F E M A L E REDEFINED

F E M A L E
O R G A S M
REDEFINED
A Holistic Guide for Your Pleasure,
Empowerment, and Healing
Pre-Release Excerpt
By Eyal Matsliah
Published January 2014
Copyright © 2014 by Intimate Power
Introduction
The purpose of this book is to help you, as a woman, deepen and expand your orgasmic experience by
yourself. Whatever stage you are at - whether you are already multi-orgasmic, or never had an orgasm
– your experience of sexuality will transform.
Men will also benefit from this book by getting an insight into female sexuality.
“Orgasm” is the union of Pleasure, Consciousness and Surrender
The ability to experience pleasure and orgasm is an important part of a happy sex life, a meaningful
relationship, and your physical, emotional and mental health. It affects all areas of your life.
It’s not the most important thing in life, and you can still have a great life even if you don’t have sex, or
ever orgasm. However, you are probably reading this book because you agree that being orgasmic and
having a great sex life can greatly improve your life.
Just imagine how you would feel if you were able to easily and frequently experience strong and long
states of orgasm, both by yourself and with your partner.
Imagine what your week would look like if you had passionate, orgasmic and connected love making
sessions throughout the weekend.
And imagine how this might affect your personal, romantic, creative, professional, social and spiritual
life.
Orgasmic: Easily and frequently experiencing pleasure and
states of ecstasy by yourself or with another
Wherever you are with your sexuality and orgasmic experience, know that it’s ok and, for the moment,
accept your current situation as it is.
Know that the fact that you are reading this right now means that you are already opening to stronger
orgasmic experiences, a deeper connection with others, and more confidence in yourself as a woman.
Actually, you might already be orgasmic and not even know it.
By re-defining orgasm and providing you with a few simple exercises, I will help you recognize how
much pleasure you are actually experiencing, and how you can easily experience more.
2
You may be wondering what makes me, as a man, qualified to talk about and teach female sexuality. The
short answer is: I’ve successfully helped hundreds of women resolve pain and trauma, experience more
pleasure, and become more feminine and empowered in their daily life.
To know more, check out: http://intimatepower.com/how-dare-a-man-talk-about-womens-sexuality/
In this book I might be generalizing and making assumptions, but please just bear with me.
Keep an open mind, and see what parts resonate with you and might serve you.
These practices have helped hundreds of women to become more orgasmic and more connected to their
femininity, and they might also help you.
In any case, don’t take my words for granted - experiment with the techniques and see for yourself.
Different Approaches to Female Orgasm Issues
Although more than 99% of men experience orgasm, the numbers are considerably less for women, and
even less women can consistently achieve deep, long, and meaningful orgasms either by themselves or
with a man during penetrative sex.
When a woman encounters issues with sexuality and orgasming, she might be presented with a range
of solutions or advice.
A priest might say it’s a sin to even talk about it.
Your mom or your aunt might say something like: “Don’t worry about it. It will come one day. The important thing is that you have a husband and kids”.
Your girl friends might say: “The problem is with your man. He doesn’t know how to satisfy you. Get
yourself a vibrator”.
Your woman’s magazine might suggest 10 aphrodisiac foods or 5 orgasmic sex positions.
A doctor might say you are suffering from “sexual arousal disorder”, so take this pill, or you have a condition that requires surgery.
A therapist might say: “To understand that, let’s talk about your childhood and sexual history for three
months”.
An NLP coach might use language to analyse and improve some aspects of your problem.
3
A reiki practitioner might suggest moving the energy in your body.
What would I say?
Imagine you have pain in your back – would you take a pain killer, or try to solve the problem?
My guess is, if the problem persists, you would probably go to some kind of massage or body work
professional, not to a psychologist.
But when women have pain in their vagina, many don’t do anything about it and some go to a doctor
or a therapist, to talk about it.
If you have pain or discomfort during sex, understanding the cause might be helpful, but maybe talking
therapy by itself is not enough? Perhaps some kind of body work or another holistic treatment might
work faster?
The other problem with the different treatments I’ve mentioned is that most of them come from outside
– you need to rely on other people, substances or medical procedures to improve your condition.
This is very typical of western society – most people look for quick and easy fixes that come from outside
and only address the symptoms.
Instead, wouldn’t it be better and more effective for you to understand, approach, and improve your
condition by yourself?
You can do this before, instead, or alongside any other forms of therapy, as most often it won’t conflict
with it.
Actually, it’s very helpful to see a variety of experienced professionals, as they have the knowledge and
techniques to address various aspects of your problem much more deeply than you can by yourself.
But realize that the strongest transformation comes from your own decision to change your life, and
from your own actions that follow your decision. It will also help you become more independent and
empowered in your sexuality, relationship, and generally in your life.
This is where I’m unique in my approach.
This is where I can help.
