June Newsletter - Dallas City Association for Promoting Equality

Dallas CAPE News
ISSUE 03 JUNE 2015
Dallas CAPE Charter Meeting
Three months after the first in a series of LGBT focus group meetings sponsored by the Office of Ethics and Diversity, the Dallas City Association for Promoting Equality (Dallas CAPE)
This Issue
Dallas CAPE Charter Meeting P.1
“This Is My Story” P.2
News, Tips & Opportunities P.3
Coming Out To Your Parents P.4
held its charter meeting on May 15, 2015 at the Latino Cultural Center. Our newly established association adopted bylaws, enrolled 23 charter members, and elected Cliff Gillespie
of the Office of Cultural Affairs as president, Brian Price of Planning and Neighborhood Vitality as vice-president, and Laura Martin of the Police Department as secretary-treasurer.
“Our mission is to raise awareness of equality issues in the workplace
in order to foster an organizational culture that is inclusive and sup-
Quotable Quotes
“The single best thing about coming out of the closet is that nobody
can insult you by telling you what
you’ve just told them.”
-Rachel Maddow
portive of LGBTQ City employees, promote professional and personal
development, and break negative stereotypes through education.”
Following the meeting, with approval of the executive committee, several committees were
created and directors appointed for each. Johnny Head of Equipment and Building Services
will head the Communications Committee, Tony Becker of Park and Recreation will head the
Membership and Outreach Committee, and Benjamin Espino of Cultural Affairs will head the
“With ignorance comes fear - from
fear comes bigotry. Education is
the key to acceptance”
-Kathleen Patel, Author of
“The Bullying EpidemicThe Guide To Arm You
For The Fight”
Development Committee. In addition to his duties as vice-president, Brian Price will also
head up the Programming and Events Committee. These committee directors along with
the executive committee comprise the board of directors, and are meeting regularly to
move the association forward with exciting events, educational sessions and opportunities
for service.
“We will never have true civilization until we learn to recognize the
rights of others.”
-Will Rogers
We need your help! If you are interested in learning more about any of these committees
and how you may serve, please contact the committee director or email
info@dallascape.org. We will find the right opportunity for you. If you have not become a
CAPE member yet, just go to DallasCape.org to find out how to join.
Thanks to each of you for your dedication to raising awareness of LGBTQ equality issues in
our organization and community. We are excited about what we can accomplish together!
“I believe in the equality of man;
and I believe that religious duties
consist in doing justice, loving
mercy, and endeavoring to make
our fellow-creatures happy”
-Thomas Payne
This Is My Story...
Tony Becker, Coordinator III
Park and Recreation Human Resources
“We all know that coming out is a very personal
thing. And everyone does it in a different manner and within their own time frame. I can
honestly say that I’ve been extremely lucky with
mine. I am the typical ‘gold-star’ gay but never
knew it. I could NOT for the life of me figure
out why girls never wanted to go out with me in
junior high. I mean, I never wanted a ‘girlfriend’
per se, but wasn’t that what you were supposed to do in junior high… ‘go’ with someone?
But where did I fit in? Looking back, as we all
do and realize that hind-sight is certainly 20/20,
they knew something about me that I didn’t at
that time: that I was gay and that we’d only
ever be friends. I just wish someone had told
ME at the time and we could have saved all this
time and headaches. But that’s not how life
works—besides, the journey is part of the discovery!
It wasn’t until I was in high school that I even
noticed that I felt differently toward and interacted differently with guys than I did with girls.
But again, why? Why was everyone treating me
differently? Why did I feel as if my insides were
‘off’ compared to my surroundings? I attended
a small catholic high school and all of my friends
were people I’d known since I was 8. We grew
up together. We knew each other. But as puberty set in and couples started to form, that’s
when things started to seem different. Why
didn’t it seem like I had the same ‘guy’ experiences or conversations with the other guys? I
had a graduating class of 34 (yes, that’s right!)
and by my senior year, we all had our lives
pretty much “figured out” or so it seemed. It
was a frustrating year for me, coming from a
small town where I felt like I stood out with
seemingly different feelings that I wasn’t sure
what they meant or what to do with them.
