Don`t quit. - Caitlins Wish

Transcription

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Copyright © V.A.Lewin 2015. www.caitlinswish.com
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Hi!
My name is Victoria.
I’m a full-time carer, author, blogger, and awareness campaigner for young carers and the rare
brain condition IIH, as well as living with my own disability. Over the years I’ve learnt to focus on
being positive as much as possible, and I’ve discovered that when you live with a more positive
attitude you become a happier person.
I’m currently writing a carers booklet for families affected by IIH; sharing all the tips and strategies
we’ve created through trial and error. It was while I was doing this, that I saw a series on TV
focusing on how to be happy. It was a fantastic series, however there was one point where they
focused on how happiness and health go hand in hand, and it got me thinking “what if you haven’t
got good health?” Most of these life coaching programs and books focus on people who can go to
the gym and exercise etc. So what if you can’t?
Like myself, many people live with illness and disability, yet does that mean we’re unhappy? No!
Many people have commented on my positive outlook over the years, despite having to deal with
so many personal battles. Recently one friend said “I’d be a gibbering wreck by now, if I was you.”
So how come I’m not? I suppose it’s just the way I perceive life, trying to stay positive. So I decided
to share my tips for living a happier life, in the hope that they may help someone else out there in
similar circumstances.
*These are my personal tips, from my perspective. Not everyone will agree. Everyone is entitled to their
own opinion.*
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 Today is today! There will never be another 18th January 2015
(today. ) So cherish it.
 Live in the moment….enjoy the smallest of things.
 The birdsong. Listen to it carefully, the pretty notes carrying on
the breeze.
 The sun streaming through the window.
Even if you’re health condition means you have to close the
curtains because the light hurts your eyes. Feel the suns warmth
as it shines through the curtains, trying to brighten your day.
 Open the window for a moment or two, breathe in the fresh air –
deep breaths that energize your body…even if it’s cold. It makes
you feel alive.
 Take a moment to look at the world outside your window.
Whatever the scene may be, from busy city to countryside retreat.
Take a moment to understand you’re one tiny piece of a massive
jigsaw. You matter! Everyone matters in their own unique way.
Every piece of the jigsaw matters to make it whole – each piece
linking to the next.
 Enjoy watching the sunrise, and the sunset – such magical
moments of each day.
 If you have a camera, start using it to capture snapshots of your
day. Whatever makes you happy. Whether it’s a beautiful scene
outside, or a steaming cup of coffee…it can be anything.
Whatever makes you smile.
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 I’ve heard it said many times that health and happiness go hand in
hand, but what if you have poor health? Does that make you less
happy? Well, yes, it can. We all get times when we’re fed up of
feeling ill, and the limitations we face, but all it means is that we
have to look a little bit deeper than others to find happiness.
 As I mentioned at the beginning, cherish each day and enjoy every
little detail. Have a think, what makes you feel good?
 It could be sitting out in the garden with a cup of tea, enjoying the
birdsong and nature.
 It may be catching up with friends over a coffee.
 A phone call with a dear friend or relative.
 A lovely meal with friends or family.
 Sitting in front of a log fire.
 Spending time with your loved ones.
 A walk along the beach, or another favourite spot.
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 Reading a book, enjoying the peace and quiet.
 Watching the sun rise, and sun set.
 Photography.
 Listen to your favourite music as often as you can. Try taking a leaf
out of the teenager’s book, and discreetly listen to music with
earphones as you go about doing mundane tasks such as grocery
shopping... it makes for a much happier experience – honestly!
 Listen to music while you cook, while you do the dishes etc.
 Doing something you love; that you’re passionate about.
 Using the making memories book, choose one of the activities
from it and make the most of every minute of the day. Capture
your memories on camera or video, so you can look back and
smile as you reminisce in the future.
Displaying the photographs throughout your home means you’ll
be reminded of special times every single day. :-)
 Take time to listen to what your loved ones think about you.
You’ll soon realize just how central you are to their happiness!
Take on board what they say…..if it’s how much they love
you…..believe it. Feel it in your heart and notice how much
happier you are.
 If someone pays you a compliment, believe it! It’s their impression
of you.
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 Next time you look in the mirror and you don’t like what you see,
remember what others think of you, because that’s what matters!
