Student Magazine

THE
vol.3 issue.9
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Wake
Student Magazine
The U’s Fortnightly Student Magazine
February 9, 2005
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THE
Vol.3 Issue 9
Wake
Student Magazine
The Wake
February 9, 2OO5
Established in 2002, The Wake is an independent
fortnightly magazine, produced by and for students
at the University of Minnesota. The Wake is a
registered student organization.
Editor In Chief
WWW.WAKENEWS.ORG
Managing Editor
Campus Editor
Contributing Editor
CONTENTS
-4-7-12-
Athletics
Voices
Literary
-14-22-26-
Sound & Vision
Campus
Bastard Pages
25
22
Zachary Carlsen
Athletics Editor
Lane Trisko
Art Director
Brie Cohen
Photo Editor
Andy Tyra
Web Editor
Andy Tyra
Copy Editors
Advertising Executive
Cover Art
Graphic Design
Dear Lovers,
Ever since the first Lupercian priest flicked a sacrificial-blood-soaked strip of goat hide at
the young women of Rome in an effort to increase their fertility, mid-February has been a
giddy time full of saccharine romance.
Morgon Mae Schultz, editor in chief
Frederic Hanson, managing editor
Chris Compton
Cameron Sorden
Megan Steidl
Erieann Lorsung
Zachary Carlsen
Brie Cohen
Eric Price
Morgon Mae Schultz
Photography
Brie Cohen
Jon Hart
Michael Mitchell
Andy Tyra
Brian Whitson
-12- LITERATURE: THE ESSENCE OF LIFE
From the Editors
Abbey Mackenzie
Eric Carlson
Devin Ensz
Keely Grab
Erieann Lorsung
Sam Soule
Eli Zimmerman
-5- THE WALK-ON WHO WALKED OFF
-26- WILL YOU BE MY VALENTINE? WILL YOU? WILL YOU?
Melanie Bloom
Marissa Krzmarzick
Illustrators/Cartoons
-24- THE STUDENT BEHIND THE RODENT
-7- SHAME ON ACEDEMIA
Conrad Wilson
Literary Editor
PR Director
-14- HIP-HOP SUPER POWERS
Kay Steiger
Frederic Hanson
Business Manager
14
Frederic Hanson
Sound & Vision Editor
Office Manager
10
Morgon Mae Schultz
Contributing Writers
Sarah E. Bauer
Grant Boelter
Taylor Eisenman
Frederic Hanson
Brant Johnson
Nell Kromhout
Abigail Mackenzie
Michael Mitchell
Nick Neaton
Craig Reutmeester
Morgon Mae Schultz
Sara Schweid
Keeya Steel
Lane Trisko
Chris Wilson
Conrad Wilson
The Wake was founded by
Chris Ruen and James Delong.
The Wake
1313 5th St. SE
Minneapolis, MN 55414
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© 2005 All Rights Reserved
4
Athletics
February 9, 2005
Walk-on Dilemma
A promising athlete lost in the crowd
“Four hours of standing, getting yelled at, and trying to sneak
face time in from the nearby cameras.”
Illustration By Sam Soule
Wake
Athletics
By Craig Rentmeester
February 9, 3005
THE
5
DeJaeger and lasted nearly a month.
(52 and 50 yards), which were previously
When high school football ends for His daily routine started at 9 a.m. and held by the current St. Louis Rams punter
seniors, only a select few are lucky enough consisted of practice, workouts, running Kevin Stemke. The transition from star to
to play at the college level. Like all schools, and eventually, rehabilitation for a pulled backup was a difficult one.
quadricep muscle.
the University of
Once the season started, the schedule
“I got to know the training did not get easier because DeJaeger was
Minnesota actively
staff better than the coaches,” juggling school work and practice. During
recruits prospects
and hands out
“Iʼm a run the shit DeJaeger said of his injury. Each the week, he had classes until noon and
day lasted until around 11:30 p.m. practice from 1:00 p.m. until 7:00 p.m. The
scholarships
to
out your ass.”
during his fight for the kicking team met six times a week, with Mondays
deserving players.
position
off. The time spent
This process takes
at
the
with the team included
place over many
meetings,
practice,
months and ends with a group of excited university.
Advice for Walk-ons
weightlifting
and
His
injury
players fighting for a spot on the roster.
rehabilitation.
The
made his fight
Players hoping to make the team are
hard work culminated
even
tougher,
•
Never make eye contact with
preferred walk-on players –- those who do
with playing time.
considering there
your coaches. They possess
not receive a scholarship but are asked to
For many athletes,
were about 10
magical
powers
that
can
join the team –- and regular walk-on players, kickers
game day isn’t a fairy
battling
turn you into an “athlete,”
who try to make the team without being for the starting
tale experience. For
preventing you from enjoying
recruited. Dan DeJaeger was lucky enough position. DeJaeger
DeJaeger and many
college’s true treasures:
to be a preferred walk-on coming into the and the other
others who weren’t on
drugs and alcohol.
2003 football season.
the traveling squad,
kickers
trained
Throughout high school, DeJaeger
was a top-place kicker for a conferencewinning football team, thus making him
a prospect for many collegiate programs.
His strong leg, field goal accuracy and
deep kickoff capabilities were his defining
characteristics. After visiting with scouts
and coaches multiple times, DeJaeger’s best
offer came when the University of Northern
Illinois offered him a full scholarship.
DeJaeger remembered a visit to Northern
Illinois.
“The whole place smelled like
cow manure,” he said. Thus, after a
disappointing visit, DeJaeger decided to
pass on the scholarship and come to the
university to play football. His struggles and
problems started upon arrival for preseason
workouts.
The workouts started
in August and hours of
devotion and dedication were
necessary from the athletes.
While being a preferred a
walk-on had its perks, there
were no guarantees to the
starting kicker position.
The biggest benefit to
being a preferred walk-on
was missing the week of hell
that regular walk-ons endure.
This week consists of intense
running workouts, which
drain the players’ bodies and
test their mental toughness.
Though spared from
these workouts, DeJaeger
remembers
a
coach
repeatedly telling the walkon athletes, “I’m a run the
shit out your ass.” This
phrase, coupled with the
aching bodies of many poor
souls during this seemingly
dreadful week, shows the
utter despair faced when
trying to earn a spot on the
team.
The preseason regimen
was very demanding on
•
Volunteer to show recruits
game
day
meant
throughout
the
around campus. I hear the
additional hours of
preseason, with a
strippers are great.
abdominal,
strength
scholarship as the
•
If you aren’t getting any
and
stretching
reward. Eventually,
playing time, try sleeping
workouts.
Finally,
Rhys Lloyd became
with the coach’s daughter.
this group of players
the kicker for the
That will get you the respect
would run for an hour
Gophers.
This
from the coach you deserve.
and a half. Following
news did not come
•
Offer to carry equipment
the workout, the entire
easily to DeJaeger,
back from the field. Then,
team would meet for
especially
since
when no one is looking, steal
a meal before game
he had passed
it. I bet it is worth a lot of
time. Then the team
on
scholarship
money.
would dress and take
offers from other
the field.
programs.
For this sidelined
For DeJaeger,
group of people games
being second best
was not easy. During his high school career, meant, “four hours of standing, getting
he broke the records for longest field goals yelled at, and trying to sneak face time in
Dan DeJaeger can finally smile after a frustrating career as a walk-on kicker.
from the nearby cameras” DeJaeger said.
“After the game the opposing teams would
shake hands but when your not a starter,
no one knows who you are, so you’re just
shake a couple of random people’s hands
and leave.”
This lack of exposure and recognition
was a major change for the one-time star.
DeJaeger said he remembers feeling
that if you weren’t a starting player, the
coaches made it seem like the reason was
because you hadn’t tried hard enough.
The feelings of underachievement and the
lack of opportunities started piling up and
eventually led to a major decision in this
young man’s life.
For the first time in DeJaeger’s sports
career, he wasn’t enjoying the game and
the duties that came with it. He wasn’t
having fun. Also, his grades were not at
the level the he wanted them to be. So after
spending seven games on the Gophers 2003
squad, he decided to leave the team. The
final factor for DeJaeger was that the only
legitimate chance to kick for the Gophers
would come in his third year, following the
departure of Lloyd. But that opportunity was
not guaranteed since the team could bring
in a group of new kickers to battle for the
starting spot each year.
These factors made the decision
quite easy for the freshman. He regrets
not taking scholarship offers from other
programs, but he has learned to adjust to
life after football at the “U.”
Upcoming
Athletics Events
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Photo By Andy Tyra
Feb. 10 - Women’s Basketball
vs. Michigan State at Williams
Arena 7 p.m.
Feb. 11 - Softball vs. Tulsa at
the Metrodome 4:30 p.m.
Feb. 11&12 - Men’s Hockey vs.
Alaska-Anchorage at Mariucci
Arena 7 p.m.
Feb. 12&13 - Women’s Hockey
vs. University of North Dakota
at Ridder Arena 2 p.m.
Feb. 13 - Women’s Basketball
vs. Purdue at Williams Arena 4
p.m.
Feb. 19 - Men’s Basketball vs.
Ohio State at Williams Arena 7
p.m.
