Ken Cory
It’s Sunday night and I’m getting ready to go out to my favorite
club. My baking was done hours ago, I have an outfit picked
out, and I’m freshly showered - inside and out. I’m just sitting
here, counting the minutes, passing the time watching “Queer
As Folk”. I’m trying not to act too eager. I’m limiting my “Are
you going out tonite?” calls to every half hour. Rather than waste this time, however,
I thought I would share some of my language skills with those of you that could use a
little brushing up on the latest dance floor lingo.
First, let’s cover some basic hand signals. On a dance floor, where it’s hard to
hear without having a mouth pressed right to your ear, hand signals can often be the
easiest form of communication. Our favorite form of dance floor signals is usually at
someone else’s expense. A mess on drugs is one who is “chemically challenged” or
“CC”. When you see someone having a difficult time of putting on his t-shirt, you
form two C’s - one with your right hand and one with your left hand - one is
forwards, the other is backwards - just like the CoCo Chanel logo. The “CC” is a
signal that you have spotted someone in a state of chemical challenge.
The real challenge of chemicals is to get to that euphoric place without being a
mess. The signal for “mess” is easy. We all know the famous two-handed “W” sign
that means “whatever” (thumbs crossed and index fingers pointing up). You simply
turn the “W” so that the fingers are pointing downwards and you have “M” for
“mess”.
Amateur girls use their first three fingers for forming the letters “W” and “M”.
While this form of letter-making does work, it is barely visible from afar, and not
nearly as dramatic. However, this three-finger style of signaling is useful when placed
on your forehead. When the fingers are pointing up, it is the symbol for “princess
with a tiara”. If you see a princess in distress, you place your three fingers pointing
up on your forehead and then drop them forming the letter “M” on your forehead.
This means a princess in a state of messiness or a “Princess of Mess”.
Now I’m at the club, visiting with all of my “club friends” (club friends are those
friends who you only see when you are out at the clubs). We’re all catching up on the
past week and sharing the recipes of tonite’s alphabet soup. By the time we’re off to
the dance floor, everything has kicked in and I’m on cloud nine somewhere near the
third ring of Saturn. I’ve noticed a nice little group of shirtless boys all dancing
together, circling around like a school of fish. Don’t you just hate it when the cute
ones use the schooling defense mechanism? I’m like a shark... Which one? When?
How? He’s cute! They’re all cute! Aaaggghhh… Forget it, I’ll just bump up.
One quick bump and now I’m ready to ka-bounce1. I look for my friends, we all
nod, and ka-bouncing we all go! You put your arms on each other’s shoulders, lock
eyes with the person across from you, bend your knees, and start bouncing in unison.
When you get it just right, just a few inches of bounce seems like feet - it seems like
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liquid (a clear case of liquifi-k-tion9) and the music is no longer recognizable. I
might be travelling towards heaven, or at least bliss - all I know is I’m ka-whacked10.
I feel a tap on my shoulder and I hear a voice, “Do you need some sugar?”
Sugar?!? This is downright blasphemy! I’m right where I want to be - ka-whacked!
People around me now are talking to me (I think) or are they talking about me? I try
to ask. I try to form a word. What’s a word? I formulate what I think is a sentence.
I hear, “Oh God, he’s ka-talking11 again.” I’m right here... and there... I start to get a
little worried. There is no longer a continuum of time. Am I here? Who are you?
Am I looking fringed12? Did you just tap me? Are you going to? Am I in the hospital? Could I be in the hospital but my mind is still here? Will my mind catch up?
The hospital... uhm... maybe I’ll just keep my hands to my side. Ooh, I better. I
won’t raise them or make any sudden movements. Wouldn’t want to yank the IV’s
out of my arm - just in case my body is ahead of my thoughts. Whew! I hope that
“M” sign floating off to my left is not referring to me. Just look cool. Is that even
possible? I don’t think so.
I hear the “whoomp whoomp whoomp” again and bam! I’m back. I shake my
head, I’m back in the club, the music is music, and I’m starting to gather my
thoughts. Good, no gurney, no bright lights, and no IV’s. Reality is just a few more
minutes away. Oh God, that was traumatic... I need a bump!
—————————————
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
Ka-bounce (kah-bounce)- The act of bouncing in unison with your friends.