Fast forward to my second day in Sociology
class as a freshman in college and I finally
started to connect the dots. We read about
gay, straight, bisexual, social mores and sexuality of mankind. Upon hearing the definition of
what it meant (really meant) for a man to love
and be attracted to another man, something
inside me started to wonder. And connect.
One day, I was reading a news article on Greg
Louganis and how he came out and his personal
story—admitting to himself and his loved ones
how he felt about men and the one special man
in his life. Something in me connected to those
feelings he mentioned. Now, I have read plenty
of books and watched plenty of movies where
guy falls in love with girl. But I never connected
to that, not on a personal level anyways. But
reading about falling in love with a man…I felt a
connection with that. So, I thought, there must
be something ‘there’.
I pride myself [and give props to my family] as
always having been diplomatic and matter-offact about certain things. They taught me to
think for myself and be my own person. So I
took a more ‘clinical approach’ and decided to
“...let me add that no matter where you are on your
journey, always know that
many, many people have
gone on this path before
you - you’re not alone.”
conduct a social experiment on myself. I decided to observe my feelings and interactions
around men vs. women and see what results
came about.
Everything finally came together for me
(internally) my sophomore year in college on a
study-abroad opportunity in Mexico. I befriended this wonderful, tall, head-strong lady
on the trip. She is what we’d refer to as a
“lipstick lesbian”… she was pretty, volley ball
player physique, tall, tough, and didn’t take
crap from anyone. She and I were talking one
afternoon. I had just come in from the gym and
was walking across the quad. I noticed one of
the male students who was taking summer
courses there. He was watching me as I came
from the gym all ‘buff and swole’. She noticed
it too and teased me later asking me how
I felt about him checking me out. My
‘clinical’ side kicked in and I replied matter-of-factly, “You know, I really liked it”.
She said, “So what do you think?” To
which I replied, “I’m gay” …. There it
was—the first time I said it out loud, and
when I did, everything seemed to make
sense and my insides finally made sense.
I guess you could say: I caught up with
myself. Saying it out loud helped me,
even though I’d been thinking these
thoughts for a while, but saying it out
loud really made it official to me.
From that point forward it was a discovery for me: a journey into what does
being gay mean for me specifically.
What does being gay and being Christian
and being a role model mean? I watched
an episode of Will and Grace and Jack
once mentioned to Will that, “we seniors
have to help out the freshmen….we have
to ‘gay’ it forward”… and he was right. I
was determined then and there to be
helpful to anyone who asked me any
questions about coming out or being gay:
to just be up front and show that not all
gay men were the stereotype that at that
time people associated about being gay.
I would also be honest and try and be a
guide for them during their journey, like I
wished I’d had a guide during mine.
It’s my opinion that “coming out” is not
only just telling someone you’re gay or
straight or bi or whatever your story is.
“Coming out” also means coming out to
yourself: finding out what YOUR definition of happiness is and how you go
about seeking it. “Coming out” also
means dealing with YOU and YOUR emotions and feelings. “Coming out” also
means (and most importantly) being
HONEST with yourself about who you
are, how you feel, and knowing that it is
beautiful!
Finally, let me add that no matter where
you are on your journey, always know
that many, many people have gone on
this path before you - you’re not alone.
Know that there isn’t anything that we
haven’t seen, heard or done, so reach
out and know we are all here—as guides
for you who seek peace in knowledge
and seek happiness along your beautiful
journey.
What’s Your Story?
Each month we will highlight one of our CAPE members. We hope our life lessons will encourage
you. If you would like to tell your story, let us know. You can email Johnny Head at
johnny.head@dallascityhall.com
Upcoming Events
June 10, 2015—City of Dallas Pride
Month Event—12:00 Noon—in the
Flag Room at City Hall. Please join us
as the City of Dallas celebrates Pride!
