Contract of Reconciliation

Contract of Reconciliation — A Plan for Restoration in Our Marriage — Your marriage is not over, you wouldn’t be taking the time to work on this if it was. The reality is that the two of you have lost sight of each other for a long time and have allowed other things to come between the two of you. Now is the time to be intentional about finding your way back to one another. Christian faith is... basically about love and being loved and reconciliation. These
things are so important, they're foundational and they can transform individuals,
families.
- Philip Yancey
Each of the 5 Intimacies will be addressed below. The areas that are outlined are suggestions based on the work I have done with other couples. Not all statements/questions may apply to your marriage. It is important to tailor this to fit your unique situation. Emotional Intimacy: 1.
We agree to talk to each other via phone, text, email, and/or in person. (circle all that apply) 2.
My preferred means of communication is:_______________________________ 3.
My spouse’s preferred means of communication is: _______________________ 4.
I realize that I need to unplug more frequently. I am committed to spending _______________________________(specific time) without electronics between us. 5.
I am committed to being completely honest with my spouse. ________________ 6.
I acknowledge that it is a challenge for me to share___________________and give my spouse permission to point out when I am avoiding that topic._________ 7.
I understand that it is important for my spouse to know what I am feeling even when those feeling may not be pretty. I am committed to using the list of feeling words to express myself. ____________________________________________ 8.
I choose to share all with my spouse, understanding that my failure to do so harms our relationship and sets up walls between the two of us. _____________ 9.
I agree to give my spouse access to passwords/accounts as necessary for us to rebuild our marriage. _______________________________________________ 1 10.
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I understand that turning to others instead of my spouse with emotional matters is detrimental to my marriage._________________________________________ I agree that I will not use our child(ren) as a go­between for conversations that we should be having. _______________________________________________ I agree that I will not confide in our child(ren) about the specifics of our relationship. ______________________________________________________ I agree to regularly check in with my spouse on where my priorities are and to make adjustments as necessary. _____________________________________ I understand that it is important to say NO to other people/things so that I can say YES to my spouse. ________________________________________________ I agree that we will need to set up specific times to talk about topics related to our reconciliation. _____________________________________________________ I would prefer to meet in person, talk on the phone, or email the difficult conversations (circle all that apply). If necessary I agree to seek additional help for my anger issues._____________ I agree to use the Palms Up Technique when conversations start to “heat up”. __ I commit to NOT hiding my feelings even when things get uncomfortable. ______ 17.
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Husband’s Initials____________ Recreational Intimacy 1.
I want to date my spouse again. ______________________________________ 2.
We agree to have dates (frequency)___________________________________ 3.
I understand that a date is more than dinner and a movie. __________________ 4.
I agree to use my spouse’s top 10 List as a way to show my love, try new things and keep the spark alive in our marriage. _______________________________ 5.
I am open to trying new things to create new memories. ____________________ 2 Other: __________________________________________________________________________
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Husband’s Initials____________ Financial Intimacy 1.
I agree to be transparent about ALL income and expenses. ________________ 2.
I agree to uphold my end of any and all legal support. _____________________ 3.
I agree to work on a cash flow plan monthly with my spouse. We will sit down face to face on the __________of the month to discuss finances. ___________ 4.
I agree that financial decisions over $________________will be made jointly. Other: __________________________________________________________________________
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Husband’s Initials____________ 3 Physical / Sexual Intimacy 1.
I would like to include the following touches in our marriage ______________________________________________________________________
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If requested, I will ask you before I hug, cuddle, kiss, hold hands, etc. _________ 3.
When we see each other what touches are ok? ______________________________________________________________________
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Husband’s Initials____________ If pornography has been a factor in your marriage… 1.
I agree to have an accountability partner for when I feel tempted. ____________ 2.
If you have already chosen someone to be your partner please put their name here. ____________________________________________________________ 3.
I commit to telling my spouse when I am feeling tempted. __________________ 4.
I agree to work through a program (X3 Pure or other addiction program). ______ 5.
I agree to have someone else install security on the computers/network/phone that will prevent me from being able to access this content. _________________ Other: __________________________________________________________________________
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Husband’s Initials____________ 4 Spiritual Intimacy 1.
I would like us to start doing the following: ○ praying together ○ going to church ○ attending a bible study ○ doing a devotional 2.
I am committed to increasing our spiritual intimacy by: ______________________________________________________________________
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Husband’s Initials____________ Family and Friends 1.
I am committed to putting guardrails around the following people and our marriage. ______________________________________________________________________
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I am committed to dealing with my family when it comes to issues between my family and my spouse. ______________________________________________________________________
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I agree to not speak poorly of my spouse to family or friends. ______________________________________________________________________
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I agree that I need to limit contact or cut off the following people in order to strengthen my marriage. ______________________________________________________________________
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Husband’s Initials____________ Other areas not previously mentioned that the two of you would like to discuss. ______________________________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Wife’s Signature_____________________ Husband’s Signature__________________ Date 6 Do You Need Personal Help To Improve Your Marriage? Discover How We Can Help You Improve Your Marriage
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