4
The Holistic Model for an Orgasmic Life
During my career as a sexual healer and coach, I have gone all the way from intense body work to
verbal-only coaching via the internet with people on the other side of the world. I have studied and
practiced many modalities of body work, yoga, meditation, counselling, healing, therapy and coaching.
I have integrated my experience, what I heard and learnt from others, and all these different modalities,
and created the “holistic sexual healing” model.
This model has been successful and effective in improving the lives of hundreds of people.
The model is comprised of 5 elements or steps:
1. Inquire –What you need to understand about yourself, your tendencies, limiting beliefs,
disempowering habits, etc.
2. Know – What you need to know about your body and your amazing capacity to orgasm.
What’s possible?
3. Do – The actual practices and techniques that will allow you to expand your orgasmic
experience by yourself. What do I actually do?
4. Receive – How and what others can support and assist you with on your healing journey.
5. Transform – Mindset, environment, and life style changes that will both support you in
your orgasmic practice and will also be an expression of your sexual transformation.
If you follow this model, you can expect to feel more connected to your body, femininity, and sexuality,
become more orgasmic by yourself and with your partner, and feel better in your daily life.
In order for this to work, you need to take responsibility for yourself as an adult, to take an honest look
at yourself, and to commit to pushing through your own resistance.
This being said, some practices in my model will be easier for you because you don’t have to share your
secrets with another person, or undergo general anaesthesia, or pay thousands of dollars to a life coach.
This ebook covers a few key principles of the model. The rest is covered in depth in my book of the same
title, available at www.intimatepower.com.
5
Are you committed to solving your problems and experiencing ecstatic sex and meaningful relationships?
Let’s start.
1. Inquire
Before you set out to change or fix anything, it’s important to look at your life – your personal, emotional,
and sexual history; various life events, circumstances and conditions which might have affected you;
limiting beliefs; unhelpful tendencies; roles you play and stories that you might create to perpetuate
these roles.
This might be done by certain professionals, but since you’re working on your own, I’ve provided a few
questions which will help guide you through your self-inquiry.
Answer the following questions in your diary or on your laptop. Be as verbose as you can. If you are
concerned with the confidentiality of your answers, write them on a piece of paper that you can later
burn.
Also mark which questions trigger you, and write down any emotional responses that might come up.
If something comes up, know that there isn’t anything wrong with you. What it means is that there
is something to look into, the potential to do some practices to help you be more comfortable with
whatever it is that has triggered you, and life style changes which will support it.
Questions for self-inquiry
What are the earliest memories and impressions you have of sex and sexuality? Are they positive,
neutral or negative?
Growing up, how was your relationship with your father and mother?
How well did they represent the masculine and feminine aspects?
What was the attitude towards sex in your family, school, neighbourhood, religion, society and
culture?
How were your first experiences around the opposite sex – slow dancing, kissing, foreplay, nonpenetrative sex etc?
How was your first penetrative sexual experience?
Thinking about all your past partners, what are some qualities and traits they had in common?
6
Were they masculine and domineering, or soft and sensitive? Were they emotionally and physically
available? Were they good lovers and did their sexual energy match yours? Were they successful,
healthy and respected by their friends and peers?
What is your attitude towards your body? Are you comfortable naked on the beach, or in a bikini? Do
you prefer to turn off the lights when you’re having sex?
Do you masturbate?
Are you comfortable putting your fingers or an object inside your vagina? If not, what thoughts,
emotions and sensations come up when you try to?
What is your attitude towards your genitals and vaginal secretions? Are you comfortable tasting
them?
Do you easily get aroused?
Can you easily orgasm by yourself?
With a partner during penetration?
Do you experience short peaks of orgasm or long deep moments of orgasm?
Do you sometimes get tired and frustrated after masturbation or sex?
Are you comfortable making sounds during sex?
Are there things you aren’t comfortable doing, giving or receiving eg. oral sex, anal sex, specific
positions etc.?
Did you ever go through an abortion or any kind of genital, abdominal or reproductive surgery?
Are you on the pill? For how many years? Did you feel its effects when you started taking it?
Are you subjected to a lot of stress at your work or at home?
Do you sometimes feel depressed? Do you take anti-depressants?
Do you have any sexual fantasies that you consider “dirty” or “wrong”, for example a rape fantasy?
(Note that many women have rape fantasies. It doesn’t mean they actually want to get raped)
7
Did you ever have any kind of unwanted touch or sex from a stranger or someone close to you?
Did it happen more than once?
Was it before puberty?
What issues and challenges are you facing around your body, orgasms, sexuality, femininity, relating
with men?
Why did you choose to read this book?
Exercises for self-inquiry
Exercise 1 - Limiting beliefs
Go over everything that you wrote and notice any patterns, tendencies, or connections between different
life events.
List all the unhelpful tendencies and the limiting beliefs that you have about yourself, your body,
genitals, femininity, orgasmic potential, sexuality, relationships etc.
These are sentences that run through your mind occasionally or when you are in a sexual situation.
