The Uses and Benefits of "Sensate Focus" Exercises
Transcription
The Uses and Benefits of "Sensate Focus" Exercises
The Uses and Benefits of "Sensate Focus" Exercises By Linda De Villers, PhD and Heather Turgeon Editor's note: Updates of Clinical and Educational Sexology are intended to provide stateof-the-art education for AASECT members and other professionals on matters relevant to the practice of sexuality education, counseling and therapy. At the direction of AASECTs Professional Education Committee, and witb tbe oversight of AASECT's president, executive director and Board of Directors, these Updates will offer Prior to the Masters and Johnson approach, the most common approach to sexual disorders entailed a long-term psychoanalytic approach that focused on resolving the unconscious conflicts believed to underlie the symptoms, rather than directly addressing the symptoms themselves. Consequently, this new approach (Masters &: Johnson, 1970) ^vas hailed as a Heather Turgeon Linda De Villers, PhD readers who fulfill certain designated criteria an opportunity to receive AASECT Continuing Education credits relevant to AASECT certification procedures. We publish Updates on a bi-monthly basis as a special feature of Contemporary Sexuality. SENSATE FOCUS: revolutionary, contemporary one that put behavioral techniques at the forefront of treating specific sexual complaints and helping couples to enhance emotional and sexual intimacy. Masters and Johnson's "sensate focus exercises" launched the field of modern sex therapy. In current parlance, the terms "caressing exercises" or "sensual exercises" are often used because they offer a more descriptive, accessible term and better capture the sensual and relational spirit of sensate focus (Kennedy &C Dean, 1988; De Villers, 1997; 2004). A DEFINITION AND HISTORY PRINCIPLES OF SENSATX FOCUS S ensate focus is the term used to describe a series of non-demand pleasuring exercises first introduced by Masters and Johnson (1970) to facilitate the resolution of sexual problems such as erectile difficulties, rapid ejaculation and orgasmic problems. The term is used to highlight that the "focus" is on "sensations." It represents a psychoeducational approach derived from the extensive, direct observation research conducted in St. Louis by William Masters, a gynecologist, and his research associate Virginia Johnson, on the nature and physiology of the human sexual response cycle (Masters 6c Johnson, 1966). Sensate focus is intended to be an experience in itself, not a prelude to "sex" or a form of foreplay. The couple in treatment is usually instructed to refrain from having intercourse, focusing instead on the range of physical sensations that can be elicited by touch. By removing the "goal" of sexual encounters, the couple learns to heighten their awareness of a broader range of stimuli that include all of the senses. Masters and Johnson (1970) proposed that the removing intercourse would alleviate the performance anxiety and cognitive distractions that are characteristic of many sexual difficulties. They used the term "spectatoring" to Contemporary Sexuality Vol. 39, No. 11 November 2005 Updates of Clinical and Educational Sexology describe a person's tendency to see himself or herself in the therapist often suggests that they agree on a pre-arranged third person during sexual activity—becoming an outside time for their sessions, lasting at least 30 minutes. observer and evaluator of the sexual encounter, rather than Alternating, lovers take turns giving and receiving touch to focusing on the body's sensations. The ban on intercourse enjoy the physical contact and the sensations it produces was designed to create a non-goal oriented context that without attempting to elicit a sexual response; breasts and simultaneously decreased spectatoring and increased pleasgenitalia are usually off limits in the first few sessions. ure (Masters & Johnson, 1986). Verbal communication is limited durCompleting a series of sensate focus ing the exercises unless needed to stop Sensate focus is intended exercises often led to the resolution of uncomfortable or painful touching. In to be an experience in sexual difficulties. Results of a study all cases, verbal feedback and dialog of 365 couples treated in an outpaitself, not a preiude to after an exercise is over is encouraged. tient clinic for a range of sexual problems supported this thesis. Researchers "sex" or a form of foreplay In later stages, the couple is encourfound that the amount of sensate ... By removing the "goai" aged to try a "hand-riding" technique focus completed in the final week of in which the receiver puts his or her of sexuai encounters, the treatment was the best predictor of hand on top of the giver's hand to success (Sarwer 6c Durlak, 1997). couple learns to heighten guide the touch during exercises that their awareness of a do include the genitals (Blonna & FEATURES AND PROCEDURES Levitan, 2005). Masters and Johnson broader range of stimuli OF SENSATE FOCUS set strict guidelines