Ka-giggling (kah-gig-gle-ing) – When one starts giggling for no reason.
Ka-friend (kah-friend) – One who asks for a bump but is fun to hang around
with.
K-whore (kay-whore) – One who asks for a bump and leaves promptly.
Ka-laughing (kah-laugh-ing) – A higher than normal pitched laugh caused by a
chemical reaction that affects the vocal chords.
Ka-hoovers (kah-hoovers) – K-whores in a pack.
Ka-walking (kah-walk-ing) – The art of walking when not fully in the third
dimension.
Ka-simulation (kah-sim-u-la-tion) – When one is not sure if one has inhaled or
not.
Liquifi-k-tion (li-kwi-fi-kay-tion) – When the faces on the dance floor merge
into one ...or seem to be floating on the surface of a pool of water.
Ka-whacked (kah-whacked) – The point of no return.
Ka-talking (kah-talk-ing) – Talking in a k-hole and no one but your k-hole
buddies has a clue what you’re talking about and even they still say, “What?”
Fringe – The people on the edge of the dance floor. You know, the people that
make you go, “uhm” and “What were they thinking?”
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The Mythology of a Party
by Don Spradlin
Not long ago, we moved into Eureka Valley,
renovated the place, created a community,
and called our village the “Castro.”
Gay brothers and lesbian sisters
From all over the country were drawn
To this burgeoning paradise.
When “The Saint” was just a jazz club next
To a bath house in NYC,
San Francisco’s Galleria parties were legend.
Sylvester and the Village People performed
As the boys gyrated under the giant disco ball …
And then the music died.
And so did our teachers. Our leaders were shot,
The dark ages of AIDS was upon us and
Our socializing was limited to memorial services.
Like Dionysus before us, we’d been to hell and
When we came back, we were wisened
And wanted to celebrate precious life…
But it was quiet in our village.
An AIDS Memorial had sprouted in Golden Gate Park,
The Quilt had covered the earth, but we hadn’t
Found that spark for celebrating life.
Then we remembered the Galleria parties…
The link to the past had survived and we recalled
Our spirit that knows how –
The spark was back!
We gave it a name: HellBall…
Because we had been to hell and were back, Damn it!
We gathered tentatively in October of 1996 to rejoice
In being alive on the day of the dead.
Then for HellBall in ’97 “A Gathering of the Tribes,”
We rekindled the flame; we rediscovered how to celebrate…
We had survived!
Now, you are invited to be a part of the “Return to Glory” in 1998.
Not only to remember but to make your own statement about being alive,
Now in this wondrous City where gaydom is so powerful that it creates…
So open and unashamed … with the freedom to flourish.
We can celebrate life because we know how …
We remember!”
Sam Jackson and Don Spradlin (from the 1998 HellBall invitation booklet)
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The first HellBall in 1996 was created as part of a five-year vision based on the
Dionysian Myth. By using ancient myth for the theme of a party, we borrow energy
from that myth and create our own new version of the myth. Since the purpose of
mythology has always been to find purpose amidst the madness, it’s time to recall the
reasons HellBall came into being before we embark on a new vision for the next five
years.
The story of HellBall began in 1994, when I was writing my Master’s Thesis in
Clinical Psychology from Pacifica Graduate Institute. The subject I chose was grief
work based not only on my own grief from losing my brother and many friends to
AIDS, but the widespread grief that imbued so much of the gay scene in San
Francisco in the mid-90’s.
At this time, The City had no major special events. In pre-AIDS times, however,
there were big gay parties, mostly at the Galleria - flourishing gay music labels, disco
“stars” such as Sylvester, and popular, nationally-known DJs. We enjoyed a vibrant,
sexually free, gay party culture until the HIV
virus came here to live.
When the virus began to spread, the
vibrant community went to hell and we didn’t
know what hit us. There was little time to
reflect on what was happening - we were so
busy trying to deal with the pandemic. We
had no government support, only friends
forming organizations of volunteers to help
friends. People got AIDS and died… it was
literally Hell.
It was a terrible time – and to talk about
how parties were not happening “back then”
seems absurd. However, the national dance
circuit was just beginning to flourish. In fact,
the growth of “Circuit” events was based on
fundraising for AIDS support organizations –
except in San Francisco.
