Jonathan cainer www.CAiNER.COM
Transcription
Jonathan cainer www.CAiNER.COM
Jonathan cainer www.cainer.com Hi Jonathan, Forgiveness comes in two categories: over infringements, and over catastrophic wrongs. Wrongs are a special category involving acceptance, personal growth and integration. Our daily irritations are really indignation about perceived wrongs, wrong choices or even “wrong” lifestyle. This is a moral judgment, expecting others to see and respond as we would. Once we give up this moral indignation, much forgiveness becomes the simpler matter of accepting a more expansive picture. Glenda ARIES MAR 21–APR 20 Do you remember those old science lessons, where they gave us each a Petri dish to see what we could grow in it? From a tiny speck of the most seemingly innocuous substance, a weird fabric of microbes would emerge. Our fears are similarly prone to breed and multiply, under the right (or, should I say, “wrong”?) conditions. One moment, we can’t even see it is happening. The next, we are overrun with anxiety. Today, you get to start sterilising and neutralising some worries which have been allowed to fester for far too long. Your new moon-sign forecast is ready. Don’t miss this. Call 1902 222 500. TAURUS APR 21 – MAY 21 Hello. Nice to see you. You have got here just in time for your forecast. And we both know the drill, don’t we? You turn up here looking for insight and advice. I say something a bit bizarre and baffling. You scratch your head and, if you are lucky, you manage to read some meaning into my words. This then proves helpful to you in some way. Unless it doesn’t. Or you can’t understand it. Now, where were we? Ah yes, that’s it. Things that have the potential to confuse us one moment and delight us the next. Look out for them today. Dial in your date of birth. Get your new moon-sign forecast. Call 1902 222 500. GEMINI MAY 22–JUN 22 Many of history’s finest philosophies have suggested that the secret of success involves understanding the answer to one deceptively simple question. “Where will I find what I need to know?” And, according to lore and legend, the answer is confronting the blunt and bewildering. It is “inside yourself”. And, they say, “In the event that you can’t find chapter and verse in your own internal library of knowledge, your instinct will invariably be strong enough to lead you swiftly to the right place to get it.” Today, you will see how true that is. For your new spookily accurate moon-sign forecast. Call 1902 222 500. CANCER JUN 23–JUL 23 I bet you have come here looking for a zodiac forecast, haven’t you? I thought as much. I’m getting rather good at guessing people’s motives. I knew that the last person who turned to this page was seeking something very similar. But unfortunately, though I gave a reading to them, I don’t have a forecast for you. You don’t get one today because.... Well, the day doesn’t belong to you, does it? Their needs have had to take priority over yours. That can change – if you want it to. Hear your spookily accurate moon-sign forecast now. Call 1902 222 500. LEO JUL 24–AUG 23 “There’s no such thing as a free lunch.” That’s what people say. They say it so often – and with such confidence – that we find ourselves unable to imagine that it isn’t true. Yet, why lunch? Why not breakfast or supper? You never hear them mention those. So perhaps they are trying to tell us that other meals can be obtained on a complimentary basis. There is something wrong here. And if that part can be wrong, perhaps the other part can be too. It does rather look as if you are soon due to get something for nothing. For inspiring news listen to your new moon-sign forecast. Call 1902 222 500. VIRGO AUG 24–SEP 23 The world is full of people who are looking for something. There they all are, searching high and low in their quest for... well, yes, there’s a good point. Are they all looking for the same thing? Some, it would seem, don’t agree. Others are looking to find out what it is they ought to be looking for. Even those who feel sure that they can fully identify their most vital objective are not so sure of their ability to discover it. Might there be a possibility today that you are now looking for something that you have already found? Call your new moon-sign forecast: 1902 222 500. LIBRA SEP 24–OCT 23 We use strange ways to measure success and failure. We consider ourselves to be doing well if we are following a straight path towards a clear destination (provided, of course, that this is one that others also see as worth attaining). If there is an element of doubt or confusion surrounding our circumstances, we suspect that we ought to be apologising for letting ourselves and others down. Yet are not life’s questions far more precious and potentially useful than life’s answers? Be glad, today, of what you don’t yet know. Tap into the mystical power of the moon. Call 1902 222 500. SCORPIO OCT 24–NOV 22 Every satnav has a button by which to adjust the settings. You can tell the little map-reading machine to take you on the quickest route, the shortest one, the cheapest – or via the most scenic journey. What is your inner direction-finder set to now? Are you inadvertently fooling yourself about where things are and what you ought to be doing next, on the basis of a series of assumptions that ought to be checked and challenged more carefully? Don’t ask “what am I choosing?” But “what am I basing my choices on?” Dial in your date of birth for your new moon-sign forecast. Call 1902 222 500. SAGITTARIUS NOV 23–DEC 21 “If a job’s worth doing, it is worth doing well.” So goes the wise old adage. You have, I’m sure, lived by this very maxim yourself. Perhaps you are thinking to yourself now, “surely he doesn’t intend to question such a fundamental assertion as part of my zodiac forecast today?“ Well, I don’t. I am in full agreement with this traditional wisdom. I just want to point out that it raises one small question. That is all true if the job is worth doing but what if it isn’t? Might you, today, be doing something that doesn’t need to be done? Your spookily accurate new moon-sign forecast is ready. Call 1902 222 500. Teletopia. Max call cost $1.32 per minute, including GST. Higher charges from mobiles/payphones may apply. Customer care: 1300 366 702. calvin and hobbes hagar fred basset garfield ginger meggs snake insanity streak phantom CAPRICORN DEC 22–JAN 20 Some mystics and visionaries have long been busily asserting that “we create our own reality”. We make our world what it is by our secret wishes, private fantasies, innermost aspirations and perhaps too, our deepest fears. Unbeknown to our conscious minds, these impulses and imaginings weave webs that attract events towards them in much the same way as the work of a spider inevitably draws a fly. So what are we supposed to do if there is something about our situation we don’t much like? Start weaving a different web. Your powerful new moon-sign forecast is ready. Call 1902 222 500. AQUARIUS JAN 21–FEB 19 Books and magazines are taken very seriously by their writers and their readers. Language is a mysterious and powerful thing. If an idea is expressed in conversation, it may carry a certain amount of authority. But if it is to be taken truly seriously, it needs to be put in writing. Only then do we consider it worthy to form the basis of further debate and discussion. Yet just because we have seen that something has been said somewhere, we can’t automatically assume it is beyond dispute. Don’t trust all that you read today. Call your new moon-sign prediction: 1902 222 500. PISCES FEB 20–MAR 20 The late, great, Henry Ford, is often credited with the invention of the assembly line. They say he was the first car manufacturer to experiment with mass production. No custom specifications, no frippery, no frills. Every car was the same and he said, “You can have it in any colour you want, as long as it’s black.” The 20th century reflected his principles; the 21st century is fast making them redundant. You are entitled to make some special, personal choices now. There really is no reason why your needs cannot be met. Are you ready to feel the power of the full moon? Call 1902 222 500.