for clients to folthat include all of the low during the graduated assignments, but many therapists make adjustments Specific Sensate Focus instructions can senses. to these guidelines based on their clinibe found following the conclusion of cal judgment. Eor example, verbal communication might be this article. Several features of sensate focus help to account for its effectiveness. As a "baby-step" (or successive approxi- limited during the "first round" of a particular exercise, but might be encouraged when repeating the exercise on a submation) approach, it parallels a form of systematic desensitisequent occasion (De Villers, 2004). zation that gradually proceeds through an anxiety hierarchy. It is often very reassuring to clients to know that the approach is gradual. Sensate focus also breaks set; it invites Another variant is offered by Hall (2001) in her work with participants to alter their beliefs and assumptions about lesbian women; she alters the assignment by having the rewarding sexual interaction. In more theoretical terms. giver provide the kind of touch that she herself likes during Eraser and Solovey (2004) suggest that sensate focus proone half of the touching, and the type she anticipates her vides an opportunity to bring about "second-order change." partner would prefer during the other half. She also sugThe exercises, with their emphasis on experiencing pleasurgests doing this in no particular order and having the parting throughout the body, literally from head to toe, enable ner later guess which half was which. many couples to acquire a new mind-set that sigtiificantly expands their capacity to experience erotic pleasure. This During the course of treatment, the therapist helps the couincludes helping the couple learn to slow down instead of ple process their experience with the exercises and uses this rushing through a sexual experience. information to inform further treatment decisions. When the couple is assigned a sensate focus exercise, the GUIDELINES EOR SUCCESSEULLY INTEGRATING SENSATE FOCUS INTO SEX Linda De Villers, PhD is a licensed psychologist and AASECT Certified Diplomate in Sex Therapy. She is an Adjunct Professor in the Graduate School of Psychology and Education at Pepperdine University and maintains a private practice. Her website is www.Ioveskills.com; the working title of her next book is: "Beyond the Food: A Sex Therapist's Rx for Aphrodisiac Meals." Heather Turgeon is a graduate student in psychology at Pepperdine University. She practices as an intern at the Women's Clinic & Eamily Counseling Center in Beverly Hills, California. Contemporary Sexuality www.aasect.org THERAPY Sensate focus is generally not adequate as a stand alone treatment, and its use in therapy, particularly in instances of low desire, may not be curative. Instead, these exercises serve as "an elegant diagnostic and exploratory device" (Apfelbaum, 1995, p. 39). Most experienced sex therapists share and make use of this technique. Therapists also work with clients in each session to process the thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that have come up during outside homework assignments. Working with this information and addressing the underlying issues brought out by the sensate focus exercises can be the most powerful part of treatment (Levine, 2000). The Uses and Benefits of "Sensate Focus" Exercises One fairly common response to sensate focus exercises is an in the dark, in bed, with both partners dressed in pajamas. Others may start by taking a bubble bath and washing each increase in anxiety rather than a decrease. For some, the other's backs" (p. 269). ban on intercourse creates anxiety, especially if the ban is prescribed for an extended period. Some therapists put a more positive spin on the ban by using the term "interIn that spirit, the following "caressing" exercises have been course free" (Metz 8c Weiss, 1992). In other cases, anxiety excerpted from Love Skills (De Villers, 2004). They offer a arises during the exercise. LoPiccolo sampling of contemporary extensions refers to this as "metaperformance In designing sensate focus of the original sensate focus format anxiety," providing this example from and are useful adjuncts as one part of a male client: "'...Fm not supposed to exercises, the therapist an integrated approach to resolving get an erection, and we're not allowed must be both creative and sexual difficulties and also in sexual to have intercourse even if I do get enrichment programs. Neither of these sensitive to both partners' is included in Masters and Johnson one. So now that all the pressure is anxieties regarding sexual (1970), or in Kaplan (1974), whose off, why am I not getting an erection?...'" (cited in Rosen, 2000, p. book. The New Sex Therapy, became intimacy. 