Frame them as “I am/will/always...”, or “I can’t”, or “My...”
For example, “I will never orgasm”, or “I am not worthy of love”, or “my life is fucked up because this
and that happened”, or “my body is unattractive”.
Write as many of them as you can.
Exercise 2 - Effects
Take a look at all the issues, problems and challenges you have, and the limiting beliefs you’ve identified.
Try to answer the following questions at length.
How do these issues affect your relationship? Happiness? Fulfilment? Health? Studies? Career?
Creativity? Friendships? Personal and spiritual growth?
What other areas or aspects of your life do these problems affect, either directly or indirectly. For
example, you can identify something like “being orgasmic and sure of myself as a woman affects my
confidence with clients, which affects how much money I’m making, which affects my stress levels, my
lifestyle, my health” etc.
8
Exercise 3 - Worst case scenario
In five years, what will your life look like in regards to all these aspects (relationship, happiness,
fulfillment etc. ) if your problems and beliefs stay the same or get worse? Assume any problem will grow
and affect other areas of your life. Assume the worst.
Write in detail, in length. As hard and awful at it might feel, really go into it.
Exercise 4 - Feel the pain
This is the bottom of the pit on your heroine’s journey.
It’s very important that you recognize the limiting beliefs and tendencies, their effects on your life in the
present and in the future, and your feelings about them, so you have enough reasons to change.
Allow yourself to fully feel the weight of these negative affirmations, and the detrimental effect they had
on your life.
Go into whatever pain, discomfort or sensations arise, and allow yourself to fully feel it and express it.
Experiment with the different approaches to dealing with emotions that are described at:
(http://intimatepower.com/emotionality-7-effective-ways-to-deal-with-emotions/)
Exercise 5 - Best case scenario
In five years, how will your life look if you manage to change your beliefs, change your unhelpful
tendencies and solve your problems?
Close your eyes and take time to build a scenario, a clear picture of the best future that you can have.
Then open your eyes and describe it in length. Relate to all the aspects that we covered in the previous
exercises – personal, creative, social etc.
Now go over this description and write how you feel about this possible future.
On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the most committed, how committed are you to change your life
right now so you make sure you don’t end up in the worst case scenario, and instead, manifest or even
exceed your best case scenario?
9
Exercise 6 - The way forward
What are some things you can do today, this week, and this month, to improve your condition and get
closer to the life you want?
List at least 5 for each time frame – immediate, short, medium, and long term.
Be specific.
How many minutes or hours will you do this per day/week?
What is a quantifiable result that you aim to reach by a specific date?
Who is a person that you can be accountable to, who will make sure you stick to your commitments?
2. Know
If you want to have a better sex life, stronger and longer orgasms, and a deeper connection with
yourself and with your lover, it’s very beneficial to know some things about your body and anatomy,
about what an orgasm is and what it can be, and about what you can do to experience that.
One of the biggest problems is that, “You don’t know what you don’t know”. Or in other words,
you might not be aware of what’s possible and what you’re missing out on.
For example, some women might be surprised to hear that there are at least 15 different kinds of
orgasms which they can experience, intrigued to hear that they can orgasm without any touch, or that
they can make their orgasm last for 20 minutes, or even for hours.
You might also be happy to know that your partner can delay his ejaculation for weeks or months at a
time, while still experiencing very pleasurable orgasmic states.
It’s enough for some women to just hear about something related to their body, to be able to do it the
next day.
The more you know, the more you can experience by yourself.
I find the current state of sexual education (even in so-called advanced countries) to be very lacking.
Most people learn about sexuality from popular culture and from porn. Even adult workshops such as
Tantra, are sometimes too focused on one aspect of sexuality, or are too demanding for most people to
attend (“Hello, Namaste, Please take your clothes off and start having sex with the other people in the
room”)
10
Sexuality is an art and a science, which can be studied and deepened throughout your entire life.
So, what is there to know?
2.1. Hindrances to orgasm
I define the “optimal” sexual state to aspire towards is regularly and easily experiencing pleasure and
various kinds of orgasms from any kind of sexual activity, alone or with a partner.
One interesting point is that some women are not bothered or distressed by their lack of pleasure or
orgasm, or by very low frequency of sexual interactions.
I believe that once these women get exposed to more knowledge about what’s possible, to the
understanding of how their sexuality is affecting all areas of their life, and once they experiment with
some of the techniques and practices I outline in this book and start to experience the benefits, they
might decide to focus and work on their sexuality a bit more.
The medical establishment has defined a number of conditions or disorders relating to the ability to
experience desire, arousal, and orgasm.
Some of these include: Female Sexual Disorder (FSD), Sexual Arousal Disorder (SAD), Female orgasmic
disorder (FOD), Sexual Aversion Disorder.
Sadly, the scientific community is highly influenced by the pharmaceutical industry (“Big Pharma”),
who pushes the agenda that sexual dysfunction is a physiological condition which can be treated by
drugs.
