Document 6464955

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 21, 2010
the maneater 13
FORUM
The opinions expressed by The Maneater columnists do not represent the opinions of The Maneater editorial board.
We should continue glorifying
personal lives of famous idiots
Katie McCormick
kmmwgb@mail.mizzou.edu
Ladies and Gentlemen: It
is about that time for me to
discuss the celebrity that I
have the most twisted fascination with. This celebrity
is completely twisted and is
really heading toward, if not
already in, mental insanity
territory.
It is safe to say that this
person is giving a bad name
to the entire human race. I
am sure you have guessed it
already, but if you are slow
to the pop culture punch, it’s
my girl Lindsay Lohan.
Yes you heard correctly,
I am a dedicated follower
of the more-famous-for-herdr ug-use-than-her -ac ting
Lindsay Lohan.
Her life has become one
gossip blog entry after the
next and she’s probably gone
through more kilos of coke
than legitimate scripts. I
know that the masses are feeling a little animosity toward
this troubled star for her celebrated stupidity, but after her
most recent bout with the law
it was only right for me to
touch on my interest in her.
In case you haven’t heard
of her most recent slip up,
because I automatically
assume everyone is at least
somewhat aware of her constant debauchery, she just
failed a drug test less than a
month out of jail.
Some are even saying she is
past the pettiness of cocaine
and has actually tested positive for crystal meth, also
known as Missouri’s candy.
The whole time I have stayed
close to the story, and I am
tempted to put her Twitter
page in my top sites on my
laptop... Believe me it is certainly a feat.
My friends, family members and even complete
strangers feel the incessant
need to tell me how I hate
everyone else, but when it
comes to the celebrity that
deserves my unnecessary
cynicism, I actually appreciate her? I never said I loved
her, I just think she is quite
remarkable.
I already know thoughts
are
leaning
toward,
“Remarkable... really?” Yes,
I am somewhat amazed by
her. Besides her most recent
flick, Machete , which she
barely even made a cameo
in, Lohan hasn’t been in a
successful film in ages. She
parties and does an insane
amount of drugs and then
gets in trouble.
She is basically the equivalent of a drunken hick.
However, she is always in
entertainment news and is
keeping these gossip blogs in
business.
I don’t in any way, shape
or form want to be like her
ever in my life, but isn’t this
concept at least a little bit
fascinating?
I honestly can’t think of
one other person besides me
who admits to ardently following Lindsay’s life happenings, yet she still is present in
almost all media outlets.
This brings me to my
point that everyone likes to
have that one celebrity out
there that they love to hate. I
have about 100 of those, but
it is kind of amazing how
passionate people get about
celebrities.
That is because instead
of being celebrated for the
works, people feel more of
a need to celebrate them or
not for their personal life.
Have you ever caught yourself saying “I like them” or “I
hate that bitch” when talking
about celebrities? I know that
almost everyone does it, and
it is pretty comical.
We know nothing about
these people, yet plenty of us
feel a part of their lives and
want to formulate opinions
on them as a person. It is
almost like finding an interest in the personal life of an
accountant or a garbage man.
Although I think it is pretty bizarre, I don’t think fascinations with these glorified
idiots should stop. I say we
should be able to talk about
how much dismay we have
toward them if they are willing to put themselves in the
public eye. Privacy is totally
overrated and these jerks
have it easier than any of us
could imagine.
So go out, pick a celebrity, and talk about how
much you wish they weren’t
famous. Believe me, it is
quite exhilarating. When it
comes to my girl Lindsay,
though, maybe you all should
just give her a break. Her
upcoming jail sentence and
eternal hangover are pretty
hard to handle.
What separation of church and state?
Ryan Schuessler
ryanschuessler@gmail.com
“One nation, under God?”
Thomas Jefferson is probably rolling in his grave.
One of the most important concepts of our democracy that emerged upon its
founding was the idea of the
separation of church and
state.
Being a nation of religious
diversity, at least in the realm
of Christianity, our founding
fathers built our country on
the idea that there would
be no state religion, and
that every American would
have the freedom to worship
whatever they wanted.
Today, we live in a nation
that has yet to see a full separation.
If we really lived in a society where the government
and religion were truly separate, our leaders wouldn’t
be sworn into office over a
Bible, our courts wouldn’t
have “in God we trust” on
a seal behind judges, our
school children wouldn’t be
memorizing “under God” in
the pledge of allegiance. It
would be a different world,
but a better one.
It’s not that I’m antireligion at all. I’ve gone to
church all my life. I believe
religious institutions to be
some of the most powerful
and important forces in our
ILLUSTRATION BY CHELSEA MYERS
society.