Even with more and more Circuit parties
happening around this country, San
Francisco remained a dark hole – why? That’s a whole other story about how a city of
a certain size and a very concentrated population of gay men was devastated by the
high percentage of AIDS deaths. This article, however, is about how a celebration
came out of that experience.
While researching for my Master Thesis, I was attracted to the story of
Dionysus. Dionysus was known not only as a beautiful, bisexual party boy, but his
story or myth also included a journey to Hell and back. This part of the myth was
lost over time, especially when the Romans incorporated his myth into their own
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culture. The Romans
renamed Dionysus as
Bachaus, who was about
the energies of partying,
drinking and celebrating.
During my research, I
found an ancient and rare
text explaining a portion
of the Dionysian Myth I
had
never
heard.
Dionysus had decided
that if he could go to
Hades (a stop on the way
to today’s Hell) and get back, the gods would be so impressed that they would make
him a god. Not only was he handsome, but he had a plan!
Dionysus was determined to find a way to accomplish his scheme of getting to
the underworld and back. This was especially important since his mother, Semele,
had just died and was waiting in Hades before final assignment to the afterworld.
Dionysus figured he could
kill two birds with one
journey by both bringing
his mom back from Hades
and impressing the gods
with his courage and
determination.
He heard about a guy
who knew the way to
Hades and back so he went
to visit this older man. The
following is an excerpt
taken from that ancient
Greek text written by
Clement of Alexander:
Dionysus wanted desperately to go to Hades, but he did not know the way.
Someone named Prosymnus promised to tell him how to go, but in exchange for pay,
pay that was not that pretty, though it was pretty for Dionysus; the favor asked was
erotic, the requested pay was Dionysus himself. The god willingly heard the request,
promised to respond if he returned from the underworld, and confirmed his promise
with an oath. Informed of the path, he set off.
When he came back Prosymnus, who had died, was nowhere to be found. To pay
his sacred debt to his lover, Dionysus went to his tomb and underwent intercourse. He
cut the branch of a fig tree that happened to grow there, carved it to resemble the male
member, sat on it and thus fulfilled his promise to the dead man. In the various cities
phalli are dedicated to Dionysus as a mystic memorial of this event.
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The Greeks thought this story was so cool that they honored Dionysus and all
the feelings he represented – including his integrity - by dancing in the streets once a
year with giant phalli on poles and other ‘in-your-face’ sexual expressions. Sounds
like a Pride Parade to me!
This segment of the ancient text was printed on the first HellBall invitation in
1996. The DJ was Warren Gluck and the subtitle of that party at the Galleria was “to
HELL and back…” Over 1800 men gathered in the Galleria that year for the first
large celebration in San Francisco since the early ‘80’s.
The fact was that Dionysus not only represented a sexually free and expressive
man who knew quite well how to have a good time, but he also experienced a journey
of horrors through the underworld. He was
wise beyond his years. That felt to me like a
very accurate and valuable description of
what San Francisco’s gay culture had
experienced while dealing with the AIDS
crisis.
Working with the many volunteers who
helped produce HellBall, it was clear that our
naming had to be an echo of the energy we
were experiencing in San Francisco. Therefore, to acknowledge that we had been “to
Hell and back” was a valuable step in our
healing.
HellBall has mirrored the energy and
changes that San Francisco has experienced in
only five years. “Gathering of the Tribes” was
about strengthening our community. That
was followed by the “Return to Glory” theme
of 1998. The next HellBall subtitle was
“Evolution, The Journey Unfolds” and finally,
HellBall 5 saw the fulfillment of the five-year vision with the theme “Revelation” –
celebrating our excitement about a new century and San Francisco’s new energy in the
year 2000.
San Francisco DJs have once again established national reputations, other large,
special events have filled the City’s social calendar, and wave after wave of beautiful
men have returned or moved to the City by the Bay. Now it is time for HellBall to
embark on a new vision.
So much had changed when the time came to plan HB5. In fact, many new
members of the Board of the New Heritage Foundation, the non-profit founded to
produce HellBall, had little of the experience of loss of life that was the original basis
for the founding of HellBall. It is important that this story not be lost. This story is
San Francisco’s story and it is your story, for we are all a part of this history. This
story is a part of a new mythology that our community is building for the lives we
live today.
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