October 2015 Issue - Mount Ararat Baptist Church

Transcription

SEX
OCTOBER 2015
AND THE
MODERN
CHRISTIAN
WHAT’S INSIDE:
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
Orlana Darkins Drewery
LIFESTYLE
ADVISORY BOARD
Rev. Dr. William H. Curtis
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
Camille Clarke
Reverend Dr. William H. Curtis
Deacon Aki Jamal Durham
Reverend Sharon Dennard
Susan Frazier DeLaney
Merecedes J. Howze
Tiffany Huff
Stacy Notaras Murphy
Ray Porter Jr.
Dawn Williams
COMMUNICATIONS MINISTRY
Dania Arrey
Deneen Childress
Paula Cox
Susan Frazier Delaney
Darnell Drewery
Garfield Griffin
Charles Hammond
Merecedes J. Howze
Lora Hubbard
Tiffany Huff
Michelle D. Jackson
Shaunda Miles
Laura V. Norman
Ray Porter Jr.
Dr. Anthony Robins
Veniecia Robinson
Minerva White
Money Tips for Practical People 12
Ask A Deacon 13
FEATURES
Prayer as the Essential Element 2
Rev. John A. Knight,
Staff Assistant to the Senior Pastor
Estelle Christian, Assistant to the Senior Pastor
Quick Inexpensive Ways to Give
Your Home A Fall Facelift 25
Scenes From a Single Mom 8
How to Get Beach Body Abs 26
Being a Blessed and Highly
Favored Nonagenarian 10
It’s Not About Sex 16
IT'S NOT ABOUT SEX
PAGE 16
PAGE 36
THE NEW
PITTSBURGH
COURIER
PAGE 22
Summer Camp 31
Baptism & Communion 33
Senior Luncheon 35
Rev. Linda Oliver, Minister of Special Projects
Audrey Portis, Accounting Assistant
PHOTO
RECAPS
Prayer Meeting 29
Rev. Sharon Dennard, Dean of M.A.T.A.
Robert Carter, Maintenance Supervisor
Did you Know: Bananas are a
Nutrient-Rich Food Choice
for Your Diet 36
DID YOU KNOW:
BANANAS ARE A
NUTRIENT-RICH FOOD
CHOICE FOR YOUR DIET
Rev. Robert James
Youth Pastor & Min. of Technology
Rev. Sherry Brooks-Faulkner
Administrative Assistant
Plan Your Holiday Budget Early 32
Why Is It So Hard to
Accept Compliments? 38
Director of Communications
Rev. Trini L. Massie, Minister of Worship
Tips to Help Ensure
Financial Marital Bliss 30
How Students are Saving
Money on Course Materials 34
Veniecia Robinson, Chief Financial Officer
Min. Dwayne Fulton
Director, Fine Arts Department
The New Pittsburgh Courier 22
What the Bible Says About Sexuality 4
ADVERTISING
Deb Cavrak, Graphic Design
MOUNT ARARAT BAPTIST CHURCH STAFF
Rev. Dr. William H. Curtis, Senior Pastor
Mount Ararat Counseling Center 21
ENTERTAINMENT
Why All the Fuss About the
Steelers Signing of Mike Vick? 40
Movie Scene Queen:
The Perfect Guy and The War Room 42
Called To Be A Missionary 37
TH E MO U NT O CT O BE R 2 0 15
MANAGING EDITORS
Shaunda E. Miles
Dr. Anthony Robins
Minerva White
1
Prayer as the
Essential Element
BY R EV ER END DR . W ILLI A M H. CURTIS
EPHESIANS 6:18 (NIV 2011):
THE M O UN T O CTO B ER 20 15
And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of
prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for the Lord’s people. Do all of this
in prayer asking for God’s help. Pray on every occasion, as
the Spirit leads. For this reason keep alert and never give
up; pray always for all God’s people.
2
I feel that it is always important to
mention the role of prayer in our lives.
I’m not sure, however, that we always
know what is appropriate to pray for
and what is on the edge of self-serving
or improper in that there is no praise for
God, at times, only requests for help or
pleas for mercy. In my book, Dressed for
Victory: Putting on the Full Armor of God, I
explore the concept of prayer at length,
and so, here, I’d like to zero in on our
reasons for prayer—particularly at a
time of year when we are headed back
to school, ending summer vacations,
and hunkering down for whatever the
winter season has in store for us.
In times of introspection, we find
our minds wandering to many things—
what we want, what we need, what we
SHOULD focus on, what scares us, and
more. As we move into fall and the season of retrospect analysis and personal
introspection—the season that makes
us think of things coming to an end or
changing—we may allow ourselves to
explore prayer a little more too.
When we do ask for God’s help,
either for ourselves or others, we are engaging in a relationship with Him that
shows trust and a need for guidance.
This is a healthy practice. Normally, we
don’t just pray for ourselves, and most
of us realize that it is not really praying
or conversing with God when we ask to
win the lottery or when we wish ill will
on another out of frustration. While
most of our praise conversations or
prayers are sincere—even when we are
momentarily thankful for getting us out
of a sticky situation, for example—God
knows that not all of our lapses in judgment are sincere. We are all allowed to
get frustrated and retreat or lash out. He
is forgiving.
Wearing the Armor of God, however, we can always remember to stay
focused on a fulfilling prayer life with
God, knowing that we are protected, in
our armor, by salvation, truth, fortitude,
and more. As I said earlier, most of us
do not just pray for ourselves. Instead,
when we have a need or something that
concerns us, we focus on our responsibilities to others, asking to get that raise
to provide for the family or hoping to
win the bid on a house to shelter our
loved ones. Many times we ask for more
respect in life or people to surround us
with love. These, too, are wholesome,
well-directed, and good-intentioned
requests. When we feel that we are
asking for ourselves, many times we are
truly thinking of others or allowing God
to get to know us and offering our wants
and needs to Him. When we work hard
and, with His good grace, obtain what
we need or want, as long as we remember to praise Him and tell Him, in our
prayerful conversation or introspection,
that we are grateful, we are treating
prayer as the essential element to fulfilled life with Him.
Facebook: WHCMinistries
Twitter: @PasCurtis
Website: WHCMinistries.org
BY SH A RON DENNA R D
4
of latter years, there is in fact a lifelong
struggle to live free from the tyranny of
our basest appetites. Those privileges
and benefits so freely bestowed through
creation have become grossly mangled.
Jesus said when we prioritize wants over
needs, healthy drives degenerate into
lust, “What comes out of a man is what
makes him ‘unclean.’ For from within,
out of men’s hearts, come evil thoughts,
sexual immorality, theft, murder,
adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness,
envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All
these evils come from inside and make
a man unclean.” (MARK 7:20-23NIV) As
surely as if he has a stethoscope, Christ
hears the yearning echoes from deep
within us.
Researchers Robert Michael, John
Gagnon and Gina Kolata report in their
landmark book entitled Sex in America:
A Definitive Survey, “Figures say an
‘orthodox view of romance, courtship,
and sexuality’ may well be the one way
to sexual satisfaction.”
Tragically casual, uncomplicated,
consequence-free sex has brought on
multiple societal maladies. Divorce,
abortion, sexually transmitted diseases,
‘morning-after’ regrets and broken
hearts abound.
Employing a scriptural strategy
brings liberating order to a most
confusing aspect of being holy while
still human:
Recognize the transformation that
freedom in Christ produces. (Romans
6:6-14; 8:5-12) Because of our union
with Christ, we are no longer trapped
under the tyranny of sin of any kind. In
other words, we can no longer offer the
excuse, “The devil made me do it!”
Rely upon the wisdom of God.
(Proverbs 3:5-6; Isaiah 25:1; I
Corinthians 7:3-5; James 1:5-8) Unless
we resolve to live a life of obedient
dependence upon the counsel of God,
our impulse-triggered choices will
entrap us in a dark web of emptiness
and brokenness.
continued on the following page
TH E M OU N T O CTO B ER 2015
Wh a t t h e
Bi b l e s a y s
about
Se x u a l i t y
T
heologian and scholar
R.K. Hughes comments,
“Christian sexual morality
was unique in the pagan
world and a source of wonder. And
it has become increasingly so today
in a world that considers adultery
irrelevant, purity abnormal, and sex a
‘right’ (however and with whomever one
may get it) and that has invented the
egregious term ‘recreational sex.’ We
Christians are called to be outrageously
pure — to be a source of wonder and
even derision to this glandular world.”
Some promote the myth that God
is anti-sex. Our Creator is not a prude.
He intended us to be sexual beings and
for our protection ordained that the sex
act should be enjoyed within the bonds
of a monogamous marital relationship.
Physical intimacy with its desire,
pleasure, delight and lingering joy are
all sweet and sensuous gifts from our
Maker. Solomon’s Song of Songs extols
the splendors of sexual love between
a husband and wife. It is filled with
sensual expressions and erotic overtures
(1:2,14; 2:5; 3:1; 4:5; 5:18-19). The author
of Hebrews agrees that God is the Lord
of even the most private and intimate
details between lovers (Hebrews 13:4).
Implicit are the governing parameters
of honor, care, respect and appreciation.
Dan Allender, author of God Loves
Sex explains, “Sexuality is the physical
epitome of the very nature of what two
souls enjoy in the ‘knowing’ of heart,
mind and body over a lifetime.”
What our covenant God created
as a beautiful act of love between a
husband and wife has been hijacked
and vandalized by a selfish race. Sexual
relations, having been dumped in the
gutter of our thought life, are thus no
nobler than any other bodily function.
We do business with corporate giants
that market their products under the
motto: ‘sex sells.’ The sexual revolution
was launched in the decades of the
sixties and seventies. In the intervening
years not only did we manage to shed
our former puritanical inhibitions, we
also cast off some of the essential tenets
of personal decency. Whether the
lustful fires of youth or the corruptions
5
Refuse all invitations from
our adversary. (Romans 6:818; James 4:7-8) Undeniably,
Satan is devious, powerful
and resourceful. However, the
truth is his enticements are not
irresistible. The predetermined
resolve to stand firm against
the lure of lust is our only
acceptable response.
Either we can be captivated by
the world, the flesh and Satan
or become complete in Christ.
Inclusive of living as we claim
to believe is a commitment to
sexual purity. If the problem
is personal weakness, the
solution is found in a more
than sufficient Savior. He
loves to affect redemption
in our sexuality so that it
becomes another aspect of our
living that has come under
his lordship. Our longing
to be sexually intimate with
another person is a God-given
longing. It is critical that we
pay attention to what the
Bible says about that longing.
Within its pages is provided the
explicit instructions and loving
guidance to steadily maintain
the lifestyle that is the practical
outworking of Christian
discipleship. Our sexuality is a
crucial part of our spirituality.
“Se x u a l i t y i s t h e
p h y s i c a l e p i to m e
of the ve r y
n a tu r e o f w h a t
t w o s o u l s e njo y i n
t h e ‘k n o w i n g’ o f
h e a r t, m i nd
a nd b od y
ov e r a l i f e t i m e.”
