A Guide to Using the Strengthening Families Protective Factors

A Guide to Using the
Strengthening Families Protective
Factors Framework
Table of Contents
And How Are the Children?
1
WELCOME! 2
Parental Resilience 3
Social Connections 4
Knowledge of Parenting and of Child Development
5
Concrete Support in Times of Need
6
Social and Emotional Competence of Children
7
Nurturing and Attachment 8
Big Mud Puddles and Sunny Yellow Dandelions
9
Other Names to Describe Strengthening Families Protective Factors 10
Activities to Support Protective Factors
11
Parental Resilience Activities 11
Social Connection Activities 11
Knowledge of Child Development Activities
12
Concrete Support in Time of Need Activities
13
Social and Emotional Competence in Children Activities
13
Nurturing and Attachment Activities14
Talking Points: Relationships are most important!
15
The Goose Story16
Questions to Help Parents Identify Their Personal Protective Factors 17
Activity Materials
Materials you will need for the activities found in this booklet:
Parent Resilience: Happy/Sad Balls
Social Connections: Energy Ball
Social and Emotional Competence of Children: On Monday When It Rained by Cherryl
Kachenmeister ISBN# 978-0618111244
Concrete Support: Balloons
Nurturing and Attachment: String, yarn or ribbon
Material Sources
Happy/Sad Balls: https://www.arborsci.com/happy-unhappy-balls-happy-sad-balls
Energy Balls: http://www.arborsci.com/energy-ball
On Monday When It Rained by Cherryl Kachenmeister: local bookstores or online book dealers
And How Are the Children?
Among the many fabled and accomplished tribes of Africa, no tribe was considered to have
warriors more fearsome or more intelligent than the mighty Masai. It’s surprising, then, to
learn the traditional greeting passed among the Masai warriors: “Casserian Engeri,” which
means, “And how are the children?”
It is still the traditional greeting of the Masai, acknowledging the high value the Masai placed
on the children’s well-being. Even warriors with no children of their own would always give
the traditional answer, “All the children are well.” This meant, of course, that peace and
safety prevailed; the priorities of protecting the young and the powerless were in place; that
the Masai people had not forgotten their reason for being, their proper function and their
responsibilities.
“All the children are well” means life is good. It means the daily struggles of existence, even
among poor people, include the proper care of the young and defenseless.
I wonder how it might affect our consciousness of our own children’s welfare if we took to
greeting each other with the same daily question, “And how are the children?”
I wonder, if we heard that greeting passed along to each other a dozen times a day, if it would
begin to make a difference in the way children are thought of and cared for in this country.
I wonder what it would be like if every adult – parent and non-parent alike – felt an equal
weight of responsibility for the daily care and protection of all the children in our town, in our
state and in our country.
I wonder whether we could truly say without hesitation, “The children are well. Yes, all the
children are well.”
What would it be like if the President began every press conference, every public appearance
by answering the same question: “And how are the children, Mr. President?”
If every governor of every state had to answer the same question at every press conference:
“And how are the children, Governor? Are they well?”
Wouldn’t it be interesting to hear their answer?
1
Welcome!
Being a parent in today’s world is a big job. Trying to balance the demands of work, keep
the home running and keep your children safe, happy and healthy may leave you feeling like
there is no time for anything else.
Families come in all shapes and sizes with different customs, cultures and beliefs. However,
research has shown us that all families need protective factors to be strong and resilient.
These protective factors are what most families want to build.
1
Parental resilience
Parents can overcome hard times and rebound.
2
Social connections
Parents have friends.
3
Knowledge of child development
Parents know how children grow and learn.
4
Concrete support in time of need
Parents know where to turn for help.
5
Social and emotional competence of children
Children learn to talk about and handle feelings.
6
Nurturing and Attachment
Children and parents develop caring bonds with each other.
The six protective factors are described in the following pages. There are tips and ideas on
how to share with other parents, child care providers, faith-based organizations, community
centers and other organizations where parents meet and get to know one another.
Spreading the word about how to have strong and stable families, build a supportive
community and keep our children healthy and safe is an exciting adventure with many fun
activities and new friends! Let’s get started!
The Strengthening Families (TM) Protective Factors Framework is a national and international initiative that
aims to develop and enhance five specific characteristics (called protective factors) that help keep families
strong and children safe from abuse and neglect. The framework was developed by the Center for the Study
of Social Policy (CSSP), with funding from the Doris Duke Charitable Foundation. The initial goal was to create
a national, systematic approach to prevention that would reach large numbers of children long before abuse or
neglect occurred.
