All Because of Children

All Because of Children
December 2013
ABC House - A Child Abuse Intervention Center serving Benton and Linn Counties
The Importance of Feeling Supported and Believed
By Esther Friedman, ABC House Interviewer
A
pproximately half of all abused children delay
disclosing what happened to them for years; many
never tell. They may feel shame, guilt, isolation and
fear. Unfortunately, often those who do tell are met
with blame or disbelief from the listener. “If trauma
goes unacknowledged, it traps its victims. The pain
gets
delivered,
carried
and
passed
on
secretly.” (Chambers, 2005.) These silent victims
may try to bury their pain, which leads to problems
with depression, PTSD, drug use, relationship
difficulties and other health problems. This is
especially true for children who have a more difficult
time disclosing abuse.
Being acknowledged and accepted is critical for the
healing of abused children, particularly when belief
and acceptance come from a parent. A supportive
parent or caregiver is one of the most crucial
protective factors shielding an abused child from
later psychological and behavioral problems.
Children who are supported and understood are
more likely to rebuild trust and self-esteem following
the betrayal of abuse because they have an adult
who has demonstrated to them that they are valued
and not blamed for the abuse. Disclosing the
abuse and being accepted by their caretakers
allows children to deal with the reality of the abuse
and learn that it was not their fault. It gives them
the safety to grow beyond what happened to them.
We cannot always prevent children from being hurt
or abused. But we can listen, give them a safe
place to talk, support them, assure them that their
responses are normal and therefore provide them
with a new perspective that contradicts what their
abuser taught them. Our support, understanding
and compassion for children and what they have
experienced allows them a new start.
Michael* is a sweet, energetic ten-year-old boy
who came to ABC House for a forensic interview
because his younger brother had been sexually abused
by the family’s babysitter. It was believed that Michael
was a witness in the case and at risk of abuse himself.
But the secret Michael was carrying was even more
painful: Michael had been molested by the same trusted
person and was ashamed to tell.
Michael met with an ABC House interviewer in a
warm and friendly room decorated with horses. They
chatted about all kinds of things, helping him to feel
more comfortable. Then they talked about Michael’s
brother and the babysitter, and things Michael had
witnessed.
Based on little things that Michael
mentioned as they talked, the interviewer suspected
there was more he had to say. She was patient and
asked gentle, non-leading questions. And then Michael
covered his face with his hands and began to cry.
“It’s hard to talk about,” Michael said.
“What’s hard to talk about?” asked the
Interviewer gently.
“This thing that we’re going to talk about.”
The interviewer reassured Michael she would not
push him to say or do anything. He could talk when and
if he was ready.
“OK, here goes.” And Michael
began to tell the interviewer
about what his babysitter did to
him and how ashamed it made
him feel. How he was scared it
was his fault and he would get in
trouble. How he tried to tell someone once before but
was afraid no one would believe him. How he wished it
had never happened. Michael told the interviewer
everything and she took that heavy burden off his
shoulders with skilled care and compassion, and
without judgment. Michael was no longer alone; he was
now surrounded by grownups ready and able to help.
Would you give a gift today to change one child’s life?
Your gift at this holiday season (and year-round) will give hope to Michael and others like him. Children die every
day across the country from abuse—your gift may literally save a child’s life. Please don’t wait.
To make a gift by credit card online or sign up for a monthly pledge visit www.abchouse.org. Or you can send
a check to ABC House, PO Box 68, Albany, OR 97321 or call (541) 926-2203 for a time to personally stop by. Remember your gift is tax-deductible by law. Thank you!
Dear Dr. Carissa: If a child tells you they have been abused, what do you do in that moment?
then what happened?” are child abuse physician. In other
G
iven the high incidence of helpful,
nonintrusive
and cases, such as when the
child abuse, it is very possible supportive.
Many other incident occurred several
that a child you know may
have been abused – and may
confide in you. You may be
having a casual conversation
with the child when she tells
you, “Uncle X touched my
privates.” Or you may visit a
grandchild and notice that his
friend has bruises around his
ears and around his neck.
Although your initial internal
response is likely to be shock
or anger, it is important to
remain calm. Your emotions
could affect what the child has
to say and could even
discourage the child from
disclosing anything further.
The best thing is to say to the
child, “Would you like to tell me
more about that?” If the child
does, carefully try to remember
exactly what the child says.