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car off, I hear someone yelling, “HURRRRRY UPPPPP!” What’s the big rush I
wonder? I only have to wonder for about
a second though, because when I hear
it again, it sounds just like me rushing
the boys along through EVERYTHING,
sometimes just because ... So, when I say
something like “Give him a minute” I
get a pretty sharp side glance, yep that
comes from me too. Ouch!
Now that I have a son who is headed
to junior high and the idea of girls has
morphed from “girls are gross” to “girls
are (now) cute,” I’m forced to consider
changing the old adage to “Do as I say
not as I have done.” This could not have
proven more true then when I had talks
with my boys about why dating was not
even something that should be considered when you’re 11, or that you should
wait until you have a wife to have sex and
children.
Their first response without a second
thought almost in unison was, “You and
Daddy were not married.” Straight no
chaser. SIGH.
Being a single mother is already
hard enough. There are already enough
people in this world who feel you owe
them an explanation for why you had
children out of wedlock, or why you are
no longer married with children, and
how you should care for said children
… So, of course, I don’t feel that I should
have to explain or defend my past decisions to combat the judgment of my own
children. It would have been a much
easier conversation for me to throw the
whole, “Do as I say not as I did, now eat
your chicken,” response at them, but I am
always up for a challenge.
SCENES
FROM A SINGLE MOM
BY TIFFA N Y HUFF
father and I did love each other even
though we weren’t married and that we
loved the both of them as well. I told
them that while we thought we were
mature enough to be in a committed
relationship, and have children together,
we really weren’t. We didn’t understand
what a truly committed relationship
was at the time. Our understanding
was heavily based on the ones being
modeled around us. I told them that we
didn’t have the best examples of God’s
intentions for our lives around us, and
we may have cheated ourselves out of the
possibility of forever because we did it
our way, instead of God’s.
I told them that I learned some lessons the hard way, and my prayer is that
they don’t have to learn those same lessons the way I did. I told them that they
could choose to follow the crowd and do
what everyone else is doing or they can
lead the crowd and follow the one who
already has it figured out.
I know that they didn’t really like
the responses I gave them to some of the
questions they asked any more than I
enjoyed the questions that were asked
of me. Nevertheless, I was glad that I
was even invited into their conversation
about who is dating whom in the sixth
grade. It made me smile that they were
engaged in what I had to say even if they
didn’t fully agree.
As parents, we have to be willing to
have the uncomfortable conversations
with our children, to be honest and
transparent about immature and poorly
informed decisions we may have made.
8
Since I am a
firm believer...
in leading by example, I frown at
hearing the old saying “Do as I say,
not as I do.” Still, I would be lying
if I said I wasn’t guilty of this a few
times (who’s counting?) with my own
children.
Let’s be honest, there are some
things that we do that we don’t want our
kids to do right now or even later ... like
throwing the occasional four letter word
of choice at the driver who cut you off before the light turned red. I have had the
opportunity to witness my boys doing as
I do. In some cases, I felt good about it,
and in others ... well, not so good.
For example, I make it a point to ask
my boys when I pick them up from the
afterschool program things like, “How
was your day?” or “Did you do anything
awesome at school today?” For a while
my questions were answered with, “Mom
do you have snack?” (True story!) However, more recently, I have been greeted
with “How was work today Mommy, do
you have a snack?” After a long day of
work, and the thoughts about more work
to be done, once we got home, it felt
great for my boys to ask how I was doing
(even if they were more interested in the
snack).
In the same breath, witnessing my
boys display behaviors that are almost
exact replicas of my own can be a bitter
cupcake to swallow! It could be something as simple as us getting out of the
car. Within 10 seconds of me turning the
“You’re right.” I told them confidently. And while the conversation that
followed was a bit uncomfortable, I recognize that if my boys can’t come to me
and talk about girls, having sex, getting
married (or not) and expect honesty,
straight no chaser, then I can’t get upset
about what the world tells them or what
they do with the worldly wisdom they
receive.
So, I told them the truth, that their
Tiffany is passionate about empowering
women to become their best selves by first
envisioning what being their best is and then
taking the steps to making their visions a
reality. She is the mother of 2 very busy boys
and enjoys cooking, reading, working out and
traveling in her spare time.
“Do as I say
not as I have done.”
9
BY SUSA N FR A ZIER DEL A NEY
This article discusses what life is like
for one of our oldest members.
There’s no doubt that individuals
10
are living longer, healthier lives as a result of
better diets, advanced medical breakthroughs,
and cutting edge technology as it relates
to the human body. Of course, family
history and health greatly contribute to the
overall equation of one’s longevity. Several
studies have been conducted in recent years
identifying factors that contribute to living
into the 90’s in men and women.
One such study in PubMed.gov (published
in the American Journal of Geriatric
Psychiatry) was conducted by a team of
researchers concluding that multifactorial
phenomenon with similarities and specificities
by gender relating to social, material, financial
and psychological considerations promoted
longevity and successful aging. (Edjolo A.,
Helmer C, Barberger-Gateau P, Dartiques JF,
Maubaret C, Peres K. 2013)
The good lord
has blessed me
more and more each day.
I have learned over the
years not to mistreat
my body, try to eat right,
get plenty of rest and
not to allow stress
to complicate my life.
September, he responded, “The Good Lord
has blessed me more and more each day.” He
added that having the support of family and
friends has enabled him to attend church on
a regular basis and participate in numerous
activities that he would otherwise be unable
to do on his own. Probably his most difficult
challenge has been losing so many friends
and outliving family.
“It has been especially painful to outlive
your children, but being thankful that God
has brought younger family and friends
into your life which keeps me energized and
youthful. When I wake up each morning I
have no pain in my body and I know it’s going
to be a good day. Although, I wish I could
walk better, I also realize things could be so
much worse. I’ve learned over the years not to mistreat
my body, try to eat right, get plenty of rest
and not to allow stress to complicate my life.
My Pastor, (Reverend Dr. William Curtis)
has taught me spiritually how to grow older
in grace and understand what Jesus expects
from each of us as His disciples; that means
how can we make a difference in someone
else’s life. For that knowledge and wisdom,
I am eternally grateful.”
*Nonagenarian - somebody who is between 90
and 99 years of age. (Encarta Dictionary)
BEING A BLESSED
AND HIGHLY FAVORED
NONAGENARIAN
In addition to this study, Dr. Vijai Sharma,
PhD, life coach, notes that nonagenarians are
people who are adaptive, creative and self
sufficient. He states that people who possess
psychological adaptability under stress may
hold the key characteristic to making it to the
ninetieth birthday and further.
Sharma contends that the mental
muscle must be exercised to prevent poor
concentration and memory weakness. These
could lead to obesity, depression, and anxiety
which accelerate the aging process. Therefore,
keeping physically and mentally active is of
utmost importance.
Nonagenarians have also learned to accept
change and are relatively satisfied with life;
deriving pleasure from daily activities and
integrating new things rather than shutting
them out. Even adopting the Serenity Prayer
could keep individuals from wasting valuable
time and energy trying to change things they
cannot.
“God grant me the serenity to accept the
things I cannot change, the courage to change
the things I can, and the wisdom to know the
difference.” Christians who spend time in their
prayer closets and war rooms have learned
to navigate through this temporary residence
with all its challenges because they embrace
the realization that they are not getting older,
but just getting closer to home.
So when William C. DeLaney,
affectionately known as Bill to family and
friends (or Claude or Snooks to his fellow
Staunton, VA kinfolks) was asked what he
attributed to reaching his 97th Birthday in
11
BY DAW N W ILLI A MS
THE MO UNT O C TO BER 2 015
Buy used when you can. Explore Consignment shops for special event attire,
a two-piece for an upcoming interview
or accessories to add to your little black
dress or classic suit.
I’m not a big fan of chain department store or mall shopping when it
comes to clothing or accessories (truth
be told, I’m not a fan of shopping at all).
However, under the advisement of a few
older, wiser and stylish women who have
helped me along my tough financial
seasons, I take a chance on designer consignment shops for unique and special
occasion attire.
I have to confess I did turn up a
“bougie” eyebrow when suggested but
having such a curiosity, I entered the
shops with an open mind. I thought surely this would be like the popular resale
stores we shopped in as kids for our back
to school clothes; and I was not interested in revisiting that part of my life again. Well, much to my surprise, I instantly fell madly in love with consignment
12
shopping. The unique and eclectic feel of
many of the items were right up my style
alley. I have purchased designer labels at
fractions of the retail cost with tags still
attached and never worn! Not to mention
one of a kind vintage accessories such as
evening bags, jewelry, belts and hats for
a touch of pop or color to classic items
already in my closet.
I sometimes enjoy the waiting game
with consignment shopping, the longer
the item is in the store a further discount is often added. I always tell folks,
let someone else pay full price for top
designer apparel. And I’ll let you in on a
bonus secret regarding consignment, not
only do you save money shopping in this
manner, you can also make money by
joining the consignment shops programs
to sell your gently used items. It’s a winwin either way you go. Ask the owner for
his or her policy on selling quality clothing or accessories you no longer wear.
Don’t hesitate to enter a furniture
consignment shop as well; they may just
ASK A
DEACON
Q:
Is it wrong for me to go
outside of marriage for
sex if my needs are not
being met at home?
--SUZ A NNE , 30, PIT TSBURGH
A:
No matter how much we
may love the Lord our
God, or how much we may
love our spouse, we have
one inescapable quality that can lie
undetected and appear in the most
inopportune places. It is like an intruder; a parasite that attaches itself to
our spirits and cannot be shaken. It is
not the devil or some outside force. It
is our flesh. We can also appropriately
refer to it as our self.
For the desires of the flesh are against
the Spirit, and desires of the Spirit
are against that flesh, for these are
opposed to each other, to keep you
from doing the things you want to do”
(Gal. 5:17).
This section is designed to answer questions
that you may have about the Bible or
Christianity. In the church, Deacons function
as servants, ministering to the church body in
practical ways, including, but not limited to:
discipleship, assisting with baptism, prayer and
visitation to the sick. If you have a question
that you would like one of our Deacons to
answer, please submit your question to:
mountmagazine@mt-ararat.org
Sex is not an unnatural or an unclean
act. It is a gift from God Himself and
our physical or sexual connection
with our spouse is actually enhanced
when we are in alignment with God
through prayer and the study of His
word together as a couple. When our
relationship to our spouse is not being
shaped by the intake of scripture and
the sacrifice of time spent in prayer for
one another, then the spiritual craving
for our spouse is over shadowed by a
physical yearning of the flesh. Our
selfish or fleshy desires will not go
away and will always result in our
own suffering because they move us
outside of God’s will for our lives. Our
hearts are turned away from Him and
towards self-satisfaction when we give
in to the longings and demands of our
flesh. “Do not deprive each other except by
mutual consent and for a time, so that
you may devote yourselves to prayer.
Then come together again so that
Satan will not tempt you because of
your lack of self-control” (I Cor. 7:5).
No one has ever died from a lack of
sex, but a leading cause for divorce
is infidelity. Your sexual dissatisfaction is likely a symptom of a broader
communication issue between the two
of you.