Feb 20. Wrestling vs. Illinois at
Sports Pavilion. 2pm
A View From the Bench: Athletics matchmaker
Athletics
Illustrations By Sam Soule
Goldy & Crunch
By Lane Trisko
Ah, Valentine’s Day. The perfect excuse
to cry your lonely self to sleep, wishing you
had the courage to ask that cute red-headed
girl to be your valentine. After all, if Charlie
the two will have an expensive date. They
will eat $70 porterhouse steaks at Rossi’s
Steakhouse in downtown Minneapolis
followed by a romantic outing at professional
athletes’ second home, the strip club.
Janel McCarville & that twerp
who thinks he’s the shit at intramural
basketball. Wow. Janel McCarville is one
heck of a basketball player. And that jerk
who never passes in intramural basketball
because he thinks he is God’s gift to the
three-pointer is on the opposite end of the
basketball spectrum. You know what they
say: opposites attract. The two will enjoy an
evening of one-on-one b-ball. That’ll teach
the douche bag.
Goldy & Crunch. There has been a
long period of sexual tension between the
mascots of the Gophers and Timberwolves.
It all stemmed from an encounter at a
mascot mixer when the two were in seventh
grade. Crunch was harassed by the drunk
and belligerent Bucky Badger, so Goldy
bravely cut in and shared a slow dance to
Bryan Adams’ “Everything I Do.” The two
will enjoy an evening of big game hunting.
This issue’s Most Valuable Gopher:
Vincent Grier. No one expected the men’s
basketball team to do much this year. After
all, the squad lost last year’s Big Ten leading
scorer and rebounder, Kris Humphries.
It turned out the departure of Pretty Boy
Humphries was a blessing as it instilled a
team mentality for a group used to big name,
spotlight-hogging players like Humphries,
Rick Rickert, and Joel Prysbilla. However,
the addition of Vincent Grier has been key
in sparking the Gophers into one of its best
seasons since the Clem Haskins era. Grier,
a transfer from Dixie State Junior College,
has had a phenomenal debut in maroon and
gold. His athleticism and intensity on the
floor is contagious and makes the Gophers a
dangerous team.
THE
February 9, 2005
Janel McCarville & that twerp who thinks
he’s the shit at intramural basketball.
Marion Barber III & Kris Humphries
Wake
Brown could never get her, what chance did
you have?
But before you broken-heartedly
dismiss the holiday as a corporate sham
designed
to
boost
the teddy bear and
chocolate industries, let
us take a moment to play
athletics
matchmaker
and pair the sports
figures that deserve to
spend Valentine’s Day
together. After all, sports
are people too… or
something like that.
Marion
Barber
III & Kris Humphries.
Since Barber decided
to forgo his final year of
eligibility and jump ship
to the NFL, it seems
fitting to pair him with
the U’s former superkid, Kris Humphries.
Ever since Humphries
took off the maroon and
gold, his former team
has flourished and has an
outside chance at making
the NCAA tournament.
Maybe
Barber’s
departure
will
have
some weird, coincidental
similarities for a regularly
underachieving football
team. With the bling
inherent in the move
to professional sports,
6
7
February 9, 2005
voices
Issues
with
Citations
Academic
namedropping
makes for
questionable
authority
By Grant Boelter
Illustration By Sam Soule
“Family Guy” enthusiasts know the episode
–- the one where Peter starts his own country,
appropriately labeled “Petoria.” While the
authorities threaten to make Peter’s house and
yard part of the union once again, Peter fends
them off by eloquently citing the Constitution.
By simply quoting the word “the” from a passage
of our nation’s handbook, Peter convinces the
soldiers to disburse and he is free to reign as the
leader of Petoria.
This scene brings up a good question (likely
by no mistake of the writers): Why does the
backing of what we perceive as an authoritarian
source so easily blind normally skeptical eyes?
There are plenty of well-publicized examples, as
Wake
Voices
well as those that aren’t so highly-publicized,
of people we look to for information fooling
even the most astute.
February 9, 2005
THE
8
The most recent high-profile example
that comes to mind is the CBS News
debacle involving the use of what appears
to be falsified documents that condemned
President Bush’s military record in a “60
Minutes” special report. While Dan Rather
took the brunt of the criticism for this grave
mistake made by the CBS staff, executives
pushed to air the story despite objections by
multiple document consultants, according
to a Washington Post story.
Another accuracy issue wasn’t so
highly publicized. In his presentation to
the United Nations before the current war
with Iraq, Secretary of State Colin Powell
used information that had been gathered
to prove Iraq possessed weapons of mass
destruction. Powell later admitted that
the information he used for that part of
the presentation was not valid after the
information was proven to be obsolete.
While everybody who pays any
attention to the news knows about the
Jayson Blair scandal at the The New York
Times, there are probably about four or
five Jack Kelleys for every Jayson Blair.
Jack Kelley was a USA Today foreign
correspondent who was fired early last
year after it was discovered that he had
plagiarized a number of stories.
What about cases in which sound
information is used, but in completely
the wrong context? This goes back to the
“Family Guy” example. It’s pretty easy for
us to identify a valid source, but not nearly
as often do we examine the manner in which
the material from that source is used.
While the Jayson Blairs and Dan
Rathers are making headlines, there are
plenty of others who make a living off
distorting valid (and sometimes not so
valid) information. A certain talk show
host on the Fox News Network and a portly
political documentary-maker deserve to
be mentioned when tackling this issue.
While these guys are pretty extreme in
this sense, most know that their work is
largely subjective. However, it brings up
the question of how many of the people
that we count on to bring us hard news
are distorting information in more discreet
ways? We won’t even begin to discuss the
ways lawmakers and politicians mince
words to support causes.
Why do people use sources to back
up their work, regardless of whether the
information is consistent with what they are
looking to prove? It works. All of the abovementioned journalists were widely revered
for their work before they went down. Much
of the United States is still in the dark about
Colin Powell’s gaffe during his presentation
to the U.N. Any college student will tell you
that quoting multiple sources in a paper
often results in a better grade, regardless
of whether the quotes function correctly
or not.
This brings up another question: Why
is this type of misinformation so prevalent
in today’s society? A possibility could
be the way we’re educated. The use of
multiple sources, good or bad, is strongly
encouraged by educators. While there are
many good teachers who will question the
sources used, there are just as many for
whom a couple of citations, regardless of
what they are, will suffice.
Another reason could be our general
instinct to jump to conclusions. The people
receiving the information are eager to
See “Citations,” page 11
Ethics, the News Council and Trust
Consumers have the power to keep the media honest
By Sarah E. Bauer
“I believe democracy requires ‘a sacred
contract’ between journalists and those who
put their trust in us to tell them what we
can about how the world really works,”
says long- time journalist Bill Moyers,
addressing colleagues.
These words resonated with many
American journalists who are faced with a
public that no longer places its trust in the
media.
I can’t say that I blame the public for
turning off the evening news or canceling
their newspaper subscriptions. Has the
media really proven they even deserve our
trust lately?
We read The New York Times, the
most trusted paper in the United States until
we found out that one of its up-and-coming
reporters, Jayson Blair, had lied in many of
his stories. His front-page reports contained
fabricated quotes, exaggerated truths and
many outright lies. There had been other
liars before Blair -- Stephen Glass of The
New Republic and Janet Cooke from The
Washington Post. But the Blair situation was
the last straw for many media consumers. If
we can’t even trust The New York Times to
print the truth, how can we trust any media
institution?
Like Moyers says, our democracy,
our whole nation, depends on a healthy
relationship between the media and the
public. We trust that journalists will tell the
truth -- that they will report the information
we need to make informed political and life
decisions. But, journalists also depend on
us, the people.
We have a responsibility to alert the
media when there is an urgent subject
that needs coverage or when mistakes are
made. This ensures that the media and
the public continue to exist in a symbiotic
relationship. Right here in the Twin Cities,
there is a group who recognizes that. The
Minnesota News Council is fully dedicated
to facilitating conversations between the
public and the press. Members of the
GLBT community recently came to the
News Council because they felt as if the
local media did not know how to address
their community and the important issues
affecting them. The News Council created a
forum where members of the media and the
GLBT community gathered to engage in a
conversation and discuss these issues. Each
group left with a better understanding of
the other, and as a result, their relationship
is now stronger. At a recent News Council
forum, former gubernatorial candidate Tim
Penny asked the press why they make
political polls so difficult to understand.
Penny noted that local papers did not
include or explain margins of error and that
polls were often visually confusing. The next
time the Star Tribune
published a political
poll, they included and
explained the margin of
error and illustrated the
poll with graphics that
all could understand.
The editor also included
a written explanation
of the changes the Star
Tribune had made to
their polls.
I strongly believe
in
the
collaborative
relationship between the
press and the people.
I work for the News
Council.
I see both
sides of this relationship
-- the good and the bad
–- on a daily basis. Just
as the News Council
does, I hope to create
a conversation in our
community between the
press and the people. I
will look at issues that
come up in our student
publications and in the
local media. I hope to
address media ethics
dilemmas when they
arise. Ultimately these
conversations can bring
about changes. Trust
me.
Sarah Bauer is
a staff writer for The
Wake
and
submits
fortnightly
editorial
pieces
concerning
local media issues. She
welcomes comments at
office@wakenews.org.
Harvard President’s Comments were
Provocative, all Right
Illustration By Devin Ensz
Voices
“Daddy truck” diatribe illuminates sexism
THE
February 9, 2004
Last month, speaking candidly at a
conference aimed at solving the problem
of low numbers of women and minorities
in science and engineering, Harvard
President Lawrence H. Summers revealed
the lingering boys’-club culture in the upper
echelons of academia.