Never ask the child a direct
question about having been
abused or inappropriately
touched. Phrases such as
“Tell me about that” or “And
questions could be leading and weeks or months ago, the
it is better not to influence the exam can wait to be done
child in any way.
either at the child’s primary
care physician’s office or at
If the child is willing and able to ABC House. Child abuse
tell you when he last had professionals make every effort
contact with the suspect (some to minimize the number of
younger
children
have exams and retellings of
difficulties with the concept of children’s stories in order to
time), note the time as well. reduce additional stress or
The time from last contact is trauma.
very important for proper
medical
treatment
and It is important to recognize that
evidence collection.
the child has been hurt and
needs to be supported. Your
Next, it is important to job is not to investigate and find
immediately call the child the perpetrator, but to listen to
abuse hotline (541-757-5019 in the child and report it. This
Linn and Benton counties) or ensures that the child will
your local law enforcement. receive proper medical care
Hotline personnel can offer and other needed services to
additional guidance about how keep them safe and healthy.
quickly the child needs to be
seen as well as other
* Dr. Carissa is a
precautions to take. When
staff pediatrician at
appropriate, the child may be
seen immediately in the
ABC House
emergency room by either the
emergency room doctor or a
HOW TO RESPOND TO A
DISCLOSURE OF CHILD
ABUSE
DELIBERATLY REMAIN CALM
SAY:
I’m glad you told me
It wasn’t your fault
You’re not the only one this has
happened to
I feel sad/angry this has
happened to you
I will work to keep you safe
●
Do not ask the child why they
didn’t say no or tell sooner
Do not alert the person the child
has talked about
Do not ask questions
Do not urge the child to forget it
Do not talk about your own
abuse
Write down the entire
conversation, capturing the
child’s exact words as closely as
possible
Explain to the child that other
grown ups need to
know and it is okay to talk to
other helper adults
Call the Child Abuse Hotline right
away at
541-757-5019 or your local law
enforcement agency
Questions? Call ABC
House at 541-926-2203
Director’s Corner
O
ne of the reasons I love the
holidays is that it can be magical for
children. There are so many good
things for them to look forward to at
this time of year: hot chocolate after
playing outside in the snow (snow!),
holiday parties with friends and
family, hoping that maybe Santa
Claus really will eat the cookies left
out on Christmas Eve. Lots of
wonderful memories to be made. Childhood should be
a time of innocence, and as grownups we try so hard
to
preserve
that for
them as
long
as
possible. Unfortunately, too many children have their
innocence stolen because of child abuse. And their
pain is even greater when they are brave enough to
tell but are not supported or believed by the people
they trust most.
By Jennifer Gilmore-Robinson - Executive Director
In this quarter’s newsletter, you will find articles on the
importance of supporting children when they tell us
they are being hurt. Included are tips on how to
respond when a child discloses abuse, and why letting
children know we believe them can actually help them
begin to heal from abuse. We also include a recap on
ABC House’s efforts this past year to end child abuse
before it ever starts through community education.
At ABC House, every child is listened to and
supported. You can help us this holiday season to
continue providing child abuse assessment and
support services for every child in need, regardless of
their family’s ability to pay. Please consider using the
enclosed envelope to make a tax-deductible gift or visit
www.abchouse.org to donate online. Thank you, as
always, for your support of our community’s children.
Child Abuse Prevention Update
By Maria Schauble—Community Education Coordina-
D
ecember is sandwiched between two meaningful
holidays, Thanksgiving and New Year’s, which provides
us the opportunity to reflect on the soon-to-end year,
express gratitude, and set goals for the upcoming year.
Community Education in 2013 was marked by expansion
and partnerships. Over 2,900 students and adults
participated in a school presentation, a mandatory
reporting/child abuse awareness training, or a Darkness
to Light: Stewards of Children training in 2013, a 70
percent increase over 2012! We have given trainings to
such groups as Kidco Head Start, Confederated Tribes
of Grand Ronde, Jackson Street Youth Shelter, and
Boys & Girls Club of Albany, as well as previously
untapped schools, like Central Linn Junior/Senior High
and Seven Oak Middle School in Lebanon. The 2013
victories don’t end there; in addition to the Girls Circle
groups that we hold each quarter at ABC House, we
have also begun offering a new Girls Circle group in
Corvallis in partnership with the Boys & Girls Club of
Corvallis and CARDV.
