The Narcissist Eraser Phase One Stepping Back Into the Real World and

Phase One
The Narcissist Eraser
Stepping Back Into the Real World and
Recovering From the Nightmare of Loving a
Narcissistic Man
By Tigress Luv
FOREWORD
Chapter One: The Disorders
HISTRIONIC PERSONALITY DISORDER
NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER
--What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
Chapter Two: Living With, Loving and Leaving a Narcissistic Man
NARCISSISTIC MEN IN RELATIONSHIPS
THE THREE "A's"
HOW HE WORKS
LEAVING A NARCISSISTIC MAN
--What to Expect
---ALSO, BE PREPARED FOR HIM TO 'PUNISH' YOU IN SOME WAY, SHAPE
OR FORM.
--THE MANY PAINFUL MOMENTS
--THE CHEATING NARCISSIST
---Love, Attraction, and Mirrors
--DON'T FEED THE TROLLS!
--THE NARCISSIST AND LOVE
--WHEN IT FINALLY ALL COMES TO AN END
--NARCISSISTS AND CRITICISM
--IT'S ALL ABOUT HIM
--NARCISSISTS AND FRIENDSHIPS
Chapter Three: Recognizing the Subtle Abuse By a Toxic Narcissistic
Man
--The Many Faces of Toxic Narcissists (Abusers)
---Abusive Narcissist 1
---Abusive Narcissist 2
---Abusive Narcissist 3
---Abusive Narcissist 4
---Abusive Narcissist 5
---Abusive Narcissist 6
---Abusive Narcissist 7
---Abusive Narcissist 8
--Abusive Narcissist 9
---The Toxic Narcissistic Man and Abuse
--The Arguing Style of a Toxic Narcissistic Man
--Silent Treatment and The Toxic Narcissistic Man
---The Silent Treatment: A Form of Abuse
--PROJECTION
--WHY IT HURTS TO BE RID OF THIS JERK
--NARCISSIST'S CALLOUS DISREGARD
Chapter Four: The Problem
Chapter Five: The Cure
--The Land of the Exes
--I Release You
BOOK II: BREAK FREE FROM THEIR SPELL
--WHY WE BECOME ATTACHED
--THE DISADVANTAGES TO BEING UNDER THEIR SPELL
---VACUUM BAG
---DEPRESSION
---LONELINESS
----WHAT TO DO WITH THOSE LONESOME BLUES!
--THE ADVANTAGES TO BEING UNDER THEIR SPELL
--WHAT IS THE SPELL?
--WHAT ARE SOME OF THE REASONS WHY WE HANG ON
---REJECTION
---CAN I BE RESPONSIBLE FOR MY REJECTION?
--POWER
--ADDICTION
--INSTANT PEACE IN JUST ONE WORD
--EMOTIONAL AVAILABILITY
--LETTING GO
--SO, HOW DOES ONE BREAK OUT FROM UNDER THE ENCHANTER'S
SPELL?
--BREAKUP GRIEF
--CLOSURE
--EMOTIONAL HEALTH
--ANGER
--ANXIETY
--DEPRESSION
--ACCEPTANCE
-A NEW YOU
--LOVE TERRORISTS
-ENOUGH IS ENOUGH
FOREWORD
Breaking up with a histrionic or narcissist? Be prepared for the battle
of your life! While you are an emotional basket case, he is as Cold as
Ice! While you are left holding down the fort and dealing with the reallife responsibilities, he walks away from everything leaving you to mop
off his stage and pay his bills. He will punish you in ways you couldn't
possibly have ever imagined...
.... and not even acknowledge it to himself! Why? Because he's off
charming the socks off of new women as if your years together didn't
even exist! And to him they didn't! The narcissist has a 'counterfeit
heart'!
Narcissists tend to make very good first impressions on others. They
are excellent actors and can fool almost anybody, even trained
individuals. However, they have counterfeit hearts. Underneath their
brilliant exterior lies a man that is self-centered and self-focused,
dishonest, irresponsible, disloyal, and lacking emotions, remorse, and
a conscience. These men live with a false sense of grandiosity and
specialness and are easily found to be arrogant and deceitful.
