How to Stop Attracting Mr. Wrong Transcription

Transcription

Manifest My Real Love Teleseminar Series: How to Stop Attracting Mr. Wrong
How to Stop Attracting Mr. Wrong
with Jessica Sabatini
Transcription:
Tonight I’m not just going to share useful information with you and help
you think. I’m actually going to take you through some exercise live on the
call. They will help you begin to shift some of this relationship stuff and
immediately start blocking Mr. Wrong in your life. You’re going to need a
pen and paper to do these exercises and to take notes. I always recommend
whenever you are listening to something like this, to take notes, to write it
down.
When we’re listening, we’re using one part of our brain and one set of
neurons. When we’re writing it down, it becomes physical. We’re using
another part of our brain, another set of neurons. Seeing it on the paper
again gives even more connections inside our brains. Then tomorrow, I
highly recommend you call one of your girlfriends. Tell them all about what
came up for you, what you learned, what happened, and that is really
solidifying learning and giving extra-weighted energy to the actions that
we’re going to do tonight. You are going to need a pen and paper.
Tonight we are talking about how to STOP attracting Mr. Wrong. I cannot
tell you how many clients or women I talk to say this to me: “I keep dating
the same guy, different suit.” It’s so frustrating. You’re like, “Okay, I get it.
This is not the right guy for me.” You break it off. You get rid of him. Then
you start seeing some other guy, and he’s got the exact same issues, the
exact same thing. It’s like the same guy over and over. The scary thing
about this is it can help steer you into feeling a little bit bitter. You start
thinking: All men are this way. I don’t like that, so all men must be this
terrible thing that I don’t like.
That’s when we get into some dangerous territory.
I have the advantage of getting to ask women lots of questions about their
relationships and what’s going on. So I keep asking, “Describe this same
guy, different suit – What is this ‘same guy’?” What I’ve noticed over the
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past couple months, and why I decided to do this call tonight, is that
everybody’s same guy is totally different. Some of them are obsessed with
work and don’t really value their relationship. Others are too touchy-feely
and want to move into commitment too fast. Everyone’s same guy is totally
unique to them. Your same guy is going to be different from Sally’s same
guy and so on and so on.
What this leads me to conclude, because I get to look down upon everyone’s
lives, is that energetically, somehow, probably unconsciously, you are the
one manifesting this particular type of man in your life. For whatever
reason – who knows what the reason is. It could be your dad never hugged
you, or your mom always told you what you were doing wrong, or you were
always taking responsibility and taking care of other people. We could
spend years looking at why you keep attracting the same man into your life,
but you’re still going to be attracting that same guy. He’s going to keep
showing up. There’s probably some valid, true, sincere reason why these
men have been coming to you, but perhaps that reason no longer serves
you. So we’re going to be shifting that and seeing how we can go ahead and
shift that without analyzing every detail.
I happen to know that some of you on the call have been off the market for
a while. You haven’t been dating for a long time. So basically, what you’ve
been manifesting in your life, or have been in the habit of manifesting, is no
man. It’s the same no man over and over again. We’re going to talk about
that and help you shift that as well during these exercises.
The rest of our time together tonight we’re going to be doing some exercises
to help you identify what you are attracting that’s not serving you, what you
would rather attract, and how to begin to make that shift. I’m going to
explain some of how this metaphysical stuff works.
I want to be clear that when I’m using the word “attract,” I’m referring to
your power to affect that metaphysical, energetic reaction of the Universe to
rearrange itself in order to give you what you’re asking for. I’m not talking
about wearing high heels and a low-cut shirt and pouting and pretending
you’re five years old. That kind of attraction I see in a lot of magazines. I
look at the magazines on the magazine rack and see “What Men Find Hot,”
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and I can’t stand it. Basically, this is how to get a guy to have sex with you.
If that’s what you’re going for, then go for it. But if you’re looking for a
lasting relationship, that’s not really what’s important.
So when I’m using the word “attract,” I’m really referring to how we tap
into the power we have in the Universe. You’re already doing it because
you’re attracting the wrong men. How can we use that to attract the men
that will actually fulfill us and enhance our lives? That’s what we’re going to
be talking about tonight.
So let’s get into that: how we can actually do that – find that lasting, loving
relationship that actually makes life better! Better! Not worse – better! We
want the relationship that makes life better – yes!