So, rather than compounding the
problems you may be experiencing by
“stepping out” on your husband, why
not turn towards him and talk about
the health of your relationship with
one another and with God. Remember that God fully intended for sexual
intimacy to be a vital part of a healthy
marriage, but having a level of sensitivity to one’s spouse is essential.
SUBMIT TED BY DEACON
A K I JA M A L DUR H A M
MONEY TIPS FOR PRACTICAL PEOPLE
have that perfect accent piece you’ve
needed to add to an empty corner of a
special reading or prayer room in your
home.
I have a few favorite consignment
shops in the city; some even plan a day’s
shopping bus tour from one to the next
in our city for a small fee and with a light
lunch included.
It’s treasure shopping to me and I’ve
never had buyer’s remorse over a unique
find that fits perfectly with my personality. The shops are easy to find on social
media, internet searches and by word of
mouth.
And men, don’t feel left out, more
and more consignment shops are adding
men’s clothing sections, including ties,
watches, cufflinks, and belts. You’d be
surprised how a vintage tie or cufflinks
can make that basic suit fresh and stylish.
Take a chance like I did and you just
may find yourself turned into an excited
shopper that certainly gets their money’s
worth. Happy Shopping!
13
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5/15/15 8:58 AM
BY STACY NOTA R AS MUR PH Y, COUNSELING TODAY
16
Q:
Sexual addiction
is a result of:
A) Overactive libido
B) My partner’s disinterest
C) Cultural permissiveness
D) None of the above
The answer may be obvious to those
familiar with the multiple choice
trope: D) None of the above. But the
point remains true: There are many
common misconceptions surrounding
sexual addiction. Counselors, with
their confidentiality policies and
empathic personas, may be the only
people to ever hear the true extent
of a client’s interior struggle with an
addiction to pornography or sexual
compulsivity. Positioned on the front
lines for educating clients, families
and colleagues about this pervasive
problem — a problem the Society for
the Advancement of Sexual Health
conservatively estimates affects 3 to
5 percent of the U.S. population —
creating “metaphoric connections”
to serve unmet intimacy needs, while
others may use sex to deal with
feelings of disconnection and the
inability to create relationships with
others.
The number of people struggling
with sexual addictions is growing
daily due to the online availability
of sexual material, Frye says, noting
that counselors with specified
training on the topic are in high
demand. “We now have access to
a worldwide sexual smörgåsbord,”
he says, adding, “I receive referrals
often by very competent counselors
who feel ill-equipped to work with
this addiction.” Although the larger
counseling community is more familiar
with a generalized approach to
addictions treatment, Frye has found
that specialized training for sexual
addictions is needed to help clients
truly achieve recovery.
Jodi Conway, a certified sex
addiction therapist and ACA member
in private practice with offices in
New Jersey and Massachusetts,
believes education is necessary to get
counselors past preconceived notions
about sexual addiction. “There are
many [counselors who] don’t believe
this is an addiction or think that
viewing porn is normal male behavior,”
she says. “I think with the increase in
high-profile people getting caught in
sex scandals and talked about in the
media, there is much more awareness
that sex addiction exists, but few
know what types of treatment options
there are or how to find qualified
therapists.”
Frye agrees: “Though there is
overlap in all addictions work, there
are some things that are unique to
sexual addictions treatment that are
important for the counselor to know
in order to work more effectively
with the sexual addict.” He points out
that traditional addictions treatment
focuses on the ingesting of chemicals
— taking in alcohol, drugs or food —
while sexual addictions are internally
based, resulting in chemicals produced
inside the body, often through a
thought or the sight of an image.
Counselors have many options for
obtaining specialized sexual addictions
training. The best-known program
may be the C-SAT certification
program designed by sexual addictions
treatment expert Patrick Carnes and
administered by the International
Institute for Trauma and Addiction
Professionals (IITAP). There are also
other, faith-based training programs
for professionals and laypeople,
including a new Sexual Addictions
Treatment Provider (SATP) certification
at MidAmerica Nazarene University in
Olathe, Kan., which, with Frye as cochair, is set to launch in January.
“Most counselors did not receive
specific training in the treatment
of sexual addictions in their grad
programs or found a one-day seminar
to be insufficient to meet their clinical
needs in this area,” Frye says. “We
wanted to offer them a training
opportunity that would equip them to
feel adequate in effectively working
with the sexual addict and their
family. In addition, there has been no
university-affiliated and accredited
program in the U.S. We wanted to
offer an accredited program that
draws upon the rigor and resources
that a university [can] provide.”
What to expect
Clients coming to counseling for sexual
addictions might not have any idea
where to start, and for most, the
traditional “cold-turkey” abstinence
treatment model will not apply. As
with food addiction, controlled access
to the “risky behavior” is part of
human nature and must be considered
in the treatment plan.
“The important thing to
remember is that the sexually
addictive behaviors are a part
of the symptom and not the
underlying disturbance,” notes
Todd Bowman, a counselor and
professor who, with Frye, is
cochairing MidAmerica Nazarene
University’s SATP certification
program. Bowman explains
It’s not
about sex...
counselors must know how to identify
sexual addiction and formulate
appropriate treatment plans and
referrals.
But this tremendous
responsibility demands one thing that
many counselors find difficult: We
have to actually talk about sex.
“Professional counselors underrecognize sex addiction,” says Barbara
Steffens, an American Counseling
Association member and certified
clinical sexual addiction specialist in
West Chester, Ohio. “Sexual addiction
exists in secret and often does not
come to the surface until there is a
crisis or several negative consequences.
Few clinicians are prepared to ask
about sexual history or sexually
compulsive behaviors when this is
rarely the presenting problem in
treatment.
“I specialize and work primarily
with partners [and] spouses of
sex addicts, and they tell me of
participating in years of marital
therapy where either the issue was
not asked about or it was minimized.
Partners most often have little to no
awareness of the extent of the sexual
acting out and so do not know to
bring it up in treatment. Often the
partner may initiate counseling in
response to knowledge of one affair,
while additional sexual behaviors
remain secret.”
After making the therapeutic
space safe to talk about sex,
counselors might find that the
treatment quickly returns to traditional
topics of family history and thought
patterns. “Sexual addiction is not
about sex,” says Todd Frye, an ACA
member and clinical sexual addiction
specialist in Olathe, Kan. “Some
clinicians assume that sexual addictions
are driven by an overly active libido
that simply has an abnormal level of
craving for sexual images and acts.
The bulk of those who present with
sexual addiction really have more of an
intimacy disorder than a sex disorder.”
He explains that sexual addicts might
use sexual gratification as a way of
17
18
addiction is not to sex, it is to lust, to
intensity,” she notes. “Recovery from
sexual addiction is about letting go of
the fantasies, obsessions, acting out
or bottom-line behaviors that were
self-defeating and [instead] beginning
to have healthy relationships with
themselves and others.”
Working with the 12-step model
Many treatment modalities are aimed
at sexual addiction, ranging from
individual counseling to couples work,
anonymous organizations to therapistled groups. Because the general public
is well acquainted with the 12-step
model for addiction recovery, the first
stop for many individuals struggling
with sexual addiction might be a
group such as Sex and Love Addicts
Anonymous (SLAA) or Sexaholics
Anonymous (SA). Counselors often
suggest that clients consider these
groups because they offer structured
accountability and support for new
members. However, counselors
must be careful when making such
referrals because each group (and
often each separate meeting) comes
with its own norms and expectations.
Some groups are not accepting of
homosexual relationships. Some
groups subscribe to a very strict
version of sexual sobriety (for example,
no masturbation), while others
allow members to define their own
abstinence plans that make room for
certain behaviors.
“I think the 12-step groups are a
great supplement to counseling,” Frye
says. “The accountability and support
that is included in these groups is
fantastic and necessary, particularly
toward the beginning of recovery.
Getting the sexual addict sober is
necessary early on for the counseling
to be effective. Groups really assist
with this. … Sexual addiction is so
complex and powerful that we as
counselors need to come with ‘all guns
blazing’ and use any resource available
to assist in the work we do.”
Bowman describes 12-step
groups as “necessary but ultimately
insufficient in and of themselves”
when it comes to sexual addiction
recovery. “Many folks who just go
to recovery groups end up whiteknuckling it through their addiction,”
he says. “Individual counseling is
imperative in examining the deeper
psychosocial implications and
precursors to the addiction … which
must be intentionally identified and
processed through for freedom to
exist at its greatest degree.”
Conway adds that it also can be
challenging to get a client to attend
regular meetings. “Many are reluctant
for obvious reasons, but also because
they may have social challenges, or are
full of shame, [have a] fear of being
recognized or believe that everyone
there is ‘bad,’” she says.
Partner preparation
Sexual addiction obviously has an
impact on the addict’s family, and on
the partner or spouse in particular.
Frequently, the client comes to
treatment directly because the
partner has discovered the behavior.
The 12-step approach to family
addictions has been applied to this
circumstance as well, with S-Anon
and COSA (Codependents of Sex
Addicts) groups providing support and
psychoeducation for the partners of
the identified addicts.
But that sort of support might not be
enough, and in certain circumstances,
may prove even more harmful to the
relationship, according to Steffens,
coauthor of Your Sexually Addicted
Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and
Heal.
“The partner or spouse of the
person with the addiction is often
ignored in treatment or becomes
involved only as a support to the
treatment of the addict, neglecting
the severe stress and trauma
experienced by the partner in
response to ongoing betrayal, deceit,
infidelity and potential abuse in the
relationship,” she explains.
Operating from a noncodependency approach, Steffens has
developed a “partner trauma model”
for working with the partners of sex
addicts. “At the time treatment is
initiated, most partners are in crisis
and in need of their own support
and counseling,” she explains. “They
are likely displaying traumatic stress
symptoms due to the significant
deceit, betrayal and threat to their
safety brought on by the sex addiction
discovery. The partner is assaulted
with the reality of repeated infidelity,
betrayal, years of deceit, often loss of
financial resources, possible infection
with sexually transmitted disease
and fear for her own safety.” (Note:
Steffens sometimes uses “she” and
“her” when referring to partners of
sexual addicts; she is not insinuating,
however, that only men are susceptible
to sex addiction or that only women
need help recovering from the
discovery of a partner’s sex addiction.)
“To ask them to come in to
support the person with the addiction
is asking a lot early in recovery,”
Steffens says. “For many partners,
being asked to join sessions to support
the addict’s treatment is like being
asked to do so for someone who has
just assaulted them. The person they
love the most has now become the
person who has hurt them the worst.”
She adds that early in the process,
“many partners are reeling with the
sudden disclosure of years of sexual
acting out and infidelity and are often
traumatized by this information.”
In 2006, Steffens performed a
study of women whose partners were
sexual addicts and found that nearly
70 percent of these women showed
symptoms that were akin to those
for post-traumatic stress disorder.
“For someone with post-traumatic
stress, they experienced something
that resulted in a sense of horror
and helplessness. For many partners
of sex addicts, this describes their
experience,” she says.
