COMMUNICATION EFFECTIVENESS: ACTIVE LISTENING AND

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COMMUNICATION EFFECTIVENESS:
ACTIVE LISTENING AND
SENDING FEELING MESSAGES
Jack N. Wismer
"I know you believe that you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you
realize that what you heard is not what I meant."
When a person communicates a message to another person, the message usually
contains two elements: content and feeling. Both elements are important because both
give the message meaning. However, we often do not understand other people's mes­
sages or are misunderstood by others because we forget that meanings are in people, not
in words.
The Risk of Communicating Nonacceptance
The communication of mutual acceptance is vital to developing and maintaining work and
personal relationships. However, various ways of responding to situations run the risk of
communicating nonacceptance. To understand a person's point of view effectively, it is
necessary not to communicate nonacceptance. According to Gordon (1970, pp. 41-44),
author of several books on active listening, most people, in a listening situation, com­
monly respond in one or more of the following twelve ways:1
1. Ordering, Directing: "You have to . , ."
2. Warning, Threatening: "You'd better not ..." 3, Preaching, Moralizing: "You ought to ..." 4. Advising, Giving Solutions: "Why don't you ..."
5. Lecturing, Informing: "Here are the facts .. ,"
6 . . Evaluating, Blaming: "You're wrong ..."
7. Praising, Agreeing: "You're right ..."
8. Name-calling, Shaming: "You're .s~upid ..."
9. Interpreting, Analyzing: "What you need ..." 10, Sympathizing, Supporting: "You'll be OK ..." 11. Questioning, Probing: "Why did you ..."
12. Withdrawing, Avoiding: "Let's forget it ..."
These modes of response may communicate to the sender that it is not acceptable to feel
the way he or she feels. If the sender perceives one of these messages as indicating
nonacceptance, there is a risk that he will become defensive about new ideas, will be
resistive to changing behavior, will , tend to justify certain feelings, or will tum silent
because the listener is perceived
a iv 1 interested in the sender.
I Abstracted from
pennission .
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The 1978 Annual Handbook for Group Facilitators
H. Wyden. New York, 1970. Used by
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ACTIVE LISTENING
A more effective way of responding to a listening situation is called "active listening."
Gordon (1970) defines active listening as a communication skill to help people solve their
own problems. In active listening, the listener is involved with the sender's need to
communicate. To be effective, the listener must take an "active" responsibility to under­
stand the content and feeling of what is being said. The listener can respond with a
statement, in his own words, of what he feels the sender's message means. For example:
Sender: "The deadline for this report is not realisticl"
Listener: "You feel you're pressured to get the report done."
If the listener is to understand the sender's meaning, he will need to "put himself
in the other person's place." Feeding back perceptions of intended meaning allows the
listener to check the accuracy of his listening and understanding.
Benefits of Active Listening
An open communication climate for understanding is created through active listening.
The listener can learn to see what a person means and how the person feels about
situations and problems. Active listening is a skill that can communicate acceptance and
increase interpersonal trust among people. It can also facilitate problem solving. There­
fore, the appropriate use of active listening increases the communication effectiveness
of people.
Pitfalls in Active Listening
Active listening is not intended to manipulate people to behave or think the way others
think they should. The listener also should not "parrot" someone's message by repeating
the exact words used. Empathy is a necessary ingredient.....;.,the listener should communi­
cate warmth toward and feeling about the sender's message by putting himself in the
sender's place. Timing is another pitfall; active listening is not appropriate when there is
no time to deal with the situation or when someone is asking only for factual information.
Also, it is important that the listener be sensitive to nonverbal messages about the right
time to stop giving feedback. Avoiding these common pitfalls will make active listening a
more effective communication skill.
PrinCiple of Problem Ownership
Since active listening is most appropriate wh~n a person expresses feeliIlgs about a prob­
lem, it is necessary to ask who owns the problem. The principle of problem ownership can
be demonstrated in the following situations.
1. Person A's needs are not being satisfied by his or her own behavior, and A's
behavior does not directly interfere with Person B's satisfaction of his or her own
needs. Therefore, A owns the problem.
2. Person A's needs are being satisfied, but his or her behavior interferes in some
way with Person B's satisfaction of his or her own needs and thus creates a
problem for B. B then owns the problem.
3. Person A is satisfying his or her own needs, and his or her behavior does not
directly interfere with Person B's needs. In this case, there is no problem.
Active listening is very useful, but it is not appropriate to use if another person's
behavior is creating the problem.
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COMMUNICATING ONE'S NEEDS
Ineffective Approaches
It is necessary for the person who owns the problem to know how to confront it and
communicate his or her needs so that other people will listen. However, people fre­
quently confront problems in a way that tends to stimulate defensiveness and resistance.
The two most common approaches:
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1. Evaluating-wh~ch communicates judgment, blame, ridicule, or shame ("Don't
you know how to use that machine?"; "You're late again!"). This method has several risks:
(a) it makes people defensive and resistant to further communication; (b) it implies power
over the other person; and (c) it threatens and reduces the other person's self-esteem.
2. Sending solutions-which communicates what the other person should do rather
than what the speaker is feeling ("If you don't come in on time, I'll have to report you";
"Why don't you do it this way?"). Sending solutions carries risks: (a) people become
resistive if they are told what to do, even if they agree with the solution; (b) this approach
indicates that the sender's needs are more important than the receiver's; (c) it communi­
cates a lack of trust in other people's capacities to solve their own problems; and (d) it
reduces the responsibility to define the problem clearly and explore feasible alternatives
to a problem.
A More Effective Approach
Problems can be confronted and one's needs can be made known without making other
people feel defensive. An effective communication message involves three components:
(1) owning feelings, (2) sending feelings, and (3) describing behavior.
Ownership of feelings focuses on "who owns the problem." The sender of a message
needs to accept responsibility for his or her own feelings . Messages that own the sender's
feelings usually begin with or contain "I."
Sometimes, communicating feelings is viewed as a weakness, but the value of send­
ing feelings is communicating honesty and openness by focusing on the problem and not
evaluating the person.
Describing behavior concentrates on what one person sees and hears and feels about
another person's behavior as it affects the observer's feelings and behavior. The focus is
on specific situations that relate to specific times and places.
It is useful to distinguish between descriptions and evaluations of behayior. The
italicized parts of the next statements illustrate evaluations of behavior:
"I can't finish this report if you are so inconsiderate as to inte!rupt me."
"You're aloudmouth."
The italicized parts of the following statements are descriptions of behavior:
"I can't finish this report if you constantly interrupt me."
"I feel that you talked considerably dUring the meetings."
A design for sending feeling messages can be portrayed as follows.
Ownership + Feeling Word + Description of Behavior
= Feeling Message
Example:
"I (ownership) am concerned (feeling word) about finishing this report on time"
(description of behavior).
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The effectiveness of feeling messages can be attributed to several factors:
• "I" messages are more effective because they place responsibility with the sender
of the message.
• ''1'' messages reduce the other person's defensiveness and resistance to further
communication.
• Behavioral descriptions provide feedback about the other person's behavior but do
not evaluate it.
• Although ''1'' messages require some courage, they honestly express the speaker's
feelings.
• Feeling messages promote open communication in work and personal rela­
tionships.
SUMMARY
Sending feeling messages and listening actively are skills that can be applied to work,
family, and personal relationships.
No one is wrong. At most someone is uninfonned. If I think a man is wrong, either I am unaware of
something, or he is. So unless I want to playa superiority game I had best find out what he is looking at.
