From the Couch of Taz: Camp Chevra is not like all other camps

Chevra Shmooze
From the Couch of Taz:
Camp Chevra is not like all other camps.
When they eat chometz, we eat matza; they don’t dip
at all, but we dip twice! And so on. But in all seriousness, Camp Chevra is simply a cut above. Other camps
may have great activities, wonderful rabbeim, and an
excellent staff. But we have super-great activities,
amazingly wonderful rabbeim, and extraordinarily
fantastically delightfully excellent staff! Oh, and the
campers! We just so happen to have the best campers
in the world! And we have Swikers: no one else has
Swikers. (We also have
the official top-ranked
newsletter in the state.)
We knew this
already. So why am I rehashing it? Well, last
week we began on Monday, which is so typical. If
you hopped in a time machine, you’d see that last
year we began camp on a
Tuesday. As I wrote in the
first issue of the Chevra
Shmooze that summer,
―Camp began on Tuesday
(because Monday would be too predictable), and it just
so happened to be my favorite day of the week: PIZZA
DAY!!!‖ That is very true: I do love Pizza Day. But
also, in order to stand out from the chaff, camp started
on Tuesday… yet this year it started on Monday! OH
NO! What have we done to ourselves!
Never fear, dear readers, for Camp Chevra
has amended itself. In order to remain unique, Camp
Chevra fixed its schedule and started camp this week
on Tuesday! And now everything is back to the way it
should be! We stand out from the crowd!
Or maybe we started on Tuesday because of
July 4th weekend. It’s one or the other.
Tuesday wasn’t just Tuesday: it was Pay Day!
All the staff members were so happy until they realized it was a special activity. Then they were still happy, because Pay Day is a great special activity, the
kind that encompasses the entire day. Actually, this
year it even spilled over into a second day. Oh snap, I
just ruined the ending for you. Sorry.
Wait, so let me tell you what Pay Day entails.
Volume 8, Issue 2
Over the course of the day, campers can earn money
for doing various things: doing well in learning
groups, doing well in sports, doing well in Swikers,
doing well in buying Shalom Ber (Shalom Who?) a
bunch of nosh at the canteen, etc. Then that money is
collected and pooled by the bunk, since that’s how our
government works, and at the end of the day all the
bunks get to bid on FABULOUS prizes! Additionally,
all the bunks had to write a cheer song of some sort,
which would earn a sum of cash depending on the
judges’ opinions. (I wrote a cheer song, but I don’t
have a bunk so they didn’t let me participate. I bet
that’s not the real reason
though. They were probably
just afraid I would win.)
Also, the bidding process
isn’t as simple as it sounds.
You can’t just bid on prizes:
that’s too easy. Instead, everyone was given clues as to
what the prizes were: for example,
one
clue
was
―Travelling in Luxury,‖ to
which the corresponding
prize was sitting in the front
of the bus. Another clue was
―Taz is amazing and wonderful and no one can ever change that.‖ There was no
prize for that. It’s just a truism.
And so, after a full day of money-earning fun,
the auction began! Bunks bid on all sorts of prizes,
including sodas, ice cream, pickles (no joke) and
more! The sixth graders even got themselves a trip to
Shopper’s Haven! I don’t know about you, but I would
love a trip to Shopper’s Haven. They have… stuff.
And leeks. Who doesn’t love leeks? In fact, the only
place I’d rather go is Runaway Rapids.
(Foreshadowing?) Anyway, the bidding was so intense
that we had to finish it the next morning. Speaking of
the next morning…
Wednesday was TRIP DAY! First there was a
full day of camp, of course. In Camp Chevra, we have
our cake and eat it too. And it’s pretty good cake. And
speaking of pretty good, it was a pretty good trip, too:
it was our grand trip to Runaway Rapids in Keansburg,
New Jersey! Fun fact about Runaway Rapids: the rapids don’t actually run away. They stay there so we can
have fun in them. Where’d they come up with this
Chevra Shmooze
name then? Silly geese.
Runaway Rapids is famous for many things.
First of all, it has tons of awesome rides and slides and
other words that end in –ides. Shalom Ber (Shalom
Who?) even went on a water slide for the first time!
Second, they have an amazing wave pool, in which
people stand around and wave. (I agree, that last joke
was too much corny.) Third, it’s a great place to find
random people to say ―I love Camp Chevra!‖ Everyone loves us. Unless your heart is made of stone. Bee
tee dubs, if your heart is made of stone, you should see
a doctor, and you probably shouldn’t go to a water
park.
Now, Runaway Rapids is a large place. Good
thing everyone could easily be identified as a Camp
Chevra camper thanks to their brand-spanking new
Chevra t-shirts, which were also given out on Wednesday. And of course, they stood out from the crowd
because they’re blue, which is a very uncommon color.
On Thursday we were supposed to play a
game, but that turned out to be absolute balderdash!
Gav ran the camp for the day (more on that in a moment) because Rabbi Peikes joined the seniors on a
special extended trip to Air Rock Gym in Albany!