“So, rather than say that a partner
of a sexual addict has their own
disease or addiction — coaddiction
or codependency — I acknowledge
and respond to the post-traumatic
stress found in those who have had
their lives and hopes shattered by the
sexual betrayal/infidelity that occurs
when the addiction is sex.” Steffens
recommends that these partners first
find their own support systems and
individual counselors, while using
couples therapy for crisis management
and psychoeducation. “When both
individuals have stabilized, more
traditional marital work is in order,”
she says, while also emphasizing the
importance of finding a counselor
with specific understanding of sexual
addictions.
“I am hearing stories from partners
who have gone into … intensive
treatment settings only to be told they
are ‘just as sick’ as their husbands,”
Steffens says. “These partners
experience this as retraumatizing
and being treated as an appendage
of the person with the addiction
rather than as an individual with
their own mental health needs as
a result of the traumatic events
they’ve experienced.”
that trauma, deficit, conflict and
characterological dysfunction are the
primary underlying disturbances with
most diagnoses. “Without fail, in the lives of individuals
struggling with sexually addictive
behaviors, I have come to uncover one,
if not multiple, of these underlying
disturbances that is the drive for their
sexual acting out. In addition, it is
important to explore the relational
dynamics created by the sexual acting
out,” he says.
Frye has found that treatment
usually starts with working on sobriety
from acting-out behaviors such as
spending time on pornographic
websites. Once some level of sobriety
has been achieved, the counselor
assists the client in determining the
primary function that the acting out
behavior played and the relational
experiences that helped create
the addictive behavior as a coping
strategy.
For example, sexual compulsivity
provides immediate gratification
without risking the vulnerability
of having to connect within a true
relationship. Sex addicts may be
compensating for low self-esteem
resulting from an abusive childhood,
seeking to avoid unpleasant feelings
such as work anxiety, or circumventing
the process of having to relate to
others in order to have their sexual
needs met. Much like addictions to
alcohol or food, the compulsivity
distracts sex addicts from a reality
that feels too difficult to navigate.
Counselors can help those struggling
with sex addiction to recognize these
underlying motivations and stop selfdestructive patterns of behavior.
Conway urges counselors never
to shame or judge these clients or
even to assume a thing about their
experiences of sexual addiction.
“Most clients have a history of
trauma that is underlying their
addiction. It is important to explore
their acting out behaviors — what
are the behaviors, what is their
arousal template, what kind
of porn are they viewing? The
19
In terms of sexual addiction, the
definition of sobriety can vary greatly
depending on a client’s specific
circumstances and choice of treatment.
For some, sobriety is about abstaining
from any online content of a sexual
nature. For others, it is about limiting
sexual contact to a single partner
within a committed relationship. Still,
one regular theme in recovery is the
challenge of finding healthy ways to
be in connection with those around
them.
“Throughout sexual addiction
recovery work, treatment continues
to include some element of the
counselor assisting the client to
engage in current relationships,” Frye
says. “Helping the client find healthy,
intimate ways of connecting both
sexually and nonsexually are put in
place to supply the intimacy that most
sexual addicts have longed for their
entire lives.”
Frye also stresses that counselors
must partner with clients to create
a sobriety plan or structure that can
provide support when the client
relapses or feels anxious about
relapsing. “A comprehensive plan
is necessary so the client can feel
equipped to maintain the progress
achieved in counseling,” he says.
Conway adds that in recovery,
spouses or partners should witness the
addicted individual’s defenses going
down. “They will have access to their
partners’ cell phones, computers,
emails, etc.,” she says. “There will
be accountability and remorse.
Therapists will begin to see the same
accountability, vulnerability and
willingness to do whatever is
required to maintain abstinence. A
client’s defenses will lower, and he
will get in touch with his feelings.”
Further, real recovery often
includes the couple’s relationship
changing, not just the addicted
person refraining from engaging in
acting out behavior. “The person
in recovery will be accountable
to others in his behaviors and
20
she is? Is it safety-seeking behavior
that is often viewed as symptomatic of
her own disease?
Stacy Notaras Murphy is a licensed professional
counselor and certified Imago relationship
therapist practicing in Washington, D.C.
To contact her, visit therapygeorgetown.com.
Letters to the editor: ct@counseling.org
5) Think safety first. How would you
respond to a victim of sexual assault or
domestic violence? Help her establish a
sense of empowerment. How else can
we assist her in finding safety?
Supporting partners
of sex addicts
6) Join with other treatment
providers who specialize in working
with partners. There is a growing
group of clinicians and sex addiction
specialists who are seeking to improve
treatment for partners.
For too long, partners of sex addicts
have been asked to support the
addict’s recovery without having
attention paid to their own experience
of trauma. In some cases, these
partners are even asked to label
themselves as “coaddicts” to help
frame the addiction within the
couple’s relationship. Barbara Steffens
is an American Counseling Association
member and certified clinical sexual
addiction specialist in West Chester,
Ohio. She argues that treatment
professionals must develop more
effective and respectful treatment
protocols for partners of sex addicts.
To that end, she makes the following
recommendations for counselors
(Steffens refers generically here to the
partner being female, but that is not
always the case):
1) Ask her what she needs. Partners
have a wealth of wisdom and strength,
as well as experience. We need to
learn from them.
2) Assess her needs and history.
What is unique about this partner,
her experience, the relationship,
her history? What are her current
symptoms? Why is she acting the way
OVERVIEW
3) Conduct research. We need a
more complete understanding of the
experiences and needs of those in
relationship with sex addicts.
4) See her as a primary patient, a
client in her own right, not just as
a member of the family who needs
information on addiction. She has her
own mental health needs as a victim of
another person’s infidelity, deception
and betrayal.
7) Consider specializing in helping
partners. There are growing numbers
of trained specialists in treating
sex addiction; we need an array
of providers who are educated,
experienced and passionate about
helping partners recover from betrayal
and trauma, and gaining a sense of
empowerment.
Steffens adds that partners of
sex addicts are struggling with many
messages as they seek to heal from
their wounding. “In the midst of what
most say is the most painful time of
their lives, they must attend to their
pain, accept the reality of the state of
their relationship with the one they
love, manage their safety needs [and]
consider the needs of family/children,
while being told they need to wait and
see what recovery looks like before
they make any major decisions about
severing the relationship/marriage,”
she explains. “A counselor can be a
lifeline for someone navigating this
most difficult time.”
— STACY NOTA R AS MUR PH Y
THE CENTER
THAT CARES
MOUNT ARARAT
COUNSELING CENTER
MENTAL HEALTH RESOURCES:
MOUNT ARARAT COUNSELING CENTER
(MACC)
271 Paulson Avenue, Pittsburgh, PA 15206
412.441.1800 Ext. 270
THE GOOD GRIEF CENTER
2717 Murray Avenue, Pittsburgh, PA 15217
412.224.4700
RE:SOLVE CRISIS NETWORK
333 North Braddock Ave, Pittsburgh, PA 15208
1.888.796.8226
PEER SUPPORT AND ADVOCACY NETWORK
(PSAN) WARMLINE
1-866-661-WARM (9276)
MERCY BEHAVIORAL HEALTH CRISIS LINE
1-877-637-2924
WESTERN PSYCHIATRIC INSTITUTE AND
CLINIC
412-624-1000 or Toll free 1(877)-624-4100
NAMI (NATIONAL ALLIANCE ON MENTAL
ILLNESS) SOUTHWESTERN PENNSYLVANIA
105 Braunlich Drive, Suite 200, McKnight Plaza,
Pittsburgh, PA 15237
Phone: 412-366-3788 or Toll free: 1-888-264-7972
The Mount Ararat Counseling
Center (MACC) is designed
to fill the gaps identified in
both the Church and in the
greater Pittsburgh community
by providing affordable and
accessible services as well as
trained licensed mental health
professionals who incorporate
culturally sensitive and culturally appropriate counseling
services that include spiritual,
Christian and faith-based interventions.
GOALS &
OBJECTIVES
MACC’s approach to addressing client needs integrates
spiritual, Christian, ethical and
religious values. It is MACC’s
belief that the infusion of
these elements into the counseling process is essential for
the overall development of
those that will be served. Another goal of MACC includes
providing Christian-based
psychological and emotional support, as well as social
services to clients, who may
or may not be members of
Mount Ararat Baptist Church
(MABC), but who are in need
of professional guidance and
advocacy in dealing with issues
that may prevent effective and
responsible conduct of their
daily lives.
TARGET
POPULATIONS
The target clientele for MACC
are individuals, couples,
families, and groups across
the lifespan (i.e., children,
adolescents, adults and older
adults). MACC will be targeted to members of MABC, to
other church congregations,
to members of the East Liberty
area of Pittsburgh, and to
members of the greater Pittsburgh Community.
COMMON CONCERNS
ADDRESSED BY
MACC
Depression; Anxiety; Stress;
Abuse; Crisis Support; Relationship Issues; Grief, Death
& Loss; Self-Esteem; Alcohol
& Substance Abuse; Identity;
Development; Career Planning
& Development; Anger; Life
Skills; Deficits; Retirement.
MACC STAFF
Trained professional or clinicians (i.e. licensed or masters-level) with diverse qualifications and backgrounds,
including professional counseling, marriage, couple and
family therapy, psychology,
pastoral counseling and counseling psychology, conduct
the Mount Ararat Counseling
Center (MACC) counseling
sessions. Some counseling
services may be provided by
qualified students enrolled
in masters-level and doctoral
degree programs under the
supervision of MACC licensed
mental health professionals
and faculty members or doctoral interns who are licensed
mental health professionals.
INSURANCE & FEES
Highmark, UPMC, and Community Care Behavior Health
(CCBH) insurance companies
cover MACC’s services, and
we also offer fee-for-service
and sliding scale for those who
may not have insurance and/or
may have difficulty paying. In
extreme cases of financial
hardships and lack of insurance, pro-bono assistance
may be available. Please
contact MACC for further
information on the rates for
counseling services.
Real recovery
transparent with his partner regarding
his life,” Steffens explains. “He actively
participates in a treatment program
or process. He works to demonstrate
consistency. He acknowledges that
trust has been violated and begins
repair attempts. As the partner is
supported in their own restoration
following betrayal, they come to
watch for and appreciate these signs
of deeper change. Recovery is not just
behavior cessation or management;
recovery becomes an opportunity for
holistic change.”
21
MOUNT MAGAZINE NEWS PARTNER
newpittsburghcourieronline.com
BY DESIR E THOMPSON
PITTSBURGH BLACK MEDIA FEDERATION
CONDEMNS POST-GAZETTE COLUMN ON SLAVERY
BY COUR IER NEWSROOM
PITTSBURGH – Normally, the type
of propaganda and twisted thinking evidenced in Jack Kelly’s column
“Remnants of Slavery,” published in
the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette on Sept. 13,
should not be dignified with a response. However, its content is so egregiously
ignorant, its premise so flawed, and the
platform that lends it credence so public
that it must be addressed for the sake of
truth and accuracy.
Outrageous excerpts from the column are as follows:
22
“The words ‘slavery’ and ‘benign’
ought never to appear in the same
sentence, but slaves in the American
South and the British Caribbean
(usually) were treated less harshly
than in most other places where slavery has been practiced — especially
in ancient times.”