"You're wrong" means "I don't understand you"-I'm not seeing what you're seeing. But there is
nothing wrong with you, you are simply not me and that's not wrong. (Prather, 1970, unpaged)2
REFERENCES AND READINGS
Gibb, J. R. Defensive communication. Journal of Communication, 1961, 11, 141-148. Gordon, T. Parent effectiveness training. New York: Peter H. Wyden, 1970. Prather, H. Notes to myself. Lafayette, Calif.: Real People Press, 1970. Rogers, C. Communication: Its blocking and facilitating. Northwestern University Information, 1952,20,9-15. Stewart, J. (Ed.). Bridges not walls: A book about interpersonal communication. Reading, Mass.: Addison-Wesley, 1973. Jack N. Wismer, Ph,D" is an employee development specialist with the Bureau of
Land Management, Denver, Colorado. He is currently involved in organization·
development consulting and conducts public and in-house workshops on man­
agement by objectives and communication effectiveness. Dr. Wismer's back­
ground is in teaching interpersonal and organization communication, adult
education, counseling, and program-evaluation research.
2
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From Notes to Myself by Hugh Prather. Copyright C> 1970 by Real People Press. Used with permission.
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NOTES ON CONTEXTUAL PERSPECTIVE, TYPES OF COMMUNICATION
IDENTIFIED PATIENTS, REFRAMING,
REFOCUSING AND/RELABELING
Contextual Perspective
*
Each child can be understood only in relation to other members
of their family and/or peer group.
*
Change can result from understanding and changing anyone family
or group member.
Efficient change results only when we under­
stand how all family/peer group members interact with one another.
*
Problems arise not because of what people are but because others
do not accept the way they interact.
*
Behavior takes meaning from the CONTEXT in which it occurs.
*
Helpers must make relationships the critical focus and continu­
ally think in relational and contextual terms.
*
Families and peer groups create themes or total relationships.
Helpers must understand the themes of the relationships before
intervening.
*
Behaviors have their relational functions.
distancing, merging and mid-pointing.
Those functions are
Communication has t the same
relational functions.
Helpers must understand the relational fun o tion of behavior and
communication before attempting to
haviors.
Verbal-tonality,
in clients' be­
/
Types of Communication
*
*
make/~ nges
tempo, choice of words
Written-format, materials used, mode of delivery
*
Body language-expressions,
posture
*
Paralanguage-pitch and type of sounds (not words),
*
Environmental-physical space arrangements
timing
-. Techniques that
*
De~elop
Asking questions.
a Focus on Relationships
Ask questions of everyone in order to develop
an understanding of the "dance" and its cooperative aspects.
Ex.
Typical Day or Everyone's perspective on the problem and
areas in which they would like to see improvement in the
relations between them,
etc.
Question all parties as to
what part they feel they might be playing in contributing
to the problem and what they might do differently under
what circumstances.
*
Making comments. CONFIRM FEELINGS.
impact of behavior on everyone,
Comment on the apparent
including the impact on the
one who does the behavior.
*
Interrelating feelings,
thoughts and behavior.
Be wholistic
in your feedback.
*
Offering interpretations. Guess about the purposes of behavior.
Hold open for correction or corroboration of your guess.
wholistically .... guess about feelings,
as about impact or purposes.
and
Guess
private logic as well
"Could it Be?"
Interpretations infer motivational states,
long-term impacts
and historical antecedents.
*
Identifying sequences.
Helps to get a relational picture of
the family or peer group.
doing.
*
lIelps clients to see what they are
This is REFLECTING BACK PROCESS.
Using the helper as a direct tool.
Make overt references as
to how the helper interacts with the family or peer group or
the individual client.
This focuses on methods of relating
without causing dysfunction between the family/peer group mem­
bers.
*
Stopping and starting interaction.
Stopping negative interaction
and giving the reason for doing so (negative impact on others)
and starting positive interaction and give reason for doing so
(positive impact on others).
Show how the interactions relate
to the functional states of distancing,
merging or midpointing.
"Identified Patient" Trap
*
Families or peer groups often arrive for help with the idea
of" who" is the -'t fr 0 b 1 em.
*
This "identified patient" cooperates in the labeling processes
by being defensive,
weird,
uncooperative and otherwise unhelp­
ful.
*
Helpers must shift the focus from the identified patient to
the relationships that create and maintain pathological behavior.
*
Helpers must assist family or peer group members to see themselves
and each other as all victims of an inadequate cooperative pro­
cess of interaction.
They must also see themselves as recipients
of the benefits of change.
*
Helpers must move the family or group from certainty that the
identified patient is the problem to confusion or openess about
what might be the problem,
*
*
REFOCUS AND RELABEL.
rather than who might be the problem.
CONFIRM FEELINGS AND FOCUS ON TASK.
Helpers should aim to have clients leave with the following
thoughts:
-The helper "sided" with me as much as with the others
-The helper showed me how my behavior relates to everyone
else's behavior.
-The helper made it clear that I am not to blame.
though I contributed to the problem,
Even
I am as much a vic­
tim as everyone else.
-The helper showed me how everyone else is also a victim
and a participant.
I
now see the rest of my family/peer
group in a different light.
-The helper assisted me in seeing that our problem isn't
what I
thought it was.
Whereas I used to think our prob­
lem resulted from different needs,
goals and the like,
I
now see that our problem resulted because we didn't know
how to resolve our differences.
-I feel
that if I continue to work with the helper,
be safer,
I will
happier and better able to get what I want.
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Techniques that Change Meaning
*
Nonblaming and Relabeling.
Introduce the contextual perspective
and make the behavior seem logical and adaptive ' and legitimate.
Ex.
Controlling and bossy
If the benign
l~bel
to protective of my children.
of protective is accepted,
the helper can
begin to discuss others ways the client can protect the children
and/or discuss what the children need protection from.
Make relabels consistent with the family's or groups's values,
sociocultural context and "theme" dance.
* ov e r t I Y
dis c us sin g the imp I i cat ion s
0
f s y mp tom. ·r em 0 val.
What
would happen if "Joe" were to get well or become "good"?
would happen to the other members of the
Where would
famil~
What
or peer group?
the relational focus shift?
Changing the impact or context of the symptom.
Exaggerate
the symptom so that it no longer serves the functions it pre­
viously did.
*
Shifting the focus from one problem or person to another.
Redefine the problem.
Ex. Joe's truancy to Mother's need to
worry less about others and
take more care of her - own needs.
FOUR STAGES OF ADLERIAN COUNSELING
MUTUAL RESPECT
PINPOINTING TilE ISSUE
PARTICIPATION RE-ORIENTATION/RE-EDUCATION •
,. .. GUIDELINES FOR USING ACTIVE LISTENING
When should active listening be used?
A. When the person owns the problem rejected by friend angry at another person feeling overloaded with work or problems angry at another person feeling inadequate B. Why should a person solve his /her own problems?
1. He/she has most of the data
2. He/she has to implement solution
3. Builds his/her own self-confidence
4. Helps to grow out of dependence on parentlfriend/supervisor
t. Under
what conditions should active listening be used?
1. When you hear feelings
2. When person clearly says he/she has a problem
3. When person sends messages that are not easy to decode
D. What should your attitude be toward the person?
1. You ' must genuinely feel acceptins
2. You much want to help
3. You must want and be able to take the time
4. You must not have your own feelings too much involved
in his problems -- you must feel "separateness"
5. You must trust that he can find his own solution
E. . F.
What do ~u2!.Y when you actively listen? What is the message you are sending to the other person? 1. You have a right to feel the way you do
2. I respect you as a person
3. I reaHy want to hear your point of view
4. I am not jud ging you -- neither agree or disagree
5. Your leelings belong to you
6. I trust you to handle your feelings - to solve your own problems •
What happens to the person when you actively listen?