Notably, we recently received significant funding from
Ford Family Foundation and Meyer Memorial Trust of
Oregon, for which we are profoundly thankful. These
rural-community-focused grants will allow us to build and
bolster partnerships in rural Benton and Linn
communities, bring Community Education offerings to
rural schools and youth-serving organizations, and
sustain additional Girls Circle offerings in the future.
Several other local community groups have generously
provided funds for Community Education. The Kiwanis
Club of Corvallis and the Corvallis High School
Community 101 program awarded grants that allowed us
to begin offering an additional Girls Circle group in
Corvallis.
Further, the Benton County Foundation
provided financial support for school presentations
taking place in Benton County schools this academic
year. Lastly, the Siletz Tribal Charitable Contribution
Fund offered funding to cover the cost of 100 interactive
workbooks for Darkness to Light: Stewards of Children
trainings.
Looking forward to 2014, we know that the stakes for
child abuse prevention are high. Whether statistics
show that 1 in 10 children are abused, or 1 in 1,000 or
even one at all, each child is worth fighting for. It is vital
that we engage the community - youth and adults alike in understanding the scope of the issue and the role that
we all play in preventing child abuse.
Welcome Cheri Williams!
Cheri has joined ABC House as the Medical Support Specialist. She brings 12 years of
medical office support expertise gained in Corvallis. Cheri works part-time here and in
her free time volunteers with the Albany Parks and Recreation Department helping with seasonal
sports activities. She is mother to two children, two kitties, a mini-Australian shepherd named
Layla, and also volunteers with Safe Haven.
Holiday Wish List
•Baby dolls 15-18 inch size
•Journals for teen girls
•My Little Pony and Legos
•MP3 Player with docking station
•Tree Top Fruit snacks and individually
wrapped Austin peanut butter crackers
•Children’s Games (i.e. Candyland, Chutes
and Ladders, UNO, Guess Who, Sorry,
Yahtzee)
•Costco, Target, Staples and Fred Meyer
gift cards
●Cash donations will be used to provide
child abuse assessment and counseling
services for the children seen at ABC
House.
●Bring your in-kind wish list donations to
ABC House before Dec. 31 and get a tax
deduction receipt. Thank you for thinking of
our kids.
Runaway Pumpkin Half Marathon 2013!
O
n behalf of the board of directors and staff at ABC House, we would like to thank
the communities of Benton and Linn Counties for the tremendous support received
from over 150 sponsors and 250 volunteers for the third annual Runaway Pumpkin
Half Marathon. The October 19th event netted over $50,000 to support abused
children served by ABC House. If not for the overwhelming support from volunteers
and generous sponsors, ABC House would not be able to raise this substantial
amount of money to help abused children in our community. With your support, we
hope to continue to provide a safe and respectful place for children to heal for many years to come. We appreciate all
of the generous support from the community, and hope you will join us again for a fun and festive event next year!
Mark your calendar for Saturday, October 18th 2014!
A special Thank You goes to the following Events & Promotions Committee volunteers who helped in 2013:
Jennifer Stanaway, Citizens Bank; Amy Vandetta, Udell Engineering; Faylene Gardner, OSU Federal Credit Union;
Hedie Manske, CNS Firearms; Keith Lynch and Jodi Miller, Lowes RDC; Karin McConnell, Mega Foods; Will Tucker,
Linn County Commissioner; Joe Calderon, Lassen RV; Joy Henkle; Kelli Fitzpatrick, Fitzpatrick Painting; Danielle
Gabriel, OSU; Monica Hall, Willamette Community Bank; Samantha Miller; Evonne Walls, Samaritan Health
Services; Emma Webb, Reynolds Law Firm; Rachel Ulrich; Bobby Williams, Albany Habitat Restore; Jessica
Morgan, Andrea Hampl, AK Carpet and Pam Zeemin.
Thank You to our Supporters!
Bronze Sponsors
A2 Construction
Albany Optimist Club
Albany Police Benevolent Association
Best Pots
Chase Bank
Citizen’s Bank
CoEnergy Propane
Complete Wireless Solutions
Country Financial-Zeemin, Milligan, Morford
Gerding Builders
Fitzpatrick Painting, Inc.