“Slavery was horrible, but no black
American living today has suffered
from it. Most are better off than if their
ancestors had remained in Africa.”
Historians, sociologists and psychologists across the globe agree that U.S.
slavery was uniquely pernicious in its
practice and long-term debilitating
effects on slaves and their descendants,
a disgraceful legacy that still has adverse
impact today. Some of the racial disparities that persist in educational achievement, access to quality housing and
livable wages, and other areas have been
linked to the lasting effects of slavery.
The Pittsburgh Black Media Federation calls on all columnists, reporters
and other media professionals to responsibly discuss salient issues.
Before sitting down at his computer to write, Mr. Kelly should consider
the professional and ethical mandates
of responsible journalism. In this case,
learning the facts about U.S. slavery and
institutional racism before articulating
ALL FOUR OFFICERS OF THE PITTSBURGH BLACK MEDIA FEDERATION WERE WORKING IN PARIS, FRANCE:
PARLIAMENTARIAN LAMONT JONES, JR., PRESIDENT
TORY N. PARRISH, SECRETARY MERECEDES J. HOWZE,
AND VICE PRESIDENT BRIAN COOK, SR. (PHOTO BY N.
BIANCA TOLIVER)
an opinion likely would have resulted in
a more legitimate expression of opinion
and provided an important public service to P-G readers.
To that end and for future reference,
we are glad to furnish experts from every
ethnic group who can educate Mr. Kelly
about the myths, fallacies and erroneous assumptions that undergirded his
column.
We also would be delighted to introduce him to journalism ethicists who can
remind him why an opinion piece is not
a license to revise history.
The Pittsburgh Black Media Federation strongly condemns the column as
a blight on journalism. Shame on Mr.
Kelly, and shame on the Post-Gazette for
printing something unfit for a serious
newspaper.
A new study conducted in
Washington reveals Black
children are getting far less
medication than White
children upon admission into
hospitals, NBC News reports.
The Journal of the American Medical Association’s
JAMA Pediatrics published
the study, finding Black children with acute appendicitis
aren’t given the required pain
medication. Often times, the
report says, Black children
are not asked about their
level of pain. Researchers
with Dr. Monika Goyal of the
Children’s National Health
System began the study by
looking at nationwide surveys regarding over 900,000
children with acute appendicitis. Researchers claim their
study reveals the racial
disparities in children,
and sometimes the unconscious bias doctors have
when aiding a Black child.
A reported 34 percent of
White children were given an
opioid analgesia, a drug recommended to relieve abdominal pain. Only 12 percent of
Black children were given the
same drug.
NBC News reports:
“Our findings suggest that
although clinicians may
recognize pain equally across
racial groups, they may be
reacting to the pain differently by treating Black patients
with nonopioid analgesia,
such as ibuprofen and acetaminophen, while treating
White patients with opioid
analgesia for similar pain.”
Separate studies on ibuprofen have been mixed
over the years. A 2014 study
from the Public Library of
Science-Genetics claimed
the painkiller could extend
life expectancy. Others
claim ibuprofen can be
harmful in adulthood, possibly exposing individuals to
heart problems.
Meanwhile, researchers
say the findings have shown
a 30-year pattern in the lack
of medicating Black children.
Black children aren’t likely to
speak about their pain, but
medical professionals are
required to ask, no matter the
patient’s race.
SOURCE: NBC News | VIDEO
CREDIT: NDN
BY TER RY SHROPSHIR E ,
NATIONA L COR R ESPONDENT
A portion of Toni Braxton’s story has been told on the
popular “Braxton Family Values.” But now the most famous
and successful Braxton is set to have her entire tumultuous
life shown on the big screen.
Toni Braxton has been given the greenlight by the
Lifetime channel to adapt her autobiography, Un-Break My
Heart, for the small screen.
This “authorized life story” will unspool the tale of
the Grammy Award-winning R&B singer who has battled
through lupus, financial woes, and divorce while raising a
son with autism. The network bills Un-Break My Heart as
“the never-before-told story of the measures Braxton took
to make herself and her family whole again, serving as an
inspiration to people around the world.”
Braxton, who stars in the WE tv’s reality series “Braxton Family Values,” is among the executive producers
of the film, who also include Craig Baumgarten, executive producer of Lifetime’s Twist of Faith, an interfaith
love story that she also starred in. “Un-Break My Heart,”
which goes into production later this year, is being written
by Susan McMartin (Mom) and directed by Vondie Curtis-Hall (Abducted: The Carlina White Story).
OR IGINA LLY SEEN ON ATL A NTA DA ILY WOR LD.COM
STUDY: BLACK CHILDREN
RECEIVE LESS PAIN MEDICATION
THAN WHITE CHILDREN
TONI BRAXTON’S
LIFE STORY TO BE TOLD ON
LIFETIME CHANNEL
23
Quick, Inexpensive Ways
to Give Your Home
a Fall Facelift
YOUTHS PARTICIPATE
IN SUMMER HEALTHY
LIFESTYLES PROGRAM
BY COUR IER NEWSROOM
24
Pittsburgh Community Services Inc. is the Community
Action Agency, anti- poverty agency, youth program for the
City, whose goal is to serve low to moderate income—level
individuals and families and move them toward self-sufficiency.
PCSI received $20,000 from the Coca Cola Foundation
to provide a summer program to encourage healthy lifestyles for youth. The youth who participated in this program
received recognition and stipends for their dedication and
commitment over an 8-week period. The event was held at
the EECO Center located at 200 Larimer Ave., in Larimer.
Community
College of
Allegheny
County offers:
ROTATING GALLERY
A digital photo display is
the easiest way to showcase
seasonally suitable photos of
friends and family. In fall, that
means Halloween portraits,
autumn picnics, trips to the
pumpkin patch, and back-toschool photos.
Consider rotating the
artwork displayed in your
home to highlight seasonal
colors. Whether you want to
get spooky for Halloween or
focus on fall’s natural hues, this
task won’t take long to do and
will greatly impact the look and
feel of each room.
•Morethan
150programs
•23transferprograms
•Articulation
agreementsin
125programs
•Online&on-campus
courses
Classes
enrolling
now
ccac.edu
admissions@ccac.edu
412.237.3100
POPS OF COLOR
OUR GOAL IS YOUR
SUCCESS.
“With relatively little effort,
you can add bright, bold colors
to your home by swapping out
the knobs and handles on your
cabinets, credenzas and other
furniture,” says Cohler.
Seasonal sets of cabinet
hardware can keep the look
fresh in your home. All you
need is a screwdriver and a few
hours.
A free web-based
application, Splash by
Amerock, offers a new
interactive design and
shopping experience by
allowing you to truly customize
hardware for cabinets and
furniture. The interactive site
and first of its kind product
line allows you to test various
colors and shapes of cabinetry
hardware and view the
different looks on different
style and color cabinets.
From kitchens to
bathrooms to bedrooms and
living areas, you can make your
rooms pop with bold colors.
Think orange, purple and black
for Halloween flair, or greens,
reds and browns for a natural
effect.
Hardware is easy to
swap out and you can give
your home a fun, fresh fall
makeover inexpensively and
without much hassle. To check
out 20 unique color options,
visit www.Amerock.com.
CURTAINS
Another easy way to make a
quick look-and-feel change
to a room is by swapping out
curtains. It’s a great way to
customize a space to better
fit the mood of the season.
What’s more -- a quarterly
rotation of window treatments
presents a much-needed
opportunity for a good
cleaning. Be sure to store your
freshly laundered linens in a
sealed bag so they don’t collect
dust. When they make their
appearance the following year,
they will be vibrant and fresh.
Fall can be a particularly
busy time of year; however, a
few easily implemented ideas
can go a long way to add a
festive vibe to your home.
(STATEPOINT )
SUMMER PROGRAM PARTICIPANTS—INSTRUCTOR KNOWLEDGE MURPHY, BACK
ROW, RED SHIRT, WITH ALL THE KIDS WHO TOOK PART IN PCSI’S SUMMER YOUTH
PROGRAM. (PHOTOS BY J.L. MARTELLO)
A seasonal home makeover
doesn’t need to cost a fortune
or be difficult to execute.
Quick, easy and innovative
ideas can give your home the
fall flair needed to celebrate
the season.
“Seasonal décor updates
should jive with your home’s
style, while also adding
something extra to the mix,”
says Eric Cohler, who has been
listed as a top international
designer by House Beautiful
and Elle Décor magazines.
“Keep it easy though, so that
when the season is over, you
won’t end up with a lack of
motivation to refresh and a
space that feels passé.”
To add autumn elements
to your home without
completely revamping your
interior, consider these ideas:
25
“How do I get a flat stomach?” I hear
this question more than any other.
To get defined abs, it’s going to take
work. There are no quick fixes, no
gadgets, no magic pill. A lean midsection takes a combination of good
nutrition, cardiovascular conditioning, and abdominal training. Getting
the abs you›ve always wanted doesn›t
have to be a goal that you spend your
entire life chasing. Most people can
have that sleek, shredded abdomen
if they just train hard and eat right.
It is always the latter of these two
components that keeps people from
getting there. Sometimes, it›s for a
pure lack of discipline. But for some
people, it›s a matter of information too much or too little of it can hinder
your achieving your six-pack. In this
month’s article, I talk about the steps
needed to reach this goal. 26
and definition; they are most visible
on someone who has low body fat.
Improve your body’s fat-burning ability
by making changes to diet and exercise
and you’ll soon see the improvements.
To get the lean, defined look, your
muscles need between 0.8 - 2 grams
of protein per kilogram of bodyweight
per day. So, a 70kg man should aim
for 56 - 140 grams of protein per day.
Protein feeds your muscles the essential fuel they need to help recover after
a tough workout in the gym.
For your abs to be visible, you have
to get rid of the fat. Cut your calorie
intake by 250-500 calories per day, this
should promote a gradual fat loss of
around 1-2lbs per week. Grazing (eating little and often) rather than gorging (eating 2-3 big meals) throughout
the day takes the edge off hunger so
you eat less at meals and help shed the
belly. One popular approach is to eat
breakfast, lunch and dinner and for
convenience protein supplements are
ideal as a mid-morning and/or mid-af-
ternoon snack.
Although too much fat isn’t
healthy, some fat in your diet is
essential to developing those great
abs. High-fat, cold-water fish such
as salmon or mackerel are rich in the
long-chain Omega 3 fats, which are
essential to good health. Foods like
avocados, nuts and olive oil contain
primarily monounsaturated fat, which
is another type of ‘good’ fat, and
should be eaten on a regular basis.
Once your protein and fat intake is
taken care of, the next step is to adjust
carbohydrate intake. Cut back on high
sugar foods such as cakes, confectionary bars, and sugary drinks and replace
them with more fruits, vegetables and
fibre-rich foods. This helps strip away
fat from the six-pack abs you are after.
Proper nutrition and eliminating
processed junk foods will prevent
any gastrointestinal issues that cause
inflammation and water retention. If
you’re eating natural and whole foods,
you can eat more than if you’re eating
processed foods. Eat five to six small
meals a day. This way your metabolism keeps stoked all day long which
gives you energy and keeps you from
overeating.