The pens and paper hopefully are ready now. We’re going to do a little bit
of writing tonight. You’re going to get to work. I want this call to really
make an impact in your life. I can give you some deep things to think about
and then tomorrow you can forget about them, but we’re going to go ahead
and do the writing, do the activities, and see if we can make some shifts
right here tonight.
Get your paper out. Let’s take a moment. You’re going to get ready, realize
you have a spine and an arm, and muscles and bone and all those things
that go in between. I want you to think about, look at, what makes up your
specific Mr. Wrong. I want you to think about the men that you knew were
wrong for you, the men that you’ve dated. If you haven’t been dating, what
are some of your fears about the kind of men you might date? That might
be what you’re manifesting, those fears. Think about what they have in
common that drives you crazy, that disappoints you, which frustrate the
heck out of you.
Write this down: Characteristics of Mr. Wrong
On your paper, I want you to write down three to five characteristics of the
Mr. Wrong that shows up for you. Maybe the guys that are coming into your
life are perfectly nice and sweet, but they do not make your heart jump at
all. That’s not a good fit. Maybe you keep attracting men who are allergic to
commitment, who are players playing around. Maybe you feel like you are
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always doing all the work to make the relationship happen. They’re bad
communicators who can’t even tell you what they’re thinking and what they
want, and it’s a frustrating one-way street thing. Maybe you end up with
guys who tear you down. Maybe they say things that are insulting or
offensive, put you down, put you in your place, and make you feel lower
about yourself. Maybe that’s a pattern. Maybe you keep dating these guys
who are just boys that want to play around and goof off and not take
anything seriously, not step up to responsibilities and be a man. That can
be your pattern. What is it about your Mr. Wrong?
Write down three to five characteristics that are the frustrating things that
make you know: that this is not the right person for me, this is not working,
this is happening and I’m so disappointed in it.
For me, when I really had to face what I was attracting that wasn’t working
was when I was dating these guys: that when we would be alone together, it
was great. We’d spend time together, we’d cook, if we had a conversation,
we were really connected. In my mind, it was this beautiful, fabulous
relationship. But whenever we were in public, it was like they denied that I
existed. We would be at the same parties and there was no affection. If I
was ever introduced, which was hardly ever, it was “this girl I might hang
out with.” It was so frustrating to me because privately we had this
beautiful relationship that he would not make public.
I could name quite a few relationships along these lines as I was preparing
for this call, I realized, Wow! I really fell into that pattern. These are also
people who maybe have other characteristics that keep binding them
together and keep them in common. So what are the characteristics of your
Mr. Wrong? Write them down.
If you’re starting to write a whole page of everything you hate about men,
take a deep breath, lift up your pen. You have enough. You’re doing okay.
It’s okay; this is a safe place to vent. It’s a safe place to let it go, let it out, let
it live.
Write this down: What was good about it?
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The second thing I want you to write down on your paper is: What was
good about these relationships? What worked? What was the benefit? What
did you enjoy or like about them? Often there’s something in common
around that, too. Maybe they tended to be smart or wealthy or funny and
always trying new things and made you come out of your shell. What were
the benefits of this relationship? What were the things that were good?
Maybe he always fit in and got along great with your family and friends.
There was passion and all sorts of exciting moments. Or it was simple and
low-maintenance. He wasn’t calling or giving you much attention, but there
was also no drama; it was very simple. Or it could be my reason for sticking
in these relationships; that it was really great sex. He was awesome in bed.
The time we spent in bed was just phenomenal. What are the things that
worked? What are the good things?
We’re going to be writing down a few different things, and then we’re going
to put these pieces together. Maybe it was attention. Maybe it was a break
from your daily doldrums. Maybe he spent a lot of money on you. What was
it that made the relationship good? It was someone – it was not being
alone.
Before we move further, I just want you to take a minute and look at the
characteristics of Mr. Wrong and what was good there. I want you to ask
yourself, and I mean this seriously, is it possible to have that good without
the bad or are they a package deal? Or have you somehow created a story
where they’re a package deal? “I really admired who he was and I was
proud and inspired by him, but he was selfish in treating me like crap.” Do
those two things go together?
Sometimes we make up these excuses why it’s okay to deal with these
negative characteristics because there’s one good thing or a couple good
things. For me, I began to realize that somehow I connected this really
great, intimate life in bed with having a secret affair. I really realized that I
had created this whole drama, secret affair thing that made it such a rush. I
had to teach myself how to get a rush from somebody publicly adoring me
and thinking I was great. Take a moment to think about if they’re a package
deal, and if there’s a story around that. That’s some useful information and
5
we want to make sure we keep the things that we like, that we’re attracted
to, and not feel like we have to deny ourselves. Can you write a new story
where you still get that part that’s good and it’s not dependent on some of
those negative characteristics? Take a moment to think about that and see
if you want to write any notes about it.