What is Air Rock Gym, you ask? And if you
didn’t ask, I just asked for you. Air Rock Gym is a
wonderful little haven filled with indoor caving and
rock-wall climbing, and even a hidden zip line that you
have to find by winding through the maze of caves. It
was actually Sheffy Frankel who found it, and led the
others to the destination. Rabbi Peikes did end up making it to the zip line, but Shalom Ber (Shalom Who?)
couldn’t fit through the box and ended up singing soprano. (Don’t ask me what that last sentence means.)
I’ve also been asked to mention that a treviner is a
traverse, although I don’t even know if I spelled treviner
right (at
least
I
know
how to
spell
SporTime).
Regardless of
spelling,
everyone
had an
amazing time at Air Rock and at the accompanying
overnight.
Back to the rest of camp. As mentioned a few
moments ago (you can quickly skim back for verification) I mentioned that Gav ran camp on Thursday. It
Volume 8, Issue 2
was admirable, and a nice way to go out. Alas, it was
indeed Gav’s final day in camp for the foreseeable
future. As you may or may not have noticed, there has
been a dearth of knee jokes this year (a onetime staple
of Chevra Shmooze humor). Why? Well, Gav is in fact
having knee surgery and will likely be out for the season. We hope all goes well and he suffers no more
knee problems in the future. He will be missed, but not
by me. (I’m allowed to say that! He’s my brother!)
WOKKA WOKKA WHAAAAA! Do you
know what that
sound means? I
don’t. But I’ll
assume it means
it’s time for a
leagues update!
In the juniorest
of leagues, Yehuda Mann is in
fact the man (see
what
I
did
there?) because
he’s been keeping track of the league standings, and
it’s only appropriate therefore that he is in first place.
Unfortunately, that’s not the case. Srully’s Skateboards
and Oshi’s Owls are tied in first with a 3-2-1 record
(cool!), while Mann’s Manly Men and Ari’s Artichokes are tied at 2-3-1. It’s still really close and anyone can win!
In the medium-level leagues (medium in age
only), Avramie’s Aggilators are in first at 5-1, but Yehoshua’s Shu-Shu Trains are just one game back at 42. Tzviki’s Dumpsters and Elisha’s Scavettas are both
1-4-1, which means nobody is in last place! Right?
In Swikers, Uzi’s Swikers and Moshe’s Swikers are tied with tons of fun and no losses.
And finally, in our geezer league, Mordy’s
Yitzys were finally dealt their first Yitzy of the year,
but they still lead the league with a 5-1 record.
Shloime Bob Bernemtzov’s Yitzys are in second place
at an even 2-2-2, and Menachem’s Yitzys have moved
up to third by winning two games this week, ending at
2-4. Shalom Ber’s Yitzys… well, we love them too.
Oh, and lest I forget our special staff leagues:
Gav’s DEARTHS started off well, but are now coachless and in a state of disarray. This has led to a new
clubhouse leader, Ovadia’s Oatmeal. Meanwhile,
Taz’s Toes are trapped in third (check out the alliteration!), despite the fact that I make up the standings. I
can’t even finish first in my own imagination! Rounding out the staff in fourth place are Uncle Ushy’s Ugly
Umbrellas, but they look good doing it. Let’s remember that there are no losers in the staff leagues. Okay,
we’re all losers. Whatever.
Chevra Shmooze
Before moving on, there are two very important announcements that must be made. First of all,
the staff shiur is still going strong every camp night,
and the staff as a whole has now covered nearly 10
blatt of gemara Rosh HaShana. Amazing! Similarly
amazing, Rabbi Peikes has—for the second week in a
row—given ―Best in Learning‖ to his entire learning
group! As he confided in me (and I am now blabbing
to the world), ―It’s true: they’re really all learning very
well.‖ The learning in camp—headed by our impeccable learning director, who also
happens to be
our head counselor—is
truly
spectacular once
again.
And
that brings us to
Friday, which is
today
(unless
you’re reading this tomorrow, in which case it was
yesterday). We spiced up last Friday with Quidditch,
so how could we top that this week? How about an
equally confusing made-up sport! Or, even better,
Capture the Counselors! We went with the latter. It’s
easier to explain.
Basically, every counselor was given a mystery point value, and as each was discovered in his
respective hiding place, the bunk that found him got
that amount of points. The bunk with the most points
wins! Easy enough, but then came Tzviki Weiss, and
he ruined everything. He still thinks I call him ―The
Guy With the Beard.‖ He also didn’t have any sort of
point value. This caused a massive stir among the
campers, especially since his point value, instead of
having a numerical depiction, read ―Olympics
Breakout!‖ What is that supposed to mean?
I guess it means Olympics have broken out.