Exercise alone is great for expending calories. However, without
watching your diet, it’s going to be a
long, slow road to getting a six-pack.
For your abdominal muscles to show,
you have to shed the fat that lies on
top. Genetically, women have a disadvantage when it comes to attaining
a lower body fat, especially if you
are trying to attain more than a flat
stomach. Women store more fat than
men. For good reason, their bodies are
designed to bear and nourish babies.
Fat is the primary energy source to
support fetal development. For woman to lower her body fat
enough to have a defined six-pack, she
risks the possibility of interrupting her
normal menstrual cycle. What can she
do to have a chiseled look without putting herself at undue risk. To tone and
shrink her midsection, she should aim
for 16-18% in body fat. If her goal is
to have a six-pack, 12% body fat is the
key. Men looking to attain that 6 pack
goal should strive for 8% body fat.
CARDIO: 10
Yes, believe or not, cardio is only 10%
of what is required for achieving that
chiseled set of abs. Too much cardio
can work against you! While it helps to
drop fat, it should not be seen as your
“go to”, but rather as supplemental to
your overall program. The nest cardio
routine are sprints intervals or HIT
training. Have you ever looked at the
abs of a sprinter? They have great abs.
Running backs and corner backs also
possess abs that would make most envious. While cardio is part of the equation, it must be done in moderation.
You want to limit your time engaging
this type of exercise. Too much time
of this type of extrenuous exercise can
stress the body. If the body is stressed
it will hold water and hide any visibility
of the abs. BUILDING YOUR ABS 20 Abdominal muscles consist of three
layers. The very deepest layer is the
transversus abdominis, which acts as
the body’s girdle providing support
and stability and plays a critical role in
exhalation (lower abdominals). Next is
the rectus abdominis that flexes the
spine (upper abs) Closest to the surface
are the internal and external obliques
which turn the trunk and provide the
body with rotation and lateral movements. You should train the abdominals
much the same way as you would any
other part of the body. These muscles
are no different than any other muscle
group and should respond the same.
If you want to create mass, lift heavy
with low reps (6-8 reps). If you want
toning, execute more reps (15-20 )
with no or light weight. For your core
muscles (your stabilizers), focusing on
proper form during squats and deadlifts are important. This is also great
for my guys who are trying to increase
power in their chests and backs.
SUGGESTED EXERCISES
FOR YOU TO TRY:
1) Ball crunches
• Lie on an exercise ball with your
lower back pressed against the ball.
Your feet should be bent at the
knee and pressed firmly against the
floor. The upper torso should be
hanging off the top of the ball. The
arms should either be kept alongside the body or crossed on top of
your chest as these positions avoid
neck strains (as opposed to the
hands behind the back of the head
position).
• Lower your torso into a stretch position keeping the neck stationary at
all times. This will be your starting
position.
• With the hips stationary, flex the
waist by contracting the abdominals and curl the shoulders and
trunk upward until you feel a nice
contraction on your abdominals.
The arms should simply slide up the
side of your legs if you have them at
the side or just stay on top of your
chest if you have them crossed. The
lower back should always stay in
contact with the ball. Exhale as you
perform this movement and hold
the contraction for a second.
2) Machine seated crunches • Your arms should be bent at a
90 degrees angle as you rest the
triceps on the pads provided.
This will be your starting position.
• Lift the legs up as you crunch
your upper torso. Breathe out as
you perform this movement. Tip:
How to Get
Beach Body Abs
NUTRITION 70
Abs aren’t made in the gym -- they’re
made in the kitchen. What you put
into your mouth is far more important
than what you put into your workout. Of course, that doesn’t mean
exercise isn’t an important part of the
fat-burning formula. But if you want
the fastest results, a smart eating plan
is the foundation of your gut-busting
program. Getting a six pack is almost
entirely a diet game. You need to get
the eating down. Good nutrition is
70% of achieving any aesthetic goal.
It is absolutely essential for overall
physique.
That coveted six-pack will be seen
when one lowers overall body fat
percentage. The lower the percentage
the less subcutaneous fat and fluid will
be found under the skin and on top of
muscles yielding that shredded look
that we’ve come to know as the sixpack.
Great-looking abdominal muscles
are achieved by improving their size
27
arms are bent and directly below
the shoulder.
• Keep your body straight at all
times, and hold this position as long
as possible. To increase difficulty, an
arm or leg can be raised.
PHOTO
RECAP
PRAYER MEETING
3) Decline Reverse Crunch
• Lie on your back on a decline
bench. Hold on to the top of the
bench with both hands. Don’t
let your body slip down from this
position.
• Hold your legs parallel to the floor.
You will use your abs to hold them
there while keeping your knees and
feet together. Your legs should be
fully extended with a slight bend
on the knee.
• While exhaling, move your legs
towards the torso as you roll your
pelvis backwards and you raise your
hips off the bench. At the end of
this movement, your knees will be
touching your chest.
• Hold the contraction for a second and while inhaling move your
legs back to the starting position.
• Note. If this exercise proves
to be too challenging in the beginning, substitute the decline bench
with the flat bench.
28
•
5) Bicycle kicks
• Lie face up on your mat and place
your hands behind your head, lightly supporting your head with your
fingers.
• Bring the knees in to the chest and
lift the shoulder blades off the floor
without pulling on the neck.
• Rotate to the left, bringing the
right elbow towards the left knee
as you straighten the other leg.
• Switch sides bringing the left elbow
towards the right knee.
6) Plank holds • Get into a prone position on the
floor supporting your weight on
your toes and your forearms. Your
FINALLY, DID YOU KNOW?
Other than an aesthetic look, there
are other important reasons to train
the midsection. The core muscles of
the abdominals strengthen the torso,
improve posture, decrease low back
pain, and reduce risk of injury.
Abdominal training can also improve
other areas of fitness. If you’re a golfer
or tennis player, working with a stronger core is going to give you more
power behind your stroke or serve and
reduce risk of shoulder injury. A stronger torso, for example, will put less
strain on your knees while running.
Camille Clarke is an IFBB Figure Pro, Fitness
Model, Nutritionist and owner of Camille’s
Fitness Inc. Camille holds an MS in Exercise
Physiology and is currently certified through
ISSA, ACSM and NASM. Camille’s experience
as an obese adolescent weighing in at 283lbs
gives her a firsthand understanding of those
who struggle with weight loss. Camille’s quest to
change her health and appearance has pushed
her to motivate, inspire and educate others to do
the same!
Website: camillesfitness.com
Join our Deacons as they host
Prayer Meetings every Wednesday from 6:30pm to 7:30pm
in the Youth Sanctuary. Bring
someone with you as we pray
for individual concerns, our
community and nation. We
look forward to seeing you
there. For more information,
call 412-441-1800 Ext. 0 or
send an email to information@
mt-ararat.org
Be sure to use a slow and controlled
motion. Concentrate on using your
abs to move the weight while relaxing your legs and feet.
• After a pause, breathe in slowly as
you return to the starting position.
4) Captain chair leg raise • Position your body on the vertical
leg raise bench so that your forearms are resting on the pads next
to the torso and holding on to the
handles.
• Your torso should be straight with
the lower back pressed against the
pad of the machine and the legs extended pointing towards the floor.
• As you breathe out, lift your legs up
as you keep them extended. Continue this movement until your knees
pass your hips. Hold for a contraction. Do not use any momentum
or swinging as you perform this
exercise.
• As you breathe in, slowly return to
the starting position.
29
Wedding bells are ringing
and “I Dos” are in the air.
Newlyweds are taking their
first steps toward happily ever
after, including combining their
finances. But doing so is not
without potential pitfalls.
Undeniably, money
can be a huge stressor on a
relationship, especially on a
brand-new marriage; and most
couples have an unrealistic
view of how they will handle
their finances, according to a
new survey from credit bureau
TransUnion, tracking the
attitudes of engaged couples
and newlyweds.
More than half of
engaged couples said they
intend to divide financial
decision-making equally, but
only 37 percent of married
respondents said they actually
share the responsibility equally
-- more than 36 percent of
respondents said they make
budgeting decisions by
themselves.
“Before tying the knot,
couples often overlook
financial basics like budgeting
and checking their credit
scores, which can prove to be a
significant oversight,” says Ken
Chaplin, senior vice president
at TransUnion. “To smoothly
merge two separate financial
lives, don’t shy away from
discussions about financial
goals, marriage and credit,
debt payments and overall
expectations.”
Still, only a quarter of
engaged couples said they
would inquire about their
fiancée’s credit score before
marriage. And while 85
percent of all respondents
said they know where to
look up this information,
more than a quarter of
married respondents and
nearly a third of engaged
respondents said they don’t
monitor their scores.
While common, prenuptial
30
financial missteps can be easily
remedied:
PRODUCTIVELY
DISCUSS FINANCES
Most couples say they are
very comfortable discussing
money. However, if you
aren’t prepared with accurate
financial knowledge, the
conversation may not be
effective. As part of this
conversation, check your credit
scores. You can get them
through TransUnion’s credit
monitoring tool. Together,
share your financial priorities
for the future.
Many couples don’t consider
how marriage and debt
impact one another. Before
forming the union, disclose
any debt that you have. Half
of survey respondents cite car
payments as a source of debt,
with student loans cited as the
second most common source of
debt for engaged and married
respondents. Open and honest
discussion early on will help you
avoid future problems.
MAKE A FINANCIAL PLAN
Newly married couples have
big plans ahead of them:
children, new homes, cars,
travel dreams and more. The
majority of engaged couples
consider themselves to be
savers and put saving money
at the top of their financial
agenda, according to the
survey. However, make sure
you are building a complete
savings plan and ensure that
your financial goals are aligned.
GET INFORMATION
Remember to always check
your credit score, and consider
consulting a financial planner
for advice.
For credit monitoring
tools, a helpful infographic
and other tips for healthy
marital finances, visit www.
TransUnion.com.
Marriage and financial
planning are a perfect pair.
Have the difficult conversations
before walking down the
aisle, to help pave the way for
financial and marital happiness
down the road.
(STATEPOINT )
PHOTO
RECAP
SUMMER CAMP
Camp Harambee is a youth
summer day camp which provides
educational, cultural, recreational,
and creative activities. The goal
of summer camp is to encourage
family bonding, improve literacy,
and expose campers to service
learning. This year our Community
Activity Center hosted over 280
youth. Congratulations to a successful summer camp experience.
We look forward to next year! For
more information about Mount
Ararat’s Community Activity
Center’s Summer Camp, call 412441-1800.
Tips to Help Ensure
Financial Marital Bliss
DISCLOSE DEBT
31
Plan Your
Holiday
Budget Early
PHOTO
RECAP
The holiday season will be
here before you know it,
and it is never too early
to start budgeting for this
exciting time of year. While
many may seek financial
absolution in January, the
first of the year will be a
lot brighter if you avoid
seasonal over-spending in
the first place.
Here are some simple
strategies for setting up a
holiday budget and sticking
to it.