You’re doing really great; I’m making you think really hard tonight. It’s not
the same as watching “American Idol” on TV, is it? It’s really thinking about
you.
Write this down: What is the part I play?
The third thing I want you to write down on your paper is: In these
relationships where Mr. Wrong comes along, or where you’re avoiding
relationships and taking yourself out of the ring, what is the part you play?
How do you see yourself? What do you see yourself doing? What might you
be doing that feeds into this? This is a coming clean. Don’t worry; I’m not
going to read it. You don’t have to say it out loud. You don’t have to tell any
of your friends. This is a private place for you to write this down. But it
might be: I really don’t express my feelings. I don’t tell the men when I like
or don’t like things. I have no boundaries. I’m always available. I start
acting needy. We begin to see ourselves. We can’t always change it. It’s a
pattern; it’s something that’s happened. We’ve been wired that way through
experience.
I’m going to back up. You can change this. But it’s not like by realizing it
you can change it in a heartbeat. Maybe you’ve been settling for ambiguity
because you’re scared of pushing and asking questions. You’re scared of
losing the relationship so you’re willing to settle for less. Are you always
saying yes? Are you avoiding relationships? Are you putting him down, not
letting him in? That’s an action I find lots of women doing, actually having
these wall up. They say they want a relationship, but as soon as the guy
starts being tender and sweet to her: Wall! You cannot touch my heart. Get
away.
What is it that you might be doing? What’s the part that you play? Are you
feeling totally unclear and all over the place with what you want and what’s
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going on? Is that the part that you play? We have to make sure that we
know what we’re doing. I’m not asking you to over-think it. Don’t beat
yourself up. We’re all doing something or we’d have immaculate, perfect
relationships from the moment we were born. There’s something that we all
do, and you don’t have to analyze, over-think it. What’s the first thing that
comes to mind? How precisely can you write down what you are doing to
feed into this and having these relationships?
We’ve written down the characteristics of Mr. Wrong, what that actually
looks like, what it is that you’re not happy with – he always seems to want a
booty call, and well, that’s the truth. We’ve looked at what you like about
him – what is the appeal for you? And then what is the part that you play.
Let’s be careful not to spend too much time dwelling on what’s wrong and
what we’ve done wrong. It’s good to own that and recognize that and have
clarity and awareness. The Universe loves to deliver what we think about
most. So let’s take a moment to shift our thinking away from what’s not
working and more towards what we do want to attract, what we’d rather see
in our lives.
Look back at what you wrote down about what makes Mr. Wrong Mr.
Wrong and let’s see if we can come up with what makes Mr. Right Mr.
Right.
I’m going to encourage you to be concise. I’m not a big fan of those fivepage lists of every detail about a man that’s usually pretty general (he’s
generous and nice and open), but then it gets crazy-specific (and he has
blonde hair and blue eyes and he’s 6’2”, and this is the kind of laugh he
has, and he makes this much money). I’m not a big fan of those and you can
listen to some other calls to find out why. I really want you to think about
maybe three to five, again, keep it to a few simple statements, three to five
simple statements that capture what you would be looking for. It takes a lot
of spiritual and energetic and mental energy to manifest five pages in detail.
It is much easier and much more in the flow to manifest three to five
details, three to five characteristics and aspects.
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Write this down: Who is My Mr. Right?
It might be a man who cherishes me and thinks I’m beautiful and
wonderful and sincere… Or a man who is proud to share me and show me
off to his friends and family... A man who encourages me and says things
that really build me up and fill my heart with joy... A man who wants to take
things slowly and enjoy the process of getting to know each other... A man
who calls me regularly and tells me what he’s feeling.
Take a moment. You know what’s wrong. (They want to jump into bed;
they’re obsessed with their career; they don’t call me; they call every three
weeks; they say things that are wrong.) What would make him Mr. Right?
Before we move on to the actual shifting of this energy, I do want to say that
there’s a lot of dating advice stuff out there. There’s basically how to keep a
guy who doesn’t want you. It really hurts me when I see women do this. I
have girlfriends who know what I do for a living, and they call me and they
say, “This guy called me and we went out. I didn’t have sex with him, and he
didn’t call me. What do you think? Should I call him?”