Summers suggested factors on which
to blame the lack of female scientists,
and offered the suggestion that divergent
test scores between high school girls and
boys stem from biological differences.
Most disturbingly, he used his daughter’s
play behavior to illustrate his point about
genetic predisposition. The girl was given
two toy trucks in an effort at gender-neutral
upbringing. Summers says she named
them “daddy truck” and “baby truck,” as if
Summers also said that married
women with children tend to shy away
from the 80-hour workweeks required
When suits speak off the
of top science faculty. Is the problem
that they shy away, or have been
cuff, they show us their true
overlooked? Summers faced criticism
perspective, not the polished,
in the past because, in each of his
public-relations-departmentthree years as president, senior job
offers to women have dropped.
approved, speech-writer
Tonya Laufenberg, “U” biology
version of it.
major and community adviser to the
Women in Science and Engineering
living and learning community,
agrees that underlying bias, and not said in a letter to the Harvard community
biological predisposition, accounts for the that he should have “weighed them more
gender disparity in top science positions. carefully.” But when suits speak off the cuff,
“Engineering and science fields have been they show us their true perspective, not
dominated by men in the past,” Laufenberg the polished, public-relations-departmentsays. “At a young age, children learn what approved, speech-writer version of it. Some
fields are male oriented and what fields are conference-goers
defended
Summers’
female oriented. This ideology causes a lack comments, saying that only when scientist
of encouragement to study in fields that are are allowed to speak openly about the
not oriented to one’s gender.”
possible roots of a problem can they
But Laufenberg is hopeful, and believes further the discussion. Certainly Summers’
that the talented and hardworking women comments shed light on the obstacle women
she’s met studying science and engineering in science face: old-fashioned sexism.
at the “U” can “shatter the ideology” of
those fields being male oriented.
Morgon Mae Schultz is the editor in
Summers apologized several times for chief of The Wake and welcomes comments
the harm that his comments caused, and at office@wakenews.org.
Wake
By Morgon Mae Schultz
they were dolls. Any Disney movie shows
us that children like to imbue inanimate
objects with personalities, and the fact that
Summers used this anecdote to justify a
lack of opportunity for women is insulting.
Nancy Hopkins, a professor of biology at
M.I.T., walked out during Summers’ “daddy
truck” number.
She told the Boston Globe, “this
kind of bias makes me physically ill.’’ Dr.
Hopkins, who led an investigation into sex
discrimination at M.I.T. that led to changes
in hiring practices, added, ‘’Let’s not forget
that people used to say that women couldn’t
drive an automobile.’’
I don’t blame Hopkins for walking out.
I’m not a scientist, but when I put myself
in the shoes of the accomplished women
at the conference, I am infuriated by the
implication that they just don’t have what it
takes to make it to the top. This kind of bias
is so upsetting because it strikes at the heart
of personal identity. Imagine devoting your
life to whatever it is that inspires you, only
to be told by those in power that your field
is a big inside joke and you’ll never get the
punch line. You just had to be there when
they were passing out the Ys. Oh and, by the
way, when I look at you I see a little girl who
doesn’t know how to play with boy’s toys.
9
Wake
By Nick Neaton
February 9, 2005
THE
10
Photos By Brian Whitson
Voices
God Lives in Ely
Some say that God lives in Ely,
Minnesota, way up near the “Arrowhead,”
not too far from the Canadian border. It’s
a charming town of about 3,700 people
nestled in the sprawling Superior National
Forest, a mess of evergreens, bluffs, lakes
and streams. Ely is the gateway to the
Boundary Waters, a pristine, unspoiled
wilderness.
I went to Ely in January and I saw
God.
Two friends and I hiked through the
pines, trudging through fresh boot tracks
and following cross-country ski trails. We
joked around while hiking, plotting out
how we might befriend a hibernating
bear (after a tense initial standoff). Our
hypothetical relationship with this bear,
“Bitey,” grew in detail as we plowed
deeper into the woods. By the time we
came to rest on the shore of a frozen
pond, we had already decided that our
imaginary bear encounter (which had,
predictably, blossomed into a featurelength screenplay) would end in tragedy,
with one of us mercy-killing Bitey.
The January air was unusually warm
and we stood on the lakeshore, debating
whether to venture onto the slushy ice. The
real world seemed a thousand miles away.
We hadn’t seen any signs of life during our
nature walk and didn’t much expect to.
But then God walked across the ice.
It didn’t occur to me at first that the
Creator stood out there on the lake. In
fact, I thought we had merely spotted
another hiker, out for adventure on a balmy
afternoon. The figure emerged from the
distant shoreline, about a quarter-mile away,
and ventured onto the ice. It didn’t move
differently than a human; it just seemed like
God had taken human form in an attempt to
make Himself known to us.
We drank our beers in silence,
watching God cross to one shore and back
again, melting into the woods.
If God lives outside Ely, then Satan
tends bar downtown, showing up for duty
in early November and leaving by April,
pouring watery tap beer for snowmobilers
and community-college students. He listens
to his patrons try their best at karoke,
emulating George Strait or Charlie Daniels.
I’d like to think the devil smiled when he
heard me channeling Elvis Presley’s “Love
Me Tender” in the corner of a bar. But
he didn’t seem that impressed, solemnly
mixing me a whiskey sour when I redeemed
my free drink ticket.
Satan cruises Ely’s snow-choked streets
after closing time on his black Arctic Cat
snowmobile. He guns the engine, feeling
750 cubic centimeters trembling between
his muscular legs. Legend has it that God
banished him from the forest long ago for
reasons unknown; now, Satan patrols the
sleepy town on these long, winter nights,
forever trapped in solitary confinement. He
moves among the darkened canoe-outfitter
shops, sneaks between the drunken drivers.
And when spring stumbles into Ely, all
bleary-eyed and clumsy, the devil high-tails
it north outta town, screaming away on the
county’s last quarter-inch of powder.
I’m told Ely comes alive with the
summer, when sunlight glistens on the
water and the forest stirs with wildlife. I wish
I could believe it.
But a town caught in an eternal battle
between good and evil can never truly
thrive, can it?
Nick Neaton is a staff writer for
The Wake and welcomes comments at
office@wakenews.org.
ll
Po
-ad
roi
The Wake Asks:
Photo Poll By Andy Tyra
Now that youʼre in college, do you think youʼre
better or worse at bullshitting, and why?
“I am a lot better at it because you have
to write so many papers, and you kind
of learn that you don’t have to read the
readings or anything like that. As long
as the teacher talks about it, you can
bullshit you way through.”
“I would say that I’m actually worse at
bullshitting today, simply because I’m
more worried about being caught or
labeled a cheater.”
“A lot better. More practice with
papers and class. More opportunities to
bullshit.”
–Farhiyo Abdulle–
Sophmore
Pre-Pharmacy
–Meagan Smith–
Freshman
German and Political Science
–Molly Scherber–
Freshman
Accounting
–Stefan Daniels–
Sophmore
Global Studies and Economics
Voices
“I am worse at it because now they pay
attention to what you’re doing, and there
are all these new technologies they use
to research what you actually wrote on.
There’s more attention to it. I need to
make sure I’m accurate.”
“Citations,” continued
from page 8
Photo By Brian Whitson
Nick Neaton found God, the devil and a new way to rock ʻnʼ roll in Ely, Minn.
We encourage members of the
university community to express
their views, which are independent
of The Wake Student Magazine.
The Wake Student Magazine
welcomes ideas from readers for
opinion pieces.
Ideas should focus on campus,
national, or international issues, and
how they affect students.
Please send pitches to:
Conrad Wilson,
contributing editor
cwilson@wakenews.org
The Wake Student Magazine
1313 5th Street SE
Suite 331
Minneapolis, MN 55414
THE
February 9, 2005
Grant Boelter is a staff writer for
The Wake and welcomes comments at
office@wakenews.org.
Voices is the editorial and opinion
section of The Wake.
Wake
reach some sort of conclusion from it, so
that’s all the more incentive to help them
along in any way possible. If the audience
isn’t going to question the information,
there’s no incentive for the person
disseminating it to present it as if they
will, unless the author has a great sense
of ethics.
It may also be possible that there
just isn’t enough time to go through and
scrutinize everything we come across. We
are fed so much information that it’s difficult
to absorb every detail of what we receive,
much less what contributes to it. Similarly,
it would be impossible for a teacher of a
class of as little of 20 to go through every
paper by every student and see if the cited
sources were legit.
While it’s always good for purveyors
of information to back up what’s being said
with solid sources, the value we place on this
process needs to be taken into perspective.
Just because someone else said it, doesn’t
mean it’s the truth.
11
Literary
February 9, 2005
12
ECoast to Coast Poetry
New York
October 23rd, San Francisco
steams wheels,
inhales burnt out joints,
harvests moonlit-limbs,
This our last weekend,
I turn.
My soul out to pasture,
rakes dried manure
& mends wild fencing.
laces imagination with brandy,
Bukowski as
legs drip out of bathtubs.
It was here I first knew
broken saxophones,
love-scented cabs,
cowboy’s crushed trigger finger,
naked subway graffiti of I hate my life and yours,
slumped bottles, the wild prairie.
I could steal Central Park,
big-boned blade of voluptuous earth,
tax-deductible on Wall Street.
New York all-nighters hit morning and run,
ride high with blank stomachs blank guns,
pockets of plugged nickels.