BAPTISIM &
COMMUNION
GET STARTED EARLY
Purchasing gifts, decking
the halls, throwing holiday
parties and getting out
of town will come as no
surprise, and neither should
the associated expenses.
You can end 2015 in the
black by planning ahead.
Just as you may tuck
away savings for a rainy day
or for a big purchase down
the line, you can also create
a holiday fund. Cut back on
unnecessary expenditures
here and there, diverting
that portion of your income
to a special savings account
marked “Holiday Spending.”
32
SMART
SPREADSHEETS
Before hitting the stores,
map out your spending
with an organized
spreadsheet. It is easier
to keep track of your
purchases when you
have an interactive visual
to assist you.
These days, it is
easier than ever
to mathematically
calculate your
expenditures
as certain new
models of scientific
calculators for
the first time
offer spreadsheet
functionality. For
example, Casio’s
new CLASSWIZ
fx-991EX scientific
calculator allows
users to create
spreadsheets of
up to five columns and
45 rows for a maximum
of 170 data items on its
high-resolution LCD screen.
With its icon-based display
and 274 functions, this tool
can prove valuable when
planning your pre-holiday
season savings. More
information can be found at
www.ShopCasio.com.
SHOPPING STRATEGIES
Store designers have
admitted that floor displays
are designed to keep you
browsing and to encourage
impulse purchases. You can
circumvent these obstacles
by being aware of them.
For example, the area
around checkout is full of
grab-and-go smaller items,
the purchase of which can
easily be justified on a
whim.
Making a list and
knowing what you plan to
purchase before entering
a store can help you get
in and out without adding
more to your cart than you
planned.
With smart planning
and new tech tools, you
can end this year with your
coffers full.
(STATEPOINT )
We welcomed Reverend
Benjamin Calvert, choir and the
congregation of Mount Carmel
Community Baptist Church for our
Baptism and Communion service
the first Tuesday in September.
During this service, attendees
enjoyed songs of praise and
worship, welcomed new members,
partook of the Lord’s Supper and
heard the Word of God presented
by Reverend Calvert. You are
invited to join us every first
Tuesday for this special worship
service.For more information,
call 412-441-1800, Ext. 0 or visit
www.mt-ararat.org
33
PHOTO
RECAP
SENIOR
LUNCHEON
The Community Center hosts a
Senior Luncheon every quarter at Mount Ararat Baptist
Church. The buffet style event
features entertainment or an
educational or motivational speaker. The luncheons
continue to grow in popularity
and have become one of the
most-anticipated highlights
in the Seniors Program. For
more information about the
programs and services offered
at Mount Ararat’s Community
Activity Center, call 412-4411852.
College course materials can be
cheaper than most college students
think. Book and supplies only account
for four percent of the cost of attending college among the top 10 most
populous colleges and universities
(using population rankings from
“Forbes”). Books themselves are
just a fraction of that four percent.
However, during a time when many
institutions are raising tuition and
other fees, students are finding
new ways to cut spending on these
materials.
Student spending on course
materials this past year was an
estimated 20 percent less than the
34
2007 to 2008 school year, according to
statistics from Student Watch, developed by the National Association of
College Stores. This decline can be
attributed to innovative offerings from
educational publishing companies,
such as adaptive learning platforms,
eBooks, eChapters, looseleaf editions,
black-and-white editions and print-ityourself editions.
New platforms are not only
helping reduce textbook prices, they
are increasing student success, say
experts. Digital learning presents content in more engaging and interactive
ways than traditional counterparts.
For more information, visit the Asso-
ciation of American Publishers Back to
Campus website at aapbacktocampus.
org.
Resourceful students seeking
ways to reduce the price tag associated with their degrees should think
beyond scholarships and grants and
take advantage of less costly course
material options.
(STATEPOINT )
How Students are
Saving Money on
Course Materials
35
The average American eats 27 pounds
of bananas every year -- and it’s no
wonder, bananas not only taste great,
they are also good for your health.
As an excellent source of dietary
fiber, complex carbohydrates, vitamins and other nutrients, bananas
are low in calories, have no fat, sodium or cholesterol. So, incorporating
them into your diet just makes sense.
While bananas on their own make
a great snack, they can also be enjoyed in appetizers, desserts, salads,
36
(STATEPOINT )
CALLED TO BE
A MISSIONARY
INGREDIENTS:
• 1 cup all-purpose
flour
• 1 tsp. paprika
• 1 tsp. salt
• 1/2 tsp. freshly
ground pepper
• 2 egg whites
• 1 egg, beaten
• 1 cup panko breadcrumbs
• 1 cup sweetened
shredded coconut
• 1/2 tsp. grated
ginger
• Zest of 1 lime
• 1 large habanero
pepper (seeded
and stem removed)
(optional)
• 1 small onion,
chopped
• 1 clove garlic • 1 cup tomato purée
• 1/2 cup sodium-reduced chicken broth
• 1/3 cup hazelnut
spread
• 2 Tbsp. tomato paste
• 1 tsp. salt
• 1/2 tsp. cinnamon
• 1/2 tsp. chili powder
• 1/4 tsp. ground
cloves
• 1/4 tsp. cumin
• 1 Tbsp. coconut oil
DIRECTIONS:
Mole sauce: Place habanero, onion,
garlic, tomato purée, chicken broth,
hazelnut spread, tomato paste, salt,
cinnamon, chili powder, cloves and
cumin in food processor. Purée until
well combined.
Melt the coconut oil in a sauté pan
over medium heat. Add mole sauce
to the pan and simmer over medium for 30 minutes, remove from
heat. Cool to room temperature.
In a bowl, combine flour, paprika, salt and pepper. In a second
bowl, whisk together egg whites
and egg. In a third bowl, combine
panko, shredded coconut, ginger
and half the lime zest.
Coat banana slices and shrimp
in the flour mixture, egg and coconut mixture.
Heat 2 tbsp of oil in a large
skillet over medium. Fry banana
in batches, about two to three
minutes, turning frequently until
golden. Add more oil, if necessary.
Fry shrimp in batches, about four
to five minutes, turning frequently
until coating is golden and shrimps
are pink.
Remove from oil and drain on
paper towel-lined plate. Skewer two
banana slices and two shrimp onto
five skewers. Serve with sauce and
garnish with remaining lime zest.
PHOTO
RECAP
WINTERIZATION & INSULATION FUNDING
We were able to capture a picture of a few of the individuals
that serve as Missionaries at the church. A Christian missionary is a person who dedicates his or her life to fulfilling
the Great Commission: to preach the Gospel, baptizing and
making disciples (Matthew 28:19-20). To learn more about
serving in this capacity, call 412-441-1800 or send an email to:
Information@mt-ararat.org.
HOMEOWNERS:
KNOW YOUR RIGHTS!
Applications are being accepted
for home updating.
TO QUALIFY, CALL:
412-242-3521
Home owners may qualify
immediately for up to:
$50,000
for your home repair
Work performed and monthly payments
approved is subject to the ability to repay.
NEW FUNDING FOR 2015
CAN BE LIMITED. ACT QUICKLY!
1) No money down or upfront
out of your pocket
2) Low monthly payments set-up according
to your budget, not your income
3) All work is fully insured and bonded.
You see all results and must be satisfied
before any type of payment is due.
4) We can get you approved within
3-5 days without leaving your home.
CASH AVAILABLE FOR:
Kitchens
Bathrooms
Room Enclosures
Decking/Fencing
Electrical
Carpeting
Roofing
Siding
Room Additions
Windows
Doors
Heating
“A RATING” MEMBER, WESTERN PA
PA CERTIFIED AND LICENSED
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Did You Know:
Bananas are a
Nutrient-Rich
Food Choice
for Your Diet
smoothies, and baked goods, too.
For a sweet and savory delight,
try this recipe for Healthy Coconut
Crusted Chiquita Banana & Shrimp
Skewers with Hazelnut Habanero
Mole Dipping Sauce.
When shopping, look for bananas that were farmed responsibly.
For example, Chiquita is committed
to reducing its carbon emissions by
30 percent by 2020, recycles 2,000
metric tons of plastic bags and twine
used on company farms annually, and
is committed to reforestation efforts
in the regions where they farm.
For more recipes and Chiquita
fun, visit chiquitabananas.com or
download the Chiquita FanFun app.
Bananas are a great nutrient-dense power food, providing
natural energy to fuel active lives.
Pack a banana wherever you go and
you’ll always have a quick, convenient
source of nutrition to pick you up and
keep you going.
37
Why is it So Hard to
Accept Compliments?
Try a little experiment.
Think of someone you love
or respect, and offer her a
compliment. Chances are
high that she’ll deflect your
kind words, if not outright
tell you you’re just plain
wrong, suggests a new
study, which finds that
nearly 40 percent of women
have trouble accepting
compliments.
Why is it so hard to
accept a compliment?
Experts say it can often be
associated with societal
expectations that women
appear humble or demur;
and other times it’s because
of one’s own negative selfimage.
In an effort to
encourage women and girls
to lean in and listen to the
compliments they receive,
Nutrisystem created the
#NowBelieveIt campaign.
To learn more, watch their
video on Nutrisystem’s
YouTube channel at www.
youtube.com/Nutrisystem.
The next time you get
a compliment, consider
stopping for a minute to
hear the message -- you’re
a good friend, a great mom,
you work hard, you’re
smart, you’re pretty -- and
take it to heart.
Then, pay it forward
and tell someone else
what you love or admire
about them by using
these simple tips.
38
BE HONEST
Would you want to hear
a compliment that isn’t
true? Then why give that to
someone else. Be honest
and don’t use compliments
as conversation fillers.
STAY IN THE PRESENT
Sometimes compliments at
work come with a caveat
-- a reminder that despite
good work, there’s more
to be done, such as, “That
was great, and don’t forget
tomorrow’s deadline.”
Instead of focusing on
what needs to be done in
the future, simply give the
compliment then come
back later to talk about that
other project.
TELL THEM WHY
DIG DEEPER
SHIFT YOUR FOCUS
Focus on these traits when
giving compliments and the
receiver will be much more
receptive to hearing them
and believing them.
All it takes is a little
practice.
When giving a compliment,
be sure to tell the other
person why. Simply saying,
“You did a great job
today” may fall flat. Try to
elaborate with something
like, “You did a great job
today and your enthusiasm
made our whole team
shine.”
Compliments that include
put-downs often leave the
receiver feeling less than
flattered. Try to stay away
from saying things like “You
look so good for your age”
or “You’re an awesome
parent considering how
busy you are all the time.”
Shift your focus to the
compliment itself -- it’s
more meaningful on its
own.
According to a recent poll,
individuals want to hear
compliments that dig
deeper into who they truly
are, such as ones about
their personality, about
being a good friend, about
what they do, about their
intellect and about being a
good parent.
(STATEPOINT )
PHOTO CREDIT:
DIONYSIUS BURTON
the Pittsburgh Steelers made a move that
not only affected them on the field, but
also off the field. Even to the point that
some decided to stop being Steeler fans.
They signed
Quarterback Mike Vick.
Why all the
fuss about
the Steelers
signing of
Mike Vick?
BY R AY PORTER JR .