According to this approach, “Difficulties” become “Dysfunctions”, which then become “Disease” or
“Disorder”. In fact, many supposedly neutral research teams and conferences are directly or indirectly
funded by the pharmaceutical industry.
Surgery is also pursued way too often because doctors and hospitals get paid to perform it.
The problem with the mainstream approach is that it reduces sexual problems to disorders of mainly
physiological function, comparable to breathing or digestive disorders.
Instead of a physiologically-focused approach, it’s better to take into account psychological, socioeconomic, cultural, political and relationship conditions, and factors such as ethnicity, religious
background, personal history and current life situation.
The “new view” to sexual dysfunction, developed by leading female scientists, is promoting a womancentred definition of sexual problems: “Discontent or dissatisfaction with any emotional, physical, or
relational aspect of sexual experience”.
11
Some conditions and factors that might affect a woman’s ability to orgasm:
(As you read the following list, take note of any factors that might be affecting you)
Psychological factors
• Stress, tension, depression, pessimism, fear and anxiety
•Physical, emotional or sexual trauma
•Low self-esteem, poor body image, low self-confidence
•Guilt or shame over sexual preferences, desires or fantasies, or over natural bodily processes and
secretions
•Preconceived ideas about what an orgasm is and how it should feel
Physiological and Medical factors
•Surgery – caesarean operation, childbirth trauma (tearing), hysterectomy, mastectomy (removal
of one or both breasts), cist removal operations, or other kinds of surgery in the genital and lower
belly area.
•Medication – anti-depressants, high blood pressure pills, birth control pills
•Low vitality, tiredness, fatigue
Relationship factors
•Relationship issues related or unrelated to sexuality
•Lack of sexual polarity, attraction or compatibility between the partners (Specifically after the
3rd year of living together)
•Previous negative experiences with intimacy, love, attraction, and sexual activity
Social, cultural and socio-economic factors
•Oppressive, anti-sexual or anti-feminine family, social circle, society, culture, or religion
•Lack of time or energy because of work load, family and house-hold responsibilities
•Lack of privacy – inhibition to express pleasure AND pain via sounds and body movement
Sexual factors
•Using a vibrator too often might make the genital area “numb” and de-sensitized. The woman
might be too used to a certain kind of arousal that no human-being can provide
•Over-reliance on masturbation might make it difficult to experience orgasm with a partner
•Focusing only on clitoral orgasms might make it difficult to experience vaginal or
whole-body orgasms
12
Solutions and Treatments
If a factor is considered to be the primary or secondary cause of sexual dysfunction, it is advisable to
address this factor in a holistic and natural way.
Pills and drugs, illegal or prescribed, are not recommended, unless they are natural substances such as
homeopathic or Chinese medicine.
The full version of this book contains more factors to consider, as well as many more solutions, techniques
and practices that will help you address them. Find it at: http://intimatepower.com/
2.2. Orgasm Redefined
Modern society is obsessed with sexuality and orgasm. Women’s magazines proclaiming to teach you
how to have it, and men’s magazines trying to teach your boyfriend how to “give” you one, or many.
The problem is that most people misunderstand what an orgasm is, and are unaware of the potential of
what it can be.
“
“Orgasm” is the sudden discharge of accumulated sexual tension during
the sexual response cycle, resulting in rhythmic muscular contractions
in the pelvic region characterized by sexual pleasure. ” ~Wikipedia
That’s a bit boring isn’t it?
I prefer to define orgasm in the following way:
Orgasm is the union of Pleasure, Consciousness, and Surrender
The pleasure part is probably obvious.
Some level of surrender is necessary to orgasm.
The deeper the trust and surrender - the deeper the orgasm.
Consciousness is the deep part within you which is expressed during orgasm, and it’s also what takes
the orgasm to another level - that of personal growth and spiritual practice.
Every pleasurable sensation is...
Think for a moment about some of your best masturbation or love making experiences. Regardless if
you orgasmed or not, you might be aware that you had pleasure. Maybe it happened when your lover
held you, when he touched your nipples, or when he kissed and licked your labia.
13
It might have manifested in various ways: Pleasurable sensations in your genitals; shivers or goose
bumps; tingling; throbbing or pulsating sensations; contractions in your genital area; feeling of
electricity, heat, or other sensations going up your spine or throughout your body; gentle convulsions
or small involuntary body movements; numbness; or maybe a strong emotion which felt somewhat
physical.
Remember that as you were aware of those sensations, even for a brief moment, there was less mind
activity, less chatter. You were probably more connected to your body, more in the moment. Perhaps
you started to relax, let go, and surrender into the sensation, into the moment. Maybe even a momentary
dissolution into the sensation, or a perception shift, as if for a split second, you forgot where you were
and what was going on, and just focused on the sensation, on the pleasure.
Pleasure... dissolution... surrender... It kinda sounds like an orgasm, doesn’t it?