I say, “You know, he’s looking for a sure thing and you’re not.”
And she says, “Well, how do I get him to call me?”
I say, “You’re not going to get a guy to fall in love with you if all he’s looking
for is a one-night stand or a booty call. You’re not going to get a guy to
make you a priority when he wants a woman who he can call every three
weeks so he can focus on his career. You’re not going to make a man hold
you on a pedestal and show you off to the world if he’s ashamed of his
relationship.”
This is not about changing the men; this is about changing the men who are
coming in. It’s not about making a guy love you when that’s not what he
wants to do.
The man who is here to love you is going to so deeply, without you
manipulating and pushing and pretending and squeezing yourself into a
tiny, little bottle. He’s going to love every bit of you. We want to make sure
8
you attract this man into your life instead of putting up a wall of the Mr.
Wrongs.
I had a client recently who’d been doing this work of getting clear and
getting rid of the Mr. Wrongs and getting clear about what she really wants.
She’s been chasing all these men, and she’s recognized that these are not
the right men. Now, all these guys are coming up, contacting her, but not
making her feel really good. It’s just all this ickiness. She said, “It’s like
there’s this big wall of Mr. Wrongs that are trying to keep me from getting
to the right one. I’ve just got to bust through it.”
Make the Shift: Cancel the Order
I thought that was a really cool image to share with you guys tonight. The
Universe is really a delivery system. You place an order; the Universe
processes it and delivers it to you. So these Mr. Wrongs that are showing
up: unknowingly, unconsciously, somehow, you have placed that order for
whatever reason. Again, it doesn’t matter. The Universe is doing its job
without judgment: Okay, this is what she’s ordered – a secret love affair
where the guy doesn’t show her much respect – and it’s delivering it to you.
Now is the time to cancel that order, the order that is not serving you, and
place a new order. You’re allowed to do that. You’re allowed to say, “Wait!
I’ve reconsidered. I don’t want that anymore. I would like to consciously
say, ‘cancel,’ and create a new order.” So we’re doing a little bit of a
meditation. You’re going to want to keep your notes handy, because you’re
going to refer to them. We’re going to talk to the Universe and cancel this
order and place a new order. The Universe is going to respond to how
sincerely you do this. Remember, this is a safe place. No one can see you.
No one can hear you unless you have people in the room, and that’s your
choice. This is definitely a safe place for you. None of us can hear you, so if
you want to talk out loud, you can.
Just take a moment to tune in to what’s going on. Tune in to yourself today.
We’re going to take a moment, get centered, and I’m going to lead you
through a tiny bit of the meditation.
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Settle your body into a comfortable position. Really let some tension go.
Breathe deeply into your belly...
On your exhale, relax your legs, let them become heavy. Let the weight of
the world just drop into your legs, all the way down into your feet. Breathe
deep into your belly…
On your exhale, begin to loosen your spine and straighten your back. Open
up that chest, open up your shoulders.
Take a moment to get centered. Quiet your mind. I want you to think: This
is not for your mind. This is for your heart. Anything that’s going on in your
mind, just shift all your energy and attention to your heart. Breathe right
into your heart and exhale... The heart is way smarter than the mind, and it
is far more influential over the Universe.
What I want you to do to quiet your mind is simply repeat after me either
aloud or in your head, whichever you’re more comfortable with (remember
this is a safe space): I now cancel my previous order. I no longer want it in
my life.
Cancel.
Cancel.
Cancel.
See those men just flying away. The Universe is taking them away. They
don’t serve you.
Get ready to repeat some more: My new order is (and say with a smile,
some of the things you listed for your Mr. Right).
My new order is ________________.
Say, Yes! I welcome that into my life, and I thank you, Universe, for
fulfilling my desire.
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I want you to take a moment and tune in and visualize that moment when
you realize and recognize and know that the man in front of you is your Mr.
Right.
Then allow any gratitude you feel, let that in. See him looking at you and
know that he’s thinking the same thing.
Allow yourself to smile. It’s silly, but it’s powerful.
Take one last deep breath in. Then just release…
Now the Universe takes some time to process these orders. For each one of
you, that time is unique. For some of you, it’ll be 12 hours. For some, two
weeks — for others, five months. I made a declaration, and the next day, I
met my husband. Now I was too blind to see it, and he kept asking me out
and I kept saying no. And ten months later, I had this moment of clarity,
and I said, “Oh my gosh! He’s the one!” Luckily, I called him up and asked
him out and he said yes.