287). This latter point highlights that the "bible" of sex therapy throughout sensate focus does not inevitably have the anticipated the 1970s. Variants of both of the exercises below appear in results; the well-trained sex therapist should anticipate this a book co-authored in the 1980s by a well-known and highpossibility. ly regarded surrogate partner of the era, Adele Kennedy (Kennedy & Dean, 1988). Kennedy indicates that in her experience, of all the sensate focus exercises, the "hand Both the timing and the "content" of the specific exercises caress" below is the single most important step. For a full affect the probability of their usefulness. Most often, the roster of sensate focus exercises in the context of a complete risks of sensate focus are related to their use in "cookbook program, see Love Skills. fashion." This can range from failing to adapt them to the specific needs of the clients, to inappropriate timing, to the assumption that they are inevitably called for at all. A failure to engage the couple in a collaborative, decision-making process can also lead to disappointing results (Wincze &c Carey, 1991). In some cases, the exercises are inadequately described. Clinical errors in this regard can be damaging and exacerbate problems as well as yield no amelioration of the presenting difficulty. Some have challenged the "heterosexist" bias of such exercises when their primary aim appears to be successful coition (Tiefer, 1995). Interestingly, however, both McWhirter and Mattison (1980) in their sex therapy with gay couples, and Hall (2001) in her work with lesbian couples, endorse their merits. Dodson (1996) provides a number of sensual exercises that are autoerotic only and with no ultimate coital goal. CONCLUSION Though the use of sensate focus can be debated, it is clear that the technique is effective for certain clinical cases. As a source of enrichment exercises for non-distressed couples, it is even more likely to yield positive results. The therapist's skill at incorporating the exercises into therapy will often determine their treatment value. Althof (2000) highlights this point: "In designing sensate focus exercises, the therapist must be both creative and sensitive to both partners' anxieties regarding sexual intimacy. It may be necessary for the clinician to have couples begin the exercises at a rudimentary level, such as holding hands CARESSING EXERCISE: HANDS, FEET AND FACE (ADAPTED EROM DE VILLERS, 2004) For your first sensuous touching session, set aside up to an hour. Begin slowly, and take turns. For the first half of the session, one of you should be the giver and the other the receiver. Then switch. Sensuous stroking is the key to sensual LoveTouch. Once you feel comfortable with sensuous stroking, you can move on into more advanced exercises during later sessions. Keep in mind that sensual LoveTouch requires a light touch — it is caressing, not massage. The pressure of massage can actually numb the skin. Caressing is a special kind of intimate sharing, communicating your desire to give her or him pleasure. Light stroking produces a far greater richness of sensation because it activates nerve tissue, not muscle tissue. As a giver, you may find you need to change your position from time to time so you won't become uncomfortable. That's okay, but make it a point to maintain body contact throughout when you change positions or replenish oil. (If you are using oil, simply turn one hand over, palm up, continuing to touch your lover. Use the other to pour oil into your palm.) Let the receiver pick which part—hands, face, or feet he or she wants to have caressed. For the face, allow about ten minutes. For hands or feet, allow about fifteen minutes each. Contemporary Sexuality Vol. 39, No. 11 November 2005 iii Updates of Clinical and Educationai Sexology The hand caress: Select a position that is comfortable for then begin stroking. Beginning with the lower leg area, use you both. Many people like to sit facing one another. If you both hands to stroke downward onto the upper and lower are the receiver, allow your hand to remain limp and passive surface of the foot to relax it. Then move from the base of throughout the session. If you are the giver, pick up one of the toes toward the ankle, making circular motions with your partner's hands and do not let go until you are ready your thumb. Repeat several times. Try using the heels of to move on to the other hand. Use your entire hand, the your hands, or several fingers together. Stroke every toe back, palm, and your fingers to over its entire length, using your explore your partner's hand. Lightly thumb and finger, and run your little stroke with your thumb and forefinBeing ticklish [on your feet] finger slowly between each toe. Pay ger, making gentle, circular motions. attention to the pad on the (or anywhere else), may be particular As the giver, notice everything about bottom of the big toe. your partner's hand — its texture, its your psyche's defense folds, its creases, its shape, its thickagainst their potential as a Vary the speed of your stroking. If ness in various parts. Notice each finyour partner can accept the touching source of enormous ger as well as the fingernails. Once without being ticklish, try light feathyou sense