Remember you are beautiful both inside and out!
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 When you’re living with illness and disability, or when you’re a
carer for someone who has an illness or disability, it helps to take
life one day at a time.
 If today is a better day then try to make a memory today,
capturing it on camera so you can relive the memories as time
goes by.
 However if today is a bad day, don’t worry. Take it easy and rest.
The way to stay positive and happy on the bad days is to see the
beauty in the tiny things. Look around you. Appreciate the small
things such as someone giving you a hug and saying they love you,
or having a phone call with a friend.
 On the bad days, look through old photos, and old home movies.
Smile as you reminisce.
Don’t see it as a time when you could do things that you can’t do
now, that’ll just make you feel sad.
Instead see your life as chapters of a book.
As one chapter finishes another one begins.
If you can visualise your life in this way, it makes it easier to stay
happy in the present moment, instead of wishing life was
different. You can look back on different chapters in your life and
remember them with happiness and affection.
Personally I see each chapter of my life represented by a number
of doors opening, and through each one of those doors there is a
lesson to be learned. It may be a small lesson, or it may be a huge
life lesson.
Trust me, the person I was in my early twenties was far too selfish
to have been a carer. However the lessons I learned through my
early twenties changed me into a more compassionate and caring
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person. By the time I was 29 my husband had started showing
signs of the rare brain condition IIH. By the time I was 30, I’d given
up work and become his Carer.
 On the bad days, do something that makes you smile, even if it’s
just watching your favourite film, or enjoying your favourite food.
 Create a making memories book (see the template on my
website… www.caitlinswish.co.uk)
The idea is to write down all things you want to do on your good
days. It will give you something to look forward to when you’re
going through the bad days.
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 You can keep your mind and body healthy even if you have limited
mobility, illness and disabilities, and exercise is out of the question.
Mental health is so important, and it’s crucial to keep a positive attitude.
 Always try to see your glass as half full instead of half empty.
 Think about what is achievable instead of what isn’t.
 Meditate! There are some fantastic books out there, as well as
instructional CDs-teaching you how to meditate step-by-step.
Meditation is a wonderful tool for a healthy mind, but what if like me
you never know when you’re going to be called, and interrupted? I’m
still working on that one personally, but what I have found helps is deep
breathing. It only takes a minute or two, and it can be done anywhere.
Take three very deep breaths right down to your diaphragm and breathe
out slowly. Feel your body and mind relaxing… As they say every little bit
helps.
 Eat as healthily as you can. I know it’s not always easy, especially if you
have a busy household but if you can eat more vegetables and fruit you
will feel better for it. For years I didn’t eat healthily and I always thought
it would be time-consuming and difficult to do so, but the reality is so
different. If your health condition means that standing chopping
vegetables is out of the question then there are ways around it. You can
buy ready prepared salads, frozen vegetables etc. Try replacing a
lunchtime sandwich with a cold meat salad. In the evenings try adding a
portion of vegetables or small salad to your meal. You may be thinking
“oh it won’t make that much difference” but try it… It will!
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 An uncluttered mind equals a happy mind. We all need an oasis of
peace and tranquillity at home, but we don’t always get it.
 If you’re greeted with clutter everywhere when you walk through the
door, then it’s very difficult to relax. Instead you’re thinking I need to
do……….. and the list seems endless. You may feel overwhelmed at the
thought of de-cluttering, but once you get into it it’s not that bad. Try
these simple steps to get you going.
 1) Put on your favourite music.
 2) Grab some bin bags, and label them “keep”, “donate”, “sell”,
“recycling” and “trash.”
 3) Start sorting.
 This is a great way to keep on top of kids bedrooms. I used to do this
every few months with my kids, that way they could always find
whatever they wanted in their room.
 Here are a few more tips to save you time and energy, which in turn
makes you feel happier. :-)
1) Ask people to take their shoes off at the front door = less mess for you
to clean up.
2) Tidy as you go along, putting things away after you have used them,
encouraging kids to do the same.
3) Do your grocery shopping online - you’ll be amazed how much time
you save by doing this.
4) Buy ready prepared vegetables… Saves so much time and effort.
5) Hire a cleaner for a couple of hours a week, to clean through the
house. It’s money well spent if you can afford it and makes life so much
easier.
