Why Is “FAMILY” The Focus Of Private Holistic Cremation Funeral Care?

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Why Is “FAMILY” The Focus Of
Private Holistic Cremation Funeral Care?
“Family”, that group of people, who hold perpetual title to us, is the most important group of persons in our
emotional life. This group is easily the preferred “go-to-group” for one’s own personal anxieties to be safely
vented, validated and resolved. That “love conquers all” is a saying rooted in family love and acceptance. (After
the loss of a loved-one, other “like-family” groups will also often provide important emotional shelter and peace
of mind support.) Our own emotional health and well being is always supported by family and “like-family”
groups.
Private Holistic Cremation Funeral Services, or “Private Whole-Family Services” can be offered to accompany
Direct Cremation Services. These additional services provide an opportunity for the family group to physically
unite; body, mind and spirit. Not until the physical connection is made does the family’s spiritual work of validating a shared reality and affirming a shared future begin. Personal physical family connection is essential to
beginning the lessoning of personal anxiety in the loss of a loved-one.
Ashes To Ashes Cremation Information
The Ashes To Ashes Cremation Information website has been developed in response to increasing reliance on
the internet as a reliable resource of meaningful information and is consistent with our commitment to offer innovative funeral services for better serving our community.
Present day American Funeral Service has its beginnings in the middle of the nineteenth century when deceased
loved ones were prepared for burial by their local undertaker, then returned home to lay in-state until time for
funeral ceremony and burial. It was a time when family and friends gathered together for support and oneness
at life’s most difficult family event, the loss of one of their own.
We see in today’s Direct Cremation practice, an opportunity to return to those inner community roots by
preparing the loved one’s earthly body, prior to the cremation process, for a private family “last good-by” and
gathering time. That gathering time is best provided by the family’s local funeral home.
Since the early twentieth century, local funeral homes have served as America’s safe place for difficult family
encounters at life’s most difficult family time. For that reason, we suggest Private Holistic Cremation Care TM,
or Private “Whole Family Care” (with its roots in all of America’s funeral homes), to be the most financially accessible and emotionally supportive general plan available to address the family’s needs and concerns in every
Direct Cremation endeavor.
We sincerely hope the information we are providing on Private Holistic Cremation CareTM will better define
how Cremation Services are evolving and how Cremation Service Options can enhance and appropriately
personalize the celebration of a uniquely important life.
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FAQ
What is Cremation?
Cremation is a centuries-old funeral rite that is growing in preference in Europe, Asia and the United States.
In Cremation, once life has left the body, the body is allowed to be consumed by flames so that only ashes and
bone fragments remain. (As CREMAINS)
Why are more and more families choosing cremation?
There are many reasons why Cremation With Services and Cremation without Services is being selected as a
preferred choice in the final disposition of one’s body.
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Personal and spiritual philosophies
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Simplicity and convenience
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Financial considerations
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Greater acceptance of many religious communities
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More people live away from the family roots and the historic traditions always associated with their own given family traditions
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Economy of earth space
What is Private Holistic Cremation Care?
Private Holistic Cremation Care provides special attention to both the body of the deceased and to the body of
the family whose wellness suffers from the loss of one of its members.
It blends the core strength of traditional funeral service with the efficiency of direct cremation.
In Holistic Cremation Care, before cremation of the body takes place, the family that has been touched by death
is provided a quiet gathering space by their local funeral home where they can briefly be in the presence of
their loved-one. Family members arrive and are allowed this private viewing time for the sharing of memories,
exchanging hugs, and other expressions of care; the family group now celebrating the lives of all within the
circle of final farewell. This time of comfort begins to fill the empty feelings associated with loss; and emotional
healing does begin.
Is embalming required for cremation?
No. However, public health concerns, time constraints, and the type of services chosen might make embalming
appropriate or necessary prior to cremation services. For example, embalming is desirable for family gatherings
to insurer that the loved-one is both presentable in appearance and free from communicable disease: so therefore
safe physically to touch.
In many cases, the body is held in a specially designed refrigeration unit until time for cremation. This greatly
reduces the costs associated with short-term preservation by eliminating the need for embalming. (Short-term
preservation may be a consideration to allow for family travel schedules.)