Yes!
In quantity those pleasurable sensations might have been very light.
But in quality, every pleasurable sensation is a mini orgasm.
Every pleasurable sensation is a mini orgasm
When you learn to recognize that, your experience of your body and your sexuality transforms.
You are no longer just focused or dependant on strong peaks of orgasm, but are able to enjoy the lightest
sensation, any kind of touch, any part of the sexual act, because in essence, you are always orgasming,
just in a very subtle and refined way.
These sensations, these mini orgasms, are a portal, a gateway, a path into stronger pleasure, into stronger
and longer orgasms, into different kinds of orgasmic experiences, and into a shift in consciousness.
Exercise – Wave of pleasure
So, the next time you touch yourself, or have any kind of sexual interaction, bring your awareness into
your sensations, into whatever pleasure arises, into whatever is manifesting in your body.
First of all, enjoy those sensations and celebrate them as mini-orgasms.
Then, see how you can expand and deepen the pleasure and the sensation, by focusing your mind even
deeper and by repeating the same action or touch that caused those sensations.
The Geography of Orgasm
There’s another way to look at orgasm.
14
Like a terrain.
Think about the typical sex scene in mainstream movies: The couple jump into bed, move faster and
faster and come together in one moment of ecstasy. The next moment, the man rolls over and the bed
sheet is magically covering the man’s waist and the woman’s breasts.
Science, Wikipedia, mainstream culture, and most people in the world perceive orgasm as a short
moment of intense pleasure and release or discharge, followed by a refractory period that usually means
sleep.
There’s nothing necessarily wrong with this kind of orgasm, but it’s only one experience out of a vast
range of possible ways to experience orgasm.
For some, it’s easy to reach the peak. For others, it’s difficult or impossible.
But for most people in the world, an orgasm is defined and experienced as a short, distinct peak moment.
Look again at the Wikipedia definition: Point at which... sudden discharge... tension... contractions.
However there are also other ways to experience orgasm.
One kind of orgasm is like a hill. It’s easier to climb it, and the top of the hill is wide enough to stay on for
a while, before coming down gradually. You might already experience “hill orgasms” but not be aware
they are actually orgasms. This is what you might experience as you are getting turned on, engaging in
foreplay and feeling sexual pleasure. You are having some pleasure, but you might be discounting it as
“just pleasure”.
Rather than having a peak moment of orgasm and ecstasy, you are actually able to experience a state
of continuous orgasm, which is milder than a “peak” but still pleasurable, and what more, it might not
be as strong but it definitely lasts much much longer. Both women and men can be in these states for
hours. It also allows you to relax and surrender into the experience, thus feeling it more fully.
You experience pleasure? You are already orgasmic
So, instead of aiming for the top, yearning for that elusive one moment of explosion, realize that even if
you are having some pleasure, it is one kind of orgasmic state. It feels much better than being stuck in
traffic or sitting at your desk at work, doesn’t it? 15
Then there is Tibet.
Tibet is surrounded by some of the highest mountains in the world, but most of its surface is a high
plateau – a high plain, higher than many mountains in the world.
It might take some time to get to Tibet, but once you’re there, you’re constantly on a high surface. Not
as high as the mountains around you, but definitely much higher than sea level.
Similarly, when you have a plateau orgasm, it might take some time to get there, but once you’re there,
you’re constantly in a continuous high state of orgasm.
“I had only one orgasm... It lasted for an hour and a half”
~A woman in her mid 20s
It’s not that peak orgasms are wrong. They can be wonderful. It’s just good to be aware that they’re not
the only form of orgasm.
There are techniques that can help you turn an orgasmic “peak” into an orgasmic “state” or a “plateau
orgasm”, and techniques that your partner can use to help and support you in that.
More on that in the full book available at my website www.intimatepower.com/
Now, let’s look at orgasms in another way.
Clitoral vs. Vaginal Orgasms
Remember the last time you masturbated.
Let’s assume it was one of those times that you were mainly focusing on your clit.
Now ask yourself:
After the orgasm, did your clit become hyper-sensitive, uncomfortable, or unbearable to touch?
If you had the time to continue, why did you stop?
Even though you experienced pleasure and release, did you really feel satisfied on a deep level?
Excuse me for generalizing, but please bear with me for a moment, and see which of these descriptions
is similar to your experience:
Many women describe a clitoral orgasm as an intense, short and sharp “peak”, followed by a very quick
decline of pleasure, arousal and interest.
16
The build up is usually quite short – some women can reach a clitoral orgasm in a minute or two - and
the orgasm itself is brief, lasting for 10-30 seconds according to some studies.
The sensations, pleasure, and orgasm are mostly focused in the genital area.
In order to orgasm, there needs to be some kind of effort.
During or immediately after the peak of the orgasm, the clitoris becomes hyper sensitive, and any
touch feels irritating, “too-much”, sharp, annoying, uncomfortable, maybe even unbearable or painful.