1. Makes person leel you are not trying to change him
2. Encourages person to continue communicating - to say more,
to share his feelings
3. Encourages person to go deeper - person moves away from
"presenting problem"
,
4. Facilita tes selC-direc tion , self-res pon sibility. independence
5. Helps person release feelings and free himself of their control
over him.
6. Promotes a relationship of warmth and closeness
7. Facilitates problem-solving in the person - produces insights,
new understanding
8. Influences penon to be more open to your thoughts and ideas.
9. Helps person shift focus from ,"outside self" to "self"
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COMMUNICATING COMMUNICATION
J. Ryck Luthi
Effectiveness of management personnel of all grades is very dependent upon the ability to communi­
cate orally not only the policy of the company but suggestions as to how work should be done, criticism
of poor work, and the application of discipline, and of course the general field of human relationships .
(Lull, 1955, p. 17)
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It seems safe to conclude from research studies that by and large, the better supervisors (better in tenns
of getting the work done) are those who are more sensitive to their communication responsibilities .
They tend to be those, for example, who give clear: instructions, who listen empathically, who are
accessible for questions or suggestions, and who keep their subordinates properly infonned. (Redding &
Sanborn , 1964, p. 60)
Research leads to the conclusion that there is a positive correlation between effective
communication and each of the following factors : employee productivity, personal satis­
faction, rewarding relationships, and effective problem solving. Two major components of
effective communication are sending and receiving messages. Techniques of listening
and verbalizing help in both these dimensions.
FACTORS AFFECTING THE SENDER
Self-Feelings
In the context of each communicating situation, the sender's feelings about self will affect
how the mes~ge is encoded. The following questions are conscious and subconscious
tradewinds that affect the effectiveness of the message: "Do I feel worthwhile in this
situation?"; "Am I safe in offering suggestions?"; "Is this the right time {place)?"; "Am I
the subordinate or the boss in this situation?" Or in everyday jargon, "Am I O.K.?"; "Do I
count?" Usually, the more comfortable or positive the self-concept, the more effective the
sender is in communicating.
Belief in Assertive Rights
Linked to self-concept is the belief that one has some rights, such as the right to change
one's mind, the right to say, "I do not understand" or "I do not know.." the right to follow a
"gut feeling" without 'justifying reasons for it, the right to make mistakes and be responsi­
ble for them, and the right to say, "I am not sure now, but let me work on it." Believing in
such rights can help strengthen the sender's self-concept and avoid the defensive maneu­
vering that hinders communication in exchanging information. It would be wise to re­
me mber that assertive rights are not complete without responsibility. For example, one
has the right to say, "I do not know," but one probably also has the responsibility to
find out.
The Sender's PerceptIon of the Message
Do I feel the information I have is valuable? Is it something I want to say or do not want to
say? How do I feel it will be received? Is the topic interesting or not interesting to me? Do
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I understand the information correctly, at least well enough to describe it to others, and do
I know the best way to say it?
The Sender's Feelings About the Receiver
The' probability of effective communication is increased if the sender feels positive or
respectful toward the receiver. Positive or respectful feelings usually carry a built-in
commitment and/or desire to share communication. Negative or nonrespectful feelings
require conscious effort to communicate effectively. For the sender it is important to
know it is all right not to like everyone, or, for the optimist, to like some pe'r sons less than
others. It is also important to know that we live in a world in which not everyone is going
to like or respect us and that is O.K., too.
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Suggestions for Effective Expression
In order to communicate messages effectively, the sender should consider the following
points.
1. Become aware of thoughts and feelings. Do not be quick to brand them "good,"
"bad," "wrong," or "right." Accept them as a reflection of the present "you," and let them
become best friends by giving support and feedback to your effectiveness and to your
needs; consider what they are whispering or shouting to you. By increasing your aware­
ness of your feelings, you can better decide what to do with them.
2. Feel comfortable in expressing your feelings. Such expression, when it is con­
gruent with the situation and appropriate, can enhance communication.
3. Be aware of the listener. Try to verbalize your message in terms of the Bstener's
understanding and indicate why you feel the message is important to him or her. Does it
have a specific significance for the listener or is it just"general information?"
4. Focus on the importance of the message and repeat key concepts and essential
aspects of the information.
5. Use as few words as possible to state the message.
POINTS FOR THE LISTENER
Effective listening is as important to communication as effective sending. Effective listen­
ing is an active process in which the listener interacts with the speaker. It requires mental
and verbal paraphrasing and attention to nonverbal cues like tones, gestures, and facial
expressions. It is a process of listening not to every word but to main thoughts a~d
references.
Nichols (1952) listed the following as deterrents to effective listening: (1) assuming
in advance that the subject is uninteresting and unimportant, (2) mentally criticizing the
speaker's delivery, (3) getting overstimulated when questioning or opposing an idea, (4)
listening only for facts, wanting to skip the details, (5) outlining everything, (6) pretending
to be attentive, (7) permitting the speaker to be inaudible or incomplete, (8) avoiding
technical messages, (9) overreacting to certain words and phrases, and (10) withdrawing
attention, daydreaming.
The feelings and attitudes of the listener can affect what he or she perceives. How
the listener feels about herself or himself, how the message being received is perceived,
and how the listener feels about the person sending the message affects how well the
receiver listens. The listener should keep in mind the following suggestions.
1. Be fully accessible to the sender. Being preoccupied, letting your mind wander,
and trying to do more than one thing at a time lessen your chances to hear and under-
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stand efficiently. In the words of Woody Allen, "It is hard to hum a tune and contemplate
one's own death at the same time." Interrupting a conversation to answer the phone may
enhance your perceived ego, but the interrupted speaker feels of secondary importance.
2. Be aware of your feelings as a listener. Emotions such as anger, dislike, defen­
siveness, and prejudice are natural, but they cause us not to hear what is being said and
sometimes to hear things that are not being said.
According to Reik (1972), listening with the "third ear" requires the listener to do the
following things: (1) suspend judgment for a while, (2) develop purpose and commitment
to listening, (3) avoid distraction, (4) wait before responding, (5) develop paraphrasing in
his or her own words and context, particularly to review the central themes of the mes­
sages, (6) continually .reflect mentally on what is trying to be said, and (7) be ready to
respond when the speaker is ready for comments.
Responses That Can Block Effective Communication
(
Evaluation Response. The phrases "You should ...," "Your duty ...," "You are wrong,"
"You should know better," "You are bad," "You are such a good person" create blocks to
communication. There is a time for evaluation, but if it is given too soon, the speaker
usually becomes defensive.
Advice-Giving Response. "Why don't you try ...," "You'll feel better when ...," "It
would be best for you to ...," "My advice is ... " are phrases that give advice. Advice is
best given at the conclusion of conversations and generally only when one is asked.
Topping Response, or My Sore Thumb. "That's nothing, you should have seen ...,"
"When that happened to me, I ...," "When I was a child ...," "You think you have it bad
..." are phrases of "one-upmanship." This approach shifts attention from the person who
wants to be listened to and leaves him or her feeling unimportant.
Diagnosing, Psychoanalytic Response. "What you need is ...," "The reason you feel
the way you do is ...," "You don't really mean that," "Your problem is ..." are phrases
that tell others what they feel. Telling people how they feel or why they feel the way they
do can be a two-edged sword. If the diagnoser is wrong, the speaker feels pressed; if the
diagnoser is right, the speaker may feel exposed or captured. Most people do not want to
be told how to feel and would rather volunteer their feelings than to have them exposed.