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May memorial services still be held?
Yes. In fact, cremation offers more options. A cremation service today allows families the opportunity to
choose as much or as little formality and participation as they want or need. Memorial services may be held
shortly after the death or they may be arranged at a later date to accommodate family travel schedules.
What may be done with a loved-one’s cremated remains? (“Cremains”)
The loved-one’s family may choose an urn for permanent containment of ashes to be kept either temporarily in
the home, or permanently in a columbarium; a room or small building where niche spaces may be purchased.
Also, most cemeteries permit more than one person to be interred in an adult burial space if cremation is chosen.
Today, as the popularity for cremation increases, more and more churches are constructing Memorial Gardens
on the church property for their members` ashes to directly be placed in the earth.
What about the scattering of Cremains?
Since Cremains are essentially an inert oxidized substance, they cannot cause a chemical reaction when brought
in contact with other materials. However, permits may be required. Federal, State and Local laws should be
reviewed and permission granted prior to scattering cremated remains on public property. Written permission
may be required, particularly for scattering on private property.
Cremation Options And Pre-Planning
Ponder thoughtfully about cremation options as part of your own pre-planned funeral arrangement, just as you
would in honoring the life of a loved-one. Consider the unique role that a personalized service would play
in giving recognition to your own gradually acquired deep convictions about life’s challenges and necessary
choices. Special music, scripture passages, poems, or readings can tell a rich tale!
Cremation With Services provides your family and friends the opportunity to find support in one another as they
physically gather for the purpose of showing support to one another.
Cremation offered through a Funeral Director’s Services can be arranged to follow an open or private visitation
gathering time; with or without the deceased loved-ones body present. Services usually conclude with a Funeral
Ceremony designed to appropriately honor the life, love, and unique character of one of God’s Own.
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Cremation Option Examples
The following examples represent selections of professional services and ceremony options, which can be
made available by local funeral homes.
DIRECT CREMATION PLANS
“All American Funeral Pricing” TM
A FULL spectrum of Traditional Funeral and Cremation Care Services TM made pleasingly affordable.
Traditional Funeral and Cremation Care Services
Caskets start at + - $495
A) Traditional Full Day Visitation
With funeral ceremony the following day ………………………………………….… + - $4,995.00
B (5-8 PM) Evening Visitation
With funeral ceremony the same evening or the following day……………………... + - $3,995.00
C) Visitation and Funeral Ceremony schedule the same day before 2 PM ……..… + - $2,995.00
For services with cremation, the crematory fee can be included in lieu of “hearse to cemetery”.
Private Funeral and Cremation Care Services
Caskets start at $495
In the blending of traditional and direct cremation/ burial services, the mind, body, and spirit needs of
the whole family are served at a pleasingly affordable price.
Private Holistic Cremation Care TM and Private Holistic Traditional Care
A.) Private Visitation Followed by Funeral Ceremony the same day before 2 PM …+ - $2,495.00
B.) Private Visitation completed by 2 PM
(No Funeral Ceremony)................…………………………………………………….... + - $2,195.00
Includes: Preparation of the loved one for viewing, private family and friends personal gathering time,
crematory fee or hearse-to-the cemetery.
(Obituary will read, “Private services were chosen”)
Professional Services Direct To Cemetery or Crematory
Direct Cremation and Direct Burial Services …............................................................ + - $1,395.00
Provides professional services for care of loved one from place of death to funeral home, then to
Cemetery or Crematory.
Includes: Cremation container, crematory fee or hearse-to-the cemetery. We are honored to offer a
memorial visitation and service to your family at NO additional charge.
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Memorial Visitations and Memorial Funeral Ceremonies
A Memorial Service is a scheduled event where family and friends may gather, reminisce, and honor the life of
a loved one. Their loved one’s body is not present, but photographs, hobby and achievement memorabilia are
often arranged to create a fitting tribute to a life well lived. Memorial Visitations can be planned for any desired
length of time and are usually followed by a Memorial Funeral Ceremony.
If the loved one’s body has already been cremated, the loved one’s ashes are often present in an urn.