We would like all member of Dallas
CAPE to be there to represent our new
association.
Summit On LGBT Aging
Join us for this significant initial summit by the
Coalition for Aging, LGBT (DFW) to explore the
vast needs and services for members of the
aging LGBT community in Dallas-Ft. Worth.
According to the latest 2010 US Census, there is
an estimated 60,000+ members of the LGBT
community living in Dallas County ages 45 to
90+. Also according to the census, 27% of all
people ages 65+ are living alone. Currently
there is no single organization addressing and
coordinating the specific aging needs of the
LGBT Community in Dallas. There are many
programs developed for non-LGBT citizens,
however access to these programs for LGBT
citizens is a challenge due to possible discrimination or LGBT citizens unable (or unwilling) to
not live their lives according to their orientation
– basically going back into the closet.
Objectives of the Summit and What You Can
Expect:
Bring together the DFW LGBT community
for conversation around the topic of aging,
Understanding the size of the problem/call
to action,
Various services/organizations already in
existence that could become part of the
Coalition,
Listen to the individual needs and the personal stories through facilitated breakout
sessions,
Draw from the participants through the
breakout sessions on “next steps” and
priorities to drive the Coalition,
To have an enjoyable time with members
of the community around such an important topic.
What’s Your Role in the Summit / What Can
You Bring?:
Check out what the LGBT Coalition for
Aging is all about,
Learn what we can do as a community to
address aging,
Learn how big is the issue and how big will
it become?,
To engage and help in the efforts, take an
ownership role of engagement,
Participate in a platform to share a personal story or need – to be heard,
To have an enjoyable time with members
of the community around such an important topic.
Event will start promptly at 10:30AM, with continential breakfast and social time prior to the
start.
Have questions about SUMMIT ON AGING |
Coalition for Aging, LGBT | Dallas-Ft. Worth?
Contact COALITION FOR AGING, LGBT (DFW) WWW.CFA.LGBT
For tickets: http://www.eventbrite.com/e/
summit-on-aging-coalition-for-aging-lgbt-dallasft-worth-tickets-16903492802?aff=eivtefrnd
June 18, 2015—Celebrating AfricanAmerican City of Dallas Leaders—5:007:00 PM—in the Women’s Museum,
Fair Park, 3800 Parry Ave. Hosted by
The Black Employees Support Team
(BEST), the event is free and open to
the public. CAPE members have been
specifically invited to attend.
June is GLBT Book Month
#GLBTBookMonth
Follow @DallasLibrary on Twitter for
a new book recommendation every
day this month! The Dallas Public
Library will be tweeting a title a day
in honor of the American Library
Association’s GLBT Book Month, a
nationwide celebration of the authors and writings that reflect the
lives and experiences of the gay,
lesbian, bisexual and transgender
community.
Day of Decision March and Rally-June 8, 15, 22 or 29
Join the Dallas-area community in a gathering to commemorate the US Supreme Court decision
on the marriage cases it heard back in April 2015. The ruling could come any Monday this
month. Regardless of the outcome and the date, there will be a gathering for the following
events:
At 6:00 PM, the attendees will gather at Cathedral of Hope for an inspirational rally, celebration
of love, and discussion about what the ruling means for same-gender loving couples, families,
people of faith/faith-free people and how the decision compels us moving forward.
At 7:30 PM, the attendees will march on the sidewalk down Cedar Springs to the Legacy of Love
Monument at the Oak Lawn Triangle. Get your signs and noisemakers ready for this exciting
moment and march in solidarity with one another.
At 8:00 PM, the attendees will gather around the Legacy of Love Monument for a festive display
of what the ruling means to the LGBTQ community, the people we love, and hear a call to action
for what remains ahead.
To receive an email from Texas for Marriage for when the event is confirmed, go to:
http://action.marriagetx.org/page/s/join-us-for-decision-day
NOTE: The event date is set for the first possible date (June 8). If the marriage ruling is not
announced on June 8th, the rally will move to the 15th, etc.—until the ruling is announced.