Fear New York, a casket without a headstone.
It slays traffic with scarred palms,
inside the jungle gym where God’s eye is slit.
As for me, I’ll move back to the farm.
I’d rather be stolen by a tractor,
unloaded in the dark.
(The ocean,
glad & cold,
poured daily into our bed.)
:: About the Poet ::
Nell Kromhout, a candidate for a BA in
English, enjoys most of her time in
a barn surrounded by hay, dirt and
horses. Her other engaging activities
include rock skipping, knitting, reading
and writing. She frequently volunteers
in schools doing poetry workshops
and hopes to orbit the earth in a space
shuttle someday, to count moon craters.
We waded water
together. I dipped
into handouts from last night’s
beach party, slimed & salted—
Styrofoam, a broken beer bottle.
I pressed away
your hand, hot
from my back. Blur
your familiar fingers
over dead nerves. We
solemned our way
to shore (beaten & rageful)
spewing in deliberation.
All the oceans died
after I swallowed salt.
New York, my eyes are swooping Mafiosa basement bulbs.
I’d strap a heart behind them
if you said I love you.
:: Editor’s Note ::
Walt Whitman says, “The proof of a poet is that his country absorbs him as affectionately as he absorbs it.” Coming from a man who saw himself as a prophet and seer of all
things a venir in America, he obviously did not foresee this year with our poet laureate…who? It’s Ted Kooser, right? Yeah he writes good poems, but is America affectionately
absorbing him? I think not. A wise man once told me that the Academy did two things to American poetry and poetics; one, it saved it from annihilation by intellectualizing the
genre, making poems that are to be ‘studied’ (and if you think ‘the Beats’ saved poetry you’ll be picking fights with a lot of smart people for a very long time, but that’s another
rant); and two, while the Academy saved poetry it promptly killed the possibility of Americans writing emotional poems—meaning, the kind of stuff Neruda, Akhmatova, or
Hikmet wrote. If an American poet were to write their sort of poem it would be blasted as trite, sentimental, or naïve…or would it? I want to know if anyone agrees with this.
Write me. Write me. Write me.
--Z. Cody Lee Carlsen
:: SEND SUBMISSIONS—ANYTIME—ALL SUBMISSIONS WILL BE CONSIDERED ::
zcarlsen@wakenews.org
Poetry
L
Chach
The rumbling against the pavement approaches the door
He enters unannounced with his board
With a sigh, he overtakes the nearest armchair
His body slouched and sprawled devoid of care
Tossing his hat and kicking off his tattered shoes
He displays shaggy hair and an ankle with a fresh bruise
A typical reciting of daily events begins
He reports his troublemaking and mischievously grins
Revealing teeth like a tattered fence
Proud of who he is and his lack of common sense
Soon the conversation tapers to a quiet break
He’s entranced by the buzz the television makes
The clock ticks and I must leave
I send subtle messages he doesn’t perceive
He remains slouched, doesn’t bother to move
With no plans and nothing to pursue.
iminal
A Fine Arts and Literary Journal
Poetry
Fiction
Essay
Spoken Word
DEADLINE: FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 25TH
Now Accepting Graduate and Undergraduate
Student Submissions for Inaugural Publication
liminalmag@hotmail.com
5-7-5
Literary
:: About the Poet ::
Keeya Steel is currently a freshman at the U of M majoring in political
science and Spanish. Aspiring to hold a government office in the future, she
loves traveling to Spanish-speaking countries. “The reasons for which I want
to hold a government office are the same reasons I like to write many of my
pieces; I analyze the stated and unstated laws of our society and focus on the
people that struggle with the way these systems work -- of course by a much
more artful means than a thesis paper.” She also enjoys being a student at the
Loft Literary Center.
Photography
and
Fine Arts
Least Resistant
Never mind the cold
Never mind it, persevere!
Wild ice will break stones
My Lover Leaves for Work
as I Wake Up
Sartre and Sarcasm
:: About the Haiku-ist ::
Illustration By Keely Grab
Un-named I pen lines
Looking out in the Urban
My deep heart blowing
February 9, 2005
All of this is real
Tell me what would not be real:
All of this is fake
THE
Wake
Nine bamboos and me.
I kiss your yellow pillow.
Dish of sun, tout seule.
13
Sound &
Vision
Music
Film
Art
Definitive Jux
Unleashes Hip-Hop Superpower
Meet The Perceptionists
Photos Courtesy of Biz3
Sound & Vision
February 9, 2005
By Frederic Hanson
The Perceptionists may be one of the
best hip-hop supergroups ever. They’re a
collective of uniquely and supremely gifted
hip-hop heads and intellects. The group – DJ
Fakts 1, Akrobatik, and Mr. Lif – are among
the best Def Jux has to offer. On their own,
they’ve all had more than successful indie
careers. As a group, they’ve elevated their
respective styles into one conscious stream
of pure heavenly hip-hop. They’re a Bostonborn beat-breaking lyric-shaking machine
that cannot be stopped. They’re currently
touring around the country in a van, picking
up new devotees as they go. Recently, Ak
and Fakts were kind enough to talk to us
about a whole lot. Read on. Love it. And
go pick up the album while you’re at it.
The Wake: What’s up?
Fakts 1: Hey what’s up man?
The Wake: So, how’s it going?
Fakts: Eh, chillin’.
The Wake: So what are you doin’?
Fakts: Just hangin’ out in Milwaukee
man. Just had a couple days off so we’re
just here stuck in the hotel basically.
The Wake: How’s the hotel?
Fakts: It’s a good hotel, thank god.
The Wake: I was wondering – the Patriots
won. I know you guys saw that coming . . .
Fakts: Well, yeah – we wrote a song about
it months ago. But, I’ll tell you this much,
man. I woke up the night before in a cold
sweat thinking that Philly was gonna win
it. And then the game went almost exactly
like my dream for the first half. So I was just
sittin’ there – we were at this bar across the
street with all these Eagles fans and shit.
The Wake: You go to a lot of games in New
England?
Fakts: Ah, I used to. Me and my dad used
to be season tickets holders, man, so I was
goin’ to games from like ’85 up to maybe
like a year ago.
The Wake: So what are your thoughts on T.O.?
Fakts: T.O.? He played great, I mean he had
a great game.
The Wake: And Randy?
Fakts: Randy Moss? Well, I dunno. I’m not a
big Moss fan. I think he’s a talented player.
The Wake: So how’s the tour been?
Have you had a good response so far?
Fakts: Oh yeah, definitely man. I’m here with
Akrobatik and we’re both just chillin’ out. I
don’t know, I guess I’d just say that it’s not
really been large shows. We’ve intentionally
been doin’ smaller venues and just opening
up for groups who normally wouldn’t even
have like a hip-hop opener. But the shows
we’ve done, man – people have really
been into it. We’ve gotten some really
interesting responses from crowds that I
didn’t even think would be into our shit.
The Wake: How so?
Fakts: Like we did this show in San Fran
that was, for all intensive purposes, an indie-
rock show. And a lot of people seemed really
into it. It was cool, man.
The Wake: What’s the craziest thing that’s
happened to you guys on tour?
Fakts: Nah. I mean, we’re not the type of
guys who go out and start fights and be
all wild and shit. But at the same time, we
know how to have fun. A wild night for me is
probably a bunch of unmentionable things
and whatever in whatever publication you’re
putting them in. We’re all pretty laid back.
The Wake: You guys conspiracy theorists at all?
Fakts: Ah, to some extent. Not anything
super crazy. I’m not, like, super involved
in shit. But I definitely feel like there’s
some shit going on. I don’t know what it
is. I wouldn’t even want to speculate on it,
especially in a public forum. But there’s gotta
be some power at work making shit like it is.
The Wake: You guys were named
artists to watch in 2005 by the Boston
Globe. How do you feel about that?
Fakts: I think it’s great, man. I’m glad that
we can get a lot of love in our hometown.
And I think that’s important for any
musician or artist – just to have that kind of
support wherever they come from. I mean,
if you can’t do it at home, what makes you
think you can do it somewhere else?
The Wake: What’s the scene like in Boston,
outside of New York?
Fakts: It’s cool. There’s a lot of shows – a lot
of tours that come
through.
Butt
there’s also a lot of
local cats. I mean,
they’re about a
dime
a
dozen
– not even a dime
a dozen. More like
a dime a gross.
Everybody
raps.
Everyone makes
beats. So it makes
for an interesting
scene,
because
there a lot of young
cats doing their
thing – but it also
gets watered down.
The Wake: What else do you listen to?
Fakts: A lot of dub, a lot of reggae. What we
listen to on the truck when we’re driving
around is probably a good example. I mean,
we’ll listen to like ‘Kid A’ to like The Congos.
The Wake: Cool, so what are you
doing when you’re not playing shows?
Fakts: Interviews, sleep. We’ve been doin’
like phone interviews in the morning. Doin’
email interviews. Like, literally, I’ve been
sitting here on my laptop and I haven’t left
all day. Here’s AK. Peace.
Concert
Heiruspecs
The Wake: What’s up AK?
Akrobatik: Not much man.
The Wake: So you’ve got an online
Madden league. Why’d you do that?
AK: Well, I just love competition and playing.
It’s the next best thing to being a player. I
mean, being in a league. Competition is also
a way to keep in touch with friends, and to
give fans a feeling that we’re accessible.
We’re just regular guys to chill with.