Costs for Memorial Visitations and Memorial Funeral Ceremonies vary community to community. Usually
services scheduled in the morning are the least costly with those in the afternoon a bit more and Services
during the evening hours cost the most.
Final Resting Place
In choosing Cremation, a final resting place can be provided in many different and creative ways. You may
select from a wide variety of beautiful urns, which may be kept in your possession, or placed in a columbarium
building that contains niche spaces for permanent placement.
Urns can also be interred in a family burial space at a local cemetery. This allows for a permanent statement
of one’s dates of life to be inscribed on a cemetery marker or monument.
Scattering gardens, a favored option by many, are available at many community cemeteries.
Family and friends may choose to purchase keepsake mementos by which to personally remember their
loved-ones. Keepsakes such as miniature urns or keepsake jewelry items are widely available today and
offered in many creative and artistic options.
Need To Know when A Loved one Dies
Immediately upon death, medical or police authorities must be summoned to determine the nature of its cause.
This must be done before the deceased body can be removed from the place where death occurred. If there is a
question concerning the cause of death, the local medical examiner may have the body removed to his/her
facility for examination.
When death occurs in a hospital, the hospital staff will usually notify the funeral home on behalf of the family.
The funeral home will immediately dispatch staff to retrieve the loved-one’s body and prepare it for final
disposition. (earth burial or cremation). If no family gathering or viewing is requested, it may not be
necessary for embalming to take place. However, it is recommended and usually required by funeral homes
and cremation services that a positive identification of the decease is made by a close family member prior to
cremation.
If organs are to be donated, this must be arranged for with the hospital staff prior to release of a loved-one’s
body to the funeral home. For information on organ donation, consult www.organdonor.gov or
www.mdtransplant.org.
If cremation is requested without family viewing, the body may be held (without embalming) in a specially
refrigerated unit to preserve it until cremation can be arranged.
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When meeting with a Funeral Director for arrangements, bring your loved-one’s personal information and
personal articles, including the following:
-Clothing including foundation garments
-Photograph (showing hair style/trim pattern for beard or mustache)
-Social security number.
-Veteran information (military discharge or DD form 214)
-Full name, address, place of birth, parents’ names, occupation, education, memberships, hobbies, desired place
of funeral, cemetery deed, and signed cremation –authorization-request (if pre-planned.)
NOTE: Signed Authorization for cremation, if not done before death by the decedent must be authorized by
signature of one the following:
-Surviving spouse
-Or, if none, all children
-Or, if none, both parents
-Or, if none, all sisters and brothers
Pre-Arrangement – Pre-planning
Planning ahead for difficult times always makes sense, and usually save money. Planning ahead for a specific
time when the family will be without one of its own, offers an invaluable guide-map over a road that will
someday be in unknown territory.
Here are some important considerations:
1. Invite those family members who will be in charge of decision making to review and perhaps discuss your
wishes. Write your wishes down and allow those family decision makers to have a copy.
2. Note which funeral home you wish to entrust with the care of your family and the implementing of your
wishes.
3. Note your choice of clergy or others to address spiritual comforts and challenges; both formally as when
family and friends will be gathered together for the funeral ceremony, and informally as days together still
offer unique opportunity for oneness.
4. Decide the location or place of funeral ceremony, (Church, synagogue funeral home, other).
5. Determine your choice of final resting place for you or your loved-one.
6. Consider your favorite music, readings and scripture passages to perhaps be shared at funeral time.
7. Other personally important details could be helpful….
8. Note the location of important papers, documents, military record, (DD form 214), bank accounts and
investments deeds, records, and especially computer data-base passwords and account numbers.
9. Write a note to your family of how they have been important to you. Save it for them.
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Pre-Arrangements or Pre-Planning Cremation Care Funeral Services
Careful Pre-planning Cremation Care Funeral Services can be quite comforting for you and for your family.
By utilizing our pre-arrangement plans, you may be as detailed as you wish to be:
You may wish to determine:
1. Visitation hours
2. Place of funeral service
3. Decide between cremation, earth burial, or above ground entombment; and at which cemetery, if appropriate,
you whish to be memorialized.