Underneath their fake exterior is an empty fraud who seemingly is
lacking a human soul.
"Women know how to fake orgasm. Men know how to fake an entire
relationship." ~ Sharon Stone
Of course, you will never see this in the beginning of the relationship
with a narcissistic man. Many women do not see any of these awful
qualities until the relationship gets serious because both the narcissist
and his prey tend to idolize people in the beginning of relationships.
And being idolized feels good - so good that we often willingly overlook the
red flags.
Unfortunately, the narcissist is sociopathic in that they often see
themselves as victims, and lack remorse or the ability to empathize
with others (did you notice that [according to him] ALL his 'exes' were
'psycho bitches'? THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN MAJOR RED FLAGS
WAVING IN YOUR FACE FROM EVERYWHERE ON THAT ONE - BUT IT
PROBABLY DIDN'T REALLY HIT YOU UNTIL 'YOUR' RELATIONSHIP
WITH HIM WAS OVER!!). (More on this later...)
See, narcissistic men haven't the ability to see their own negative
actions or the detrimental roles they play in their relationships with
others. The narcissist is a deceptive man and the most common
form of his deception is his own self-deception. He truly believes
he is perfectly innocent of having committed any wrongdoing - ever.
He holds himself completely blameless for any part in the breakdown
of your relationship (or ANY of his past relationships). Don't hold your
breath waiting for an apology from this man, or even an admittance on
his part of being partially to blame - for anything. He believes he has
done nothing wrong, as he is just so wonderful! (At least, in his own
mind.)
The narcissist doesn't care about your problems or your feelings. He
has absolutely no regard or respect for anyone's feelings; he is
completely without empathy and is never above taking advantage of
others for his own personal gain. He is constantly hungry for praise
and he will go on a feeding frenzy for the adoration and admiration he
desperately seeks with every individual he comes in contact with. He is
a legend in his own mind, and deeply living in a fantasy world built on
his own imagined self-importance.
"The narcissist can neither give nor receive love. He cannot empathize with the
pain and suffering of others. Although he is often incredibly charming and draws
many people into his 'enchanted circle', the narcissist is incapable of true
intimacy. At the core of his life experience, the narcissist has emotionally and
often financially harmed so many. He has treated others with cruelty,
ruthlessness and indifference too many times. Ultimately, in the depth of his
unconscious, he knows he is an empty fraud" ~Linda Martinez-Lewi Ph.D.
Nothing can be more painful than breaking up with a histrionic
narcissistic man. He will not take it kindly - not because he will grieve
the loss of you (you mean nothing to this man) but simply because
you will have embarrassed him. And damaging his ego is a totally
unforgivable sin to the narcissist! I'm afraid you're about to become
his next victim, so be aware of his soon-to-come character assassin of
you, your family, your friends, and even your children. (Narcissistic
men [they all hold an actor's award] will say just about anything about
another in order to protect their perfect 'image'.)
Whether or not this has happened to you, it is still a very painful
realization when you come to discover that you meant absolutely
nothing to someone you loved very much. The realization that this
man never loved you (don't delude yourself) hurts beyond compare.
It is hard to understand that a histrionic narcissist loves only himself,
and, if anything, considered you more a 'love-rival' than a 'lover'.
He was with you for the 'benefits'. His benefits could have been
something as simple as getting his needy ego stroked, or being taken
care of financially, or maybe it was something more, like status or
opportunity - but whatever his benefits, being loved by you or being in
an intimate relationship with you was not one of them. What I mean to
say is 'love' and 'relationship' is not considered benefits to him!
You will find that you have changed during the course of the
relationship with a narcissist. You will walk away completely far
removed from the beautiful woman you were when you entered it. You
may have gone from soft, sweet and feminine to hardened and bitter.
From trusting, open and receptive to suspicious and untrusting. From
self-assured and confident to being full of self-doubt and insecurities.
It will take some hard work on your part to let this damaged part of
you go and find your old self again.