Coming Out To Your Parents
Adapted by Tom Sauerman with permission from a pamphlet produced by
the Federation of Parents & Friends of Lesbians and Gays, Inc..
KNOWING WHAT TO EXPECT
The purpose of this is to inform gay and lesbian young adults about the process most
parents go through when their child's homosexual orientation is disclosed. The stages to
be explained are:
shock
denial
guilt
Are you comfortable with your gay sexuality?
If you're wrestling with guilt and periods of
depression, you'll be better off waiting to tell
your parents. Coming out to them may require
tremendous energy on your part it will require
a reserve of positive self-image.
Do you have support?
In the event your parents' reaction devastates
you, there should be someone or a group that
you can confidently turn to for emotional support and strength. Maintaining your sense of
self-worth is critical.
expression of feelings
personal decision-making
true acceptance
The process assumes that you have wrestled
with the issue of whether or not to come out
to your parents and that your decision is affirmative. The approach and suggestions offered in the following are based on the assumption that you suspect one or both of your
parents will be understanding, if not supportive, given adequate time.
This [article] may not be helpful if you have
serious reservations about their ability to cope
and you suspect they could sever their relationship with you.
A caution: Each family is unique. Although
most are likely to follow the stages outlined
here, allow some latitude for your own parents. The illustrations and suggestions given
here will be drawn from conversations with
parents who have attended the Philadelphia
Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays
meetings.
Few parents are "model" cases that perfectly
fit the following description. Knowing what to
anticipate and how to respond in a helpful way
will enable you to take the big step with some
degree of knowledge and support.
QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF
Be Clear in Your Own Mind
Are you sure about your sexual orientation?
Don't raise the issue unless you're able to respond with confidence to the question, "Are
you sure?" Confusion on your part will increase your parents' confusion and decrease
their confidence in your judgment.
Are you knowledgeable about homosexuality?
Your parents will probably respond based on a
lifetime of information from a homophobic
society. If you've done some serious reading
on the subject, you'll be able to assist them by
sharing reliable information and research.
What's the emotional climate at home?
If you have the choice of when to tell, consider
the timing. Choose a time when they're not
dealing with such matters as the death of a
close friend, pending surgery or the loss of a
job.
Can you be patient?
Your parents will require time to deal with this
information if they haven't considered it prior
to your sharing. The process may last from six
months to two years.
college finances or forcing you out of the
house, you may choose to wait until they
do not have this weapon to hold over
you.
What is your general relationship with
your parents?
If you've gotten along well and have always known their love--and shared your
love for them in return--chances are
they'll be able to deal with the issue in a
positive way.
What is their moral societal view?
If they tend to see social issues in clear
terms of good/bad or holy/sinful, you
may anticipate that they will have serious
problems dealing with your sexuality. If,
however, they've evidenced a degree of
flexibility when dealing with other changing societal matters, you may be able to
anticipate a willingness to work this
through with you.
Is this your decision?
Not everyone should come out to their
parents. Don't be pressured into it if
you're not sure you'll be better off by
doing so--no matter what their response.
Adapted by Tom Sauerman with permission
from a pamphlet produced by the Federation of
Parents & Friends of Lesbians and Gays, Inc..
Article continued in next months edition of
Dallas CAPE News
What's your motive for coming out now?
Hopefully, it is because you love them and are
uncomfortable with the distance you feel.
Never come out in anger or during an argument, using your sexuality as a weapon.
Do you have available resources?
Homosexuality is a subject most non-gay people know little about. Have available at least
one of the following:
a book addressed to parents
a contact for the local or national Parents
and Friends of Lesbians and Gays
the name of a non-gay counselor who can
deal fairly with the issue
Are you financially dependent on your parents?
If you suspect they are capable of withdrawing
Dallas CAPE
Have an idea for our newsletter?
Email Johnny Head at
Johnny.Head@dallascityhall.com
P.O. Box 132272
Dallas, TX 75313
www.DallasCAPE.org