Prying-Questioning Response. "Why," "who," "where," "when," "how," "what" are
responses common to us all. But such responses tend to make the speaker feel "on the·
spot" and therefore resist the interrogation. At times, however, a questioning. response is
helpful for clarification, and in emergencies it is needed.
Warning, Admonishing, Commanding Response. "You had better," "If you don't,"
"You have to," "You will," "You must" are used constantly in The everyday work envi­
ronment. Usually such responses produce resentment, resistence, and rebellion. There
are times, of course, when this response is necessary, such as in an emergency situation
when the information being given is critical to human welfare.
Logical, Lecturing Response. "Don't you realize ...," "Here is where you are wrong
. .. ," "The facts are ... ," "Yes, but ..." can be heard in any discussion with two people of
differing opinions. Such responses tend to make the other person feel inferior or defen­
sive. Of course, persuasion is part of the world we live in. In general, however, we need to
trust that when people are given correct and full data they will make logical decisions fOT
themselves.
Devaluation Response. "It's not so bad," "Don't worry," "You'll get over it," or "Oh,
you don't feel that way" are familiar phrases used in responding to others' emotions. A
listener should recognize the sender's feelings and should not try to take away the feel-
The 1978 Annual Handbook for Croup Facilitators
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ings or deny them to the owner. In our desire to alleviate emotional pain, we apply
bandages too soon and possibly in the wrong place.
Whenever a listener's responses convey nonacceptance of the speaker' & feelings, the
desire to change the speaker, a lack of trust, or the sense that the speaker is inferior or at
fault or being bad, communication blocks will occur.
AWARENESS OF ONE'S OWN F,EELINGS
For both senders and listeners, awareness of feelings requires the ability to stop and
check what feelings one is presently experiencing and consciously to decide how to
respond to the feelings. At first it may be uncomfortable and easy to forget, but only by
using it will this technique become second nature. The individual should picture three
lists:
Behaviors -------1.._ Feelings - - - - - -.....- Responses
At a given time, the person stops and mentally asks, "What am I feeling?" One usually
experiences a kaleidoscope of emotions simultaneously, but the person can work on
focusing on one present, dominant feeling. After the feeling is identified, the second
"self-question" is what perceived behaviors are causing that feeling. Is it what the other
person is saying or how he or she is saying it?1s it because I do not want to be bothered?
The next step is for the person to choose how he or she wants to react to the feeling.
There is much written about letting others know one's feelings to bring congruence to
actions and words. One can choose, however, not to express a feeling because of inappro­
priate time, place, or circumstances. For example, I may identify a feeling of annoyance at
being interrupted. To share that feeling may not be worthwhile in the situation. The main
thing is that I am aware of my annoyance and what caused the feeling and can now
choose whether or not to let it be a block to my listening. I may tell myself that I am
annoyed but that my feeling is not going to get in the way of my listening. I can decide if
my feeling is to be a listening block and I can prevent it from becoming one, ifI so choose.
Another way of becoming aware of feelings is "hindsight analysis." After any given
situation, the individual can recheck his or her responses and/or feelings. What happened
to cause those feelings? What was I feeling during my responses? Why do I tend to avoid
certain people and why do I enjoy being around others? "Why?" is very helpful in finding
feelings and behaviors that cue those feelings. As a person works with this technique,
identification and decision making will become better, resulting in more effective com­
munication.
CONCLUSION
The communication process is complex but vital to effective problem solving and mean­
ingful personal relationships. It is a process that is never really mastered; one can contin­
ually improve on it. It requires certain attitudes, knowledge, techniques, common sense,
and a willingness to try. Effective communication happens when we have achieved suffi­
cient clarity or accuracy to handle each situation adequately.
REFERENCES Lull, P. E., Funk, F . E ., & Piersol, D. T. What communications means to the corporation president. Advanced Management, 1955,20,17-20. 126
University Associates
.1
Nichols. R. G. Listening is a ten part skill. Chicago : Enterprise Publications. 1952.
Redding. W. C .• & Sanborn. G. A. (Eds.) Business and Industrial communication: A sourcebook . New York: Harper and
Row. 1964.
Reik. T. Listening with the third ear. New York : Pyramid. 1972.
J. Ryck Luthi is the coordinator of student programs at the University of Utah,
Salt Lake City, Utah. and is currently teaching in the areas of leadership training
and value clarification and doing consulting for a number ofcommunity agencies.
He has authored several articles in communication and personal development. Mr.
Luthi's background is in counseling and student personnel development.
The 1978 Annual Handbook for Group Facilitators
127
MDPP SPRING CONFERENCE
PROGRAM
Friday, May 29, 1987
The Carousel Hotel On the beach at 118th Street Ocean City, MD 21842 (301) 524-1000
1-800-641-0011
8:00 Registration
Coffee/Danish
8:45 Open i ng Rema rks
Jack Mead
President MDPP
Mary Kay Albritton
Chief of Maryland State
Department of Pupil Services
9:00 Morning Presentation
Positive Communication
Skills When the Message
is Negative
Jacqueline F. Brown
10 : 15 - 10 : 30 Break and Room Checkout
10: 30
Resume Morning
Presentation
12:00 - 1:00 lunch
1:00 - 1:20 MDPP Business Meeting
1: 30 - 2: 40 Break Out Session I
2:45 - 4:00 Break Out Session II
·. SELF-;U';ARE:~ES5
THROUGH FEED8AC!( FROM OTHErtS
By increasing another pe~son's self-awareness through fe~cback,
you provide her/him with a more informed choice for future behavior.
Some characteristics of hel~ful, nonthreat~ning feedback are:
* Focus your
fe~dback
on the person's behavior, not on
his/her personality.
*
Focus your feedback on descriptions rather than on judgements.
*
Focus your feedack on a specific situation rather than on
an
*
a~st=act
behavior.
Focus ,our feedback on the "here and now" not on the "there
o!.nd then."
*
Focus your feedback on sharing your perceptions and feelings
rat~.~r
than giving advice.
Do not force feedback on other people.
*
Do not give people more feedback than
th~y
can understand
at the time.
*
Focus your
change.
fe~dback
on the actions that the person can
.
The giving and receiving of feedback requires courage, skill,
underst~nding'i
involvement.
and respect for yourself and others aawell as
Do not give feedback lightly. Make sura you are
willing to be responsible for what you say and to clarify as
much as the receiver wants. Be sura the timing of your feedback
is appropriate. Finally, remember that the " purpose of feedback
is to increase the other person's self-awareness and feelings
that "I am OK, I am liked, I am respected, I am somebody, I am
appreciated. I am papable, I am valued, I belong.
To invest
in a relationship by providing accurate and realistic fe~dback
.' r
-
!
SOME NOTES ON CONTEXTUAL PERSPECTIVE, TYPES OF COMMUNICATION
IDENTIFIED PATIENTS, REFRAMING, REFOCUSING AND RELABELING
~
Con t ext u alP e r s p e c -t-i v e
*
Each child can be understood only in relation to other members
of their family and/or peer group.
*
Change can result from understanding and changing anyone family
or group member.
Efficient change results only when we under­
stand how all family/peer group members interact with one another.
*
Problems arise not because of what people are but because others
do not accept the way they interact.
*
*
Behavior takes meaning from the CONTEXT in which it occurs.
Helpers must make relationships the critical focus and continu­
ally think in relational and contextual terms.
*
Families and peer groups create themes or total relationships.
Helpers must understand the themes of the relationships before
intervening.
*
Behaviors have their relational functions.
distancing, merging and mid-pointing.
Those functions are
Communication has the same
relational functions.