Five protective factors are the basis for CSSP’s original Strengthening Families (TM) Protective Factors
Framework. Some groups including the state of WV recognize a sixth protective factor: nurturing and
attachment, which is included in this document as well. In the Strengthening Families approach, CSSP
acknowledges the protective factor of nurturing and attachment by attributing the child (social and emotional
2
competence of children) and parental (knowledge of parenting and child development) aspects within their
framework of five protective factors.
Parental Resilience
Parents who can take it in stride when everyday life is stressful and can cope with the
occasional crisis are said to be resilient. Everyone has had a hard day or days in a row when
it just seemed that nothing was going right.
The car breaks down on the way to work.
A family member is very ill.
The school calls and says your child is acting badly toward others.
The water heater is leaking. Etc., etc., etc.,
All parents have inner strengths or other resources that serve as a foundation of resiliency
when times are hard. Most parents can make it through those times of stress, but everyone
needs help from time to time. When parents take care in these stressful times, their children
learn a model of coping behavior.
There are families that have a history of abuse or neglect, physical or mental health problems
and other stresses such as financial trouble, unemployment and even homelessness. These
are times when parents need to seek help through friendships with others, their children’s
teachers and community resources.
Using the word “courage” instead of resilience during stressful times or a crisis helps parents
see a way to survive and regain their ability to keep on going. Below are a few questions that
parents can use with each other to talk about how to be resilient.
•
What are your dreams for yourself and your family?
•
What helps you cope with everyday life?
•
What kinds of frustrations do you deal with during the day?
•
How are you able to meet your children’s needs when you are dealing with stress?
•
What are your goals for your family or children in the next week or month?
The first step in dealing with stress or crisis is to identify what is worrying a parent the most.
Parents can empower each other to seek help and take action to fight stress and build both
resilience and hope. Below are a few ideas to share with others.
Get regular exercise, listen to your favorite music, meditate or pray.
Plan ahead if possible so that resources will be in place when needed―such as temporary
child care. Build a small savings to take care of minor repairs.
Use family, friends, faith-based communities and other community agencies such as the
YMCA to increase strength.
Look for programs that offer family-to-family help and find a mentor willing to listen.
3
Social Connections
Most parents need people they can call on once in a while when they need someone to
listen, give some advice, or just when feeling a little “down.” Often family helps out, but
everyone needs a friend or group to do fun things with, swap stories about their children or
just have a cup of coffee with occasionally.
Finding out about and building on parents’ current or possible social connections, interests
and abilities is a great way to partner with parents. Sometimes parents have a hard time
finding and keeping social connections for a variety of reasons. Encouraging one another to
talk about goals for social connections is a start. Ask some basic questions.
•
Who can you call for advice or just to talk?
•
How often do you see them?
•
Do you have family members or friends nearby who can help you out once in a while?
•
Do you belong to a church, temple, mosque, women’s group or men’s group?
•
Do you have a child in a local pre-school, school or Head Start program?
Talking with parents about their strengths and challenges is making social connections
through culture and language, establishing a comfort level in groups of people. Being a new
person in the neighborhood is a good way to show parents how to make those critical social
connections. Maybe you have the means to provide transportation to church, community
centers or other resources.
Talk about the benefits of getting out with others for fun or joining a group to learn a new skill.
Think about what you can provide to parents to help them get out for an evening.
Lunchtime meetings may be possible for some parents who work.
Suggest “mommy” blogs or other Internet sites that encourage social connections.
4
Knowledge of Parenting and Child Development
Who knows a child best―their likes and dislikes, the things that interest them and the things
they can do really well? Parents do! But no parent is an expert in everything about their
child’s development and the best ways to help their children manage social and emotional
behaviors.
Research links healthy child development to effective parenting. When parents provide safe
boundaries, affection, good listening skills and consistent rules and expectations, children
thrive. Successful parenting helps children succeed in school, feel loved, get along with
others and have a sense of belonging. Parenting skills must change as children grow and
mature. Parents must also be able to adjust to each child’s individual needs and unique
circumstances.