that you are both comfort- sensual pleasure. Being ery strokes and use your fingernails as able, you will find the experience well to caress. If your partner is tickmore intense if you close your eyes as ticklish allows you to avoid lish anywhere, try using a slightly you continue stroking. Whether giving being touched and inhibits firmer touching in that area initially, or receiving, do your best to concenand see if you can later return to it sensations that might trate fully on the sensations in your with a softer touch. After ten or fifhands and the feelings evoked by these become sexual. teen minutes, conclude by cupping sensations. As the giver, linger a bit your partner's foot between your after you are finished with each hand. Try holding your hands for a moment, then gently remove them. Proceed to partner's hand, palm downward, between yours a few caress your partner's other foot in the same manner. If you moments before putting it down and moving on to the decide to switch roles, with the receiver becoming the giver other. and vice versa, take about five minutes to share your feelings and reactions before starting the second session. The foot caress: Begin by bathing your partner's feet. If you are going to take turns, you will need six bath towels and If your feet are ticklish, you can try to overcome it by enough soap, oil, lotion, or powder for both of you. Next, desensitizing your feet. Being ticklish there (or anywhere fill two buckets or small tubs with warm (not hot), softened else), may be your psyche's defense against their potential as water. (The addition of a softener provides a wonderful fra- a source of enormous sensual pleasure. Being ticklish allows grance and sensuously enhances the texture of the water.) you to avoid being touched and inhibits sensations that You will use one bucket for washing and the other for rinsmight become sexual. To desensitize the soles of your feet, ing. Gather all these supplies together in advance so you go barefoot as often as you can. Walk on a variety of surwon't have to interrupt the session once you have begun. faces: cool tile, hardwood floors, grass, carpeting, sand, concrete, fabrics. This will also be a form of sensual awareness for your feet. It may sound silly, but your feet are richSit on a comfortable chair with the wash bucket between ly endowed with nerve endings which, when stimulated, can your legs. Gently place one of your partner's feet into the produce extraorditiary levels of pleasure. tub of water. Slowly wash the foot with soap. Leave it in the water as you move on to the next foot, repeating the process. After you have given each foot an initial washing, The face caress: Having your face caressed is surprisingly place a towel over one of your thighs, lift the first foot from relaxing and arousing. If you are a man, do not worry the water and place it on the towel. Re-lather the foot genabout being clean shaven; actually, whiskers' varied textures erously and then place it in the rinsing tub. Repeat this pro- provide added interest. If you wear makeup, remove it. If cedure with the second foot. Remove each foot from the either of you wear contact lenses, it is best to remove them, rinse water and wrap each completely in a dry towel. Push too. Get into a comfortable position that provides access to the buckets of water aside, unwrap one of the feet and your partner's face. Sit with back support and a pillow in slowly and thoroughly dry it. Be sure you dry carefully your lap, while your partner stretches out and places her between the toes. Do the same thing with the other foot. Oil head on the pillow. Or stand behind your partner while she or powder them both. is seated in a chair. Close your eyes if you are receiving. But keep your eyes open if you are the giver, at least until you Place the heel of one foot on your thigh so that you can eas- have become thoroughly familiar with your partner's face. Remember as you are giving to stay focused on your partily touch both the sole and upper surface. Cradle the foot ner's face and on the sensations you experience as the giver. between your hands for a few moments to warm it, and IV Contemporary Sexuality www.aasect.org The Uses and Benefits of "Sensate Focus" Exercises You can experiment with both your fingertips and the palms of your hands. If you want to use a lubricant, a lotion is preferable to an oil; however, many people dispense with this entirely for this part of the body — especially around the eyes. Begin by cradling your partner's face for a moment between your hands. Then glide your hands slowly upward through the hair and over the scalp. Move to the forehead area. Using your thumbs or your fingers, stroke from the center of the forehead outward toward the temples. Repeat several times. As you move downward, stroke the eyebrows, then, ever so delicately, the lids and eyelashes. Do that several times, too. (Be sure to keep any lubricant away from the eyes.) Pause for a bit with your fingertips gently resting on your partner's eyes. Next