The Wake: So, in “Memorial Day”
you talk a lot about Bush, politics, etc.
Is that something that you want to
keep at the forefront of your music?
AK: Well, you know – the world is
constantly changing. There’s always a lot
of different things going on. So I just feel
that, as a lyricist, I just want to talk about
what’s going on. Whether it be politics, or
health – whatever. There’s just so many
topics to talk about. And because the world
is constantly changing and because we
as people are constantly evolving there’s
always things to talk about.
The Wake: So if there were a
draft – hypothetically – and you
were
drafted,
would
you
go?
AK: Well, first of all. I don’t think I’d be
of
much
use
because of a lot
of old football
injuries. But if it
came down to it,
and I was eligible
and they wanted
to
draft
me,
would I go? Um,
no. I wouldn’t go.
Absolutely
not.
The Wake: Yeah,
me
neither.
The Wake: Who
are some of your
favorite rappers?
AK: My favorites
are KRS, Big Daddy Kane, Public Enemy.
Nowadays I like a lot of the MF Doom
stuff. De La Soul is still up there for me.
The Wake: Got a favorite on Def Jux?
AK: If I had to pick one, I mean. RJD2
isn’t an MC, but I think I like his music
the best out of anyone. But you know,
the originator EL-P is pretty good.
Page 16
Now Open
Bordertown Coffee
Page 20
Review
Assault on Precinct 13
See “Perceptionists,” page 18
Who: Akrobatik, Mr. Lif, Fakts 1
What: Black Dialogue, the debut
full-length from The Perceptionists
When: March 2005
Where: Order it online through
Definitive Jux, or buy it when it
drops at local record stores.
Page 21
Keepin’ it Real
Heiruspecs deliver rap with roots live at The Whole
January 28.
Wake
Sound & Vision
By Morgon Mae Schultz
Heiruspecs is all about mixin’ it up
– defying rap conventions.
The St. Paul hip-hop group backs
its rhymes with live drums, bass and
keyboard, so on stage they look like a pair
of MCs rolling out rhymes in front of a rockband backdrop. But the sound is totally
integrated, with Twinkie Jiggles’ strong
basslines shining through in some songs
and dVRG’s piano melodies in others. The
fabric holding all of it together is the dense,
smooth vocals of Felix and Maud’Dib.
The speed at which the two fly through
their lyrics creates a texture more than a
discernible verbal statement, like a handful
of wooden beads tossed on the floor. The
attitude of each song, which is muted on the
CD, comes through on stage.
Heiruspecs’ independent roots didn’t
stop them from signing with a semi-big
record label. Although their latest album,
Tiger Dancing, is backed by Razor & Tie,
the guys recorded all the songs before
signing the contract. Judging from the
crowd at The Whole, they’ve retained the
indie-rap connection with their fans that
they developed grassroots-style since they
formed the band in their St. Paul Central
High School music class. When Felix led
the crowd in “5ves,” a song about sitting
on the front step while your neighborhood
goes by, a roomful of Twin Cities kids
shouted along and waved their hands in
the air. Heiruspecs hopped down from
the stage after their set at The Whole and
headed to the merch table at the back
to give autographs and sell t-shirts and
albums. Twinkie counted ones out of a zipup money bag.
The band’s rap-world popularity hasn’t
forced them to trim from their identity the
pride they have in their St. Paul origins.
Gearing up for “Intro,” which opens with the
line “Straight outta St. Paul,” Felix asks the
crowd, “Who here is proud of where you’re
from?” Everyone cheers. Chatting with a fan
about local music after the Whole show,
Felix says he’s the only person ever to stage
dive at a Mason Jennings concert.
Heiruspecs blend hip-hop bravado with
critical self-reflection and integrity. Felix
boasts in “Drop,” “Did you notice when
I’m holding this pen, I flow with my hands
like Chopin or Gauguin over a jam?” but in
“Lie to Me” reveals, “I sometimes wonder if
these epiphanies will kill me / Creeping out
of the deep, dark corners of the real me.”
When a young woman asks him to sign
her tight white t-shirt after the show, Felix
says, “The belly only.” I ask dVRG about
the absence of girl-demeaning lyrics in their
songs, which I’ve always
associated with rap. “We
were all raised in families
with moms who loved us.
There’s no reason for us
to hate women. That’s
ridiculous.”
Heiruspecs takes a lot of risks to stay
true to their roots, and when you get the
chance to see them live you should thank
them for the turning out a fun show with
heart.
Heiruspecs’ latest, Tiger Dancing, is
available at local record shops throughout
the Twin Cities.
February 9, 2005
THE
16
Photos By Andy Tyra
Felix (vocals), MaudʼDib (vocals), Twinkie Jiggles (bass) and Peter Legget (drums) blend rhymes
with live music while dVRG (keyboard, not pictured) adds melody.
From the Cradle to the Grave
A metal moment with Cradle of Filth
By Brant Johnson
The Wake: You were in Cradle of Filth in
the very early years, left, and now have just
recently returned. What is different about
being in Cradle of Filth now?
Paul: The band is more mature. It’s
completely different. The music and the feel
has matured. If you listen to The Principles
of Evil Made Flesh or Dusk and Her
Embrace it sounds like kids playing and on
Damnation and a Day and Nymphetamine
it’s so much more mature.
The Wake: I am curious there is always a
lot of debate amongst fans whether Cradle
of Filth is black metal or “extreme gothic
metal” or some
such
non-sense.
What do you have
to say to this?
Paul: Cradle of
Filth is completely
different than black
metal. I love black
metal bands like
Dimmu Borgir and
Immortal but that
doesn’t sound like
us. I think we have
a lot more groove.
I don’t listen to a
lot of black metal
myself, but the band
has pretty broad
tastes. I do love
the new Satyricon. I just don’t think a band
should pigeonhole itself like these black
metal bands do — that would be suicide for
the band. Cradle of Filth has been around
almost fifteen years and that’s because we
don’t paint ourselves in a corner.
The Wake: What do you have to say about
the state of metal today?
Paul: I think it’s rubbish, really. There’s a lot
I just can’t get into. I got into metal when the
old school British metal bands were big like
Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, Saxon. I just can’t
get into the new stuff. 3 Inches of Blood is
one new band that is great and they play like
the old bands.
of the forty-minute second stage set to do
us justice.
The Wake: How has the switch from Sony to
RoadRunner Records been?
Paul: Roadrunner,
they know what
they’re doing. Their
The
Wake:
Image
is
“Actually, right before I got market especially.
Sony tried to market
obviously rather
important
to on the phone with you I found us as a pop band.
Cradle of Filth. out weʼve been nominated for Thanks to Sony we
missed out on a
I do assume it is
a Grammy!”
lot of interviews to
meant to be very
promote the band
much tongue in
and
the
album
cheek.
Paul: Image is very important for this band. (Damnation and a Day). They offered us an
It is something that we think about seriously option for a second album and we said no.
to get across the appropriate concept and RoadRunner has done very well.
meaning. But yes, it is done very much with
tongue planted firmly in cheek.
The Wake: What’s next on the horizon for
Cradle of Filth?
The Wake: There had recently been a report Paul: We’re already writing the next album.
that one of your former band members said We’ll be touring Greece and Europe coming
Cradle of Filth would not play the Ozzfest up in February and March. Readers, now go
again, can you elaborate on this?
out and by Nymphetamine, From the Cradle
Paul: Well, that was taken entirely out of to Enslave, Dusk and Her Embrace, and
context. He said it jokingly. We would do every other COF album you can get your
the Ozzfest again. We would only do it if it hands on. Also, check out cradleoffilth.com.
were the mainstage though. People should
see Cradle when it’s dark out. We’d really
need to get an hour and a half set instead
The Wake: What is your greatest pride as a
member of Cradle of Filth?
Paul: Oh, that’s easy. Our new album
(Nymphetamine). It’s definitely our best
accomplishment as a band. Actually right
before I got on the phone with you I found
out we’ve been nominated for a Grammy!
THE
Wake
The Wake: Congratulations!
Paul: Thanks!
February 9, 2005
The Wake: Now, do you have any regrets
about your career with the band?
Paul: No, there’s no time for regrets, I’m
too bloody busy. Everything happens for a
reason. Even what didn’t go well.
The Wake: So, what’s the best part of being
in Cradle?
Paul: Meeting all sorts of different people.
Playing on stage. It’s great.
The Wake: So who are your biggest
influences as a guitar player?
Paul: K.K. Downing and Glen Tipton (of
Judas Priest), Adrian Murray (Iron Maiden)
— a lot of jazz musicians. But I really listen
to the whole band not just the guitars. I’m a
big fan of Destruction.
Sound & Vision
A couple months ago I had the chance
to talk to Paul Allender, guitar player for
possibly the world’s
biggest
extreme
metal band, Cradle
of Filth. Paul was
with the band in
their
formative
days
(1992-1994)
and
recently
returned in 1999.
In 2004 the band
somehow managed
to top all of their
previous
output
(which is a great
feat!) and released
Nymphetamine
on
RoadRunner
Records.
The Wake: Well,
Paul, I’d like to congratulate you on
Nymphetamine, it’s really a killer record.
But for those who haven’t been compelled
to pick it up, tell them why they should
bother.
Paul: Nobody sounds like us. People
compare us to black metal but we’re nothing
actually like that. It’s unique and it’s our best
album.
photo courtesy of www.webarchive.com
17
Wake Q&A with Jukies Hangar 18
the habit.
