Information and advice for women with a partner experiencing erectile difficulties www.manmatters.ie

Information and advice for women with a
partner experiencing erectile difficulties
www.manmatters.ie
IELLY00020 Date of Preparation: August 2014
Health education brought to you by
Get Informed
What is Erectile Dysfunction?
How common is ED?
Erectile Dysfunction (ED), also sometimes known as
impotence, is the persistent or recurrent inability to get
and/or keep an erection sufficient for satisfactory sexual
intercourse. This happens when not enough blood can get
into the penis or stay long enough to allow an erection.
ED is a common condition. About 50% of men aged over
40 years may experience some degree of ED at some
stage in their lives.1
Many men live with ED for years without seeking medical
advice, because of embarrassment or a belief that
ED cannot be treated. However there are a number of
treatment options available. In addition, ED may be an
early warning sign of other conditions. So it makes sense
to encourage your partner not to let embarrassment get
in his way - if he is worried about ED he should go to his
doctor without delay to get it checked out and treated.
What causes ED?
In many cases, ED is caused by a combination of both
physical and psychological factors. A proper medical
assessment is important as ED could be caused by an
underlying physical illness, medication side effects, or
be related to psychological issues - some examples
include: Physical Causes: Diabetes, Heart disease, High
blood pressure, Kidney failure, Post-operative effects:
Following prostate surgery, Psychological causes:
Stress, Other conditions: Prostate cancer, Nerve
problems, e.g. multiple sclerosis and Parkinson’s disease,
Trauma, Medication side effects: ED may be a side
effect of medication e.g. for high blood pressure or
depression.
Get Informed
There are a number of things that you as a partner can
do. I have a short acronym SUGGEST which may help
you with the relevant points.
Speak to him about it
Understand it is not your fault
GP is the first step
Go to doctor with him if it helps
Encouragement is what he needs
Specific suggestions will be made by his GP,
such as treatment options
Therapy is also an option
Mary O’Conor,
Psychosexual Therapist and
Relationship Counsellor
Mary O’Conor is a well-known relationship and
psychosexual therapist with years of experience treating
couples suffering from sexual problems such as ED.
“For over twenty years I have worked with people who
consult me with many different sexual difficulties, one of
the most common being erectile dysfunction (ED). It is
always preferable when a couple attend together because
I see the partner as a wonderful resource who can be of
the most enormous help in treating the problem.
I would like to expand a little on the above. The first
step is to acknowledge that there is a problem by
getting your partner to talk about it if he hasn’t already
done so. You should however emphasise that you are
able to enjoy being sexual with him and that it isn’t all
about intercourse.
It can be upsetting at many levels to be the partner
of somebody suffering with ED and there may
be feelings of rejection, sadness, frustration and
perhaps even anger and all of these emotions are
perfectly understandable. But usually the uppermost
feeling is one of rejection, so let me say at the outset
that, providing everything else in the relationship
is functioning well, the ED is never your fault. Most
partners believe that if they were thinner, taller, had
bigger or smaller breasts, longer or shorter legs or if
they were simply more sexy then everything would be
fine and their man would be able to get an erection
without any difficulty. This is simply not true. What is
causing your partner’s ED is not related to you and is
not your fault; even if you had a magic wand and were
able to totally alter your body he would still have ED.
Get Informed
Having raised the subject and letting him see that you
would like to help him do something about it you should
encourage him to go to his GP. Sometimes men are a bit
embarrassed talking to their own GP, particularly if he
has been the family doctor for years, so do a little bit of
research and have the names of some other doctors for
him, explaining that the first step is to check things out
medically. You can offer to go with him and talk to the
GP if necessary, or be in the waiting room to give moral
support. The doctor may take some blood tests and if he
or she feels it necessary might suggest that he consult a
urologist for further investigation.
If physically all is well then the doctor may suggest some
form of treatment, which might include medication or
psychosexual therapy or a combination of both, depending
on what he or she feels would suit your partner best. Every
single case is different and you should also have a say in
how things are to proceed. Some partners are perfectly
happy for their man to take medication, while others would
prefer to work with them in a sex therapy programme
first to see if that helps. This would involve attending a
therapist every two weeks and doing exercises at home a
couple of times a week. These exercises begin with nonsexual touching and massage in order to help him get rid
of any performance anxiety he is experiencing as a result
of the ED. Gradually a sexual component is added until the
couple are eventually back to being fully sexual. Of course
this form of treatment is quite time-consuming and does
not suit everybody. In most cases there is some route that
will work, and you are very much a part of the process.
There are many ways to achieve what everybody hopes to
have – a happy and mutually satisfying sexual life.”
Further information and advice
Manmatters
Further information & advice on erectile dysfunction.
www.manmatters.ie
Relationships Ireland
A confidential service supporting sexual health and wellbeing provided by experienced accredited sex therapists.
Tel.: 1890 380 380
www.relationshipsireland.com
For more information on diabetes:
Diabetes Ireland
Lo-call 1850 909 909
www.diabetes.ie or
email: info@diabetes.ie
Lilly is not responsible for the content of
third party websites.
References:
1. Feldman, H. et al. Impotence and its Medical and Psychosocial Correlates: results
of the Massachusetts Male Aging Study. Journal of Urology, 1994;151:54-61.
IELLY00020
Date of Preparation: August 2014
© 2014 Eli Lilly and Company
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