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 Sleep is vital to everyone’s happiness, but even more so if you
are living with an illness or disability. Try to get as much sleep as
possible.
 If you’re having a bad day, just go with it. It’s pointless beating
yourself up about it. Living with illness and disabilities inevitably
means that some days are going to be better than others.
 For me a bad day = duvet day. I rest as much as I can, and I’m
kind to myself. I watch my favourite TV shows, and relax.
I’ve learned that stressing about it will only mean tomorrow is
pretty rotten too, because stress makes my condition worse.
 A little tip – put some lavender oil or lavender spray on your
pillow and bedding each evening. You’ll sleep better as a
result…and wake up feeling happier. 
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 Let go of the past. You can’t change it. If you hold onto things
which have happened in the past, it can affect how you feel now.
Maybe you wish you’d done something differently, or maybe
someone hurt you deeply and you can’t forget it. It plays on your
mind each day, but you must ‘let it go’ to be happy in the present.
 A good way to do this, is to write a letter to whoever hurt you,
telling them how you feel. If you don’t want to write directly to a
person, then write an account of what happened and how you
feel. Whatever you can’t forget – write about it.
Don’t read it.
Just let the words pour out of your soul onto the page.
Don’t hold back, write everything.
Then burn the paper ….saying to yourself
‘Let it go.’
Let the negative angst float away on the smoke as it burns.
(If you can’t burn it for whatever reason, then tear it into tiny
pieces and throw it in the bin.)
 Try to not think of this again.
You can’t change what happened.
If it was someone acting against you, then it was their choice to
behave that way, not yours.
All you can do is look to the future and promise yourself you’ll be
happier.
Make it your choice to have a positive outlook on life.
 You’ll soon discover yourself surrounded by other positive people.
It’s the law of attraction.
If you’re positive, then positive people will be drawn to you.
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If you’re negative then negative people will be drawn to you.
 Listen to the song ‘Let it go’ from Disney’s Frozen.
The lyrics are incredibly empowering.
Nowadays whenever something bad happens, I find myself singing
‘Let it go’ inside my mind. If someone else’s bad choices have
created a situation, you have to realize that it’s the other person
making the wrong choices….not you.
For example let’s take parenting-without a doubt it’s the hardest
job in the world.
You can be the best parent in the world, and have a close loving
family, but if your teenager chooses to get in with a bad crowd,
that is their choice. It may be a short lived teenage rebellion or it
may end up being more.
All you can do is guide them, showing them the right path.
If they continue to make bad choices as they get older then you
have to realize that’s their choice, not yours.
You did nothing wrong.
You can continue to be supportive, but don’t let them drag you
down.
Everyone makes their own choices which determines their own
paths in life.
All we can do, is make our own choices – to live a happier life.
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 This is linked to ‘Let it go.’
 As you go through life you’ll come across negative people….sadly
we all do. What matters is how you deal with them.
 Negative people can leave you feeling drained, tired, sad, lacking
self-confidence, even depressed or worse. They have a
devastating impact on your well- being and happiness.
 Try to surround yourself with positive friends and family…even if
they don’t live near to you.
 A phone call from a supportive friend or relative can really
brighten your day, and leave you glowing with love and
happiness…even if they live hundreds of miles away.
 If there are friends or family members who are unsupportive,
negative and get you down, then try to distance yourself from
them if you can.
 If you have to stay in touch with them, then choose a different
ringtone for their number so that you know it’s them when they
call. That way you can ignore the call, and ring back when you are
ready to talk to them instead.
 It also helps to write a nickname by their number so when you see
it, it makes you smile. E.g. Aunt Sarah could be changed to Miss
Piggy and Uncle John could be Kermit the frog. Don’t feel
awkward about doing this, if it helps you to stay in touch with
them but still remain positive and happy, then it’s all good.
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 One thing that should never be underestimated is the power of
negative energy. Negative thoughts, and wishing something bad
would happen to someone else, are both types of negative
energy.
 The way I protect myself from negativity may sound a bit strange,
but personally I believe this works.
Each night when I pray, I include the following words in my
prayers.
“Please put a cloak of protection over me, and all those I love, to
protect us from any negative energy. If any negative energy is sent
towards us, please reflect it back to where it came from, and keep
us safe at all times.”