Helpers must understand the relational function of behavior and
communication before attempting to make changes in clients'
haviors.
Types of Communication
Verbal-tonality,
tempo, choice of words
* Written-format, materials used, mode of delivery
*
*
*
Body language-expressions,
posture
Paralanguage-pitch and type of sounds (not words),
Environmental-physical space arrangements
timing
be­
(
-
.. ,
Techniques that Develop a Focus on Relationships
*
Asking questions.
Ask questions of everyone in order to develop
an understanding of the "dance" and its cooperative aspects.
Ex.
Typical Day or Everyone's perspective on the problem and
areas in which they would like to see improvement in the
relations between them,
what part they feel
etc.
Question all parties as to
they might be playing in contributing
to the problem and what they might do differently under
whnt circumstances.
*
Making comments. CONFIRM FEELINGS.
impact of behavior on everyone,
Comment on the apparent
including the impact on the
one who does the behavior.
*
Interrelating feelings,
thoughts and behavior.
Be wholistic
in your feedback.
*
Offering interpretations. Guess about the purposes of behavior.
Hold open for correction or corroboration of your guess.
wholistically .... guess about feelings,
as about impact or purposes.
and
Guess
private logic as well
"Could it Be?"
Interpretations infer motivational states,
long-term impacts
and historical antecedents.
*
Identifying sequences.
Helps to get a relational picture of
the family or peer group.
doing.
*
lIelps clients to see what they are
This is REFLECTING BACK PROCESS.
Using the helper as a direct tool.
Make overt references as
to how the helper interacts with the family or peer group or
the individual client.
This focuses on methods of relating
without causing dysfunction between the family/peer group mem­
bers.
*
Stopping and starting interaction.
Stopping negative interaction
and giving the reason for doing so (negative impact on others)
and starting positive interaction and give reason for doing so
(positive impact on others).
Show how the interactions relate
to the functional states of distancing,
merging or midpointing.
"Identified Patient" Trap
*
Families or peer groups often arrive for help with the idea
of "who" is the problem.
*
This "identified patient" cooperates in the labeling processes
by being defensive, weird,
uncooperative and otherwise unhelp­
ful.
*
Helpers must shift the focus from the identified patient to
the relationships that create and maintain pathological behavior.
*
Helpers must assist family or peer group members to see themselves
and each other as all victims of an inadequate cooperative pro­
cess of interaction.
They must also see themselves as recipients
of the benefits of change.
*
Helpers must move the family or group from certainty that the
identified patient is the problem to confusion or openess about
what might be the problem,
rather than who might be the problem.
* REFOCUS AND RELABEL. CONFIRM FEELINGS AND FOCUS ON TASK.
* Helpers should aim to have clients leave with the following
thoughts:
-The helper "sided" with me as much as with the others
-The helper showed me how my behavior relates to everyone
else's behavior.
-The helper made it clear that I am not to blame.
though I contributed to the problem,
Even
I am as much a vic­
tim as everyone else.
-The helper showed me how everyone else is also a victim
and a participant.
I now see the rest of my family/peer
group in a different light.
-The helper assisted me in seeing that our problem isn't
what I
thought it was.
Whereas I used to think our prob­
lem resulted from different needs,
goals and the like,
I
now see that our problem resulted because we didn't know
how to resolve our differences.
-I feel
that if I continue to work with the helper,
be safer,
I will
happier and better able to get what I want.
-
Techniques that Change Meaning
*
Nonblaming and Relabeling.
Introduce the contextual perspective
and make the behavior seem logical and adaptive ' and legitimate.
Ex.
Controlling and
bossy
to protective of my children.
If the benign label of protective is accepted,
the helper can
begin to discuss others ways the client can protect the children
and/or discuss what the children need
protection from.
Make relabels consistent with the family's or groups's values,
sociocultural context and "theme" dance.
*
Overtly discussing the implications of symptom removal.
What
would happen if "Joe" were to get well or become "good"?
What
would happen to the other members of the family or peer group?
Where would the relational focus shift?
*
Changing the impact or context of the symptom.
Exaggerate
the symptom so that it no longer serves the functions it pre­
viously did.
*
Shifting the focus [rom one problem or person to another.
Redefine the problem.
Ex.
worry less about others and
Joe's truancy to Mother's need to
take more care of her own needs.
FOUR STAGES OF ADLERIAN COUNSELING
MUTUAL RESPECT
PINPOINTING TilE ISSUE
PARTICIPATION
RE-ORIENTATION/RE-EDUCATION
..
...:
.:
.. S2LF-ilJ-lARE:JESS THROUGH
FEEDBAG~
FROM OTHERS
By incre5sing another pe~son's self-awareness through fe~cback,
you provide her/him with a more informec choice for future behavior.
Some characteristics of helpful, nonthreatening feedback a~e:
"
fe~dback
Focus your
on the person's behavior, not on
his/her personality.
"
Focus your feedback on descriptions rather than on judgements.
"
Focus your feedack on a specific situation rather than on
an a~stract behavior.
• Focus
your feedback on the "here and now" not on the "there
and then."
• Focus
your feedback on sharing your perceptions and feelings
rather
than giving advice.
" .
• Do
*
not force feedback on other people.
Do not give people more feedback than
th~y
can understand
at the time.
"
Focus your feedback on the actions that the per30n can
change.
.
. . The giving and receiving of feedback requires courage, skill,
. underst~nding,;
involvement.
and respect for yourself and others as well as
Do not give feedback lightly.
Make sure you are
willing to be responsible for what you say and to clarify as
much as the receiver wants.
is appropriate.
Be sure the timing of your feedback
Finally, remember that the ' purpose of feedback
is to increase the other person's self-awareness and feelings
that "I am OK, I am liked, I am respected, I am somebody, I am
appreciated. I am capable, I am valued, I belong.
I
To invest
in a relationship by providing accurate and realistic te~dback
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - _ . ---_._.-_. ,•
SUMMARY OF INTERPERSONAL SKILLS
1.
Self-Disclosure .
a. Be aware of and accept your thoughts, feelings, needs, and actions.
b. Express your thoughts, feelings, reactions, and needs to other people
when it is ~ppropriate~ let other people know you as you really are.
c. Seek out feedback from other people.
d. Gfve feedback to other people when they reqcest it.
2.
Trus t
a. Take risks in self-disclosure when it is appropriate.
b. Respond with acceptance and support when other people self-disclose.
c. Reciprocate other people's self-disclosures.
3.
Communication
a. Speak for yourself by using personal pronouns when expressing thoughts,
feelings, reactions, and needs.
b. Describe other people's actions without making value judgements.
c. Use re1attonship statements when they are appropriate.
d. Take-the r~ceiver's perspective into account when sending your message.,
e. Ask for feedback about the receiver's understanding of y.our message.
f. Make your nonverbal messages congruent with your words.
g. Describe your feelings.
h. Describe what you think the other person is feeling and then ask if
you are correct.
i. Paraphrase accurately without making value judgements about the
sender's thoughts, feelings, and needs.
j. Negotiate the meaning of the sender's message.
k. Understand what the message means from the sender's perspective.
1. Make your nonverbal messages communicate clearly what you are feeling.
4.
Responses
a. When appropri~te, engage
b. When appropriate, engage
c. When appropriate, engage
d. When appropri ate, "engage
e. When appropriate, engage
in
in
in
in
in
an evaluative response.
an interpretative response.
a supportive response.
a prob1ingrespbnse.
an understanding response.
5.
Acceptance and support
a. Describe your strengths when it is appropriate to do so.
b. Express acceptance of other people ~hen it is appropriate to do so.
6.