Knowledge of parenting and child development changes over time. For example, laying
children to sleep on their stomachs is now known to contribute to SIDS (Sudden Infant Death
Syndrome) when it was standard practice a number of years ago. Parents need the latest
information on health and safety practices, what is taking place in a child’s social world,
learning expectations in school and many other aspects of a child’s life. All parents have
questions about raising their children and they need answers and support from someone they
trust. Another way to think about this is, “Parenting is part natural and part learned.”
To help parents feel comfortable about the questions they have raising their children, here
are some conversation starters. Remember, parents need to focus on their own hopes as
well as goals for their children. They need help in identifying and building on their strengths in
parenting and acknowledgement of their parenting efforts and the frustrations of parenting.
•
Talk about what your child does best and what you like about your child.
•
Tell me what you like about being the parent of an infant, preschooler, etc.
•
What are some of the things that you find hard about being a parent?
•
What works best for your child when he/she is sad, angry or frustrated?
•
How have you seen other parents handle the same kinds of behaviors?
•
Tell me about the things that worry you about your child.
•
How do you encourage your child to explore his/her surroundings, try new things and do
things on his/her own?
There are no cookie-cutter families. All families have a set of values, cultural norms and
beliefs that need to be respected and acknowledged. Parents can help one another find
many resources to answer questions about child development and many tips to reduce stress
in the child’s life. Striking a balance between reducing a child’s stress while protecting the
child from harm will promote their coping skills and resilience.
5
Concrete Supports in Times of Need
Families have basic needs such as housing, food, clothing, etc. They may also need help
with childcare, physical and mental health. Most parents are unlikely to use words like
“concrete supports.” Instead they may think of a goal being, “My family can access services
when they need them.”
Parents may not always know about community resources that can help meet their basic
needs or how to find essential services. Sometimes language or cultural differences make
it difficult for parents to know where to turn for the help they need. Parents welcome
information from other parents about services they used in times of stress or in crisis. It may
be contact information or even helping another parent make the first calls and appointments
depending on what individual parents say they need.
Parents may not be aware of services that could help. You can let them know about all
available resources, so they may select what is best for their needs.
Parents are more likely to use culturally appropriate services. If you can link them with
services where their language is spoken or their culture is observed, parents may feel more
comfortable and get a greater benefit.
Parents who have a lot of needs may get overwhelmed with all the different paperwork and
requirements that agencies use. Parents who know about these requirements can help talk
others through the process so that parents will feel more comfortable using the resource.
Working with parents to identify their most critical basic needs and local concrete supports
keeps the focus on family-driven solutions.
Here are some ideas about how to partner with parents to find the best resources to support
parent needs.
•
Identify from the parents’ perspective their most immediate need, such as staying in their
house, keeping a job or paying the heating bill.
•
Look at steps the parents have taken to deal with the problem and assess how it is or is
not working.
•
Talk about current connections such as community or other local resources, faith-based
communities, pre-school or school relationships and pediatricians to name a few.
•
Explore the parents’ ability to find ways to access services such as transportation,
encouragement, phone calls and other personal help.
6
Social and Emotional Competence of Children
Research shows that just as children’s brains and bodies develop so do their emotions and
their ability to express themselves.
Parents may choose to communicate the importance of social and emotional competence
in terms of the desired outcomes: “My children feel loved, believe they matter and can get
along with others.” Below are some ways to talk with parents about this important part of their
children’s lives.
•
When you spend time with your child what do you like to do together?
•
What does your child do when he/she is sad, angry or tired?
•
What are your child’s greatest gifts and talents?
•
How do you encourage these talents?
•
What do you do when your child does something great?
•
What routines do you keep in caring for your young child?
Parenting is a two-way street. As
children grow and develop the ability
to interact with the family and others
in a positive manner, it is easier
for parents to respond in the same
way. When a child has problems
or needs due to age, disability or
other factors, then the parent may
need additional support. Parents
can share resources to promote healthy social and emotional development with one another.
Here are some websites that provide practical tips for managing behaviors as well as fun
activities for families. These websites also include chat sessions.
Center on the Social & Emotional Foundations for Early Learning, http://csefel.vanderbilt.edu
provides a lot of good materials and has a special site for parents. The site also has links to a
lot of free materials helpful to parents including Spanish versions.
The website http://www.challengingbehavior.org has an email sign-up for a newsletter for
parents interested in getting practical tips on managing behaviors and routines.
The website http://www.parentsknowkidsgrow.org is sponsored by the Department of Human
Services and is designed to be a resource for parents looking for information on raising their
children. This site also has an email sign-up for a newsletter and many links to resources.