The teams this year are Blue and Orange, and are
headed by Generals Elisha ―Scavetta‖ Beyman and
Shloime Bob Bernemtzov. General Beyman of the
Blue team is flanked by Lieutenants Mordechai Kahana and The Guy With the Beard, while General
Shloime Bob of the Orange team is assisted by lieutenants Shalom Ber (Shalo—oh forget it, it’s getting old,
we all know who Shalom Ber is) and Menachem Reiser. Who will win this epic bout? Answer: Everyone!
But one team will accumulate more points, and that
will be decided on Monday. Stay tuned!
(By the way, in case you were wondering, the
fifth graders won Capture the Counselors with 191
points. They narrowly edged the seniors who had 190
points. Amazing!)
Volume 8, Issue 2
Friday was also Mordechai Kahana’s birthday. Happy!
Well, that was quite a week. Pretty impressive, even by Camp Chevra standards. Will next week
be even better? Probably: we have OLYMPICS! I already told you that! What I didn’t tell you is that
Olympic Day will also be… you know it… or maybe
you don’t… but you should know it… because I’m
building up the suspense… and I only get excited like
this for one thing… and that one thing is… PIZZA
DAY! Pardon me while I calm down. The rest of the
week will be Game Week, with Jeopardy, Deal or No
Deal, and Family Feud on each of the days that follow.
Finally, Friday will feature a triathlon, although it may
turn out to be a decathlon. Things tend to escalate here
in Camp Chevra.
Before concluding, I’d like to thank Rafi (who
for some reason prefers to be called Zevi Ornstein),
who has managed to make our copier print AND staple
the Chevra Shmooze, making my job significantly
easier. As I said to my cohort Pesach Sorscher, ―We’re
being replaced by machines!‖ His reply: ―Works for
me.‖ Works for me too. Thanks Rafi!
One more thing before concluding! I’d like to
express my sincerest apologies to a few individuals.
I’m a perfectionist, and I try not to omit anything from
this newsletter, but sometimes mistakes do happen. As
is my nature, I feel the need to amend these mistakes,
so I’d like to apologize to Tzviki Weiss, Elisha Beyman, and Mrs. Devorah Schwartz, all of whom should
have been mentioned last week but were not. And special apologies to Rabbi Peikes, whose weekly d’var
Torah was completely left off. It
won’t
happen
again,
pinkie
promise!
Please
forgive me: it was
the first week, so I
was a tad rusty.
I’ve attached last
week’s d’var Torah (as well as this week’s) to this issue, so you can
see what you missed last week.
Well, those formalities are out of the way.
Don’t forget to wear your team colors on Monday!
Have a Chevratastic shabbos!
Camp Chevra would like to reiterate a camp rule that
no electronic devices with screens may be brought to
camp. This includes iPods, cell phones, DS’s, PSPs,
etc. This rule has been implemented at the suggestion
of various gedolim and will continue to be enforced.
Thank you. –The Chevra
Bunk ‫א‬
Yehuda Ornstein
Bunk ‫ב‬
Meir Nissenbaum
Bunk ‫ג‬
Ahron Orlian
Bunk ‫ד‬
Mayer Nosson Ornstein
Bunk ‫ה‬
Zev Schuster
Bunk ‫ו‬
Hillel Perry
Senior Citizens
Avi Resnick
Staffer of the Week
Menachem Reiser
Rabbi Burstein
Eli Schechter
Rabbi Peikes
Everyone Again!
Rabbi Spivak
Yaakov Deitch
Rabbi Sheinberg
Yitzy Auslander and Avi Resnick
Staff 2010
~~~
Head Staff:
Executive Director— Moshe Genuth (845) 596 7161
Executive Director— Rabbi Yissy Cherns (845) 248 1811
Director—Yaakov “Taz” Mayerhoff
Head Counselor and Learning Director— Rabbi Noam Peikes (845) 270 8256
Assistant Head Counselor— Gavriel Mayerhoff
King— Ushy Schwartz (917) 288 7756
Chevramazing Counselors:
Junior Division Head—Mordechai Kahana
Bunk ‫—א‬Yehuda Mann and Sruly Jakubovic
Bunk ‫ —ב‬Ari Kaufman, Oshi Jacobs, and Shua Frank
Bunk ‫ —ג‬Avramie Gross and Moshe Weisz
Bunk ‫ —ד‬Yehoshua Reiser and Heshy Kaufman
Bunk ‫ —ה‬Tzviki Weiss and Elisha Beyman
Bunk ‫ —ו‬Mordechai Kahana and Shloime Bob Bernemtzov
Senior Division Head— Shalom Who?
Assistant Senior Division Head—Menachem Reiser
Swikers Director— Uzi Kamensky
Assistant Swikers Ditector—Moshe Gottesfeld
Rabbeim:
First and second grades —Rabbi Burstein
Third and fourth grades— Rabbi Peikes
Fifth and sixth grades— Rabbi Spivak
Seniors— Rabbi Sheinberg
Specialty Chavrusa—Elie Schiff
Office Administrator: Mrs. Devorah Schwartz
Videographer: Chaim Shmuel (Not Charlie) Stitzer