4. Select a casket or urn
5. Choose your funeral music or favorite songs to be played.
6. Record readings, pallbearers, officiant, and other personally important wishes that seem appropriate.
7. It is also helpful to your family for you to have on hand your personal statistical information. For them, the
honoring of your life, is indeed their honor.
Other helpful items to list when pre-planning either a Cremation Care Funeral Service or traditional care funeral service are a record of bank accounts, insurance policies, and other savings or investments information.
Make sure to save this information in a secure location, and notify those who have a need to know, where this
information will be found. To make this consolidation of information easier for you, during pre-planning, most
funeral directors can provide you with a Personal Arrangement Guide booklet to record all this information
within. It will help to ensure that plans will be understood and carried out.
Once pre-planned cremation funeral services have been completed, your funeral home will keep a copy on file.
This is a living document: you may update and make changes as you deem appropriate, and as your own future unfolds.
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Importance of Grieving
By Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt, director of the Center for Loss and Life
How long does grief last?
This is probably the most common question asked by the bereaved. Because every griever is a unique personality, there is no single answer to this question. In most cases, the pain associated with grieving begins to subside
considerably in the second and third years following loss. This means that there are more good days than bad
ones; that the heavy, depressive feelings in earlier months begin to break up with more hopeful, optimistic
feelings replacing them. Many bereavement authorities believe that most grief adjustments take between two
and four years to be completed. Of course, some adjustments are shorter and some are longer, depending upon
personality factors and the nature of the relationship with the deceased.
What are the signs of grief?
On the emotional level, the bereaved experience some of the following: disbelief, shock, numbness, denial,
sadness, anxiety, guilt, depression, anger, loneliness or frustration. The physical symptoms of grief can include
tightness of the chest or throat, pain in the heart area, panic attacks, dizziness or trembling. Grievers also report
sleep disturbance, as in either too much or not enough sleeping. All of these emotional and physical symptoms
fall within the normal range of response to the loss of a loved one.
I feel like I am going crazy. Is this normal?
This is perfectly normal. Indeed, grief can be accurately described as a “crazy” time in one’s life. In her book,
Nobody’s Child Anymore, Barbara Bartocci writes: “The important thing to realize about mourning is that it’s
normal to feel slightly crazy. You will forget things. You will drive your car as if on autopilot. You will stare at
the papers on your desk and feel paralyzed to get any work done.” Bartocci offers this simple and practical advice: “This might be a good time to carry a small notebook with you. Write down things you need to remember.
Don’t rely on your memory. Let your boss know why you’re not functioning at your usual one hundred percent.
Be patient with yourself. Be as understanding of you during this time as you would like others to be.”
Will I ever stop crying?
Even though it may be difficult to believe, the tears will come to an end. This will not happen abruptly but
gradually, and even after the intense crying ceases, there may be times when hearing a favorite song or seeing a
favored place will bring a moment of sadness along with a tear. Keep in mind that crying is healthy because it is
an emotional and physical release. Writing centuries earlier, Shakespeare had it right: “To weep is to make less
the depth of grief.”
Do all people grieve in the same way?
While many aspects of grieving are universal --feelings of sadness, numbness, confusion, depression -- there is
no single prescribed way to grieve. Grieving is an individual endeavor. Some want to have many people around
with whom they can share and explore their feelings. Others prefer to deal with loss more privately. Most
people report that grieving is much like being on an emotional roller coaster. It is worth noting that the “ride”
down is usually the prelude to the “ride” up.
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Do men and women grieve differently?
The cultural stereotypes of women and men in grief are inaccurate. Generally, they portray women as being
expressive with their grief while men are the “strong and silent” type. The reality is that some men need and
want to express and share their feelings, while some women prefer to do their grief work in a more low-key
way. Bereavement styles have less to do with gender and more to do with basic personality traits. Grieve in
ways that are most helpful and healing for you.
The holidays are coming. How can I cope with them?
It is not only holidays that are difficult because there is an “empty chair,” but also anniversaries, birthdays,
Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and so on. Here are some effective ways to manage these special days:
-Plan ahead. How will you spend the day? With whom?