7
Nurturing and Attachment
Juggling the demands of work, home, and other responsibilities leaves many parents feeling
like they do not have nearly enough time with their children. But even small acts of kindness,
protection, and caring―a hug, a smile, or loving words―make a big difference to children.
Research shows that babies who receive affection and nurturing from their parents have
the best chance of developing into children, teens, and adults who are happy, healthy, and
competent.
Research also shows that a consistent relationship with a caring adult in the early years
is associated with better grades, healthier behaviors, more positive peer interactions, and
an increased ability to cope with stress later in life. Infant brains develop best when a few
stable caregivers work to understand and meet the infant’s need for love, affection, and
stimulation. Conversely, neglectful and abusive parenting can have a negative effect on
brain development. A lack of contact or interaction with a caregiver can change the infant’s
body chemistry, resulting in a reduction in the growth hormones essential for brain and
heart development. Furthermore, children who lack early emotional attachments will have a
difficult time relating to peers.
As children grow, nurturing by parents and other caregivers remains important for healthy
physical and emotional development. Parents nurture their older children by making time to
listen to them, being involved and interested in the child’s school and other activities, staying
aware of the child or teen’s interests and friends, and being willing to advocate for the child
when necessary.
Parenting strategies that promote nurturing:
•
Using infant care and strategies that promote bonding and attachment (e.g.,
breastfeeding, rocking, using a baby carrier, responding to crying, talking lovingly,
consistency within and across caregivers, and stability of primary caregivers).
•
Understanding cultural differences in how parents and children show affection.
•
Having appropriate knowledge and expectations of what to do when your child has
an emotional or behavioral disability that limits his or her ability to respond to parental
nurturing.
•
Using affection-based parenting styles and discipline instead of coercive-based discipline
How Programs Can Help
•
8
Use parent education strategies (workshops, lending libraries) as opportunities to share
information about how a strong parent-child bond enhances brain development and
supports positive behavior in young children.
•
Share resources available from your agency and throughout the community on how
parents can nurture and connect with their children at every age.
•
Engage and include all important adults in a child’s life, including fathers, grandparents,
and extended family, as part of a child’s “nurturing network.”
•
Acknowledge cultural differences in how parents and children show affection.
•
Recognize that when a child does not show a positive response to the parent (due to an
emotional, developmental, or behavioral disability, for example), the parent may need
additional support.
How Other Parents and Adults Can Help
Even a few minutes of quality time in the car, at the store, or while cooking dinner mean so
much to a child. Other caring adults can model nurturing behaviors and point out instances
of positive interaction between parent and child to reinforce behavior. Some parents have
chosen to communicate the importance of nurturing and attachment simply as: “Our family
shows how much we love each other.”
Big Mud Puddles and Sunny Yellow Dandelions
When I look at a patch of dandelions, I see a bunch of weeds that are going to take over my
yard. My kids see flowers for Mom and flowing white fluff you can wish on.
When I look at an old drunk and he smiles at me, I see a smelly, dirty person who probably
wants money and I look away. My kids see someone smiling at them and they smile back.
When I hear music I love, I know I can’t carry a tune and don’t have much rhythm so I sit selfconsciously and listen. My kids feel the beat and move to it. They sing out the words. If they
don’t know them, they make up their own.
When I feel wind on my face, I brace myself against it. I feel it messing up my hair and pulling
me back when I walk. My kids close their eyes, spread their arms and fly with it, until they fall
to the ground laughing.
When I pray, I say thee and thou and grant me this, give me that. My kids say, “Hi God!
Thanks for my toys and my friends. Please keep the bad dreams away tonight.”
When I see a mud puddle I step around it. I see muddy shoes and dirty carpets. My kids sit in
it. They see dams to build, rivers to cross, and worms to play with.
I wonder if we are given kids to teach or to learn from? No wonder God loves the little
children! Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize they were
the big things. I wish you Big Mud Puddles and Sunny Yellow Dandelions!
~ Author Unknown
9
Other Names to Describe Strengthening Families
Protective Factors
COURAGE
Parental Resilience: I will continue to have courage during stress or after a crisis.
COMMUNITY
Social Connections: I have people who know me, friends and at least one person who
supports my parenting.
PARENTING
Knowledge of Parenting and Child Development: Children have the freedom to grow and
thrive when parents are curious and responsive to what their child needs.
COMPASSION
Social and Emotional Competence of Children: My child expresses their emotions and can
get along with others.
