and more stress. - Fill-R-Up

Kids now expect
goody bags at every
party. For parents,
it means status and more stress.
By WENDY STRAKER HAUSER
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T'S a Thursday
night an
at overMy
pressures
of hosting
the-top birthday for my 2-year-old, here
1 am stuffing gift bags like a publicist
during Fashion Week.
1 started off quite innocently, with
a doodle pad for less than $3 and an
oversized bottle of bubbles for $5.50.
But before 1 knew it, 1 added a personalized hand-painted crayon set ($11.75)
and a xylophone ($22).
How is it that 1 work hard to save
money by cutting back on cabs and
takeout in the past six months, only
to splurge on toddler takeaways for my
son's 10 closest friends? Even though 1
knew the personalized crayons would be
lost in the cab ride home, 1 did it anyway.
At least 1 know I'm not alone.
"There is definitely a lot of party
peer pressure," says Stephanie Kaster, a
Manhattan mom who spent $5,000 on
her daughter Sophie's third birthda:: and
sent each guest home with a Fisher:Price
guitar and custom CD.
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"New York City kids are very jaded,"
Kaster adds. "They attend a birthday party,
they expect a gift."
Never mind that many party spaces in
Manhattan cost upward of$I,OOO for 15kids
and an hour and a half of entertainment
It's
now the host's job to provide each kid with a
parting gift worth talking about.
Gone are the days of candy-filled plastic
bags tied with ribbon. "Parents want
something more unique and upscale," says
Amanda Poses, owner of Fill-R-Up, a UES
store specializing in party favors. In place
of plastic bags, Poses uses monogrammed
canvas totes, hand-painted beach pails and
personalized backpacks, which can cost
anywhere from $15 to $45 each. Fill that with
toys, and you add an extra $30 or $40.
There is likewise no sign of a recession at
Dylan's Candy Bar, an upscale candy store
and party space on the Upper East Side
where gift bags average $40 apiece.
"Parents still want to impress their
friends," says founder Dylan Lauren.
Kaster seconds that: "We've been to
birthday parties where the goody bag was
a Le Sportsac fIlled with nail polish, beauty
products, Barbie clothes and items from Ed
Hardy - and that was for a 3-year-old. It
was literally a swag bag."
Not all moms, however, are on board
with this trend. "I detest party favors,"
says a TriBeCa mom who asked to remain
anonymous for fear of offending other
moms. "I spend my life trying to clear my
apartment of clutter, and then I go to a
birthday party only to be bombarded with
more crap that I have to sneak to the trash
when my kids are not looking."
The worst part, she says, is that we've
conditioned our kids to expect party favors.
"My kids are irate if they go to a party that
doesn't have them."
For a l-year-old girl's carnival-themed
birthday party last month, Poses created
personalized plastic fish tanks and sent each
kid home with a live goldfish. ''I'm not sure
how thrilled the parents were," she says,
"but the concept was really cute."
Fashion publicist Alison Brod often
incorporates fabulous gift bags into her
kids' birthday party experience. For her
son Spencer's 3-year-old cookie-themed
birthday at FAa Schwarz, she created a
"shopping" theme. The kids were given
empty gift bags and then led to a room filled
with cookie supplies.
"They filled their bags with rainbow
sprinkle colors, cookie cutters and rolling
pins - all goodies to help them make the
perfect batch of cookies," says Brod. "If you
make the goody bag interactive, it becomes
part of the party experience."
Popular play spaces such as Kidville and
NY Kids Club (with locations throughout
the city) will take care of goody bags for you
in their all-inclusive party packages - but
make no mistake: Manhattan parents do
take note of what other parents give.
"I always ask my kids what they got in
their goody bag," says Kaster.
Lyss Stem. founder of Divalysscious
Moms and editor-in-chief of Observer
Playground, says her kids' goody bags are
not as ostentatious as they used to be.
"When Jackson [now 6] was younger, I
would see moms trying to outdo one other,"
says the UES mother of two. ''I'd see $100
gift bags overflowing with crap." Now,
she says, people are more cost-conscious.
Instead of a handful of showy items, they are
giving one well-thought-out
gift.
"Maybe it's a Melissa & Doug puzzle or a
book or some eco-friendly educational item.
It's more about quality these days than it is
about quantity."
But even one thoughtful, eco-friendly gift
can cost the average party planner anywhere
from $10 to $25 apiece. Factor in that most
parties have a minimum of20 guests, and
that means an extra $200 expense, at least.
"I would love to be that normal mom who
doesn't buy into all this crap," says Amy
Pullman, a UES stay-at-home mom. "But
next year my son goes to nursery school.
That's 13kids and 13birthday parties. What
am I going to do, be that one mom who
doesn't give her son's friends a parting gift?"
And while some moms are too afraid to
rock the goody-bag boat, others are out to
make a political statement. Jennifer Gilbert,
CEO of Save the Date, a premiere partyplanning service and one of this season's
"Real Housewives of New York City," says
she's putting a stop to all this.
"Goody bags are ridiculous," Gilbert says.
"My daughter is having a party next month
with 80 kids, and I am not doing them.
Instead, I'm giving a lollipop to each kid
with a tag that says 'In lieu of a goody bag, a
$10 donation has been made in your name to
Haiti relief!' "
Persona
crayons
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