The Wake: So where do you look for
inspiration?
Alaska: I think mostly we look to ourselves.
I mean there’s a lot of people that have
inspired us to be MCs — to try to be
better. The people on our label, or cats
like Ghostface and Outkast. But mostly, we
sorta have our own standards that we live
up to. We know if we’ve written something
good or if we haven’t — we kind of know.
The Wake: So do you all write together?
Alaska: Yeah — for the most part we write
together. We’ll usually just sit around and
get a bottle and spend like eight hours
trying to write a song. But every now
and again there are songs that we’ll write
individually, like “Take No Chances.” But
most times, Paul will come up with the beat
and give it to us.
Sound & Vision
The Wake: Are you happy with how the
album’s been received?
Alaska: Yeah, definitely. I wish there was
a little more awareness of it — but that’s
also on us, to get out there and do shows so
people know who the hell we are. The crowd
response has been great.
The Wake: So, I was wondering — if you
could open for someone, who would it be?
Alaska: Mini Kiss. Midgets that dress like
Kiss are even more fun.
Photo Courtesy of Biz3 Media
The Wake: So what’s your favorite track on
the album?
Alaska: “Go Git That.” I think “Go Git That”
is the unanimous favorite. It was the last one
we did, and it’s sort of the direction we’re
going.
The Wake: So are you currently working on
a follow-up?
Alaska: We have like seven songs recorded
—or written, sorry. We just recorded one
song, called “Nerdy Girl” which is sure to be
a hit in America among nerd circles.
Visit
www.definitivejux.net
to
buy
The
Multi-Platinum
Debut
Album
and get information on Hangar 18.
Perceptionists Continued
from page 15
AK: Yeah, I’m working on stuff. Taking
my time. But my focus right now is
promoting the Black Dialogue album.
Hey You. Yeah, you, the kid, reading The Wake.
Did you know that we have a new website? Yup.
We do. So you should go to it. Because if you go,
then you will be like, totally choice. So as I sit here,
waiting for you to come visit our lucious website, I
dream about you. What do you look like? Do you
have that really cool facial hair that I just adore,
some people call it a chin strap...but really that
doesnʼt justify its greatness. What do you like to do
in your freetime? Do you play the guitar, do you
like to play catch in the park? Are you annoyed
that I am asking you all these questions? Than
gosh darn it, go to the website!
www.wakenews.org
Hangar 18 looms large on the hip-hop horizon.
Wake
By Frederic Hanson
February 9, 2005
THE
18
The Wake: Oh, okay. So what’s up?
Alaska: Not much — I’m just driving to the
beach actually. Yeah — we’re out in L.A. so
we’re just hangin’ with some friends and
goin’ over to the beach.
Hangar 18 recently released The MultiPlatinum Debut Album. Their inaugural
debut on Definitive Jux, Platinum – paWL,
Alaska and Windnbreez — is more of an The Wake: Shit — it’s like 20 degrees here
ironic understatement than anything. Maybe or something.
it’s their defense against fears that they’re Alaska: Yeah — we were just there when
fall into some kind of indie
you guys had like
hip-hop pigeon-hole like so
twelve
inches
of
many indie rappers seem to
snow.
We get drunk now and
have done —but probably
not. It’s mostly just funny.
again but we donʼt do The Wake: So how
And it’s pretty obvious they
heroin yet. We havenʼt would you describe
don’t need to worry about
your sound?
made enough money
anything musically. Talking
Alaska: I don’t know
with MC Alaska, I learned
yet to support the
— I guess if I were
a few things —notably, that
to compare it to hiphabit.
yes, they are actually named
hop I’d probably say
after the Megadeth song and
Beastie Boys meet
prior to hip-hop, Alaska’s
HyRO. But I always
favorite group was Iron Maiden. Strange.
like to say that we’d be Guns ‘N’ Roses if
The Wake: Is Tim there?
they were a hip-hop group.
Alaska: No, can I take a message?
The Wake: You all live like Guns ‘N’ Roses
The Wake: Yeah, this is Frederic with The too?
Wake Magazine.
Alaska: Ah — we try to. We get drunk now
Alaska: Oh, hey, what’s up? Sorry — I was and again but we don’t do heroin yet. We
screening my calls for telemarketers.
haven’t made enough money yet to support
NOW HIRING!
Campus Writers
Photography Editor
Cover Artist
Photographer
Visit www.wakenews.org for an application
Nate on Drums
Local TV worth watching
ʻNate on Drumsʼ holds its own in television
THE
February 9, 2005
consecutive episode aired on Channel 45.
For season two, they plan to run an
episode every week (as opposed to the once
a month time slot they have right now).
When asked about being on television
late Sunday night, Price said, “We’re on
at the same time as syndicated episodes of
The West Wing. I think people like seeing
something they haven’t seen before.”
Something they haven’t seen is what the
audience should expect, especially if you
happened to see this month’s episode
featuring cast member Linnea Mohn’s “Sex
Bomb” segment.
“The show is a reflection of our
different backgrounds,” Price told me.
Upon watching an episode, this becomes
clear, but not in a way that is distracting.
The influences of animation, drama, and
music collide in a format that allows for this
sort of variety. There is obviously a similar
sense of humor among the people involved,
and an extreme joy in making each episode.
“We’ve got full time jobs,” said writer Caleb
Rick. “But this is something we definitely
like making time for.”
On a recent episode, while introducing
a segment, Mohn claimed, “These are the
people I work with – Nate, David, Motion.
They’re nice, polite young men, which in
reality means they’re boring.” Sorry Mohn,
but I’m going to have to disagree. The cast
of “Nate on Drums” is far from boring;
they’re spectacular. They also love what
they do, which is of equal importance. If you
call yourself an aficionado of the local music
scene, or if you really want to see some
great comedy by some Twin Cities talents,
then you need to watch “Nate on Drums.”
Don’t forget – the season one finale airs on
Sunday, March 6 at 11:00 p.m. on Channel
45.
Wake
effective: write three or four really funny
shorts, have four really talented people
When you think of sketch comedy, two act them out, and have a live musical
things probably come to mind: “Saturday performance close out the show. “Nate on
Night Live” and “Mad TV.” When you think Drums” is tasteful, amusing, and incredibly
of locally produced cable access shows only original.
Aside from playing with such local
one thing probably comes to mind: why
bands as Cowboy
would I waste my
Curtis and Coach
time
watching
Said
Not
To,
that? What you
Nate Perbix is
may not know
“Ranging from animation
the show’s host
is that the Twin
to ad-lib dialogues, ʻNate
and
namesake.
Cities has its own
Introducing
the
locally produced
on Drumsʼ epitomizes
segments
from
sketch
show
variety.”
behind his drum
called “Nate On
set,
Perbix
is
Drums”
that
often guilty of
could easily rival
either of this genre’s giants in terms of impeccable wit and the inability to keep
originality and taste. Not only is “Nate on a straight face. According to Harris and
Drums” funny, it features local music, too. Price, Perbix is the show’s access to the
It’s so good that Channel 45 has picked it up, local music scene, and a big supporter of
which is a big leap for a show that was once getting bands on the show. All the music,
from background clips and segues to inon cable access.
Operating out of a studio in Mound, studio performances, is done by bands
Minnesota (on Lake Minnetonka), the cast that the cast knows or from submissions
of “Nate on Drums” is a small, tight-knit they receive from local groups. February’s
group. “I love doing this,” David Harris show, for example, featured a performance
said, reflecting on the time spent with by The Screens and a soundtrack including
his cast members. Aside from being one The Repeats and The Amber Estate, among
of the four main onscreen personalities, others.
Ranging from animation to ad-lib
Harris also functions as the show’s segment
producer. He met cast-mate and creative dialogues, “Nate on Drums” epitomizes
director Motion Price at the University of variety. The ideas always seem fresh –Minnesota when they were paired together showing evidence of a good sense of humor
and an interest in developing the characters.
as roommates by chance.
“The whole show is put together by The show, which ends its first season with
about eight or 10 people,” Price told me. a final episode on March 6, is moving out
Most of them went to high school together, of what the cast called its “experimental
where the idea of filming these hilarious phase.” Whatever the experiment may
have been, it was successful. “Nate on
sketches originated.
The format for this show is simple and Drums” has seen ratings increase for each
By Michael Mitchell
Photo By Michael Mitchell
Sound & Vision
ʻNate on Drumsʼ holds its own in television.
19
Sound & Vision
It’s a Fraternity! No! It’s a Coffee Shop!
Bordertown Coffee comes to U
owns the house and coffee shop, bought it
two years ago, renovating it to its current
Creative thinkers converted the grind-glory grandeur.
former Theda Chi frat house into a coffee
The name came from an ethics and
shop that seeks to serve its
philosophy discussion
community in an ambitious
group
named
way. Bordertown Coffee
Bordertown that met
opened in Dinkytown on
“Itʼs a place where in the space about a
the corner of 4th Street and
year before the shop
people can come
16th Avenue, at the end of
opened, says Nathan
and share ideas.”