Something like “lay off my clit Now”.
Some women need to wait a few minutes, or sometimes even hours, before they are ready for more
clitoral touch, or for another clitoral orgasm.
There is some satisfaction, but it’s more like “done”, tick the box, had an orgasm, on to the next thing.
It’s not really a deep level of satisfaction.
Some women might even feel hollow, depleted, dull, unfulfilled, frustrated, and sometimes even slightly
depressed.
If you are with a partner, the orgasm will feel like “My Orgasm”, and you might lose interest in some
way; still loving your partner, but somewhat less interested to be with them in that moment, compared
to how you felt a moment before the orgasm (similar to how a man feels after an ejaculation).
Ever wondered why?
Why is the orgasm so short and sharp?
Why does your clit feels pleasurable one moment, and unpleasant to touch the next moment?
Why do you sometimes feel depleted, unsatisfied or even frustrated?
In brief, that’s because in a clitoral orgasm, you lose energy, while in other kinds of orgasms you retain
and circulate that energy.
A clitoral orgasm is similar to a man’s ejaculatory orgasm:
A man becomes aroused quickly, his orgasm is brief (even shorter than a woman’s clitoral orgasm), and
he immediately enters the refractory phase, losing his erection, and at least some of his interest in his
partner. Falling asleep is not uncommon. Have you ever seen or heard about a man experiencing that?
Back to female orgasms:
There is another kind of orgasm – a vaginal orgasm – caused mainly by stimulation of the G-spot, the
cervix (the entrance to the womb), and the deep walls of the vagina.
If you thought clitoral orgasms were fun, you’re in for a treat!
17
When you have a vaginal orgasm, it feels totally different:
The build up is slower – you need more time to get aroused, more time for stimulation of your whole
body and then your vagina. You might need to feel trust and connection with the person you’re with in
order to orgasm. Your orgasm comes not so much from effort and “trying”, but from trust, surrender
and flow.
The pleasure feels more intense, “deeper” and “fuller”.
The orgasm itself unfolds slower, lasts longer (or much much longer), and feels like a “dome” rather
than a “peak”. It’s expansive, all encompassing, and meaningful.
Even though the stimulation might originate from the genital area, the pleasure often emanates and
spreads in waves throughout the body, usually towards the upper areas of the body, but also downwards,
hence the term “toe curling orgasm”.
During and after this orgasm, you can continue to receive stimulation, and the clitoris doesn’t become
oversensitive.
Another orgasm is possible within minutes or even seconds.
But it’s not just about pleasure and orgasming. The surrender into the orgasm feels meaningful and
special; you feel greater love and connection – with yourself, your partner, your life, and sometimes
with the universe.
If you are with a partner, your orgasm will feel like “our orgasm”, like a gift you want to share, not a
trophy you want to keep.
During the hours and days following some kinds of really deep vaginal orgasms, you might feel echoes
of that orgasm as vibrations, pulsations, sustained pleasure, or being swept by feelings of love and bliss.
And there’s even more.
While clitoral orgasms might deplete your energy and your ability to be creative and successful, vaginal
orgasms empower you as a woman, spark your creativity, charge your body, fuel your career, and enable
you to connect deeper with your partner and with others.
Why is that?
18
Explosive orgasms – Not what you thought they were
Why are clitoral and vaginal orgasms so different?
The ancient science of Tantra offers this explanation:
During sexual stimulation, energy is accumulated in the genital area, specifically in the 2nd chakra.
Stimulating the clitoris causes this energy to be volatile, and creates a downward flow of energy. Thus,
the pleasure will be perceived mostly in the genital or pelvic area. It might feel “heavy”, “stagnant”, or
“sticky”.
Think of it like a pressure cooker. It’s much faster to cook something with a pressure cooker, because of
the intense pressure and heat locked inside the pot.
It’s a kind of energy.
Now imagine the pressure cooker is faulty, and that once the pressure is built, the lid flies off, and all
the contents of the pot spread everywhere.
A clitoral orgasm is an explosive orgasm, as the accumulated sexual energy is exploded downwards, out
of and away from your body.
You lose the energy that you just had, the energy that was created and cultivated during the stimulation.
This loss of energy is what creates the hyper-sensitivity of the clitoris; It’s why you might feel unsatisfied
on a deeper level; It’s also why some women might feel a bit depleted or take a few minutes or even
hours to be able to orgasm again.
A man’s ejaculatory orgasm is also an explosive orgasm, because the sexual energy is released and
expelled from the body in the form of sperm. Notice how men lose not just their erection, but also their
arousal, their presence, and their connection with you.
Furthermore, if you have frequent clitoral orgasms, with some of the effects described above, you are
robbing yourself of your power. This energy is what makes you stronger, more independent, empowered,
creative and successful. Having a lot of clitoral orgasms might also make your menstruation longer and
heavier, and the side effects stronger.