HEALTH and WELL-BEING
Concrete Support in Times of Need: My family has access to services and resources to meet
our basic needs.
LOVE
Nurturing and Attachment: My child feels loved, cared for and has a sense of belonging.
For more information and ideas, visit: http://www.strengtheningfamilieswv.org
10
Activities to Support Protective Factors
Parental Resilience Activities
Parental resiliency means having the ability to cope and bounce back from all types of
challenges.
Materials needed: Happy/Sad Balls
•
Think about a time in your life when things were stressful and you didn’t know what to do.
(Examples: Unable able to pay the bills, parenting issues, job stress, relationship issues,
etc.). How did you cope? (Some possible answers: Talked with family, turned to friends,
went to church, sought counseling, etc.) How did it feel when you were able to cope with
this stress? What do you think would have happened if you had not been able to cope
with this stress?
•
Demonstrate this concept by using the happy/sad balls. Give the balls to the parent. Ask
them to “bounce” the balls at the same time. One ball will not bounce -- the other will
bounce high. Being able to bounce back from stressful situations is Parental Resiliency.
•
There are many families that are experiencing stress, they may also have limited coping
skills, they may feel physically or emotionally isolated, they may not have access to
extended family, etc. This is important because families who are unable to cope and
bounce back from stress are at a higher risk for child abuse and neglect.
Social Connection Activities
Social connections means having friends, family members, neighbors and others in the
community who provide emotional support and concrete assistance.
Materials needed: Energy Ball
•
Demonstrate this concept by using the energy ball. Hold the ball and cover one of the
metal strips with your thumb and ask the parent to cover the other metal strip with their
thumb. When a connection between the two metal strips has been made the energy ball
will light up and create a sound. When the connection is broken the ball will stop lighting
up. Having a support system that keeps the “energy flowing” is Social Connection. (You
can also do this with multiple people holding hands. As long as there is an unbroken
connection with everyone touching each other the ball will light up when the first and last
person touch it at the same time everyone is holding hands.)
11
Knowledge of Child Development Activities
Knowledge of child development means parents know their child best; however no parent has
all the answers to keep up with the different developmental stages each child goes through.
Conversation starters for parents to explore their strengths, needs, hopes and goals for their
children are listed below.
12
In order to explore…
The parents view of his/her child’s
strengths?
Ask the parents…
What does your child do best?
What do you like best about your child?
How the parent views his/her own role?
What do you like about being a parent of
an infant (or preschooler, or teenager)?
What are some of the things that you find
challenging as a parent?
How the parent observes and interprets the
child’s behavior?
What kinds of things make your child
happy? What kinds of things make your
child frustrated, sad, or angry? What does
your child do when happy? Frustrated?
Sad? Angry? Why do you think your child
(cries, eats slowly, says “no”, breaks rules)?
How the parent is currently responding to
the child’s needs and behaviors?
What works best for your child when he/she
is sad, angry or frustrated?
How the parent encourages positive
behavior through praise and modeling?
How have you let your child know what you
expect? What happens when she/he does
what you asked?
Whether the parent can identify alternative
solutions for addressing behaviors?
Community, cultural and ethnic expectations
and practices about parenting?
How have you seen other parents handle
this? What would your parents have done
in this situation? What teaching (discipline)
methods work best for you? How does your
child respond?
How the parent understands the child’s
development?
How do you think your child compares to
other children his/her age?
Any personal concern that the child’s
behavior appears to be outside the normal
range?
Are there things that worry you about your
child? Have others expressed concern about
your child’s behavior?
How the parent encourages healthy
development?
How do you respond to your baby’s attempts
to communication? How do you encourage
your child to explore his/her surroundings,
try new things or do things on his/her own?
What works in encouraging your child to be
more independent and competent?
Concrete Support in Times of Need Activities
Concrete support in times of need occurs when families can access services when they need
them.
Materials needed: Balloons
Demonstrate this concept by asking the parent or parents to write down stressors they may
experience or have experienced. Make sure you have at least six to eight stressors identified.
Some examples: unable to pay child care bill, flat tire on the way to work, water heater
leaking, car runs out of gas on way to pick up child. Blow up a balloon for each “stressor”
the parent or parents identify. If you have more than one parent present, ask for a volunteer
to hold the balloons. As you read each stressor, hand a balloon to the volunteer so that
when you are finished they are holding all the balloons. The volunteer may have trouble
holding and juggling all the balloons and this demonstrates the importance of having support
during times of need or when you are experiencing stress. This activity may also be used to
demonstrate the importance of Social Connections.