Fully Integrated Relaxation & Sports Therapeutics
H & R Block
Healing Garden
Keller Williams Realty Mid-Willamette
Larabar and Food Should Taste Good
Lassen RV
Lebanon Tourism
Linn County Fair and Expo Center
Linn-Co Federal Credit Union
Mane Event Massage
Mega Foods
NW Natural
Odwalla
Orthodontic Specialty Care-Dr. Brown and
Team
Phoenix Inn Suites
Red Canoe Credit Union
Red Star Worldwear
Samaritan Physical Therapy
Sheila M. Wheeler
South Pacific Auto Sales
Tradewinds Transportation
Udell Engineering & Land Surveying, LLC
West Coast Industrial Systems, Inc.
WesternU COMP-Northwest
Vertebrata Chiropractic
Community Sponsors
Albany Eye Care Center P.C.
Bose Family Farm
Bussard and Sons Inc.
Concept Systems
Deep River Snacks
Gateway Imprints, Inc.
Jerry Latimer-State Farm Insurance
Kiwanis Club of Lebanon
Key Bank
OSU Federal Credit Union
Pioneer Telephone Cooperative
River Center
Sports Authority
Takena Kiwanis of Albany
Tanger Outlet Mall
US Bank
Willamette Community Bank
Willamette Living Magazine
Willamette Valley Bottling Company
Partner Sponsors
Bashful Bobs Inc.
Bimbo Bakeries USA
Cabot Creamery Cooperative
Carino’s Italian
Complete Nutrition
Corvallis Clinic
First American Title-Susan Creel
Heritage NW Real Estate Inc.
Holderman Paving LLC
Great Harvest Bread Co.
Gregg and Corinne Oberlin
Grocery Outlet
James Gang Pizza Factory
Key Bank
Market of Choice
Outdoors NW
Peak Sports
Republic Services
RJH Enterprises Inc.
Santiam Dental Group, LLC
Smith Glass Service Inc.
Stavros Auto Service
Stoker’s VitaWorld
Umpqua Bank
Special Mention
Adam Kirkpatrick Family Dentistry
Best Heating and Cooling
Boys and Girls Clubs of the Greater Santiam
Carson Kutsch DDS
CHASE
Douglas Johnson DMD
Dr. Curtis E. Trammell, Specialist in Orthodontics
Lebanon High School
Lebanon Police Department
Linn County Roads Department
SamFit
Scott Nicholson DMD
Sears
South Albany High School
Target Distribution Center
Water To Go
West Albany High School
Thank You for Your Support
This list below and on the following page represents generous donations from September 10 to December 2, 2013
If we have inadvertently omitted or misspelled a name, please let us know so we can acknowledge your generosity in our next newsletter.
Tangible Donations
Aaron Pierce
American Legion Auxiliary
Assistance League of Corvallis
Brian McElliott
Carol Silbaugh
Carole Perkins
Central Willamette Comm. Credit Union
Christian Women's Fellowship/First
Christian Church
Claudia Testa
Craig and Lynette Iseli
Crop Production Services
Cynthia Skinner and
Stephanie Jacobson
Dorothy E. Fritch
Evan Staton
Faith Lutheran Church
Georgia-Pacific Consumer Products
Halsey Mennonite Church
Immanuel Lutheran Church
James Weber
Judi Vandervort and Fred Arnold
Judy Christophersen
Laurie Dunmire-Beer
Lois Birky
Margaret and Danon Kroessin
Melinda Sorte
Mike Rochelle
Ramona Farmer
Riverside Baptist
Sheila J. Nelson
Sue Berklund
Taylor Kelley
Terry Puffpaff and Doreen Akers
Cash Donations
A Stitchin' Time
Boehme & Running CPAS LLC
Boldt Carlisle & Smith
Carissa S. Cousins
Chris Scariano
Donald and Shirley Brudvig
East Albany Lions Club
Eric and Bonnie Helpenstell
Eric C. Judah & Maria Dee Oriet
Faith Lutheran Church
Holy Cross Mission Society
Jason Yutzie
Jirl Edwin Good
Jordan E. Beckstead
Judith M. Riggs
Kristin Holly
Laura D. Hyde
Lisa Tracy
Luella and John Bothwell
Michael and Lisa Huycke
Performance Health Technology, LTD
Ralph M. Scariano
Rebecca A. Cousins
Robert and Joyce Weatherly
Robert and Georgine Henkle
United Way of King County
Willamette Sams RV Club
William and Joyce Hays
In Memory Of
Nathan Giggy
From Gerding Builders
Dr. Bill Endicott
From Smith Farms
Thank you to our monthly donors
who will be acknowledged in our next
newsletter with their annual 2013 gift!
