Vanguard Spring 2015 – “Why I Give”

Guns n’ Roses, Sinead O’Connor, Meat Loaf
and 4 Non Blondes were all I would listen to.
I lived a life that was anything but ordinary.
I unfortunately saw more than any person
should ever have to see before the age of
8, however it wasn’t until I reached school
that I realized I still had a lot of fighting
to do if I wanted to make my mark on
this world.
WHY I GIVE.
BY RUBY ROSE
In hindsight, there isn’t really any reason
why I should be sitting here in my Los
Angeles home, across from my fiancé, in
a beautiful lounge room with our disabled
Chihuahua “Chance”, my other dog “Ru”
which I am sure is actually a luck dragon
and a 3 and a half legged cat named cricket
on account of his cricket bat leg. Across
from my lounge is a room that my fiancé
once dreamed of becoming a big dining
room area… it isn’t though. In its place is a
huge baby grand piano that once belonged
to Linda Perry of 4 Non Blondes. It’s white
with a black lightning bolt and covered in
signatures from everyone— from Sia to Leo
to the Osbournes.
I grew up in rural Victoria, Australia, raised
by a single mum who had me at 21 and
fled my father before I was a year old. Like
outlaws, we moved from city to city and
town to town, trying to find somewhere to
live, stability and opportunity. We were poor,
although she hates when I say that, as if it
somehow means that she failed us. It’s not
that at all. We were rich in other things like
imagination, adventure, and street smarts.
I was once given Batman wings for my
birthday that she made out of cardboard.
They lasted for months, despite me wearing
them 24/7 and even sleeping in them; she
was constantly fixing them up with gaffer
tape. I didn’t have much, but the things I did
have I really held onto. The only other thing
I loved as much as those wings was music;
38
Spring 2015
I came out as gay when I was 12-years-old.
My mother said, “Well duh, as a kid you cut
off Ken’s head and Barbie was only allowed
female friends.” That, and, she had read
my diary. When I got to high school, I was
severely bullied, beaten, shamed, and made
to feel like I was sick. Alone, depressed and
suicidal, I didn’t know if I would ever belong
in the world. I spent years thinking I would
only find true happiness if I could transition
into a boy where I could love women and
not be disgusting for doing so.
I didn’t have access to any type of LGBT
youth groups. If fact, I didn’t meet any
other young gay people until I was well
into my later teens. I am very lucky that
somehow, beyond my comprehension, I
found the strength to fight daily and push
through those painful years. I told myself
that if I made it past high school, I could be
in the real world and maybe there I would
find others like me.
I didn’t have access to anything even close
to what the Los Angeles LGBT Center offers
back home, and I had to resort to online
chat forums and secret gay youth groups.
These were very hush hush, but even this
basic level of support made the difference
for me and whether I would be alive today
or another statistic.
When I first made my mark in Australia,
it was as an MTV VJ. Within just the first
few weeks, I was overheard while out at a
dinner talking about my girlfriend. And then
the paper printed an article questioning
whether the new MTV VJ was a lesbian.
Phones rang off the hooks, my family was
contacted, and radio shows were doing
votes. There was never a question in my
mind if I would lie, although I wasn’t sure
how MTV or the public would react. I was
asked by some to say I was bisexual as not
to eliminate half of a potential fan base.
And, of course, I was also advised to take
the “no comment” route.
I couldn’t hear anyone’s advice, I couldn’t
hear their reasoning or worries, all I could
see was me as a child growing up without
any gay role models and so often thinking
that taking my life was the only option.
“I am gay, 100 percent gay,
and if someone asks, that is
what we say. I have been out
since I was 12 and I sure as hell
am not going back in at 20.”
It was the scariest moment of my life (and
that is saying a lot) but by far the most
rewarding. Since then, my life has been
filled with abundance and the biggest
highlight for me is when I hear how my
story has touched others.
Seeing the LGBT community become more
and more supported, and knowing that there
are more places around the world where
people can go when in crisis or in need,
gives me hope that one day no one has to
feel less than perfect just the way they are.
Last year I attended An Evening with
Women as a guest of Evan Rachael Wood,
and I could not believe my ears when she
told me 4 Non Blondes was reuniting for
the one night. I was so touched to be in
a room filled with a huge LGBT fellowship
and supporters and I kept thinking about
the people I had met while traveling to
speak at schools and community centers
where I told them it gets better and that
we are a community of people who have
each other’s backs. I was wishing that
they could all be there for this night and I
really saw, at that moment, how important
the Center really is in the lives of so
many people.
I don’t drink, nor do I play the piano,
but something came over me and I bid
my heart out until I won Linda Perry’s
damn piano. I tell you! It was a night to
remember and I didn’t think it could get
much better than that! As I left the after
party I remember saying to Evan, “I want
one day for it to be me DJing that after
party.” “You will,” she said. “You will.”
Ruby Rose is an Australian actress and DJ
currently living in Los Angeles. Ruby will debut as Stella Carlin in Season 3 of Orange is
the New Black on Netflix on June 12 and
will DJ the 2015 An Evening with Women
after party in May.