A NARCISSIST HAS A CALLOUS DISREGARD - FOR YOU
For most of us breaking up with a narcissist can leave us feeling
confused, devastated, and untrusting of all men in the future.
Usually, when a relationship ends both parties grieve some, both
parties have regrets and both parties have done things that they feel
remorseful for.
But not a narcissist! He walks away from you with a cold, callous
disregard. He feels nothing.
A narcissist will avoid looking at you - even if you are sitting right in
front of him. This is his way of 'dismissing' and 'devaluing' you. All
narcissists do this and, of course, there is nothing about these actions
that are normal, but your mind can't conceive this and so it tries to
understand. However, there is no making sense of the 'senseless'.
A narcissist can turn from loving you to discarding you almost abruptly
as it took for him to 'idolize' you after his first meeting you. Uh, what
was that? About one date would you say?
"Abuse is an integral, inseparable part of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
The narcissist idealizes and then DEVALUES and discards the object of his
initial idealization. This abrupt, heartless devaluation IS abuse. ALL narcissists
idealize and then devalue. This is THE core of pathological narcissism. The
narcissist exploits, lies, insults, demeans, ignores (the "silent treatment"),
manipulates, controls. All these are forms of abuse. " ~ by Sam Vaknin, Ph.D.
The narcissist has to be NUMBER ONE, the CENTER OF
ATTENTION, THE BIG CHEESE, the MAIN ATTRACTION. If he is in
a situation where he fears not getting the adulation that he feels he
deserves, such as with your friends or co-workers, or even in a club
that you frequent (translation: your territory), he will be extremely
uncomfortable, either claiming a headache, feeling 'bad vibes' in the
place, or simply getting angry. He may insult or dismiss everyone
there as 'substandard human beings'. A narcissist cannot share his
limelight with anyone, not even his spouse.
It is especially hard to let go of a relationship breakdown when you
can't find any rhyme or reason to the way it all unfolded. We think that
all people are good people and can't understand how someone could
so easily just dismiss us as if we never existed.
Truth is, you didn't exist to the narcissist. He is so totally and
completely self-centered to the point of his being the only person in
his life - ever. You simply were a temporary ego-boost. A narcissist
supplier (an enforcer and validator of his self-love). His mirror.
You were taken in by his phony charm simply because you trusted
men. And now you are left with doubts, insecurities, questions, and
extreme hurt that one you cared for could so easily 'dismiss you' and
then walk away completely unmoved and untouched by the
experience.
You want him to hurt, too. To show sorrow. To feel remorse.
So that you can feel important again. Like you mattered.
But you didn't. And it has nothing to do with you. He simply is unable
to care for anyone other than himself, no matter whom they are. And
deep inside you know that you have just wasted years of your life on
someone who is an empty fraud. It's like you imagined everything;
nothing was real. He was a masterful actor when he was getting his
ego fed; but now that he is not getting his narcissistic supply from you
anymore he simply - and completely - has totally erased you from his
life. It is important to remember that narcissists are 'plotters' and he
has been plotting the destruction of the relationship since the very first
moment his charming, but fake persona met you.
Expect your world to fall apart whereas his world will remain
unscathed - as will his emotions. OOPS, pardon me, I made a mistake!
Make that "his 'lack of' emotions". Narcissistic men haven't any
empathy for others, and will never take any direct responsibility for
any pain they may have caused. They will never acknowledge their
wrongdoings, or apologize to you, because they truly believe
themselves to be perfect. They project all their faults and flaws
onto you, accusing you of the very things that they,
themselves, are guilty of.
In fact, throughout your entire relationship, you probably were lead to
believe that you were the problem when in actuality it was their
narcissism that was at fault. You have subconsciously learned to take
his attacks personally, because he is so very good at manipulating the
people around him.
Narcissistic and histrionic men play on the fact that most of us are
trusting and forgiving, and that we want to believe in them.
Narcissists are all about their image, and they spend an inordinate
amount of time perfecting their false front, or their 'image'. He's
forever aware of his impression on people, and he knows exactly what
'face' to put on to draw people into his 'magical circle' of followers - all
with the intent to enhance his own self-exaltation.