Caring Community Highlights
Meyer
Memorial Trust generously
granted $35,000 to support
our Community Education
Program.
Chase Bank
Runaway Pumpkin Water Station Team
generated a
donation of
$500 for their
volunteer
hours! Thank you!
NCM Media Networks
Thank you Gary Matney and NCM
Media Networks for
the $350 donation!
Target Corporation
In October, we were presented
with a $1,000 grant from
Target Distribution Center
along
with
wonderful
volunteers for the Runaway
Pumpkin Half Marathon. We couldn’t
have done it without you!
Albany Takena Kiwanis
We are extending a huge thank you to
all of the club members
who offered their time
and
energy
volunteering as traffic
directors
for
the
Runaway Pumpkin Half Marathon. We
couldn’t have done it without you!
King Office and Mike McAdams
Thank you for supplying ABC House
with
copy
machine paper
all year round!
Assistance League of Corvallis came
in for a detailed tour of ABC House and
donated 12 plush teddy bears
to the children from Benton
County that we serve. Thank
you for the comfort items!
Hayden Homes
Thank you to John Ford and the Central
Willamette Division of Hayden Homes
for their generous
gift of $3,200 to
ABC House from
their charitable giving fund known as
“First Story”.
Make ABC House the beneficiary of your IRA or retirement fund and make a tax-free meaningful gift of a
lifetime to help abused children. It’s simple. For information contact us at 541-926-2203.
Caring Community Highlights
Lee Enterprises, parent company for
the Corvallis Gazette-Times, Albany
Democrat Herald and Lebanon
Express chose ABC House for a
$5,000 grant to help serve children in
Benton and Linn Counties. Thank
UPS Foundation, Inc presented a
ABC House with a grant of $5,000
to upgrade outdated computer
technology. Thank you for your
generosity!
East Albany Lions Club continued to
help children through their donation of
$5,000 from the proceeds from their
fundraising projects. Your support is
appreciated!
Make a Gift of Stock
You can make a gift of stock or a tax free distribution from
your IRA or retirement account to ABC House.
Have your financial advisor transfer your gift
Owners Matt and Janel Bennett
hosted
yet
another
successful
Thanksgiving Dinner Benefit for ABC
House.
$4,050 will benefit the
children served at ABC House.
Thank you to the servers
and kitchen staff who
electronically to
You are cordially invited to visit ABC House and learn
more about how we help children.
Tours are offered by appointment on Thursday
Contact Lynn Youngs at 541-926-2203 or
development@abchouse.org
Quilters Corner
Bev Weaver
Margery Reeser
Dorthy Westover
Mary's River Quilt Guild
Jefferson Threadheads
Norma Reeser
Judith Baker and Friends
Peace Makers Quilters
South Side
Judy Mowery
100th Quilt!
Judith Baker and friends
have hit a quilting
milestone. They have
completed 100 quilts this
year, making their total of
300 quilts donated to ABC
House. Thank you for the
time, care, and creativity put
www.abchouse.org
Board of Directors
Jennifer Stanaway, President
Citizens Bank
Gordon Vogt, Vice President
Gordon Vogt & Associates
Jason Yutzie, Secretary
Performance Health Technologies
Celebrate
Hope
ABC House’s Community Partnership Celebration 2014
Jerry Drum, Treasurer
Albany Police Department
Save the Date!
Chris Giggy
Gerding Builders, LLC
Fifth Annual Celebration of Hope Dinner
Andrea Hampl
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
5:30pm - 8:00pm
Linn County Expo Center
AK Carpet & More, Inc
Debbi Richards
Albany Parks and Recreation
Barbara Stellmacher
Stellmacher Farm
Amy Vandetta
Udell Engineering & Land Surveying, LLC
Sheila Wheeler
Join other community members for dinner and learn how you can make a
difference in the life of an abused child.
Venue Sponsor — KGAL/KSHO Radio
Coastal Farm & Ranch
Premier Sponsor — Coastal Farm and Ranch
Executive Director
Jennifer Gilmore-Robinson
Remember to make your charitable gifts
before December 31 to get a tax deduction.
Mail a check to PO Box 68, Albany, OR 97322
or give by credit or debit card online at
www.abchouse.org or call 541-926-2203
Make a secure online donation today
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Facebook!
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