In comparison, an orgasm that comes from vaginal stimulation is an implosive orgasm – The sexual
energy is imploded, retained and circulated within your body. These orgasms can last for long minutes
and even hours, because as long as you keep your energy, you are able to use it to orgasm again.
19
It’s like cooking a stew in that pressure pot – as long as you keep the lid on, it will stay hot for hours
after you turn the fire off.
But it’s not just about the pleasure.
This kind of orgasm is nourishing for your body and soul.
At its best, it connects you to your feminine essence, to your partner, to others, to life.
It charges your self confidence, empowers you as a woman, fuels your career, and makes you more
successful.
It brings you in touch with your creativity, with your essence, with god.
Women who experience deep vaginal orgasms usually prefer those to clitoral orgasms, because they feel
better – physically, emotionally, energetically, and spiritually.
I’d like to make it clear that I’m not saying that clitoral orgasms are a sin.
There isn’t anything morally wrong with them, or with you having them.
What I am saying is that:
1.
Clitoral orgasm might have some side effects that don’t serve youu
2.
If there are so many other types of pleasure and orgasm states, why would you want to have only
clitoral orgasms?
3.
Once you actually experience some of the other kinds of orgasms and orgasmic states, you can
choose which kind of orgasm to have
And the best thing is – It’s possible to receive intense prolonged clitoral stimulation, to enjoy those
clitoral sensations, and transform them into continuous states of whole body orgasms, which charges
and empowers you.
How?
Turning clitoral stimulation into whole body orgasms
There are many things you can do to achieve this:
20
Finger tracing - While masturbating, trace a line with your finger from your clit, down and into your
vagina. Repeat this over and over again.
Visualization - Visualize the sexual energy flowing from your clitoris into your vagina, and up your
spine.
Edging - Learn to recognize when you are about to peak, when any further touch will bring about the
orgasm. This is the “Point of no return” (P.N.R) for women. Stop stimulating before this point, relax for
a few moments and keep going. Repeat.
Spread it - Keep caressing your entire body, and consciously move your hands from your genital
area towards other parts of your body, specifically to your upper body. Imagine you are spreading and
moving your sexual energy as if it’s a lump of butter that you are spreading over a toast.
Internalize it - Apply internal stimulation using a dildo, or if you don’t have one, consider a cucumber,
carrot or zucchini. Try applying both clitoral and internal stimulation in the same time, while keeping
your focus inside.
Gradually, apply more internal stimulation, and less external stimulation, until you are hardly touching
your clit.
There are many other techniques you can use by yourself, or teach to your partner.
Read more: http://intimatepower.com/turning-clitoral-stimulation-into-prolonged-whole-bodyorgasms/
2.3.The Secret of Great Sex
Are you ever with a lover who doesn’t know what they’re doing, doesn’t know how to touch and pleasure
you?
Are they touching you too harshly or too softly; reaching for your genitals too early; and most importantly,
not being really present and connected with you?
Imagine going to visit someone’s house for the first time.
When you ask them to show you around, they aren’t really sure where each room is, where the light
switches are, or where the heating or cooling is. They don’t know how to work the stereo and the oven.
They keep stumbling into things. They don’t seem comfortable within their own home.
21
How would that feel like if you were a visitor in their home?
Now, imagine your body is a house, a mansion, or a temple, if you like.
When you invite someone over, do you know your body-temple well enough to guide others through it?
Do you know how to touch and pleasure yourself in the same way you want to be touched?
The secret of great sex is knowing how to have
great sex with yourself!
What I’m obviously talking about here is masturbation.
This word usually doesn’t have such a good connotation. In particular, women masturbate less than
men, and are less likely to admit to doing it.
Ask yourself if you are totally comfortable in touching yourself, and if you’re doing it often.
Masturbation is a basic and common sexual behaviour.
Even foetuses in the womb masturbate.
Have you noticed how often babies and kids touch their genitals or rub themselves on pillows, furniture
or toys?
What usually happens is that a parent who witnesses a young boy or girl masturbating, either punishes
them or reproaches them. Even when the parent doesn’t say anything, their energy changes, and kids
are very perceptive to that, so they start believing that they have done something “wrong”.
Adults’ reactions and attitudes towards young one’s masturbation habits lay the first foundations of
guilt and shame around masturbation and, indirectly, sexuality.
During years of making love, talking with and working with women, I’ve noticed a few things:
•Some women have guilt and shame around masturbation,
and aren’t comfortable doing it
•Some women don’t really know how to masturbate, or only do it in a very
mechanical and superficial way, as a quick fix or a sleeping aid
•Many women are too focused on clitoral stimulation, thus missing out on the vast range of
experiences, sensations and orgasmic states which are possible for them
22
•Some women get addicted to their vibrator, which either cause their genitals to go numb and
desensitized, or makes it difficult to experience pleasure with a partner, as no one can produce
those kinds of sensations.