-Talk about your deceased loved one. This will let others know that you want to hear his/her name and to talk
about that person.
-Establish personal priorities. Decide what you want to do, how you wish to celebrate, and with whom you wish
to spend time. Follow your instincts.
-Express your feelings. If the holidays make you more weepy, then cry. If you feel the need to talk about the
loss, then find a good friend who will listen.
-Value your memories. You loved, and the price of losing a loved one is pain. Cherish the time you had
together and value your precious memories, which can never be taken away from you.
-Reach out to others. Take the focus off yourself and your pain by volunteering to help others.
-Avoid isolating yourself in grief. Just because you are in pain, do not cut yourself off from others. Stay in
touch. Keep communication open with family, friends and colleagues. Accept invitations for social events,
even if you do not feel like it.
-Be patient with yourself. A loss to death inflicts a deep wound but the wound will heal.
I feel very angry. Why is this and what can I do with the anger?
It is not unusual to feel angry. Sometimes the anger is directed at the deceased love one, sometimes toward
other family members, sometimes at medical staff, or sometimes toward God. The anger will subside, but you
can take the edge off it through exercise, hard physical activity, such as housework or gardening, and by talking
about the angry feelings.
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What helps the grieving process?
Even though grievers often feel helpless, there are important steps and actions they can take to make the grieving process flow more smoothly and toward a more rapid resolution. Here are some ways to cope with the pain
of loss:
-Seek out supportive people. Find a relative, friend, neighbor or spiritual leader who will listen non- judgmentally and provide you with support as you sort your way through grief.
-Join a support group. Being with others who have had a similar loss is therapeutic. Express your feelings. Do
this by confiding in a trusted friend or by writing in a journal. Feelings expressed are often feelings diminished.
-Take care of your health. Eat balanced, nutritious meals. Rest properly. Find an exercise you enjoy and do it
regularly. If you have physical problems, consult with your physician promptly.
-Find outside help when necessary. If your bereavement feels too heavy for you to bear, find a counselor or
therapist trained in grief issues to offer you some guidance.
I have an opportunity to relocate. Would this be good for me?
After a death, the temptation to make changes can be acute. Such changes can include selling off your home,
taking a new position, or making a career change. Unless there is some pressing reason for the change, a good
rule is to postpone any major change for at least one year following the loss. Grief authority Rabbi Earl Grollman advises: “You may be tempted to make a radical change in your life--to sell your house, to move someplace
different, to make a fresh start, away from your familiar home and all the painful memories. Wait awhile. The
time is not right for major decisions. Your judgment is still uncertain. You are still in horrible pain. Getting used
to a new life takes time, thought and patience.”
When is mourning finished?
Mourning is successfully completed when the “tasks” of grief are completed. In his book, Grief Counseling
and Grief Therapy, J. William Worden, Ph.D., identifies the four “tasks” of grieving:
-To accept the reality of the loss;
-To experience the pain of the grief;
-To adjust to an environment in which the deceased is missing;
-To withdraw emotional energy and reinvest it in another relationship.
For those who seek a clear sign that their grieving is coming to completion, Dr. Worden offers this insight: “One
benchmark of a completed grief reaction is when the person is able to think of the deceased without pain. There
is always a sense of sadness when you think of someone that you have loved and lost, but it is a different kind
of sadness -- it lacks the wrenching quality it previously had. One can think of the deceased without physical
manifestations such as intense crying or feeling tightness in the chest. Also, mourning is finished when a person
can reinvest his or her emotions back into life and in the living.”
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Expressions of Sympathy
A friend has experienced the death of someone loved. You want to help, but you are not sure how to go about it.
This article will guide you in ways to turn your cares and concerns into positive actions.
Listen with your heart.
Helping begins with your ability to be an active listener. Your physical presence and desire to listen without
judging are critical helping tools. Don’t worry so much about what you will say. Just concentrate on listening to
the words that are being shared with you.
Your friend may relate the same story about the death over and over again. Listen attentively each time. Realize
this repetition is part of your friend’s healing process. Simply listen and understand.
Be compassionate.