January, the day before the
Clancy, a supervisor at
Twin Cities got its first real
Bordertown Coffee. He
dose of snow.
says the name stayed
The Theda Chi house,
because the shop wants
built in 1929, closed about five years ago to keep that feeling. “It’s a place where
due to fire safety regulations and declining people can come and share ideas,” says
enrollment. The house remained vacant Clancy. He also stressed that it is a place to
until Greg Silker, the director of Campus study, meet with friends, or even enter into a
Journey, a non-profit Christian and non- conversation with people you do not know.
greek fraternity and sorority that currently
“As the coffee shop has come to the
By Conrad Wilson
foreground…building
community
has
become a real big focus. There’s so much
isolation to be had in American culture. On
the largest campus in the nation [this] is a
place where people can come,” says Matt
Wingard, an employee of Campus Journey.
“It’s an attempt to recapture the heart of
community.”
“We have a society that’s being
medicated for the depression caused
by isolation. If we can fight that on the
forefront…than we’re really on our way,”
says Wingard.
Bordertown has a lot to offer their
customers including: free wireless Internet,
a full selection of coffee beverages and
fireplace with plenty of couches and
tables. They also have a room that groups
can reserve if they want a more intimate
meeting space, free of charge.
“The value of a coffee shop is that in a
sense it is a retreat from what’s going on and
we want to cater to that…we want people
to come in here and make it a place that
becomes a home,” says Dan Armstrong,
manager of Bordertown.
The shop currently has acoustic
performances every Friday night that they
eventually hope to expand to other types of
music. Other plans include hosting a local
film festival, a place for artists to display
their works and lectures once or twice a
month on various topics. “Our goal is to be
art rich,” says Silker.
“We want to be a community
that invites other communities,” says
Clancy, but admits that a lot is still in the
developing stages.
“It’s still a business but we’re trying to
put a heart underneath it,” says Wingard.
Wake
Bordertown’s Web site, which is up
but not complete, is www.bordertowncof
fee.com.
February 9, 2005
THE
20
Photos By Andy Tyra
Bordertown provides a unique atmosphere for coffee consumers.
Wake Movie Review
Film: Assault on Precinct 13
Ja Rule Against Classic Cinema
Wake Food Review
Eat a Piece of Elvis at St. Paul’s
Highland Grill
By Taylor Eisenman
The Superhero Food Critic
Rating: Sterling
Location: 771 Cleveland Ave
S, St. Paul 55116
The Wake reviews a
restaurant every issue and
rates each one with various
arbitrary adjectives.
February 9, 2005
sandwiches, and breakfast items beckoned
to be tried. Choosing just one seemed an
injustice to the menu and my stomach. But
alas, in the end, my roommates and I shed
a tear apiece, buckled down, and asked the
waiter for a couple more minutes.
I was ultimately cajoled by the fresh
spinach salad with chicken. I know what
you are thinking — salad? You could have
had breakfast you fool! I’ll admit it; I am a
sucker for salads, especially a fresh spinach
salad with seasoned grilled chicken,
candied walnuts, dried cranberries and
brie cheese all floating in harmony with
a tangy raspberry vinaigrette. This was
where my stomach began to sing …
“Heaven, I’m in heaven la la la.”
My other victorious roommate
ventured into the award-winning world
THE
Wake
anyone. We all learned in the third grade
that you’re not supposed to kill people.
The original plot was about a gang
If you like your movies mindless and
out
to
avenge the murder of their leader,
action-packed, you might want to check
out both the new “Assault on Precinct 13” no matter what the cost. In the update, this
remake that’s been in theaters a couple of becomes a crew of several dozen crooked
weeks, and the original 1976 John Carpenter cops trying to murder Fishburne’s character
cult classic of the same name. With no before he can turn state’s evidence.
Naturally they have
real plot to induce
to kill everyone else
distracting thoughts,
in the police station
these B-action movies
as well.
Gabriel Byrne plays “the
are the perfect remedy
This
new
to the Oscar snobbery bad guy” and tries to jusversion is a bad
we’ll have to look
tify his badness, but heʼs movie in the good
forward to in the
not fooling anyone. We all way, but in my
coming months.
mind it’s also a
The original film
learned in the thrid grade bad remake. It
strands
a
handful
does more with the
of people inside an that youʼre not supposed
crooks and cops
abandoned
police
to kill people.
stranded together
station against an
subplot but hasn’t
onslaught of nameless
the whole dirty
street thugs. No famous
police
thing
been
done
a
few times already?
actors and plenty of glorified violence. The
beautiful thing about the original movie Honestly, if you’re rehashing Steven Seagal
is how it plays with stereotypes. Making movie plots (remember “Exit Wounds?”)
their stand are an assertive black cop, a you probably aren’t pushing the originality
wise-cracking-white murderer and a pair of factor enough. The ‘76 version’s wave after
female secretaries. Referring to coffee, one wave of anonymous attackers made it almost
of the secretaries asks Ethan Bishop, the like a zombie survival movie, akin to “Night
protagonist cop, “black?” He replies, “for of the Living Dead.” Also, the changes from
over thirty years.” The same secretary ends an assertive black cop to a burned out white
up taking up a gun, refusing to become the cop and from a wisecracking, likable white
criminal to an intimidating black criminal
damsel in distress.
With an impressive cast (including aren’t really beneficial changes. It also
Ja Rule…), the remake sends the action would have been nice to see some nods
fast and furious though, without that stale to the source material, especially since
Vin Diesel aftertaste. Ethan Hawke stars the original “Assault on Precinct 13” was
as a burned out but still duty- bound cop, actually a modern update of the John Wayne
crime kingpin Marion Bishop is played western “Rio Bravo.”
If you don’t like old, low budget films
cold and sinister by Laurence Fishburne;
you’ll
want to stick with the new version.
Brian Dennehy is the jovial old Irish officer;
John Leguizamo is the coke addict with an Otherwise, I would highly recommend the
astounding vocabulary (not just of the four 1976 “Assault on Precinct 13.” It may lack
letter variety); and Ja Rule does his best at the polish of its 2005 predecessor, but it
playing the two-bit thug he is in real life. more than makes up for it in over-the-top
Gabriel Byrne plays “the bad guy” and tries personality and under the radar social
to justify his badness, but he’s not fooling conscience.
By Chris Wilson
Sound & Vision
Photo Courtesy of RottenTomatoes.com
of the turkey burger. Voted best turkey
The beginning of this particular food burger by Mpls.St.Paul Magazine in
expedition occurred months ago, before 2003, this burger had a twist of Thai in it.
the onslaught of winter, at a barbecue Peanuts, jalapeno, onion, garlic and curry
party my roommates and I hosted. We blended with ground turkey and accented
were in the midst
with pepper jack
of a bet only horny
cheese, poblano
college girls would
pesto aioli and
implement: the makegreens.
We were in the midst of
out-with-a-random
And finally,
a bet only horny college
boy bet, when out of
the
benefactor
nowhere I went from girls would implement: the
of our meals
jolly to tipsy to piestrapped on her
make-out-with-a-random
eyed and plastered.
“Blue
Suede
Blurbs of memory
Shoes,” warmed
boy bet.
from that night flicker
up her pelvis, and
clear and then fade,
sunk her teeth
but I do know this —
into a burger
I won and so did my other roommate, but from Elvis. The Elvis burger was a meaty
in the same impalpable fashion. Our prize morsel with a six-ounce beef patty, two
was dinner, paid for by our less prosperous strips of bacon, American cheese, lettuce,
roommate. Only in college can you win a tomato, onion, pickles and roasted garlic
wager and get treated to dinner without mayo. Her only complaint—too much
actually remembering how you won.
lettuce.
To claim our blue ribbon for
After all of us had scraped our
bawdiness we were taken to the Highland plates clean, we were brought the bill.
Grill, a decked-down ‘50s diner, the usual I omnisciently smiled at our waiter. We
nostalgic records and Fonzie memorabilia were not done yet. I explained that our
missing from the walls. The décor was vision had been obscured throughout the
modern—black metal lights hung against evening by piles of whip cream and we
bright green walls contrasting the red ‘50s
were prepared to investigate. We ordered
booths.
crème brulee and a brownie sundae. The
It was Saturday night. We took
crème brulee came dressed as its rich,
two steps in the door and became part
of a hungry parade of sardined patrons, fresh-vanilla-bean self and was, as always,
all waiting to put their names in. While a treat for the taste buds.
However, the heavyweight champion
we waited, my wandering eye caught
for
the
night was a humongous brownie
glimpses of stacked high sandwiches,
colorful salads, and to my delectation, topped with vanilla ice cream, chocolate
overflowing omelets and hash browns. and caramel sauce, and two walloping
“They serve breakfast,” I squealed, my puffs of whip cream. The sundae’s nimbus
inner child enraptured by the chance to lingered even after the last bite of divinity
have pancakes for dinner. We promptly was devoured.
Highland Grill serves up quality
put our name in and were told it was only a
American
cuisine, infused with unique
fifteen minute wait—praise the diner gods
ingredients that even the most avid meat
for their in-and-out ethics.
The menu was extensive and the and potato lover will enjoy. The reasonable
exploration of it was a frustrating fiasco. prices and good service make Highland
A medley of entrees, burgers, salads, Grill king of diner country.
21
Campus
February 9, 2005
22
Sexy is as Sexy Does
Gavon “The Houseboy”
Haubner gets tense
as things heat up and
clothes fall down.
Photos By Brie Cohen
A burlesque beauty strips behind a translucent scrim, creating a 3-D effect for audience
members wearing special glasses (see opposite, bottom left).
Le Cirque Rouge de Gus is a wildly entertaining burlesque
and cabaret show that puts on a risqué, refined performance.