continue down the face to the nose and cheeks. Use your thumbs to stroke downward on the sides of the nose and then outward just under the cheekbones. Glide your fingers upward through the hair before returning your thumbs to the nose. Then use gentle, circular motions with your fingertips on the cheeks, or experiment with the palms of your hands. As you move toward the mouth, stroke the area above the lip for a bit and then trace around the edges of the lips with your fingertips, following her or his contours. Then caress the lips themselves. As you proceed to the chin, try feathery downward strokes while continuing to move upward along the jaw line. Then move to the neck, continuing to stroke upward toward the jaw line as well. Continue to your partner's ears, using your fingers and thumbs to explore all over them, but do not probe inside them. Use both your hands to carefully lift and turn the head, allowing it to now rest in the palm of one hand. Use your other hand to stroke the exposed side of your partner's neck. After a while, turn and rest the head in your other palm and caress the other side of the neck. Finally, run your fingers through your partner's hair. Then bring your hands to rest gently on the face for a minute before releasing them. After you are done, share your experience with your partner. Repeat these exercises as often as you like — at least as often as is necessary for both of you to feel thoroughly comfortable and enjoy it as an end in itself. Only after this should you begin to use these exercises as a prelude to sexual activity. you a chance to mentally anticipate the next wave of pleasure, highlighting the classic adage that the brain is your most important sex organ. Slowing down also makes for better sex. Nerve endings can "numb out" when over-stimulated by intense, rapid movement. Not surprisingly, the message of How to Satisfy a Woman Every Time and Have Her Begging for More was sl-o-w d-o-w-n. The following exercise will help you slow down, while heightening your lover's anticipation of your touch and bringing her to exquisite levels of sensory awareness and pleasure. 1. Take off your clothing and He down somewhere comfortable with your lover. 2. Ask your lover to try to anticipate where you are going touch him or her next as you do the exercise. 3. Begin by holding your hands just above your lover's skin for a minute or two. Hold them close enough to allow your lover to sense the heat generated by your hands onto the skin. 4. Place your hands down gently on the same spot. 5. Lift them up again and pick a near-by area. Again, hold your hands above it for a minute before placing them on your lover. 6. Repeat until you've covered many different areas on your lover's body. Here's a hint: You're not restricted to just your hands. Feel free to place other parts of your body above your lover. Now, take this technique one step further. 7. Rest your hands lightly on your lover's body for a while. 8. Tell your lover you are about to remove your hands. Ask him to try and hold on to the memory of your touch. 9. Lift your hands v-e-r-y slowly. 10.Give your lover a chance to really savor the sensation by waiting a bit before you place your hands down again. CARESSING ExERcrsE: CREATING ANTICIPATION, YEARNING AND DESIRE Enhance sexual touching with anticipation and ensure your lover's continuing desire during sex. Keeping the spark alive means creating a sense of yearning and anticipation before and during sexual activity. With practice, your lover may not realize that you are no longer in contact for up to a minute or two after the hands are lifted! 11. After you have finished, share your experience with your lover. One of the best ways to produce that sense of longing is to slow down. When you slow down your movements, it gives Contemporary Sexuality Vol. 39, No. 11 November 2005 v Updates of Clinical and Educational Sexology REFERENCES Althof, S. E. (2000). Erectile dysfunction: Psychotherapy with men and couples. In S. Leiblum 6c R. Rosen (Eds.) Principles and practice of sex therapy (3rd ed.) (pp. 242275). New York: Guilford. Apfelbaum, B. (1995). Masters and Johnson revisited: A case of desire disparity. In S. Leiblum, & R. Rosen (Eds.), Case studies in sex therapy (pp. 23-45). New York: Guilford. Blonna, R., 8c Levitan, J. (2005). Human sexuality. Belmont, CA: Thomson Wadsworth. DeVillers, L. (2004). Love skills: A fun, upbeat guide to sexcessful relationships. (3rd Rev. ed.). Marina del Rey, CA: Aphrodite Media. Levine, S. B. (1992). Sexual life: A clinician's guide. New York: Plenum Press. Masters, W. H., & Johnson, V. E. (1970). Human sexual inadequacy. Boston: Little-Brown. Masters, W. H., Johnson, V. E., & Kolodny, R. C. (1986). 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Oaasect ameriean association of sex educators, counselors, and therapists ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ • ^ ^ mP.O. e r iBox e a nI960 association sex23005-1960 educators, couns • Richmond,ofVA VI Contemporary Sexuality www.aasect.org