Inf1 uence
a. Reinforce others' actions in_ orfer to increase, decrease, or maintain
the frequency of their behavior, depending on what is in their best
interests.
.
b. Arrange for your behavior to be reinforced in order ~o increase, decrease,
or maintain the frequency of desired behavior.
.'
•
c. Model interpersonal skills for others who wish to acquire them.
7.
Confli cts a. Be aware of your habitual conflict style. Modify your conflict style
according to the situation and the person you are dealing with. When­
ever possible, manage conflicts like an Owl. View conflicts as a
"
-,
,I
.-
.
problem to be solved. Be aware of their potential value. And seek a
solution that achieves both your own goals and the goals of the other
person. Try to improve your relationship with the other person by
resolving the conflict.
b. Define conflicts in Stage 6:
(1) Describe the other person's actions without labeling or insulting
her.
(2) Describe the conflict as a mutual problem to be solved. not as a win-lose struggle.
3} Describe the conflict as specifically as ·possible. 4) Describe your feelings and reactions to the other person's actions • . 5) Describe your actions that help create and continue the conflict. c. Know when and how to confront--to begin open discussions of the conflict
aimed at resolving it constructively.
d. Define the conflict jointly with the other person.
e. Be sure the conflict is defined according to issues, not personalities.
Make it clear that you disagree with the other person's ideas or actions,
not with him as a person. Do not take criticism of your ideas and
actions as criticism of you as a person.
f. Find out how you and the other person differ before seeking to resolve
the conflict.
.
g. See the conflict from the other person's viewpoint.
h. Increase both your motivation and the other person's motiv~tion to
resolve the conflict.
i. Manage your feelings so that they do not make the conflict worse.
j. Reach an agreement about how the conflict is to end and not recur.
k. Avoid common misperceptions that intensify the conflict.
!
8. Stress and anger .
a. Follow the rules for the constructive management of anger.
(I) Recogniz~'and acknowledge that you are angry.
(2) Decide whether or not you wish to express your anger •
. (3) Have ways of responding to provocations other than anger and
depressi on.
(4) Express your anger directly and effectively when it is appropriate
to do so.
aj Make the expression cathartic.
b Ask for clarification before responding to a provocation.
c Make it to the point and express it to the appropriate person.
d) Take responsibility for the anger. owning it as yours. and becoming more involved with the other person in expressing it. e} Remember that heightened anger makes you agitated and impulsive.
f ) Beware of the righteousness of your anger. g} Stay task oriented rather than letting yourself get side­
tracked by taking others' actions personally.
(h) Take into account the impact your anger will have on the other
person. .
(i) Use the skills of accurate communication and constructive
feedback.
(j) Express positive feelings as well as your anger while discussing
the sftua ti on.
(5) Express your anger indirectly when direct expression is not
appropriate. .
(6) Analyze. understand, and reflect' on your anger.
(7) Congratulate yourself when you have succeeded in managing your
anger constructively.
l
l
.
.
"
b. Assert your anger through behavior descriptions, descriptions of your
own feelings, congruent nonverbal messages, and good listening skills.
c. Manage your feelings constructively:
(1) Recognize your irrational assumptions that lead.to negative
feelings.
(2) Build more rational assumptions.
(3) Argue with yourself, replacing your frrational assumptions with
your rational ones.
.
30 WAYS TO MOTIVATE EMPLCYEES
TO
PERFOR.~
BETTER
What motivates people? No question abrut human 'behavior is more freque~~ly
asked or more perplexing to answer. Yet knowing what motivates another
person is -basic to establishing and maintaining effective relations with
others. It is absolutely fundamental to the practice of manag~ent -- t~e
art'of getting things done through people.
What can several decades and millions of dollars worth of behavioral research
tell us about motivation? Plently, as you might imagine. But ~ny of the
researchers' conclusions are contradictory and some of them based on just
plain lousy research. To sort through the literature and extract only the
gems is the task we put to motivation researcher Dean ~. Sptizer, a frequent
contributor to TRAI~I};'G and currently senior lecturer at the Western Aust:"alia!1
Institute of Technology in Perth.
Spitzer presents his ?ersonal synthesis of the literature a col:ection of
principles derived from theoretical and applied research on human notivation.
At the end of the article, reference notes are provided for each princi?le
so that interested readers might explore the issues i~ greater depth.
By Dean R. Spitzer
1. Use the aoorooriate methods of reinforcement. Reinforcement is the key
to human motivatfon. People behave in anticipation of positive and
rewarding consequences. By using reinforcement appropriately, you can
significantly increase motivation.
Appropriate reinforcement means the following:
o Rewards should always be contingent on perfo~ance; if you give rewards
when they aren't deserved, they will lose their reinforcing value.
o Don't give too
at all.
~uch
reinforcement; too
~uch
is
al~ost
as
~ad
as none
o Reinforcement is personal; what reinforces one person may not reinforce
another. Find out what is pleasant for people and use these pleasant
consequences as reinforcers.
o Dis~ense reinforcers as soon as possible after the desired perfo~ance
occurs. Then the employee will be ~ore likely to associate the
reinforcer with the performance.
2. Eli~ate unnecessarv threats and Dunishments.
Threats and punishment have
sometimes been considered acceptable motivational tools, but contemporary
thinking contradicts this view. Threats and punishment are negative; they
encourage avoidance behavior, rather than positive behavior. In addition,
the effects of threats and punishment are of~en unpredictable and impre­
cise. Threats and punishment are also inconsistent with the other steps
presented in this article.
3. Make sure that accomolishment is adeauatelv reco~ized. ~ost human beings
need to be recognized, but individual accomplishment often seems to get
lost in larger organizations. People need to feel important, regardless
:
of how modest their position is. Frequently, the focus of recognition
in organizations is entirely on the upper echelons .
•
4. Provide people with flexibility and choice. ~nenever possible, pe~it employees to make decisions. Choice and the personal commitment that results are essential to motivation. People ~ho are not given the .opportunity to choose for themselves tend to become ?sssive· and let!"!argic ,
5. Provide support when it is needed. And make sure t!1at employees don't
hesitate to make use of it. One key characteristic of the achievement­
oriented person is the willingness to use help when it is needed.
Employees should be encouraged to ask for support and assistance; ot!"!er~
wise they will become frustrated. Asking for help should never be
considered a sign of weakness; it should be considered a sign of strength .
6. Provide employees wit!"! responsibility along with their accountability.
~othing motivates ?eople as much as being given ap?ro?r:ate responsibility.
Appropriate responsibility means responsibility that is neither too hi,gh
nor too low for the employee. Often employees are !"!eld accountable for
tasks that are others' responsibility. This is unfair and can lead to
frustration. Few people will reject accountability as long as the tasks
in question are within their areas of responsibility.
7. Encourage employees to set their own goals. At least they should partici­
pate actively in the goal-setting process. People tend to know their own
capabilities and limitations better than anyone else. In addition,
personal goal setting results in a commitment to goal accomplishment.
8. Make sure that e~plovees are aware of how their tasks ~elate to personal
and organizational goals. Routine work can result :n ?assivity and ,oredom
unless employees are aware of how these routine tasKs :ontribute to t!"!eir
own development and the success of the organization. A few extra oinutes
of explanation can increase productivity tremendously.
9. Clarify Your expectations and make sure that emplov~es understand th~.
We all know what we mean when we say something but often others do not.
Unclear expectations can result in a decrease in motivation and, ultimately,
frustration. In order to motivate others effectively, you must let them
know what you want them to do and how they are expected to do it.
10. Provide an appropriate mix of extrinsic rewards and int~insic satisfation.
Extrinsic rewards are rarely enough to motivate people on an ongoing ~asis.