All families go through times of need. (Example: birth of a child, new job, moving, loss of job,
death in family, etc.)
Social and Emotional Competence in Children Activities
Materials needed: On Monday When It Rained by Cherryl Kachenmeister
Have each parent reflect for a moment and think about their own social-emotional
development.
Think about a satisfying relationship in your life. Name three things that make it satisfying.
Think about the messages you received about relationships from your family and culture as
you were growing up. Try to put those messages into words and write them down.
Think about yourself as a child. Do you behave in your relationships with children the same
way important adults behaved with you when you were a child?
Think of one adult, other than your parents, that you had a special relationship with when you
were a child. What did that adult do to encourage/sustain the relationship with you? What
made the relationship special?
13
Nurturing and Attachment Activities
Purpose of Activity:
To demonstrate the link between quality interactions and attachment.
Materials Needed:
Yarn, string, ribbon or rope: eight lengths of 5 feet each. Interaction statements for narrator to
read
Instructions for Facilitators:
Ask for three volunteers: a narrator to read out loud, an “adult,” and a “baby.” Let volunteers
know that the narrator’s reading will be short and simple.
Write or photocopy narrator statements to give to narrator.
Ask the “Adult” and “Baby” to stand in the center in front of the group about five feet apart.
Ask the narrator to read the first statement aloud. Then take a piece of string and give one
end to the “Adult” and one to the “Baby.”
This continues as all the cards are read and all the strings are “tied” between the “Adult” and
the “Baby.”
Using the cords between the adult and baby, show participants how attachments are built and
strengthened over time.
Thank Volunteers.
Narrator statements to read out loud:
•
Adult holds baby.
•
Baby gazes at adult.
•
Adult smiles at baby.
•
Baby smiles at adult.
•
Adult sings to baby.
•
Baby stops crying when adult holds him.
•
Baby snuggles closer to adult.
•
Adult reads to baby.
Attachment usually begins with a mother and a child. Dads or other caregivers can create
these same loving relationships. Everything that the adult and the baby experiences with
each other builds a bond -– a tie between Adult and Baby.
Do you see how the bond is built? The more ways that a baby and an adult interact, the
stronger the tie becomes. When a baby smiles up at Mom, when Dad changes his diaper,
when he gazes into his caregiver’s eyes and sees a smile, attachment is furthered and the tie
is made stronger. Suppose a baby was doing things, such as smiling and responding, but the
adult was not ―the tie would not be as secure.
14
Possible variations in the activity: add narrator statements in which there is poor attachment
and then there is slack in the cord and/or statements that indicate no attachment and then
cord can be undone between adult and baby.
Talking Points: Relationships are most important!
Building relationships, and thus social-emotional development, essentially begins at birth.
Ask: When does it end? Age 5? Age 18? (Not really…it never ends! Do we ever stop having/
building relationships?)
Consider the difference between interactions and relationships. Discuss these two. Ask: What
makes a relationship?
One of the major elements of social-emotional wellness in infancy is forming close and
secure relationships. From these relationships, infants learn whether or not to feel safe; they
learn how to experience, express and control emotions; and they know if it is okay to explore
their environment for learning.
Families have the most continuous and emotionally charged relationship with a child. Infants
and toddlers learn what people expect of them and what they can expect of other people
through early relationship experiences with parents and caregivers.
As infants grow into toddlers and preschoolers, they learn and develop in the context
of relationships that are responsive, consistent and nurturing. Children with the most
challenging behaviors especially need these relationships, and yet their behaviors often
prevent them from benefiting from those relationships.
Children’s relationships with adults may influence their behaviors that lead to friendship skills
with peers.
If a strong, positive relationship is built with each child, it will be easier to address challenging
behaviors when they arise.
Ways to build relationships with children:
•
Pay attention to each child as an individual
•
Joke and laugh with children
•
Know what the child’s interests are and talk to the child about them
•
Respect each child’s approach to situations and people
•
Ask each child to tell you what makes them happy and sad and respect their feelings
•
Show children that you are happy they are there
•
Listen to children when they speak to you and respond appropriately to their questions
•
Respect cultural, linguistic and religious beliefs
•
Smile and be genuine
•
Respond to children consistently
15
The Goose Story
Next fall, when you see Geese headed South for the winter flying along in V formation, you
might consider what science has discovered as to why they fly that way.