Ask yourself if you experience shame or inhibition around masturbation or any of the other conditions
or tendencies I’ve mentioned.
What I’d like to suggest is that there are so many other reasons to masturbate, so many ways of doing
it, and so many benefits to, um, enjoy.
As a sexual coach, masturbation is one of the first practices I suggest a female client to do, whether
she is in a relationship or not. For some it’s very challenging at the beginning. It feels mechanical,
superficial and alien. But after a few days or, at most, two weeks of daily practice, they start feeling the
effects. Some of them manage to become more orgasmic from this practice alone.
So, what are the possible benefits and effects of masturbation?
•Connect with and learn more about your body, genitals, femininity, and sexuality.
•Heal yourself from pain and trauma.
•Experience different kinds of pleasure and orgasm states.
•Discover and awaken more erogenous zones in your body.
•Be independent and empowered in your own sexuality. Not needing someone to fix, pleasure, or
fulfil you.
•Find the inner union of masculine and feminine.
•A self empowering, self-affirming action.
•Masturbation raises your sexual resonance and thus allows you to attract better lovers.
•Learn how to pleasure yourself so you can teach your partner how to better pleasure you.
•Use your sexual energy to charge your health, creativity, career, relationship and spiritual
practice.
Instead of calling it masturbation, think about it as self-sex or self-pleasure.
23
Regular internal stimulation makes you more orgasmic
alone or together!
A few ideas and suggestions for your self-sex practice
•Regard this as a ritual. Prepare yourself and the space accordingly – incense, candles, soft or
sensual music, a nice fabric on the bed. Take a hot bath beforehand.
•Build up your arousal gradually. Wait a while before touching your genitals.
•Make sure you’re not only focusing on your clit, and try not to have a clitoral orgasm, as that might
deplete your energy and cause you to stop. Read more about how to turn clitoral stimulation into
whole body orgasms at http://intimatepower.com/turning-clitoral-stimulation-into-prolongedwhole-body-orgasms/
•Experiment with internal stimulation using your fingers, a dildo or a penis-shaped vegetable.
Aim for this to be the majority of your self-pleasuring experience.
•Make sure you aren’t just focusing on your genitals. Touch and arouse your entire body.
•Make sure you are breathing fully in and out of your belly.
•Explore making sounds. Both of pleasure and of pain, if it arises.
•Explore moving your hips back and forth and side to side.
•There’s no need to reach an orgasm. Rather, have a spirit of curiosity, exploration and discovery.
•Celebrate and enjoy whatever sensations or emotions come up.
•If an orgasm occurs, enjoy it, and keep going.
•Have sex with yourself in the same way that you would like your partner to have sex with you.
•If you have some emotions or resistance coming up, totally go into it. Allow yourself to experience
and express it. Then, keep going. For some ideas on how to express emotions, click here, or go to:
http://intimatepower.com/emotionality-7-effective-ways-to-deal-with-emotions/
24
•Even when you are in a relationship, keep having frequent sex with the most important person
in the world; yourself.
•Try to self-pleasure at least 3 times a week for a minimum of 20 minutes. Once a week try to have
an hour long session.
•Soon, masturbation will become pleasurable and exciting, and you will start noticing how it is
transforming your life.
Remember, masturbation practice has many benefits and positive outcomes, but it’s not meant to
replace the natural human connection that we crave with another person, on sexual, emotional, mental
and spiritual levels.
Experiment with these ideas, and I’d love to hear how it goes – contact me through the website www.
intimatepower.com.
3. Do
Knowledge might be power, but you’re not here just to read about sexuality, are you?
This is the main part of the full book, and it’s where you put the information into practice.
The practices I will share with you are like building blocks, which you can use by yourself, with your
current or future partner, and even in non-sexual situations. They will have a profound effect on your
health and well being, not to mention the strength of your orgasms and your level of connection with
your partner.
This is going to be the best homework you were ever given. Look below for details regarding where to
get the book.
4. Receive
Following your inquiry into your habits, tendencies and beliefs, your understanding about what’s
possible, and your personal practice, you will probably have stuff come up that you will want to dive
deeper. You may want to work through this with the help of an experienced professional, or a group
setting/workshop.
Here I will discuss a few options and modalities to try, relating to different stuff that came up for you.
25
5. Transform
This is where you change your mindset and implement life style changes that support you in overcoming
your issues and growing into the woman you want to be.
We will discuss things like hobbies, career, environment, and life style choices that can support you.
What’s Next?
This ebook is just a taster. The full book will be available soon through the website
www.intimatepower.com.
To know more, take a look at the many free articles at the website, subscribe to the mailing list, or get
the book through the website. It will cost like a cup of coffee, but will change your life like no coffee cup
ever did.
I would love to hear about your progress after reading this – please contact me through the website or
email eyal@intimatepower.com.
Thank you for trusting me with your time and your intimate practice.
With Love and Gratitude,
Eyal.
Intimate Life Coaching
IntimatePower.com
26