Employees also need to obtain intrinsic satisfaction from their jobs.
'Intrinsic satisfaction results from tasks that are interesting, varied,
relatively short and challenging. In addition, you should realize that
excessive use of extrinsic rewards, such as praise, can overwhelm intrinsic
satisfactions. So be careful to provide an appropriate level of extrinsic
rewards while permitting employees to experience the personal satisfaction
that results from doing an appropriately challenging job well.
11. Design tasks and environments to be consistent with ~~lovee needs.
Because people have different needs, what satisfies one p~rson obviously
may not satisfy another. The observant supervisor is aware of the more
basic needs of employees, such as affiliation, approval, and achievement.
People with different dominant needs require different working conditions.
Although it is impossible to totally individualize working conditions, it
is possible to give employees the opportunity to satisfy their own needs.
For example, employees with a high need for affiliation should be given
...-..
. . . ..
... ,,_- . ...
..
.
_.
.
.
the opportunity to work with others. Employees with a high need for '
achievement should be given more task-oriented activities. Good cocmon
sense can result in effective work design.
12.
Individualize vour supervision. People alsd require dif:ermt supervisory
approaches. In order to maximize individual motivation. you must treat
people as individuals. Some people need closer supervision than others,
and some people don't need much supervision at all. Motiv8tion can be
'i:Ocreased through facilitative supervision. providing the minimum amount
of supervision that is required by the individual for optimal performance,
13.
Provide immediate and relevant feedback that will help e!Ilployees iODrov'l!!
their Derformance in the fut~re. Feedback is most effective when it
follows performance. Feedback should be relevant to the task and should
provide employees with clues on how they might improve the~i per:ormance
at the task. Never give negative evaluative feedback without ?roviding
informational feedback.
14.
Recognize and help eliminate barriers to individual achieve~e~t. ~any
poor performers might have all the skills and motivation needed to
accomplish a certain task. but they are held back by some bar~ier or
obstacle. If this barrier is not recognized and ~emoved, this individual
might remain an underachiever indefinitely. Many people who are labeled
"failures" or "incompetents" are simply being hindered by relatively
minor obstacles that supervisors haven't recognized. The t=agedy is that,
after a while. the employee may begin to accept the "failure" label as
a fact.
15.
Exhibit confidence in emplovees. Confidence usually results in positive
performance. The "self-fulfilling prophesy" is one of the ::lost signifi­
cant features of current thinking in motivation. There is a great deal of
research to support the contention that people who are ex?ec:ed :0
achieve will do so more frequently than others.
Inc~ease the likelihood that emplovees will experience accooplis~ent.
The
old saw that "not!1ing succeeds like success" definitely appears to be crue.
Every employee should be provided with the opportunity to be successful
or at least be a significant part of success. All employees Who have
contributed to a successful project, no matter how small their contribution
might appear, should be given credit for the accomplishment.
17.
Exhibit interest in and knowledge of each individual under vour supervision.
People need to feel important and personally significant. Take time to
get to know each person individually. Learn names of spouses and child~en:
ask about families; find out about leisure activities. This personal
concern will payoff in increased productivity. In addition, personal
knowledge of employees will provide clues as to what reinforcers can be
used effectivelY in the future.
18.
Encourage individuals to narticipate in making decisions that af:ect them.
Nothing tends to inhibit motivation like a feeling of "powerlessness."
Employees should be made to understand that they have cont~ol over things
that affect them. One of the most reliable research findings in motivational
psychology is that people who have no control over their destiny become
passive, viewing the "locus of control" of their lives as exter:lal to
themselves. Ultimately, this ex~ernality can result in learned helplessness.
19.
Establish a climate of trust and open communication.
Motivation is
As previously
hi~hest in organizations that encourage openness and trust.
_
..
.
a
.
.. .
:
.
mentioned, threat is one of the great obstacles to individual motivation,
and it must be eliminated. Research on organizational cli te and the
preference for Theory Y philosophies of manqgement tend to support this
point.
20. Minimize the use of statutory oowers. Rule of law is sometimes needed,
.b\lt it does not encourage increased motivation. Whenever possible, the
threat of law, rules, and consequent punishment should be discouraged.
Attempts should be made to manage democratically, encouraging employ~e
input and participation.
21. Help individuals to see the integ~ity! Significance and relevance of
their work in terms of organizational out~ut. The literature on job
design emphasized that employees ~ust be able to see that their tasks are
related to the output of the organization or the depar~ent. In addition,
e::lployees should be encouraged to work on ''whole'' tasks rather than
piecework whenever possible. Significance of work and the consequent
intrinsic satisfaction may well be the ~ost important determinants of
work motivation.
22. Listen to and deal effectively ~ith ~plovee comolaints. Often task­
irrelevant problems can greatly reduce productivity when they are not
dealt with. It is important to handle problems and complaints before
they get blown up out of proportion. In addition, people feel more
significant when their complaints are taken seriously. Conversely,
nothing hurts as much as when others view a personally significant
problem as unimportant.
23. Point out improvements in perfo~ance, no matter how small. This is
particularly important when employees are beginning work on new tasks.
The need to reinforce frequently during the early stages of learning is
well know. In getting employees to improve per:ormance, frequent
encouragement can be useful; however, it should be reduced as t~e employee
becomes more confident and proficient.
24. Jemons:rate your own motivation through behavior and attitude. Nothing
turns ?eople off faster than a supervisor who preaches motivation but
doesn't practice what he preaches. The motivator must be motivated;
this means animated, striving, realistic, energetic and so on. ~odelir.g
appropriate behavior and motivation is a very powerful tool indeed.
25. Criticize behavior, not people. ~egative feedback on performance should
never focus on the performer as an individual. A person can do a task
poorly and still be a valuable employee. Too many people are inappropriately
labeled "dumb," "incompetent," and "unqualified." :he self-fulfilling
prophesy lives--and drains motivation.
26. ~ke sure that effort pays off in results.
Effort is the currency of
motivation; this is how people deconstrate it. If effort does not pay
off, there will be a tendency to stop trying. A popular principle of
human behavior, the "principle of least effort," applies here. People
will expend the least effort necessary in order to obtain satisfactory
results. This principle indicates that effort is a scarce and valuable
commodity. If effort does not result in accomplishemnt, effort will be
withheld, just as money will be withheld if its purchasing power decreases
too much. To a very great extent, motivation is the effective manag~ent
of effort.
:r
"
.
27. ..
Encoura~e ~Dlovees to enga~e in novel and challenging activities.
The
literature on intrinsic motivation tends to support the need for both
novelty and challenge in order to facilitat~ feelings of intrinsic
satisfaction. Supervisors can provide ~ployees with opportunities to
try new things and assign' tasks that are increasingly more difficult
(but not too difficult).
28. 'ADxietv is fundamental to motivation, so don't eli~inate it comoletelv,
There is a common misconception that all anxiety is bad. But the truth
is that ~oderate levels of anxiety can increase motivation . That's why
some of the bes t work sometimes get done under pressure of time. Know
your employees and determine the optimal level of anxiety for them. The
total elimination of task anxiety can result in lethargy, while high
anxiety can result in disorientation.
29. Don': :elieve that "liking" is alwavs correlated IoTith positive Derfo!:":!lance,
Too of~en, people believe that liking something is prerequisite for
perfo~ing it well.
But educators know that just becuase a student likes
a course or instructor does not mean that he or she will learn the material
well. "Happiness indexes" are not a.lways good measures or predictors of
motivation. If a task results in reward and if the results are satisfying,
the task itself could be boring and distasteful. In other words, a task
can be intrinsically boring, while the consequences are highly motivating.