The Universe really does deliver in quite an amazing way.
You can help the Universe and help speed up this process by continuing to
cancel your previous order and place a new order. Maybe you have
somehow placed this previous order for Mr. Wrong so many times and with
such passion, for whatever reason, that the system is kind of backed up. The
Universe is still trying to place that order because you’ve placed it so many
times. Be aware of this in the coming weeks. If Mr. Wrong shows up again,
you just need to send him back. “Sorry. I canceled that order.”
If you ordered a red dress from the catalog and you said, “Oh, wait. The
blue one would look better,” and you called and you said, “Can I cancel that
red one? I want the blue one instead.” Then they send you the red one.
What do you do? You send it back to the company. You say, “No, I canceled
that. I’m sending it back, and you’re paying all the shipping. Thank you so
much.” The Universe works the exact same way. There’s also sometimes a
test for you. Oh, she said she doesn’t want this anymore. Let’s see if she
really means it. So be aware when Mr. Wrong is showing up.
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The next question that’s been asked is, “How do I know? How do I identify
Mr. Wrong early on in the process?” Well tonight, you just wrote down
some of the clues. First of all, you identified the characteristics of Mr.
Wrong. If you start dating Mr. Wrong, and he hasn’t called in three weeks,
or he just called to have a booty call, that’s on your list of characteristics.
Or, he didn’t introduce you as his girlfriend or tell anyone that you were
dating, then he’s Mr. Wrong. You just figured that out. Or, if you think,
that’s my old order; I need to send this one back...
Or, if you realize that part where I said to write down the part you play. If
you start watching your behavior and you see that you’re totally giving in
and saying yes when you don’t want to, or if you’re settling and giving up…
If you’re falling into that old order that’s not going to serve you, you need to
send it back. These are some of the ways for you to identify early on in the
process. I’m going to add just a couple that are my opinion that I’d say, if
these things are there, this is the wrong guy for you.
First of all, if you’re not at all attracted to the guy, he’s not right for you. A
lot of times, especially as we’re getting a little older, we start thinking that a
big bank account might be a reason to date a guy you’re not attracted to. It’s
never going to work out and give you the relationship you want. Unless he’s
really old and he dies and you can get the money and marry someone else.
So being attracted is very important.
The second thing I’m going to throw in there is: Are you having fun when
you’re with this person? Or is the whole relationship more of a hassle? I
really feel like if the relationship is right for you, there’s going to be more
fun, more flow. If it’s just a struggle, if it’s painful, if you’re arguing all the
time, this is not the right one for you. You feel totally insecure whenever
you’re with this guy; this is the wrong one. Definitely send him back.
I keep thinking I’m going to do a call about how to break up with a guy and
tell him you’re going to stop seeing him. If you want to hear that call, email
me and tell me you want to hear that call.
But the Universe is going to get this clear message if you keep sending back
the ones that don’t work. Say, “No, you’re not the right one for me. Send it
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back. Universe, let’s get this new order.” It’s going to start getting the
message and going to want to stop bringing that to you.
The next step is getting much clearer in getting what you do want and
bringing that in, but that is the topic for another call.
That is how to stop attracting Mr. Wrong in the metaphysical field. It is
really about you paying attention to what is wrong with the men you are
bringing in, and what is right. Have you told yourself a story that they have
to go together? Can you separate what is right from what is wrong? (I feel
like I’m Dr. Seuss now.) Really own your part, see what actions you might
need to take. You might need to speak up for yourself more, need to say
what you’re feeling in the moment, have clearer boundaries. What is it that
you need to do to facilitate a more healthy relationship?
Remember: The Universe is giving you what you’re thinking about. If you’re
constantly talking about and thinking that men suck and about everything
that’s wrong with them, then the Universe is going to keep giving you that
to validate your feelings. You need to start believing and tuning in. “Alright,
Universe, I know there are great guys out there, and I know there’s one that
has this, this, and this. I want to see him in my life. I believe that can
happen.” Really tune in to placing that order. That’s how you’ll start
attracting Mr. Right, which is a lot more fun.
I thank you all for being here tonight. I wish you much power and success
in establishing your new order for Mr. Right. I hope you have a fabulous
night.
Take a deep breath in, in a centered way.
This is Jessica Sabatini signing off. Have a good one.
Jessica Sabatini
Founder and President of Finding My Real Love.com
Helping Real Women Find Real Love in the Real World
13

How to Stop Attracting Mr. Wrong Transcription

Transcription

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