By doing this, you are taking control and stating that you want to
live a happy, positive life, protected from negativity.
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 Believe in your dreams, believe in yourself.
 You can be whatever you want to be, you just have to believe that
it can happen.
 You will come across people who will laugh at your ideas and try
to bring you down, but don’t let them. (See laws of attraction –
surround yourself with positive people.)
 We all have choices in life, and if you choose to believe in your
dreams they can come true.
I’ll give you an example.
From a young age I wanted to be an entertainer.
First of all a dancer, but when a knee injury meant that was
impossible, I wanted to be a singer.
Thankfully my family had faith in me and supported me 100%.
I made the decision to do my very best in school, considering I was
stuck there until I was 16 anyway.
When my time came to speak to the careers adviser, I discovered I
had a battle on my hands. Although I had complete support for my
career choice at home, in school they didn’t believe in me.
They tried all ways to convince me to take A-levels and choose a
career in languages.
I refused to give up on my dream.
I worked hard in school and got good grades in my exams, but the
day I left was the first day on my new path.
I learned my craft through working as an entertainer in the holiday
camps and by the age of 18 I was a self-employed female vocalist.
How?
Through sheer determination and a refusal to give up on my
hopes and dreams.
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This would turn out to be just one chapter in my life, and I’ve had
many other dreams fulfilled since then, including the current
dream to work as a writer.
So I am living proof that dreams can come true.
 Here are a few ways to keep your hopes and dreams alive.
Buy yourself a little notebook which you really like, so you will
want to pick it up and look at it.
Write down a list of all your dreams.
Number them, in order of importance to you.
 Discuss your hopes and dreams with your family and friends.
It will make them more real to you, and you’ll be surprised how
many people will encourage you. As for those who don’t, well
you’re going to have to prove them wrong aren’t you? :-)
 Read through your list on a regular basis, so you remain focused
on how you want your life to be.
 As life evolves and changes, update your dreams list on a regular
basis.
 You’ll find that some of your dreams may alter as time goes by.
Something you aspired to 2 years ago, may no longer interest you
because your life has changed direction.
 “Success is failure turned inside out.”
‘Don’t quit’ poem.
Author unknown
 Sometimes it can be hard to believe in our dreams, especially
when life throws us a curveball and things get difficult.
 Don’t be disheartened… Keep believing in your dreams.
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 Every difficulty in life leaves us wiser and stronger than we were
before. Sometimes there may be many steps to take, and lessons
to learn before we reach a point in our lives where our dreams
can become reality.
 Look for ways to create something positive out of life’s curveball’s,
and if you can’t then remember that you will be stronger through
this experience, and that in itself is a positive outcome.
 Never ever give up on your dreams. Everyone is unique with their
own talent and sometimes it takes time to realize your dreams,
but never ever give up on them.
 Learn through your experiences, never see anything as a failure
instead see it as a lesson. Learn from it and try again.
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 Here’s a poem which has helped me remember this countless
times over the past 25 years….
Don’t quit.
Author unknown.
When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill.
When the funds are low and debts are high.
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns.
As every one of us sometimes learns.
And many a failure turns about.
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow.
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside outthe silver tint of the clouds of doubt.
And you never can tell how close you are.
It may be near when it seems so far: So
stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit.
It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.
Author unknown.
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 Smile and spread the joy!
 Try to show an act of random kindness a day – you’ll be amazed
how happy it makes you feel, as well as making someone else’s
day.
 It doesn’t have to be elaborate. Here are a few simple examples.
 You’re waiting to pay for your groceries. The lady behind you has
two items… you’ve got what seems like a hundred and two! Let
her go ahead of you. It costs you an extra minute of time but saves
her maybe 10 minutes, and she feels your kindness which makes
her feel happy.
 Smile at a stranger who passes you in the street and say ‘hello.’
 Buy a hot drink and some food (even a cheap chocolate bar will be
appreciated) for the homeless guy sat begging in the street.
 Compliment someone on their hair, clothes, shoes etc – make
them feel good about themselves.
 Send a card to a friend and tell them how special they are to
you….. this one keeps giving every time they re-read the card.
 Keep smiling! It takes less facial muscles to smile than it does to
frown, and it makes you feel good!!!
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Don`t quit. - Caitlins Wish

Transcription

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