30. Be concerned with short-term and long-te~ motivation. Sometimes rewards
and incentives are so remote in time that their motivating impact is
weakened. People should be given short-term, as well as long-term,
reinforcement. Conversely, people who receive only short-term reinforce­
ment and incentives tend to fall short of optimal motivation: they lack
a long-term perspective on their jobs. Effective motivational programs
utilize a complementary set of short-te~ and long-term incentives and
rewards.
I hope chat these 30 research~based princi?les will ?rovide you with insights
into the ~otivational process. Using thes~ ?rinciples will undoubtedly make
you more effective as a superlisor and a developer of others . Of course,
nobody could be expected to do everything presented in this article, nor
would it be wise. There is always the possibility of 'motivational overkill."
If, however, you can gradually integrate chese principles and considerations
into your behavior, I can assure you that you, your employees, and your trainees
will experience greater satisfaction on the job.
T~aining / H.~.D.,
March 1980.
· QUOTAUONS ' Within
Within
Vi hin
Ithin
our reach lies every path we ever dream of taking.
our power lies every step we ever dream of making .
our range lies every joy we ever dream of seeing.
ourselves lies everything we ever dream of being .
Amanda Bradley
"The Way You View It Is The Way You Pursue It"
"You are nature's greatest miracle . Your brain is capable of making and storing enough connections and information that the total number would be expressed by a one , followed by 6.5 million miles of zeros - a number that would streIch from the Earth to the Moon and back 14 times!" "If You Always Do What You've Always Done You'll Always Get What You 've Always Gotten." "Anything the human mind can conceive, it can one day consider. Anything the human mind can consider long enough, it can one day accept. Anything the human mind can accept it can one day believe. Anything the human mind can believe, it can act upon." What We Hear We Tend To Forget What We See We Tend To Memorize What We Do We Tend To Internalize . . Accidential Success Will Bring Emotional Stress. We Tend To Worry About The Future, That The Present Goes Unexperienced. "It must be born in mind that the tragedy of life doesn't lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach. It isn't a calamity to die with dreams unfulfilled, but it is a calamity not to dream. It is not a disaster to be unable to capture your ideal, but it is a disaster to have no ideal to capture. It is not a disgrace not to reach the stars, but it is a disgrace to have no stars to reach for. Not failure but low aim is sin. Dr. Benjamin Mays
President Emeritus,
Morehous College
Winner vs. Loser The Winner - is always part of the answer, The Loser - is always part of the problem; The Winner - always has a program; The Loser - always has an excuse; The Winner - says, "Let me do it for you;" The Loser - says, "That's not my job;" The Winner - sees an answer for every problem; The Loser - sees a problem for every answer; The Winner - sees green near every sand trap; The Loser - sees two or three sand traps near every green; The Winner - says, "It may be difficult but it's possible;" The Loser - says, "It may be possible but it's too difficult." Be a Winner '.
.
-.
Did is a word of achievement,
Won't is a word of retreat, Might is a word of bereavement, ('an't is a wo rd of defeat, O ught is a word of duty, Try is a word each hour, wIll is a word of beauty, Can is a word of power. If Better Is Possible, Good Is Not Enough.
Murrill Price
"Desire is the key to motivation, but it's the determination and commitment to an unrelenting
pursuit of your goals .... a commiunent to excellence that wiU enable you to attain the success you
seek."
·Mario Andretti
"Try measuring your wealth by what you are rather than what you have."
"You don't need to accept life the way it comes to you. Instead, you can use the power of
goal-setting to design your life so it comes to you the way you would like to get it."
"Optimistic thinkers are specialists in creating positive, forward-looking, optimistic pictures in their
own minds and the minds of others. To be optimistic, fIrst use words and phrases which produce
big, mental images."
"The moment you commit and quit holding back, all sorts of unforseen incidents, meetings and
material assistance will rise up to help you. The pure and simple act of commitment is a powerful
magnet all its own."
THE MOST EFFECTIVE WORDS IN COMMUNICATING WITH OTHERS The one most effective word:
"We." The two most effective words:
"Thank you." The three most effective words:
"I don't know." The four most effective words:
"I made a mistake." The five most effective words:
"Your idea's better than mine." The six most effective words:
"Let's work together to do it." The seven most effective words:
"What do you think should be done?" The eight most effective words:
"I trust and respect you as a person." The nine most effective words:
"You · know more
do."
The ten most effective words:
"What can I
your needs?"
about
do
to
the
help
job than I
you
fulfill
WORDS - they can stimulate, inspire, and encourage but they also can
deflate, discourage, and damage.
So choose your words carefully to make
certain that you make the positive impact you desire.
THE LEAST EFFECTIVE WORDS IN COMMUNI CATING WITH OTHERS The ten least effective words:
"Don't give me any excuses,
the job done." just get The nine least effective words:
"I'm the boss and don't you ever forget it." The eight least effective words:
"Either get with it or hit the road." The seven least effecitve words:
"I do not care what you think." The six least effective words:
"We've always done it that way." The five least effective words:
"You're paid to think." The four least effective words:
"Becuase I said so." The three least effective words:
"It's company policy." The two least effective words:
"That's stupid." The one least effective word:
"Never." ...
.... .
SO~E
STRATEGIES FOR ftEDUCING COrlFLICT
1. Regard conflict. not as an annoyance to be smoothed over as quickly as
possible, but as an opportunity to resolve an i~sue. to be creative. Most
of ~an's greatest contributions to civilization have been borne out of conflict
2. hnticipate problems early before positions are fixed.
3. Tulk with conflicting parties privately first to assess possibilities of nesotiating agreement. Don"t bring them together until such possibilities look fairly good. 4. Keep a ~osture of open~,indedness yourself if you can. Try to avoid prejuding
conflicts. Get all the evidence. Hear all options. Ask lots of questions.
Listen carefully. Give people plenty of time to talk since often all they
vlant is an opportunity to save face. Try to put people on the defensive
since this often serves only to entrench them in their position.
5. sure you knO\oJ wnat the issue really is. A person might say "I don't think his plan wi'll \oJork" when he really means "I think he's getting too ~ ~ uch power around here."
Identify other problems tied in with it, then try to get groups to deal with them one at a time. r-:a~e
6. Encourage conflicting parties to state others' position. Carl Rogers:
are never ready to argue with someone until you are able to state his position to his satisfaction." "You 7. Try not to be in a hurry in reaching solutions to difficult problems. Often the best decision is to postpone the decision. When in doubt. wait, if you can. 8. A decision that splits the group down the middle may be worse than no decision
at 311. Avoid the either-or proposition. Try to find an "integrative"
decision that includes as much as possible the expectations of both contenders.
9. Don't overlook the possibility of mediation by an outside, disinterested but knowledgeable person. 10. Don't try to reach a decision when anger in evident -- either your own anger
or that of others. When feeling run high, summarize, clarify the issues,
take a break, tell a story, or recess the meeting.
11. ~\ake
sure the group has all the info!'1Tlat1on it needs before deciding.
12. In dealing with a conflict, keep re~iewing areas of agreement.
Stress
agreement. There are usually large areas of agreement in any conflict
that are ignored in preoccupation with smaller areas of disagreement.
keep trying to extend areas of agreement rather than belaboring disagreement,
although the disagreement must be clearly defined and understood also.
13. Small groups are usually better than large groups in reaching tough decisions
but avoid triads.
14. Try to disassociate ideas from personalities. Don't say "11r. Smith has
argued than ... " but rather say "We have said that .. ,"
15. Establish grievance procedures and use them when necessary.