“The show celebrates women, because any woman can do
this,” says manager Amy Buchanan. “You don’t have to look
like Barbie. Sexy is sexy.” Le Cirque Rouge performs at The
Loring Pasta Bar every Saturday night at 10 p.m. The troupe
will put on special Valentine’s performances at the new
Varsity Theater in Dinkytown on February 11, 12 and 14 at
9 p.m.
Campus
Le Cirque Rouge shows off its talent in an Egyptian dance.
Actress Corin Caovette sings the blues.
THE
Wake
Spectators check out the 3-D silhouette strip.
February 9, 2005
What a tease!
23
The Importance of Being Goldy
The mystery of the gopher revealed
Wake
Campus
By Sara Schweid
February 9, 2005
THE
24
energetic, loyal, [they] yell loud, and love
their team.”
As for signature dance moves and
When I first decided to attend the
University of Minnesota, I remember a sideline performances, Goldy has a few up
friend of mine chuckling at the thought his sleeve. He calls his most impressive
of me becoming a Gopher. A Gopher is, move the “head spin,” which can be initiated
by the crowd if they yell
perhaps a slightly unusual
“Spin Your Head!” to
mascot, not fierce like
the beat of three claps
a Tiger, not outright
A gopher is
repeatedly until grabbing
ridiculous like a Hokie,
Goldy’s full attention.
(whatever that is), but it is
perhaps a slightly
Post-touchdown,
the
the perfect personification
unusual mascot,
crowd loves to count along
of Minnesota nice.
not fierce like a
as Goldy does a number
For 74 years, Goldy
the Gopher has been the
Tiger, not outright of pushups equal to the
Gopher’s score. Goldy is
face of the University
ridiculous like a
a nationally recognized
of Minnesota, and he
mascot. This year, Goldy
couldn’t be happier. A
Hokie (whatever
was among 12 university
die-hard Gopher fan and
that is), but it
mascots nominated for
an athlete himself, Goldy
the Capital One Mascot
leads an interesting life.
is the perfect
Challenge. He calls the
From
performing
at
personification
of
whole experience a “true
sporting events, to making
Minnesota nice.
honor,”
personal appearances, to
and feels
practicing his signature
grateful to
dance moves and of
course, making time to impress the ladies, Capital One for providing
Goldy is quite the busy little gopher. As a mascots with some much
student athlete whose season never ends, deserved recognition, saying
staying in shape year-round is a necessity. that the competition “really
As Jon Hart, Coordinator for Goldy Gopher gives mascots a chance to
shine.”
performances states, “it is
It may
very grueling to be in the
seem odd to
costume,” and so physical
“It is very grueling be writing
fitness is important. As
to be in the
this
and
a student athlete, Goldy
referring
must be a full time student,
costume,” and so
only
to
maintain a 2.0 GPA, and
physical fitness is
Goldy, and
attend regular practices.
not
the
Other than that, there are
important.
person who
few actual requirements
puts
on
for becoming Goldy.
Each spring there is an audition that suit and entertains us
process, during which students are tested all at sporting events. But,
on physical fitness, personality, character it is essential to protecting
creation and improvisation. This is the best what Jon Hart refers to as the
way to test the students’ ability to perform “integrity of the character.”
Any actor knows that
and of course make people laugh. We’ve all
witnessed Goldy’s sideline performances, one of the worst things
and can probably agree that he is able to do that he or she can do on
stage is break character.
all of that amazingly well.
And the best part of performing? For the duration of each
“Interacting with the true Minnesota sports performance the actor is
fans that are crazy at the games,” says not himself, the actor is the
Goldy, they are “the best in the country… character. This basic theater
lesson is taught to Goldy and
is strictly upheld, hence the
lack of a personal interview
with the performer.
The more that I
considered this extensive
secrecy I realized the
importance of it. Hart puts
it simply; Goldy is a symbol
not only for the athletics
department, but for the
university and even the state
as a whole. The identity of
the performers must be kept
secret because Goldy is “so
Image Courtesy of umn.edu
much bigger than the individual…and no
one individual can take credit for what
Goldy does.”
And Goldy loves everything he does.
He is able to travel and perform around the
country, and makes appearances at birthday
parties, weddings, and charity events, to
name a few. Despite the fact that he receives
“numerous professional offers each year,”
he certainly has no intention of leaving the
university. Though he loves his position
here, if he could be any mascot, Goldy would
want to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. “I
am pretty good with a Bo staff…and I have
been practicing my Nunchakus skills.” He
has some in his locker and told me to stop
by if I ever wanted an exhibition. Perhaps
I’ll take him up on that offer.
Contact Jon Hart at the Spirit Squad Office
for information on the spring auditions
(612) 382-0609
Photo Courtesy of Jon Hart
Photo Courtesy of umn.edu
Valentine’s Day is for Lovers
Chemistry students
unaffected
By Abigail Mackenzie
Online dating services reek of the
information age. It seems almost impossible
that they existed before people were too
busy to leave the office for lunch let alone
find a lover. Dating services have been
around in one form or another (women
didn’t always have it so good) for centuries.
During the Roman Feast of Lupercalia,
a pagan festival that celebrated the gods of
marriage and religion, the Romans held a
date lottery. The women would place love
notes into a large vessel and then the men
would pick one out. Whomever’s love note
the man chose would become the object of
his affection.
The date of this festival: February 14th.
Obviously, Valentine’s Day has come a long
way since its inception during early Roman
times.
Campus
Today greeting
card companies
sell more than
$9 million in
valentines.
Today greeting card companies sell
more than $9 million in valentines. Add in
all of the money people spend on flowers,
chocolates and jewelry for their sweethearts
and you have an industry so large it would
rival a small country’s GNP (Gross National
Product.)
In Dinkytown the owner of Avalon
Campus Cards says Valentine’s Day is their
second biggest season next to Christmas
and that February 14 is their highest volume
day.
It seems like some people are reaping
the benefits of the holiday celebrating love.
When asked why she likes Valentine’s
university sophomore Cindy Tschautscher
responds “you get spoiled by the person
who loves you.”
THE
Illustration By Eric Carlson
“It’s enough to make a free-thinking
individual want to gouge his own eyeballs
out with an old rusty pair of scissors,” Leigh
“Fuck Hallmark” Orf writes on his Web
site.
Orf has provided other Valentine’s Day
haters with a way to survive the holiday.
Suggestions include to “firebomb all of the
Hallmark card shops you can find” and
declare February 14th a day of hate.
There are plenty of others who oppose
Valentine’s Day, but many take a much less
extreme stance than Orf.
University sophomore Amy Dvergsdal
says the holiday was more fun as a little
kid.
“I think it started out as a nice idea,
sharing Valentine’s Day with someone you
love, but I think it’s really kind of stupid
now because there is so much pressure
now. If you are dating someone you have
to get them a present. If you are not dating
somebody you have to be up-in arms over
Valentine’s—so many people have so much
hatred for it,” Dvergsdal says.
First year chemistry grad student
Aaron Burns, says Valentine’s Day sucked
in high school, but now he doesn’t really
think about it.
“You’re asking chemists, I don’t think
we think about Valentine’s Day.”
Tschautscher’s brother Craig had a
similar view of the day.
“It’s just another day,” Tschautscher
says.
February 9, 2005
While many still revel in the anticipation
of Valentine’s Day, others find the holiday
too commercialized and ridiculous.
Googling “Valentine’s Day sucks”
brings up pages of sites, many of them
blogs, devoted to anti-valentine supporters.
One had a particular message against the
day associated with cupid.
Wake
“Itʼs enough to
make a freethinking individual
want to gouge his
own eyeballs out
with an old rusty
pair of scissors.”
25
February 9, 2OO5
26
The Wake Asks:
Will you be my Valentine?
“Maybe...”
-Ryan JahnkeSophomore
Chemical Engineering
“Maybe...”
-Michaela EchelbergerJunior
Political Science
“Maybe...”
-Ashleigh GeibSophomore
Sports Studies
“No.”
-Shah-Nawaz M. DowadSenior
Biochemistry
Wakie Got Mail!
Wakie Says Hello To:
Apparently our friendly Wake eye with apendages has fans. Look at what
Wakie got in the mail! Go Wakie Go Wakie, it’s your birthday.
Ann
Well golly gee Ann, don’t you feel
special!
Tune in next issue to see if Wakie will
say hi to you!
-If Wakie said hi to you, say hi back!Write Wakie at
Wakie
1313 5th St SE Suite 331
Minneapolis, MN 55414
So, itʼs almost Valentineʼs Day. Have you forgotten to make a card? Cut out an Arbitrary Award and tape it on a piece of
paper. Itʼs way better than all that mushy gooshy crap anyways...
THE WAKE’s ARBITRARY AWARDS!
BEST accent:
American accent you stupid foreigner.
EASIEST test:
drug test.
WORST Valentineʼs day gift:
gonorrhea.
WORST fire:
This fire! AHH! It burns!
JUICIEST fruit:
The fruit that juicy fruit gum comes
from.
BEST impression of a donkey:
your jack-ass of a neighbor.
jij & iji -By Eireann Lorsung-
Co
mix
The Broken Sidewalk -By Devin Ensz-
BASTARD
So You Are In Collage -By Eli ZimmermanTHE
Wake
February 9, 2005
27
Web site of the issue:
Build Your own Hero!!
http://www.ugo.com/channels/comics/heroMachine2/
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