Whatever his career, special talent, or gift may be he will spend days,
weeks, months, YEARS perfecting it. If he is a lawyer there is no
winning a legal argument against him. If he is a musician he will
practice the same tune over and over again, each time trying to make
it even more perfect than the time before. If he is a doctor he will try
to out-diagnose all his colleagues. If he is a salesman, he will read
every book on the market on the art of sales. Perfecting his persona
for the sole purpose of gaining admiration is the only thing he holds
important, and the only reward he needs.
He is an expert at even fooling himself into thinking he is larger than
life and, unfortunately, the more positive the feedback he receives, the
more trapped in his mirror he becomes. He would rather have
adoration from complete strangers than a deep meaningful
relationship with a loving partner. His image is superficial and
covers up his complete lack of inner awareness. He is, quite simply, an
expert fake, forever on the search for a true acceptance, but never
daring enough to show his 'real self' for fear of not receiving it.
The sad thing is, because he feels he is loved for his fake front, he
never truly feels loved for his real self, and this just further enables
and encourages his narcissism.
The narcissistic mate displays many typical psychopathic
characteristics. He may have falsely displayed deep emotion toward
you (when he was in your good graces). In reality, he was less
concerned with you than with making himself look good. In the
romance department, a narcissist or a histrionic man has an uncanny
ability to gain your trust and affection quickly, disarming you with his
charm (i.e., "What a beautiful necklace; you have such excellent
taste in jewelry") and captivating you with his many grandiose plans
(i.e., "I'm getting the old band together and we are going to tour
Europe"). If he cheats on you you'll probably find forgiveness for him
- maybe even blame yourself for his infidelities - but one day when
you've had enough, he'll leave you with nothing but the breath-taking
epiphany that your whole life with him has been a lie. He'll also,
most likely, leave you with an empty pocketbook, too. Of course,
by this time he'll already have a new 'sucker' under his wing, and
could care less what he has done to you.
Yes, living with, loving and leaving a narcissistic man is an experience
unlike any other! You are left deeply confused and weakened by the
abuse.
***
"My narcissist was mad at me every single day. In fact, I can't remember even
one day that he wasn't angry, grudgeful, judgmental, and insulting."
***
He wants you to pay for his inner pain, and he will do everything in his
power to punish you and push you over the brink. Your mind can't
rationalize that these men are not 'normal', and so it tries to make
sense of their behavior.
Yet, the narcissistic ex continually acts in abusive, bewildering and
confusing ways. He is not above committing destructive acts. When
the breakup becomes a reality, it is likely that his 'false persona' will
completely disappear all together and you will most likely experience
the most hurtful of behavior from him. He is completely lacking in
empathy, and - since he is not receiving any admiration from you
anymore - he will dismiss you and discard you as worthless to him,
consequently dropping any fake front that he use to put up in order to
keep you in the relationship.
"Narcissists become particularly shameless during a divorce. They accuse the
other spouse of neglecting the children when the reverse is true. They hide their
assets long before the formal divorce proceedings begin. They lie about their net
worth so they don't have to part with alimony or child support. Some narcissists,
both male and female, abandon their families all together and start new lives with
more attractive, adoring and compliant partners. Leaving the previous spouse
and children in a state of financial and psychological chaos is of no
consequence to them. Many narcissists repeat these egregious patterns of
behavior throughout their lives without shame or regret." ~ Linda Martinez-Lewi
Ph.D.
Purchase to read the rest of ‘The Two Phase Narcissist Eraser’ pdf reports at
http://breakingupwithyournarcissist.com or follow the link below.
Purchase Your Copies Now - At an Introductory
Price of $29.97
Yes, I want to order securely and learn about living with, loving and leaving a
narcissist or a histrionic in the fastest, most effective methods possible.
Paypal and Most Credit Cards Accepted.
(You will gain immediate access to the
'In Love With a Legend? Stepping Back Into the Real World: Recovering
From the Nightmare of Loving a Narcissistic Man' and the 'How to Break
Free From Their Spell' eBooks!)
Isn't your sanity worth it?
Get Your Copy Now!
Return to Home Page