But in a nation that’s
made up of a seemingly endless patchwork of people, we
need a secular government in
order to show the American
people that the government
is inclusive to all religions,
or lack thereof (sorry, Glenn
Beck).
For example, the Ohio
state motto is as follows:
“With God, all things are possible.” Imagine if you were an
atheist in Ohio, and you had
to walk into a courthouse
for whatever reason, and
you see that phrase carved
into stone. What does that
mean for you? Without God,
is nothing possible? So much
for the land of opportunity.
Just as our government
cannot favor one specific
denomination or religion, it
cannot favor any idea of God,
or a lack of one. A state has
no say on where a mosque
can be built, or if Mormons
can be polygamists.
And just as our political
system should stay out of
religious institutions, religious institutions should
stay out of politics.
For example, a church
has no say in the abortion
argument, and I’ve heard of
far too many sermons in my
hometown telling congregations who to vote for because
of it.
It shouldn’t matter how
many Jewish Supreme Court
justices there are or if the
president is a Muslim or
not (which he isn’t). It just
shouldn’t matter.
And, for the record, I
don’t want the United States
to end up like France, who
banned religious symbols in
public places.
That isn’t okay in my
book. The United States
should be a land of freedom
to be whomever we want,
and to worship whoever we
want.
I’ll end with another
example. We haven’t always
been a nation “under God.”
That phrase in the pledge
was added in 1954. Why, do
you ask? It was added just to
defy the Soviets during the
Cold War, who had a fully
secular government.
We sure showed them.
Tripp Stelnicki
tstelnicki03@hotmail.com
The worst
fantasy owner
I played fantasy football for the first
time in 2006. Our league was only eight
members deep and everyone made the
playoffs. It was eighth grade, we were new
to the fantasy business, we didn’t take
things too seriously and we didn’t always
know what we were doing. I can specifically
remember one of our friends never bothering to change his team name, opting to let
the season run its course with “Team *” as
his squad’s designation. But we still knew
fantasy football was fun as hell.
That year I made myself the chief beneficiary of our generous “Everyone makes
the playoffs!” policy, snagging the lowest
seed with a middling 6-7 record. Then my
boys rattled off a few consecutive upsets
and I found myself league champion. I
remember it not making much sense — I
hadn’t updated my roster during the playoffs, assuming I was toast, so after a few
weeks being out of the loop, seeing my Tony
Romo-led goon squad atop the final league
standings came as a surprise.
But I can also remember not appreciating the title. It didn’t mean anything. I
had won that goofy time-waster “fantasy
football” league we’d been doing — BFD.
It had been a fine enough time, sure, and
a solid diversion from the overwhelming
eighth grade schoolwork, but I’m not sure
we played for more than $5 each, and I’m
not sure more than three people actually
ended up paying, and, again, we weren’t
taking things too seriously. Trash-talking
was nonexistent and one guy’s team name
was an asterisk. It was bush league. And
I had won the title of that bush league?
Nothing to write home about.
I couldn’t regret that nonchalance more.
I cling to that fluke 2006 title desperately
these days — because in the time since
then it has become apparent that I’m one of
the worst five fantasy owners on the planet.
I have nothing official to back that
claim, but it is unquestionably true. You
hear people insufferably brag about their
fantasy successes — a little like the previous few paragraphs — but I’m about to do
the exact opposite.
Since winning the ‘06 title, I’ve gone
19-34 — good for a sparkling .358 winning
percentage. I haven’t made the playoffs
since we began excluding the worst four
teams in the 12-team league. I haven’t won
two consecutive games in over three seasons. My best year excluding the aforementioned 6-7 Cinderella champs was 2009: I
posted a 4-9 and finished second-to-last.
Quick, fantasy buffs, off the top of your
head: who was 2009’s biggest bust? Steve
Slaton? My first-round choice. 2008? Joseph
Addai? First rounder, again. And these are
just the examples I have space for.
It’s not as though our league hasn’t taken
notice. I’m a laughingstock and rightly so. I
talked a big game before this year’s draft,
declaring that this would be my comeback
season, that we’d be heading back to the
glory days of ‘06. No one paid heed. Why
would they? A .358 winning percentage
doesn’t command much respect.
Of course, I drafted both Ryan Grant and
Sidney Rice within the first three rounds
— the former of which is already done for
the year, the latter of which underwent
surprise hip surgery a week after the draft.
I lost my week one matchup 123-57. I’m not
even remotely surprised. Only four years
removed from a title, I couldn’t be worse.
Bad, bad times.
As I write this, my team — the Duly
Appointed Federal Marshals; Shutter Island
fans, you out there? — has taken an early
23-3 lead in this week’s matchup. We’ll
surely blow it. There’s... always next year?