Why? Because the Steelers needed a proven veteran to backup All-Pro QB Ben Roethlisberger. Their regular backup Bruce
Gratkowski had offseason surgery and
got severely injured during the preseason.
Vick, who played for the NY Jets last season, was surprisingly available and after
rumors that the Steelers were looking at
him, they made it official on August 25th
when they signed him to a 1-year deal.
Was it a good move by the Steelers?
Absolutely, because good backup QB’s are
hard to come by. Now granted, there’s a
reason why they’re called backups…because they’re no longer a starting quarterback, but the 35-year old Vick is kind
of an exception. He was a starter 2 years
ago before being benched he Philadelphia
Eagles, and he also started a couple of
games for the Jets, including a 20-13 upset
of the Steelers for their second win of the
season.
He passed for 22,093 career passing
yards, and 131 career TDs. He is the first
QB to rush for over 6,000 yards (6,010most in NFL history) and also the first to
rush for 1,000 yards (1,039). He’s a 4-time
Pro-Bowler, 2010 NFL Comeback Player
of the Year winner and runner up for the
2010 NFL MVP award. His 13-year career
began with the Atlanta Falcons, and then
continued with the Eagles and Jets before
joining the Steelers.
So why wouldn’t the
Steelers sign him?
40
Just ask the fans who had a problem with
him joining the team. To understand, you
have to go back to 2007 when Vick was implicated in an illegal interstate dog fighting ring that had operated for five years. A
federal judge noted that he had promoted,
funded, and facilitated a dog fighting
ring on his property, and had engaged in
hanging and drowning dogs who did not
perform well. He also failed to cooperate
fully with police. In August 2007, Vick
pleaded guilty to federal felony charges
and served 21 months in prison, followed
by two months in home confinement.
ter as it pursued him. On March 16, he
was charged in the shooting of a Highway patrol Heli-Pilot and was found in
an abandoned car in Goshen Township,
Mahoning County, Ohio. When apprehended, he threw his gun away and put
his hands up. He was given five years
probation and was sent to Western Psych
Institute and Clinic in Pittsburgh. Steelers
owner Art Rooney Sr. got him out of that
institution and Holmes was starting at DT
for the Steelers not too long after.
They have also given grace to LB
James Harrison, Santonio Holmes (before
finally trading him in 2010) and Roethlisberger. The Rooneys believe in giving
second chances. Unfortunately many fans
can’t get beyond Vick’s past to allow themselves to see his maturity, but it’s certainly
not stopping the Rooney’s and the rest of
the NFL from seeing it.
Vick may not play a down with the
Steelers, but it says a lot about the team to
Steeler Byron Leftwich said to Vick after he signed with the Steelers,
“Enjoy your time with this great franchise, playing
in that uniform was the best time in my career. It’s
unfortunate that the great fans can’t see the man Mike
has became, that’s something that will follow him the
rest of his life personal and professional, good luck.”
Fighting Spectator Prohibition Act, which
would establish federal misdemeanor
penalties for spectators of illegal animal
fighting and make it a felony for adults to
bring children to fights.
Vick has changed,
so why are the fans
still coming down on him?
Because they don’t want to forget his past.
They continue to hang over his head
what he has done. As reprehensible at
is was, Vick has paid his dues. The NFL
thought so when they reinstated him and
the Eagles, Jets and now the Steelers also
thought so when they signed him to their
teams.
The Rooney’s have always believed
in giving players second chances. In 1973,
DT Ernie Holmes, who was part of the
famed Steel Curtain, had an emotional
breakdown while driving on the Ohio
Turnpike, firing shots at a police helicop-
sign a man who at one point was considered taboo to root for. Now he is a part
of a storied organization that believes in
giving opportunities. Plus they know how
to win.
Here’s what former Steeler Byron
Leftwich said to Vick after he signed
with the Steelers, “Enjoy your time with
this great franchise, playing in that
uniform was the best time in my career.
It’s unfortunate that the great fans can’t
see the man Mike has became, that’s
something that will follow him the rest
of his life personal and professional,
good luck.”
Here’s hoping that those great
fans will eventually see this as well.
The man has paid his dues. Give him a
chance to shine again.
Ray Porter Jr. is a freelance sports writer for
Urban Media Today (www.urbanmediatoday.
com). Follow him @urbanmediaRay on twitter.
A few weeks ago,
The Fallout? Vick was suspended
by the NFL and released by the Falcons while serving time in prison. Fans
understandably had a problem with that.
When he was released, Vick was counseled by former NFL Head Coach Tony
Dungy and then there was talk about him
possibly returning to the NFL. Although
some media members believed that very
few NFL teams would take a chance with
Vick, the Eagles eventually signed him to
a 1-year deal in 2009. And what most folks
didn’t know was that the Steelers were
considering signing Vick back then too,
but nothing ever really materialized.
Since then, Vick has been a changed
man. He was re-signed by Nike for
endorsements in 2012 and Vick launched
a sports clothing line called V7 to be
sold exclusively at Modell’s. Part of the
proceeds was to go to the Boys and Girls
Club of Philadelphia. Most notably, Vick
has lobbied for H.R. 2492, the Animal
41
MOVIE SCENE QUEEN
MER ECEDES J. HOWZE
Merecedes J. Howze started Movie Scene Queen to share her thoughts about the latest movie happenings
with fellow movie lovers. She’s studied journalism at Clark Atlanta University and Duquesne University,
while practicing the discipline for nearly a decade. The New Pittsburgh Courier named her one of their Fab
40, Under 40 recipients in 2013 for her vast volunteering endeavors, while being the single mother of two
young children and maintaining her post as a project coordinator with the Pittsburgh Public Schools.
MOVIE REVIEW:
“The Perfect Guy,”starring Sanaa Lathan, Morris Chestnut,
and Michael Ealy, is predictable, but not as predictable as
one would assume. You can
expect the love, the breakup,
the heartache, the occasional
stalking, and even the irrational acts of violence. But, the
movie’s turbulent twists and
timely turns leave a little wiggle room for the imagination.
The movie is about a
successfully lobbyist, Leah
Vaughn (Lathan), who is longing to be married with kids.
But, her love life gets slightly
crazy when one ex (Ealy) just
can’t let go.
“The Perfect Guy” fought
tooth and nail with “The
Visit” in box office to take
the number one spot during
opening weekend (Sept. 11-13).
“The Perfect Guy” grossed
about $26.7 million in its debut, while “The Visit” came in
close with an estimated $25.7
million.
This romantic thriller has the revengeful intensity of “Enough” (2002),
the unwanted chemistry
of “Obsessed” (2009), and
the utter madness of “No
Good Deed” (2014). Ealy
took crazy to a whole new
level, making even character Kathy Bates’ character
in “Misery” (1990) look like
42
Pee-wee Herman.
Lathan and Ealy did
more than light up the big
screen with their deadly
romance, both actors serve
as executive producers for
the movie. Despite the long,
awkward moments, the film is
an accomplishment for both
stars to proudly place on their
resumes.
Lathan, even in “Love
and Basketball” (2000) and
“Brown Sugar” (2002), is
sexy, soft, and sultry. The
43-year-old always gets the
unmarried, comfortable, and
searching-for-love roles. I
am patiently waiting for her
breakout role; a movie to
set her apart from all other
actresses.
Taraji P. Henson had
“The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (2008), Viola
Davis had “The Help” (2011),
and Halle Berry had “Monster’s Ball” (2001). What’s
Sanaa’s pivotal role? Because,
I don’t think we’ve seen it yet,
and I can’t wait until she or it
discovers her. I believe she’s
a talent that we have not had
the fortune of seeing the full
range of her acting skills.
3.5 STARS: E E E E
MOVIE REVIEW:
THE WAR ROOM
“The War Room” is about a couple,
which on the brink of divorce enlisted
the spiritual guidance of an elderly
woman. Miss Clara convinces Elizabeth
to use her own war room as a strategic
place to save her family.
Starring Alena Pitts, T.C. Stallings,
and Karen Abercrombie, “The War
Room” is powerful, convincing, and
groundbreaking. How sweet it is to
see God in mass media! Between Kim
Kardashian and “Empire,” Christianity
very rarely surfaces in the world of pop
culture.
The movie’s budget was only $3
million and, as of mid-September, has
already earned more than 15 times that
amount in the box office.
Matthew 6:6 says, “But when you
pray, go into your room, close the door
and pray to your Father, who is unseen.
Then your Father, who sees what is done
in secret, will reward you.” (NIV)
Mass prayer is acceptable and
comforting in church, but praying to
God in your lonesome is equally necessary. “The War Room” reminds you of
the power of prayer. Whether at war or
peace, prayer in a confident, secluded
place draws one close to Him. When at
war, prayer is the most powerful weapon.
From personal experience, I realized
that my War Room is anywhere I can
get on my knees and talk to God without
interruption. That also means my War
Room varies based off of my environment and circumstance. My War Room
can be in my bedroom, my office, my car,
or even, a public bathroom; wherever I
find solitude to humbly submit myself to
the Lord.
Where is your War Room?
3.5 STARS: E E E E
THE M O UN T SE PTEM B ER 2015
"THE PERFECT GUY"
LEAVES A LITTLE WIGGLE
ROOM
43
Ways to Welcome a Baby
Celebrating a new baby is both
exciting and busy. However,
setting up the house and
buying new baby items can be
expensive.
Whether you are expecting a little one, or are shopping
for someone else who is, simple
money-saving ideas from the
discount experts at Dollar General can help give you peace of
mind that everything is ready
for the arrival.
GET BACK TO BASICS
Stock up on the essentials
before baby’s arrival with items
like diapers, wipes, bottles and
baby lotion are easy to buy and
are always useful. While you’re
out shopping, pick up an item
with each visit to the store to
gradually build your stock at
home.
If you’re buying for an expecting mommy, ask her what
she needs. This will avoid duplicate purchases. Take advantage
of extra savings by utilizing a
44
digital coupon program like DG
digital coupons and save even
more when baby items are on
sale.
TAKE CARE OF MOMMY
While everyone is excited
about the new baby, it’s
important to also remember
Mommy. Take time to pamper
the mom-to-be with extra
attention and ideas that can
make her life easier.
One practical way to help
her out is by making meals that
are quick and delicious. Retailers like Dollar General offer a
variety of easy-to-fix dinner
recipes, from appetizers to
main dishes to side dishes and
desserts, and the ingredients
are available at great, everyday
low prices. For ideas, check out
the DG easy meals website at
www.dg.com/easymeals.
MAKE A GIFT
DIY is a great way to save
money and add your personal touch to any baby shower
gift. You can make a baby gift
basket with baby toys, bibs
and a photo frame. Another
thoughtful idea is to make a
mom survival kit with sweets,
scented candles, bath items
and a new movie.
Giving gifts with that
personal touch not only saves
money, but shows the new
mom how much you care.
You don’t have to let the
stress of expenses get in the
way of welcoming a little one!
A little extra effort and preparedness can go a long way
to make baby’s arrival fun and
memorable.
(STATEPOINT )

October 2015 Issue - Mount Ararat Baptist Church

Transcription

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