As each bird flaps its wings, it creates an uplift for the bird immediately following. By flying in
V formation the whole flock adds at least 71% greater flying range than if each bird flew on its
own.
People who share a common direction and sense of community can get where they are going
more quickly and easily because they are traveling on the thrust of one another.
When a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of trying to go it
alone and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird in
front.
If we have as much sense as a goose, we will stay in formation with those who are headed the
same way we are.
When the lead goose gets tired, it rotates back in the V formation and another goose flies point.
It is sensible to take turns doing demanding jobs with people or with geese flying south.
Geese honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep up their speed.
What do we say when we “honk from behind”?
Finally, and this is important, when a goose gets sick, or is wounded by gunshots and falls
out of formation, two other geese fall out with that goose and follow it down to lend help and
protection. They stay with the fallen goose until it is able to fly, or until it dies. Only then do they
launch out on their own, or with another formation to catch up with their group.
If we have the sense of a goose, we will stand by each other like that.
~ Author Unknown
The Strengthening Families West Virginia logo
The Strengthening Families West Virginia logo was inspired by the West African, Adinkra
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Symbol for strength (in mind, body and soul), humility, wisdom and learning. The Adinkra
Symbols are primarily used in Ghana by the Ashanti people.
Questions to Help Parents Identify Their Protective Factors:
Resources to Overcome Hard Times and Rebound
What do I dream for me and my family? __________________________________________
What gives me hope or strength during hard times? ________________________________
What can I do to help me cope with everyday life? __________________________________
Is there another parent I can encourage? _________________________________________
My Social Community
Friends who support me: ______________________________________________________
Friends who have children and can support my parenting:
__________________________________________________________________________
Who can I talk to when I am having a bad day? ____________________________________
How do my friends support me? ________________________________________________
How do I support my friends? __________________________________________________
Places in the community where I feel connected:
__________________________________________________________________________
Groups I belong to: __________________________________________________________
Gifts I bring to a group: _______________________________________________________
My Family’s Health and Well-Being
Skills and resources I could use (e.g. transportation): _______________________________
Skills and resources I could share (e.g. household repairs): __________________________
Community resources that I know about: _________________________________________
What I know well enough to teach: ______________________________________________
Ways my family can handle problems: ___________________________________________
My Child Feels Loved
How do I express my feelings to my child?_________________________________________
How do I show my child I am listening to their questions? ____________________________
How does my family express love? ______________________________________________
What does my family do for fun? ________________________________________________
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The National Alliance of Children’s Trust and Prevention Funds
The National Alliance of Children’s Trust and Prevention
from these partnerships. The DDCF improves the quality
Funds (Alliance) holds the unique position of serving as
of people’s lives through grants supporting the performing
the membership organization for state children’s trust and
arts, wildlife conservation, medical research, and the
prevention funds. Children’s trust and prevention funds
prevention of child maltreatment, and through preservation
are the backbone of our nation’s infrastructure to support
of the cultural and environmental legacy of Doris Duke’s
children and their families.
properties.
The Alliance has engaged in collaborative partnerships
This document is adapted from a publication developed by
with Children’s Trust Funds from across the country and
the Tennessee Children’s Trust Fund as part of a series of
with their multiple systems partners. Through these
resources that were developed as a result of the Alliance’s
diverse partnerships, the Alliance is focusing on strategies
partnership with states. All are available at no cost. To
that strengthen families, build protective factors, promote
see the full array of resources developed, please visit the
individual growth, help systems be more responsive to
Alliance website at www.ctfalliance.org/collaborativeprojects.
families and children and strengthen communities’ capacities
You may also contact the Alliance at info@ctfalliance.org.
as safe and healthy environments. The Alliance expresses
For more information about Strengthening Families West
appreciation to the Doris Duke Charitable Foundation
Virginia, please visit www.strengtheningfamilieswv.org.
(DDCF) for supporting the valuable resources developed
Resources
The following resources were used in the development of this parent booklet and the toolkit.
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csefel.vanderbilt.edu
http://www.childwelfare.gov/preventing/preventionmonth/
factors.cfm
www.ctfalliance.org
http://www.state.tn.us/youth/cap.shtml
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www.tnccrr.org
www.signalcenters.org
www.strengtheningfamilies.net
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www.strengtheningfamilieswv.org