Difficult Conversations - CLAS - Council for Leaders in Alabama

Difficult Conversations
Tom Salter
Senior Communication Officer
Montgomery Public Schools
tom.salter@mps.k12.al.us
“If you are going to put your
child into a government school
because you don’t know any
better you are too stupid to have
a child. If you are too poor to put
your child in a private school, you
can’t afford a child.
Government schools are
nothing but a 12-year babysitting
service. If you can’t afford to
educate your children, you
shouldn’t have any.”
Neil Bortz
Former radio talk show host
“I would move to
another country before
I would put my child in
a public school in
America.”
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Former radio talk show host
Public Perception
“Teachers say the
administrators are
unprofessional. The
administrators say the
teachers don’t care.
The public says they
are both right.”
Dee Dee Sharp
Since the First
Caveman …
Cognitive Dissonance Theory
• We have an inner drive to
keep our beliefs and attitudes
the same.
• We seek harmony.
• When discomfort/conflicting
attitudes arrive … we work to
restore harmony.
• Easier to do if we are not
alone.
Education Is A Tough Gig
“20% of the
people are
against
everything all the
time.”
Robert Kennedy
To Speak or Not to Speak?
• Do we need to have a conversation?
– What will happen if we don’t? (Worse
Case)
– What will happen if we do? (Best Case)
• Who needs to be involved?
• Individual? Group? Groups?
Leaders?
• What do they need to know?
• Who else needs to know?
• What information do I need?
Successful Conversations
Focus on the Strategy and the Message
 Concentrate on the problem, don’t get
sidetracked.
 Bring all your assets to the table.
 Form a team.
 Plan.
 Meet often to assess your plan.
 Make your position clear and concise.
 Focus on your message.
Focus Your Message
“We are in
the fashion
business!”
Michael Dell
President, Dell Computers
What is YOUR Message
•
•
•
•
•
•
Who
What
When
Where
Why (Motivation)
Why (Should the
person receiving the
message care?)
WEBJ Radio
Your Story in Six Words
Words are
symbols and
symbols represent
things or ideas
and evoke
feelings.
CHILD
LOVE
DANGER
DANGER
PEACE
FEAR
HOPE
Can You Tell
a Powerful Story in Six Words?
• For Sale:
Baby Shoes. Never Worn
Earnest Hemingway?
Focus Your Message
• Express your message in six words or less
– We Bring Good Things to Life
– You’re in good hands
– My Bologna has a first name
– The Quicker Picker Upper
– Don’t leave home without it
– Where’s the beef?
– Just Do It!
What is YOUR Message
• Try to do it in SIX
Words
Delivering the Message …
Conversations
Start with –
end with –
stay with
just the
facts …
Ma’am!
The Best Way to Eat Crow …
Who
Controls
the
Message?
If you live by the score, you can die by the score …
“That’s the way it is …”
• What is the
best way to get
information to
your staff?
Parents?
• News doesn’t
break … it
tweets.
Good News for Trees
• In 1991 56% of Americans
read newspapers – in 2012
29%.
• In 1991 54% of Americans
got news from the radio –
in 2012 33%.
• In 1991 68% of Americans
got news from TV – in
2012 55%
• In 1991 digital news
sources didn’t exist – in
2012 50% of Americans
got news from a digital
source.
The Conversation …
•
•
•
•
•
•
Do your homework.
Talk to someone higher up the food chain.
Follow the law.
Follow board policy.
Tell the truth ….
But … You don’t have to tell everything you
know.
Be Creative In Crafting Your Message
Keep An Eye On Your Marquees
When There are Conflicts …
• Rarely does “everybody win”.
• Before you fight consider the
cost and reward.
• If you are wrong say so and
fix it.
• If you are right … make damn
sure you are right.
• IF you are right, and there is
no room for compromise …
buckle up and fight … but
communicate.
We Are Our Own Worst Enemy
"Life is tough.
Life is tougher
if you're
stupid.“
John Wayne Wayne
We Have Met The Enemy
And He Is Us
• Fact A: Where there is controversy, there are
reporters eager to report it and individuals
anxious to assign blame.
• Fact B: In the absence of coherent
explanations for controversial actions or
allegations; rumors and speculations will fill
any gaps.
We Have Met The Enemy
And He Is Us
• Fact C: Zero tolerance should not mean zero
common sense.
• Fact D: School boards, superintendents,
principals and attorneys who ignore facts A,
B and C will find themselves rapidly - and
possibly permanently - losing public
confidence.
The Best Advice
Make friends in
the community
and keep them
informed
“Be bold and
mighty forces will
come to your
aid.”
Basil King
When You Think YOUR Job Stinks
Just Remember…
Things Could Be Worse
tom.salter@mps.k12.al.us
Thanks for Your Time!
Now, go forth
and COMMUNICATE!
Tom Salter
Senior Communication Officer
tom.salter@mps.k12.al.us
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When Prophecy Fails[edit]
Festinger and his collaborators, Henry Riecken and Stanley Schachter, examined conditions under which
disconfirmation of beliefs leads to increased conviction in such beliefs in the 1956 book When Prophecy
Fails. The group studied a small apocalyptic cult led by Dorothy Martin (under the pseudonym Marian
Keech in the book), a suburban Chicago housewife.[49][50] Martin claimed to have received messages from
"the Guardians," a group of superior beings from another planet. The messages puportedly said that a
flood would destroy the world on December 21, 1954. The three psychologists and several more assistants
joined the group. The team observed the group firsthand for months before and after the predicted
apocalypse. Many of the group members quit their jobs and disposed of their possessions in preparation
for the apocalypse. When doomsday came and went, Martin claimed that the world had been spared
because of the "force of Good and light"[51] that the group members had spread throughout the world.
Rather than abandoning their discredited beliefs, group members adhered to them even more strongly
and began proselytizing with fervor.
Festinger and his co-authors concluded that the following conditions lead to increased conviction in beliefs
following disconfirmation:
1. The belief must be held with deep conviction and be relevant to the believer's actions or behavior.2. The
belief must have produced actions that are difficult to undo.3. The belief must be sufficiently specific and
concerned with the real world such that it can be clearly disconfirmed.4. The disconfirmatory evidence
must be recognized by the believer.5. The believer must have social support from other
believers.[52]Festinger also later described the increased conviction and proselytizing by cult members
after disconfirmation as a specific instantiation of cognitive dissonance (i.e., increased proselyting reduced
dissonance by producing the knowledge that others also accepted their beliefs) and its application to
understanding complex mass phenomena