Give your friend permission to express his or her feelings without fear of criticism. Learn from your friend;
don’t instruct or set expectations about how he or she should respond. Never say, “I know just how you feel.”
You don’t. Think about your helper role as someone who “walks with,” not “behind” or “in front of” the one
who is mourning.
Allow your friend to experience all the hurt, sorrow and pain that he or she is feeling at the time. Enter into your
friend’s feelings, but never try to take them away. And recognize that tears are a natural and appropriate expression of the pain associated with the death.
Avoid clichés.
Words, particularly clichés, can be extremely painful for a grieving friend. Clichés are trite comments often intended to diminish the loss by providing simple solutions to difficult realities. Comments like, “You are holding
up so well,” “Time heals all wounds,” “Think of all you still have to be thankful for” or “Just be happy that he’s
out of his pain” are not constructive. Instead, they hurt and make a friend’s journey through grief more difficult.
Understand the uniqueness of grief.
Keep in mind that your friend’s grief is unique. No one will respond to the death of someone loved in exactly
the same way. While it may be possible to talk about similar phases shared by grieving people, everyone is different and shaped by experiences in their own unique lives.
Because the grief experience is also unique, be patient. The process of grief takes a long time, so allow your
friend to proceed at his or her own pace. Don’t force your own timetable for healing. Don’t criticize what you
believe is inappropriate behavior. And while you should create opportunities for personal interaction, don’t
force the situation if your grieving friend resists. Offer practical help.
Preparing food, washing clothes, cleaning the house or answering the telephone are just a few of the practical
ways of showing you care. And, just as with your presence, this support is needed at the time of the death and in
the weeks and months ahead. Make contact.
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Your presence at the funeral is important. As a ritual, the funeral provides an opportunity for you to express
your love and concern at this time of need. As you pay tribute to a life that is now passed, you have a chance
to support grieving friends and family. At the funeral, a touch of your hand, a look in your eye or even a hug
often communicates more than any words could ever say. Don’t just attend the funeral then disappear, however.
Remain available in the weeks and months to come, as well. Remember that your grieving friend may need you
more later on than at the time of the funeral. A brief visit or a telephone call in the days that follow are usually
appreciated. Write a personal note.
Sympathy cards express your concern, but there is no substitute for your personal written words. What do you
say? Share a favorite memory of the person who died. Relate the special qualities that you valued in him or her.
These words will often be a loving gift to your grieving friend, words that will be reread and remembered for
years. Use the name of the person who has died either in your personal note or when you talk to your friend.
Hearing that name can be comforting, and it confirms that you have not forgotten this important person who
was so much a part of your friend’s life. Be aware of holidays and anniversaries.
Your friend may have a difficult time during special occasions like holidays and anniversaries. These events
emphasize the absence of the person who has died. Respect this pain as a natural extension of the grief process.
Learn from it. And, most importantly, never try to take away the hurt. Your friend and the family of the person
who died sometimes create special traditions surrounding these events. Your role? Perhaps you can help organize such a remembrance or attend one if you are invited.
Understanding the importance of the loss
Remember that the death of someone loved is a shattering experience. As a result of this death, your friend’s
life is under reconstruction. Consider the significance of the loss and be gentle and compassionate in all of your
helping efforts. “While the above guidelines will be helpful, it is important to recognize that helping a grieving
friend will not be an easy task. You may have to give more concern, time and love that you ever knew you had.
But this effort will be more than worth it. By ‘walking with’ your friend in grief, you are giving one of life’s
most precious gifts-- yourself.”
About the Author
Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt is a noted author, educator and grief counselor. He serves as director of the Center for Loss
and Life Transition in Fort Collins, Colorado and presents numerous workshops each year across North America.
Among his many bestselling books are “Understanding Your Grief”, “Healing a Friend’s Grieving Heart” and
“The Mourner’s Book of Hope”. For more information visit the website: centerforloss.com or phone
970-226-6050. You can reach out to Dr. Wolfelt directly at DrWolfelt@centerforloss.com.
www.cremationinformationus.com
Copyright © 2011 Grand Chapels, LLC All rights reserved.
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